干杯 Cheers.
片名 亚瑟
彼特曼呢？ Bitterman?
你为什么在刮胡子？ Why are you shaving?
因为罗宾(蝙蝠侠中的管家)没有胡子 Because Robin doesn't have a beard.
彼特曼，我们这么做只不过是找点小乐趣罢了 Bitterman, we're only doing this for a bit of a laugh.
我们不是真的去打击犯罪，明白吗？ We're not genuine crime fighters, are we?
如果真是的话，你也不是做我副手的第一人选 And if we were, you would not be my first choice of sidekick.
看看你的鞋子，那是你开车穿的鞋，是不是？ Look at your shoes. They're your chauffeur shoes, aren't they?
我都能看到你的大肚子 I can see your tummy.
巴赫先生，你确定要穿成这样去你妈妈的募捐仪式？ Mr. Bach, are you sure you wanna go to your mother's fundraiser like this?
我觉得应该穿黑色礼服打领带 I think it's black-tie.
这就是黑的啊 This is black.
不过霍布森说，不要惹麻烦 Just that Hobson said not to get into any trouble.
玩玩毫无害处的变装游戏会惹什么麻烦呢？ What trouble could possibly come from a harmless game of dress-up?
是不是？ Hmm?
车都已经买好了 Already bought the car.
他们是在追我们吗？ You think they're chasing us?
别傻了，这可是蝙蝠侠专用车，我们是他们的朋友 Don't be ridiculous, this is the Batmobile. We're their friends.
司机，把车停下 Driver, pull the car over.
这车怎么减速？ How do you slow down?
- 这东西的刹车在哪？ - 你说这是干什么用的？ - Where are the brakes on this thing? - What do you suppose this does?
- 噢！ - 啊！ - Oh! - Ow!
巴赫先生，问问警察，去你妈妈的募捐仪式怎么走 Ask the police for directions to your mother's fundraiser.
那个问题现在已经不重要了 I think that problem has been recently superseded.
- 告诉他们是在一个博物馆 - 我们刚把珍贵的地标毁了 - Tell them it's at a museum. - We destroyed a beloved landmark.
就在这附近的某个地方 It's around here somewhere.
你给我闭嘴，消停一会儿 I need you to not to talk for a little while.
晚上好，警官们，发生了什么事？ Good evening, officers. What seems to be the problem?
亚瑟，你又喝醉了 You're drunk again, Arthur.
没喝醉，我只是自从上次见你之后一直就没醒 No. I have remained drunk since our last encounter.
走吧，蝙蝠侠和罗宾，出来，快点 Let's go. Batman and Robin, out of the car. Come on.
我能说说这些屋里边的大象的问题吗？ Could I just point out the elephant in the room?
这些睾丸真有必要吗？这些东西只会招致灾难 Are these testicles strictly necessary? They're an accident waiting to happen.
好啦，走吧，快点 Okay, let's go. Come on.
看到了吧，我不喜欢跟这些蛋蛋挨这么近 See, I don't like being this close to these balls.
我马上就好 I'll be right with you.
哥谭平安了 Gotham is safe.
噢，天呐 Oh, man.
要是我给写张支票，赔偿你们这头损坏的金牛… If I could just write you a check for the damage to your golden cow...
我们就两清了，不用多说废话了 ...we can all be about our business. Say no more.
- 免了吧，转过身去，快点 - 这是干…？ - Or not. Turn around. Come on. - What's it...?
- 要把我带到监狱吗？ - 是的 - Are we going to prison? - Yes.
要进监狱了，要进监狱了，彼特曼 We're going to prison. We're going to prison, Bitterman.
- 是啊 - 我就知道会有这一天的 - Yes. - I knew this day would come and it's today.
一切都好好的… That's all well and good...
不过我们所关心的不是市场崩盘 ...but it's not a market crash we're concerned about.
部长，你们关注的是立法 Your concerns are legitimate, chancellor.
我向您保证，亚瑟这些天已经正经多了 I do assure you that Arthur's a bit more serious these days.
- 他已经对金融开始感兴趣了 - 太好了 - He's begun to take an interest in finance. - Wonderful.
- 能否打扰下？ - 没事 - Could you excuse us? - Sure.
巴赫继承人在高速飙车中被捕
薇薇安，不好意思，学校不能把钱捐赠给… I'm sorry, Vivienne. The university cannot wager its endowment...
给一个将来如此不确定的基金会 ...on a fund with such an uncertain future.
他就像一艘没有锚的船一样 He's like a ship without an anchor.
是时候找个人把他拴起来了 Maybe it's time we tied him to another ship.
铁托！铁托(拳击手) 拳击场上见，最好跟我想的一模一样 Tito! Tito, I'll see you at the cockfight. Better be what I think it is.
哇，你付了所有人的保释金？ Wow, you paid for everyone's release?
如果我出来了，他们还待在里边，那太不公平了 It seemed unfair that we'd leave and that they'd remain.
在经济衰退时期 你对于这种毫无意义的花销作何解释？ How do you explain this frivolous spending during a recession?
问得好 Fair point.
呃，经济衰退… Uh, recession...
天上掉馅饼啦！ Free money!
这是给你的 This is yours.
好啦，经济衰退结束了！我们繁荣昌盛了！ Okay, recession's over! We're in a boom!
做得太好了，弹性真好 That was brave. What incredible flexibility.
- 霍布森，你好啊 - 亚瑟，还有你的朋友，早上好 - Hello, Hobson. - Morning, Arthur. And friend.
这是蒂凡尼 Tiffany.
哦，知道她的名字让我倍感荣幸 你还说得那么肯定 Oh, points for knowing her name and saying it with confidence.
我和我的灯进行了精神交流 I made a mental association with my lamp.
蒂凡尼，这是我的奶妈 霍布森，这世界上我最好的朋友 Tiffany, this is my nanny, Hobson, my best friend in the whole world.
- 你奶妈？ - 他是成人身，孩童心 - Your nanny? - He's merely shaped like an adult.
你在被称作“昨夜”的香槟护城河… So how are you feeling on the other side of...
对岸过得怎么样？ ...that vast moat of champagne called "last night"?
好极了 Splendid.
你妈妈打电话了，要你今天早上去见她 Your mother called. She wants to see you this morning.
薇薇安？你说她为什么要在今天见我呢？ Vivienne? Why do you think Vivienne wants to see me today?
没道理啊 It doesn't make sense.
你毁了世界著名的地标建筑… After destroying a world-famous landmark...
还从自动提款机那分发了七万八千美元 我想不出来她找你什么事 ...and giving away $78,000 from an ATM, I can't imagine.
- 她要一直待在这吗？ - 呃… - Is she gonna stay here? - Um...
我想他不会适应你的胸部的，宝贝 ...I wouldn't recommend letting him get used to your breasts, dear.
他患有成瘾人格症，你懂的 他6岁之前一直都吃我的奶 He's got an addictive personality, you know. He was at mine till he was 6.
霍布森啊 Hobson.
我得给奶头涂上胡椒粉，他才肯放开 I had to dab Tabasco on the nipples to see him off.
- 那位女士从来没有喂养过我 - 尽管他尽全力反抗过 - That lady has never once breast-fed me. - Despite his best efforts.
嘿，那是我的钱包 Hey, that's my purse.
噢 Oh.
听着，我不知道那个东西怎么进了我的钱包 我真的不知道，亚瑟 Look, I don't know how that got in there. I don't know, Arthur.
这也可算是那些永远不能解开的谜团之一吧 It's probably just one of those mysteries that will never be discovered.
肯尼迪被刺，谁偷了我的手表 JFK, who nicked my watch.
- 噢，那个是我的 - 好啊，说得好 - Oh, that's actually mine. - Bravo, well done.
你钱包里还有你的东西 Something of yours in your handbag.
别看，你真没必要把那些照片都看一遍 No, you don't have to go through the pictures, actually.
- 亚瑟 - 不行，不行，不能看 - 哦，不用担心 - Arthur. - Oh, don't worry about all that.
那太没礼貌了，侵犯个人隐私 That's very rude. Invasion of privacy.
噢，你要走了？我百分百支持你的决定 Oh, you're leaving? I support your decision 100 percent.
要帮你叫辆出租车吗 还是你自己出去随便搭辆车？ Will you be requiring a taxi or just getting into a random passing car?
你们真是一对怪人，种族歧视主义者 You guys are weird and racist.
拜拜，蒂凡尼 Bye-bye, Tiffany.
我会给你打电话的，如果你没把我电话偷走的话 I'll call you, if you've not stolen my phone.
出门的时候顺便拿上那座价值连城的雕像吧 Help yourself to that priceless sculpture on your way out the door.
把它放下 Put it down.
跟你其他的那些新朋友说再见吧，亚瑟 Say goodbye to your other new friends now, Arthur.
他们要回到现实世界中去 They have to go back to the real world.
哦，我讨厌现实世界 你不介意的话，我今天在床上上班吧 Oh, I hate the real world, Hobson. I'll work from bed today if you don't mind.
霍布森啊 Hobson.
现在该吃早饭了 Breakfast, now.
给你 Here.
霍布森啊！ Hobson!
霍布森呢？ Hobson?
霍布森啊！霍布森！霍布森！ Hobson! Hobson! Hobson!
- 霍布森！霍布森！ - 什么事？ - Hobson! Hobson! - What?
女同西蒙和加芬克尔，在第61大街和公园那 Lesbian Simon and Garfunkel, 61st and Park.
快看 Look.
嗯，好眼力，你的又一个未被发掘的才能 Hmm. Well spotted. Another of your wasted talents.
仔细把你的小弟弟洗干净了 Wash your winkie. Thoroughly.
天知道那女孩大腿中间有什么外来生物驻扎着呢 Heaven knows what exotic wildlife that girl was harboring between her thighs.
哇，霍布森，你错过了一个跟你很像的亚洲人 Whoa, Hobson. You're missing Asian you.
啊！你走太快了，你赶得太紧了 Ah! You're going too quickly. You're pushing it too hard.
- 我不喜欢这儿，霍布森 - 你当然不喜欢了，人们在这工作呢 - I don't like it here, Hobson. - Course you don't. People work here.
不过那边有个电梯，去按那个按钮吧 But there's an elevator. You get to press the buttons.
还有一线希望 Silver lining.
巴赫全球公司
是巴赫先生吗？ Mr. Bach?
你妈妈现在要见你 Your mother will see you now.
不用怕，亚瑟，要不了多久的，回去我们看卡通去 Don't worry, Arthur, it won't take long. Then we'll watch cartoons.
你好啊，亚瑟 Hello, Arthur.
哦，你好啊，苏珊 Oh, hello, Susan.
你从这灯壁辉煌，畅通无阻的长廊走来 我都没看见… I didn't see you there coming down this long, brightly-lit, unobstructed corridor...
还是径直向我走来 ...walking straight towards me.
我欠你一个电话，是不是？ I owe you a call, don't I?
从一月就欠了 From January.
我们约会了三个月，你就消失了 We dated three months. You just disappeared.
霍迪尼(美国魔术师，遁术师)表演消失的时候很有趣的 When Houdini did it, it was fun.
哼 Hmm.
霍迪尼是个魔术师，他过去常常消失得无影无踪 Houdini was a conjurer. He used to disappear.
- 我知道是怎么回事 - 我以为不只是这样 - I understood the reference. - I just thought it deserved more.
你知道吗，你是唯一一个跟我上床 然后和我分手的男人 You know, you're the only man I ever slept with who broke up with me.
- 是吗？ - 是的 - Really? - Really.
好吧，称我为多情人吧… Well, call me a romantic...
不过我认为约会应当包含一些疯狂的事… ...but I believe that dating should involve crazy things...
- 比如说聊天啊 - 哦，哈哈 ...like talking. Oh, ha, ha.
- 你想我们怎么解决你的问题，亚瑟？ - 放我回原野 - What are we gonna do with you, Arthur? - Release me into the wild.
用猎狗来追杀我 Hunt me down with dogs.
祝你在你妈妈那儿好运 Good luck with your mother.
薇薇安 H.巴赫 办公室
进来吧，亚瑟 Come in, Arthur.
哦，你好啊，未来就在眼前 Oh, hello. The future's now.
你好啊，薇薇安 自从驻足您的子宫那一刻起，我就记得您了 Hello, Vivienne. I remember you from when I used to live in your womb.
亚瑟啊 Arthur.
亚瑟，今天我们要先友好地谈谈 Well, today, Arthur, we're gonna have a friendly chat.
之后再谈严肃的 Then a serious talk.
最后，我要给你下最后通牒 And finally, I'm going to offer you an ultimatum.
这安排听起来怎样？ How does all that sound?
要是来点伏特加就更好了 Like it would be improved by vodka.
我听说你最近过得很开心啊 So I hear you've been having fun.
事实上恰恰相反，我最近相当忙 Quite the contrary, actually. I've been rather busy.
我搞到了一双马靴，还有，我有点小担心彼特曼 I've got a riding boot shoot and, uh, I had a bit of a scare with Bitterman.
以为他长了个肿块 后来发现只不过是他后面兜里的手机 Thought he'd found a lump. Turned out it was just his phone in his back pocket.
但是终究还是担忧了一段时间 But worrying time nonetheless.
哇，进行得不错嘛，出乎意料地热情 我们至今为止最棒的闲聊 Well, that went very well. Surprisingly warm. Our best chat yet.
我知道我们的关系一直不太理想 I'm aware that our relationship has never been ideal.
啊… Mm...
没有啦，别这样…不用责怪你自己 No, please. Don't reproach yourself.
确实，母性不是你的专长… Yes, motherhood wasn't your forte...
但是你确实给我找了一个惹人爱的布猴替代你 ...but you did provide me with that lovable cloth monkey as a surrogate.
你知道吗，有时候我很庆幸他去世了 You know, sometimes I'm glad he's gone.
我假设你说的是爸爸，而不是提克里斯先生 I'm gonna assume you mean Father and not Mr. Tickles.
所以他无须看到这些 So that he never had to see this.
凭良心说，这俩人说他们已经18岁了 In fairness, those two told me they were over 18.
还自称不是男人，发现时才觉得太恐怖了 (巴赫继承人被拍到爱抚变性人) And that they weren't men. It's terrible the way you find out.
这个不修边幅，眼冒金星的可爱恶棍是谁啊？ Who is this lovable rogue who's rough around the edges, but with stars in his eyes?
可以原谅的滑稽动作 What forgivable antics.
除了被这样一个令人愉快的家伙折服 人们还能怎么样呢？ Who could be anything other than charmed by this delightful individual?
- 恭喜你 - 你怎么能把你宝贵的才能… - Congratulations. - How can you squander...
浪费在这样的愚蠢行为上呢？ ...your considerable intelligence on idiocy like this?
很简单，我没把这当作愚蠢行为… It's quite easy. I don't consider it to be idiocy...
而是智者以玩乐对抗死亡的天赋 ...rather a savantish gift for defying death with fun.
你就这样辩解？那就是你撞坏一辆蝙蝠车的借口？ That's your justification? That's why you crashed a Batmobile?
是的，就是，说完了吗？ Yes, it is. Are we done?
坐下 Sit down.
我们这么大公司的唯一继承人被逮捕了 会吓到投资者的 When the sole heir of a corporation as big as ours gets arrested, it frightens investors.
不能再这么荒唐下去了 The nonsense has to stop.
管理着这个国家的 那个迷人的咖啡色绅士曾经说过的… As the charming, coffee-colored gentleman who runs this country said...
是把孩子气的东西放在一边的时候了 ...the time has come to set aside childish things.
我觉得你不应该说“咖啡色” I don't think you can say "coffee-colored."
所以我想出了一个解决方案 So I've arrived at a solution.
- 苏珊·约翰逊 - 有意思 - Susan Johnson. - Interesting.
穿着适当，患有边缘型人格障碍的人 Dresses well. Borderline personality disorder.
那怎么能称为解决方案呢？ How is that a solution?
你要跟她结婚，亚瑟 You're going to marry her, Arthur.
- 为什么？ - 苏珊是个令人印象深刻的女人 - Why? - Susan is a very impressive woman.
很可爱，是的，她肯定能控制那头野兽 Lovely, yes. She's certainly in control of that beast.
女能人，也很乐意在镜头面前帮助穷人 Capable woman, and quite willing to help poor people if there's a camera nearby.
说实话，想要苏珊的录像的话 你应该到我公寓来一趟 Actually, if you want videos of Susan, you should come to my apartment.
- 我有一盘录像带能让你大跌眼镜 - 巴赫公司已经在… - I've got one that'll knock your socks off. - Bach Worldwide has been run...
巴赫家族掌控下运营了数代 ...by a Bach for generations.
让苏珊成为其中一员… With Susan as one of us...
