9,260 --> 00:00:13,173 (Frank) 'Nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate is the Garden of Eden. 2 00:00:13,260 --> 00:00:15,569 'At least I don't think they are. 3 00:00:15,660 --> 00:00:19,938 'But it's been a good home to us, to me, Frank Gallagher, 4 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,215 'and me kids, who I'm proud of, 5 00:00:22,300 --> 00:00:26,418 'cos every single one of them reminds me a little of me. 6 00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:32,378 'They can all think for themselves, which they've me to thank for. 7 00:00:33,660 --> 00:00:36,493 'Fiona, who's a big help, a massive help. 8 00:00:36,580 --> 00:00:41,495 'Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is why nobody calls him Phillip any more. 9 00:00:41,580 --> 00:00:46,176 'Ian, a lot like his mam, which is handy for the others, cos she's disappeared, 10 00:00:46,260 --> 00:00:47,693 'and good luck to her. 11 00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:50,897 'And Carl. We daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons - 12 00:00:50,980 --> 00:00:54,575 'one, it stands on end and makes him look like Toyah, two, nits love him. 13 00:00:54,660 --> 00:00:58,812 'Debbie. Sent by God. Total angel. 14 00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:03,178 'You have to check your change but she'll always do you a favour. 15 00:01:03,260 --> 00:01:06,491 'Plus Liam! Little rock'n'roller! 16 00:01:06,580 --> 00:01:10,732 'Gonna be a star... once we've got the fits under control. 17 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:15,132 'Three things, see, are vital to a half-decent community. 18 00:01:15,220 --> 00:01:20,499 'Space. You need wide-open spaces where everyone goes mental. 19 00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:24,971 'And neighbourliness. Fantastic neighbours. 20 00:01:25,060 --> 00:01:26,095 (Fireworks whizz) 21 00:01:26,180 --> 00:01:30,059 'Kev and Veronica. Lend you anything. Well, not anything. 22 00:01:30,140 --> 00:01:34,099 'But all of them, to a man, know first and foremost 23 00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:37,490 'one of the most vital necessities in this life 24 00:01:37,580 --> 00:01:41,209 'is they know how to throw a party.' 25 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:43,416 (Sirens) 26 00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:23,529 Hiya. I said I'd help your Karen with her homework. 27 00:02:23,620 --> 00:02:27,499 OK. Take your shoes off. 28 00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:30,538 - Fair enough. - I'll get you a carrier bag. 29 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:42,010 She's got this thing about people bringing soil into the house. 30 00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:44,898 - Right. - She's not as mad as she seems. 31 00:02:44,980 --> 00:02:48,450 - Agoraphobia. - Oh, right. 32 00:02:48,540 --> 00:02:51,737 - So how come you know all this? - It's just something I do. 33 00:02:51,820 --> 00:02:53,936 - What, like a hobby? - No. 34 00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:55,817 - The plans. - What, physics? 35 00:02:55,900 --> 00:03:01,213 All sorts. Look. I've got a great 'un for Newton's First. Watch. 36 00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:09,412 Every body continues in a state of rest or uniform motion 37 00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:12,253 unless acted upon by an external... 38 00:03:12,340 --> 00:03:14,649 - (Zip unzips) ...force. 39 00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:18,216 - Karen! - Hello. 40 00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:20,370 Don't do... Look, Karen! 41 00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:22,496 To be honest, I could do with the money. 42 00:03:22,580 --> 00:03:25,811 - What money? - I charge for homework. 43 00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:28,130 I'm skint. 44 00:03:30,260 --> 00:03:31,932 OK. 45 00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:36,298 (Whispers) Fuck! 46 00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:47,370 - Have you got any deodorant? - Erm... 47 00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:49,530 I'm using lan's. 48 00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:54,091 If I stick this lot in the washer before I go out, will you keep an eye on it? 49 00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,899 - Do it tomorrow. - God, it stinks in here. 50 00:03:56,980 --> 00:03:59,972 - It's the T-shirt I'm in. - That's why it stinks. 51 00:04:00,060 --> 00:04:02,528 - You three are like chimps. - (Veronica) Fiona! 52 00:04:02,620 --> 00:04:04,531 We need to go if we're gonna get a lift. 53 00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:07,532 (Fiona) Give us five minutes, Veronica. 54 00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:37,977 (Door slams) 55 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,054 Hiya. 56 00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:51,972 (Techno music) 57 00:05:07,660 --> 00:05:09,696 Oi! 58 00:05:09,780 --> 00:05:11,179 Excuse me! 59 00:05:11,260 --> 00:05:14,093 - He's got me bag! - Excuse me. 60 00:05:14,180 --> 00:05:16,933 - Move! - Oi! He's got me bag! 61 00:05:18,420 --> 00:05:19,899 Move, move, move! 62 00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:29,895 Bastard! 