$2,000, gentleman in the striped tie there.
$3,000, yvonne on the telephone. $4,000. $5,000.
$6,000. $7,000. $8,000.
Against the telephone at $8,000.
Against the room at $8,000. Anyone canjoin in.
Thank you. $9,000. $10,000.
$11,000. $12,000. Any more?
She's still talking, but now she's got her mum on the line.
So, sold to you, sir, for $12,000.
you are bidder number 909.
Moving on. Lot number 84.
Oil on canvas, dated 1870.
La Femme Chez Aube, which translates as:
"Woman with massive bottom. "
This one is signed by Rudolf Waldemar...
...authenticated by no less than Dr. Briskind...
...and bidding up here at $14,000.
$15,000 at the back. $16,000, lady left of the center aisle.
$17,000. $18,000.
$19,000. $20,000.
$21,000. $22,000.
$23,000.
No more?
All through.
All done. And.... yes! Thank you, sir.
New bidder. Gentleman on the left of the aisle, $24,000.
Not really. It's a crueljoke.
Sold to you, sir, for $23,000...
...or $11,500 per buttock.
Lot number 85.
German school. ?d und klar ist das Meer.
Right.
This is very embarrassing.
It now turns out that lots 85 through to the end ofyour catalog...
...are, in fact, not actually here. Delivery problem.
If it's any consolation, we feel as stupid as I'm sure we look.
Thank you very much.
This is pathetic!
It's a nightmare. We're a laughingstock.
-They just showed up. -The trucks?
Just in time for the end of the auction. Remind me to thank them.
Helen, everything's fixed for tonight?
Great. The reservation, flowers, all that stuff?
All taken care of.
Brilliant. Thank you so much. Thanks.
Listen, you don't think three months is too soon, do you?
I haven't even met her family yet. What do you think, as a woman?
As a woman? Very risky.
Right. Well, thanks. That's made me feel a lot better.
You've brought me just under half the paintings just over...
...two weeks late for the fifth time this year.
You gonna sign or do I take it all back?
That's it, is it? That's your response to this?
All right, guys, load it up.
I'll sign. Lovely.
Thank you so much. You've been a huge help.
Note: Call Better Business Bureau.
Other note: Seek lost testicles.
Michael? Need a lift?
That's nice of you. I'm actually picking up Gina from school.
That's fine. We're going that way. Hop in.
Do you know Mr. Morganson? Michael Felgate.
Very nice to meet you. We're very excited...
...that you might be thinking of us for your father's collection.
Mr. Morganson was at today's sale.
Well, not typical, if I may say so.
I think every auction house in New York has these delivery hiccups.
Sotheby's doesn't seem to.
Right.
I heard about tonight. Best of luck.
Thanks.
Go, girl!
So? Where are we going?
I am unable to tell you, but it's somewhere very special.
Goodbye!
'Bye, Miss Vitale!
And we're late. Run!
Please don't!
What? Don't what?
Just stop.
Just stop. Otherwise, I can't go on. Just run normally.
I am running normally.
Right, I'm sorry. I thought, you know....
I haven't seen you run before, and I thought you were doing a funny run.
A funny run? That's my run.
What time is it?
We're now 25 minutes late.
We've lost our reservation. What do you think?
I can't think. I'm much too hurt about my run.
We'll go somewhere else. And let's walk.
Thanks.
Are you okay?
-You look a little fishy. -No, I'm fine.
How was last night?
Fine. The usual.
Your dad okay?
He's great.
I'm sorry. I want you to meet him and Ritchie. It's just--
You're ashamed of me. I talk funny. My hair's unusually fluffy.
Just give me time.
Tell me what his restaurant's called so I can sneak in, in a beard.
It's called The La Trattoria.
You mean La Trattoria.
No.
The La Trattoria means "The The Trattoria."
I know.
Interesting.
Look, I've gotta go to the la bathroom and I'll be back in a sec.
Hi.
I was wondering if you could help me out with a special arrangement.
I've got this fortune, and I wondered if you could stick it in a fortune cookie.
Thank you.
Welcome!
Thanks.
-Thank you. -Welcome!
She wants you to pay now.
No! You eat cookie.
Looks like we better eat our cookies.
"You like Chinese food."
That's spooky.
You gonna check yours?
No, I'm gonna save it for later.
Eat cookie.
-She will when she's ready. -No, you have it.
No, you eat cookie.
I don't want to.
-Eat cookie. -I'm not hungry!
The best thing is to play along.
I won't take orders from a waitress.
Not waitress! Owner! Eat fucking cookie!
This woman is insane.
Gina, do you love me?
Yeah.
-Do you trust me? -Yeah.
Then, eat the cookie.
"Good fences make good neighbors."
Oh, my God! Jeffrey!
The answer is yes! Oh, my God!
Honey, I can't--
-Excuse me. -What are you talking about?
I am so sorry. There's been a mistake. That's actually your one.
It's quite true too.
This is what you're meant to have.
And...
...this.
Oh, my God....
Two karat.
How much money? What you pay?
We could really use some privacy here. Thanks.
Just give us a moment.
-I'm not waitress. Owner. My restaurant! -I know!
Go away!
Michael! My God!
I don't know what to say.
I thought what she said was pretty good.
Obviously, you could leave out the Jeffrey bit.
I can't. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
It was just....
Hi, Jimmy. Listen, did Gina just come back?
She came back, all right, crying her eyes out.
She packed a bag, ran back out again. What the hell you been doing to her?
I asked her to marry me.
No!
Are you kidding me?
Come here, you. This is great!
She didn't, by any chance, say where she was going?
She went to her dad's house.
You don't have that address by any chance?
No, I don't. But you could ask him.
He's got a restaurant right around the block. Corner of Mulberry.
Right, The La Trattoria.
