'Gentlemen, start your engines.'
I still owe you one!
God, are you alright?
What happened? Are you ok, honey?
Yeah, I'm ok.
What's with him?
Don't ask. He'll be alright.
Well, he's better! I've been waiting half my life for this trip.
If you back out now, you can spend your vacation on your back
in the hospital with your head in a sling!
And that goes for you too.
I promise you [I'll have him on the highway tomorrow.
That's a promise.
Oh, god, promises, promises, promises.
You better have him on the highway cos you got him in this!
He wouldn't back out now.
- Would he? - Nah.
Oh, brother!
Jamie? Jamie, honey?
Listen, I got a million things I gotta do. Couldn't you do this by yourself?
Come on, where's your spirit?
If the guns my great-granddaddy buried are worth anything, this man'll know it.
Frankly, I don't believe you.
Oh, don't be such a skeptic!
Oh, this one looks like it. Great-granddaddy had pictures of them.
Yeah, no doubt about it. That's a confederate musket.
- How do you know? - It says so right on the ticket here.
"Us Springfield, 1863, used by...
"Used by the union forces."
Now I know why he liked them so much.
They're beautiful.
Lucky for us he buried them and gave me the map.
How are you folks today?
Oh, hi. Fine, thank you. Fine.
- Can I help you? - We're interested in muskets.
Any particular kind?
A confederate, of course.
But what kind? Y'all know we had several during the conflict.
Don't ask me, she's the expert.
I think it's like that one there.
Now that's the Cadillac.
Most of the guns were made in France or england,
brought in by gun merchants.
But this one has got the authentic csa stamp on it.
What's that?
Csa, miss expert.
Csa? Confederate states of America?
Right. Er... well, this must be the one. How much is it?
It depends on whether you're buying or selling.
Actually, we're looking for them.
See, my great-granddaddy buried them and he gave me the map,
so we're going off to find them.
That's right, er... We're going off to find them, alright.
- Shh! - Shh.
Well, this was in perfect condition and I'm asking two thousand dollars for it.
Two thousand dollars?
200 times two, that's...
400 thousand dollars.
Will you be quiet?
Excuse me, sir, what if they weren't in what you call mint condition?
I'll give you a thousand dollars apiece for 'em,
as long as they have the csa stamp on 'em.
- Woo-whee! - I told you.
We haven't got 'em yet. I mean, this is a catalogue price.
I saw the dollar signs in your eyes.
Yeah, that was your reflection.
- Thanks. - Wait.
Where did y'all say you were gonna find 'em?
I didn't
- Hey, bill? - Yeah?
If you're tired, just whistle. It'll help keep you awake.
Will you get your feet off me, please?
Jamie?
James?
Billy?
- Did, er... your uncle, er... - My granddaddy?
Yeah, well, whatever. Did he ever tell you why they call it whiskey mountain?
Well, as legend has it,
besides the $200,000 worth of muskets,
the regiment also hid 25 barrels of whiskey.
They said for medical purposes.
For real?
This vacation's getting better every minute.
J when the laughing green of summer
j waves goodbye and turns her face into the wind
j and the chill of late September
j says yesterday won't ever come again
j when you see me comin' ridin'
j through the whole patchwork colors you will know
j that I've come lookin' for a dream
j that disappeared about a hundred years ago
j whiskey mountain rising in the Georgia sunset
j is your lurid beauty really all it seems?
J does your bosom hold a treasure that's for me and me alone?
J or is it just another empty dream?
J in the stiliness of the morning
j when the sunrise breaks the darkness from above
j a drink, a joke, a friend to talk to
j lying with the woman that I love
j perhaps the drink should be forgotten
j and I should only play the cards I hold
j but them everlasting mountains
j keep on callin' to the gypsy in my soul
j whiskey mountain rising in the Georgia sunset
j is your lurid beauty really all it seems?
J does your bosom hold the treasure that's for me and me alone?
