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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

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(Arsenic and Old Lace title music)

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I'll knock your block off, you big stiff!
You're a bum!

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(Comical dramatic instrumental music)

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UMPIRE: Strike! You're out!

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WOMAN: (Giggling) Elmer, here it is..

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REPORTER: I knew you'd find it.

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PHOTOGRAPHER:
Boy, I could sure use a drink.

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I wonder if any big shots
are getting married today?

10
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Looks like the same suckers
get married every day.

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Come on.

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Hey, the guy with the cheaters.

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(Slow instrumental music)

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Now what's he hiding from?

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-Hey, isn't that Mortimer Brewster?
-Mortimer Brewster, the dramatic critic?

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No, it's not him. But what a scoop it'd be!

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The guy who wroteThe Bachelor's Bible
getting hooked. It's too good to be true.

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Let's snap the mayor
in his new fire helmet and go.

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Let's stick around, see who the guy is.

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(Sings) "Two by two they come and go"

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Good morning, children.
Your name, please?

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ELAINE: Elaine Harper.
CLERK: Speak a little louder.

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Elaine Harper.

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Thank you. Yours?

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-(Whispers) Mortimer Brewster.
-How's that?

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Mortimer Brewster.

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CLERK: Speak up, sonny.
There's nothing to be afraid of.

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I want to keep this undercover.

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Love her? Of course you love her.
You're marrying her, right?

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You don't understand. Come here.

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I don't want this to get out for a while.

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I'm Mortimer Brewster.

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You're who?

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MORTIMER: (Yells) Mortimer Brew--

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(The Wedding March plays)

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That's him!

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REPORTER: Mr. Brewster!

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Now, look--

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MORTIMER: Goodbye, dear.

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MORTIMER: Don't you understand?
How can I marry you?

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Me, the symbol of bachelorhood.
I've sneered at every love scene.

42
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I've written four million words
against marriage!

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Not only hooked, but to a minister's
daughter, and a girl from Brooklyn.

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Look at the way you look!
What is that contraption you've got there?

45
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A pin I borrowed from your aunts.
You know, "Something borrowed--"

46
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I know, "Something borrowed,
something blue." Old, new.

47
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Rice and old shoes.
Carry you over the threshold.

48
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Niagara Falls. All that silly tripe.
Is this what I've come to?

49
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I can't go through with it.
I won't marry you. That's that.

50
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-Yes, Mortimer.
-What do you mean, "Yes, Mortimer"?

51
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Aren't you insulted?
Aren't you going to cry?

52
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-No, Mortimer.
-And don't "No, Mortimer" me, either!

53
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Marriage is a superstition.

54
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It's old-fashioned. It's....

55
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(The Wedding March continues)

56
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O'Hara, don't be a jerk. You don't realize...

57
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...l'm turning over to you
the nicest, best beat in Brooklyn.

58
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Now look at that old church.
And them old houses.

59
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Did George Washington ever sleep here?

60
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Of course he did. This whole neighborhood
just stinks with atmosphere.

61
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-And look at that old house.
-The original owners still there?

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BROPHY: Don't crack wise
about the Brewster sisters.

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They're two of the dearest, sweetest
old ladies that ever walked the earth.

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They're out of this world.

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They're like pressed rose leaves.

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Pressed rose leaves?

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PAT: The old girls must be kind of hard up.

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Their old man left them fixed for life.

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Don't you call them "the girls," either.

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Brophy. Is Lieutenant around?

71
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So what are they renting rooms for?

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They don't. But you can bet
if anybody came looking for a room...

73
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...they wouldn't go away
without a good meal and a couple of bucks.

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BROPHY: That's their way
of digging up people to do good to.

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(Harpsichord music plays)

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Reverend Harper, I do hope
you don't disapprove of Mortimer...

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...because he's a dramatic critic
and takes your daughter to the theater.

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It's not that I disapprove
of his being a critic...

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...but no man with this published attitude...

80
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...should take any man's daughter
anyplace, at any time.

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(Loud sneeze)

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I must be catching cold.

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ABBY: No, dear. It was Reverend Harper
who sneezed. Bless you.

84
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ABBY: We mustn't be angry with Mortimer.

85
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He's so very much in love with her.
Sister Martha and I are so happy.

86
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He used to come to see us
only occasionally, and now...

87
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...he's in Brooklyn six nights a week.

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BROPHY: Remember now,
watch your language.

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PAT: You know I'm not a swearing man.

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BROPHY: You'd be surprised
what they'd consider swearing.

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(Doorbell rings)

92
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Will you excuse me?
No, no, Teddy, dear. Thank you. I'll go.

93
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-Come right in, Mr. Brophy.
-Miss Abby, we came for the toys.

94
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This is Officer O'Hara.
He's taking over my beat.

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PAT: How do you do, miss?
ABBY: Welcome to our neighborhood.

96
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Gentlemen, what news
have you brought me?

97
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Colonel, we have nothing to report.

98
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No, absolutely nothing to report.

99
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Splendid!

100
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Thank you, gentlemen. At ease.

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You know the Reverend Dr. Harper
from the church next door?

102
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Hello. This is Officer O'Hara,
the new man on the beat.

103
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PAT: How do you do, sir?
It's nice to meet you.

104
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The toys are on the chair up here,
by the library door.

105
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Teddy, run upstairs and bring down your
Army and Navy from Aunt Martha's room.

106
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They're all packed.

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REV. HARPER: That's splendid work
you men do...

108
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...fixing up discarded toys
for the kids at camp.

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(Shouts) Charge!

110
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(Door slams, clock chimes)

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(lndulgent laughter)

112
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It gives us something to do at the station.
You get tired of playing cards.

113
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BROPHY: So these are the toys?
ABBY: How's Mrs. Brophy?

114
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She's better, thank you.
But a little weak, still.

115
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I'll get some beef broth
for you to take to her.

116
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Please don't bother.
You've done so much already.

117
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ABBY: Stop the nonsense!
I won't be a minute.

118
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(Cheery instrumental music)

119
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Gentlemen, if I know what pure kindness
and absolute generosity are...

120
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...it's because I've known
the Brewster sisters.

121
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(Bugle blows)

122
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BROPHY: Teddy, you promised me
you wouldn't do that anymore.

123
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But I have to call a Cabinet meeting
to get those supplies.

124
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BROPHY: Now don't do that again.
Do you hear me?

125
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(Door slams, clock chimes)

126
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BROPHY: He used to do that at night...

127
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...and the neighbors raised Cain.
They're afraid of him.

128
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Look, Sarge, I promised I wouldn't swear,
but what the heck--

129
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What's going on here?

130
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-He's quite harmless.
-He thinks he's Teddy Roosevelt.

131
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There's a lot of worse guys
he could think he was.

132
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That's right.

133
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I'll make a note.
He's an interesting character.

134
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,500
Isn't it a shame, Father....

135
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:06,100
Isn't it a shame, Reverend, that this nice
family should be hatching a cuckoo?

136
00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:09,700
Well, now, isn't this nice!

137
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:12,800
BROPHY: Good afternoon, Miss Brewster.
MARTHA: How do you do?

138
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,700
-Good afternoon.
-Reverend, how do you do?

139
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Miss Martha, Officer O'Hara.
He's taking over my duties.

140
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:20,000
How do you do?

141
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,700
MARTHA: I'm very glad to know you.
PAT: Thank you.

142
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,100
ABBY: Martha, you're back.

143
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:28,200
ABBY: Here's the broth.
Be sure it's good and hot.

144
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:30,800
BROPHY: You bet I will,
and thank you very much.

145
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,100
The Army and Navy are ready for action.

146
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,400
BROPHY: Colonel, this is grand.
It'll make a lot of kids happy.

147
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What's this? The Oregon?

148
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:40,700
Teddy, dear, put it back.

149
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TEDDY: But the Oregon goes to Australia.
ABBY: Now, Teddy....

150
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:45,600
No, it goes to Australia.

151
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,800
BROPHY: These are lovely. Thank you.
ABBY: Not at all.

152
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:54,300
BROPHY: The children will go crazy.
MARTHA: Don't mention it.

153
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,000
So long, Colonel.

154
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Hey, Sarge.

155
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Yes.

156
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Dismissed!

157
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BROPHY: Goodbye and thank you.
ABBY: Don't mention it.

158
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,200
ABBY: Careful of the step with the toys.
BROPHY: Good night.

159
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,700
Young man, let that be a lesson to you.

160
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,500
Goodbye.

161
00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:28,700
REV. HARPER: Well, I must be going.
TEDDY: (Shouts) Charge!

162
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:32,100
Charge the blockhouse!

163
00:11:34,700 --> 00:11:36,200
(Clock chimes)

164
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:40,200
Blockhouse?

165
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,600
The stairs are always San Juan Hill.

166
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:45,800
Bless you!

167
00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:48,400
Have you tried to persuade him
he wasn't Roosevelt?

168
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,800
-Oh, no!
-He's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt.

169
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,400
ABBY: Do you remember, Martha?

170
00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:58,100
Once, a long time ago,
we thought if he'd be George Washington...

171
00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:01,100
...it might be a change for him,
and we suggested it.

172
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And do you know what happened?

173
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He just stayed under his bed for days
and wouldn't be anybody.

174
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:11,400
Well, if he's happy, and what's
more important, you're happy....

175
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,200
MARTHA: Our only worry for Teddy
is after we're gone.

176
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,900
REV. HARPER: Yes, indeed.
That is quite a problem.

177
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,600
Mortimer's made all the arrangements
for Teddy...

178
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,600
...to go to Happy Dale Sanitarium
after we pass on.

179
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:25,300
Splendid idea! A very pleasant place.

180
00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:29,800
(Cheery instrumental music)

181
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:32,000
Dear, sweet Reverend Harper.

182
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:38,100
You know, Martha,
I do believe he's beginning to see the light.

183
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:40,100
I'm sure we needn't worry about him.

184
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:43,500
He won't interfere with our plans
for Mortimer and Elaine.

185
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,400
Did you just have tea?

186
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:47,500
Yes.

187
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,100
And dinner's going to be late, too.

188
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:53,200
So, why?

189
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:54,800
(Door slams)

190
00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,500
ABBY: Good news for you.

191
00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:03,300
You're going to Panama
and dig another lock for the canal.

192
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:05,700
Delighted!

193
00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:07,800
That's bully! Just bully!

194
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,600
I shall prepare at once for the journey.

195
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:14,500
TEDDY: Charge!

196
00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:18,000
(Door slams)

197
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:20,000
(Cheery instrumental music)

198
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,200
Abby! While I was out?

199
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,900
Yes, dear. I just couldn't wait for you.

200
00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:28,300
I didn't know when you'd be back,
and Reverend Harper was coming.

201
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,600
-But all by yourself.
-I got along fine.

202
00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:34,400
-I'll run right downstairs and see.
-No, dear.

203
00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:37,700
There wasn't time. And I was all alone.

204
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:42,000
Well?

205
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:47,400
Just look in the windowseat.

206
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,500
(Light instrumental music)

207
00:13:58,700 --> 00:13:59,600
(Knock on window)

208
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,100
MARTHA: It's Elaine!
ELAINE: Hello, darlings.

209
00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:07,100
-But, Elaine!
-What did she mean?

210
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,600
You don't suppose they've gone and--

211
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:11,500
Elaine!

212
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:14,100
(The Wedding March plays)

213
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:15,500
Listen, buddy.

214
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:19,100
-This old cab has seen osculation but....
-You ain't seen anything yet.

215
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:21,900
-You've got to drive us to the station.
-Take her hat.

216
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:24,700
CAB DRIVER: Wait a minute.
And her brooch.

217
00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:27,700
If you find her hairpins, keep them.
Hold on to that.

218
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,300
There they are.

219
00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:35,200
Here's your hat.

220
00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:38,500
Just throw it.
I don't like that look in your eyes.

221
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:42,700
-What's the matter with it?
-Father preached about it only last Sunday.

222
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,900
He did? What did he say?

223
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:47,700
-He was against it.
-But that was only Sunday.

224
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,200
(Light, playful instrumental music)

225
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:53,500
Please! For heaven's sake!

226
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,400
But, Mortimer, right out here
with everyone looking?

227
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,000
Yes, right out here with everyone looking.

228
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,300
Let everyone in Brooklyn over 16 look.

229
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,400
(Abby and Martha giggle)

230
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,100
(Mortimer grunts)

231
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,600
But, Mortimer, you're going to love me
for my mind, too?

232
00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:16,400
One thing at a time.

233
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,200
ELAINE: There's that look again!

234
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:23,600
"There's that look again, Mortimer! "
You better get used to it.

235
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,500
You'll see it often. It goes just before this.

236
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,600
You know what we're doing?
Wasting time.

237
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:32,800
I'll go tell my aunts and you tell your....

238
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,400
No, don't tell your father.
You'll run his cold into a pneumonia.

239
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,600
I can handle Father. He's a dear.

240
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:41,600
Look, why don't we wire him
from Niagara Falls?

241
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,600
Niagara Falls?

242
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,200
That's why you stopped at your office.

243
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,800
Yes, certainly!
We're going to go the whole hog.

244
00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:51,400
Niagara Falls!
Everybody ought to go there.

245
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,200
You should've seen my secretary's face.

246
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,200
We've a room on the train,
the bridal suite in the hotel...

247
00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:00,200
...and tomorrow morning
we go over the falls in a barrel.

248
00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:03,300
Go on, darling, hurry and pack.

249
00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:06,100
I don't have to.
I started packing the day after I met you.

250
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,200
MORTIMER: There, you see! You see?

251
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,200
That's what I mean.
That's what I hate about women.

252
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:14,500
(Slow instrumental music)

253
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:16,900
I wonder what Mary's doing now?

254
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,600
-The train leaves in an hour, hurry.
-It'll be a few minutes.

255
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,700
-Father may want to pray over me.
-Whistle when you're ready.

256
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:28,900
Elaine?

257
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:31,000
When you whistle, open the front door fast.

258
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,500
If you see a tall, dark streak of light,
it's me.

259
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,700
(Elaine whistles)

260
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,600
What? Now?

261
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:42,800
No, not now!

262
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:46,100
Look surprised when he tells us.

263
00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:50,200
Hold on to your bustles.

264
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,600
We're married. Elaine and I are married.

265
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,700
ABBY: Oh, darling, how wonderful!

266
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,800
Isn't it wonderful? They're married!

267
00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,500
Don't pretend to be so surprised either,
you two old frauds.

268
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,900
MORTIMER: Can I use the telephone?
ABBY: Of course.

269
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,200
Isn't it too, too wonderful?

270
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:09,300
And to think that it happened
right here in this room!

271
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:10,900
Now, here.

272
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,400
Benson's Florists?
This is Mortimer Brewster.

273
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,300
Did you send those roses
to Mrs. Brewster? Good.

274
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,800
Send four dozen more to drawing room A,
Grand Central Station.

275
00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,700
Hurry. And throw in a flock
of orange blossoms.

276
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,400
But before you go,
we can have our celebration.

277
00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:28,800
I'll open a bottle of wine and we'll sing.

278
00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:30,700
And we'll invite a few neighbors in.

279
00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:34,400
-And, of course, a wedding cake.
-You won't have time to bake a cake.

280
00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,900
We're going to Niagara Falls.
A taxi's waiting.

281
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:39,400
It's all ready. It's been ready since--

282
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,100
I bet it's been ready
since the first day I met her.

283
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,800
Did everybody know
I was getting married, except me?

284
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,500
We knew you'd find out about it in time.

285
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:51,700
I've got the two nicest aunts in the world.

286
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:54,600
Of course, you've got
the nicest nephew in the world, too.

287
00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:57,700
MARTHA: Well, I'll run along
and get everything ready.

288
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,400
Oh, dear. I do hope the Reverend
isn't too angry.

289
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,300
You know how your books upset him.

290
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:07,300
I'm going to burn all my books.
I'll let the Reverend light the first match.

291
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,000
Did I leave some notes here
for my new book?

292
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,100
You mean Mind Over Matrimony?

293
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,000
Where are they?

294
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:16,400
-I hid them someplace--
-Come along.

295
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:17,600
Now you behave.

296
00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:20,100
Let's find them before Elaine sees them.

297
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,800
Hello, Mortimer!

298
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:31,400
-How are you, Mr. President?
-Bully, thank you. Just bully.

299
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:35,000
-What news have you brought me?
-The country's squarely behind you.

300
00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:37,400
Yes, I know. Isn't it wonderful?

301
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,500
Well, goodbye. I'm off to Panama.

302
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:42,700
MORTIMER: Goodbye, Mr. President.

303
00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:45,100
A new lock for the canal, you know.

304
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,900
TEDDY: (Sings)
"Oh, tell the news to Mother"

305
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,000
-Oh, dear.
-Find those notes? What's wrong?

306
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,900
There's a baby picture
of your brother Jonathan.

307
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,800
MORTIMER: You ought to put that in
the fire with my books. My, what a face!

308
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,600
I remember now.
He'd scare grownups with it.

309
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,100
Just the thought of Jonathan frightens me.

310
00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:08,800
Do you remember how he used to cut
worms in two with his teeth?

311
00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:13,600
Jonathan? He's probably in prison
or hanged or something by now.

312
00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:17,600
MORTIMER: I saw a play, had a character
in it, reminded me of Jonathan.

313
00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:18,700
Really?

314
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:23,300
MORTIMER: A honey of a lunatic. One of
those whodunits called Murder Will Out.

315
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:24,600
ABBY: Oh, dear!

316
00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:26,100
Yeah, what a play.

317
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:31,400
When the curtain goes up,
the first thing you see is a dead body.

318
00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,300
The next thing--

319
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,200
Hey, mister.

320
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,500
(Elaine whistles)

321
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:57,700
(Mortimer tries to whistle, unsuccessfully)

322
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,000
(Abby hums cheerfully)

323
00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:21,600
MARTHA: Happy bridegroom!
ABBY: Congratulations, darling!

324
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,600
Never mind that now.

325
00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:27,500
Now, listen, darlings.

326
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,000
Aunt Abby, Aunt Martha....

327
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,400
You know how we've always planned
to send Teddy to Happy Dale?

328
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,000
Yes, dear. That's after we're gone.

329
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:39,000
Yes, we talked with Reverend Harper
about it.

330
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:43,000
Teddy's got to go to Happy Dale now.
At once!

331
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:47,100
-He's in the cellar. Get him up here now.
-There's no such hurry as that.

332
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:51,300
When Teddy's working on the canal,
you can't get his mind on anything else.

333
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,800
Well, look, darlings.

334
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,000
I'm frightfully sorry,
but I've got an awful shock for you.

335
00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,600
Teddy's killed a man, darlings!

336
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:01,700
Nonsense!

337
00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:03,800
There's a body in the windowseat!

338
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,200
Yes, dear. We know.

339
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:11,600
-You know?
-Of course.

340
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:14,400
Yes, but it has nothing to do with Teddy.

341
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,200
Now, Mortimer. You just forget about it.

342
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:20,600
Forget you ever saw the gentleman.

343
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:22,300
Forget?

344
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,600
We never dreamed you'd peek.

345
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:26,800
What the....

346
00:21:27,900 --> 00:21:29,000
Who is he?

347
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:32,100
He's a Mr. Hoskins. Adam Hoskins.

348
00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:36,500
That's really all I know about him,
except that he's a Methodist.

349
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,000
He's a Methodist? lsn't that nice.

350
00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:41,500
That's all you know?
What's he doing here?

351
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,600
-What happened to him?
-He died.

352
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:47,300
Aunt Martha, men just don't get
into windowseats and die.

353
00:21:47,700 --> 00:21:50,400
No, dear. He died first.

354
00:21:50,900 --> 00:21:52,400
Wait! Stop all this.

355
00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:55,600
Now look, how did he die?

356
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,400
Mortimer, don't be so inquisitive.

357
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:03,700
The gentleman died because he drank
some wine with poison in it.

358
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,100
How did the poison get in the wine?

359
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:10,700
We put it in wine
because it's less noticeable.

360
00:22:10,900 --> 00:22:13,400
When it's in tea, it has a distinct odor.

361
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:15,900
You mean you....

