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翻译：豆豆 葳蕤的花 SeanZhang 大海无量
校对：SeanZhang 大海无量 总监 SeanZhang
后期：SeanZhang 时间轴校对：SeanZhang
一个混蛋主演的电影
主演: 一个天生的白痴
一个性感的妹子
一个英国的恶棍
一场喜剧大餐
一个忧郁的少年
再加个特效人物
一个超牛的龙套角色
出品人: 傻逼
编剧: 他们才是真正的英雄
导演: 吃白饭的
嗨 我是死侍
@赛格威旅游
我在后面坐着有点无聊啊 I'm kinda lonesome back here.
- 搭把手... - 呃...但我得把住方向盘 - Little help... - Just... I have to keep my hands on the wheel.
不好意思! Excuse me!
- 杜皮特 - 我姓死名侍 - Dopinder. - Pool. Dead.
- 漂亮! - 好闻吧? - Nice! - Smells good, no?
我没说水仙 我说那女孩 Not the daffodil daydream. The girl.
噢 吉塔 她很可爱 Yes. Gita. She is quite lovely.
我本来能娶她的 但... She would have made me a very agreeable wife. But...
她却迷上了我表哥 班度 Gita's heart has been stolen by my cousin, Bandu.
他虽然无耻但很有魅力 He is as dishonorable as he is attractive.
杜皮特 我觉得冥冥中有什么原因让我今天坐你的车 Dopinder, I'm starting to think there's a reason I'm in this cab today.
- 是的 先生 你叫的车 记得么? - 不 我这棕色的瘦猴朋友.爱情... - Yes, sir, you called for it, remember? - No, my slender, brown friend. Love...
...美妙无比.爱情来临时 整个世界都充满水仙花的香气 ... is a beautiful thing. When you find it, the whole world tastes like daffodil daydream.
所以你要抓住爱情 紧紧抓住! So you gotta hold on to love. Tight!
千万别放手 别像我一样犯错 懂了? And never let go. Don't make the same mistakes I did, got it?
否则整个世界都会充满肥妈做完瑜伽的味道 Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga.
电视剧《Here Comes Honey Boo Boo》里的人物
先生 肥妈闻起来什么味? Sir, what does Ms Mama June taste like?
就两个流浪汉在装满尿的鞋里互干的味道 Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss.
我还能继续说下去 杜皮特 但重点是味道太恶心了 I can go all day, Dopinder. The point is it's bad.
为啥要穿着花哨的红衣服 先生? Why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?
哦 因为今天圣诞节 杜皮特 而且我要干掉捣蛋名单上的一个人 Oh, that's because it's Christmas day, Dopinder, and I'm after someone on my naughty list.
为了让他补偿对我所做的事 我已经等了1年3周6天还有14分钟 I've been waiting, 1 year, 3 weeks, 6 days and- - - 14 minutes to make him fix what he did to me.
- 他对你做了什么 先生? - 就这个 - And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool? - This shit.
看! Boo!
- 你不会失望的 - 最好不会 - They won't disappoint. - They'd better not!
- 下个月能有多少? - 毛都没有 - What about next month's shipment? - There won't be one.
要打胜仗的不是只有你一个 You're not the only one with a war to win.
少来这套 That won't do.
我们这交易有点小插曲 See, we've had this small disruption to our supply trade.
我们会感激你的耐心 We'd appreciate your patience.
好的... Okay...
再下个月全数交货 We'll deliver in full the following month.
合作愉快 Pleasure doing business with you.
去他妈的变种人! Fucking mutant!
妈的! 我忘带弹药袋了! Shit! I forgot my ammo bag!
- 要掉头么去拿么? - 没时间了 去他妈的 我还有这个 - Shall we turn back? - No time. Fuck it. I got this.
9 10 11 12 发子弹 或者挂掉 停车! 9, 10, 11, 12 bullets. Or bust. Right here!
车费27.5美元 That's $27.50.
我工作时不带钱包 塞紧身衣里有损我形象 I never carry a wallet while I'm working. Ruins the lines of my suit.
- 欢快的击个掌怎么样? - 行吧 - But how 'bout a crisp high- five? - Okay.
圣诞快乐! Merry Christmas!
祝你周二和四月都美好 死侍! And a convivial Tuesday and April to you, Pool!
韦德
嗨 我是弗兰西斯
噢!噢 你好! Oh! Oh, hello!
我懂了 嗯?我得巴结谁才能拍我自己的电影呢? I know, right? Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie?
Whose balls did I have to fondle 我得给谁撸管
我不能说 但和"京钢狼"押韵.不得不说... I can't tell you, but it does rhyme with "Pulverine". And lemme tell you...
指Wolverine 金刚狼
他下面那澳洲蛋蛋还挺帅的! He's got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under!
smooth criminals 蛋蛋
Down under 在英语里面通常用来指澳洲 在这里是双关 还指“下面
总之 我要去几个地方 整一整我的脸 还要 噢! Anyway. I got places to be. A face to fix. And, oh!
干掉几个坏蛋 Bad guys to kill.
全力以赴了 Maximum effort.
断子绝孙拳! Cock shot!
豪华科林斯皮革啊! Rich Corinthian leather!
我在找弗兰西斯! I'm looking for Francis!
你们见过这人么? Have you seen this man?
爽啊 爽! Yanking, yanking!
我可没说过 但别吞 I've never said this, but don't swallow.
暗指吞精
妈的 我是不是忘记关炉子了? Shit. Did I leave the stove on?
现在插播突发新闻 Now, breaking news.
