The captain has turned on the No Smoking sign.
Please extinguish all smoking materials.
Make sure your seats are in the upright position...
...and your seatbelts fastened in preparation for our arrival in LA.
Okay. Bye-bye, now.
Thank you.
Take care. Watch your step, there.
Goodbye.
No!
Harry! I'm so glad to see you!
Sir?
- Just a moment, please. - Yes?
Just come with me, please.
- What is this about? - I'll explain in due time. Just follow me.
- You've obviously made a mistake. - We can clear this up if you'll follow me.
I hope there's an explanation for all this.
I'm in the dark. There's no reason why you should...
This way, sir, please.
In the toilet?
- I demand an explanation. - How about this?
- Oh, my God! - Do you find me attractive?
- You're not a cop! - They wouldn't take me!
Excuse me. I have to run now.
Why? Don't run away from your feelings! Wait!
Where are you going? Don't be so gauche. We're all doing it!
What a dramatic airport!
Dr. Thorndyke? Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke? Hold it!
Who are you?
I'm Brophy. I work at the Institute. I came to pick you up.
- I'm going to be your driver and sidekick. - How do you do?
Why the picture-taking?
I love to take pictures. I'm very photogenic.
I even develop them myself. I have my own darkroom.
Please hold the camera, Doc. I'll get the trunk.
Fabulous.
I got it. I got it...
I ain't got it!
I'll get it.
I got it...
I ain't got it.
I got it...
I ain't got it.
- Where's the car? - Over there.
- Would you mind opening the trunk? - I'll open the trunk.
I'll save us a little time.
You got it. You got it...
There we go.
Doc, I sure am glad you're taking over as the new head of the asylum.
We haven't had a real chief since Dr. Ashley died.
I just hope I do as good a job as Ashley did.
- He was a brilliant psychiatric innovator. - Yeah, innovator.
When it was announced that you would take over, Dr. Montague blew his top.
Between me, you and the steering wheel...
...I guess Montague figured he had the job tucked away in his back pocket.
If you get my drift.
Is that so?
And then, from out of the blue...
...they go and get you, a professor from Harvard University. No offense.
None taken.
Boy, I tell you, it was a real shock to everybody when Ashley died.
The guy was in tiptop shape!
One can never predict a heart attack.
Heart attack? Don't make me laugh.
Brophy, what are you saying?
If you ask me, I think Dr. Ashley was the victim of...
...foul play.
Foul play? Brophy, your imagination is getting the best of you.
Let's not forget that you are working in a psychiatric institution...
...which is conducive to fantasy.
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm wrong.
I know I'm right.
Brophy here with the new head shrink.
Well, Doc, here's your new home.
Dr. Thorndyke, I am simply delighted to meet you in person.
I've read everything you've ever written on psychiatry.
Your lectures, your monographs, your books.
I'm absolutely thrilled that you're taking over the Institute.
Thank you...
- Wentworth, Dr. Philip Wentworth. - A pleasure.
I've been with the Institute for two years.
I just know that things are going to change for the better now that you're here.
You see, ever since Dr. Ashley died...
...strange things have been happening here.
Wentworth!
The eminent Dr. Thorndyke.
It's a great day here at the Institute for the Very, Very Nervous.
May I say that we have been looking forward with anticipation to your arrival.
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Dr. Charles Montague.
I was in charge till now.
Allow me to introduce Nurse Diesel, my right-hand man. Woman.
Dr. Thorndyke. How do you do? Charlotte Diesel.
I left a complete medical file of everyone in the Institute in your room.
I'm sure you'll want to rest before you meet the rest of the staff.
Dinner is served at 8:00 in the private dining room.
Those who are tardy do not get fruit cup. Excuse me.
Dr. Thorndyke, may I say...
- Charles. - Bye.
Do you see what I mean? I'm trying to tell you...
- Wentworth! - Goodbye.
I got it. I got it...
I ain't got it.
Come in.
Thorndyke. My Richard!
Professor Little-old-man!
Lilloman. Lilloman. Nobody gets it right.
Little-old-man, Little-old-man...
Richard!
My best pupil. My best student which I ever had.
A patient comes to you. He is suffering from Belden's Hysteria.
He has a seizure right in your office. What do you give him?
Two CC's of aqueous Thorazine coupled with one cc of Somadiazine.
Good. And the most important thing?
Never take a personal check.
That's my boy. That's my good pupil.
Professor, it's so good to see you. Please, sit down. Let's talk.
To sit? Ja.
Richard, I am so proud of you. So proud, my boy.
Head of your class at Johns Hopkins.
Associate professor at Dartmouth. Full professor at Harvard.
Winner of the Nobel Prize. And now...
...the head of the most prestigious psychiatric institute on the West Coast.
I'm sorry, excuse me. When you get old, you get very emotional.
Oops. I blew too fast.
- Here, Professor, some tissues. - Danke Schön to you.
