十字剑 第一季 第一集
十年前
各位 等等 Guys! Wait!
我们不能上这来 We're not allowed to be up here.
爸爸妈妈说很危险 Mom and Dad said it's dangerous.
"哒哒哒哒 爸爸妈妈说 爸爸妈妈说" "Blah, blah, blah. Mom and Dad said, Mom and Dad said!"
原创翻译 双语字幕
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翻译 冰岛豆腐
不知道国王现在在干什么 Wow, I wonder what the king is doing right now!
多半在一边智慧治国 Probably being all wise and good
校对 冰岛豆腐
一边做一百万个俯卧撑 while he does, like, a million push-ups.
也许他在用望远镜看我们 Maybe he's watching us through his telescope!
时间轴 冰岛豆腐
你这么觉得 Whoa. You think?
是的 他肯定在说"那小子为什么这么怂" Oh yeah! And he's all like, "Why's that kid being such a pussy?"
后期 8T
真漂亮 They're beautiful!
总监 冰岛豆腐
传言说每个龙的巢穴里都有一个纯金的蛋 The legend says every dragon nest contains one egg of pure gold.
纯金 我以为是纯巧克力 Pure gold? I thought it was pure chocolate.
我听说是一个装满金币的蛋 I heard it was an egg full of gold coins,
但当你撕下箔纸 里面就是巧克力 but when you peel off the foil, it's chocolate inside.
龙怎么会在它子宫里孕育 How would a dragon gestate something that complicated
这么复杂的东西 你个蠢货 in its womb, you fucking idiot?
我不是蠢货 鲁本 I'm not an idiot, Ruben!
老实说 布拉尼 你化了小丑妆我没法认真对待你 Honestly, Blarney, I can't take you seriously in that clown makeup.
柯萝尔 你知道我要去上小丑大学 Hey Coral, you know I'm going to clown college.
小丑是个冉冉升起的职业 Clowning is a "profession on the rise."
这是《失业小丑》杂志里的原话 That's a quote directly from Unemployed Clown magazine.
我们快点吧 趁龙妈妈还没回家 Let's hurry before mama dragon comes home!
-这颗蛋里没有黄金 -住手 这样是不对的 - No gold in this one. - Stop! This feels wrong!
该死 什么都没有 Aw, man. Nothing.
我不想这么做了 I don't want to do this anymore!
我不想要黄金了 如果这意味着要伤害龙宝宝 I don't want the gold if it means hurting the babies!
-只剩一颗蛋了 帕特里克 -砸开 帕特里克 - One egg left, Patrick. - Do it, Patrick.
我不想 I don't want to!
循规蹈矩你只会一事无成 Ugh, you'll never get anywhere in life following the rules!
我们还以为你很酷 哥们 We thought you were cool, dude.
好吧 希望这是黄金蛋 Well, I hope this is the golden one.
她无缘无故就发火了 快跑 She's mad for no reason! Run!
别碰我的羊 小混蛋们 Stay away from my sheep, you little bastards!
再见了 傻瓜 See ya, fucksticks!
见鬼 Well, shit.
这是我见过的最糟糕的事 That is the worst thing I've ever seen!
我找到他了 帮我扶他起来 I found him! Help me get him--
祝你好运 记住 别不要做怂逼 Good luck, man! Remember! Don't be a pussy!
你们要抛下我们吗 You're just gonna leave us behind?
你们是史上最烂的兄妹 You're the worst siblings ever!
做你逊毙了 我们会永远存在于你的生活里 Sucks to be you! We're in your life forever!
永远 永远 永远 Forever! Forever! Forever!
这是你的宝宝 Here's your baby!
求你了 惩罚我 放过我哥哥吧 Please, punish me but spare my brother!
那可怜的龙妈妈 我们杀了她的孩子 That poor mama dragon. We killed her babies.
还有那边死的人 Plus whatever that body count ends up being.
我发誓我要补偿大家 I... I swear I'm gonna make it up to everybody!
我要像国王一样助人为乐 I'll... I'll help people! Like the king!
我要成为王国史上最出色的骑士 I'm gonna be the best knight the kingdom has ever seen!
奇怪的一天 Weird day.
现在
好的 帕特里克 十年训练就为了这一刻 Okay, Patrick, ten years of training has led to this.
