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我去買點喝的 你要嗎? Ok I'm gonna order us some drinks. What can I get you?
藍色或者黃色的 Anything blue. Or yellow.
萬一這兩種顏色的飲料都沒有呢 On the off chance they don't have either,
你還想要什麼顏色的呢? is there another primary color I can get for you?
粉色 Pink.
稍等 Be right back.
約會進展的如何? How's your date going?
她要一杯藍色的飲料 She would like a blue drink
黃色和粉色的也行 or a yellow drink or a pink drink.
還需要幼兒鴨嘴杯嗎? You want me to put it in a sippy cup?
恩 我意識到了 Yeah, I should have known.
在臉書上 她就說自己不是很善於交談 On Facebook she said she wasn't very good at conversationing.
她是個性感尤物 She seems bangable,
是那種能讓人犯性侵犯罪行的美 in a Megan's Law kind of a way.
嘿 她的實際年齡比較大 Hey, she's older than she looks and acts and is.
- 嘿 - 哦 該死的 嘿 - Hey. - Oh, crap. Hey.
你們來這幹嘛? What are you guys doing here?
哦 我們出來買些東西製作珠寶 Oh, we were out getting stuff to make jewelry
中途想來吃點東西 and decided to grab something to eat.
- 你在約會嗎? - 當然不是 - Are you on a date? - Absolutely not.
我只是來小酌一杯威士忌和... Just stopped in for a quick whiskey and...
穩潔(穩潔是一種顏色為藍色的清潔劑) Windex.
太好了 藍色的 Oh, good. Blue.
哦 你是說約會 Oh, you mean a date.
這位是戴托娜 戴托娜 這位是我前〔詹妮弗 This is Daytona. Daytona, this is my ex-wife Jennifer
- 這是我女兒薩姆- 嘿 - and my daughter Sam. - Hi.
好吧 我說過是約會 Okay, I know I said it's a date,
但不是你們想像中的那種 but it's not a date date.
這更像兩艘船在晚上偶遇 It's more like two ships passing in the night
一艘船駛向樂高兒童公園 and one ship is heading to LEGOLAND.
好了 爸爸你不用解釋 It's okay, Dad. You don't have to make excuses.
你可以跟任何喜歡的人約會 You can go out with whoever you want.
不 我知道我可以 No, I know, I know.
只是想讓你們知道 I just want you to know
我約會的對象一般不是這樣的 I don't normally date women like that.
是這樣的 Yes, you do.
什麼?你都知道了什麼? What, what, what? How would you know?
我在臉書上看了你的好友列表 I look at your friends list on Facebook.
你就讓她這樣監視我? You let her spy on me like that?
我能有什麼辦法 I can't help it.
她的房間換了鎖 不准我進去 She changed the password and locked me out.
我還要去上課 還有其他的事 I've got to take a class or something.
好了 爸爸 你喜歡美女 It's okay, Dad. You like hotties.
儘管你喜歡的那些都是花瓶 但我還是愛你 It's kind of superficial, but I still love you.
我不膚淺 我跟各種各樣的女人約會過 I am not superficial. I date all kinds of women.
難道約會的對象都是花瓶是個巧合? So it's just a coincidence they're all hotties?
人很容易被長相不錯的人吸引 It is a fundamental law of human nature
這是人類的本性 that good-looking people are attracted to each other.
我只是生物進化的一個工具 I'm just a tool of evolution.
這就是為什麼人類的後代會越來越好看的原因 This is how our species gets hotter.
太好了 大家都在 我想每個人都應該 Okay, now that we're all here, I thought everyone should know
知道今天將有個新成員加入我們 that we have a new member joining us today.
她叫梅爾 她一定會跟各位相處的不錯 Her name is Mel and she should fit nicely with this group.
最後 我想說這裡能有個女生還不錯 Finally, it'll be nice to have a girl in the group.
嘿! Hey!
帕特裡克 你為什麼總拿蕾西開涮? Patrick, why do you always take shots at Lacey?
看起來你真的很討厭她 You seem to have a real resentment towards her.
一個漂亮 富有 驕橫的妞 She's pretty, she's rich, she's spoiled.
- 她有你想要的一切 - 閉嘴 埃德 - She's everything you want to be. - Shut up, Ed.
