I read this somewhere, and it stuck with me ever since.
It's the first sentence of a really thick book...
that was assigned reading...
for the advanced placement English class at my school.
I wasn't in the class. I'm not advanced.
My body, on the other hand...
that's a different story.
Bit of a tomboy, isn't she?
Any suggestions? It's her first one.
First? She needs more than a training bra.
It happened, I tell you, overnight.
She got stacked just like her mother.
God.
She wants with the underwire?
Just a normal one that doesn't point.
I'll need to measure her.
We need to find out her cup size.
Right, OK. I'll take a walk.
You'll need to lift your arms.
That a girl.
Usually girls come in here much younger...
for their first bra...
when they're developed like you are.
I've been hiding them.
Can't go on hiding them forever.
You can't stop nature.
My brother stares.
Is that your grandfather?
Father.
Ah.
There you go. Now how does that feel?
It's pointy.
You've gotta put yourself in it.
Bend over, lift the breast, then drop it back into the cup.
Like this?
That's right. Now do the other one.
And stand up straight.
Nice.
Doesn't that feel secure?
You're a perfect "C."
Look at me.
I'm, like, deformed.
What are you talking? You're healthy.
Some girls have one breast one size and one another.
Have to get them custom made.
Specialty stores. That's expensive.
You've been blessed.
Breasts are wonderful.
You'll see.
Whoo, yeah! Ha ha ha!
Where you going?
Beverly Hills.
Come on in.
Get up. Wake up.
Dad.
Come on. We're moving.
Again? We just got here.
Pack your bag.
What time is it?
Let's go, let's go. Your brothers are up already.
Here. Put your stuff in here.
What are you doing? Not that. Pack the important stuff.
Pack good stuff. Pack your clothes.
Come on. We gotta get out of here.
What's going on?
I found a better place. I'll tell you in the car.
Come on! I don't wanna spend another night in this shithole.
Hey! Hey! I can see what you're doing!
Get in.
You're sneaking off!
Hit the locks, Rickey.
- We're going on vacation. - What about this month's rent?
Going to Disneyland to ride the Matterhorn.
You come back here, you bum!
I knew you were a flake when you moved in here!
I'm sick of moving.
Why can't we ever stay put?
It's not normal to move every three months.
It's normal in some cultures.
Nomads, they move.
It's stupid, Ben. We're not nomads.
We're Americans.
So where is our new apartment this time?
In Beverly Hills. It's just too early to show up.
We wanna make a good impression.
We want to show up at a leisurely hour.
We don't wanna look like we got kicked out of someplace.
We didn't get kicked out of someplace.
We made a getaway like crooks.
What did you say?
Nothing.
We made a choice. We moved like people.
That place was a shithole. Highway robbery.
Fine.
A lot of famous people live on this street.
This is El Camino. Merv Griffin lives here.
Get out of here.
Does not. Who says?
A friend of mine from Beverly, this rich kid. He told me.
Why would he live here? It's not so great.
Look. You see that?
Yeah?
Lucille Ball lives there.
- Where? Where's Lucy? - Right over there.
Rickey.
See behind those hedges? That's hers.
Whoa. Spooky.
Why would Lucy live in that?
She's supposed to be really old and mean now.
And on Halloween, her butler stands in front of the gates...
and he says to the little kids...
"Miss Ball is issuing no treats this year."
The guy's a total asshole.
You saw her house. What a thrill. Now get off.
You're mean. Dad!
Rickey, get your feet off the upholstery.
How many times do I have to tell you? It's a demo.
I gotta sell this thing.
OK, who's hungry?
Me.
What do you say we get some steak for breakfast?
Isn't it a little early for steak?
No. It'll be fun.
We'll eat, get our strength up, then move into our new place.
Yeah.
OK, let's go to Sizzler.
Mmm.
- Who wants some of this? - Oh, me, me.
- I need some more coleslaw. - Order it.
What about the stuff we left?
What stuff is that?
In the apartment... appliances, towels, things.
We'll get new stuff.
What are you biting your nails for?
You want your potato?
Nobody will marry you with hands like that.
- Who'd wanna marry her? - Shut up.
I'll give you a dollar a nail if you stop.
Jackson!
Oh, my God.
Dad.
You want coleslaw, right?
Jackson!
Dad, you can't say that.
- What? - Jackson.
You want service? It's an expression for service.
You can't say it. It's racist.
It's not racist. I'm trying to get his attention.
People don't say that anymore.
It's old-fashioned. It's not right.
This is not a racial issue.
I want a bun. You want coleslaw. Call him what you want.
Embarrassing.
What's your problem?
Nothing.
You don't like your meat?
I ate it.
That's a good piece of steak there.
Don't force her, Dad. I'll eat it.
What's that?
What?
What you're wearing.
An outfit.
With no bra?
It's a halter.
Put your sister's meat back.
I don't want it.
Dad, she could lose the weight.
- Shut up. - No, it's true.
It's the bod that counts, not the face.
What?
Girls always think it's the face that matters.
Ask any guy. He'll tell you.
If he tells you any different, he's lying to look good...
so he can get down your pants.
Put your sister's goddamn meat back.
Is it the stuff back there? Is that what's bothering you?
The towels and the toasters?
Don't bust my balls with it, OK?
Your mother was a ball buster.
Who's talking about Mom?
What we got is fine.
I don't want you acting ashamed or embarrassed.
We're staying in Beverly Hills for the good schools.
You got a good address, OK?
As long as we keep the place clean...
as long as you stay clean...
nobody's gonna say anything about it.
Let's get the hell out of here.
Lousy service. I'll meet you at the car.
I'm still eating, Dad.
Go to the bathroom. Get cleaned up.
Get your toothbrush. Look decent.
And you. Hey.
Get your bag and put on your brassiere.
I can't wear a bra with it, Dad. It doesn't work.
You're hanging out of it.
It's supposed to look like this.
Everybody wears these. It's modern.
It's not right. Look at her. Does that look whorey to you?
It's a nice shirt. Kelly loaned it to me.
Well, the problem is, Dad, that Viv is stacked.
I don't believe you.
She's already got cleavage, Dad.
- Just shut up! - What?
Go put on your brassiere.
Fine. I'll do it, all right?
It's gonna look stupid!
Pay the check. I gotta go make a phone call.