63 00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:32,532 (Tyres squeal) 64 00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:34,372 Look, I'm sorry. 65 00:05:34,460 --> 00:05:38,214 I know you missed but that were top fucking notch. 66 00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:41,292 Steve. I was gonna offer to buy you a drink anyway. 67 00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:45,059 - Were you now? - Yeah, I was, actually. 68 00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:49,530 - What do you reckon, Veronica? - I don't know. Do I get one? 69 00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:51,975 Yeah, I think you will. 70 00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:55,939 - Snake bites all round, yeah? - Maybe. 71 00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:59,217 No, no, no. You're not getting back in like that. 72 00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:01,211 - What? - Look at the state of him. 73 00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:04,610 State of you. If you were doing your job, he wouldn't have had to. 74 00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:07,578 - You fat twat. - You're barred. 75 00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:09,730 - What for? - Er... drugs. 76 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:14,856 - He let them get away. - Watch your mouth, spunk face. 77 00:06:14,940 --> 00:06:17,374 - Don't talk to her like that. - Or what? 78 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,530 Forget it. Let's get a taxi. 79 00:06:21,140 --> 00:06:24,132 - Thanks. - Thanks anyway. 80 00:06:27,860 --> 00:06:29,612 (Both scream) 81 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:37,015 - Come on! - You fat wanker! 82 00:06:44,660 --> 00:06:47,094 (Lip) I got a blowjob today. 83 00:06:48,260 --> 00:06:50,854 What have you been told about encouraging pets? 84 00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:55,695 - Karen Jackson. - Yeah, right, Lip. 85 00:06:55,780 --> 00:06:59,216 She's desperate to get physics. I didn't ask. 86 00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:01,894 I didn't even know until she yanked it out. 87 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,969 You'd have told me straightaway if you would have been noshed. 88 00:07:11,060 --> 00:07:13,779 You ever had yours sucked? 89 00:07:13,860 --> 00:07:16,693 Well... once or twice. 90 00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:19,736 Didn't hear you telling me. 91 00:07:19,820 --> 00:07:24,371 How come, lan? A breakthrough like that, if we tell each other everything... 92 00:07:27,540 --> 00:07:29,770 Unless you got it sucked by a bloke. 93 00:07:47,780 --> 00:07:51,056 (Sobs) 94 00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:54,689 What was it he called you? A spunky monkey or something. 95 00:07:54,780 --> 00:07:58,978 It wasn't me he called spunk face. It was her. I'm more of a juice face. 96 00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,813 - Not in front of the kids, mate. - They've heard worse. 97 00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:06,416 - I get it off them. - (Steve) Here's the spunky monkey. 98 00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:11,733 I nearly wet meself when you whacked that guy. Well, I did a bit. 99 00:08:11,820 --> 00:08:14,254 He'll kill you if ever he sees you, Steve. 100 00:08:14,340 --> 00:08:16,217 Yeah? 101 00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:20,737 - How many people live here? - I'm next door but one. 102 00:08:20,820 --> 00:08:24,051 But next door's dead so I'm, erm... next door. 103 00:08:24,140 --> 00:08:26,813 - Yeah? Are you a nurse, Veronica? - Er... part time. 104 00:08:26,900 --> 00:08:29,255 - (Fiona) You lying cow. - She's a cleaner. 105 00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:32,650 (Veronica) They asked me to train twice, at least. 106 00:08:32,740 --> 00:08:35,618 (Fiona) Just before they sacked you for thieving. 107 00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:38,658 If you're using stolen goods, I'm on the blower. 108 00:08:38,740 --> 00:08:41,129 Will you shut up! You don't even know him! 109 00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,097 Sit still. 110 00:08:43,180 --> 00:08:46,172 I would do if you stopped nudging me with your knockers. 111 00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:49,529 - Argh, Jesus! - Sit still! 112 00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:51,850 I'm Steve, by the way. 113 00:08:51,940 --> 00:08:54,249 Debbie. 114 00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:57,012 - Lip. - Carl. 115 00:08:57,100 --> 00:08:59,534 - And that's lan. - Hi, lan. 116 00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:01,656 Hey, Debbie, why do they call him Lip? 117 00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:04,493 A- you stink, B- you're not as funny as you think, 118 00:09:04,580 --> 00:09:07,572 C- you whacked a bouncer so you'll be dead soon. 119 00:09:07,660 --> 00:09:10,857 - (Debbie) Stuff like that. - Yeah, boy meets death wish. 120 00:09:10,940 --> 00:09:13,738 We-hey! I thought you were fetching an Indian home. 121 00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:16,175 I couldn't be arsed so I found a tax payer. 