Daddy, I'm pretty sure you don't put mayonnaise in stuffing.
Well, how else is it going to stick together?
Uh, gobble, gobble, people. Happy Turkey Day.
Ah, some good smells in here.
And some disturbing ones, too.
Duane, you change your mind about going to homecoming this weekend?
Man, heck no.
High school was the worst years of my life.
Why? You should want to go.
I can't wait till I graduate and come back to high school
rich, famous and beautiful.
Oh, so that's why you don't want to go.
Speak to her, Flex. She don't know, I'll fight a little girl.
Hey, hang on, man.
D, I think you should come to homecoming. High school wasn't that bad.
Have you forgotten?
Belinda Hopkins, senior year, homecoming dance.
How she lured me backstage, tricked me out of my clothes
and then opened the curtains.
You can only blame yourself for wearing Spider-Man underwear.
Wait, hold up.
You wore Spider-Man underwear in high school?
Me and my Spidey senses don't hear you.
I spin a web and block you out.
Daddy, did you put mayonnaise in the yams?
You know it does not go with everything.
I don't give a yam what you think.
You going to eat 'em and like it, yammit.
And you know, you're starting to sound just like your mother.
Always checking and double checking on everything I do.
Well, obviously you need someone to check after you.
Nicole. Ooh.
- Hey, Mommy! - Hi, baby.
Tell me that's not my ex-wife here.
Okay, it's your baby's mama.
Oh, yam, yam, yam!
Nicole, there is such a thing as a phone call, a fax
an e-mail, a singing telegram, a brick through a window.
Something to let a brother know that you're coming to town.
Listen, Flex, it's been three months.
A mother misses her child.
So, anyway, there I was off the coast to Nova Scotia,
studying the mating calls of killer whales
when I realized I had to see my little girl.
Killer whales?
How does it feel to work with family?
Well, I'm glad that she's here.
I miss my mommy so much.
Thank you, baby.
So what you bring me?
Got it.
- What you think? - Ooh, I love it.
It's going to make me look two years older.
Well, nothing but the best for my baby.
You know, Duane, I always get her a Thanksgiving gift.
So what did you get her, Flex?
I gave her life. How about that?
Oh, and you also gave her your knobby knees.
And they're off.
Nicole's off to an early lead, but here comes Flex.
So, uh, how long are you staying, Nicole?
Just through the weekend.
Long enough to spend some time with Breanna
and go to our homecoming.
And you can relax. You look a little tense.
I'm going to stay at the Ritz.
No. She should stay here with us, right, Daddy?
- No, no, no. - No, no. No, no, sweetie.
Your mama's from the hood. Don't take the Ritz away from her.
But, Daddy, I want Mommy to stay with us.
And please help Daddy with the cooking, please.
No, baby, baby, I just can't go and take over your father's kitchen.
That would not be polite.
That's right.
Now all I have to do is add the hot sauce to my famous sweet potato pie.
Ooh.
It'll taste so good, it'll make you want to smack your mama.
Feel free, Breanna.
Get out of my way.
Who does she think she is?
Pushing me aside, baking my bird, mashing my potatoes,
making everything smell all good.
I don't care what anybody says. I'm eating my own pie.
Well, give me a slice to go.
Teach my mom a lesson for kicking me out on Turkey Day.
Just 'cause she's got a new man who doesn't like kids.
Dinner is served.
Oh, wow, Mommy, this looks amazing.
[voice breaking] It's beautiful.
Uh, Duane, would you and the turkey like a moment alone together?
Flex, you haven't done anything in a while,
how about you lead us in prayer?
All right.
Dear Lord, thank you for the food which we are about to receive.
Especially my pie.
Bless everyone here, even the pushy uninvited guest.
Also bless the man who paid for that expensive diamond bracelet
that wasn't returned when her marriage ended.
And, Dear Lord, thank you so much
for the fair market value she received when she pawned it.
You did what?
- Amen. - Amen.
Ooh, Mommy, this turkey is slamming.
Mm-hmm, and this dressing is as moist as a night in Venezuela.
Yeah, well, it's as dry as Phoenix to me.
It's a shame the meal you were preparing couldn't rise from the ashes.
It's a shame you could.
Breanna, don't scatter your carrots around your plate.
I know you're not eating them.
Good looking out, Flex.
You know, she always used to hide her veggies.
When she was six, I would find peas in her ears.
But I hate carrots. I'd rather do my algebra.
By the way, have you done it?
- But I have until Sunday. - No.
You have till Saturday, because I have to go over it.
- Mom... - Breanna, your father's right.
Do what he says.
May I just point out that you two agreed on something?
It's not Thanksgiving, it's Christmas up in here.
Well, I'm really looking forward to homecoming weekend.
I think it'll be good to see all our old friends.
Take a lot of photos 'cause I ain't going.
Duane, nobody remembers what happened to you
at some little dance in 1985.
Yeah, that's right... Spidey.
Spidey!