- Professor? - Ja?
- I had no idea you were working here. - Working?
Working is a big word. I'm a consultant.
It's a fancy title for a part-time job. I come in two hours a day.
I don't bother them. They don't bother me.
Your predecessor, Dr. Ashley, hired me.
It is a shame he died so all of a sudden.
He was going to make some very big changes around here...
...and then...
Did you see your view outside? Oh, it is spectacular.
I've been meaning to, but I've been so busy unpacking I haven't had a chance.
Unpack another time.
Come, Richard, I insist. You come and see right now!
If you insist.
Come, Richard, this will be a treat for you. Come, Ja.
Is this not the perfect time of the day? Look!
- Very nice. - Come over here. Here you can see better.
- Come. - It's beautiful.
Come here to the edge and you can look down. Look down!
Richard!
My boy, are you all right?
Come back inside, my goodness!
Come over here, Sitzen Sie. Goodness me.
Thank you, Professor. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me.
I know what came over you. High Anxiety, you've still got it.
It's probably the excitement and tension of taking over this new post. I'm...
...sure it will pass.
Bullshit!
These things do not let go. High Anxiety can be a dangerous enemy.
If left unchecked, it could cost you your life.
Tomorrow...
First thing tomorrow, we have our first session of psychoanalysis.
My boy, I have not had you on the couch for a long time.
My boy, I promise, we will beat this thing.
Goodbye.
But, Professor, it is really nece...
It is "nece." I know what is "nece." Don't tell me what is "nece."
I tell you what is "nece."
Yes, as I was saying, it came to my attention that...
...just before Dr. Ashley's untimely death...
...he was planning to make some very big changes here at the Institute.
Do any of you know specifically what those changes might be?
Well, for one thing he wanted to change...
The drapes.
The drapes?
The drapes.
He wanted to change the drapes in the psychotic game room.
That was the extent of the big change? The drapes?
Yes, Dr. Ashley felt that color...
...has a lot to do with the well-being of the emotionally disturbed.
To some extent that is true, I imagine.
Only 30 seconds late. You're so strict.
Gentlemen...
...and Nurse Diesel...
...may I propose a toast? To our new leader:
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke.
Long may he reign.
I thank you.
Yes, that's an excellent brandy.
You can tell by just sniffing the aroma.
It's much better than the brandy we used to have.
Dr. Montague, I'm curious.
What exactly is the rate of patient recovery here at the Institute?
Rate of patient recovery? I'll have that for you in a moment.
Once in a blue moon.
Dr. Thorndyke.
Unfortunately...
...the rate of recovery in the classroom...
...is much higher than it is in real life.
We're dealing with sick people here, you understand.
Dangerously sick people!
Dr. Thorndyke?
Will you be at the Annual Psychiatric Convention in San Francisco next week?
Yes, I...
I think someone should attend, don't you? I'd be delighted to have the honor.
I'm sure you'll have a nice time.
Thank you.
Up and down.
Side, side.
In and out.
Side, side.
Up and down.
Side, side.
In and out.
Side, side.
Oh, my God!
"Welcome! The violent ward."
Doc! Is everything all right?
Somebody just threw an enormous rock through my window.
Jeez!
A guy like that should be put away. Look at the size of this thing!
Here, let me get rid of it for you. I got it!
Brophy, get it tomorrow.
Yeah.
- What was that? - I don't know.
Come on!
It's coming from Nurse Diesel's room.
Is everything all right in there? Nurse Diesel! Are you all right?
Yes?
We heard some weird noises emanating from your room. We were worried.
Weird noises? It was the TV.
Sorry it disturbed you. I've turned it down.
Is there anything else? It is rather late.
No, we were concerned. Good night.
- Good night. - Good night.
- TV? Well, you could have fooled me. - Yeah, the TV.
It was probably the TV.
- Good night. - That was no TV.
- Who was it? - It was Thorndyke.
- You're making too much noise. - I can't help it, you're hurting me.
- You're going too hard tonight. - Get off it.
I know you better than you know yourself.
You live for bondage and discipline.
Too much bondage. Not enough discipline!
You want discipline? I'll give you discipline.
Yes!
Yes. I'm sorry!
Yes! It feels so good!
Yes?
Dr. Thorndyke, Dr. Montague is here to see you.
Please take your hand away from your nose and say that again.
- Dr. Montague is here. - Thank you. Send him in.
- Thank you for coming. - I'm sorry I'm late.
It took longer than anticipated for my rounds this morning.
- Please have a seat. - Thanks.
- I'm a little disturbed. - Yes, Dr. Thorndyke?
I've studied some of these case histories and once in a while...
...I come across a patient who behaves in a rational and normal manner.
Zachary Cartwright Ill, for instance.
It seems his family is paying $12,000 a month to the Institute.
According to this file he should have been released months ago.
Well...
These case histories are really so sketchy.
