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[ Woman] You just threatened me with rape.
[ Man] Yeah. But I wouldn't? touch you with a long stick.
[ Woman] Okay. What's divine?
[ Man] Divine is free.
[ Woman] There's nobody here, and we're bags of meat.
- [ Man] You're a bag of meat. - And what are you'?
- lam too, and something more. - [Woman ] Like what?
You wouldn't dare touch me.
[ Man] I 'd dare, but I wouldn't.
- You're scared. - Huh?
[ Screaming ]
Why, you dirty little fucker!
You dirty goddamn son of a bitch! I think it's bleeding!
[ Gasps ] You tore my stocking!
You tore my stocking with your teeth!
You tore my stocking with your rotten teeth!
- Yeah, that's divine! - [Audience Chuckles]
You are being a cunt with that silly - [ indistinct]
Oh, my poor foot!
You are a crazy bastard, biting a woman's foot!
Look what you did to my stocking. I think there's some blood.
- God, there's gonna be blood. - Quit squeezing it.
- I'm gonna be sick. - The hell you are.
- Blood makes me sick. - Baloney! Quit squeezing it.
- Look at that tear! - Take your stockings off.
No telling Where you'd bite me then.
- Come here and sit on my lap. - You crazy, crazy bastard!
I don't know why we have to be here.
- My God, there's blood! - Let me see.
What are you, a fucking vampire?
Get away from me, you son of a bitch, or I'll -
- Scream? - I wouldn't scream. I can take care of you!
Why wouldn't you scream? Because you want to be here'?
- Fuck you! - [Audience Chuckles]
- Look. There's some blood. - Where'?
- Right by the toe. - You like it'?
- Are you kidding'? - You squeezed it.
- My God, I can't stand blood. - You feel faint'?
- You sadist! - Sit on my lap.
You're crazier than a hoot owl. You threw me down and bit my foot...
like some fucking Jack the Ripper maniac!
- You liked it. - You're full of shit. You like the blood'?
Well, there! Take a good look at that!
I suppose biting a woman...
on the foot puts her in her place.
- Look at that ruined stocking! - Looks good.
I'm beginning...
to want you.
İsn't that ro-o-o-mantic'?
- Get out of the light. - What do you see'?
If you'd get out of the light, I'd see something besides your fucking shadow.
[Audience Chuckles]
I like your breasts.
So does everybody.
Is everybody divine'?
Before you can pry any secrets from me, you must first find the real me.
[Woman Exclaims]
[ Men Chattering]
- Do you think everybody is divine? - How should I know'?
- [ Woman] What do you think? - Sure.
[ Woman] Maybe we're divine.
[ Man] That's what I'm trying to tell you.
- [ Woman ] By biting my foot until it bleeds? - Take off your stocking.
- Maybe you'd like to see m y tits too. - Sure.
- You make me laugh. - Take it off then. Be divine.
[ Woman] Look at that stocking. It's wiped out.
[ Man] Listen, baby, we're divine!
Who's afraid to be divine'?
If taking my stocking off is divine, then you're a creep!
- Divine to you, not me. - You're the one who'll get the kick.
- It'll be your act. - What do you mean'?
- Your deed. - Taking off my stocking will be my divine deed'?
Yeah.
O-O-Okay.
[ Scattered Chuckling]
Look at that!
- [ Woman] Star, star, star, star... - [ Audience Applauding ]
star!
[ Murmuring Conversations]
- [ Man] Lions. - [ Man #2 ] Love.
- Lions. - Love.
[ Man #1 ] By Mama Lion.
- [ Man #3] Sound rolling. - [ Man #4] Camera rolling.
- [ Woman ] Action. - [ Man #5] Come. Come here, Harlot.
[ Whispering ] Come here, Harlot.
Car lot. Parking lot.
Come here, Harlot.
[Whispering] You're full of love.
You're full of love!
[Whooshing Sound]
How dare you touch me!
Don't you know I'm supposed to be divine'?
We are all divine.
♪ You are divine ♪
[All] ♪ When will you be mine ♪
♪ Saint Valentine ♪
♪ Take the laundry off the line ♪
Oh, I hate The Beam'. I hate The Beam'.
- I love hair. - ♪ Oh, and everything's fine ♪
- I hate plays. I love music. - ♪ Oh, give me some Wine ♪
How old-fashioned. I was on the stage at two...
and quit at the age of six so I wouldn't get -
I hate every form of entertainment, including living.
- Sit down. Come here. - You're full of hate.
And besides, you're a vampire!
Get away! Get away!
Before you can pry...
[ Both ] any secrets from me...
first you must find...
the real m-m-me.
[ Chuckles ] The real me.
What secrets?
That Harlow was so vulgar.
So disgustingly vulgar. They should've done it on Garbo.
She didn't have to have scandals...
beatings, uremic poisoning...
bellhop screwing.
She was the star.
One thing - One thing about stars:
They have to tell you how they sleep at night.
- Let's go to bed. - You know...
my grandmother actually knew Billy the Kid.
- Lets go to bed. - He was the fastest draw in the West...
and he was shot in the back at age 21.
Is it true about the Way that Jean Harlow died'?
- Probably. - Some sex thing. God.
- It was a secret in high school. - Coke bottle.
The pressures here in Hollywood...
are so great from all the dead people.
- Clark Gable died too. - Pat O'Brien.
- I think their ghosts are cockroaches...
and that's why we have so many cockroaches in the kitchen.
They all died. I never saw a cockroach in California.
- [ Imitating Native War Whoop] - What a beautiful sound.
Neither did I, come to think of it.
- Sounds just like a lullaby. - Hey, you sack of meat, let's go to bed!
You're always calling me a sack of meat.
Jesus! You're just jealous of my beauty.
You filthy rat. You fucking sadist.
Oh! Oh, that embarrasses me, that word.
Embarrassing word. Embarrasses me.
There aren't many lines to go around these days.
It's a limited vocabulary.
A sharp mind is the death of love.
I just found out about this new religion called the Cosmic Climax.
[ Chortles ]
Mm, what about it'?
Well, it's the last step...
- the Cosmic Climax. - How do you know'?
Because love is a bore...
sex is a fucking bore, fucking is a fucking bore...
the word "fucking" is a fucking bore.
So let's quit fucking and just have the Cosmic Climax.
There's a difference between eroticism and the Cosmic Climax.
In fact, it all has to do with intake and outtake of air.
Like the Japanese pearl divers.
- I've had enough freedom-liberation. - Somebody told me they're the best fucks in the world...
- Tarot cards tells me I should be free. - because they know all about air.
I should be screwing this one here and that one there, and I'm so tired.
♪ See, I have a guru ♪
♪ But he's not too good, though ♪
♪ He reads the tarot ♪
♪ And The New York Times ♪
I can show off too.
- [ Viva] I'm a star! - [ Man] We are stars.
Can we be actors and be real?
[ Woman] Can we be real and be in love?
[ Man #1 ] Can we be in love and be actors?
[ Man #2] Can we be in love and be real?
[ Woman] Can we be real-life, true live actors?
[ Man #1 ] Can we be Cole Porter “True Love"?
[ With Woman] ♪ 'Cause I give to you ♪
[All] ♪ And you give to me ♪
♪ True love' ♪
- ♪ True love ♪ - ♪ What a piece of love ♪
♪ For on and on' ♪
[ Man #2] You have to pay royalties for using that song.
[ Man #1 Agnes will cut this because you have to pay royalties.
- [ Woman ] ♪ True love ♪ - [ Man #1 ] But Cole Porter died.
[ Man #2] Can we be actors and be real?
[ Man #1 ]Are we really the jungle of lions, love, and lies?
[ Woman] Can we be actors and be in love?
Star!
That word gets to me.
- We are stars. - [ Man, Woman ] Stars!
- Star. Ex-star. - We are stars.
Ex-star-sy!
- Ecstasy! - Ex-star-sy and me!
- Hedy. - Stars.
- Hedy! - L amour.
[ Men ] L amour.
[Snapping Fingers]
Star.
- Star! - Star!
Star!
[Winding Down ]
[Croaking Sound ]
If [ Orchestral]
- [ Man ] ♪ Jeanette ♪ - [ Woman ] ♪ Spencer J'!
-[Man] Anne ♪ - [ Woman ] ♪ Bing ♪
[ Man] ♪ Olivia ♪
[ Woman] ♪ Douglas ♪
[Man] ♪Anne ♪
- [ Woman ] ♪ Sharif ♪ - [ Man ] ♪ Shirley ♪
- [ Woman ] ♪ Gregory Peck ♪ - [ Man ] ♪ Marilyn ♪
[ Woman] ♪ Burt ♪
[ Man] ♪ Rita ♪
[ Choir] ♪ Sunset Boulevard N'
In the dryness of the sky...
we should fly slowly.
So though he's still so much of a gentleman...
he refuses to let anyone say a word against Mia.”
MGM is up 25 percent.
Paramount Pictures, 22 percent.
20th Century Fox, 30 percent. Andy Warhol, two percent.
There are no messages, only mistakes.
Columbia's up 70.
