NATE: I mean, he’s an actor, he’s better looking than me,
I have a hard time understanding why he’s still so nervous around me.
LUKE: Well, maybe it’s all an act. Maybe he’s about to pull up, throw eggs at your face,
and call you Josie Grossie.
- No, I think he really likes me.
- I’ve hooked up with lots of actors. Trust me, they’re very vulnerable, anxious people.
Most of ‘em are on medication for depression.
- Oh, no, no, he's not.
- How do you know, have you asked him?
I mean, did you ever think you’d be dating someone more neurotic than you?
(knock at the door)
- Okay, um, that's him.
So this conversation is... over.
Tyler...!
- Hi, Nate!
- What, what are...?
- Thanks for the retweet. I got so many new followers.
- Yeah. So no more complaining.
- I missed you.
- Prove it.
Go downstairs, wait for me.
- You knew that Aaron was coming over.
- Yeah? It's a big apartment.
- It is my bed, Luke. You can't just-
- Come on. It's our bed.
It's not like you and Aaron are using it any time soon.
- You don't know that.
- Oh. But I do.
You guys are like a straight couple.
- You don't even like him!
- So?
(knock at door)
- I've decided you should be my boyfriend.
- Whoa.
- Also hi how are you.
- Good?
- We’ve been dating for almost a month now and I really like you and I’m not dating anyone else and I get the sense that you feel the same way that I do?
And you don’t seem the type who would ask me to prom and then show up to my house in a limo and it looks like you’re holding a rose
but then it’s eggs and you throw eggs at my dress, I cry!
- Is that Never Been K-
- I also don't even care if you’re on anti-depressants because truth be told I take plenty of Klonopin myself.
And just because I want to date you more officially doesn’t mean we have to rush into the physical things but also it means we CAN, when you’re ready, you know?
Say something.
- Can I come in?
- Yeah.
- Nate doesn't mind we're in his bed?
- He loves it, actually.
- Really? - Yeah.
He's a kinkster.
He really likes to listen to it, by the way,
so don't hold back.
(sex noises)
- I didn't know Luke was seeing anyone.
- He's not.
- Ah. To be young. (sex noises continue)
So, Nate- - Listen, this is-
Luke knew that you were coming over-
He plays this, this, this game....
I really actually don't want to talk about Luke.
- Okay. - Yeah.
- Doobeedoobeedoo!
(moaning, yelling)
- Well. This is better.
- Yes it is. Okay, listen, when I was talking to you before about-
- Nathan?! Is that you?!
- Oh hi, Debbie, hi, how are you?
- Hi honey. Did you have a break-in last night?
- Wait, what are you talking about?
- Well, I was gonna call you but I don't have your number so I called your parents.
- What happened?
- Well. I came out on the deck late last night,
and there were two gentlemen up there?
Now I know that one of them wasn't you because you've got that sweet little piccolo voice.
Anyway, I called out your name, and, well then it just went quiet. I mean quiet as a graveyard.
So I pretended to go back into my flat, you know,
I slammed the door real loud but I stayed out here, kind of like Murder She Wrote?
Anyway! After a while, do you know what I heard?
The sounds of intercourse!
- Luke.
- Nathan, honey. You know that I love the gays.
I marched in the gay pride parade this summer with the TD Bank. It was hot.
- Jesus. - But my grandkids come over to visit quite often and,
I don't want them exposed to outdoor sex, especially since
they haven't been exposed to indoor sex!
Were they friends of yours?
Nathan?
- Listen. All those things that I said before, I am sorry,
I should not have thrown that at you. So just,
Let's forget all of that.
- I dont want to forget it!
- Why?
- I thought you already were my boyfriend. Right?
- Yeah! - Yeah.
- Okay. - Okay!
- Um. Just. Um. Wait here.
- Okay!
- I’m just saying, it took several years of eating disorders and various addictions but I finally feel like me, you know?
- Knock, knock, cover up!
Hey Tyler, put these on and give Luke and me a second to talk?
- These are not cute.
Oh my god. Are you.. Aaron Rispoli?!
- Oh... - You are. Oh my god, Chatty Chad is like my favorite show ever! What are you doing here?!
Wait. Oh my god. I must be dreaming! This is amazing!
- Okay...?
- Oh.
- YAAAASSS! - Oh, you got it?
- Yah. Oh. I’m gonna need you to post this to your instagram first.
What’s your number? - Nate??
- Actually... - 212? 646?...
- What's up?
- I think it’s time for you to move out.
(rock music)