本剧不适宜任何人观看 翻译 贝壳字幕组 合成 Lv&daisy
#来到节草农场 逍遥自在乐无妨# ♪ Goin' down to Tegridy Farms, gonna have myself a time ♪
#亲朋好友齐聚堂# ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
#贫贱之交安心爽# ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
万圣节草特辑！ The Tegridy Farms Halloween Special!
#日夜车位满当当# ♪ There's ample parking day or night ♪
#喜迎近邻处处扬# ♪ people spouting, "Howdy, Neighbor" ♪
#今儿再去趟节草农场# ♪ I'm headin' on down to Tegridy Farms ♪
#放松身心这儿最棒# ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
万圣节草特辑，由 The Tegridy farms Halloween Special, brought to you by...
气节大麻赞助播出 Tegridy Weed.
又是一年节来到 It's the most wonderful time of the year,
怎么样？伙计们，感到兴奋吗？ Well? You all excited, gang?
因为万圣节吗？ 或许吧 For Halloween? I guess so.
不仅是万圣节， This isn't just any Halloween,
这周，气节农场还要做一个万圣节特别活动 because this week, Tegridy Weed is doing a Halloween Special.
这次促销力度非常大 It's a big promotional thing.
每个人都会喜欢的 Everyone's gonna love it.
嘿，雪莉呢？ Hey, where's Shelly?
她两天没出房门了 Shelly hasn't come out of her room in two days.
为什么？ Why?
你明知故问 You know why, Randy.
好吧 Yeah.
嘿，雪莉 我能和你聊一会儿吗 Hey, Shelly. Can I talk to you for a minute?
你想干什么 What do you want?
来吧，孩子 Come on, kiddo.
来和你老爸谈谈，嗯？ Come talk with your old man, huh?
来吧 小朋客 Come on, punk.
雪莉，我们需要谈谈你的大麻厌恶症。 Shelly, we need to talk about your marijuana problem.
你知道，到底哪里出了问题吗 You know, what's your problem with it?
我恨大麻！ I hate marijuana.
是，我们都知道，但是为什么呢？ Yes, we all know! But why?
不仅让人恶心，还让镇上的每个人 It stinks, and it makes everyone in this town
都变得比以前更蠢了 dumber than they already are.
雪莉，事实上，很多有头有脸的人 Shelly, the truth is, some of the most important
也一样在抽大麻的 people in the world smoke weed.
你知道史努比·狗狗也抽大麻吗？ Did you know that Snoop Dogg smokes weed?
没错，所有人都知道布罗德斯是个愚蠢无比的笨蛋！ Yes. Everyone knows Snoop Dogg is a stupid pot head.
享受大麻的人比你想象的多，好吗 Way more people enjoy marijuana than you think, okay?
行吧，你的偶像是谁 Okay, who's your idol?
你最崇拜的人是谁？ Who do you most look up to in the whole world?
塞雷娜·威廉姆斯（美国网球女子巨星） Serena Williams.
彻头彻尾的瘾君子 Total stoner.
每次网球赛都嗑的高 High as a kite every tennis match.
她没有！ No she's NOT!
你不了解实情，雪莉 You don't know that, Shelly.
现在你只是在做假设 Now you're just making assumptions.
这个国家的人都变得越来越蠢了 Everyone in this country is getting dumber,
真他么希望大麻再次被禁止！ and I wish marijuana was illegal again!
雪莉！ Shelly!
行了，听着，现在的情况是 Okay, look, the thing is,
你的大麻厌恶症 this problem you're having with marijuana ‐
必须得停下来，好吗 it's just got to stop, okay.
我们正在筹备节草农场的万圣节特辑，懂吗 We're working on our Tegridy Farms Halloween Special, okay?
没人想让一个闲人毁了它。 Nobody wants a giant bummer ruining it.
我爱你 I love you.
哇哦 真让人印象深刻 Whoa. Very impressive.
是这样的 Indeed.
找到什么好东西了吗，巴特斯？ Find anything good, Butters?
等一下，爸爸。考古学家巴特斯只需要 One minute, dad. Archaeologist Butters just needs
再给他的收藏册再收集几张邮票和盖几个章 to get his stamp and sticker for his artifact book.
哈哈！又一个罕见的发现。 Ha ha! Another rare find.
伙计们，你们都喜欢博物馆吗？ Well, did you all enjoy the museum, gang?
