No. No!
No!
Push.
Good.
Breathe.
- Breathe real fast. Okay. - I'm breathing!
Push, Lanie. I want a push.
Push! Lanie, push. Just keep calm.
Yes, yes.
Yes.
Push! Push!
- Don! - Push! Push!
On it. I'm on it.
Push...
You got it. Come on, come on.
There you go. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh.
Is she all right?
Is she okay?
Congratulations, Rachel.
Here's your beautiful baby girl.
Please let me hold her.
Please.
Please let me-- Please let me--
It's a little girl.
It's okay.
The hard part is over.
You can go back to being a teenager again.
Can I see her?
It's best if we keep you separate for a while.
You made a promise.
Don't ask your mom when I've already said no.
Rache?
Okay, baby, let's get you settled back into your room.
Come on.
Only discharge when you're leaking
or there's too much pressure.
No more or you'll keep producing.
I thought I was wet nursing her.
Wet nursing?
No, this is a delicate bonding period
for your mother and Laura.
Cling to your youth, Lanie.
And your old friend.
Just to keep the edge off
if repetitions aren't working.
That stuff turns me into a ragdoll.
Well, you can live in a hell of your own making,
but I suggest you take it.
Just a drop in the morning.
Drop at night.
Wider.
Just till you're feeling peachy.
Incumbent Mayor Don Bouchard
recently fathered his second daughter
and as we heard at his reelection rally,
he's no stranger to family life.
You all know my family, right?
And I'm not just talking about my beautiful wife Rachel
or my incredible two daughters Lanie and Laura.
I'm talking about all of you,
- the whole Elkford community. - Hey, it's chow time.
Uncle Mitch, how is Laura?
Looking more or less human.
It's a, um...
It's a delicate bonding period.
You'll see your sister soon enough.
It would be nice to see anyone.
Well, I'll try not to let that one sting.
- Good night. - Good night.
I will be kind.
I will be calm.
I will be patient.
I will be strong.
I might've...
my keys.
Darren...
You want a ride?
No, I'm good.
Thank you, Mrs. Bouchard.
Have you taken your medicine?
Good.
You look nice.
Attention, students and parents. Just a quick...
Trust me.
You can just drop me off here.
You embarrassed of me?
Back to school jitters, I guess.
Remember. You're here for one reason and one reason only.
Learning.
I got it.
No one will know a thing.
It could've really ruined your father's career.
Good to see you all recovered for senior year.
Mono's a devil of a sickness, huh?
All right, all right, all right.
Hey, wait up.
Come on, man, slow down. Come on, man, what's up?
- Where you going? - Come on.
Come on, let us try it on. We're not gonna steal your style.
Yeah, we'll take it anyway.
- Oh, come on, dude. - Come on, man, looks good.
Ooh, weird, bald as hell.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, it's disgusting.
- How old are you? Let me see. - Oh, my God.
Where is it?
- Bro. - Oh, that's nasty.
Bald as hell, bro. Oh, my God.
Got a problem, Thad?
Uh, no, but it looks like you do.
Or are you pissed I'm paying attention to someone else?
My dude should get, like, 10 superlatives for touching that.
He should win the first ever Nobel Prize for slamming a chick.
Look out!
- What? - You scream like a bitch.
Oh, my God.
The tree puts a better fight than Darren. Come on, you guys.
Yeah, right.
Productive day at school?
Arms off the table, honey.
I want to see Laura.
Sure.
Um, when she's healthier.
Uh, rested up.
Uh, I don't see why you shouldn't meet your sister.
- It's been three weeks. - Well, it's a delicate--
A delicate bonding period. I know.
Hold your fire.
I'm just asking if I could see my--
Right? Guns down.
I'm fine. I'm calm.
- I-- - Have you done your repetitions?
I-- Yes.
I am only asking if I can see-- -
I will be kind.
I will be calm.
I'll be patient.
I'll--
Soon. Okay?
I'll be kind. I'll be calm.
I'll be patient. I'll be strong.
Oh, there's my good...
Oh, my goodness.
Crap.
Hi.
Hi, love bug.
Mommy's here. Mommy's here.
Oh, hi, sweet bug.
You're mine.
Okay?
Lanie, put your sister down.
What are you doing to her?
You're gonna hurt her, honey.
You're having one of your fits, honey.
- Put your sister down. - No. No.
- You're having one of your fits. - No.
Do your repetitions with me. Okay?
I will be kind.
- No. - I will be calm.
I will be patient.
Hand over the baby now.
She's my daughter.
- She's-- - ...kind.
I will be calm.
I'll be patient.
Let her go, Lanie! Let her go!
No!
No, stop! Lanie, stop!
Lanie, stop!
On the next episode of The Birch...
Yo, Creepy Eve.
This ain't no peep show.
- What have you got for your uncle? - See for yourself.
Now, hold on to your taint till I see blood on knuckles.
I swear to God that chick is spying on us.
Hold his arms.