ladies and gentlemen Garfield and
friends
[Music]
the longest-running show on this channel
except for the news which is
unfortunately funnier
years ago the oceans were menaced by
seagoing criminals known as pirates men
like Jean Lafitte scourge of New Orleans
Henry Morgan menace of the West Indies
or stingy Mendelson producer of this
show but perhaps none have been as evil
as the one who sailed in 1891 under the
name of the Jelly Roger Ferguson three
o'clock rage swapped all day he
plundered other ships of their riches
and mostly food Polly launched an
aspirin oh boy what a headache no one
knows for certain what became of him but
over the years his descendants have
continued the family tradition of piracy
mostly as TV repairmen I maintain you
need a new picture too one day he was on
a roof installing a satellite dish so
that mrs. Conigliaro could watch the all
gargling Channel when he lost his
footing Yoho
he wasn't hurt but the fall knocked them
somewhere back in time back to his
ancestors calling I must return
Tennessee
return to the sea return to the Sheik
this then is the story of how 19th
century piracy was reborn in this day
and age this is
the Garfield crime files here is the
story of this dangerous pirate and how
he was brought to justice by a handsome
and crafty cat cue the flashback our
story starts at the local pier where
yacht owners keep their private ships
including this new boat owner Jon
Arbuckle I can't wait to see the yacht I
bought through that classified ad this
sounds painful right the ship I bought
should be around here slip 13:8 there it
is and Wow 9 yep yes the beautiful women
will be flocking to slip 13a for boat
rides now 30 Netley that's 13 beer look
at that sunny 30 names over there I'm
shocked this boat is is is the word
you're looking for is floating but it's
my boat and I'm going to sail it I don't
care if it is a little low you got it
wrong the captain's supposed to go down
with the ship not before it in the
meantime
other sailors in more seaworthy crafts
had their own problems
[Music]
I'm 80 and over your gold doubloons and
pieces and later on see you Davy Jones
locker birds it's it's the man that fix
my TV set yes it was a pirate the jelly
Roger was sailing again robbing everyone
afloat but we have no gold doubloons or
Pieces of Eight her in that case for
cover iron gravia scurvy bilge rats
ah give us the food and so the pirate
went on a rampage he had not only
inherited his ancestors occupation but
as appetite as well
reports were phoned in to the Coast
Guard who reacted about as you'd expect
Coast Guard pirate off right you don't
want us you want to call Peter Pan
right 19th one today some people soon
the jelly Roger had looted every ship
for miles around with one exception
lover I've ever had same walk according
to the manual if I hold this line the
sail should go up not a chance
[Music]
told you come on pupster let's let
Popeye here figure this one out no I had
it wrong the sale will go up when I pull
this rope I'm getting closer looks like
John packed a light lunch
oh hey with me anything you can carry
without a forklift is a light lunch
John's meatloaf I should have known one
of these must raise the sail you there
can you tell me how to raise the sails
no but I can't tell y'all how to raise
your hands bridge friend a yardarm yes
sir captain
ABI there did you hear someone say give
me all your food I thought I had that
line copyrighted oh no stop please mr.
