my family and i were very poor because
the farm we lived on was often plagued
by drought to survive we had to catch as
much water as we could whenever it
rained and store it in big containers we
used the water to grow vegetables and
for us to drink but within two weeks of
standing around the water's surface
would be completely covered in mosquito
larvae it was disgusting and to make
things worse my dad forced me to eat as
many larvae as possible always arguing
that they were a rich source of protein
but i would have rather starved than
eating insect babies i was used to
starvation anyway i regularly went
without food for more than a week and
while starvation is terrible for a
child's development i wouldn't say that
it's painful rather you just feel tired
all the time and i wasn't the only one
who had to drink dirty water two of my
classmates from primary school died
after drinking water from a dirty pond
and getting diarrhea
diarrhea was a common cause of death
here in central america it can quickly
deplete you of all your body fluids and
just recently i read that to this day
1.6 million people around the world
still die each year because of diarrhea
now you better understand just how poor
i was growing up the only valuable asset
my family had turned out to be me my mom
had always told me how pretty i was and
at age 12 she took me by bus into the
big city far away where we visited a
model agency
they took photos of me and the cameraman
even told me wow you are so skinny i
love it
afterward everything changed i was
frequently booked for photo shoots and
was able to earn my family a thousand us
dollars a month suddenly we had enough
food to eat but there was one problem
until that point my older sister selena
and i had been very close once when she
saw me being pushed around in the
schoolyard by two boys she asked her own
classmates who were much bigger than my
bullies to revenge me and make sure i
never got bullied again so when school
was over my sister's classmates pulled
my bullies away from the street and into
some abandoned warehouse i didn't see
what happened to them with my own eyes
but they must have been severely beaten
up because they both ended up in a
hospital for several weeks one of them
even suffered a permanent knee injury i
know that because he's limping to this
day which serves him right my sister
selena made sure i was safe but family
relationships are complicated you can
love your sibling and hate them at the
same time and once i became the
breadwinner for my family doing photo
shoots almost every weekend my mom
started giving me all her attention she
told me you are so pretty one day you'll
be rich and famous
and meanwhile she completely neglected
my sister it was obvious that i had
become the favorite child i didn't know
how much my sister was hurting until mom
told her to skip school to help prepare
my makeup for a photo shoot that's when
she suddenly started crying i asked what
was wrong and she without looking into
my eyes pushed me back on my chair so
violently that it fell over
my head bounced off the ground and i had
a serious concussion i was shocked was
she really so jealous of my success just
because i was a successful model and she
wasn't didn't she see that if it wasn't
for me she wouldn't have any food on the
table i got so mad at her i felt like
setting her room on fire but then i
remembered something today was my
sister's birthday we had forgotten about
it because of my photo shoot and that's
why she was so angry i panicked and ran
to my mom screaming mom we forgot
selena's birthday it's today
who cares about her all that matters is
that you look good for your photo shoot
i hate to say it but i think my mom just
stopped caring for my sister
later that day i wanted to buy my sister
a birthday cake my mom was reluctant so
i had to bug her for a whole hour to
change her mind unfortunately it all
ended badly i gave my sister the first
piece of cake i wanted this to be her
big day but when i went to have a piece
too my mom told me no you can't have
cake because you have to stay thin let
your sister become fat as she wants to
my mom was so mean again that selena ran
out of the room crying and to make
things worse my mom started eating my
sister's birthday cake herself one piece
after the other until it was completely
gone meanwhile i went to my sister
telling her i was sorry she responded i
should cut your hair off and throw acid
in your face then you'll be as ugly and
worthless as me don't be silly you
aren't ugly and i love you no matter how
you look my sister wasn't listening
though she pinched me really hard and
said tell the truth
tell me you think i'm ugly or i'll pinch
you harder
it really hurt so i told her yes you are
really ugly thank you for being so
honest but if my life is ruined i'll
make sure to ruin yours too
in the weeks that followed she bullied
me non-stop she locked me into the
bathroom so i'd be too late for my photo
shoots and she kept waking me up at
night so i looked tired and ugly on the
photos one time i think she even put
anti-constipation pills into my
breakfast because that whole day i
couldn't stop running to the toilet
meanwhile i tried to reconcile with her
and said i know you hate me but i have a