122 00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:20,091 - What's going on? - We got turfed out. 123 00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:23,411 Steve stuck up for us. Decked a bouncer. 124 00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:26,856 - Which bouncer? - Jimmy Clifton. 125 00:09:26,940 --> 00:09:28,293 Fuck me. 126 00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:30,336 (Fiona) Come on, you lot. Off to bed. 127 00:09:32,180 --> 00:09:34,774 - Bed. - (Steve) Night, kids. See you later. 128 00:09:34,860 --> 00:09:37,010 - Bye! - See you, love. 129 00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:47,976 - That's his? - Yeah. Well, work's. 130 00:09:48,060 --> 00:09:51,769 - What kind of work? - Car sales. 131 00:09:51,860 --> 00:09:54,818 - Where? - I don't know. Didn't ask. 132 00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:56,731 I'm not as nosy as you. 133 00:09:56,820 --> 00:10:00,051 Oh, right. But you didn't mind watching him take his shirt off. 134 00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:03,974 No. And if you hadn't walked in I'd have tripped him up and dived under. 135 00:10:04,060 --> 00:10:06,016 Phwoargh! (Giggles) 136 00:10:26,180 --> 00:10:28,535 Right, straight answer. 137 00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:32,772 If I hadn't busted my skull for you, would you have looked twice? 138 00:10:32,860 --> 00:10:35,499 Who's saying I looked twice? 139 00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:39,370 You did then. 140 00:10:46,620 --> 00:10:48,656 I can't. 141 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:58,935 99%/% of this world's problems are caused by little words that come in pairs. 142 00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:04,372 We're healthy and we're happy 143 00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:08,976 and yet when anybody asks us, we say, "Not bad." 144 00:11:11,980 --> 00:11:17,338 When I saw you for the first time, dancing, about a month ago, by the way, 145 00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:20,253 I was desperate to buy you a drink. 146 00:11:20,340 --> 00:11:27,178 But you know what I said to myself? "I can't. She won't. We wouldn't." 147 00:11:28,940 --> 00:11:33,331 And then you're there again tonight and me getting a second chance 148 00:11:33,420 --> 00:11:35,456 to make a good impression. 149 00:11:35,540 --> 00:11:39,089 So you say stop and I'll stop. 150 00:11:54,820 --> 00:11:56,776 Slower. 151 00:12:34,660 --> 00:12:37,857 Oh, yeah! Nearly! Nearly! 152 00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:44,375 - (Knocking) - Shit! 153 00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:46,178 Shit! 154 00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:07,210 - Fiona in? - Yeah. Er... yeah, she's upstairs. 155 00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:12,650 I'll just go get her. 156 00:13:17,940 --> 00:13:20,898 - Police. - I know. I'll sort it. 157 00:13:25,020 --> 00:13:26,897 (Shouting) Go away! 158 00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:29,858 (Girl) Come here, Liam. Back to bed. 159 00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:42,339 I wouldn't put him anywhere near a carpet until his kecks dry off a bit. 160 00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:48,778 (Steve) What the fuck's that? (Fiona) It's me dad. 161 00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:57,095 Thanks, Tony. I appreciate it. 162 00:13:57,180 --> 00:14:00,616 Cheers, Fiona. Night. 163 00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:11,131 - Hey, do you want a hand? - No, you're all right. 164 00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:28,252 Do you, erm... do you leave him there all night? 165 00:14:28,340 --> 00:14:31,059 He's never there when I get up. 166 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,015 Who's the little 'un? Liam? 167 00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:39,216 Brother. 168 00:15:59,540 --> 00:16:02,259 (Knock at door, washing machine spinning) 169 00:16:11,420 --> 00:16:13,490 (Steve) Hiya. 170 00:16:13,580 --> 00:16:17,368 Listen, erm... I'm wondering how you're fixed for Friday. 171 00:16:18,420 --> 00:16:20,615 - Party. - Great. 172 00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:23,373 - You wouldn't get invited. - Is it a hen do? 173 00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:25,849 It's just not that kind of party. 174 00:16:25,940 --> 00:16:28,932 Look, Steve, you're not that desperate. 175 00:16:29,020 --> 00:16:32,729 - Wanting to see you again is desperate? - Feeling like you have to. 176 00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:36,609 You could get laid anywhere. 177 00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:39,692 So I'm only here for a fuck? 178 00:16:39,780 --> 00:16:41,771 Never crossed your mind? 179 00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:46,489 This is all a bit Hans Christian Andersen. 180 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:51,089 You see, you think you find your dream girl, 181 00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:53,853 then her incontinent alcoholic father wrecks it. 182 00:16:53,940 --> 00:16:57,330 - Don't take the piss. - Don't pretend you don't even know me. 183 00:16:57,420 --> 00:16:59,490 You weren't that drunk. 