J or is it just another empty dream? J
She's ok. Yeah, just let her sleep.
I bet these people will know where it is.
Anyway, I'll do the talking.
Old Jim lets them dogs chew on 'em before they pull 'em off.
And him and Wayne, they hog-tied him and jerked him up so hard,
they flipped him over the limb and knocked them all out.
Oh, Dan, look at this. Oh, I love it.
Come on, you... listen, come on.
Oh, a vacation, isn't it?
Yeah, vacation...
Hey, look.
Is this one of them new underarm vacuum cleaners?
Get out!
Psst
Bill, will you go ask these people about the place?
- Nope. - Why?
You said you wanted to do the talkin'. Get on down there and talk.
You Turkey!
Excuse me. Howdy.
I was wondering if I could get some directions from you.
Maybe.
Hey, Jamie, what was the name of that graveyard?
Graveyard?
Let me introduce myself. I'm bill Thompson from powsell county.
This is my good friend and pastor reverend ogney.
And the good reverend and I and his missus
are down here looking for a missing link, er... to the family tree.
So any cooperation you can give us would be most appreciated.
Reverend?
Are you a preacher?
No, not really. What we're looking for is, er...
My wife's grandad, well, her great-grandad's stomping grounds.
Hmm.
What is it you're looking for?
It's an old confederate graveyard,
it's supposed to be just a few miles out of town.
- I don't know. - It's on the way to whiskey mountain.
You know, in the summer, tourists ask about that place all the time.
Everybody knows it doesn't exist.
Well, it just ain't real.
You've come up kinda late. It's getting a little nippy.
Hey, you!
She's cute as a dog, ain't she?
Hi, blue eyes.
Where you going, you sweet thing, you?
I don't believe it.
What are you doing, leaving me out there alone in the car?
- Who, me? - Yeah, you?
- Who are those men? - What men?
Those weirdos out there who were trying to grab me.
You know, it was just... probably a couple of wise guys hitting on her.
Probably. Let's go lighten her up.
Yeah.
There's no one there, Diana.
What do you mean, there's nobody there?
Go on and look for yourself.
They're gone. Let's go.
Diana, come on.
Listen, er... thank you very much.
You ain't takin' those cycles up those hills, are you?
Oh, yeah, that's alright. They're dirt bikes.
I wouldn't do that, if I was you.
Some of them mountain folk don't take to strangers.
Right.
It's like them ones hangin' around your wife out there.
Why, that dirty...
That son of a...
Well
God, those people are spooky.
Do you really think there's a whiskey mountain?
I think they were trying to put us off, right, reverend?
"Right, reverend?" You Turkey!
- Now, why would they do that? - I don't know,
but my great-granddaddy wouldn't be wrong about a mountain.
Oh, Jamie, that map's ancient.
No, it isn't. He drew it 15 years ago, just before he died.
Look at the falls over the road.
That's gotta be the falls on the map.
Oh, one for Jamie.
Na-na-na, na-na, na!
- How's the leg? - Oh, terrific.
She's tough as nails.
You know, it's too bad it didn't fall on your head, Diana.
- Huh? - It would've hurt less.
- You ok? - Uh-huh.
Sure?
What the hell was that?
I don't know about you, but I'm getting jumpy.
- Hey, it was Odin. - Odin?
The love god of the mountain.
I told you we wouldn't need two sleeping bags, darling.
Oh, tell a man anything, and he interprets it as he's irresistible.
With another drink, an animal in the forest is gonna save you.
In fact... that's a good idea.
Oh, no.
Maybe just a tad.
Oh, no, Dan. One more drink and he'll sleep for the next three days.
I don't know about you all, but I'm going to bed.
- Ah, boo. - Boo!
I'll finish it.
Here's looking up your adenoids, pal.
And you, baby.
Will you do me a favor?
Why do women always have to drink your beer?
- They do it for my own good. - They do it for your own good?
Why don't they know about their stomachs?
