- Ready, Kage? - Ready.
Let's do this.
Fatty.
Check. Uggh.
Bean and cheese burrito.
Bean and chee-
Tenacious sound check initiated.
Engage Kage!
Aah!
Ha ha ha ha ha! High-five!
Hnnh!
OK.
Two, three...
A Iong-ass fucking time ago in a town caIIed Kickapoo
There Iived a humbIe famiIy, reIigious through and through
But hey, there was a bIack sheep
And he knew just what to do
His name was Young JB and he refused to step in Iine
A vision he did see of fucking rocking aII the time
He wrote a tasty jam and aII the pIanets did aIign
Oh, the dragon's baIIs were bIazing
As I stepped into his cave
Then I sIiced his fucking cockIes
With my Iong and shiny bIade
'Twas I who fucked the dragon
Fucka Iye, sing, fucka Ioo
And if you try to fuck with me
Then I shaII fuck you too
Gotta get it on in the party zone
I gots to shoot a Ioad in the party zone
Gotta Iick a toad in the party zone
Gotta suck a choad in the party zone
Aaaah!
You disobeyed my orders, son, Why were you ever born?
Your brother's 10 times better than you
Jesus Ioves him more
This music that you've pIayed for us
Comes from the depths of heII
Rock & roII's the DeviI's work
He wants you to rebeI
You'II become a mindIess puppet
BeeIzebub wiII puII the strings
Your heart wiII Iose direction
And chaos it wiII bring
You better shut your mouth, you better watch your tone
You're grounded for a week with no teIephone
Don't Iet me hear you cry, don't Iet me hear you moan
You gotta praise the Lord when you're in my home
Dio, can you hear me? I am Iost and so aIone
I'm asking for your guidance
Won't you come down from your throne?
I need the tight compadre who wiII teach me how to rock
My father thinks you're eviI, but, man, he can suck a cock
Rock is not the DeviI's work, it's magicaI and rad
I'II never rock as Iong as I am stuck here with my dad
I hear you, brave young JabIes
You are hungry for the rock
But to Iearn the ancient methods
Secret doors you must unIock
Escape your father's cIutches
And this oppressive neighborhood
On a journey you must go to find the Iand of HoIIywood
In the city of faIIen angeIs
Where the ocean meets the sand
You wiII form a strong aIIiance
And the worId's most awesome band
To find your fame and fortune
Through the vaIIey you must waIk
You wiII face your inner demons
Now go, my son, and rock!
So he baiIed from fucking Kickapoo
With hunger in his heart
And he journeyed far and wide to find the secrets of his art
But in the end he knew that he wouId find his counterpart
Rock
Ro-o-o-ck
Ro-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Hey-yeah-hey-yeah-hey-yeah- yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-hey-yeah
Rock!
Tenacious D, Tenacious D
D, D, D, D
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Tenacious
Tenacious D, Tenacious D
Tenacious D
Tenacious D, Ten! Ten! Ten! Ten!
Ten is ten, is ten, is ten, is-
This pIace is awesome.
GoId man. Ha ha ha!
Whoa!
Ohhh! Oh, man!
- Thank you. - Oh, my God.
OK, that was the best thing I have ever seen.
- Who are you? - The name's KyIe Gass.
KyIe Gass.
Dude, wiII you just teach me that one thing that you did?
Where you're Iike, pIaying-
I'm not giving free guitar Iessons today.
Why don't you stand over there?
Right here?
You're awesome.
This next piece is by Johann Sebastian Bach-
- Watch this. - And it's entitIed...
Bourree in E Minor.
Check this out, this guy's insane.
Man, are you guys stupid.
Don't you know genius when you see it?
Damn!
Anyway.
My name's JB.
Just roIIed into town.
- WouId you give me some space? - Yeah.
You're kinda cramping my styIe.
Oh, dude, I'm sorry.
And you're driving away my crowd.
If you just move back, Iike I asked you earIier...
I think things are going to be a Iot better.
- OK. Fine. Sorry. - Thanks.
Can't you see he's the man?
Let me hear you appIaud
He's more than a man, he's a shining goIden god!
If you think
It's time to fucking rock
And fucking roII out of controI
WeII, then you know you've got to rock the bIock
You fucking suck my fucking cock
'Cause when you ruIe, you fucking schooI
AII of the fooIs out of their jeweIs
'Cause if you think it's time to, if you think it's time to
If you think it's time to fucking ro-ock
He is going
To kick your fucking ass
And you know his name is KyIe Gass
Rocking and fucking roIIing
And fucking rocking and fucking roIIing
And fucking rip-rip-dip-diddIey-diddIey
Rip-rip-dip-diddIey-diddIey dip, dip
Be-dop-bop-bop, be-dop-bop-bop
Be-dop-bop-bop, be-dop-bop-bop-boo!
Bip-bip-bip-biddIe-biddIe-boo, bip-bip-bip-biddIe-biddIe-boo
Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo!
Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-baah! Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop
Bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip
Bip, bip, bip, bip-be-doo!
Yeah!
Dudes!
That was bad-ass.
You guys are Iike eIectric dynamite.
What's the name of your band?
We're not a band. They caIIs me KG SoIo Man Five Thousand...
and I aims to keep it that way.
- Aah! - I'm outta here.
This pIace is tapped.
Jeez Louise, papa cheese.
I know. It's OK.
It's just part of his genius.
WeII, I can't get to sIeep tonight
No matter how hard I try
'Cause it's coId and it's dark
And the moon cannot Iight the way
And Daddy's gone
I'm just a baby
Aaah-hah-hah-hah
WeII. What do we 'ave 'ere?
My IittIe snuggIes.
- Ha ha ha! - I spy a stinking, fiIthy fag!
SniveIIing, boo-hoo-hoo!
Like a wee baby!
Ha ha ha!
He does Iook Iike a fucking baby.
Oh! Ha ha. Wee baby.
Listen, feIIas. I don't wanna fight. So if you don't...
Aaaah!
Look at this. What is it?
Needs a popping, my brother.
- Ooh! - Hey, no. Give me that back.
That's my Iucky guitar pick.
That's my Iucky guitar pick. Ow!
Ah! Argh! Ow!
Ha ha ha!
Hey! Okay! Let's go!
Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Ha ha ha!
Heh heh heh! Ha ha ha!
Ohh...
That's right, run.
UnIess you want some more of this! Aah!
You saved me.
Aah, that's aII right.
They had it coming.
How can I repay you?
We'II work something out.
This pIace is futuristic.
Yeah, this is my pad, here. Number four.
Not hard to remember. Just think, "My door is four."
Pretty cooI.
Wow. Nice pad.
You got this pIace aII to yourseIf?
Yeah. I try to keep it simpIe.
This is where I stay when I write.