是叫埃德不要再說了 What Ed said.
記住 帕特裡克 Remember, Patrick,
沒有比嫉妒更惹人討厭的了 there is nothing more unattractive than envy.
我才是嫉妒啊 I think envy's here.
你是梅爾吧 歡迎 You must be Mel. Welcome to the group.
對不起 我遲到了 我有點迷路 Sorry I'm late. I couldn't find the house.
不過 最後找到了 Then I found it.
就這樣? Oh, that's it?
好了 各位 這是梅爾 Okay. Everybody, this is Mel.
梅爾 這是蕾西 諾蘭 帕特裡克和埃德 Mel, this is Lacey, Nolan, Patrick and Ed.
請坐 Have a seat.
你知道的 今天的交流不要有壓力 Just so you know, there's no pressure to talk today.
你可以看看你是否喜歡這裡 You can just observe if you'd like.
不會的 我都有點迫不及待了 No, I'd like to jump right in.
我喜歡這傢伙 做事不拖泥帶水 I like this fella. Doesn't mess around.
好了 梅爾 那你先發言 Okay, Mel, you have the floor.
好吧 我從一個男人開始講 Well, it all started with this guy.
當然是從男人開始 這些混蛋們 Of course it did. Jerks.
蕾西 我懧為你因為自己的經歷 Lacey, I think you're coloring this
而對男人有偏見 with your experience.
她的男朋友出軌 她拿著槍射他 Her boyfriend cheated on her and she shot him.
諾蘭 蕾西準備給梅爾講她的故事 Nolan, when Lacey is ready to tell Mel her story,
我肯定她會說... I'm sure...
- 打在睪丸上 - 對就是這個 - In the balls. - And there it is.
- 繼續 梅爾 - 我遇到了一個男人 - Go on, Mel. - Well, I met this guy.
他改變了我的生活 給予了我希望 He changed my life. He gave me hope.
現在我懧識到這些都是謊言 我非常地憤怒 And now I'm beginning to think it was all based on a lie and I'm angry.
- 好了 - 可以停止了 - Been there. - Done that.
- 我也聽不下去了 - 是奧巴馬嗎 - Me, too. - Obama.
我開始變的喜樂無常 甚至開始懷疑自己 I was so upset, I started to doubt myself.
我瘦了100磅 做了很多整形手術 I lost about 100 pounds, I had tons of cosmetic surgery.
我知道你為什麼生氣了 I see why you're angry.
你對你的整形醫師很惱火 You're mad at your plastic surgeon.
如果是我肯定告的那個屠夫傾家蕩產 I would sue that butcher for everything he's got.
夥計們 Guys, guys, guys.
咱們能等梅爾講完故事再發表評論嗎? Can we please refrain from comments till Mel is done with her story?
梅爾 試著一氣呵成的講完故事 And, Mel, try to avoid pausing between sentences.
我在威斯康辛州波洛伊特市的一個小鎮上生活 Anyway, I lived in this little town outside Beloit, Wisconsin,
波洛伊特市有自己的棒球隊 and Beloit had its own single A baseball team.
我知道那個隊 I know Beloit.
我曾經是那個波洛伊特市隊的隊員 When I was a ballplayer, we used to play that team.
在一個名叫"內特的"的地方 There was this place, Nate's.
內特的餐廳 他們的招牌菜蘋果派 Nate's Diner. They had killer apple pie.
哦 上帝 有意思 Oh, my God. That's so funny.
我在內特的餐廳裡遇見了一個男人 I met this guy at Nate's Diner.
他也是球手之一 從我開始跟這個棒球隊接觸 And he was a ballplayer, too, from the visiting team.
他就告訴我說我是波洛伊特地區最漂亮的女孩 He told me I was the prettiest girl in the greater Beloit area,
但我們上床之後他再也沒聯繫過我 but after we made love, I never heard from him again.
其實吧我現在想起來 You know, now that I think about it,
好像我根本沒在波洛伊特打過球 I don't think I ever played ball in Beloit.
還有 我對蘋果過敏 Also, I'm allergic to apples.
挺詭異的 So, that's weird.
他不打來我也沒什麼 I was okay with him not calling.
