She really looks like Nate.
Let me see.
Claire, they're in order.
Do vegans breastfeed?
You got butter on it.
Sorry, Mom, I know you only have 2,000 other ones just like it.
But this one was the first time she ever smiled at me.
You sure it wasn't gas?
- No, I know gas. Nate... - Was an extremely gassy baby. We know.
But David never made a peep.
And no one remembers anything about Claire.
I'm starting to think I walked in off the street when I was nine.
That's not true, dear.
David, Claire's graduation is this Saturday at 3:00.
- Did you hear that, Nate? Saturday at 3:00. - For what?
My idiotic graduation. You don't have to come.
Of course he does.
- What's that? - Just a few pictures of Maya.
Wait, you haven't even seen her?
It's weird that I can't have anything to do with this kid, and you go take pictures.
Giving up custodial rights doesn't mean you can't visit.
Lisa said that?
- I'm not getting in the middle of this. - Well, then, don't. Stay out of it.
Whatever problems you and Lisa have, I don't care.
But Maya is my granddaughter, and I intend to be part of her life!
You okay?
Go away.
- Let me get someone for you. - They can't help me.
I got it.
All right.
- I don't want you to see this shit. - It's okay.
You can't wait for this to be over.
- I'm right here for you. - So what?
I don't even know you.
Oh, fuck!
- It's okay. - I can't breathe.
Nate, I'm not ready.
Help me.
It's gonna be okay.
Just try to let go.
Go into the light?
There's no fucking light.
Please, just...
- just try to let go. - I don't want to.
Let it go.
It's gonna be okay. It's okay.
It's okay.
Yes, I need to see Dr. DiPaolo as soon as possible.
I can't wait two weeks. This is an emergency.
I have to schedule an embolization.
No, but...
I think I waited too long already, all right? I have to fucking do this.
Nate, this is John Gerson.
Thank you.
Tomorrow at 11:00. Yes, thank you.
Bitch.
From the DCA.
I'd like to look around, if you don't mind.
We don't have an inspection till February.
- We received a complaint. - From who?
I'm not at liberty to say.
If I could use your little boys' room, then we'll start with your billing records.
It's that door directly across.
I thought Kroehner folded.
This must be the final mindfuck of Mitzi Dalton Huntley.
Claire Fisher.
Can I start again?
Fuck!
Claire?
Claire!
So I had this idea: We should put a pool in the backyard.
Careful of the puddle.
That's nasty.
A little kidney-shaped pool. We can dip in the summer. It's not even that expensive.
We're paying back your sister.
She doesn't need to be paid back. She doesn't even want it.
You only don't want to be paid back when you want to have something over someone.
Do you know much she's getting paid to play that slutty neighbor on the WB?
- Where's my hot sauce? - It's on there.
I don't see why we can't get one thing nice for ourselves.
Don't talk about the money in front of him.
Get rid of the food!
I hope I didn't interrupt your lunch.
I'm sure they weren't eating.
This is our embalmer's wife. She was just stopping by.
Does she have a license to be down here?
Shouldn't Mr. Buchbinder be in the refrigerator?
I'm just about to take him to the crematorium.
Really?
It looks to me like you've got yourself a no-vacancy situation at the fridge motel.
He's not even staying here.
I'd love to let this slide...
but since Mr. Buchbinder paid for two days' refrigeration in his pre-need contract...
I'm going to have to write you up for a consumer disclosure citation.
And we are knee-deep in human waste.
Why did your grades take such a plunge in the spring?
I don't know. I guess I sort of stopped relating to high school.
Did something happen last year?
Well, bad boyfriend.
Okay.
That's it, unless you have any questions, or anything else you'd like us to know.
Well, good luck, Claire, it was nice to meet you.
Also, not that this is, whatever...
but my father died last year.
I'm sorry.
I don't think it had anything to do with getting bad grades, but maybe it did a little.
It would if it were me. Thank you for letting me know.
You know, I'm not like, "Oh, poor me" or anything.
You know, I just thought of this.
But before that happened...
I always liked to make stuff for people, like presents, or whatever...
and then, when my dad died, I couldn't...
I don't even know how to talk about it, I mean, even now, you know.
But then I started to make stuff that was sort of about that at first...
you know, and then stuff that was about other things, too.