It's quite, uh, minimaIist.
I don't Iike anything to get in the way of my creative juices.
CooI.
I'm working on my soIo aIbum right now.
Aaah.
Yeah, KyIe Gass Project.
It's got some pretty, uh, breakthrough shit on it.
Trying to keep it on the hush-hush, though.
Man, if you need a singer, I am so there.
Check it out.
Ride the tiger!
You can see his stripes but you know he's cIean
It's a Ronnie James Dio song.
Yeah. I know.
I heIped write it.
I jam with him aII the time.
No way!
- You do not know Dio! - Sure.
I know aII the dudes from Sabbath.
- Dude? - Mm?
Is there any way that maybe I couId audition...
to be in the KyIe Gass Project?
Hm. Maybe.
Oh ho ho ho!
You gotta get your chops up, though...
if you wanna shred with the big dogs, son.
You got a Iot to Iearn.
WiII you teach me your ways?
I wiII teach you.
Go ahead and sIeep on the power couch.
Your training begins tomorrow.
At the crack of noon!
Um-
It couId have been disaster
TiII the pupiI found his master
Something rhymes with master
He's teaching him in the ways of rock
Lesson number one.
Power sIide.
Aaaah
It's just sIidin' on your knees.
Is it?
Or is it the singIe most powerfuI stage move...
in any rocker's arsenaI?
Oh.
Gimme a power sIide. FuII throttIe.
No fear.
I'II give you a power sIide.
- How'd that feeI? - ReaIIy good.
How did it Iook?
Amazing...
...Iy bad.
Doo-doo-doo- mm-doodIe-diddum-doo-doo
I'm cIeaning this apartment
'Cause it's gonna heIp me, maybe
Get into the KyIe Gass Project
RoodIe-oodIe-doo, roodIe-oodIe doo
RoodIe-oodIe-doo-doo-doo
Hey, what's this check for 200 bucks?
Oh, gimme that.
That's a royaIty check.
Why's it say, "I Iove you, pumpkin" on it?
WeII, um, it's the name of a song.
Big hit in Canada.
Get back to work.
Whoa, check out that superfox!
Do you think you can handIe a woman Iike that?
I think so.
WeII, you'd better know so...
'cause there's gonna be ten times hotter ones...
backstage at the KyIe Gass Project.
ReaIIy?
Sex is a cruciaI component to the KyIe Gass Project.
Now drop and give me one cock push-up.
What's a cock push-up?
A cock push-up, my friend, is where you Iay on your stomach...
and Iift yourseIf off the ground with nuthin' but your boner.
No probIem.
The cock is a muscIe.
You gotta Iearn how to fIex it.
From now on, I want you to do one cock push-up a day...
every day.
- It hurts my cock. - Keep at it. You never know...
when you'II need to fuck your way out of a tight situation.
Whoo!
Ding-ding-a-ding- ding-a-ding-ding-ding
His fingers move with bIinding speed
Within my mind he'II pIant the seed
I'm proud to be amongst his Iearned fIock
He teaches me
Beseeches me
And when I've Iearned aII of his Iessons
Then I'II know the ancient secrets of his rock
Aaah.
Yeah.
Oh oh oh, yeah!
I fucking did it!
Oh, I did it!
Hey. Dude, you reached KG.
You know what to do. Uhhh.
Dude, pick up.
Dude, it's JabIes. Pick up, man.
- Yeah. - Yeah! Ha ha ha!
I did it, man. Check it out.
You hear that?
The training is working, man.
I made ten whoIe bucks with my rock!
Good. Go score me a dime bag.
A what?
Ten doIIars' worth of weed.
Now, Iisten. Go down to Wake & Bake Pizza...
Ask for Jojo.
TeII him you want the Bob MarIey extra crispy.
He'II know what you're taIking about.
AII right, dude. Roger that.
One extra crispy coming up!
Stone Age man now had the muscIe power...
and mentaI power necessary to evoIve to new heights.
He then found the means to harness...
an even greater energy source.
The animaIs and creatures around him.
Hmm.
AnimaI power wouId give him the food...
and transportation, the cIothing and entertainment...
- needed for his Iong journey. - Dude, turn it to ChanneI 14.
ln Search of Sasquatch is on.
When you are abIe to snatch this remote from my hand...
you wiII be ready to choose the channeIs we watch.
Try to snatch it.
Aah, fuck!
Patience, young grass smoker. Patience.
WeIcome to the gig simuIator.
If you pass this test, your training is compIete.
You wiII be ready to audition for the KGP.
The what?
KyIe Gass Project?
Oh, right, right.
HoId on.
Aaah.
Here's your 'za. That'II be 15.50.
- CooI. - Hey.
Aren't you the guitar guy from the boardwaIk?
- Yeah. - I'm Lee.
- Kage. - Whoa!
You guys puttin' on a concert? Can I watch?
- HaIf off the pie? - DeaIio.
Right on. Come on in.
Hu...
Um...I don't know if that's such a good idea, KG.
Uh, I'd rather not do this in front of strangers.
What do you think it's going to be Iike...
when we pIay the CoIiseum?
No strangers aIIowed?
OK.
Let the simuIation begin.
Uh-Ha ha. AII right.
So, shouId I sing a song?
Hey, sing something, douchebag!
OK.
You know what? I wanna start off-offstage and come out...
'cause that's the way I Iike, imagine it.
Just-just come in from the wings.
Ladies and gentIemen, the KyIe Gass Project!
Aaah!
Hey, what's up? I'm JB from the KyIe Gass Project.
Get on with it, dumb shit.
AII right, Kage, Iet's do it, man. Two, three.
The KyIe Gass a-Project is a-out of controI!
AII right!
Get off the stage, you stupid diIIweed.
He'd turn me to a diamond from a piece of coaI
Yeah yeah yeah
Boo!
Boo! Boo!
Boooo!
Go back to Kickapoo, you fat-ass momma's boy!
Boo!
You're teaching me the secrets of the pumpkin patch
- Boo! - Ow! Aah!
- Boo! - Urgh.
Hey, that's reaIIy...
- Hey! You suck! - You suck! Suck! Suck!
Jesus. You caII that music?
You're nothing but a mistake.
I shouId have worn a condom.
I was not a mistake.
Power sIide.
Aaagh! Aaah, aaah!
- He's had enough. Turn it off. - Aagh. Aaaah!
Lights!
- Oooh. - Hey, hey, it's OK.
- I suck! - You don't suck.
I broke my guitar!
Monster mash!
Nobody passes the gig simuIator on the first time.
Not even this guy.
You didn't?
But then you did pass it Iater?
I passed Iater, but, you know, took me a coupIe of tries.
- Oh, you did? I was doing... - You know you can do it.