Mickey, how you doing? It's me.
How's Belle? Listen, I need to ask you something.
I wouldn't ask you if I didn't need it.
You need to stay away from the track.
It's not about the horses, Mickey.
I'm your brother, remember?
I know you. You got bad habits.
I got three kids living in one bedroom.
Look, I'm in a slump.
The place is a morgue. Nothing.
We play cards in the showroom not to go crazy.
Cars used to sell themselves. Now nobody's buying them.
I keep telling you, you gotta learn to budget.
No, that's not it. I need it.
Things have been tight.
It's not a good time.
What do you mean?
Rita escaped from a detox out there... Pinewood.
She's got your address. Maybe she'll look for you.
Listen, that's what I was calling about.
We have a new place.
You moved again?
Yeah. We're still in Beverly Hills...
but we're a little short this month.
Murray, my daughter's killing herself.
I'd pay somebody if they knew what to do with that girl.
What do you think, Dad?
Get in the car.
Sorry, Mickey.
I said I'd pay somebody...
if they knew what to do with her.
What? You would pay?
- WOMAN: L.A.P.D.
I'd like to report a missing person.
This is it. Just inside city limits.
It's apartment five up the stairs.
Here, take this.
Casa Bella.
You moving into five?
Yeah.
It's up here, near mine.
You want some help?
No.
Casa Bella. Another dingbat.
Dingbats... that's what they're called.
Two-story apartment buildings...
featuring cheap rent and fancy names...
that promise the good life, but never deliver.
I'm in four. Your neighbor.
The door's open. I was just in there.
Just checking it out.
Decent closet space.
Jesus.
Kind of jumpy, aren't you?
Quite a dump, huh?
Could use some paint.
Mrs. Loeb is pretty cheap. You meet her yet?
No.
Landlady.
That's a weird outfit you got on there.
You know, you're not supposed to wear a bra with that.
You're one to talk. Look what you're wearing.
Collector's item.
It's a valuable shirt.
Is that your grandfather down there?
Father.
Pretty nice car you got.
See my wheels down there?
Cadillac?
It's a collector's item.
You go to Beverly?
Yeah.
What year?
I'll be a freshman.
Freshman, huh?
Thought you were older than that.
Big for your age.
I went there, but then I left.
You dropped out of high school?
It's an option. I wanted to join the work force.
- What do you do? - Sell pot.
To support my family. I don't smoke it.
That's bad for business.
Want to try some of my product? Tenant's discount?
I'm no pothead. My brother's the pothead.
Who are you?
I'm Eliot Aronson, sir.
I'm in four. Your neighbor.
I'm Jewish.
Who's in there?
Some freak sniffing around your sister.
What happened?
Look! They left a chicken in the oven.
That's not a chicken. That's a cat.
Simon. Belonged to the old tenants.
They must have left him behind.
Who the hell is that on your shirt?
Charles Manson, sir.
OK, your sister gets the bedroom.
- It's a one-bedroom? - Don't give me any of your shit.
Why does she get it?
Because she's a girl. Girls need privacy.
Rickey, put the cat down.
Put it down.
Put Simon down.
I've got to roll. Peace.
Welcome to Casa Bella.
And something else the family will love.
Beautiful living room furniture and a big color TV.
It's Strux. Butcher block arms...
Maybe we should live someplace else
outside of Beverly Hills.
Someplace cheaper.
Like where?
I don't know. Like Torrance or something.
I'm not living in Torrance.
What do you know about Torrance?
I don't know. It's stupid and depressing and poor.
We're poor.
We're not regular poor.
We got money in our family, right, Dad.
Uncle Mickey's got money. We're just the poor side.
Uncle Mickey's got nothing to do with it.
I think Rickey's got a good idea.
Yeah, and in Torrance...
maybe we could afford stuff like furniture.
God damn it.
We're here for the school district.
Furniture's temporary. Education is permanent.
Forget furniture. Forget Torrance.
COP: Picked her up a couple hours ago...
running down Wilshire Boulevard.
She's a little shaken up.
Found these on her.
Clear, please.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Here. Put this on.
You scared your father half to death.
You know that, don't you?
He's worried sick about you, and he's not 100% to begin with.
I'm a grownup. I have it all under control.
Look.
It fits.
Great.
Can I have a puff?
I'm gonna have to call him up, you know.
Remember you'd sneak me puffs when Poppy wasn't looking?
It was always us against him.
Two against one.
I'm still gonna have to make the call.
You know what he says about you?
- He calls you a bum. - I heard.
"My brother the bum.
"The one thing my daughter and brother have in common:
"no respect for money."
We're the family fuckups.
What kind of talk is that?
No wonder your father got the cancer.
That's not my fault. I didn't cause cancer.
This routine of yours isn't so cute anymore.
What routine?
Running around hopped up on dope!
I'm not on dope.
What the hell is this, then, Chiclets?
It's not funny.
You know you're scaring me?
You're 29 years old, girl. It's not cute anymore.
I gotta call him up.
Uncle Murray!
Wait, wait!
Murray!
I'm not high. I'm bloated.
They're not narcotics, they're diuretics.
They make you pee.
Get in the car.
Why doesn't anyone ever believe me?
They're for bloat, that's all.
To lose weight.
I thought you'd be on my side, not his.
I can't go back home.
Rita, your place is with your family.
You're family.
Here, blow your nose.
I would love to have you.
Vivian could use a woman around.
But I got enough mouths to feed as it is now.
Maybe Poppy would...
No. He can be a tight bastard when he wants to be.
What's he gonna do, say no to his own daughter?
It's cheaper than Pinewood.
Please?
Hmm.
So, where's your mom?
She's back east. They're divorced.
Usually kids go with the mom after a divorce.
So? Big deal.
Must be hard for a girl without a mom.
Do you work for welfare or something?
I was just asking.
Are you staring at my breasts?
No.
Well, look at them.
OK.
What do they make you think?
I don't...
I don't know.
Do you think they look deformed?
I think they look beautiful.
Do you want to touch them?
OK.
OK, let's go.
What are you doing?
Taking off my pants.
I'm not gonna do it in the laundry room.
I wasn't talking about that.
Just breasts. Second base. That's it. Not all the way.
I'm sorry. Can I take off my shirt?