Warner Brothers down 61.
Frank and Mia got married and went after their own Camelot...
- but - but - but - but - but - - Universal down 42.
But somewhere along the way...
they got lost from each other.
One comment by another friend appeared to sum up...
their problem in a nutshell:
'Frank married Mia to teach her...
in a Way about the good things in life.“
Walt Disney... [Chuckling Wickedly]
It's up 51.
Desilu... “desillusion”...
down, down, down, down, down, down, down.
How do you love me'?
Let me count the Ways.
Let me... count the waves.
How much do you love me'?
- Like - - Like, uh -
- Like- - Like 12...
blueberry blue jays.
Like 10 little piggies.
Like 10 little Indians.
Like, uh, four “I adore you.”
Like 75 Romeos.
Like four Shakespeares.
Like 50 "Mary Had a Little Lambs".
Like spaghetti for dinner tonight.
Like, uh, one butterscotch...
marshmallow vanilla hot-fudge sundae banana split.
Like...
two of me.
Like 5,000 sunglasses.
Like one thousand and one Arabian nights.
Like two thousand and one Arabian nights.
Like, uh, 12 buttercups.
Like 65 purple-yellow skies.
- Three pigeons. - Three thousand chocolate ants.
- Fourteen hills of Rome. - Like 3,000 roses.
- [ Chuckling] - [ Cries Out ]
Oh, Carlos. Thank God. You're late.
I thought no one was going to meet me.
- That's all I need. - I'm always late.
- Yeah, I know. - Have you seen this'? ♪ Ta-da ♪
- Undercover. - You know, that's really too funny.
- I'll get it. - Thank you.
The New York filmmakers think Langlois started the revolution.
He certainly did. I was there in Cannes only two Weeks ago.
I can't believe it. It's like another world.
- Is this the first time? - For me in Holly- yeah.
I've never been here before.
I'm so bored just lying at the Chelsea all the time, staring at television...
so I thought maybe moving or something would help me. I'd just get out.
I really don't know how it happened. Some producer came in.
They seemed to think it'd be a funny idea...
if an underground or whatever New York filmmaker came...
and made a movie about Hollywood, so -
[ Carlos] It would be fabulous.
[ Woman] I have a hard time in New York dealing with producer types.
I'm not sure I can make it. But they're gonna pay. Let's see.
It's funny - I don't like the sun in New York, but I like it here.
[ Carlos] I'm glad, because you're gonna get a lot of it.
[ Woman] A lot of sun?
[ Carlos] Now you know why they came to make movies in California -
because of the light.
There's a rumor going around that the Indians...
never settled in L.A. because the vibrations were so wrong.
- [ Woman Laughing] - And it took the Spaniards, who weren't afraid of anything...
to really make a city out of a nowhere land.
Also, it's going back to the sea in a few weeks or a few months.
Every year there's a date. You better get out before the date comes along.
[ Woman] When Hollywood goes down?
[ Carlos] I want to be up on the hills watching it.
[ Woman] Are we in Hollywood now?
[ Carlos] Yeah, I guess this is Hollywood already.
It doesn't look like a city, it looks like - exactly like that.
You 're coming to a city, but the city's never there.
[ Female Singer] ♪ As the lights begin to dim ♪
♪ And the colors melt and fade ♪
♪ A s you close your eyes and recognize ♪
♪ The secret world you've made' ♪
[ Woman] I asked the producers to get me a hotel room...
but with the McCarthy-Kennedy primaries, it's impossible to get any place.
[ Carlos] You'll get along well with Viva.
[ Woman] I don't know her at all.
That's the kind of thing I love, having - It's what I need.
I've seen her in Andy's films and stuff, and I love it.
[ Carlos ] You might even get a bit of a shock treatment there.
- [ Woman] What do you mean? - Wait and see.
[ Woman] It's like her movies?
- [ Carlos] Very much so, yeah. - I mean, she's real.
[ Carlos] Viva's life is nothing but a movie.
[ Woman] That's happening with us all. I'm getting so I don't know...
whether I'm in a movie or making a movie.
Which comes first - the movie or reality?
♪ If you want to know ♪ ♪
- Hi, Viva. - Hi, Carlos.
How are you, darling? I brought you La Clarke.
- Ah, Viva. - Nice to see you.
Thank you so much for letting me stay here. Really beautiful of you.
I've heard so much about you and seen so many of your movies.
Everything's beautiful. I've never been to Hollywood before.
- Neither have l. - ♪ Welcome to Hollywood ♪
Let's give her a guided tour of the Villa Fake.
- Okay. - This pillar wasn't here two days ago.
The director - I mean, the decorator put them in.
- One good kick, and... - [ Carlos ] Don't kick 'em!
over they go. Sorry.
And don't eat that fruit either, Shirley. It's plastic.
And that bird is stuffed...
- Everything is fake around here. - and that pineapple lamp is plastic.
Very plastic. A genuine plastic weeping willow.
There's a real one out there, but it belongs to Katherine Hepburn.
Katherine Hepburn, my favorite actress!
- I look just like her, don't I'? - Imitation brick.
And real brick but imitation fireplace.
[ Viva ] And a real flag...
that I use after the image goes off and they play “The Star-Spangled Banner.”
Perfect. Oh, look at the trees. They're beautiful.
- What's that, a palm tree'? - Banana tree.
No, it's a bird of paradise.
The one next to it is a fake bird of paradise, but it's much prettier.
The only real thing in here is this coat.
- How much did it cost'? - [ Laughs ]
- Is it leopard? - No, jaguar.
Like all the jaguars creeping out from behind the bushes here.
- İfs a real Hollywood jungle. - I match!
Yeah, and Otto Preminger behind every bush.
Too bad he doesn't have a bush of his own.
Right.
I cant top that. Better split. Good-bye.
Carlos, thank you. Listen, let me know what's happening.
I will. Good-bye, my plastic Garbo.
Don't be such a stranger.
I'll catch up.
Viva, it's beautiful of you to let me stay here.
We've never used the guest room.
- “We”? - Yeah.
The eternal, traditional triangle.
- [ Chuckles ] - Only with us, it's something different.
We're looking for something else.
That's new'?
For me, it is.
I'm tired of all this emancipation crap.
Oh, Viva, I'm so tired.
The plane, two months without any sleep -
Really, it's too much.
Please turn the camera off. I want to go to sleep now.
- Okay, I'll go read my book. - Okay.
[ Chorus ] ♪ Inventory of a rented house ♪
♪ One column' ♪
♪ Nine waxed fruit' ♪
♪ One stuffed bird' ♪
♪ One pineapple lamp' ♪
♪ One plastic weeping willow' ♪
♪ One real pittosporum tree' ♪
♪ Several painted bricks Several real bricks' ♪
♪ One flag' ♪
♪ Two birds of paradise' ♪
♪ One plastic bird of paradise' ♪
♪ One paper jungle' ♪
♪ Et cetera N'
[ Viva] “A woman moved is like a fountain troubled...
muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty.
And while it is so, none so dry and thirsty...
will deign to sip or touch...
one drop of it.”
He's probably the only poet around with meat on his bones.
- Oh, Shirley, you're up. - / guess I really needed that.
Would you like a Dr Pepper'? I'm Jerry.
» What's that'? - ♪ It's like strawberries ♪
♪ When you were a little girl' ♪
[ Shirley] I'll try anything once.
Is it going to ruin your shot, really...
- if I get in the way'? - It tastes like liquid lollipops.
İfs the “in” beverage in Beverly Hills.
Then I guess I just can't be “in. "
Hmm-mm.
- I'm Jim. - Nice.
Are you from New York'?
I was born there - me and seven million others.
What kind of movies you making?
You know how movie people are - superstitious.
But I'm supposed to be making a film...
using movie stars as if they were real people.
[ Jerry ] You should see me when I'm real.
She's supposed to be the best.
People are fantastic with her.
[ Shirley] it's very simple. I just use real people.
- You making lots of money'? - Honey, it'll be something new if I do.
None of my films ever made a nickel before.
It may change my life. I'm not sure I like that.
Anyhow, I'm going to be meeting a lot of movie stars.
[ Jim ] Do you want a Harlow?
Tsk. Instant Harlow.
[ Shirley] I can't use people that are supposed to be dead.
[As Jean Harlow] I wish I had something wonderful to say...
but I don't.
Do I have too much muscle?
Not for me you don't, darling.
[ Jerry] “One woman is fair, yet I am well.
Another is virtuous, yet I am well.
Another is Wise, yet I am well.
But till all graces be in one Woman...
one Woman shall never come into my grace.”
[ Viva Clapping] Bravo!
[Jim ] Bravo, bravo. Oh, yes.
They're really overacting, Shirley.
They want to be in your movie.
A smile for my mother...
whom I just imitated.
Have you heard my new record? I'm Top 10.
- No, I haven’t. - No'?
- Wheres my record? - I gave it to the delivery boy.
- To who'? - I gave it to the maid, the maid.
She threatened to quit if I didn't give it to her.
So I gave it to her, and she quit anyway.
Wheres my record, god-
it's a hit and still climbing.