184 00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:05,537 If the only reason last night happened was because it happened, 185 00:17:05,620 --> 00:17:07,815 don't knock it, all right? 186 00:17:07,900 --> 00:17:09,970 At least something did. 187 00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:13,969 It did for me. 188 00:17:14,060 --> 00:17:16,858 - Hey, it's the smart arse. - Hey, it's the loser. 189 00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:19,898 - No school today? - Two teeth out this morning. 190 00:17:19,980 --> 00:17:22,494 If you're chewing, don't just do it on one side. 191 00:17:22,580 --> 00:17:26,095 That can bugger your jaw and that'll change the way you walk. 192 00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:28,410 - Is that a fact? - It's a skeletal fact. 193 00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:32,652 If you talk out of your arse, you'll need a bigger toothbrush. Anal fact. 194 00:17:32,740 --> 00:17:34,696 Cheers. 195 00:17:35,580 --> 00:17:37,377 Lip. 196 00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,534 (Machine restarts) 197 00:17:47,540 --> 00:17:49,849 Look... 198 00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:53,055 Thanks about the bag. 199 00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:57,810 - And stuff. - (Steve laughs) 200 00:17:57,900 --> 00:18:01,893 - Stuff? - I'm just not looking, Steve. 201 00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:09,495 I'm not having this. 202 00:18:09,580 --> 00:18:13,858 Look, just once, for me, then I swear I'll shut up about everything. 203 00:18:13,940 --> 00:18:16,932 Swear though, Lip, then. 204 00:18:17,020 --> 00:18:19,454 Just try it. You might like it. 205 00:18:22,540 --> 00:18:24,417 Oh, she's thrilled with you. 206 00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,934 She got an A for her physics. 207 00:18:27,020 --> 00:18:29,818 Karen, it's your little helper! 208 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,858 I'll get you carrier bags. 209 00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:44,378 (Man) Right, I'm off. 210 00:18:45,380 --> 00:18:49,419 Oh, hiya, lads. Where's our Karen? 211 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:53,254 Out looking for a felt tip. 212 00:18:58,380 --> 00:19:01,099 Guess. 213 00:19:01,180 --> 00:19:03,455 - Tuna. - Nope. 214 00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:05,690 - Corned beef. - Nope. 215 00:19:05,780 --> 00:19:07,975 Kiss and I'll tell. 216 00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:11,938 I'll find out what I've got when I eat 'em, won't I? 217 00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:16,059 Right, Karen, I'm late so I'm off. See you in the morning, sweetheart. 218 00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:35,577 What are you hiding for? 219 00:19:39,540 --> 00:19:41,849 What's she hiding for? 220 00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:48,651 Oh, Jesus Christ, no. 221 00:19:48,740 --> 00:19:50,731 No! 222 00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,651 (Screaming) 223 00:19:54,220 --> 00:19:57,496 - What? - He's gonna kill him! 224 00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:02,136 - He's gonna kill him! - Who? 225 00:20:02,220 --> 00:20:04,495 - (Crash and thud) - He's killed him. 226 00:20:13,020 --> 00:20:15,454 Come back here, you little animals! 227 00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:22,775 Round to ours. Top of the freezer. Two ice collars. 228 00:20:22,860 --> 00:20:25,055 - Don't drop 'em. They can split. - Right. 229 00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:28,052 Second cupboard above the sink - liquid ibuprofen. 230 00:20:28,140 --> 00:20:30,608 Freeze spray and microthermal bandages. 231 00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:32,975 - Shouldn't he get it X-rayed? - Grow up. 232 00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:36,416 He'll be there till midnight. "Submetatarsal haematoma." 233 00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:39,492 "Yeah, cheers, we knew that five hours back." Fuck off. 234 00:20:39,580 --> 00:20:43,937 Microthermal bandages sizes eight and ten. Could need either so bring both. 235 00:20:44,020 --> 00:20:46,773 - Right. - And front bedroom, top of the video... 236 00:20:46,860 --> 00:20:49,420 - Yeah? ...fags and lighter. 237 00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:55,411 - (Knocking) - I'm not here! 238 00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:57,411 Argh! 239 00:20:57,500 --> 00:21:00,014 Just say we're out or you've never heard of us. 240 00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:02,216 What have you done? 241 00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:11,891 Get back up the stairs. 242 00:21:16,380 --> 00:21:18,769 Can I get through here? 243 00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:20,896 - Hey? - Washer-dryer. 244 00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,777 Not me. 245 00:21:23,620 --> 00:21:27,295 - Gallagher, number 2? - Yeah. But it's not ours. 246 00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:46,609 Where the fuck are you going with them? 247 00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:50,852 - Veronica wants them. - Chuck us one over here. 248 00:22:08,580 --> 00:22:11,174 (Radio alarm) 249 00:22:17,020 --> 00:22:19,739 (Makes trumpet sound) 250 00:22:22,420 --> 00:22:24,456 Right. 