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Chow!
Hangover 3
Motherfuckers!
We're almost home, my friend!
Hey, my name is Alan and I bought a giraffe.
It's all mine.
He's super friendly.
Oh, wow! Look at the giraffe!
Oh, my God! Where do you think it's going?
My life is great. I have a wonderful life.
I have a wonderful life.
Yes, sir. Absolutely, I will. Thank you so much. No, of course ...
No. No. And again, I'm so sorry.
That was the mayor, Alan.
It was an accident.
You said you'd always love me, no matter what I did.
I know, and I do. You're my best friend.
But, Alan, Why did you buy a giraffe?
I've always wanted one!
I can feed him from my tree house.
Besides, they remind me a lot of myself.
In what way?
They're majestic, pensive and tall.
- Pensive? - Yeah.
Where'd you learn that word?
"Words with Friends".
What friends, Alan?
You can set it on random.
Alan, aside from the fact that you shut down a freeway,
you murdered a wild animal. It's National news.
You don't wanna know the checks I had to write to fix this.
Oh, please! We're rich.
We are not anything, Alan!
I'm well off! You are my forty year-old son...!
- Forty-two! - Forty... - I'm forty-two!
Forty-two year-old son, who still lives at home!
You are to go back on your medication or I'm cutting you off.
You're bluffing. When's dinner?
Your mother and I can't take this anymore!
Oh, you might have to.
I can't do it! I cannot do this!
? I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life ?
? Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone ?
? Keep it to yourself, it's my life. ?
Alan! Alan!
My God, he's got the voice of an angel.
It's breathtaking.
I can't believe my daddy is dead.
I can think of so many people I would
rather have died first, like my mother.
As many of you know, my father and I were extremely close.
He was my life partner.
He would often tell me, almost on a daily basis,
that I was his favorite child.
I'll always remember the last words he said to me.
"I'm proud of you, Alan. Never change."
Well, I heard you loud and clear, daddy. I will never change.
Never, ever!
Oh, mom.
Go ahead, chief.
Sid Garner was a beloved husband, father and neighbor.
Wow, rough day.
- Yeah. How's Tracy doing? - Not great.
Her mother is totally on the edge,
and if all this weren't enough, apparently Alan's been off
his meds for almost six months.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, it has not been pretty.
Then there's the whole fucking giraffe thing
I thought that was pretty funny.
What?
Come on! He killed a giraffe. Who gives a fuck?
You know, I wasn't gonna say anything,
but Alan's been stopping by my office lately.
- You're kidding me? What for? - I don't know.
He just sits in the waiting room and reads highlights magazine.
Fills in the puzzles, whatever he can, and then leaves.
Check it out.
Jesus, what are you gonna do with him?
Actually, I wanted to talk to you guys about that.
Linda really wants to stage an intervention for him.
An intervention? Really?
I think that sounds like a great idea.
Yeah. The thing is...
she's pretty convinced he won't agree to it unless all of us are there.
I mean, you know how he is.
Oh, I do not know. It seems a little extreme to me.
Oh, God. Look at him now.
Okay, I'm in. When are we doing it?
So we talked to Tracy today and she said that the
treatment facility that they found was really nice.
It's beautiful, I checked it out online. Great reputation.
Who gives a fuck? It's in Arizona!
We gotta go on like a two day drive for this shit?
Here we go!
They should just save their money and send him to a fat camp.
- Phil! - What?
He should lose some weight and find a woman.
That's what he needs. The dude's lonely.
Well, if he's so lonely, why don't the two of you spend some more time with him?
- No, trust me, you don't want that. - No, you definitely don't want that.
Oh, come on. He's not that bad.
I mean, what's the worst that's happened? The tattoo?
Yeah, the tattoo's the worst.
- Right? - Definitely.
The tattoo was the worst. Nightmare.
Speaking of which, you ever get tested?
Excuse me?
You know, cause of the ink.
The one inside you.
I'm fine.
- I can't thank you so much for coming. - Oh, of course.
This is Nico. Nico is a good friend of Alan's
- What's up, bros. - Oh, yeah. Hey.
And that's Blanca. Blanca's been with us since Alan was a baby.
- Hello. - Hello.
And this is Timothy. Timothy lives across the street.
He and Alan swim together.
- Hey. What's up, little man? - Hey.
- Why don't you guys take a seat? - Yeah.
Tracy's on her way back with Alan right now.
Obviously he has no idea this is coming,
so things might get a little intense.
But no matter what happens, remember
this is all about Alan getting better.
Mother, Oreo smoothie, now!
- Woh. Hey, everyone. - Hey !
Hey, Timothy.
Little cold for a swim, isn't it?
Oh, wow. Look, you went to the uh... pier today. How was that?
- We had a great time. - Yeah.
I played skeeball for like forty-five minutes. It was a pretty sick workout.
What's going on?
Uh... why don't you have a seat, bud.
We just wanna talk to you for a sec.
Okay.
- Hey, Phil. - Hey, yeah.
Oh! You got me.
So, Alan, we're all here to tell you about
an awesome place called 'New Horizons'.
That does sound awesome.
- Alan, this is an intervention. - A what?
Mom.
Alan, I love you so much, we all do.
But we can't keep lying to each other.
Ever since you were a baby, all I wanted...
Oh, my God! Is anybody else falling asleep?