“Oh, what a rogue and peasant slave am I!”
Goodness gracious.
I'll do it to you.
♪ Sometimes ♪
♪ A plastic Woman ♪
Would you like something stronger, like milk?
♪ Wanders in ♪
♪ And winds my mind up ♪
♪ Sometimes ♪
♪ A plastic Woman ♪
♪ Wanders in ♪
♪ And wanders in ♪
Aren't they terrible? But I love them anyway.
We love them.
I love you. I love you.
- I love you. - I love you.
We love - We love -
- We love you. - I love you.
- We love - - Television.
I love the test pattern.
In this kingdom, all the princes are sick.
We reject decadence.
We fight decadence with decadence.
- Sex with sex. - Fire with fire.
Oh, sweet mystery of love.
♪ Number three the perfect number ♪
The Holy Trinity.
I am the Father...
he is the Son...
and he is the Holy Ghost.
- Couldn't that be the daughter'? - No.
- You want to be the Holy Ghost? - All right.
Oh, I can be the Holy Ghost.
I can fly.
[Whooshing Sound]
İfs easy to fly.
One arm after the other.
If we gave up fucking...
and we wore burlap...
we could... hear voices.
Really? You think so'?
- We three. - We are three.
- Three trees. - We are free.
- Three free trees. - We are trees.
- Three trees. - We are three...
- Three free trees. - free trees.
Three...
trees.
- Three - - Trees.
» Three... - N' [ Banjo On TV]
- [ Man On TV]And they dream. - trees.
[ Child Babbling 1
[ Man] Once back on Earth, the people of the island...
kill time as best they can.
I'm going to take your picture!
♪ ! [ “Twist And Shout“ ]
I got it! It looks pretty good!
- ♪ Shake it up, baby, now ♪ - ♪ Shake it up, baby ♪
- ♪ Twist and shout ♪ - ♪ Twist and shout ♪
- ♪ Come on, come on, baby! - ♪ Come on, baby JV'
♪ All you need is love, love ♪
♪ Love is all you need JV'
[ Woman ] All they need is one person to do one thing...
and that gives them the right to do whatever they want.
[ Man] If one person throws a bottle...
that don't mean everybody on the whole beach has to go home.
That's what they were waiting for.
They're trying to incite people to do things...
so that they'll have an excuse. They're rotten!
♪ ! [ String Quartet]
Al' [ Ends ]
Oh, Los Angeles.
The angels. The Los Angeles angels are falling into the sea.
- The earthquake is coming. Quick. - [Viva Groaning]
- Get up and make coffee before we die. - Who cares'?
Make some Yuban coffee or Maxwell House coffee.
- Get up. Make some coffee. - Or Chase & Sanborn...
or Yucan or Yucatan coffee.
I have to keep the bed warm.
The woman's always supposed to get the coffee.
That was in the days before unisex.
Men were men, and Women were -
Waitresses.
Call room service.
[No Audible Dialogue]
Trois cafés au lait.
Trois pains ordinaires franyais naturals.
- Raisin toast. - Confiture.
- Raisin toast. - Pain de raisin "toaste".
Le plus chaud possible.
Aussitét que possible. Merci.
Hello, Mr. Ten Percent?
No, listen, Nat. No.
Listen, I can't do it. I'm not interested.
I've got to get my rest. Cancel Caesar's Palace.
No, my voice is changing.
You want to talk to Viva?
You want to talk to Mr. Ten Percent'?
Nat...
do you think I should get an agent?
Do you really have to be Jewish to work in Hollywood?
What do you mean, I have no tits'?
That's such a vulgar expression, “tits.” The word is “breasts,” Nat.
“Breasts.” B-R-E-A-S-T-S.
Cleopatra didn't have any either. She looked just like a boy.
In fact, that's why she was so successful.
At love and war. What else?
- You know - - Did you ever smell a coffee factory?
[No Audible Dialogue]
They love coffee so much in Italy...
that they'll do anything for a cup of coffee.
Anything, I tell you.
- I'll get you - No, no. - There's so much sun out there.
What will you do for a cup of coffee?
I would give you $200 if you'd get me a cup of coffee.
Wheres the money'? Show me the money.
Call the Bank of America.
[No Audible Dialogue]
Uh, this is account number...
19804...
4327.
The last three numbers? Okay.
227.
Yeah. I want $200 to go.
Yes, and make it...
“fee - coffee fee.”
No, just write on the top of the check...
“coffee fee.”
Right. Okay'?
Oh. Uh, who's talking in the background?
- Who's talking? - I'm not talking.
You're having hallucinations.
I was necking.
Well, what are you making such a hell of a fuss...
about a fucking check for'?
[No Audible Dialogue]
Listen, Mr. Rosenbaum was so rude to me...
that I just couldn't believe it.
I just couldn't believe it.
Is he being gentle with you'?
On your Way up, will you bring me some coffee?
I'm the third one. Three cups of coffee.
Don't talk to her that way. We've decided to be faithful to one another.
Could you stop at House of Pancakes and pick up some blueberry pancakes?
- Blintzes. - And some blintzes.
Blintzes, yes.
[No Audible Dialogue]
Order another phone. Order a new phone.
Then we'll call Rosenquist, okay?
Please let me call the phone company. Oh, I forgot.
- Hello'? - The dial's on here.
- Rosenquist'? Could you hold the line'? - F-O-N-E: a four-letter word.
- That's right. - I can make it louder, quieter.
- St. Ives Drive. - Go.
Yes, my business representative.
- Mr. Rosenbaum - - Mr. Rosenquist...
make love, not coffee.
[No Audible Dialogue]
You take care of the money, and I'll take care of the spending.
- No - - I don't want to talk to him.
İfs the bank and the phone company.
They're talking it over. Don't fight too much, boys.
[No Audible Dialogue]
Fair is fair.
Sorry, the number you have dialed is a nonunion number.
[No Audible Dialogue]
- Hang up the phones. - No, silence.
- Two tones. - Silence, silence.
Shh, shh, shh. Listen to how beautiful.
[ Birds Twittering]
[ imitating Twittering ]
Somebody has to get out of bed to make the coffee...
and it's not going to be me.
[ İndistinct Conversation ]
No!
JV' [ Psychedelic Rock]
Living together is ensemble theater.
[ Viva] You said it. Oh, Wonder Bread.
I don't know if I can approve of these eggs.
These eggs are so good. Mmm!
Oh, and peanut butter.
- [ Overlapping Conversation ] - [ Shirley ] Good morning. It's a beautiful day.
- Would you like some cauliflower? - Gee, you got a new outfit.
Some miso paste, Shirley?
No. I'm going to see the producers, so -
- You look white. - Thank you.
İfs my Hollywood outfit.
I bought it in New York for Hollywood.
You're really looking forward to this, aren't you'?
A little nervously.
Nervous?
Don't drink so much coffee.
- You're right. - Give her a glass of milk.
I don't have the time, dear.
- Isn't' she beautiful? - There's something in it. Wait.
What do you mean, “the time”? You make the time.
You arrive on your own time.
That's the first lesson to teach them out here. Always be late.
- I'm in love with the Morton girl, Viva. - Have some milk
- Shes beautiful, isn't she'? - She is. Let's get her tonight.
“When it rains, it pours.”
- Really, on my Way now. - Where are you going'?
- Producers. - “Producers”?
Why go to a producer when you have us'?
- Stupid-star. Superstar. - Stupid “shoopid shmar.”
- Super sucks. - We're what's happening, baby.
» Out there. - [ Viva] We have everything.
[ Jerry] Yes! You got a free set here, Shirley.
[ Viva] Swimming pool, orange grove...
- geraniums, trees... - [Jim] Glamour
- Skyscrapers. - [Jerry] You don't need any money.
- [Viva] You don't need anything. - [Jerry] You got smog here...
- [Viva, Jim Coughing ] - and you got a lot of pain and suffering here.
[Jim ] Look at that beautiful pool. That really is beautiful.
[Viva] If I were a kid, I'd really love it here.
- [Jim ] Oh, my God. - It'd be fantastic.
I think we should have kids. They'd be so happy here.
[Jim] It's the only thing missing from our lives.
Oh, if we had children! An extension of us. Can you believe that?
Do you know, when I was a baby, I was so beautiful that the nurse -
I was sleeping on my mattress like this...
and the nurse took me around to show all the mothers in the maternity ward.
- İsn't that sadistic? - No.
- I must've been a beautiful baby too. - Me too.
If we had kids - My God, they could entertain us...
they could support us in our old age, they could just - Oh.
Do you think I could go through nine months of it'?
- I think it'd be a bit much. - To only come outwith one'?
- Make us feel like adults. - Maybe you'd have triplets.
Oh, God. Triplets.
Wouldn't you think they'd have it...
speeded up by now, the process?
Someday, and in test tubes. You won't even have to carry it around.
- What do we do in the meantime'? - Should we refuse to succumb...
- to the temptation of reproduction? - [ Laughs ]
Yes. We should refuse.
Why don't we go down to the Strip and pick up a couple kids?
- Right now'? - No, let's do it tomorrow.