That's the one.
You dog, you.
I am a bit of a dog. Thanks so much, Jimmy.
Hey, all the best!
Hi, it's Jimmy. Is Mr. Vitale in?
-you want Frank? -I got some great news for him.
Excuse me. I was hoping you might be able to tell me--
You're Michael.
I'm Ritchie.
Right!
Great to meet you.
You look a lot like Gina.
You don't look like her at all.
I'll go get my dad.
No, that's okay.
I just needed his home address.
You're Gina's guy.
Right.
You own that auction house.
No, I just run it for the owner.
Interesting line of business.
What's the deal with that? You get to pick the paintings?
I used to. Now I just pick fights with truck drivers.
-Delivery problems? -Right, yeah.
You know, I love art.
What's that supposed to mean?
Johnny, it don't mean nothing.
-Vinnie. -What'd I say?
You know what you said. You like the guy? You find him attractive?
Chrissakes, Johnny!
-Something's going on here! -Nothing's going on!
I apologize. My son is very emotional.
Artistic.
I think you understand.
Absolutely.
I hate to disturb Mr. Vitale.
I was just wondering, does anyone have his home--
Mr. Vitale.
My God! Michael, finally.
You know, Gina keeps telling me how busy you are...
...but better late than never.
-Right? -Right.
-So did you meet everyone? -I think so.
Vinnie.
Carmine. Louie.
That is Uncle Vito.
-A pleasure. -Likewise.
So, right.... Are you mostly family, then?
Mostly.
You two should talk.
Right.
Good luck with them trucks.
Thanks. Mr. Vitale, it's really nice to meet you at last.
I just dropped by to ask you a question.
Is that right, a question? I have an idea what that question might be.
You do?
But, if we're gonna do this right, shouldn't we get to know each other first?
Yeah.
-Of course. -I suppose so.
You know something, Michael...
...l think I'm gonna like you.
I believe very deeply in first impressions.
I fell in love with my wife at first sight. And the minute they showed...
...that Charles Manson on the news, I said, "I know this guy's up to no good."
Now I see you for the first time and I know you love my daughter.
Look, Mr. Vitale, here's the thing--
Frank.
I wanna show you something.
For chrissakes, Ritchie, I can't hear myself think!
What's wrong with you?
I don't know!
The kid's got a 174 IQ, and what do you get? An idiot.
I mean, he's my son and I love him.
And I wish there was another word. There isn't.
Mr. Vitale, do you have a bathroom?
Down the hall. You can't miss it. Come upstairs when you're through.
Take a look at this.
There's a man in the freezer.
I know. Maintenance.
Come here, come here. Come here!
You recognize this person?
The best student they ever had. Here she is with her mother.
Gina has her eyes, you'll notice.
About a week after this day, her mother passed away.
A week after that, Gina was back in school, studying harder than before...
...coming home every night, trying to take care of me and Ritchie.
She's still doing it.
I apologize.
But as you may have guessed...
...l am crazy about my Gina.
My God, I am so thrilled...
...she met someone who knows exactly how she deserves to be treated.
Right.
Like a fucking princess.
Mr. Vitale, I think I should really tell you about what happened tonight.
I got a confession to make. I already know.
-You do? -Well, her doorman called me.
When he called with the good news, I knew this Michael, he's a gentleman.
He's coming to ask for my daughter's hand.
Go ahead.
May l...
...please have your daughter's hand in marriage...
...Mr. Vitale?
Frank?
Dad.
Yes.
What a kid.
I'm sleeping, Daddy.
It's me.
I love you so much.
Well, I love you.
Then why did you have to do this?
Everything was perfect. Why did you have to ruin it?
I didn't mean to.
I just thought--
I know! And I do!
I do so much!
Well, that's great.
That's fantastic.
But I can't! l....
I just can't!
Gina, I'm not following.
-What's happening? -I can't talk about this in the house.
So where are we going?
Out.
Right. Nowhere too dressy, I hope.
I can't marry you, because of my father.
Your father?
I just met your father.
I loved him.
Well, I needed this address, so I went to The The Trattoria.
I met some of your relations.
Keep walking.
So who'd you meet? Nice Uncle Vito?
Full name: Vito Graziosi. That ring any bells?
Was it boxing?
Vito "The Butcher" Graziosi. He's the head of the Graziosi crime family.
Did you meet Johnny?
Johnny Graziosi just finished eight years in Sing Sing for loansharking.
Vinnie?
Vinnie "The Shrimp" D'Agostino! Twenty years for double murder!
Do you get the picture?
I don't understand. Are you saying...
...your dad's some kind of Mob caterer?
My father was in prison till I was eight, Michael.
He's one of them.
Wow.
Just keep walking.
I should've told you months ago or just walked away.
Normally I would have, but I couldn't because I was so happy.
Listen. I don't want to marry your father.
But you will, Michael, whether you like it or not. Him and his friends.
I can't let that happen, because I love you.
Everything they touch ends up spoiled and corrupted.
Wait a minute! This is ridiculous. For a start, I might not be corruptible.
It's a little favor, a tiny lie and you're theirs.
Believe me, I've seen it.
No, I'm sorry.
It's just over, Michael.
Well, no.
I've waited all my life to find someone I love as much as I love you.
And I'm just not gonna let this or anyone come between us.
Not Vito "The Butcher" or Vinnie "The Baker"...
...or anyone involved in any kind of food preparation. End of story.
But you don't know how clever they are.
You do, presumably, and you can tell me. We can do this together.
Completely together?
Completely. I swear.
Now just give in.
Marry me.
Yes.
Smile, you're engaged!
Great. Now just Gina and Michael. Over here, I think--
Happy engagement, you guys!
-How's this? -Okay, say "cheese."
Cheese!
You're right, he really does talk funny.
