哦 嘿 我刚才没看见你们在这儿 Oh, hey.I didn't see you there.
我是莱克斯卢瑟 I'm Lex Luthor,
我在此向你们简单介绍一下毁灭军团 and I'm here to tell you a little bit about the Legion of Doom.
毁灭军团是一个由顶尖超级恶棍组成的互助组织 The LOD is a supportive community of elite supervillains
致力于将这个世界变得更糟 dedicated to making the world a worse place.
21世纪诸多最邪恶的阴谋都出自我们之手 We've been behind some of the most evil plots of the 21st century
嘿 黑蝠鲼 Hey, Black Manta.
什么 What's that?
他们正在隔壁等着见军团的新成员呢? They're waiting for the new recruits right next door?
看起来你最好过去 Looks like you better get in there.
而且你们这些坏家伙一定要保持态度端正 And make sure you bad guys bring a good attitude.
嘿 那个是你! Hey, that's you!
你对黑蝠鲼说了什么把他气成这样？ What did you say to Black Manta to elicit such rage?
反正没有种族歧视 Nothing racist.
伙计们 打起精神来 Guys, pull it together.
我们就要加入... We are about to join...
毁灭军团 The Legion of Doom.
欢迎回家 哈莉 Welcome home, Harley.
今天的活动到此结束 And that's all the time we have.
哦 我还要向贝恩道个歉 Oh, and my apologies to Bane
他原本想表演点小魔术 who wanted to do some magic.
这本来会很精彩的 It was going to be a spectacle.
我想说两句 I'd like to say something.
哦 我去! Oh, my God!
当我听说我们要邀请哈莉奎茵加入时 When I heard we were letting in Harley Quinn,
我觉得... I thought...
没人比她更配得到这个机会了 No one deserves this opportunity more than she does.
-你这家伙 -我没听明白 -Oh this guy. -I'm sorry.
他不是有好几次都想杀了你吗? But didn't he try to kill you multiple times?
我知道 我知道 I know, I know.
我曾经有好几次都想杀了她 I tried to kill you multiple times,
但是说实话 哈莉 but frankly, Harley,
现在你才是那个让人寻死觅活的那一个 now you're the one killing it.
哇哦... Wow...
哦 我见识过这一套 Oh, I've seen this before.
就像那次我的前任珊德拉 It's just like the time my ex, Sandra,
在我瘦了20磅之后又想和我重归于好 called me up after I lost 20 pounds.
当我的体重还是2750磅时你去哪儿了 珊德拉? Where were you when I was still 2,750, Sandra?
你那时去哪儿了? Where were you?
那时我正需要爱啊 I needed love then.
你得保证不让把我们这些詹·安妮斯顿 Promise us you will not make us the Jen Aniston
换成你这个布拉德莉·皮特疯狂追求的合作明星 to your Bradley Pitt's feverish pursuit of co-star
安·哈莉娜·尤莉 Ann-halina Yo-lee.
哇哦 贵圈真乱 Wow, that's a lot to unpack.
伙计们 伙计们 拜托! 对我有点信心好不好 Guys, guys, come on! Give me a little credit here.
就算小丑给我说了几句好话 Joker saying a few nice things about me
也不会让我改变对他的看法 行不? ain't gonna make me see him any different, okay?
来抽张牌吧 Pick a card.
我说到做到 When my mind's set, it is set.
妈的 他们在阿卡姆开了三台电击器 Hell, they blew out three electric shock machines at Arkham
只为让我的脑袋灵光过来 trying to get through to me.
我已经给过那个小丑第二次机会了 I am done giving that clown second chances.
你抽到的是红桃三吗? Is your card the three of hearts?
-不是 -尼玛! -No. -Fuck!
好吧 你瞧 我知道上次我们说话时 Okay, look. I know the last time we talked,
有点...差劲. it was... Shitty.
但是 你懂的 我觉得也许我们有可能在这里重新开始 But, you know, I feel like maybe we have an opportunity to start over here.
哼嗯... Hmm.
好吧 咱们可以从"嗯哼"开始 Okay. We can build off "hmm."
我还想 很明显 我想道歉 I also, obviously, would like to apologize
为说你是在嫉妒我那事 for saying you're jealous of me
还有说你没朋友 还有 and that you got no friends and that--
好了 不用了 我记得你说过的话 All right, thank you. I remember what you said.