251 00:22:29,100 --> 00:22:32,649 - I thought you'd no money. - We haven't. 252 00:22:32,740 --> 00:22:34,776 These were inside it. 253 00:22:37,980 --> 00:22:40,016 "Steve." 254 00:22:40,100 --> 00:22:41,818 - No! - Yeah. 255 00:22:41,900 --> 00:22:44,414 - Who's Steve? - Other night. 256 00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:46,456 - Never! - I know! 257 00:22:47,180 --> 00:22:49,136 - You haven't got a vase. - No. 258 00:22:49,220 --> 00:22:52,018 - Can I have them for doing Lip's leg? - No. 259 00:22:53,420 --> 00:22:55,729 Just button it and follow me, will you? 260 00:22:55,820 --> 00:22:58,493 - I am! Fucking hell. - Stop pulling it back. 261 00:22:58,580 --> 00:23:02,175 - I'm not pulling it back! - I'm taking the strain on it, aren't I? 262 00:23:02,260 --> 00:23:06,139 (Debbie) Lip! Watch how many I can do. Look. Look! 263 00:23:06,220 --> 00:23:10,771 15 years, I've done everything in my power to... What did I tell you? 264 00:23:10,860 --> 00:23:14,978 Sow and thou shalt reap. Well, she didn't reap that from me, did she? 265 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:18,336 Reap what? What are you reaping now? 266 00:23:19,220 --> 00:23:22,849 Eddie, what if I try? Really try? 267 00:23:22,940 --> 00:23:25,170 Mum, don't beg him! 268 00:23:25,260 --> 00:23:27,569 If the bastard can do this, he's not worth it. 269 00:23:27,660 --> 00:23:29,969 - You watch your mouth. - Get fucked! 270 00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:34,415 Don't try blaming me for this! 271 00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:37,333 You're your own worst enemies, you two. 272 00:23:37,420 --> 00:23:41,333 They say bad things come in threes. They don't. Twos. You twos. 273 00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:44,139 Now let me in or I'll tear this door off. 274 00:23:44,220 --> 00:23:46,211 (Karen) Sod off! 275 00:23:49,620 --> 00:23:51,975 (Mobile phone) 276 00:23:57,060 --> 00:23:59,255 (Fiona) 'How much have you paid for it? ' 277 00:23:59,340 --> 00:24:02,138 Erm... l'm not gonna tell you that. 278 00:24:02,220 --> 00:24:05,576 'Lt was a present so you'd remember my phone number.' 279 00:24:05,660 --> 00:24:08,299 Which obviously worked. 280 00:24:08,380 --> 00:24:12,134 Your washer-dryer's in the back yard. We don't want it, I don't need it. 281 00:24:12,220 --> 00:24:15,212 - So pick it up before it rots. - 'Ls it? ' 282 00:24:17,460 --> 00:24:20,770 - Well, no. - Did the guy connect it? 283 00:24:20,860 --> 00:24:22,657 Yes. 284 00:24:23,580 --> 00:24:27,209 - 'So it's working? ' - Yes. 285 00:24:29,340 --> 00:24:31,251 So you've tried it. 286 00:24:43,340 --> 00:24:45,570 - Smell your breath. - Fuck off. 287 00:24:47,460 --> 00:24:49,496 - Pork scratchings. - No, it's not. 288 00:24:50,380 --> 00:24:52,416 They were mine. 289 00:24:52,500 --> 00:24:55,776 See? I wouldn't mind but scratchings aren't scratchings 290 00:24:55,860 --> 00:24:57,976 and they've never seen no pork. 291 00:24:58,060 --> 00:25:00,176 Ian, I pay your wages. 292 00:25:00,260 --> 00:25:04,139 If you catch him letting me down, you'd better be straight on the mobile. 293 00:25:04,220 --> 00:25:06,097 Message received. 294 00:25:06,180 --> 00:25:08,648 If you're not at that mosque by midnight, 295 00:25:08,740 --> 00:25:10,935 you'll be in deep shit with your dad. 296 00:25:11,020 --> 00:25:15,457 - See you later, light of my life. - I mean it. We're all watching you. 297 00:25:15,540 --> 00:25:17,576 See you at home. 298 00:25:19,460 --> 00:25:22,497 Can you earn your money while you're taking the piss? 299 00:25:51,620 --> 00:25:54,259 Now you know what I feel like. 300 00:25:55,860 --> 00:25:58,169 Quit whingeing. 301 00:25:59,740 --> 00:26:02,129 Drink more. 302 00:26:02,220 --> 00:26:04,734 (Laughs) 303 00:26:17,460 --> 00:26:21,373 Mum, we've got to wear our shoes. There's bits of glass you can't see. 304 00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:30,059 - (Lip) Cheers. - Maybe Lip could do with a drink. 305 00:26:31,780 --> 00:26:35,568 Yes, sorry, Lip. It's been a bit of an off day today, hasn't it, Karen? 306 00:26:35,660 --> 00:26:38,618 So. Vodka, some tonic. 307 00:26:39,780 --> 00:26:42,214 Plenty of rum but we're out of blackcurrant. 308 00:26:42,300 --> 00:26:44,336 - And gin. - Just coffee, Mum. 309 00:26:44,420 --> 00:26:47,890 - (Tearfully) And a few lagers. - Lager would be great. Cheers. 310 00:26:55,060 --> 00:26:58,291 - What if your dad comes back? - He won't. 311 00:27:03,060 --> 00:27:06,575 - That's my fault. - He's been looking for an excuse. 312 00:27:08,780 --> 00:27:10,850 Thanks. 313 00:27:13,300 --> 00:27:17,134 So, erm... what kind of impression did you get of lan? 314 00:27:17,220 --> 00:27:19,495 He seems nice. 315 00:27:19,580 --> 00:27:22,617 - Hard? - Couldn't tell. He didn't say much. 316 00:27:22,700 --> 00:27:24,611 No, I mean... 317 00:27:26,420 --> 00:27:29,935 - Did he get a hard-on? - No. 318 00:27:52,140 --> 00:27:54,096 (Panting and moaning) 319 00:27:55,300 --> 00:27:57,336 (Man) Shh! Shh! Shh! 320 00:28:02,860 --> 00:28:05,932 Count the crisps again, lan, and this time do it proper. 321 00:28:06,020 --> 00:28:09,410 And I'll do the peanuts, all right? Jeez! Lip. 322 00:28:09,500 --> 00:28:13,129 Just, er... Cheers for the tools, Kash. 323 00:28:13,220 --> 00:28:15,780 Any time, eh? So long as I get 'em back. 324 00:28:15,860 --> 00:28:18,977 - So orange juice. Let's count... - Two bottles. 