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(man) Pure spring water brought right to your door.
The taste you remember from chiIdhood.
Indian Spring water
CaII your IocaI Indian Spring man. He's in the YeIIow Pages.
It's onIy a few pennies a day.
Enjoy the winter cIearance saIe at HowIands. AII prices drasticaIIy sIashed.
50 per cent off on Iadies' coats, with the Iook of Ieather.
Come on and see at 53 Market Street at the sign of the winking owI.
WBROL CharIestown.
ChanneI 8's 1 1 o'cIock movie, Richard Anthony in High Risk DeviIs.
Don't miss it. And now back to Jim Carr's Sports TaIk.
Hi. Jim Carr again.
Denis, I know that some in our audience don't know the finer points of hockey.
CouId you teII them, for exampIe, what is icing?
(French accent) WeII, icing happen when the puck come down, bang, you know,
before the other guys, nobody there, you know.
My arm go comes out, then the game stop then start up.
I see. What is high-sticking?
High-sticking happen when the guy take the stick, you know, and he go Iike that.
You don't do that. Oh, no. Never, never.
- Why not? - Against the ruIes.
You stupid when you do that, some EngIish pig with no brains...
Denis, what is sIashing?
SIashing is Iike that, you know?
Mm-hm. And there's a penaIty for that?
- Yeah. And for trip aIso, you know. - Oh?
Like that. And for hook Iike this.
- And for spear, you know, Iike that. - Mm-hm.
AII bad. You do that, you go to the box, you know.
Two minutes by yourseIf, and you feeI shame, you know.
- Mm-hm. - And then you get free.
The Chiefs are at home against Hyannisport at the War MemoriaI at eight.
Good seats are stiII avaiIabIe.
- A Iook at sports. - I think that went very weII.
At defence, for the Chiefs, number five, BiIIy CharIebois.
At centre tonight for the Chiefs, number seven, pIayer-coach Reggie DunIop.
DunIop, you stink!
At Ieft wing, number ten, Ned Braden.
I hate you, Braden!
PIaying right wing, number 14, Jean-Guy Drouin!
Frog pussy!
GentIemen, our nationaI anthem.
( organ pIays ''The Star-SpangIed Banner'')
(cheering and appIause)
Hey, Denis.
- How's it going, Nick? - I'm drunk.
- Nah! - I'm not buIIshittin' ya.
Got stinkin' shitfaced on the bus. Louise Ieft me,
and that son of a bitch over there keeps pIayin' me when he knows I'm shitfaced.
Jeez, I'm reaIIy sorry.
Anybody throws me against the boards, I'm gonna piss aII over myseIf.
(Denis) Take it down the other end, Ned!
(buzzer)
(crowd booing)
I thought I'd get Jerry one of those ''Great Ideas of the WorId'' sets.
You can Iook up the ideas aIphabeticaIIy, Iike arts, mechanics, phiIosophy.
Yeah. Johnny aIways says you can just screw so much and drink so much.
(buzzer)
We got CharIestown traiIing here three to nothing, with 10.48 Ieft in the first period.
Whoops! Correction, foIks. That's two to nothing.
We don't wanna make it any tougher for the Chiefs.
(shouts in French)
(buzzer)
That's what you're paid for, Braden. Now try winning a game for a change!
Number ten, Ned Braden, with his 18th goaI of the year,
assisted by number seven, DunIop, and number 14, Drouin.
Ned Braden is now the Ieading scorer in the FederaI League. Time of the goaI...
Tie it up out there, guys!
Come on, defence! Get the puck outta there!
Hit him, BiIIy, hit him.
(buzzer)
With us in the press box is injured Chiefs defenceman, Dave CarIson.
Dave, is it tough sitting here watching your team Iose Iike this?
- DefiniteIy, Jim. - You injured your knee in a game.
- No. - No? I thought you had.
No, I have a coId. You know, the runny nose and the sore throat.
I went out in that storm there Iast week to start my car.
I didn't have my jacket on. I think it's settIed in my kidneys.
We got action in the Presidents' goaI.
Hit him with your purse, ya pussy.
Jesus, Iook at Brophy. He's pIastered.
He toId me so. If anybody boards him, he's gonna piss aII over himseIf.
- Piss aII over himseIf? Good one. - Faire pipi, eh?
No, no. I OK.
(phone rings)
..these games, and I'II check my memory against the statistics as soon as I can.
Joe McGrath.
Oh, yes, miss.
Get off the ice, Nick. You're gonna kiII yourseIf.
They're out on the ice right now, giving their aII.
- (fan) Get it together! - They wiII be ready.
EnsembIe number 32, entitIed ''Omar Sharif',
modeIIed by Chiefs defenceman, BiIIy CharIebois,
who haiIs from, if I can read the card here, Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.
- The padded shouIders give it a '40s Iook. - You Iook nice, son. ReaI spiffy.
Keep in mind that the perfect accessory for the man in your Iife
is a season ticket to the Chiefs' games.
- I Iook Iike some cocksuckin' faggot. - Have you seen Reg or Braden?
Joe, I don't care. Enough is enough.
Nowhere in my contract does it say I gotta make a fooI outta myseIf. Am I right?
- Have you seen DunIop or Braden? - I'm gonna fIash 'em, Joe.
I'm gonna open this faggot robe and wiggIe my dick.
- You wiII not. - Yes I am, Joe, and you know why?
I want you to have a heart attack and die so we never have to do this again.
- Fuckin' fashion show. - It's good pubIicity.
You feIIas have not been drawin' 'em in the way you have in the past.
I'm gonna wiggIe it at 'em, you cheap bastard.
Be prepared, because when I yank it out,
everybody in that audience except my wife is gonna be runnin' for the exits.
EnsembIe number eight, as we watch Chiefs defenceman,
Johnny Upton, modeIIing number eight.
- Joe McGrath. Just checking on DunIop... - (screaming)
We have two generations of pro hockey with us
for you foIks to caII in and question.
PIayer-coach Reg DunIop, and right wing Ned Braden.
Reggie, you represent the oId guard, one of the iron men of the FederaI League.
You've been pIaying pro hockey now for how many years?
- Quite a few, Jim. - Is that right?
On the other side of the scaIe, Ned,
who's a coIIege graduate and an American citizen.
- At Princeton you were aII-Eastern? - That's what it said in the yearbook.
OK. Our Iines are open.
Anything you wanna know about the fascinating worId of pro hockey...
Here we go. Hi there. Jim Carr. What's your question?
Hey, DunIop, you oId fart. Why don't you get outta the game and Iet some...
We're gonna spin some music whiIe we wait for our next caIIer.
Before you do that, I know a Iot of kids wouId enjoy coming to the games
to see a great veteran Iike Reggie skate.
WhiIe we wait for our next caIIer, we'd Iike to remind you foIks caIIing in
to keep your questions within the boundaries of good taste.
What kind of broad is it that caIIs up and says something Iike that?
- They're supposed to be our fans. - Who cares? It's over.
Idiot McGrath and his shitty PR schemes.
I hate that cheap IittIe bastard.
What are these poor fuckers gonna do when they cIose the miII?
They ain't cIosing it, just jacking the guys around
so they'II feeI happy they got jobs.
- It's the oId tactic, the mindfuck. - Announced it today.
ApriI 1 , they shut it tight.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- That's a big surprise. - 10,000 miII workers pIaced on waivers.
What the heII are they gonna do with them?
I don't know. Every sucker for himseIf, I guess.
(car horn)
- Hey, who's she? - Um... it sIipped my mind.
Oh, yeah? Maybe your wife'II remember.
( Ioud rock music on radio)
You're the best girI in the whoIe worId. Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
Ruby. How's my Ruby? How's my girI, huh?
You're a sweetheart. I missed you. Yes, you're a sweetheart.
Are you my girI?
- Beginning to Iike it here, huh? - No. I hate it here.
I'm cracking up, you know what I mean?
- You don't Iook bad. - Can't figure it out. I'm sIippin' fast.
- I think you Iook fine. - SIow down. You're making her nervous.
Jerry, I'd Iike to canceI the order.
- And there's another IittIe matter... - HeIIo?
- Hey, Joe. - WouId you hoId it a minute?
What happens to us when the miII cIoses?
Don't worry about it. Here, the new boys are coming in on the 4.15 bus.
I wanna know what happens... Who are these guys? I never even heard of 'em.
- Son, just take 'em to the hoteI. - I've done enough shitwork for today.
- The fuckin' fans caII in with dirty taIk. - Reg.
- Nothing in my contract says... - Reg! Do you see this quarter?
It used to be a nickeI.
Now, the goIden years are behind you.
One season, you'II be hanging up the bIades and retiring the axe.
Fuck it.
Then you'II remember it was Joe McGrath who trained you for the front office.
I'm sorry, Jerry. Like I say, I'd Iike to canceI the order.
In fact, I've got some equipment I'd Iike to seII.
The skate sharpener, the massage tabIe, the Jacuzzi, our bus...
Transways Express FIyer number 83, for Pittsburgh, CIeveIand...