OK. Do it quick.
You got hair.
I got body odor, too.
If this is gonna work, we gotta have a deal.
Your father won't support this unless we have a plan...
and I don't mean hanging around California...
and getting a suntan, if you know what I mean.
We gotta figure out something you can do to further yourself.
Some kind of schooling for your future.
Something legitimate.
So is there anything you're interested in doing...
with your life...
Off the top of your head.
Can you do hair?
Do you type?
Typing's a great skill to have.
It gets a girl through. It saves women's lives.
There's got to be something you're interested in. Anything!
I really never thought about it before.
How about a nurse?
She's given it a lot of thought, Mickey.
She wants to be a nurse.
She says it's something she's always dreamed of.
I don't know. I think it's a good idea.
It'll give her a fresh start, and I can keep an eye on her.
I can't do it alone, though, Mickey.
I'm gonna need help, and it's not gonna be cheap.
You're gonna have to kick in, Mickey...
on a monthly.
Yeah, yeah. Here she is.
Hi, Poppy.
Yeah.
A nurse.
OK, time's up. Let's go.
Watch it. You're gonna stretch out my sweater.
Take it off.
It's not even mine, all right? It's Kelly's.
It's stretched all out of shape.
She's gonna kill me.
Where's my bra?
You OK?
Don't tell anybody about this, OK?
It's just a building thing.
I don't want it to get around.
Hello?
Ben?
Ben, is that you in there?
What are you doing, choking your chub?
Jesus!
Oh, my God!
You scared me.
You're all grown up.
Come here and give me a big hug.
I thought you were gonna be Ben.
Viv, I haven't seen anything like you in a long time.
Oh, it's so good to see you.
Oh, you look good, Viv.
You haven't said how I look.
Oh, you look good.
Mmm, I'm tired, Viv, and I'm fat. Ha ha.
Want a towel?
Stuff you like a pig in rehab.
Well, if you wanna live in California...
you gotta get rid of all that East Coast fat, right?
You're moving?
Your father didn't tell you? I'm staying here.
With us? Permanent?
You don't want me?
No. No, I mean, yes.
- Come here a sec. - I didn't mean it like that.
Let me see your face.
- What's wrong with it? - Come here.
What is that? It stings.
For your mustache. Depilatory.
- I have a mustache? - Just a faint one. So do I.
Jewish girl's secret weapon.
- It's a Jewish thing? - Not only.
A lot of beautiful women have them.
So...
Gibberish, yeah.
So tell me something.
Like what?
I don't know. You're grown up. I'm sure you've got something.
OK.
No, no, just a guy.
Well, whoever he is, he's pretty lucky.
Why?
If there's one thing your mother gave you...
it's great tits.
You think so?
Sure.
So...
What?
Mm-hmm.
You're gonna be a nurse?
- You don't believe me? - I do. It's just...
I'll be a medical assistant.
Pulses, temperatures, appointments, stuff like that.
I have the brochure. It's wild, this place.
Ooh, shit! I put it in here so I wouldn't lose it.
Don't you hate when that happens?
I'm trying to get organized.
Ohh, look.
From the airplane.
Let's celebrate. Let's make some cocktails.
I can't. Can you? You're not supposed to any more.
Just a few cocktails. We're grownups.
What's there to celebrate about?
My secret.
Hi, kiddo.
Uncle Murray!
What do you think, Viv?
How come nobody tells me anything?
What's that on your face?
She has a little mustache.
Vivian, I didn't know you had a mustache.
See that? Already the benefits...
of having another female in the house.
Can I take it off now?
Here. Look at this. Look at this corned beef.
Isn't that the most beautiful thing you ever saw?
To celebrate.
Who wants a Dagwood?
I do.
Where's she gonna stay?
We're moving. Mustard?
Yeah.
Again? We just got here.
Viv, the luxury apartments across the street?
This place is a shithole. Temporary.
My brother's gonna help us out.
Uncle Mickey's helping?
You'll have the same room, but you'll be like sisters.
Parked the car across the street, Dad.
Viv, what's that shit on your face?
Shut up.
Ben, leave her alone! It's for her mustache!
Dad!
Oh, my God, our sister is a hermaphrodite!
I am not.
What's a hermaphrodite?
Rickey, want a sandwich?
A lot of famous women use this stuff. It's called...
What's it called?
Depilatory.
Who's the lady? Your old man's girlfriend?
My cousin.
She's a fox.
Check it out.
Nice foyer.
You're moving up, Abramowitz.
Ladies first.
Wow. They got tunes in here and everything, man.
Oh. Someone's getting a free show.
Security.
Well, I call it an invasion of privacy.
Damn! Wake up, fed.
I'm talking to you live from Spahn Ranch!
What are you doing? I gotta live here. Stop it.
So uptight.
Have some fun, man.
What's up with the mood swing?
You a virgin or something?
I told you. You're my neighbor.
You're not my type. It was a building thing.
So?
You live down the street.
We're gonna see each other every day.
You know how it gets after you do it.
No. How does it get?
It gets weird.
So you're not a virgin.
Wow.
Viv, feel it! It's plush!
Check out the formica.
It's furnished.
Big step up from Casa Bella.
Where's Rita?
- In the pool. - There's a pool?
Yeah.
Are we rich now?
- It's Uncle Mickey. - Uncle Mickey's a millionaire.
He's well-off, but he's not like Johnny Carson.
Carson, he's a millionaire.
What about the old man? Don't I get any credit?
Nice place, Dad.
Finally, we're rich!
"Miss Ball is issuing no treats this year."
This makes us middle-class, right?
I'd call it bourgeois.
Bourgeois. French. Excellent word, Aronson.
Is this it? Are we bourgeois now?
Dad's white-collar. You're a salesman...
so I think that makes us middle-class, sort of.
Now, Uncle Mickey owns his own business...
owns property, a house.
We rent.
Is your mother living in a teepee?
That's my house she's got there.
I bought it when I had the business.
Dad had his own place.
Damn straight. I was a big shot, too.
BOTH: Did I ever tell you about the time Charlie...
OK, wiseguy.
"That guy could cook a steak."
I think you might have mentioned it once, Dad.
This thick, that's how we served them.
And seasoned and rare and bloody.
Charlie, you're walking funny. You're limping. What's wrong?