Alan, listen!
No offense, Mom, but you're boring.
- Mr. Alan. - Oh, now you?
I pick up after you for thirty years.
I cleaned your room,
I see things no one should ever see.
But I pray for you. Mr. Alan, everyone...
Hey...
- Someone should clean that up. - Alan!
Alan, you are not well.
You're off your mids, and you're clearly upsetting your whole family.
- That's baloney! - Alan
if you say yes to this, we drive you there today,
and I promise you will come back a changed man.
Who's 'we'? What...what do you mean 'we'? Who's 'we'?
We, all of us. Stu, Phil, me, you.
You going, Phil?
I love you, Alan.
Hey, Alan, you hungry?
- You wanna get some RB's ? - No thanks.
You know, I meant to tell you earlier, that's a really cool vest you got on.
Thanks, Phil. It was my Dad's. He died in it.
Woh. That's intense.
Hey, Alan, I just wanna say what you're doing is really brave.
We're proud of you.
Yeah, you're gonna do great.
Stop the car. I don't wanna do this anymore.
- What? - I've changed my mind.
Alan, you can't change your mind. Everybody's counting on you.
I-I-I...I'm fine just the way I am. I wanna go home
Turn the car around!
What the fuck was that?
Oh, my God! He's doing it on purpose!
Just get out of his way! Get out of the way.
I am. I am.
- Hey! Hey, get the fuck off! - We must exchange information.
- Phil! Watch out, Phil! - Oh, shit!
- Get away from him! - I'm trying!
Oh, shit!
What the hell are you? What is happening?
- Stu! - We are in an elevator!
What the fuck is going on?
Please, this is huge mistake!
- You got the wrong guys! - No, I got the right fucking guys
Get him up. Pick him up, put him over here.
Hey, you're black Doug! It's Black Doug!
Shut the fuck up with that! Shut the fuck up!
Oh my, God! It is!
Alan, tell me right now, why is Black Doug kidnapping us?
I said don't call me that shit no more!
- It ain't Alan's fault. - Thank you, Black Doug.
- Ooh, Mother fuck...! I will...Fucker! - Doug!
- Okay, Okay. - Just Doug, okay?
- Why are you doing this? - Because ...
I told him to.
I'm Marshall.
And whether you know it or not, we all have something in common,
and it all started four years ago, when this moron...
...sold the wrong drugs to this dumb fuck.
You have no idea the chain of events that were set in motion that night.
In the parking lot of a fucking liquor store.
- What up, nigger? - Excuse me?
Chill out, I'm not a cop.
Just in town for the night.
Me and my boys looking to get our freak on.
You sold Alan roofies.
Oh, shit. I must have mixed up the bags.
My fault, Alan. Damn! Marshall gonna be pissed off with me on that one.
Damn! Marshall gonna be pissed off with me on that one.
Marshall? You're Marshall?
You brought us out here because of that?
You're not here because of that.
You're here because some China man I never heard of
strolls into my town and takes one of my guys off the street!
- Mr. Chow? - Yes.
Yes! Yes, Mr. Leslie-fucking-Chow.
You introduced a virus into my life.
Oh God, what did he do?
He fucked me in the ass.
Oh, he does that from time to time.
Not literally. Jesus!
A few weeks after your bullshit.
I get word this sheik is coming in from Abu Dhabi.
He was looking to make some less than legal investments.
He brought his two wives and 42 million dollars in gold bars.
- It was a lay up. - Get down! Get down!
We took it all.
Two vans, each with 21 million in gold.
My guys split up.
One of them made it back.
One of them didn't.
Is there a problem, officer?
Not anymore, motherfucker.
Leslie Chow stole 21 million dollars from me. On a Tuesday.
Oh, God.
I looked everywhere for him.
But he's gone, no one can find him.
Until the little cockroach got him self pinched in Bangkok.
So I pay him a visit.
I offer him a truce.
I won't touch a hair on his head,
I just want him to tell me where my gold is.
He refuses to talk.
Not only he does refuse to talk to me,
he has no communication with anyone form the outside.
except you.
Hey, it's unfair!
Alan, you been talking to Chow?
They've been writing letters!
Hey, those are private!
"Dear Leslie, OMG, the McRib is back!"
"Why was it ever gone?"
Exactly!
"Dear Alan, I threw urine on prison guard today."
"Blamed it on cell mate. Wish you were here."
Yeah, I wish I could have seen that.
Letter after letter of total nonsense,
except for one common thread.
You guys!
The Wolfpack.
Jesus Christ, Alan!
Five weeks ago, Chow escaped from maximum security detention.
Oh, fuck.
He stored aboard a shipping freighter bound for the West Coast.
- Where is he? - I don't know.
Alan, if you know where he is, you tell this man right now.
Phil, I...I don't know. I swear, I haven't talked to him in months.
We Gotta do it the hard way.
- What the fuck! - Hey, Hey? Don't!
- Let's go! - No! What the fuck?!
Woh! Woh! Woh! What are you doing?
Doug is my insurance, he stays with me.
You don't give me Chow, I blow his brains out.
You go the the cops, I blow his brains out.
But that's insane! We don't even know where the fuck he is!
No one does.
But I figured the Wolfpack has the best chance of finding him.
You have three days!
Get to work.
Can't you take Stu instead?