Carol, you're really getting into this.
I know. My therapist suggested it as a way to get over my little blip.
I think it's really working. I feel terrific, especially tonight.
I am so happy for you guys!
Excuse me.
Bad breakup. Long story.
Let's go say hello to Uncle Vito. Come on.
Here we go.
Hey, Uncle Vito!
Don't you look beautiful!
Always so beautiful. You're like a flower.
Well, you too, Uncle Vito.
This is so nice. We planned something much smaller.
Yes, thank you.
Your school....
How is everything?
It's pretty good. Only two shootings last week.
It's got me sick with worry.
Why do you want to worry your father?
You want to transfer? I have a friend of a friend in the supervisor's office.
Thank you. I'll let you know.
Are your family coming over for the wedding?
No.
Michael's an orphan.
He was.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Tell me, Michael, I'm interested to know...
...coming from a foreign culture...
...you must have a different perspective on all these killings.
To speak honestly, I can't say I really approve...
...but my understanding is that it's all part of your business...
...and that people only get killed who bring it on themselves.
The killings at Gina's high school.
I'm against them.
What do you say we show him around the house a little?
$250,000. You think it's worth that?
Like I say, that's the great thing about an auction.
An object is worth whatever anyone is willing to pay for it.
That's an interesting perspective.
Tell me what you think of this one.
You like it?
It's very...
...intriguing, isn't it?
Tell me, why does...
...Jesus have a machine gun?
It's symbolic. You have to ask Johnny. He does them as part of his therapy.
You have a very gifted son, Vito. No two ways about it.
Well, I must say, I like the way...
-...the blood oozes out of his cranium. -I like that.
He's very talented, wouldn't you say?
Yes, I think he certainly has something.
I'm flattered that you like it.
Listen, Michael. We should talk.
I have friends in various fields...
...that would be delighted to help a friend of mine.
Well, that's extremely kind of you...
...but I've always had this silly thing about standing on my own two feet in business.
I hope you understand.
Of course.
I respect your feeling.
"you're nobody...
"...till somebody loves you"
I'm so proud of you.
-No. You see, I am so proud of you. -No, you.
-Oh, shut up!
All right.
Perfect!
I am so happy for you.
One more!
"Somebody to love. "
Talk to Helen about tonight's catalog.
Rent GoodFellas, Casino, Godfather l, ll, Ill....
Excuse me. Can I help you?
How much is this one?
On this, the reserve is $30,000, I think.
That being, of course, the opening bid on tonight's auction.
Do you have much experience when it comes to buying art?
No.
But I hear it can be a good investment.
Yes.
My father...
...recently died...
...and left me some money.
Your father?
That must've been a terrible shock.
If you're looking for something beautiful to put on your wall...
...you might like to think about a mirror.
Oh, you!
I really want a painting.
-Can I have a word? -One moment.
Tonight, if there's a nice painting going for less than it's really worth...
...perhaps I could let you know about it.
You mean like a signal?
Exactly.
I have an important potential client I have to talk to.
I'll leave Helen here to work out the exact details of this with you.
-Where is he? -Not here yet.
But the trucks are.
That means they're early.
Incredible, huh?
Fantastic!
Hello.
What?
-So that's everything. -Yes, sir. All 44 pieces.
I just want you to know, if I've said anything...
...or done anything in the past that in any way offended you...
...l'm very deeply sorry.
Thanks.
-Are you okay? -Sorry.
Yes, I'm fine. I was just....
The delivery was complete and on time. It was a bit of a shock.
I can imagine.
Morganson's here.
I thought you could soften him up a bit, then I'll move in for the kill.
Absolutely.
Lovely.
We do like to think we can...
...match Sotheby's in the two qualities most important to any auction house.
One being, obviously, a tradition of unquestioned respectability.
And the other being, for want of a better word...
...shall we say, "class."
I know Mr. Cromwell is anxious to talk to you.
I'm sorry, I'm confused. What's the problem?
Mr. Graziosi wants me to auction it for $50,000.
People would pay $50,000 just to avoid being in the same room as this thing.
Michael, please.
Your trucks show up on time for the first time in God knows how long.
And you get to give a little happiness to an important friend.
What's the matter? I thought you'd be happy.
No. Mr. Vitale--
No, Dad.
You don't understand. This is exactly what Gina said would happen.
If she even found out that this thing had been sent over here--
You're early.
Just on the phone with your dad.
Let me talk.
You got my message?
Great. And everything's okay for tomorrow?
And tomorrow at noon is okay for the fittings?
Well, here's the deal. I'm gonna be there...
...and Carol's gonna come along too, to take photos.
She's doing the whole wedding, so be nice.
We have to talk about the wedding reception.
Now, I know you and Mom used Louie's--
Hold on.
We have two key attributes for which, in this business, there is no substitute.
The first being, obviously, a tradition of unparalleled respectability.
And the other being, shall we say, for want of a better word--
We'll come back later.
Right. Fine.
Daddy, we have to go.
I love you too.
He wants to say 'bye.
It's gonna be okay.
You put the thing up for auction. It don't sell, Gina will never know.
I don't think I can do that.
Listen, this favor.... If you don't do it, it's really not that great.
Not for you, and to be honest with you, not for me.
So just do it this once, and I'll talk to Vito...
...and explain how in the future you two would prefer to go it alone, okay?
Is that a promise, Dad?
That's a promise.
Fabulous. Noon tomorrow then it is. Okay, 'bye.
What is wrong with you?
You, come here!
I swear to God, Frankie, I ain't got the money!
Now I gotta put you on mountain climb.
-We worked out the signals. -What?
With the old lady.
If you want her to start bidding, you cough.
Easy enough.
If you want her to stop bidding, you just say "ha."
Fine. What? Say what?