They hardly draw a true picture of the patient's psychosis.
Cartwright is a perfect example.
One moment he can be perfectly rational and lucid...
...the next he's a living loony tune.
Do you mind if we examine him together? He is just outside my door.
Mind? Why should I mind? After all, you're in charge here.
You can examine anyone you want.
Please send Mr. Cartwright in. Thank you.
Mr. Cartwright, have a seat. You know Dr. Montague, don't you?
- Hello, Dr. Montague. - Hello, Zack.
Tell me, do you know why you're here at the Institute?
Yes, I was brought in two years ago. I was suffering from nervous exhaustion.
I used to get sharp pains in my neck and dreamt about werewolves.
- Werewolves? - Werewolves.
And in the two years you've been here, do you feel you've made any progress?
I never get those pains anymore...
...and it's been 6 months since I had a dream about a werewolf.
6 months since you had your last dream about a werewolf.
Tell me frankly. If you were returned to the community today...
...could you function in a happy, healthy, normal and productive manner?
I think so. I feel pretty good.
- What's the matter? - That pain just came back.
- See how unpredictable he is? - Help him to the couch.
Sit right here. Put your head back. Breathe deeply. Try to relax.
- Easy. - I'll try.
This pain that you haven't experienced in such a long time...
...has suddenly reappeared for no reason?
- I don't know what it is. - This is such a strange experience.
- The pain is going away. - Good. Breathe deeply.
I feel perfectly fine.
What is it?
- Cartwright, is it that same pain? - Yes!
- Let me examine you. - No!
I just want to help you!
- I don't understand. - I don't understand it, either.
Relax, take it easy.
- Take it easy! - Go away!
- Montague, what are we going to do? - I don't know! Take it easy, Zack.
Cartwright!
- His feet. - Got him.
Take him back to his room. Give him a sedative.
Make it a big one.
Sad. I've never seen anything quite like that.
- And he was doing so well. - I know.
- It is sad, tears your heart apart. - Yes.
- There's that flashing again. - Flashing?
It started this morning and here it is again. It seems to be coming from somewhere...
- ...up there. - Yes, the North Wing.
Room 35, I'd say.
It stopped. Who's in that room?
- A patient named Brisbane. - Brisbane.
- Arthur Brisbane? The industrialist? - Yes, I think that's the one.
- How long has he been here? - About 18 months.
18 months? I didn't come across his name in the files.
It must be an oversight.
I'd like to meet him.
But he's hopeless. You don't want to meet him.
I'd like to meet him right after lunch.
All right. As you wish.
- I'll arrange it for you. - Thank you.
Nurse Diesel? Dr. Montague here.
Dr. Thorndyke would like to meet Arthur Brisbane right after lunch.
Good.
Ou-yay ow-knay at-whay o-tay o-day.
Et it-gay?
Everything will be taken care of.
There it goes again.
Falling.
Mamma! Falling!
Fight it, Thorndyke. Fight it. You must fight it, do you hear me?
Fight your fears.
The only way to overcome High Anxiety is to fight it.
- Fight! - Fight!
- Fight it. - Ja, fight it!
- Fight. - Good.
Good. Fight it.
Good, fight it. Ja, good, that's the way to fight it!
Fight it, Ja. Good.
That's all right. Get out that hostility. Good.
Fight.
You want to fight? All right. Fight if you want. Fight.
I'll give you a fight you don't forget. Come on, show me your stuff.
Show me your good stuff. All right, I'll give you...
Come on, get up, you little punk! Stand up and fight! Come on...
Professor! What are you doing? This is unseemly behavior.
What are you doing? Stop!
Come on, boys. We came to see a fight, not a dance. Let's go.
Professor, what happened here?
I put him under hypnosis. He will be out very soon.
You see, we have been running a series of analytic sessions...
...to try to help him overcome the very serious illness...
...known as High Anxiety.
- High Anxiety? - Ja.
Do you mean to say that Dr. Richard Thorndyke...
...one of the world's greatest psychiatric authorities...
...is suffering from High Anxiety?
Ja, but you would not breathe a word of this to anyone, would you?
Professor, may I remind you that I am also a professional?
I am shocked that you would think I'd say a word about this.
Hey, everybody, guess who has High Anxiety?
- Richard? - Falling, Mamma.
Falling. Mamma. Falling.
Richard, I'm going to bring you out.
I'm going to bring you out. I bring you out!
- Richard, my boy, Richard! - Professor!
You'll never believe what I just went through. It was horrible!
I would believe. But there will be no more sessions for a while.
- So, go get yourself a little rest, my boy. - Thank you.
- Thank you, Professor. - Ja, auf Wiedersehen.
Let us see, here.
"Mamma, I am falling."
Norton, this is our new chief, Dr. Thorndyke.
- He'd like to see Mr. Brisbane. - Certainly.
- It's a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Thorndyke. - Pleasure to meet you, Norton.