Fuck you, Alan!
Shit.
Shit!
- Alan? - Yeah, Phil.
I need you to roll over here and chew off these hand ties.
Okay.
- Getting a little too much steam. - Get off me.
Alright. Let me just shimmy down.
- Would you just...? - Hold still! Hold still!
Help! Help!
Holy shit.
What are we gonna do, Stu?
We're gonna go to the police.
Oh, no, we're fucking not. Did you hear that guy?
He will kill Doug, period.
Chow is a cancer, he has been a cancer since the first day we met him.
So we're gonna hand him over to this guy Marshall and then it's done.
- Hey, Phil! - Alan, not now!
But I need you, Stu. I can't do this alone.
Do what alone? We have no idea where he even is!
- Phil? - What, Alan?
Well, I was just gonna say, I got this strange
email the other day, I wasn't sure what it meant.
But now I think it might be from Chow.
"Fatty, it feels good to be out. I'm close by. Tell no one,
I'll be in touch. Chow."
This says Chow. How did you not know this was from Chow?
At the time, I thought it was Chow like 'goodbye'.
You know Like "Ciao, Arrivederci, Sbarro, Papa Johns."
I'm writing him back.
Woh. Wait, wait. Just hold on!
I'm gonna tell him that you're happy he's out and that you'd love to see him.
Ooh, I would love to see him.
- Do you even know what's going on? - Yes, I do.
Phil's doing all the work, I'm his assistant and you're standing there looking like an idiot.
I'm gonna arrange a meeting. We're gonna take him out.
"Take him out?" Who says that? How do we take someone out?
We use drugs. Prescription drugs.
You know the kind a dentist has access to.
Good luck finding a dentist who will write fake prescriptions.
Oh, I know one. His name is Stuart Price.
Now, let's go find a fucking pharmacy.
Wooh, you just got schooled, son.
- Are you coming or not? - I don't like this plan.
Okay, then. Ciao!
I got a pretty dumb sense of humor, bro.
Everything okay?
Well, it's just a strange request. This drug, in this amount,
and a pack of syringes, it's just a little weird.
Yeah. It's just...it's kind of an emergency, so...
See , that right there, and you're acting all figgity, plus you look like shit.
In our buisness, these are all red flags.
I need to call a priscriping doctor and make sure everything's okay.
Aha. Well, you're in luck because I actually am a priscriping doctor.
Oh, boy. Another red flag
It says here you're a dentist.
Yeah, Doctor of Dental Science.
This is fucked up.
Hey, Dad?
I think we got a live one.
- How did we do? - We did good.
I got Demerol, a pack of syringes and almost lost my dental license.
- What about the Chow, anything? - Nothing.
Oh, look at this. He emailed me like twenty minutes ago.
Alan, we've been sit... Give me the phone, please.
What does it say?
Oh, wow. He wants to meet Alan tonight at eight.
Just come alone.
Come alone where?
- A bus stop. In Tijuana. - Tijuana is the bomb!
- Oh, fuck! - No, that's perfect.
It's like a three hours drive form here.
Yeah, Stu. Try reading a map.
Yeah, Alan. Try reading, anything, ever.
Yeah, Stu, try not having such big horse teeth.
Alright, we need a plan.
They're meeting on a bus bench in a public place.
So Alan needs to convince Chow to go some place more private.
Some place where we can sneak up on him,
drug him.
Like where?
I don't know, like an alley?
What about a movie theater?
Fuck, that's actually a great idea.
The lights go down.
We take the seats behind him, we jab him and it's fucking done.
I'll jab him if you want,
I've drugged people before.
Yeah. Us.
No offense, Alan, but we're not letting you handle any drugs.
You kill someone.
Oh, please. I'm an expert.
Remember the marshmallows in Thailand? - Yeah.
I made it so you could eat at least three before hitting a fatal dose.
Wait.
So you're saying I would have died if I'd had four?
Nobody eats four marshmallows, Stu!
That insane theory is the only reason I'm still alive?
Yes! And you're welcome, by the way.
Don't say, "you're welcome", for almost killing me.
- Fine. - Thank you.
- You're welcome. - Goddammit!
Oh, God.
You know, you were right.
About what?
That place in Arizona. It's not gonna help him.
There's no facility that can fix this guy.
We're gonna spend the rest of our lives dealing with him because we're all he has now.
Do you realize that? We're it.
Oh, shit. Check it out.
Is that Chow?
Hey, fat stuff.
- Fat stuff? - Atataa. That's cool, eyes forward.
- Yeah, okay. - Anyone follow you?
No, I don't think so.
Good, good. Gotta keep low profile right now.
Chow wanted man. Can't trust anyone.
Quick, give me some sugar.
Come on, come on, come on.
What the fuck? Did he just kiss him?
Listen, I'm in bit of pickle, Alan
I need a friend.
Well, I'm your friend, Leslie.
Exactly, that's why I called you down here.
You're the only person I can trust in this shit hole of a life.
Well, that's not true. Stu and Phil are your friends.
Oh, really? That's interesting.
Where are they?
- Around. - Around where?
I do not know.
Ah, mother fucker! I told you to come alone!
- Leslie! - Shit!
- What happened? - Is he leaving?
Come back, we'll talk some more! I'll give you another kiss!
He's coming this way.