Guess who'll feel better in the morning?
Well, I think she's got the right idea.
Nighty-night.
I'm just gonna sit up here and look at these trees.
Diana! Dan, get up! Fire!
What?
Get the bikes! Get the bikes to the water.
- Hey, get that bike. Get it! - Come on! Diana, hurry up!
Come on, Dan. Get back for the other bike.
Come on, Diana. Push. Push!
Goddamn it, that's hot!
The bags, the bags!
The map! Don't lose it! My bag, the map is in my bag.
- I'll get it, I'll get it. - Bill, no!
Wait, bill, no!
Alright?
- How the hell did that start? - Who cares?
- I wonder how it did start. - Maybe the campfire.
- The campfire was the last to burn. - That's right.
Er... whose idea was this vacation anyhow?
- Hey, listen. - What?
- What do you think? - Huh?
Well, that mountain's still got my curiosity going.
I'm game.
Oh, shit...
Here we go again.
Wow, this is it! Will you look at those falls?
Is that incredible or what? Check that!
- I'll build a fire. - I'l help.
Bill?
Shit!
Hey, I'll tell you what?
Why don't you two go on down and get cleaned up and we'll fix up camp?
- Bill? - Hmm? Mm-mm.
- Honey, do you have my panties? - Mm-hmm.
Come on, let me have them.
I don't have your panties.
You don't have my panties? Then who took them?
Not me.
Alright, come on, now. Who's the wise guy, who took my panties?
Come on, Diana! Hey, don't look at me, I didn't take 'em.
That's right, so what could've happened to them?
Come on, you two.
Tell you what, why don't we get up, put some coffee on,
and if you don't have anything to wear, I'll loan you my jockey shorts.
You alright?
I'm fine, thanks.
Oh, my god!
Hmm...
Well, we sure aren't gonna be able to Wade across this.
I'm not so sure. Why don't you Wade out there and check?
Why don't you suck a Rose?
It'll work, it's just gonna take a couple of trips, that's all.
I hope my life insurance is up to date, cos I can't swim!
It is.
I don't like it.
Come on, come on.
That's good.
A little swirly, isn't it?
- Do me a favor, Diana. - What?
Lighten up.
Bill... you know as well as I know,
that we should've turned back a long time ago.
- You're right. - Screw you, I don't wanna be right!
Then give me a kiss.
You're so mucho macho.
- I love you. - I know you do.
Well, if this whatever vacation is making you happy...
- I guess I'll lighten up. - Good.
Wait. Wait a minute. Bill?
Your helmet. Put your helmet on!
Your helmet!
Bill, will you pull?
Please!
Hey, what happened?
Something's wrong with the rope.
See if you can ride it out!
Bill!
- Diana! - Oh, my god, she can't swim.
- Give me your hand. - Help!
Give me your hand! Easy, easy, easy... easy!
Ok, ok, you're alright. You're alright.
Easy, easy.
Alright?
You know, you're right.
We set outta here tomorrow.
Yeah.
In the meantime...
I think I'm gonna stay awake tonight.
Anybody home?
Hello?
Looks like someone's living here.
Sure.
I'm gonna go upstairs.
What the hell's wrong with you?
Hey, who are you?
Let's get him downstairs. Come on.
- He's got Diana's panties. - What?
Let me see... Let me see what you got there.
- When did you get these? - I knew it!
Listen to me, I know you can talk.
Have you been following us?
Jesus! He couldn't be the whole answer, could he?
I don't know, he could be.
Do you live here? Do you live here?
Let's get outta here, this is the worse yet.
I'm ready.
Have you seen the ocean?
What?
The ocean. The ocean!
What about it?
How big is it?
It's, er... bigger than all these mountains.
Why?
Fish.
You will need fish.
- Dan, let's go. - Wait, wait.
Bill, let's go.
You might just be too crazy to be dangerous.
It'll be a roof over our heads.
Friend?
Hmm?
Friend.