我知道你当时只是想保护我 而... I know you were just trying to protect me, and...
听好了 我也要保护你 好吗 Listen, I am gonna do the same for you, okay?
因为我现在是毁灭军团的在册成员了-- Just 'cause I'm a card carryin' member of the Legion of Doom now--
那破地方见鬼去吧 Fuck that place in the ass.
是啊 以防万一 虽然 听着 Yes. For sure. Although, listen...
我现在在那里干活 I am working there
但我希望这不会影响我们的友谊 and I hope it doesn't affect our friendship.
没有你我活不下去的 I would be dead without you.
真的 Like, a lot.
我没否认这点 I do not disagree with that.
我是说 我很高兴你没死 但是... I mean, I'm glad you're not dead, but...
我不知道 只是... I don't know, it just...
就好像你已经准备好抛弃我了 It felt like you were so ready to abandon me.
我永远不会这么做的 I would never do that.
我会永远在你身边 I will always be there for ya.
I will always smash things you might need smashed, Ive. 只要你想砸什么东西我保证砸给你看 小艾
等等 我知道这个表情 Wait, I know that look.
你有什么要砸的东西吗? Is there something you need smashed?
得了吧 小艾 你肯定有什么想砸的东西 Come on, Ive, there's gotta be something you need smashed.
是有...确实是有一些我已经开始动手做的事情 There is... There is something actually, I've been working on.
我就知道! 你打算干坏事了 I knew it! You're gonna do something evil.
太棒了! That is great!
是吧 你知道 我是说 如果我们还是把为保护环境 Yeah. You know, I mean, if we're still categorizing
而奋斗算作是坏事的话 fighting to protect the environment as "evil,"
那就是了 then sure.
在哥谭 我们采用最新制造技术的工厂中 At our new state-of-the-art manufacturing plant in Gotham,
我们正在制造机器以求为 we're building the machines to revolutionize
我们美丽城市的建设事业带来变革 the development of our beautiful city.
加入我们 携手铺路 Join us in paving the way together
哥谭的明天更美好 to a better Gotham.
我要毁了它 I'm gonna destroy it.
哦 你还是那么火力冲天 小艾 Ooh, you're still fired up, Ive.
干劲十足呢 You are glowing.
毁掉新工厂的事算我一个 Count me in on destroying this new factory.
真的? 棒极了 Really? Great.
好吧 咱们周五晚上碰头 好好制定一个计划 Okay. Let's meet up on Friday night and go over a plan.
哦 不 不 不 不 我来结账 Oh, no, no, no, no. I got this.
军团给了我一张报销卡 The Legion gave me a corporate card
而且说只要我在谈做什么坏事时 and said I can expense any meal
吃的饭都可以用它埋单 where I talk about doing something evil.
好吧 再说一遍 我们只是...我们是在拯救植物 Yeah, once again, it's just... We're saving plants,
实际上我们并没有要干什么坏事... we're not actually doing something evil...
你知道吗? You know what?
谢谢你 小哈 Thanks, Harls.
我们还加上了一些你可能喜欢的东西 We added a little something we thought you might enjoy.
哦 这真是太美了! Oh, it's beautiful!
-这是织了多少针啊? -我的天啊 -What's the thread count? -Oh, my God.
东西在布下面 你这干粪堆! It's under the sheet, you dry turd!
我嘞个去! Oh, my God!
太周到了 So thoughtful.
有桃花心木 橡木 松木... You got mahogany, oak, pine...
还...只有一张椅子 And... Just one chair.
我们余下的人该坐在哪儿? Where are the rest of us supposed to sit?
哦 我们给你们准备了特别办公室 Oh, we have special offices for all of you.
我的助理文化专员 埃斯特万 会带你们过去 My assistant cultural attache, Esteban, will take you.
唉呀 你好 埃斯特万! Why, hello, Esteban!
那么你是从伊比利亚半岛上的 And from what exotic pueblito
哪个异国小镇上来的呢? on the Iberian Peninsula might you derive?
我叫史蒂夫 我是从塔尔萨来的 It's Steve, and I'm from Tulsa.
我不知道为啥卢瑟先生总是这么称呼我 I don't know why Mr. Luthor calls me that,
但他就是经常这样 but he always does.