- It was going pretty good. - Right.
UntiI I got-untiI I got to the-
When I messed up on that thing.
Let's cIean this pIace up. What do you say?
And then we'II do bongIoads and pIay Maximum Overthruster.
- Hey, dude, it's KG. - Do some bongIoads?
You know what to do. Uhhh.
Hi, pumpkin. It's your mother.
Your father and I have decided...
that 15 years of trying to be a famous musician is Iong enough.
So I'm sorry to say...
we aren't going to be sending you any more rent checks.
It's time to get a reaI job.
I Iove you, pumpki-
"I Iove you, pumpkin"?
Those weren't royaIty checks.
I can't beIieve this machine, it's-
Let's watch TV, you wanna?
You Iied to me.
- You don't know Dio. - Hey!
I think that ln Search of Sasquatch is on.
- HoId on. - Give me that fucking remote.
No! Leave it!
No!
Aaah!
- Ohhh! - Aaah!
Who are you?
Here's your Iunch, pumpkin.
Thanks, Mom.
Oh! Mwah!
I Iove you, pumpkin.
- Hey, pumpkin! - Ha ha ha!
Hah! What's with the hat, dude?
Your mom sew that for you? Ha ha ha!
- Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! - Oh, my God!
Your mom shine that for you when you go to bed?
- Cue baII! - Science experiment gone wrong!
- Freakazoid! - Ha ha ha!
I'm fucking outta here.
Don't waIk away from me!
I fucking cIeaned your apartment, man.
What are you doin'?
Why are you packing?
I have to go back to my mom and dad's.
I'm broke.
I aIready spent the Iast rent check.
Oh, you fucking dick!
What'd you spend the money on? Huh?
An officiaI professor buIIshit degree?
What'd you spend the rent on?
I got that for you.
Stop packing, dude.
We're gonna pay the rent...
with our rock.
- We are? - Yeah.
But we're not gonna be caIIed the KyIe Gass Project.
From now on...
we wiII be known as Tenac.
Tenac?
What's that?
It's a sign.
A Iegacy.
I've had this birthmark since I was born.
I Iooked it up in the dictionary.
It's not in there.
I never knew what the heII it meant.
TiII now.
It's the name of our fuckin' band, dude.
I have ass-mark too.
You guys!
Look!
Whoa!
They must pay the rent
With their rock
Oh-ohhhh, oh, oh
But thaaaaat's my Iife.
AII right.
NeiI Hamburger, everybody, NeiI Hamburger.
Funny stuff.
Uh, the next band asked me to read this.
"Since the beginning of time...
"'twas written in the stones that one day, a band wouId come.
"WeII, that band has come...
"and now they're here to come again...
"in your ear-pussies."
Ladies and gentIemen, Tenacious D.
That was awesome, the way you read that.
Kage. Kage?
Don't forget to fucking bring the thunder.
- OK. - Hey, what's up?
We're Tenacious D and this is our first concert ever...
so it's kinda historicaI.
And, um, we wrote this song that gives you a IittIe taste...
of, Iike, the history of the band.
Let's fucking do it, Kage, go!
This is a song caIIed The History Of Tenacious D.
And it's not just a Iist of buIIshit...
that we've done in the past.
It's a chronicIing of our rise.
To power!
We ride with kings on mighty steeds
Across the DeviI's pIain
We've waIked with Jesus and his cross
He did not die in vain
No!
We've run with woIves, we've cIimbed K2
We even stopped a moving train
We've traveIed through space and time, my friends
To rock this house again
Rock!
We ride and we ride we'II never subside
We'II ride tiII the pIanets coIIide
And if you say that we do not ride
I'II tan your fucking hide
Ride!
KyIe's fingers be siIver
Jack's voice then be goId
But Iest you think we're vain
We know you're aII robots and we don't care
Tenacious D
We reign!
We reign
Supreme, oh God!
Burrito supreme
And a chicken supreme
And a CutIass Supreme
Supreme, yeah
Gonna count one, two, three
Supreme, yeah
Gonna count one, two, three
Supre-ee-eme
Gonna count one, two, three
Burrito supreme
And a chicken supreme
And a CutIass Supreme
Supreme!
Yeah!
Let's go!
Ha ha ha!
- Yeah! - Yeah!
You guys, wait for me outside.
I'm gonna go taIk to the big cheese.
Good caII.
So?
What'd you think?
It was OK.
- It was OK? - Mm-hm.
You were OK. We were kick-ass.
And we're gonna totaIIy win that money next week...
at the open mic contest.
WeII, good Iuck.
You know there's a Iot of stiff competition, so...
you might wanna think about writing some new materiaI.
That was amazing. You guys changed peopIe's Iives tonight.
I know, we were so awesome.
Yeah, it was awesome. Compared to buIIshit.
But compared to the greats?
To ZeppeIin? To the BeatIes? To fucking Beethoven?
True. We were kick-ass.
But if the D's gonna win that prize money...
we're gonna have to write a fucking masterpiece!
Are you with me?
TotaIIy.
Power hug.
Masterpiece.
A masterpiece, a masterpiece
They've got to write a masterpiece to pay the rent
Do it!
AII right, no more fucking around.
Masterpiece is right in there.
AII we have to do is step into that magic circIe...
and the masterpiece is ours.
Are you ready?
Are you ready to write a fucking masterpiece?
- 'Cause I sure the fuck am. - Yeah!
Let's go!
What are you doing? Go. Go. PIay something.
Go fast. The magic onIy Iasts a second.
No, don't pIay fast. I said start fast.
But keep going, yes.
Try to make it prettier. Prettier, prettier. Prettier.
Stop judging yourseIf, you're judging yourseIf.
That's why that riff sucks.
No fucking mentaI bIocks. ReIease the...
Chi
That's aII right.
Now, can you pIay a IittIe higher, higher, higher up?
Higher notes, higher notes, higher notes, higher notes.
Higher notes, higher notes, can you pIay any higher notes?
Sorry, I didn't mean to yeII.
I'm not Iooking for anything specific...
but that's definiteIy the wrong part of the cosmos.
I want it over here, in the newer, hotter part. Like-
MoIten Iava!
That's the thing, keep pIaying that riff
Because we gotta get it on tonight, aah
What are you doing? Were we recording?
Press record. Press record.
Oh, God damn it, it's too Iate!
- Aah. Fu- - God damn it, KyIe, we had it.
We were right there in it and you were too sIow.
You didn't remember to do shit, you didn't do what I toId you...
and things got crossed, chakras were fucking expIoded.
If we're gonna do this thing right...
you gotta do what I teII you to do!
Daaah! Fa-gaah!
I wanna write a masterpiece.
I know, dude. So do I.
It's aII right.
We've got writers' bIock, it happens to the best of 'em.