投资者们知道后继有人之后就会安心下来 ...investors will be comforted to know the line of succession doesn't end in a bottle.
你什么时候变得这么世俗呢？ When did you become so cynical?
婚姻不是用来维护公司形象的工具 Marriage isn't a tool to protect a corporate image.
它是用来把意外怀孕修成正果的 It's to validate unwanted pregnancy.
如果你真这么想，亚瑟，你让我别无选择 If that's how you feel, Arthur, you give me no choice.
从此刻起，你将被切断一切来源 As of this moment, you are cut off.
你说“切断一切来源”是什么意思？切断与你和…？ What do you mean "cut off"? Cut off from you and the?
你不会是说要切断我和…？ You don't mean cut off from the?
是金钱，亚瑟 The money, Arthur.
不行，我不会任你控制的，薇薇安 No. I'm not gonna allow you to manipulate me, Vivienne.
我只有在爱上一个人的时候才会结婚 I shall get married when I fall in love.
我尊重你的人品，你刚刚失去了九亿五千万美元 I respect your integrity. You've just lost $950 million.
说实话，苏珊是一个很特别的女孩，是吧？ Actually, Susan is a very special girl, isn't she?
那小嘴，天鹅绒一样漂亮的小嘴… With that mouth, that velvety, beautiful mouth...
像个小丑的嘴 ...like a clown's mouth.
但是不是那种坏的丑，是很性感的小丑 But not in a bad way. Like a sexy clown.
而且她一定会成为绝好的妻子 And she'll make a wonderful wife.
对啊，我是说，谁不想跟一个性感的小丑结婚啊？ Yeah. I mean, who wouldn't wanna marry a sexy clown?
恭喜你，薇薇安，你赢了 Congratulations, Vivienne. You win.
我一点都不敬佩你，亚瑟… I don't respect you, Arthur...
但我确实为你自我保护的天赋所折服 ...but I do applaud your talent for self-preservation.
恭喜你，你下半辈子还是一个富人 Congratulations. You're gonna be a wealthy man for the rest of your life.
那是我一直所期望的 That's all I've ever wanted to be.
我猜这是你爸爸送给妈妈的戒指 The ring your father gave your mother, I believe.
真像个小老鼠溜冰场 It's like an ice rink for a mouse.
我不喜欢苏珊 I don't like Susan.
我也不太喜欢你 却和你困在一起快乐地生活了30年 Well, I don't like you very much and we've been happily stuck together for 30 years.
我知道苏珊并不完美，可是她很聪明，又有能力… I know it's not perfect, but Susan is smart and capable...
而你也需要那样一个人来照顾你 ...and you need a woman like that to look after you.
我觉得自己已经有一个这样的人了 说实话，你想要这个吗？ I think I already have one of those. In fact, do you want it?
霍布森，你愿意继续做我的奶妈吗？ Hobson, will you carry on being my nanny?
这不过是我妈妈在试图控制我罢了 This is just my mother trying to control me.
嘿，霍布森，你带支票簿了吗？ Hey, Hobson, do you have the checkbook?
我想挥霍一些财富 I wanna squander some wealth.
这件来自沙皇收藏的物品底价一万元 Ten thousand dollars for this item from the czar's collection.
一万元成交吗？一万元一次，一万元两次 Are we all done at 10,000? Ten thousand dollars going once, going twice.
我出二万元！ Twenty thousand dollars of money!
有人竞价二万元 Twenty thousand dollars is the bid.
谢谢你，先生，有人出价三万元吗？ 有人出价三万元吗？ Thank you, sir. Do I hear 30? Do I hear 30,000?
我出价三万元 Thirty thousand dollars, please.
有人出价三万元 Thirty thousand.
我出价三万五千元 Thirty-five thousand.
你竟敢这么做，你想跟我挑战，是吧？ How dare you. It's a challenge you want, is it?
是啊，我就是想挑战，别忘了是我先出价的 Yeah, I want a challenge, plus I bid first.
这都不相关啊，出价最高者才是至尊 That is irrelevant. The highest number has supremacy.
你显然没参加过拍卖会 You've clearly never been to an auction.
这叫针锋相对 That's tit for tat.
中东地区就是因此才成为如今日这般模样的 That's exactly how the situation in the Middle East began.
你让我别无选择了 You leave me no choice.
十万美元加一便士… One hundred thousand dollars and one penny...
因为，先生，你是一个卑劣的挥霍者 ...because you, sir, are a vile spendthrift.
好吧，你今天总算第一次说了点人话 Well, that's the first sensible thing you've said all day.
十万美元加一便士售予这位巴赫先生 Sold to one of the Mr. Bachs for $100,000 and one penny.
- 谢谢，各位 - 恭喜你 - Thank you, sirs. - Congratulations.
嘿，别这样，霍布森 Hey, come on, Hobson.
你知道我一直对沙皇尼古拉二世的餐具垂涎三尺的 You know I've always coveted the cutlery of Czar Nicholas II.
- 我也是 - 哦 - Me too. - Oh.
今天竞拍的最后一件物品 Our last item up for bid today:
亚拉伯罕·林肯总统 在发表第二次就职演讲时所穿的西服 The suit in which Abraham Lincoln delivered his second inaugural address.
底价五万美元，有人出价五万元吗？ Let's start the bidding at 50,000. Do I hear 50,000?
我要了 I'll take it.
还有里边撑衣服用的心灵传输装置 And the teleportation device in which it stands.
如果你认为这代表着针对你妈妈财政独裁的胜利… If you think this represents a victory over your mother's financial tyranny...
- 你就错了 - 谢谢你的勺子，亚瑟 ...you're deluded. Thanks for the spoon, Arthur.
- 无论何时，每天要给我买一套餐叉 - 彼特曼和车在哪？ - Anytime. Buy me a fork one day. - Where's Bitterman with the car?
他说他会停在那个灰色东西旁边 He said he was gonna be by the big gray thing.
- 哪里？ - 他说… - Where? - He said...
上边有东西的那个灰色雕像旁边 ...the big gray sculpture thing with things on it.
跟谜语一样，他说得很含糊 It was like a riddle. He can be very vague.
盲人骑瞎马，毫无头绪啊 It's the blind leading the drunk.
霍布森，我四处转转，你找找彼特曼 Hobson, you find Bitterman while I wander off.
哇 Wow.
这是干什么的？ What is this for?
大家都去哪啊？ Where's everyone going?
这里其实不是中央车站，而是中央站台 This is actually not Grand Central Station, it's Grand Central Terminal.
- 哦 - 哦！ - Oh. - Oh!
- 对不起 - 不，不用，我刚在大街上静止不动了 - Sorry. - No, no, I was static in a thoroughfare.
呃，我迷路了，请问你知道哪能找到喝的吗？ Uh, I'm lost. Do you know where I can get a drink, please?
呃… Um...
我只有这些了 This is really all I have.
祝你好运 Good luck.
- 走吧 - 硬币啊 - Come on. - Coins.
- 我小时候才玩这些 - 我们继续走，不要浪费时间 - I played with these when I was a boy. - Let's keep going. Time's a wasting.
说到时间… Speaking of time...
我身后这只钟是世界上最贵的钟之一 ...the clock behind me is one of the most expensive clocks in the world.
成千上万的人每天经过这里… Thousands of people pass through here every day...
却没有人特意抬头看看 ...and no one ever bothers to look up.
它很神奇，这里是曼哈顿 唯一一个能看到星星的地方 It's magical. It's the only place in Manhattan where you can see the stars.
不过它并不总是那个样子…哦，又是你 But it wasn't always that way... Oh, you again.
如果你朝角落看，能看到一块脏了的砖块 If you look in the corner you can see one dirty brick...
在1998年整修前，整个天花板都是那个样子的 ...and the whole ceiling used to be like that until it was renovated in 1998.
哇哦，真精彩，如果你喜欢天花板 我的床上方那个就很漂亮 Wow, this is brilliant. If you like ceilings, I've got a beautiful one above my bed.
听上去有些无礼，不过我不是那个意思，它很绚丽 That sounded cheeky. I didn't mean that. It lights up.
谢谢 Thanks for that.
而如果朝另一个角落看，你会看到一个… If you direct your attention to the opposite corner, you'll see a...
- 警官 - 小姐，我已经警告过你了 ...police officer. Miss, I warned you about this.
你没有导游执照，而且你正在阻碍人流 You don't have a tour license and now you're impeding foot traffic.
来吧，起来，起来，大家都起来 Come on, up, up, everybody up.
警官，哪条法律禁止了这些容光焕发的陌生人… Officer, which law prevents this radiant stranger...
从世俗中发掘神奇之处呢？ ...from finding the magical in the mundane?
- 旅游管理准则1085条第一款，第五项 - 您能说得更具体点吗？ - MTA Code 1085.1, Section 5. - Could you be more specific?
- 嘿，嘿！ - 哦，那儿有场追捕，我们正经历一场追捕 - Hey. Hey! - Oh, there's a chase. We're in a chase.
先生，抓住我的林肯手杖 Sir, grab my Lincoln stick.
追捕！ Chase!
我的思绪在狂奔，我的心砰砰乱跳 My mind is racing. My heart is pounding.
这是我的第一次追捕，我喜欢 This is my first chase, and I love it.
- 让我过去，我是个自由的灵魂！ - 42大街西边 - Let me through, I'm a free spirit! - West on 42nd.
这是我为之生存的意义！ This is what I live for!
有个人逃跑了 We've got a runner.
一场追捕正在发生！这是场真正的追捕！ A chase is happening! This is a genuine chase!
噢！我只是…我… Oh! I'm... I...
- 不，不，别说了 - 我正打算去领导游执照 - No, no, no. - I was gonna go get my license.
你从我这逃跑了，内奥米，所以我得逮捕你 You ran from me, Naomi. Now I gotta take you in.
另外，你已经有三次非法带团的警告了 Besides, you've had three warnings for operating an illegal tour.
除非，这不是非法带团… Except this isn't an illegal tour...
因为这些人不是游客，他们是我们的家人 ...because these people aren't tourists, they're our family.
没错，他们，他们是我家人 Yes. They are, they're my family.
那是我家人，我们正在家庭聚会 That's my family. We're having a family reunion.
聚会，呃，比如那个人 在那儿挥手的是斯图尔特舅舅 Reunion. Uh, that, for example, is Uncle Stuart waving there.
没错，噢，嘿，斯图尔特舅舅 Yes. Oh, hey, Uncle Stuart.
带着太阳帽的，那是加勒比的黛安·基顿(美国演员名) Under that sun hat, that's Caribbean Diane Keaton.
- 是的，没错 - 还有… - Yes, exactly. - And also we have...
韩国的约翰·列侬舅舅 Uncle Korean John Lennon.
而这位是，呃，亚伯拉罕·林肯，我猜 And this is, uh, Abe Lincoln, I presume.
- 哦，才不是 - 不是 - Oh, no. - No.
- 他是我公认的古怪的… - 未婚夫，我是她未婚夫 - Fianc茅e. I'm her fianc茅e. - He is my admittedly eccentric...
他是我未婚夫 He is my fianc茅e.
噢，唔…嗯 Oh. Mm-hm.
亲爱的，你不会想让这些人觉得… Darling, you don't want these people to think...
你只是一个无名英国色狼吧 ...that you're some kind of random British pervert.
不，我可是个目的非常明确的英国色狼 这也是为什么你会… No, I'm a very specific British pervert, which is why you fell in love with me...
- 从第一次约会起就爱上了我 - 那是在哪里呢，具体的？ ...from our first date. Which was where, exactly?
中央车站 Grand Central.
你们俩第一次约会，去的居然是中央车站 You had your first date at Grand Central Station.
那不是什么丢人的事，我包了整个地方 当时那儿没人 It wasn't a shabby affair. I'd hired out the entire place. It was deserted.
还有杂技演员，在那儿给我们演出 Acrobats were in the place, put on quite a show for us.
- 不是吗，内奥米？ - 没有，没有 - Didn't they, Naomi? - No, no.
地上洒满了成千上万的花瓣 The floor was strewn with a million petals.
它们的香味盘旋在空中，像是天使甜美的气息 Their scent hung in the air like the sweet breath of angels.
我们那时完全忘我了，不是吗？ And we forgot ourselves entirely. Didn't we?
接着我们赤裸着冲过中央大厅 And ran nude through that concourse.
不，不，我们只是…我们穿着衣服 一块儿吃东西 No, no, we just... We had clothes on and we ate.
- 你们吃了什么？ - 哦 - What'd you eat? - Oh.
哦，那是什么？ Oh, what was that?
- 佩… - 佩…佩…佩… - Pe... - Pe... Pe... Pe...
佩斯糖果(一个奥地利的糖果牌子) PEZ.
有什么证明吗，林肯先生？ Have any identification, Mr. Lincoln?
事实上，我有 Actually, I do.
唔，这就给你看，我想你应该觉得没问题了 Um, here you go. I think you'll find that should do the trick.
我拿到它们的地方还有好多呢 懂我意思吗，嗯？ There's plenty more where that came from, if you catch my drift, hmm?
啊，你留着吧，亚瑟，谢谢你的表演 Ah. You keep it, Arthur, and thank you for the show.
- 内奥米，去弄张执照来，祝你好运 - 好的 - Naomi, get a license. Good luck. - Okay.
那是什么？你是谁？ What was that? Who are you?
我只是个衣衫褴褛的陌生男人 戴着顶疯狂的帽子 I'm just a ragged-trousered stranger with a crazy hat.
哦，我的天 Oh, my God.
亚瑟，你的无目的旅行到此结束了，上车 Arthur, your safari into the pointless ends now. Get in the car.
不，没关系，呃，霍布森，不能命令我 No. It's okay. Uh, Hobson can't tell me what to do.
事实上，我能，我替他母亲工作 上车，彼特曼，开门 Yes, I can. I work for his mother. Get in the car. Bitterman, open the door.
- 彼特曼，关上门 - 上车 - Bitterman, close that door. - Get in the car.
- 不是说你，彼特曼 - 没错，是你，彼特曼 - Not you, Bitterman. - Yes, you, Bitterman.
抱歉，你们到底是什么人？ I'm sorry. Who are you people?
我是他保姆 I'm his nanny.
我不是保姆，我是彼特曼 I'm not, I'm Bitterman.
好吧，我得回到我那些莫名其妙的家人那儿去了 祝你们愉快 Well, I have to get back to our confused family over there, so have a nice day.
- 哦，等… - 呃，不好意思 Oh, hang... Uh, excuse me.
内奥米·奎恩，我希望能再次见到你 Naomi Quinn, I'd like to see you again.
- 我不和有保姆的男孩约会 - 真是聪明的选择 - I don't date boys who have nannies. - Very wise choice.
而且你得知道，你可不是第一个他看上的 You're not the first woman who walks the streets for a living...
在大街上奔波谋生的女人 ...that he's taken a liking to.
她一直都跟着你？ Is she always with you?
好吧，917-176-2030 Okay. 917-176-2030.
- 呃…你记住了没？ - 没有 - Uh... Did you remember that? - No.
亚瑟，上车 Arthur, get in the car.
我现在就上车，不过这是因为我想 而不是因为你叫我这么做 I'm gonna get in the car now, but because I want to, not because you have told me to.
这不一样 Distinction.
喂，彼特曼 Bitterman.
那太神奇了，我们跳脱警察，又和他们撒了谎 It was magical. We ran from the police, then we lied to them.
- 你经历过这种生活么，伊万德？ - 我相信我有过 - Have you ever had days like that, Evander? - I believe I have.
我跟这女孩绝对是两个旗鼓相当的对手 就像你和迈克尔·泰森 Me and this girl are two perfectly matched opponents, like you and Mike Tyson.
- 她会成为那样一个人 - 没错 - She could be the one. - Yes.
哦，我真是抱歉，这一下直接冲破了你的防御 Oh. I'm so sorry. That went right through your guard.
- 你没事吧？ - 我会搞定的 - Are you okay? - I'll make it.
我喜欢内奥米的地方在于… What I like about her, Naomi...
她观察世界的奇妙视角 ...is she's got a very unique way of seeing the world.
苍蝇也一样 So do flies.
就像上次，你确信需要一个宠物长颈鹿才能开心 This is a repeat of when you were certain you needed a pet giraffe to be happy.
- 结果一星期后就无聊了 - 因为他吃了他的眼镜 - Well, you were bored after a week. - Because he ate his monocle.
野性从来不被认为是时尚，伊万德 The brute had no regard for fashion, Evander.
不，是因为你们来自两个世界，就像你和这个女孩 No, because you were from two different worlds, the same as this girl.
听着，让我专心打拳击提提神，行吗？ Listen, could you just let me focus on my jab and refresh me, please?