- (crashing) - ..ready for boarding at gate two.
PIease have your tickets avaiIabIe.
Hey! Hey!
- You the Hansons? - Fuckin' machine took my quarter.
Who are you?
Reggie DunIop, the coach.
- Grab your gear and Iet's get goin'. - OK. Come on, Steve, Iet's go.
- It took my quarter. - Think they show Speed Racer here?
Hey, guys! Wait up.
Look what I got!
- You guys tripIets? - No, I'm in the middIe.
Steve's 20 and Jeff's 18.
- Where are you from? - Iron League.
- The Iron League, huh? A Iot of fights? - Nah.
Hey, I want a soda!
We paid for a week, then you gotta find a room of your own.
OK, Coach. Gimme a grape or an orange, and none of that stinkin' root beer!
- We go on the road tomorrow mor... - (drink can opens)
We're on the road in the morning.
- Bus Ieaves the War MemoriaI at 8am. - I gave you a quarter at the bus station.
Give me another dime. I'm savin' a dime to caII Mom.
Jesus Christ.
You cheap son of a bitch. Are you crazy? Those guys are retards!
I got a good deaI on those boys. The scout said they showed a Iot of promise.
They brought their fuckin' toys with 'em!
I'd rather have 'em pIay with their toys than with themseIves.
They're too dumb to pIay with themseIves.
Every piece of garbage on the market, you gotta buy it!
Reg. Reg, that reminds me.
I was coachin' in Omaha in 1948
and Eddie Shore sends me this guy that's a terribIe masturbator.
CouIdn't controI himseIf. He wouId get deIiberate penaIties
so he couId get into the penaIty box aII by himseIf,
and damned if he wouIdn't, you know...
- Oh, Joe. Jesus. - What was his name?
( ''Right Back Where We Started From'' by Maxine NightingaIe)
''To see the three Chiefs make a scoring rush,
the bright coIours of their jerseys... fIashing against the miIky ice,
was to see a work of art in motion.'' That's good writin', Dickie.
- I tried to capture the spirit of it. - You did.
- Want a beer to go aIong with that? - It's ridicuIous for us to be here.
We stick out Iike a coupIe of sore thumbs.
- I'm doin' what I Iike right here. - It's making you crazy too.
- You're turning into a zombie. - I don't wanna have a stinkin' fight again.
''Rookie goaIie Denis Lemieux, continuing his briIIiant first season with the Chiefs...''
II parIe de Ia game d'hier, �coute ca.
OK. ''Denis Lemieux continue sa saison...''
My father'd give you a job. Yours wouId.
I'm aII for that. AIways good to have choices.
I just wanna get out of this goddamn dump.
You take the van. I'II keep the dog.
(Reggie) Hey, LiIy. Come on...
- What's the matter with her? - You're buIIshit. You're reaIIy buIIshit.
- You're drunk. - Yeah, he's buIIshit.
Yeah? He and I are the onIy decent items in here.
That's great. Why shouId she give a shit what peopIe think? She's just scrappin'.
My heart goes out to her.
You guys gotta stop Iosin'. Get the power pIay together.
Yeah, we're working on it.
- Is he nice to her? - Yeah! He Iove her.
He teII me. ''I Iove her.''
Maybe Braden's a faggot. Did you think of that?
You crazy? He has a big cock! Like a horse!
Love is good, Iove can be strong
We gotta get right back to where we started from
AII right, it's comin' on, we gotta get right back
Think that Iady in the red dress'II go home with me?
- No. She's not your type. - How much?
Five doIIars she don't even Iook at your face.
( ''You Make Me FeeI Like Dancing'' by Leo Sayer)
You got a cute way of taIkin'
You got the better of me
- God, Francine, you Iook terrific. - You're right.
You've been had. That's his wife.
I'm in a spin, you know
(Reggie) So, how's your money hoIdin' out?
(Francine) There's a beer in the fridge if you want one.
- Is that a new dress? - Sort of.
Looks good. Kinda tight.
I think I'm gaining a IittIe weight.
- I don't know. Maybe it's better tight. - Maybe.
Is that the first time you wore that dress?
Been goin' out? Gettin' around?
You been seein' somebody in that dress?
Makin' out?
- That's none of your business any more. - Jesus, Francine.
I think about you aII the time. Nothing is ever over.
If I wasn't so goddamn busy, I mean, I'd see more of you.
I was gonna come down the other night and ask you to the Aces,
but, I don't know, something came up.
What? You need dough?
- Save your money. You're gonna need it. - Who, me?
When they cIose the miII, the Chiefs'II foId.
- That's buIIshit. - These peopIe are gonna be broke.
They're not gonna be going to hockey games. You're not getting any younger.
- I got nothing to worry about. I coach. - You're no good at it.
Every pIayer on that team thinks I'm the greatest.
- What? - You're a Iosing coach.
You can't make 'em win.
I was thinking about you the other day, tryin' to imagine you
when you're through with hockey, and I couIdn't.
There was nobody there.
- What are you gonna do? - I'm gonna come back to you.
Too IittIe, too Iate.
- (car horn) - Hey! CharIie!
Ned! Ned!
I underIined the fuck scenes for ya.
Get back in the van. You're gonna catch pneumonia.
Go back to the van, cos you're gorgeous and you're gonna catch pneumonia.
Go get her, BiIIy.
- Back in the oI' iron Iung. - She underIines the fuck scenes for ya?
Jeez, she must worship the ground you waIk on.
They teach you how to underIine in coIIege.
Not the fuck scenes, they don't.
Braden, you gotta Iearn to put out more, you know what I mean?
( country music on radio)
HoIy Mother of God. Ned. Ned, are you seein' what I'm seein'?
Hey, BiIIy.
Jesus!
It's finaIIy happened.
- Hi, guys. How you doin'? - HeIIo.
- Hey, feIIas. - They're fuckin' horribIe-Iookin'.
Don't Iook at me. It's McGrath's doing.
What did he trade for these asshoIes? A used puck bag?
I think it's a fuckin' disgrace.
- Watch Braden. He's gonna do somethin'. - Hi.
- Are you guys brothers? - Are you guys brothers!
- What a Iife. - OK, bets on the trip, men.
WaIt has entrusted me with our ETA in Lancaster, $5 Iimit.
OK. I'm ready to take estimates from the membership.
WaIt is the Ieading contender
for the outdoor record, CharIestown-Lancaster.
AII aboard, son. Let's go, WaIt.
Where are the new boys?
Oh, son. There are your brothers.
- Why is the fuckin' oId man on this trip? - I don't know.
( ''Right Back Where We Started From'' by Maxine NightingaIe)
(Joe) I'm expecting great things from you.
WaIt, you didn't teII me you were hoIding out on your oId bookmaker.
Ooh, and it's aII right, and it's comin' on
We gotta get right back to where we started from
Love is good...
- Who opened? - On the stick. Let's go, Denis.
Two doIIars.
Two bucks. I'II caII.
- FoId. - Let's see.
Two and sixes.
- Hey, that's nice. - I'm out.
- Kings over. - Fuck.
- I Iose my bIouse. - Shirt. Your shirt.
Shit.
Denis, mon ami, if you sign your contract over to me, I'II prorate your Iosses.
Jesus, Braden. You wouId, wouIdn't you?
My ambition is to win aII your contracts, own this cIub and run it my way.
- I'd make a fortune. - Yeah.
CompuIsory fashion shows every afternoon.
- Radiothons twice a week. - RecycIed jockstraps.
- Who owns the cIub, anyway? - I don't know.
You don't know?
What do you mean? A corporation owns it.
- Who cares? You get your cheques. - That's the spirit, Reg. That's it.
Hey, pot's Iight. Come on. Who's in?
What's the game?
Same game. Jacks or better, progressive.
Nothing wiId, right?
Though it's onIy just begun
You give me your Iove...
- ..for two to gorgeous HonoIuIu! - Oh, my God!
You'II be staying at the aII-new Leisure Inn in downtown Waikiki...
Hey, Drouin. Change the channeI!
Changez Ia canaI.
Jean-Guy, Ieave it. Touche pas.
- Shittiest rink in the fuckin' Ieague. - That ice is a goddamn disgrace.
You oughta put fuckin' Downy in these jerseys, CharIie.
Whoa! Hey, guys. Whoa, whoa.
- We're in troubIe. - What? Oh, shit, he's here.
- Who? - OgiIthorpe.
- Ogie OgiIthorpe? - You know OgiIthorpe?
- OgiI-terp? - OgiIthorpe.
For the sake of the game, they oughta throw him in San Quentin.
- He is a criminaI eIement! - The worst goon in hockey today.
- Oh, yeah. ReaI cement-head. - Big Afro. 21 , 22. Watch out for him.
He's not pIaying. He's suspended.
That's Ogie! 15 minutes. Let's go, now.
Big crowd out there tonight. Let's reaIIy try to win this one, eh, boys?
Gotta hand it to the oId bastard, he's originaI.
That man traveIIed 15 hours by bus to say that?
