They love you wherever you go.
This is the pinnacle of my career.
I've been at this for, like, almost 40 years.
But to one day be on the Ellen DeGeneres Show--
I mean, this was what it was all about.
I'm building, building, building slowly.
That's why it took you so long.
That's what it is.
This is very exciting.
Daytime television and me-- perfect pairing.
Yeah.
It's unbelievable.
At one point in your career, it would not
have been a perfect pairing.
But you've mellowed in your--
I've mellowed.
I've become an elder statesman of radio, of television,
of media.
Look at me.
I'm so relaxed.
[SNORES]
You know, by the way, I am very thrilled to be here.
Ellen is in my book.
We will be talking about that.
I have a whole agenda, of course.
Good.
We want to sell-- it's a great book.
Thank you.
But you know, listen, I was thinking about you backstage.
And I don't know if you're following this.
I've been out here in Los Angeles.
I haven't been following the news.
But people are giving you grief about this George Bush picture,
right?
Right.
But listen, you know I'm always with you.
I'm on your side.
The problem is-- and this is a brilliant booking on your part,
having me on the show.
People have this picture in their mind
of you and George Bush.
What you need to do, in my opinion,
is take a picture with me, making out with me.
Oh.
Now, just hear me out.
I know it's hard.
Your wife is here.
I know, I know.
I know.
Honey, I was just thinking, once people see me with you,
no one's going to be thinking about George Bush.
I see.
Oh, that's true.
That's my thought.
I see.
You know, in that picture, I was holding my phone.
At that time, I was showing him a picture of one
of your watercolors.
Because you know, he paints also.
And I was showing him one of the pictures
that you sent me of the sand dunes in the grass.
Yeah, I like to paint watercolor.
I had no idea that's what got you in trouble.
That's what got me in trouble.
I get everybody in trouble.
I don't know how that all worked out.
But it did.
Yeah.
I was showing him your--
Kiss me, Ellen.
You're in--
Kissing a guy-- wait.
Get the picture.
OK.
Now, you put this out there.
All right.
You're OK with this?
Nothing worse can happen to me now.
When is the last time you kissed a guy?
Like this, I mean.
Like--
Romantically.
Wait, wait.
How are we going to kiss?
Well, you want to erase the George Bush picture.
No, we're not going to make out.
Well, I don't mean tongue.
No tongue.
Because you know, listen, I don't
want to make you throw up or anything.
No.
Listen, just brace yourself.
OK.
When is the last time?
Not that long ago.
Oh, really?
I kiss men on the lips.
On the lips?
Yes.
Who did you kiss on the lips?
Probably Colin Farrell.
Really?
Yeah.
No kidding?
Leo DiCaprio.
Oh, those ugly guys?
Yeah.
Well, now you're going to kiss a hot guy.
All right.
Are you ready?
I am.
This is the picture that is going
to make America forget that you were sitting next
to George W. Bush.
You're so smart to do this.
OK.
Here we go.
Hold it.
Wait a second.
There was-- I think there was tongue.
There was no tongue.
I felt you pushing a little bit.
No, no.
There was no tongue.
I'm a married man.
I'm a married woman.
I know.
You know, that's the great thing about fame.
I always say it.
People say, do you like being famous?
I love it.
Because you know, as a young guy growing up, believe it or not,
I was very invisible.
Nobody paid attention to me.
But when I got famous, actually, women who are way out
of my league --
Beth -- would start dating me.
So that's the great thing.
No.
I think you sell yourself short.
You're super smart, super charming, super talented
in many ways.
So don't sell yourself short.
But here's the thing.
I was scared of you for years.
I mean, years.
We saw each other at, like, the Upfront, the television thing
when I was starting to do--
I don't even know what shows I was doing.
Was that when we first met?
Yeah.
Well, we didn't really meet.
I avoided you.
I was scared to death of you.
Oh, that's right.
I do remember that.
Really?
Yeah.
At like Tavern on the Green.
Well, Ellen said to me, when I interviewed Ellen on my show--
and this was the point of my book--
I felt that when I went to satellite radio, you know,
I was on regular radio.
It was such a drag because the government
was after me every minute.
Right.
And this invention of satellite radio saved my life.
Because when I went over there, we
were free to do whatever we wanted.
Right.
And as a result, things started to change
in my life, where I said, you know,
this is a great opportunity to really have conversation
with people, to sit there and talk to them, to ask questions
I never--
in my wildest dreams, when I started out in radio,
I never would have thought that I'd
be sitting with you, or with David Letterman,
or with Madonna.
I mean, you know, Paul McCartney, my hero, you know.
There is just no way that I couldn't
have imagined that my career would blossom that way.
And being on satellite radio, I got to ask people questions,
and really be inquisitive, and really get down to it.
And I really do mean this, Ellen--
and I'm not saying it because I'm here--
it was so important for me to do this show, to promote the book,
because you--
really, out of all of the interviews in this book,
yours was the most sensitive, and I learned so much
about you.
And it really moved me.
And I think if you've never heard the interview
or you haven't read it, it is really quite remarkable
that with your life and what you had
to overcome, to become a success,
and with all the garbage you had to put up with in your life,
I think it's just an amazing inspirational interview
that you gave me.
Thank you.
It was a great interview.
I loved it so much.
And what did I learn?
What did you learn?
When I interviewed you, that you and I had more in common than I
knew.
And I mean, we've got to get back to the fact
that you were afraid of me.
Yeah, we have to take a break, because I
was very afraid of you.
And then-- yeah.
This is not satellite.
I have finite time.
I wish I had more time.
Because that's what is great about the interview,
because we really had a long, wonderful conversation,
which is in this book.
We are back in a minute with the wonderful kisser, Howard Stern,
after this.
Yeah, that was so romantic.