Hello!
Thank you. Thank you for the clapping.
You know the drill. It's Taskmaster, I'm Greg Davies,
and funny folk have completed some tasks
and I'm going to judge them on their efforts.
Jesus Christ! Can we just get on with it?
Your five combating contenders are...
James Acaster!
Jessica Knappett!
Kerry Godliman!
Phil Wang!
And Rhod Gilbert!
And here, standing just shy of five feet tall,
it's my sufficient assistant...
Ooh, it's...
Little Alex Horne!
- So... - Yes? I've written a poem.
I've passed my driving test.
I've seen a foreign film.
Yep?
I've... I've used talcum powder.
This is your big moment. You know that, don't you?
I'm reading my CV. I've met...
I've met two jockeys.
No!
I'll tell you why this irritates me.
Is 'cause it looks like we've planned this. We haven't.
Alex gets these few moments to say whatever he wants,
and this is what he's chosen to fucking say.
Rhod, please?
It doesn't look like you've planned this.
I think we need to get on with the show, Alex.
OK. We're gonna start with the prize task.
And today's category is to bring in the most confusing thing.
Brrr?
Mm-hm. You, Lord Davies, will judge whose thing is the most confusing.
The one with the most confusing thing will max out on points for this section.
At the end of the episode, the winner will take home loads of things
to get all befuddled by. That's how it works.
- Brrr! - Yeah.
Thanks, little man. Right.
Jessica Knappett, what is your confusing thing?
T-shirts.
Thank you!
- Five points. - That's a great start!
Let's end it there!
Specifics?
I think, when you buy a t-shirt, wear a t-shirt,
you should know why you're wearing it
and at least what it says.
I understand so far. What have you brought in?
I've brought in a t-shirt that I bought in a small village in Spain.
I've been trying to figure out what they meant.
"Iuf! There comes the raven!"
I don't get it.
"Here comes the raven"?
"Here comes the raven, but so what?"
IUF can stand for International Union of Food, or...
Immune Uterine Fluid, which can attract...
That can attract ravens.
That's cleared it up.
Wow, I'll show you how confused I am.
Brrr!
James Acaster, what did you bring in that's confusing,
and why will it confuse me?
A DVD of The Matrix.
Everyone who you've spoke to about The Matrix has gone
"I can't wrap my head around it, man!"
"Try and watch The Matrix, man!"
And you... and...
Who are these-- Who are these people?
My parents.
But here's the thing, right?
It's like saying, "This isn't reality. There's a different reality."
"And you're plugged into the Matrix, and you're a machine."
"Or are you a machine? You're not a machine. You're imagining stuff."
And people don't know what The Matrix is about...
- and figure out what it means. - Well, James, I haven't seen The Matrix,
but from what you've just said, my understanding is,
the people in the Matrix think they're existing in one reality,
but in fact, it turns out they're plugged into machines,
and they're experiencing an entirely different reality.
Greg, can you go back to the beginning? I didn't get that.
- D'you wanna move on to Kerry? - Jesus Christ, yes.
Kerry, what have you brought in that's confused you?
I have brought in the wires round the back of my telly.
Haha, yes!
And what's really sad is, I bought that Wii U for my son over a year ago.
He hasn't been able to play it for six months 'cause I can't plug it in.
I sometimes just don't watch films, like The Matrix,
'cause I can't be fucked to plug it in. I can't cope.
- Yeah. - I can't cope with that.
Gonna write that quote down. "Can't be fucked to plug it in."
Godliman sums things up again.
"Bosh! Can't be fucked!"
Bosh!
Can't be fucked to plug it in.
Rhodri, what's the confusing thing you've brought in,
and why did it confuse you?
My story relates to incident where I went to a t-shirt shop,
and they got inexplicably confused at my simple request.
OK.
My simple request was,
"Can you put my favourite picture onto a t-shirt?"
- Yeah. - And then they did this.
I don't know if we can see the original picture, but...
Oh, I wonder!
It's confusing how you're getting away with using this picture...
and still getting laughs, you prick.