等一下，还不能走 Wait. Wait. We can't leave yet.
离收集满还差一个章 I got all the stickers and stamps except for one.
额 我相信我们已经看完整个展览了 Well, I'm pretty sure we saw the whole exhibit.
我可以再检查一次么 Can I just check around one more time?
行吧，小考古学家巴特斯 Alright, Archaeologist Butters.
之后记得在这儿会合 But then meet us back right here.
好的 Okay!
你在现在看到的是原始人的绳结 What you are seeing here are original knots
它们连接起胡夫船主要部分 which were joining the main pieces of the khufu boat.
船体的雪松木 The cedar timbers of the boat's hull
是用麻草绳捆扎在一起的 were lashed together with hemp rope
直到... in a technique used until the‐
哇偶哇偶，稍微等一下 Whoa. Whoa. Wait just one second.
你是说麻草 Are you actually saying that hemp,
大麻的一种分类 a classification of cannabis,
确实被古代的埃及人所用？ was actually used by the ancient Egyptians?
嗯，是的 事实上， Well, yes. In fact, it's been found
埃及人确实使用过大麻 that cannabis was used by Egyptians
用于一些医疗治疗 for its medical properties, as well.
等等！ Hold the freaking phone.
你告诉我们大麻其实已经 You're telling us that marijuana has been used
被使用超过几个世纪了 throughout the centuries ‐‐
这就是你带我到这儿来的原因么？ Is this why you brought me here?
不 我 我只是 只是感到很惊奇 No, I ‐‐ I'm just‐ I'm surprised that ‐‐
你说你想和你女儿共度一个特别的一天 You said you wanted a special day with just your daughter.
你说博物馆有所谓的父女节 You said a father‐daughter day at the museum
可以帮助改善关系 could help us connect.
是啊，雪莉 我们玩得很开心啊 And it is, Shelly. We're having a great time.
我他妈不在乎埃及人有没有使用过愚蠢的大麻！ I don't care if Egyptians used stupid pot!
她有大麻厌恶症 She has a marijuana problem.
雪莉！ Shelly!
去过了 看过了 Been there. Saw that.
最后那张倒霉的贴纸到底在哪儿 Where's that stupid last sticker‐stamp?
这是啥 What's this?
喔 Whoa.
埃及皇室的石棺和木乃伊遗骸。 Sarcophagus and mummified remains of Egyptian royalty.
找到了 最后一张贴纸！ This is it! My last sticker!
那是Take‐Tan‐ra的木乃伊遗骸 That's the mummy of Took‐Tan‐ra.
你不会想把那个章放进你的册子里的 You don't want to put that stamp in your sticka book.
没有人曾经盖过 Nobody puts that stamp in their sticka book.
但是这是我最后一个章 But this is my last one.
上面有诅咒 It's got a curse on it ‐‐
一个古老的爱情诅咒，不适合任何孩子接触 ancient love curse not fit for any child.
你可以随便看看这个木乃伊 You can look at the mummy all you like,
但是你不应当把那个章盖上去 but you don't want that stamp in ya sticka book.
行了 That's okay.
我可不是一般人 I'm no ordinary child.
我是考古学家巴特斯！ I am Archaeologist Butters.
万圣节快乐，先生 Happy Halloween, mister!
对我们中的某些人来说，或许是的吧 Yeah, for some of us, maybe.
有时候做父母真的很难，你懂吗 It's just so hard being a parent sometimes, you know?
我尽了一切努力与我女儿沟通 I've tried everything to get through to my daughter.
我带她去看激光秀 I took her to a laser show.
我给她放了所有《月之暗面》的歌 I played her all of "Dark Side of the Moon."
但好像她脑子里有什么东西 But it's like ‐‐ It's like there's something in her head
让她就是不明白 that just doesn't get it.
确实难，兰迪 很抱歉 That's rough, Randy. I'm sorry.
我只是想过我自己的生活，你知道吗 I just ‐ I have to live my life, you know?
我不能再让她的大麻厌恶症拖累我了 I can't let her problems with marijuana drag me down anymore.
是，你说的对，完全正确 No, you're right. You're totally right.
所以，不管怎样，万圣节草准备得怎么样了？ So, anyway, hey, how's the Halloween Special coming along?
万圣节草？ 准备好了 The Halloween Special? Oh, it's ready.
已经好了吗 It's ready?
是的 就在这边 Yeah. It's right over here.
