(whimsical theme playing) （异想天开的主题演奏）
John Wilson: Hey, New York. 约翰·威尔逊：嘿 纽约
As we get older, we try to hit certain milestones 随着年龄的增长 我们试图达到某些里程碑
to feel like we're making progress in life. 感觉我们在生活中取得进步
Like, adopting your first pet; 比如 领养你的第一只宠物；
finally getting your own place; 终于有了自己的位置；
or starting an exciting new career. 或者开始一个令人兴奋的新职业
These things make us feel stable 这些东西让我们感觉稳定
and help us forget that the Grim Reaper is... 帮助我们忘记死神是
al-- just always one step behind us. 艾尔总是落后我们一步
But unfortunately, this stability 但不幸的是 这种稳定性
is sometimes only an illusion. 有时只是一种幻觉
Because one day, 因为有一天
when you're just hanging out in your apartment, 当你在公寓里闲逛的时候
your landlord calls you to come downstairs to have a talk. 你的房东叫你下楼来谈谈
It sounds pretty serious, and your mind 听起来很严重 你的大脑
naturally goes to the worst possible place. 自然会去最糟糕的地方
But, nothing could've prepared you 但是 你什么都没准备好
for what you are about to hear. 为了你即将听到的
She tells you that she's selling the building 她告诉你她要卖掉这栋楼
and moving to Las Vegas by the end of the month. 月底前搬到拉斯维加斯
? ? ? ?
It really takes you by surprise, 这真的让你大吃一惊
but looking back, you could see 但回顾过去 你可以看到
that there had been signs everywhere, 到处都有迹象
and you-you-you just hadn't noticed them. 而你只是没有注意到他们
You go through a whirlwind of emotions. 你经历了情绪的漩涡
Shock, 震惊
rage, 愤怒
sadness, 悲伤
panic, 惊恐
and finally acceptance. 最后是接受
But just as you are getting ready to move out, 但就在你准备搬出去的时候
something happens that you never even considered. 一些你从未考虑过的事情发生了
She actually offers to sell you the house if you want it 如果你想要的话 她会把房子卖给你
for a price that's below market value. 价格低于市场价值
It seems like the deal of a lifetime, 这似乎是一生中最重要的事情
but you don't know if you can actu-actually afford it. 但你不知道你是否真的负担得起
The thought of purchasing property 购房思想
had never even crossed your mind, 你从没想过
and the idea just sounds kind of terrifying. 这个想法听起来有点可怕
You ask her to give you a few days to think it over 你让她给你几天时间考虑一下
because you're not sure you're ready for something like this. 因为你不确定你已经准备好了
But instead of letting an opportunity 但不是放过机会
slip through your fingers, 从你的手指间溜走
might as well finally figure out 也许最终会明白
if it's a good idea to invest in real estate. 如果投资房地产是个好主意
Most people would jump at the opportunity 大多数人都会抓住这个机会
to own property in New York, 在纽约拥有房产
but when you look back, you realize 但当你回首往事 你会意识到
you've actually structured your whole life 你实际上已经构建了你的整个生活
around avoiding commitments like this. 避免这样的承诺
Before you found your current place, 在你找到现在的位置之前
you lived month-to-month 你活了一个月又一个月
in an illegally converted warehouse 在非法改装的仓库里
with a bunch of your good friends. 和你的一群好朋友在一起
? ? ? ?
A lot of the rooms didn't have windows, 很多房间都没有窗户
so when it got really hot, 所以当天气变得很热的时候
you had to make your own air conditioners 你必须自己做空调
out of ice jugs and a, and a fan 从冰壶和风扇里拿出来
in a Styrofoam box. 在一个泡沫塑料盒子里
There were also rats that lived in your garbage, 还有老鼠住在你的垃圾堆里
and a vicious possum in the backyard. 后院里还有一只恶毒的负鼠
They even shot a TV show on your block once 他们甚至在你的街区拍了一个电视节目
where they used your street as a stand-in 他们把你的街道当作替身
for war-torn Syria 为了饱受战争蹂躏的叙利亚
with very little set dressing. 几乎没有固定的调料
(Middle Eastern music) （中东音乐）
(helicopter whirring) （直升机呼啸）
Hostiles on rooftop up the street. 街上屋顶上有敌人
(gunfire, shouting) （枪声、喊声）
(rocket firing, explodes) （火箭发射、爆炸）
Oh my god. 哦 我的上帝
Wilson: Because you, you were living there illegally, 威尔逊：因为你 你非法住在那里
you were always expecting to get kicked out. 你一直以为会被踢出去
But, somehow, that day never came, 但不知怎的 那一天从未到来
and you ended up staying there for over seven years. 结果你在那里呆了七年多
? ? ? ?