Forgive me for prying. What happened to your mustache?
As you know, we get some very violent patients in this wing.
Last week, I guess I wasn't on my toes...
...and one of them reached out and ripped off half of my mustache.
- That must have been awful. - You'll never know the pain.
It can get quite dicey up here at times.
- Well, shall we go? - Follow me.
Hey, Norton! You missing something?
That's Arthur Brisbane? The industrialist?
No. Down, Brisbane, down. Bad Brisbane.
Sit up. All right.
Don't worry, he won't bite. Just let him smell you.
- He thinks he's a cocker spaniel. - Cocker spaniel?
Very good.
I've never seen anything like...
Down! Sit!
Stay!
Amazing! The most complex psychic phenomenon I've ever witnessed.
I once read a paper when I was in college about this, I think it was Otto Rank.
It might have been Kraft-Ebbing. About a woman in Vienna...
...who thought that she was an animal of some kind, an antelope...
- What the hell are you... - No! Stop that!
We don't do that with strangers. Bad dog!
Get his leash, Norton.
Extraordinary!
How could a creature have the wherewithal to try to contact me by flashing a mirror?
Well, cockers are very bright, you know.
That's true. That's very true.
Please understand, I can't go on.
I swear to God, I won't say a word, but I can't take it any longer.
You're just as much a part of this as the rest of us.
No one is quitting. Do you hear me?
- No one. - But I can't sleep at night!
What we're doing is wrong. Don't you understand, it's wrong!
I've got to get out of here. I'm trapped! I feel like I'm caught in a web.
Quiet, you fool! The window is open!
All right.
Perhaps...
...I've been too harsh.
You are free to leave the Institute this evening.
Thank you, Nurse Diesel.
And I promise I won't say anything to anybody. Thank you.
I know you won't.
Busted eardrums?
That's a very strange symptom for a cerebral hemorrhage.
According to the coroner's report, he did suffer from a cerebral hemorrhage.
I can't go to San Francisco now.
Dr. Thorndyke, there's nothing you can do.
If we receive any additional information about Wentworth, we'll call you.
It's important that you attend the psychiatric convention. Remember...
...you are representing the Institute.
Yes, enjoy yourself, for God's sake. Get your mind off the Wentworth murder.
Accident. Have a good time.
I did work long and hard on that speech.
I'm going. You've convinced me. Brophy!
I'm looking for my camera, I want to get one last shot.
Please, Brophy, not now.
Hold it!
- Okay, let's hit the road. - Well, see you in three days.
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
- Enjoy yourself. - 'Bye.
I think you punctured something with that last shot.
You do everything too hard. Too hard.
Come to my room right after dinner.
Not tonight. I'm too tired. I'm going to turn in early.
- I'll let you wear my underwear. - I'll be there.
- Thorndyke and Brophy. - Yes, sir.
Thank you.
- Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke? - Yes.
Sir, very good. Here we go, you're all set.
Wow. Talk about modern.
You and Mr. Brophy are in 1702 and 1703.
Excuse me. I thought I'd specifically requested a room on a lower floor.
- Nothing higher than three. - We had 201 all set for you.
But a Mr. MacGuffin called and told us to change it to the 17th floor.
I'm sorry, we can't do a thing about it today. We're all booked up.
Come on, Doc. It's only for a couple of nights.
I guess it'll be all right. It's just...
...I really don't like high places.
Dennis, will you take Dr. Thorndyke to his room, please?
Anything I can get you?
Yes. I'd like a newspaper.
I'll get you one and meet you at the elevators.
- Please don't forget. It's rather important. - All right, already.
I want to see if there's any mention of Wentworth's death.
Doc, there are the elevators.
- Come on, Doc. - I'm coming.
Here we go. Straight to the top.
Quite a view, isn't it?
Here we are. Top floor. Top of the hotel. You can't get any higher.
- We're pretty high. - We know it. We know we're high.
That we know. That part we know.
Excuse me. This way.
This way, please. Right around the corner.
Hey, Doc, look at this. What a view. This is spectacular.
I can see it from here. It's very nice. Very nice indeed.
Are you all right, Doc?
I'm all right, Brophy.
I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know anyone was there.
You fellas want to see your rooms or not?
Let's get out of here.
If you would have gone over you'd be smashed like corned beef hash.
Your brains would have splattered all over the lobby...
Brophy, please.
Right here is 1702. You're in 1703.
Here's your key. I'll bring your bag in a minute.
See you later. Thank you.
- Here you go. Thank you very much. - Thank you.
- Anything else I can get you, sir? - What happened to my newspaper?
The newsstand didn't have any and I didn't want to run around the corner.
I want that newspaper. It's very important.
All right, I'll get your paper.
A hassle.
- Don't forget. - All right!
What's so important about a lousy, crummy newspaper?
Dennis? Dr. Thorndyke in room 1702 just called down to remind you not...