Well, strap in. There's six more episodes.
I'm very confused as to why you're so obsessed with a semi-naked me.
Er, Phil?
My confusing thing is a confusing little box.
- Wanna see a picture of it? - Yes, please.
OK, here's a picture.
It's a confusing little box that you can't open, but you can.
But you can't open it. But you can open it.
It's a mysterious box I bought in Thailand from a mysterious man.
And I haggled, I haggled.
I haggled for this box.
OK, how did the haggling process go?
Well, he said, "300 baht."
And I said, "150."
And then he said, "300."
And I said, "200."
And then he said, "300."
So I paid 300 baht...
And it's been absolutely worth it.
- Do you think you could open it? - I can't open that picture.
No, you could open that box.
You wanna give it a go?
It's a confusing little box.
This is gonna be good old telly, innit?
Oh, just open the box, you pussy.
I don't know where that came from. I don't know where that came from.
No, don't, don't.
- I don't know where that came from! - Fight, fight, fight!
I don't know where that came from. I just got impatient.
What the hell was that all about?
I'm sorry, I-I got over--
- I thought that was in my head. - No, no, it's alright. Hey, hey.
It's alright.
Oh my God.
I've just taken charge of the box.
If I'd been there for 20 minutes or so,
I would understand you getting irritated,
but I still wouldn't have expected you to use that sort of language.
Let's... You apologise and we'll leave it there.
- I'm very sorry. - That's alright.
You wanna try to open it? Here you go.
Ooooh!
It is open. It is open.
Are you alright, Phil?
That's 300 baht I'm never getting back.
It's frustrating, isn't it, Greg,
when you're asked to complete tasks under pressure
and there's a lot of people watching.
You wanna judge them?
I hope that round of applause was worth the three points you've just lost.
I'm sorry, James, and this isn't because you called me a pussy.
Or is it? Who knows what reality is any more.
It's just a film. I got it within your description. One point.
- One point to James. - Yeah.
Fair play.
Kerry, just a bunch of wires.
- Bosh. Two points. - OK, two to Kerry.
Three, and you're lucky to be getting these.
Why are you so obsessed with me, you freak?
Three points.
I'm gonna give Phil four points,
because that t-shirt is still wrecking with my head.
Five points to Jess.
OK. Time for a task to be projected onto the big screen, please, Alex.
OK, in that case, I'm gonna flick this switch...
and off we go.
Hello.
Ah.
Where is he?
Oh, no.
"Work out what happens when you flick this switch on."
"You may not take the switch out of this room."
"Your time starts now."
There's a live wire there, a neutral wire there,
coming over there, it's gaffer-taped to there...
Oh, I mean, so I'm allowed to flick it?
Oh, I hated that one.
Pretty straightforward. Let's just crack on, Alex.
- Crack straight on? - Yep.
OK, we're gonna start with three contestants
who didn't necessarily enjoy this task.
It's two girls, one Wang. Ready?
Here we go.
It says "off".
On.
Let's have a look, shall we?
I wonder if it's just a light down there...
Nooo.
There's a tap that's been left on.
I'd be very impressed if you've managed to...
No.
That fan's going.
Ohh!
This is hard.
Aha, a flood light. I didn't see you.
Hello, Kerry.
Right. Keep an eye on that, then.
Oh, come ooon!
Is it these lamps?
It's still on!
All the lights are on.
Huh. Ah!
Argh, still on!
No.
Turning it off.
Now...
Nooo!
On.
It's not the sprinkler, 'cause I turned it off and it's still going.
On it goes again.
No.
Off, I want it off.
Oh!
This is stressing me out, this one!
Yeah! No, it's not them.
Hi, Phil.
That was facing the other way.
He's moved. He was facing the other way, wasn't he?
Oh my God. That's turned round!
Well, it's off now.
It's him, it's him!
- Ollie? - Yeah!
Aha!
I've got it! Ollie turns round.
I've stopped the clock.
Did you enjoy that one?
- No. - No.
That was against the clock, right?