362
00:22:17,100 --> 00:22:18,500
You put it in the wine?

363
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:22,000
Yes. And I put Mr. Hoskins
in the windowseat...

364
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,500
...because Reverend Harper was coming.

365
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,200
Look at me, darling.

366
00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:34,900
You knew what you'd done and didn't want
Reverend Harper to see the body?

367
00:22:35,100 --> 00:22:38,200
Well, not at tea.
That wouldn't have been very nice.

368
00:22:41,100 --> 00:22:42,500
It's first-degree.

369
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:46,200
Now, Mortimer, you know all about it
and just forget about it.

370
00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:50,600
I do think that Martha and I have the right
to our own little secrets.

371
00:22:54,500 --> 00:22:58,000
Abby, while I was out I dropped in
on Mrs. Schultz. She's much better.

372
00:22:58,300 --> 00:23:00,600
But she wants us to take Junior
to the movies again.

373
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,900
We must do that, tomorrow or next day.

374
00:23:03,100 --> 00:23:06,100
Yes, but this time we'll go
where we want to go.

375
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:10,500
Junior's not going to drag me
into another one of those scary pictures.

376
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:15,200
ABBY: They ought not to be allowed
to make pictures just to frighten people.

377
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,000
(Suspenseful instrumental music)

378
00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:36,500
Operator?

379
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,800
Can you hear my voice?

380
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:40,900
You can?

381
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:42,600
Are you sure?

382
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,100
Then I must be here.

383
00:23:46,500 --> 00:23:48,000
(Elaine whistles)

384
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,600
(Children squeal)

385
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:16,100
ABBY: The dears. Isn't Halloween
a wonderful time for them?

386
00:24:16,300 --> 00:24:18,900
Yes, it is. They have so much fun.

387
00:24:19,100 --> 00:24:20,400
(Abby hums cheerfully)

388
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,900
Now, Mortimer, don't be so impatient.

389
00:24:23,100 --> 00:24:25,500
-We'll let you lick the bowl.
-Lick the bowl?

390
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,100
I don't want to.
I want to know what we're going to do!

391
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:29,900
We're going to celebrate.

392
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,900
Celebrate? There's a body
in the windowseat!

393
00:24:33,100 --> 00:24:34,900
ABBY: Yes, dear. Mr. Hoskins.

394
00:24:35,300 --> 00:24:38,300
I know what his name is. I want to know
what we're going to do.

395
00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:40,100
We can't turn you over to the police.

396
00:24:40,300 --> 00:24:42,000
MARTHA: Stop worrying about it.

397
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,100
We told you to forget the whole thing.

398
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:48,000
Forget? Can't I make you realize
that something has to be done?

399
00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:50,300
Now, Mortimer, you behave.

400
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,600
You're too old
to be flying off the handle like this.

401
00:24:54,500 --> 00:24:56,800
-But Mr. Hodgekiss--
-Hoskins, dear.

402
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,500
Whatever his name is,
you can't leave him in there.

403
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,200
We don't intend to, dear.

404
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:04,300
Teddy's down in the cellar now,
digging the lock.

405
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:12,700
You're going to bury
Mr. Hodgekiss in the cellar?

406
00:25:12,900 --> 00:25:15,500
Yes, dear.
That's what we did with the others.

407
00:25:16,700 --> 00:25:18,900
Look, here, Aunt Martha. You can't....

408
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,400
MORTIMER: Others?
ABBY: The other gentlemen.

409
00:25:24,300 --> 00:25:26,800
When you say "others,"
do you mean "others"?

410
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,800
-More than one "others"?
-Yes, dear.

411
00:25:30,100 --> 00:25:33,000
Let me see now. This is 1 1, isn't it, Abby?

412
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,500
No, dear. This makes 12.

413
00:25:35,900 --> 00:25:39,600
Abby, dear, I think you're wrong.
This one is only 1 1 .

414
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,400
No, dear, because I remember
when Mr. Hoskins first came in...

415
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,700
...it occurred to me
that he'd make just an even dozen.

416
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:52,600
MARTHA: But, Abby, dear, I really don't
think you should count the first one.

417
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:56,000
ABBY: I was counting the first one,
and that makes it 12.

418
00:25:56,500 --> 00:25:57,500
It does?

419
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,200
Well, she's probably right. Abby usually is.

420
00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:04,500
I get them mixed up sometimes.

421
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:06,200
Makes it 12.

422
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:12,700
(Phone rings)

423
00:26:13,500 --> 00:26:14,500
Hello.

424
00:26:17,900 --> 00:26:20,600
Whatever is the matter
with Mortimer today?

425
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:22,700
Why, Abby,
what do you think happened to him?

426
00:26:23,900 --> 00:26:24,600
Hello?

427
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,300
(Whistling over the phone)

428
00:26:31,100 --> 00:26:33,900
Not now. For heaven's sake,
keep your shirt on!

429
00:26:36,300 --> 00:26:38,000
Elaine, I didn't mean--

430
00:26:41,900 --> 00:26:43,700
Now, let's see. Where were we?

431
00:26:43,900 --> 00:26:45,200
Twelve. Twelve!

432
00:26:45,700 --> 00:26:46,900
MARTHA: Yes, dear.

433
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,500
Abby thinks we should count the first one.

434
00:26:49,700 --> 00:26:51,900
Never mind about that. Just sit down.

435
00:26:52,100 --> 00:26:54,100
Tell me, who was the first one?

436
00:26:54,300 --> 00:26:56,900
Mr. Midgely. He was a Baptist.

437
00:26:57,100 --> 00:26:59,400
MARTHA: He was such a lonely,
old gentleman.

438
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,100
ABBY: All his kith and kin were dead.

439
00:27:02,300 --> 00:27:04,200
We felt so sorry for him.

440
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,500
And then, when his heart attack came...

441
00:27:07,700 --> 00:27:11,000
...and he sat there dead in that chair...

442
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:15,000
...looking so peaceful. Remember, Martha?

443
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,600
We made up our minds, then and there...

444
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,700
...that if we could help
other lonely, old men...

445
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,100
...to find that same peace...

446
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:25,600
...we would.

447
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,000
Why, you poor....

448
00:27:28,300 --> 00:27:30,900
You mean, he dropped dead
right in this chair?

449
00:27:34,100 --> 00:27:37,300
And then, you see,
Teddy came up from digging in Panama...

450
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,800
...and he thought Mr. Midgely
was a yellow-fever victim.

451
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,100
And that meant
he had to be buried immediately.

452
00:27:44,700 --> 00:27:47,600
So, we all took him down to Panama...

453
00:27:47,900 --> 00:27:51,700
...and put him in the lock
and gave him a decent Christian burial.

454
00:27:52,300 --> 00:27:56,600
MARTHA: There, now you see? That's why
we told you not to bother about it...

455
00:27:56,900 --> 00:27:59,600
...because we know exactly
what's to be done.

456
00:28:02,900 --> 00:28:04,100
Wait a minute!

457
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,800
Come here, darling.
What about the others?

458
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,800
All 12 of them didn't walk in here
and drop dead.

459
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:11,900
No, dear. Of course not!

460
00:28:12,100 --> 00:28:13,200
Well, so....

461
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,700
-(Whispers) Mortimer.
-What?

462
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,600
Do you remember those jars of poison
on the shelves...

463
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,000
...in Grandfather's laboratory
all these years?

464
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,000
You know your Aunt Martha's knack
for mixing things.

465
00:28:31,300 --> 00:28:33,600
You've eaten enough of her piccalilli.

466
00:28:34,100 --> 00:28:37,300
Well, dear, for a gallon of elderberry wine...

467
00:28:37,500 --> 00:28:40,100
...l take one teaspoonful of arsenic...

468
00:28:40,300 --> 00:28:42,600
...then add half a teaspoonful of strychnine.

469
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:46,400
And then, just a pinch of cyanide.

470
00:28:48,700 --> 00:28:50,400
Should have quite a kick.

471
00:28:50,900 --> 00:28:52,100
Yes.

472
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,600
As a matter of fact,
one of our gentlemen found time to say:

473
00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:57,100
"How delicious! "

474
00:28:57,100 --> 00:28:59,500
He did? Well, wasn't that nice of him?

475
00:28:59,700 --> 00:29:02,600
Abby, we mustn't be standing here
gossiping all night.

476
00:29:02,900 --> 00:29:04,400
We must get that cake frosted.

477
00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:07,400
Don't worry about the cake.
I couldn't eat a thing.

478
00:29:07,900 --> 00:29:11,700
You newlyweds! A sip of wine
will give you an appetite.

479
00:29:11,900 --> 00:29:14,700
That'd be nice, darling, a sip of....
A sip of wine!

480
00:29:15,300 --> 00:29:16,300
Wine!

481
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,600
(Cat meows)

482
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,300
I'm beginning to think the cat's in on this.

483
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:45,100
He's wonderful. Happy as a lark.
Singing away, digging locks.

484
00:29:45,300 --> 00:29:47,800
Got him working on a yellow-fever victim.

485
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,100
I can see the headlines now:

486
00:29:50,300 --> 00:29:53,600
"Murder lncorporator Rides Again"
right across the front page.

487
00:29:54,500 --> 00:29:55,800
Let me see....

488
00:29:56,500 --> 00:29:59,200
Teddy! Of course.
Everybody knows he's crazy.

489
00:29:59,900 --> 00:30:03,100
Let me see. Who can I call up?
Dewey, La Guardia, Winchell?

490
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,100
No, Winchell's no good.

491
00:30:05,900 --> 00:30:07,200
Old Judge Cullman!

492
00:30:07,300 --> 00:30:09,200
I wonder if I got his number.

493
00:30:10,100 --> 00:30:12,000
What am I doing with tickets?

494
00:30:12,300 --> 00:30:13,500
Information.

495
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:20,500
Information?

496
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:24,100
Get me the number of Judge Cullman
on North Shore Road, Brooklyn.

497
00:30:24,300 --> 00:30:25,600
Yeah, would you call me back?

498
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,500
Wouldn't it be marvelous
if he wasn't there?

499
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:34,100
ELAINE: Hey, you!

500
00:30:34,100 --> 00:30:35,800
(Mortimer yelps)

501
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,500
Thought you were tall, dark streak of light.

502
00:30:38,900 --> 00:30:40,400
What are you doing here?

503
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:43,300
What am I doing here?
Didn't you hear me whistle?

504
00:30:43,500 --> 00:30:44,900
Whistle? Oh, yes.

505
00:30:45,300 --> 00:30:46,800
I heard you whistle.

506
00:30:47,500 --> 00:30:49,100
-How do I look?
-You look fine.

507
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,600
-Run on home. I'll call you up tomorrow.
-Tomorrow?

508
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,600
You know I always call you up
every day or two.

509
00:30:54,900 --> 00:30:58,300
You and your gags! Where's your hat?
The bags are in the taxi.

510
00:30:58,500 --> 00:31:01,100
-Come on!
-I'm so sorry. Something's happened.

511
00:31:01,500 --> 00:31:03,200
What'd you do, lose your nerve?

512
00:31:03,300 --> 00:31:05,800
Where's that look
I was going to see so often?

513
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,000
(Elaine whistles The Wedding March)

514
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,500
Stop! Don't whistle in my ear, please.

515
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:12,800
What's wrong? Look at your hair.

516
00:31:12,900 --> 00:31:15,000
What color is it? Has it turned?

517
00:31:15,500 --> 00:31:18,500
Darling, what's the matter?
What happened?

518
00:31:20,300 --> 00:31:22,000
Those flowers are so beautiful.

519
00:31:22,100 --> 00:31:24,900
If I could only tell you, Elaine.
You smell so nice.

520
00:31:25,100 --> 00:31:26,200
(Phone rings)

521
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:27,600
You better go home!

522
00:31:27,700 --> 00:31:31,000
-But, darling, we were married today.
-Go to bed, get some rest!

523
00:31:31,300 --> 00:31:32,100
Rest?

524
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,200
Who? Judge Cullman?

525
00:31:37,100 --> 00:31:41,100
This is Mortimer Brewster. I'll tell you
why I called you. It's about Teddy.

526
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,500
I've got to come over
and see you right away.

527
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:45,500
It won't wait until tomorrow, Judge.

528
00:31:45,700 --> 00:31:48,900
It's very, very important.
We've got to do something immediately.

529
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:51,000
But it's a matter of life and.... Elaine!

530
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:54,100
Will you get out of here?

531
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:57,000
What on earth is going on here?
I don't know where I stand!

532
00:31:57,100 --> 00:31:59,800
-Anywhere, but don't stand there!
-But Niagara Falls!

533
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,600
-If it does, we'll let it!
-Wait a minute! Listen.

534
00:32:02,900 --> 00:32:05,000
You can't marry me
and then throw me out!

535
00:32:05,100 --> 00:32:08,600
I'm not throwing you out of the house!
Will you get out of here?

536
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,100
I'm sorry, Judge. A thing happened.

537
00:32:15,500 --> 00:32:17,300
Judge, about Teddy, he's--

538
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:20,600
It's his bugle blowing.

539
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:23,800
The police want to throw him
into a state institution.

540
00:32:25,300 --> 00:32:26,900
How do you like that?

541
00:32:27,100 --> 00:32:30,000
-I read an ad here about a room to rent.
-Shut up!

542
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:40,900
If you sign the papers and Teddy commits
himself, we can get him to Happy Dale.

543
00:32:41,100 --> 00:32:42,700
It's a wonderful place.

544
00:32:42,900 --> 00:32:43,900
You will?

545
00:32:44,100 --> 00:32:46,700
Fine! I'll be over
as soon as I've made another call.

546
00:32:46,900 --> 00:32:48,400
(Doorbell rings)

547
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,700
Doorbell's ringing, dear.

548
00:32:55,500 --> 00:32:57,100
ABBY: How do you do? Come in.

549
00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:59,800
MR. GIBBS: I understand you've got
a room to rent.

550
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:01,600
ABBY: Do step in.

551
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:05,100
-Are you the lady of the house?
-Yes, I'm Miss Brewster.

552
00:33:05,300 --> 00:33:07,700
MORTIMER: Operator?
Give me long distance, please.

553
00:33:07,900 --> 00:33:10,600
And this is my sister.
Another Miss Brewster.

554
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:14,100
MR. GIBBS: My name's Gibbs.
ABBY: Well, do sit down.

555
00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:17,300
I'm sorry,
we're just setting the table for dinner.

556
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:21,900
Now, this would be
a nice comfortable chair.

557
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,600
Long distance? I want the Happy Dale
Sanitarium, Happy Dale, New York.

558
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:30,700
ABBY: ls Brooklyn your home?
MR. GIBBS: I live in a hotel. Don't like it.

559
00:33:31,100 --> 00:33:34,600
Are your family Brooklyn people?

560
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:38,100
-Haven't got any family.
-All alone in the world?

561
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:39,400
Yeah.

562
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,400
ABBY: Well, Martha....
MORTIMER: No, Happy Dale.

563
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,800
ABBY: Well, you've come
to just the right house.

564
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:47,700
ABBY: Do sit down.
MORTIMER: Dale.

565
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,700
MORTIMER: "D" Iike in "dig,"
when you dig a lock.

566
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:53,400
That's right.
"A " Iike in "arsenic. " Got that?

567
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:56,000
Is there always this much noise?

568
00:33:56,300 --> 00:33:57,900
He doesn't live with us.

569
00:33:58,100 --> 00:34:00,300
I can see the headlines now. Please.

570
00:34:01,900 --> 00:34:04,700
I'd like to see the room.
I don't think I'll like it.

571
00:34:04,900 --> 00:34:06,400
The room's upstairs.

572
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:09,700
Won't you try a glass of our wine
before we start up?

573
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:11,400
Never touch it.

574
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:15,800
Well, we make this ourselves.
It's elderberry wine.

575
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:18,500
Elderberry?

576
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:24,000
I haven't tasted elderberry wine
since I was a boy.

577
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:26,400
MR. GIBBS: Thank you.
MORTIMER: Operator!

578
00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:29,900
I don't want the Happy Dale Laundry!
I want the Happy Dale Sanitarium!

579
00:34:30,100 --> 00:34:32,800
Sanitarium! Sanitarium!
Yes, like a broken record!

580
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:37,600
-Have your own elderberry bushes?
-No, but the cemetery's full of them.

581
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,200
Well, skoal.

582
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:43,000
MORTIMER: Hello, operator!
What's taking so long?

583
00:34:43,300 --> 00:34:45,800
It's only across the river!
I could swim it faster!

584
00:34:45,900 --> 00:34:46,800
Yes!

585
00:34:47,700 --> 00:34:48,900
Hello! Hell--

586
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:50,400
What--

587
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:51,900
What, they're busy?

588
00:34:52,100 --> 00:34:53,200
Busy?

589
00:34:53,700 --> 00:34:55,400
They're busy and you're dizzy!

590
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:58,700
No, I'm not drunk, madam,
but you've given me an idea!

591
00:34:58,900 --> 00:35:00,900
(Banging)

592
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:05,500
Mortimer, no...no.

593
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,200
Darling, I'm nervous. Don't do that.

594
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:10,400
Not that.

595
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:14,700
MORTIMER: (Shrieks) No!

596
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:23,700
Get out of here! Do you want
to be poisoned, murdered, killed?

597
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:29,600
They're nuts!

598
00:35:30,300 --> 00:35:31,900
CAB DRIVER: You're telling me!

599
00:35:39,900 --> 00:35:42,700
Look, you can't do things like that!

600
00:35:49,900 --> 00:35:52,700
Now I don't know
how I can explain this to you...

601
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:58,200
...but it's not only against the law,
it's wrong.

602
00:35:58,700 --> 00:36:00,300
ABBY: Oh, piffle!

603
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:02,500
It's not a nice thing to do.

604
00:36:03,300 --> 00:36:06,600
People wouldn't understand.
He wouldn't understand.

605
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,000
What I mean is....

606
00:36:12,500 --> 00:36:15,400
This is developing into a very bad habit!

607
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:17,400
(Phone rings)

608
00:36:23,700 --> 00:36:25,600
Who? Happy Dale Sanitarium?

609
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,600
That's amazing, operator.

610
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:30,700
Happy Dale?
Let me talk to Mr. Witherspoon, please.

611
00:36:30,900 --> 00:36:32,600
Mr. Witherspoon speaking.

612
00:36:33,300 --> 00:36:35,700
How do you do, Mr. Brewster?
How are you?

613
00:36:37,300 --> 00:36:40,400
Mr. Witherspoon, do you--
I'm fine, thanks. How are you?

614
00:36:41,500 --> 00:36:45,100
Do you remember our conversation about
committing my brother to Happy Dale?

615
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:48,200
You do? Well, we want
to commit him there immediately.

616
00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:49,400
Oh, dear.

617
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:51,300
Oh, dear. That's too bad.

618
00:36:52,300 --> 00:36:55,300
Well, I'd hoped we wouldn't have him
for some time yet.

619
00:36:55,700 --> 00:36:58,600
We have several Theodore Roosevelts
at the moment...

620
00:36:58,900 --> 00:37:00,900
...and it would lead to trouble.

621
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:04,500
Well, now, if he thought that--

622
00:37:04,700 --> 00:37:08,300
Mr. Brewster, we're a bit short
of Napoleons at present.

623
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:10,600
Bonaparte. And if--

624
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:14,600
Oh, I see. Of course.

625
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,700
Well, if your mind is made up. Yes.

626
00:37:18,500 --> 00:37:20,000
Have you had the papers drawn up?

627
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:23,000
No, but I'll do it now
and call you as soon as I have them.

628
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,100
Thank you, Mr.-- What?

629
00:37:25,700 --> 00:37:27,600
All right. Thank you, Mr. Witherspoon.

630
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,100
Another Roosevelt. Oh, dear.

631
00:37:31,700 --> 00:37:36,200
Now listen, I'm going to Judge Cullman's,
but I want you to promise me something.

632
00:37:36,500 --> 00:37:38,900
MARTHA: Well, we'd have to know
what it was first.

633
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,300
I love you both very much.

634
00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:43,800
You know I'd do anything for you,
don't you?

635
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:45,000
ABBY: Yes, dear.