- 啊！那里面是伏特加 - 提神了吗？ - Aah! That's vodka in there. - Refreshed?
没有，不过我猜有些流进了我的血液 所以现在不那么坏了 No, but I think some of it probably went in my bloodstream so it's not all bad news.
- 穿好衣服 - 为什么？ - Get dressed. - Why?
因为三点整你将要去伯特·约翰逊那儿… Because at 3:00 you're going to ask Burt Johnson...
请求他把自己的女儿嫁给你 ...for his daughter's hand in marriage.
我绝不会做这种事，我要留在这儿 和伊万德打拳击 I will do no such thing. I'm going to remain here and box with Evander.
接着我会按计划去卡内·韦斯特那儿上音乐课 And then I shall have my music lesson with Kanye West as planned.
出去，现在 Out, now.
打败我 Make me.
我要开开她的玩笑 I'll just have a bit of fun with her.
用那个伺机反击的老套路吧，我觉得 Use the old rope-a-dope, I should think.
- 站着不动，然后反击，就像你教我的那样 - 亚瑟，等你结婚后… - Stick and move, like you taught me. - Arthur, after you're married...
你就不能这样随便什么女人都去沾惹 ...you're going to have to stop this obsession with random women.
她不是随便什么女人，她了解我 She is not a random woman, she understands me.
她听得懂我的笑话，她就像你 不过就性生活而言比你更适合 She laughs at my jokes. She's like you, but with a more appropriate potential for sex.
嗷！真的很痛，伊万德 你向我保证过，我是不可击败的 Ow! That really hurt. Evander, you assured me I was indestructible.
伯特·约翰逊，三点整 Burt Johnson, 3:00.
伊万德，如果他一分钟后还不出来 我就咬掉你另外一只耳朵 Evander, if he's not out of this ring in one minute, I'll bite your other ear off.
我来这儿干什么，彼特曼？ What am I doing here, Bitterman?
呃，是你让我载你来伯特·约翰逊塔的 Uh, you asked me to drive you to the Burt Johnson Tower.
- 但如果你是我… - 我会很喜欢这样的 - But if you were me... - I would like that very much.
这话太假了 That's very flattering.
如果你是我，并且身处这样的状况… But if you were me and you were in this situation...
你会做什么？我该怎么说？ ...what would you do? What should I say?
呃，我会走进那里面，说，嗯 “约翰逊先生，我喜欢你的塔 Uh, I'd go in there and say, um, "Mr. Johnson, I like your tower.
但我爱你的女儿” But I love your daughter."
- 可我不爱他女儿 - 别那么说，因为那样的话他会拒绝 - But I don't love his daughter. - Don't say that, because then he'll say no.
你太有用了 You've been very helpful.
戴上这个，在这里等着 Put this on. Wait here.
这和你戴的一模一样 It's the same as your one.
“BJ”，我永远都不会对它腻烦 "BJ," I'll never get tired of that.
呼-哈，彼特曼！ Woo-hoo, Bitterman!
真见鬼 Bloody hell.
这预示了灾难性的未来 It's an apocalyptic future.
上东区化作一片废墟 The Upper East Side lay in absolute ruin.
照例由机器人接管 The machines have taken over, as usual.
啊，幸灾乐祸的祝酒人们 Ah, malevolent toaster.
只有一个人能拯救文明 Only one man can save civilization.
那就是亚瑟·巴赫 And that man is Arthur Bach.
正义！ Justice!
你好，亚瑟 Hello, Arthur.
- 呃，对不起，我从没用过… - 从没用过什么？ - Uh, sorry, I've never used... - Never used what, Arthur?
从没用过任何一把会喷钉子的枪 One of these guns what makes nails come out of it.
哦，手持式GR350型射钉枪 Oh, the Grip-Rite GR 350.
这是把好枪 It's a good gun.
这真可爱，不是吗？这也是我最喜欢的枪之一 It's lovely, isn't it? It's also one of my favorites.
你知道你身上钉了钉子吗？ Do you know you've got nails sticking in you?
排钉 Framing nails.
标准型 Standard.
哦，我真喜欢你在这儿做的一切，伯特 Well, I love what you've done with the place, Burt.
它让我想起了以前在哥本哈根时 去的一家同性恋酒吧 It reminds me of a gay club I went to once in Copenhagen.
这里将是我的新办公室 This is gonna be my new office.
哦，天呐，我就住在那儿 Oh, my God. I live right over there.
我甚至能看见我的起居室，伯特，这真有趣 I can see my living room, Burt. That's interesting.
也很可怕 And frightening.
你把房子造在这儿就是为了监视我吗？ Did you put this building here just so you can spy on me?
唔…哼 Mm-hm.
你难道不应该去医院吗？ Shouldn't you be getting to the hospital?
如果我每次被噗噗地射了钉子后都得去医院… If I ran off to the hospital every time I got a little boo-boo...
是啊，那么如果钉子穿透身体了呢 Yeah. What's a nail through the body?
塑造一个像耶稣的英雄 Made a hero out of Jesus.
哦，伯特，我开始觉得有点恶心了 Uh, Burt, I'm starting to feel a bit queasy.
我们就别瞎扯了，亚瑟，我从匹兹堡来这儿… Let's cut the bullshit, Arthur. I'm from Pittsburgh...
而如今我拥有了摩天大楼 ...and now I own skyscrapers.
这不像你，我不是从爸妈那儿获得了几十亿的钱 Unlike you, I wasn't given my billions.
我自己赚来的 I took them.
但你知道吗… But you know...
事实上我愿意让我的女儿嫁给你 ...I'm actually fine with my little girl marrying you.
你知道为什么吗？ Do you know why?
因为你失血过多，神志不清了？ Because you've lost a lot of blood and you're disoriented?
我的小苏珊能够改变你 My little Susan can turn you around.
你知道吗，她曾经买下一幢开裂的房子 将它变成了一幢公寓 You know, she once bought a crack house and turned it into a condo.
那真有趣，我曾经做过正好相反的事 That's funny, I once did the exact opposite.
现在，听仔细了，我要确信你会照她说的做 Now, you listen to me carefully. I need to trust that you'll do what she says.
- 会的 - 台锯 - Yes. - Table saw.
工作现场最危险的一种设备 Most dangerous piece of equipment on a job site.
左右手各拿住离刀片五英寸处，你就不会有事了 Hands five inches on either side of the blade and you'll be fine.
- 不，我不爱做这种事 - 来吧，你能办到的 - No, I don't like things like this. - Come on. You can do it.
别…就，呃…就只要往前推 No... Just, uh... Just push it through.
我办到了，伯特！我做了件男子汉气的事！ 这太不可思议了 I did it, Burt! I did a man thing! That was incredible.
- 我们再来锯点东西吧 - 你的手指怎么样？ - Let's saw something else in half. - How about your finger?
我的手指？ My finger?
没问题的，这锯子有安全装置，它能检测到水分 It's okay, the saw has a safety device. It detects moisture.
任何含有水分的东西碰到刀片，它就会停的 Anything containing moisture touches that blade, and bam, it'll stop.
这听上去有些冒险，伯特 That sounds a little bit risky to me, Burt.
用你的舌头 Use your tongue.
- 我的舌头？ - 你的舌头上含有大量水分 - My tongue? - Plenty of moisture in your tongue.
哦，不，我觉得不应该那么做，伯特 Oh, no. I don't think I should do that, Burt.
我想我还是回家去吧 I think I'd like to go back over there now to house.
- 不，伯特！你在干什么？ - 舔那锯子！ - No, Burt! What are you doing? - Lick the saw!
别，伯特，你失去理智了 No, Burt. You've taken leave of your senses.
你得伸出你的舌头，不然它检测不到水分的 You need to stick out your tongue or it won't sense the moisture.
我想要我保姆 I want my nanny.
约翰逊先生，一个智者曾经说过 Mr. Johnson, a very wise man once said:
“我喜欢你的塔，但我爱你的女儿” "I like your tower, but I love your daughter."
我能娶她吗，行吗？ Can I marry her, please?
当然 Sure.
- 帕斯卡，我想来点小牛肉 - 很棒的选择 - Pascal, I'm gonna have the veal. - Excellent choice.
你能和杰罗姆说一下，上次煎的有些干了吗？ Could you tell Jerome, please, that it was a little dry last time?
- 我会关照的 - 谢谢 - I will see to it. - Thank you.
- 先生，您呢？ - 一大锅龙舌兰酒，外加一个勺子 - For you, sir? - Just a caldron of tequila and a spoon.
我听说你有些事要问我 I hear you have something to ask me.
是的，事实上我的确有，苏珊 Yeah, I do, as a matter of fact, Susan.
你能告诉我这究竟是他妈怎么回事吗？ Would you mind telling me what the bloody hell's been going on?
我们正享受着一个美妙的夜晚 我不明白你在说什么 We're having a magical night. I don't understand.
你并不明白，这是个巨大的阴谋… You don't understand that there's a macabre conspiracy...
要把我诱入一段没有爱情的婚姻，苏珊，我们… ...to inveigle me into a loveless marriage. Susan, we...
- "没有爱情的婚姻" - 我们不该结婚的 - "Loveless marriage." - We should not get married.
我们根本没有共同点，不是吗？ We don't have anything in common, do we?
我是说，我们喜欢不同的食物 小牛肉？我觉得那太残忍了 I mean, we don't like the same food. Veal? I think that's really cruel.
你难道因为它残忍才喜欢它？ Do you like it because it's cruel?
我们喜欢不同的人，不同的音乐 We don't like the same people, music.
你喜欢马 You love horses.
- 没错 - 可我不信任它们 - I do. - I don't trust them.
- 想想这点 - 它们的眼睛，它们鬼鬼祟祟的脚步 - Think about this. - Their eyes, their sneaky feet.
- 这是场交易…听我说 - 它们的马蹄铁从不更换 - This is a business... Stay with me. - Their shoes are permanent.
- 你唯一需要做的…听我接着说！ - 谁会一辈子只穿一双鞋？ - All you have to do... - Who makes that commitment to a shoe?
- 绝大多数婚姻都和商业交易联姻的 - 那张马脸 - Most marriages devolve eventually. - Mean faces.
想想这个，这就是全部的意义 这就是种商业伙伴关系 This is all it is, it's a business partnership.
另外还可以互相吸引 With the added benefit of attraction.
无可否认的，你心中有些阴暗而扭曲的东西 Undeniably, you have got something dark and twisted in you.
有那么一会儿，我想我也许能把它们赶出去 And for awhile, I thought I might be able to bugger it out.
可我努力尝试后，它们依然还在 But I tried really hard and I think it's still in there.
把手伸进口袋，拿出戒指，然后说四个字 Reach into your pocket, pull out the ring, and say four little words.
行，呃，我不爱你 Okay. Uh, I don't love you.
再来一遍 Try again.
我爱别人 I like other girls.
- 噢，我也是，我们说点别的吧 - 我会让你感到尴尬的，每天都会 - Oh, well, me too. Let's invite one over. - I'll embarrass you. Daily.
比如，瞧，我最擅长这类行为 For example, look, I'm quite capable of this kind of conduct.
我早就看见过了 I've seen it before.
行了 All right. Yes.
这只是我表演中的一小部分，太好了 这是位漂亮的夫人 That's just part of my repertoire. By thunder, here's a pretty dame.
那样，嗯？你怎么认为？她说不定都怀孕了 There. Hmm? What do you think about that? She's probably pregnant.
- 很好，继续 - 好吧 - Well done. Go on. - Okay.
厨房在哪儿？我要去厨房 Where's the kitchen? I'm going to the kitchen.
- 我要进厨房了 - 他可不是疯了么？ - Coming in the kitchen. - Isn't he mad?
我是个淘气的机器人 I'm a naughty robot.
- 可我就是喜欢他 - 我有罐头奶子 - But I just love him. - I've got tin titties.
这就是你对我做的事，这就是我的感受 This is what you're doing to me. This is how I feel.
- 我想这香肠应该已经熟了 - 帕斯卡，给这儿每个人都上酒 - I think this sausage is cooked. - Pascal, drinks, for everyone.
我得跟你说什么来着，那见鬼的厨房太好玩了 I'll tell you what, it's a lot more fun in that bloody kitchen.
爸爸有没有，呃，向你展示他那个小台锯？有吗？ Daddy did, uh, show you his little table saw, didn't he?
转身和大家解释说，你被爱情冲昏了头 准备好了？去吧 Turn around and tell everyone you're crazy when you're in love. Ready? Go.
我不知道我刚才为什么那么做 大概是恋爱中的疯狂 I don't know why I did all of those things just then. I go crazy when I'm in love.
坐下，真棒 Sit down. Great.
帮我，帮我 Help me. Help me.
让我或你的家人尴尬，是永远都不能容忍的事 Embarrassing me or your family is the one thing that will not be tolerated.
- 明白了吗？ - 是的 - Is that clear? - Yes, please.
真乖，如果你愿意，这将会超级有趣的 Sweet boy, this can all be a ton of fun if you let it.
我们要不要再试一次？ Shall we try again?
单膝跪下，我是个老式的女孩，来吧 On one knee. I'm just an old-fashioned girl. Just go ahead.
苏珊，唉 Susan. Pfft.
- 你确定要这么做吗？ - 你又跑远了，亚瑟 - Are you sure about this? - You're running from yourself, Arthur.
我真希望跑远了，因为我自己宁可逃开 I wish I was, because I'd let me get away.
求我，求我 Ask me. Ask me.
拿走，继续 Have it. Go on.
我愿意，亚瑟 Yes, Arthur.
先生们，夫人们，一对幸福的夫妇 Madames et monsieurs, the happy couple.
啊！ Ah!
阿司匹林 Aspirin.
给我一整瓶，我这辈子完了 Give me the whole bottle. My life's over.
你将会被照顾着，而且仍会惊人地富有 You're gonna be looked after and you're gonna stay fabulously rich.
也许我宁愿惊人地穷 我看见的一些穷人真的很幸福 Maybe I'd rather be fabulously poor. Some poor people I see look really happy.
那是因为他们离你的世界太遥远 或是因为你给了他们钱 That's because they're far away or you've given them money.
你知道什么，阿尔弗雷德？ What do you know, Alfred?
亚瑟，穷人们必须工作 Arthur, poor people have to work.
他们不得不冒雨等公交 去做一种叫工作的东西… They have to stand in the rain waiting for buses to take them to things called jobs...
他们必须一年四季地工作 为了几天没有工作的假期 ...which they have to do all year round for holidays away from those jobs.
别那么高高在上，势利鬼，我知道什么是工作 Don't patronize me, Snobson. I know what a jobs are.
我在当马靴模特呢，不是吗？ I model riding boots, don't I?
为另一个养尊处优的淫棍穿着马靴摆个姿势 这不叫工作，吃颗你的维他命 Posing in riding boots for another pampered prick is not a job. Now take your vitamin.
- 我删除了她的电话 - 霍布森，我要见她 - I erased her number. - Hobson, I have to see her.
然后我们就解除这个荒唐的婚约 We'll unravel this engagement bollocks later.
亚瑟，你做了决定，订婚是一个承诺 Arthur, you made the choice. An engagement is a promise.
有点责任感吧 Be a man.
继续看过来，这里是中央车站… Continuing on, this is Grand Central Terminal...
每天有超过750000乘客 ...and it is home to more than 750,000 commuters a day.
真无聊，这真是个无聊的事实 Boring. What a tiresome fact that was.
噢，女士们先生们 这是个有典型纽约风格的人 Oh, ladies and gentlemen, this is a classic New York architectural feature:
要了你电话却从不打给你 The man who takes your number and then never calls you.
喔 Ooh.
- 我也感觉很无聊 - 是啊，他感到没劲，我也感到没劲… - I'm bored too. - Yeah, he's bored, I'm bored...
整个行程真的很无聊，加点料吧 把气氛搞活起来，导游女士 ...the whole tour is really bored. Come on, liven it up, lady.
好啊，这个怎么样 Okay, well, what about this:
看见那个大钟了吗？看见那些雕像了吗？ See that clock up there? See those statues?
那是木星，智慧女神和大力神 That's Jupiter and Minerva and Hercules.
当钟声敲响十二点的时候 他们会下来让时间停驻 When the clock strikes 12, they reach down and they stop time.
然后他们就会在城中作乐 他们在哈德逊河游泳，在动物园里面欢腾 And then they go out on the town. They go swim in the Hudson and cavort at the zoo.
- 有时候他们甚至去脱衣舞俱乐部 - 哦，好吧 - Sometimes they even go to a strip club. - Oh, okay.
好了，伙计们，今天的行程到此结束，嗯… Okay, guys, that's the end of your tour. Um...
免费的脆饼等着你们哦，只要五美元 Your complimentary pretzel awaits. It's only $5.