Ha!
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
And welcome to "Portraiture: 1450 to 1750. "
And down it goes, then...
...at $25,000 to bidder number 977.
And so to our final piece of the evening...
...and a last-minute addition to your catalog...
...lot number 277A...
...oil on canvas, signed by the artist:
The Road To Damascus by Jonathan Graziosi.
This item...
...has a reserve of $50,000. $50,000, anyone?
No.
Well, too bad. Thank you very much.
That concludes the business for--
Was that....
We have $50,000.
$50,000.
$55,000, anyone?
All through. All done, then...
...at $50,000 to bidder number 235.
I believe that's a record for a Graziosi.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, and good night.
You snuck that last one in on me, didn't you?
Yes, I'm afraid so. I'm sorry.
Do that more often.
Congratulations. Quite a painting you have for yourself, sir.
Thank you. I appreciate that.
I'm sorry. Have we met somewhere?
I don't believe so.
But may I ask, do either of you enjoy steak?
Very much so.
University and 9th. I'm very proud of it.
You make me very proud and Johnny very happy.
There's something going on here!
-Nothing's going on. -I don't like your face.
Frank? I've been trying to get you since last night.
Listen, it sold. Did you know that the painting actually sold?
Right on. I heard. That's great.
Did you talk to your friend?
That is it, right? Finito, no more favors.
Trust me, Michael.
-It's gonna be okay. -Great.
Wait. Wait. Sorry. It is, or it's going to be?
Hello?
Sorry, gotta go. See you at the tailor.
Excuse me. What's going on?
Big fire over on 72nd Street.
A restaurant or something?
Some art place.
Sotheby's?
That's it.
There are some men here to see you from the FBl.
Good.
Good, good.
We often sell works by first-time artists.
I don't see how this time is any different.
The difference is this painting was bought by a restaurant owner...
...who owed the artist's father $50,000.
It's a setup. They bought it from themselves.
I don't understand. Someone buys your painting for $50,000, you make $50,000.
But if they owed you the money, you make nothing.
It's called money laundering.
You mind?
Not at all, no.
They do it through car washes, restaurants...
...bars and, last night, through you.
Have you at any time come into contact...
...with anyone who might be connected with organized crime?
Absolutely not.
You sure about that?
I am positive.
Are we okay to see Michael?
He's in with the FBl.
Lovely.
Perhaps later, then.
Have you had lunch?
Thank you very much for the warning.
If anything like this crops up again, I'll certainly be in touch.
We'd appreciate that.
We're dealing with something pretty ugly here.
Here's my card.
Thank you.
Oh, those. Thank you.
Gina is in reception.
Good. Thank you.
I know what you're thinking. It's okay. Relax.
Mr. Felgate.
Where did you want this?
In my office. Thank you. Quick as you can.
Vito and Johnny are taking more of a liking to the idea...
...than any of us had perhaps originally anticipated.
My God! It's out of control! You can't control it!
Listen now. It is not out of control.
I have to tell Gina.
Tonight is your last auction of the season, right?
Just keep Gina away from there.
Sell the painting, go on your honeymoon.
When you come back, everything will be taken care of.
I am not lying to Gina. I have to tell her.
Michael, please.
Gina's happiness means more to me than anything in the world. You know that.
If you tell her now that you already lied...
...it's all over.
Goddamn it!
This is your fault!
You know, I've been on your side every step of the way.
If you were a plumber, would we be having this conversation?
Look at you!
Wait. Where's Ritchie?
Smile!
What's the matter with you?
I don't know.
So, are you guys busy tonight?
Actually, I'm gonna go to Michael's big auction. You wanna come?
Yes.
We should talk about that.
What?
Tonight. I've been thinking about it. You know, it's quite a big deal.
Morganson's gonna be there again...
...and I'm just afraid I might get put off if you were there.
I know it sounds silly.
I just might not be able to see the bids because I'd, you know...
...not be able to look at you.
What? What is it?
What is it?
I'm fine.
Just, he....
He loves you so much, and I am so happy for you.
No, it's so great.
It's so good.
And so, finally, to lot 125A.
And another of our occasional Jonathan Graziosi's.
This unusual painting is entitled:
Die, Piggy-Piggy, Die, Die...
...and has a reserve of $80,000.
At $80,000, then.
Anyone?
Bid.
$80,000.
Excuse me.
Is that...?
We have...
...$80,000, lady at the front.
$85,000, anyone?
$85,000, gentleman at the back. No advance. No one else. All through--
$90,000.
Ha!
Anyone at $95,000?
Be smart, take her money. Let me pay you later!
You're supposed to buy the painting.
-But you can make double the money! -Just doing my job.
yes, $95,000. Ha!
$100,000.
Anyone at $105,000?
$105,000, gentleman at the back.
May I remind you, we recently sold a Graziosi...
...for a record $50,000, the most ever paid for a Graziosi.
$50,000, less than, ha, half the current bidding price.
$110,000.
Anyone at $115?
Sir?
$115?
I told you.
Certainly, to let this go for $110,000 would be a crime of the greatest magnitude.
yes! $115,000, gentleman at the back.
All done, and down it goes at $115,000 to bidder number 702.
That brings us to the end of the auction. Thank you. Good night.
I can't talk. I have to see Gina.
Gina told me the happy news. I'm baking you two a cake.
That's incredibly nice of you.
I'll see you a bit later, then.
Who are you? What is this?
It's the three-month anniversary of our very first date.
I'm a complete...
...idiot. Sorry.
But do you mind company?
Who?
Humans and gorillas are primates.
-He reminded me of you. -He would.
Happy anniversary.
My God. I feel so horrible that I didn't remember to get anything for you.
Oh, my God!
Swap?
You can't afford this!
Come here.
I have an opposable thumb.