哦，哇！万圣节草！ Oh, wow! The Halloween Special!
我迫不及待想尝试一下 I'm so excited to try it!
是的，它基本上是由我们的泰格迪金版大麻 Yeah, it's basically a hybrid
和科罗拉多库什麻草的混合而成的 of our Tegridy Gold and Colorado Kush.
调配出来的效果极佳，我觉得 Turned out really great, I think.
哦，哇！太棒了 Oh, wow. That is nice.
我想知道有哪个能比得过它 I'd like to see anyone compete with this Halloween Special.
妈？ Mom?
爸？ Dad?
啥 What?
哦 Oh.
哦哦 Okay. Oh.
好的 Okay.
没关系 是的 没关系 That's okay. Yeah, that's okay.
坐着吧 There you go.
给 给我的？ For‐ For me?
哦 谢谢你 Oh. Thank you.
哦，哇哦，Fitbit手表 Oh, wow! A Fitbit!
谢谢 谢谢你 Well, thank you. Thank you.
但 我已经 已经有一个了 I ‐‐ I actually already have a Fitbit,
但是 我可以把这个送给我朋友 but I could give this one to a friend!
我只是 有一个 所以 I just I have one, so...
家具上光剂、油漆稀释剂和漂白剂 Furniture polish, paint thinner, and bleach.
氨水和防冻剂，各一汤匙 Ammonia and antifreeze, one tablespoon each.
我恨每一个人 I hate everybody.
我只喜欢读书 I just like to read.
每个人都很蠢 因为他们吸了太多了大麻 Everyone's stupid. They smoke too much weed.
所以，用你这神秘的药水和这些古老的咒语 So, with this eldrich potion, and these ancient words,
对所有的狗屎复仇 I make my revenge upon all the turds.
巴特斯·斯多奇？ Butters Scotch?
是的 先生 Yes, sir.
我们想要你回答一些问题 We want to ask you some questions
关于昨晚镇上发生的事情 about what happened in town last night.
发生了什么？ What happened in town?
一具古埃及木乃伊袭击了人们 People were attacked by an ancient Egyptian mummy.
它杀了五个人，毁了一切它可以毁掉的东西 It killed five people, and destroyed everything it could.
哦 木乃伊 蛤？ Oh. A mummy, huh?
这太奇怪了 That's ‐‐ That's weird.
你觉得这很奇怪吗？ Oh, you just think that's weird?
因为木乃伊说你俩昨晚 Because The mummy says you two got in some kind
发生了争执 of altercation last night.
什么？木乃伊和你们谈过了吗？ What? The mummy talked to you?
是的 先生 你和木乃伊 Is it true, sir, that you and the mummy...
就一件你似乎不喜欢的礼物 "got into an argument over a gift
吵了起来 which you didn't seem to appreciate"?
没有争执 There was no argument.
我只是说我已经有一个了，然后我会把它给我的朋友 I just said I already had it, and I'd give it to a friend.
木乃伊给你的礼物？ A present that the mummy got for you?
我只是 I just ‐‐
你知道这有多伤人吗 You can see how that could be pretty hurtful?
你把木乃伊从你家赶了出去 Did you throw the mummy out of your house?
没有 我没有把他赶出去 No! I didn't throw the mummy out of the house!
木乃伊生了我的气，自己离开了！ The mummy got all pissed off at me, and left!
在造成的损失里 孩子 你得承担一部分责任 You're gonna have to share in the damages, here, son.
但我没有做错任何事情 But I didn't do anything wrong!
行 听着 警官们 我想 Okay look, officers. I think...
我在受到某种诅咒 I'm under some kind of curse.
嗯，这就是木乃伊告诉我们你的事 Well, that's what the mummy told us about you.
你被传唤出庭了 You've got a summons to appear in court.
在那之前，我只想建议 你和木乃伊 Until then, I just suggest you and the mummy
彼此离远点 stay away from each other.
哦，伙计 我真喜欢它 Oh, man. I really like it
是的 非常爽 Yeah. It's smooth.
真的很爽 It's really smooth.
这太爽了，我们应该现在别抽了 This is so good that we should stop smoking it right now.
我们不想毁了我们在万圣节的快乐，知道不 We don't want to ruin our Halloween experience, you know?
这真的会是有史以来最棒的万圣节 This is seriously gonna be the best Halloween ever.
雪莉！ Shelly!