跟我来 Follow me.
好了 得了 Okay. Come on.
我知道我该去哪儿 I know where I'm going.
我记得我之前的办公室在哪儿 I remember where my old office is.
是啊 但那里满员了 Yeah, that's been filled.
我们对你们另有安排 We have something else for you.
为啥他让电梯往下走了? Why did you hit down on the elevator?
咱们到了 And here we are.
No, no. No, no, I know this place. 不 不 不 不 我知道这是啥地方
这是他们安置打手和跟班的地方 This is where they keep the goons and the henchmen.
没错 比如你们这样的人 Right. Like you.
我们不是打手 We're not goons.
我们不是跟班 We're not henchmen.
我们拥有力量 We have powers.
没错 我可是个演员! That's right. I am an actor!
你才不是演员 You are not an actor.
你是一大坨能随心所欲变成任何东西的泥巴 You are a huge pile of clay that can turn into anything you want.
他是个高大的半鲨人 He is a giant half-shark man.
而我会心灵感应 And I am a telepath.
我们拥有实实在在的力量! We have actual powers!
呃 冷静点 [哔]博士老哥 Uh, calm down, Dr. [bleep] Guy.
这里就是你们该呆的地方 你们很走运了 This is where you're supposed to be, and you're lucky.
你们想碰什么都行 反正所有东西都坏了 Touch whatever you want. Everything's broken.
打手们 你们跟我来 Goons, you're with me.
去你的吧! The hell we are!
我们给哈莉干活 We work for Harley.
现在也给我干活 And now, for me, too.
我已经给你们安排了一项非常重要的任务 I've signed you out for a very important mission.
这是给"砰嗯"的潇洒奶昔 I got a razzy zazzy for "Bang."
是贝恩! It's Bane!
你知道我叫贝恩 You know it's Bane.
我每天都来的 托德 I'm here everyday, Todd.
你个图样的千禧小鬼 Goddamn millennials.
随便啦 砰嗯! Whatever, Bang!
所以 我们要在晚饭后把托德炸飞 So, we're blowing up Todd after dinner.
没吃饱的话可是会没精神的 Don't eat so much you get lethargic,
但是吃饱了才不至于虚弱无力 but eat enough that you don't get fainty
因为我可不会带点心 'cause I do not bring snacks.
大街小巷将会奶昔流成河 The streets will run with razzy zazzy.
还有 感谢黑蝠鲼带来的百吉饼 And thanks to Black Manta for the bagels.
只有肉桂葡萄干口味的! There's only cinnamon raisins!
你知道我讨厌葡萄干! You know I hate raisins!
哦! 等等 这儿还有一个百搭口味的 Oh! Wait. Here's an everything.
所以 哈莉 So, Harley,
每周我们都会开会来兜售自己的邪恶点子 every week we meet to pitch our evil ideas.
我们在这里能获得批准使用军团的资源 This is wher we get approval for the use of Legion resources
比如打手和逃跑用车 like goons and getaway cars.
还有炸! And s'plosions!
我没听明白"炸"他娘是啥 贝恩 I have no idea what the fuck "s'plosions" are, Bane,
但我们有爆炸物 but we do have explosives.
所以这里就是为自己的点子获取创造性反馈的地方 So this is the place to get creative feedback on ideas.
没错 Exactly.
我们会用皮克斯动画的方式给点子建立模型 We modeled it after the way they do things at Pixar.
我希望他们能再拍一部《飞屋环游记》 I wish they would make another Up movie.
拍不了的 They can't.
故事在第一部就都讲完了 The story was over at the end of the first.
除非 在续集里那个小孩取代了那个老人的角色 Unless,the kid is the old man in the sequel.
哦 有意思! Oh, that's fun!
是个好主意 That's a good one.
拜托 咱们能不胡闹了吗? Can we stop with the nonsense, please?
-Who wants to start? -Okay!
So, I want to build a giant tower
with my face on it.
Loving this.
My quote unquote "mouth" opens up...
Boom! Reveals a giant TV.
What's on it? Me!
I open with a joke,
threaten Gotham, you get the rest.
[laughing wickedly]
I need 800 million, but I can do it for six.
[chuckling] Six hundred million! I mean, that's a bargain.
I... I'm still trying to get a chair.
Shall we move to approve?