You really liked feeling untethered to any sense 你真的很喜欢那种不受约束的感觉
of responsibility to the property, 对财产的责任
but you knew that you would have to escape one day. 但你知道总有一天你会逃跑
Eventually. 最后
You originally found this place on Craigslist 你最初是在Craigslist上找到这个地方的
a couple years ago. 几年前
The pictures looked nice, 照片看起来不错
but you could tell it was the real deal from 但你可以从他们身上看出这是真正的交易
the alternating capital letters in the subject heading. 主题标题中的交替大写字母
Your landlord is asking you for $900,000 for the whole place, 你的房东要你给整个房子90万美元
which is way more than you actually have. 这比你实际拥有的要多得多
That means you're gonna have to borrow the money 那意味着你得借钱
from somewhere else, 从别的地方
and you guess most people just get it from a bank. 你猜大多数人都是从银行拿到的
? ? ? ?
But a mortgage seems like an extremely heavy burden 但抵押贷款似乎是一个极其沉重的负担
for someone who's afraid of commitment. 对于一个害怕承诺的人
It can take as long as 30 years to pay off, 可能需要长达30年的时间才能还清
and you've never planned that far ahead for anything before. 你以前从来没有为任何事情做过这么长远的计划
And it's hard to tell if you'll regret your decision 很难说你是否会后悔你的决定
once it's too late to change your mind. 一旦改变主意为时已晚
You're also terrified of getting ripped off, 你也害怕被敲诈
and, and for good reason. 而且 有充分的理由
You recently went to buy a car from someone off Craigslist, 你最近去Craigslist外面的人那里买了辆车
and it looked like a great deal 而且看起来非常棒
with surprisingly low mileage for its age. 与它的年龄相比 里程数低得出奇
The seller seemed a little nervous, 卖家似乎有点紧张
but you didn't think anything of it at the time. So, 但你当时一点都没想到 所以
you signed the papers and handed over the money. 你在文件上签了名 把钱交了出去
And he even helped you to put on the license plate, 他甚至帮你上了车牌
which was nice. 很好
But when you got home and started going through 但当你回到家开始经历
all the junk that he left in the back, 他留在后面的垃圾
you found a second odometer, 你找到了第二个里程表
and it had a lot more miles on it 而且它还有更多的里程
than the one behind the steering wheel. 而不是方向盘后面的那个
When you brought the car to a mechanic for a checkup, 当你把车交给机械师检查时
he took one look at the odometer in the trunk, 他看了一眼后备箱里的里程表
and told you it was probably swapped out to fool you. 并告诉你 它可能是为了愚弄你而被换掉的
It seemed like the car wasn't lightly used, 这辆车似乎没有被轻易使用
and you fell for it like a, like a sucker. 你像个傻瓜一样被它迷住了
And if you're not careful, 如果你不小心
the same thing could happen with the house. 同样的事情也可能发生在房子上
So, just like anything you buy off Craigslist, 就像你从Craigslist上买的东西一样
just give it a quick check first 先快速检查一下
before you accept the offer. 在你接受提议之前
Just make sure it's sturdy. 只要确保它结实就行了
(knocking) （敲门声）
But when you start to look around, 但当你开始环顾四周
you start to notice other things that 你开始注意到
are wrong with the house for the very first time. 这是第一次你的房子出了问题
? ? ? ?
There are cracks that are forming 正在形成裂缝
in the corners of each room. 在每个房间的角落里
There's a big leak coming from your ceiling, 天花板上有个大漏洞
and you'll probably have to get the roof fixed. 你可能得把屋顶修好
Other parts of the house are a millimeter away 房子的其他部分在一毫米之外
from a complete disaster. 从一场彻底的灾难中解脱出来
And you're also finally able 你也终于可以
to see the apartment on the first floor, 去看一楼的公寓
and the tiles in the bathroom 还有浴室里的瓷砖
look like something awful had... 看起来好像发生了什么可怕的事
uh, you thought it was... 你以为是
it looked like cum. 看起来像是cum
And the house also seemed to be sinking into the ground. 房子似乎也在下沉
And you realized that you don't even know 你意识到你甚至都不知道
if this house is a good deal, 如果这房子很划算
and maybe you should see what else is on the market first 也许你应该先看看市场上还有什么
before you commit to anything. 在你做出任何承诺之前
It's really fun to get a glimpse 看一眼真的很有趣
into all these interiors around New York City. 进入纽约市的所有室内
You feel like the Invisible Man, 你觉得自己像个隐形人
getting to be a voyeur without any consequence. 成为一个偷窥狂却没有任何后果
Even though it seems like some people go through a lot of work 尽管看起来有些人要做很多工作
to stay anonymous. 保持匿名
But, you can only browse on the internet for so long 但是 你只能在互联网上浏览这么长时间
before you have to check out places in person. 在你必须亲自去看地方之前
So, in the bathroom, there's no sink in the bathroom? 浴室里没有水槽？
Realtor: Yeah, just the toilet. 房地产经纪人：是的 就是厕所
Yeah, just the toilet. It's okay. 是的 就是厕所 没关系
Wilson: And then you'll just use the kitchen sink for the bathroom. 威尔森：然后你就用厨房的水槽洗浴室
Great location. A lot of stuff over here. 地理位置很好 这里有很多东西
I'm really close to east Williamsburg, prime location. 我离东威廉斯堡很近 地理位置优越