325 00:28:19,060 --> 00:28:21,449 (Lip) Jesus Christ. 326 00:28:21,540 --> 00:28:24,008 Tell me you are taking the piss. 327 00:28:28,100 --> 00:28:30,819 You're fucking him? 328 00:28:30,900 --> 00:28:32,970 Him?! 329 00:28:36,380 --> 00:28:38,848 (Lip) Kash bought you the trainers, didn't he? 330 00:28:46,700 --> 00:28:49,533 He's married. With kids. 331 00:28:50,580 --> 00:28:54,414 - What else does he buy you? - Just stuff now and again. 332 00:28:57,500 --> 00:28:59,968 And you're happy with that? 333 00:29:00,940 --> 00:29:02,771 Eh? 334 00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:06,809 What does that make you? 335 00:29:06,900 --> 00:29:08,777 A fucking rent boy at best. 336 00:29:08,860 --> 00:29:12,409 Listen to me, bollock brains. You crack on you know everything. 337 00:29:12,500 --> 00:29:16,539 And you know what? Ask me what I've bought him. Go on. Ask me. 338 00:29:16,620 --> 00:29:19,851 Two Man United shirts, home and away, 339 00:29:19,940 --> 00:29:22,932 limited edition Beckham shin pads for Christmas. 340 00:29:23,020 --> 00:29:26,296 So what does that make you, Lip, eh? What does that make you? 341 00:29:26,380 --> 00:29:30,089 Wrong, that's what, you smart arse, short arse fuck. 342 00:29:30,180 --> 00:29:34,253 So go round there now and promise Kash you'll keep your mouth shut. 343 00:29:34,340 --> 00:29:37,935 Cos he's shitting himself and he's done nothing - understand? - 344 00:29:38,020 --> 00:29:40,295 absolutely fuck all to be sorry for. 345 00:29:42,300 --> 00:29:45,372 Fake Muslim cheats on white fundamentalist wife 346 00:29:45,460 --> 00:29:47,371 with gutless gay boy. 347 00:29:48,260 --> 00:29:51,775 Says more about United fans than it does about the rest of us. 348 00:29:57,860 --> 00:30:00,533 (Music drowns out conversation) 349 00:30:44,460 --> 00:30:48,135 - Tell me you haven't got a girl pregnant. - No danger. 350 00:30:48,220 --> 00:30:51,178 Not if that's all you end up being to your kids. 351 00:30:54,140 --> 00:30:58,531 - Did he give you your dinner money? - No, I'll pay it myself. 352 00:30:58,620 --> 00:31:00,611 No, you won't. 353 00:31:16,860 --> 00:31:18,771 There you go. 354 00:31:19,900 --> 00:31:23,051 You must be sick of having to think for everybody. 355 00:31:25,620 --> 00:31:28,532 At least I can, so it makes me feel wanted. 356 00:31:30,860 --> 00:31:33,613 If the best you're aiming for is wanting to be wanted, 357 00:31:33,700 --> 00:31:37,375 you've a job for life with that clown, Fiona. 358 00:31:40,460 --> 00:31:42,371 Night. 359 00:31:59,820 --> 00:32:01,412 (Mobile phone) 360 00:32:12,100 --> 00:32:14,056 (Mobile phone continuing) 361 00:32:18,020 --> 00:32:21,854 - Hello. - What was I wearing? 362 00:32:21,940 --> 00:32:25,012 - 'Wearing? ' - The first time you saw me. 363 00:32:27,100 --> 00:32:31,730 'You were wearing a pink top and black trousers. 364 00:32:32,340 --> 00:32:34,456 'Cropped black trousers. 365 00:32:34,540 --> 00:32:39,295 'And you had dangling earrings. Just one earring. 366 00:32:39,380 --> 00:32:41,655 'Lt was a long, thin dazzler. 367 00:32:41,740 --> 00:32:47,656 'And you had your hair up in these little clips. These rosy clip things. 368 00:32:47,740 --> 00:32:51,528 'And you were dancing next to a red-haired girl in a green dress.' 369 00:32:51,620 --> 00:32:55,010 Gemma. Who's a lot better looking than I am. 370 00:32:55,100 --> 00:32:57,933 - 'You reckon? ' - So why weren't you looking at her? 371 00:32:59,700 --> 00:33:02,817 Because you think like that and Gemma doesn't. 372 00:33:02,900 --> 00:33:07,178 Gemma's dancing for an audience and you're dancing like there's nobody there. 373 00:33:09,180 --> 00:33:13,139 Your life's not straightforward and a bit of that travels with you 374 00:33:13,220 --> 00:33:15,734 but you don't stop it showing. 375 00:33:15,820 --> 00:33:18,573 'You're not fake. You're not vain. 376 00:33:18,660 --> 00:33:20,935 'You're not lost so you don't need finding. 377 00:33:21,020 --> 00:33:23,773 'You're not trapped so you don't need springing. 378 00:33:24,900 --> 00:33:27,812 'This town belongs to the fucking Gemmas of this world 379 00:33:27,900 --> 00:33:31,256 'and I'm sick of the fucking sight of them.' 380 00:33:31,340 --> 00:33:35,652 'I swear to God, Fiona, you're just... You make me want to enjoy my life.' 381 00:33:37,420 --> 00:33:39,809 I've lost mates because I talk too much. 382 00:33:39,900 --> 00:33:44,610 But every time I try the opposite I get accused of sulking so... 383 00:33:44,700 --> 00:33:47,692 Are you still there? Hello? Hello? 384 00:33:47,780 --> 00:33:49,930 Hello? 385 00:34:11,100 --> 00:34:12,772 (Steve) I knew you'd come. 386 00:34:12,860 --> 00:34:15,613 People like you are used to getting your own way. 387 00:34:15,700 --> 00:34:17,850 Who are people like me? 388 00:34:18,820 --> 00:34:21,539 All right, agree or disagree. 389 00:34:22,820 --> 00:34:26,893 - He thinks the sun shines out his arse. - Agree. 390 00:34:26,980 --> 00:34:30,131 - He's overgenerous and that bugs me. - Agree. 391 00:34:30,220 --> 00:34:33,496 Because I'm not used to being spoiled. 392 00:34:33,580 --> 00:34:35,411 Agree. 393 00:34:36,260 --> 00:34:40,572 Nevertheless, he's overeducated and he's got more money than sense. 394 00:34:40,660 --> 00:34:43,333 - Your words, not mine. - But they fit. 395 00:34:44,100 --> 00:34:45,169 Agree. 