[clock ticking]
-Harley? -I don't get it.
You don't... Get it?
Well, for starters, why do you need a tower?
Right? If you want to get on TV,
why don't you just take over the airwaves like everybody else?
Because everyone else has already done it.
-Fucking Bane's done it. -Yeah, I done it.
Okay, well then, why not just take over an existing tower?
Why are we building a new tower?
Because a regular tower doesn't have a fire pole
that goes from top to the bottom, that's why.
That's a bit garish, innit? Why do you need that?
Because I'm the Joker!
Hmm.
Feels a little like you came up with the frosting...
-Before you baked the cake. -Exactly.
Thank you, Harley.
You haven't baked the cake.
Why don't you come back to us after you bake the cake,
huh, Joker?
Fine.
I'll bake the fucking cake.
You know, it's not... It's refreshing.
I am glad that
someone finally stood up to that clown.
Oh! Hey, Joker.
I was just telling Harley how uncool she was.
Being in the meeting earlier
-and having the gall-- -[squirting]
[grunting]
[choking]
[blubbering] It's leaking everywhere.
About that meeting, I wanted to say--
-Look, if you came here to yell at me then-- -Thank you!
-Uh, what? -That plan needed work.
I'm going to put the time in,
and really make it something special.
But I'm happy I finally have someone here
with the guts to stand up to me.
Maybe we could grab a drink so I could pick your brain
with this whole giant-tower- with-my-face-on-it thing.
Yeah, I don't think so.
A work drink.
I could give you the lowdown on how to game the system here.
Really? And not have sex with each other?
Harley, please! [chuckling] I'm blushing.
We're colleagues now.
You don't see me having sex with Scarecrow or Bane.
The answer's, no, I don't...
Do that with them.
Just a work drink. Think about it.
Harley, we have a problem.
They put us in the goon poo-el.
-Ooh, that sounds fun. -Fun?
It's not the fun kind of pool.
They're treating us like we're common henchmen
and we have to work for anyone who asks.
-Including Bane. -Bane!
-[exclaiming] -What?
Bane? Ugh! We only work together.
Well, they're saying something entirely different.
Don't worry. You won't be working for Bane, I promise.
Ugh, I just gotta figure out how to game the system here.
And how, pray tell, will you do that?
I'll pray tell a colleague about it.
So... [laughing]
I've been paying this smoothie kid
to keep writing "Bang" on all his orders.
[laughing] Oh, my God,
that's the guy Bane wants to blow up.
Oh! That's fantastic.
[exclaims] You know, everyone remembers me for the big crimes,
the murders, the cripplings,
but it's the little ones that keep me going.
[chuckling softly] That's hilarious.
If it was hilarious, you'd be laughing.
You can't just say something's hilarious.
That's the worst kind of audience.
[sighs] Sorry, I got a lot on my mind.
You know, Bane wants to use my crew
to blow up that smoothie kid, and they're pissed.
Who do I talk to to get them out of that?
Um, me. [chuckling]
I'll talk to Lex.
He wants to keep you happy. You're an asset.
-Really? He thinks that? -Everyone thinks that.
You're a big deal. You're Harley Quinn!
Wow, I...
-[piano music playing] -Wow! Holy shit!
Thanks.
[Frank] Wait, wait, wait, wait.
So your ass is gonna take down that place by yourself?
There's not a plant around it.
First of all, I am a capable metahuman
who doesn't always need the plants.
And also, Harley's gonna show up
and, like, smash some people with her bat, too.
Harley? I don't see Harley around here.
You know who I see?
Frank. I'm ready to fuck some shit up.
You're in a pot, Frank. I'd have to carry you.
So what? I carry you emotionally.
We all carry shit.
You bring me in there and I'll show you some damage.
How, Frank? What am I gonna, like, throw you at people
and you're gonna eat them?
Boom! Look at that. We just figured it out.
Thanks, but I think Harley and I can take care of this. [chuckling]
Like the way you took care of that outfit?
-[laughs boisterously] -Why? What's wrong with it?
You see fabulous, I see fugly.
You got to diversify your color palette, woman!
Spice that shit up!
Add a fun hat.
Maybe a little blush on your cheeks and shit.
See? See, see, I don't just eat people.
Hurtful words are another weapon in my arsenal.
And you just got a verbal ass whooping.