You wanna show us where those fish are?
Friends.
Oh, wow!
- Trout? - Trout.
Hey, old man, you ever heard of a whiskey mountain?
Whiskey mountain...
Whiskey mountain!
Well, what do you think? Is that it?
I'm gonna check.
We can leave the bikes here and we can take a look.
According to the map, that's it.
Hal
- can I look at the map? - No!
I et's check it out.
Let's check it out.
Let's go.
- You're off? - Yeah.
Don't dump your bike.
There should be someone around here.
Yeah, looks like it.
Oh, a hound dog?
Hello?
What the hell's he eating?
Oh, wow!
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Pretty good.
Goddamn, in 20 years you ain't lost your aim once!
Hey, girls, come on, let's go.
There's nothing up there, it's all locked up.
The tunnel is just at the other end of this lake.
Well, bill suggested we leave the bikes here and go on up and take a look.
- Good idea. - Ok. Let's go.
Hey, boy. Hey, boy.
- Shall we take him? - Nah.
Oh...
That tunnel will be hard to find once we reach the ravine, so let's go.
This is it!
I think I feel better now.
Oh, and a whole lot richer too!
- So rich! - Let's go!
- Whoa, whoa... - Wait, wait.
- What? Come on. - We don't know what's in there.
So why can't we go and...
- Diana? - What?
If something happens to us inside, itd be nice to know
that there are two people outside that can go for help.
And besides that, there's bats.
Right. Hurry back!
That's it, let's go!
Break a leg, guys!
Break a leg? If I didn't love her, I'd break her neck!
Anything that looks like a gun?
- Damn it, it's dark in there. - It sure is.
- Why didn't you bring a light? - Me? Why didn't you?
- I forgot! - Oh, right.
No bats coming out.
- Er... - Talk to us!
It's leaking out of the ceiling.
You alright?
- Man, it smells like shit in here. - This shit?
- What? - It's marijuana.
Holy shit!
What.?
Move and you're dead.
Where are you? We can't see you.
You guys never learn.
I mean it, hero. You'll be dead before you know it.
So just move out the way you came in.
Slowly.
Oh, god!
Shut up.
That's some change into a dope dealer.
Alright, let's get 'em up to the cabin.
Yeah, even his voice has changed.
Why are you doing this? We wouldn't have done anything.
Because I got a million dollars of primo headed for the city,
and I can't have you jerks out there advertising it.
Advertising it? Are you kidding?
We're not gonna tell anyone.
I mean, I'll smoke a kilo right here on this spot.
Yeah, I bet you will.
You know, for two days we tried to scare you all off.
Y'all just kept comin' and comin'.
You just wouldn't stop.
Just call them plain stupid, Mr. Rudy.
They're dumb, not stupid. Dumb!
You jeopardized our whole operation, you dumb idiots.
Alright, tie 'em up. Don't waste any more time on these morons.
Hey, mister, we're just looking for muskets.
Muskets?
My granddaddy buried them and his map lead us to this cave.
Why the hell didn't you tell me that at the store?
Now, I got no choice.
She's the prettiest little thing you ever saw.
You be right.
Oh, blonde hair and blue eyes...
What if her collars match her cuff?
Hi, honey. I think I love you.
Oh, come on, you said that to maryanne last week!
Hi, honey.
Stop it!
Leave her alone, damn it!
Oh, why don't you shut your trap?
We like a pretty woman as much as anybody else does, don't we?
You better believe, you better believe.
Why don't you untie my hands and say that to me?
Steady on, steady on!
Don't you remember what brother Rudy said?
We don't bide these folks.
He better not call me that again.
Why don't you untie my hands and I'll kick your creepin' ass?
Hey! Damn it!
Goddamn it! Get away!
- Dan! - You piece of slime! Get off!
You had your fun?
Jack? Jack!
You know, you can't blame me, Mr. Rudy, I didn't start that.
Oh, I know, I know.