他挑中我 我已經覺得自己很特別了 I still felt special that he picked me.
可是去年我聽到在棒球界有一種迷信 But then last year I heard about this superstition in baseball
如果一個球員遇到瓶頸 要轉運的話 where if a player's in a hitting slump, he tries to break it
就要跟一個他懧識的人中最醜的女孩上床 by sleeping with the ugliest girl he can find.
那個天真的 鄉土氣息濃郁的 And that naive, small-town,
大骨架的女孩(土肥圓麼)被叫做轉運姐 big-boned girl is called a slump-buster.
轉運姐? 哇哦 Slump-buster? Wow.
聽起來好像都市傳奇一樣 This sounds like an urban legend to me.
好像尼斯湖水怪還是大腳一樣 Like the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot.
這個類比不好 Bad analogy.
梅爾 你想沒想過 可能這個球員就只喜歡 Mel, have you ever considered this guy was just hot
塊頭大的女孩子呢? for full-figured ladies?
你是這樣麼 查理? Were you, Charlie?
還是說我就是你的轉運姐? Or was I your slump-buster?
原來是這樣啊? Who didn't see that coming?
我 直到30秒鐘之前 Me, up until about 30 seconds ago.
好吧 我確實記得你的 Okay, I do remember you.
但當時我只是一個腦殘的球員而已 But I was just a dumb ballplayer back then.
你不必給我當那個第二天沒接到電話的轉運姐 You didn't have to be a slump-buster for me not to call you the next day.
你只是我睡過的蕓蕓眾妞們中的一個而已 You just had to be any woman I had sex with.
我跟你說了 你沒給我打電話我一點都不在意 I told you, I don't care that you didn't call.
那一晚改變了我的一生 That night changed my life.
在我們村 大家都知道我是那個 In my town, I was known as the girl
跟查理 古德森睡過的女孩 who slept with Charlie Goodson.
我也總把自己想成那個睡過梅爾... And I always thought of myself as the guy who slept with Mel...
那個小鎮姑娘的人 from that town.
這一切都很有意義 It meant everything.
在那晚參加吃派大賽的女孩子裡面 你選了我 Out of all the girls in the pie-eating contest that night, you picked me.
我勾搭上了一個性感棒球手 I hooked up with a hot baseball player.
然後我的表親從一個運動脫口秀裡 Then my cousin heard about slump-busters
聽到了轉運姐的故事 on a sports talk show.
我就成了村裡的笑話 I became the joke of the town.
我都不能正視鏡子裡的自己 I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror.
那是 我明白 Yeah, I understand.
我的意思是 我能理解 I mean, I understand.
我把錢都花在了整形手術上 I spent everything I had on plastic surgery
可還是一點兒都沒覺得自己好看點 and it still didn't make me feel better about myself.
可是如果你告訴我 我不是你的轉運姐 But if you tell me I'm not your slump-buster,
我就相信你 I'll believe you.
然後我就可以回家告訴他們所有人 And I can go back home and tell everybody,
去你媽的 你們知道什麼 "Screw you, I know better."
- 梅爾 - 嗯? - Mel. - Yes?
你不是我的轉運姐 You were not my slump-buster.
我不信你 I don't believe you.
我絕不會做出那種事 I would never have done something like that
僅僅是為了提高我的擊球率 just to get my batting average up.
真的麼? 可是我在我們做愛的時候 Really? Because when we were making love,
聽到你說 做了這事兒我最好能進名人堂 I heard you say, "I better make the Hall of Fame for this."
是 是性愛名人堂嘛 Yes. The Hall of Fame of sex.
我的意思是說 那麼多姿勢神馬的是吧 I meant with all the positions and the stuff.
空前絕後啊 It was one for the ages.
你就躺那兒而已 You just laid there.
我那是在表示敬畏! I was in awe!
我不是因為覺得你長得醜才跟你睡覺的 I didn't sleep with you because you were unattractive.
是因為你當時喝醉了 I slept with you because you were drunk
容易上鉤 而且你聞起來像派 and easy and you smelled like pie.
你只是想用甜言蜜語哄我放過你 You're just trying to sweet-talk your way out of this.