And I'm sorry that I'm rambling, now...
but, I guess, I just wanted you to know that I feel like I have this...
way now of, like, dealing.
And it's so much better.
I'm sorry, excuse me.
Excuse me, I'm sorry. This is so queer.
It's fine. I constantly cry at inappropriate moments.
Yeah, but I really don't.
Here, sweetie.
Thank you.
Thanks.
We'll have your ashes on Saturday.
He actually asked that I be here for it to start the machine.
Can't do it today.
A pacemaker exploded in the retort, so they're fixing the burners.
Come back tomorrow afternoon. We'll torch him then.
Is Taylor in her room? I got her an air purifier that's also a humidifier.
Taylor!
Where's all her stuff?
My parents came today to take her down to San Diego.
- For how long? - For good.
Why?
There's no way we could've kept her. Not after what I did.
We could have tried.
- You could have told me... - I got suspended today.
Oh, my God, until when?
It doesn't matter. I'm not going back there.
- You don't know how you'll feel... - Don't tell me what I know!
You know, it's summer.
Maybe it's 'cause, when I was growing up, there were seasons...
but it still gives me this charge. And it's not just the nipples.
It's that the whole world's out there, feeling sexy in their skin.
I can't sit with a beer in my hand and watch the ass parade anymore.
Because it takes me out of my f-ing reality.
It's a drug.
That little shine of sweat.
Some chick in traffic.
I just want to jump in that car and lick it right off of her.
On my wife, it makes me sick.
I can see the stains under her arms...
the red bumps where she shaves, all the f-ing details.
But thanks to my higher power, and this program...
I haven't crossed my bottom line in three years.
And for me, that means no sex outside my marriage.
No prostitutes, no strip clubs, no masturbation.
And it also seems to mean no sex in my marriage.
I stopped doing all the other stuff...
because I wanted to learn how to be more intimate with my wife.
And I have.
I love her.
I love her more than anything.
I just can't touch her.
I couldn't even kiss her any more than I could kiss my own mother.
The fact is, I have this f-ing disease, and this is how it's showing up today.
So, thanks. Three years, right?
You really have to love someone to have their face burned into your flesh.
Or just be really drunk.
The lowest I could get was 38.
Thousand? The lowest?
They have to dig up the whole foundation of the house to replace those pipes.
We can try another contractor.
- Fuck! - What is this?
We're going to have to shut down the home for a while.
- What? - This inspection just totally fucked us.
The maximum fine is $2,500 at a time...
We've two weeks to fix the drainage system. We don't have the money.
And Kroehner can't even buy us out anymore.
So what does this mean?
We hope you'll consider taking something temporary...
so when we work things out, you can come back.
You mean if you work things out.
We know it's a lot to ask.
Scott?
Candace Bouvard.
I am so sorry, Candace. I had sex with like 200 women last year...
and all the faces are a blur.
Why are you only taking 50 milligrams of the Dilantin?
- That's what you prescribed. - But you're still having seizures.
You were supposed to tell me so I could adjust the dosage.
- Well, you didn't tell me that. - I'm sure I did.
Now there's a bleed. This was so unnecessary.
What's a bleed?
That's blood.
The AVM ruptured, probably during your last seizure.
- Wouldn't I have felt that? - Apparently not.
If I'd done the embolization last summer, we wouldn't be in this situation.
AVM is very treatable, if you treat it.
Wait a minute, you didn't...
- Okay, I want to do it now. - So would I, if I were you.
But, at this point, my only option is immediate cranial surgery.
What does that mean?
It means it looks like this sucker is bordering an eloquent area in the brain.
- Well, you said it wasn't last time. - You must have misheard me.
It's a lot of information.
What does that mean?
I'm not gonna lie to you. There's a high risk of paralysis...
Ioss of speech, vegetation, or death.
But I have a very strong record with this kind of surgery.
- How many deaths? - Not many.
I can't fit this in tomorrow. I'm gonna have to come in Saturday for this.
But I need your blood work done today.
Connie will tell you where to go for that when you check out.
I really don't like the idea that I'm sick.
Nobody does.
Come on. It's a little self-indulgent, don't you think?
When there are people dying of leukemia, or whatever.
These guys are like:
"It's not my fault I blew 25 guys last night. I have a disease." I mean, deal with it.