Tired, Mur. Inventory night.
I want you to know the steak is terrific.
Sit down. Let me buy you a drink.
No. Thanks anyway. I'm beat.
You're sweating, Charlie. What's wrong?
A long night, Murray, in a hot kitchen.
It's magic what you do with a steak. Magic.
Come on. Sit with me. Let me buy you one drink.
Just one, Murray. My wife and kids...
Attaboy.
How long you been working for me, Charlie?
I don't wanna get into this deep shit.
Come on. I'm trying to make a toast.
Eight years.
I've been working for you for eight years.
Eight years.
To our friendship, Charlie.
Now you make a toast.
I'm too tired to be philosophical.
Come on, you gotta say something.
How come you're not screaming, Charlie?
Doesn't that hurt?
You got a fork sticking out of your thigh.
Mur, l...
Look at that. It's bleeding.
Mmm, seasoned.
Tastes like steak.
- Stand up. - Murray, please.
Stand up, Charlie, I want to take a look at the wound.
Is this your inventory, you piece of shit thief?
It's been tight at home. My kids...
Tell your kids the food they eat is from my goddamn restaurant.
Let 'em know who their real father is!
I'm their father! I'm their father!
What?
Want a light?
The cigarette, Dad, in your hand.
Oh, yeah.
That's quite a tale, Mr. Abramowitz...
quite a tale.
Money ain't got no odor.
The pusher I'm looking for...
worked the high school on the east side.
I want the name of that pusher.
No dice.
Can I have it?
Uh, sure. Why?
Impress my friends.
OK.
You like Carole King?
Uh, she's OK.
I've got "Tapestry," the album.
What's that?
My boyfriend.
A vibrator.
Haven't you ever seen one of these before?
Yeah. Sure.
You can use it. What's mine is yours.
Batteries still work.
Here.
Eww!
Play with it a little.
Eww!
We want the funk.
Give up the funk, ow!
We need the funk.
We gotta have the funk.
We want the funk.
Give up the funk.
We need the funk.
You gotta have the funk.
Uh-huh.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.
Ahh.
Da da da.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.
Ahh.
You've got a real type of thing...
goin' down, gettin' down.
There's a whole lotta rhythm goin' down.
You've got a real type of thing...
goin' down, gettin' down.
There's a whole lotta rhythm goin' down.
We want the funk.
Give out the funk.
We need the funk.
Gotta have the funk.
We want the funk.
Give up the funk.
Ha ha!
We need the funk.
Gotta have the funk.
Yeah!
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.
Ahh.
Da da da da da.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.
Ahh.
Turn it.
Turn it. The head.
Turn the head.
The head. Turn the head.
The head!
We're gonna try and act normal. She's a lady.
Got her a great deal on a car. She's dying to meet you guys.
Why does she want to meet us?
I gotta be with people my own age once in a while.
She invited us to dinner. She's a great cook.
Do I look OK?
Tie's all right? Hair?
You look good, Dad.
OK. Let's go. Try to act decent. Like people.
So, I understand you were vacationing up north.
The Bay Area. I love it up there.
Where did you stay?
Pinewood.
I don't know that hotel.
It's not a hotel. It's a clinic.
It's more like a spa. A weight-loss clinic.
Cover your mouth. It's new.
It's very, very exclusive.
Really...
but you're so thin.
It's hard to believe you were ever overweight.
Oh, you should have seen her before.
Viv, look how beautiful Doris keeps her nails.
Oh, Murray.
Painted talons.
What are talons?
- They're really nice. - Thank you.
It's hard to do certain things...
but I can still smoke my cigarettes.
Well, it's amazing what you can do to a chicken.
Yeah, it's something.
Thank you.
You didn't spill on the seat cover, did you?
Uh-oh.
Oh, no, I'm just admiring this fabric.
It's so beautiful.
I can't find my napkin.
I did all the covers myself.
Needlepoint. I could teach you some stitches.
Ow!
And here it is.
Welcome back.
Doris, are you good at vocabulary words?
I think so, Rickey.
What's a hermaphrodite?
Jesus, what the hell kind of thing is that to say?
It's a word. Ben said it.
Ben, get Doris some water.
It's all right. I'm fine.
It just went down the wrong pipe is all.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
Bathroom is down the hall, dear.
Excuse me.
I'm still hungry.
Doris?
Murray, why don't you go ahead and serve the pie?
All righty.
Female problems.
Shut up and eat some pie.
Jesus Christ.
You have to be prepared every month.
I thought it was over.
The last day is sometimes the heaviest.
Aha! Here you go.
I kept some around for this very occasion.
Bingo! Look what else I found.
What's that?
A menstrual belt.
For what?
To hold it on, dear.
There's a science to it. See these two little hooks?
You can take the box with you.
It's time for "Let's Make A Deal..."
starring TV's big dealer, Monty Hall!
Mur, stop.
You're staring.
Pretty lady like you should be used to it.
It's been a long time...
since I thought about being with a woman.
At my age, Murray...
with two husbands dead and buried...
I'm not looking for a lover.
I'm looking for a companion.
You don't want sex anymore?
Aah!
What happened?
Blood! Blood on my needlepoint!
Blood!
Quite a success.
We meet up at Pinewood.
Same group, both Geminis, fucked-up families.
He likes classical music, long walks...
Ioves 'ludes.
He's Jewish, he's an actor...
he's perfect.
- Is he famous? - Not yet.
"Danny Roth."
Yep.
"Man of La Mancha."
He did it as a one-man show.
Oh, Viv, six weeks, I'm already solid.
Feel them.
Soon I'll be nothing but meals on heels.
Does he want to have a baby?
I haven't told him yet...
but, Viv, I'm so ready to domesticate.
Don't you think you should tell him about it first?
Oh, my God. Oh, Viv. Look at my schedule.
Read it.
"Day one. The art of urinanalysis."
So?
Keep reading.
"All students are required...
"to bring in a urine sample to work with.
"We've provided a specimen cup for your convenience."
So?
So they'll see it.
See what?
The baby. Don't you know anything about reproduction?
I know stuff.
If you're pregnant, they can see it in your urine.
How's that gonna look, knocked up on my first day?
It's not right!
When are you gonna tell this guy about the baby?
You and me are supposed to help each other, right?
I need you to do this for me.