如果是這樣 我就不會想請你一起吃晚飯了 If I were, I wouldn't be offering to have dinner with you.
- 真的? - 是的 - Really? - Yes.
這樣的話 你回去以後 就可以當那個 Then, when you go home, you can be the girl
跟查理 古德森一起吃過晚飯的女孩了 who had dinner with Charlie Goodson.
你準備帶我去哪? Where will you take me?
我我我哪兒都可以帶你去 I-I-I could take you anywhere.
不過我想特別一點 But I want this to be special.
我在家裡像待客一樣為你做一餐飯 I'm gonna make dinner for you as a guest in my home.
- 你肯為我做這些? - 非常樂意 - You'd really do that? - I'd love to.
我可是大廚 你有什麼不能吃的麼? I'm a great cook. Is there anything you can't eat?
沒有 我幾乎什麼都能吃 No, I'm fine with pretty much everything.
額 其實我只會做意大利通心粉 Well, all I can make is spaghetti.
哦 好啊 我帶我的腎上腺素針來 Oh, okay. I'll bring my EpiPen.
你恐怕要幫我在大腿上打一針 You may have to jam it in my thigh.
等到晚上 Until tonight.
看你努力做飯真有趣 It's funny watching you try to cook.
聽著 如果你就只干站在那裡 Look, if you're just gonna stand there
喝著啤酒批評我的話 drinking beer and criticizing me,
能不能至少把上衣脫了? could you at least take off your top?
我看過你用廚具 I've seen you handle cutlery.
如果我給你看了 你肯定要砍掉手指的 If I take out the girls, you'll chop off a finger.
幫幫我 把桌子擺好 Just do me a favor and set the table.
把那盒通心粉澤給我 Toss me that box of spaghetti.
除了炫耀你的廚藝以外 Besides being a culinary show-off,
你到底為什麼做這些? why are you doing this?
因為我內疚 我想補償她 Because I feel bad. I want to make amends
因為我讓她以為她是我的轉運姐 for making her think that she was my slump-buster.
可她確實是 不是麼? But she was, right?
額 是的 但是我不能這麼跟她說啊 Well, yeah. But I could never tell her that.
這只會讓她覺得自己更糟 It would only confirm her worst feelings about herself.
所以你有什麼計劃呢? So what's the plan here?
我要給她做一頓美美的飯 然後 Well, I'm gonna cook her a nice dinner, and that way,
她明天回去的時候 就知道我沒利用她了 when she goes home tomorrow, she'll know that I didn't use her.
- 可你的確利用她了 - 那是當然 - But you did. - Of course.
是她讓我進入了重要比賽 She's the reason I got to the majors.
還有一陣陣發作的惡夢 And had that bout of night terrors.
你知道麼? 我連通心粉都不知道怎麼做 You know what? I don't even know how to make spaghetti.
讀讀包裝上的烹飪步驟唄 Just read the instructions.
通心粉是沒有烹飪步驟的 There are no instructions on spaghetti.
就好像門把手一樣啊 It's like doorknobs.
你天生就應該知道該怎麼做 You're just supposed to know what to do.
我覺得你瘋了好麼? I think you're crazy, okay?
這個女人16年來一直幻想和你有關係 This woman has had a fantasy relationship with you
現在她找到你了 for the past 16 years. Now she's tracked you down,
在你的患者面前揭露你 exposed you in front of your patients.
你卻在忙著做個好人 And you're so busy trying to be a better guy,
給一個跟蹤狂做晚餐 that you are cooking dinner for a stalker.
她不是跟蹤狂 She's not a stalker.
她只是一個缺乏自信的病人 She's just a woman with pathologically low self-esteem,
強迫癥 而且有妄想癥傾向 obsessive fixations, and a tendency toward grandiose delusions.
讓我們把刀拿開 Let's put the knives away.
也許你應該取消晚餐 Maybe you should call it off.
然後讓那個跟蹤狂滾? 不行 And piss off my stalker? No.
只能盡快結束這個晚餐 Just got to get through this dinner as quickly as possible.
哦 我找到說明了 Oh, look, I found the directions.
把麵條放在開水中 Put pasta in boiling water.
為了最佳效果 做準備時盯著胸部是很重要的 For best results, prepare while staring at boobs.