国王在观看 不要有压力 The king is watching. No pressure.
开始 And... go!
看这傻缺表演是做邻居最大的好处 Watching this idiot is the best thing about living next door.
格伦和多琳肯定无地自容 Glenn and Doreen must be so embarrassed.
先是他们的孩子烧毁了整座小镇 First their kid burns down the whole town,
现在又是这个 这叫啥 now this, this-- What do you call this?
不知道 某种角色扮演的手淫 I don't know. Some sort of cosplay jack-off session.
嘘 我爱这部分 Shh, I love this part.
帕特里克 进来 Patrick! Come inside!
妈 我在练习 Mom, I'm practicing!
这很重要 亲爱的 It's important, sweetheart!
你表现不错 小子 Looking good, kiddo!
帕特里克 我和你爸爸有事要跟你说 格伦 Patrick, your father and I have something to tell you. Glenn?
你得去找份工作 You need to get a job.
工作 不 我要训练成为骑士 A job? No, I'm training to be a knight!
一切都始于我们爬上那座山去找龙蛋 It all started when we climbed that mountain for the dragon eggs--
我们知道 哒哒哒哒 濒危物种 We know, we know, blah, blah, blah, endangered species,
-杀了她孩子 没有龙了 -等等 你最后说的什么 - killed its babies, no more dragons. - Wait. What was that last part?
天 每个小孩都想成为骑士 My God. Look, every kid wants to be a knight,
但你知道有多少小孩能真的成为职业骑士吗 but do you know how many kids actually go pro?
看看你的兄弟们还有你姐姐 Look at your brothers and your sister.
他们都有好的工作 They all have good jobs.
好工作 你疯了吗 Good jobs? Are you insane?
鲁本在林业局工作 Ruben works for the forest service.
一伙四处流窜的土匪 A roving gang of bandits.
布拉尼搞艺术 Blarney's in the fine arts.
酗酒的生日小丑 Alcoholic birthday clown.
有个后备工作有利无害 Pays to have a backup career.
柯萝尔是她自己运输公司的首席执行官 And Coral is the CEO of her own shipping company!
妈 她就是个该死的海盗女王 Mom, she's a goddamn fucking pirate queen!
听着 我知道你们对我们的爱是一样的 Listen, I know you love us equally--
我是说 Uh, I mean...
但我受够了做害群之马 But I'm tired of being the black sheep.
等我做了骑士后 你们会意识到 When I'm a knight, you're gonna realize
我才是家里的善人 而他们是坏人 I'm the white sheep and they're the black sheep!
然后我就能终于站在家族圣诞贺卡的正中央了 Then I'm finally gonna be front and center on the Christmas cards!
节日快乐
你们看上去真可爱 Oh, you all look so adorable!
不自立 必沉沦 Yeah, well, sink or swim, hero.
我要在你卧室放一个台球桌 I'm putting a pool table in your bedroom,
明天就会送到 and it's getting delivered tomorrow.
你明天要赶我走 You're kicking me out tomorrow?
这么说吧 Let's just put it this way,
我明天要拿到那个台球桌 然后在上面和你妈做爱 I'm getting that pool table tomorrow and fucking your mother on it.
不管你在不在这儿 那是你的选择 Now, whether you're here or not, that's your choice.
看样子你们都有着实现不了的梦想 Sounds like both of you have dreams that won't come true.
这简直是狗屁 Aah, this is such bullcrap!
我去儿童医院工作 How am I supposed to atone for my sins
要怎么赎罪 by taking a job at a "children's hospital"?
好吧 这个例子不太恰当 Okay, bad example.
但我绝不要在这个幼儿收容所里工作 But I'm certainly not gonna work at this "hospice for toddlers."
天啊 这里的小孩问题真多 Jeez, the kids around here have problems.
那是什么 给小屁孩挖墓吗 What's that one? Gravedigger for tweens?
是国王一年一度的侍卫锦标赛公告 It's an announcement for the King's Annual Squire Tournament.
侍卫锦标赛 It's the Squire Tournament!
你好棒哦 所以我才把它贴在公告栏上 Oh! That's nice! That's why I put it on a public bulletin board:
只让一个人看 so only one person sees it.
明天 一般都在七月啊 It's tomorrow? No, it's usually in July!