[knocking on door]
Hey, Breanna, ready to go see Thanksgiving Day Massacre?
And you're still spending the night at my house, right?
Oh, I can't. I didn't know my mom was coming.
No, baby, go ahead, have fun.
I'll be here for a few days.
So you must be the infamous Arnaz.
Wait, you talk about me to your mom? See, you do dig me.
- Now I see what you were talking about. - Yeah.
You must be Spirit.
You know, your parents have given you a very soulful name.
Actually, it's Cloteal.
So you can see why I went to the other side.
Okay, Mom and Dad, I'll see you all tomorrow.
All right, sweetie, but call before you go to bed.
And wait, here, here, here.
Some homemade pie for all of you.
But, Daddy, these are my friends.
Your Uncle Duane loved his.
Actually, you set it too close to the edge and it kind of fell.
And I think it's eating a hole in the carpet.
I've been on hold for 30 minutes. What do you mean you don't have no cabs?
Oh, forget the cab, girl.
If you really need to get to the hotel, I got a broom you can hop on.
I'm just kidding, girl. I'll take you.
- You will? - Yeah.
Thanks, Flex.
Can't wait to get out of these clothes.
No need. The ride is free, baby.
- [laughing] - Good one.
You know, Nikki, I appreciate you taking over dinner.
It made for a really nice Thanksgiving.
Flex, when I say you putting hot sauce in a sweet potato pie,
I figured what next, mayonnaise in the stuffing?
[both laughing]
Girl, that's crazy talk.
You know, Flex, you're not much of a cook
but you're turning out to be a really good father.
Thanks.
And you know I love having her with me.
I know.
Who'd have thought you and I would make something so good.
Not my mother.
But you're not the girl she met when we were in high school.
The one with the big bamboo earrings, at least two pair.
That's all right. That's all right. I was around-the-way girl.
I did my thing. Watch me now.
You know what, Flex? We've come a long way.
Yeah, we have.
Better jobs.
Mm-hmm.
Better personal lives.
Yeah.
Better parents.
But, wait, Flex...
Oh, me!
I guess we've, uh, gotten better at everything, huh?
Are you sure?
Maybe we need to try again and make sure it wasn't a fluke.
Well, you know what they say,
third time's the charm.
Ooh.
- Mm! - Mm?
- It's 9:00 a.m. - What?
Breanna will be home any minute.
- We don't want her to catch us like this. - You're right. You're right.
We'd have a hard time explaining this one.
Uh-oh. Flex.
I can't find my undies.
Oh, well, that explains whey these are so tight.
- Give me my undies! - Come and get 'em.
You're so bad.
Daddy, that movie was so scary.
I never saw so many people get killed by one wishbone.
Mom?
Dad?
Breanna, you're home.
You need something? Pie?
Uh, baby, it's not what it looks like?
See... It's a funny story.
See, what happened was we fell asleep
watching TV, right?
Yeah, yeah. And your mother had an itch on her back
and I was trying to scratch it. Where's it at did you say?
Right down there at the bottom. Thank you so much.
Guys, I know what's going on. I watch Sex and the City.
You two were fooling around.
Wait a second, now. We're not fooling around.
Look...
I care for your mother a lot.
We have a lot of history together.
Well... Yeah, he's right. We have you.
So this must mean you're getting back together!
This is so cool.
I wanted to do this as long as I could remember.
You two don't have any clothes on, do you?
Mm-mm.
Well, you know what?
All I was hoping for was a great Thanksgiving.
I guess Mom coming into town wasn't the only surprise.
- Good morning. - Hey.
Flex, what happened last night?
If you have to ask, I must not have been doing it right.
Why are we here?
We've been divorced for 12 years.
I don't know.
I just looked at you and something clicked.
Maybe it was the way you stuffed the turkey.
No, I'm serious.
Our little girl thinks we're getting back together.
Is that so crazy?
Yes.
I mean, you know, I've got my research in Nova Scotia and...
you know, you and Breanna, you guys are building
a beautiful life here in Baltimore.
Maybe we shouldn't mess that up.
Look...
let's just get through the weekend, you know?
I really want us to try to make this work, Nikki.
It feels right.
Should we go for it?
I'm already gone.
Yeah, baby!
Go, go, go, go!
Yes!
Still got it!
Hey, we could hear you guys cheering all the way down on the field.
I've got the loudest parents here.
Well, baby, it's an exciting game. You know what?
You two are the best cheerleaders out there.
- That's my baby doll! - That's our baby!
- Right here! - That's our baby!
Oh, Daddy, can I have some money for snacks?
Oh, baby, you don't need any money.
- I brought pie. - Go! Go!
Afternoon, alumni...
almunette.
Man, who you trying to be, D-Diddy?
My business card.
"Duane Knox, freelance astronaut."
See, success is the best revenge.
And since I'm just a used-car salesman,
I'm pretending to be a successful spaceman so as to get my revenge with Belinda.