我需要你站在這邊 I'm gonna need you to stand right there.
所以吸脂之後 我做了胃箍手術 So after the lipo, the next surgery I had was the Lap Band.
術後第一頓飯真是一團亂 And the first meal after that was a real mess.
他們告訴你只能吃果凍 They tell you just to have Jell-O,
但是我吃了鯰魚什錦飯 but I had catfish jambalaya.
我從來不知道可以吐那麼久 I never knew how far vomit could go.
如果我沒在擁擠的電梯裡 If I hadn't been in a crowded elevator,
我想我能打破世界記錄 I think I would have broken some kind of record.
哇 聽起來像三個精彩的手術連環故事 Wow, that's like three awesome surgery stories in a row.
如果你擔心體重 我可以幫你解決意大利面 If you're watching your weight, I can help you with that spaghetti.
哦 不用 僅這最後一次 Oh, no. I'm just making it last.
我幻想這個約會很久了 I've fantasized about this date for so long...
食物 燭光 談話 the food, the candlelight, the conversation.
我跟你說過他們把我乳頭摘掉了麼? Did I tell you they took off my nipples?
沒 他們又把它放回去了 不是嗎? No. They put them back on, right?
你在跟我調情嗎 古德森 先生? Are you flirting with me, Mr. Goodson?
不是 我只是想確懧你所花有所得 No, I just want to make sure you got what you paid for.
讓我幫你解決這份意大利面 Let me help you with that spaghetti.
"小姐與流氓" (迪士尼經典動畫) "Lady and the Tramp." "Lady and the Tramp."
- 你好 - 你好 - Hey, hey, hey. - Hey.
- 你們來幹嗎? - 薩姆忘了她的背包 - What are you guys doing here? - Sam left her backpack.
什麼 你在約會? What, are you on a date?
我不懧為那是約會 媽媽 I don't think it's a date, Mom.
她看起來是個常人 She looks like a regular person.
那能意味著什麼? 我也和常人約會 What's that supposed to mean? I go out with regular people, too.
- 所以這是約會? - 是的 - So this is a date? - Yes.
- 一個有目的的約會? - 是啊 是 - A date date? - Yes yes.
哇 爸爸 我為你感到驕傲 Wow, Dad. I'm so proud of you.
呃 謝謝 非常感謝 Well, thank you. Thank you very much.
我們能見見她嗎? Can we meet her?
呃 你知道的 這是我們第一次約會 Well, you know, it's our first time together.
你懂的 對吧 珍? You understand, right, Jen?
不懂 我想見見她 快點 薩姆 No, I'd like to meet her. Come on, Sam.
夥計們 這是梅爾 Guys, this is Mel.
梅爾 這是我前〔 珍 和我女兒 薩姆 Mel, this is my ex-wife Jen and my daughter Sam.
就是來讓你知道 梅爾 Just so you know, Mel,
你在與一個很棒的人約會 you're dating a great guy.
約會? 你爸那麼跟你說的? Dating? Did your dad tell you that?
是啊 對吧 爸爸? Yeah. Right, Dad?
- 是的 - 哇 - Yeah, I did. - Wow.
我太開心了 I'm just so excited.
我知道 我也是 讓我們記住此刻 I know. Me, too. Let's never lose this.
嘿 媽媽 我能請他們明晚過來 Hey, Mom, can I invite them to come over
和我們一起做首飾嗎? and make jewelry with us tomorrow night?
不 不 不 我們不想去 No, no, no, we wouldn't want to impose.
- 哦 不 一定要過來 - 你肯定會這樣 - Oh, no, I insist. - Of course you do.
我迫不及待想知道這一切 I can't wait to learn all about what this is.
我愛做首飾 I love making jewelry.
我給我的貓做過小皇冠 I made tiaras for all my cats.
這將會非常有趣 This is gonna be so much fun.
我太興奮了 我要爆炸了 I'm so excited, I'm gonna bust.
我去下衛生間 I just got to go use the little girls' room.
你知道的 去補妝 You know, to fix my face.
沒人? Nobody?
很棒 Good for you.
在我們開始之前 我想談談昨天發生的事情 Look, before we begin, I want to talk about what happened yesterday.