636
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,700
I want you to do one thing for me,
like good girls.

637
00:37:47,900 --> 00:37:49,500
ABBY: What do you want us to do?

638
00:37:49,700 --> 00:37:52,500
Don't do anything.
I mean, don't do anything!

639
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:56,200
Don't let anyone in the house
and leave Mr. Whosit where he is.

640
00:37:56,300 --> 00:37:59,900
Get off that thing. I can't talk to you....
I can't concentrate.

641
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:03,000
I wouldn't want anything
in the world to happen to you.

642
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:05,600
What on earth could happen to us?

643
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:07,100
Well, darling....

644
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:09,800
Anyway, you'll do that little thing for me,
won't you?

645
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,300
Where's my hat? There it is.

646
00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:14,500
MARTHA: But, Mortimer.
MORTIMER: What?

647
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:17,500
We were planning to hold services
before dinner.

648
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:21,900
-Couldn't that wait until I get back?
-You could join us in the hymns!

649
00:38:22,100 --> 00:38:25,200
Yes, darling, I'll sing with you,
I'll dance with you, anything.

650
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:29,100
Remember, don't let anybody in the house
until I get back.

651
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:30,400
You promise?

652
00:38:30,700 --> 00:38:31,700
Good.

653
00:38:32,700 --> 00:38:33,900
ABBY: Mortimer!

654
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:34,900
What?

655
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:38,700
Stop that. What is it?

656
00:38:38,900 --> 00:38:40,400
Mr. Hoskins' hat!

657
00:38:41,100 --> 00:38:42,600
(Mortimer yelps)

658
00:38:45,900 --> 00:38:49,400
CAB DRIVER: Do you still want me to wait?
MORTIMER: Yes! Call me a cab!

659
00:38:49,700 --> 00:38:53,000
-Hey, cab! Here you are.
-Don't open it. I'll sit with you!

660
00:38:53,300 --> 00:38:56,700
Yeah, that's right.
I can go faster that way. Sure.

661
00:38:57,100 --> 00:38:59,100
Wait a minute! What am I doing?

662
00:39:03,700 --> 00:39:07,200
Fancy getting nice Mr. Hoskins' hat
all mussed up.

663
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,400
Shame! Such a nice hat.

664
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:15,900
MARTHA: You know, Mortimer didn't seem
to be quite himself today.

665
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:17,400
No.

666
00:39:18,300 --> 00:39:19,300
Oh, well.

667
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:29,800
What were you saying about Mortimer?

668
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:32,800
I think I understand why
he seemed so upset.

669
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:34,100
Why?

670
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:36,500
He's just been married.

671
00:39:37,700 --> 00:39:40,700
I believe that always makes
a man a little nervous.

672
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:42,500
Yes. The poor dears.

673
00:39:45,300 --> 00:39:47,400
I'm so happy for Elaine.

674
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:49,300
MARTHA: Abby!

675
00:39:49,500 --> 00:39:53,600
If Mortimer's coming back for the services,
we'll need another hymnal.

676
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:55,800
There's one up in my room.

677
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:00,000
I'll go, dear.

678
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,500
We promised Mortimer
we wouldn't let anyone come in.

679
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:12,800
It's two men,
and I've never seen them before.

680
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,900
ABBY: Are you sure?
MARTHA: Yes.

681
00:40:15,700 --> 00:40:17,800
ABBY: Let me look.
MARTHA: You look.

682
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:24,800
-Do you recognize them?
-No, they're strangers to me.

683
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,300
We'll just have to pretend
we're not at home.

684
00:40:33,100 --> 00:40:35,500
(Suspenseful instrumental music)

685
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:03,200
JONATHAN: Come in, doctor.

686
00:41:07,500 --> 00:41:09,300
This is the home of my youth.

687
00:41:10,700 --> 00:41:13,900
As a boy, I couldn't wait to escape
from this house.

688
00:41:15,300 --> 00:41:17,700
Now I'm glad to escape back into it.

689
00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:21,200
Yes, Johnny, it's a good hideout.

690
00:41:23,100 --> 00:41:25,100
The family must still live here.

691
00:41:27,900 --> 00:41:31,400
I hope there's a fatted calf
awaiting the return of the prodigal.

692
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:33,400
DR. EINSTEIN: A fatted calf?.

693
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,000
Johnny, I'm so hungry.

694
00:41:36,500 --> 00:41:38,600
Look, Johnny. Drink.

695
00:41:39,500 --> 00:41:41,500
As if we were expected.

696
00:41:41,900 --> 00:41:43,100
A good omen.

697
00:41:43,500 --> 00:41:45,200
Who are you?

698
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:47,300
What are you doing here?

699
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:51,600
JONATHAN: Aunt Abby. Aunt Martha.

700
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:54,700
It's Jonathan.

701
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:56,900
You get out of here!

702
00:41:57,700 --> 00:41:59,400
I'm Jonathan, you know.

703
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:01,800
Your nephew, Jonathan.

704
00:42:02,100 --> 00:42:03,300
ABBY: No, you're not.

705
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,500
You're nothing like Jonathan,
so don't pretend you are.

706
00:42:06,900 --> 00:42:08,500
You just get out of here.

707
00:42:08,700 --> 00:42:11,700
I see you're still wearing
the lovely garnet ring...

708
00:42:11,900 --> 00:42:14,400
...that Grandma Brewster
bought in England.

709
00:42:15,500 --> 00:42:18,100
And you, Aunt Martha,
still the high collar...

710
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:21,900
...to hide the scar
where Grandfather's acid burned you.

711
00:42:22,900 --> 00:42:25,600
Why, his voice is like Jonathan's.

712
00:42:28,100 --> 00:42:30,600
Have you been in an accident?

713
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:32,200
My face.

714
00:42:33,500 --> 00:42:36,200
Dr. Einstein is responsible for that.

715
00:42:36,500 --> 00:42:38,200
He's a plastic surgeon.

716
00:42:38,900 --> 00:42:41,200
But I've seen that face before.

717
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:47,200
Do you remember when we took
the little Schultz boy to the movies...

718
00:42:47,500 --> 00:42:49,100
...and I was so frightened?

719
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:50,500
MARTHA: It was that face.

720
00:42:54,100 --> 00:42:56,100
Take it easy, Johnny. Take it easy.

721
00:42:56,300 --> 00:42:59,500
Don't worry. The last five years,
I give him three different faces.

722
00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:01,800
I give him another one right away.

723
00:43:02,300 --> 00:43:05,600
That last face. I saw that picture, too...

724
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:10,200
...just before I operated. I was intoxicated.

725
00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:13,000
JONATHAN: You see, doctor,
what you've done to me?

726
00:43:13,500 --> 00:43:16,500
-Even my own family think I'm--
-Johnny, Johnny!

727
00:43:16,900 --> 00:43:20,500
You are home in this lovely house.

728
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:22,200
You know...

729
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:26,300
...how many times he tells me...

730
00:43:26,700 --> 00:43:30,200
...about Brooklyn, about this house
and about his aunts...

731
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:31,900
...he loves so much?

732
00:43:32,300 --> 00:43:33,500
They know you.

733
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:35,300
DR. EINSTEIN: Please tell him so.

734
00:43:38,300 --> 00:43:40,000
Jonathan...

735
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:42,000
...it's been a long time.

736
00:43:42,300 --> 00:43:44,900
JONATHAN: Bless you.
It's good to be home again.

737
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:49,400
Well, Martha....

738
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:53,000
We mustn't let what's on the stove
boil over.

739
00:43:54,900 --> 00:43:57,500
If you'll excuse us for a moment, Jonathan.

740
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:01,200
Unless you're in a hurry to go somewhere.

741
00:44:03,700 --> 00:44:06,100
(Slow foreboding instrumental music)

742
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:20,600
Well, Johnny....

743
00:44:20,900 --> 00:44:22,700
Where do we go from here?

744
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:26,900
You know, we got to think fast.

745
00:44:27,900 --> 00:44:32,000
The police got pictures of that face.
I got to operate on you right away.

746
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:34,400
We got to find someplace.

747
00:44:35,900 --> 00:44:38,800
We got to find someplace
for Mr. Spenalzo, too.

748
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:41,900
Don't waste any worry on that rat.

749
00:44:42,300 --> 00:44:45,200
But we got a hot stiff on our hands.

750
00:44:45,700 --> 00:44:47,400
JONATHAN: Forget Mr. Spenalzo.

751
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:51,000
But, Johnny, we can't leave
a dead body in the rumble seat.

752
00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:53,600
You shouldn't have killed him.

753
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:57,000
Just because he knows something
about us, what happens?

754
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,200
We come to him for help
and he tries to shake us down.

755
00:45:06,500 --> 00:45:10,400
Besides, he said I looked like Boris Karloff.

756
00:45:13,700 --> 00:45:15,400
That's your work, doctor.

757
00:45:15,500 --> 00:45:16,900
You did that to me.

758
00:45:17,100 --> 00:45:19,000
Please, Johnny, take it easy.

759
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:22,400
We'll find some place
and I'll fix you up right away.

760
00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:25,200
Yes, tonight, but I have to eat first.

761
00:45:25,500 --> 00:45:28,500
JONATHAN: This time, I want the face
of an absolute nonentity.

762
00:45:29,100 --> 00:45:32,100
Yes. I know exactly what I'm going to do.

763
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:35,700
You see, I'm going to take this piece here
and lift it up--

764
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,100
Be careful about the stitches this time.

765
00:45:38,300 --> 00:45:39,900
You leave that up to me.

766
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:41,500
I'll give you nice ears and--

767
00:45:41,700 --> 00:45:44,400
-You were careless last time.
-And new stitches.

768
00:45:44,700 --> 00:45:47,900
And on the eyes I'll do a Schmidt.
That's my specialty.

769
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:51,400
-I take it together like this--
-Leave the eyes alone.

770
00:45:51,700 --> 00:45:53,300
Leave the nose alone.

771
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:55,100
Poor Teddy.

772
00:45:55,700 --> 00:45:57,800
I imagine it's for the best.

773
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:03,800
"Ours not to reason why, ours but to do--"

774
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:06,500
Sign right here, please, Judge. Excuse me.

775
00:46:06,700 --> 00:46:08,200
Right there.

776
00:46:08,500 --> 00:46:12,300
Sometimes I think,
with the world in its present chaotic state--

777
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:16,400
Yes, we'd all be better off at Happy Dale.
I sign here as next of kin, don't l?

778
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:20,500
Only last week I created a mild sensation...

779
00:46:20,700 --> 00:46:23,600
...at the Bar Association, when I said--

780
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:25,900
Goodbye. Good luck, Judge. Thank you.

781
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:30,000
JUDGE: Tell Martha and Abby I'll be over
this week. I've been feeling rather lonely.

782
00:46:30,300 --> 00:46:33,200
No! Never tell them
you've been lonely. Never!

783
00:46:33,300 --> 00:46:35,700
JUDGE: Why, I don't--
MORTIMER: Judge!

784
00:46:36,700 --> 00:46:38,900
Tell me, are you a drinking man?

785
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,900
Why, no. I never indulge.

786
00:46:42,100 --> 00:46:44,100
Good! Then you'll live longer.

787
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:46,400
JUDGE: Of course a little wine now--

788
00:46:46,500 --> 00:46:48,700
(Shouts) No! For heaven's sake, no wine!

789
00:46:51,500 --> 00:46:54,000
I may be committing the wrong Brewster.

790
00:46:56,300 --> 00:46:59,700
ABBY: Well, I'm sure you both want to get
to wherever you're going.

791
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:04,200
My dear, sweet aunties,
I'm so full of your delicious dinner...

792
00:47:04,700 --> 00:47:08,200
-...l'm unable to move a muscle.
-Yes, it's nice here.

793
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:10,000
I found it!

794
00:47:12,500 --> 00:47:14,000
Gentlemen, be seated.

795
00:47:17,100 --> 00:47:20,200
Here it is, gentlemen.
The story of my life, my biography.

796
00:47:20,500 --> 00:47:23,600
Here's the picture I was telling you about.
Here we both are.

797
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:26,400
President Roosevelt and General Goethals
at Culebra Cut.

798
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:28,700
TEDDY: That's me, General, and that's you.

799
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:31,900
My, how I've changed!

800
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:37,000
That picture hasn't been taken yet.
We haven't started work on Culebra Cut.

801
00:47:37,300 --> 00:47:38,800
We're still digging locks.

802
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:42,600
And now, General, we will both go
to Panama and inspect the new lock.

803
00:47:42,900 --> 00:47:45,000
ABBY: No, Teddy. Not to Panama.

804
00:47:45,100 --> 00:47:49,000
Maybe some other time, Mr. President.
Panama is a long ways off.

805
00:47:49,300 --> 00:47:52,100
-Nonsense! It's just down in the cellar.
-The cellar?

806
00:47:52,700 --> 00:47:55,900
We let him dig the Panama Canal
in the cellar.

807
00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:58,800
-General Goethals?
-Yes, sir.

808
00:47:59,100 --> 00:48:02,000
As President of the US, Commander
in Chief of the Army and Navy...

809
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:04,200
...and the man who gave you this job...

810
00:48:04,300 --> 00:48:07,900
...l demand that you accompany me
on the inspection of the new lock.

811
00:48:08,100 --> 00:48:10,400
I think it's time for you to go to bed.

812
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:14,300
I beg your pardon. Who are you?

813
00:48:14,500 --> 00:48:16,500
I'm Woodrow Wilson. Go to bed.

814
00:48:18,900 --> 00:48:22,000
No, you're not Wilson.
But your face is familiar.

815
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:26,800
You're not anyone I know now.
Perhaps later, on my hunting trip to Africa.

816
00:48:27,100 --> 00:48:29,900
You look like someone
I might meet in the jungle.

817
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,800
ABBY: I think, perhaps,
you had better go to bed, Teddy.

818
00:48:34,100 --> 00:48:36,900
He and his friend want to get back
to their hotel.

819
00:48:37,700 --> 00:48:39,500
General Goethals, inspect the canal.

820
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:43,200
All right, Mr. President, we go to Panama.

821
00:48:43,500 --> 00:48:46,100
Bully, bully! Follow me, General.

822
00:48:49,700 --> 00:48:51,700
It's down south, you know.

823
00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:56,600
Well, bon voyage!

824
00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:01,200
Aunt Abby....

825
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:04,000
I must correct your misapprehension.

826
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:07,100
You talked of our hotel.

827
00:49:07,300 --> 00:49:10,900
We have no hotel. We came here directly.

828
00:49:11,300 --> 00:49:15,300
This is not your home,
and I'm afraid you can't stay here.

829
00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:18,200
(Dramatic instrumental music)

830
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:23,700
Dr. Einstein and I need a place to sleep.

831
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:27,500
You remember that, as a boy,
I could be disagreeable.

832
00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:31,700
It would not be pleasant for any of us if....

833
00:49:31,900 --> 00:49:34,700
I don't have to go into details, do l?

834
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:37,800
Perhaps we'd better let them
stay here tonight.

835
00:49:38,300 --> 00:49:39,700
Hey, Johnny....

836
00:49:39,900 --> 00:49:41,600
Come here. Quick.

837
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:43,300
JONATHAN: I forgot to tell you...

838
00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:47,200
...Doctor and I are turning Grandfather's
laboratory into an operating room.

839
00:49:47,500 --> 00:49:49,600
We expect to be very busy.

840
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:56,300
-Down here, what do you think I find?
-What?

841
00:49:56,500 --> 00:49:58,300
The Panama Canal.

842
00:49:59,100 --> 00:50:01,200
And it just fits Mr. Spenalzo.

843
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:05,400
See the hole he's digging.
Four feet wide, six feet long.

844
00:50:05,700 --> 00:50:07,100
He just fits!

845
00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:10,500
You'd think he knew
we were bringing Mr. Spenalzo along.

846
00:50:11,100 --> 00:50:12,600
That's hospitality.

847
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:15,000
Rather a good joke on my aunts.

848
00:50:15,100 --> 00:50:18,400
They're living in a house
with a body buried in the cellar.

849
00:50:21,300 --> 00:50:23,200
How do we get him in here?

850
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:27,500
Yes, we can't just walk
Mr. Spenalzo in through the door.

851
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:32,300
We'll get the car and after they're in bed,
we'll bring him in through the window.

852
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:33,400
Bed.

853
00:50:36,100 --> 00:50:39,300
We're moving the car behind the house.
You'd better get to bed.

854
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:42,200
ABBY: The car is all right where it is
until morning.

855
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:46,400
I don't want to leave it in the street.
That might be against the law.

856
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:52,200
Abby?

857
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:54,200
What are we going to do?

858
00:50:54,500 --> 00:50:58,400
We're not going to let them spend
more than one night in this house.

859
00:50:58,700 --> 00:51:00,400
What would the neighbors think?

860
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:04,100
People coming in here with one face
and going out with another.

861
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:07,700
What are we going to do
about Mr. Hoskins?

862
00:51:08,300 --> 00:51:09,900
Mr. Hoskins!

863
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:13,200
ABBY: It can't be very comfortable
for him in there.

864
00:51:13,700 --> 00:51:16,700
And he's been so patient, the poor dear.

865
00:51:18,500 --> 00:51:22,400
I think Teddy had better take
Mr. Hoskins downstairs right away.

866
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:27,800
General Goethals was very pleased.
He said the canal was just the right size.

867
00:51:29,700 --> 00:51:33,200
Teddy, there's been
another yellow-fever victim.

868
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:37,100
Dear me!
This will be a shock to the General.

869
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,800
ABBY: No, we must keep it a secret.

870
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:42,100
Yes.

871
00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:43,600
A state secret?

872
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:45,600
Yes, a state secret.

873
00:51:45,900 --> 00:51:46,900
Promise?

874
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,500
You have the word of the President
of the United States.

875
00:51:50,700 --> 00:51:54,200
Cross my heart and hope to die.
Now, let's see.

876
00:51:55,100 --> 00:51:57,400
How are we going to keep it a secret?

877
00:51:57,700 --> 00:52:01,100
Teddy, I think you'd better get back down
into the cellar.

878
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:02,600
And then...

879
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:06,400
...when I turn out the lights,
when everything's dark here...

880
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:09,500
...you come up and take
the poor man down to the canal.

881
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:11,000
Now get along.

882
00:52:11,100 --> 00:52:14,100
MARTHA: And we'll come down later
and hold services.

883
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:18,000
TEDDY: Where is the poor devil?
MARTHA: ln the windowseat.

884
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:19,600
It seems to be spreading.

885
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:21,900
We've never had yellow fever there before.

886
00:52:26,300 --> 00:52:29,200
I've never even seen Mr. Hoskins!

887
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:32,800
My goodness! That's right, you were out.

888
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:37,200
You just come right along
and see him now.

889
00:52:38,300 --> 00:52:42,900
You know, he's really very nice looking,
considering that he's a Methodist.

890
00:52:45,300 --> 00:52:47,300
(Abby and Martha scream)

891
00:52:51,700 --> 00:52:53,900
(Threatening instrumental music)

892
00:52:59,900 --> 00:53:02,300
We're bringing the luggage through here.

893
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:12,500
ABBY: Your room is waiting for you.
You can go right up.

894
00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:17,400
I'm afraid we don't keep Brooklyn hours.
You two run along to bed.

895
00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:20,800
But you must be very tired. Both of you.

896
00:53:21,100 --> 00:53:25,100
-And we don't go to bed this early.
-It's time I came home to take care of you.

897
00:53:25,500 --> 00:53:27,400
Take the bags upstairs.

898
00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:30,400
For the instruments, I'll come back later.

899
00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:32,100
Good night.

900
00:53:32,700 --> 00:53:34,200
Now, we'll all go to bed.

901
00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:38,000
I'll wait until you're up
and then turn out the lights.

902
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:40,600
JONATHAN: Run along, Aunt Martha.

903
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:44,300
Just off the laboratory, Doctor.

904
00:53:52,100 --> 00:53:54,600
-All right, Aunt Abby.
-I'll be right up.

905
00:53:54,900 --> 00:53:57,100
Now! Turn out the lights.