I mean, Iook at these guys.
AClDC. Van HaIen.
The Who!
Why are you guys so awesome?
What do you have that we don't have?
WeII, they aII use the same guitar pick.
What?
Looks Iike they aII use the same guitar pick.
HoIy shitbaIIs.
Too many picks.
Let's see.
I don't think they have it.
Let's taIk to the dude. We might have to speciaI order it.
Marcus, I need a price check on Ernie BaII amp caster stat.
Just be a second.
Can I heIp you gentIemen?
Yeah, we're Iooking for a guitar pick Iike this one.
How'd you hear about this?
What did PapardeIIo teII you?
Uh-Ahem. We just noticed that aII these musicians...
are using the same guitar pick-
Okay ka-ssh!
Jerry, do me a favor, uh, ring up these amp casters for me.
Thank you, my man.
In here.
We can taIk in here.
What you seek...
is the Pick...
of Destiny.
I think there's a Iight switch back here.
No, dude, you don't...
Grab a seat.
You two bozos don't even reaIize it...
but you just stumbIed onto...
the darkest secret in the history of rock.
Go on.
I actuaIIy saw it once.
I used to be a guitar tech.
So one night, I'm working a gig up in New Jersey or something.
Some reaI mediocre band.
Lead guitarist comes out, starts shredding Iicks...
way beyond his capabiIities.
Like shit that had to be coming from somewhere eIse.
I noticed he was using a new pick.
Weird-Iooking thing with horns on it.
Made of green ivory, or some shit.
It was the pick, it wasn't him.
He didn't know what he had, though.
End of the show, he fIicks it back into the audience.
Some kid catches it.
Kid named Eddie.
Eddie?
Van HaIen!
Whoa.
So I started researching it.
Turns out this thing goes deeper than I couId have imagined.
Way deeper.
Back to the Dark Ages.
I moved to Rome. Quit my job.
Learned Latin.
I gained the trust of the night Iibrarian at the Vatican.
A gentIeman named SaIvatore PapardeIIo.
He turned me on to some shit that you wouIdn't beIieve.
Check this out.
It's an ancient scroII.
AII in Latin.
I transIated it. Took me six years.
Why didn't you just get a transIator?
And Iet him read it too?
Listen to this.
Long ago, a dark wizard used his bIack magic...
to summon Satan himseIf.
Satanus.
That's Latin for Satan.
A horrific battIe ensued.
But the great demon was far too powerfuI.
Snakes!
Finish me, fouI beast!
LuckiIy, a bIacksmith heard the beast's roars.
No!
Ow!
Fuck! You chipped my tooth.
I'm not compIete.
Venisti remanebis donec denuo compIetus sis.
What does that mean?
From whence you came you shaII remain...
untiI you are compIete again.
Fuck you! No!
No! I'm not compIete!
The demon was drawn back into the fires of heII...
and the dark wizard was totaIIy stoked to be aIive.
With a Iong draw on his hash pipe...
the wizard devised a way to repay the bIacksmith.
The bIacksmith Ioved a fair maiden.
To gain her affection, he wouId need a true master skiII...
that wouId Ieave the maiden moist and wanting.
And so the wizard fashioned the demon's tooth...
into a pick that wouId make the bIacksmith pIay...
onIy the most masterfuI of meIodies on his Iute...
thereby winning the heart of the maiden he Ioved.
The secret of the pick died with that bIacksmith.
And then...poof!
AII of a sudden it reappears in the American South...
at the turn of the century, in Robert Johnson's fingers.
Spawns the birth of the bIues. And rock & roII.
Of course.
The pick is a tiny part of the beast...
so it has supranaturaI quaIities.
- SupernaturaI? - No, supra-naturaI.
That's Iike a whoIe other IeveI above super.
Where is it now?
That's the Iast known photo of the pick.
That guitar was soId at auction.
It now resides in the Rock & RoII History Museum.
That's where the POD is too.
- The POD? - The Pick of Destiny.
Oh.
Why didn't you just go get it?
The Rock & RoII History Museum is an impenetrabIe fortress.
You two bozos wanna steaI the Pick of Destiny...
count me out.
I aIready went down that rabbit hoIe once.
And I got news for you.
There's no cheese at the end of that tunneI, buddy.
AII right, get outta here. I toId you enough aIready.
C'mon, get outta here.
Man, I don't know what to say.
Shh.
Just get outta my store.
The Quest!
Oh, my God! You guys! What are you doin' here?
- Come on in! - ActuaIIy, we can't stay.
We were hopin' you'd do us a favor.
Anything you need, man.
- Do you think it wouId be OK- - We need your car.
Oh.
Um, weII, kinda need it for work.
Listen, man.
We've got a meeting with the hugest president...
of the most massive record company in the business.
We need to meet him in Sacramento tonight.
Oh.
Uh-
WeII-
AII right.
Hey, what's up with this pedaI?
That's my extra brake.
I'm a pizza deIivery guy and a driving instructor.
I teach peopIe how to drive whiIe I deIiver 'zas.
Ha ha ha! Good thinkin', man.
Later.
Knock 'em dead at the meeting, you guys.
I can't stop thinkin' about that fuckin' pick.
You heard the guy. It's Satan's tooth.
When we get that thing...
we're gonna win that fuckin' prize money...
then we're gonna dominate the worId of rock.
We're gonna be unstoppabIe, man.
Hmmm...
UnstoppabIe.
This, uh, next band asked me not to read this...
but, God damn it, I'm going to read it anyway...
because I wrote it...
and it's the truth.
"I fucking Iove this band!"
They are the best band ever, period!
Ladies and gentIemen, Tenacious D!
Hey, what's up?
Me and KG wrote this song five minutes ago.
It's caIIed Master Exploder.
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh yeah!
- I do not need - He does not need
- A microphone - A microphone
- My voice is fucking - Fucking
PowerfuI
Ahh, yeah!
Ah, ahh, yeah!
Sorry.
- I did not mean - He did not mean
- To bIow your mind - To bIow your mind
But that shit happens to me aII the ti-i-i-ime
- Now, take a Iook - Take a Iook
- TeII me what you see - What you see
We got the Pick of Destiny-y-y
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh ahh-ahh yeah!
Woah!
JB! JB! JB! JB!
JB! JB! JB! JB! JB!
- JB! JB! JB! - JB. JB. JB.
JB, wake up. JB, wake up!
Let's chow down, dude.
- I'm starving. - OK.
You guys know what you want?
Hmm.
What do you recommend?
I recommend that you order some food.
OK.
Uh-Lemme have the fried chicken and a steak...
and the chicken-fried steak.
HeIIo.
Um-What happened to your eye?
I burned it with a curIing iron.
I'II have one smaII gIass of carrot juice.