I know. Get the newspaper!
Get the stinking newspaper!
Here!
Here's your paper!
Happy now?
That kid gets no tip.
Who is it?
It's not the bellboy, is it?
Get away from the door.
- Who are you? - Get away from me.
- Just a second... - Be quiet, they'll hear you. Don't move.
- Go inside. Go to your room. - Go to my room.
- The drapes! Close the drapes. - The drapes. Close the drapes.
Close the drapes.
Close the other one. Get down! Lower.
Good. Quick, come here.
Get up.
Sit down. Not there, here.
- Here? - There.
Will you please tell me who are you and who are they?
Quick, make believe you know me terribly well.
What's your sign?
I'm sorry, it's unlisted.
Boy, you sure blow hot and cold. No offense.
Will you please tell me who you are?
My name is Victoria Brisbane. My father is Arthur Brisbane.
You're the cocker's daughter?
Have you seen my father at the Institute? Is he all right?
He's fine. He's coming along fine. He's very affectionate. He licked me.
He what?
Well, he thinks he's a dog these days.
- A dog? - Dog. Yes.
- Do you mind if I smoke? - Not at all.
I see. A dog.
Dr. Thorndyke, I assure you my father is just as sane as I am.
18 months ago, he suffered a nervous breakdown.
He went into the Institute for a rest and has been a virtual prisoner ever since.
Frankly, Doctor, I fear for his life.
Miss Brisbane, I assure you I am a competent psychiatrist.
I've examined your father and I must tell you, in my professional capacity...
...he is deeply disturbed.
Don't answer it. If they know I'm here, they'll harm my father.
- You're late, they're waiting. - I'll be right down.
That's Brophy, my driver. He's all right.
Miss Brisbane, I'm terribly sorry. I must go. They're waiting for me.
Don't you believe what I'm telling you?
It's not that I don't care. You don't understand.
I'm the principal speaker at the convention. I must go. I'm very late.
Why don't we meet later at the bar? We'll talk about it then.
Fine. Later at the bar, that's perfect.
Let's go.
Here we go.
See? There's no one here. There are no enemies.
There's nothing to worry about.
Let me see you to the elevator. Right this way.
Nice hotel, isn't it?
Kind of high.
May I have your attention, please?
Fellow members of the American Psychiatric Convention...
...it is a pleasure and an honor...
...to present the new head of the Psycho-Neurotic Institute...
...for the Very, Very Nervous.
Winner of the Nobel Prize for his works in the use of chemotherapy...
...on severe psychosis.
The distinguished Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke.
Thank you, Dr. Colburn.
Fellow analysts, psychiatrists...
...psychologists and laypeople...
...today I would like to discuss...
...some of the lesser known aspects of Psychobiological Therapy.
100 years ago, psychology was akin to witchcraft.
But some of these great people, these giants behind me...
...gave us a nice living.
I don't know what they said. I only know that they met.
What do you want me to do? Kill him?
If you want me to kill him, I'll kill him.
I don't have to kill him, but I'd like to kill him.
I killed Ashley and Wentworth. Another killing or two won't make any difference.
It would make me happy. I'd like to kill them both.
I think it would be better if I killed them both.
Well, let me kill just one, then.
Whichever one you want.
All right. I'll wait.
But the minute you say kill them, I'll kill them.
I'd love to kill them.
It would give me immense pleasure.
And so, in conclusion...
...let me reiterate...
...that there are no rules.
That each patient is a supreme individual endowed with those qualities...
...that distinguish the human being...
...from the slime from which he emerged.
Thank you.
Yes, Dr. Colburn.
- May I ask you a question? - Certainly.
Dr. Thorndyke, you mentioned in your address that penis envy...
...should be deemed an antiquated psychiatric concept.
Could you expand on that?
Of course.
Let's remember that the term "penis envy"...
...was created in a predominantly male atmosphere...
Excuse me.
Sorry I'm late.
Forgive me for bringing the kids. I couldn't get a sitter.
Please, have a seat.
As I was saying, in a world of predominantly male-oriented psychology...
...it was only natural to arrive at the term, pee...
Pee...
"Peepee envy."
Are you saying there's absolutely no validity to...
...peepee envy?
It has no more validity than if a man envied a woman's...
...balloons.
Dr. Thorndyke, do you feel that the trauma of toilet training...
...has a bearing on the sexual future of the adolescent?
Toilet training. That's a vast area.
Let's be more specific. Are we talking about...
...number one or cocky-doody?
For argument's sake, let's say cocky-doody.
I'd say professionally, cocky-doody...
...has very little to do with the future sexual development of the adolescent.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Let me backtrack for a second. The female erogenous zone.
- You mean the balloons? - No. Lower, much lower.
Where the babies come out. The woowoo.
The woowoo?
Yes. The woowoo.
Perhaps the most significant psychological feminine component...
...known to mankind.
Here we are. A B&B and B&B&B.