Oh, fuck. Get down. Get down.
Oh, fuck!
- Get out of the car, you mutts! - Leslie! No!
Get off me, fat clown!
Chow! Chow! Calm down!
- Who sent you? - No one!
No...we just wanted to see you!
Liar! No one wants to see Chow!
- No! We...we missed you. - What?
We missed you, Chow!
- That's it. - Yeah.
We missed you!
You miss me?
So much!
You missed Chow?
Yeah, buddy.
We love you, Chow.
Oh God!
I hurt myself today, to see if I still fell.
I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real.
What I've become...
What the fuck am I watching?
...my sweetest friend.
Everyone I know goes insane...
- Is that gonna be enough? - Oh, yeah
This'll take about a minute to kick in. We'll tell the waitress he's drunk,
by the time we get to the car he'll be out cold.
I will let you down,
I will make you...hurt.
Alan, sit down.
It was really nice, Chow!
Thanks, Phil.
Thanks, Phil. The key is to sing from the heart.
So Mexico, huh? What are you doing down here?
You know, fucking, doing blow, same old, same old.
Oh, I got into cock fighting.
Oh, cock fighting, that sounds wonderful.
Yes, basically been killing it down here.
That is just terrific.
Right? I mean that's terrific. I think that calls for a toast.
I like that. To killin' it.
To killin' it.
Yeah, to killing it.
You okay, Chow?
I don't know, you tell me?
So, how many roaster birds do you have, Chow?
Ssh. Act cool, or I open his vein.
Why you wanna drug poor Chow?
No, no, it's not what you think.
- There's this guy Marshall... - Marshall?
How do you know that fat fuck?
He says that you took his gold, and he's got Doug
and he's gonna kill him unless we bring you back.
It's true!
I swear to God it's true!
Chow. Chow, that's the truth.
Goddamn it!
That motherfucker.
Stu, are you okay?
- You alright? - No!
I'm sorry, Chow. We're sorry.
We didn't know what else to do.
- Next time, don't lie to Chow. - You're right.
You are so right, and we made a huge mistake.
So what do we do now?
That depends.
Can I trust you?
- What is this place, Chow? - My house.
Chow used to be on top of the world.
Had three beautiful homes in three different countries.
But this one, my Mexican villa, this was my favorite.
Then everything got fucked.
Chow go to prison,
all my property seized.
My homes...sold at auction to highest bidders.
But I know something no one else knows.
This house is where I stashed the gold.
- Marshall's gold? - Yep.
Hid it inside the basement wall,
no one knows it's there.
We're gonna go get it.
Wait. You mean break in?
Look, Marshall wants his gold,
and he's gonna hunt me down until he gets it.
If we show up without it, he'll kill me.
We're not breaking in anywhere.
Not anywhere, Stu, my house.
It's a piece of cake.
I know every square inch of this place.
The best part, the guy we're stealing it from doesn't even know it's there.
So he'll never know it's gone.
You guys know what's going on, right?
What do you mean?
And please correct me if I'm wrong.
We're not breaking into this house,
this house is too small.
We're breaking into another house. This is just a model, right, Chow?
What? Alan, no! My chickens!
Shit!
Chow, what the fuck?!
Watch out for the cocks! They're trained to kill!
His beak is so sharp!
Stay still! I'm trying to help!
Don't!
Woh! Fucking bullseye!
Are you out of your mind?!
Shoot 'em! Shoot 'em! Shoot 'em!
The window!
- Out! - I'm trying!
Ssh...ssh. Don't struggle. Let go.
You won a lot of fights, Wallace.
Not this time.
What the fuck was wrong with those chickens?
They're angry.
All I feed them is cocaine...
and chicken.
- That's some house, Chow. - It was my Shangri-La.
Now it's gone.
Could you not spit inside my minivan, please?
- Jesus! - Who lives there now?
Some dot com millionaire.
He's never here, this is a vacation home.
The help doesn't show up on Sundays. No one there but the guard dogs. Stu?
We'll toss these burgers over the gate, wait for the Demerol to kick in.
Make sure you put in enough to kill them.
We're not gonna kill the dogs, Chow.
This will knock them out for hours.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you work for PETA.
What a pussy!
Alan, take that.
- Where are you going? - You'll see.
Glad to meet you, little loser.
Excuse me, fucking asshole
Follow me.
Ok, here's the deal!
Two security panels inside, if you cut only one wire, it triggers alarm.
Place will be crawling with cops.
But if you cut wire on both panels at same time, alarm disabled.
Yeah, but how are we gonna get inside without tripping the alarm?
Check this out.
Any more stupid questions?
Now, who's coming with me?
I'll do it.
You wanna tell him?
Alan, you're just too fat.
Roger that.
Don't kick me, motherfucker!
No, no, no. Don't get up,
will trip motion detectors. Stay low, like dog.
Oh, okay. Good idea.
- Which way? - In there, the kitchen.
Oh! What the fuck is that?
I'm saying hello. We're dogs, remember?
Hey, Stu. Check it out.
Oh, my God! So gross!
God! Chow cut it out!
Okay, I'm here. Now what?
Pull the cover off so you can see the wires.
Okay. Done!
Okay, on three, cut the gray wire! One, two...
Wait! Wait! Wait! I don't have gray wire.
I have red, green and yellow!