-Wilson: Sure. -The price and everything, -威尔逊：当然-价格和一切
and it's manageable for the right person, no? 这对合适的人来说是可以控制的 不是吗？
-Wilson: Yeah. -It's affordable. -威尔逊：是的-价格实惠
So, it's been on the market about 68 days. 它已经上市68天了
-Wilson: Sixty-eight days? -Realtor: Yeah. -威尔逊：68天-房地产经纪人：是的
Wilson: Hey, I'm John. 威尔逊：嘿 我是约翰
You're looking at a one bedroom, two bath. 你看到的是一间卧室 两个浴室
Upstairs and downstairs. It's hardwood floors. 楼上楼下 是硬木地板
It's actually a lot of cabinets, open space. You have a breast-- 实际上有很多橱柜和开放空间 你有乳房--
Break-fist table over here. 在这里打破桌子
Wilson: What made you want to get into real estate? 威尔逊：是什么让你想进入房地产行业？
Actually, I've had a passion for real estate 事实上 我对房地产很感兴趣
since I was 16. 从我16岁开始
-Wilson: So wait, how old are you now? -I'm 18 years old. -等等 你现在多大了-我18岁了
Wilson: You're... That's a... 威尔逊：你 那是
-You can be a real estate agent at 18? -Yes, you can. -你18岁就可以当房地产经纪人了-是的 你可以
I took my real estate exam three times. 我参加了三次房地产考试
I just passed. 我刚刚通过
-Wilson: Yeah. -I just passed, -威尔逊：是的-我刚刚通过
so being a real estate agent is not easy. 所以做一名房地产经纪人并不容易
Wilson: Nothing, uh, in your, in your, 威尔逊：没有 呃 在你的 在你的
in your price range really excited you, 在你的价格范围内你真的很兴奋
but fortunately, 但幸运的是
they don't always check your financials 他们并不总是检查你的财务状况
when you ask to see a place. 当你要求看一个地方的时候
So, try somewhere different. 所以 尝试不同的地方
Wait, so how many floors is this place? 等等 这地方有几层？
-Five. -So, we're four stories-- -五个-我们有四层楼--
-No, plus basement. -Five stories. -不 还有地下室-五层楼
Wilson: So, like, why the... 威尔逊：那么 为什么
What's with the oval ceiling? 椭圆形天花板是怎么回事？
Oh, it's just design. I mean, it's a very... 哦 这只是设计 我是说 这是一个非常
-sophisticated aesthetic. -Here is the kitchen. -复杂的美学-这是厨房
-Handmade of walnut. -Wilson: Oh my goodness. -胡桃木手工制作-我的天啊
Realtor: And again, the mosaic floor. 房地产经纪人：还有马赛克地板
Wilson: How many steps are in this house? 威尔逊：这房子有几级台阶？
Haven't counted. 还没算
And the street that this is on 还有这条街
is the most exclusive street in all of Neponsit, 是整个内彭斯最奢华的街道
so it's great to be on 所以能上电视真好
a very exclusive street in a beautiful neighborhood. 在一个美丽的社区里有一条非常独特的街道
We gotta go to master bedroom level. 我们得去主卧
-Ready? -Primary bedroom level. -准备好了吗-主卧层
-Oh yeah, we're supposed to say primary. -I know we are. -哦 是的 我们应该说是初选-我知道我们是
Wilson: Primary? Why primary level? 威尔逊：初选？为什么是小学？
-Because... -Because it's more politically correct. -因为-因为这在政治上更正确
-It's appropriate to say primary... -Wilson: Bedroom? -可以说初级-威尔逊：卧室？
...as opposed to master, ...与大师相反
even though we were never masters of anybody. 尽管我们从来都不是任何人的主人
Wilson: You can see the detail in the pool from up here. 威尔逊：你可以从这里看到游泳池的细节
-Uh-huh. -It was inspired by an Herm��s scarf. -嗯哼-它的灵感来自一位隐士��这是围巾
-And if you like entertaining, get ready. -Yeah. -如果你喜欢娱乐 准备好-是 啊
This is a wonderful place 这是一个很棒的地方
to entertain because the room has the width, 因为房间的宽度
and it also has a little bit of a curvature. 它也有一点弯曲
Wilson: You're not really sure what they mean by entertaining, 威尔逊：你不确定他们说的娱乐是什么意思
but just to be safe, 但为了安全起见
make sure you have an act prepared 确保你已经准备好了表演
if you're investing in, uh, real estate. 如果你在投资房地产
(whimsical music) （异想天开的音乐）
You looked at a place in Harlem, 你看了哈莱姆区的一个地方
and the current owner showed you around. 现在的主人带你四处看看
-How long has this place been vacant? -Um... -这个地方空了多久了-嗯
Just about maybe... 也许
-six months. -Wilson: The place seemed really nice, -六个月-威尔逊：这地方看起来真不错
but after the tour, 但是在旅行之后
she told you about a little problem 她告诉过你一个小问题
she had with the person who lived here before. 她和以前住在这里的人有过交往
He did all kinds of strange things. 他做了各种奇怪的事情
He stuffed a brush down the toilet, 他往马桶里塞了一把刷子
so we had to replace the entire toilet. 所以我们不得不更换整个厕所
He took a large mirror 他拿了一面大镜子
from the vestibule and smashed it. 从门厅里把它砸碎了
He threw wine in the face of one of the tenants. 他把酒扔到一个房客的脸上
The fire department had to come once. 消防队只来过一次
I had to buy all new appliances. 我不得不买所有的新电器
He scaled the front of our building 他爬上了我们大楼的前面
with a knife 用刀
and a switchblade. 还有一把开关刀
He would draw pentagrams on the wall 他会在墙上画五角星
as well as on our front door. 还有我们的前门
He was running around naked with a moose head. 他光着身子 戴着驼鹿头到处跑
He was trying to summon the devil, 他试图召唤魔鬼
and because I'm a praying person, 因为我是一个祈祷的人
I wasn't having that. 我没有那样
? ? ? ?