Uh, Belinda. Watch out now.
Belinda, how are you doing, baby?
Do you remember me?
Of course, I do, Duwan.
Actually, it's Duane Knox, astronaut.
Why don't we go take a ride in my limo?
I'll tell you about my seven nights on Saturn.
Did you just see that?
No, no.
Yes, you did. Don't lie.
Nicole, look, it's no big deal.
She's just being friendly.
See, that was always your problem, Flex.
You too damn friendly.
Oh, hold up now.
You always seeing things that aren't there.
Poof, there it is. Poof, there's something else.
- I do not! - Yes, you do!
Excuse me, Grady. Can you mind your business?
Hey! Hey!
What are you guys fighting about?
Oh, we're not fighting, baby.
No, we're just talking with a lot of emotion, baby.
- Yeah. - That's all.
Then why is Daddy's angry vein popping out of his head?
That's my love bump.
It pulsates whenever I'm around your mother.
Boop-boop, boop-boop.
All right, be still, B-dah-B.
Flex, come on! We're going to be late!
You're always late and you know I hate being late.
You know, you've always been impatient.
Nicole, you should just take a moment, breathe and relax.
[breathes deeply] Okay, let's go.
Wait a minute. Where are my keys?
I left 'em right here on the coffee table.
Oh, I put 'em in the kitchen drawer. And you know I hate clutter.
And you know I hate when you move my stuff all around.
Flex, you know what? Don't start before we go out.
Hey, hey, okay, here are the keys, safe and sound.
- Let's go. - Thanks, Bree.
Look, Nicole, I have a system, okay?
A place for everything and everything in its place.
- Right. On the floor, on top of the TV. - You know, Nicole...
Okay, hey, hey! Let's go party.
Yeah.
I can't believe you two are still together.
Star basketball player, class valedictorian.
Stop.
You two were such leaders.
And look at you, still achieving.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Well, I have a PhD.
I make more money than she does.
In that case, a donation to our building fund
is always appreciated.
Oh, geez, of course.
Honey, donate.
Well, I guess I could write a check for a hundred.
No, no, no. Absolutely not.
Make it $500.
We're not cheap people.
We're not cheap people?
It's easy to be generous when it's not your money.
Oh! "I got more money."
Okay, you know what? This is so embarrassing.
I always thought my parents getting back together
would be the best thing ever, but look at them.
They're always fighting.
Parents always fight.
In my house, it starts every Friday when my Mama wonders
what happens to my daddy's check.
My parents never argue.
In fact, they never talk.
There's a cold, eerie silence in my house.
It's kind of cool, though.
My parents seem to fight about everything.
I mean, yesterday it was "Should the toilet paper go up and over
or down and under?"
Who cares? It all gets flushed.
So I said to him, "Billy boy",
instead of Microhard...
"why not call it Microsoft?"
Duane, why didn't I realize how fabulous you were in high school?
It's the fur, baby. Go on, pet me.
I'll be your real-life Chia pet.
Ooh, watch me grow.
You and your family.
You always thought you were better than me and my family.
How do I put this nicely?
We were.
You see what I mean? Uppity, just stank and uppity.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I'm sure you miss the days
when you drank Kool-Aid out of the jelly jar.
Excuse me.
Those were passed down from my grandmother...
- [Flex and Nicole argue] - Ladies and gentlemen...
I'd like to take a moment
to thank the most generous contributors to our building fund,
Flex and Nicole Barnes.
Can you believe they're still together?
It's funny how you like to drive fast and you're so slow getting ready.
Oh, Mom and Dad, please stop. You are giving me a headache.
I'm going to bed.
Why'd you have to go and upset her?
Me? What about you? You're the one always complaining.
"Stop touching my stuff. You snore too loud."
Oh, I'm not the one with the bad nose.
Sounds like you boiling eggs up there.
And you always picking at me, too.
No, no, no. I'm just honest with you about your faults.
You know what? You're not as perfect as you think you are, Flex.
You know what, Nicole?
Who are we kidding, huh?
This is not working out.
You know, that's the first thing we agreed on all night.
There's no right or wrong here.
We just not getting along.
And, unfortunately, that's why we got a divorce.
You're right.
You're right. Now I remember.
So how are we going to break this to Breanna?
Like two mature adults.
This is going to break her heart.
Yippee! Yes, I love you guys!
You made me so happy!
Wait. You're not upset?
No, I'm relieved. You guys torture each other.
And if you stay together,
sooner or later, the hate will eventually trickle down to me.
And I don't want to be trickled on.
I love you guys!
My parents have came to their senses.
The world is right again.
What's wrong with your child?
Nothing. My half of her is cool.
Well, I guess I better get to the hotel.
Good idea.
Nicole...
we were good together once.
Yeah, we were.
Wow!
Oh, Duane!
Take your clothes off.
Nice underwear, Duane.
Yes, they are.
But this time... they're Calvins.
- I love you, Daddy. - Love you, too, Nellie.