That's weird. I have light gray, medium gray and dark gray.
You do?
Motherfucker. My bad, I'm color blind.
You're what?!
Fuck it, just cut the middle one.
My middle one could be different, they wires are all twisted!
On three. One, two...
Chow, stop! Hold on, I'm coming to you.
What the fuck's taking them so long?
Where did you get the shirt? A Diesel store?
- Phil? - What?
It's a cute top, where'd you get that shirt?
What's the problem?
Just point to the wire you want me to cut.
- This gray one right here. - Great.
For your information, that's green.
Ooh, which one's red?
The one in your left hand.
Wait, which hand is that? I'm also dyslexic.
What the fuck?!
Where'd you get it?
I don't know. I'll find out, I'll get you one.
There's a cool Diesel store in the mall that I like to go to,
right next to the Food Court.
I don't know if it's Diesel.
Looks like a Diesel.
What's the matter with you?
Okay, you're still holding the one I left you with, right?
Pretty much.
Oh, fuck.
Alright. On three.
One, two, three!
Holy shit, it worked.
All good?
Easy peasy.
- Alright. - You have no idea.
Come on.
Jesus! Be careful, Chow!
Fuck this guy.
Living in my house, living my life.
- Can we just stick to the plan? - Fine.
Ruined.
He is completely out of control.
Let's just get this done.
This way. Come on, come on.
It's buried behind this wall.
- Alan! - Here you go, boss.
Fuck!
You okay?
Yeah, I'm okay. Just warming up.
It's so heavy. Do we have lighter one?
Why don't you just let me do it, Chow?
Okay. Either way, you or me, same thing.
You might wanna take your shirt off, it makes it easier.
- What? - I've heard that too.
See that. Chow came back for you.
That's the last of it.
- You sure? - Yeah.
You triple sure?
- Yes! - Good!
Chow?
Chow!
Chow, open the fucking door right now!
Stuart Price. No felonies, one arrest, Las Vegas, Nevada.
Phil Warnick. No felonies, one arrest, also Las Vegas, Nevada.
Alan Garner.
Is this record accurate?
Uh-huh. I did that.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Masturbating on a city bus.
Yep, that was me.
Look, we've been here for five hours.
We already told your guys everything that we know.
No. You told them a story about a little Chinese man.
Leslie Chow. He is an international criminal, look it up.
A little Chinese man that no one in town has seen or heard of.
And the hotel you say he's staying, there's no one there.
Probably because he left town.
That's one theory.
Another theory is that you're lying.
Lude behavior, Cracker Barrel, Christmas Eve.
Hear? There's a guy in the face who wants to see you.
Excuse me.
We're fucking dead.
Why would Mr. Chow do this?
Because he's a greedy piece of shit who used us.
Yeah, but he's our friend.
Oh, grow up, Alan.
You're free to leave.
All the charges have been dropped.
By who?
It's your lucky day. There's a car waiting for you out front.
Come on, let's go.
I'm sorry, what is this?
Get in the car.
Excuse me, sir? Where are we headed?
Welcome back!
- What the fuck? - Let's go, guys.
Out to the back.
- Doug? - Guys!
Get you ass back over here!
Leslie Chow never lived here.
You did not break into his old house,
you broke into my house.
I don't understand.
You didn't get back the gold he stole from me,
you got the other half that he didn't.
Oh my, God!
Oh, you...you mean the half he never had?
He's a word class rat and you three were his accomplices.
- No, no, no, no. - We had no idea!
We were trying to help you, we thought you'd be happy!
Thank you so much.
Thank you for ripping me off!
Thank you for desecrating my home!
And thank you for killing my fucking dogs!
We didn't kill your dogs, they're just tranquilized.
Oh, right.
You don't know.
Chow snapped their necks on his way out.
- What? - And somebody's gotta pay.
- He's right. - No, no, no, no!
My head of security.
Couldn't stop three fuckups and a China man with a pair of wire cutters.
Unreal!
Oh, man! That's okay. I know it's scary.
Hector! Run upstairs and grab a pair of sweat pants for Alan here.
I'm a 44 slim. Can you bring me a few options?
You found Chow once, find him again.
And my gold.
Wait. We don't even have a car.
Chow stole my minivan.
Take the limo, Hector has the keys.
And get going.
I'm killing Dougs today.
I never saw anyone get killed before.
Right! My God, that was so intense.
I mean, he just fell and he's... he's dead.
- I feel sick. - Me too.
Well, maybe we should get some food, guys.
What are we gonna do? We have no idea where Chow is.
- I don't know. - He took your minivan,
maybe we could report it stolen and then they could track him down?
It's worth a shot.
Oh, fuck!
I left my phone in the minivan.
Well, if you lost your phone, Phil, I have that 'find my phone app'.
Oh, we have bigger problems than that, Alan.
No, no. Wait, wait. If your phone is in the minivan,
and...and Chow has the minivan, then your phone's with Chow.
You heard him, we have bigger problems than that, Stu.
Alan, give me your phone.
- Quick. That's brilliant. - Yes!
- Wait. What's your password? - Hey, Phil.
- Yeah? - No, that's it.
- What? - That's my password. "Hey, Phil."
- It is it. - Phil gets it.
Nothing worse than losing your phone.
You just saw a man get murdered, your brother-in-law is kidnapped,
you sure there's nothing worse?