When I tried to deal with it, I ended up with a sexual harassment lawsuit...
filed against me by half the female associates in my firm.
Fuck.
I'm really glad we didn't... You and I.
I was spreading gonorrhea all over LA last summer.
So when did you admit you were powerless?
- I haven't yet, by the way. - I can tell.
Five months, two weeks, and three days ago.
And now your life is just one long hot fuck with God?
- I'm an atheist, actually. - Yeah?
And who do you turn over your will and your life to?
I just pray to nothing.
I say, "Dear God, who I don't believe in, help me...
"with whatever it is."
To stop thinking about...
undressing this incredibly sexy woman who I am trying to have a real moment with.
Or something like that.
Does it work?
Unfortunately, yeah, it does.
Well, I'm not gonna stop drinking or smoking pot.
All you can do is just take it one day at a time.
All those fucking slogans make me want to tear off my clothes...
and run screaming out of the room.
You know, I'm curious.
How does having compulsive sex with strangers...
no close relationship with friends, or family...
a job that you hate, and a broken engagement...
feel manageable to you?
I didn't say that my life wasn't unmanageable.
I just said that I hadn't admitted that I was powerless.
I don't want to hate my parents any more than I already do.
- You'll probably end up forgiving them. - Well, I don't want to do that either.
I don't want to be one of those people that walks around in pain all the time.
What about when you are in pain?
I choose not to be.
What's so bad about a little pain?
I feel like it'll kill me.
It won't.
I can't believe that guy blew up in the retort.
We usually check for the pacemaker, but this guy was, like, 20.
Go ahead.
And built. He looked like he worked out five hours a day.
Vanity. These guys are out there taking pills, getting implants.
Men are the new women.
- Yeah, no kidding. - I hate gyms.
All those people on machines staring at the TVs.
They looks like pod people training to live among the humans.
Shit!
Hang on. I got to reposition him.
I've got to make sure the chest is right under the main burner.
That's where most of your mass and fluids are.
All that stuff that really fuels the burn.
We used to leave it chunky, so people would know it was real cremains...
not just wood chips, like that place in Georgia.
But then we did this baby...
and the dad saw a little tooth, and he freaked, like, "This isn't my baby!"
We had to get a doctor to explain to him that they have teeth embedded in their jaws.
Man, he was upset.
But, you know, when a baby goes, it's a lot of dead hope.
You going to Lisa's?
- I have every right to see my granddaughter. - I'm coming with you.
Did you talk to her?
You've got a key?
Sometimes I stay with the baby when Lisa has to work.
They should be here soon.
See? I told you...
Granny was gonna be here.
Hi, Granny.
Hello, sweet pea.
Carole made me come with her to this intuitive nutritionist...
who told her she's allergic to everything.
She squeezed Carole's fingers for 10 minutes...
and I had to spend two hours looking for burdock root.
I think Erewhon has burdock.
Thanks.
I'm sorry to show up like this. I won't stay long.
I'm really happy you're here.
You know who this is?
This is your daddy.
This is where you get your little mouth from.
Hi.
Hi, Maya.
I know you're thinking "Maya" is "illusion" in Buddhism...
but it's also another name for Durga, the Mother, in Sanskrit.
And, in Greek, it's "messenger of the Gods."
And my mother was half-Greek, so, you know...
My gosh, she's so small.
Mom, come on.
You'll thank me when you're old.
I'll get it.
Hi, Barbara, how are you?
I'm fine. Did you get the tape?
She's just as precious as precious can be.
Hold on. Lisa, it's Barb.
Tell her I'll call her back.
Who's Barb?
My sister.
Carole's movie?
No, I just don't enjoy films about retarded people.
But Lisa went to the premiere.
She said it was great.
Sorry about my mom. I guess she's been a little Ionely.
She's a godsend. She's been such a help to me.
She looked wonderful.
We altered a purple chiffon caftan I had in the closet from the '70s.
She's just so loving and fun.
I just hope I can be half as good a mother as she is.
I'm sure you can.
Okay, bye, now.
- Ruth, is this the blanket? - That's the one I made for Nate.
I love it.
In certain ways, Lisa really reminds me of myself.
Something about the way you two are together...
reminds me of your father and me.