空了一个职位出来 发生了一起友军火力误伤事件 Yeah, there's an opening. Something about a friendly fire incident.
不过用的是剑 要我说的话 听上去像是谋杀 Except with a sword. If you ask me, it sounds like murder.
可我还没准备好 我赢不了 But I'm not done preparing! I can't win!
或者可以赢 Or can I?
这也许能解决我的所有问题 This could be the answer to all my problems.
问题是 我需要来这儿吗 Now, the question is, do I even need to be here?
因为我感觉自己像是布景装饰 Because I'm starting to feel like set dressing.
好的 连个道别都没有 Okay, no goodbye.
我猜在你看来 刚才我们之间都算不上在对话 So, I guess in your mind, it wasn't even a real conversation.
我死了后 谁会来为我的职位来贴传单 肯定没人 When I die, who will put up the flier to fill my job? I bet no one.
再见 爸爸妈妈 So long, Mom and Dad.
下次你们见到我 我将是国王的新侍卫 The next time you see me, I'll be the king's new squire!
我发誓 因为 This I swear because--
闭嘴 你个傻猫 Shut up, you stupid cat!
国王住在那个城堡里 The king lives in that castle!
废话 笨蛋 No fucking shit, moron!
真的要成真了 This is really happening!
我好像恐慌发作了 I-I think I'm having a panic attack.
我家人死于瘟疫 但你的问题似乎同样困难 My family's dead from plague, but your problems seem equally hard!
关于国王镇的第一课 不要把你的想法说出来 Okay, first lesson about Kingstown: don't say your thoughts out loud.
是真的 我们讨厌那样 It's true! We hate that!
讨厌鬼 Fuckface!
你要一个你永远用不上的新颖酒杯吗 Can I interest you in a novelty shot glass you'll never use?
我像国王一样喝酒
不了 谢谢 我不要垃圾 摇头娃娃 No thanks, I'm not in the market for garbage. Whoa, bobbleheads!
梅里曼国王 我要这个 Wow, King Merriman! I'm gettin' this!
这是谁 Huh? Who's this one?
那是我们最有名的本地妓女 HPV[人乳头瘤病毒]安妮 That's our most famous local hooker, HPV Annie!
她传播HPV She spread HPV?
不 她治好了这病 No, she cured it.
她靠着做鸭子拿到了生物化学博士学位 She whored her way to a biochemistry doctorate.
她当然有HPV 笨蛋 Of course she had HPV, you idiot!
你这个销售员太无礼了 You're a pretty rude salesman.
抱歉 我刚得知我有HPV Look, I'm sorry. I just found out I have HPV.
小子 你肯定是室内装潢师吧 Kid, you must be an interior decorator,
你打量这些雪人毛皮地毯的方式 the way you're eyeing these yeti pelt throw rugs!
雪人不是白色的吗 怎么这些是黄的 Well, I thought yetis were white. Why are these so yellow?
有趣的事实 你开枪打雪人的时候它们会吓尿 Fun fact, yetis piss themselves when you shoot 'em.
还会一直叫妈妈 They also scream, scream, scream for mama,
但妈妈不会来 but mama ain't comin'.
没人会来 Ain't nobody comin'.
除了我和我的剥皮刀 Nobody 'cept me and my peltin' knife.
我能看出你喜欢黑光艺术 朋友 I can tell you've got an eye for black-light art, friendo.
半兽人要打扑克 有点俗气 Orcs playing poker? Kind of tacky.
-你对半兽人有意见吗 -没有 我 - You got a problem with orcs? - No, I--
那那些为了追寻梦想而搬到大城市 What about orcs who move to the big city to pursue their dreams
最后却发现艺术圈子保守和势利的半兽人呢 only to find the art community insular and snobbish?
你在说你自己吗 Are you talking about yourself?
我 我绝对不是一个 Me? I'm definitely not an orc
成就低于自己预期的半兽人 who turned out to be way less talented than he thought.
-好吧 -请买一幅画 - Okay. - Please buy a painting!
好了 这是我的申请书 Okay, here's my application.
很好 我只需要你缴纳申请费 Great! I just need your application fee.
新人吗 我可不是 Newbie, huh? Not me!
俗话说得好 八次出奇迹 Eighth time's the charm, as the saying goes.