Thank you.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke. What does the "H" stand for?
What?
Harpo.
My mother loved the Marx Brothers.
She saw all their movies. She named me Harpo.
Harpo?
I like it. It's very refreshing.
There are certain names that you just don't hear very often these days.
- Anyway, here is to Daddy's recovery. - To Daddy's recovery.
- Feeling better? - Dr. Thorndyke.
You'll never know how wonderful you've made me feel...
...by allowing me to visit my father.
I can't believe it. I'm actually going to see him.
Miss Brisbane, I must warn you. You may be in for quite a shock.
I don't care.
I just know that if I can see him and speak with him that everything will be all right.
Hey, it's song time here at the piano bar.
That means I lay back and let you come forward and sing a few songs.
How about you, sir?
How about you, ma'am?
No?
How about you, Doc? How about giving us a tune?
- Me? - Yes.
I don't sing. No.
I really don't sing. Not professionally, anyway.
- Come on, Doc. Give us a song. - We'd love it.
Come on. You can do it.
Go ahead. It'll be fun.
All right. Do you know High Anxiety?
You got it. Is B flat okay?
B flat?
- The key. - The key.
That's fine, sure. I guess so. Sing in here?
Okay. Anytime.
"High anxiety
"Whenever you're near
"High anxiety
"It's you that I fear
"My heart's afraid to fly
"It's crashed before
"But then you take my hand
"My heart starts to soar
"Once more
"High anxiety
"It's always the same
"It's you that I blame
"It's very clear to me
"I've got to give in
"High anxiety
"You win"
- Hiya, Tex. Where are you from? - Cincinnati.
Great town. Love that big, red machine.
Ease up on the linguine.
Hello, young lovers, whoever you are...
What do I spy? A little grain of rice. Newly married?
This morning.
This morning, folks. And they said it wouldn't last.
"But then you take my hand
"My heart starts to soar
"Once more"
Key change. "High anxiety
"It's always the same
"It's you that I blame
"It's very clear to me
"I've got to give in
"High anxiety"
And remember, folks. Be good to your parents, they've been good to you.
"You win"
Jeepers, Richard, that was terrific.
- Thank you. - I am so impressed.
- Ever thought of singing professionally? - No.
The big bucks are in psychiatry.
- It's so much more emotionally rewarding. - Exactly.
- To help people. - Exactly.
Would you excuse me for a moment?
I'll be right back. I just have to go to the little girls' room.
Of course.
- Let me get this. - Sorry.
- Here you go. - Thank you.
Forgive me for prying, but who is this gentleman?
What are you talking about? That's Daddy.
Are you trying to tell me that this man is Arthur Brisbane, your father?
Of course.
This is not the man I met at the Institute.
Something is very, very wrong.
What are we going to do? This is serious. He knows.
He's seen the picture.
He knows that's not the real Brisbane we showed him.
More coffee, please.
Charlotte, what will we do?
We'll have to kill him. We'll have to let him kill him.
That's all we need now. Another killing. Give me a cookie.
First Ashley, then Wentworth.
We can't kill Thorndyke without the police suspecting something.
Pass me the cream, please.
What are we going to do? Supposing he goes to the police?
I've thought of that.
He won't go to the police if he can't go to the police.
I don't understand. Sugar, please.
What do you mean if he can't go to the police? Why can't he?
Because the police will be looking for him.
Why would the police be looking for him?
Because Thorndyke...
...is going to kill somebody.
Here. Finish your strudel.
Here are the keys.
Weren't you supposed to check out tomorrow?
I don't know. Early this morning, the doc called.
Said we have to get back to the Institute.
This joint is really luxurious. I have to take a few shots.
- Do you mind? - Not at all.
You got some joint, here. Let me take it now. I like this joint.
It's beautiful. It's terrific. It's gorgeous.
That's beautiful.
The elevators. Good.
Dr. Thorndyke.
I hear you're leaving. What about the seminar this afternoon?
Dr. Thorndyke?
Yes?
Here's a little present for you.
What is this? Who are you?
Why are you... Wait!
Who are you? What does this mean?
What does this mean?
That's the man! That's the man who shot him!
No, wait. You don't understand. This is not my gun.
Oh, my God.
The man is dead.
I didn't... He shot him, I'm sure.
He took off a mask. He took off my face.
This was given to me by somebody who looked just like me.
This is me! This is me's gun, not mine.
Gentlemen, don't go for your guns. I'm a psychiatrist. I can help you.
We can discuss this. We're rational...
Doc! Why did you do it?
Why did you do it?
No, I'm all right. I'm just fine.
I'm at the Golden Gate Park.
Meet me in a half hour at the North by Northwest corner.
Yes. Good.
Richard, the world has gone crazy. Nothing makes any sense anymore.
I don't know what to believe or not to believe.
My life is just all topsy-turvy. One minute you're singing love songs.