- Well, fastest wins. - Fastest wins.
Do you think there was any way you could've
been more efficient during that task?
Yeah, you could've gone out with a checklist.
I mean, the most efficient thing to do would've gone...
Outside and gone, "It's a statue."
- Hindsight. - Hindsight is a fine thing.
Wonderful thing, yeah.
Better thing to do, would've gone out with a checklist.
- Checklist. - Yeah.
What, gone out...
- Said, "That's on, that's on, that's on." - Hey, can I stop you?
Then go back in--
It may be that I've started this tone by smashing that little box,
but you seem quite cross.
I'll be honest, that was the one I hated the most.
This one? Why?
It made me very cross. It wore me out.
It stressed me out. It hurt my head.
You were the quickest of these three.
Feel better now?
Maybe.
Phil took ten minutes, 50 seconds.
- Jesus Christ. - Ten minutes 50.
- Kerry, nine 26. - Sorry.
And Jess... 11, 49.
So it was a similar ballpark, all of them.
Good. That's the end of part one, friends.
If you're stuck for what to spend all of your money on,
then stay tuned for the next three minutes.
Then come back to us, please. I need you.
Hello!
Thank you.
You've just walked in on Taskmaster,
but don't worry, we're not shy.
Before the break, there was a tricky little task going on.
You're right. They've been trying to work out
what a switch in the lab controls. OK?
Next, we're gonna see a little old man. It's Rhod Gilbert.
Is that...? So that-- But that goes there.
Where...? What's that?
Is that just something like...? Is that connected to the task?
Or is it something completely-- Oh, there's another plug there.
Well, I'll tell you what, I'll flick that switch off,
then nothing will happen when I flick that switch.
Nothing happens when you flick that switch. Stop the clock.
That's my final answer. Nothing happens.
No, maybe that's not my final answer.
Nothing happens. That's... I mean...
Unless it's something that happens somewhere else.
I hope it's that prick who's electrocuted in the studio if I flick that.
Take that, you fizzy fuck, now, aren't you?
Fizzing in that chair.
Fizzing on your concrete power commode.
Take that.
I hope those teeth fall out your head.
It shouldn't take much.
Hopefully, the answer is,
you flick the switch and Greg gets electrocuted,
and those rotten pistachios he calls teeth
all just rattle about and fall out of his head.
That's my final answer.
I must've done something to you around 2009.
Because the vast majority of your responses...
are about my rotten teeth.
Which I had fixed some eight years ago.
He was the quickest, he was the quickest.
We stopped the clock at three minutes 37.
Thank you very much.
But I'm not sure he got it right--
No, hey, whoa! He didn't get it.
- Yeah, I did! - No, you didn't!
Once I'd clicked the main switch, that switch didn't do anything.
No, if you'd left the-- We all established--
Hey! Hep-bep-bep-bep!
Bep-bep-bep!
- Boop boop! - Bup-bup-bup!
Now...
We're moving on to the last contestant. It's James Acaster.
Really annoying place for the switch to be.
Fucking hell.
Fan...
- Hello, Alex. - Hello, James.
- It's a good one. - Thank you.
OK.
Operates you, the switch does.
Pleased with yourself?
I feel very pleased.
Well, it was chance, he just caught you.
He checked everything.
He checked the whole area in one go, rather than...
I'll tell you what it was, Kerry. It was urgency.
The man appreciated he was against the clock,
and he moved with speed.
I was legging it! I was legging it round the house.
"Hmm, it's not the tap."
- "I'll mosey back to the switch!" - Here's how urgent I was, Kerry...
I was not wandering.
- I was running... - We were all running!
No, Kerry, you weren't!
Watch it back, watch it back! I was running!
Oh, God, please don't.
You may have done one run. You were largely sauntering.
And then you went all Phil Mitchell again,
when asked a perfectly nice "Did you enjoy that, Kerry?"
"No, I fuckin' didn't."
How long did James take, then?
Well, Jess took 11-something,
Phil 10-something, you nine-something,
James, five 35. Pretty quick.