The idea of having the baby is really exciting if you've never done it.
But then what do you do'?
I think we should just do it on a test basis, a trial family marriage.
- Okay, let's go right now. - Tomorrow.
We could get three of them. Not just one.
- Instant family? - Let's do it.
- What age should we get'? - I'll take a ten-year-old.
[ Viva ] I want a two-year-old boy.
[ Jerry ] I want a three. It's the perfect number.
- What about seven'? - it's a magic number.
- [Viva] Yeah, three, seven - - [Jim ] Ten.
[Viva] Ten. No, six and nine.
[ Shirley] So maybe I should have...
two cameras and two assistants...
one soundman with an assistant -
No, wait. I could have two soundmen...
one for each camera...
then two electricians -
No, one good lighting person 's enough.
One person to push things around, one person for the set.
That makes, let's see, eight.
l??? supposed to have a crew of 22 people.
My God, that's too many.
They never understand that you can do things cheaper.
I have to have a flexible crew. They have to be as few people -
three or four at the most.
Maybe seven is possible.
If there's more, it doesn't make it possible to work.
And I want the cameras to be able to move all the time.
If we shoot - let's see -
it's an hour-and-a-half film.
Probably for something like this, it's got to be at least a 70- 7 ratio.
Color, 35...
70, 000 feet of negative.
If they start to ask me...
how much I think it will cost...
I've got to find a way to sort of feel...
what it is they want to spend, and then...
I just can tell them that's what it's going to be.
If they give me $200,000, I'll do it for ZOO.
Three hundred, 300. Four, five, six, whatever. I don't care.
So what I have to do is just keep quiet...
and if they talk about money, I'll just smile...
or nod, “yes, “ whatever they say, “fine. "
And then I'll see if we can T get so that I can get the people I want.
If I don't have the right cameraman, there's no point in trying to shoot at all.
I can tell they 're afraid of me...
because we 're not talking about the same thing.
n" [ Rock]
[ Shirley ] After such a meeting, I need a movie.
- How about Planet of the Apes? - I saw that in New York.
- How about The Party? - No.
How about a Rick Herold'?
- What's that? - He's a painter.
N" [ Rock]
- [ Carlos ] He's an artist from out here. - [ Shirley] Oh.
[ Carlos ] He's very interesting. He does blowups...
of what you could call pornographic scenes...
scenes of lovemaking, but you really don't realize what it is...
until you really have looked at them for quite some time.
- [ Shirley] What's his point? - I guess to make the viewer feel like a voyeur.
[ Shirley] That's what I've been trying to do in my movies.
I think that's what movies are.
No, I'd rather go to a movie.
[ Growling, Snarling ]
Part one: lions.
- Part one: lions. - Part one: lies.
- Part two - - Grass!
The Wild West!
We live again!
Grass!
- We love again! - [ Snarling ]
I'm always ready for a cartoon.
- Oh, Shirley. - Viva, hi.
Hi, Shirley.
- Hey, Jerry. - Hello.
Hello.
- Carlos, Jim, Jerry. - Hi.
- Who's Carlos? - He writes about movies.
[Carlos] I'm doing research for a book on Hollywood.
Oh, yeah?
Shirley, how was the meeting'?
Absolutely ridiculous. I don't think they've seen one of my movies.
- Who are “they”? - The producers.
[ Tires Screeching]
[ Woman's Voice ] This is a flashback.
All right, Max, we've now handled the production fee and budgetary items.
Lets go on into the distribution terms.
Well, let me recapitulate on that.
Out of the first gross, we take our cost of prints...
cost of advertising, in fact, all cash accounting -
Max, let's not go through all that.
We've been through that too many times.
I want to settle on a 2.2 negative cost.
We're getting the profits at 2.2.
In principle, 2.7 would be the figure.
Max, that's sky-high. Come on. You know that's too high.
Steve, this is a small production.
- From our point of view - - Can we save some time'? Let's make it 2.4.
No, I don't think so. I think 2.7 is all right.
Now, if this was a big production...
that brings in millions of dollars, our share of distribution...
would help to amortize our studio.
On a small-budget production...
the return to us is so small...
it's only because we are anxious to go into such an experiment...
that we take on this film.
Max, still, profits are profits.
We know what the industry history is...
and we also know that 2.7 is just too high.
I realize you got a studio to run, but nonetheless...
2.7 is too much gravy for you.
Let's be realistic. 2.4, which Hal proposed -
Let's settle on 2 1/2, huh'?
Max, let's not be silly over a point.
- Let's make it 2.4. - Okay, I'm in a good mood today.
Two and four. 2.4. All right.
[ Woman's Voice] This is the head of the studio.
Now, she's going to have to have the final out on the picture.
I think that's fair enough - up to a point, of course.
We still have to find out if the audience likes the film.
- We have to preview it. - Mm-hmm.
- Of course. - And it may have to be revised...
but we will do it together.
As long as we're walking down the aisle hand in hand...
that's all the way down the line through.
I can't see that. Let's get into this...
so we can really settle a negotiation here...
instead of having it run for a couple months...
and find out we're not going to make a picture.
This girl is used to making a final out.
When people give her the money, she honors that obligation.
And that's one of the reasons she's a talented person...
one of the reasons her name on a marquee means something.
We're trying to make a breakthrough here...
and she's got to have final out.
I want you to think about this.
Hal, do you think it means so much to her'?
We want her to be happy...
but on the other hand, it's our responsibility...
- to see that our money comes back. - You're right.
It is. You've got your financial investment...
but I just want to tell you that the area of creative control...
- specifically final out, is important to her. - Well think about that.
- We'll get together. - Very good.
[ Wind Gusting]
Looks like fire instead of snow.
Viva.
Thanks.
Bob! Bob! Look at her face!
- [ Jerry ] These are the actors. - [ Viva ] "Look at her face. ”
Don't get in the way of her face. “Look at her face.
Look at her face.” Face. Face.
Reactions.
- [Jerry] Shirley, could you move back? - Yeah.
This is where we've come to on this planet. This is the height.
This was really shot in Tibet, you know.
This was really shot in Tibet.
- İfs not a set. - [Jim] Can / please watch this show?
[ Jerry] They work hard.
- [Jerry] Who is that actor? - Ronald Colman.
- ls he dead'? - / think so.
Close-up. Zoom in.
Zoom out.
[ Screaming]
George! George!
JV' [ Dramatic ]
[ Viva] Freak out, Jerry.
[ Groans ]
[Jim Howls]
[ Viva] Long shot.
Why, here's Gainsford now.
Ah.
- Well, good to see you back. - Good to see you.
I [ Viva] I I've seen It so many times now...
that I know the whole lines by heart.
Is this finished? Should I stop now'?
- It looks like - - It's a map of the United States. This is California.
Think TV gives you cancer?
And finally, he disappeared over that very mountain pass.
[ Jim ] I think onions give you cancer.
And that, gentlemen, was the last that any known -
“By Jove, that's fortitude.”
By Jove, that's what I call fortitude.
Tell me something, Gainsford...
what do you think of this talk about Shangri La?
Do you believe it?
[ Jerry] You could see this in any home around here.
[ Man On TV] I believe it...
- because / want to believe it. - [Whispering ] “Want to believe it.”
That's the message: “I believe it because I want to believe it.”
» Toast. - Here's my hope."
- [Jerry] Hope. - that Robert' Conway...
will find his Shangri La.
[ Jerry, Along With TV ] “Here is my hope: that we will...
[All ] all find our Shangri -”
Loud click. Loud click. Loud click.
“...La.”
JV' [ Dramatic ]
[ Jim Gasps ] Look!
[ Jerry ] How beautiful.
There it is. There's Shangri La.
[ Jerry ] All right, Shangri La. All right, dreams.
There's Shangri La. The message is “hope.”
Why do they always put “The End” at the end'?
Why write “The End”?
I know when it's the end, but do you'?
[Viva ] When you clap, it's the end. Clap. The end.
Mind if I turn on the news'?
[ Man On TV] ...traditions of campaigning keep cropping up...
in Robert Kennedy's revolution of new politics.
Beginning today his thousand-mile journey in San Francisco's Chinatown...
he was greeted by firecrackers.
[ Firecrackers Popping]
- Firecrackers in Chinatown? - B y appealing to ethnic minor/ties...
Sounds like guns.
Kennedy hopes to renew Franklin Delano Roosevelt's...
coalition of minorities.
I present my candidacy...
and I say to you that you have a clear choice...
in the question of what direction you want this country to go in.
I like him because he's good-looking.
» W's not enough. - [ Jerry] I just look.
- I mean, in a sea of ugliness... - [Jim ] I??? for McCarthy anyway.
A good-looking politician is not to be sneezed at.
...if we don't talk about our problems with candor and truth...
and then take action to deal with them.
That's what I intend to do if elected president of the United States.
[ Man On TV] Expecting victory in California...
Kennedy hopes that McCarthy supporters...
will unite with him in Chicago.
He still has time in his campaign to mock Republican governor Ronald Reagan...
in a style that is more Bobby than Robert.
Somebody voted for him. Did you vote for him?