Now, you take these two up to the tunnel,
then you dig some graves over on the other side of the mountain.
No way! I'm gonna stay here and have some fun.
Homer?
I'm talking to youl!
Now... up to the tunnel, right?
Now.
I gotta run down the road and see some buyers.
Ok, Mr. Rudy.
Sure do look good, don't they?
Is he gone yet?
He's gone. That means he won't be back for a couple of hours.
Why don't we just get that polaroid out
and take us some polaroid pictures?
Yeah, the polaroid.
Tell you what, bowzer, you take real nice care of those ladies,
cos we wanna 'em to look real good on the polaroid.
No worries, homer. I'll take good care of 'em till you get back.
We'll be back soon, just takin' these down the tunnel.
Oh, boy! Real nice pic.
Keep going, buddy, keep going.
Bowzer, I never would've thought...
That's gotta be dandy, dandy, dandy...
Damn nice!
Oh, that's nice. That's good.
Oh, look at that woman!
We're gonna have a lot of pictures on the wall!
Get your asses up!
Up!
We got a fortune in grass out there to protect,
and you guys are on a pleasure trip.
Well... I told 'em you'd be mad, Mr. Rudy.
You told 'em shit. Now get out there, you and Jack,
and get out and dig those graves.
Now!
Bowzer, you stay here and help me keep an eye on these two.
And tell Charlie and Luke to get down here outta the fields, I need them!
Please, don't!
Put your clothes on.
Jamie?
Oh, god!
Jamie...
Jamie.
Jamie?
It's alright, Jamie.
Oh, I love it.
Vroom, vroom!
- You like that, huh? - Oh, yeah.
Well, for a first thing, you got the hat on backwards, you dummy.
You turn it around.
Ok. That's cos when you hit a tree, you won't split that stupid skull of yours.
Now, that's just like a stick shift, you understand, Jack?
See, you have to turn the key on, that's what makes it go.
Then right over here, that there is the clutch,
so you gotta understand that's what you pull first.
Then that there, down there, see that little pedal down there...
Put your toe under there. Under there, now that's it.
That's the way you do it. Now over there, that's the brake.
That's for the back. That little one, that's right.
This here, you know what this here is? That's for the front wheel.
You hit that without hitting the back one, you gonna end up in that tree.
- How do you start it? - See that big old thing stickin' out there?
- Yeah. - Just stomp on it.
Vroom! I'm gonna go!
Hey, homer!
Come back here with those bikes and do what I told yal!
Whoo!
- Damn! - What?
Someone's coming.
- You have anything loose? - Nothing.
It's the old man.
Hey, old man, remember us? Fish? Fish?
- Fish. - Yeah.
Cut us loose.
- Yeah, cut it. - The ropes.
Cut.
Cut...
- He might... - Easy.
- Get that thing away from me. - Come on, now.
- Come on. Come on! - Easy.
Uh-uh. We're friends.
- Yeah? Remember ocean? - Ocean?
Yeah. Cut me loose.
Cut the rope. Cut the rope!
Cut.
They're loose! They got loose!
They're loose! They're loose!
Let's go and fetch the girls.
Hit 'em, hit 'em!
Stop! Come on.
Let's go.
Come on, let's get that second one.
Quick! You gotta jump it!
I can't!
You can!
I can't, bill!
You can, damn it, now jump it!
Do it, do it, do it!
Speed, Dan, speed!
Come on, do it!
Come on, do it.
Whoo! Whoo!
I don't believe it.
\whoo-hoo!
- 1 did it! - You did it!
I did it!
Shoot 'em, damn it, shoot 'em!
Sheriff? Sheriff?
Sheriff!
- Sheriff? - Deputy.
Look, we need some help. Our wives have been kidnapped
and they're being held up at whiskey mountain.
Come on, come on, come on, do something.
Get the sheriff or somebody.
What's all the commotion about, Leo?
What's this about somebody gettin' kidnapped?
You see, sheriff, it's our wives, er...