- Let's give some points out, shall we? - I guess you're doing it for speed.
Of course.
We all know that James Acaster gets five points for winning the task.
It then goes four to Kerry, three to Phil,
two to Jessica, but what happens with Rhod?
Go on, give him a point.
Rhod Gilbert gets one point.
Alex, can we have a look at a scoreboard, please?
OK, there are joint leaders.
Phil and Jess have seven points.
Do you have a nice uplifting task for us?
Well, I've got a nice downlifting task for you.
- Is that alright? - I guess so.
Huh.
Helloooo.
- Hello. - Hello, Jess.
I'm just taking in my surroundings. Ooh.
Hello, James.
Ooh, don't touch that.
Well, you can if you want, I suppose.
"Dramatically alter your appearance."
"Most dramatic alteration wins."
"You may start altering your appearance when you are inside the lift..."
"and the doors have closed."
I don't like lifts.
"You must stop altering your appearance when the doors...
open again."
That's a good way of timing it.
Fair way.
- That's like... - 18 seconds.
"You may inspect the contents of the briefcase..."
"for five minutes, before the lift doors open for the first time."
Start the clock!
OK.
Ooh.
OK, great.
Cotton wool pleat.
Mm, I like that.
Love it, love it, love it.
Felt.
Jam.
Oh, God.
No.
Wig...
No.
Wig...
So many things...
Moustache?
Breasts.
Mustard?
I'm no makeup artist.
Ooh.
I can't imagine it's gonna involve mustard.
- How much time do I have? - Two minutes and 20 seconds.
Aaargh!
I've got a sheer panic on. I can't think what to do!
Could I take your coat?
Give me your jacket, please, Alex.
I'm going to call the lift in ten seconds.
Oof!
Good luck, Kerry.
I'm really scared!
Words are key in some of these tasks,
and I think the key word here is "dramatically".
- To "dramatically alter" appearance. - Mm-hm. Yes.
I'll give you an example, shall I?
This is Alex's normal face.
And now...
A dramatic face!
Fuckin' hell.
Let's see how dramatically our lift chums altered their appearance.
OK. They had 18 seconds in the lift.
We're gonna see each of their attempts individually.
Up first, it's Jessie K, who has already proven herself
quite the quick-change artist in episode one,
which is available on catch-up on UKTV Play.
Here she is.
Please press G.
- Yep. - Good luck.
Bye.
I can't move 'cause it'll fall off.
What will fall off?
Oh, I like your shirt and tie.
Unrecognisable.
Yeah, there we go.
Shirt and tie.
"Ah, Mr Bond."
Pretty dramatic, right?
- I mean, incredible. - High drama.
I actually thought, when the beard fell away...
that was when the outfit really kicked in,
because you'd gone to the trouble of making a tie.
Yeah, out of felt.
Felt on paper, that was.
Did you make that pre-lift or in the...?
- Yeah, pre-lift. - Pre-lift?
- Yeah, that was part of the prep. - They had five minutes' prep time.
Can I also just say...
I have a genuine phobia of lifts.
Do you think it was that big a deal
if you overcame it in five minutes?
It was 18 seconds.
I knew that it was only gonna be 18 seconds,
and I knew that they'd get me out because they had to,
because I'm on telly.
Yeah.
Just like that, bam, it's the end of part two.
Bam, just like that! Bam!
Thanks, thanks, and an extra side portion of thanks.
It's Taskmaster part three,
and five comedian are vying for Kerry Godliman's HDMI cable.
Er, which task are we in the thick of, little Alex Horne?
We are doing one that's really elevated the series, Greg.
Oh, God. Heartbreaking.
I'm so sorry. They're trying to alter their appearance
as much as possible within the 18 seconds it takes
the lift to go from upstairs to downstairs.
They had five minutes to prepare, and a case full of props.
We're gonna see what's going down with Phil Wang.
Please press G.
Who are you?
OK.
Er, pleased?
Yeah, couldn't look much different.
Also, you'll notice...
that when I went in, I wasn't holding a jar of jam.