这就是我对你那愚蠢的特别活动的看法 That's what I think of your stupid special!
不！ 不要！ No! No!!
好了，各位，听好喽 Alright, everyone, listen up.
万圣节快到了，我想保证 Halloween has almost arrived and I want to make sure that
我们都知道某些原则 we are all aware of certain guidelines
当涉及到学校的万圣节服装时 when it comes to Halloween costumes at school.
我不想看到任何该死的斗篷! Now, I don't want to see any fucking somberos!
知道了吗 如果我看到任何该死的墨西哥斗篷 Alright? If I see any fucking Mexican sombreros
或者任何人穿得像一个该死的美洲原住民 or anyone fucking dressed like a fucking Native American,
我会发疯的 I'm gonna lose my fucking shit.
而且 不允许打扮成流浪汉 There will be no HOBOS or BUMS ‐
以及任何描绘穷人的元素 anything depicting people from low‐income households.
哦 你没有万圣节了 肯尼 Oh, no Halloween for you, Kenny.
最后我再说一句 And lastly, heed my fucking words
如果我看见任何女孩子穿着像莫安那一样 if I see any of you girls dressed as fucking Moana
我同样会发飙的 I am gonna lose my fucking mind.
好了 学生书展下周就要开始了 Alright, now, the student book fair is coming up next week.
我们鼓励所有的学生去 We encourage all students to ‐‐
♪♪♪
事情就是这样 And that's all that happened.
我把那枚章盖在了那本书里 I put that stamp in the sticker book
然后现在那个木乃伊正在毁掉我周围的一切. and now this mummy is destroying everything around me.
我需要帮助 -行吧 I need help. ‐M'kay.
那么你觉得 木乃伊可能只是想要 A‐And do you feel like maybe the mummy's trying to,
让你 给他一些回应？ you know, get you to react?
你什么意思 -额, 你知道的, 巴特斯 -Well, what do you mean? ‐Well, you know, Butters
木乃伊只是觉得你可以随心所欲 the mummy just feels like you get to do whatever you want
但是它却不能 but it doesn't get to do whatever it wants.
等等 那个木乃伊之前和你也说过话了? Wait, the mummy talked to you, too?!
是的 我们有一次谈话 是的 Yeah, yeah, we had a good talk.
为什么它和所有人都说过话！ Why is it talking to everyone?!
我觉得那个木乃伊非常有见地并且极其关心你 I think the mummy's very insightful and cares about you a lot
不 它没有 这太疯狂了 No, it doesn't! This is crazy!
看 木乃伊那么伤心只是 Look, the mummy's just sad
因为你去上学了 在学校里得到了乐趣 because you get to go to school and have fun
可是它又能去哪儿呢? and what does the mummy get to do？
它只能躺在那里做一个木乃伊而已 你应该知道的 You know, it just sits around being a mummy, you know.
这不公平 - 首先 -That's not fair. ‐First of all
我没有在学校获得乐趣 其次 I don't have fun at school!And secondly
那个木乃伊可以做任何他想做的事情 我他妈才不关心 the mummy can do whatever it wants. I don't care!
好的 但是你确实关心 巴特斯 因为你正坐在这里 Right, but you do care, Butters,because you're sitting here
聊着木乃伊做过的所有的坏事 对不对 in my office talking about all the bad things the mummy does, m'kay?
♪♪♪
兰迪!快一点!你快过来看! Randy! Quick!You gotta come see!
我想自己一个人 毛巾 行吗? I just need some time,okay Towelie?
不是! 是万圣节草! But you don't understand!The special!
哇偶 这简直是个奇迹 Well, it's a miracle!
快点 简直不敢相信 Come on!You're not gonna believe it!
行吧 毛巾 到底是啥 天啊 Alright, Towelie, what is this ‐‐ Whoa!
万圣节草 The Halloween special
不管你女儿在这上面撒了什么 Whatever your daughter threw on this shit
这都让它变得比之前要大得多 made it more powerful than ever.
太好了 扳过来了 太棒了 Yeah! We're back!Yeah!
太棒了 Yeah! Ye‐‐
我必须终结这个诅咒 伙计们 I have to end this curse,fellas.
它每天变得越来越糟糕了 It's getting worse everyday.
上周 木乃伊袭击了我父母 Last night, the mummy attacked my parents!
然后它说我是个自恋狂 And then it said I was being narcissistic!
这不合理 完全不合逻辑 It has no reason.No logic.