Please.
I love you, Viv.
Ben?
I was... I was sleeping.
Do you like her?
Who, Rita?
No. Doris. I think she's weird.
She's not weird. She's just...
She's normal.
Listen, go back to sleep.
But she's so old. She smells old.
Dad's old.
He is not. Not like her.
Dad's a senior citizen.
No, he's not!
He's 65, Rickey. That's a senior citizen.
That's a mathematical fact.
Murray Samuel Abramowitz is in the autumn of his life...
- Take it back! - What?
Senior citizen, Ben! Take it back!
OK, I take it back.
The whole thing!
Dad is not a senior citizen, all right?
Will you get off me now?
Ben?
What?
Can I sleep in your bed tonight?
OK, fine.
Listen, no funny business tonight.
None. I'm serious.
Oh, P.U.! It stinks under here.
I got gas. If you don't like it, leave.
I can handle it.
What time is it? Are we moving?
No, we're not moving.
Thank God. I'm exhausted.
No. We're staying here for a long time.
We get to stay put as long as she's OK.
- You like it here, huh? - Yeah.
Best place we've been in.
Right.
Place to be proud of, not ashamed or embarrassed.
We got the toaster, we got the towels...
we got the furniture.
What are you getting at, Dad?
I'm taking off with Doris. Make it up to her.
She laughs at my jokes.
You know how that makes a man feel at my age?
You're not old.
No. I'm like a horse. I'm like a rock.
- Yes, you are. - Take a poke. Go on.
- You're a horse. - Gimme a hit.
- OK. - Hard.
I'm in the best shape of my life.
Keep an eye on Sleeping Beauty over there.
Make sure she gets to school. It's her first day.
Make sure she gets there and gets back.
Keep her out of trouble, all right?
How about an Eskimo kiss? You too old for that?
Mm-mmm.
Mmm!
There's food money on the table.
Good night.
"Warning...
"this should not be used over swollen or inflamed tissue.
"If swelling occurs, consult a physician."
Ohh...
H.R. Pufnstuf.
Who's your friend when things get rough?
H.R. Pufnstuf.
Can't do a little, 'cause you can't do enough.
Entrez!
Is Vivian around?
Hey, Aronson, just the man I was looking for.
Have a seat. You want some Trix?
There you go.
Tell me when.
That good? All right.
Listen, you got any of that weed on you?
Yeah. I always got product.
OK. How about some samples?
I can't just give it away. It's a business.
Am I charging you for the Trix here?
The Trix was an offering. No strings attached.
This is not about the Trix. Trix are for kids, right?
No, it's the principle I'm talking about.
What principle?
You're a salesman. I'm a potential customer.
I'm just asking for a sample of your merchandise.
Nothing big. A toke. Don't make a case out of it.
Product is product. It costs money.
I got money. That's not the problem.
That's our food money!
Shut up and get my bong.
OK, so, how much for a 2-finger bag?
Um, 20 bucks.
Tell you what. I'll let you have my sister
if you give me a break, huh?
Good morning, Angelenos, from KBBH.
Here's a little something to jump-start your morning.
You're just a fool.
You know you're in love.
You got to face it...
to live in this world.
He says it's good, but now you feel bad.
Sometimes you're happy, and sometimes you're sad.
One more time.
You know you love him.
You can't understand why he treats you like he do...
when he's such a good man.
Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you.
- You didn't. It's just, I...
GIRL: We live above you.
My name's Rachel Hoffman. This is my sister Brooke.
Hi.
Rach, she's staring.
I'm sorry.
My face looks kind of fucked-up.
Deviated septum.
Sometimes it got so bad I couldn't even breathe.
So while they were at it, they got rid of Daddy's bump.
It looks good.
You could get yours fixed.
My doctor's the best in the business. Here.
He's been on TV.
He does everybody.
They call him the Michelangelo of Beverly Hills.
He did my mother.
Your mom had her nose done, too?
Yep. And her breasts.
Really? Silicone?
Nope. Reduced.
Mom said they gave her a lot of trouble.
Back pain.
Rach! Brooke! Come on. Girls!
Plus she said big breasts were retardaire.
What?
Retardaire. Passe?
They made her look cheap.
I need some help with these!
Come on.
Well... bye.
Who were you talking to in there?
Some new girl in the building.
Can you help me with these?
Let's go. Busy day today.
Hey, guys. What's going on?
Dad's gone, and Ben's blowing our food money on dope.
- Ben! - Will you put something on?
We're all eating here. You're making us sick.
- You can't do that. - Who made you the treasurer?
I am the eldest.
Now... OK. Ignite me, Padre.
Vivian!
Unlike my brother here...
I have responsibilities to attend to.
I have to get my cousin to nursing school.
Think you could drive us?
Sure. I support that. Nurses are cool.
I have responsibilities, too, Aronson.
I got a big audition for the summer musical at Beverly.
"Guys and Dolls."
Now, your superb product is gonna help me...
land the role that I feel I deserve... Sky Masterson.
Oh, Brando played that in the movie.
That's right.
Last summer, it was "Godspell."
That was stupid.
Well, what was so stupid about it, Vivian?
It was a stupid hippie leotard show.
Well, at least I'm trying to improve myself.
What about you?
I'm improving.
- Your tits, maybe. - Shut up.
Viv!
Coming.
I don't go around talking about your morning boner...
so don't talk about my tits.
I'm proud of my manhood.
One, two, three, four.
Luck be a lady...
tonight.
Luck be a lady...
tonight.
Luck, if you've ever been a lady to begin with...
luck be a lady...
tonight.
Now what?
Make a right.
- Not here. There. - Where?
There. After the driveway!
Turn right! Here!
Turn right here!
Jeez! Will you hold on to that?
It's a Cadillac.
Give me the paper.
When that love light shines all around us...
We're close. I know this neighborhood.
I do a lot of business up here.
Really? What do you do?
He deals drugs.
Vivian! Will you mind not going around...
misrepresenting me like that? Jesus.
Just don't want anybody thinking like I'm some schoolyard pusher.
.dnim t'nod I
You got anything for my nerves? You know, just laying around?
Seconal, Demerol, Tuinal, Valium, Quaaludes, Percocet?
- Rita! - Not my merchandise.
I deal exclusively in pot.
That shit makes me paranoid.