396 00:34:45,260 --> 00:34:48,332 - He's had an easy life. - Definitely. 397 00:34:48,420 --> 00:34:50,888 And I prefer a bloke who's been around a bit. 398 00:34:50,980 --> 00:34:52,572 Maybe. 399 00:34:52,660 --> 00:34:56,130 - I can't help my upbringing. - I'm not apologising for mine. 400 00:34:56,220 --> 00:34:58,734 Was I asking you to? 401 00:34:58,820 --> 00:35:01,380 - (Waitress) Finished? - No. 402 00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:05,139 No, we're working on it. 403 00:35:06,380 --> 00:35:07,938 Please. 404 00:35:08,020 --> 00:35:10,898 Do you want to wait outside while I take care of the bill? 405 00:35:10,980 --> 00:35:13,255 You can smoke there. 406 00:35:14,460 --> 00:35:15,654 Sure. 407 00:35:17,460 --> 00:35:19,371 Can I borrow your lighter? 408 00:35:26,940 --> 00:35:29,579 - Time to get your jacket, sir? - Mm. 409 00:35:31,100 --> 00:35:32,692 Yeah, it is. 410 00:35:39,220 --> 00:35:40,573 (Classical music) 411 00:35:46,420 --> 00:35:49,059 Mr and Mrs Pace. You all right? 412 00:35:49,140 --> 00:35:52,098 How are you? Lovely to have you back again. 413 00:35:52,180 --> 00:35:53,932 - Enjoy your meal. - Thank you. 414 00:36:07,260 --> 00:36:09,376 (Mobile phone) 415 00:36:20,420 --> 00:36:22,376 Hello. 416 00:36:22,460 --> 00:36:25,338 (Steve) 'You seem a bit confused about how I pay my way. 417 00:36:25,420 --> 00:36:29,777 'Well, you're the last person in the world I need to confuse so here we go. 418 00:36:29,860 --> 00:36:34,297 'I don't buy and sell cars, I just sell them. 419 00:36:34,380 --> 00:36:37,611 'But they're not mine. 420 00:36:37,700 --> 00:36:39,930 'Satisfied? ' 421 00:36:41,380 --> 00:36:43,336 No. 422 00:36:43,420 --> 00:36:47,811 They're really nice. They're really old. They'll be dead soon. 423 00:36:47,900 --> 00:36:51,654 Look, he has beef, gets blind drunk and swears a lot. 424 00:36:52,620 --> 00:36:54,815 'She can't drive so he tears home pissed.' 425 00:36:55,740 --> 00:36:59,779 I'll be doing everybody a favour by just taking them off the road. 426 00:36:59,860 --> 00:37:02,852 'Come on. Do you fancy a laugh or not, Fiona? ' 427 00:37:05,060 --> 00:37:07,096 This car's mine. 428 00:37:36,660 --> 00:37:39,493 Sounds like they're all in bed. 429 00:37:43,100 --> 00:37:44,738 Gotcha. 430 00:37:46,860 --> 00:37:49,579 Who's been eating my porridge, then? 431 00:37:51,620 --> 00:37:53,451 Hiya, Dad. 432 00:37:53,540 --> 00:37:55,496 - This is Steve. - We've met but you... 433 00:37:55,580 --> 00:37:58,731 - How much do you weigh? - Wouldn't know. 434 00:37:58,820 --> 00:38:01,812 - That'd fit me. - Ignore him. 435 00:38:03,140 --> 00:38:05,256 Shift! 436 00:38:12,300 --> 00:38:15,337 Listen, I better get off and let you get to bed, all right? 437 00:38:25,420 --> 00:38:27,570 Thanks. 438 00:38:27,660 --> 00:38:29,890 That was really nice. 439 00:38:29,980 --> 00:38:32,096 You too. 440 00:38:40,660 --> 00:38:43,697 What I want to know... 441 00:38:43,780 --> 00:38:48,490 Who... signed... for this? 442 00:39:00,740 --> 00:39:03,334 - What the fuck's he on? - I think he bought Es. 443 00:39:03,420 --> 00:39:06,935 The only dealer he gets credit from is a registered schizophrenic. 444 00:39:11,020 --> 00:39:15,218 It's not a case of whether I agree, Steve. It's a fact. 445 00:39:15,300 --> 00:39:18,053 - If I was a single parent... - Aren't you? 446 00:39:18,140 --> 00:39:20,210 Yeah, but if I had tits. 447 00:39:20,300 --> 00:39:24,532 Yeah, but if I had tits, Steve, they'd double the money. 448 00:39:24,620 --> 00:39:28,579 - With a bloke they don't fucking know. - I get it, Frank, I get it. 449 00:39:28,660 --> 00:39:31,857 - It's "Prove you're looking for work." - And the rest. 450 00:39:31,940 --> 00:39:35,649 What was World War II about if blokes like me are still getting shit? 451 00:39:35,740 --> 00:39:39,016 Not "How's a guy supposed to find work with kids this age?" 452 00:39:39,940 --> 00:39:42,170 Correct. Hello! 453 00:39:42,980 --> 00:39:45,540 Oh! Good show. Well done. 454 00:39:45,620 --> 00:39:49,499 - Cos her mum, God rest her soul... - Dad, don't start. 455 00:39:49,580 --> 00:39:51,855 Cos she'd better be dead, the cunt. 456 00:39:51,940 --> 00:39:55,819 - Cut it out! - A four-month-old baby, Steve. 457 00:39:55,900 --> 00:39:58,289 A 16-year-old girl, just had her appendix out. 458 00:39:58,380 --> 00:40:02,976 11-year-old Lip, 10-year-old lan, 7-year-old, 5-year-old. 459 00:40:03,060 --> 00:40:06,291 Oh, and an Escort van, calypso blue. 460 00:40:07,500 --> 00:40:09,695 What's the one thing we needed? 461 00:40:09,780 --> 00:40:12,248 One word. One thing. 462 00:40:12,340 --> 00:40:15,696 - Sterilisation. - Continuity. 463 00:40:15,780 --> 00:40:17,338 Continuity. 464 00:40:17,420 --> 00:40:21,049 One Tuesday, right, we're out of bread, so I send her down the shops. 465 00:40:21,140 --> 00:40:22,937 She grabs the van keys. 466 00:40:24,860 --> 00:40:30,059 I haven't seen it since. And we haven't a fucking clue where she is, have we? 467 00:40:30,140 --> 00:40:33,530 Eh? We... Oh, I fucking love this. 468 00:40:33,620 --> 00:40:36,851 (Turns up the music volume) 469 00:40:37,900 --> 00:40:41,131 So what could I do, Steve? What could I do? 470 00:40:41,220 --> 00:40:43,495 Vanish for three weeks. 471 00:40:43,580 --> 00:40:46,970 - I had a breakdown. - (Fiona) You went on a bender. 472 00:40:47,060 --> 00:40:49,210 I had a nervous breakdown. 473 00:40:49,300 --> 00:40:51,097 Fair enough. 