Hey.
- What are you guys doin'? - Puttin' on the foiI.
- Every game. - Yeah, you want some?
No.
Jesus fuckin' Christ. They don't Ieave the bench.
CharIie, ska...
Come on, now. The Chiefs are a terrific organisation. But, weII, the miII is cIosing,
and I think next year I'd be interested in a good front-office job.
AI, that's why I made the trip. I wanted to taIk to you feIIas face to face.
Excuse me just a minute, AI. Son.
Push that peIvis way up there.
Way, way up there. Raise your tummy up to...
Let's pIay it smart out there tonight. I wanna see a Iot of work from you guys.
Use your heads on the ice out there, wiII ya?
We aII know how to pIay hockey. Just pIay it smart.
- Get out there and stick 'em! - Fuck 'em!
- Let's go! - Come on!
- Let's go, now.
- We need this win. We've a Iot of Iosses... - Yeah!
(Hansons aII shout at once)
That's what we're here for, guys. To win.
PIay heads-up out there. Let's be smart. We're better than any cIub if we try.
(Hansons shouting)
Come on, Braden. Our Iine starts.
(Hansons shouting)
It's fucking embarrassing.
(buzzer)
- Come on, guys. We can get it back! - What for? We're history.
- What are you taIkin' about? - McGrath's tryin' to get himseIf a job.
- Fuckin' team's foIding. - I knew there was a reason he came.
- Nobody toId me anything. - He wasn't gonna teII you.
The fucker was hoIdin' on tiII he couId scrounge a job.
- Jesus Christ. - Cover his wrinkIed oId ass.
Fuckin' ChrysIer pIant, here I come.
- The team, fini. Kaput. - Fini?
This is the Iast season. It'II be announced tomorrow.
(buzzer)
I'm too oId to be traded in. A one-in-a-miIIion chance.
I'm gonna be caIIing my brother tomorrow at the fuckin' ChrysIer pIant.
Operator? Operator?
Ah! Bernard. Yeah. They cIose it.
Yeah. Yeah, I want to �changer.
Bernard, caII Detroit, teII them buIIshit.
Yeah. Yeah, something.
Wait. Ned, what's �changer in EngIish?
Trade me right fucking now.
Trade me right fucking now!
Now hang up.
(phone rings)
HeIIo?
- Wait a minute. Reg! - Yeah.
Yeah. Hey!
If I had to do it again, I wouId've gotten an education. You know what I mean?
Jesus Christ, Iook at Ned here. He doesn't have to depend on hockey.
What are you doin' here?
Oh. Where's Hanrahan?
I know a good bar here. The PaIm IsIe.
Fucked the barmaid Iast trip.
I mean, I waIked into the pIace,
she comes up to me without even sayin' heIIo and just rubs up against me.
Ah, come on, Mo. Jesus. What?
I mean, she had her jugs right up against my suit.
- NippIes as hard as IittIe rocks. - Right, Morris.
Yeah. What's the address?
Any of you guys know the PaIm IsIe in this town?
Yeah. Don't move.
Before Larry has his one chance at our Jackpot BowI,
is there anyone you wouId Iike to say heIIo to back home?
- Ten bucks he says the guys at work. - Ten bucks, wife and kids.
- I'm with Braden. - ..the camera and say heIIo to anybody.
I'd Iike to say hi to aII the guys down at work.
- AII right! - Ha!
(voices)
Put my fucking car back on the track, wiII ya?
One more Iap.
- Hi, Coach. - Hi, Coach.
How are ya?
- Two-nothing. Two-nothing. - Come on.
- Brought your cars, huh? - We're on the road.
- We're aII set to go. - TeII us when.
Oh. I'm shuffIin' Iines around, guys. I'II Iet you know when I get it straightened out.
- OK, Coach. - See you Iater, Coach.
Five-nothing. Five-nothing.
- I'm beating you guys. - The thing's not workin'. I quit.
I don't wanna pIay no more. You broke the darn car.
- How am I supposed to pIay? - You big baby.
(Reggie sighs)
You are the first man I've sIept with since I Ieft Hanrahan.
Oh, Suzanne. A beautifuI woman Iike you?
I've been sIeeping with women.
Are you shocked?
No.
Did you ever wanna sIeep with a man?
- No. - Never?
No.
I don't bIame you, though, Suzanne. You see, women's bodies are beautifuI.
But men's bodies, I see 'em everywhere. Locker rooms, cocks aII over the pIace...
- Do you wanna know how it happened? - No, that's OK.
No, that's aII right. Cos I have to teII it in court anyway.
See, every time Hanrahan went out on the road,
I wouId go over to this wife's house, and we wouId get drunk,
and we wouId taIk about how depressed and IoneIy we were without the guys.
Every week, bIah, bIah, bIah.
Then, one night, we were taIking about how we hated the Iife,
and how we had never done much of anything ourseIves.
And I don't know why, reaIIy...
We were Iike kids. We started pIaying with one another.
We were drunk, as usuaI.
The next week we did it sober, and it was terrific.
At the end of the day, I think about women. I think about women's bodies.
Maybe it'II change, and I'II wind up sIeeping with oId goaIies.
Things being what they are, who knows?
When Hanrahan found out about it, he went crazy.
He said if I was a dyke, that made him a queer.
He started sIapping me around. I ended up in the hospitaI.
- Oh, Jesus. - Yeah. I'm on the Iam. I'm hiding out.
We pIay him next week, you know.
Oh, God. I'm so sick of those games. They seem so chiIdish.
The Chiefs are foIding.
The miII's cIosing, and the economy and stuff.
I just found out about it tonight.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Christ. A handsome man Iike you, Reggie?
It ain't easy. I don't see myseIf in one of those buIIshit nine-to-five jobs.
- WeII, you couId get traded. - Suzanne, I ain't a rookie any more.
So far as the coaching goes, you know, the Chiefs are...
Hey. Use your imagination. It's what I've been doing.
Oh, Iook at me! Here I am, a no-good runaway hockey wife.
A dyke.
Turn it off! I hate it! I hate it, I hate it!
- I don't wanna watch it! - Don't touch that teIevision!
Sorry about the Chiefs, Reg.
I'm doing a tribute to the team on Sunday. ''Chiefs FoId: A Sad Commentary.''
- Something aIong those Iines. - Dickie.
Something's afIoat. This is on the QT, but I think they're gonna seII us.
I can't name names, but Iet's just say
that there's a senior citizen's community in a southern state
that's in the market for a hockey team.
- The Chiefs? - ActuaIIy, it's FIorida.
See, they're gettin' a bunch of oId geezers down there from the northeast.
And what do you think those oId geezers reaIIy miss in FIorida?
I think there are a Iot of shysters in FIorida.
Hockey. Their own team. A Saturday-night game.
Those poor oId peopIe down there, they gotta have something to root for.
- (crashing) - You're a pussy.
Daddy, he caIIed me a pussy and then he changed the station.
Don't bother your daddy now. Work it out amongst yourseIves.
Baby, baby, baby!
Now, Iet me get this straight. A retirement community has bought the Chiefs?
- Oh, no. I said negotiating. - WeII, that's not much to go on, Reggie!
Dickie, Dickie, they've aIready buiIt the rink!
They've dumped a Iot of capitaI into this.
What they're reaIIy Iookin' for is a cheap deaI on a team.
And since we ain't exactIy the Boston Bruins...
How couId anybody in his right mind buy a fifth-pIace team?
That situation is gonna be changed, I guarantee you.
Watch your wing!
Hey, Hanrahan!
Hanrahan!
Cover the point, goddamnit!
Come on, Mo! Give it to him.
It's aIong the boards! NaiI him, naiI him!
Hanrahan! Suzanne sucks pussy!
Get him outta there!
Watch it behind the net!
Hey, Hanrahan! She's a dyke! I know! I know!
(buzzer)
Come on! Pick it up, take it out!
She's a Iesbian! A Iesbian!
- A Iesbian! - Son of a bitch!
You're nuts, Hanrahan!
He wouIdn't dare puII anything Iike that on Johnny.
That's it. That's aII.
- HoId it. That's aII. - What the fuck you taIkin' about?
- You're out. - Son of a bitch!
Jesus Christ!
Good job, guys. That's the way. Two points, that's it.
My aIIergy to those fucking fans, you know, has returned.
That ends the Iongest Iosing streak ever.
- What did he say to Hanrahan? - Two points, eh?
Hey, Reg! Reg! What did you say to him?
- I toId him his wife was a dyke. - No!
- Yeah! - Fuck!
Jesus Christ. No wonder he fIipped his Iid.
Anybody caIIed my oId Iady a dyke, I'd go fuckin' bananas.
His wife is a dyke.
- Jesus Christ. Poor fuckin' guy. - Does that make him a fag?
Fuck him. Hanrahan's an ape. I knew it wouId piss the shit out of him.
She's a fantastic gaI. I mean, fantastic!
I knew it'd drive him berserk.
You naiIed him, Coach, in the fucking head.
- Right in his mind. - He deserved it!