That's the street right down the hill.
OK, stop the car.
- What? - Stop!
Why did we stop?
I'm gonna walk. I want to surprise him.
He doesn't know you're coming?
I said I would drop by, but I didn't say when.
He's gonna freak when he sees me in this outfit!
You're gonna tell him, right?
You can't just tell a guy you're pregnant.
- Why not? - You're pregnant?
Look at him. Men freeze up.
They go into shock.
You gotta lay the groundwork first...
break down their natural resistance...
reestablish the passion.
That's what this visit's all about.
How long is it gonna take?
Not long. Ooh!
'Cause we only got 15 minutes. 20 minutes, max...
or you're not gonna make it to school on time.
Don't worry. I'm a grownup. I got it all under control.
Wash away my troubles...
wash away my pain...
with the rain from Shambala.
Wash away my sorrows...
Wash away my shame...
with the rain of Shambala.
Ah ooh ooh.
Whoo!
Ooh-ooh-ooh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, that's a good song.
How long has she been in there?
If she comes out in 10 minutes, we'll still be able to make it.
Relax.
Take in the sights.
What sights? l... I only see bushes.
- You see that? - What?
That house over there.
Yeah. So what?
You know what street that is?
No.
Cielo Drive.
Is this supposed to be interesting or something?
I'm under lots of pressure right now.
Does "Political Piggy" ring a bell?
- What? - Sharon Tate?
"Valley of the Dolls"? Polanski?
Eliot, you're bugging me.
That's the house right there.
August 9, 1969.
Open the glove compartment.
No. Let's get out of here. Let's pick her up.
Just look at this.
I want to show you something.
This guy's gonna be up for fuckin' parole.
Check it out, seven counts of first-degree murder.
Spahn Ranch.
Come on, just stop it.
"Revelation Nine..."
This is creepy. Let's get out of here.
"The maid discovered the bodies."
All right, look, I'm leaving.
I'm getting Rita.
Hold on. Come back. I'll drive you.
Yeah, I'll hitch.
I just wanted to show you.
You're just trying to scare me...
so I'll throw myself in your perverted arms!
You're sick! Charles Manson is sick!
This isn't sick, Vivian! This is history!
You understand? It's in books. I didn't make it up.
Our history, Vivian. Yours and mine.
So grow up!
Hello?
Aah!
Aw.
Aw, piss.
Danny!
Rita.
- What's going on? - He's not here.
Well, who's he?
That's Gregory, his roommate.
Vivian, you're stepping on Danny.
What? Oh, shit.
I'm sorry.
You want to see his room?
No, Rita.
We gotta go. We're late.
Here's your coffee...
your cigarettes...
and here's this, OK?
Thanks for the refill, Viv.
So how do I look?
You look professional.
Doesn't she, Eliot?
Oh, yeah. You look ready to save some lives.
I'm gonna meet you right there.
See the pay phone?
7:00 sharp.
Then we'll try Danny's house again, right?
Right.
You better go now.
The long, skinny one is the gas.
The short, fat one is the brake.
Right.
Give me the keys.
My car is not just a plaything, Vivian.
I know. It's a collector's item.
Not only that, if abused, a car can become very dangerous.
All right.
OK, now, when I say so, put the key in the ignition.
Not until I say so, OK?
OK. Give me them.
That shirt looks great on you.
Eliot.
OK. Put the key in the ignition.
OK, turn it.
Put it in drive.
Stop!
Stop the car!
What?
Shit. The cops!
So?
Stick these in your panties.
- What? - Stick the pot in your panties.
Get off.
I'm not kidding. A cop is coming.
They can't search a girl.
- Kiss me. - What?
Kiss me.
Do it. Not romantic.
Practical. A show for the cops.
Attempted suicide...
Danny?
No. You got the wrong number.
Hello?!
Hey! Hey!
Pay phone. Wrong number.
Uh, hey, lady! Nurse!
Huh? Me?
Could you give us a hand? This girl just collapsed.
She might have O.D. 'd.
- Hello?
Ha ha. Hi! Danny!
Listen, come get me. I need you to pick me up.
I gotta see you.
Lady?
Um, um, no, I can't do it over the phone.
I gotta see you.
You know, reestablish the passion.
Nurse!
No, I'm not high.
Can you hold on a second?
Hey, hey. I'm not medical yet.
I'm not a nurse.
It's my first day. I can't. I'm sorry.
I'm... I'm... I'm pregnant.
Honey?
Danny?
We gotta go.
Why?
We're late. Get dressed.
You still have your period?
No, it's over.
I would've warned you.
It's blood.
You're sitting on my bra.
Jesus, Vivian...
what... what... what just happened here?
Nothing. Will you please get dressed?
Are you telling me I popped your cherry?
I didn't say that.
Oh, God.
You know, you can't just spring this on a guy.
I didn't want to make a big deal about it, all right?
That puts a lot of pressure on a man.
Did you ever think about that?
Did you ever think about me?
Look, I just wanted to do it with a guy...
to get it over with. No ceremony.
Can we go now?
This is illegal, Vivian.
You know what that means?
God, you know what that makes me?
A criminal... on two counts.
Devirginizing a minor.
Rita?!
Rita!
Come on.
Stairs.
It's end of the hall.
Hey, hey, hey. What's your hurry?
Dad!
- Give us a hug. - What are you doing here?
I live here, remember? Hey, Eliot, how you doing?
How you doing, sir?
Help Mrs. Himmelman with her bag.
Thank you, Eliot.
I thought you weren't coming back till tomorrow.
It's raining in Palm Springs.
Their first rain in two years. You believe it?
How'd Rita make out her first day of school?
Good.
Bad.
What's wrong with her, Murray?
Shut the door.
- Murray! - Doris, shut the goddamn door!
Dad! Dad! She won't wake up.
- Where's Ben? - "Guys and Dolls."
I came home and found her like this.
Go to your room. Everything's gonna be OK.
Is she dead?
No. I can see her breathing from here.
Rita. Rita.
We gotta get some help.
I got it taken care of. She just needs coffee.
It's a coma.
Dad, she's sick or something.
You were supposed to be watching her.
Instead, you're running around with this creep.
- Mr. Abramowitz... - Don't use my family's name!
I went to pick her up. She wasn't there.