906
00:54:04,500 --> 00:54:07,100
(Dramatic instrumental music)

907
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:30,500
JONATHAN: Aunt Abby.

908
00:54:33,900 --> 00:54:36,500
(Suspenseful instrumental music)

909
00:54:38,100 --> 00:54:39,600
(Footsteps)

910
00:55:04,100 --> 00:55:06,100
(Windowseat hinges creak)

911
00:55:27,500 --> 00:55:30,800
(Suspenseful instrumental music)

912
00:55:33,900 --> 00:55:35,400
(Cat yowls)

913
00:56:21,100 --> 00:56:22,800
(Tumbling and crashing noises)

914
00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:37,600
DR. EINSTEIN: He's all right, Johnny.

915
00:56:46,300 --> 00:56:49,500
JONATHAN: I'll open the window.
You go round and hand him through.

916
00:56:49,900 --> 00:56:52,200
But he's too heavy for me.

917
00:56:53,800 --> 00:56:57,200
DR. EINSTEIN: You go outside and push,
and I'll stay here and pull.

918
00:56:57,600 --> 00:57:00,300
And then together we take him
down to Panama.

919
00:57:00,500 --> 00:57:04,500
JONATHAN: All right. We must be quick.
I'll take a look around outside the house.

920
00:57:04,900 --> 00:57:07,300
When I tap on the glass,
you open the window.

921
00:57:07,500 --> 00:57:08,700
DR. EINSTEIN: Yeah.

922
00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:18,400
DR. EINSTEIN: It's dark in here.

923
00:57:20,100 --> 00:57:21,900
(Crashing)

924
00:57:22,100 --> 00:57:24,000
(Dr. Einstein whimpers)

925
00:57:24,300 --> 00:57:25,800
(Windowseat hinges creak)

926
00:57:31,700 --> 00:57:32,800
Where am l?

927
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:35,100
Here I am.

928
00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:38,500
Who left this open?

929
00:57:38,700 --> 00:57:40,200
(Tap on window)

930
00:57:44,300 --> 00:57:47,300
DR. EINSTEIN: Okay, wait a minute.
Hand him over.

931
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:50,100
Now I have him. Allez, up!

932
00:57:51,700 --> 00:57:55,500
Now, wait a minute, Johnny.
You lost a leg somewhere.

933
00:57:58,300 --> 00:58:00,100
Help me. He's so heavy.

934
00:58:00,400 --> 00:58:03,600
Now I have him. Now I got him.

935
00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:07,800
JONATHAN: Be careful.
DR. EINSTEIN: But his shoe came off.

936
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:11,800
Help me, Johnny. He's so heavy.

937
00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:14,300
Now I've got him!

938
00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:15,400
(Knock on door)

939
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:19,100
DR. EINSTEIN: Johnny,
somebody's at the door. Go open, quick.

940
00:58:19,500 --> 00:58:22,600
I'll manage Spenalzo. Go, quick!

941
00:58:23,100 --> 00:58:24,700
(Knock on door)

942
00:58:28,500 --> 00:58:30,000
(Creaking)

943
00:58:32,500 --> 00:58:36,000
(The Wedding March plays
with an eerie nuance)

944
00:58:36,300 --> 00:58:37,500
ELAINE: Mortimer!

945
00:58:42,300 --> 00:58:43,300
Aunt Abby!

946
00:58:45,300 --> 00:58:46,500
Aunt Martha!

947
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:51,300
(Door closes)

948
00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:53,000
Who is it?

949
00:58:53,100 --> 00:58:54,500
Is that you, Teddy?

950
00:58:54,700 --> 00:58:55,900
JONATHAN: Who are you?

951
00:58:56,100 --> 00:58:58,300
ELAINE: I'm Elaine Harper. I live next door.

952
00:58:58,300 --> 00:59:00,000
JONATHAN: What are you doing here?

953
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:02,500
ELAINE: I came here
to see my husband, Mortimer.

954
00:59:02,700 --> 00:59:04,800
JONATHAN: Why did you say
your name was Harper?

955
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:07,100
ELAINE: It is Harper. I mean, it's Brewster.

956
00:59:07,300 --> 00:59:09,700
I'm not very used to it.
I'm a brand-new Brewster.

957
00:59:09,900 --> 00:59:11,000
JONATHAN: Doctor!

958
00:59:12,200 --> 00:59:14,000
It's all right. It's okay.

959
00:59:23,400 --> 00:59:26,200
ELAINE: Maybe you'd better explain
what you're doing here.

960
00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:28,400
JONATHAN: We happen to live here.

961
00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:30,200
ELAINE: You don't live here.

962
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:33,000
I'm in this house every day,
I've never seen you before.

963
00:59:33,200 --> 00:59:36,300
Where are Martha and Abby?
What have you done to them?

964
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:40,000
Perhaps we'd better introduce ourselves.

965
00:59:40,500 --> 00:59:43,000
May I present Dr. Einstein?

966
00:59:43,500 --> 00:59:45,500
Dr. Einstein?

967
00:59:45,700 --> 00:59:48,100
JONATHAN: A surgeon of great distinction.

968
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:52,700
And something of a magician.

969
00:59:53,500 --> 00:59:57,200
-I suppose you'll tell me you're Boris--
-I am Jonathan Brewster.

970
00:59:59,800 --> 01:00:02,200
-You're Jonathan.
-You've heard of me?

971
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:05,400
-Yes, they talk about you.
-What do they say about me?

972
01:00:05,500 --> 01:00:08,900
Just that there's another brother
named Jonathan, that's all.

973
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:12,800
That explains everything.
Now that I know who you are...

974
01:00:13,100 --> 01:00:16,500
...l'll just be running along
if you'll kindly unlock the door.

975
01:00:29,700 --> 01:00:33,100
"That explains everything."
Just what do you mean by that?

976
01:00:33,500 --> 01:00:35,900
Why do you come here
at this time of night?

977
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:39,800
I just thought I saw Mortimer drive up.
I suppose it was you.

978
01:00:40,500 --> 01:00:42,700
(Dramatic instrumental music)

979
01:00:43,300 --> 01:00:45,600
You thought you saw someone drive up?

980
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:48,800
Yes. Weren't you just outside?
lsn't that your car?

981
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:51,400
JONATHAN: You saw someone at the car?
ELAINE: Yes.

982
01:00:51,700 --> 01:00:54,700
JONATHAN: What else did you see?
ELAINE: Just that, that's all!

983
01:00:54,900 --> 01:00:57,400
JONATHAN: I see.
Is that why you came over here?

984
01:00:57,700 --> 01:01:01,100
No, I came to see Mortimer.
But if he's not home, I'll run--

985
01:01:01,300 --> 01:01:03,300
-You've given two names.
-You're hurting me!

986
01:01:03,500 --> 01:01:05,500
I think she's dangerous.

987
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:08,100
No visitors. It's going to be
a private funeral.

988
01:01:10,900 --> 01:01:12,000
ELAINE: Teddy!

989
01:01:12,100 --> 01:01:15,500
-Tell these men who I am!
-That's my daughter, Alice.

990
01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:16,800
No!

991
01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:20,900
Don't be a tomboy.
Don't play rough with the gentlemen.

992
01:01:21,100 --> 01:01:22,100
Charge!

993
01:01:26,500 --> 01:01:28,700
(Dramatic instrumental music)

994
01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:33,100
JONATHAN: Doctor, the cellar.

995
01:01:34,800 --> 01:01:36,600
ELAINE: (Yells) Let go of me!

996
01:01:37,400 --> 01:01:39,100
Let go of me!

997
01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:42,400
MARTHA: What's the matter?
What's happening down there?

998
01:01:46,400 --> 01:01:48,900
ABBY: What's the matter?
What are you doing there?

999
01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:52,700
JONATHAN: We caught a burglar,
a sneak thief. Go back to your room.

1000
01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:54,700
ABBY: We'll call the police.

1001
01:01:54,900 --> 01:01:57,300
JONATHAN: I'll handle this.
Go back to your room.

1002
01:01:57,500 --> 01:01:58,700
Do you hear me?

1003
01:01:58,900 --> 01:02:01,400
(Knock on door)

1004
01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:03,100
JONATHAN: Don't answer that.

1005
01:02:04,200 --> 01:02:05,600
Don't answer that!

1006
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:07,500
ELAINE: (Screams) Miss Abby!

1007
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:12,800
(Doorbell rings insistently)

1008
01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:23,000
Where's Teddy? ls he upstairs?
Never mind that now, darling.

1009
01:02:23,200 --> 01:02:25,900
What are you doing
with your best clothes on?

1010
01:02:26,500 --> 01:02:28,600
Holy.... What's that?

1011
01:02:30,900 --> 01:02:33,400
What's that thing that looks like
a cigar-store dummy?

1012
01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:38,000
-It's your brother and Dr. Einstein.
-Didn't I tell you not to let anybody in?

1013
01:02:38,300 --> 01:02:41,500
-Who did you say it was?
-It's your brother, Jonathan!

1014
01:02:41,700 --> 01:02:44,700
(Overlapping conversation)

1015
01:02:46,500 --> 01:02:49,400
JONATHAN: I've come back home.
MORTIMER: What?

1016
01:02:49,900 --> 01:02:51,800
I've come back home, Mortimer.

1017
01:02:51,900 --> 01:02:55,000
"I've come back home, Mortimer."
Listen, it talks!

1018
01:02:56,200 --> 01:02:57,800
Yes, I talk.

1019
01:02:58,700 --> 01:03:02,900
Mortimer, have you forgotten
the things I used to do to you...

1020
01:03:03,500 --> 01:03:05,600
...when you were tied to the bedpost?

1021
01:03:05,700 --> 01:03:09,100
The needles under your fingernails.

1022
01:03:09,500 --> 01:03:11,500
-Mortimer, he--
-Wait a minute.

1023
01:03:19,600 --> 01:03:21,200
Holy mackerel!

1024
01:03:21,500 --> 01:03:22,500
It is Jonathan!

1025
01:03:22,600 --> 01:03:24,800
JONATHAN: I'm glad you remember,
Mortimer.

1026
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:27,600
Yeah, I remember.

1027
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:29,700
How could I forget you?

1028
01:03:30,200 --> 01:03:32,500
Where'd you get that face? Hollywood?

1029
01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:37,500
Don't you two boys start quarreling
the minute you've seen each other.

1030
01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:41,100
We invited Jonathan
and Dr. Einstein to stay.

1031
01:03:41,700 --> 01:03:43,700
-What?
-Just for tonight.

1032
01:03:43,900 --> 01:03:45,800
No, I'm staying here tonight.

1033
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:48,600
-In fact, I'm staying here from now on.
-What about me?

1034
01:03:48,800 --> 01:03:50,700
There's no room for anybody else here.

1035
01:03:50,900 --> 01:03:52,300
Please, just a moment.

1036
01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:54,700
So take that little squirt and beat it!

1037
01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:57,600
Where's Teddy?
I've got to see him right away.

1038
01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:00,900
DR. EINSTEIN: We don't take up
much room.

1039
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:04,000
Johnny can sleep on the sofa,
and I'll sleep on the windowseat.

1040
01:04:04,200 --> 01:04:05,500
Nothing to....

1041
01:04:05,900 --> 01:04:07,200
Windowseat?

1042
01:04:08,100 --> 01:04:09,600
Certainly not on the windowseat.

1043
01:04:09,700 --> 01:04:11,900
I'm going to sleep on the windowseat.

1044
01:04:12,500 --> 01:04:14,400
I'll sleep on the windowseat from now on.

1045
01:04:14,500 --> 01:04:15,900
Mortimer!

1046
01:04:16,500 --> 01:04:17,500
Now look.

1047
01:04:18,600 --> 01:04:20,000
Now, be a good fellow.

1048
01:04:20,200 --> 01:04:22,900
Here's $10. Go out
and haunt yourself a hotel.

1049
01:04:25,600 --> 01:04:29,600
Mortimer, you know what I do
to people who order me around.

1050
01:04:30,600 --> 01:04:32,100
Johnny....

1051
01:04:33,100 --> 01:04:34,600
Mr. Spenalzo.

1052
01:04:34,800 --> 01:04:35,800
JONATHAN: What?

1053
01:04:35,900 --> 01:04:39,100
DR. EINSTEIN: What's going to happen
to Mr. Spenalzo?

1054
01:04:40,500 --> 01:04:43,200
We can't leave him here
in the windowseat.

1055
01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:52,400
Doctor, I've completely lost track
of Mr. Spenalzo.

1056
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:55,000
MORTIMER: Wait!
Who's this Mr. Spenalzo?

1057
01:04:55,300 --> 01:04:57,600
A friend of ours Johnny was looking for.

1058
01:04:57,800 --> 01:05:00,300
Don't bring anyone else in here.
Now, beat it!

1059
01:05:00,400 --> 01:05:01,800
It's all right, Johnny.

1060
01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:04,600
While we are packing,
I'll tell you about him.

1061
01:05:11,200 --> 01:05:14,300
I'll take care of you, Mortimer,
in just a little while.

1062
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:16,700
MORTIMER: How do you like that?

1063
01:05:16,900 --> 01:05:20,200
The guy stays away for 20 years
and picks tonight to come back.

1064
01:05:20,500 --> 01:05:22,400
Elaine, what are you doing here?

1065
01:05:22,500 --> 01:05:24,700
-Mortimer!
-What's the matter, darling?

1066
01:05:24,900 --> 01:05:27,900
-I almost got killed.
-Killed?

1067
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:30,500
Aunt Abby, Aunt Martha!

1068
01:05:31,900 --> 01:05:33,600
No! It was Jonathan!

1069
01:05:34,100 --> 01:05:36,100
He mistook her for a sneak thief.

1070
01:05:36,300 --> 01:05:38,600
MORTIMER: Oh, that.
ELAINE: It was worse than that.

1071
01:05:38,800 --> 01:05:40,100
He's some kind of a maniac.

1072
01:05:40,300 --> 01:05:41,300
I'm afraid of him.

1073
01:05:41,300 --> 01:05:44,500
MORTIMER: Darling, don't worry about it.
I'm here now. Forget it.

1074
01:05:44,600 --> 01:05:47,800
ELAINE: We were married today,
we were going over Niagara Falls...

1075
01:05:48,100 --> 01:05:51,400
...your brother tries to strangle me,
a taxi's waiting...

1076
01:05:51,700 --> 01:05:53,900
...and now you want to sleep
on a windowseat!

1077
01:05:54,100 --> 01:05:56,000
Windowseat. Witherspoon.

1078
01:05:56,300 --> 01:05:58,300
-You'd better run along home.
-What?

1079
01:05:58,400 --> 01:06:01,200
Go on home like a good girl.
I got things to do.

1080
01:06:01,300 --> 01:06:02,800
ELAINE: But--
MORTIMER: Please.

1081
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:05,500
Operator?
Get me Happy Dale 2-7-0, please.

1082
01:06:05,900 --> 01:06:08,300
But didn't you hear what I was just saying?

1083
01:06:08,500 --> 01:06:11,500
Your own brother Jonathan,
he was trying to strangle me!

1084
01:06:11,800 --> 01:06:14,100
-Please! This is important!
-That?

1085
01:06:14,900 --> 01:06:17,100
Mr. Witherspoon?
This is Mortimer Brewster.

1086
01:06:17,200 --> 01:06:19,300
Yes, Mr. Brewster.

1087
01:06:19,900 --> 01:06:21,600
Well, I don't understand you.

1088
01:06:21,800 --> 01:06:25,200
ELAINE: He was going to kill me!
MORTIMER: Wait, I can't hear the man.

1089
01:06:25,400 --> 01:06:27,600
Well, look.
I've got the papers all drawn up.

1090
01:06:27,800 --> 01:06:32,100
I know it's late, but come down here
and get my brother immediately!

1091
01:06:32,400 --> 01:06:33,500
Please, darling.

1092
01:06:33,700 --> 01:06:37,500
By the way, you've had the papers signed
by your brother and the doctor, of course?

1093
01:06:37,700 --> 01:06:38,800
By the doctor?

1094
01:06:39,100 --> 01:06:41,900
Oh, holy mackerel! I forgot the doctor!

1095
01:06:42,100 --> 01:06:43,600
ELAINE: (Cries) Mortimer!

1096
01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:46,900
Please, be quiet! Can't you see
I've got to get a doctor?

1097
01:06:47,300 --> 01:06:49,400
What kind of a doctor? A family doctor?

1098
01:06:49,500 --> 01:06:52,900
You can take your honeymoon,
wedding ring, taxi, windowseat...

1099
01:06:53,200 --> 01:06:56,100
...put them in a barrel,
and push them all over Niagara Falls!

1100
01:06:56,200 --> 01:06:57,900
Thank you, darling. Thank you.

1101
01:06:58,100 --> 01:07:00,100
Why don't you come down here anyway?

1102
01:07:00,300 --> 01:07:03,700
While you're getting here,
I'll get Teddy's and the doctor's signatures.

1103
01:07:03,900 --> 01:07:04,800
(Door slams)

1104
01:07:04,900 --> 01:07:05,800
Elaine!

1105
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:08,800
I'll get both signatures.
Yeah, well, come right away.

1106
01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:11,300
Elaine! What's the matter with her?

1107
01:07:13,400 --> 01:07:15,400
Elaine! Elaine!

1108
01:07:21,800 --> 01:07:24,700
Let me sit down.
Let me think about this thing.

1109
01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:28,800
Doctor, Teddy, signature....

1110
01:07:29,700 --> 01:07:31,000
Hoskins!

1111
01:07:49,600 --> 01:07:51,700
Ye gods! There's another one!

1112
01:07:53,100 --> 01:07:54,500
Aunt Abby! Aunt Martha!

1113
01:07:54,600 --> 01:07:56,800
MORTIMER: Come in here!
ABBY: We're busy.

1114
01:07:56,900 --> 01:07:58,900
No, you come in here now!

1115
01:08:00,900 --> 01:08:03,400
Yes, dear, what is it? Where's Elaine?

1116
01:08:03,800 --> 01:08:06,000
Didn't you promise not to let anyone in?

1117
01:08:06,100 --> 01:08:08,400
-Jonathan just walked in.
-I don't mean Jonathan!

1118
01:08:08,600 --> 01:08:11,500
I don't mean Dr. Einstein!
Who is that in the windowseat?

1119
01:08:11,700 --> 01:08:13,400
We told you. Mr. Hoskins.

1120
01:08:13,600 --> 01:08:15,900
It is not Mr. Hoskins!

1121
01:08:16,700 --> 01:08:17,700
There!

1122
01:08:19,900 --> 01:08:21,200
Who can that be?

1123
01:08:23,800 --> 01:08:27,300
-Are you saying you've never seen him?
-I certainly am.

1124
01:08:27,500 --> 01:08:29,200
This is a fine how-do-you-do!

1125
01:08:29,400 --> 01:08:31,700
It's getting so anyone thinks
he can walk in!

1126
01:08:31,900 --> 01:08:35,800
Don't you try to get out of this!
That's another one of your gentlemen!

1127
01:08:36,100 --> 01:08:38,300
How can you say such a thing?

1128
01:08:38,700 --> 01:08:40,800
That man's an impostor.

1129
01:08:41,800 --> 01:08:45,700
And if he came here to be buried
in our cellar, he's mistaken.

1130
01:08:47,400 --> 01:08:49,900
You admitted you put Mr. Hoskins
in the windowseat.

1131
01:08:50,100 --> 01:08:50,900
Yes, I did.

1132
01:08:51,000 --> 01:08:53,700
This man couldn't have got the idea
from Mr. Hoskins!

1133
01:08:53,900 --> 01:08:57,300
-By the way, where is Mr. Hoskins?
-He must have gone to Panama.

1134
01:08:57,600 --> 01:08:59,400
-What? You buried him?
-Not yet.

1135
01:08:59,500 --> 01:09:02,400
He's down there
waiting for the services, poor dear.

1136
01:09:02,600 --> 01:09:06,000
We haven't had a minute,
what with Jonathan in the house.

1137
01:09:08,200 --> 01:09:09,100
Oh, dear.

1138
01:09:09,300 --> 01:09:12,800
We've always wanted
to hold a double funeral.