Yeah, we don't have that here.
Then I wiII have nothing.
Great.
- Dude, what's the matter? - Dude?
Aren't you hungry? You shouId eat somethin'.
No. I never eat before a mission.
It sIows you down.
I gotta be Iight on my feet Iike a dancer.
Like a fuckin' ninja, dude.
Now check this out.
I'm gonna jump this fence here.
OK? Like a gazeIIe.
Then you come around that fuckin' bend.
God! Damn it, KyIe!
If we're gonna do this, you gotta stay focused.
Eye of Ie tigre!
Now check it out.
You give me a fuckin' boost, He-Man styIe.
And then we're gonna fuckin' do a IittIe mini-tiger roII...
- And come on back. - Oh, my God. Stop it!
I fuckin' puII your shit up.
Dude, hoId on. That's good stuff.
You're right, he's coming over here.
- Oh! - Fuckin' dick squeezer.
Aaah!
Uh-
Hey...
buddy.
Heh heh heh.
So, uh, what, uh, brings you...
to this neck of the woods?
Um-Ahem. We're just on a IittIe business trip.
Mm.
Are you, uh, going to, uh...
check out the Rock & RoII History Museum?
- The Rock & RoII what? - History Museum.
Oh, no. I don't even know what you're taIkin' about.
You just seem Iike Rock & RoII types to me.
- Ha ha! - Yeah, weII, we're not.
We're just two fuckin' businessmen...
on our way to see some shit in Sacramento.
- So, sorry. - Hmm. Yes. Yes.
I was just asking because...
I noticed the guitars in the back seat of your car.
Yeah, weII, I said, we're fuckin' businessmen.
We seII guitars. So what? Big deaI. End of story.
Check, pIease!
You're sure you aren't pIanning...
on breaking into the Rock & RoII History Museum?
Hey, gimme that back, man!
Yeah, my buddy and I are in a band.
I don't Iike to say the name, but uh, we had some hits...
And so, uh, they're inductin' us...
into the Rock & RoII History Museum.
- No way! - Aaah.
Way.
Oh, my God. We're sitting with someone famous?
Ah, we're just reguIar guys.
I mean, uh, we're just fIesh and...bone.
Let's just say you are pIanning...
on breaking into the Rock & RoII History Museum.
Maybe you are inexperienced...
and you get inside and cry Iike IittIe girI.
Maybe you don't have what it takes to get the job done.
'Scuse me.
Man, God!
Yeah. Damn.
I was thinking maybe there was something in that museum...
you had a desire for.
Maybe-
Pick of Destiny!
Our sorority is throwing a huge bash tonight.
You guys shouId totaIIy come...
and pIay some of your songs at the party.
We're just getting ready to head over there right now.
Why don't you foIIow us over?
You know what?
That sounds rad.
We don't usuaIIy pIay private parties...
but I think we can make some dreams come true tonight.
Hee hee hee hee!
I'II ride aIong with you.
So you don't get Iost.
I tried to get the Pick of Destiny once.
I had it in my hands, too.
But I was caught. Set off a Iaser.
Security door came down on my Ieg.
- Cut it right off. - Ooh.
I wouId break in again if I stiII had my Ieg.
My Ieg. Oh, man.
I miss that sweet-ass Ieg of mine.
Why are you teIIing me this?
I Iike you. I see the spark in your eye that I once had.
Let me show you something.
These are my pIans. They wiII heIp you, I promise.
There are two air ducts on the roof.
You must enter through there.
Speak of this to no one!
Wait.
Wait, I have some questions.
Let me wipe.
HoId up, dude.
Dude. I got some smokin' bettys over there...
and they want us to pIay a gig.
No. I just had the weirdest conversation of my Iife.
This guy just gave me the perfect pIan.
Now, Iook.
There's two air ducts on the roof.
Dude. The party?
Gettin' to pIay our own tunes?
That bIonde over there wants to ride my wrinkIestick, yo.
WouId you get your head out of the fuckin' pussy-cIouds, man?
Who cares about these chicks?
There's gonna be ten times hotter babes backstage...
when we win aIbum of the year.
This pick is our ticket to genius.
Dude. I can't beIieve you'd pass by a gig opportunity...
with some sweet-ass hotties-
What, for this?
Is this reaIIy that important to you? Huh?
We can stiII write a masterpiece and win that dough.
Maybe it wouId be better for the D...
if we worked on our songwriting...
instead of reIying on ancient buIIshit, but-
probabIy won't work anyway.
What's it gonna be, KyIe?
You have to decide.
Tits or destiny?
Tits.
So, good Iuck, buddy.
I hope it was worth it, because we're done.
You ruined it. Pick's mine.
Fuck you. I don't fuckin' need you.
Later, cock-ass!
Uh, don't mind him. He-
He's my butIer.
Had to Iet him go for Ioafin'.
He-he'II-he'II be fine.
Excuse me, um, are you gonna charge us for aII the refiIIs?
No, you're so pretty, you get everything for free.
WeII, that's a reaIIy good deaI.
Ohhh, ahhh, whoa, why?
Woo!
It's just a five-miIe waIk.
I can waIk that. I don't need a car.
I'II take the fuckin' shoeIace express.
Aaaah!
- Woo! - Fuck you!
I want you, Jyne
AII the time
I want you, Jyne
- Where we goin'? - I want you, Jyne
Gonna make you mine
Tonight
Stop. Stop the music.
Everybody, we have got a speciaI surprise tonight.
We have brought with us someone...
who just happens to be a rock star!
Whoo!
That's in town to be conducted...
into the Rock & RoII History Museum.
- Whoo! - Yeah!
And he promised to come here tonight...
and pIay us a few of his hits.
- Oh- - So...
- You know- - Let's give it up!
- Whoo! - I don't have a guitar.
I don't have my gui- I don't have a guitar.
- AII right! - Whoo!
- AII right, come on! - Um-
This is a song, um-
I wrote with my partner.
My f-former partner.
And, uh, it's caIIed The History Of Tenacious D.
- Whoo! - Whoo!
- Nice! - Yeah!
Across the DeviI's pIain
Huh?
He did not die in vain, no
- That sucked. - Yeah.
I want you, Jyne
- Need it aII the time - Ha ha ha!
- That sucked. - I want you, Jyne
Oh, girI, you're so divine
I want you, Jyne
One more and that's it.
Aah.
It's a good thing I found these mushrooms.
I was fucking starving.
Mmm. Mm.
Aah.
This pIace is kinda...
juicy.
Zzzzzhing!
Ha ha ha!
Hee hee!
Oh, my God! Sasquatch!
Aaaaah!
JabIes! What's up?
Ho ho ho!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
What are you doin' out here?
I was just waIkin' in your beautifuI forest.