We were up on whiskey mountain and ran into some dope dealers.
- Billand I... - Wait a minute, son.
There ain't no dope dealers around here.
And there ain't no such thing as whiskey mountain.
That's just local bullshit.
They got my wife up there,
and there is a guy named Rudy who has fields of grass.
Drass? \what's that?
Grass! Grass is marijuana.
- Did you see any of it? - Yeah, we saw bales of it, man.
Now, I thought you said it was fields.
Hey, sheriff...
They've got my wife up there.
Well, if you ask me,
I believe you boys have been smokin' a little bit of that crazy stuff yourself.
What the hell is wrong with you?
We need some help and you're gonna help us.
Hell fire, man, you ain't got no proof.
There is no such thing as whiskey mountain.
It's just a legend.
Just local bullshit, that's all.
You know, I don't believe you.
I think all of you people are crazy.
Sheriff, you should take that badge and stick it!
Now, don't you go takin' the law into your own hands.
It won't work now, boy. You hear? It won't work!
Get some guns.
Guns?
There you are, Jane.
You and Jessie better get 'em this bag of food and supplies,
it's getting pretty cold.
That's right, frank. Looks like it's gonna be a cold winter.
Jessie said all the animals have got an extra thick coat of fur on 'em.
Jessie's chopping a lot of extra firewood.
Nice to see ya.
What can I do for you?
Yeah, we wanna see a couple of shotguns.
Let me get them for you.
That's a real gun.
- How much you want for it? - $139.95.
Got another one?
- How much is this? - 120 bucks.
That's good, and I, er...
I'd like to have that knife right there.
Yes, sir.
Excuse me a minute.
Frank's hardware.
'Now, them two boys that just come into your store.
'Don't you sell them no guns or nothin'.
"Yeah, they're troublemakers.'
now, just tell 'em you gotta have a license or somethin',
and if they give you any trouble, I'll be right on over.
'And listen, tell those boys to stay on the track,
'tell 'em they need to get out, ok?"
Ok, I got you.
I'm sorry, fellas, I can't let you have them guns.
You're not a resident of this county.
What the hell's going on here?
You lie down, flat on your stomach. Put your hands behind your head.
- To hell with youl! - Come on, come on. Get on down.
There's over 300 dollars here.
Now, that's gonna cover everything we took.
Jesus, Dan, cover my back till I'm loaded.
Ok, keep your eyes open.
They've might have followed us all the way into town.
Here comes one of 'em.
Let's go.
Fire. Firel
Hey, bill?
Hey, bill, come on, man.
Oh, you... you dummy.
Alright, get the girls out.
Come on, come on.
They locked the door, Mr. Rudy, and damn near bust my hand.
Charlie? Get up here and help homer, will you?
You and Jack, now get that one over there.
Jamiel
push, push, push!
Push!
Rudy!
Damn, he hit us.
Luke, get back here. Luke!
You yellowbelly, get back here!
Jack, Jack, my gun, my gun!
I don't see the other one.
You guys, try to circle around and flush him out.
Rudy!
Oh!
Jamie?
- Jamie! - It's Dan.
It's Dan!
Dan!
- Where's bill? - Diana? Diana.
What?
Well, he...
Oh, no.
Oh...
Come on.
Come on, let's get outta here.
J whiskey mountain rising in the Georgia sunset
j is your lurid beauty really all it seems?
J does your bosom hold a treasure that's for me and me alone?
J or is it just another empty dream?
J in the stiliness of the morning
j when the sunrise breaks the darkness from above
j a drink, a joke, a friend to talk to
j' lying with the woman that I love
j perhaps the drink should be forgotten
j and I should only play the cards I hold
j but them everlasting mountains
j keep on callin' to the gypsy in my soul
j whiskey mountain rising in the Georgia sunset
j is your lurid beauty really all it seems?
J does your bosom hold a treasure that's for me and me alone?
J or is it just another empty dream? J