1139
01:09:13,100 --> 01:09:16,800
But I will not read services
over a total stranger!

1140
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:20,800
A total stranger. How can I believe you?

1141
01:09:20,900 --> 01:09:23,700
There are 12 men down there,
you admit you poisoned them!

1142
01:09:24,000 --> 01:09:28,000
Yes, I did. But you don't think
I'd stoop to telling a fib!

1143
01:09:28,700 --> 01:09:29,700
ABBY: Martha!

1144
01:09:29,800 --> 01:09:31,700
What do you think has happened?

1145
01:09:32,100 --> 01:09:33,400
"A fib! "

1146
01:09:49,500 --> 01:09:53,700
This may interest you, Mortimer.
I've decided that we're staying.

1147
01:09:54,000 --> 01:09:58,300
And I've also decided that you're leaving,
and I mean now.

1148
01:09:58,700 --> 01:10:01,600
Listen, handsome. I'm in no mood
to debate the question.

1149
01:10:01,800 --> 01:10:04,900
Are you getting out,
or am I throwing you out on your ear?

1150
01:10:05,200 --> 01:10:07,400
I've led a strange life.

1151
01:10:08,300 --> 01:10:10,000
Martha, you come straight along here.

1152
01:10:10,200 --> 01:10:13,000
You just look and see
what's in that windowseat.

1153
01:10:15,000 --> 01:10:16,300
No. Don't....

1154
01:10:38,100 --> 01:10:39,600
Jonathan....

1155
01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:42,500
Let Aunt Martha see
what's in the windowseat.

1156
01:10:46,700 --> 01:10:49,600
Aunt Abby, darling, I owe you an apology.

1157
01:10:49,900 --> 01:10:53,200
I've got some very good news for you.
Jonathan is leaving.

1158
01:10:54,700 --> 01:10:58,600
And he's taking Dr. Einstein
and that cold companion with him.

1159
01:11:04,200 --> 01:11:07,100
Listen. You're my brother,
you're a Brewster.

1160
01:11:07,300 --> 01:11:10,500
I'll give you a chance to get away
and take the evidence with you.

1161
01:11:10,700 --> 01:11:13,000
You can't ask for more than that.

1162
01:11:14,100 --> 01:11:15,100
Well?

1163
01:11:17,700 --> 01:11:20,700
All right, in that case,
I'll have to call the police.

1164
01:11:23,200 --> 01:11:25,100
Don't reach for the telephone.

1165
01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:28,900
JONATHAN: Remember, what happened
to Mr. Spenalzo can happen to you, too.

1166
01:11:29,300 --> 01:11:30,600
Spenalzo?

1167
01:11:30,900 --> 01:11:33,200
I knew he was a foreigner.

1168
01:11:34,000 --> 01:11:35,900
Put down that telephone.

1169
01:11:36,100 --> 01:11:37,500
(Doorbell rings)

1170
01:11:44,800 --> 01:11:46,000
ABBY: Officer O'Hara!

1171
01:11:46,200 --> 01:11:49,000
I saw the lights and thought
you might have sickness....

1172
01:11:49,200 --> 01:11:51,000
You got company? Sorry I disturbed you.

1173
01:11:51,200 --> 01:11:53,500
-No! Come in.
-Yes, do come in.

1174
01:11:53,700 --> 01:11:56,600
Come right in, Officer.
This is our nephew, Mortimer.

1175
01:11:56,700 --> 01:11:58,600
-Pleased to meet you.
-Glad to see you.

1176
01:11:58,800 --> 01:12:00,600
And this is another nephew, Jonathan.

1177
01:12:00,700 --> 01:12:02,500
PAT: Pleased to make your acquaintance.

1178
01:12:03,000 --> 01:12:06,000
Your face is familiar.
Haven't I seen a picture of you?

1179
01:12:06,100 --> 01:12:07,900
I don't think so.

1180
01:12:08,100 --> 01:12:09,400
PAT: I'll be running along.

1181
01:12:09,500 --> 01:12:11,200
Why? Stay until my brother leaves.

1182
01:12:11,300 --> 01:12:12,700
I got to ring in, Mr.--

1183
01:12:12,800 --> 01:12:15,900
Are you "the" Mortimer Brewster,
the writer and dramatic critic?

1184
01:12:16,100 --> 01:12:16,900
Yes, why?

1185
01:12:17,100 --> 01:12:21,000
What a break for me! I'm a playwright.
I'm working on a play now.

1186
01:12:21,200 --> 01:12:24,400
You are? Well, well, well!

1187
01:12:24,800 --> 01:12:27,900
-Maybe I can help you with it.
-Would you? What a break!

1188
01:12:28,100 --> 01:12:30,500
I get wonderful ideas,
but I can't spell them.

1189
01:12:30,700 --> 01:12:33,000
I can spell like the dickens.
Constantinople?

1190
01:12:33,200 --> 01:12:35,800
Let's go into the kitchen.
You can tell me all about it.

1191
01:12:36,100 --> 01:12:38,000
Couldn't you whip up a sandwich?

1192
01:12:38,100 --> 01:12:41,300
MARTHA: I hope you don't mind
eating in the kitchen, Officer O'Hara.

1193
01:12:41,600 --> 01:12:43,500
And where else would you eat?

1194
01:12:43,700 --> 01:12:44,700
(Laughter)

1195
01:12:44,800 --> 01:12:46,500
MORTIMER: See you in a moment.

1196
01:12:48,300 --> 01:12:49,900
This is your last chance.

1197
01:12:49,900 --> 01:12:52,500
I'll keep O'Hara busy
to give you a chance to get out.

1198
01:12:52,700 --> 01:12:55,100
All three of you:
you, Dr. Einstein and Spenalzo.

1199
01:12:55,300 --> 01:12:59,500
If you don't leave here, I'll introduce
Officer O'Hara to Mr. Spenalzo.

1200
01:12:59,800 --> 01:13:01,300
My play takes place in--

1201
01:13:01,400 --> 01:13:03,900
I'll be right with you, O'Hara.
Right with you.

1202
01:13:05,300 --> 01:13:07,000
Just give me one moment.

1203
01:13:07,900 --> 01:13:10,300
Now get going! All three of you.

1204
01:13:20,300 --> 01:13:23,500
This affair between my brother and myself
has got to be settled.

1205
01:13:23,700 --> 01:13:27,400
DR. EINSTEIN: But we've got
trouble enough as it is. Come, let's go.

1206
01:13:27,800 --> 01:13:30,800
We're not going.
We're sleeping right here in this house.

1207
01:13:31,000 --> 01:13:34,800
DR. EINSTEIN: With a cop in the kitchen
and Spenalzo in the windowseat?

1208
01:13:35,200 --> 01:13:38,800
That's all he's got on us. We'll take
Spenalzo and dump him in the bay.

1209
01:13:39,000 --> 01:13:42,400
After that, we're coming back here.
Then if he tries to interfere--

1210
01:13:42,700 --> 01:13:44,400
No, no, Johnny. No, please.

1211
01:13:44,600 --> 01:13:47,600
We've got a wonderful setup here.
We can make a fortune.

1212
01:13:47,900 --> 01:13:52,300
Two old ladies as a front.
Only Mortimer stands in our way.

1213
01:13:52,700 --> 01:13:55,100
JONATHAN: I never did like Mortimer.

1214
01:13:55,300 --> 01:13:57,500
DR. EINSTEIN: Please, take it easy. Please!

1215
01:13:57,800 --> 01:13:59,800
Doctor, you know
when I make up my mind--

1216
01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:03,100
DR. EINSTEIN: When you make up
your mind, you lose your head.

1217
01:14:03,400 --> 01:14:06,000
Look, Brooklyn ain't a good setup for you.

1218
01:14:07,400 --> 01:14:09,800
Okay, Johnny. Okay!

1219
01:14:11,500 --> 01:14:14,900
JONATHAN: Take the instruments
and hide them in the cellar. Move fast.

1220
01:14:16,300 --> 01:14:17,300
Mr. Brewster....

1221
01:14:17,400 --> 01:14:20,500
-You don't know what goes on in Brooklyn.
-I don't know.

1222
01:14:20,800 --> 01:14:23,500
-My mother was an actress.
-Legitimate?

1223
01:14:23,700 --> 01:14:25,300
Of course. She was my mother.

1224
01:14:25,400 --> 01:14:27,400
-Excuse me.
-Peaches La Tour was her name.

1225
01:14:28,200 --> 01:14:29,200
Hey, Johnny....

1226
01:14:29,300 --> 01:14:31,100
-Come quick!
-What's the matter?

1227
01:14:31,300 --> 01:14:32,700
You know that hole in the cellar?

1228
01:14:32,700 --> 01:14:33,800
JONATHAN: Yes.

1229
01:14:34,000 --> 01:14:36,000
Well, we got an ace in the hole.

1230
01:14:38,000 --> 01:14:40,800
It's no fly-by-night idea.
I worked on it for 12 years.

1231
01:14:41,300 --> 01:14:43,500
Well, rehash it. I'll be back in a minute.

1232
01:14:43,700 --> 01:14:45,300
-Swell.
-I like the first act.

1233
01:14:45,500 --> 01:14:47,400
I didn't tell you the first--

1234
01:14:55,100 --> 01:14:56,800
I thought I told you....

1235
01:14:58,800 --> 01:15:00,300
Jonathan!

1236
01:15:01,700 --> 01:15:03,400
JONATHAN: Yes, Mortimer.

1237
01:15:05,500 --> 01:15:08,700
MORTIMER: What are you doing still here?
I thought I said beat it.

1238
01:15:08,900 --> 01:15:09,900
We're not going.

1239
01:15:10,100 --> 01:15:12,100
MORTIMER: You're not going?
DR. EINSTEIN: No.

1240
01:15:12,200 --> 01:15:13,800
MORTIMER: You stay out of this.

1241
01:15:13,900 --> 01:15:15,800
All right, you asked for it.

1242
01:15:16,100 --> 01:15:18,100
MORTIMER: Officer O'Hara?
PAT: Coming.

1243
01:15:18,700 --> 01:15:21,100
If you tell O'Hara
what's in the windowseat...

1244
01:15:21,300 --> 01:15:23,300
...l'll tell him what's in the cellar.

1245
01:15:23,400 --> 01:15:24,400
Cellar?

1246
01:15:24,800 --> 01:15:28,400
There's an elderly gentleman down there
who seems to be very dead.

1247
01:15:30,100 --> 01:15:32,700
-What were you doing there?
-What's he doing there?

1248
01:15:32,900 --> 01:15:35,200
Now what are you going to tell O'Hara?

1249
01:15:35,600 --> 01:15:38,800
Your aunts want to hear the rest.
Shall I bring them in here?

1250
01:15:39,100 --> 01:15:41,700
You can't do that now.
You'd better ring in.

1251
01:15:42,000 --> 01:15:44,700
The heck with ringing in!
I want to tell you the plot.

1252
01:15:44,900 --> 01:15:47,200
You can't tell me
in front of those two fellas.

1253
01:15:47,400 --> 01:15:48,400
Lowbrows, huh?

1254
01:15:48,700 --> 01:15:52,000
Let's go where we can be alone.
I'll meet you there later.

1255
01:15:52,200 --> 01:15:54,500
How about the backroom at Kelly's?

1256
01:15:54,700 --> 01:15:57,500
Fine place. Bohemian atmosphere.
Genius at work.

1257
01:15:57,700 --> 01:15:59,600
You ring in and I'll meet you at Kelly's.

1258
01:15:59,800 --> 01:16:02,200
JONATHAN: Why don't you both go down
in the cellar?

1259
01:16:02,400 --> 01:16:04,200
That's all right with me.

1260
01:16:04,500 --> 01:16:07,600
There's a much more literary atmosphere
in Kelly's, I assure you.

1261
01:16:07,900 --> 01:16:09,400
PAT: This opening will kill you.

1262
01:16:09,500 --> 01:16:11,400
I'm waiting to be born and the doctor--

1263
01:16:11,600 --> 01:16:12,700
The doctor!

1264
01:16:12,900 --> 01:16:15,400
Look, you ring in and I'll see you later.

1265
01:16:15,600 --> 01:16:18,500
You won't stand me up, will you?
This is a great play.

1266
01:16:18,700 --> 01:16:20,700
-I'll see you down there.
-Can't wait!

1267
01:16:20,800 --> 01:16:22,000
Doctor, doctor.

1268
01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:24,600
Where are those papers? There they are.

1269
01:16:26,200 --> 01:16:29,900
You're smug, aren't you? You think
you've got it over me. You haven't.

1270
01:16:30,300 --> 01:16:34,100
You think I'm afraid to tell about Spenalzo
because of Hoskins. Well, I'm not!

1271
01:16:34,300 --> 01:16:35,700
The moment I get Spenalzo....

1272
01:16:35,800 --> 01:16:39,100
The moment the doctor signs,
I don't care who knows about Hoskins.

1273
01:16:39,400 --> 01:16:42,400
And you better feel the same way
about Spenalzo. Yes, Spenalzo!

1274
01:16:42,600 --> 01:16:44,000
JONATHAN: Where are you going?

1275
01:16:44,100 --> 01:16:45,600
To the doctor's. Where do you....

1276
01:16:45,800 --> 01:16:48,600
When I come back,
I expect to find you gone. Wait for me!

1277
01:16:49,400 --> 01:16:51,300
We'll wait for him.

1278
01:16:52,400 --> 01:16:54,000
Did he look guilty!

1279
01:16:54,800 --> 01:16:58,000
Well, Martha,
I think we can start the services now.

1280
01:16:59,500 --> 01:17:01,300
ABBY: We thought we heard you leave.

1281
01:17:01,500 --> 01:17:04,500
Perish the thought, dear aunties.
That was just Mortimer.

1282
01:17:04,600 --> 01:17:06,500
And speaking of services...

1283
01:17:06,700 --> 01:17:10,900
...will you make us some coffee
while we take Spenalzo down to the cellar?

1284
01:17:11,800 --> 01:17:14,300
MARTHA: No, Jonathan.
You've got to take him with you!

1285
01:17:14,600 --> 01:17:17,800
There's a friend of Mortimer's downstairs
waiting for him.

1286
01:17:18,000 --> 01:17:21,100
ABBY: A friend of Mortimer's?
JONATHAN: Take his feet, Doctor.

1287
01:17:21,800 --> 01:17:24,500
Mr. Spenalzo and he
will get along fine together.

1288
01:17:24,700 --> 01:17:26,200
They're both dead.

1289
01:17:27,100 --> 01:17:28,800
He must mean Mr. Hoskins.

1290
01:17:29,000 --> 01:17:30,500
DR. EINSTEIN: Mr. Hoskins?

1291
01:17:35,700 --> 01:17:37,800
You know about what's down there?

1292
01:17:38,000 --> 01:17:41,200
Of course we do.
And he's no friend of Mortimer's.

1293
01:17:41,500 --> 01:17:44,100
-He's one of our gentlemen.
-Your gentlemen?

1294
01:17:44,400 --> 01:17:48,100
Yes. And we won't have
any strangers buried in our cellar.

1295
01:17:48,400 --> 01:17:51,400
-But Mr. Hoskins--
-Mr. Hoskins is no stranger.

1296
01:17:51,700 --> 01:17:54,100
Besides, there's no room for Mr. Spenalzo.

1297
01:17:54,300 --> 01:17:56,100
The cellar's crowded already.

1298
01:17:56,300 --> 01:17:57,700
Crowded? With what?

1299
01:17:58,000 --> 01:18:00,600
There are 12 graves down there now.

1300
01:18:07,000 --> 01:18:08,400
Twelve graves.

1301
01:18:08,500 --> 01:18:11,700
That leaves very little room
and we're going to need it.

1302
01:18:12,200 --> 01:18:14,800
You mean, you and Aunt Martha
have murdered 12--

1303
01:18:15,000 --> 01:18:18,100
Murdered? Certainly not.
It's one of our charities.

1304
01:18:18,300 --> 01:18:21,000
MARTHA: Why, what we've been doing
is a mercy.

1305
01:18:21,300 --> 01:18:25,400
So you just take your Mr. Spenalzo
out of here.

1306
01:18:25,700 --> 01:18:27,400
(Dr. Einstein cackles)

1307
01:18:30,500 --> 01:18:32,600
You've done all that...

1308
01:18:33,200 --> 01:18:37,000
...right here in this house
and buried them in the cellar?

1309
01:18:38,700 --> 01:18:41,100
That's wonderful, Johnny!

1310
01:18:41,500 --> 01:18:43,700
We've been chased all over the world...

1311
01:18:43,900 --> 01:18:47,900
...and they stay right here in Brooklyn,
and they do just as good as you do.

1312
01:18:48,100 --> 01:18:49,100
What?

1313
01:18:50,600 --> 01:18:52,700
You got 12, they got 12.

1314
01:18:53,400 --> 01:18:54,500
I've got 13.

1315
01:18:54,700 --> 01:18:57,900
-No, Johnny, 12. Don't brag.
-Thirteen.

1316
01:18:58,400 --> 01:19:01,800
There's Mr. Spenalzo.
Then the first one in London.

1317
01:19:02,100 --> 01:19:04,900
Two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney,
one in Melbourne...

1318
01:19:05,100 --> 01:19:07,700
...two in San Francisco,
one in Phoenix, Arizona.

1319
01:19:08,000 --> 01:19:09,000
Phoenix?

1320
01:19:09,300 --> 01:19:11,700
-The filling station.
-Filling....

1321
01:19:11,900 --> 01:19:14,700
Three in Chicago and one in South Bend.

1322
01:19:15,000 --> 01:19:16,300
That makes 13.

1323
01:19:16,500 --> 01:19:19,800
You cannot count the one in South Bend.
He died of pneumonia.

1324
01:19:20,100 --> 01:19:22,900
He wouldn't have died of pneumonia
if I hadn't shot him.

1325
01:19:23,100 --> 01:19:25,100
You cannot count him.

1326
01:19:25,500 --> 01:19:27,900
You got 12, they got 12.

1327
01:19:28,100 --> 01:19:31,400
DR. EINSTEIN: The old ladies
is just as good as you are.

1328
01:19:34,400 --> 01:19:36,400
They are, are they?

1329
01:19:37,600 --> 01:19:40,100
Well, that's easily taken care of.

1330
01:19:40,400 --> 01:19:42,800
All I need is one more.

1331
01:19:43,100 --> 01:19:45,900
That's all. Just one more.

1332
01:19:47,300 --> 01:19:50,800
And I've a pretty good idea who it is.

1333
01:19:51,500 --> 01:19:54,600
I'm a lucky man to have caught you
at home, Dr. Gilchrist.

1334
01:19:54,900 --> 01:19:56,600
This is most irregular.

1335
01:19:56,800 --> 01:20:00,400
I'm sorry to have dragged you out of bed,
but only you can help me.

1336
01:20:00,600 --> 01:20:04,200
I know Teddy blows bugles,
but I can't commit a man just on that.

1337
01:20:04,500 --> 01:20:05,800
If you'd talk with him...

1338
01:20:05,900 --> 01:20:08,700
...l'm sure you'd be convinced.
Here's the house l--

1339
01:20:09,000 --> 01:20:11,300
(Abby and Martha sing hymns)

1340
01:20:11,500 --> 01:20:13,300
-There goes Hoskins.
-Who?

1341
01:20:13,400 --> 01:20:15,300
What? Did I say....

1342
01:20:17,500 --> 01:20:18,900
-You better wait.
-Here?

1343
01:20:19,100 --> 01:20:20,300
I'll bring Teddy out.

1344
01:20:20,400 --> 01:20:23,300
I wouldn't want to alarm the old ladies,
seeing a doctor.

1345
01:20:23,600 --> 01:20:25,700
-You wait here.
-In the cemetery?

1346
01:20:26,000 --> 01:20:27,200
It's Halloween.

1347
01:20:27,300 --> 01:20:29,600
The pixies won't be out till after midnight.

1348
01:20:29,800 --> 01:20:33,400
Make yourself comfortable.
Pull up a tombstone. I'll be right back.

1349
01:20:34,200 --> 01:20:35,700
-Hey, $22.50!
-What?

1350
01:20:35,900 --> 01:20:36,900
$22.50!