pirate I'm sorry your walk that night
for a spanking
[Music]
don't worry pop I think I know how to
say first made Gilligan there it'll be
shark food when I get finished with you
no please here I'm gonna look for you
this is all you really want
oh that's what I come for I'm getting I
got out of food and not quite a sandwich
while giving here are our flowers to
take me out sucker I will Oh Garfield
get him the sandwich okay but he'll be
sorry Tony your meatloaf special
[Music]
my meatloaf sandwich hit it overloaded
him now you know how some of us feel
after we eat him and so the last pirate
was brought to justice after a crane
brought his ship to the surface that is
he was convicted of piracy on the high
seas and sentenced but he did promise to
seek honest work when he got out I'm
going back to fixing TVs I said honest
work and so ends another page in
Garfield
be with us next time when we go after
the guy who invented infomercials now
there's a dangerous criminal
John Sodapop he thinks I'm going to open
this and spray soda pop in my face well
we'll just see who has the last laugh
[Music]
all right what is the reason for all
this frenzy Huizar storm some chickens
Oh a fine reason for panic if I do say
so myself
[Music]
oh and some chicken here the weasel has
stolen some chicken come back with those
chickens weasel time to scram wit ya
with what let let let live the pigs
gaining on me
I gotta find a way to get away come on
come on already
detour hey I don't care which way I go
just so long as I get out of here hey I
don't remember this road before
weasel tunnel well okay
you let me install some luck
this is kind of a sudden steep hill in
here hey moved on my chickens weasel
someone of your caliber should go for
all safe ladies where's the weasel gonna
land ROI according to this I used the
left power to send him all the way to
channel 56 he should land somewhere in a
Gilligan's Island rerun even the weasel
doesn't deserve that what an ordeal
having a bad day funky hey what are you
sellin inspiration cousin I'm a
motivational speaker I can inspire
anyone to success hiya bunky say you
jump out of a plane at 30,000 feet and
the sky diving instructors yelling
where's my knapsack and you got sealed
in a biosphere for three months with 16
skunks and a fast-talking insurance man
from Ohio and a matter where you go to
keep seeing Elvis he said what's got you
feeling you're about to go pop weasel
well lift your head up high and take a
walk in the Sun with that fortitude and
determination that you show them what
you're made of and if they don't like it
tell em you made us something else
ever a bird in hand can be very
unsanitary yet right now I'm not gonna
let anything stop me this time
never that weasel trying to steal half
our chickens
fortunately the weasel isn't very
determined I don't understand this he
never never mind that now he's coming
this way get into position to stop him
it's great I feel so inspired and
motivated here he comes
he can't get by us anymore untrue
statements of fact Big O come on we
gotta stop him I am so very glad the way
you read the W person is gone as I still
tremble whenever I see that one inside
the weasels faster than ever
we'll never catch that weasel what what
what got into him I wish I knew I who
are you I am the feline philosopher
could I interest you gentlemen in a
motivational speech oh nothing personal
but we don't have time for it uh oh
let's listen to a horse we could use a
good kickstart proceed Thank You cousins
hey there ham and eggs
they say you planted the whole North
forty with birdseed and grew 97 acres of
pigeons and you tried making margarine
in the butter chain has got a
polyunsaturated back ache and the cows
been so nervous lately she's been giving
milkshakes and you just found out
to have a library book that's overdue
someone took it out when Eisenhower was
president and a girlfriend just eloped
with the Scarecrow she says he dresses
better than you do is that what's gotcha
putting in for a transfer to a Disney
show boobie well lift your head up
higher take a wallow in the budget so
what if this cartoon isn't going your
way at least it doesn't just all the
Buddy bears again remember he who laughs
last does not get the joke
I suddenly feel motivated Roy white wise
let's find that weasel this is great I
should have gotten motivated a long time
ago nothing can stop me now oh excuse me
I gotta go listen to another speech very
well we won't see him for a while that's
what you said the last time yeah but he
obviously ran into our friend with the
podium and got a speech that got him all
fired up and it could happen again
not if my plan works a way this is the
feline philosopher and he's going to
deliver an inspirational speech just for
you proceed
hey there duckie you say it's a hot
summer's night and you just inhaled a
dragonfly yeah yeah that's exactly what
what happened to me yeah that sure and a
very lonely porcupine is following you
around he keeps asking you for a hug all
the time now how did you know say did
you ever have a nightmare that you were
a centipede and you had 700 children and
you had a bite tap shoes for all of them
I dream that last night and it's 4:00
a.m. and you've got to take the Brahma
bull for a walk happens all the time
by the time Wade gets through with that
philosopher he'll be in no condition to
motivate the weasel or anyone else we'll
see here he comes