没人这么说 你好 我是帕特里克 Nobody says that. Hi, I'm Patrick.
我叫布洛斯[肉汁] The name's Broth.
它是任何汤里的精华 也是俗话 The best part of any soup, also as the saying goes.
-没人这么说 -如果你忘了我名字 - Nobody says that. - So if you forget my name,
就想象一碗尝试一件事八次的汤 just picture a bowl of soup attempting something eight times.
我从来没参加过这比赛 Hey, I've never done this before.
你介意我跟着你吗 Do you mind if I tag along with you?
一点也不 Not at all!
别担心 人人在开赛之前都会感到紧张 Don't worry, everyone gets butterflies before the tournament.
你看到那边那个灌木丛了吗 You see that bush over there?
我连续八年在它后面呕吐 I've puked behind it eight years in a row!
好恶心 有人把他们的东西放在了那里 Oh gross, someone set their stuff in it.
那是 我的东西 That's... my stuff.
好了 请缴纳费用 All righty! I just need your fee.
棒 Great.
你觉得有人能看出我的盔甲9成的成分是铝箔吗 You think anyone can tell my armor is 90 percent aluminum foil?
不能 No.
你看到那边那个盔甲了吗 You see that sweet armor down there?
里面的傻缺叫霍尔顿 The dildo inside is named Holden.
-他是最被看好获胜的人 -还有赔率 - He's the odds-on favorite to win. - There's odds?
姓名 赔率 胜 负
帕忑里克
他们拼错了我名字 They misspelled my name!
布洛斯
看样子是对的 It seems accurate.
热烈欢迎梅里曼国王陛下 All hail His Royal Majesty King Merriman
以及图莉璞皇后殿下 and Her Royal Highness Queen Tulip!
我跟国王和皇后呼吸着同样的空气 I'm breathing the same air as the king and queen!
真想知道他们在说是 I wonder what they're talking about.
肯定是要事 I bet it's something important!
那些郁金香看上去像是已经见过红毯了 Those tulips look like they've already seen a red carpet or two.
我们现在开始回收它们 因为太贵了 We're recycling them now because they are fucking expensive.
以这破比赛的价格 For the price of this stupid tournament,
我们可以买好多郁金香 多到能从我屁眼里冒出来 we could buy so many tulips I'd have tulips coming out of my asshole.
梦想成真 It's a dream come true!
告诉他会是噩梦成真 Tell him it's going to be a nightmare come true
我会把他揍出渎神之屎 when I get done kicking the unholy shit out of him.
霍尔顿说祝你好运 Yeah, Holden says good luck.
跟他说谢谢 Tell him thanks!
他说操你妈 He says to go fuck yourself.
还有人觉得那些郁金香不够标准吗 Do those tulips look subpar to anyone else?
预备 瞄准 Ready... aim...
侍卫 squire!
混战
就是现在了 是时候发光发亮了 This is it! Time to shine!
不要脸 不要脸 Low blow! Low blow!
那违反了规则 That was a rules violation!
立刻给那人扣掉五分 Deduct five points from that man at once!
抱歉 抱歉 希望不会对你的精子造成永久性损伤 Sorry! Sorry! Hope the damage isn't spermanent!
老天 那孩子的蛋蛋就像是皮纳塔 Jesus, that kid's got a piñata for a sack.
天 我的童年阴影又回来了 Oh God! It's my childhood all over again!
打蛋 Nut shot!
海盗风 Pirate-style!
这不公平 女生没有蛋蛋 It's not fair! Girls don't have nutsacks!
女生没有蛋蛋 Girls don't have nutsacks,
没有蛋蛋 don't have nutsacks.
我记起来了 I remember now!
打蛋 Nut shot!
挡住了 傻逼 Countered, motherfucker!
怎么会这样 But how?
我的鸡鸡和蛋蛋都安全夹在了我的双腿之间 My penis and balls are tucked safely between my legs!
棒 Yes!
魔术
欢迎来到下一级 笨蛋们 Welcome... to the next level, fools!
谁要和皇家魔术师闪烁石英斗智斗勇 Who will dare match wits with the royal magician Blinkerquartz?
我等不及要见他了 Wow, I can't wait to meet him!
就是我 傻逼 It's me, fuckhead!