Wilson: None of the places you saw 威尔逊：你看到的地方都没有
really, ah, felt quite right, 真的 啊 感觉很对
and you're starting to have doubts about 你开始怀疑
investing in real estate at all. 投资房地产
But when you get back home, your landlord starts 但当你回到家 你的房东开始
showing you how to take care of her plants in the backyard 教你如何照顾她后院的植物
when she's gone. 等她走了
And it seems like she's really depending on you 看来她真的很依赖你
to keep everything the way she liked it. 保持一切她喜欢的方式
If she had to put the building up for sale, 如果她不得不把这栋楼卖掉
she may have to let all those real estate people come in 她可能不得不让那些房地产商进来
and pick apart her entire life, 把她的一生都拆散
and you'd probably be kicked out. 你可能会被踢出去
Or worse, they could film another TV show here 或者更糟的是 他们可以在这里拍摄另一个电视节目
that isn't your show. 那不是你的节目
So, no matter how unprepared you are for this, 所以 不管你对此有多措手不及
you know it would make her really happy 你知道这会让她很开心
if you were the one that bought it. So, 如果是你买的 所以
go to a mortgage broker that your friend recommended 去找你朋友推荐的抵押贷款经纪人
to see how much, uh... 看看有多少
mortgage, uh, you can get. 抵押贷款 你可以得到
(office chatter) （办公室闲聊）
Alright, so I got your credit right now. 好吧 我现在得到了你的信任
So, you have phenomenal credit. 所以 你有惊人的信誉
-Wilson: Oh really? -It's amazing. What do you do for a living? -威尔逊：哦 真的吗-太棒了 你靠什么谋生？
Wilson: Um, I-- I'm a documentarian. 威尔逊：嗯 我是一名纪录片人
-Oh. Fun. Okay. -Um... -哦 享乐好的-嗯
Like, it's kind of like, 就像 有点像
uh, memoir... 回忆录
essay... 散文
um... 嗯
It takes place in New York. 它发生在纽约
Do you have any stocks and bonds 你们有股票和债券吗
or money in the market that you, 或者市场上的钱
like, you get residual income off of? 比如说 你从中获得剩余收入？
Wilson: Um, I have one share of Domino's Pizza. 威尔逊：嗯 我有一份多米诺披萨
And, at that point, the mortgage broker 到那时 抵押贷款经纪人
may begin to question if you're actually 可能会开始质疑你是否真的
financially stable enough. 财务状况足够稳定
Whatever you're worried about, we're worried about. 不管你担心什么 我们都担心
-Wilson: Yeah... -So, we don't wanna lend to somebody -威尔逊：是的-所以 我们不想借钱给别人
who miraculously got a huge project, 他奇迹般地得到了一个巨大的项目
and they never had a project like this, 他们从未有过这样的项目
and it will never happen again. 而且这种事再也不会发生了
We need to make sure you're consistent. 我们需要确保你的一致性
Wilson: So you're gonna have to come back another time 威尔逊：所以你必须改天再来
with financial documents 带着财务文件
and any other proof you can find 还有你能找到的其他证据
that you'll keep making money in the future. 你将来会继续赚钱
So when you get back home, you start 所以当你回到家 你就开始
by drafting a letter as part of your application. 作为申请的一部分起草一封信
? ? ? ?