- [ People] No! - Yes, you did.
See, he goes, “Yes, you did.”
[ Jim ] “Yes, you did."
Fantastic actor.
[ Jerry] He isn't acting. He really means it.
[ Viva] Almost as good as Mayor Lindsay.
[ Man On TV] During his traveling seminar on political education...
he is still a family man...
rewarding his campaign-weary children with a visit to Disneyland.
Even if he is corrupt, at least he does it with style.
[ Jerry] Viva, you're too much.
All politics are the same thing.
They're just better actors. Much better actors.
If you were as good an actor as Bobby Kennedy...
you'd be Where Bobby Kennedy is - up on the podium.
[ Jim] Who wants to be up there? You could get killed.
- Influencing the masses. - [ Signs ]
[ Sneezes ]
[ Male Voice ] God bless you.
[ Viva] Sweet children!
Oh, baby!
- I want you to tell Viva what you eat. - Uh, health food.
[ Kissing ]
Can I be your friend'?
I want Papa.
Feel it.
- Well, feel it. - Okay.
Pull it. Pull it some more.
[ Jim ] You made me bleed. Look.
[ Exclaims ]
- Nah! - Yeah!
- Nah! ' Yes!
- No! ~ Yes, yes!
- [ Child Exclaims ] - Ow!
[ Splash ]
Careful. Don't let him fall in the water.
- He doesn't know how to swim. - [ Splashing]
Don't splash around the pool.
Children, don't splash the edge of the pool like that.
Make sure you don't get that nana Wet.
- Put that on the side. - Get that nana out of there.
I don't want - You shouldn't be using that one.
- You can use the other pillow. - That one. Get it out.
Use the other one, not the nana. Take her out.
Don't jump in by the stairs.
You might stub your toe.
- If you're going to jump... - [Jim] Viva, shut up!
jump over there.
Shut up! You're getting on my nerves.
- [ Viva] Shut up yourself! - Benjamin, come on.
Here, boy. [Kissing Sounds]
[ Jim] He has to go to the bathroom. Don't let him pee in the water.
- Don't pee in the water. - Look.
- Stop it! - Now you fell down. Now, watch it.
Mother - [ Chuckles ]
I wonder if we can keep them happy...
without boring ourselves.
- More. - More'? See'?
He's gonna go -
[ Gasps ]
- More. - Wait. We get dressed first.
- Okay'? - Okay
[ Jerry] Then we're gonna put the pants on.
Dry your back and your arm.
What do you want'? Lunch? it's only 2:00.
Ask Viva. Ask her.
[ Jerry ] Now push that.
- And push up there. - [Whispering ] I'm hungry.
And stand up now. Stand up.
- Up straight. - You're hungry'?
- Yeah. - Oh, no.
- Stand up straight. - Viva, give me that dry towel.
- Soon. - [Jerry Making Funny Noises]
Soon. We'll have lunch soon.
- We're gonna have you for lunch. - [ Ringing]
We're gonna have you for lunch.
Hello'?
[ Jerry ] Ice cream and cookies -
We're gonna have a party for lunch. Want to have a party for lunch?
Gee, that's too bad.
[ Jerry ] Here goes your head now.
- İfs this afternoon? - Are you ready for your head'?
Let's go. Here we go.
Shirley's big meeting is this afternoon.
» Mm'? - Let's get your arms in.
- Now push. - Oh!
[ Jim ] Mary Pickford over here.
[ Jerry] Minnie Pearl.
Oh!
[ Viva ] Here's the ball.
Ooh!
[ Viva] Oh! Why don't you kids go play outside?
[ Jerry] Let's get him. Let's cut his hair.
[ Viva] Drink your milk...
like a good baby.
Want some Dr Pepper in it'?
Get me the Dr Pepper off the mantel.
- Get me the Dr Pepper! - Give me the Dr Pepper.
Okay. You'll like...
some Dr Pepper in your milk.
Then you'll be able to drink it.
» There. - [ Jerry] Let's do it to Viva.
Now I got you. Take your shirt off.
[ Jim ] Do you want to stay with us forever?
Could I ever be a mother?
- Could she be a mother? -[Ch/70']No.
- Could I be a father? - No.
- Could he be a father? - No.
- [ Jerry] Kid, what's your name? - That's "w.
[ Female Chorus] ♪ A child is a child ♪
♪ ls a child is a terror' ♪!
♪ Regardless there was Jane Withers' ♪
♪ And Jackie Coogan and Jackie Cooper J'!
♪ And Margaret O'Brien and Elizabeth Taylor' ♪
♪ As a little girl' ♪
♪ And there was Shirley Temple ♪
♪ Who made in 1936 more money than' ♪
♪ The president of the United States' ♪
♪ ' No wonder she went into politics ♪ ♪
I gave them 20 bottles of Coca-Cola.
I couldn't even read my newspaper at the pool.
- Oh, my head. - Took them to pee 30 times.
[ Chuckles ] I know.
Fed them lunch...
made them a special fruit salad, fresh...
- which they didn't touch. - [ Jim ] Viva.
Baked bread. They didn't even look at it.
All they ate was ketchup and french-fried potatoes.
And they won't even take a nap.
- Ketchup and french-fried potatoes - - Jerry.
The worst thing to put in anybody's stomach. - Jerry, Viva.
Go to sleep.
- We've got to find another way... - Viva.
- I know. - to spiritual life.
- We've got to find another way... - Viva.
- İnto adulthood. - I know.
- Viva. - Children just aren't our thing.
Shut up, Jim. I'm still talking.
- [Child Fussing] - He's crying for his -
Why don't we, um...
give the, um, little red things...
and some candy because they've been so good.
The reward? The Coca-Cola and the little red candies that taste so good?
- You want to take a nap'? - You want some candy, honey'?
- You want some candy'? - Let me give you some candy.
- You sit down here. - Good idea.
[ Viva] Where is it?
- [ Jerry] Sit. - [ Viva] Get some candy.
Come on, sit down.
- [ Exclaiming] - Come over here. Stay right here.
Come on, sit down.
Here's some candy. Looky, Benjamin. Candy.
İfs candy time.
- [Child ] He doesn't like it. - This one is for you.
- “Cokie-Cola.” - Open your mouth. Just take it.
No, wait. First you get candy.
[ Jim ] “I am St. Augustine.
I came to Carthage, Where a cauldron of shameful love...
seethed and sounded about me on every side.
- N [ Jerry, Viva Humming] - I was not yet in love...
but I was in love with love...
for there was a hunger within me from a lack of that inner food...
which is yourself, my God.”
[ Jerry ] “I am St. John of the Cross.
Rhymes of the soul in an agony of longing...
to see God.
Living, and no life in me.
Upon a quest of love...
hope sturdy and steadfast...
I flew so high, so high...
I caught the prey at last.”
- “I am St. Teresa of Avila. - N [ Jerry, Jim Humming]
I wish I could explain with the help of God...
wherein union differs from rapture...
or from transport, or from flight of the spirit as they speak...
or from a trance, which are all one.
But rapture, for the most part, is irresistible.
It comes in general as a shock, quick and sharp...
before you can collect your thoughts or help yourself in any way...
and you see and feel it as a cloud...
or a strong eagle rising upwards...
and carrying you away on its Wings.
I repeat it -”
“Why then are you perverted...
and still following after your own flesh?
Let it follow you who have been converted.
There is no rest to be found Where you seek it.
- Seek what you seek, but it lies not where you seek it. - [Viva Reading ]
You seek a happy life in the land of death, but it is not there.
How can you find a happy life where there is no life?”
[All Reading, Voices Overlapping ]
“...my eyes were dazzled, so I conquered in the dark.
I gave a blind, black surge for love, myself surpassed...
and went so high, so high...
I caught the prey at last.”
[Voices Overlapping ]
'”...seeing that we must be carried away, however painful it may be.
And so trying this...
that I would very often resist...
and exert all my strength.”
[Voices Overlapping ]
“Yet I went so high, I went so high...
so high I cried.
I caught the prey at last.
Then marvelous I made a thousand flights in one...
and I went so high, so high.”
Max, last time we worked it out pretty much.
We were well on the way. Now you're coming back to us...
with a whole new twist and turn.
it's like old Hollywood, Max.
We're giving you something you don't have.
This is the new cinema. This is Whats going on now in films...
and your studio doesn't have that at all.
And this gal has proven she can handle it.
She's done it before.
I don't know.
Artistic control is good and fine up to a point.
She can make her film, she can deliver it to us...
but then it has to be previewed.
We have to test the audience reaction...
and if the audience reaction so requires...
we have to be able to do something about it.
Max, I have a feeling something else is going on.
Are you not interested in this project anymore?
Listen, to a point, you're right. I'm not that hot about it.
This is at best...
a medium-size picture.
It could be a big hit, but chances are...
it will not gross as much as a big blockbuster would.
Max, wait. Just let me say something.
You know, you're right: It's not a big picture.
- But sometimes we make investments - - [ Intercom Buzzes ]
Hold it one second.
All right. Yeah?
Well, that's okay.
Oh, no, nothing doing. Absolutely not.