你以为我穿成这样是为了好玩吗 What, do you think I'm wearing this outfit for shits and gigs?
你的语气说"不是" Your tone says "no."
做好准备 你们要面对什么魔术 Prepare yourselves! What magic will you face?
闪电术 你们的剑会变成蛇吗 Lightning bolts? Will your swords turn to snakes?
也许 但我们先慢点开始 Well perhaps, but let's start slow.
一个金币就能看到闪烁石英能做什么魔术了 One gold coin is all it takes to see what magic Blinkerquartz makes.
赌注不可改变 谁想变富 是你吗 是你吗 All bets final. Who wants to get rich? Is it you? Is it you?
等等 那可不是魔术 Wait. That's not magic!
布拉尼 我要我的午饭钱 Blarney, I need my lunch money!
你想要让你的午饭钱翻倍吗 How'd you like to double your lunch money?
找到A 你就能吃到无数的油炸土豆丸子 Find the ace and you'll be up to your crack in tater tots!
这里面不该有张牌是A吗 Uh, isn't one of those supposed to be an ace?
我是和骗子一起长大的 I grew up with cheaters.
没人有我这么了解骗子 那是我的优势 Nobody knows cheaters the way I do! That's my edge!
就差一点 再来试试 Aah, so close! Try your luck again?
我能玩吗 见鬼 警察来了 Hey, can I play? Oh shit! The cops!
在哪 我没法再去坐十年牢 Where? I can't do another dime!
找到了 算我赢吗 Found it. Do I win?
-该死 -他骗了我 - Aw, shit! - He cheated me!
等等 还有更多 我的天 Wait, wait, wait! There's more-- Oh my God!
口哨鞭子 亏我那么信你 亏我那么信你 Whistle whip! I trusted you, man! I trusted you!
帕特里克 你表现好棒 Wow, Patrick! You're doing great!
我还是没搞懂分数是怎么算的 I'm still not sure how the points are being awarded.
这比赛太腐败了 This game is corrupt as hell!
我要想赢的话 我得比所有骗子还精明 If I'm going to win, I'll have to out-cheat the cheaters!
古老的积非成是哲学 我懂你 Ah, the old two-wrongs-make-a-right philosophy. I hear ya.
等等 不是 Wait. No-no.
你靠作弊拿到工作 然后尽力做一个最棒的骗子 You cheat your way into the job then you be the best cheater you can be!
但是靠公平竞争你没法战胜一个被操纵的体系 But you can't beat a rigged system by playing fair!
听上去像是个道德难题 Sounds like a real moral conundrum!
讨厌鬼 Fuckface!
搏斗
没有什么比肉搏战更能区分男人和男孩了 Nothing separates the men from the boys quite like hand-to-hand combat.
打扰下 图莉璞皇后 有个问题 Pardon me, Queen Tulip? Question.
我们为什么要脱光衣服 Uh, why did we have to strip for this?
我说了 要区分男人和男孩 根据下面大小排队 Like I said, men from the boys. Now, line up according to bulge.
很好 热油小哥来了 Oh good, the hot oil guy's here.
如果没人借我内裤的话 Well, if no one's going to lend me their underwear,
那我就只能这样了 I guess this is happening.
我老婆呢 Where the hell is my wife?
-陛下 她 -别叽叽喳喳了 - Your Highness, she's-- - Quit jabbering, man.
我们要趁热打铁 We've gotta make hay while the sun shines.
什么时候吃够了玉米片我说了算 I'll decide when I've had enough nachos!
我是个成年人了 I'm a grown-ass man!
布洛斯 温布利呢 Hey, Broth, where's Wembley?
就这样 用你年轻的身体尽情摩擦我 Yes! Yes! Rub your young body all over me!
每次侍卫锦标赛的时候她就玩消失 搞什么 Every squire tournament she ghosts me. What's that about?
-真高兴你问了 她 -我能有个不那么话痨的守卫吗 - I'm glad you asked. She's-- - Could I get a less chatty guard?
帕特里克 该你了 Patrick, you're up.
殿下 Your Majesty?
你有在一个匆忙固定在帆布帐篷顶端 Have you ever fucked on an 800-pound chandelier
重量为800磅的吊灯上做过吗 hastily bolted to the top of a canvas tent?
当然有过 Sure have!