The next minute you're pumping bullets into an innocent man.
Then it is not you. It is the other Thorndyke.
How much more can a girl take? My nerves are cracking.
I feel like I'm going to die. I think I am going to explode!
Vicky! Take it easy, darling.
I'm sorry. Forgive me.
I'm just so close to my menstrual cycle that I could scream.
Vicky, please. We've got to think.
The only way out is to prove I didn't commit that murder.
Well, how? Would you look at today's paper?
Now that is you pulling the trigger. That is nobody but you.
Who took this picture? How did they get it?
Brophy. My buddy, Brophy.
Wait a minute!
I was coming down in the elevator at the time of the shooting.
Here is the elevator. Here is me.
- See that dot? - But that figure is so tiny.
It's unrecognizable.
Brophy has the negative. You've got to contact Brophy.
Have him blow up this negative and prove that's me in the elevator.
No, he left this morning. He's probably back at the Institute by now.
How can you get excited at a time like this?
Don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm not titillated.
We've got to separate.
Gosh, you're fickle.
We can't stay together. We can't be seen. Listen, go back to your hotel room.
Call Brophy. Get him to blow up that negative. I'll call you later.
Yeah. It's coming.
Holy Toledo, you're right! There is a figure in the elevator.
I think it's the doc.
This has to be much, much bigger.
I have to keep enlarging it until we can clearly see the doc's face.
Call me in an hour.
That's the doc.
Good work. Very good work, Brophy.
Unfortunately, it will never be seen.
We've got to destroy the negative. Give us the negative, Brophy.
You'll never get it. Never, do you hear me?
You'll never get this. I'd rather die first.
Norton?
Here.
You fool.
That negative has been on the front page of every newspaper in San Francisco.
They can enlarge it as well.
You're right. I never thought of that. We've got to think.
I've got it! We have to buy every single newspaper in San Francisco.
We'll need about $10,000 worth of change.
The first thing I want you to do is get a truck. A big truck.
Then you go around to all the newspaper... All the stands. You put the paper...
- Perhaps it's not a good idea. - It sucks.
Norton, take our good friend Mr. Brophy, here...
...to the North Wing.
You see, darling...
...it's not the negative that has to be destroyed, it's Dr. Richard Thorndyke.
I think we'd better call our friend in San Francisco with the tin teeth.
I get so hot when you're bad.
Excuse me.
Diesel, here.
I have a collect call from San Francisco.
Yes, I'll accept the charges.
Hello, it's me. What do you want?
Hello, Braces? I have a little present for you.
You may kill Thorndyke.
Thank you. I really appreciate this. I really do. Thank you.
Life is good.
Hello?
Listen, mister. I don't go for this sort of thing.
I know a lot of the other girls are turned on...
...by these kinky phone calls, but I couldn't care less.
How did you get my room number?
I am not going to listen to any more of this. I've had just about enough...
What are you wearing?
Jee...
Jeans? You're wearing jeans?
I bet they're tight.
Oh, my God.
You are an animal.
Vicky.
Victoria. It's me, Richard.
Richard.
I knew it was you all the time. I just went along with it.
I laughed. Did you laugh?
Victoria, I just killed a man.
Another one? Listen, Richard, you've got to get a grip on yourself.
You don't understand. I killed the man...
...who killed the man in the lobby. Never mind. Did you reach Brophy?
I did and he said there was a figure in the elevator...
...and that it might be you and he was enlarging it until he was certain.
Then I waited for one hour and called back.
And?
And they said that he wasn't there.
Oh, my God, they know.
They know everything. They've got Brophy.
They've got the picture.
What are we going to do? How can we prove you're innocent?
We have to get back to the Institute and find your father.
We must expose Diesel and Montague for what they are.
How'll we leave town?
The police are absolutely all over the place.
Go to the Salvation Army.
The Salvation Army?
Are they good at this sort of thing?
No! Go to the Salvation Army and get...
Richard. Wait a minute.
- What is it? - I can't go through with this.
I'm sorry, I just... Look at this clothing.
What makes you think we're actually going to sneak by?
Victoria, if we do it just the way we rehearsed it, it will work.
Remember, we're not sneaking by. We have to be loud and annoying.
If you're loud and annoying, psychologically, people don't notice you.
Come on. We can do it. Loud and annoying.
I can't carry this no more.
Celery? You had to buy in San Francisco?
You can't get it by the market near our house?
Excuse me, I bought the celery in case on the plane...
...they wanted to serve you a Bloody Mary.
A Bloody Mary?
Well, I don't like the Bloody Mary they serve on the plane.
No, sir. It's too burning.
They don't even put tomato juice, they put snappy peppy.
Murray Weintraub, remember him?
Morning, noon and night he drank the Bloody Marys with the peppy snappy.
You know where he is now? Dead from that.
Murray Weintraub is not dead. Murray Weintraub is alive.
No!