1351
01:20:37,100 --> 01:20:39,300
Oh, yes, looks good on you!

1352
01:20:40,000 --> 01:20:41,800
CAB DRIVER: Not the suit, the meter!

1353
01:20:43,300 --> 01:20:46,100
"Looks good on me." $22.50.

1354
01:20:50,300 --> 01:20:53,400
-Did you give him a 21-gun salute?
-Yes, with a Maxim silencer.

1355
01:20:53,600 --> 01:20:55,800
CAB DRIVER: Five more bucks
and you'll own it.

1356
01:20:56,000 --> 01:20:58,000
No, thanks. It wouldn't fit me.

1357
01:21:00,000 --> 01:21:02,900
-Mr. President, may I present--
-Dr. Livingstone!

1358
01:21:03,100 --> 01:21:06,100
-Livingstone?
-That's what he presumes.

1359
01:21:06,300 --> 01:21:09,100
The doctor would like
to have a few words with you.

1360
01:21:09,200 --> 01:21:12,100
Certainly. Welcome to Washington.

1361
01:21:12,500 --> 01:21:15,200
Arlington is beautiful
at this time of year, is it not?

1362
01:21:15,400 --> 01:21:17,000
DR. GILCHRIST: Yes, indeed.

1363
01:21:22,200 --> 01:21:24,400
Well now, that's that.

1364
01:21:24,700 --> 01:21:26,700
It gives me a chance to rest.

1365
01:21:30,700 --> 01:21:32,000
So far, so good.

1366
01:21:34,900 --> 01:21:36,200
Not so good.

1367
01:21:42,400 --> 01:21:44,300
Do you or do you not love me?

1368
01:21:44,500 --> 01:21:46,100
Oh, Elaine....

1369
01:21:46,300 --> 01:21:49,800
How can you say such a thing?
Darling, of course I love you.

1370
01:21:50,000 --> 01:21:51,700
-Do you?
-Yes, darling.

1371
01:21:51,900 --> 01:21:55,200
Then why have you been treating me
the way you have?

1372
01:21:58,500 --> 01:22:02,300
Darling, I love you so much,
I can't go through with our marriage.

1373
01:22:04,800 --> 01:22:06,300
Have you suddenly gone crazy?

1374
01:22:06,500 --> 01:22:09,200
I don't think so,
but it's only a matter of time.

1375
01:22:09,400 --> 01:22:12,900
Darling, would you want to have children
with three heads?

1376
01:22:13,200 --> 01:22:17,100
You wouldn't want to set up housekeeping
in a padded cell.

1377
01:22:17,400 --> 01:22:20,400
-What are you talking about?
-Well, I don't quite know.

1378
01:22:20,800 --> 01:22:24,100
I probably should have told you this before,
but you see...

1379
01:22:24,300 --> 01:22:27,400
...well, insanity runs in my family.

1380
01:22:27,700 --> 01:22:28,700
(Hymns continue)

1381
01:22:28,700 --> 01:22:30,700
It practically gallops.

1382
01:22:32,700 --> 01:22:35,300
Just because Teddy's strange,
that doesn't mean--

1383
01:22:35,400 --> 01:22:37,900
No, darling. It's way back before Teddy.

1384
01:22:38,200 --> 01:22:41,900
This goes back to the first Brewster
who came over on the Mayflower.

1385
01:22:42,300 --> 01:22:46,200
You know how in those days
the lndians used to scalp the settlers?

1386
01:22:46,700 --> 01:22:48,800
He used to scalp the lndians.

1387
01:22:49,800 --> 01:22:51,600
Darling, that's ancient history.

1388
01:22:51,600 --> 01:22:55,100
Doctor, I'll run for a third term,
but I won't be elected.

1389
01:22:55,400 --> 01:22:58,200
That'll mean the last of the Roosevelts
in the White House.

1390
01:22:58,400 --> 01:23:01,800
-That's what you think.
-Of course, if the country insists....

1391
01:23:02,100 --> 01:23:04,300
Darling, all this doesn't prove a thing.

1392
01:23:04,400 --> 01:23:07,300
Look at your aunts.
They're Brewsters, aren't they?

1393
01:23:07,500 --> 01:23:10,200
They're the sweetest,
sanest people I've ever known.

1394
01:23:12,800 --> 01:23:15,600
Well, even they have their peculiarities.

1395
01:23:15,800 --> 01:23:18,600
What of it? So your family's crazy.
So you're crazy.

1396
01:23:18,900 --> 01:23:20,700
That's the way I love you.

1397
01:23:21,200 --> 01:23:23,500
I'm crazy too, but kiss me.

1398
01:23:23,900 --> 01:23:25,500
No, no. I....

1399
01:23:29,200 --> 01:23:32,500
Goodbye, Ambassador.
I've enjoyed this little talk very much.

1400
01:23:32,700 --> 01:23:36,100
Anytime you're in Washington,
drop in to see me at the White House.

1401
01:23:42,300 --> 01:23:44,900
-Those papers.
-Go away. Papers!

1402
01:23:45,300 --> 01:23:47,700
-I'll commit him to any place.
-You will?

1403
01:23:47,900 --> 01:23:50,200
I've just been appointed
Ambassador to Bolivia!

1404
01:23:50,300 --> 01:23:52,900
You see? Didn't I tell you?

1405
01:23:53,100 --> 01:23:56,200
Don't worry about that.
Just go on signing the papers.

1406
01:23:57,300 --> 01:23:58,400
Thank you.

1407
01:24:00,800 --> 01:24:04,500
ABBY: All right! We'll find out
whose house this is!

1408
01:24:04,800 --> 01:24:07,400
ABBY: I'm warning you, you better stop it.

1409
01:24:07,600 --> 01:24:11,000
There's no use doing what you're doing.
It'll just have to be undone.

1410
01:24:11,200 --> 01:24:12,800
JONATHAN: Aunt Abby, go to bed!

1411
01:24:13,000 --> 01:24:17,000
It's a terrible thing to do to bury
a good Methodist with a foreigner.

1412
01:24:17,200 --> 01:24:18,600
Where have you been?

1413
01:24:18,700 --> 01:24:21,300
Getting some papers signed.
Is Teddy in his room?

1414
01:24:21,500 --> 01:24:23,200
What is the matter with you?

1415
01:24:23,400 --> 01:24:26,300
Running around getting papers signed
at a time like this.

1416
01:24:26,500 --> 01:24:28,600
Martha and I are going for the police.

1417
01:24:28,800 --> 01:24:29,700
Police!

1418
01:24:30,500 --> 01:24:31,700
Wait!

1419
01:24:31,900 --> 01:24:34,200
-You can't go for the police.
-Oh, no?

1420
01:24:34,400 --> 01:24:36,100
You know what Jonathan's doing?

1421
01:24:36,200 --> 01:24:39,100
He's putting Mr. Hoskins
and Mr. Spenalzo in together.

1422
01:24:39,300 --> 01:24:40,600
All right, let him.

1423
01:24:40,700 --> 01:24:43,300
DR. EINSTEIN: This is all fixed up nice now.

1424
01:24:43,700 --> 01:24:46,100
Nice and smooth like a lake.

1425
01:24:46,300 --> 01:24:50,300
The President will be very proud
of his Panama Canal.

1426
01:24:52,100 --> 01:24:54,400
Johnny, bed feels good already.

1427
01:24:54,600 --> 01:24:58,200
You know, we didn't get any sleep
for 48 hours.

1428
01:24:58,500 --> 01:25:00,200
You're forgetting, Doctor.

1429
01:25:01,600 --> 01:25:04,800
If Jonathan and Mr. Spenalzo
aren't out this house before morning...

1430
01:25:05,000 --> 01:25:06,800
...we're going for the police.

1431
01:25:07,000 --> 01:25:08,600
I'll get them out, I promise!

1432
01:25:08,800 --> 01:25:12,700
-Then you get the wedding silver.
-Remember, no police! No police!

1433
01:25:13,400 --> 01:25:15,300
Look, go to bed, will you?

1434
01:25:15,500 --> 01:25:19,000
Get out of those clothes!
You look like a double blackout.

1435
01:25:19,300 --> 01:25:21,600
My brother, Mortimer.

1436
01:25:22,000 --> 01:25:23,700
I just heard him upstairs.

1437
01:25:24,500 --> 01:25:26,900
No! I am tired.

1438
01:25:27,100 --> 01:25:31,400
You forget, I got to operate
on your face tomorrow.

1439
01:25:31,800 --> 01:25:34,600
JONATHAN: You are going
to operate tomorrow, Doctor.

1440
01:25:34,900 --> 01:25:37,600
But tonight we are taking care
ofMortimer.

1441
01:25:37,800 --> 01:25:40,900
But Johnny, not tonight! I'm sleepy.

1442
01:25:41,000 --> 01:25:43,500
We'll do it tomorrow. Or the next day.

1443
01:25:43,900 --> 01:25:45,900
JONATHAN: Look at me, Doctor.

1444
01:25:46,800 --> 01:25:50,500
You can see that it's got to be done,
can't you?

1445
01:25:51,000 --> 01:25:54,400
Yeah, I know that look.

1446
01:25:54,800 --> 01:25:58,100
It's a little late to dissolve our partnership.

1447
01:25:58,400 --> 01:26:00,800
Okay, Johnny. Okay, we'll do it.

1448
01:26:01,000 --> 01:26:04,200
But the quick way, huh?
The quick twist like in London.

1449
01:26:04,600 --> 01:26:08,600
No, Doctor. I think this calls
for something special.

1450
01:26:09,500 --> 01:26:12,900
I think, perhaps, the Melbourne method.

1451
01:26:13,100 --> 01:26:15,800
Not the Melbourne method, please!

1452
01:26:16,000 --> 01:26:17,700
Two hours!

1453
01:26:18,000 --> 01:26:20,300
And then when it was all over, what?

1454
01:26:20,600 --> 01:26:24,400
The fellow in London was just as dead
as the fellow in Melbourne.

1455
01:26:26,400 --> 01:26:28,000
Don't do that, Mr. President.

1456
01:26:28,100 --> 01:26:31,000
But I cannot sign anything
without consulting my Cabinet.

1457
01:26:31,300 --> 01:26:32,500
This must be secret.

1458
01:26:32,600 --> 01:26:35,200
A secret proclamation? How unusual.

1459
01:26:35,600 --> 01:26:38,500
Yes, it's the only way
we can outsmart the other fellow.

1460
01:26:38,600 --> 01:26:40,900
-Who's the other fellow?
-That's the secret.

1461
01:26:41,100 --> 01:26:42,800
Oh, I see!

1462
01:26:43,400 --> 01:26:44,700
Very clever.

1463
01:26:45,000 --> 01:26:47,500
A secret proclamation
has to be signed in secret.

1464
01:26:47,800 --> 01:26:50,800
-Of course, Mr. President.
-I'll put on my signing clothes.

1465
01:26:50,900 --> 01:26:53,100
You already have them on, Mr. President.

1466
01:26:53,200 --> 01:26:55,500
So I have. Wait here.

1467
01:26:59,000 --> 01:27:01,000
(Whispers) Hey, Mr. Brewster.

1468
01:27:01,200 --> 01:27:02,700
MORTIMER: What is it, mice?

1469
01:27:06,000 --> 01:27:08,900
-You get out of this house.
-Can't you see I'm busy?

1470
01:27:09,100 --> 01:27:10,600
(Bugle blows)

1471
01:27:18,000 --> 01:27:19,700
Thank you, Mr. President.

1472
01:27:20,400 --> 01:27:23,000
What a load off my mind.
Boy, could I use a drink!

1473
01:27:23,200 --> 01:27:26,800
-Get out of here, will you, please?
-What? Speak up. I can't hear you.

1474
01:27:27,000 --> 01:27:28,800
Johnny's in a bad mood. Get out!

1475
01:27:28,900 --> 01:27:32,300
-Stop underplaying. I can't hear you.
-Please listen to me. Get out.

1476
01:27:32,600 --> 01:27:36,200
Stop all this! What are you doing?
Look, Doc-- Are you really a doctor?

1477
01:27:36,300 --> 01:27:38,100
Yes, Heidelberg, 1919.

1478
01:27:38,400 --> 01:27:40,900
Heidelberg?
How'd you hook up with Jonathan?

1479
01:27:41,100 --> 01:27:45,000
I tell you later about that, but you go now.
Please listen to me.

1480
01:27:46,300 --> 01:27:47,600
Stop it, Doctor!

1481
01:27:47,700 --> 01:27:50,600
You get out of here!
Look, when Johnny's in that mood...

1482
01:27:50,700 --> 01:27:52,900
...he's a madman. He's a maniac!

1483
01:27:53,200 --> 01:27:56,200
And then things happen. Horrible things.

1484
01:27:56,500 --> 01:27:58,700
-Get out of here!
-Will you stop it?

1485
01:27:58,900 --> 01:28:01,500
Stop telling me about Jonathan,
I'll take care of him.

1486
01:28:01,600 --> 01:28:04,400
You take care of yourself.
Get going, little fellow.

1487
01:28:04,600 --> 01:28:06,700
-What's that? Wait.
-My schnapps.

1488
01:28:06,800 --> 01:28:09,300
-I could use that.
-That's mine.

1489
01:28:10,700 --> 01:28:12,800
Please. Only for dramatic critics.

1490
01:28:12,800 --> 01:28:15,600
You beat it before things start popping
around here.

1491
01:28:15,800 --> 01:28:17,900
But, look, Mr. Brewster, please.

1492
01:28:18,100 --> 01:28:19,700
You've just been married.

1493
01:28:19,700 --> 01:28:23,100
You have a nice little wife waiting for you.
Please go now.

1494
01:28:23,600 --> 01:28:24,800
Please.

1495
01:28:26,400 --> 01:28:28,400
(Exasperated mutters)

1496
01:28:29,000 --> 01:28:31,700
Don't those plays you see all the time
teach you anything?

1497
01:28:32,100 --> 01:28:35,600
Don't get me on the subject of plays!
I've got to wait for Mr. Witherspoon.

1498
01:28:35,900 --> 01:28:38,400
At least people in plays
act like they got sense.

1499
01:28:38,500 --> 01:28:41,300
Did anybody in a play
ever act like they got intelligence?

1500
01:28:41,500 --> 01:28:44,700
-How can somebody be so stupid?
-You ought to have my job.

1501
01:28:45,000 --> 01:28:49,000
When you get out of prison, have yourself
wheeled to the Garrick Theater.

1502
01:28:49,500 --> 01:28:52,800
There's a play that's so bad,
it'll still be running when you get out.

1503
01:28:53,000 --> 01:28:54,800
There's a man.... Now listen to this.

1504
01:28:55,000 --> 01:28:58,400
He knows he's in the house with murderers
and should know he's in danger.

1505
01:28:58,600 --> 01:29:01,000
He's even been warned to get out.
And does he go?

1506
01:29:01,200 --> 01:29:02,900
No, he doesn't. He stays!

1507
01:29:03,300 --> 01:29:07,700
This fellow doesn't even have sense
to be scared or to be on his guard.

1508
01:29:08,100 --> 01:29:10,000
The murderer even invites him to sit down.

1509
01:29:10,200 --> 01:29:12,100
-What do you think he does?
-I don't know.

1510
01:29:12,300 --> 01:29:13,900
He sits down!

1511
01:29:14,100 --> 01:29:17,200
He deliberately pulls up a chair
and he sits down in it.

1512
01:29:17,500 --> 01:29:18,900
Isn't that great?

1513
01:29:19,800 --> 01:29:23,200
So there he is,
all waiting to be trussed up and gagged.

1514
01:29:24,100 --> 01:29:27,900
What do you think they tied him up with?
The curtain cord.

1515
01:29:29,200 --> 01:29:30,700
DR. EINSTEIN: Curtain cord?

1516
01:29:31,100 --> 01:29:32,900
But didn't he see him get it?

1517
01:29:33,000 --> 01:29:36,100
No. The silly chump sits down
with his back toward the murderer.

1518
01:29:36,400 --> 01:29:39,200
All he has to do is look around,
but does he? No!

1519
01:29:40,700 --> 01:29:44,200
MORTIMER: See, brother Heidelberg,
in a play or even in a movie...

1520
01:29:44,500 --> 01:29:47,700
...a fellow never sees or hears anything.
That's right.

1521
01:29:48,000 --> 01:29:49,800
DR. EINSTEIN: But what does he do?

1522
01:29:50,000 --> 01:29:53,700
The big chump sits there.
This fellow's supposed to be bright.

1523
01:29:54,000 --> 01:29:57,100
Now get a load of this.
Look at the attitude.

1524
01:29:57,600 --> 01:30:01,300
Large as life! He sits there
waiting to be tied up and gagged.

1525
01:30:01,900 --> 01:30:03,300
The big dope!

1526
01:30:06,100 --> 01:30:09,600
(Dramatic instrumental music)

1527
01:30:12,500 --> 01:30:16,200
You were right about that fellow.
He wasn't very bright.

1528
01:30:17,600 --> 01:30:19,100
JONATHAN: Yes, Mortimer.

1529
01:30:20,200 --> 01:30:22,700
I've been away for 20 years.

1530
01:30:23,100 --> 01:30:26,300
But never, my dear brother,
were you out of my mind.

1531
01:30:28,800 --> 01:30:32,100
In Melbourne one night, I dreamt of you.

1532
01:30:35,900 --> 01:30:39,200
(Dramatic instrumental music)

1533
01:30:55,000 --> 01:30:58,700
The more you struggle
the more you strangle yourself.

1534
01:31:01,700 --> 01:31:04,400
Later on, you may consider that a blessing.

1535
01:31:38,100 --> 01:31:39,300
Now, Doctor...

1536
01:31:41,200 --> 01:31:42,800
...we go to work.

1537
01:31:42,900 --> 01:31:45,300
Johnny, for me, the quick way. Please.

1538
01:31:46,400 --> 01:31:49,200
-This must be an artistic achievement.
-Please.

1539
01:31:49,600 --> 01:31:53,200
After all, we're performing
before a very distinguished critic.

1540
01:31:53,900 --> 01:31:55,100
DR. EINSTEIN: Please!

1541
01:31:56,000 --> 01:31:59,300
All right. Let's get it over with.

1542
01:32:00,400 --> 01:32:03,800
But I cannot see this without the drink.

1543
01:32:04,600 --> 01:32:06,400
JONATHAN: Pull yourself together.

1544
01:32:06,600 --> 01:32:10,400
But I can't pull myself together
without a drink.

1545
01:32:10,600 --> 01:32:13,400
You remember when we came in,
there was some wine.

1546
01:32:13,600 --> 01:32:16,500
And then they took it.
Where did they put it?

1547
01:32:18,100 --> 01:32:20,000
I found some wine.

1548
01:32:21,600 --> 01:32:23,600
Here, I'll split it with you.

1549
01:32:23,800 --> 01:32:26,400
We both have a drink before we operate.

1550
01:32:26,700 --> 01:32:31,100
I am so happy that we don't have
to operate without a drink.

1551
01:32:36,500 --> 01:32:37,800
JONATHAN: Doctor.

1552
01:32:38,200 --> 01:32:39,600
One moment, please.

1553
01:32:40,400 --> 01:32:42,200
Where are your manners?

1554
01:32:45,000 --> 01:32:46,500
Yes, Mortimer.

1555
01:32:46,900 --> 01:32:50,700
I realize now that it was you
who brought me back to Brooklyn.

1556
01:32:51,000 --> 01:32:52,400
We drink to you.

1557
01:32:53,800 --> 01:32:55,800
To my dear, dead brother.

1558
01:33:02,600 --> 01:33:04,000
(Bugle blows)

1559
01:33:10,700 --> 01:33:12,200
(Clock chimes)

1560
01:33:13,400 --> 01:33:14,700
JONATHAN: That idiot!

1561
01:33:14,900 --> 01:33:16,700
He goes next. That's all. He goes next!

1562
01:33:16,800 --> 01:33:18,300
DR. EINSTEIN: Not Teddy! Please!

1563
01:33:18,600 --> 01:33:21,100
-We'll get to him later.
-You won't at all!