Yeah! Yeah!
That was wrestIing shit. They didn't have a backup goaIie. It was a garbage goaI.
No, no. You gotta twist them and fuck with them.
It was a garbage win.
(car horn)
Hey! Hey, LiIy!
LiI! Where you goin'?
Hey, LiIy!
Hey, LiIy.
Hey!
LiI!
Jesus, LiIy, there've been three rapes and two murders in this park in one year.
- I didn't do it. - We're gonna freeze to death.
If you Ieave, you won't have that probIem, wiII ya?
- What's the story on that dog? - What?
What's the story on that dog?
That's the dog that saved CharIestown from the 1938 fIood.
WeII, fuck him.
He's just gonna shock her with his views on Iife.
You know, if you were to come up to my apartment,
I'd fix you a hot drink, rub your back, and we couId find a good game on TV.
Great.
I'd even fix you something to eat, teII you some stories, and...
WeII, by the time pneumonia set in, you'd be sound asIeep.
WeII, see you around.
You know, he's... he's been so kind to me. He comes in every day.
(woman) He reaIIy doesn't wanna rush your progress right now.
I think I'II invite him out to the summerhouse tonight,
so that we can taIk about you more.
(man) I wish I couId put my arms around you.
(woman) When you get out of this jacket, you can.
- Hi, guys. - Hi, Coach.
Reg.
(woman) I soId your car.
- My 260Z? - Yes.
But that was my car.
AIex, don't you remember?.
When you had the amnesia, you gave me power of attorney.
I'd forgotten.
- That cunt is no good. - Nice taIk.
I've boxed up everything.
She do that to make him crazy so he don't know what he doing.
Cynthia Pierce is having an affair with CarI Barton.
- She's Iyin' to him. - Oh, AIex. AIex.
You mustn't be weak.
I don't beIieve this. I don't friggin' beIieve this! Hey, you guys, Iisten.
''Chiefs Sought By FIorida Retirement Community.''
- Oh, come on, Dave. - No, Johnny, it's right here.
Hey, JG, Jimmy, come over here. Listen to this.
''Unidentified but reIiabIe sources have informed the Times HeraId
that a St Petersburg, FIorida retirement community is negotiating
with the CharIestown Hockey Corporation for the purchase of the Chiefs.''
It's right there, Reg. Look at that. Yeah!
Dickie Dunn wrote this. It's gotta be true. Fantastic!
- FIorida. - What sucker wouId buy the Chiefs?
JeaIous there, big guy?
Your mother shouIda bought you skates!
Cut off my baIIs, I'II be skating in FIorida
- We're gonna miss you. - Here's to the sap that'd buy the Chiefs.
HeII, here's to the Sunshine State!
Here's to aII that gorgeous snatch in FLA.
Yeah!
(cartoon on teIevision)
(sighs)
- What's wrong, Reg? - Huh? Oh, nothing.
You got an expression of sadness on your face.
- I guess this is my Iast season. - No, it's not. We're being bought.
At my age, you gotta think about retiring. I know aII the other teams Iaugh at me.
- That's not true. - They do. I hear 'em, every game.
They're just saying that to get you upset. It doesn't mean anything.
Thanks, kid. Maybe you're right.
(whistIe)
Drouin, open your fucking eyes!
Tough news, BarcIay. Sorry.
What fuckin' news?
Minnesota dropped you. Yeah, it's in Hockey News. I'II save it for you.
I got a contract!
Come on, Iet's go, Iet's go! Come on! Let's go!
Know what your probIem is, DunIop? You're too fuckin' oId to pIay this game.
Take that sentence back!
Too much, too soon.
Dave, hoId it steady. You're makin' me miss.
You got him, Dave!
Did you hear what he said? He shouIdn't have said what he said.
You don't say stuff Iike that on the ice.
- Let's just win the game. - We are winnin' the friggin' game!
You goon!
You wanna say some more, you ugIy bastard?
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, get him!
We were aII there. We aII saw it with our own eyes.
Dave.
Goddamn Iardass, BarcIay DonaIdson. I'm teIIin' you, he jumped us.
GIoves off, stick down, no warning. He chaIIenged the Chiefs!
- He caIIed us names. - CaIIed us names!
- But Dave was there. - Dave's a kiIIer!
- Dave's a kiIIer. - Dave's a mess.
OK, but Dave's out.
- Who's gonna take his pIace? - Is the answer Jesus?
OK, guys. Show us what you got.
God save us.
KiII 'em! KiII the bastards!
I do not beIieve my friggin' eyes.
These guys are a fucking disgrace.
And I'm teIIing you, Broom County is just visibIy upset by this dispIay.
Get pIaces for the home games. Bring the kids.
We got entertainment for the whoIe famiIy.
There goes Jeff Hanson into the corner. No, it's Jack.
1 7. I'II have to check that Iater. A crushing check on the boards!
Things are reaIIy going on out there now!
Now Steve is in front of the net. I think that's Steve. Yes. No. Yeah, it is Steve.
And I think that was Jack. It was Jeff or Jack.
These brothers are stomping aII over...
- You! Out! - What?
- You! Out! - Huh? What for?
- You! Out! - No! No!
- Get your eyes examined, you idiot! - What are you doin'?
- They're aII gone! - It was seIf-defence, for Christ's sake!
- They're gone! - How much do you expect a man to take?
- Don't come near me. - Are you runnin' a goddamn dance?
- (knock at door) - Open it.
- Joe, who own the Chiefs? - Owns. Owns.
Owns. Owns.
I don't know.
Thanks.
- OK. What? - He don't know.
- How'd you ask? - I say ''Who own the Chiefs?''
- What did he say? - Owns. Owns.
For Christ's sake.
I don't care who own the Chiefs. I hate it here.
It make me sick. My aIIergy, puke every time, bIeugh! Like that, puke.
You're a goaIie. You're supposed to be Iike that.
Somebody own the Chiefs.
We go to FIorida and I get the money.
That's nice.
I don't Iike the way they cover their jugs aII up with the feathers, you know, Reg?
They are so beautifuI.
They oughta cut the costumes up higher on the thigh, so you can see more ass.
You make me sick when you speak, Morris.
This isn't art. This is sex.
(audience) Ooh!
OgiIthorpe fucked her, you know.
It's true. I heard it from a coupIe of guys.
OgiIthorpe fucked the Iast girI on the pinwheeI of the Ice Stravaganza.
That's her, right there.
(transIates into French)
Get your butt in gear, for the Iove of Mike.
- You gaIs Iike skatin', huh? - Sure.
I mean, dressed as bIuebirds with aII them feathers on, racin' around the ice Iike that.
- You shouId taIk. - No, weII, I just asked out of curiosity.
- I Iike to see how the other haIf Iives. - Ren�e, I Iike to skate too.
- But the hair is rotten here. - Hair?
Yeah. The hair.
- Air. - It make me sick.
- Your face is a mess. - I got in a fight. See?
I don't know. It Iooks sorta cute.
- Are you a fighter? - Nah. I'm a Iover.
Is your team any good?
No. In fact, we're so bad that we're disbanding.
What about FIorida, eh, Reg?
- WeII, we got a win. - We won three games in a row, Reg.
- Yeah. We're on a roII. - We're on a roII. We're gonna win.
- How's Ogie OgiIthorpe? - (giggIing)
- Who? - Ogie OgiIthorpe. You know oId Ogie.
- Ogie. - You think he's aII he's cracked up to be?
Is he a nice guy?
I'II be right back.
- You're doing great. You've got 'em... - Oh, yeah. You betcha.
Hey, Coach!
How you doin'?
Son of a bitch.
( ''Right Back Where We Started From'' by Maxine NightingaIe)
Ooh, and it's aII right, and it's comin' on...
Hey, where the heII did aII this beer come from?
- It's from the owner. - The owner?
Yeah.
How's his famiIy, Reg?
He toId me to say he's gIad we're winnin',
cos it'II make it easier to cIose that FIorida deaI.
- You find the guy name? - Oh, yeah.
- He's neat. Looking to get us bonuses. - Hey, that's good news, eh?
- Yeah. - (speaks French)
- What? What? - Beats me.
No one can take your pIace
(cheering, horn bIaring)
If you get hurt
- What the fuck is that? - (horn bIaring)
Hey!
Where? Oh, yeah!
- We thought it'd be a big surprise. - It's wonderfuI!
You Iook Iike my mother! You're beautifuI!
Yeah! BiIIy!
Hey. It's me, Reg. How are you?
(singing)
We're kickin' the shit outta everybody. We're unbeatabIe.
Listen, I got a favour to ask ya.
Yeah. Remember Francine?
AII together in one room. Why not?
My ex-wife. Yeah, the pretty one. WeII, has she been in there?
- We're in the Chiefs! - It's against our poIicy.
CoupIe of tickets in it for you. Which bar?
Wait a minute. HoId it. No, it's just everybody's going bananas in here.
(whistIes)
- They convicted OgiIthorpe. - HeIp me.
Get the manager. Somebody heIp me.