[sighs]
So, how have you been?
Oh, you know, same old, same old.
Murdering, hijacking, WMDs, arson.
Ooh, I've been rewatching a lot of Scrubs.
What happened to Zach Braff?
Wait, wait. Didn't we kill him
when we took that movie studio hostage?
Remember, we were trying to force him
to remake classic movies, but with cats?
Ha! I'm telling you,
"Cats-ablanca" would have blown the original out of the water. [laughs]
Anyway, I think Zach Braff is alive.
-Oh. -Just not working.
-Ah!. -Oh, Harley...
We had some fun back in the day, didn't we?
Oh, we sure did.
[cell phone vibrating]
Mmm.
All right, you know, I really better get going.
Sorry to interrupt,
but I, like, totally ship you guys.
Seriously.
You're, like, my favorite evil couple in Gotham.
These are on the house.
[chuckling] Oh, thank you.
Come on, you can stay for five more minutes?
[sighs]
There, she is, over there.
The green one with the fun hat on.
Uh, Frank, who is this person?
You said I couldn't do nothin' 'cause I was in this pot.
-Meet Chaz. -This is really getting heavy, man.
He's my pot guy.
Carries my pot around wherever I need to go.
He sells marijuana, Frank.
He misread his ad.
That is also true.
Yet, here we are.
[exhales] Okay. Well, I'm leaving.
So why don't you have him bring you back to the apartment.
Wait, I thought you were meeting Harley here.
Oh, shit!
She stood your ass up.
No, no, no. She just had to reschedule.
You know, she ended her text in "ugh."
So I know that she just, you know,
she didn't wanna reschedule but she had to.
You know, things come up. It's fine.
Nah, she's changed.
Thinks she's a bigshot now.
Hell, I know this pear tree,
survived 9/11,
now he's planted front and center at the Freedom Tower
and that motherfucker won't even call me back.
Harley is nothing like your 9/11 pear tree friend.
And, by the way, I know that tree, okay?
He was a dick before 9/11, he's a dick now.
That asshole changed
and so has Harley.
Trust me, you're on your own.
[King Shark] Oh, man!
They only have potato chips
with the weird Korean flavor.
"Cheddar and octopus ranch"?
Could be delicious!
I would give it a whirl.
Put down those snacks, you dumb goons.
It's time to go.
We're not going anywhere with you,
S&M Sally!
Harley took care of it.
I filed all the proper paperwork.
I even got the green light from HR, so...
Your move.
How disappointing!
Right? But don't worry.
I'll call Harley and we'll sort this out.
I meant these chips.
They're disappointing.
I'm not tasting the... Oh, wait!
There's the octopus!
-Damn! It went to voicemail. -[Bane] That's that then.
Saddle up, muchachos.
We have a juicery to es'plode!
[crushes]
[both laughing heartily]
[both exclaim]
I missed this.
[stuttering] This isn't... Come on...
Now, this is just
an extension of the business conversation from earlier.
-Oh, for sure. -Cool.
-Cool. We're just cool.
-Yeah. -[woman] Monsters!
She's eating the beef tenderloin with a fish fork.
[woman screaming]
[both laughing wickedly]
Okay, I did miss this.
[continues laughing wickedly]
Now, this is living.
Yeah. Hey, you know, I had a thought
about that tower with your face on it you pitched at the meeting?
Oh, my face tower?
That... That would be the one.
I was thinking you could build it underground
and when you wanna unveil it,
it can shoot above the surface
and scare the shit out of people.
-Ooh, like a Jack in the box! -Exactly!
[chuckling] Love that.
It's very on brand for me, I mean.
Wow, really?
I don't think you've ever taken one of my ideas before.
The student becomes another master.
Uh, I think the phrase is,
"The student becomes the master."
No, I believe it's, "The student becomes a master
"equal to the original master,
"but not with more mastery than that master."
So you're not upset I decided to go off on my own?
If this is the Harley Quinn solo act,
I just have one thing to say...
I wish it'd had happened sooner.
[laughs] Bravo!
-Oh! [chuckling] -[laughing]
[Batman] Up to your old tricks again.
Well, you're gonna be spending a lifetime together
in Arkham.
[beeps]
[helicopter whirring]
[grunting]
You know, I'd love to take you, puddin'...