And then go to your grandma's house 然后去你奶奶家
because she keeps the clippings of every review from your show 因为她保留了你节目中每一篇评论的剪报
that was in the newspapers, 那是在报纸上
and you're sure that the bank would like to see those. 你肯定银行会愿意看到这些
Grandma: See? I got everything, Johnny. 奶奶：看到了吗？我什么都有 约翰尼
Grandma's not so nutsy after all. 奶奶毕竟没那么疯狂
Wilson: And then compile all the good reviews of your show 威尔逊：然后把你的节目的所有好评论都整理出来
into a packet that proves everyone loves it, 装进一个能证明每个人都喜欢的包里
and hide the bad reviews in a place 把不好的评论藏在一个地方
that the mortgage broker can never find them. 抵押贷款经纪人永远找不到他们
HBO never gave you any numbers about HBO从未给过你任何关于
how many people are watching your show, 有多少人在看你的节目
so you have no idea what the ratings are. 所以你不知道收视率是多少
So, instead, you can just start looking through 所以 相反 你可以开始浏览
people's windows to get 人们的窗户
the data yourself. 数据是你自己的
You didn't see anyone watching your show, 你没看到有人看你的节目
but you did catch a few minutes of "The Departed," 但你确实看了几分钟《逝者》
which was nice until, uh, 这很好 直到
they, until they noticed you filming. 他们 直到他们注意到你在拍摄
Sorry! 很抱歉
So, just don't mention any numbers 所以 不要提任何数字
to the broker and bring everything else. 把其他的东西都带来给经纪人
-So, these are some... some reviews. -Broker: Reviews. -所以 这些是 一些评论-经纪人：评论
So, you're trying to determine that these are-- 所以 你想确定这些是--
This is like your proof of continuance? 这就像你的延续证明？
Wilson: This is kind of... Would this kind of help at all? 威尔逊：这有点 这有什么帮助吗？
(sighs) No. （叹息）没有
Wilson: None of the stuff you brought really convinced her, 威尔逊：你带来的东西都没有让她信服
but after she went through the rest of your financials, 但在她检查了你剩下的财务状况之后
she said that you, you will actually qualify. 她说你 你会符合条件的
On one condition. 有一个条件
Broker: I know we're using every last dollar of yours 经纪人：我知道我们正在使用你的每一分钱
-to purchase this, but for right now... -Wilson: Uh-huh. -购买这个 但现在-威尔逊：嗯
...you can't purchase this ...你不能买这个
without a supplemental income. 没有额外收入
-Wilson: Without a tenant. -Yeah. -威尔逊：没有房客-是 啊
-Yeah. -Wilson: Okay. -对-威尔逊：好的
So, if you wanna get approved for a mortgage, 所以 如果你想获得抵押贷款的批准
it seems like the only way is to 看来唯一的办法就是
rent out one of your units 出租你的一套公寓
and become a landlord yourself. 自己当房东
? ? ? ?
There are no two groups more distinct from each other 没有哪两个群体彼此更为不同
than landlords and tenants. 而不是房东和房客
And you're not sure you're ready to switch teams. 你还不确定自己是否准备好换队
If you became a landlord, 如果你成了房东
you would have to be on call 24/7. 你必须全天候待命
Because if anything went wrong in the middle of the night, 因为如果半夜出了什么差错
you would be personally responsible for fixing it. 你将亲自负责修复它
And if you rented out your place, 如果你把房子租出去
you would have no control over 你无法控制
what kind of music your tenants played. 你的房客演奏了什么样的音乐
(bagpipe music playing) （吹奏风笛音乐）
Or, or what kind of pets they might sneak in. 或者 或者他们可能潜入什么样的宠物
And they might throw really weird parties. 他们可能会举办非常奇怪的派对
And if you're not careful, 如果你不小心
they might even try to summon the devil himself. 他们甚至可能试图召唤魔鬼自己
So, you might have to act like a tough guy sometimes 所以 有时候你可能不得不表现得像个硬汉
to stop things from getting out of hand. 阻止事情失控
But that's not a role you really know how to play. 但这不是你真正知道如何扮演的角色
Maybe if you rent it out to someone 也许如果你把它租给别人
that you could be friends with, 你可以成为朋友
uh, none of this stuff would be a problem. 这些都不是问题
The situation where you interview a potential tenant 面试潜在租户的情况
is that they basically always bring their best foot forward. 他们基本上总是把最好的脚向前伸
They're very nice, very polite, very kind, very courteous. 他们非常好 非常有礼貌 非常善良 非常有礼貌
But, 但是
sometimes, that has a way of changing. 有时候 这是可以改变的
Once they get the apartment, 一旦他们拿到公寓
all that sweetness goes out the window. 所有的甜蜜都消失在窗外
-Wilson: These are all clients? -Yeah, all these clients. -这些都是客户吗-是的 所有这些客户
All these cases are, are sitting in court, 所有这些案件都在法庭上
-waiting for a court date, you know? -Wilson: Alright. -等着开庭 你知道吗-威尔逊：好的
What if I like wanted to try 如果我想试试呢
-to be friends with my tenants? -(laughs) -和我的房客做朋友-（笑）
I feel sorry for you. 我为你感到难过
Wilson: (stammers) Why's that? 威尔逊：（结结巴巴地）为什么？
It doesn't work out. Doesn't work out. 这行不通 不行
I've been living here five years. 我在这里住了五年了
My landlord and I, we have a great relationship. 我的房东和我关系很好
We kid around, we don't have a problem. 我们开玩笑 没问题
But I'm sure 但我确定
that the day I don't pay my rent, 我不付房租的那天
that, that friendship goes out the window. 那 那份友谊消失了
Wilson: So wait, your landlord lives here? 等等 你的房东住在这里？
Yeah, yeah. He's across the hall. 是的 是的 他在大厅对面
Wilson: Oh really? Could we talk to him? 威尔逊：哦 真的吗？我们能和他谈谈吗？
-Yeah, let me just go get him. -Wilson: Oh, okay. -是的 让我去找他-哦 好的
Quick Evic Owner: He's asking me is it possible 快速Evic所有者：他在问我这可能吗
to be friends with the landlord. 和房东做朋友
Landlord: (indistinct yelling) 房东：（含糊不清的喊叫）
-Quick Evic: Come on! Come on. -Landlord: I don't wanna be on that shit! -快点！来吧-房东：我不想在那上面！
Wilson: I just wanted to see if you wanted to talk about 威尔逊：我只是想看看你是否想谈谈
-how you have a nice relationship. -Landlord: No, no, no. -你们的关系真好-房东：不 不 不
-Quick Evic: Okay, his question is-- -Landlord: You doing that?! -好吧 他的问题是…-房东：你在做什么？！
Wilson: No, no. The light-- Sorry, the light is off. 威尔逊：不 不 灯——对不起 灯关了
You gotta take the emotion out of the equation. 你得把感情从等式中去掉
If you're gonna be a landlord, be a landlord. 如果你想当房东 那就当房东
If you're gonna be a friend, be a friend, 如果你想成为朋友 就做朋友
but you can't be both. 但你不能两者兼而有之
Wilson: Maybe he was right. 威尔逊：也许他是对的
Maybe you can't be two people at the same time. 也许你不能同时成为两个人
? ? ? ?