Oh, it's not my fowest, bwother.
It's evewyone's.
You're so fuckin' awesome.
I Iove yoooou!
I Iove you too, JB.
You're a awesome rocker. Ha ha ha!
Whoo!
- Let's pway! - Ha ha ha!
Aaaaah!
Aaaaah-oooh!
That's good.
- Let's go on a adventure. - Yeah!
I got Iots to show you.
Can I be a Sasquatch too?
You aIweady are.
You're my son, JB.
My widdIe baby Sass.
La-Ia-Iai-Ia
La, Ia, Ia-Ia-Ia-Ia-Ia-Ia
Oh!
Let's take a dip in the stwawberry wiver!
- Yay! - Come on!
Oooh!
Let's go
Ohhhh! Yeah. This is fun.
Ohhhhh!
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Good times.
- This is fun. - Good times.
This is-This is super fun!
Ha ha ha!
Ohhh!
Ha ha! Daddy, Iook. Look.
It's stuck to my butt.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Shake your tushie, it'II faII off.
- Aah! - Oh!
Let's get wid of these.
- Ah! - Ooh, Ia-Ia-Ia, ooh
- Time to fIy. - Yeah.
- Whee. - Ha ha ha! Whee!
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
- Hee hee! Hee hee hee! - We're fIying!
- HoId on, boy!
Found where the Sasquatch hide
In the misty mountainside
He's got shiny diamonds that he's got to protect
Look into the Sasquatch eye
Then you know that Sass can fIy
Sasquatch is my daddy and he's going to protect me!
HaIf man and haIf machine
On the cover of a magazine
Bigfoot is my father and he's got to protect me!
These Iyrics don't make sense
Think I've found the evidence
That yeti is my papa and he wants to protect-
Me!
Do you know where I can find the Pick of Destiny?
Sure! It's right over there!
Oh! Let's get it!
I can get it if I surf on your-
Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!
Aaaaah! Sweet baby!
Oh! Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaah!
Ow!
Oh, God!
Hoo hoo hoo hoo!
Oh! Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Where the fuck am I?
Yeah, you motherfucker.
I'm gonna get that son-
Dude, I totaIIy miss you
I reaIIy fuckin' miss you
I'm aII aIone aII the time
AII the time
Dude, I totaIIy miss you
The things we did together
Where have you gone?
TotaIIy miss the honesty and speciaI times
And honestIy I totaIIy miss the fucked up thing you do
Dude, I totaIIy miss you
I totaIIy miss you
Dude, I totaIIy miss you aII the time
Aaaah
Aaaah-aaaah-aaaah
- Aaaah, I totaIIy aaaah you - Ha ha ha!
Did you see that?
- That was awesome. - Dude, I totaIIy miss you
- That was great. - I totaIIy miss you
Dude, I totaIIy miss you aII the time
AII the t-i-i-ime
The mission is cIear
I'm goin' over there
I'm goin' to do the mission
I'm going to fIip around the corner fIat as a pancake
And then I-Oh, no, the camera!
Stay back here, devise a pIan
Dive into the bushes
Against aII odds
InfiItrate, storm the gate!
Storm the gate!
- Ninja styIe, Samurai - Storm the gate!
- MetaI poIe, cIimb that shit - Storm the gate!
CIimb into that motherfucker
Now I'm cIimbin' up, up on a roof
I've got catIike refIexes, fIip-
- ...me, I eIbow him- - One guy?
He's tryin' to punch me in the neck.
- Yeah. - I Iook down...
and there's two guys goin', "I'm-We're gonna punch you."
So they're punchin' up at me...
I got both eIbows down Iike this.
PuII both their hair...
and I made them both poke each other's eyes out.
So they're both bIind, there's bIood everywhere-
Against aII odds
InfiItrate, oh, storm the gate!
What the fuck?
Two air vents on the roof
That's what the guy was taIkin' a-shit!
- Fuck! - EIectric eye
InfiItrate, storm the gate!
Storm the gate!
Ow!
God damn it! Aah!
God! That was KG's fauIt.
If he'd been here Iike we pIanned...
he couIda Iowered me down with a rope...
but dick-ass had to foIIow his cock.
And you know when I go quadrupIe pIat he'II come a-knockin'-
"Dude, can I come back and join the band now?"
And I'II be Iike, "No way, cockshiner."
And then he'II be Iike-
Can you hear me?
Oh, yeah. I hear you Ioud and cIear.
You're sayin' ho's before bro's.
WeII, that's not how I roII, asshoIe.
JB, it's KG. Do you read me?
What do you want, non-rocker?
This Iine is reserved for rockers onIy...
so I can't reaIIy taIk to you right now.
Sex, drugs, and then rock & roII.
In that order. I was just foIIowin' the code.
You're a fuckin' traitor.
You baiIed on me, and now I'm in the shit.
Where the fuck are you?
I'm in the air duct, dude.
- Dude. I totaIIy missed you. - Me too.
I just heard a noise.
I am trippin'.
Are you stoned?
Listen.
Uh, I just heard a noise.
- I'm gonna go check it out. - Copy that.
Mm.
Uh-
CIassic Rock is cIear.
I'm gonna go check out Punk.
And if I find anybody in there...
I'm gonna pop a fuckin' cap in their ass.
I'm gonna caII it seIf-defense.
HeIIo?
I'm on my own.
Oh, God.
Dude, you heard that guy.
He's gonna shoot us. Let's baiI.
No. We're too cIose.
That pick is in one of these rooms...
and we're not Ieavin' here without it.
Dude, Iook at this pIace.
It's huge. We're never gonna find this thing.
FoIIow me. We are the shadows.
They'II never find what cannot be seen.
Center.
Picks, picks.
Where do they keep their fuckin' picks?
It's gotta be in the Guitar Gods room.
- Where's that? - It's right here.
At the top of Guitarway to Heaven.
There it is.
Fuck-a-Iuck-a-ding-dong.
- Let's go get it. - No!
Lasers.
They'II sIice you to pieces.
SizzIeIean.
You stay here and keep a Iookout.
Wh-What are you gonna do?
I'm goin' in there and gettin' that pick.
Danger
Laser
Tetris
ImpossibIe
Be carefuI.
Q-Bert
Frogger
Uh! Uh!
Dig Dug
MarbIe Madness
Centipede
MiIIipede
Tenacious
You got it.
ImpossibIe
Can't...reach...pick.
Surrounded by Iasers.
Focus, JabIes.
Use aII your mentaI powers.
Wait. There's a button down here.
I think it might deactivate the Iasers...
But I can't reach it.
The cock.
Use the cock.
Come on, heImet head.
Get it up.
Cock
Ooh.
Cock, cock, cock
Aaah! Mmm!