I giving any more speeches now I gotta
hide I got a run and hide and give up
and surrender I know
whoa well looks like our troubles are
over
now you just gonna lie around the mud
hole all day bumpy well lift your head
up high and put your noses to the
grindstone wake until you drop and then
get up and wake them all
you and your big ideas take a walk in
the Sun and show the world how in just
booyah you are out of fields to shuck
the corn and whatever go
[Music]
once upon a time there was a cat named
Garfield that's me and I was running
from a rather nasty looking canine named
Rudy that's Rudy Rudy went to obedience
school where he was voted most likely to
bite someone had how many times have I
warned you about coming around here 17
now the next time I catch you in my
neighborhood you know what it's gonna be
yes 18 the next time I see you in my
neighborhood cat you're history now Rudy
didn't need history like Washington
Crossing the Delaware or Lincoln
inventing the $5 bill he met history
like the death of Garfield so I decided
well maybe I wouldn't go around there
anymore but as I walked home I paused to
wish upon a star not that I believe in
that stuff but you know it's free and
there was no proof it doesn't work so I
wish something about teaching that dog a
lesson and then I went home little
realizing that this was
today's story is about me but it's also
about Esmerelda easily the worst fairy
godmother to ever wave a wand but don't
take my word for it let's peek in on the
National wish Clearing House shall we
Esmeralda where are you fairy godmother
Esmeralda at your service sir
Esmeralda you botched up the schmidlap
assignment
I did not according to this work order
young Joey schmidlap wished for a live
goldfish and a stuffed teddy bear that's
what I got him no you got him a stuffed
goldfish and alive teddy bear well I was
close
Esmeralda I'm demoting you again two
wishes from cats and dogs here's some
wish from a cat named Garfield if you
botch this one up you're fired it will
be done and now I will leave by your
will exit we don't have a rear exit did
you ever wish you had a rear exit the
fairy godmother now a fairy cat dog
mother flew to the house where the
handsome cat has been lived to grant my
wish I find that paper and I don't
remember the cat's name oh when you wish
for I'll get fired if I don't grant the
wish but what was it I know what I'll do
I'll just give everyone whose noses the
wishes they
and so we all had all the wishes we
could ever wish for
the trouble was we didn't know about it
Odie I'm hungry I was trying to hurry up
with lunch
mmm here's your lunch guys have some
time to soup for you in here some salad
I mean you're holding sign which is
corned beef on rye now to white Jeep on
me to free salad on hoverin I haven't
paid us out suppose one's awesome here's
a chocolate cake for dessert
at last the service around here starting
to improve work super model Christy
comely is on another magazine cover boy
I wish I could meet her and get a date
Jon Arbuckle Jim this is Christy calmly
I want you to meet me tonight and go out
on a date
be at my place at 6:00 sharp I have a
date with Christy come how did she never
mind how I gotta go get ready boy I wish
I had some mustard oh there's mustard
oh look away look away look away
Dixieland oh I wish I was in Dixie land
hooray Pixieland I'll make my stand to
live and die in Dixie long way look away
son y'all better have a powerful good
explanation for this I don't I mean I
was home in my shower I have a date with
Christy comely mmm that was a great
lunch I wish I could eat it all over
again didn't you just eat this lunch oh
it took a little doing but I finally
figured it out I try to test I wish for
a boxing kangaroo Julie experiment was a
success
Odie we have the power we can have
anything we wish for anything and I know
the first thing I want this is where I
was kind of stupid and make that
extremely stupid I should have wished
for gold and money and an unlimited
charge account at Pizza world but the
first thing I thought of was revenge
against that dog all right son one more
time I'm telling you I was taking a
shower in my home a thousand miles from
here and suddenly I was on the street
and and who just locked me up let's go
oh I wish I was home in bed
I'm hey Rudy you you you who'd I warned
you what would happen next time I've you
know I wish an anvil would fall on you
Rudy
oh now you're really gonna get it cat oh
I'm sorry I meant to wish that a
half-ton of cream zucchini would fall on
you this is the most fun I have ever had
in my life I better tell mr. witness he
that I botched up the cat assignment sir
I have to tell you good job as Marella
good job exactly the cat wish to teach
the dog a lesson and you arranged for
him to do just that I'm promoting you
back to people wishes with a fat raise
oh thank you
I did something arrived I'm a success
but I have to remember to cancel that
spell
give me everybody in the house for their
wish Louis no cat I'm gonna pound you oh
yeah watch this I wish a 1963 Studebaker
had fallen Rudy a 61 Edsel any kind of
car a toy truck I wish anything would
fall on Rudy
how much something had happened to Rudy
I wish I'd never been born
I wish I had a first-aid kit
and so someone learned a lesson I'm not
entirely sure who learned it or what the
lesson was but hey I guess things turned
out okay
this concludes
oh sure
[Music]