Well, you screwed up.
I'm paying Beverly Hills rent so you can run with hoodlums?
Murray, this isn't the time. The girl is lying there.
I see the girl, Doris!
Will somebody please be useful and make coffee or something?
I'm all over it, Mr. A.
Let's call a doctor, Dad.
- You like staying here? - Yeah.
You want Mickey to cut us off?
Then let's keep quiet about this, OK?
I'm scared.
Get her on her feet.
Careful, Murray.
I know what I'm doing. Let's go. OK, up we go.
1, 2, 3.
OK.
And... up we go.
We need a professional, Dad.
Come on, take her into the bedroom.
Where do you keep your coffee?
In the cupboard above the stove.
I think she's right, Mur.
Wanna keep out of this? This is a family business.
Out of the way. Come on, let's go.
Aah!
Clear the way! Paramedics!
There's the girl.
Who the hell called these guys?
I did.
- Clear.
I got it.
What's your name?
She's slipping.
- Doris, what are you doing? - I'm too old for this, Murray.
What are you talking about?
I'm in the best shape of my life!
Somebody gonna get that?
Found it. Hello?
Attagirl. Come on. Come on.
Hi, Uncle Mickey.
I got it.
There you go.
How do you take your coffee?
Will somebody get him the hell away from me?
Hey, Mickey, how you doing?
We just got in from dinner. What's going on?
Murray, Murray, tell him.
Mickey, she's doing great.
Today was her first day of school.
She's got this cute little outfit and everything.
Must have been something I ate.
Go get some paper towels, Rickey.
Uh, yeah.
Oh. You're comin' in on a business trip.
Ah, tomorrow.
Sign here.
No, no, no. It's great.
She's dying to see ya. We're all dying to see ya.
Eliot, help me with this.
Doris, wait!
A 65-year-old man...
taking money from his big brother?
Be happy to pick you up at the airport.
We'll have breakfast there. I know this great place.
They have wonderful omelets.
Uh, give me the itinerary, Mick.
Great.
How's Belle?
No, no. Don't rent. We'll drive ya.
OK.
I got the part.
Sky Masterson is mine!
You know, you can't keep doing this to yourself.
I know. I'm sorry.
We had a deal, you and me.
Mickey's coming tomorrow.
If he sees us like this, he'll disown both of us.
Aw, it's just a slump.
Bad luck.
What do we need? We don't need much.
We got each other. We got the roof.
And me, I'm like a horse.
Doctor says I'm a hundred percent.
Best shape of my life.
Nothing wrong with a bone in my body.
Here. Feel that.
Punch it hard. Go ahead.
Yeah, solid.
Like a rock.
Doris wants me to move in with her.
She says she wants a companion.
I can move in with her.
I can drive her around.
She'll laugh at my jokes...
but I can't touch her. That's out.
Doris... she wants me to send the kids back.
But keep...
Keeping them here keeps me young...
keeps me going.
Otherwise, what am I? I'm nothing.
I'm an old man.
You're not old, Uncle Mur.
It's OK.
I know.
It's OK.
I'm sorry.
You didn't mean it. It's... it's...
It's OK.
I'm sorry.
I know.
It's just a breast, right?
You love me, Uncle Murray, don't you?
What seems to be the problem?
Breasts.
Excuse me?
You do do breasts, right?
It says so on the card.
Yes, we do breast surgery.
What seems to be the problem with yours?
I don't like them.
Dr. Grossman, a girl ran past reception.
She said it was an emergency.
It's OK. She's back here.
We're just talking. Everything's fine.
- I'm sorry. It's just... - It's OK.
I don't want them.
Tell me your name.
Vivian Alonso Abramowitz.
I want a breast reduction.
You got to understand...
we need permission from your folks.
My dad... he's away on business.
He's very successful. My mom brought me.
She's... she's looking for a parking space.
She couldn't find one.
She's waiting out front in the Cadillac.
See?
That's my brother.
Vivian, this is Nurse Kutrell.
She'll be here for the consultation.
Hi.
Hi, Vivian.
Does it hurt?
Will there be scars?
We call it an anchor scar.
The incision is camouflaged by the areola...
and then we move vertically from the nipple to the fold...
and then horizontally under the breast.
See the shape?
It's like an anchor.
Dr. Grossman, the hospital on line four.
Will you excuse me just a second?
Here's a mirror.
He'll be right with you.
The doctor's done.
You can put your clothes back on now.
What happened? Are you all right?
I can't get over it.
You have really filled out.
Last time we saw you, you were this little thing.
I mean, now look at you. She's a grown-up woman, Mickey.
Where's the service around here?
Yeah, they're doing good.
Ben's starting college next year.
Ah, that's nice for you, Ben.
Yeah, I'm going into business just like you, Uncle Mickey.
Oh.
Where's the girl? I need coffee.
You shouldn't. The acid.
I'm allowed one cup. Let me have my one cup.
It's your life.
What's taking Rita?
She's got a surprise.
Go see what's taking Rita.
Yes, sir.
She's trying on her nurse's uniform.
She wants you to see her in it.
Oh, how nice.
She's doing great, really great.
It's showtime.
Uh, Viv? Poppy in a good mood?
I'm freaking. I need your help.
I can't pull this off.
You'll do fine.
I got morning sickness, Viv.
I threw up all over myself.
Yeah, I nearly threw up myself when I saw my father with you.
What?
Nothing.
Let's go.
Everyone's waiting for your grand entrance.
What are you talking about?
There's someone in here, and I don't want to talk.
I don't care about that.
Yeah? I do. I prefer to keep the family skeletons private.
- Come here a sec? - No.
Could you zip me up?
Ooh!
Let's go.
That hurt.
Well, wait!
What do you want from me?
I saw you last night.
Yep.
I hoped it was the wind.
l... I don't need you. I don't need...
your stupid shoes or your clothes.
I don't need anything from you...
or anybody.
Don't come near me.
The whole family is sick.
I hate us. We're freaks.
We're not freaks.
- Oh, we're not? - No.
Well, what then?
Sometimes what, Rita?
I'm sorry you had to see it.
Change what?
My breasts.
Who did that?
Then I looked at them...
I looked at myself in the mirror...
and I thought...
that's Mom there.
You saw your mom in your breast?
You have your father's nose.
It's cute.