- Cock, cock, cock, cock - Come to Papa.
- Cock - Oh! Aaah!
Oh, yeah!
Let's finish this.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Prekeh-goo-goo-boo ba-dum-biddIy-beep-beep
Aaah!
Fuck.
I can't reach it.
- I can't reach it. - HoId on!
Aaaaah!
That's it, that's it.
I got it! I got it! Aaah!
- Aaah! Aaah! - Aaah!
Ah! Aaah! Oh! Aaah!
- Uh... - Oh!
Ha ha ha ha!
Aaaaaah!
HauI ass!
Aaaaaah!
HaIt! Stop!
Aaah!
Power sIide!
Yeah!
- Oh, damn! - Ugh! Why?
- That was awesome. - I know.
I've never fired a gun before, it was unbeIievabIe.
Aah! Oh, God! Oh!
Oh! HoId up!
- We got it! - Fuck, yeah.
Let's get the fuck outta here.
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Nice work, boys.
Now, toss that pick over here, nice and sIow.
Or I wiII cut you from hoIe to hoIe.
Then you might as weII kiII us, man...
'cause there is no way in heII...
we're givin' you this fuckin' pick.
OK.
So be it.
Come over here.
I'm going to fucking stab you.
What?
No. We're not comin' over there.
Fine.
Stay where you are, then.
I'm going to come over there.
I am going to sIice out your eyes and your baIIs.
And then I am going to stick your eyes in your baIIsacks...
and then I wiII take your baIIs...
and I wiII put them in your eyehoIes!
Dude, we couId totaIIy outrun him.
TotaIIy, Iet's baiI.
N-No, wait! Co-Come back here!
Gaaah!
Come back with my pick!
It beIongs to me!
Freeze!
Catch me if you can.
Aaah!
Kings!
Yeah! Yeah!
Whoo!
Fifty miIes to Los AngeIes.
- We did it! - Yeah!
- I know.
I'm surprised no one even chased us.
We got away scot-free.
- You fuckin' ruIe. - No. You fuckin' ruIe.
Yeah, but I couIdn't have done it without your training.
Dude, Iet's see the pick.
- Oh, shit. - Dude, you got it, right?
Yes! Ha ha ha!
- Look at how awesome it is! - Ohhhh!
- Now we have the power. - Yes!
We shaII carry on its ancient Iegacy.
Dude, we are gonna smoke the competition...
at the open mic night tonight.
- That money is ours! - Mm. TotaIIy.
Yeah, I got some, uh, feIIas with a broken taiIIight.
- Oh, fuck. It's the cops. - Is it? Oh... Oo.
PuII over. PuII over. It's cooI.
- OK. - PuII over.
AII right. Just pIay it cooI.
M'kay? They got nothin' on us.
Let's just be meIIow, OK?
What're you doing? No!
What the fuck are you doing?
This is Officer Mackenzie, I need backup.
AssaiIants turning south down Lexington Avenue.
I'm in pursuit.
Oh, God damn it, KyIe!
Car chase city, that's the name of the game
- I want out! - It was aII groovy
Now it's totaIIy Iame
KG reaIIy fuckin' bIew a synapse
Now we're fuckin' headed for a totaI coIIapse
Car chase city, run away from the fuzz
Thought that we wasn't but we totaIIy was
Car chase city, now we're off-a the map
Car chase city, now we're takin' a crap
- Now it's gettin' hairy - Oh, fuck!
- So we're changin' the key - God damn it!
Never underestimate the power of D
KG fuckin' put his foot on the gas
If I go to prison, hide the pick in my ass
Fuck this shit, it's gone too far
Kage, puII over, Iet me out of the car
The car is severeIy damaged.
The perpetrators appear to be two heavyset maIes...
driving a bIue CutIass Supreme.
Car chase city, now we're takin' the Iane
KG bIew it now we're goin' insane
Let's rock, Iet's roII, Iet me try to fiII up your-
Let's go now to Mark in Skycop-
God damn it!
- Yeah? - Hey, you guys!
- Fuck! - It's Lee.
I'm just checkin' in. Is everything OK?
Yeah, we're cooI. We're super cooI.
Ah! Ahh!
Um, where are you guys?
We're, uh, we're at the drive-in.
We're watchin this bitchin' movie.
It's, uh, Cop Chase 3. Have you seen it?
Aaaaaah!
Uh, no. I haven't seen that one.
Whoa!
Sounds scary, though.
Yeah. Uh, it's reaIIy fucking scary.
I'm shaking right now, I'm so scared.
CooI. WeII, how was that, uh...
big power meeting you guys had?
Awesome. I'II teII you about it Iater.
You're makin' us miss the movie.
I think I Iost em!
Gaah!
Gas! Brakes!
Spinnin' donuts, spinnin' donuts, go!
I can do this.
FIip fIip!
- Gas - Nooo!
- Nitro! - Go!
Aaaaah!
We're gonna need paramedics and fire trucks.
These guys are toast.
Let's get the fuck outta here.
Let's go.
Uh, which way, which way?
OK, where?
That way! That way!
This is it, I think.
Uh! Oooh! Uh!
- Lemme sneak a peek. - OK.
Uh! Huh.
- This is it. - Oh.
C'mon.
Oh, fuck.
- Let's do this. - OK.
Hey. Hey.
Hey, guys, you're runnin' a IittIe Iate.
There's one spot Ieft. You got any new materiaI?
What we got's gonna turn your brain into shit.
Dust off the stage, open mic host. Step aside.
OK, big shots.
You're up whenever you're ready.
Let's bIister this asshoIe.
Jack, wait! You got the pick?
Yeah. Got it right here. Let's go.
Maybe I shouId use it tonight and you use it next time.
I shouId use it tonight. I'm the Iead singer.
Huh! It's a guitar pick. I'm Iead guitar.
OK, dude, don't freak out on me.
Let's just work this out rationaIIy, OK?
We'II take turns with it.
I'II use it now, you'II use it Iater.
I'm not freakin' out, you're freakin' out.
Now, just Iet me hoId it for one second!
You're never gonna use this fuckin' pick.
Aaah!
Aaaah!
- No! - No!
You guys, the crowd's gettin' restIess in there.
- No! - Hey, wh-what's-
What's goin' on?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?
We can't go on.
We had the demon's pick...
but then we broke it...
and now our masterpiece wiII never happen.
We can't pay the rent because we won't be fueIed by Satan.
Come on, get up, get up.
Come on, come on. Stand up. You're aII right.
You guys, having some satanic guitar pick...
isn't gonna make your rock any better...
because Satan's not in a guitar pick...
he's inside aII of us.
He's in here.
In your hearts.
He's what makes us not want to go to work...
exercise, or teII the truth.
He's what makes us want to party...
and have sex with each other aII night Iong.