Eddie? Listen, this guy she was with - what did he Iook Iike?
It's their rink, it's their ice and it's their fuckin' town.
- But tonight we got our fans with us! - Yeah!
They spent their own dough to get here, and they came here to see us.
Let's show 'em what we got. Get out on the ice and Iet 'em know you're there.
Get that stick in their side, Iet 'em know you're there.
Get that Iumber in his teeth, Iet him know you're there!
BIeed aII over 'em. Let 'em know you're there.
Give 'em a good warm-up, Danny. Let's go.
Come on, feIIas.
Good game tonight, guys.
The Peterborough Patriots versus the CharIestown Chiefs,
brought to you by Sheehan's Rustproofing.
The Chiefs have come out on the ice for a warm-up period.
They're about to try for their fifth consecutive win.
They're appIauded by their booster cIub,
who have traveIIed aII the way from CharIestown to be here tonight.
There's no one to stop it because there are no officiaIs on the ice.
What has come over the CharIestown Chiefs?
(whistIe bIows)
(woman) And the rockets' red gIare
The bombs bursting in air
Gave proof through the night
That our fIag was stiII there
I got my eye on you. You puII one thing, you're out.
I run a cIean game. Any troubIe, I'II suspend you.
I'm Iistening to the fucking song!
O'er the Iand of the free
No. No, no. To Mrs Reggie DunIop, from Reggie DunIop.
CoIIect.
WeII, make it... Operator, I'II pay for the caII here.
Whoa!
- What are you doin'? - Makin' it Iook mean.
(aII) Yeah!
Honey? We won Iast night. Yeah, we won. I got a good winning streak going...
- Who is this? - (diaIIing tone)
HeIIo?
Shit!
( ''A LittIe Bit South of Saskatoon'' by Sonny James)
A IittIe bit south of Saskatoon
Me and Junie Mae, we got on fine
TiII I had to move
Gin.
Eight.
- Hey, Reg? - Yeah?
- I think I'm gonna change my name. - Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
KiIIer.
Hey, that's got a nice ring to it, kid.
Yeah.
I'm not gonna do it.
- I'm not gonna goon it up for you. - No?
Nope.
I'II bench you.
I'II take my chances.
Keep on thinkin' of my honeymoon
A IittIe bit south of Saskatoon
Pick up the boosters!
PuII over, WaIt!
Let's get the girIs in here.
Come on, WaIt!
Great.
My husband wiII kiII me when he finds out.
(man) Let's go.
Their bus is coming up the street! They're coming!
We don't need you here!
There's no room in sports for peopIe Iike you.
Get outta town!
Keep thinkin' of my honeymoon
A IittIe bit south of Saskatoon
By a big oId fire and honeymoon
A IittIe bit south
7-1 . There's the face-off.
CharIestown Chiefs seem to be coming down the ice with the puck.
KiII those Hanson creeps!
You goons! You can't skate!
We Iike to see an oId-fashioned brand of hockey pIayed here.
You're a bunch of animaIs, you Hanson apes!
Get outta town, four-eyes!
- Is this the guy? - Yeah, that's him!
No, he's over there!
Ladies and gentIemen, Iook at that. You can't see that. I'm on radio.
No, no, not him. That's the one!
Go fuck a moose, froggy!
Think we shouId get into this?
Just a thought.
- It wasn't me! - No, Jeff, no. It's the other guy.
Think the oId foIks in FIorida are gonna Iike these guys?
I don't beIieve a word of that FIorida shit.
The fans are standing up to them. The security guards are standing up to them.
The peanut vendors are standing up to them!
If I couId get down there, I'd be standing up to them!
- What hit you? - An object, right in the face.
- I know. What was it? - I don't know. Key chain, you know.
- Car keys, house keys. - Keys to the camper.
(knock at door)
- Hi, guys. - The Hansons.
Guys? Put the fucking bus in gear. The cops have come for the Hansons.
- The cops? - How many are out there?
The Hansons.
I throw up my hands. I can't controI 'em any more. They gotta be punished.
WiII you do me a favour and put 'em behind bars?
They're Iooking for you guys. There's gotta be some misunderstanding.
Look at his Iip. Somebody threw a fucking tyre chain, hit him right in the mouth.
Scratches, made by human fingernaiIs.
This kid has taken a savage beating.
There's six of them out there for us.
They're gonna put you in the same jaiI with OgiIthorpe. Come on, you guys.
They Iet you make one phone caII.
They book you, then they give you a dime and Iet you make one phone caII.
- CaII the pizza man! - Why don't you caII a massage parIour?
- Hey, guys, we'II see you Iater. - Save me a piece of pizza.
- Don't eat my watermeIon sticks. - Don't admit to nothing, you guys.
It's me - Reg. They're puttin' the Hansons away on a trumped-up charge.
Someone threw a monkey wrench. Yeah, it hit Jeff right in the face.
No, they were defending the honour of CharIestown at the time.
The boosters are behind us 100 per cent.
Dickie? Have you seen Francine?
Sergeant, you wiII never meet a greater champion of pure hockey than me.
Sergeant, I knew Eddie Shore!
- You guys back there? - Hey, Coach!
Peterborough Iost tonight, so as of now we're in the pIay-offs!
(cheering)
Sergeant, I wouId Iike to see the baiI just a IittIe more reasonabIe...
- Joe, hurry it up. Let's get outta here. - Sergeant, when is the triaI?
You can't keep them here. They're foIk heroes.
- They're criminaIs. - Most foIk heroes start as criminaIs.
Sergeant, you're asking an exorbitant sum.
Joe, I got it right here. How much are these goons gonna cost us?
- Hey, guys! Braden's baiIin' you out! - $250 each.
This young feIIa is in a hurry because he's got the prettiest wife you ever saw waitin'.
- But she ain't happy. - Sam, Iet 'em out.
I want a receipt.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, Coach, Iook, we got to keep our braceIets.
Thanks a Iot, Sarge.
- Let's get on the bus. - Look at that.
The boys and I want you to have this as a IittIe memento.
It's a Chiefs key ring. You can't buy these in stores.
( ''Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word'' by EIton John on radio)
- Aren't those Hansons something? - Aren't they, though?
- They're sorta funny-Iooking. - ReaI funny-Iooking.
- They're probabIy reaI good guys. - Underneath.
- They couIdn't be as dumb as they Iook. - Yes, they couId.
They're just goons.
Johnny doesn't care for fighting. He toId me so.
That's buIIshit.
(radio static)
If we weren't so far beIow sea IeveI, the radio reception here'd be much better.
Ooh, I'm getting tipsy!
I've been shitfaced for the past week.
I onIy drink in the afternoon.
Or before a game. Or when Johnny's away.
Me too.
If I'm not tight, I can't stand it.
That's terribIe.
It's sad
So sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad
So sad
Why can't we taIk it over?.
Oh, it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word
- How you doin', LiI? - Hey, Johnny.
Hey, LiI?
LiI!
(horn bIares)
Hiya. Let's go somepIace. You know the Aces?
- BuIIy! - Let's start something.
- Get the fuck out. I'm going home. - Oh, yeah?
Where's Braden going?
I got a better idea. Let's die in bed.
- You're nuts. - Jeez.
You reaIIy married a weirdo. He don't run with the traffic.
- Speakin' of weirdos. - Me? I'm normaI.
Yeah? WeII, then, normaI is fucked.
How come you taIk dirty?
Cos my famiIy has money.
Leave him.
My wife Ieft me. I was drivin' her crazy.
AII she couId do was drink and cry, Iike you.
Every time she sees me, it drives me nuts, cos I know she's askin' herseIf
''How did I get mixed up with a bum Iike him?''
- Good question. - Oh, yeah?
Next year you'II ask yourseIf the same question about Braden.
He treats you Iike shit.
He toId me you onIy paid attention to me to make him crazy, so that he'd fight.
Yeah. That's part of it.
But mainIy it's cos I think you're a champ.
OnIy you gotta stop kiIIin' yourseIf.
My pIace. Hm. That's a coincidence.
- Get out! - Hey.
You gotta roII with it, kid. Use your imagination. That's what I've been doing.
I can get you straight.
Beat it.
WeII, I'II see you Iater.
I'm proud of you. They're taIkin' about you in the streets.
- Want a White Avenger?. - No. Gimme a cup of coffee.
- That was a nice tribute to the guys. - I tried to capture the spirit of the thing.
This is Dickie Dunn. He wrote the articIe on you.
Hi, guys. Nice to meet you. I was tryin' to capture the spirit of the thing.
Hi, guys.
See the game tonight, compIiments of the Chiefs.
- Gee, thanks, Reggie. - Hey! Free tickets!
- Sure! Spread 'em around, guys! - Hey, thanks.
Come to the game, compIiments of the Chiefs.
- Thanks, Reggie. - You taught that guy a Iesson Iast night.
- He was sensationaI. - I guess that was a big fight?
- Are you in pain? - No. It hurt Iike heII.
Oh, you poor thing.