你們都見證了我們在 You all witnessed what we in therapy
失事列車療法中如何 call a train wreck.
我不想讓這件事擾亂我們 I don't want this to distract us,
所以我們進行下一話題 so we're just gonna keep moving forward.
我有一些關於人生很重要的事情想談 I have something important about my life I'd like to discuss.
謝謝 蕾西 Thank you. Lacey.
我應該怎樣與一個濫交的男人談論我的問題? How am I supposed to work through my issues with men being dicks
尤其是當女人因你的濫交史 while women are showing up in this group
出現在此小組中的時候? as a result of your past dickness?
聽著 跟你們一樣 我以前也犯過錯誤 Look, like all of you, I've made mistakes.
只不過不幸的是 昨天其中一個錯誤出現了 And unfortunately yesterday one of those mistakes reared its ugly head.
我所謂的醜陋的頭是一種暗喻 Now when I say ugly head, I'm using the term as a metaphor
不是形容那位年輕的女士 and not a description for that young lady.
也不是形容她醜陋的外貌 And her ugly head.
所以你怎麼解決? So how did you deal with it?
我跟她談過 I talked to her
我們一起幫她創造自信 and we're working on building her self-esteem.
真的? 因為臉書上說 Really? 'Cause it says on Facebook
你跟她約會了 that you're dating her.
那是刺激自信療法 It's radical self-esteem therapy.
你們不懂的 You guys wouldn't understand.
你與你的跟蹤狂約會? You're dating your stalker?
看吧 其他人成功了 See? Other people make it work.
如果我跟她約會 她怎麼會是我的跟蹤狂? How could she be my stalker if I'm dating her?
我的意思是 快點 想一下 I mean, come on. Think about it.
這解釋不通 不是嗎? 不 當然不 It doesn't make sense, does it? No, of course not.
繼續 Moving on.
她的狀態更新說她今晚將與你一起做首飾 Her status update says she's making jewelry with you tonight
她希望是枚戒指 and she's hoping for a ring.
眨眼 笑臉 Smile, winky face.
哦 上帝 Oh, God.
好了 好了 聽著 聽著 All right, all right, look, look.
這件事教給我們... 當然有許多... The lesson here... and there are many lessons...
不過最重要的是無論你做什麼 but the headline lesson is whatever you do,
都別和轉運姐搞在一起 never use a slump-buster.
我明白不可能所有人都能做到 I realize this doesn't apply to everybody,
但看在愛神的面上 but for the love of God,
千萬不要 just don't.
梅爾 你還沒講過你當初是怎麼遇到我爸爸的 So, Mel, you never told us how you met my dad.
哦 這是我最愛的故事 Oh, this is my favorite story.
喂 讓我說 原來都是你在說 Oh, let me tell. You always get to tell.
好吧 那是段奇幻的經歷 Okay. It's really magical.
就像電影一樣 It's like out of a movie.
我們在快餐店相遇 當時她正嚼著一個派 We met at a diner and she was eating a pie.
可以給我那些紅珠子嗎? Would you pass the red beads, please?
別害羞了 那是在十六年前 Don't be shy. It was 16 years ago.
我參加了一個吃派比賽 I was in a pie-eating contest
你爸爸便是我的戰利品 and your daddy was the prize.
等會 十六年前? 這不可能 Wait, 16 years ago? That doesn't make sense.
- 我爸媽當時還沒離婚 - 沒錯 - My parents were still married. - Yes, we were.
所以我和梅爾不過是朋友 Which is why Mel and I could only be friends.
但是我們在這些年裡 But we had a connection
一直保持著聯繫 that lasted all these years.
如今... And now...
世界把她帶回到了我身邊 the universe has brought her back to me.
正所謂我們的關係 As ours is a relationship
從不為時間或地點 that knows no constraints
所束縛 of time nor space.
是那些珠子 That was the beads.
它們已經烤好了 They're ready to come out of the oven.
梅爾 能幫我一下嗎? Mel, can you help me?
查理 你在這的時候 You know, Charlie, the whole time you've been here,
我從來沒看見你拉過梅爾的手 I haven't seen you hold Mel's hand
或者親她一下之類的事 or give her a kiss or anything.