1564
01:33:21,400 --> 01:33:23,300
We have to work fast. The quick way.

1565
01:33:23,400 --> 01:33:25,000
The quick way, yes!

1566
01:33:25,100 --> 01:33:28,400
If it has to be, then the quick way.
I'll help you.

1567
01:33:28,800 --> 01:33:30,300
(Doorbell rings)

1568
01:33:43,200 --> 01:33:45,400
The colonel has to quit blowing that horn.

1569
01:33:45,500 --> 01:33:48,500
It's all right. We're taking
the bugle away from him.

1570
01:33:48,800 --> 01:33:51,700
I'd better talk to him myself.
Where's the lights?

1571
01:33:54,500 --> 01:33:56,600
(Muffled shouts)

1572
01:33:58,200 --> 01:33:59,900
You stood me up!

1573
01:34:00,600 --> 01:34:03,500
PAT: I've been waiting for you
for over an hour at Kelly's.

1574
01:34:04,700 --> 01:34:06,600
-What happened to him?
-Nothing.

1575
01:34:06,900 --> 01:34:11,900
He was explaining a play he saw and
that's what happened to a man in the play.

1576
01:34:12,800 --> 01:34:13,700
I see.

1577
01:34:14,300 --> 01:34:16,400
Did that really happen in a play you saw?

1578
01:34:16,800 --> 01:34:19,200
How do you like that?
You can't trust nobody.

1579
01:34:19,300 --> 01:34:21,800
They practically stole that from my play.

1580
01:34:22,200 --> 01:34:25,900
In the second act, just--
Maybe I'd better start at the beginning.

1581
01:34:28,200 --> 01:34:29,500
Yeah, sure.

1582
01:34:32,900 --> 01:34:34,400
No.

1583
01:34:35,400 --> 01:34:37,900
You've got to hear the plot!

1584
01:34:41,200 --> 01:34:45,000
My mother's making up.
Like a flash, out of a clear sky...

1585
01:34:45,300 --> 01:34:47,900
...the door opens and a man
with a mustache comes in.

1586
01:34:48,100 --> 01:34:51,700
He says, "Miss Peaches La Tour,
will you marry me?"

1587
01:34:52,700 --> 01:34:57,500
That's the first scene. My mother doesn't
say they're married. That's the surprise!

1588
01:34:57,800 --> 01:34:59,100
What a kick!

1589
01:34:59,600 --> 01:35:03,100
Twenty-five years pass.
Well, in the meantime, there's me.

1590
01:35:03,300 --> 01:35:06,700
Growing into a magnificent specimen.
So what do I do?

1591
01:35:07,000 --> 01:35:10,200
I join the police force and become
one of New York's finest.

1592
01:35:10,400 --> 01:35:13,800
I'm cleaning out a crooked laundry, see?
Little do I know it...

1593
01:35:14,100 --> 01:35:16,500
...but a dope fiend with a knife is after me.

1594
01:35:16,700 --> 01:35:18,200
I'm in great danger.

1595
01:35:19,600 --> 01:35:22,600
It's getting you, ain't it?
I can see it in your eyes.

1596
01:35:24,300 --> 01:35:26,100
You ain't heard nothing yet.

1597
01:35:26,300 --> 01:35:29,400
All of a sudden, a fire breaks out.
What an effect!

1598
01:35:29,600 --> 01:35:31,900
Firemen rush in and who's leading them?

1599
01:35:32,200 --> 01:35:34,300
Mayor Fiorello La Guardia!

1600
01:35:37,100 --> 01:35:38,600
What's the matter with him?

1601
01:35:38,800 --> 01:35:41,400
-Probably your play put him to sleep.
-What?

1602
01:35:41,600 --> 01:35:45,500
-I personally like it very much.
-It's probably over his head.

1603
01:35:46,000 --> 01:35:48,900
-Where have I seen that face before?
-No, please.

1604
01:35:51,200 --> 01:35:54,100
The scene changes. It's an evolving stage.

1605
01:35:54,300 --> 01:35:56,500
I'm walking along my beat, casual-like...

1606
01:35:56,700 --> 01:35:59,900
...when a guy that I'm following,
it turns out he's following me!

1607
01:36:00,000 --> 01:36:01,000
(Knock on door)

1608
01:36:01,200 --> 01:36:03,600
Don't let nobody in.
I figures I'll outsmart him.

1609
01:36:03,800 --> 01:36:05,500
PAT: There's a vacant house on the corner.

1610
01:36:05,700 --> 01:36:07,300
Johnny, the cops!

1611
01:36:07,500 --> 01:36:10,200
PAT: I sees the door handle turn,
so I pulls out my gun...

1612
01:36:10,400 --> 01:36:12,800
...braces myself against the wall and I says:

1613
01:36:13,000 --> 01:36:14,000
"Come in! "

1614
01:36:18,100 --> 01:36:19,500
Hello, boys.

1615
01:36:20,100 --> 01:36:23,700
-What the Sam Hill's going on?
-Sarge, this is Mortimer Brewster.

1616
01:36:23,800 --> 01:36:27,000
-He's going to help me write my play.
-Do you have to tie him up?

1617
01:36:27,300 --> 01:36:29,200
BROPHY: Report in.
Why didn't you ring in?

1618
01:36:29,400 --> 01:36:31,500
The whole force is out looking for you.

1619
01:36:31,500 --> 01:36:34,500
Right in the middle of the second act.
Did they send you here?

1620
01:36:34,800 --> 01:36:36,600
No, we came to warn the old ladies.

1621
01:36:36,800 --> 01:36:38,300
The colonel blew that bugle again.

1622
01:36:38,400 --> 01:36:39,500
PAT: I heard him.

1623
01:36:39,700 --> 01:36:42,700
BROPHY: Neighbors are phoning in.
The Lieutenant's on the warpath.

1624
01:36:42,900 --> 01:36:45,200
He says we've got
to put him away someplace.

1625
01:36:45,400 --> 01:36:46,900
Now, who the heck is this?

1626
01:36:47,100 --> 01:36:49,800
Mr. Brewster's brother.
My play put him to sleep.

1627
01:36:49,900 --> 01:36:52,900
That's the one that ran away.
So he came back.

1628
01:36:53,200 --> 01:36:54,700
Brophy. Get me Mac.

1629
01:36:54,900 --> 01:36:58,400
Have you got yourself in a mess!
You're two hours overdue at the station.

1630
01:36:58,900 --> 01:37:01,100
I better let them know that I found you.

1631
01:37:01,200 --> 01:37:03,000
PAT: It wasn't that bad, was it?

1632
01:37:04,300 --> 01:37:08,200
Tell the Lieutenant he can call off
the big manhunt. We found him.

1633
01:37:08,700 --> 01:37:11,100
At the Brewster house.

1634
01:37:11,300 --> 01:37:13,400
Shall we bring him in?

1635
01:37:13,700 --> 01:37:15,900
All right, we'll hold him right here.

1636
01:37:17,700 --> 01:37:20,200
The Lieutenant is on his way over.

1637
01:37:20,800 --> 01:37:23,300
So I've been turned in?

1638
01:37:23,900 --> 01:37:26,500
All right, you've got me.

1639
01:37:27,400 --> 01:37:31,500
I suppose you and my stool-pigeon brother
will split the reward.

1640
01:37:31,800 --> 01:37:32,900
Yes, reward!

1641
01:37:33,100 --> 01:37:34,900
JONATHAN: Now I'll do some turning in!

1642
01:37:35,200 --> 01:37:36,800
PAT: Wait a minute, Mr. Brewster.

1643
01:37:36,800 --> 01:37:40,200
You think my aunts are sweet,
charming old ladies, don't you?

1644
01:37:40,500 --> 01:37:43,700
Well, there's 13 bodies buried in the cellar!

1645
01:37:44,300 --> 01:37:45,200
Yes, 13.

1646
01:37:45,400 --> 01:37:48,200
BROPHY: Careful what you say.
Your aunts are our friends.

1647
01:37:48,300 --> 01:37:51,300
JONATHAN: I'll show them to you.
BROPHY: Don't make trouble!

1648
01:37:51,400 --> 01:37:53,700
Never mind, Mr. Brewster.
Leave him to me.

1649
01:37:53,900 --> 01:37:56,300
JONATHAN: Come down to the cellar.
PAT: Wait a minute.

1650
01:37:56,500 --> 01:37:59,100
Thirteen bodies.
I'll show you where they're buried.

1651
01:37:59,900 --> 01:38:02,300
-Go to the cellar with him.
-Yes, come to the cellar.

1652
01:38:02,500 --> 01:38:04,100
PAT: Well, look, do I have to?

1653
01:38:05,400 --> 01:38:07,600
Maybe I don't want to go down
to the cellar.

1654
01:38:07,800 --> 01:38:09,800
Go on down the cellar with him!

1655
01:38:10,000 --> 01:38:13,200
Now, please. I'll tell you
the rest of my play later.

1656
01:38:13,500 --> 01:38:15,400
BROPHY: Go on down the cellar with him.

1657
01:38:15,600 --> 01:38:16,600
Do I have to?

1658
01:38:16,900 --> 01:38:19,300
Look at that puss.
He looks like Boris Karloff.

1659
01:38:19,500 --> 01:38:20,700
PAT: Don't! Sarge!

1660
01:38:27,600 --> 01:38:28,900
BROPHY: Look out, Pat!

1661
01:38:34,100 --> 01:38:36,200
BROPHY: Look out!
SAUNDERS: He's got a gun.

1662
01:38:36,900 --> 01:38:39,200
BROPHY: I got him, Pat. Look out!

1663
01:38:39,700 --> 01:38:41,600
Fight. Go on and fight.

1664
01:38:46,400 --> 01:38:49,300
That's enough, that's enough.
Everybody off.

1665
01:38:52,500 --> 01:38:53,700
BROPHY: Pat, look out!

1666
01:38:53,900 --> 01:38:55,000
Amazing.

1667
01:38:55,100 --> 01:38:58,600
(Crashing and fighting)

1668
01:39:00,900 --> 01:39:03,300
Such a fine day, too.

1669
01:39:03,400 --> 01:39:07,300
All I did was cross the bridge
and I was in Brooklyn. Amazing.

1670
01:39:13,200 --> 01:39:14,600
Don't bother me now.

1671
01:39:14,600 --> 01:39:16,600
You could use this in the third act.

1672
01:39:16,800 --> 01:39:19,300
PAT: I got something better.
Let me tell you--

1673
01:39:20,100 --> 01:39:21,500
I'll see you later.

1674
01:39:25,200 --> 01:39:28,000
The papers are all signed. What do I care?

1675
01:39:28,400 --> 01:39:29,900
Go ahead, fight.

1676
01:39:36,600 --> 01:39:39,300
I'd better call and see
if Witherspoon has left.

1677
01:39:40,500 --> 01:39:41,600
Telephone.

1678
01:39:42,800 --> 01:39:44,400
I'll get every one of you!

1679
01:39:44,500 --> 01:39:47,500
I hate cops. I'll brain the first one
that comes near me!

1680
01:39:47,700 --> 01:39:50,800
A little higher, brother.
Thank you very much. That's fine.

1681
01:39:51,600 --> 01:39:53,000
Don't do that, please.

1682
01:39:53,000 --> 01:39:54,200
Get him, Pat.

1683
01:39:54,800 --> 01:39:57,400
That won't have any effect.
I've tried it before--

1684
01:39:57,600 --> 01:39:58,900
It did. Isn't that amazing?

1685
01:40:01,500 --> 01:40:04,200
Oh, dear. Wish I could relax like that.

1686
01:40:04,500 --> 01:40:05,500
(Doorbell rings)

1687
01:40:06,200 --> 01:40:08,100
MORTIMER: Witherspoon.
BROPHY: Come in.

1688
01:40:22,200 --> 01:40:23,900
What has occurred?

1689
01:40:24,100 --> 01:40:26,700
Never mind!
Didn't I tell you I'd handle this?

1690
01:40:27,000 --> 01:40:28,200
Well, Lieutenant!

1691
01:40:28,400 --> 01:40:32,000
-We were just acting in self-defense.
-What happened? He put up a fight?

1692
01:40:32,200 --> 01:40:34,400
This isn't the one who blows the bugle.

1693
01:40:34,600 --> 01:40:39,100
-This is his brother who tried to kill O'Hara.
-All I said was he looked like Boris Karloff.

1694
01:40:39,300 --> 01:40:41,200
Boris.... Turn him over.

1695
01:40:45,200 --> 01:40:47,600
Kind of think he's wanted somewhere.

1696
01:40:47,900 --> 01:40:50,400
You "kind of think
he's wanted somewhere"?

1697
01:40:50,800 --> 01:40:53,800
If you guys can't look
at the circulars we put up...

1698
01:40:54,100 --> 01:40:56,500
...you can at least read
short detective stories.

1699
01:40:56,600 --> 01:40:58,600
Certainly, he's wanted. In lndiana!

1700
01:40:58,800 --> 01:41:02,100
He escaped from the prison
for criminally insane. He's a lifer.

1701
01:41:02,400 --> 01:41:03,600
That's my brother.

1702
01:41:03,700 --> 01:41:07,500
That's the way they described him.
"He looked like Karloff."

1703
01:41:08,200 --> 01:41:09,600
Why'd you knock him out?

1704
01:41:09,800 --> 01:41:13,000
He tried to get us to go to the cellar.
He says 13 bodies are there.

1705
01:41:13,200 --> 01:41:14,600
Thirteen bodies in the cellar...

1706
01:41:14,800 --> 01:41:17,800
...and that don't tip you off
the guy's from a nuthouse?

1707
01:41:18,000 --> 01:41:19,100
Thanks, pal.

1708
01:41:19,400 --> 01:41:21,400
PAT: About my not ringing in, I want to--

1709
01:41:21,500 --> 01:41:23,800
Where have you been all night?
Don't tell me.

1710
01:41:24,000 --> 01:41:27,400
I was right here writing a play
with Mortimer Brewster.

1711
01:41:27,600 --> 01:41:30,300
You're going to have
a long time on that play.

1712
01:41:30,600 --> 01:41:32,000
You're suspended.

1713
01:41:32,200 --> 01:41:33,800
Now go on. Report in.

1714
01:41:34,000 --> 01:41:37,000
Bring him to and find out
where his accomplice is.

1715
01:41:37,200 --> 01:41:39,600
The guy who helped him escape.
He's wanted, too.

1716
01:41:39,800 --> 01:41:40,800
Here.

1717
01:41:40,900 --> 01:41:44,800
ROONEY: I've been after these guys
for 48 hours. Nothing to eat. No sleep.

1718
01:41:45,000 --> 01:41:46,800
No wonder Brooklyn's in the shape it's in.

1719
01:41:47,000 --> 01:41:50,200
With flatheads like you on the force.
Falling for a story like that!

1720
01:41:50,400 --> 01:41:52,200
Thirteen bodies buried in the cellar.

1721
01:41:52,500 --> 01:41:54,800
But there are 13 bodies in the cellar!

1722
01:41:55,900 --> 01:41:58,400
-Who are you?
-I'm President Roosevelt.

1723
01:42:00,300 --> 01:42:03,800
-(Whispers) What the blazes is this?
-He's the one that blows the bugle.

1724
01:42:04,200 --> 01:42:05,700
Howdy, Colonel.

1725
01:42:09,400 --> 01:42:12,800
Colonel, you've blown your last bugle.
Get this guy out of here.

1726
01:42:13,200 --> 01:42:15,500
Dear me! Another yellow-fever victim?

1727
01:42:16,000 --> 01:42:18,500
All the bodies in the cellar
are yellow-fever victims.

1728
01:42:18,700 --> 01:42:22,000
No, Colonel. This is a spy.
We caught him at the White House.

1729
01:42:22,300 --> 01:42:24,800
Take him out and bring him to.
I want to question him.

1730
01:42:24,900 --> 01:42:28,500
-Questioning of spies is my department.
-Hey, you, keep out of that.

1731
01:42:28,900 --> 01:42:32,800
You're forgetting that as President
I am also head of the Secret Service.

1732
01:42:41,100 --> 01:42:42,500
MORTIMER: No, no, no.

1733
01:42:43,200 --> 01:42:44,500
ROONEY: Who are you?

1734
01:42:45,100 --> 01:42:46,300
What's your name?

1735
01:42:46,300 --> 01:42:49,100
Usually, I'm Mortimer Brewster.
But I'm not myself today.

1736
01:42:49,400 --> 01:42:53,300
You're his brother. Look, no argument.
He's got to be put away.

1737
01:42:53,500 --> 01:42:58,000
No arguments, Captain. No arguments.
Just a minute, take it easy. Read this.

1738
01:42:58,300 --> 01:43:00,200
Teddy's going to go to Happy Dale tonight.

1739
01:43:00,400 --> 01:43:03,600
-I'm waiting for Mr. Witherspoon.
-As long as he's going someplace.

1740
01:43:03,900 --> 01:43:06,000
He's scaring the neighbors with that bugle.

1741
01:43:06,200 --> 01:43:09,500
And that cockeyed story
about 13 bodies being--

1742
01:43:18,300 --> 01:43:21,500
I've been without sleep for 48 hours.
I'm liable to think anything.

1743
01:43:21,700 --> 01:43:23,600
I know just how you feel.

1744
01:43:23,900 --> 01:43:26,100
There's people dumb enough
to believe that.

1745
01:43:26,200 --> 01:43:29,300
Last year there was a crazy guy,
started a murder rumor.

1746
01:43:29,500 --> 01:43:32,100
I had to dig up a half acre plot
before I could prove--

1747
01:43:32,300 --> 01:43:34,200
-What's this?
-What's the matter?

1748
01:43:34,300 --> 01:43:36,100
-These papers aren't any good.
-Why not?

1749
01:43:36,200 --> 01:43:38,700
He signed it Theodore Roosevelt!

1750
01:43:43,800 --> 01:43:47,100
-Is your taxi engaged?
-Losing dough every minute. Any offers?

1751
01:43:47,400 --> 01:43:51,400
I'm Mr. Witherspoon of Happy Dale
Sanitarium, I have come to get a Brewster.

1752
01:43:51,600 --> 01:43:54,600
I would like you to drive us back
to the sanitarium.

1753
01:43:56,000 --> 01:43:58,600
I knew this would end up in a nuthouse!

1754
01:44:00,300 --> 01:44:03,300
We like to think of it as a rest home.

1755
01:44:06,900 --> 01:44:08,900
(Overlapping background conversation)

1756
01:44:14,400 --> 01:44:16,100
MR. WITHERSPOON: Mr. Brewster?

1757
01:44:19,300 --> 01:44:21,400
MR. WITHERSPOON:
Mr. Witherspoon is here.

1758
01:44:24,900 --> 01:44:28,700
Supposing the spy steals this document
and finds the name Roosevelt on it.

1759
01:44:29,000 --> 01:44:32,000
Think what that would mean
to the safety of the nation!

1760
01:44:32,100 --> 01:44:34,600
-No, it's chicanery.
-What is this? Come on!

1761
01:44:34,800 --> 01:44:37,900
-He's come to. He's ready to talk.
-Hold him till I get there.

1762
01:44:38,100 --> 01:44:41,600
Let me explain. The name Brewster
is code for Roosevelt.

1763
01:44:42,200 --> 01:44:44,400
-Code for Roosevelt?
-Take the name Brewster.

1764
01:44:44,600 --> 01:44:46,700
Take away the "B" and what have you got?

1765
01:44:46,900 --> 01:44:49,100
-Rooster.
-And what does a rooster do?

1766
01:44:49,300 --> 01:44:52,600
-Crows.
-It crows! Where do you hunt in Africa?

1767
01:44:52,900 --> 01:44:55,100
-On the veldt!
-There you are! "Crowsveldt."

1768
01:44:55,300 --> 01:44:58,500
Ingenious! My compliments
to the boys in the code department.

1769
01:44:58,800 --> 01:45:00,800
That's all right! Do that again for me.

1770
01:45:01,000 --> 01:45:03,500
Never mind! Give me that pen.

1771
01:45:04,400 --> 01:45:05,900
This is fun.

1772
01:45:06,400 --> 01:45:08,700
Now, all I got to get is Witherspoon.