- 哇，你真的太让人惊奇了 - 好吧 - Wow, you look really, really amazing. - Okay.
- 我有点东西要给你看，跟我来 - 我不能… - I've got something to show you. - I don't...
然后我们直接回家，我们的行程很紧，快点吧 We're on a tight schedule. Come.
- 好的 - 别犹豫了 - Okay. - Stop thinking.
呃，亚瑟，没有人，人到哪里去了？ Um, Arthur, there are no people. Where are the people?
我为了你包下了这里45分钟的时间 The people have been rerouted for 45 minutes by me for you.
这是一种浪漫，但是换个角度讲 这是极度的自私 It's sort of romantic, but in another way, it's incredibly selfish of you.
中央车站 Grand Central.
玫瑰花瓣 Rose petals.
晚餐，我的天呐 Dinner. Oh, my God.
这是我们第一次约会 This is our first date.
- 噢，这不就是我们跟警察说的吗？ - 我好像全忘了 Oh, is that what we said to the police officer? I'd quite forgotten.
等等，我不会裸的 Wait, I'm not getting naked.
别这么快就把这种可能排除在外了 晚上总要释放些精力嘛 Don't rule it out at this stage, it takes some of the pizzazz out of the evening.
好像我们就是这个星球唯一的人了 It's like we're the last people on the planet.
哇，这真是太棒了，谢谢你 Wow, this is amazing. Thank you.
- 电梯那边有个服务生 - 嘘 - There's a waiter on that escalator. - Shh.
他穿着礼服 He's in formal attire.
- 托着一个盘子 - 等着吧 - He's carrying a platter. - Wait for it.
干得好 Excellent.
- 你的晚餐，女士 - 谢谢 - Your dinner, madam. - Thank you.
人偶糖 PEZ.
这是我们的人偶糖？哈哈 These are us as PEZ heads? Ha, ha.
你是可爱的那个，嗯，更可爱的那个 You're the cute one. Well, the cuter one.
你要我这个吗？ Do you want me?
- 谢谢 - 哈哈 - Thank you. - Ha, ha.
嘿，你知道吗，我一见到你… Hey, you know, as soon as I saw you...
我就知道我想品尝你甜美的领口 ...I knew I wanted to eat candy bricks out of your neck hole.
你不是第一个这么想的 You're not the first.
你觉得怎么样？你喜欢吗？ What do you think? Do you like it?
嗯，我最后一次约会… Well, on my last date...
那家伙告诉我只能吃沙拉 然后他告诉我他是一个同性恋 ...the guy told me that I could only eat salad and then he said he was gay.
- 这个好多了 - 是的 - This is better. - Yeah.
我是说，我是异性恋，所以… I mean, I'm heterosexual, so...
嗯，凭这点就赢了 Oh, already winning.
你知道黄道十二宫是倒着画的吗？ Did you know that the zodiac is painted on backwards?
这本来艺术家犯的一个错误 但委托他作画的范德尔比特家族… It was a goof by the artist, but then the Vanderbilts, who commissioned the place...
说这是上帝眼中的天堂的样子 ...said that it was God's view of the heavens.
让范德尔比特家族用上帝的角度看世界 Trust the Vanderbilts to see the world from God's perspective.
有个女的在你后面跳 There's a woman jumping behind you.
噢，是啊，我答应过你有杂技表演的嘛 Oh, yeah. I promised you acrobats.
亚瑟，这…这太疯狂了 Arthur, this is... This is insane.
是的，钱就是用来干这事的 Yeah, this is what money is for.
带来激情，欢乐，杂技，糖果头像，还有… Creating excitement and joy and acrobats and PEZ heads and...
意大利 Italy.
- 什么？ - 我们去意大利吧 - What? - Let's go to Italy.
好啊，走吧，什么时候去？ Okay, let's go. When do you wanna go to Italy?
- 今晚，我要包下一架飞机，约瑟佩，你好 - 我今晚没办法和你去意大利 - Tonight. I'll charter a jet. Giuseppe, hi. - I can't go to Italy with you tonight.
等一下 Excuse me.
- 内奥米… - 什么？ - Naomi... - Mm-hm?
我说的是托斯卡纳(意大利著名城市) ...I'm talking about Tuscany.
白松露冰淇淋，你尝过吗？ White truffle gelato. Have you ever tasted white truffle gelato?
所有其它的冰淇淋和它比起来就像一坨屎 It makes all other gelato taste like shit.
亚瑟，你包了中央车站 Arthur, you emptied out Grand Central Station.
你不能就呆在这吗？ Can't you just be here?
我能给你看点东西吗？ Can I show you something?
自从我11岁来到纽约… After we moved to New York when I was 11...
我妈妈就经常带我来这里 ...my mom used to bring me down here all the time.
我们从皇后区搭车 We'd take the train in from Queens.
这里是耳语墙，是个非常特别的地方 This is the Whisper Wall. It's a really special place.
好了，你去那个角落，我就站在这里 Okay, you have to go in that corner, and I'll be over here.
说点什么吧 And say something.
说什么？ What?
我不知道，随便说 I don't know, anything.
嗯，你可以假装打电话给我约我出去 你之前没打成嘛 Oh, you could call me up and ask me out, like you failed to do.
好主意 Good idea.
你好，我是亚瑟，是内奥米吗？ Hello, this is Arthur. Is Naomi there, please?
是的，我是 Yes, this is Naomi.
天呐，这太神奇了，你在那边 但是我可以清晰地听到你讲话 My God, that's amazing. You're over there, but I can hear you perfectly over here.
- 是声学效果 - 哇 - It's acoustics. - Wow.
我要买一个 I'm gonna buy one of these.
你用不着买，是免费的 You don't have to buy it, it's free.
难以置信 Incredible.
我刚刚还在通话，所以我得回去了 I was just having a phone call, so I've gotta go back.
噢 Oh.
如果你，嗯，不是很忙的话 你能不能，那个，和我约会呢？ If you're, um, not too busy, would you like to maybe go on a date with me?
说真的，如果你愿意做点简单的事的话 我现在就有空 Actually, I'm free right now if you'd like to do something simple.
去我家，吃点东西？ Food, my house?
这是什么？ What is this, please?
- 哦，这是，没什么牌子的调味酱 - 调味酱 - Oh, this is, um, generic brand Saucy-Os. - Saucy-Os.
是的，这是少数的没牌子比有牌子好的东西之一 Yeah. It's one of the few times the generic brand's actually better than the real thing.
工厂里的那点事不好说哦 Something happens in the factory.
真美味 It's delicious.
欢迎来体验真正的人的生活 Welcome to the life of humans.
这是本季度烹饪菜肴的冠军 It is the culinary success of the season.
- 小姐，你真是… - 嘘，嘘，嘘 - Mademoiselle, you are... - Shh. Shh. Shh.
- 什么？ - 我爸在睡觉 - What? - My dad is asleep.
但是你的妈妈戴了耳塞，所以我们不用顾虑她 But your mum wears earplugs, so we don't need to worry about her.
我妈妈已经不穿任何东西了 My mom doesn't wear anything anymore.
裸睡，很自然啊 Naked. Sleeping au naturel.
她死了 She's dead.
不好意思 I'm so sorry.
她是，呃，去年过世的 She died, um, last year.
你妈妈去世不久 我还用你死去妈妈的裸睡来开玩笑，对不起，内奥米 It's really recent, and I made a joke about your dead nude mum. I'm so sorry, Naomi.
- 不，不，不，真的，这没什么 - 我总是做这种挫事 - No, no, no, really, it's okay. - I'm always doing things like that.
我爸爸也死了，如果这能算是对你的一种安慰的话 If it's any consolation, my dad is similarly deceased.
真遗憾，这也是最近的事吗？ I'm so sorry. Was that recent?
不，我还是个孩子的时候他就过世了 所以你比我好些，但是，嗯… No, it was when I was a child, so you've won that round, but, uh...
- 内奥米，加一分 - 嗯，干得好 - Point, Naomi. - Right, well done.
你暂时领先，但是我还来得及跑回家… You're winning, but it's not too late for me to run home...
杀了我妈，取得领先 ...and butcher my mother just to edge into the lead.
只是开玩笑，我爸爸死的时候我还很小 Uh, no. My dad died when I was a kid.
他从哪方面看都是个明理，节俭的人… He was by all accounts a very sensible, uh, frugal man...
他不喝酒，不抽烟，去哪里都用走路 ...who didn't drink, didn't smoke, walked everywhere.
嗯 Hmm.
44岁的时候心脏病发作死了 Dropped dead of a heart attack when he was 44.
教了我一件事，为什么还要在意怎么养生呢？ Lesson being, why bother taking care of yourself?
- 干杯 - 我不觉得这是你父亲的死带来的教训 - Cheers. - I don't think that's the lesson.
- 这是就我学到的 - 干杯 - It's the lesson I learned. - Cheers.
嗯 Mm.
啊 Ah.
不用了，谢谢 No, thanks.
作为个孩子，你当时还好吧？ What were you like as a kid?
嗯，哈哈哈哈哈，除了悲伤欲绝… Well, ha, ha, aside from being grief-stricken...
- 哈哈，是的 - 我那时太小了… - Ha, ha, yes. - I was kind of little...
还不会喝很多酒 ...and I didn't drink so much then.
你呢？你还是孩子的时候就喝很多吗？ What about you? Did you drink much as a child?
只喝果汁 Strictly juice boxes.
- 真是个怪人 - 我是个怪人 - What a weirdo. - I was a weirdo.
我以为月亮到处跟着我 I thought that the moon followed me everywhere.
我以为这意味着会发生点特别的事 I thought it meant something special was gonna happen.
嗯，这真是一个相当荒唐的假设，内奥米… Well, that's a pretty ridiculous hypotheses, Naomi...
因为如果那样的话，月亮就会在那边… ...because by that notion, the moon would be out there right n...
内奥米，月亮真的在那里看着我们 Naomi, the moon is literally out there right now spying on us...
它的光亮斑驳地洒在你的脸上 ...his light shining down on your face and clutter.
这些是什么？ What is all these things?
- 我父亲的药 - 嗯 - My dad's pills. - Hmm.
这里有一些有趣的东西 年轻的…这是做什么用的 Got a lot of incriminating stuff lying around in here young la... What's this for?
- 没什么，这… - 哇哇哇 - That's nothing. That's... - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
什么没什么，这很有内容啊 This is not nothing. This is something.
我以前为小孩子们写点故事或者画点东西 I used to write stories and draw pictures for kids.
哦 Ah.
哇 Wow.
“自由女神像一路从法国来到这里 "The Statue of Liberty had traveled all the way from France.
她想念她的朋友，埃菲尔铁塔 而且她的手臂很疼” She missed her friend, the Eiffel Tower, and her arm hurt."
- 内奥米，这真棒 - 谢谢 - Naomi, that's wonderful. - Thank you.
在这里，自由女神像只是一个孤独的法国巨人 In this, the Statue of Liberty is a lonely French giant.
是啊，直到她遇见了克莱斯勒大厦才结束她的孤独 Yeah. And she stays lonely until she meets her friend, the Chrysler Building.
这太有才了，内奥米 That's brilliant, Naomi.
你应该辞职然后全身心投入到这份工作上面来 You should quit your job and focus all your energy on this.
- 我不能 - 为什么，你会失去什么呢？ - I can't. - Why? What have you got to lose?
这间房子还有电 The house and electricity and...
当你的作品出版了以后你可以付清这一切 You can pay for all those things when this is published.
亚瑟，像那样的事情不会发生在我这种人身上 Arthur, things like that don't happen to people like me.
那为什么月亮还在跟随着你？ Then why is the moon still following you?
这火车声不会吵醒你的父亲？ But this doesn't wake your father?
- 他已经习惯这样了 - 这能吵醒我的父亲 - He's used to this. - This could wake my father.
从坟墓里吵醒 From his grave.
好的，亲爱的，再挨近一点 Okay, lovely, but a little closer together.
好的，笑，爸爸，快笑 All right. Smile, Daddy, smile.
好的，现在，我想看见你们流露更多的爱 Okay, and now, I'd love to see some more love.
这是什么啊？ What is this?
为"城市与乡村"杂志拍摄的你们的结婚照 Your engagement photo for Town & Country.
来几张母子合照怎么样？ How about a couple of you and your mum?
哦，可以，好的，好的 Oh, all right, yeah. Okay.
嗯 All right.
- 薇薇安？ - 怎么了，亚瑟？ - Vivienne? - Yes, Arthur?
假设… If hypothetically...
呃，如果我对一个苏珊以外的女人有了感情… ...uh, I was to develop feelings for a woman who isn't exactly Susan...
基本上是非苏珊，就好像是苏珊的反面… ...kind of an un-Susan, an anti-Susan, as it were...
呃，你会怎么想，假设一下？ ...um, how would that make you feel, hypothetically?
假设的话，我会恭喜你 Hypothetically, I'd say congratulations.
但是不幸的是，最迷人的感情 But unfortunately, the most magical relationships...
会在令人作呕的贫穷中慢慢枯萎 ...will wilt in the midst of grinding poverty.
很好，亚瑟，拍几张你… Wonderful. Arthur, how about a few of you...
- 和你未来岳父的照片怎么样？ - 什么？不不，不用了 ...and your future father-in-law? - What? No, no.
- 哈哈，你好，伯特 - 你好 - Ha, ha. Hello, Burt. - Hello.
我想我永远没有办法习惯那种握手 I'll never get used to that handshake.
你昨晚在哪里，亚瑟？ Where were you last night, Arthur?
什么？在家里，家里 What? Just at home. Home.
你确定吗？ You sure about that?
- 是的 - 该我了，爸爸 - Yes. - My turn, Daddy.
- 噢，主啊 - 哦，很好 - Oh, Jesus. - Oh, great.
这个做封面，新郎和新娘上来吧 This is for the cover shot. I need the bride and the groom, please.
上马，亚瑟 Get on the horse, Arthur.
我喜欢动物，但是我不相信你 I love animals, but I don't trust you.
上马 Get on the horse.
你今天没有机把我摔哭 You will not make me cry today.
拍摄马靴的照片 我们会用一个喂饱了的马或者是一个女孩 For the riding boot shoots, we use a stuffed horse or sometimes a girl.
- 或者爸爸可以帮下忙？ - 是，我来帮忙 - Maybe Daddy could help? - Yeah, let me help.
- 不，不用了，伯特 - 帮他上来吧 - No, it's all right, Burt. - Help him up.
你没有这么强壮，伯特，伯特，不，伯特 你…这没用 You're a weak man, Burt. Burt. No, Burt, you're... That doesn't help.
哦，噢，我的天呐，伯特，你不行的 Ow! Oh, my God. Burt, you're not qualified.
哈哈哈 Aah! Ha, ha.
这没什么，这没什么 That was no trouble. That was no tr...
真是大惊小怪，没来由的大惊小怪 What a lot of fuss. What a lot of fuss about nothing.
好了，很好 Okay, lovely.
她是谁，亚瑟？ Who is she, Arthur?
我不知道，我想她叫特丽克西或者火箭 或者类似的名字吧 I don't know, I imagine she's called Trixy or Rocket. Something like that.
不是这马，那个女孩 Not the horse. The girl.
我不知道你在讲什么 I don't know what you mean.
我们马上回来，不好意思 We'll be right back. Excuse us.
哇！我可没同意这么做 Wha...? Aah! I didn't agree to this.
先是你爸爸，然后是这匹马 First your father, now the horse.
什么时候我的睾丸能休息一下 When will my testicles get some rest?
为了一个神秘的约会 耽误上百辆往返的火车可不明智啊，亚瑟 Delaying a hundred commuter trains for a secret date wasn't the smartest move.
都上了泰晤士报和华盛顿邮报了 It was in The Times and the Post.
我不应该那样伤害你 如果你提出解除婚约，我能理解 I must've hurt you with that. I understand if you wanna cancel the wedding.
我们不会解除婚约，婚礼按原计划举行，谈话结束 We're not gonna cancel the wedding. It's happening as scheduled. End of story.
这就是你的婚礼誓词吗？ “直到死亡把我们分开，按原计划那样”？ Are those gonna be your vows? "To death do us part, as scheduled"?
听着，苏珊，是因为钱吗？ 我听说过关于你的消息，你已经很有钱了 Listen, Susan, is this about money? I've got news for you, you're already rich.
我没有你有钱，我的家族没有一个盾形纹章 I'm not you rich, Arthur. My family doesn't have a coat of arms.
我给你画，这很简单，一般就只有一把剑 I'll draw you one. It's quite simple. It's usually just a sword.
我听到他们在宴会上窃窃私语 I hear them whisper at functions.
在他们眼里，我就是一个匹兹堡的承包商的女儿 In their eyes, I'm just the daughter of a contractor from Pittsburgh.