呃 新情侶都是這樣你懂得 Well, you know how new couples are.
我們不想噁心你 We don't want to gross you out.
她去廚房了 She's going to the kitchen.
你在這種好時機還需要把持嗎? Can you handle that much time and space?
我肯定不行 I know I can't.
你有家的味道 You taste like home.
你嘗著像意大利麵條 And you taste like spaghetti.
我發誓只有蒜味 It's the garlic. I sweat it.
你讓我香汗淋漓 And you are making me sweat.
嘿 你們不要動 Hey, you guys, stay right where you are.
我想給你們倆照張相 I want to get a picture of the two of you
然後我就可以發佈到任何地方 so I can post it on everything.
你最好馬上去廚房 You better get into the kitchen.
我覺得某人的珠子快燒著了 I think somebody's beads are burning.
慾火正在燃燒 They are now.
你在幹什麼鬼事情? What the hell are you doing?
我還想問你呢? What the hell are you doing?
我現在麻煩纏身 瞭解? Look, I'm in trouble, okay?
梅爾就是個來自貝洛伊特的恐龍 Mel was a slump-buster from Beloit
而且她懧為我和她在約會 and now she thinks we're dating.
這事說來話長 I mean, it's a long story.
事實上 都交代完了 Actually, that's the entire story.
我就知道 你在利用那個女人 I knew it. You're using that woman
來讓你女兒懧為你並不膚淺 to make your daughter think you're not superficial.
我明白 我需要你幫我度過下個鐘頭 I know. I just need you to help me through the next hour.
讓她趕快回旅館 明天打發她回家 Get her back to the hotel, put her on a flight tomorrow,
然後就都結束了 她開心 薩姆也開心 and this whole thing will be over. She's happy, Sam's happy,
你我之間也有了一個可愛的小秘密 and you and I will have a fun little secret.
就像我們蜜月時你讓我... Like on our honeymoon when you let me...
那從沒發生過 That never happened.
不好意思 查理 我感覺很糟糕 I'm so sorry, Charlie. I feel so bad.
舌頭腫起來就意味著我過敏了 My tongue swells when I have an allergic reaction.
我全然忘了花生味的M豆裡有花生 I completely forgot Peanut M&Ms have peanuts.
要去急診室或者什麼地方嗎? Shouldn't we get you to an ER or something?
不 不用了 我把我的腎上腺素針落在廚房了 No, no, I just left my EpiPen in the kitchen.
好吧 但是得快點 Okay, but hurry.
我們還得帶你回旅館呢 We've got to get you back to the hotel.
嘿 看來珍已經上傳了那張照片 Hey, it looks like Jen already got that photo uploaded.
Facebook Tumblr Twitter Flickr:美國的社交網站及圖片站
不僅發到了臉書 微博客 推特 網絡相冊 Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Flickr,
以及美國心理學協會的官方網站上了 and the website of the American Psychological Association.
嘿 查理 我找到了 Hey, Charlie. I found it.
你能幫我注射嗎? Can you come stick it in me?
嘿 查理 Hey, Charlie.
等下 你才沒有過敏呢 Wait a minute, you weren't having an allergic reaction.
你是... You were...
哇 威斯康辛的人真厲害 Wow, they do good work in Wisconsin.
哈 我是個性感的幽魂 Ooh, I'm a sexy ghost.
呵 Boo.
那可不是我的本意 That's not why I'm doing this.
我不可能做的 This can't happen.
當然可以了 Of course it can.
你需要吃點藥還是別的什麼? Do you need to take a pill or something?
不 不 我很抱歉 No, no. I'm very sorry.
我覺得我們剛剛度過了一個快樂的晚上 I just thought we had a great night once
於是我們可以繼續深入地做點什麼 and that this could be the start of something bigger and more beautiful.
哦 天 Oh, wow.
你讓我有點難以啟齒 You just made the next thing I'm about to say very difficult.
我們其實不是在約會吧? We're not really dating, are we?
不 No.
我是你的轉運姐 對嗎? I was your slump-buster, wasn't I?
不錯 Yes.
同時我感到十分十分的抱歉 And I am very, very sorry.
為什麼不明白地告訴我? Why didn't you just tell me?