I was raised with a very small-town mentality...
and getting married was really the only way you could have sex at all.
So, I never tried to find the perfect someone, you know?
But that doesn't matter when there are children.
It becomes its own very real kind of love.
- Mom, I'm not marrying Lisa. - Did I say you should?
I think you should consider the profound effect a child can have on your life.
Mom, you should find some place and pull over for a minute.
- Why, are you all right, dear? - No, I'm not.
Saturday?
I kind of need to do it as soon as possible.
Have you told David?
Yeah.
Would you like me to tell Claire?
She knows.
She saw me have a seizure, so I had to tell her.
I'm sorry, Mom.
I'll go to the hospital with Nate...
David will take Robbie's video camera to Claire's graduation...
so we can all watch it later.
- Mom... - It's fine. I already asked him.
And he's bringing it over later to show you how it works.
We're not going to my lame-ass graduation when Nate is having major surgery.
Claire, Nate is going to be just fine.
There is no reason for this procedure to ruin your special day.
It's not even special. I'm just going for you.
It is special. It's a rite of passage.
I'm not going to let you get overshadowed by your brothers, like you always do.
If Claire doesn't care about this, I'd like to be with Nate, too.
David, god damn it, I am the mother here!
And I am a good one, no matter what you think from your limited point of view.
This is what we are doing!
Now, who wants milk?
So? Now you can get them to make you a partner.
It's Fisher & Sons, remember?
It's not Fisher & Sons & Diaz.
That was before you had $100,000 they need.
I want to put it in a mutual fund, or something.
Some, okay, but nothing's worth as much as being your own boss.
Julio, check the bath isn't running over.
I don't know.
The business isn't even going so great.
So? You go in there, you make it go great.
He didn't do it.
Julio, turn off the bath!
I'll do it.
No, he needs to learn to do something when I tell him.
You'll let the whole house get flooded so you can teach him something?
Thank you.
I want to be cremated. I don't want to be embalmed. No viewing.
This is very difficult for me.
Do you want me to fill it out by myself?
Yes.
- I don't think we should do this now. - We have to, all right?
I don't want you to have to deal with the funeral.
You're not going to die.
I have to get ready for it.
And I think you should, too.
- What about a service? - Yeah.
I want Ari...
the rabbi who did Jeffrey Shapiro.
A rabbi? Why not Father Jack?
Is Father Jack doing your service?
No, but that's just because I don't want to give him the wrong idea.
What kind of idea is he going to get when you're dead?
I don't know, I just don't want him cruising me in the afterlife.
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
What do you think the afterlife is? Some sex club that never closes?
Yeah, and no one ever tells you if it's heaven or hell.
Fuck, I am really scared.
Me, too.
I wish you could come with me.
Okay, I'm not going to Claire's graduation. Mom is insane.
No, go to the graduation. That's not what I meant.
Oh, God!
You're home early.
Where were you?
Just getting something to eat.
I was going to make dinner.
You can still make dinner.
You mean for myself?
Whatever. I might be kind of hungry later.
You sure you want to eat that?
I was going to make a poached Chilean sea bass and polenta.
With a wild mushroom cassoulet.
You could've gotten me something.
I didn't know you'd be home.
Did you do anything today?
What's that supposed to mean?
Did you call that guy?
I don't need to pay to learn I can get a job in security.
I'm sure there're options you don't know about.
I know a lot of ex-cops. They all work in security.
What's wrong with security? It's a national obsession.
It's the new freedom.
You know what? My career isn't your problem.
I have new pictures of Maya.
Yes, I have seen.
The new ones? I don't think so.
Is very cute. I have seen.
You haven't seen these. The smiling ones? I just got these yesterday.
Ruth, is not my grandbaby. I don't need every day to see.
I quit. Consider this my two-week notice.
Because I don't looking at your photos?
No, I'm not growing in this environment.
And I want to be available to help watch my granddaughter.
And since I don't have the money to help pay for a sitter, it's the least I can do.
You take other job?
Eventually, I suppose I'll have to, under the circumstances.
Okay, then, Ruth. Is also better for me.
This way only have to pay Robbie.
Well, yes.
And also, you should know, you may be losing Fisher & Sons as a client.
We may close the business because there's no money to replace the septic system!
This is my fault? Is that what you're saying?