我走过的时候，他们对着我冷笑 They sneer when I walk past.
这也许只是因为你的为人 That's probably just because of who you are as a person.
巴赫环球公司已经被巴赫家族的人经营了几代了 Bach Worldwide has been run by a Bach for generations.
苏珊·约翰逊-巴赫 将会来掌控世界上最大的信托基金之一 Susan Johnson-Bach will be in control of one of the largest trusts in the world.
你阻止不了我，对你的小女友说再见吧 You're not gonna get in my way. Say goodbye to your little girlfriend.
但是薇薇安·苏珊娜，撒旦·苏珊，我喜欢这个女孩 But Vivienne. Susienne. Satan. Susan. I like this girl.
我们能够交流，她和我，她是非常自然的并且… We connect, she and I. She's spontaneous and...
我也很自然 I'm spontaneous.
真的吗？你在拍一个做作的摄影的过程中和我对质 Really? You planned to confront me during a contrived photo shoot...
穿着一套你儿时就选中的套装 ...wearing an outfit you selected when you were a child.
哦 Ow!
好的，情侣们，你们准备好了吗？ Okay, lovebirds, are you ready?
别忘记，感情要从眼睛里面流露出来 从这些快乐的眼睛里 Don't forget, it's all about the eyes. Those happy eyes.
你让我难堪了 You embarrassed me.
你要是再敢让我难堪，我爸爸会切断你的… Embarrass me again and my father will cut off...
我知道，我的舌头 I know, my tongue.
不，你的蛋 No, your balls.
要是它们一直保持湿润的话 你爸爸就没有办法了 Not if I keep them moist.
怎么样？霍布诺布斯？ Thoughts, Hobnobs?
我认为你已经订婚了，再跟内奥米出去不好 I think you're engaged, and going out with Naomi is a really bad idea.
确实是 Exactly.
所以我叫她过来 Which is why I've invited her here.
亚瑟，用点脑子 Arthur, think.
我已经考虑过了，所以才决定我们三个一起活动 I have thinked. And that is why we're all gonna hang out together.
我从来没有闲玩过，我今晚也不想有第一次 I've never hung out in my life. I'm not gonna start tonight.
霍布森，要是你认识了那个女孩，你会爱上她的 Hobson, if you get to know this girl, you're gonna love her.
亚瑟，你必须告诉内奥米你要结婚了 Arthur, you must tell Naomi you're getting married.
你不觉得这会破坏了今晚浪漫的气氛嘛？ You don't think that might rather mar the romance of the evening?
你好，亚瑟 Hello, Arthur.
- 你好，霍布森 - 你好，苏珊，很高兴见到你 - Hi, Hobson. - Hello, Susan. How nice to see you.
你能让我们单独聊一会吗？ Can you just give us one little minute?
当然 Yes, of course.
谢谢 Thank you.
哦呃 Mm-mm.
- 搞什么？ - 一个法国式的香吻 - What was that? - A French kiss.
真的吗？法国可老是投降 Really? Because the French always surrender.
这应该是德国式的香吻 That was decidedly German.
我在家，感觉很自然 I was just at home feeling spontaneous.
我决定穿点自然的衣服… I decided to put on a little something spontaneous...
然后自然地过来 ...and come over here spontaneously.
苏珊，神经病有些时候也会很自然 这要视情况而定 Susan, mentally ill people are spontaneous. It's all about context.
哦，不是吧，不会这么巧吧 我们还是去卧室吧？ Oh, good, this is happening now. Shall we go to the bedroom?
- 你有点醉了 - 是的 - You're a bit drunk. - Okay.
那就，呃…你待在这，哦，不 So you just, uh... You wait here. Oh, no.
哦哈，真好啊，衣服掉下来了 Oh-ho. Lovely. That's come off.
- 嗯，我得去拿点冰 - 你想怎么办？ - Um, I'm gonna get ice. - What do you have in mind?
嗯，我想的东西可能会对你造成伤害 冰可以消肿 Uh, I imagine there'll be some injuries. It'll reduce the swelling.
快点 Hurry.
内奥米，很高兴见到你 Naomi, I'm very happy to see you.
- 真的吗？ - 嗯… - You are? - Um...
内奥米，真高兴你来这里 Naomi, I'm so glad you're here.
呃，你把米妮杀了，还是她自愿投降了？ Um, did you kill Minnie Mouse or did she surrender her dress willingly?
她没怎么受折磨，希望这能使你感觉好些 If it makes you feel better, she didn't suffer.
呃，这里到处都不错，进来，内奥米，进来 Well, this is all very nice. Come in, Naomi. Come in.
现在，我知道我们本来说是要在晚上… Now, I know we were gonna have a night in...
- 我现在知道原因了 - 但，这样吧，不如我们… - I can see why. - But, actually, why don't we...?
- 这真是太棒了 - 呃，不，嗯… - This is amazing. - Uh, no. Um...
- 那条鱼看上去像只猫 - 内奥米，不是 - That fish looks like a cat. - Naomi. No, it doesn't.
- 哇，泡泡糖火箭 - 别看那个 - Wow, bubblegum rocket. - Don't look at that.
现在，告诉我装满黄金的屋子是哪一间 Now, tell me where the room filled with buckets of gold is.
在这里，离卧室很远，实际上 It's over here, away from the bedroom, actually.
你有个发光的骆驼，为什么？ You have a glittery camel. Why?
在英国一分钱能买10个，别理那个 They're 10 a penny in England. Ignore that.
内奥米，趁亚瑟换衣服的时候 我来带你参观一下整个公寓 Naomi, let me give you a full tour of the apartment while Arthur primps himself.
我要换衣服，我去换衣服 I'll be primping. I've gotta primp.
- 哦，那是你 - 是的，谢谢 - Oh, that's you. - Yes, thank you.
啊，苏珊 Ah, Susan.
你在摆挑逗的姿势 You're posing suggestively.
你喜欢吗，我的未婚夫？ Do you like it, my fianc茅?
成桶的黄金？ Buckets of gold?
破烂的登月舱，傻家伙坐着它下楼梯 Broken lunar module. Silly bugger drove it down the stairs.
到这边来，可以让你暂时把目光 从那些值钱的东西上移开几分钟 Come through here. This should keep your eyes off the valuables for a few minutes.
不会吧 Get out.
哦，我太爱兔八哥了 Oh, I love Looney Tunes.
这部电影是一直在放吗？ Are these always playing?
不是，它和，呃，历史纪录片轮流放映 No, it, uh, alternates between this and historical documentaries.
- 真的吗？ - 不是，只有这部 - Really? - No. Just this.
好吧，我要找个最佳座位 Okay, I just have to get the perfect place.
就这里了 Yes.
你朋友马上就过来找你 Your friend will be with you shortly.
谢谢，哦，等一下，你不想留下吗？ 这部电影很不错 Thank you. Oh, wait, don't you wanna stay? This is a really good one.
佩佩想和小猫咪佩内洛普接吻，但他掉下了船 Pep茅 tries to kiss Penelope Pussycat, but then he falls off the boat.
你忘记说“小心剧透”了 You forgot to say "spoiler alert."
你是我的宝贝，我是你的心肝 You are my peanut and I am your brittle.
- 哦 - 我是苏珊·约翰逊，你的未婚妻 - I'm Susan Johnson, your fianc茅e. - Ooh.
- 这实际才是问题所在 - 来吧 - That's the problem, actually. - Come on.
不，我是要起身，不是要苟合 but this is not complicit茅. No. I'm getting up here,
- 我只是在帮你穿上衣服 - 想留到新婚之夜再做？ - I'm just helping you to get dressed. - Saving yourself for marriage?
说实话，留到离婚后更好 More the divorce, to be honest.
苏珊，我的扣子 Susan, my buttons.
你是喝了多少酒啊？ How much have you had to drink?
- 两杯？是两瓶，好吧 - 哈哈 - Glasses? Bottles. Okay. - Ha, ha.
处理这事可是我的强项 We are now in an area of my expertise.
你喝得很醉，你需要睡觉醒酒 You are very drunk. You need to sleep it off.
- 闭上眼，很好，好，不要… - 哦，这…很舒服 - Close that. That's good. Good. Don't... - Oh, that's... That's nice.
- 尽量不要说话 - 喵，喵 - Try not to speak any words. - Mm-hm.
嘘，不要说话 Shh. Shut up.
不，你不是只性感猫咪 你不是性感猫咪，别这样 No, you're not a sexy cat. You're not a sexy cat. Stop that.
我是只坏猫咪 I'm a bad kitty.
你不是坏猫咪，你是个困得要死的人 You're not a bad kitty, you're a sleepy lunatic.
我是坏猫咪，我需要有人舔我的猫须 I'm a bad kitty. I need to have my whiskers licked.
不管什么情况下，我都不可能对猫那么做的 There are no circumstances under which I'd do that to a cat.
- 去睡觉，够了，别这样，停… - 喔！ Go to sleep. That's enough of that. Stop it. Get... Ow!
不！啊，嗷！ No! Unh. Ow!
这工作肯定很好玩 So this must be a fun job.
是的，这工作很有价值 Yes, it has its moments.
比如说，保护亚瑟远离那些不怀好意的人 Like trying to protect Arthur from people with dubious intentions.
嗯 Hmm.
哦，你是说我 Oh, you mean me.
因为我完全是钱的奴隶，如果你是这么想的话 Because I'm totally after the money, if that's what you're thinking.
你那非法导游事业进行得如何了？ How is the illegal tour guide business going?
养活了我爸爸 Feeds my dad.
但我实际上正在写一部书，儿童书 But I'm actually writing a book. A children's book.
是亚瑟的主意 It was Arthur's idea.
呃，那要确保书里有很多插图，不然他看不懂 Well, make sure there are lots of pictures, otherwise he won't understand it.
我想亚瑟比你想象中懂得多 I think Arthur understands more than you realize.
那么，霍布森，你生命中有过男人吗？ So, Hobson, are there any men in your life?
你是想要和我闲聊吗？ Are you attempting to make small talk with me?
我在努力，有效果吗？ I am attempting it. Is it working?
- 没，没太大效果 - 该死的 - No, not really. - Darn it.
那么？ So?
我遇到的所有男人… Any man I've ever met...
看到有亚瑟公司标志的亮晃晃的地板 就吓得面无人色了 ...pales in comparison to the dazzling floor show that is Arthur's company.
我知道你刚才是在讽刺… I know you were being sarcastic just then...
但那地板确实亮得刺眼 ...but it really is quite dazzling.
爱情和战争中一切都是公平的，亲爱的？ All is fair in love and war, eh, darling?
你觉得他还好吗？ Do you think he's okay?
嗷！嗷！ Ow! Ow!
- 坏马 - 嗷！这一点都不色情，只是疼而已 - Bad horse. - Ow! That's not erotic. It just hurts.
不，苏珊，停下，你不能这么做 No. Susan. Stop it. You can't do that.
马和猫无法交配，我们的孩子会是怪物 Horses and cats can't mate. Our children will be monsters.
霍布森，不是你看到的那样 除非你看到的是猫在强奸马 Hobson, it's not what it looks like. Unless it looks like a cat raping a horse.
亚瑟啊 Arthur.
- 这是怎么回事？ - 噢 - What's happening? - Oh.
我这是怎么了？ What has happened to me?
我觉得是因为你的衣服是金属做的… I think the problem is your clothes are made of metal...
而我的床是磁铁做的 ...and my bed is made of magnets.
- 哦，你这么觉得？ - 是的，好了，冷静点，小猫咪 - Oh, you think so? - Right. Okay. Uh, stay calm, kitty.
我不再是猫了，我是女商人 I'm not a cat anymore. I am a businesswoman.
我觉得我有个遥控器，等我一下 I think I have a remote control. Excuse me.
- 呃…啊，好了，我找到遥控器了 - 快！把我放下来！ - Uh... Ah, right. I've got the remote. - Get me off of here!
好了，我来了，我要…啊，找到了 Okay, I'm coming. I'm gonna... Ah, got it.
- 你在干什么？ - 好吧，很显然，不是那个 - What are you doing? - Okay, it's not that, obviously.
呃，从好的方面想 至少这屋里有一样东西被你吸引了 Uh, on the bright side, at least something in this room is attracted to you.
看在上帝的份上 For the love of God.
可能是这个 Maybe this.
- 哦，你还好吧 - 别按那个，不是那个 - Oh, are you all right? - Not that.
我不再按遥控器… I'm not gonna press this anymore...
因为如果我按错了键，床会掉下来砸死你 ...because if I press the wrong button, the bed could fall and kill you.
我们俩都不想这样，都不想 Which none of us would want. None of us.
我要离开一下去找霍布森 她知道这东西怎么操作 I've gotta go and get Hobson. She knows how this works.
哦，你是个无用的男人 你离了那个可怜的老女人什么事都干不了 Oh, you are a useless man. You can't do anything without that miserable old woman.
你来了 There you are.
你换衣服花了不少时间啊 That was a lot of primping.
哦，哈，是啊，是啊，换衣服，是的，换衣服 Oh, ha, yeah, yeah. Primping. Yeah, primping.
嗯，但换衣服换得很不错，不是吗？ 穿出来的效果 Yeah, it's primpalicious, though, isn't it? The results.
他是个换衣狂 He's a primpanzee.
这么吵，真不好意思，我想这是，呃… 是那个暴力的邻居的声音 Sorry about this noise. I think it's, um... It's the bloody neighbors.
- 邻居？ - 呃，我想现在我该退下了 - Neighbors? - Well, I think I'll retire now.
晚安，霍布森 Good night, Hobson.
呃，霍布森，感谢你所做的一切 Ahem. Hobson. Um, thank you for everything.
我这么做是为了她 I did it for her.
我不想让那个可怜的女孩难堪 I don't want that poor girl humiliated.
- 你喜欢她，是吧？她很可爱 - 你能不能长大一次，亚瑟 - You like her, don't you? She's lovely. - Just be a grown-up for once, Arthur.
好的 Okay.
哦，呃，你能不能把吸在我床底下 那个半裸的职业女性放下来？ Oh, um, could you detach the half-naked businesswoman from under my bed?
抱歉 Sorry.
晚安，霍布森 Good night, Hobson.
再见，内奥米 Goodbye, Naomi.
这后院不错嘛 Not a bad back yard.
是啊，只是每次我做裸体日光浴的时候 别人看我的眼神都极其怪异 Yes, except whenever I sunbathe nude, I get the strangest looks.
哦，你就是那个人 Oh, you're that guy.
- 你是不是有点冷？ - 哦，是的 - Are you a bit chilly? - Oh, yes.
- 你要不要…？ - 谢谢你 - Would you like...? - Thank you.
嗯，给 Ahem, here.
- 这是你父亲的吗？“杰拉尔德·巴赫” - 是的 - Is this your father's? "Gerald Bach." - It is.
呃，曾经是，我有一些他的衣服 被改制成了我的尺码 Well, it was. I had some of his suits re-tailored to fit me.
把这些扔了似乎很不明智 It seemed silly to throw them away.
- 嗯 - 哦 - Mm. - Oh.
“为什么还要费那个劲照顾自己呢？” "Why bother taking care of yourself?"
哈哈，尽情开心吧 Ha, ha. Yeah. Just have fun.
- 你看起来很开心 - 开心是我的职业 - Well, you seem to have a lot of fun. - It's my calling.
我找到了个免费的东西要给你看，往这边走 I found a free thing to show you. It's this way.
- 跟我来，快点 - 好吧 - Come with me. Come on. - Okay.
在我心目中，这是我小时候看的那本书中的池塘 In my mind, this is the pond from a book I had when I was a kid...
那本书叫青蛙和蛤蟆在一起 ...called Frog and Toad Together.
我喜欢青蛙和蛤蟆，我妈妈以前总给我读这本书 I love Frog and Toad. My mom used to read them to me all the time.
- 真的？ - 是的 - Really? - Yeah.
我妈妈把阅读的工作转包给了霍布森 My mom subcontracted that job to Hobson.
蛤蟆沮丧了那里真的很伤感 There's a really sad one where Toad freaks out...
因为他看到青蛙独自坐在石头上 ...because he sees Frog sitting alone on a rock.
所以他带着野餐游向他，但野餐掉到水里了 So he swims out to him with a picnic, but then it falls in the water.
“我们的午餐被毁了 "Our lunch is spoiled.
我为你做的，你应该高兴” I made it for you, Frog, so you'd be happy."
但青蛙并不悲伤 But Frog wasn't sad.
“当我醒来的时候，我感觉很好… "When I woke up, I felt good...
因为天气阳光明媚，我感觉很好因为我是个青蛙” ...because the sun was shining. I felt good because I was a frog."