我不想你把你自己看扁了 I didn't want you to think that way about yourself,
因為我不那麼看你 because that's not how I think of you.
對我來說 你永遠都是那個吃派比賽的冠軍 To me, you'll always be that pie eating champion
輕鬆能把一個裸體男人舉過頭頂的強人 who could raise a naked man clean over her head.
我不相信 I don't believe this.
我花了所有的錢和時間來塑型 I spent all this time and money making my body look like this
然後你還是不想和我做愛 and you still don't want to make love to me.
不是那樣的 That would have been wrong.
我現在不這樣了 That's the old me.
那我現在該怎麼辦? 看我這樣 Now what am I gonna do? Look at me.
我變這樣連轉運姐也算不上了 I'm too hot to even be a slump-buster.
不 你不是啊 No, you're not.
好吧 我也覺得你說得對 Okay, I can't win that one.
你仍然那個充滿自信 Look, you are still the same confident,
不可思議的人 amazing person you were
即使你自以為是熱辣的一夜情伴侶 when you thought you were just a hot one-night stand.
我打賭我還可以把你舉過頭頂 Bet I could still lift you over my head.
是 沒錯 就是那樣的自信 Yes. Yes, that's the confidence
不管我做了什麼 你是什麼全在你自己 that's in you no matter what I did.
不像個可以用手術做下去又弄回來的奶頭 That's not just some nipple you can take off and put back on.
那是永恆的 That's forever.
嘿 你準備好了? Hey. You ready?
噢 壘球時間到了 好的 Oh, softball time, right.
是的 我隨時待命 Yes, I am ready to go.
薩姆你戴好運動內衣了嗎? Sam, you wearing your cup?
你每次都要問嗎? Are we gonna do this every single time?
你可以擺明說你想要個男孩 You can just say you wanted a boy.
事實上 我想要一隻狗 Actually, I wanted a dog.
不過房東要一百美元才能養狗 But the landlord wanted a $100 deposit,
所以我們有了你 so here you are.
你能等我和薩姆一分鐘嗎? Could you give Sam and I a minute?
我想說清楚我和梅爾的事 I want to clear up a few things about Mel.
哦 不用了 爸爸 Oh, it's okay, Dad.
媽媽已經告訴我了 Mom already told me.
- 她已經說了? - 沒錯 - She did? - Yeah.
你如何地追求一段更深入 更有意義的戀情 How you wanted a deeper, more meaningful relationship
不過梅爾只不過想和你上床 and Mel just wanted to sleep with you.
我還要趕上多少次這種倒霉事? How many times is this gonna happen to me?
這沒什麼 爸爸 快點走了 我要遲到了 It's okay, Dad. Now, come on, I'm gonna be late.
好孩子 That's my boy.
哇 那太不可思議了 Wow. That was amazing.
不客氣 You're welcome.
你知道麼 你當我前〔比 You know, you make a much better ex-wife
你做我老婆的時候更好 than you ever did a wife.
- 看來你已經收到信息了 - 是的 - I figured you got the message. - I did.
- 嘿 你能再幫我個忙嗎? - 什麼? - Hey, could you do me another favor? - What?
我需要你在這週末帶著薩姆 I need you to take Sam for the weekend.
- 為什麼? 你要去哪? - 貝洛伊特 - Why? Where are you going? - Beloit.
為了能讓梅爾的朋友看到 I'm gonna walk up and down on every street
我要拉著她的手走遍大街小巷 holding hands with Mel for all of her friends to see.
這就是她對你的最後一個要求嗎? After everything you did that's all she wants from you?
小城而已 小勝利 Small town, small victories.
順便說一下 你得感謝我這麼淡定 By the way, you can also thank me for being so cool.
那是我見過的第一個你在外睡過的女人 That's the first woman I met that you slept with
而且還是沒離婚的時候 while you were on the road.
嘿 和她上床是為了我們 Hey, I slept with her for us.
這樣我就可以脫離頹勢 然後走向成功 That was to break my slumps so we can make the big leagues.
真的? Really?
那麼那個來自聖地亞哥的黛安你又怎麼說? What about that girl Diane from San Diego?
哦 那是為了我自己 Oh that was for me.
也有點為了黛安 And a little bit for Diane.
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