Look, I'II make you a doubIe dose of this stuff, and you won't feeI anything.
Good.
What happened to you?
He got that in the fight Iast night.
That is a very deep cut.
(Denis) WiII you be at the game? If I see you in the stands, it make me feeI better.
(car horn)
Hey, KiIIer! Get 'em tonight!
Fuckin' wearin' me out.
- Reggie. - Oh, hiya, honey! How are you?
- You Iook a thousand years oId. - It was a Iong bus ride.
- Did you Iisten to the game? - Of course not.
We got a new attitude! It's bringin' success.
- WeII, any fooI can fight. - No, I swear to you.
The Chiefs wiII be sittin' pretty in FIorida when this town is a stinkin' memory.
You see, I personaIIy have been taIkin' to the owner,
which is why I've been too busy to caII you.
Every wakin' hour I'm on the phone with this guy...
Reggie, Reggie. I'm moving.
- What? - To Long IsIand.
A gaI who works in a shop there has a space open.
Business here is just dead.
Are you reaIIy goin'?
You know, we have to get divorced one of these days.
I mean, I couId meet somebody, you couId meet somebody, you know?
Yeah?
WeII, don't Iook so sad.
(car horn)
It's gonna be a big one!
- See those guys? - Reggie, Iook. I'm Iate.
I'II write you when I get settIed.
Hey. I'II try to caII you before you go.
- It sucks! - No, son. It Iooks nice and seIIs hockey.
It ain't mean enough. Put some bIood in there.
Show somebody gettin' hurt. A groin injury.
Put a fuckin' map of FIorida in the background. Get some tits in!
Put a ''For SaIe'' sign on the bottom.
I don't want any tits and I don't want any ''For SaIe'' sign.
Jesus.
Remember that great Peterborough game in... '68?
Yeah. What about it?
Jacky St Pierre's wife Ieft him.
My God, it was snowing Iike heII before we even got to the moteI.
- Yeah. - Jacky had a whoIe keg sent in.
Poor Jacky. He had a future. I toId him to watch that drunk drivin'.
God, Joe, did we ever get shitfaced!
And Jacky toId everybody he was gonna get JiII back even if he had to beg her.
- I toId him not to do that. - Oh, I think he shouIda.
She was a dynamite broad.
- God, did we get shitfaced. - I Iiked Jacky.
- Yeah. He couId've been great. - Yeah.
And remember I went up to your room afterwards
and you were dressed in chick's cIothes?
Yeah, you had on this bIack bra with tasseIs.
You were dancing in front of a mirror with this kinda zebra-skin jockstrap.
Remember how I screamed at you when you started comin' on to me
and I just said ''Jesus, stop it, Joe. I'm ashamed of you.''
Damn you.
I wanted to teII you that I forgot the whoIe thing.
Years have passed. Now I'm sexuaIIy Iiberated.
I don't care who's a fag no more. I mean, who cares?
It's naturaI. It's aII around us.
Who's the owner, Joe?
He's probabIy caIIing FIorida. See how the saIe is going.
I was in FIorida once, on a Southern tour,
where I met this IittIe redhead who was an underwater speciaIist.
The first thing she says to me was ''Come on out by the pooI.''
So I went out, and she comes Ieaping out with this banner,
wearing nothing but this IittIe see-through wet suit.
(Iaughs)
- Hey, Reg, I want a chair by the pooI. - I want some snatch by the pooI.
- Reg, you want a Coke? - No, I can't.
I'm tapin' an interview at the station. They're pIayin' it at four. Don't miss it.
That was some road trip. Six straight wins and a whoIe new rash of penaIty minutes.
WeII, we got a whoIe new attitude.
What about the Hanson brothers? They're not just buIIies?
Just buIIies? They scare the bejesus outta everybody!
- DeIiberateIy? - WeII...
I'd Iike the foIks to come down and watch us cream them punks from Syracuse.
Anything new on the saIe of the Chiefs?
I think the negotiations are... you know, goin' pretty good.
I have a personaI announcement, though.
I am pIacing a personaI bounty on the head of Tim McCracken.
He's the coach and chief punk on that Syracuse team.
- A bounty? - Yeah.
A hundred bucks of my own money for the first of my men that naiIs that creep.
That's eight o'cIock at the War MemoriaI,
the Syracuse and the aII-new CharIestown Chiefs.
- Thanks, Reg. - Not to worry, kid.
I'm pIacing a personaI bounty on the head of Tim McCracken.
He's the coach and chief punk on that Syracuse team.
- A bounty? - Yeah.
A hundred bucks of my own money for the first of my men that...
(sighs)
(phone rings)
- Yeah? - Are you nuts?
- BuIIshit! - A bounty!
- We couId aII Iand in the cIinker for this. - Oh, big deaI, Joe.
You can't put a bounty on a man's head!
I just did.
(phone rings)
- Yeah? - Reg? It's KiIIer.
- Oh. Hi, KiIIer. - I want that $100.
WeII, you gotta earn it, KiIIer.
- My attitude's right. - Uh-huh. OK, kid.
(sighs)
(knock at door)
(knocking continues)
In-fucking-credibIe.
Who is it?
Yeah?
- Hi. - Hi.
- What's up? - (dog barks)
Jesus.
Come on in.
- WeII, I did it. - You bet you did. You did, you bet.
The wedding presents my side gave. 50-50, right?
Can you get my cIothes?
Sure.
Jesus, did you write him a note?
Do you think I shouId have?
I don't know.
He's sure gonna think the worst.
- Hey, LiIy, we're gonna have a baII. - We are?
Except right now I gotta take a nap.
I mean, I put a bounty on this guy's head. If I don't get some shuteye...
If I don't get some shuteye, I'II get murdered out there on the ice.
Otherwise I wouId've given you a night on the town. We couId've gone to the Aces.
She won't mind. She's great to sIeep with.
Ned sIeeps with her before every game.
Her breathing makes him feeI more secure.
Listen, Reg, I'm gonna get a grip on myseIf.
I'm gonna start using my imagination, go with the traffic.
I've been going about this aII wrong. I probabIy am terrific.
You want some spaghetti?
Reg?
Run the siren. Run the goddamn siren. I'm payin' for it.
Let 'em know there's gonna be bIood in there.
I can circIe, but it's gonna cost you more.
Oh, for Christ's sake.
- There. - (siren)
( organ pIays ''Lady of Spain'')
Don't ever pIay ''Lady of Spain'' again!
Jesus Christ.
- Hey, McCracken. - DunIop, you suck cock.
AII I can get.
$100 bounty on the head of famed Syracuse stick man Tim McCracken.
McCracken, aIso known as Dr Hook for his scaIpeI-Iike prowess with the stick,
has been known to carve a man's eye out with a fIick of the wrist.
There's a carnivaI-Iike atmosphere here.
The crowd is gathered and, weII, you can feeI it, there's an air of expectancy...
Syracuse skating out now. We're Iooking forward to a reaI contest.
We're ready to face off in the middIe circIe. The referee is ready.
The Iinesmen for tonight...
(both) Go, Chiefs, go! Go, Chiefs, go!
$100 says you're gonna crack my skuII.
- I wouIdn't crack your knuckIes for $100. - So he's bIuffin'.
Somebody's gonna kiII you, you dumb son of a bitch, but it's not gonna be me.
(buzzer)
Good pass!
(spectator) Go on, man! Hit him!
What's the matter with you? You're a Chief!
- Come on. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Fight back!
You son of a bitch! Get over here!
- Chickenshit yeIIow-beIIy. - I scored, you fucking has-been.
They don't want you to score goaIs. They want bIood. They're booin' you.
Go get him, KiIIer!
Come on, you son of a bitch. Come on!
- Come on, KiIIer! - We win cos I score goaIs.
Oh, kiss my ass. We win cos I make 'em crazy.
- NaiI him! - You don't make me crazy.
I wiII, cos you're benched.
You want ice time, come and teII me when you wanna pIay it my way.
- You're the biggest pussy in the Ieague. - I Iike pussy.
Oh, yeah? WeII, that's not what I hear from your wife. I hear...
Go get him, KiIIer!
ReaI oId-fashioned guts, for Dave ''KiIIer'' CarIson
to jump into that fight with Tim ''Dr Hook'' McCracken.
Ned Braden's come into the booth. Sit down.
I noticed a sIight discussion with Reg DunIop.
What are you doing? You been benched?
Yes, a reaI first in my career. I've been benched.
- Why is that? - I won't fight.
- WeII, you couId pIay if you fought. - Let's just say I'm chickenshit.
Ned, why wouId someone with your background stiII be pIaying hockey?
- I hate my father. - You do?
- And I was having probIems at home. - You are?
I just said I was. PrimariIy sexuaI probIems. I'm very perverse.
- HoIy shit! - I skate to get away from my wife!
- This is Jim Carr... - We fight. She wants me to quit hockey.
As you may have noticed, she's the onIy good-Iooking piece of ass in CharIestown!
She aIso has a drinking probIem, and I have no idea where she is.
- Gimme that damn mike! - Why do you wear that rug?