Gina, hang on.
Calm down. Calm down.
Listen, I can afford it, because, you know...
...things have been going really well at work recently.
Apart from...
...this one thing that I think we should talk about, okay?
I'll go.
Who is it?
It's Jehovah bloody Witnesses.
Please go away. Thank you. We're not interested.
They must be very devoted.
Hang on.
Excuse me.
I want my money now.
-I can't talk about this now. -No talk. Money. Now!
Hello, Gina.
Michael, what's going on?
Prince Charles here just cost me $130,000.
And he's gonna make it up out of his own pocket. What's this worth?
They were auctioning Johnny's paintings to launder money.
Not "they."
"We."
And a connoisseur had the taste to try to buy some of my art.
She was 90 years old and blind. She wasn't a connoisseur.
Your jerk fianc?wouldn't even let her bid.
Cheating innocent collectors wasn't part of the deal!
You had a deal?
No. No.
When angered, I make this sound....
Then how come you took commission from the painting I sold last night?
This is why you told me not to come tonight.
Because if I was there, you'd have trouble not looking at me.
Very smooth. Very smooth.
Did you take a commission? ls that how you afforded this?
We burst your little Town & Country bubble here?
I don't know who you think you are--
-That's it! Get out. -Don't touch me!
All right. All right.
Other primates fear the gorilla.
Don't be a moron, Johnny.
Just relax, okay? Relax.
Come on, Johnny. You don't need the gun.
You're right. I don't.
I hate to do this to such a beautiful establishment...
...but you gotta learn how to pay up!
Stop.
Stop!
My diet is leaves and fresh fruit.
Oh, my God!
What happened? Did it ricochet?
He's dead.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God....
It's not your fault. It's okay.
Here's what we'll do. I'm gonna call the police.
You can't.
They own half the police.
What have I done?
Don't you worry.
-You go home. I'll call your father. -Daddy?
We can deal with this.
You're one of the guys now.
Gina, listen to me. That's not true.
No, you're right. This is a job for the boys.
-You don't understand. -Don't touch me!
I do. I understand perfectly. I've always understood.
That's why I warned you. That's why you swore to me this wouldn't happen.
Let me explain!
-I'll just put this in the kitchen. -No!
No, thank you. Thank you so much, but I just learned I'm diabetic.
Thank you so much for the thought, though.
Funny how life imitates art.
All right.
Don't worry. We can handle this.
It's gonna be okay.
First thing, do you have any plastic bags?
Absolutely.
Jesus. Sweet Jesus.
Here.
What am I supposed to do with that?
I don't know.
I thought perhaps...
...the gun?
Bigger? Right.
Sorry! Sorry!
The trick is to hook up under the armpits.
Good evening again, Mrs. Horton.
Just getting rid of all the food with sugar.
Don't push.
Shit!
-Would you stay down? -I am down!
Frankie?
Al?
It's Frankie.y
Vitale?
It's Al.
Unbelievable.
My God, Sante.e
Did you get hit?d
Are you kidding? Thank God we're chickenshits!
Real tough guys would've stood there and aimed.
So who's your friend?f
That's Big Mickey from Kansas City. Friend of ours.
I thought Big Mickey was dead.
The father. This is Little Big Mickey.
Wasn't there a Little Big Mickey out of Chicago?
That's the original Little Big Mickey. This is Little Big Mickey Blue Eyes.
So you work for Tony Two-Tone.
Who you got over there? ls that Sonny Marsalino?
Wasn't he in witness protection?
Took us seven years. Tracked him and whacked him.
"Tracked him and whacked him."
So who's your guy?e
He's a nobody.r
Frankie, come on. We showed you ours.
What? We in the second grade?
He's a witness. I really can't talk about it.
Then we should get these guys in the ground.
Good. Good to see you.
You too.
God bless. Take care.
Let's go. We gotta move him.
-Oh, my God. -Come on. Come on!
-I gotta dig? -You dig. It's your turn.
-You shot him. -So? I whacked him, you dig.
You know what? I wish I was him.
No, you don't.
You're right. I wish you were him.
Here, here, here, here.
Wipe yourself.
-You got a $100 bill? -Why?
Get in the car. Don't worry about it.
Look, one thing....
If any of this gets out...
...l'm the one that shot Johnny, okay?
Can we at least agree on that?
You got it.
You all right?
You got my messages?
You buried him and then you dug him up.
And now you don't know where he is.
No, not exactly.
Yeah, I got your messages.
How're you feeling?o
Obviously, it's my first murder.'
On top of which, I feel like I'm going crazy, and I'm scared.
And the one person I wanna turn to...
...turns out to be a liar and a fraud.
Other than that--
I'm not a liar.
Yes, I am a liar.
Just let me--
I don't think I can. I'm sorry. I have to go.
Wait.b
Hold out your hand.
Here.
Just hang on to it till I've had a chance to explain.
Come over for lunch tomorrow and I'll listen to what you have to say.
This is Patrick Richards reporting from Central Park...
...where police found the body of 31-year-old Jonathan Graziosi...
...son of reputed Mob boss Vito Graziosi.
Sources tell us the body was found with a rolled-up $100 bill in one nostril...
...calling card of the notorious Risolli crime family.
Johnny was at the beginning of a flourishing art career.
Tony Risolli called. They wanna talk.
Okay. Set it up.
As soon as they pull up, we should blow them away.
Let's listen to what they got to say.
Mr. Risolli says he swears on the soul of his mother...
...he had nothing to do with this.
Then who?
A cop in the 20th precinct tipped us.
They towed Johnny's car from a building on the Upper West Side.
That's the address.
Go.
No, wait.
You don't want everyone stomping around up there, scaring people away.
How about I go in there with a detective's badge?
You know, ask around. Keep it quiet.