You don't get it, Stu.
You just don't get it. Do you?
I have over sixty apps on that phone!
What if I lost my phone?
Do you have any idea how much time and man hours
it would take to re-download those apps?
You're...you are right. I had not thought of that. Thank you.
Oh, God. It's not always about you, Stu!
It's locating.
- Oh, God. Of course. - What?
Where is he?
He's in fucking Vegas.
- Shot gun. - Oh, no.
Hey, Stu?
I don't enjoy talking to you that way.
I don't know why you insist on making me blow my top.
We've been on a lot of adventures together.
But it seems like you haven't learned anything.
Anything!
You think on it.
I'll be in the limo.
He's okay.
Someone needs to burn this place to the ground.
I told myself I'd never come back.
Don't worry. It all ends tonight.
It says 200 yards up on the right.
And here it is! Amazing!
Looks like he ditched it.
- It's open! - No shit.
Look around .
See if he left anything in here.
- I found the Demerol. - Good.
Keep it we gonna need it.
Ah, I got my phone.
No fucking keys though.
- Alan, anything? - No, not even the gold.
Why the fuck would chow come here?
I do not know. right?
Why here?
Nice!
Excuse me. Have you happened to see
the driver of that minivan that's parked out front?
- Short Asian guy. - They are all short.
It's so true.
Right, but may have been trying to pawn some gold.
That would be my business, would not it?
I like your T-shirt.
I saw that show at the Forum.
He played "Captain Jack".
Yeah, I heard that was legendary.
Woman, you have no idea!
Try me.
Cassie I'm hungry.
I thought that you'd order Chinese .
Mom, I'm with a customer!
You'll eat when I say it's time to eat.
But the doctor -
If you do not reverse that right now, there's gonna be hell to pay.
- She's rude. - Thank you.
You hear that, Mom? Nobody likes you.
Yes, keep your mouth shut!
You're smart.
The Chinese guy came in here earlier.
He was pretty wierd.
He pawned a gold brick. That thing is worth 400 Grand
He took 80,000.
Did he say where he was going?
I'm sorry, I was talking to you?
He said he wanted three things :
He wanted some girls, some guys and some bath salts.
I gave him a card for an escort service, and he fuck off.
Pretty high handsome,
good luck getting anything out.
Thank you.
We gotta go, we should go.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
I'll get it. I'll get it.
- Anything? - No, I'm still on hold.
Look how happy this fucking guy is.
Have you ever witnessed a moment with much heat?
White, hot heat, bro!
- That was pretty intense. - Yeah!
Yeah, it is actually an emergency. He has a thick Asian accent.
I totaly get it, but this's a highly unusual circumstance and -
Okay, alright.
It is an escort service .They're not gonna tell us shit.
Maybe an escort would.
Do you still have her number?
Yeah, but it would be pretty awkward.
That's all we got.
She's smiling at me again, from inside the shop!
It is the best day of my life.
- Hey! - Oh my God! You guys.
It's been so long!
- Come in! - Thank you!
- You look great. - So do you. You are pregnant.
- I feel so bad. - Oh, please.
Would you guys mind taking your sheos off?
Because I'm kind of a germ freak.
Yes, of course.
- Alan. - Alan, what are you doing?
Sorry.
- Wow, you have a great house. - Thank you.
I got married a year ago. to a surgeon.
- Another doctor, can you believe it? - Another doctor.
His name is Jeff, you guys would love him.
Tyler, say hi to momy's friends
- Hi. - Hey
- Wait, is that the baby? - Yeah, time flies huh.
Listen jade, is there a place that we can talk,
this is a little more private.
Yeah, let's go to the kitchen. You guys want coffee?
Perfect.
Hey, you coming?
Hey Jade, is it okay if I go say hello to the little guy?
Of course.
- Nice stuff. - Thanks. Jeff bought it for me.
Jeff, Who's that? Your fake Dad?
Your name was Carlos once. Did you know that?
- No. - Well, it was.
And frankly it suites you better.
Okay.
- Do you remember me? - No.
Are you my real dad?
Yes.
I dont't know, I mean you gotta understand
I've been out of that world a few years now.
Yeah, of course. We totally get that.
I mean Jeff knows everything, and he's cool but...
We are just asking if you could call around
just find out anybody might know where he is.
We could really use your help.
You used to love it when I carry you around.
Sometimes I can still feel for your little head on my chest.
- So , do you like this new Jeff guy? - Yeah, he's nice.
My dad was nice too. We did everything together.
He was my life partner.
I really let him down.
Okay.
Just trust me. You don't wanna go over there, okay. Not this one.
I love you too.
She says this is crazy Chinese guy,
and he's hold up in the penthouse suit at Caesars Palace.
There's girls going in and out. Drugs everywhere.
It sounds like a bad scene.
Hey, Alan.
We gotta go.
I gotta go, little man. It was great to talking to you.
High Five.
- It was great to see you. - You too Jade.
- Thanks so much for your help. - Yeah.
- That's a great kid you got there. - He's the best.
Alan!
I have something for you.
- Perfect. - Oh , please.
I'll see you around, Carlos.
- Yeah? - We got him.
- Great. Where is he? - Caesars Palace.
Change the plan. Tell them we're going to Vegas.
I'm on my way.
There is a spot just outsite the town.