No. I just thought you should know you might be losing the account.
- I will pay you back this money. - I said it was a gift.
Even though you said it was gift, I will pay back.
Well, that's very sweet, but we both know that's not possible.
Here, every week, I pay some part of it.
Here, this is the first payment.
$62.
It was a very slow week.
I did knock.
I'm sorry. Was that too loud?
I just thought I'd stop by, say hi.
Okay.
I thought you were going to that art school.
I so blew the interview.
There's no way.
I totally started bawling.
What do you mean, why?
I started talking about Dad, for some, like, insane reason.
And I just fucking lost it.
So is this operation really serious?
Nah, I just gotta, you know, get rid of this thing.
It's so not a big deal.
Well, good.
Because...
Just good.
Okay, that was before you talked to me, so...
Did you take these? These are amazing.
Well, they're okay.
This guy's a total fucking freak...
but the pictures are awesome.
Thanks.
I thought you were going to yell at me.
I didn't yell. I was just looking out for you.
Okay, don't take this the wrong way...
and I know...
I have a tendency to fall for kind of insane boys...
but you have a tendency...
to dole out the wisdom like you're the Dalai Lama, or whatever...
and it's not like you're incredibly together that I'm just dying for your advice.
I never said I was incredibly together. I'm just a lot older.
Yeah, and I don't think you're that much better than I am...
at the relationship thing, like, at all.
Well, I disagree.
No one I dated ever attacked anybody with a knife or a gun.
Okay.
And I don't know what goes on between you and Lisa, or Brenda...
or the other million missing girlfriends.
There have not been a million.
I just get the sense that you're not fully dealing.
All right.
- Fine, I'll never give you advice again. - No, give me advice...
just don't try and act like you really know anything.
- Wait, is he nude? - No.
God!
$50,000.
Do you have any idea how much this business is worth?
Not much when it's shut down.
And I want to be equal partner.
- Rico, you... - Wait!
I'm sorry I have to say this now, but I think you might want another partner.
Not equal, no way.
$75,000 for 25%.
Done!
All right, okay.
So I just wanted to tell you that I think a lot of what you had to say...
- I'm so sorry. - Just let me finish.
A lot of what you said was true.
I didn't have the right to say anything to you.
I'm the one that's fucked up.
I am so fucked up.
Okay.
Maybe.
But you were right when you said that...
being with you made it easier for me to feel so together.
That I was ready for something real, and you weren't...
and that is just not really true.
Nate, I have a serious problem.
I think I'm...
God, I so don't want to say this.
Here.
I've been going to these meetings.
I went to one of these meetings once up in Seattle. It freaked me out.
- Why? - Just the people. It seemed like a cult.
No. What made you go?
I thought it might apply.
Well, it says in the book that once you realize what it is...
and you work really hard, you can...
People have this whole new experience of love.
Some people, I mean.
So what?
I really love you.
And I don't think I would have done what I did if I didn't really love you.
That's a very strange thing to say.
But I think it's true.
It was the fear of...
feeling something...
real.
Okay.
I love you, too.
I just wanted you to know that even though you really pissed me off.
I still get so angry if I let myself think about it...
Of course you do.
But I felt like this was something.
Being with you made me feel more...
Just feel more, I guess.
More than I used to feel. More than I felt with anyone.
Everything I was running away from, I don't even know what it is.
Fear, I guess.
I felt all of that with you.
I'm good at making people feel fear?
But I can't.
- I'm not saying now... - I can't even think about the future.
I'm just saying maybe.
I'm having surgery tomorrow.
It's an embolization. Totally routine.
Can I be with you?
No.
My mom's coming with me.
And it's really nothing. I mean, I'm gonna be fine.
Nate.
- Look, I'm sorry. I got to go. - Nate, please!
You know, I've been thinking...
it really could be good for you guys to have a Latino point of view at the home.
Too bad it comes in the form of a controlling homophobe.
When we met, you were a controlling homophobe.
And apparently that was very attractive to you.
Will you come with me to Claire's graduation tomorrow?
- I'd really rather not. - Why not?
It's not a good time for me to be dealing with your family.
It's not my family. It's me and Claire. My mother's going to be with Nate.
- I really can't. - You'd miss The Young and the Restless?
God, Keith, I ask you for one thing.