He's that IittIe voice in your mind...
that says, "Fuck you" to the peopIe you hate.
Now, you can stay out here and fight on the ground...
and cry Iike babies.
Or you can go in there Iike friends and rock.
So, what's it gonna be?
Let's go in there and show 'em what Tenacious D is aII about.
Yeah.
I aIready got a guitar pick anyways.
C'mon.
Dude, we can stiII use the pick.
You use one haIf, I'II use the other.
There's stiII some juice in there, probabIy.
- You know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where is that...?
Aaaah!
I am compIete
Fu-uck
Yes, you are fucked
Shit out of Iuck
Now I'm compIete and my cock you wiII suck
This worId wiII be mine
And you're first in Iine
You brought me the pick and now you shaII both die
Wait, wait, wait, you motherfucker
We chaIIenge you to a rock-off
Give us one chance to rock your socks off
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
The demon code prevents me
From decIining a rock-off chaIIenge
What are your terms?
What's the ca-a-atch?
If we win you must take your sorry ass back to heII
And aIso you wiII have to pay our rent
And what if I win?
Then you can take Kage back to HeII
What?
Trust me, Kage.
It's the onIy way.
What are you taIking about?
To be your IittIe bitch
Fine!
Let the rock-off begin!
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I'm the DeviI, I Iove metaI
Check this riff, it's fucking tasty
I'm the DeviI, I can do what I want
Whatever I've got, I'm gonna fIaunt
There's never been a rock-off that I've ever Iost
I can't wait to take Kage back to heII
I'm gonna fiII him with my hot demon's geI
I'II make you squeaI Iike the ScarIet PimperneI
No!
Come on, Kage!
Let's fight his music with our music.
There's just no way that we can win
- That was a masterpiece - Listen to me.
He rocks too hard because he's not a mortaI man
Goddamnit, Kage.
He gonna make you his sex sIave
You gonna gargIe mayonnaise
- No. - UnIess we bust
A massive monster mamojam
Dude, we've been through so much shit
Deactivated Iasers with my dick
Now it's time to bIow this fucker down
Come on, Kage, now it's time to bIow doors down
I hear ya, JabIes, now it's time to bIow doors down
Light up the stage 'cause it's time for a showdown
We'II bend you over then we'II take ya to brown town
Now we've got to bIow this fucker down
He's gonna rape me if we do not bIow doors down
C'mon, Kage 'cause it's time to bIow doors down
Ooooh we'II piIe-drive ya, it's time for the smack down
Hey, Antichrist-a, BeeIzeboss
We know your weakness
Our rock it sauce
We rock the Casbah, and bIow your mind
We wiII defeat you for aII mankind
You hoId the scepter, we hoId the key
You are the DeviI, we are the D
We are the D, we are the D, we are the D
We are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D
We are the D, we are the D, we are the D
We are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D
We are the D, we are the D, we are the D
You guys are fuckin' Iame!
C'mon, Kage, you're comin' with me.
Taste my Iightning, fucker.
Nooo!
Ow!
Fuck! My fuckin' horn!
- Oh, no! - From whence you came...
you shaII remain, untiI you are compIete again!
Nooo!
Fuck you, Kage!
And fuck you, JabIes.
I'II get you, Tenacious D!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
We did it, dude.
We beat the DeviI.
With our rock.
Ha ha ha! So good.
Aaah, man, that was a monster jam that we pIayed.
Yeah. Yeah.
It was, Iike, the greatest song in the worId.
It was, wasn't it?
- How did it go? - Um...
- I can't remember. - Fuck. I can't either.
You know what? Let's just Iay down a fresh, tasty jam.
Good idea, rage Kage.
- Bust out the BOD. - What?
The Bong of Destiny.
Good caII.
Whoa.
Take it to the head, bitch.
Draws Iike a penciI.
Press record.
Ooooh!
- Ha ha ha! - Yeah!
Now Iet's rock it.
One, two, three.
'Cause it's the Pick of Destiny, chiId
You know we wiII be rockin' 'cause it's fuckin' insane
It's just the Pick of Destiny, chiId
More precious than a diamond on a pIatinum chain
In Venice Beach there was a man named Kage
When he was buskin' he was aII the rage
He met JabIes and he taught him weII
AII the techniques that were deveIoped in HeII
Cock push-ups and the power sIide
Gig simuIation, now there's nowhere to hide
They formed a band they named Tenacious D
And then they got the Pick of Destiny
'Cause it's the Pick of Destiny, chiId
You know we wiII be rockin' 'cause it's fuckin' insane
It's just the Pick of Destiny, chiId
Our tasty grooves are better than a chicken chow mein
'Cause he who is sIeazy is easy to pIeasey
And she who is juicy must be Ioosey-goosey
And he who is groovy wiII be in my movie so come on!
The wizard and the demon had a battIe royaIe
The demon aImost kiIIed him with an eviI kapow
But then it broke his tooth and thus the demon said, "Ow!"
'Cause it's the Pick of Destiny, chiId
You know we wiII be rockin' 'cause it's fuckin' insane
It's just the Pick of Destiny, chiId
You know our movie's better than-a Citizen Kane
'Cause he who's a geezer must Iive in my freezer
And she who is snarky is fuII of maIarkey
And he who is groovy must be in my movie so come on!
Oh, 'cause if you're a diva then go to Geneva
And if you're a crony then suck on my boney
And if you are groovy then get in my movie
It's caIIed the Pick of Destiny
The Pick of Destiny
You can't kiII the metaI
The metaI wiII Iive on
Punk rock tried to kiII the metaI
But they faiIed as they were smite to the ground
New wave tried to kiII the metaI
But they faiIed as they were stricken down to the ground
Grunge tried to kiII the metaI
Ah ha ha ha!
They faiIed as they were thrown to the ground
Aaaah!
Yeah!
Aaaah!
Yeah!
DiddIe-iddIe-iddIe, diddIe-iddIe-iddIe, iddIe-ay
No one can destroy the metaI
The metaI wiII strike you down with a vicious bIow
We are the vanquished foes of the metaI
We tried to win, for why we do not know
New wave tried to destroy the metaI
But the metaI had its way
Grunge then tried to dethrone the metaI
But metaI was in the way
Punk rock tried to destroy the metaI
But metaI was much too strong
Techno tried to defiIe the metaI
But techno was proven wrong, yeah!
MetaI!
It comes from HeII!
AII right, man.
This is it.
Don't make a sound unIess it's a masterpiece.
Not a fuckin' sound.
Wait.
How wiII I know if it's a masterpiece?
You'II feeI it.
And if you feeI it, just fuckin' Iay it on me.
Aaah!
OK.
Thought I feIt somethin'.
Let's hear that back.