我感觉很好因为我有你这个朋友 And I felt good because I have you for a friend.
如果你独自坐着，我会给你带个三明治 If you were sitting alone, I'd bring you a sandwich.
那么，我会独自坐着的 I'll sit alone, then.
“于是青蛙和蛤蟆整个下午都呆在岛上” "And Frog and Toad stayed on the island all afternoon."
- 他们吃了湿了的三明治 - 没配冰茶 They ate wet sandwiches without iced tea.
“他们是两个单独坐在一起的亲密朋友” "They were two close friends sitting alone together."
我不能告诉她，霍布森 I couldn't tell her, Hobson.
她是我的青蛙 She's my Toad.
哦，胡说八道 Oh, bollocks.
听着，亚瑟，我肯定内奥米是个很不错的女孩… Listen, Arthur, I'm sure Naomi is a very nice girl...
但你没法过没钱的生活 ...but you can't live without the money.
你怎么知道？ How do you know?
拜托，你半个小时内不买一辆跑车都受不了 Please. You can't go half an hour without buying another sports car.
我小时候你经常说 When I was little you used to say:
“亚瑟，你做普天下任何事情” "Arthur, you can do anything under the sun."
我从没那么说过 I never spoke like that.
至少是类似的话 It was a bit like that.
那是在你付给埃尔顿·约翰二百万美元… That was before you paid Elton John $2 million...
让他通过杂货店的扩音器唱歌 ...to sing over the PA in a grocery store.
呃，那是伊斯特尔 Yeah, well, it was Easter.
- 我觉得我可以过没钱的生活 - 噢，是吗？怎么过？ - I think I could live without the money. - Oh, yes? How?
我会找个工作 I'd get a job.
- 哈！ - 怎么了？ - Ha! - What?
好，好，去吧，找个工作 Fine. Fine. Go ahead. Get a job.
我是个成年人… I am a grown man...
我会找个有报酬的工作 加入这个成年人世界证明给你看 ...and I shall join the mature world of gainful employment to prove it.
别因为那事小瞧了我刚才说的话 Don't let that undermine what I just said.
- 你会用Excel？ - 不会 - Do you know how to use Excel? - No.
- PowerPoint呢？ - 不会 - PowerPoint? - No.
- Outlook(对生活的态度) - 通常是积极的，呃，我是说… - Outlook. - Generally positive. You know, I mean...
- 我和其他人一样也有消极的时候，但… - 这是个软件 - ...I have down days like anyone, but... - It's a program.
哦，呃，不知道 Oh, um, no.
你能整理文档(还有锉指甲的意思)吗？ Can you file?
- 你是指？ - 是的 - File? - Yes.
锉…？ In a?
不是 No.
一定有什么是我能做的 There must be something I can do.
嘿！ Hey!
那么，你只需登记一下 And so, this is how you simply sign on...
收银机就能解锁了 ...and that unlocks the register.
现在，你记录上班时间 输入雇员号码和密码，就可以使用收银机了 Now, you clock in, employee number, password and the register's yours.
这，呃，作为第一天，这好像有点太多了… This, uh, might seem a bit much for my first day...
我能不能要求转职到… ...but could I inquire as to the possibility of a transfer...
到欢迎顾客的部门！ ...to the costume-greeter department?
我觉得我会进步的 I think I'd thrive.
不行，我们来帮你启动一下收银机 No. Let's just start with the register for you.
我有自己的服装，不知道有没有用 I've got my own costume, if that helps.
没用，没区别，不行 Nope, doesn't really make a difference. No.
收银机，我清除了之前的操作 Register. So I've cleared it.
不如你过来输入一下你的雇员号码然后登录 Go ahead and enter your employee number and log in.
- 好吧，你只是敲了很多随机的键 - 呃，你就是这么做的，公平地说 - Okay. You just hit a lot of random keys. - Well, that's what you did, in fairness.
- 上面写着“无效按键” - 是的，无效按键 - It says "invalid key." - Yes. Invalid key.
这意味着我要重置这些 That means that I need to reset this.
这需要花些时间，你介不介意移步到那边…？ This may take a moment. Would you mind just stepping right over...?
他到底是怎么得到那份工作的？ 他是什么人，业主吗？业主的儿子？ How did he get that job, exactly? What is he, the owner? The son of the owner?
- 你做不了那个，永远都做不了 - 永远？ - You can't do it, and you never will. - Never?
真伤人 That's harsh.
我已经输入了你的雇员号码，而且…哦 I've entered your employee number and... Oh.
想要吗？ Want some?
- 我觉得你应该休假一天 - 作为奖励吗？ - I think you should take the day off. - As a reward?
明天我们会找到更适合你的工作 Tomorrow we'll find something more suitable for you.
我觉得他的表演很乏味 I think what he's doing is derivative.
哦，月亮真的在跟着我 Oh, the moon really is following me.
你能不能不要再说月亮跟着你了？ Would you stop going on about the moon following you?
他是月球 He's lunar.
他显然是个变态 He's clearly a pervert.
亚瑟？有报告说，有的员工在地板上吃东西 Arthur? There've been some reports of staff members eating on the floor.
你知道这事吗？ Do you know anything about that?
呃，不知道 Um, no.
不知道，我对此一无所知，皮特 No, I don't know anything about that, Peter.
你知道吗，我觉得你坐在地板上很不合时宜 You know, I think it's not appropriate for you to be on the floor.
我们帮你在储藏室找点活吧 We should find something for you in the stock room.
不好意思 Excuse me.
如果我给你一万美元… If I gave you $10,000...
你能让我穿一个小时这套服装吗？ ...would you let me wear this costume for one hour?
你好，欢迎光临，祝你梦想成真 Hello. Welcome to the store. May all your dreams come true.
免费糖果！小朋友们，给！ Free candy! Here you go, kids!
我是只可爱的熊，嗷 I'm a lovely bear. Grr.
抱歉，抱歉，我不是真熊 Sorry. Sorry. I'm not a genuine bear.
给，听着，你把这个拿走 Here, listen, you take this with you.
如果你走得够快，保安就没机会查到你了 If you leave very quickly, security won't have an opportunity to ascertain you.
- 去吧，别让自己看起来可疑 - 亚瑟！ - Go. Try not to look suspicious. - Arthur?
- 你好 - 你在干什么？ - Hello. - What are you doing?
皮特，我可以接受这一切 Peter, I can explain everything.
我抓住了，我没事 I've got one. I'm okay.
亚瑟啊 Arthur.
- 我可以和你谈谈吗？ - 是谈“升职”吗？ - May I have a word with you? - Is that word "promotion"?
这次宿醉对你很有启发，找不到工作 One apocalyptic hangover, no job.
恭喜你，亚瑟 Congratulations, Arthur.
雇用市场像个漩涡 The employment market is a vortex.
听听这个，“水族馆需人清理鱼缸，和鱼一起游泳” "Aquarium needs help cleaning tanks. Swim with the fishes."
这是对民众的恐吓 That is a Mob threat.
这些工作没一个靠谱的 None of these jobs make any sense at all.
“系统集成专业级别” "Systems integration professional."
有人会业余干这个吗？ Would anyone do it as an amateur?
有人会愿意把系统集成… Would anyone approach systems integration...
作为一种爱好在周六下午玩，而不是去放风筝吗？ ...as a hobby for fun on a Saturday afternoon instead of flying a kite?
谁会把集成系统作为自己的娱乐？ Who is integrating systems for their own amusement?
霍布森啊 Hobson.
我想为了做这个… I think in order to do this...
我可能需要戒酒 ...I may have to be a little more sober.
你觉得呢？ What do you think?
用，呃，匿名的方式参加 To, you know, preserve my anonymity.
你是对的，损害这样一个杰出的公众形象… You're right, it would be a shame to jeopardize...
的确是种耻辱 ...such a distinguished public profile.
我从我朋友，家人那里偷窃 I stole from my friends, my family.
我卖了我儿子的三轮车，就为了喝些垃圾 I sold my son's tricycle so I could score some junk.
- 靠 - 我有一次醉得很厉害… - Jesus. - I was so drunk once...
我在沃尔格林药店外面倒车的时候 从我妈身上碾了过去 ...I backed my car over my mother outside Walgreens.
戒酒37天了 Thirty-seven days sober.
但有时候，这太难了 But sometimes, it's just so hard.
就如同生活在坟墓里… Like I'm in this grave...
哇，真让人伤感，就像悲惨世界一样 Whoa, this is depressing. It's like unhappy hour.
- 嘘 - 的确是啊，我不喜欢这里的气氛 - Shh. - It is. I don't like it in here.
这让我更想喝酒了 This is making me want to drink more.
先生，你要等到会议的最后才能发言 继续说，詹姆斯 Sir, you need to wait till the end of the meeting. Go on, James.
没关系，我说完了 It's okay. I'm done.
你的名字是？ And you are?
我的名字叫… My name is...
叫甘道夫 ...Gandalf.
你好，甘道夫 Hi, Gandalf.
你们好 Hello.
我来这里是因为我想能少喝点，不是完全不喝 And I came here because I'd like to drink a bit less. Not give it up altogether.
大概减少五到十个百分点，比较合理 Maybe 5, 10 percent cut down. Reasonable.
听着，不好意思，没人能说服我 我的生活不快乐，好吗？ Look, I'm sorry. No one's gonna convince me that my life isn't fun, okay?
请原谅我的失礼… And forgive my crassness...
但是如果我从我妈妈身上驶过 我会跑出去开香槟庆祝的 ...but if I ran my mother over, I'd be out celebrating with booze.
我正计划这么做呢 Which is what I plan to do right now.
加油 Cheerio.
打搅了，霍布森 Excuse me. Hobson.
我叫莉莉安，我是个酒鬼 My name is Lillian and I'm an alcoholic.
嗨，莉莉安 Hi, Lillian.
下午好 Good afternoon.
我很富有，惊人地富有 I'm rich. I'm fabulously rich.
我也很慷慨大方，古道热肠 I'm also generous and kindhearted.
我很小的时候父亲就去世了 母亲也基本不在身边 My father died when I was young and my mother was absent most of the time.
但这能是我玩世不恭的借口吗？ Is this an excuse for making a mockery of my life?
哦，是的，外人看来好像很疯狂 Oh, sure, it all looks very wild from the outside.
你们知道吗，我曾经和三个欧洲公主一起上床 Do you know, I once went to bed with three European princesses at the same time.
但是，1，我已经丝毫不记得了… But, A, I can't remember anything about it...
2，我肯定吐到其中两个人身上了… ...and, B, apparently, I vomited on two of them...
这之前，我失禁尿到第三个人身上了 ...before losing control of my bladder on the third.
哦，是的，都那么好玩 Oh, yes, all such fun.
直到迷雾散去，突然觉得内心无比空虚… Until the fog parts, and suddenly there's a hole so big...
以至于世上所有的陈年佳酿和蝙蝠赛车都填补不了 ...that all the vintage champagne and the Batmobiles in the world won't fill it.
然后呢？嗯，然后，我就孤独地躺在磁床上… And then? Well, then, I'm all alone on my magnetic bed...
担心刚才有没有得什么性病 ...wondering what venereal disease I've just caught.
我一直不善言辞 Always the quiet ones.
这件衣服很痒 This is itchy.
你刚才在那里说我那些事真是太好了 That was really lovely what you said in there about me.
现在，如果你为我喝一口，我想这事就功德圆满了 Now, if you could just do the drinking for me, I think we'd have this thing cracked.
- 薇薇安 - 什么事？ - Vivienne. - Yes?
不要逼我这样做，求你了 Don't make me do this, please.
我也没有办法 I'm not the one with a choice.
你随时都可以离开 You can walk away any time you like.
有一个很简单的解决办法，亚瑟 There's a simple solution to all of this, Arthur.
和苏珊结婚，然后和皇后区的那个小妞偷情 Marry Susan and cheat with the nobody from Queens.
你好，你是内奥米的爸爸吧，你女儿在吗？ Hello, Naomi's dad. Is your daughter here?
她叫内奥米，不要弄错了 Her name is Naomi. Just clear up any confusion.
有点晚了，不过我自己也还没睡呢，进来，进来 It's a little late, but I wasn't sleeping myself. Come in, come in.
是亚瑟？ Arthur?
哦，你好，内奥米 Oh, hello, Naomi.
你最好坐下来 You may wanna sit down.
或者躺下来 Or lay down.
虽然我不想让你睡着，因为这很重要 Although I prefer you stayed awake, because this is important.
怎么啦？ What is it?
我和另一个人，苏珊订婚了 I'm engaged to another Susan.
女人，另一个女人，苏珊 Woman. Another Susan woman.
你订婚了？ You're engaged?
我很抱歉没告诉你，我本想跟你说的 I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I meant to before.
你本想跟我说你跟另一个女人订婚了 You meant to tell me that you were engaged to another woman.
- 我本想让霍布森跟你说的… - 哦，我的天呐，亚瑟 - I was gonna get Hobson to do it... - Oh, my God. Arthur.
- 你以为你是谁啊？ - 内奥米 - Who do you think you are? - Naomi.
我不是说我是内奥米，你是 I'm not saying I think I'm Naomi. You are.
否则你干吗穿她的睡衣 Why else would you be wearing her pajamas.
我没想到会这样，但我已经迷上你了 I didn't mean for this to happen, but then I started falling for you.
我想，“哦，不，我迷上内奥米了… And I thought, "Oh, no. I'm falling for Naomi...
而我又要和苏珊结婚，否则我的钱就没了” ...and I have to marry Susan woman or I'll lose the money."
让我把事情理清楚，你不想和这个女人结婚 Let me get this straight. You don't wanna marry this woman.
- 苏珊那个女人 - 但是你要和她结婚… - Susan woman. - But you're going to...
因为你害怕钱没了？ ...because you're scared of losing the money?
- 是的，明白了，我为钱所困 - 哦，你为钱所困 - Yeah, see, I'm trapped by the money. - Oh, you're trapped by the money.
哦，好吧，要么我们来个长篇电视连播 Oh, okay. Well, we should probably start a telethon.
让大家打电话进来，帮你解脱这个可怕的金钱困境 And then people could call in and relieve you from this horrible money.
如果你认为有用的话 If you think it would help.
内奥米，内奥米，内奥米，求你了 Naomi, Naomi, Naomi, please.
你是最特殊的一个人… You're the most special person...
- 在我所有… - 骗过的人当中？ ...that I have ever... What, lied to?
我是要说"见过的" I was gonna say "met."
在你做头像的这些人当中，我也是最特殊的一个？ Am I the most special person you ever made this for?
谁会做一个人的糖果盒头像… Who makes a PEZ dispenser of somebody's head...
却又跟另一个人结婚？ ...when they're engaged to someone else?
不得不承认，在统计学上我们是一小部分人 Admittedly, we're a small demographic.
不要再开玩笑了 Stop joking.
好的，你看这样行吗？ Okay. Let me run this up the flag pole.
我造一个秘密的门 What if I were to install a secret door?
通向一间公寓，你住在那里 It leads to an apartment. And you live in that.
在门的另一边，我和苏珊结婚 On the other side of that door, I'm married to Susan.
这并不完美，但好的一面是 我保证不跟她有性关系 That's not ideal. But on the bright side, I assure you it's entirely sexless.
- 什么？ - 内奥米，不要走，内奥米 What...? Naomi, don't leave, Naomi.
这是我的房间，亚瑟，是你应该走 This is my apartment, Arthur. You have to leave.
这是给你的 This is for you.
还有你爸爸，你的写作生涯 For your dad. For your writing career.
99万9千美元 Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand dollars.
- 我觉得一百万太庸俗了 - 我们不想要你的钱 - I thought a million would be vulgar. - We don't want your money.
你可以走了吗？ Could you leave?
请让我再待一会儿，好吗？ Can I just stay here for a minute, please?
为什么？ Why?
因为这可以减少我生命中悲痛欲绝的那一部分 Because it will reduce the proportion of my life that I spend feeling utterly miserable.
再见，亚瑟 Goodbye, Arthur.
那是壁橱 Closet.
后，二，三，前，二，三 And back, two, three. Front, two, three.
后，在这里转 Back. And here we turn.
这是我们作为夫妻的第一支舞 This is gonna be our first dance as husband and wife.
你不能稍微笑一下吗 At least you could just try to smile.
对不起 Sorry.
对不起，我把你吸在那个磁床上不管 And I apologize for leaving you attached to that magnetic bed.
哦 Oh.
有人终于恢复点理智了 Someone's coming to his senses. Finally.
很好，转过去 Good. Now, under the arm.
霍布森呢 Hobson.
霍布森快来！ Hobson!
霍布森，我刚看到孤女安妮扮作男人 Hobson. I've just spotted Orphan Annie as a man.
孤女安妮！ Orphan Mannie!