一旦它毁掉了某个东西 One minute it's destroying everything
它就发给我自拍 就像什么都没有发生 and the next it's sending me selfies like nothing happened!
这一切多么疯狂 Look! The whole thing is so crazy,
它开始让我觉得好像是我发了疯 It's starting to make me think I'm crazy!
emmm. 像你这样谈论那么多和木乃伊有关的事情 确实有点儿疯狂 Well, it is a little crazy how much you talk about the mummy.
它就是个怪胎木乃伊 你觉得我不该讨论它？ It's a freaking mummy! Wouldn't you talk about it?!
我们只是说说 巴特斯 毕竟有时候这些事情似乎 We're just saying, Butters, that sometimes it all seems
有点相互依存 - 对 就像你和木乃伊 a little co‐dependent.Yeah, like you and the mummy
有时候只需要做你自己的事情 just need to do your own thing sometimes.
我不喜欢那样 但是我没有选择 I would love that,but I don't have a choice!
我向你们发誓 木乃伊们可以察觉到我什么时候开心 I swear you guys, mummies can smell fun!
每当我玩的开心的时候 Whenever I'm somewhere and I actually start having a good time,
我都会接到木乃伊的电话 听到它说 I get a call or a text from the mummy
嘿 你在干啥 sayin',"Hey, what are ya doin'?"
就像它在我身上装了监视器 Like it knows.
你现在有点开心了，不是吗？ Well, you're kinda having fun now, aren't you?
是 当我远离它 Yeah, it is fun to get away
然后和你们一吐为快的时候 and just talk to you guys about it.
啊 这个该死的东西 等我一会儿伙计们 Ah, gosh darn it. Hang on a second, fellas.
好，对于第一批人来说，这些万圣节草应该足够了 Ok, that should be enough Halloween Special for the first few people.
现在，我认为我们应该在这个地方办一个免费酒会 Now, I think we should put the open bar in this area
在这个地方放一个热水浴池 and the hot tub maybe right here.
是啊，这样就可以了 Yeah, that'll work well.
爸爸，你得开车送我去书展 Dad, you have to drive me to the book fair.
什么？ [ Chuckling ] W‐What?
妈妈说你得开车送我去 Mom said you have to drive me
因为她要带着斯坦，去玩“不给糖，就捣乱” because she's taking Stan trick or treating.
你要去书展。——是的 You're going to a book fair. ‐Yes.
在他妈的的万圣节？——是的 ‐On fucking Halloween?! ‐Yes!
我完全不知道该怎么和你相处 I don't even know how to deal with you anymore.
你这样做是故意的吧？ You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
你是我爸爸。开车送我去书展！ You're my dad. Drive me to the book fair!
我拒绝！我有事情要做！ I will not! I have things to get ready!
没有人会在万圣节关心书展的，雪莉！ And nobody cares about books on Halloween, Shelley!
这个镇上人们最不需要的东西就是 The last thing people in this town need
更多的大麻！ is more marijuana!
哦，天呐！ Oh, my God!
这是一场噩梦，是活地狱 It's a nightmare. It's a personal hell.
我已经做了我作为一个父亲能做的所有事情 I've done everything I can as a father
去帮助她解决她的问题 to help her with her problem,
但是她一句也不听不进我的话 but she just ignores everything I say!
我做不到 I can't do this.
你就是一个狗屎爸爸 You're such a piece of shit, Dad!
雪莉，我爱你 Shelley, I love you!
她妈妈怎么说这件事呢？ And what does her mother have to say about this?
她妈妈什么也不说 Her mother doesn't say anything anymore!
当我提起我们的女儿的大麻厌恶症的时候 Whenever I bring up our daughter's marijuana problem,
我的妻子就说：“如果你再提起这件事，我会疯的” my wife says, "I'm gonna lose my mind
它毁了我们的一切！ if you bring this up again." It's destroying all of us!
我觉得，她可能需要待在监狱里一晚上来清醒一下 I just think maybe a night in jail is the wake‐up call that she needs.
我现在在万圣节特别活动中感觉不到快乐 I'm barely gonna have fun at the Halloween Special now.
因为在你面前 It's gonna be really hard for me to rage
我真的很难生气 knowing you're in here, Shelley. It's gonna be really hard
真的 for me to rage.
好，这个给你 Alright, here you go.