Well, tell him to go - All right.
But no, under no circumstances. That's okay. Thank you.
- Max, you interrupted my best speech. - I'm sorry.
I want to tell you something.
Sometimes you make a little investment for the next step.
You know that, and I know that.
Now, the girl's got to have creative control.
Otherwise, theres no reason for her to be here.
She's a director. She's not an actress.
Max, she's got the track record.
You've seen her films. You know what she can do.
- And this is on the basis - - Steve...
- Is it a question of dollars? - Let me say this.
She can have creative control.
We won't stick our head into this...
during production, during editing.
Let her deliver the finished film.
And even when we preview it...
we will consult with her about making any outs.
But in the end, it has to be our decision...
how the film goes out to the public.
And I won't yield on that.
This final say about how the film goes out to the public...
has to remain with this company, and that's it.
[ Viva's Voice ] You've got a new outfit ..
- a new outfit a new outfit - [Jerry's Voice Whispering ] You look white.
You look white.
[ Hal's Voice] Into the area of creative controls -
[ Max's Voice] We have to have control of the final cut.
[ Hal] What seems to be troubling you? Everything was just sweetness and light -
[ Jerry's Voice Whispering] It's the “in" beverage...
in Beverly Hills...
Beverly Hills...
Beverly Hills.
[ Jim's Voice] You are really looking forward...
to make the film.
[ Shirley's Voice] Nervously, nervously, nervously.
[Viva's Voice ] They want to be in your film, Shirley.
- In your film, Shirley. - [ Jim's Voice] Shoot right here.
You don't need anything, not even money!
Not even money!
[ Hal's Voice] Does Shirley want to do a Hollywood picture...
at what, to her, is going to seem to be at all costs?
[ Shirley '5 Voice ] Hollywood.
H-O-L-L- Y-W-O-O-D.
Hollywood. Hollywood.
[ Carlos's Voice] Also, it's going back to the sea...
in a few weeks or a few months.
[ Viva's Voice] it's a fake bird of paradise, but it looks prettier.
It looks prettier.
[ Jerry's Voice Whispering] I don't mind plastic flowers...
except when they are mixed with real ones.
[ Jim's Voice] ♪ Sometimes ♪
♪ A plastic woman ♪
[ Viva's Voice] She is fantastic.
She is the best...
the best... the best.
[ Sound of Camera Whirring]
[ Viva's Voice] I think I'm in a dream, but I'm not sure.
I'm either in a dream...
or I'm in love with my eyes open.
I think being in love...
is dreaming with your eyes open.
I don't know where the dream begins...
or where it ends.
I see the two that I'm in love with...
but I can't seem to reach them.
[ Jerry's Voice Whispering] I traveled centuries ago...
oh, centuries ago...
miraculously through the sunrise...
sifting the sunset flower...
outliving hundreds of thousands of lives.
I don't need anyone to tell me...
that I was born...
that I am living, that I am going to die.
I used to piss in the rose garden...
in front of the little girl across the street.
[ Jim's Voice Whispering] The man who says nothing...
who does nothing...
who goes nowhere...
who is nothing -
this is the man to be.
[ Dog Barks ]
[ Dog Barking ]
[Coughing]
I'm sorry.
I just can't do it, Agnes. I'm sorry.
I'm not an actress...
and I wouldn't take pills anyway.
And, you know, this whole thing, it's not my style.
I mean, if- if-
if I was really gonna do something...
I certainly wouldn't kill myself about not being able to make any goddamn movie.
As far as I'm concerned, if I never make another movie...
it's all right with me.
The only thing that I really care about...
is if something awful happened to my daughter, Wendy.
Anything else is just absolutely - I don't care.
And if I was gonna kill myself about some goddamn fucking guy...
I wouldn't be here, and he'd be in New York.
I'd slash my Wrists or something dramatic.
You'd see blood all over the place.
But...
I wouldn't do it here.
And -
I mean, no.
I can't.
I know I said I would, but I just can't.
I'm sorry. Not for any Hollywood producers.
[ Agnes ] But you have told me you wanted to do it.
» [ Man] Voulez-vous couper'? - [ Agnes] Non, ne coupe pas.
[ Man] Don't cut.
[ Shirley] But I didn't know it was gonna be like this.
[Agnes ] I'm trying to make a movie.
[ Shirley] I understand. I'm for you.
I wanted to help. That's why I said I would do it.
- [ Agnes] The show must go on. - I know l heard that too.
- I'm not an actress. I feel like a nut. - [Agnes] It has to be done.
Bloody pills.
[ Shirley] You do it. That's what I told you to begin with.
- I'm trying to make a movie, and - - Right. You do it.
- It's"s your story. You do it. - It has to be done.
You should have done it, really.
Agnes, I 'II try. All right?
- Yes, do it. - I'm sorry, really.
I'm sorry. You're right. Okay?
I'll try.
Yeah. I don't promise...
but let me... give it a try.
I'm so embarrassed about the whole thing.
Well, we cannot stop the movie...
because you have problems of being an actress.
Yeah, it's that. I mean...
it's vanity, it's all that kind of shit.
Look, here they are, right'?
[ Jerry ] Let's go in and Watch television.
[Jim ] I don't know if I want to see any more of that.
[ Jerry ] The news really brought me down.
[ Jim ] The whole party came down.
[Jerry] But Why Kennedy'? Why do they always shoot Kennedys'?
[ Jim ] Why do you always lose things?
Should we wake Shirley?
[ Jerry ] I'm sure she knows.
Somebody is sleeping in my bed.
Get out of my bed.
Hey, lady, shoo!
[ Chuckles ] it's Shirley.
What is Shirley doing in the bed'?
- [ Man On TV] This is the scene at the Ambassador Hotel - - Oh, my God.
Look at this. Viva, Jerry, look at this.
...showing the mass confusion after Senator Kennedy...
- [ Jerry] We've seen this already. - had just completed his victory speech.
He had gone off to the kitchen area, and some shots rang out.
News cameraman James Wilson filmed this picture...
of Senator Kennedy lying on the floor.
The crowd around him was panicked, screaming in disbelief.
Some of them tried to talk to him as they supported his bleeding head.
- It was reported that the senator was conscious at that time. - [ Jerry] I can't watch this.
He's been transferred from Central Receiving Hospital...
- to Good Samaritan Hospital. - [ Jerry] Turn it off!?
[ Jim] No, leave the picture. Kill the sound.
We've got a bed visitor tonight.
Here.
[ No Audio ]
[ Phone Ringing]
[ Ringing Continues]
Hello'?
Who'?
Yes, hold on a minute.
Viva?
- Yeah? - Viva, telephone.
Really? Oh, hell.
Hello'?
Who is this'? Who'?
- New York'? - Is Shirley still here'?
Hi.
What? Are you kidding me'?
You mean it's really true?
Is he dead'?
[ Jim ] The TV is still on. Look at that.
They're showing it over again.
[ Viva] Andy Warhol was just shot.
- You're kidding. - No.
- Look at this. What are these pills - - [Viva]
- These pills. - Hey, these are those pills.
» Look at this. - What hospital?
Wait a minute. I'm gonna get -
Shirley, Shirley.
I'm gonna get some coffee.
I'll call the ambulance.
I have to hang up. Bye.
Oh, what am I gonna do'?
Shirley - Wait a minute.
Operator, will you get me the police emergency?
9076 St. Ives Drive.
Hurry up. Somebody just took an overdose of sleeping pills.
Bye.
[Groaning Sob] I can't stand it!
[ Jerry ] Shh ,1!
Shirley...
Kennedy, Andy -
Everybody's dying!
Wait a minute.
[ Jerry ] Call a doctor, Viva.
I did. The ambulance is coming.
Oh, everybody around me is just disintegrating.
» My God. Put {hrs on. - When is it our turn to go?
[ Jim] If we had taken her to that party, this wouldn't have happened.
Jerry, help me. Do something. God.
- I don't know what to do. - Rub her hands. Do something.
- [ Jerry ] Viva, hold this a minute. Shirley - - Did you call somebody?
- Yeah. - Who'd you call?
- The police. - Shirley?
» Shirley. - [ Jim] Shirley, come on.
[ Viva] Get her up.
- Get her up. - [ Jerry] Shirley?
- Hey, Shirley. - [ Jim] Have her drink some coffee.
[ Viva] Shirley, wake up.
Wake up. Slap her.
- [ Jerry] She took a whole bottle of pills. - Wake up.
- [ Slapping] - Wake up. Wake up.
Here.
[ Jerry] Look, they're all over the bed.
[ Jim ] Shirley.
[Siren Wailing]
Senator Kennedy's breathing is gooo'...
and unassisted.
His heart is good.
He's unconscious...
and the doctors describe his condition...
as very critical.
[ Man On TV] When World War II began, Ambassador Kennedy's family...
[ Jim ] If they're showing this, he's dead.
...his mother and two sisters...
Kathleen, who died in 1948 in a plane crash, and Eunice, at left.
[ Jerry ] And Teddy was in a terrible plane crash some years ago.
[ Man On TV] ...in 1943, before entering Harvard.