I mean, that's one of the things I want to discuss...
more than anything else, really...
is how you think that holding a pot of jam alters your appearance.
Mm, so I go from...
I go from appearing not to have any jam, to appearing as I do.
- I'm backing you up here, Wang. - Thank you, Rhod.
He didn't have jam when he went in. He had jam when he came out.
The bigger problem for me, I thought, was that it was...
There's one thing about you, across this whole series,
that is unmistakably you.
If I was you, I'd have just held the jam there...
thus completely transforming your identity.
Do you wanna see what Rhod did?
Let's hope that what Rhod did isn't more ridiculous
than just holding a jar of jam.
- OK, this is what Rhod did. - Let's go.
Get in the lift and press G.
Press G?
Yes, please. Good luck.
- Does it hurt? - Oh, the mustard in my eyes is agony.
Not gonna lie, I'm really thinking now I should've used mayonnaise.
Bye.
That's how dramatically I altered my appearance.
I went to the ladies' toilet immediately after.
Now, I knew your clothes were coming off,
so that was no surprise to me.
But there was absolutely no...
no need to rub mustard into your face.
Also, that was a wig. He chose a wig which looked exactly like his hair,
but it was a wig.
I didn't even know you were wearing a wig. Genuinely.
Genuinely, I thought you took your clothes off
and smeared mustard over your face.
Greg, that is the sign of a good wig.
Who's next?
What will Kerry Godliman do?
Let's see Kerry Godliman's attempt
to find out the answer to the question about...
what Kerry Godliman will do. Here we go.
- What do I press? - G.
You did say that. Sorry.
One.
Two... three... four... five...
Six... seven... eight...
Nine... ten...
No! I'm not ready!
That wasn't 20 seconds!
Would you mind stepping out of the lift?
That wasn't 20 seconds.
There was so much more that was gonna happen.
It's a good look.
No, because I was gonna do the knees on the shoes,
then I was gonna wear the shades.
- Thank you, Kerry. - OK.
I was so excited about that one.
Yeah. So who was your final character going to be?
I was just meant to be dramatically-- Are you trying to--
- I know where he's going. - Where are we going with this?
Well, I'm just wondering...
who you thought your final character might be.
The task wasn't to become a character,
the task was just to dramatically change--
No, no, no, I know.
What is your problem with this, Greg?
I haven't got a problem, I'm just asking--
Imagine if you were a foot shorter, how dramatically... You'd be nothing.
Also, I did look dramatically... Moreso than these two.
Yeah, so we just--
- No, you did not look-- - Yeah, I did.
I was just backing you up!
You've learnt-- Have you learnt nothing?
All you've done is shove a bloody Brillo Pad in your tits.
That's not what I did.
I was sticking up for you, and you--
You need to learn not to help people, 'cause we always
- stab you in the back. - You do, all of you!
I would like to point out that when Rhod
accused you of putting a Brillo Pad on your tits,
James Acaster went like this.
That was mainly 'cause of the word "tits."
OK, the last person is James Acaster. Here we go.
Oh, no. No! No!
No!
No, no, no, no!
Please step out of the lift, James.
Oh, I'm last.
I'm last in this one.
Thanks, James.
This is what happens if you believe what happens in films.
Because you pressed the emergency button
and you just thought it would stop.
- Yeah. - You could take your time...
Thought I could override it.
- Yeah, yeah. - Press that, the whole thing would stop.
Just a weird little alarm went off and you continued to travel.
Points?
One point. James Acaster.
OK. The second-least dramatically disguised?
It doesn't matter how many pots of jam someone is holding...
This again!
I will still be able to identify them,
particularly if they've labelled themselves.
- As not them. - Two points for Phil Wang,
and thank me for those.
Purely 'cause she doesn't know the concept of time,
it's old furry norks...
- Kerry with three points. - OK.
So it's between Jess and Rhod.
Now, when Jess first stepped out of the lift,
- I hadn't got a clue who it was. - No.
Then, unfortunately, her beard fell away,
and I knew... that it was...
definitely Jessica Knappett.