It's just sensationaIIy ugIy.
You're going baId. Can't you face up to that?
WeII, at Ieast I'm not chickenshit Iike you!
What you're hearing is the truth!
Jim Carr got angry...
Joe McGrath here. The boys Iike to horse around.
- Chickenshit bastard! - Sod off, oId fart!
- I may be baId, but I'm not chickenshit. - I wanna taIk about vioIence.
- Chick, chick, chick! - Gimme that!
Son! Son!
( ''A LittIe Bit South of Saskatoon'' by Sonny James)
Take my guitar
For board and room
- (car horn) - Hey, BiIIy!
WeII, you're gonna be set, LiIy. Taking your destiny by the throat.
You're in the driver's seat.
You're not having second thoughts about this, are you?
Sometimes I think I get it. Sometimes I think it's horseshit.
WeII, to doubt is human. You stick with Reg. I'm on a roII.
- Bye, Francine. Come back and see us. - I wiII. Thank you, Mrs Vincent.
You're gonna need another 10 or 15 minutes.
- Hiya. - Hi.
This is LiIy Braden, Ned Braden's wife.
WeII, actuaIIy she's... she's on waivers.
Listen, she's in the market for a perm and I said to her
''Hey, there's no one better than oId Francine.''
- WeII, I don't think... - For the works. I'm buyin'.
- I'II pay you back tomorrow. - No, that's not the probIem.
You see, the probIem is...
I never Iaid a hand on her. It was just a kid.
Listen, it's a pathetic story. It's pathetic.
You Iook terrific.
Be carefuI, girIs.
- There's TVRadio Mirror, Modern Screen. - You were married to him?
For about a hundred years. It's aII over.
He's compIeteIy off his rocker.
- I Ieft my husband, too. - ReaIIy?
I'm onIy haIfway out the revoIving door, know what I mean?
Oh, it's Iousy at first. You think you're dying. But then it's fabuIous.
- I mean, you become a new woman. - Yeah.
You know, Reggie toId me you've gotten terrific since you Ieft him.
He said that?
WeII, you know what you have to do for yourseIf?
You have to get out there and circuIate.
I mean, you just can't sink into it. You have to get out there on the firing Iine.
- Oh, my God. - No, no, no, no, no.
ReaIIy. It's not bad. Look.
If you did your cheekbones better, you couId Iook Iike Cher.
Huh?
- Amy, take this in the house. - HeIIo there.
Hiya. I'm Reg DunIop. The Chiefs? I came to see your husband.
Oh, yes? I'm Anita McCambridge. How do you do?
- Hi. - You think you can heIp with these?
- Uh, yeah. - Mom, I'm Iate, I gotta go.
MichaeI, stay in the yard, put your jacket on and carry one of these in first.
Where's your husband?
He's in puppy heaven.
I own the Chiefs.
This way.
- What can I get you to drink? - Canadian CIub and water.
- Nice pIace you've got here. - Thanks.
To teII the truth, Mrs McCambridge, the reason...
Anita.
OK, Anita.
Uh... you know, we aII read about the possibiIity of a saIe in FIorida,
and the guys are getting anxious to find out what's going on.
- Mm-hm. - I guess I'm their representative.
- We've been doin' reaI good. - My accountant is certainIy pIeased.
Oh. Uh...
How is the saIe goin'?
Fine.
- Oh. Good. - You think you're gonna Iike FIorida?
Yeah.
- Oh, you are very cIever. - What?
It's been so much fun, waiting to see what you're gonna do next.
The articIes in the paper are very funny, that sports writer?
- Dickie Dunn? - You've certainIy got his number.
The radio interviews are fantastic, and the Hanson brothers? Oh, my God!
WeII, attendance has quadrupIed.
Yes. I am in the bIack for the first time in four years.
- Hey, that's great. - I guess I owe that to you. Thank you.
You're weIcome. So, you can seII us reaI easy, then?
- I couId probabIy get some interest. - Oh, boy. That's great!
Oh, that's just great, Anita!
You know, for five months now, I've been tryin' to prove to you,
without ever reaIIy knowing who you were, that you were wrong,
and that we couId get somebody interested in the Chiefs.
We couId sew that thing up tonight, you know.
- We oughta cream those guys! - That's terrific.
But I couIdn't make enough of a profit to have a saIe be worthwhiIe.
My accountant teIIs me I'm better off foIding the team, taking a tax Ioss.
You mean, you couId seII us but you won't?
I couId probabIy seII you.
But I can't.
Oh.
You know...
We're human beings, you know.
I have to confess that I've never Iet the chiIdren watch a hockey game.
I have a theory that chiIdren imitate what they see on a TV screen.
They see vioIence, they'II become vioIent.
They see someone stick up a bank, they'II stick up a bank.
Heroin. You name it.
- You're fucked. - What?
You are totaIIy fucked.
You're garbage for Ietting us aII go down the drain.
- Are you serious? - You couId seII us. We're hot.
PeopIe go nuts for us. You couId find a buyer.
I don't think you understand finance.
Your son Iooks Iike a fag to me. You'd better get married again,
cos he'II have somebody's cock in his mouth before you know it.
How dare you! How dare you!
Our Iisteners'II be surprised to Iearn that you're a soft-spoken young man, KiIIer.
Yes, I am.
I was watching some kids pIay hockey the other day,
five- and six-year-oIds, IittIe mites.
One kid said ''I'm KiIIer CarIson.''
He picked up his IittIe stick, and he creamed that other kid.
How do you feeI about that, Dave?
WeII, Jim, the way I see it is, the kid probabIy wouId've done it anyway.
Bad upbringing in the home.
- That's very interesting. - Can I be serious for a minute?
By aII means.
I'd just Iike to say that, no matter how the game turns out tonight,
I owe aII that I am to our coach, Reg DunIop.
He's had the greatest influence on me, aside of course from the Swami Baha,
whose positive-thinking records have been a tremendous heIp.
- Positive-thinking records? - Yeah.
You can get 'em in any reIigious record store.
And I know that thousands of peopIe in CharIestown have Iost their jobs,
you know, with the miII cIosing and aII.
I see 'em waIking around the streets depressed aII the time.
WeII, I just wanna say to aII you unempIoyed foIks out there,
you can get a new Iease on Iife with these records.
Nothing'II bother you any more.
You can go and cIobber the next guy in your business Iife.
- That's very inspirationaI, Dave. - Thanks.
- Take care of yourseIf. - Yeah. We're gonna win tonight...
Jesus Christ. What a fuckin' nightmare.
Braden!
Ned!
Hey!
Kid?
Hey, come on back!
You don't have to fight if you don't wanna. You can do whatever you wanna do.
You know, I've had it with the show business crap, too.
I don't know what hit me! I'm drivin' up here, and I say to myseIf
''Who cares about FIorida?''
Screw the saIe. It's probabIy a bunch of crap anyway.
No, that's buIIshit.
Hey?
The team's history, kid. There ain't no next year.
I'm tits-up after this game no matter what happens.
But I'II teII you one thing.
We're gonna win that fuckin' championship tonight.
But we're gonna win it fair and square.
OId-time hockey, none of this wrestIing shit.
You know? What the heII? It's my Iast game.
I'm gonna go out with styIe! PIay it straight!
I'd Iike to have you there with me.
Oh, uh... you know, LiIy's been staying at my pIace.
She's a terrific gaI.
We've been havin' a heII of a time.
(siren)
Reg! Hey, Reg!
- What? - Want me to run in with stretchers?
Get outta here, you goddamn parasite.
This is Jim Carr. Jeff Hanson, I just can't teII you the pIeasure you've given us.
I'd Iike to ask one question. Win, Iose or draw,
this is the Chiefs' Iast game before you Ieave.
- Anything you want to say to FIood City? - What do you mean, FIood City?
Never mind, Jeff. I guess that's before your time.
Reg DunIop! How about a statement?
Good game, feIIa. Good Iuck to you tonight.
Reg DunIop has just asked us to come back...
GirIs! Outta here!
No hittin'.
The Chiefs are history, guys. There ain't no FIorida deaI.
Come on, Reg. What are you taIkin' about?
I just made that shit up. We're deader than this stinkin' town is.
Dead history!
I conned you guys. I just Iied to you.
We were never anything but a rich broad's tax write-off.
It made no difference whether we won or Iost.
- NaiI 'em! - KiII 'em!
You know, we ain't hockey pIayers. We've been cIowns.
We've been goons! We're the freaks in a fuckin' sideshow.
We're nothing but a bunch of criminaIs. We oughta be in jaiI, that's aII there is.
- I'm ashamed. - Not you, Coach?
Yeah. ReaIIy ashamed of myseIf.
See, Ned was right.
VioIence is kiIIin' this sport. It's draggin' it through the mud.
If things keep up the way they are, hockey pIayers'II be nothing but actors, punks.
WeII, I'm not pIayin' my Iast game that way.
- Last game? - Yeah.
It's my Iast game, and I wanna pIay it straight.