彼特曼，你到我的浴室里来干嘛？ 说好你不能进来的 Bitterman. What are you doing in my bathroom? We discussed this.
霍布森让我负责，她去睡了，她头痛 Hobson left me in charge. She went back to bed. She had a headache.
- 霍布森头痛？ - 是的，先生 - Hobson's got a headache? - Yes, sir.
她怎么说的？她说什么了？ How did she say it? What did she say?
“彼特曼，我要睡觉了，我头痛” "Bitterman, I'm going to bed. I have a headache."
她是这样说的，断断续续的？ She sort of said it like that, all broken up and staccato?
差不多，先生 Pretty much, sir.
母亲独自承担… Solely on their mother...
食物，栖身地和保安，这个母熊没有… ...for food, shelter and safety. This mother bear has no...
- 怎么啦？你怎么躺在床上？ - 亚瑟，打开，我要看熊 - What's the matter? Why are you in bed? - Arthur, put my bears back on.
不告诉我就没熊看 There'll be no bears until you tell me what's the matter.
我正走过一条白色的通道 I'm traveling down this white tunnel.
通道那头有一座花园 There's a garden at the end.
那个拿草叉的红衣绅士是谁？里面怎么那么热？ Who's that red gentleman with a pitchfork? Why is it so hot in here?
不要再装小孩了 Stop being childish.
对不起 Sorry.
好吧，亚瑟，我要跟你说点事，坐下好吗？ Okay, Arthur, I've got something to tell you. Will you sit down?
听着… Listen...
有三本书 ...there are three books.
把它们还到图书馆 Take them back to the library.
哦，霍布森，请不要再装死了，很无聊哎 Oh, Hobson, please don't die anymore. It's getting very boring.
那你呢？你今天看上去很失落 What about you? You look a bit lost today.
内奥米不跟我讲话 Naomi won't talk to me.
哦，我很难过，真惭愧没能和她达成协议 Oh, I am sorry. It's a shame she wouldn't come to an agreement.
不过那个小婊子给你省了一大笔嫖娼的钱 Little tart like that would've saved you a fortune in prostitutes.
你怎么敢这样说内奥米，她是我认识的最好的人 How dare you talk about Naomi like that. She's one of the finest people I know.
我雇你来支持我 I employ you to support me.
我不是花钱让你来编排我朋友的，记住了 I don't pay you to make snide comments about my friends. Remember that.
你这个更年期的仙女玛丽 You're just Mary Poppins with menopause.
见到你很高兴，霍布森，我哪来的这等荣幸？ Delightful to see you, Hobson. To what do I owe the pleasure?
嗯，是那个结婚的事，薇薇安 Well, it's this marriage, Vivienne.
我很为他高兴，也为他担心 I'm very excited for Arthur. I'm worried for him too.
是吗，现在？ Are you, now?
听着，他尝试过找份有收入的工作 还去了嗜酒者互戒会 Look, he has attempted gainful employment and he even went to AA.
- 时间不很长，但我有信心… - 嗜酒者互戒会？ - It didn't last very long, but I have hopes... - AA?
有一个女孩，我认为是她鼓励他… There's this girl. I think she's inspiring him to...
- 他要结婚了 - 是的，但这对他好吗，薇薇安？ - He's getting married. - Yes, but is it right for him, Vivienne?
亚瑟的确还有别的问题 Arthur does have other issues.
那这是谁的错？ And whose fault is that?
哦，我很抱歉浪费你宝贵的时间了 Well, I'm so sorry to have wasted your valuable time.
他需要这个，莉莉安，他太弱小了 He needs this, Lillian, he's weak.
他比你想象的要强壮 He's stronger than you think.
谁啊？ Who was that?
嗯… Um...
霍布森来我家了 Hobson is in my house.
没想到吧，我来了 Surprisingly, I am.
好吧，不要被这小地方吓住了 我们用不了所有的房间 Well, don't be intimidated by the space. We don't use all the rooms.
你买了这个，麦肯锡？谢谢你 You got that, McKenzie? Thank you.
为什么把我困在这厅堂？ Why am I stuck here in this room?
我不是新娘是他妈新郎 I'm not the bride I'm the bloody groom
他迷人吧？ Isn't he charming?
这是最甜蜜的东西了 It's the sweetest thing.
哦，哦，麦肯锡，太震惊了 Oh. Oh, McKenzie, this is stunning.
哦 Ooh.
- 没有金属 - 非常好 - No metal. - Very nice.
一刻都不要让我远离 Just don't leave me for a minute
不然你回家会发现我在那里 Or you'll come home and find me in it
我即兴创作，浑然天成 I just made that up. That just came to me.
给 Here.
哦，我喜欢这个，葡萄剪，看呢，亚瑟 Oh. Love these. The grape shears. Look, Arthur.
多好的发明啊，葡萄剪 Grape shears, what an innovation
正好用来把我阉 You can use them for my castration
因为她一贯如此，我已经…已经被残忍地阉割了 Because she does that. I've been... I've been horribly emasculated.
亚瑟非常想念你 Arthur misses you desperately.
是不是每个他想念的女孩那里，他都派你去 Has he asked you to go on a tour of all of the girls that he misses?
不是，他那么高贵，干不出来像这样媚俗的事 No, he's far too decent to be involved in anything as tawdry as this.
什么样媚俗的事？ As what?
像我这样，求你不要放弃他 As my plea not to give up on him.
你真的在照顾他，是吗？ You really look after him, don't you?
是的，这是我很推崇的工作 Yes, I do. And it's a job that I recommend highly.
嗯，英国口味 A, um, taste of England.
哦，哦，太好了 Oh. Oh, lovely.
就像，我相信，你照顾这位先生一样 As, I believe, you look after this gentleman.
听着，谢谢你做的这些，不过，亚瑟要结婚了 Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but Arthur is getting married.
内奥米，如果一个老女人还能看出点什么的话 那就是这是个恋爱中的年轻人 Naomi, if there's one thing an old woman can recognize it's a young man in love.
茶怎么样？ How's that tea?
像下水道的水 Like sewage.
- 我很抱歉 - 呃，你没事吧？ - I'm so sorry. - Uh, are you okay?
谢谢你们，谢谢，女士们 今天下午太愉快了，礼物那么漂亮 Thank you. Thanks, ladies, for such a lovely afternoon. These are gorgeous.
- 亚瑟，是不是…？ - 干杯，谢谢 - Arthur, hasn't it been...? - Cheers. Thank you.
谢谢你们，女士们，谢谢你们 Thank you, ladies. Thank you.
这一周我都会在这而 这一辈子我他妈都会在这儿 I'll be here all week. And for the rest of my bloody life.
嘿，你好 Hey. Hello.
什么？ What?
只不过头痛而已 It's just a headache.
等等，你已经做了好几个月的检查了 医生在电话里跟我说了 Hold on. You've been having tests for months. The doctor told me on the phone.
哦，讨厌的碎嘴 Oh, bother snaps.
嗯，医生知道什么？ Well, what do doctors know anyway?
我觉得他们都训练有素，霍布森 你为什么不跟我说 I think they're usually really well qualified, Hobson. Why didn't you mention this?
对不起，我只是怕你担心 I'm sorry. It's just I didn't want to worry you.
嗯，现在我真的担心了 Well, now I am worried.
不过，不要再担心了，享受一下我的豪礼 But forget the worry and enjoy this extravagant gesture!
看那些熊，我喜欢 Look at those bears. I love them.
- 都是店里最大的 - 能给我一个吗？ - The biggest ones in the shop. - Can I have one?
是店里的展品，他们还不想卖 That's part of a display. They didn't wanna sell that one.
请戴上 Put this on, please.
我不要戴那东西 I'm not putting that on.
戴上，要不然那些熊就要进焚尸炉了 Put it on or the bears will be incinerated.
难为情 Humiliating.
- 你看上去很高贵 - 嗯 - You look really dignified. - Mm.
你又浪费了多少钱买这些？ How much did you waste on this?
这些很便宜，真的 They're very reasonable, actually.
- 呃，说“洗洗你的鸡鸡” - 洗洗你的鸡鸡(星球大战台词) - Uh, so say, "Wash your winkie." - Wash your winkie.
说，“如果你花钱买，那就不是爱了” Say, "If you have to pay them, it's not love."
如果你花钱买，那就不是爱了 If you have to pay, it's not love.
哈！你来一个，你来一个 Ha! You do one, you do one.
你可以说小萨米·戴维斯吗？ Could you do Sammy Davis, Jr?
小萨米·戴维斯不是配这个面具的 Sammy Davis, Jr. Is not to do with that costume.
- 我喜欢萨米 - 这有什么关系？ - I like Sammy. - What's the point in that?
看出来你是决定不想长大了 I see you've decided not to grow up.
是的，我已经决定不再费那个劲了 Yeah, I already decided not to bother.
- 内奥米呢？ - 在外面，你想见她吗？ - Where's Naomi? - Outside. Do you wanna see her?
你替我见她，好吗？ You see her for me, will you?
她怎么样了？ How is she?
她只跟我说她头痛，也没有其他人跟我说什么 All she'll tell me is she's got a headache. No one else will tell me anything...
- 因为我们不是一家人 - 医院就这样 ...because we're not family. That's hospitals.
她怎么会在你家？ Why was she at your house?
我一直和霍布森玩 我们每周三都去布格多夫店里偷点东西 Hobson and I hang out all the time. We go shoplifting every Wednesday. Bergdorf's.
时间不错，几乎没什么保安 That's a good time to do it. Hardly any security.
她担心你 She was worried about you.
嘿，你的写作怎么样了？ Hey, how's the writing going?
非常好，真的 It's really good, actually.
我的书卖出去了 I sold my book.
恭喜，真是个好消息，你应得的 Congratulations, that's such fantastic news. You deserve that.
你得知的时候，有没有尖叫？ When you found out, did you do a scream?
有，我这样 I did. I went:
- 只不过是出声的 - 是的 - Only louder. - Right.
是的，我是说，尖叫一定程度上是由音质决定的 Yeah. I mean, a scream is defined by its vocal quality to some degree.
我之前很生你的气 I've been really angry at you.
我脑子里演练过很多遍，下次见到你时要说些什么 And I've been rehearsing in my head what I was gonna say to you if I saw you again.
结果，现在一开口就是“你好，亚瑟” And it was gonna start with, "Hi, Arthur."
符合常规 That's conventional.
然后，我要说些很尖刻的话了 And then I was gonna get into a lot of really mean stuff.
我就对你直言不讳了，因为你骗了我 And it was gonna be directed at you in a very pointed way because you lied to me.
不过，我出一通气后，会吝啬地说一句 But then I would run out of steam eventually and I'd say, begrudgingly:
“谢谢你鼓励我写作” "Thank you for encouraging me with my writing."
然后我就很严肃地直视你的眼睛，说 And then I would get very serious and I'd look at you in the eyes and I would say:
“亚瑟啊… "Arthur...
你有麻烦了” ...you have a problem."
我很庆幸这只是假象的，因为确实很逆耳 I'm glad that was hypothetical because that would be really hard to hear.
霍布森怎么样了？ How is Hobson?
呃，嗯… Ah. Well...
内奥米，这是苏珊… Naomi, this is Susan...
我的未婚妻 ...my fianc茅e.
呃，苏珊，这是内奥米 And, uh, Susan, this is Naomi.
太好了，终于见到你了 It's nice to finally meet you.
有个中型溜冰场大了 That is like a medium-size ice rink.
溜冰场，我是这么说的 不过是对老鼠而言，因为它很小 And ice rink. That's what I said, but I said for mice. Because it's small.
- 你是个导游，对吗？ - 是的 - You're a tour guide, right? - Yep.
嗯，实际上，苏珊·内奥米是个作家 她的书出版了 Well, actually, Susan, Naomi's a writer. She's being published.
哦，那么恭喜了，谁出版的你的书？ Oh, well, congratulations. Who's gonna publish your book?
- 有什么关系呢？ - 呃，油漆马车出版社 - Doesn't matter, does it? - Uh, Painted Wagon Press.
- 都一样 - 哈哈，油漆马车出版社 - They're all the same. - Ha, ha, Painted Wagon Press.
名字很耳熟，对不起，我想不起来了… That name sounds familiar. Sorry, I can't think of...
这个名字我怎么会耳熟呢？ Why might that name sound so familiar to me?
能帮帮我吗？我怎么会知道这个名字呢？ Can you help me with that? Why I might know that name?
不行，苏珊，我不能 No, Susan, I can't.
哦 Oh.
想起来了，巴赫环球公司刚刚收购了它 It's coming to me. Bach Worldwide just acquired them.
你应该来跟我说，我能给你弄个好价格 You should've come to me about that. I could've made you a better deal.
你们为什么买它？ But why would you buy them?
这样你就能让他们出版我的书 So you could tell them to publish my book.
谢谢你 Thank you.
你干吗这样做？ What'd you do that for?
我只不过帮她一个忙 I just did her a favor.
内奥米，等等 Naomi, wait.
等等 Wait.
我觉得我可能再也见不到你了 我觉得你很有天分… I didn't think I was ever gonna see you again, and I think you're talented...
我还以为是别人认为我有天分 I thought other people thought that I was talented.
我以为是我赢得的，我以为是我赢得的 I thought that I had earned it. I thought that I had earned it.
那种感觉真的很好，我喜欢，我喜欢赢得 And that felt really good. I like that. I like earning something.
我知道你不知道那是什么感觉，但那很好 And I know that you don't know what that feels like, but it's great.
你也应该试试 You should try it sometime.
哦，哦，哦 Ow, ow, ow.
我切了手，所以那儿有点血 I cut my hand. There's blood in those.
呃，别吃了，因为有血 Actually, um, don't eat them because of the blood.
霍布森，茶包怎么用？ Hobson, how does this bag of tea work?
从上面撕开，还是用这个切开？怎么弄？ Do you tear the top off or you use this to cut in? How?
不，整包放进茶壶里 No, you put the whole bag in the pot.
- 整包放进去就行了？ - 嗯，用水冲，热水 - Just put the whole bag in? - Mm. With water. Hot water.
- 太好了 - 不是用自来水 - Brilliant. - But not out of the tap.
- 那用…？ - 水壶里的水 - From a...? - Kettle.
太好了，好极了 Brilliant. Perfect.
当心那个盘子，非常，非常… Be careful of that plate. It's gonna be very, very...
哦，天呐，不！ Oh, God, no!
热 Hot.
我想在医院里要好多了 I think I was better off in the hospital.
祝你胃口好 Bon appétit.
实际上，吃药让我恶心得厉害 Actually, my medication makes me sufficiently nauseous.
你总是变来变去，让我烦 You're forever pestering me about change...
一碗意大利面圈也不敢吃，来吧 ...and you're afraid to eat a little bowl of spaghetti circles. Come along.
请让我来照顾你 Please let me look after you.
做得不错 Quite nice.
- 真的？ - 嗯 - Really? - Mm-hm.
- 不难吃吧？ - 嗯，很难吃… - It's not unpleasant, is it? - Well, it is unpleasant...
- 哈 - 但做得不错 Ha. ...but it's quite nice.
这方面我是个天才 I'm a genius in there.
母熊最多… Mother bear will care for her cubs...
照顾幼熊两年 ...for up to two years.
很好 Lovely.
来吧，来吧 Come on, come on, come on.
- 不，不要这样 - 啊！哈哈哈 - No. Not like this. - Aah! Ha-ha-ha.
你还有那么多没表演呢 You've got so much to give.
给她打过电话吗，亚瑟？ Have you called her, Arthur?
没有 No.
你也恋爱过吧，霍布森？ Have you ever been in love, Hobson?
是的，有过一次 Yes, I was once.
是的，在伦敦，他来自西班牙 Yes, in London. He was from Spain.
他要我和他一起去那里 He asked me to go there with him.
那时你差不多3岁 You were nearly 3.
出了什么事？ What happened?
在我准备离开的两天前… Two days before I was due to leave...
我都打好包了 I had my bags all packed.
你父亲去世了 Your father died.
你应该走，我会理解的 You should've gone. I would've understood.
太晚了 It was too late.
我喜欢你 I loved you.
为什么你从未跟我说过？ Why have you never told me?
我不想让你难过 I didn't want you to feel bad.
- 现在为什么告诉我？ - 我想让你难过 - Why are you telling me now? - I want you to feel bad.
九点钟上床睡觉就是这样的 So this is what it's like to go to bed at 9:00.
是的 Yes.
是不是不太好？ Isn't it wicked?
嗯，霍布森 Hmm, Hobson.
我做了个噩梦 I had a bad dream.
霍布森，喂？ Hobson?
霍布森，不要再闹了 Hobson, stop mucking about.