You always thought your landlord 你一直以为你的房东
struck the perfect balance, 达到了完美的平衡
but even she got to be a little suffocating. 但就连她也有点窒息
And after a while, you kinda wished 过了一会儿 你有点希望
you could just wash your own underwear. 你可以自己洗内衣
Maybe the secret to a good relationship with your tenants 也许是和房客保持良好关系的秘诀
is to have as much distance between you as possible. 就是尽可能地保持距离
My name is John, 我叫约翰
and I am a, 我是一个
what's called, a land baron in "Second Life." 所谓的“第二人生”中的土地男爵
I've got a real estate office, 我有一个房地产办公室
and when people teleport into the office, 当人们传送到办公室
they can look at pieces of land 他们可以看到一片一片的土地
and talk to an agent and figure out 和探员谈谈
which island they want to buy, or. 他们想买哪个岛 或者
Yeah, here we are. 是的 我们到了
This is my office. This is the director, Lorak. 这是我的办公室 这是导演洛拉克
Every single avatar, there's another real person 每一个化身 都有另一个真人
-on the other end. -Wilson: Oh, she's... -在另一端-哦 她
-Wait, so is this like a 9-to-5? -John: Yeah. -等等 这是9比5吗-约翰：是的
Wilson: So, she has to stand there? 威尔逊：所以 她必须站在那里？
-John: Um... yeah. -Wilson: Eight hours a day? -约翰：嗯 对-威尔逊：一天八小时？
And she's saying, "Good to see you, sir." 她说：“很高兴见到你 先生 ”
-Wilson: Oh. -So, that was really sweet of her. And she's really... -威尔逊：哦-她真是太好了 她真的
really attractive. 真的很吸引人
-Just really nice. -Wilson: Yeah. -真的很好-威尔逊：是的
John: She's really... gorgeous. (laughs) 约翰：她真的 非常漂亮的（笑）
Wilson: So how much does a month of rent at a property cost? 威尔逊：那么 一个月的租金是多少？
Four hundred, U.S. 400美元
-Wilson: Four hundred U.S. dollars? -Yes. -四百美元-对
For a smaller property, 125. 对于较小的房产 125英镑
Occasionally, we'll get a tenant that doesn't pay, 偶尔 我们会有一个不付钱的房客
and we'll have to go 我们得走了
and talk with him, and eventually evict them, 和他谈谈 最终驱逐他们
which I really don't like to do. I try not to do. 我真的不喜欢这样做 我尽量不这样做
Then they'll explain like, "Oh, my cat had surgery, 然后他们会这样解释：“哦 我的猫做了手术
and I can't pay this month, so just--" 我这个月付不起 所以就--”
-Wilson: Wait, their real cat got surgery or-- -John: Yeah. -等等 他们真正的猫做了手术或者…-约翰：是的
Wilson: So it's a lot like 威尔逊：所以很像
getting physically evicted from a real place. 从一个真实的地方被驱逐出去
It is, and it can be as traumatic, 是的 而且可能会造成创伤
and I really feel for the people 我真的很同情人民
that, that we do this to. 我们这样做是为了
I've had several threaten to sue me 我有好几次威胁要起诉我
in real-life court, 在现实法庭上
and I've had other kind of threats, 我还受到过其他威胁
and if there's any way to avoid it, I would love to do it, 如果有什么办法可以避免的话我很乐意
but it does-- it does hurt. 但它确实很疼
Where does the empathy stop, 同理心在哪里停止
and the rubber meet the road? 橡胶与道路相接？
Where do you have to, you know, 你要去哪里
draw a line in the sand and go out of business 划清界限 停业
over someone's feelings? 为了某人的感情？
? ? ? ?