He soon left to join the navy, having asked to serve...
aboard the destroyer named after his brother Joe...
who was killed in action the year before.
[ Jim ] ls their luck really lucky?
[ Man On TV] Returning to Harvard in 1946...
Robert, with three fellow members of the football team...
posed on the steps of the Varsity Club.
He played end that year.
He graduated in 1948 at 22...
and entered the University of Virginia as a law student.
[ Jim ] Is that his wife?
[ Viva] Yep, that's his wife, Ethel.
- Dark eyebrows. - [ Jim Laughs]
You make light of everything.
[ Man On TV] Robert and Ethel started to raise a family...
which now numbers 10 children.
[ Jim ] He's dead.
- He is. He's dead. - I knew he was dead...
when I saw the first playback.
All that blood in the head'?
[Jim] Mm.
- Kennedy resigned the committee in 7 .959 - - Give me the phone.
[ Jim ] Here it is.
After John Kennedy defeated former Vice President Nixon in 1960 - - [ Phone Dialing]
[ Viva] Mount Sinai? I'd like to speak...
to the nurse in charge of Shirley Clarke.
[ Man On TV] The younger Kennedy's pursuit of justice...
won him the confidence of the minority groups.
Robert Kennedy also was -
Thank you. Hello?
Yes, I'd like to know how Shirley Clarke is.
Viva.
Could I speak to her'?
Sure. I understand.
Okay, thanks a lot. Bye.
She's much better, but they don't want anyone to talk to her...
because she's still nervous.
[ Scoffs ] But she's not in any danger'?
- Did you ask if she's in any danger'? - No, she's okay.
- Who are you calling? - New York.
Robert was greeted as a teenage idol in schools and factories.
[ Viva] We can pick her up tomorrow if she's better
Intensive care section.
Yes, I 'd like to speak to the Filipino doctor.
Hello, Doctor. This is Viva.
Yes, mm-hmm. How is Andy?
Still 50-50?
Better? Okay.
Well, if he happens to - Any change, will you call me collect?
Thanks. Bye.
[ Phone Hangs Up]
[ Viva] He's eating with chopsticks!
Gee, he could do everything.
[ Man On TV] ...Kennedy stopped at Saigon's airport for one hour.
Of course, in 1962, there were far fewer Americans there...
than there are now.
On the island of Bali, the Kennedys were greeted...
- [ Viva] He's in Hawaii now. - with traditional flowers.
It was a romantic stop in their political tour of the world.
- [ Jerry ], There's the pope! - [ Viva] The pope,.
- [ Jim ] He's dead too. - [ Viva] Is he dead?
- don't make fun. - Who's making fun'? What else can you do'?
- Don't say that. - I mean, “fun” -
- I'm gonna cry in a minute. - it's a national pastime, televised death.
You have to make fun or you get crazy.
- I don't want to get as crazy as they are. - These parades!
There are more soldiers than people.
[ Man #2 On TV] We interrupt this special...
with a prerecorded announcement by Press Secretary Mankiewicz.
I have a short announcement to read - .
which I will read, uh...
at this time.
Senator Robert Francis Kennedy...
died at 1:44 a. m. today...
June 6, 1968.
With Senator Kennedy at the time of his death...
were his wife, Ethel...
his sisters, Mrs. Stephen Smith...
and Mrs. Patricia Lawford...
his brother-in-law Mr. Stephen Smith...
and his sister-in-law Mrs. John F. Kennedy.
He was 42 years old.
Thank you.
[Bell Tolls 1
♪ J' [ Man Singing “Mes Nae“ ]
I am praying for your husband...
whom I so much respect...
and I am praying for our country...
in this period of great national tragedy and peril.
You, your husband...
and your entire family have been most comforting...
to my family in our times of grief and difficulty...
and I am prepared to do anything...
which may be of some service...
or consolation to you now.
Sincerely, Mrs. Martin Luther King Jr.
[ Man On TV] The funeral cortege has just arrived...
at Los Angeles International Airport...
where the presidential plane waits to transport...
Senator Kennedy's body to New York.
One fine man after another gets shot down in public...
just standing there...
and what's happened?
...into the airplane.
The family members of the party leave their cars -
[ Foreign Accent] In this country a very big misconception about freedom.
Because nobody needs a gun -
[ Man] Now the members of the family...
are surrounding Robert Kennedy's casket...
on the lift truck...
and it begins to raise them up...
toward the front door of the airplane.
Now at the proper level...
moving awkwardly around the main burden of the lift truck...
the women enter the plane...
then the men lift up the casket...
covered with the dark purple cloth.
I think Senator Kennedy's loss is a national loss.
Although many Americans did not agree with him...
and did not want to put him in the White House...
I believe that we don't want these things decided - .
by political assassination.
We feel we should be a country politically mature enough...
that this kind of thing is entirely unnecessary...
and in fact disgraceful.
[ Man] Engines are starting -
I think that violence begets violence...
and that Kennedy advocated a violent foreign policy...
and, uh, the people...
who he was advocating that policy against struck back violently.
Let us resolve before God...
and before each other...
that the purpose of progress and justice...
for which Robert F. Kennedy lived...
shall endure.
[Jerry] I think you two are in love with each other.
Your eyes are really blue.
The whites of your eyes are really blue.
Your eyes are -
No, they're bloodshot.
Little red things...
- radially running - - [All Chuckling]
Running to the center, sort of like Washington, DC.
[ Jerry ] Your eyes are so blue, it's fantastic.
Or Paris.
- Has he ever been to Paris'? - Mm-hmm.
And your eyes are as green as -
What color are your eyes'?
Look at me.
Look at his eyes.
They're every color. Let me see.
They're sort of gold around the pupil...
yellowish there, and then aquamarine.
There's a little chartreuse in there too.
- Open your eyes. - Hmm-mm.
[Jerry Laughs]
He wouldn't open his eyes because -
- Look at the color of his teeth too. - Look at this landscape. its beautiful.
This is not a TV dinner.
This is a landscape dinner.
And we are watching a landscape, and you're watching a landscape.
But I'm in a movie, and you're not.
[Taunting Gibberish]
That was such a childish thing to do.
We have to become mature if we're gonna be gods. I read that book.
Then be quiet and look at the view.
- [ Jim] Taste the pudding. - [ Viva] The pudding.
- Mmm! - it's fantastic.
Now taste the rice.
Thank you, God, for this pudding.
- [Taunting Gibberish] - [All Laughing]
[Doorbell Rings]
Eddie! What are you doing here'?
I got tired of watching television. I wanted to see somebody alive.
Well, I'm not very alive.
I've been watching television all day myself.
[Viva] Mm. Mm!
Mm! Mm!
Eddie -
Are you trying to get back into the old swing of things?
I'm living with these two fantastic boys, Eddie.
We're just getting to this fabulous stage...
of... of love...
and I tried it as an experiment...
but now I love the experiment.
- Yes, I knew that. - How did you know'?
- I can't start all over again with you. - [Phone Ringing]
Telephone's ringing. Damn it. You should -
I'm sorry. Sorry.
Eddie, Why don't you stay and have some coffee with us'?
- Stay. Have some coffee. - Viva, telephone.
Viva, telephone.
N" [ Rock]
Al' [ Ends ]
Viva, did you want some coffee?
[Jim ] Yeah. If I were him, I wouldn't go in there.
What do you think of my idea?
The assassinations - they're all a Ku Klux Klan mark.
KKK - Kennedy, King, Kennedy.
- [ Jerry ] Can't be. - I can't believe that kind of thing.
What a mess this place is. Will you help me clean it up'?
Yes, anything to please you, madam.
You shouldn't have to do everything.
I'll get a broom, and you hang up the clothes.
I mean, I just can't live like this anymore.
At your service, lady.
[ Jim ] I've been saying it for how many weeks? It's disgusting.
[Jerry] If you think I may get involved emotionally...
about cleaning, I'm not.
[Viva ] You've been saying it for how many weeks?
- But you haven't done anything about it. - I can't. I tried...
but then everything just goes crazy.
[ Viva ] You don't try very hard.
[Jim] I did try. I used to try. I gave up trying.
- Anybody drinking this coffee? - [Jerry] You can have it.
- I don't want it. - It's cold.
[ Viva ] I'll get rid of it.
Anyway, Jim's taking care of his face.
He won't help.
[ Jerry ] I tell you, how would you like to have your breakfast...
just some ashes and coffee?
There.
Put any more food you find on this tray.
Let me take it.
Have you got it'?
These Kennedys are pretty courageous.
[Jerry ] That's the human level. That's the human scene.
[ Viva] So sad.
Those poor kids.
♪ ! [ Pipe Organ]
[ Choir] ♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ Hallelujah' ♪
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah' ♪
♪ Hallelujah' ♪
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah' ♪
♪ Hallelujah' ♪
♪ For the Lord God omnipotent' ♪
♪ Reigneth' ♪
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah' ♪
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah If
JV' [ Fades ]
[ Man On TV] And the flag is lowered in respect...
as the 20-car train passes slowly...
by Trenton's Grand Central Station.