当你反对毒品和酒精的时候 When you have a problem with drugs and alcohol,
你在伤害你身边所有的人 万圣节快乐 you hurt everyone around you. Happy Halloween.
你怎么进来的？ What are you in for?
我进来是因为，显然 I'm in here because apparently
我是一个消极好斗 I'm a passive‐aggressive, controlling,
具有强烈控制欲的精神变态 and manipulative psychopath who's narcissistic behavior
我的自恋行为把我身边的人都要逼疯了 drives other people crazy.
把这个重金属音乐爱好者赶出去 ♪ Turn this mutha out ♪
橡树镇的治安官们会管的 ♪ Oaktown posse they will ♪
把这个重金属音乐爱好者赶出去 ♪ Turn this mutha out ♪
嘿，不给糖就捣乱。万圣节特别活动是在这里吗？ Hey, trick or treat. We're here for the Halloween Special?
是的，这个给你 Alright, here you go guys!
那是来自节草农场的促销礼物！ That's a promotional gift from Tegridy Farms!
嘿，进来，伙计，这里有糖果和热水浴池 Hey, come on in guys. There's candy and a hot tub!
好的 Alright!
这次活动的摄像机在桌子上 Samplers of the special are there on the table guys.
尽情的拍照吧！ Feel free to light up!
哇哦 我们的大麻快没了 兰迪 Wow! We're almost out, Randy.
我去仓库再拿点儿 I gotta go to the barn and get some more!
好 我来照看场子 Okay, I'll hold down the fort!
把这个重金属音乐爱好者赶出去 ♪ Turn this mutha out ♪
Jimmy压碎谷物，而我毫不关心 ♪ Jimmy crack corn and I don't care ♪
Jimmy压—— ♪ Jimmy crack ‐‐ ♪
怎么啦？ W‐What?
所以我说 你没有做错任何事情 So I said, 'Okay! Fine! You don't ever do
都怪我 anything wrong. It's all me.
你没有任何问题 都是我的错 You've got no problems. Only I have problems!
好 我要把愚蠢的我自己锁起来 Alright, I'll lock my own ass up.
然后看看是我们谁的问题 Then we'll see who's got issues.
你他妈能不能闭嘴 Will you shut up!
我会在这里待着的 今晚会出大乱子的 I'll be in here and something will go horribly wrong tonight
然后怪物必须得接受它是什么 and then the monster will have to accept what it is
然后努力去改变，是吗 and finally work on changing, right?
可能并不 Probably not.
呐，你看 Nah, you see, fluvial geomorphology
河流地质学家研究河流随时间的变化 deals with the ways rivers change over time.
就是一个垃圾 It's geology shit.
所以我摆脱了它，真的 It's why I got out of it, really.
嘿，伙计，大麻里有什么东西 Hey, man, what's in this weed?
啊，那时我们公司的商业秘密，朋友 Oh! That's a company secret, my friend!
不，我是说—— No I mean, I ‐‐
我觉得有点不—— I don't feel so ‐‐
嘿，你还好吧，伙计 Hey, you alright there, buddy?
哇哦！伙计，那是什么鬼 Whoa! Dude, you see that?
毛巾，出事了 Towelie, there's something wrong with the special!
仓库里有什么东西！ There's something in the barn!
被你杀掉的东西 它想复仇 The thing you killed, it wants revenge!
哦，天呐，发生什么事了 Oh, Jesus, what's happened?!
它因你而死，所以现在它想要吸取你的灵魂 It's dead 'cause‐a you, and now it wants your soul!
什么？！什么叫因我而死？！ What?! What's dead 'cause‐a me?!
哦 你好呀 你想见见死神吗 Oh, hello there. Would you like to die?
小熊维尼！小熊维尼！ Winnie the Pooh! Winnie the Pooh!
Harris侦探 Marsh农场出什么事了 Detective Harris! Something's going down at the Marsh farm!
冷静，先生 我听不懂你在说什么 开一下免提 Calm down, sir! I can't understand you. Put him on speaker.
到处都是怪物！ There's monsters everywhere!
这是一种诅咒！ It's some kind of curse!
无法形容的魔鬼！ Unspeakable evil!
是木乃伊！我告诉过你的！ The mummy! I told you!
各种各样的怪物！ All different kinds of monsters!
僵尸，长满植物的人和熊！ Zombies and plant people and bears!
哦，天呐，那是什么 Oh, my God! What's that?!