那就拿把梯子过来 Then grab a ladder!
我盯了你一整天了 I've had my eye on you all day,
但我想说明一件事 but I want to make one thing perfectly clear:
如果你不满18岁 if you're under 18...
那只会更加劲爆 that would be way hotter!
-可你嫁给了国王啊 -是的 - But you're married, to the king! - Yes.
我们有着互相出轨的婚姻 We have what's called a cheating-on-each-other marriage.
很前卫 It's very progressive.
真希望我能像你一样去参加毕业舞会 鲁本 I wish I was going to prom like you, Ruben,
但我太害羞不敢约女生 but I'm way too shy to ask out a girl.
万一她拒绝呢 You know, what if she says no?
帕特里克 你真可爱 我弟弟从没见过奶子 Ah, Patrick, you're so cute, my little buddy who has never seen a tit.
你让我想起了我 才怪 You remind me of me never.
听我的 我可是撩妹镇镇长 Take it from me, the mayor of Trim Town.
要想追到女人 你得做一个十足的大骗子 To score with the ladies, you gotta be a lying dickhole.
-真的吗 -真的 - Really? - Really!
帕特里克 我的舞会对象以为我是身家百万的消防员 Patrick, my prom date thinks I'm a millionaire fireman
为了捣毁一个贩毒集团而假扮成高中生 who's posing as a high-schooler to bust a drug ring.
我不会和她分手 And instead of breaking up with her,
而是会假装死于一次划船事故 I'll just fake my own death in a boating accident,
因为没人会过问因划船而死的人 'cause nobody questions boat death.
我跟你说 涉及到女人的时候 只管拼命撒谎 I'm telling you, buddy, when it comes to women, lie your ass off!
拼命撒谎 拼命撒谎 Lie my ass off, lie my ass off.
殿下 我们不能做爱 我结婚了 Your Highness, we can't have sex! I'm married!
-我也是 -我私下其实是女人 - Me too! - I'm secretly a woman!
这样更性感 This just got hotter!
-我还怀孕了 -性感爆棚 - And I'm pregnant! - Way hotter!
-我腹泻 -我可以培养兴趣 - I also have diarrhea! - I could get into that.
好吧 不撒谎了 Fine, no more lies!
事实是我是处男 我很怕你 The truth is I'm a virgin and I'm scared of you!
你到底想要让我多欲火焚身 Just how horny are you trying to make me?
-可我 -是吗 是吗 - But i... i... - Yes? Yes?
我就是不想做 I just don't want to!
你为什么不早说 Why didn't you just say that?
做爱需要双方都同意 帕特里克 我又不是禽兽 This needs to be consensual, Patrick. I'm not a monster.
那 谢谢了 Oh. Then, uh, thanks.
那是个糊涂的怀孕处子 That is one mixed-up pregnant virgin.
我错过了什么 大家人呢 Well, what did I miss? Where is everybody?
医疗人员刚赶走了一群人 The medic just yanked a bunch of guys.
说这是他见过的最糟糕的四期淋病疫情 Says it's the worst epidemic of stage four gonorrhea he's ever seen.
-我要去见皇后吗 -最好别去 - Hey, should I go visit the Queen? - I would not do that.
女士们先生们 谁准备好观看主赛事了 Ladies and gentlemen, who's ready for the main event?
我听不到你们 I can't hear you!
他听不到我们 国王聋了 He can't hear us! The king's gone deaf!
-我们没有领袖 -我们将被入侵 - We have no leader! - We'll be invaded!
我说 谁准备好观看主赛事了 I said, who's ready for the main event?
是时候开始长枪比武了 It's time to fucking joust!
你再跟我说说郁金香预算呢 你个混蛋 Tell me again about the tulip budget, you son of a bitch!
-我不敢相信眼前的画面 -很棒 对不对 - I can't believe what I'm seeing! - I know, it's awesome, right?
乞讨者在街上挨饿 Beggars are starving in the streets
而国王浪费我们的纳税钱买这些垃圾 and the king wastes our tax money on this garbage!
抱歉 伙计 现场这么热闹我听不到你 I'm sorry, pal, I can't hear you over all this entertainment!
长枪比武
-你有参加过长枪比武吗 -没有 - Have you ever jousted before? - Nope.