你看不到白过道，红草叉 You can't see a tunnel of light and red pitchfork.
我也不会把那三本书还到图书馆 I'm not gonna take those three books back to the library.
霍布森？ Hobson?
护士！ Nurse!
彼特曼呢？ Bitterman?
我们要开个派对 We're gonna have a party.
再这么难过下去我受不了了 I'm tired of being sad now.
彼特曼，你在干什么？ Bitterman, what are you doing?
我想哄你开心，巴赫先生 I'm trying to cheer you up, Mr. Bach.
有用吗？ Is it working?
还没有 Not yet.
现在呢？ How about now?
你要做点好玩的事，不能光站在那儿 You have to do something funny. You can't just stand there.
- 说点不和谐的，精辟点的东西 - 好的 - Just say something incongruous or pithy. - Okay.
今天是你的大日子，巴赫先生 Today's your wedding day, Mr. Bach.
唉，行了，我要淹死我自己 Well, that's it. I'm gonna drown myself.
巴赫先生？ Mr. Bach?
巴赫先生？你在哪儿？ Mr. Bach? Where'd you go?
见到你真好，你好 Lovely to see you. Hello.
部长 Chancellor.
- 你能来我真高兴 - 哦，谢谢 - I am so delighted you're here. - Oh, thank you.
我想你会感到非常非常惊喜，请自便 I think you'll be very, very pleasantly surprised. Enjoy yourself.
新郎来了 The groom is here.
啊，我想新郎来了 Ah. I gather the groom has arrived.
彼特曼啊，彼特曼 Bitterman. Bitterman.
拜托，我今天要结婚了 Please. I'm getting married today.
但你在那儿泡了太长时间了 But you were in there too long.
- 哦，天呐，她来了 - 你来晚了 - Oh, God. She's here. - You're late. Was I not clear?
不要…不要…不要责怪彼特曼 Don't... Don't... Don't blame Bitterman.
他费了好大的劲把我从浴缸里弄出来 He had a hell of a struggle getting me out of the bath.
上咖啡，马上 Coffee. Now.
好主意，我也要喝一杯 Good idea. I'll have one too.
我喝多了点 I'm a bit drunk.
好的 Okay.
还好你来了，也没穿斗篷 The good news is you're here and you're not wearing a cape.
今天你很得意吧，薇薇？ Proud day for you, Viv?
我还有客人要照顾，别走开 I have guests to attend to. Stay.
喂 Psst.
小家伙 Small person.
你识字吗？ Can you read?
差不多有4年了，你识字吗？ For, like, four years. Can you?
现在不行，不行 Not at the moment, no.
帮个忙，过来 Help. Come here.
帮我念念这个 I need you to read this for me.
好吧 Okay.
“我亲爱的亚瑟，听好，这个娇惯的淫棍” "My dearest Arthur. Listen up, you pampered prick."
继续 Carry on.
“你现在知道茶包在哪儿了 "You now know where the tea bags are."
按红色按钮，打开水壶烧水 To operate kettle, press red button.
牛奶在冰箱里 Milk in refrigerator.
冰箱就是那个你一打开就能看到里面亮灯的大箱子 That's the big box with the pretty light that comes on when you open the door.
为时未晚，亚瑟，你可以做普天下任何事 It's not too late, Arthur. You can do anything under the sun.
我最最亲爱的 All my deepest, fondest love.
我在九泉之下向你微笑 I'm smiling down at you.
或者，更有可能，在天堂之上向你微笑 Or, more likely, up at you.
永远爱你，H” "Forever and ever, H."
你哭了？ Are you crying?
新娘才会哭 That's a bride's job, to cry.
该像个男人样了，亚瑟 It's time to man up, Arthur.
挚爱的亲人们… Dearly beloved...
我们今天共聚一堂，参加亚瑟和苏珊的婚礼 ...we are gathered here today to join Arthur and Susan in matrimony.
这是世间最高贵的婚礼 Which is commended to be honorable among all men.
因而不是鲁莽，轻率地结合 And therefore, is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly...
而是虔诚地，慎重地和严肃地 ...but reverently, discreetly and solemnly.
似乎副词多了点，你觉得副词多吗？ Seems like a lot of adverbs. That seem like a lot of adverbs to you?
嘘，亚瑟 Shh, Arthur.
如果有人有正当的理由… If any person can show just cause...
表明他们不能结合… ...why they may not be joined together...
现在就说，否则要永远缄口 ...let him speak now or forever hold his peace.
我反对！ I object!
- 反对这个婚姻 - 亚瑟，你不能反对，这是你的婚礼 - To this wedding. - Arthur, you can't object. It's your wedding.
是我的婚礼吗？因为我以为如果是我的 我应该知道你们是什么人 Is it my wedding? Because I think if it was, I'd know who all these people were.
我是说，你是谁？ I mean, who are you?
- 我是你的伴郎 - 我以前从未见过你… - I'm your best man. - I've never seen you befor...
- 事实上，我见过吗？我有点想起来了 - 我是你母亲的接待员 - Actually, have I? I recognize you a bit. - I'm your mother's receptionist.
哦，是的，没错，很高兴见到你 Oh, yeah, right. It's nice to see you.
你们两个是谁啊？谁是艾伯克龙比谁是费奇？ But what about you two? Who's Abercrombie and who's Fitch?
办过单身派对吗？我没有被邀请 And was there a bachelor party? I wasn't invited.
如果办过，我想我也不会喜欢的 你们看上去很古板 If there was, then I don't think I'd have enjoyed it. You look like squares.
我和她们中的三个人睡过 And I've slept with three of them.
弄不清是哪三个了，我只是…按照概率算的… Not sure which three. I just... Statistically...
苏珊，这不是真的 Susan, this isn't real.
这婚礼是个幌子，一个华丽的幌子 但终究是个幌子 This wedding is a sham. It's a wonderful sham wedding, but it's a sham.
我们并不相爱 We don't love each other.
即便是你，也值得更好的 Even you deserve better than this.
事实上，亚伯拉罕·林肯曾说，“自由…” In fact, it was Abraham Lincoln who said, "Freedom..."
这才是我的女儿 That's my little girl.
- 你要和我结婚 - 不，苏珊，艾伯克龙比和费奇快来 - You will marry me. - No, Susan. Abercrombie. Fitch.
我是这个公司的未来 我要的只是你这个该死的家庭姓氏 I am the future of this company, and all I need is your goddamn last name.
- 打他的脸 - 不要 - Hit him in the face. - No.
住手 Stop.
别碰我的儿子 Don't touch my son.
可是，薇薇安 But Vivienne.
我想你说得够多了 I think you've said enough.
亚瑟，过来 Arthur, come here.
你肯定要这样做？ Are you certain about this?
是的，我肯定 Yes, I am.
这意味着放弃一切 It means giving up everything.
我很高兴放弃一切 I'm happy to give up everything.
实际上，薇薇安，我现在就可以开始放弃 In fact, Vivienne, I can start giving up everything right now.
比如，这个，我要去的地方不需要这个 This, for example. Don't need that where I'm going.
在蓝领区，这个很可笑 Blue-collar district. This will look sarcastic.
我觉得自己被绑得像个日本小女孩的脚 I feel like I'm bound up like a little Japanese girl's foot.
我不想再穿了，它们是手铐脚镣，把我绑在财富上 I don't want that on anymore. Shackles, chaining me to wealth.
恐怖的东西，呸 Bloody thing. Ugh.
这件衬衣，痒得很 This shirt, itchy.
我不想再穿了 I don't want it anymore.
我向你们所有人保证，今后… I can assure all of you that after this...
我绝不沾巴赫基金的边 ...I will be nowhere near the Bach fund.
这样，你们的投资就保险了 So your investments are on solid footing.
对不起，跌倒了不等于我说的不对 Excuse me. Don't let that detract from what I just said.
最后… And finally...
实际上，嗯，这是霍布森给我的圣诞礼物，我… Actually, um, these were a Christmas present from Hobson. I...
我想我还是要穿着 I think I'll hang onto them.
- 我要保住这枚戒指，我要保住这枚戒指 - 是的 - I'm keeping this ring. I'm keeping this ring. - Yes.
好了，嗯，我要变穷了 Okay, well, uh, I'm going to be poor now.
怎么样了？ So how'd it go?
嗯，很抱歉，彼特曼，恐怕你要失业了 Well, um, I'm very sorry, Bitterman, but I'm afraid you're out of a job.
祝贺你 Congratulations.
- 要我送你去什么地方么，先生？ - 呃，你很贴心… - Is there anywhere I could take you, sir? - Well, that's very sweet...
不过我现在要习惯自己照顾自己 ...but I've gotta get used to fending for myself now.
帮我叫辆出租车，好吗？ Could you hail me a cab, please?
亚瑟，等等 Arthur.
- 你再次羞辱了我 - 对不起 - Once again, you've humiliated me. - Sorry.
不过这次，我钦佩你 But this time, I respect you for it.
你比我想象的要强壮 You're stronger than I thought.
而且你让我看到了苏珊的真实面目 And you've shown me the truth about Susan.
是的，她非常邪恶，对吧？ Yeah, she's bloody evil, isn't she?
哦 Oh.
- 车费 - 哦 - For the cab. - Oh.
祝你今后好运，亚瑟 Good luck in your life, Arthur.
有点难为情 A bit awkward.
我们要去皇后区 We've got to get to Queens.
你知道皇后区吧？ Do you know Queens?
交通很拥挤，是吧？ It's full of traffic, isn't it?
你认识内奥米吗？ Do you know Naomi?
祝你好运，我找内奥米 Mazel tov, I'm looking for Naomi.
内奥米啊！ Naomi!
什么事？ What?
你好，我记得，我还记得这些砖房和火车 Hello. I remembered. I remembered the bricks and the train.
我坐出租车来的 I came in a taxi.
- 你真浪费，亚瑟 - 没有！ - You're wasted, Arthur. - No!
哦，是的，但只有这样我才能结婚 Well, yes. But that was only so I could get married.
- 噢，好吧 - 内奥米！我没有结婚 - Oh, okay. - Naomi! I didn't go through with it.
相反，我做了唯一理智的事 我抛弃了我所有的衣服 Instead, I did the only rational thing, and I gave away all of my clothes.
你对我们最后的一次谈话有一丁点印象吗，亚瑟？ Do you remember one word of the last conversation we had, Arthur?
- 记得，我们想造一个秘密的门 - 不是，另一次 - Yeah, we were going to build a secret door. - No. The other conversation.
我为你付出了上亿美元 I gave away billions of money for you.
你不该这么做 You shouldn't have done that.
内奥米别走好吗？ Naomi?
我奶妈死了 My mum's dead.
我知道 I know.
我非常…非常难过 And I am so... I'm so, so sorry.
但是… But...
我不能做她的替身 ...I can't be her replacement.
好吧 Okay.
六个月后
以前我房间里有… I used to have in my apartment...
一个非常大的，出奇颓废的磁床 ...a rather large, incredibly decadent magnetic bed.
那时认为“这张床真地能让我快乐” Thought "This bed is gonna make me truly happy."
我的生活当中就是需要这样一张悬浮的磁床 This is the one thing that my life requires, is a floating magnetic bed.
当我得到以后，我会很高兴 那晚我的伴侣是，嗯… When I get that, I'll be happy. And my companion that evening was, um...
说得委婉一点，不那么难听，嗯… What's a euphemistic way to say it that doesn't sound unpleasant? Um...
性工作者，并且… A prostitute. And...
我们想推开鱼缸的门… We tried to prize open the door of the fish tank...
因为当时我们以为可以用它打电话 ...because we thought we could make a phone call.
打碎了鱼缸的门 Broke the door off of the fish tank.
鱼涌了出来，我差点被淹死 The fish came flooding out. I nearly drowned.
这些时光并不能说不美好 但是却让我从精神上审视自己… It wasn't without its amusing moments, but it took a spiritual toll on me...
那些电话亭，磁床都不能填补我内心的空虚 ...and none of these phone boxes, nor magnetic beds could fill the hole within me.
我一生大多时间 都在让我的家人和关心我的朋友难堪 I spent a lot of my life embarrassing my family and people that care about me.
但是现在我已经补偿我母亲了 对于这样一个悍妇，我尽力补偿了 But I've made amends with my mother now. As much as you can with a dragon.
我已经六个月没喝酒了 I'm six months clean today.
祝贺你 Congratulations.
我想这是我最珍视的一个硬币 I think this is the most I've ever valued a coin.
致亚瑟，感谢你让我重新相信幻想
下一个 Next.
下一个，请排队 Next in line, please.
12.50元 That's 12.50.
和作者一起读 纽约公共图书馆儿童馆 曼哈顿：纽约的疯狂故事 作者：内奥米·奎恩 周二下午3:00-4:00
自由女神用她那巨大的绿胳膊… Lady Liberty wrapped her giant green arms...
最后拥抱了一下克莱斯勒大厦 ...around the Chrysler Building one last time.
然后，她悄悄地回到自己的岛上 And then she carefully walked back to her own island.
虽然他们不能在一起… Even though they'll always live apart...
但他们站得更高一点，闪光得更亮一点… ...they'll still stand a little taller and shine a little brighter...
因为他们共同经历了一次冒险 ...because they shared an adventure.
结束 The end.
提问时间，有人有问题吗？ It's question time. Does anybody have any questions?
我有个问题 I have a question.
我也讲个故事，有人反对吗？ Does anybody mind if I tell another story?
- 我反对 - 我也反对 - I mind. - Me too.
你讲话像哈利·波特 You sound like Harry Potter.
是的，嗯，不是什么坏事吧？ 他是个大魔术师啊 Yeah, well, is that a bad thing? He's a great wizard.
听着，这个故事很好，如果没人反对… Listen, it's quite a good story, and if no one here minds...
呃，让一下，对不起 Uh, excuse me, sorry.
我很喜欢有这个机会来讲 I'd really like the opportunity to tell it.
如果可以的话，嗯 If that's okay, um...
从前，有个王子，很英俊 Once upon a time, there was a prince. Handsome, he was.
他爱上了皇后区的一个公主 He fell in love with a princess from Queens.
- 你是男孩还是女孩？ - 有什么关系 - Are you a girl or a boy? - Doesn't matter.
实际上，他非常爱那个公主… The fact is, he loved this princess so much...
以至于他要把他的王国给她… ...that he was prepared to give up his kingdom for her...
但她拒绝了 ...but she turned him away.
- 真是个婊子 - 她不是，你怎么可以这样说她？ - What a bitch. - She was not. Why would you say that?
她做得对，其实是… She did the right thing, it turns out...
那个王子对糖果有点问题… ...because this prince had a little bit of a problem with...
他不能吃很多糖 ...candy. He couldn't get enough candy.
- 你是说毒品？ - 不，不，你在哪儿长大的？ - Do you mean drugs? - No. No. Where did you grow up?
- 冰毒？ - 不是 - Meth? - No.
- 可卡因？ - 不，是酒啦 - Crack? - No. It was just booze.
听着，这不行，好吧 Look, this isn't working. Okay.
我来这儿是要跟你说，对不起 What I came here to say to you, Naomi, is that I'm sorry.
对不起我骗了你 I'm sorry that I lied to you.
对不起我伤害了你 I'm sorry that I hurt you.
还有，对不起我要你照顾我… And I'm sorry that I asked you to take care of me...
而当时我最想做的事是我照顾你 ...when what I want more than anything in the world is to take care of you.
我的故事讲完了 And I think that's the end of the story.
哇！ Ew!
嘿，你们怎么啦？ Hey, what's wrong with you?
不过是两个大人在满是孩子的房间里接吻嘛 This is just two adults kissing in a room full of children.
那，现实世界待你如何？ So how's the real world treating you?
哦，我现在主要学到了尽量过简单生活 Oh, I've learned mostly that I should just try and live simply now.
- 这样对你更好 - 这是什么？ - It's better for me. - What is this?
彼特曼！怎么回事？ Bitterman! Why?
你说过，“这个女孩，我能用一队卡通车买回去” You said, "This is the girl I can buy back with a fleet of movie cars."
我说的是，这个女孩，我不能用一队卡通车买回去 I said this is a girl I can't buy back with a fleet of movie cars.
- 噢 - 我特意说了，“不能” - Oh. - Specifically, I said "can't."
弄走…快弄走…难为情 Get rid of... Just get rid of them. It's embarrassing.
- 我猜你母亲原谅你了 - 是的，是的 - So I guess your mother forgave you. - Yeah, yeah, you know.
我小心经营巴赫慈善会，做为回报，我得到了遗产 I got my inheritance in return for running the Bach charity discreetly.
我们乘地铁吧？ Should we just take the subway?
哪辆最快？ Which one's the fastest?
请从公园穿过去，彼特曼 Through the park, please, Bitterman.