We find the right zebra, we tear him to pieces.
Tickle my tummy!
Which apartment was the old lady in that saw us with Johnny?
Why?
They know he was here.
We need to talk to her about it.
What's that? What are you gonna do?
Please. I am not gonna hurt her.
-No, Listen-- -You can't--
-If we don't do this, we'll both die. -Who is it?
Michael Felgate and his harmless friend Frank.
Mrs. Horton, do not open--
What?
Mrs. Horton, he said, "Please open the door."
You're Michael's friend? The garbage helper?
Yes, the garbage helper.
Would you stop it?
What are you guys doing here?
Mr. Risolli thought we should check it out.
Hey, Mickey Blue!
Thank you very much.
If you remember anything else, call that number.
We covered this place, but most of the people are at work.
How about we grab some steak, we all come back later this afternoon?
We look like we ever said no to a steak?
And I got the perfect place.
You'll love it, Frank.
Follow us.
Hey. Forget about it!
"Hey. Forget about it."
"Forget about it." No R's.
"Forget about it."
Now change the T's to D's.
"Forget about it."
"Id"?
You said change the T's to D's!
Not the last one.
Change them, but not the last one.
Wait, forget about it.
Stop.
Try this one here:
"Get the hell outta here." No Rs.
"Get the hell outta here."
Not "hee." "Here."
Keep your mouth shut and stick this in your pants. Maybe you'll look the part.
Maybe I should just shoot Mrs. Horton...
...and save you going back with your rope.
-You thought that was to strangle her? -What else?
Tie her up so I could take her to my cabin. I mean, my God!
What kind of person do you think I am?
The kind of person who knows the trick for carrying a dead body.
Oh, my God!
Hey, get outta here.
-No, just forget about it. -"Forget about it."
No, I mean, shut up.
Please, shut up!
"Forget about it."
My God! I sold him the painting. He knows who I am.
This can't be happening.
You gentlemen ready to order?
Just a salad and some mineral water. I'm counting my cholesterol.
I'll have a sirloin, medium, fried onions, baked potato with everything on it.
And a beer.
Same.
And you?
Same.
How you want your steak cooked?
Rare.
What?
Raw.
What?
Raw!
Raw?
Rare?
Rare.
And how about to drink?
Beer.
Another beer.
You talk funny.
You got any company while you're in town?
Hey, Antoinette!
Come here.
This here's a good friend of ours.
Kansas City Little Big Mickey Blue Eyes.
Well, that's a mouthful.
Sit down. Say hi to the nice man.
Hi.
Mickey Blue Eyes. Why do they call you that?
So what part of Kansas City?
-Are they taking care of you? -Get back in your kitchen!
I want something, I'll ask!
Kansas City, here I come.
Jesus Christ, it talks?
With an accent, no less.
What is that?
It's like a little recorder thing. Got it off some British asshole.
What an amazing coincidence.
Come for one of the famous steaks?
Is something queer going on?
Is this in any way connected to that FBI business?
Philip, I can't explain at the moment.
What was going on at the auction last night?
Why did you keep saying "ha"? We were worried about you.
I'll have to explain later.
Oh, my God! I am so sorry.
This is all my fault.
I can't apologize enough--
Just a little screwup. But what the hell?
We got it under control.
Forget about it.
Why are you talking--
Shut up, asshole! I had enough a you!
I said shut up! Get outta here!
All you British are the same!
You're all assholes! Go on! Get outta here!
Asshole.
-What are they doing? -Talking to Kansas City.
They can't connect us to Johnny if I get to the old lady first.
But she spends her afternoons playing cards and comes home about 3:00.
What? What?
I missed meeting Gina for lunch.
Give her a call. Explain what happened. It'll be okay.
Just wake up, Frank. It will not be okay!
I assaulted my boss, lost my fiancée, and your pals are going to kill me!
Of all the things it won't be, "okay" pretty much tops the list.
You have to stay focused.
Focus on this. Gina won't forgive me. Do you know why?
I lied to her. Her father's lied to her all her life. And it hurts.
She told you that?
Yeah, and now it looks like I've lost the only girl I've ever really loved.
As far as I'm concerned, it's not bloody "okay" at all.
You can't go home.
I'm going to Gina's.
I should've told you everything from the start.
But the whole thing snowballed, and before I knew where I was...
...l was just buried in the whole thing.
But everything I did...
...l did out of fear of losing you.
Listen. Please just let me come up. This is ridiculous.
Why didn't you show up for lunch today?
The truth, please.
I was with your father. We had to have lunch with these people.
It was a nightmare.
It seems like you and Dad are getting pretty close.
What does that mean?
It means we're over, Michael. I just don't know who you are.
You're toast.
-Come here. -What?
Don't worry about it.
It'll be okay.
Come on!
Thanks, Jimmy. Thanks.
She went out, Frankie.
Michael...
...fired a warning shot in the ceiling.
It was an accident.
Sit down, Frank.
Having the best time. It's a wonderful city.
Everyone's so courteous! I don't know why they talk about New Yorkers--
Get the hell out of here! Go on!
Get out of the apartment right now. Just go.
What's going on? What's happening?
Vito thinks the Risollis killed Johnny.
Things are a little dicey right now.
I'm fine.
Vito was worried so he sent Uncle Vinnie to watch out for me.
Isn't that sweet of him?
Daddy?
You there?
Okay, listen to me.
Whatever you do, I can't explain this right now...
...but don't tell anyone there's trouble between you and Michael.
It's very, very important. You understand?
-Let me talk to Vinnie. -Sure, one sec.
It's Daddy.
You touch one hair on her head, I swear...
...you'll beg me to kill you!
Listen, I'm just doing my job. All right, Frank?
You do what you gotta do, and everything will be okay. All right?
You--
So?