哦，天呐，那是哈维·温斯坦 Oh, God, it's Harvey Weinstein!
他摁住我了！你得—— He's got me! You gotta ‐‐
操，他把鸡巴插进我屁股里了！ Oh, he's inside me!
哈维·温斯坦在强暴我！ Harvey Weinstein is inside me!
你得派人帮忙 到处都有人在死去 You gotta send help! People are dying everywhere!
不要啊！哈维，不可以！ No! Harvey, I said no!
拜托请你们—— Please somebody ‐‐
行了，行动吧 This is it, everyone. Let's move!
所有人都过来 我们一起打败这些怪物 All hands on deck! We gotta take these monsters down!
带上那个能操纵木乃伊的 Bring the kid who manipulates the mummy
消极，好斗和自私的孩子！ with his passive aggressive selfishness!
好了，各位，我们来把这些怪物赶出去 Alright, men! Let's take these monsters out!
不，等一下 No, just hold on a second.
我来处理这一切 I'll take care of this!
哦，天呐，这是我们杀死的牛 Oh, God, it's the cows we killed!
哦，我将享用你的脑浆 Oh, I'm really going to enjoy eating your brains.
把他们从我身上弄掉！把他们从我身上弄下来！ Get em off a me! Get em off a me!
哦，天哪，把他从我身上弄掉！ Oh, my God, get him off of me!
滚开啊 Get em off me!
救命啊！ 有人吗！ Help! Someone help us!
救命啊！ 救命啊！ ‐Someone help us! ‐Get him off of me!
啊！ 我们要和他们决斗，毛巾! 救命啊！ 有人吗！ Ahh! We gotta fight 'em, Towelie! Help! Someone help us!
我想活下去！我们要活下去！我们要活下去！ I wanna live! We're going to live! We're going to live!
你们这些怪物，滚回地狱去！ You monsters, go back to Hell!
他们太多了 There's too many of them!
哦，那是，那是什么 Oh, what is ‐‐ what is that?!
不，不 No! No!
好了，到此结束！什么东西也没有 Alright! That's it everyone! Nothing to see here.
只有一些嗑嗨的人 Just some people who are really, really high.
啊……所以我不能射任何人吗 ALL: Awwwww... I can't shoot anyone?
你是如此的确信所有的事情都应该怪罪木乃伊 You were so convinced the mummy was to blame
不是么？ for everything, weren't you?
你是如此的确信，以至于是我们也都相信了 So convinced you made us all believe it, too.
对，对不起？ I'm ‐‐ I'm sorry?
你不应该向我们道歉，你应该向它 Yeah, well it's not us you really need to be sorry to.
让我看看你是否还存留有一点正义 Let's see if you even have a shred of decency
事情真相大白的时候就去道歉吧 to apologize when something is clearly your fault.
我错了，你是对的 I'm so sorry. You're right.
我自私又自恋 I can be selfish and narcissistic.
我，我会努力的 I‐I'm gonna work on myself and...
使这个诅咒能生效 try to make this curse work somehow.
♪♪♪
上面写着“我希望你能得到你需要的帮助 It says, "I hope you can get the help you need.
我不能束缚你" I can't fix you."
嘿，猜一猜，我昨天睡得很晚，嗯？ Hey, guess I slept in late, huh?
现在什么时候了？ What time is it?
早上八点十五了 It's 8:15 a. m.
11月3号 November 3rd.
哦豁 Oof, wow.
那是一个非常劲爆的万圣节，各位 That was some strong‐ass Halloween Special, y'all.
我是说我看到了强奸犯，浴缸，僵尸奶牛… I mean I saw rapists in the hot tub, zombie cows...
我以为我会死，然后 I thought I was gonna die, and then...
这个又肥又臭的天使来了，让我上床睡觉 this fat, bitchy angel came and put me to bed.
大家都喜欢吗万圣节特别活动吗？ Did everyone enjoy the Halloween Special?
不，兰迪，只有你喜欢 No, Randy, only you did.
哦……好吧，还行 Oh Well, that was pretty much
不管怎样，我的目标观众 my target audience, anyway.
嘿，至少我没有真的做爱了 Hey, at least I didn't really have butt sex
和那个哈维·温斯坦，嗯？ with Harvey Weinstein, huh?
嗯？ Huh?
难道我做了？！ Or did I?
哇哦！万圣节快乐，各位！ Whoo! Happy Halloween, everybody!
♪♪♪