I'll text you the details be there at 6 a.m.
And make sure that little fucker is tied up.
We don't have him!
Hey Marshall, It's Phil. Maybe Stu wasn't clear enough.
We don't actually have Chow. We just know where he is.
Yeah, and we're hoping you and your could go to Caesers and get him.
I don't give a fuck what you're hoping.
- The deal is you bring chow to me. - Oh, fuck.
6:00 a.m. or your friend is dead.
Oh, Shit.
- Oh God, this place gives me the chills. - I know, right?
It's great to be back. So many good memories.
- Are you kidding me? - Okay. So, Here's the deal.
You need a key just to get onto his floor.
And once you're there he's got security posted at the door.
It's ridiculous.
Let me guess, that's him
Yup. The one with the strobe lights.
I got an idea
But you not gonna like it.
- It's not gonna work. - Not with that fucking attitude.
Did you know this whole place is made out of marble?
Come on. Go Go Go
Alright, after we stick Chow, Alan and I gonna take him down to the lobby.
You'll be waiting in the vallet, engine running, ready to go.
- Are you sure about this? - Give me Demerol.
See you in twenty minutes.
- Hey, Phil? - Yeah?
Don't die.
Alright.
- Are you ready to do this? - Yeah.
Wait, what are we doing?
Shit!
We gonna climp down, and then it's about an 8 foot drop to the balcony.
- Alright ? - Yeah.
- No , You spit on your own hands. - Oh, yeah
Dry desert air.
Alan, it's fine. You don't need it.
Oh, God.
Be careful!
I'm okay!
- Hey, Phil - What's wrong?
- Hold on a seceond. - What?
Hold one. Like, kick yourself out a little bit.
- Alan! - Stay Still.
Alan!
- Did you get it? - No, hold on.
That's cool.
Oh , Fuck me!
- Is everything all right? - It's okay!
It's alright. I got it.
Are you okay?
Alan, it's your turn.
- That's it. - Oh, God!
Come on.
- Alan, are you all right? - Call the security! I think it's slipping.
- Just hold on! - Oh, God!
- You need to calm down. - I'm slipping, Phil!
- Oh shit! You're okay! - Help!
Oh, no.
- I'm gonna die, Phil! - No, you're fine. Just...
drop down to me.
No chance. I'm gonna be up here.
Alan, you can do this. I'll catch you.
Just...
...Let go.
That's it, that's it. Just drop straight down.
Do not push off.
No!
- Oh, God! - Come here!
Holy fuck!
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
Shit! Oh
I almost died, Phil.
Come on, I wasn't gonna let you go. You're my boy.
And you're my man.
What are you doing?
Okay.
Let's go get this fucker.
Hey!
Have you seen ...
Phil!
Motherfucker!
Get the gun!
Oh, fuck!
Phil, are you okay?
Chow!
Chow, open the fucking door!
- Chow, stop! - Motherfuckers!
Leslie, get down from there please, you gonna hurt yourself.
Nothing hurts chow. I'm invisible!
It's "invincible", and you're not, you're just out of you're fucking mind.
Now Get down from there before you die!
Die? How do you kill what's already dead?
Fuck!
- Hey, are you okay? - No, look up.
- What the fuck is that? - That's Chow!
- What? - Follow him!
I love cocaine.
Get out of the way!
- How did this happen? - We had him trapped,
and then he jumped. He's out of his fucking mind.
I'm out of my fucking mind.
Wow, beautiful.
- Stu , don't lose him. - I'm trying!
Holy shit.
I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky.
Thinking about it every night and day.
We gotta pack up all this gold. We're taking it with us.
- Talk to me, Stu. - I got him.
I got it.
Shit.
Fuck!
- I lost him.
Don't tell me that. You can't lose him!
This is so much harder than you realize, Phil.
I'm just a dentist.
No, Stu. You are a fucking doctor Now go get him
Where the fuck did he go.
Oh Fuck me!
I should have thought this through. Shit!
Move.
- Stu? - Chow?
- Stop the fucking car! - I can't!
- The pedal is stuck! - What?
- I can't see anything! - Motherfucker!
- Get off! - Pull over!
It will not stop!
Get off the car! I can't see anything!
We're gonna die finally.
- Holy Shit! - Stu, What happened?
- Stu , what's going on? - We had an accident.
- I think he's dead! - Wait, what?
I think I killed him.
Holy shit!
- He's not moving. - Oh fuck!
Mr. Chow?
Chow.
- Stuart? - He's alive. He's okay.
Oh, great. Put him in the Limo and come get us.
- We meet you in the vallet. - Yeah, okay.
- Stu, that was some ride huh pal? - Yeah, it was pretty wild.
I can't feel my nuts. Would you rather make sure they're okay?
It's over, Leslie.
Wait. Let's make a deal.
Do you want chow to blow your dick?
Come on, Stu.
I could be a good wife to you.
- No more deals! - No!
Let's put the bags into the back seat. The trunk is full.
Hey, guys? I'm feeling better now.
Alright, it's the next exit and 4 miles straight into the desert.
I'll tell you what.
Let me out, we split the gold four ways, everyone wins.
Marshall is gonna kill me! My blood will be on your hands.
You want Chow's ghost haunting for the rest of your live, Stu?
Floating over you, while you make fuck on your wife?