gift for you take this
wow an iphone but you know what two
iphones are better than one then she
took my iphone away too and i guess she
later sold it for a quick buck this was
the tipping point i had enough of my
sister's erratic behavior and told my
mom about all the things she had done to
me my mom went nuclear of course and
told my sister listen to me you bastard
you are contributing nothing to this
family if you misbehave one more time
i'll throw you on the streets and from
now on you will do anything your sister
asks you to do i don't care if it's
buying groceries or wiping her ass
my tough acting sister suddenly turned
soft and said okay mom she stopped being
mean to me but i was still mad at her i
told her you're gonna regret stealing my
phone and then i made her clean up my
room it was odd but i kinda enjoyed
watching her on her knees tidying up my
messy room for months she had constantly
bullied me twisting and pinching my arms
and this was my revenge
meanwhile as i got older i got better
job offers as a model at 16 i even
secured a 50 000 us dollar deal for
participating in a fashion campaign for
h m the whole photo shoot took two whole
days and it was a big breakthrough for
me
afterward we had enough money to rent a
two-bedroom apartment i thought one
bedroom was for my mom and one for
bedroom was for my mom and one for and my sister but then my mom told my
and my sister but then my mom told my
sister to sleep in the maids room which
was really just a small storage room
with a mattress on the floor and no
windows or air conditioning the way my
mom and i treated my sister was cruel
but i didn't understand the damage it
did to her until she came home one day
looking like she was on drugs had that
sweet girl that had defended me against
my bullies in high school really turned
into a junkie she looked completely
spaced out and i immediately told mom
about it to my relief she took my sister
to a doctor who tested her for drugs the
next day's results showed she had tested
positive for various drugs the worst
being fentanyl i guess this was the
excuse my mom had been waiting for she
turned to selena and said leave this
apartment right now and never come back
i was shocked there was no way i would
let my sister become homeless i said no
selena will stay i make all the money in
this family and i decide
fine but then she's your problem now
of course i had no idea how to help a
drug addict and selena kept stealing
things from her apartment probably so
she could buy more drugs i was young and
didn't understand that the drugs had
turned my sister into another person and
i still regret what i did next i had
just gotten the phone number of a boy i
really liked i hoped he would become my
boyfriend one day but then selena stole
my phone again and the boy's number was
lost forever i got so mad that i told my
mom to kick my sister out on the streets
she responded good decision and our rent
contract for this apartment expires this
friday anyway selena doesn't know about
it so we'll just leave her back here
when friday arrived mom told selena to
go buy some groceries once she had left
the apartment we put all our belongings
in our car and just drove away mom had
found us a new apartment and it was much
better than the old one while unpacking
i was surprised to see that mom had even
taken all my sister's clothes with her i
asked her why and she responded to teach
that brat a lesson
wow
until then i didn't know how much my mom
hated my sister we had really left her
with nothing now selena was homeless
without a job and without family of
course i felt a lot of guilt for
abandoning my sister but i had learned
to distract myself by focusing on my
career only as time went on i started to
have more and more nightmares in one of
them the police would knock on our door
and tell me my sister had died of a drug
overdose after a year i couldn't take it
anymore and started searching for her i
contacted her best friend from high
school who told me that my sister had
shortly moved in with her for a while
but when her parents found out that
selena was doing drugs they threw her
out she also told me that afterwards
selena moved in with a drug dealer who
was known for being violent my heart
started racing i couldn't bear the idea
that some man was mistreating my sister
i kept trying to track her down for six
more months but without success i don't
even know if she's still alive i'm 18
now and starting to understand how much
my sister had suffered under my mom's
neglect selena used to be a kind girl
who protected me in school but when my
mom stopped giving her the love she
needed selena changed and resorted to
drugs to temporarily feel at peace
meanwhile i don't know what to do with
my mom the way she treated my sister
just because she wasn't as pretty as me
makes me sick and i often wonder if my
mom really loves me i mean she never
wants any money from me and always
supports me in my career but what if my
sister selena had been born good looking
and not me would my mom have thrown me
out on the streets like her i'm not sure
all i know is that i want my sister back
i wouldn't even care anymore how she
treats me i just want her to be safe and
feel loved