No more ''NaiI 'em.'' No more ''Fuck with 'em.'' That's finished.
I wanna win that championship tonight, but I wanna win it cIean.
OId-time hockey, Iike when I got started, you know?
Jeez. Toe BIake, Dit CIapper, Eddie Shore, those guys were the greats.
I don't know what to say. Christ, it's up to you.
- Reg is our coach. - Yeah, sure. OId-time hockey!
- Like Eddie Shore. - Yeah.
Coach, our Iine starts?
- Sure. - (aII) Yeah!
We got a game to win. Everybody on the ice. Come on, guys.
Evening, boys.
Wimpy, how are ya? Crash, how are you? Scotty.
Better than PhiIadeIphia this time!
You're gonna eyebaII the new CharIestown Chiefs.
WeII, Iadies and gentIemen, this has aII the earmarks of a hockey cIassic.
The championship confrontation between the Syracuse BuIIdogs... Here they come!
The rags-to-riches, CindereIIa contenders of the FederaI League, the Chiefs!
(crowd chant) Let's go, Chiefs! Let's go, Chiefs! Let's go, Chiefs!
Let's go, Chiefs! Let's go, Chiefs!
I can't expIain this deIay.
I don't know why Syracuse eIected to miss the warm-up.
The Chiefs have aIready skated over to their bench.
WeII, it just might be that Syracuse is afraid to come out and face the Chiefs.
Oh, thanks, BiII.
Good heavens.
I've just been handed the Syracuse roster,
and it appears the Syracuse BuIIdog management is just reaI thirsty
for a big, grudge-match type victory here tonight.
They've brought back, just for this one contest, some coIourfuI...
Oh, and here they come now, Ied by someone we aII know very weII,
Tim ''Dr Hook'' McCracken!
(crowd booing)
And here's a name from the past. Ross ''Mad Dog'' Madison!
Ross, as you know, never traveIs anywhere
without his Iongtime friend and attorney, Sam ''SmaII Print'' Lyman!
Here's one for nostaIgia fans! CIarence ''Screaming BuffaIo'' Swamptown!
I'II never forget an interview I did with him years ago,
when BuffaIo reveaIed he Iiked to caII his hockey stick ''The Big Tomahawk''.
He usuaIIy refers to opposing pIayers as ''The LittIe ScaIps''.
I thought he'd been suspended for ever.
Andr� ''PoodIe'' Lussier, defence.
Andr�, of course, has been Iiving in semi-secIusion in Northern Quebec
ever since the unfortunate Denny Pratt tragedy.
Not PoodIe!
And from MiIe Forty, Saskatchewan, where he now runs a doughnut shop,
number 15, former penaIty-minute record hoIder of the FederaI League
for the years 1960 to 1968 incIusive, GiImore TuttIe!
(crowd booing)
Oh, gee. HoId the phone.
This is an unscheduIed surprise.
It's him.
This young man has had a very trying rookie season,
what with the Iitigation, the notoriety, his subsequent deportation to Canada,
and that country's refusaI to accept him.
That's more than most 21-year-oIds couId handIe.
- OgiI-terp. - Ogie OgiIthorpe!
( ''The Star-SpangIed Banner'')
(music speeds up)
Hi, Ogie.
Buy you a soda after the game?
Hi. You know Toe BIake?
No?
We'II straighten you out, you IittIe prick.
How.
- They don't caII me Dr Hook for nothing. - How you doin'?
AII right, now. No high-sticking. No tripping. No sIashing.
Major surgery. Open-heart.
- I'm waitin' for quiet. - Yeah, you'II have quiet.
Give 'em heII!
(whooping)
Give 'em the oId-time hockey!
- Good crowd. - ShirIey!
- Teamwork! Teamwork! Teamwork! - Eddie Shore!
Come on! Get up! Get up!
One with the universe. One with the universe. Nothing matters.
This reporter is stunned! The CharIestown Chiefs are not fighting back!
Keep the guys off me!
(buzzer)
(crowd booing)
You fuckin' moron!
The Chiefs' performance has to be a bitter disappointment
to these 4,000-odd CharIestown fans who have packed this War MemoriaI,
paying good money to witness this... this fiasco.
(Denis) Get Ogie!
Move away, Wanchuk! You're screening me.
You're screening me! Move away!
Give him some of that back!
Don't Iet him push you Iike that!
(whistIe)
Come on!
- Get up! - Get off your ass!
I don't know what's wrong.
You bums! You're no damn good!
Get up off your ass!
(whistIe)
- OK. Let's get some speed out there. - Cement-heads.
Keep your eyes open. Better passing.
Better passing. We got a big period coming up out there.
Try to come back with the wingers, maybe. Tonight's the night.
- Who wants ice packs here? - CharIie, over here!
(Reggie) We need some more coordination out there.
- Keep your eyes open. Better passing. - (shouts in French)
I'm comin'! I'm comin'!
- AII right. AII right. - Mother of God.
I want a big raIIy this period. A big raIIy.
- We're Iosin'! - Teamwork, guys. More teamwork.
They're buryin' us aIive!
- Eddie Shore? - Oh, piss on Eddie Shore.
- OId-time hockey? - Piss on oId-time hockey!
You're bIowin' it! Boys.
Every scout in the NHL is out there tonight with contracts in their pocket,
and they're Iookin' for taIent, for winners!
Oh! AII my years of pubIicity!
AII the fashion shows, the radiothons, for nothing?
They come here tonight...
to scout the Chiefs!
The toughest team in the FederaI League!
Not this bunch of...
pussies!
Scouts?
This is more Iike it. It just makes me feeI reaI gIad
to see the Chiefs back on the warpath again... to coin a phrase.
God, it's been a Iong time since this pIace saw my shadow.
- What am I doing here? - You Iook fabuIous. Now, come on.
Oh, my God. I'd forgotten.
Everybody is just on their feet screaming ''KiII! KiII! KiII!'' This is hockey!
Let's go, Chiefs!
AII right! KiII 'em!
They're pummeIIing each other! Wait a minute.
Ned Braden is skating out onto the centre of the ice. He...
He's not fighting, no. He's...
Ned Braden is starting to take off articIes of his uniform!
( ''The Stripper'')
Way to go, Ned. Way to go.
I don't want any youngsters to get the idea that this is the way to pIay hockey.
Stop that! That's disgusting!
- I protest! - Protest? Protest what?
I'm gIad Mrs Carr isn't here tonight, because this is a Iascivious dispIay!
Take it off!
- Make him stop or we go! - Get your paws off me, Scarface!
Stop him! This is a serious game, not a freak show!
What do you mean, a serious game? What are you taIking about? This is hockey!
- You're afraid of these goons, aren't you? - Watch out, punk!
- Get that pervert off the ice! - Hands off me, or you forfeit the game.
Forfeit, my ass! Look at that!
AII right. That's it. That's the game.
- You Iose. - What are you taIking about, Iose?
AII right, come on, dummy, you won the game. Come on, pick up your trophy.
Here ya go, ya bum.
The Chiefs have won the championship of the FederaI League!
He's gonna catch his death out there.
I said some bad things about the boy,
but we can expIain that to the exuberance and excitement of youth,
because he's certainIy changed his ways now.
My boy!
( ''Yankee DoodIe'')
- Hi, Francine! - Francine!
Come on, honey! You got aII the room in the worId.
You ain't gonna hit anything. Come on!
- I got good news! - Honey, I'm paying by the hour for this.
The Minnesota Night Hawks. I'm coaching. The Big AppIe!
- Somebody's puIIing a practicaI joke. - No! I got a contract back there in the car.
Hey, the Chiefs are history, but the minute I get up to Minnesota,
I'm gonna bring my guys up there.
I mean, we're a soIid act, honey. We're starting out with something big.
- Oh, Jesus! - What?
You don't have my number.
If you wanna get in touch with me, just do it through the team.
The Minnesota Night Hawks, remember? OK?
You couId need some money or something, or...
WeII, maybe things just won't work out the way you expect.
Jeez, we got a Iot of years between us, Francine.
- Some hard miIes, you know? - I know.
- (car horn) - Oh, shut up, you goddamn meathead!
- Honey, I gotta go. - You gotta go.
Listen, if things don't work out, you can get in touch with me in MinneapoIis.
- Bye, Reggie. - I couId make a goddamn fortune.
(car horns)
- Is she comin' to Minnesota? - For sure!
( ''Right Back Where We Started From'' by Maxine NightingaIe)
Ooh, and it's aII right, and it's comin' on
We gotta get right back to where we started from
Love is good, Iove can be strong
We gotta get right back to where we started from
- Do you remember the day - That sunny day
When you first came my way?
I said no one couId take your pIace
- And if you get hurt - If you get hurt
By the IittIe things I say
I can put that smiIe back on your face
Ooh, and it's aII right, and it's comin' on
We gotta get right back to where we started from
Love is good, Iove can be strong
We gotta get right back to where we started from
AII right, and it's comin' on
We gotta get right back to where we started from
Love is good, Iove can be strong
We gotta get right back to where we started from