Wilson: Maybe, no matter what reality you're in, 威尔逊：也许 不管你身处什么样的现实
being a landlord is always going to cost you 做房东总是要付出代价的
a piece of your humanity, 你人性的一部分
and there's no easy way out. 没有简单的出路
Whenever I need a place to think, 每当我需要一个思考的地方
I like to do a full loop 我喜欢做一个完整的循环
on the Staten Island Ferry 在斯塔顿岛渡轮上
because it's free, and you get a great view of the city. 因为它是免费的 你可以看到城市的美景
People are also kinda stuck on there, 人们也被困在那里
so they usually don't mind talking to you. 所以他们通常不介意和你说话
Wilson: Four hours... 威尔逊：四个小时
The closing date on the house was only a couple days away, 这栋房子的截止日期只有几天了
and I still felt completely unprepared to take on a tenant. 我仍然觉得完全没有准备好接受一个房客
Maybe I wasn't ready for all the responsibility 也许我还没有准备好承担所有的责任
that comes with owning a piece of New York, 拥有一块纽约土地
and I should just sail away and never come back. 我应该扬帆远航 再也不回来
But a big part of me always wanted to grow old here. 但我的很大一部分人一直想在这里变老
? ? ? ?
On the ride back, I struck up a conversation with someone 在回来的路上 我和某人聊了起来
who seemed really good at entertaining. 他似乎很擅长娱乐
And it looked like he'd been doing it for a while. 看起来他已经做了一段时间了
-I know, looks pretty cool, doesn't it? -Wilson: (laughs) Yeah. -我知道 看起来很酷 不是吗-威尔逊：（笑）是的
And I don't even do this kind of magic. 我甚至不做这种魔术
I just like having the skill. 我只是喜欢有这种技能
Wilson: It turned out he was actually a ventriloquist, 事实证明他其实是个腹语表演者
and he was on his way to a gig in the city. 他正要去城里的一场演出
What do you do for a living? What do you do? 你靠什么谋生？你是做什么的？
Ventriloquist: You're a driver? Truck driver? Really? 腹语演员：你是司机？卡车司机？真正地
-Yes! Yes! -I can do an impression of you as a truck driver. -是的！是的-我能给你留下卡车司机的印象
(driver laughs) （司机笑了）
(ventriloquist and Wilson laugh) （腹语表演者和威尔逊大笑）
What are you doing? "I'm a truck driver." Okay. 你在做什么？“我是卡车司机 ”可以
Wilson: He really cheered me up. 威尔逊：他真的让我高兴起来了
And when I told him that I might be doing a lot of entertaining soon, 当我告诉他我可能很快就会做很多娱乐活动
he actually invited me to visit him at his house 他真的邀请我去他家看他
to teach me a thing or two. 教我一两件事
? ? ? ?
He had a really nice place 他有一个非常好的地方
with a spotless dining room set, 有一套一尘不染的餐厅
a piano that played itself, 一架自动弹奏的钢琴
and a whole room in the basement 还有地下室的一个房间
devoted to his collection of dummies. 致力于收集假人
"I like his glasses." Yeah. "They're really huge." “我喜欢他的眼镜 ”是 啊“它们真的很大 ”
Yeah. Well, that's not nice. 是 啊那可不好
And, uh-- "They're really huge." Yeah, they're pretty thick. 而且 呃——“它们真的很大 ”是的 它们很厚
"Get some contacts, Johnny." Okay... “找些联系人 约翰尼 ”可以
That's not nice, huh? Tell him you're sorry. 这可不好啊？告诉他你很抱歉
"I'm sorry you're blind." Alright. “对不起 你瞎了 ”好吧
Wilson: I was angry at the doll for, for mocking me, 威尔逊：我对娃娃很生气 因为 因为嘲笑我
but somehow, I couldn't hold it against the man 但不知怎的 我无法对那个人持反对态度
who was actually making him do it. 是谁让他这么做的
Are you usually the nice guy and the puppet is the mean guy? 你通常是好人而木偶是坏人吗？
Yeah, kinda. Kinda. "Uh-huh." 是的 有点 有点 “嗯哼 ”
I mean, I'm telling him don't do that, 我是说我告诉他不要那样做
so, in a sense, yeah. "Uh-huh." 所以 在某种意义上 是的 “嗯哼 ”
But, it's coming from my head, so you're splitting 但是 这是我的想法 所以你要分开了
your personality on some level 你的个性在某种程度上
'cause you're writing what he would say, 因为你在写他会说什么
and then performing it as if it wasn't you. 然后表演得好像不是你
It's kinda interesting, you know? 这有点有趣 你知道吗？
I would never do what these people say. 我永远不会照这些人说的去做
Never. You get away with murder with this stuff. 从不你可以用这些东西逃脱谋杀
Wilson: I'd never thought of that before. 威尔逊：我以前从没想过
That you could be two different people at the same time. 你可以同时成为两个不同的人
Maybe he had found the secret to being confrontational 也许他发现了对抗的秘密
without damaging relationships. 不会破坏人际关系
And maybe all I needed was something like this in my life. 也许我生命中所需要的就是这样的东西
I'm hoping I'm able to do a special 我希望我能做一个特别的