474 00:40:51,180 --> 00:40:53,455 - (Knocking) - Dad. 475 00:40:53,540 --> 00:40:55,178 Keys. 476 00:41:13,060 --> 00:41:15,176 - Do you know what time it is? - It's Frank. 477 00:41:15,260 --> 00:41:17,376 - What have I told you? - Oi! 478 00:41:17,460 --> 00:41:22,090 (Frank) Eh! Here we go. Neighbours of Satan. 479 00:41:22,180 --> 00:41:25,570 The day you pay rent, like some of us, Frank, 480 00:41:25,660 --> 00:41:27,855 you can play whatever shit you want. 481 00:41:27,940 --> 00:41:31,489 But till then, if you're pumpin' it at this time of night, 482 00:41:31,580 --> 00:41:34,652 you play stuff that we like. 483 00:41:35,220 --> 00:41:37,097 All right? 484 00:41:37,180 --> 00:41:39,330 - Do you get it? - I get it. 485 00:41:47,340 --> 00:41:49,251 Go on, get that down you. 486 00:42:15,380 --> 00:42:17,974 (Loud music and raucous laughter) 487 00:42:20,380 --> 00:42:22,655 He made me follow you up. 488 00:42:22,740 --> 00:42:24,617 I know. 489 00:42:25,460 --> 00:42:27,928 But he's right. You can't drive now. 490 00:42:30,900 --> 00:42:32,652 But... 491 00:42:35,100 --> 00:42:37,898 Liam is in here somewhere. 492 00:42:39,820 --> 00:42:42,095 Don't the kids wake up? 493 00:42:43,860 --> 00:42:46,010 Would you? 494 00:43:02,780 --> 00:43:04,736 (Car alarm) 495 00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:12,775 (Fiona) Ian, come and have your breakfast. 496 00:43:14,060 --> 00:43:17,097 - Have you seen lan? - He'd gone before I woke up. 497 00:43:17,180 --> 00:43:19,216 His school uniform's not here neither. 498 00:43:31,740 --> 00:43:33,810 - Good morning. - Good morning. 499 00:43:36,820 --> 00:43:38,731 Give me this. 500 00:43:45,500 --> 00:43:48,014 Tell me if you're not a morning person. 501 00:43:49,020 --> 00:43:52,171 It's not something I've had much experience of. 502 00:43:54,220 --> 00:43:56,654 First time for everything. 503 00:44:26,340 --> 00:44:28,490 How can that be good for you? 504 00:44:31,860 --> 00:44:35,011 - Or that. - Do you know what's not funny? 505 00:44:35,100 --> 00:44:37,694 You. Ever. 506 00:44:48,420 --> 00:44:50,650 Anybody before Kash? 507 00:44:55,820 --> 00:44:58,175 - One. - Who? 508 00:44:58,260 --> 00:45:00,057 I'm not telling you. 509 00:45:00,140 --> 00:45:04,099 And actually... up the arse? 510 00:45:04,180 --> 00:45:06,614 Cos... Look, I'm not taking the piss. 511 00:45:06,700 --> 00:45:11,216 I've come through a toilet roll. And that's just one finger. Barely up the ring. 512 00:45:11,300 --> 00:45:13,689 Screamed the house down! 513 00:45:13,780 --> 00:45:16,089 Do you get used to that? Can you? 514 00:45:17,260 --> 00:45:21,094 The whole point of the digestive system is about one-way traffic. 515 00:45:25,140 --> 00:45:27,176 It just is. 516 00:45:27,260 --> 00:45:29,535 What? 517 00:45:29,620 --> 00:45:32,009 - What? - You! 518 00:45:34,780 --> 00:45:36,372 "It just is." 519 00:45:37,940 --> 00:45:41,057 Like we're only given lungs so we can fucking smoke. 520 00:45:49,540 --> 00:45:52,293 (Singing oom-pah song) 521 00:45:55,700 --> 00:45:58,976 - Sit yourselves down. Who's for bacon? - All right. 522 00:46:00,980 --> 00:46:02,208 (Boy) Yummy! 523 00:46:02,300 --> 00:46:04,609 - What's all this? - Well, er... 524 00:46:04,700 --> 00:46:07,373 Debbie's the only person that gets up earlier than me 525 00:46:07,460 --> 00:46:10,497 so we shot off down to Apu's on the corner. 526 00:46:10,580 --> 00:46:14,892 She said breakfast is her favourite meal of the day and since it's her birthday... 527 00:46:14,980 --> 00:46:17,938 (Gasps) No, it's not! 528 00:46:18,940 --> 00:46:22,057 I didn't say it was, it said I wished it was. 529 00:46:22,140 --> 00:46:25,530 All right. Sorry, completely misheard that, Debs. 530 00:46:25,620 --> 00:46:29,135 Perforated eardrum on the right. M'lady. 531 00:46:29,220 --> 00:46:31,529 - Anyone else want a drink? - Who's for bacon? 532 00:46:31,620 --> 00:46:35,499 You got 15 minutes tops. Ian, Lip, your turn to wash up. 533 00:46:35,580 --> 00:46:38,890 Debbie, Carl, you need to put them bins out. 534 00:46:38,980 --> 00:46:43,371 (Frank) 'Somebody said, "Show me a child before he's seven 535 00:46:43,460 --> 00:46:45,610 "'and I'll show you the man." 536 00:46:45,700 --> 00:46:48,772 'My problem with kids is they're only seven once. 537 00:46:48,860 --> 00:46:52,091 'After that it's a fucking nightmare. Massive! 538 00:46:52,180 --> 00:46:57,493 'One thing I'll say about my lot, though, they've been raised to show respect. 539 00:46:57,580 --> 00:47:01,459 'And I like that. It matters in our house.' 540 00:47:12,340 --> 00:47:14,171 Has anyone seen Dad since last night? 541 00:47:14,260 --> 00:47:17,377 (Frank) 'Six kids to keep on top of.' 542 00:47:19,580 --> 00:47:22,538 You can't file Frank as missing. He's always missing. 543 00:47:22,620 --> 00:47:23,894 Ooh, that is tight. 544 00:47:26,060 --> 00:47:28,415 Sorry. Was my dad in the pub this afternoon? 545 00:47:28,500 --> 00:47:30,331 Yeah, he were there. Slaughtered. 546 00:47:30,420 --> 00:47:32,490 How was he looking when you left him? 547 00:47:32,580 --> 00:47:34,810 He can't be far. He's never far. 548 00:47:34,900 --> 00:47:39,132 Police? I've just found a body exactly fitting Frank's description. 549 00:47:39,220 --> 00:47:41,529 (Screaming) 550 00:48:19,340 --> 00:48:21,615 You might be getting... 551 00:48:21,700 --> 00:48:25,249 but you've got a long way to go before you can catch up with... 552 00:48:42,020 --> 00:48:43,339 For fuck's sake!