Are you joking? I'm gonna lose to Mustard Face?
So against all odds, with five points,
the winner of this is ooold Mustard Face.
- Mr Rhod Gilbert! - Four to Jess, five to Rhod.
- You! - Yes?
- What's next? - Well, thank you.
This one has been weighing very heavily on my mind.
Here it is.
"Make these scales read 31.770 kg."
Kilograms.
"The scales must read 31.770 kilograms."
"For at least five seconds."
"Fastest wins."
"Your time starts now."
OK, I've broken it.
- What's that? - That means you're too heavy.
I can't be too heavy. It's only my foot.
You're too heavy for the scales.
- Shut up. Seriously? - Yes.
Are you winding me up?
How bloody rude.
They had to make the scales weigh exactly 31.770 kg.
They all tried to do it initially by putting their body on it, and...
And?
It's a butcher's scale, though, so it's very sensitive.
You'd have to lop a body part off.
OK, first up to the scales, it's Phil Wang.
What?!
How much is 37?
Oh, shit!
Hot damn! We're in business. OK.
Congratulations. I've stopped the clock.
Great. Can I get a selfie with it?
That is the most delightfully nerdy
response to a task we've ever had.
Selfie?
It looked like an audition for The Big Bang Theory.
Well, he nailed it. I mean, the bucket...
It was only 345 grams over when he first put it on,
which is about the weight of a hamster in or on a baseball.
What I would say was it wasn't as quick as we made it look.
It took him six minutes to fill and then drag the bucket.
But the benchmark is eight minutes, 28 seconds.
That's what he achieved. OK?
I forgot there was a time element.
Right, just one part to go, with the studio task to be completed
and confusing things to be won.
See you right back here soon.
Hello. Welcome to the final part of this Taskmaster instalment.
Yes, and I'm called Alex.
Before the break, they were trying to make an industrial set of scales
display 31.770 kg exactly.
Do you wanna see the two parents have a go?
- Yes, I do. - OK. Here are Kerry and Jess.
I haven't really thought this through.
Oh...!
Sorry.
Right.
Oh, it's gonna take ages.
One? Am I allowed to go out and come back in?
Or do I have to do it all here?
All the information's on the task, Jess.
Can I have everybody's shoes, please?
I'm gonna need 31 pairs of shoes at this rate.
Oh, why did I do that?
There are no windows open in here.
Absolutely stinks.
I could do with some heavy stuff.
I could get some heavy stuff. That's the key, isn't it?
- Heavy stuff? - But not as heavy as me!
I don't understand what to do.
Why have you only used shoes?
Does it say you have to stay in this room?
Oh, you made out like I did!
I said all the information's on the task.
You're kidding me.
This isn't practical. I should've just gone with bricks.
Oh!
Oh my God, it absolutely stinks in here.
- Right. Now we're really close, aren't we? - Yes.
How much does water weigh?
Ah! Oh...
Oh, no! It's alright.
One, two, three, four... I've stopped the clock.
Took a while, didn't it?
Ye-e-es!
- What?! - It's got to be five seconds.
One, two, three, four, five!
I've stopped the clock.
It's often that quotes get thrown up
that I think may or may not haunt contestants.
I mean, I thought, "I could use heavy stuff, but not as heavy as me"
was mildly embarrassing, but it was hugely eclipsed by
"How much does water weigh?"
She ended up with a time of one second and 16 minutes.
- What? - Not awful.
Your approach looked a bit like the back of your telly to me.
Just absolute carnage.
Kerry's-- Well, we know Phil got eight minutes 28.
Kerry, eight minutes and 13 seconds.
She was quicker than Phil.
Not so shit, then.
- I always knew it was alright. - Thanks.
Yeah. Rhod and James are next up.
Gotta be an easier way at this, I reckon.
Will that do? 31.6?
No, that won't do. It needs to be 31.770.
Jesus. You must be a butcher's nightmare.
Why that number?
Huh?
Do you not like that number?