where we can break down the social barriers 在那里我们可以打破社会障碍
and the political barriers. 以及政治障碍
I just really want people to let go 我只是想让人们放手
and enjoy, and life is short. 享受生活 生命短暂
Wilson: He seemed like a kind soul, 威尔逊：他看起来是个善良的人
and he gave me a lot to think about. 他给了我很多思考
But just as I was about to leave, I realized that 但就在我正要离开的时候 我意识到
maybe he wasn't the best role model after all. 也许他毕竟不是最好的榜样
Ventriloquist: Do what you love and then you never work a day, right? 腹语表演者：做你喜欢的事 然后你一天都不工作 对吧？
-Wilson: Oh. No, you don't... -So, Smokey. "Yeah." -威尔逊：哦 不 你不-斯莫奇 “是的 ”
Tell him what you do for a living. "Uh-uh." Why? 告诉他你靠什么谋生 “嗯 ”为什么？
"Maybe he's a cop." He's not a cop. "No?" No. “也许他是个警察 ”他不是警察 “没有？”不
-Wilson: Um-- -He's a regular guy. "Is he really?" Yeah. -威尔逊：嗯 他是个普通人 “真的吗？”是 啊
Tell him what you do. "Uh-uh." Smokey's a pimp. 告诉他你在做什么 “嗯 ”斯莫基是个皮条客
"Don't tell him that." Why? "Ain't politically correct." “别告诉他 ”为什么？“这在政治上是不正确的 ”
What are you? "I'm a physical relationship facilitator." 你是干什么的？“我是一名肢体关系促进者 ”
Wilson: I think I have everything I need. 威尔逊：我想我需要的东西都有了
(playing classical melody) （演奏古典旋律）
When the closing date arrives, 截止日期一到
you head to the lawyer's office and you sit down 你去律师办公室坐下
to finalize everything. 最后决定一切
They keep you in separate rooms 他们把你关在不同的房间里
until all the paperwork is filed, 在所有文件归档之前
so that there's no foul play. 这样就不会有犯规
And then, 然后
you sign everything that they hand you 你在他们交给你的所有东西上签字
without reading a single page. 没有读一页
Then, you can finally reunite 然后 你终于可以团聚了
and celebrate with your former landlord, 和你以前的房东一起庆祝
who now, for one night only, 现在 就一个晚上
is actually your new tenant. 实际上是你的新房客
(piano ends) （钢琴结束）
? ? ? ?
She uses the time you have left together 她利用你们在一起剩下的时间
to pass everything she knows down to you. 把她知道的一切都传给你
Oh, put your knee there? 把膝盖放在那儿？
(whirring) （呼呼）
Wilson: Oh, okay. I gotta learn how to sew. 哦 好的 我得学缝纫
Oh, the oil is right here. Oh, okay. 油就在这儿 哦 好的
Wilson: Oh, for the bathroom. 威尔逊：哦 浴室
Yeah, I always liked these. Yeah. 是的 我一直喜欢这些 是 啊
These are beautiful... Okay, I'll take them. 这些很漂亮 好吧 我要了
You're gonna miss her a whole lot. 你会非常想念她的
But you know in your heart that 但你心里知道
she'll just be loving you somewhere else. 她只会在别的地方爱你
And after all her stuff was gone, 在她所有的东西都不见了之后
and she vacuumed all the dirt off the floor, 她用吸尘器把地板上的灰尘都吸了
her last words to you were, 她对你说的最后一句话是
"Have a nice day. Have a nice life." “祝你今天愉快 祝你生活愉快 ”
And after a big hug, 在一个大大的拥抱之后
she takes nearly a million dollars of your money and... 她拿走了你将近一百万美元的钱
? ? ? ?
flies nonstop to Las Vegas. 直飞拉斯维加斯
And even though you try to make the house 即使你想造房子
your own in little ways, 你自己的
you'll try to keep all the good traditions 你要努力保持所有的好传统
that your landlord started. 是你的房东开始的
And make sure that nobody forgets who was here before. 确保没人会忘记谁来过这里
And no matter who ends up living in your vacant unit, 不管谁最终住在你的空置公寓
you're guaranteed to always have a great relationship 你保证永远拥有一段美好的关系
because if you ever have any conflicts with them, 因为如果你和他们有任何冲突
you thankfully now have a healthy way 谢天谢地 你现在有了一个健康的方式
to deliver the message without getting personal. 在不涉及个人隐私的情况下传递信息
It might take a little practice to get it right, 可能需要一点练习才能做好
but it should work fine, 但它应该很好用
as long as you don't take it too far. 只要你不要走得太远
And as you watch the rain fall 当你看着雨落下
gently on your new house, 轻轻地在你的新房子上
you can finally be at peace, knowing that you have 你终于可以心平气和了 因为你知道自己
a sense of stability for the first time in your life. 这是你人生中第一次感受到稳定
And if you're ever worried about 如果你担心
making big decisions in the future, 在未来做出重大决策
all you have to do is just 你所要做的就是
listen to that little voice in your head, 听听你脑子里的小声音
and everything should be just fine. 一切都应该很好
This is John Wilson. Thanks for watching. 我是约翰·威尔逊 谢谢收看
? ? ? ?