You know, I'd love to take you, puddin',
but I'd never deny you the pleasure
of buying me time to escape.
[echoes]
So get the hell on, you knucklehead!
Oh!
What you grinning at?
You comin' or what?
[exclaims excitedly]
[grunts]
[Harley] Us, escaping together? [chuckles]
I used to dream about this moment.
[laughing] Oh, Harley!
I couldn't leave you on the boat.
I need you.
For this.
-[kisses] -Mmm.
And this!
[laughs wickedly]
[heart beating]
[beating slows]
Some things never change, Quinn.
Has Harley called back yet?
[sarcastically] Yeah! And she said she fixed everything,
and I just didn't tell you.
Fantastic!
What's taking your shark friend
so long to plant the bomb?
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe it's because he's a shark
and not a demolitions expert.
Todd must pay for what he's done.
Let's see whose name is Bang now, Todd.
[clicks] [blasts]
[glass breaking]
-Ah! Good Lord! -[people screaming distantly]
[thuds]
-[groaning] -Oh!
Hey, Shark guy, did we kill Todd?
[groaning] Todd...
Doesn't work Wednesdays.
Oh, he must have changed the schedule.
[exhales]
[machine beeping]
Why, Lord?
Why take him when you could have me instead?
I am a perfectly delicious substitute. [sobbing]
What the hell are you talking about?
He's still alive.
Huh? Oh, I was rehearsing.
I have an audition for a margarine commercial.
[King Shark] Well, it was very moving.
Although, that could be the morphine talking.
I love everybody right now.
I came as soon as I heard. How's he doing?
-[machine beeping rapidly] -Oh, my God!
I think he's going into cardiac arrest.
Someone? Nurse? Somebody!
No, that's actually a pretty standard shark heartbeat.
-I'm fine. -Oh, no shit?
So where's Harley?
She said she got help up with some Legion shit,
but I figured she'd come running as soon as she heard.
Patrick Swayze's ghost!
It appears we've been deceived.
Ooh!
It looks like Jo-Quinn is back together.
Less than an hour ago,
former lovebirds Harley Quinn and Joker
were spotted tonguing each other down.
[clicks]
[machine beeping]
[Harley] Hey, everyone!
Oh, I'm so sorry I didn't get here sooner.
I got held up at a crazy Legion board meeting and then--
[machine continues beeping]
-Oh! -It is one thing
when I thought you ditched me for the Legion,
but him?
I thought you were better than that, man.
No, I am. And I see that now.
Too late.
You promised you'd extricate us
from having to join Bane,
but you didn't,
and now, look!
Some of us got our fins blown off.
I'll tell you one thing.
A Japanese chef offered a large sum of money for it
and you weren't even there to tell me to not consider it!
Because you were canoodling with the Joker instead.
I know, but the whole reason I even met with Joker
was to figure out how to get you guys out of doing that.
-I mean-- -[scoffs] Oh, please.
-Drivel! -Ive, you, you...
You got to understand.
No! Not this time, Harley.
I have done everything in my power
to keep you away from that ass clown
because I truly believe that you deserve better.
But you know what? I am done believing in someone
who just doesn't believe in herself.
I'm... [stuttering] I'm sorry, Ive...
I made a mistake.
I know I did.
It won't happen again.
-Bullshit! -Poppycock!
It's true, Harley.
You're like the fish that cried Orca.
It's a story remarkably similar
to that boy who cried Wolf,
except that instead of a boy, it's a fish,
-and instead of a wolf-- -It's an orca.
No! It's a wolf named Orca,
but it can swim,
which is terrifying.
And also morphine induced,
but the point he's trying to make is,
we are out of the crew!
-[slams door] -Clayface!
I'm sorry,
but I have a regional margarine commercial audition
that starts in seven hours.
-King? -I have a catheter inside me,
so I can't currently leave,
but please note that as soon as I'm able to urinate
in a normal fashion,
I am also out of the crew.
Please, don't go.
Sorry, I... I have my own plan to focus on,
but you probably don't remember that anyway.
No, I do and I still wanna help you with it.
I think I'd rather go solo on this one.
I need people I can count on.
[door creaks, closes]
[creaking]
[vents hissing, whooshing]
[alarm blaring]
[coughing]
[choking]
[man] Yeah, boss.
We got her.
[theme music playing]