Well, it's just a very specific number, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
0.065 grams.
It's not gone up at all.
Oh, no!
Phew. Easy.
- Thank you, James. - Thank you.
The old balloons and spit, eh?
The problem was you slightly misread the scales.
You thought you needed 0.065 more grams,
but you needed 65 grams' worth of spit.
When you started spitting, you actually needed 65 grams.
That's a tennis ball.
That's a tennis ball worth of spit.
- I did it. - Eventually.
Rhod, seven minutes seven.
James, five minutes and 44 seconds. Wins the task.
Just to run it down, it goes,
James with five points, Rhod with four,
Kerry with three, Phil with two,
and Jess, who took ages, one point. OK?
Lovely.
James, your enquiring mind kept demanding
"What's the significance of the weight?"
And I know Alex is keen to tell everyone, aren't you?
Have you worked out the significance of the weight?
Ollie! It says Ollie upside down!
Oooh.
Ollie.
- Scoreboard? - Yes, I can give you a scoreboard.
Well, the series scores are...
not as close as we would have hoped,
but we've got James in last place with 57,
then Phil with 58. We move into the 60s,
63 to Rhod, 64 to Jess.
Bosh, she's still there with 72. Kerry's in the lead so far.
Oh, man.
Smart!
However, what I can tell you is that this episode is tight.
There are just two points separating all five of them.
Rhod's in the lead, Phil's on 11,
and there are three people in joint second.
So it really is all to play for.
In that case, it's time for you all to vacate your chairs
and make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
Who's going to read the task out?
James Acaster's gonna read the task out.
Oh, they've got handcuffs on.
Oh, no!
Oh, no. Do you want me to hold it for you?
Yes, please.
- "Alex." - Alex.
"Correctly don the most items of clothing."
"You have 100 seconds."
"Most new items of clothing correctly donned wins."
OK?
Blow your whistle. Let's get donning.
A hundred seconds, starting now.
Good luck.
Behind the back...
Sunglasses on.
How are you gonna get that on?
Ooh, that won't go. That will not go.
Oh, yes, it will.
It's on!
Good. You've got one minute left, one minute left.
One item to go here. One item to go.
Really nice. Really nice.
I put that hat on you, you put your hat on me.
Yeah?
Oh, that's gone. That's gone.
Have you finished, Phil? Not yet.
It's the final 20 seconds. Come on, finalists.
Five, four, three, two, one...
Come down here. Let's see how that's affected the final scores.
Alright.
- We've looked at the footage. - Yes.
We have only counted up the items that were donned correctly.
- OK. - OK.
- Phil is last. He gets one point. - OK.
Jess, Kerry and Rhod all donned four items correctly.
They all get four points.
Whoa!
James Acaster donned five items correctly.
He gets five points and wins the task.
That is going to make...
pretty dramatic difference to the scoreboard.
- I enjoyed that. - Thank you.
It does. It means the final scoreboard looks like this.
It's a tie-break!
NO!
How are we gonna find our winner?!
Well, with a lovely little extra task, of course, Greg.
All they had to do in this one was
make the best loo roll paper aeroplane.
They had five minutes and one attempt.
Furthest flight wins.
Here we go.
I can't make a paper aeroplane using normal paper.
Can't hear you.
- Are you ready? - Yep.
Thank you, James.
Well, I would say that it's certainly not guaranteed after that effort.
Next up, Rhod Gilbert.
Make a paper aeroplane using only toilet paper.
Oh. Oh dear.
So James achieved a flight of 3.9 metres, not bad,
but Rhod achieved a flight of 22.7 metres.
Very good.
Well done to tonight's champion, Rhod Gilbert!
Please meander to the stage and collect your confusing items!
So, what have we learnt today?
We've learnt that everything could be a construct.
Maybe none of this is real.
Is it a television show? Is it reality?
Whoa-hoa!
- Yep, it's real! - It's real!
And in case you've already forgotten,
Rhod is tonight's worthy winner.
Let's award him with applause,
and then ignore each other until next time!
Have a lovely night. Night-night!