What do you think we are? Roommates? It's like I don't even exist.
In case you haven't noticed, I have a lot to deal with right now.
Not noticed? It defines my entire life. Everything is about taking care of you.
For once. Which you can't deal with, because you're the one who always needs it.
That is such bullshit! Who were you taking care of...
when you sent Taylor away without telling me? What am I, the dog?
I made a decision, and it was mine to make!
- Why was it your decision? - It's my family.
- I thought I was your family. - Well, you're not!
Yet.
David, you're not.
You just moved in and now there's this pressure to be...
whatever family unit fantasy you had in your head...
when you got engaged to Jennifer.
I care about Taylor. She feels as close to me as...
That's not the point! It's not always about what you want!
You are such an asshole!
I have been tiptoeing...
- Tiptoeing? - Get off of me!
Lying on the couch, crying about this, and pretending everything's fine?
I was crying about my brother, you selfish fuck!
My brother could die tomorrow. Do you even think about how I feel?
- Not if you don't tell me. - You could notice!
You could give a fuck for once in your life about somebody besides yourself.
I'm really gonna miss high school.
So, why does Monty Pappas think...
getting into Williams has made him into someone anyone would ever fuck?
As if the name of the college matters at all.
I don't even know where Williams is. Virginia?
Vermont.
It has that summer theatre program where movie stars go to have sex and do Chekhov.
- Oh, my God, how did your interview go? - It severely sucked.
- Are you suicidal? - No.
East Valley will be fine.
They've got a darkroom. They've got paint.
And everyone says you get out of college what you put into it, anyway, so...
Whatever.
I'm glad you're so delirious about it, because it looks like I'm going there, too.
What do you mean?
Yale found out about my SATs. That little Indian bitch turned herself in.
Hundreds of people are screwed just so she won't come back as a rodent.
Okay, it isn't that funny.
Cunt.
Oh, God!
You ready to go, Mom?
- Is it time already? - Yeah, just about.
- But you haven't even eaten. - I'm not supposed to.
Of course, I'm such an idiot.
No, you're not.
Clearly, there's something wrong with me...
that made you keep this from me while your brother and sister knew.
- Mom, I'm sorry. - But why? Why does this keep happening?
I just didn't want to worry you.
You're not supposed to protect me. I'm supposed to protect you.
But you can't.
- You can't protect me from this. - But I can try. That's what a mother does.
She tries to protect you, and most of the time, she fails...
but it's the trying that makes you feel loved.
How will you feel loved if you don't ever let me try?
I do.
I do feel loved.
It was just so many months I could have loved you better.
You loved me fine.
You're everything.
You don't even know. You're everything to me.
God, I don't want to go.
I won't go. I can't. I can't do this, I can't.
I don't want to go!
- I won't let you go. - I don't wanna go.
I'll never let you go.
Almost ready?
We caught up with LA's hottest high school graduate...
in a quiet moment at home.
So, Claire, how does it feel to be leaving your childhood behind?
All right, you can really stop that now.
For many young people, graduation brings up feelings of anxiety and pissiness.
No, really. Cut!
- Are you smoking pot? - You want some?
Yeah!
God! These dust balls are like tumbleweeds!
When was the last time anyone swept under here?
I don't know. When did Mom start working for Nikolai?
Your mother is a very good woman.
God have mercy.
How psyched are we that we never have to call him "Daddy"?
Thank God she snapped out of it.
I think he's the one who pulled the plug, actually.
Really? What a pig. He thinks he can do better than Mom?
I'm guessing she was a little clingy.
Did Nate ever tell you what happened with Brenda?
No, he was strangely nonverbal about it.
He's usually so eager to regale us with the details of his personal life.
Not always.
I guess not.
- So, when did they go? - Really early.
I guess it's like a two-part thing.
Yeah, first they try to stop the bleeding with glue.
They put a catheter in through his groin and thread it up...
It's okay. I don't need the details.
Sorry.
That part must have happened already. The cranial surgery is a few hours later.
So, like, now.
Soon, I guess.
There's no way we're going to this stupid graduation.
- I know. Fuck it. - Seriously.
- You're driving. - Fine.
You're just going to feel a slight sting, okay?
Count back from 10, please.
Ten, nine, eight...
seven, six...