Viv, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Come on. Let's go.
This stupid hat.
Bumping and bumping.
She's sitting there like nothing's happening.
I should take you on a roller coaster.
Mickey, honey, look. Look. Oh.
Oh, look at that. There she is.
My little girl.
Oh, I'm so proud of you, honey.
Still with the cigarettes, huh?
They're lights.
And a nurse.
Not a nurse, Ma. A nurse's aide.
Either way, in all that white, you shouldn't have cigarettes.
You're supposed to be promoting health.
- Belle! - What? It's true.
You're too hard on her already.
Mickey, you know what?
You spoil her, and that's not right.
We got cancer in the family.
So, uh, what are you learning at Bryman's?
Well, Dad, it's only been one day.
She's doing great, Mick.
For all the money I pay them, she should be an MD by now.
So, what'd they teach you there on the first day?
Um... we did urine.
Piss?
All day? That's it?
And...
- Wrists. - What?
Who wants coffee?
Just pour, sweetheart. We're dying here.
You're learning about wrists?
Pulse. How to take someone's pulse.
That's great, honey.
Isn't that something, Mick?
- Take my pulse. - What?
Come on, take my pulse.
I want to see what my little girl's learning over there.
She doesn't have a watch.
You need a watch to do it.
Here. Take mine.
Dad.
Cartier. That's an excellent timepiece, Uncle Mickey.
It's excellent.
Take my pulse. Come on, it'll be fun.
OK. You ready?
Ready? Shouldn't I be pulsing automatically?
What the hell are you doing?
I'm looking, Dad.
You have to look that hard, I can't be doing too good.
Is there a doctor in the house? We got a dead man in this booth.
Dead.
Get one off once in a while.
Good one.
Yeah, you're a riot, Uncle Mickey.
Come on, let me...
Oh, honey, are you all right?
Oh, Viv.
This girl needs some water.
Somebody get some water!
Can we get water? Can't you see the kid's choking?
What is that?
Must've swallowed a hairball from all that hair in her face.
Shh. Stop it.
Can I take your order?
Yeah, yeah, we'll order something.
OK.
Uh, can we get the check?
And I'd like a little more water, please.
It was very salty.
So how's the new apartment working out?
Oh, it's beautiful. You gotta come see it.
It's really nice, Uncle Mickey. We love it.
Mickey, you didn't forget the monthly?
I already sent you for this month.
What are you doing, blowing my money at the track?
No. That was for last month.
Tomorrow's the first again.
How many times I gotta tell you? You gotta learn to budget.
You're a 65-year-old man.
Map it out so you don't run out the end of every month.
No, that's not it. l... I need it.
It's been tight.
Going off my shift, so if you don't mind...
- I'll take care of it. - I got it.
- Give me the check. - It's on me.
What are you doing?
I'm paying for breakfast.
You acting the big shot?
Let me just pay for breakfast in front of my kids.
You haven't paid for anything your whole goddamn life.
Mickey, sweetheart, stop it. Let him pay.
- Belle, it's the principle. - I know.
If he pays the check, it's still me.
Let's not play games.
If you pay or I pay, I'm still paying, right?
I've been paying for you for 50 years, Murray.
Not in front of the kids, Mick.
You think they're mental midgets?
You're not fooling anybody.
Ask your daughter who pays the bills...
who bought the clothes on her back...
the shoes on her feet.
I'll tell you what. I'll take care of the check.
Where's the girl? Miss!
Belle, put your money away. He needs to hear this.
Who's keeping your kids in Beverly Hills? Who, you?
Come on.
They're not stupid, Murray. They know.
The money in your pocket comes from my goddamn bank account.
Let's put our cards on the table.
Let 'em know who their real father is.
I'm their father.
I'm supporting your fucking family their whole life!
What are you doing?!
Aah!
Oh, God.
She... she... she...
Poppy...
I'm pregnant.
Takes a fork and stabs me in the leg.
I know, darling. I know.
That's the thanks I get.
Please!
Can you give us a ride?!
My husband is wounded!
Mickey!
Dad!
Mickey!
Let them go!
Goes to detox and gets pregnant.
What is this?
Mickey!
Dad!
Let them go.
I don't have anything.
I got nothing left.
Dad.
You got us, Dad.
Dad.
With Rita gone...
there'd be no more monthlies from Uncle Mickey.
No more plush shag carpeting...
fancy dinette sets, or swimming pools.
No more Camelot...
of Beverly Hills.
Just a future filled with cheap rents and dingbats.
So, what is it, like, over between us?
Is that it?
I told you. It was a building thing.
Oh, great. So you used me?
For my car, to lose your virginity? W-what?
I liked you, OK?
I like you.
I just can't get attached.
Why not?
My family. I can't.
We're nomads.
Better get out of here.
OK, everybody in?
Hey, doesn't Eva Gabor live around here?
Ben, doesn't she?
I don't know, Viv.
Thought someone told me that.
Hey, that's it. Right there.
Rickey, look. That's Eva Gabor's house.
Who?
Eva Gabor, from "Green Acres."
Where's Eva Gabor?
That one. You see it? With the marble portico.
That's hers.
Whoa.
Yeah, uh, you know, she...
she's supposed to have this weird thing for poodles.
She, like, breeds them or something like...
like a poodle farm in her backyard.
Whoa, weird.
Dad, what do you say we get some steak...
we get some steak for lunch?
Not today. I'm not in the mood.
You know, I could eat.
I mean, I need to beef up for my role.
You know, I got the part, Dad. Sky Masterson is mine!
Brando played him in the movie, right?
That's right.
Yeah. "Guys and Dolls."
Terrific picture.
Frank Sinatra... Nathan Detroit.
Come on, Dad. It'll be fun.
We'll eat steak, get our strength up.
Then we can look for our new place.
What do you say, Dad?
We'll get 'em how you used to serve them...
this thick, seasoned, rare... and bloody.
Yeah, Dad.
All right. Who's hungry?
I am.
OK. Let's go to Sizzler.
Yes! Yeah!
I used to think the good life...
was somewhere just outside the window of my father's car...
but now I see it's on the inside.
Sure, we didn't know where we were going to live...
but we knew where we were going.
For us, the Abramowitzes of Beverly Hills...
a meal at Sizzler meant that we were halfway home.