They know what happened.
They know about Gina?
They think it was you.
What's gonna happen?
They gotta take care of you, Michael.
What does that mean?
It means...
...they ordered someone to....
Whack me?
Do we know who?
Me.
You?
You're going to whack me?
Stop saying that. You sound like an idiot!
Vito wants me to do it at the wedding, during your speech.
That way he figures he gets us both.
You die, and I lose Gina by killing the man she loves.
But there isn't gonna be a wedding.
So I can't do it then.
You mean, you can't do it then...
...or you can't do it, then?
The first one.
Right.
They got Gina. If I don't do it, Vinnie's gonna kill her.
My God!
It's one of these honor things, you know. A life for a life.
Bottom line...
...Vito's not gonna rest until he sees a body.
A body. Right.
This is probably a stupid question, but...
...to your knowledge, does this hurt?
No.
You won't feel a thing.
Ready?
Ready.
That is surprisingly painful. Is it meant to hurt that much?
Let me check that for you.
When Michael gets up to give his bridegroom speech...
...you shoot him twice, then our guys shoot you.
We'll stitch the squib controls inside your tuxedos...
...so you gotta learn to set them off yourselves, in sync with the gunshots.
Can you handle it?
Any problems, speak now.
This thing is potentially huge for us.
Massive.
Questions? Worries? Something you need?
Well, just one thing.
The bride.
We don't take bribes!
-Bride! -Pardon?
-Bride! -Take them goddamn things off your head!
Yes, sir!
The Handy Bundler is virtually indestructible!
Even the law can use Handy Bundler to detain criminals.
you'll find hundreds of uses for the Handy Bundler...
...at home, in the office and on thejob.
These guys are doing the flowers for the wedding?
Yeah. They're supposed to be great.
Thanks. I think I'll be safe with Michael inside.
What's going on?
They don't know anything at all about you.
-They think I shot Johnny. -But you didn't!
Act like you're in love.
Who are you?
FBl. How are you today?
Vito doesn't know that I know this...
...but your father has orders to kill me at our wedding reception.
-Michael will be wearing a wire. -What?
Vito won't be afraid to talk because he thinks I'm about to die.
When he incriminates himself--
Our guys come in. Bingo! Got him.
And that's the end of it.
You think I'd help trap my own father?
Your father is with us.
You're more important to him than they are.
It's our only way out of this alive.
Then I guess I don't have a choice.
Everything okay?
Everything's fine. Decisions, you know?
I think we're through.
Excuse me! Any panics, any questions, you just give us a call.
"Tony and Guy, don't be shy."
'Bye then, darling.
See you later.
I can't do this! We have to tell her Frank will pretend to shoot me.
No way. Her reaction is everything. It has to be real.
Kitchen team moving.
Bridal limo en route.
Good. Okay, gentlemen, the limo is on its way.
These are the squibs. Two controllers, one in each pocket.
Now, a squeeze or a sharp tap sets them off. Do you understand?
How do you do? I'm the best man.
Hello. My name's Peter. I'm the best man.
I work at Mark and Spencer's. I love chocolate biscuits.
Oh, Mumsy, I want some ginger beer!
Here she is!
Here's the bride! Hi, pretty!
Oh, my God!
Not much of a job though, is it, Vinnie?
Thank you so much.
My leg!
Testing, one, two, three. Do you read?
Testing, one, two, three. Do you read? Do you read?
Remember, we'll need Graziosi loud and clear.
-You got lots of time. -Only until the speeches.
Right. After the dancing and dessert.
This is an ltalian wedding. The speeches are before the dinner.
You knew that, right?
You still got plenty of time.
Plenty of time? You have 10 minutes if you're lucky!
This is not a problem. Gonna be okay.
We have a problem.
"And Michael Andrew Felgate...
"...do you take Gina Maria Vitale for your lawful wife...
"...to have and to hold...
"...from this day forward, for better, for worse...
"...for richer, for poorer...
"...in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"
I do.
"You have declared your consent before the Church.
"May the Lord in His goodness...
"...strengthen your consent and fill you both with His blessings.
"Amen.
"In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit...
"...l pronounce you husband and wife."
You may kiss the bride.
Hey! Wedding! Smile!
Wedding!
Kitchen team, we've got one shot at this.
And less than five minutes before the speeches.
We got it.
About the other day--
I don't want to hear. I'm sure you had your reasons.
No names, no pack drill. That's my motto.
That's incredibly nice of you.
Goodness, are you drinking?
-Come on, darling. -I've only had one glass.
-Let me take that. -She thinks I'm drunk!
You're very embarrassing when you're drunk.
I think you're on now.
In position.
I just wanted to say how sorry I am about your son.
Thank you.
This is a happy day.
I wish you much joy.
I especially look forward to the speeches.
You're very kind, and I appreciate the way you've...
...opened my eyes to new possibilities.
As a matter of fact...
...l recently thought of a new idea that I think...
...could be profitable to us both.
Absurdly profitable, really.
I mean, we're talking millions.
But this isn't the occasion to be talking business.
Another time perhaps.
Thank you so much for being here.
He's lost his mind.
And speeches in 04:05.
Are you out of your mind?
-He wasn't ready. Relax. -Relax?
Congratulations!
In five minutes, we're dead. You, me and Gina.
Never chase the bid.
What?
Let the bid come to you. It's rule number one.
What the hell are you talking about?
Mr. Graziosi wants to see you over there.
Of course. A pleasure.
I think we're in business.
Speeches in three.
We have to go say hi to Maria.
So basically you continue to sell and buy interesting work through us...
...and I do the insurance valuation on the collection.
Like insurance against a fire, for example.
Fires can happen.
Look at Sotheby's.
But fortunately, of course, you would be handsomely covered.
What do you think?