Oh, it's so good to be home.
- I'm sleeping in the middle tonight. - Okay.
Alone at last.
[ Jim Groans] Oh! We forgot to put the quilt on the window
[ Jerry] It doesn't matter. Let the sun shine in tomorrow
[ Viva] Good night.
[ Shirley] Ah, Viva, the cowboy nurse. How nice.
I stole your vest. I hope you don't mind.
Of course not. This is beautiful.
- [ Kisses ] - And real flowers too...
but so much.
- Do you want anything else? - No, this is just marvelous.
Yes, my hat. My magic get-well hat.
- Where is it'? - Right behind you on the table, please.
I have a magic shooting hat a magic editing hat'. I might as well have a magic get- well hat'.
Why do you always Wear a hat'? Think fast. Catch.
I must be feeling better.
Why do you always Wear one'?
Just, you know, I like it.
Ah. Wonderful.
Everything on everything, huh'?
İfs too much, too much, too much.
Eat everything.
The picture of you is sweet.
[ Chuckles ]
Really, if I had appetite, I would eat the whole thing.
it's nectar and ambrosia compared to the hospital food.
I'm keeping my left eye on you...
while I finish this puzzle.
- I can? even watch television. - Who wants to'?
I would like to see the shots. I guess they'll rerun them.
It's absolutely ridiculous in the hospital. They wouldn't let me watch TV.
- [ Carlos ] Hello? - Hi, Carlos.
[ Shirley] Carlos, how nice. Our historian has arrived.
- How are you, darling? - Divine.
- [ Kisses ] Got you this. - How sweet.
Would you put it on the David statue over there'?
I looked for your picture in the paper this morning,
I couldn’t find it - not even the back page.
Competition is getting fierce in this town.
As they say, tant pis.
I brought you this as well.
“Cataclysm: the Sins of Hollywood.”
That really is too funny. That's just the thing.
I bought a poster like that for the kids the other night.
The day she flipped out. Oh, I forgot we weren't going to talk about it.
- You said the wrong thing, buster. - Sorry. So silly of me.
[ Viva Thinking] Not as silly as this movie you're making, Agnes.
Carlos, do me a favor and put the tray over there, please.
Sure.
You should have never come to Hollywood, Shirley.
- Hmm'? - You should have never come here.
You should've stayed in New York, at the Chelsea.
I could have brought you all kinds of stills...
photos, records, posters...
to make your film on Hollywood there.
You could have made your movie in New York.
But it's not the same thing. This is the actual, physical place.
There never was such a place as Hollywood anyway.
It was always a mining camp with service from the Ritz.
You mean, I won't be able to be the new Greta Garbo...
the new Marlene Dietrich...
the new Theda Bara, the new Rudolph Valentino'?
[ Carlos ] Hollywood's a state of mind Nostalgia.
♪ J' [ Sentimental ]
If you listen to the people who were here then...
they were plain folks doing their thing.
xx [ Jazz]
But to the rest of the world, it was really Sodom and Gomorrah...
where stars fuck on an epic scale.
- [ Viva] Don? they do it anymore? - [ Shirley] Of course they do.
What else is Hollywood but Babylon and sunshine?
[ Carlos] And also lemon groves...
which had to be pulled out to build the studios.
Al' [ Ends ]
JV' [ Honky-tank]
[ Carlos] There's no film museum in Hollywood...
unless you call a museum the Wax Works on Hollywood Boulevard.
And there's no cinematheque either.
it's as if Hollywood were ashamed of its past.
JV' [ Continues ]
Al' [ Ends ]
The real museum of Hollywood may very well be Larry Edmunds Bookshop...
- J'! [ Tack Piano] - where all the memories of Hollywood...
are sold in little parcels of nostalgia...
to fans all over the world.
Between 1925 and 1935...
more was written about Hollywood than about any other part of the nation.
Eventually, the intellectuals began to arrive."
Bernard Shaw, Aldous Huxley, Scott Fitzgerald...
Faulkner, Somerset Maugham...
and also Andre Malraux then the leading communist writer.
[ Phone Ringing]
[ Woman] Larry Edmunds Bookshop.
Just a minute, please. Mel, it's for you.
[ Man] Hello.
Yes, it's true that Andre' Malraux was here.
He was here in 1936, speaking for the Spanish Republic.
The movie colony and the movie stars...
raised enough money for two ambulances...
and then, before he left, the ambulances were signed...
by all the stars that contributed.
He was here at the same time with Ernest Hemingway.
You're quite welcome. Bye-bye.
JV' [ Continues ]
[ Man #2] Do you have any stills on Lillian Miles?
- [ Woman] We should have. - Yeah, she was a young star.
- [ Woman] Of the 30s? - Right.
Platinum-white hair. Looked like Jean Harlow
She did only about four movies." Man and a Woman...
and Grand Hotel.
- Do you remember Moonlight and Pretzels? - “Moonlight and Pretzels”?
[ Man] Yeah. She was in that.
[ Viva] Carlos, you’re taking over with your stories.
[ Shirley] It's just like a travelogue.
[ Carlos] Well, the doctor said you're not supposed to watch television today...
so I'm giving you your very own Lake, Lake Show.
JV' [ Mid-tempo Big Band]
In those days, all roads led to Hollywood.
Al' [ Ends ]
Viva, you would have loved it then.
Those were the days. Parties every night.
At Pickfair, Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks...
entertained Marie, queen of Romania, and the prince of Wales.
♪ J' [ Sentimental ]
But now all they tell you is, “Charlie Chaplin used to live here.
This used to be the home of Marion Davies."
All you see are these empty houses, like the one we live in. - .
waiting for the earthquake.
JV' [ Fades ]
[ Viva] Okay, what's divine?
[ Jerry] Divine is free.
Divinity is where you least expect to find it.
But there's nobody here...
and we're bags of meat.
[ Jerry ] And you're a bag of fish!
[ Blows Raspberry] Ugh!
[ Spits ]
Fish is health food.
Fish is nonviolent.
[ Screaming ]
You tore my tail with your teeth!
Your rotten buffalo teeth!
- Yeah. - Buffalo Bill!
That's divine. That's divine.
My God! My God!
There's going to be blood! My poor tail!
Fish don't have blood-blood.
Look at it! Blood!
- Stop squeezing it. - Oh, my God!
You crazy bastard.
All right, you asked for it. You asked for it.
I suppose you think...
by biting a woman's tail...
you can put her in her place!
My ruined tail, wiped out!
Look at that!
[Scattered Coughing, Giggling]
Disgusting! Get away from me!
You're divine. You're divine...
in your sea of eternity...
with your blood on your tail...
and anger in your eyes.
I'll put an end to your misery.
- [ İmitates Gunshot] - [ Cries Out ]
Oh! [Wailing]
[ Audience Applauding ]
[Whistling ]
[ Jerry] This - This was an aquatic remake of The Beard...
and a salute to Michael McClure...
who wrote the original one.
You have just witnessed the premiere in this natural amphitheater.
The role of Harlow was played by Viva Harlot...
and the role of Billy the Kid...
by your humble servant.
We were honored to perform in front of you...
- the up-and-coming generation, the new audience. - - - [ Boy Booing ]
- The future, the space future... - [ Cheering ]
The space-children future.
- You You You - Flush it down!
I drink to America.
I drink to her violence...
I drink to her wars...
I drink to her highway deaths...
I drink to her poverty...
I drink to her wars...
I drink to her cows...
I drink to her movies...
and I drink to you...
and I drink to me...
and I drink to hair, and I drink to, um, money...
I drink to fame...
I drink to all the movie stars...
I drink to my family...
I drink to the airplanes...
and I drink to, um -
I have a little bit left.
Who should I drink that to'?
Hmm'?
Mmm! it's all gone, Mommy.
Fm, uh - I'm an actor...
and I just go into a part...
but no matter what that part is, I'm myself...
because I think my self has all things in it...
and all people, and, um -
Let's see. I Wonder what this is gonna look like.
Looks different.
I am making this film...
because A -
I thought I would be given a script to read...
with lines to memorize...
and I thought it would be so easy.
I always wanted to do a really romantic, tragic...
soap-opera type love story movie...
with memorized lines such as...
“Oh, darling...
I didn't know you had cancer.
What are we going to do now'?
Who will pay the hotel bill?”
But instead, I had to make up my own lines once again.
B - I'm so tired of being...
either-and-or...
naked-dash-raped in movies...
that I thought it would be great to Wear some clothes for a change.
Not that I have anything against nudity.
If I had a body like Raquel Welch...
I would never put my clothes on.
But in fact, I'm even - C - so sick of doing monologues...
that I would like to just breathe for one minute.
[ Exhales Forcefully ]
[ Agnes ] How long was that? Lynne?
- [ Lynne] What now? - How long?
Two minutes 24 seconds.
[ Agnes ] How long, Lynne?
[ Lynne] Thirty seconds more.
[ Agnes ] How long is it now?
[ Lynne] Fifteen seconds more.
[ Agnes ] Total?
[ Man] Total of about 3:20.
[ Agnes ] Thank you. Cut.
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