He's not gonna kill you, Chow! He just wants his gold back!
It's gone.
I blew the first 20 million in Bangkok.
That's why I had to get the other half.
- Enough Chow. It's over! - You motherfucker!
When I get out of this, I'm gonna whip out your fucking lungs!
Do you hear me, you are dead! You are dead!
I didn't mean that. Chow loses temper sometimes.
Please, I need help. I know that.
It's right there.
They are here.
Alan, they're coming, grab the last bag.
Please Alan.
Doug!
That boy for the bags, Let's go!
Are we good ? It's all there, I promise.
Not exactly. I'm is still missing the original half.
But no that, that's all we have Chow said he blew the other half in Bangkok.
Where is he?
He's in the trunk.
A deal for deal.
Doug! Shit.
Give me the keys.
- What are you gonna do with Chow? - I just wanna talk to him.
Move.
You alright?
What the fuck?
End of conversation.
- Why would you do that? - Leslie Chow is madness.
You do not talk to madness.
If you are lucky, you trap it in the trunk of your Limo
and you kill it.
You've have done a great thing tonight. You should feel good about this.
What the fuck?
- Do you think this's a fucking game? - No, no?
Todelo, motherfuckers.
Chow.
- Chow. - Chow, wait.
Now you wanna talk, blue eyes? No more silent treatment?
- Leslie, no. - Stay out of this, fatty.
No, Leslie.
If you want to shoot Phil, you gonna go through me.
What?
- Alan! - Quiet.
I'm gonna stare off.
Today you all live, because one of you was a friend.
Alan, what do you do?
I unlocked the latch between the back seat and the trunk.
- And left him his gun? - Yeah, I didn't think all the way through.
He gave chow fighting chance.
That's all I ever needed.
Fat fuck.
It's never easy, is it? No one wants to see that.
Except for me. But I was born bad.
Hold on. I have something for you.
For your loyalty.
Oh no, I don't want this, Mr. Chow.
Okay give it back then come on.
Quick! Before Stu smells it.
I don't want it either, Chow.
Oh please like a squirrel doesn't wanna a nut.
It's funny because he's Jewish.
Don't you get it?
God damn it.
Okay, go on, get out of here all of you.
Hey chowsta, I'll call you in a week. We'll get together .
No, Leslie. We cannot be friends anymore.
What?
You're not good for me. It's not healthy.
Alan, you're not thinking straight. Let's just talk tomorrow.
Leslie, you are one of the coolest and nicest guys
I've ever met.
And you are smart, funny and everybody loves you.
Alan, what is this?
It's just when we get together bad things happen,
- people get hurt. - Yeah, that's the point, that's funny.
I'm gonna make some changes in my life, this is one of them.
I'm sorry.
Farewell, Leslie Chow.
You are cool as ice.
Shot gun.
Everybody okay?
- Yeah. - Alan, you're okay?
Yeah.
Good, let's go home.
Jesus Christ.
You know what, guys?
You can go ahead without me, there's something I need to do.
Do you even know how to get home?
Of course I do. I am a grown man. I'll ask a stranger.
Good luck, Alan.
See you soon.
Did you know that just a couple blocks from here,
there is a place that looks like Paris, France?
I can't remember what it's called, but it supposed to be magnificent.
It's called Paris Hotel and Casino, and it is magnificent.
Yeah, that's it. Well, I would like to dinner there,
- Tonight. - Oh Sorry, No can do.
I'm banned from the casino for life.
Plus ten years.
We took mom there for her birthday,
played a little Blackjack.
She split tens. I may have overreacted
They said it was abusive and elderly.
- I've done that. - Yeah, right.
I can't go back there.
But...
Golden Nugget has the best prime rib in town...
Oh, that sounds a glorious.
I'll send for you at 8:00 o'clock.
Is that it ?
I saw it once. In a pornography.
It's a nice gesture, but maybe we should wait.
Oh okay, yeah.
I'll see you at 8:00.
You look great, Alan.
What do you think? Hat or no hat?
- Hat. - Oh yeah, okay.
Wow! Who is this guy?
The vest and the cain? I love it.
Thank you, Cassie picked it out for me.
You look like Mr. Peanut.
Yeah, I know right? That's what I was going for.
Maybe we just lose it.
Hey Alan, I was just talking to cassie she's an amazing woman.
Oh, Thank you for saying that, she is an amazing woman,
I find her much better than your wives.
Oh, that's sweet.
Which reminds me, we need to talk. Doug?
Alright, listen fellas, now that I'm getting married.
I am gonna spend a lot more time with Cassandra.
Of course, it's the way it should be.
No, you slow your roll Phil, okay?
There is more. You're not gonna like this part.
I must resign from the Wolf Pack.
Wow that's a big step, Alan.
I know, but she is my soul mate.
And my new best friend.
Plus, so lets me mount her. Which relaxes me.
Oh, my God!
Oh Alan, maybe never say that part again.
Chillax, Doug. We're all adults here.
I know you mount my sister. I've seen it, many times.
What?
Alan , you're the best.
The point is, you need to let me go.
You in particular. I can't be your hero anymore.
Okay, sure.
Having said all that, I still like to get together on tuesdays for bowling,
and on alternating Sundays for general horse play.
How about we play all that by year.
- Alan, it's time. - Here we go.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.