Are we in business?
-Say it! -In two.
Michael! There you are!
You look serious.
Cheer up!
Those are quite something. Mind if l--
-Take it easy. -It's quite all right.
What do you think?
Philip, this is Uncle Vito.
Delighted to meet you.
You from the old country?
My family's from Sicily.
Land of the goat.
My wife and I spent a wonderful week there.
Charming little pensione with a priceless little owner...
...who looked just like a Mafiosi.
We called him AI Capone. Remember, darling?
These things are making me squiffy!
Thank you. Excuse me.
I'm sorry, Philip. Uncle Vito!
I am a ninny! I forgot to tell you the good news.
Mr. Morganson here has decided Cromwell's are the team for him.
That's marvelous news.
We must meet and discuss the details.
Let me just find my--
I'll have Helen leave a message on Monday. Excuse me.
What a horrible thing to happen. I'm sure he meant it as a joke.
Could I borrow him for a second? Thanks.
That was quite something. I love party tricks.
Pray gather round from the farthest reaches!
And take your seats...
...to hear the speeches!
And the speeches are early.
Listen, I swear to God I'll do it.
I'm begging you, for Gina's sake, let me wait till the party's over.
During the speeches. For Gina's sake.
Please, we have to hurry.
I'm going as fast as I can, but it's rather a mess.
Turn around. I need to tuck it in properly.
English. Figured as much.
Just shove it in there. Shove it in there! God! No, stuff it in!
Give me your gun.
Give me your gun, Frank.
Johnny's.
His first. I want you to use this one.
I think he gave Frank a live gun.
-I suggest abort. I repeat, abort! -No!
We can still get this. Get a mike in there.
Kitchen team, get into position, but nobody goes in until I say so.
-Sir. -Shut up!
Copy that.
Best man. How do you do?
Excuse me, but I rather think you're wilting there, old boy.
There we are.
Welcome back.
See you later, then.
Ladies and gentlemen...
...perhaps you'd like to give a big hand...
...to Gina and Mike!
You gotta get in here. It's too late. He's gonna die.
No. This has been nine years. Kitchen team.
Standing by.
Wait for my word.
We still got a chance. Frank's got a mike.
But....
What?
Vito gave him a live gun.
All right. All right.
Now, can your clapping, 'cause here's you know whom:
My new brother and our bridegroom.
All right. Come on.
Mikey, we're waiting!
We're waiting, Mikey!
you're getting married. Thattaboy!
Speak up!
Sorry.
This is making me nervous.
The last time I spoke at a wedding...
...l was supposed to propose a toast to the bridesmaids.
I ended up proposing an opening bid.
What's worse is they both sold.
Want it in the head or the chest?
Come on. Come on!
-So I'll keep it simple. -Good idea!
Andjust tell you why I think today, for once...
...l'm the one acquiring the masterpiece.
Firstly, I've always been a huge fan of the ltalian school.
Come on, speak to me.
It's not working.
They say that the real test of a masterpiece...
...is whether you instinctively know it's something...
...you'll keep forever...
...love forever.
Don't think of it as gaining a son.
Ifyou don't do it...
...you're losing a daughter.
-Sir? -No good.
In some cases....
In some cases...
...it's even something you'd be prepared to die to protect.
That's certainly the case here.
I'd rather die than see any harm come to Gina.
I love her more than my own life.
And I hope I'm making myself crystal clear on that point.
Death...
...is okay by me.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the father of the bride.
For chrissakes, Bob, this is it.
Damn it! Kitchen team, go!
Excuse me! FBl!
It's bullshit!
Do it!
-Do it! -No!
-Vinnie, do it! -Vinnie, no!
Do it! Do it!
No.
Vinnie, do it!
I'm ordering you! Kill her!
Yes! Got him!
FBl! Freeze!
No!
Ambulance, now!
It's too late!
Let's go! The party's over!
-On three. -I'm ready!
I'm sorry.
-I'm so sorry. -No, I'm sorry.
You should both be sorry.
These things are surprisingly painful.
My God!
It's a new rule of mine:
Always assume you guys are hiding something.
Why--
When I thought of you with a gun, Michael, suddenly I wanted a backup.
You did good.
Oh, my God!
I'll tell you, Frank...
...her father might act like a moron sometimes....
So I retired.
I'm telling you, Frankie...
...the kid's a genius.
I mean, think about it.
You got Vito. Vito thinks he got his revenge.
And that's it. Badda-bing. You're even.
You're in the clear. All of you.
-How the hell could you do this to me? -You were gonna do it to me.
-We did it because we love you. -Same here.
What?
You love both of us?
I don't think so, Michael.
Oh, my God.
-Wasn't that the-- -Oh, my God!
Welcome to the halfway point...
...in the annual Central Park Senior Marathon.
-Leave me alone! -Wait! Listen. Listen!
This picture, it isn't me.
It's Kansas City Little Big Mickey Blue Eyes!
I was pretending to be a mobster, and couldn't say my R's...
...and I had to kiss the waitress or they would've killed us!
Look who's sitting next to me.
Recognize that suit?
Is that Dad?
This photo means nothing.
-So who's Mickey Blue Eyes? -I am.
I mean, I was. We just made him up.
Come back and I'll explain everything.
So when you said you were with my dad that day, you were--
I was telling the truth.
-You told me a lot of other lies. -I know.
I know. I thought it was the only way to keep you.
But you were right.
It was the only sure way to lose you.
-I was right. -You were.
-And smarter than you all along. -Yes.
-And braver. -Much.
And more convincing at being shot.
Infinitely.
Marry me, Gina.
Would I have to be Mrs. Blue Eyes?
Come here....
What?
Come here.
-What? -It's me.
Mickey Blue.
Oh, please!
English subtitles conformed by SOFTITLER