1773
01:45:15,700 --> 01:45:17,400
I'm so glad to see you.

1774
01:45:17,600 --> 01:45:19,300
Mr. Witherspoon, before....

1775
01:45:19,400 --> 01:45:21,200
You will take good care of Teddy?

1776
01:45:21,400 --> 01:45:23,700
-Best of care of him.
-That's fine.

1777
01:45:23,900 --> 01:45:25,700
And no wagon when he leaves.

1778
01:45:25,900 --> 01:45:27,900
Why? To take him away? Never, never.

1779
01:45:28,100 --> 01:45:30,800
Taxicabs. We always....
I have one waiting now.

1780
01:45:31,000 --> 01:45:32,500
It means a great deal to me.

1781
01:45:32,700 --> 01:45:35,700
You will personally see
that Teddy's happy at Happy Dale?

1782
01:45:35,900 --> 01:45:38,200
-He'll be very happy at Happy Dale.
-That's good.

1783
01:45:38,400 --> 01:45:41,400
You know, I sometimes envy
some of our patients, secretly.

1784
01:45:41,600 --> 01:45:44,700
You do? It must be a nice place.
I've never been there.

1785
01:45:45,000 --> 01:45:46,900
You never can tell.

1786
01:45:47,400 --> 01:45:50,200
This is a particularly happy moment
for me tonight.

1787
01:45:50,400 --> 01:45:54,200
-I've never met a dramatic critic before.
-The woods are full of them.

1788
01:45:54,500 --> 01:45:57,900
I have here something that will explain
what we're trying to do.

1789
01:45:58,100 --> 01:46:01,500
-A pamphlet about Happy Dale?
-No, it's a play.

1790
01:46:01,800 --> 01:46:03,500
Something I've been working on.

1791
01:46:03,700 --> 01:46:07,300
It's a dramatization of many incidents
that have happened at Happy Dale.

1792
01:46:07,500 --> 01:46:09,100
MORTIMER: Captain! Captain!

1793
01:46:10,500 --> 01:46:14,800
I want you to read this carefully.
I want you to be just as harsh as you like.

1794
01:46:15,100 --> 01:46:16,500
I shan't mind, you know--

1795
01:46:16,600 --> 01:46:19,000
Captain, this is Mr. Witherspoon.

1796
01:46:19,500 --> 01:46:21,000
Oh, yes, yes.

1797
01:46:21,700 --> 01:46:23,600
He'll be very happy at Happy Dale.

1798
01:46:23,700 --> 01:46:25,700
-Come, my boy.
-What is this?

1799
01:46:27,200 --> 01:46:30,500
No, you got it wrong.
This is Captain Rooney.

1800
01:46:30,900 --> 01:46:32,500
The police?

1801
01:46:33,900 --> 01:46:37,900
I'm sure! Here are the papers, all signed.
Now you can take him away.

1802
01:46:38,100 --> 01:46:40,300
I'll be in my office vetoing some bills.

1803
01:46:40,400 --> 01:46:42,700
MORTIMER: Mr. President,
I have good news for you.

1804
01:46:42,900 --> 01:46:45,200
Your term of office is over.

1805
01:46:46,200 --> 01:46:48,600
-Is this March 4?
-Practically.

1806
01:46:48,800 --> 01:46:50,100
Let's see....

1807
01:46:52,500 --> 01:46:54,700
Now I go on my hunting trip to Africa!

1808
01:46:54,900 --> 01:46:57,500
Well, I must get started immediately.

1809
01:47:03,700 --> 01:47:06,900
Is he trying to move into the White House
before I've moved out?

1810
01:47:07,100 --> 01:47:08,900
Who, Mr. President?

1811
01:47:09,000 --> 01:47:09,800
Taft!

1812
01:47:13,100 --> 01:47:18,000
No, this isn't Mr. Taft.
It's Mr. Witherspoon, your guide to Africa.

1813
01:47:18,500 --> 01:47:19,900
Bully! Bully!

1814
01:47:20,200 --> 01:47:22,700
Wait right here.
I'll bring down my equipment.

1815
01:47:22,900 --> 01:47:23,900
Happy man.

1816
01:47:24,300 --> 01:47:26,300
Goodbye, Aunt Abby, Aunt Martha.

1817
01:47:26,500 --> 01:47:29,100
I'm on my way to Africa.
Isn't it wonderful?

1818
01:47:29,300 --> 01:47:30,400
Charge!

1819
01:47:32,900 --> 01:47:34,900
MORTIMER: It's all right, I've got it.

1820
01:47:36,200 --> 01:47:37,100
Oh, dear.

1821
01:47:37,600 --> 01:47:40,500
And Happy Dale is full of staircases.

1822
01:47:45,600 --> 01:47:48,300
You've come to meet Teddy, haven't you?

1823
01:47:48,600 --> 01:47:52,200
ROONEY: No, he's come to take him.
Teddy's been blowing his bugle again.

1824
01:47:52,400 --> 01:47:55,600
No, he can't go now! We won't permit it.

1825
01:47:55,900 --> 01:47:58,300
We promise to take his bugle
away from him.

1826
01:47:58,500 --> 01:48:01,700
-We won't be separated from Teddy.
-I'm sorry.

1827
01:48:02,200 --> 01:48:03,200
Mortimer....

1828
01:48:03,400 --> 01:48:05,600
How can you allow this? You promised.

1829
01:48:05,700 --> 01:48:08,900
Brewster's got nothing to do with this.
The law is the law!

1830
01:48:09,200 --> 01:48:11,700
Teddy's committed himself
and he's got to go.

1831
01:48:12,700 --> 01:48:17,700
ABBY: lf he's going, we're going, too!
MARTHA: You'll have to take us with him.

1832
01:48:18,800 --> 01:48:21,000
Why not? Why not, indeed?

1833
01:48:21,700 --> 01:48:24,300
MR. WITHERSPOON: It's sweet of them,
but impossible.

1834
01:48:24,600 --> 01:48:26,700
We never take sane people at Happy Dale.

1835
01:48:28,200 --> 01:48:29,600
Oh, no...no.

1836
01:48:31,200 --> 01:48:35,400
These little sane people will get lost
in the shuffle. You could arrange that.

1837
01:48:35,700 --> 01:48:38,500
Just put them in
and they'll get all mixed up.

1838
01:48:38,900 --> 01:48:41,200
Too dangerous. Dissension, jealousy.

1839
01:48:44,500 --> 01:48:46,900
ROONEY: Now, let's be sensible, ladies.

1840
01:48:47,100 --> 01:48:50,300
Here I am wasting my time
when I could be doing some serious work.

1841
01:48:50,500 --> 01:48:52,900
There are still murders
to be solved in Brooklyn.

1842
01:48:53,100 --> 01:48:56,200
It ain't only his bugle blowing.
Things are going to get worse.

1843
01:48:56,500 --> 01:48:59,200
We're liable to have to dig up your cellar.

1844
01:48:59,300 --> 01:49:00,600
Our cellar?

1845
01:49:01,900 --> 01:49:05,400
Teddy's been telling around
there's 13 bodies buried in the cellar.

1846
01:49:05,600 --> 01:49:08,000
There are 13 bodies in our cellar.

1847
01:49:14,100 --> 01:49:14,900
What?

1848
01:49:14,900 --> 01:49:18,300
Yes. You just ask our nephew, Mortimer.

1849
01:49:23,700 --> 01:49:24,700
Charge!

1850
01:49:31,200 --> 01:49:32,600
Isn't that amazing?

1851
01:49:33,900 --> 01:49:35,400
ABBY: You behave yourself.

1852
01:49:35,600 --> 01:49:38,700
You know very well there are
13 bodies down in our cellar.

1853
01:49:38,900 --> 01:49:41,000
Certainly there's 13 bodies in the cellar.

1854
01:49:41,200 --> 01:49:44,900
And there are hundreds more
up in the attic, Captain!

1855
01:49:49,400 --> 01:49:51,700
-What is this?
-You mustn't mind Mortimer.

1856
01:49:51,800 --> 01:49:53,800
-How about it?
-I'll be right there.

1857
01:49:53,900 --> 01:49:55,800
He's been a little strange all day.

1858
01:49:56,000 --> 01:49:59,600
Right now I wouldn't know what is
and what ain't strange anymore.

1859
01:49:59,900 --> 01:50:02,800
-I'll look in that cellar.
-I'll tell you what we'll do.

1860
01:50:02,900 --> 01:50:06,300
I'll bring my bodies from the attic
and you get yours from the cellar...

1861
01:50:06,500 --> 01:50:11,200
...and we'll get them all together,
and we'll send them to Happy Dale.

1862
01:50:13,400 --> 01:50:17,100
ABBY: No, you wouldn't have to dig.
The graves are all marked.

1863
01:50:17,700 --> 01:50:20,600
-We put flowers on them every Sunday.
-Flowers?

1864
01:50:20,800 --> 01:50:23,300
Sure, I put neon lights on mine.

1865
01:50:25,200 --> 01:50:26,900
Humor them, humor them.

1866
01:50:27,700 --> 01:50:28,700
Smile.

1867
01:50:31,200 --> 01:50:33,400
There's one down there, a Mr. Spenalzo...

1868
01:50:33,600 --> 01:50:34,800
Hasn't got it yet.

1869
01:50:35,000 --> 01:50:37,200
...who doesn't belong here
and has to leave.

1870
01:50:37,400 --> 01:50:41,200
-But the other 12 are our gentlemen.
-Your gentlemen?

1871
01:50:41,500 --> 01:50:44,300
You'd like mine better.
None of mine are gentlemen.

1872
01:50:45,600 --> 01:50:48,100
-You mustn't mind him at all.
-He got married today.

1873
01:50:48,400 --> 01:50:51,700
(Sings) "There is a Happy Dale far, far away

1874
01:50:51,900 --> 01:50:53,900
"There is a Happy"

1875
01:50:54,800 --> 01:50:56,300
Yeah, yeah.

1876
01:50:58,300 --> 01:51:00,300
He got it. It's amazing.

1877
01:51:01,000 --> 01:51:03,400
Don't you think you can find room
for the ladies?

1878
01:51:03,600 --> 01:51:05,000
Just the ladies?

1879
01:51:06,600 --> 01:51:08,300
Just the ladies!

1880
01:51:09,400 --> 01:51:11,900
-How about it?
-They'd have to be committed.

1881
01:51:12,300 --> 01:51:16,100
Teddy committed himself. Couldn't they?
All they have to do is sign the papers.

1882
01:51:16,300 --> 01:51:17,700
Certainly.

1883
01:51:17,800 --> 01:51:20,900
If we can go with Teddy,
we'll sign the papers.

1884
01:51:21,100 --> 01:51:22,100
Where are they?

1885
01:51:22,100 --> 01:51:24,500
MR. WITHERSPOON: I have them, ladies,
right here.

1886
01:51:24,600 --> 01:51:27,600
Sign them up, will you?
I want this all cleaned up.

1887
01:51:28,000 --> 01:51:31,400
I'm going out to talk to that spy.
Maybe I can understand him.

1888
01:51:31,600 --> 01:51:33,300
Thirteen bodies in the cellar.

1889
01:51:33,500 --> 01:51:35,700
MR. WITHERSPOON: Ladies,
if you'll sign right here.

1890
01:51:47,000 --> 01:51:48,400
ABBY: Here?
MR. WITHERSPOON: Yes.

1891
01:51:48,500 --> 01:51:50,800
MR. WITHERSPOON:
It's on the right-hand side there.

1892
01:51:50,900 --> 01:51:53,200
I'm really looking forward to going.

1893
01:51:53,400 --> 01:51:55,700
The neighborhood here has changed so.

1894
01:51:55,900 --> 01:51:59,100
Yes. Especially since they won
that old pennant thing.

1895
01:52:02,300 --> 01:52:04,900
Oh, dear, I'm so sorry.
We've overlooked something.

1896
01:52:05,100 --> 01:52:08,500
It's absolutely compulsory that we have
the signature of a physician.

1897
01:52:08,800 --> 01:52:09,900
MORTIMER: A doctor.

1898
01:52:10,000 --> 01:52:12,600
Dr. Einstein! Come here
and sign some papers, please.

1899
01:52:12,800 --> 01:52:14,800
DR. EINSTEIN: Good night.
MORTIMER: Come here.

1900
01:52:14,900 --> 01:52:16,100
-A doctor?
-Yes.

1901
01:52:16,400 --> 01:52:19,900
Dr. Einstein almost operated on me earlier.
Come along, Doctor.

1902
01:52:22,200 --> 01:52:24,600
Now, here. Just sign right here,
please, Doctor.

1903
01:52:24,800 --> 01:52:27,700
ABBY: Were you leaving, Doctor?
DR. EINSTEIN: Yes, please.

1904
01:52:27,900 --> 01:52:30,500
Aren't you going to wait for Jonathan?

1905
01:52:30,800 --> 01:52:33,600
I don't think we go to the same place.

1906
01:52:33,900 --> 01:52:37,400
ROONEY: Hello, Mac. We picked up
that guy that's wanted in lndiana.

1907
01:52:37,600 --> 01:52:40,600
His accomplice's description is
on the circular, on the desk.

1908
01:52:40,900 --> 01:52:41,900
Read it to me, will you?

1909
01:52:44,500 --> 01:52:45,700
About 40.

1910
01:52:46,300 --> 01:52:47,800
Five-foot-three.

1911
01:52:48,200 --> 01:52:49,700
One hundred and forty pounds.

1912
01:52:50,400 --> 01:52:51,700
Pop eyes.

1913
01:52:53,300 --> 01:52:55,300
Talks with a German accent.

1914
01:52:55,700 --> 01:52:57,200
Poses as a doctor.

1915
01:52:57,500 --> 01:52:58,900
Okay, Mac. Thanks.

1916
01:52:59,100 --> 01:53:02,200
It's all right. The doctor
has completed the signatures.

1917
01:53:02,500 --> 01:53:03,700
That's great!

1918
01:53:03,900 --> 01:53:07,300
Thanks, Doc.
You've done Brooklyn a great service.

1919
01:53:12,700 --> 01:53:14,500
ABBY: But Dr. Einstein!

1920
01:53:18,000 --> 01:53:21,300
-Now, Mr. Witherspoon--
-You're Witherspoon, I'm Brewster.

1921
01:53:21,500 --> 01:53:24,100
It's contagious, yes. It's your turn.

1922
01:53:24,700 --> 01:53:26,700
-Don't play games--
-You sign.

1923
01:53:26,900 --> 01:53:29,000
You sign as next of kin.

1924
01:53:29,400 --> 01:53:32,800
Why didn't you say so?
I'm all confused. Don't mind me.

1925
01:53:34,900 --> 01:53:36,200
Mr. Witherport.

1926
01:53:36,700 --> 01:53:38,500
-Spoon.
-Here.

1927
01:53:39,200 --> 01:53:40,600
Come up and pack my duffel.

1928
01:53:42,900 --> 01:53:44,100
Duffel?

1929
01:53:44,300 --> 01:53:46,800
Pack his duffel. He's President, you know?

1930
01:53:47,300 --> 01:53:49,200
TEDDY: And bring along my bugle.

1931
01:53:51,200 --> 01:53:52,300
President.

1932
01:54:01,600 --> 01:54:02,900
Don't charge!

1933
01:54:13,000 --> 01:54:14,500
Mortimer?

1934
01:54:16,200 --> 01:54:19,200
We're really very worried about something.

1935
01:54:20,100 --> 01:54:22,700
Now, darling, don't be worried.

1936
01:54:23,300 --> 01:54:26,400
-Me too, Mortimer.
-Well, of course, darling.

1937
01:54:27,400 --> 01:54:29,400
You'll both be very happy at Happy Dale.

1938
01:54:29,500 --> 01:54:33,700
We're very happy about the whole thing,
but that's just it.

1939
01:54:34,200 --> 01:54:36,400
We don't want anything to go wrong.

1940
01:54:38,400 --> 01:54:41,100
Will they investigate those signatures?

1941
01:54:42,300 --> 01:54:46,100
-They won't look up Dr. Einstein--
-But it's not his signature, dear.

1942
01:54:46,300 --> 01:54:48,200
-It's yours.
-Mine?

1943
01:54:48,400 --> 01:54:51,500
You see, you signed as next of kin.

1944
01:54:52,000 --> 01:54:56,000
-What's wrong about that, darling?
-Martha, you tell him.

1945
01:54:58,200 --> 01:54:59,500
Well, dear.

1946
01:54:59,700 --> 01:55:03,500
-What, dear?
-You're not really a Brewster.

1947
01:55:05,000 --> 01:55:07,400
-What?
-Your mother came to us as a cook.

1948
01:55:07,600 --> 01:55:09,900
And you were born
about three months afterwards.

1949
01:55:10,100 --> 01:55:12,900
And she was such a sweet woman
and such a good cook...

1950
01:55:13,100 --> 01:55:16,500
...we didn't want to lose her.
So brother married her.

1951
01:55:17,000 --> 01:55:19,000
Your real father was a cook, too.

1952
01:55:19,200 --> 01:55:22,200
He was a chef on a tramp steamer.

1953
01:55:24,500 --> 01:55:25,500
You mean....

1954
01:55:25,800 --> 01:55:28,900
You mean I'm not really a Brewster?

1955
01:55:31,000 --> 01:55:33,600
-Darling!
-Don't feel so badly about it.

1956
01:55:33,800 --> 01:55:36,800
I'm sure it won't make any difference
to Elaine.

1957
01:55:38,300 --> 01:55:40,300
(Mortimer squeals)

1958
01:55:44,500 --> 01:55:45,800
MORTIMER: (Shouts) Elaine!

1959
01:55:46,000 --> 01:55:48,900
Where are you? Can you hear me?
I'm not really a Brewster!

1960
01:55:49,100 --> 01:55:50,900
I'm the son of a sea cook!

1961
01:55:51,600 --> 01:55:52,600
(Elaine screams)

1962
01:55:55,000 --> 01:55:56,600
ELAINE: Mortimer!

1963
01:55:57,500 --> 01:55:59,600
It's true! I saw them. It's true.

1964
01:55:59,700 --> 01:56:02,300
It's true! There are 13 bodies down there!

1965
01:56:02,600 --> 01:56:04,300
But I saw them--

1966
01:56:05,900 --> 01:56:07,400
What's all this screaming about?

1967
01:56:07,600 --> 01:56:10,700
-But I saw them--
-It's way past her bedtime.

1968
01:56:12,300 --> 01:56:13,500
MORTIMER: Quiet!

1969
01:56:17,100 --> 01:56:19,200
ELAINE: But, Mortimer--
MORTIMER: Goodbye!

1970
01:56:19,400 --> 01:56:21,600
ABBY: 'Bye.
MARTHA: Goodbye, darling!

1971
01:56:23,800 --> 01:56:26,900
-What is all this?
-They're going on their honeymoon.

1972
01:56:27,500 --> 01:56:29,500
They're off to a flying start.

1973
01:56:36,000 --> 01:56:37,400
ELAINE: I really did see--

1974
01:56:38,100 --> 01:56:40,200
You'll own two cabs!

1975
01:56:41,000 --> 01:56:43,100
I mean the meter!

1976
01:56:43,500 --> 01:56:45,000
ELAINE: Oh, Mortimer.

1977
01:56:52,100 --> 01:56:53,900
(lmitates Elaine) Oh, Mortimer.

1978
01:56:56,100 --> 01:56:58,500
We're going to Niagara Falls.
Call me a cab, dear.

1979
01:56:58,700 --> 01:57:00,100
Yes, love.

1980
01:57:01,200 --> 01:57:02,800
But, Mr. Brewster!

1981
01:57:02,900 --> 01:57:06,100
I'm not a Brewster.
I'm a son of a sea cook.

1982
01:57:07,200 --> 01:57:08,300
MORTIMER: Charge!

1983
01:57:10,400 --> 01:57:13,400
CAB DRIVER: I'm not a cabdriver.
I'm a coffeepot!

1984
01:57:15,100 --> 01:57:18,600
Ripped by thewildbunch22

1985
01:57:19,000 --> 01:57:22,091
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