Morris Turtletaub you're talking about.
The one from Great Neck who walks sideways like this.
No, sir. Morris Turtletaub didn't walk like that.
Morris Turtletaub, to my memory, walked just like this.
A little irregular.
Couldn't help himself. Come on, let's get out of here.
- Slowly. - Don't push!
- Come on. - Don't push.
Sir, will you please put your bags up here?
- What? - Please put you bags right up here.
- What do you need it for? - We have to X-ray them, sir.
You have to X-ray?
Here. You want to X-ray the celery? You think we're smuggling dope in here?
- Celery is not for dope it's for dip. - Sir, others are waiting.
- All right, go ahead. You go. - I can't. I'm scared.
For God's sake, go through already.
Wait a minute.
Is this one of those blowers that blows up the skirt, gives a free show?
Take a chance, go through. Don't make trouble at the airport.
Okay, come on, Sam.
All right. Here I go, folks.
Sam!
What?
Well...
...here I go.
Is this a game show? What did I win, a Pinto?
We have to search you.
Please, sir. What did I do?
- What's my crime? - You beeped.
I beeped!
Take me away. Take me back to Russia. Put me in irons.
I beeped! The mad beeper is loose.
Take away the beeper. Put me away.
It's all right. Please, just go.
Thank you.
- Richard, you were absolutely brilliant. - You were wonderful yourself. Come on.
Professor Lilloman?
Professor.
Oh, my God. He's dead!
Dead? Who's dead? Somebody died? Where?
- Professor, we thought you were dead. - I sleep that way.
It scares the hell out of everyone.
Professor, have you seen my father?
Your father? Who are you?
Forgive me. This is Victoria Brisbane. Her father is Arthur Brisbane.
- This is the cocker's daughter? - Yes.
How do you do? I'm sorry for you.
Professor, please, Brophy.
We are looking for Brophy. It's important that we find him.
Brophy.
I'm sorry to have to tell you, but Brophy was taken to the North Wing.
What?
According to Montague, the poor chap had a mental breakdown.
- Mental breakdown? - Yeah.
Brophy is not smart enough to have a mental breakdown.
The North Wing.
- Come on, we have to go. - I go with you, perhaps I can help.
Come on, hurry.
Brophy, have you seen Brisbane?
Where is Brisbane?
I'm sorry.
- Where is he? - They took him to...
Norton's taking him up to the tower.
Oh, my God!
He's drugged. They're going to throw him off, like a suicide.
Dad.
Come on, let's go.
There! Look!
Daddy.
Richard.
- Do something. - I'll try.
I can't.
What is it?
He suffers from High Anxiety. It strikes one out of seven.
- Don't worry, Miss. I'll stop him. - I go, too.
Oh, God. I feel like such a...
Coward?
Yeah.
I can't go on.
I got him!
I ain't got him.
Where can we go? What can we do?
- I've got to save him. - No.
He'll kill you. I'm going to go up.
He's going to fall!
Hold on! Pull yourself up! You can do it!
I can't hang on!
That's it! Richard, listen to me!
I have researched your case. I know what's giving you the High Anxiety.
I have found the answer.
Go back in your mind. Go back.
You are a little baby.
Your mother and father are fighting. They're always fighting.
They're fighting about you.
I hate this kid! He's making us prisoners!
We're trapped in this house! We can never go out!
What do you want me to do? Get rid of him? Is that what you want?
Shut him up!
Shut him up! I can't take it!
He's falling!
I understand now.
It's not height I'm afraid of. It's parents!
Ja.
Now climb, you son-of-a-bitch. Climb!
Come on, Doc. You can do it.
He's almost at the top.
Hurry, Richard.
Come on, Doc.
Norton.
Oh, my God.
- Mr. Brisbane, are you all right? - Yes, I'm all right.
Get down the stairs.
Thank you. You saved my life.
Thank God it's over.
Fins. I give up.
I never really liked her. She never bathed.
But I like you, I'll be on your side. I'll do anything you say.
I'm good at that. If I don't behave you can beat the living crap out of me.
I wouldn't mind.
Are you all right? We saw a figure fall.
That was Nurse Diesel, she went out this window.
- Daddy, I love you. - My baby.
My boss.
- Brophy. - My Richard.
Professor.
- You saved my life. - Ja.
You saved my life. Who are you?
Dad.
This is the man I'm going to marry.
- Jeepers, Vicky. - Isn't he a dreamboat?
Goodbye, Dad.
I absolutely love my new name.
Mrs. Victoria Harpo Thorndyke.
Mrs. Dr. Victoria Harpo Thorndyke.
Yes. Doctor?
I'm having this problem.
Problem? Well...
...maybe we should examine the situation.
Nice shot. Pull the camera back slowly.
We're going too fast, we're going to hit the wall.
Now what do we do?
Never mind. Keep pulling back. Maybe nobody will notice.
Ripped by thewildbunch22