-那长屌比武呢 -有什么区别 - Have you ever joosted before? - What's the difference?
长屌比武就是 Joosting's when two dudes
两个男的露出屌 全力向对方冲过去 run full steam at each other with their dicks out.
拜托 我什么时候会做过那种事 Oh come on, when the hell would I have done that?
我不知道 我想我们的毕业舞会很不一样吧 I dunno. We had very different proms, I guess.
骑手们准备 Riders ready?
裁判 那人举杆过肩 你不吹吗 Ref, that was high-sticking! Aren't you going to call that?
观察得真仔细 骑手们准备 Oh, good observation! Riders ready?
他朝我的脸扔泥土 国王不可能赞同这种行为吧 He threw mud in my face! The king can't possibly approve of that!
这个霍尔顿是天生的赢家 真有创意 Oh, this Holden kid's a born winner! Creative as hell!
你以为他会这么说 结果他说的话完全相反 You thought he'd say one thing, and he said the opposite.
在喜剧届 这就叫做唱反调 In the comedy biz that's called the ol' zoop-de-doop!
还有 那不是泥土 Also, that was not mud.
放开我 Let me go--
我在干什么 我为什么想要给这些人做侍卫 What am I doing? Why do I even want to be a squire for these people?
因为雇员在礼品店买东西可以打九折 亲爱的 Because employees get ten percent off everything in the gift shop, baby!
但是所有雇员都是自以为是的大骗子 Yeah, well, all the employees are entitled cheating assholes!
去死吧 我退出 Well, to hell with this, I quit!
我不是骗子 以后也不会是 I'm not a cheater and I never will be.
傻屌 赶紧输吧 因为下周是我妈的生日 Hey! Dildo! Hurry up and lose, 'cause it's my mom's birthday next week
我要给她买一个印有国王面孔的酒杯 and she's getting a shot glass with the king's face on it...
九折 ten percent off.
操他妈的 Oh, fuck this guy.
我的长矛呢 Hey, where's my stick thingy?
什么鬼 What the...?
-我嘞个去 -我嘞个去 - Holy shit! - Holy shit!
我嘞个去 Holy shit!
不错 霍尔顿多半死了 Nice. Holden's probably dead, huh?
没错 我作了弊 Yeah, that's right, I cheated!
就像这个狗屎比赛里的所有人一样 Just like everybody else in this tournament of turds!
你可以拿走你的侍卫工作 You can take your squire job,
你的烟花 你的城堡 你的郁金香 你的性病摇头娃娃 your fireworks, your castle, your tulips, and your STD bobbleheads
把他们全都塞进你的皇家菊花 and shove them all right up your royal ass!
国王要求 The king demands...
全体缓慢鼓掌 ...a slow clap.
我有消息要告诉你 王八蛋 Oh, I have news for you, motherfucker.
你是我的新侍卫 You're my new squire!
没错 从下周一开始 我要招你至我的麾下 孩子 That's right! Starting Monday, I'm gonna take you under my wing, kid!
你要师从最棒的侍卫 大师本人 You're gonna learn from the best! The old master himself!
头号人物 国王爸爸 Numero uno! The big king daddy!
我要不是国王的话 Oh, the adventures you're gonna have!
我会嫉妒你将经历的冒险 I'd be jealous of you if I wasn't the king!
不 我做了什么 Oh, no. What have I done?
好了 咱们来个正面结局吧 All right, let's put a good spin on this.
妈妈 爸爸 猜猜谁要被打脸了 Mom! Dad! Guess who can suck it!
看来有人的梦想并不愚蠢 Somebody's dream wasn't so stupid after all!
你好 弟弟 Hello, little brother!
我们听说你找到了新工作 We hear you've got a new job.
给皇家工作 真令人激动 Working for the royal family? That's very exciting news.
我们都很激动 For all of us.
天 我很累了 我要回我屋子了 Gee, I'm real tired, guys! I'm just gonna... be in my room.
不过见到你们真是惊喜 But what a pleasant surprise to see you!
惊喜 帕特里克 你知道我们会永远存在于你的生活里 Surprise? Oh, Patrick. You know we're in your life forever.
爽 爽 两颗球[蛋]进了你的底袋 Oh. Yeah! Yeah! Two balls in your corner pocket!
我梦想成真了 I'm livin' the dream!