今早环城高速发生多车连环相撞伴有枪击 A multi- car collision turned shots fired on the crosstown expressway this morning.
警方已封锁现场 建议民众呆在家中 Gridlock has kept police from the scene. Residents are advised to remain in their homes.
行凶者据称持有武器 十分危险 并且身着... The assailant appears to be armed, dangerous, and wearing a...
红色衣服.死侍 Red suit. Deadpool.
黑后!来吧 我们有任务了 Negasonic! Come. We have mission.
钢力士 等下 Colossus, wait up.
每次一有机会我就让死侍他加入我们 I've given Deadpool every chance to join us.
但他举止就像个孩子似的.全副武装的孩子 But he'd rather act like a child. A heavily armed child.
什么时候他才能成熟 能意识到加入X战警的好处 When will he grow up and see benefits of becoming X- Man?
什么好处?弹力紧身衣?还是隔几年就炸飞一次的房子? Which benefits, the matching unitards? The house that blows up every few years?
拜托.炸房子是为了塑造角色 Please. House blowing up builds character.
你吃早饭了吧 嗯?早餐是一天最重要的一顿饭 You ate breakfast, yes? Breakfast is most important meal of day.
给 蛋白棒 对骨头好 Here. Protein bar. Good for bones.
死侍可能会打断你的骨头 Deadpool may try to break yours.
嘿! Hey!
等下!你们可能好奇为啥是红色紧身衣 Wait! You may be wondering why the red suit.
这样坏人就看不到我的血了 Well that's so bad guys can't see me bleed.
这哥们知道是怎么回事.他穿的棕色裤子 This guy's got the right idea. He wore the brown pants.
好吧!我只有12发子弹 你们得分享下! Fine! I only have 12 bullets, so you're gonna have to share!
开始倒数! Let's count 'em down!
我操 日了狗! Shit, motherfucker!
10!艹 Ten! Shit.
九!麻痹! 八! 艹你麻痹! Nine! Fuck. Eight. Shit- fuck!
傻逼死侍 Bad Deadpool.
七 牛逼死侍 Seven. Good Deadpool!
有人没数啊 Someone's not counting.
六! Six!
四... Four...
到你啦! Gotcha!
正中要害! Right up main street!
三 二! 傻逼! 值了 Three, two! Stupid! Worth it.
今晚一定要撸一发 I'm touching myself tonight.
弗兰西斯!弗兰西斯! Francis! Francis!
什么JB玩意!你在哪 弗朗西斯? What the shitbiscuit! Where you at, Francis?
你不是弗兰西斯! You're not Francis!
你他妈在逗我?挽袖子? Really? Rolling up the sleeves?
你可能在想"我男朋友说这是超级英雄电影但这红衣男怎么串人肉串" You're probably thinking, "my boyfriend said this was a superhero movie but that guy in the red suit just turned that other guy into a fucking cabob"
呃 我可能是超级.但肯定不是英雄 Well, I may be super. But I'm no hero.
好吧 严格来说这就是谋杀.但有些美妙的爱情故事就是从谋杀开始的 Anyhow, technically, this is a murder. But some of the best love stories start with a murder.
碰巧这就是个:爱情故事.要听故事么? And that's exactly what this is: a love story. And to tell it right,
那得从我把自己塞进这红色紧身衣之前说起 I gotta take you back to long before I squeeze this ass into red spandex.
听着 我说慢点有用么?我没定披萨 Look, would it help if I slow it down for you? I didn't order the pizza.
这是红礁路7348号么? Is this 7348 Redledge Drive?
- 你是莫钱特先生么? - 我是没定披萨的那个莫钱特先生! - Are you Mr. Merchant? - The Mr. Merchant who didn't order the fucking pie!
- 那谁打的电话? - 我打的! - Who placed the call? - I did!
菠萝和橄榄?又甜又咸! Pineapple and olive? Sweet and salty!
怎么是你?你他妈的在我家干啥? The fuck are you? The fuck are you doing in my crib?
- 那是面包皮?别动! - 天啊 希望不是 - Is that bread crust? Don't move! - God, I hope not.
听着 这是因为那次打牌么?我告诉过浩伊... Look, is this about that poker game? I told Howie...
- 给你随便拿 - 谢了! - Just take whatever you want. - Thanks!
先生 你处理他之前介意先给我点美丽的小费么? Sir, before you do anything to him, do you mind if I get a big tip?
杰瑞米 对么?我是韦德•威尔逊 Jeremy, is it? Wade Wilson.
你想多了 杰瑞米 That is a no go on the tip- aroo, Jer.
我来这不是为了他 是来找你的 I'm not here for him. I'm here for you.
- 看来我躲过了一劫! - 别高兴太早啊 I dodged a big- time bullet on that one! - Not, out of the woods yet.
你真该歇会了.那是牛仔裤 不是吊灯 You need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling. They're jeans, not a chandelier.
另外 你钱包还在我这.你还挺大方 P.S. I'm keeping your wallet. You did kind of give it to me.
- 但 哥们 我能拿回我的... - 我要打死你那该死的猫 - Just look, man, can I have my... - I will shoot your fucking cat.
你在说什么 我没有猫 I don't really know what that means, I don't have a cat.
那我刚刚拉在谁的猫砂上了? Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in?
随便谁把... Anywho...
你说.什么情况下披萨起不了作用? Tell me something. What situation isn't improved by pizza?
你认识梅根奥夫斯基么?想起来没?奥夫斯基? Do you happen to know a Megan Orflosky? Get that right? Orflovsky?
她认识你.杰瑞米... 'Cause she knows you. Jeremy...
我们这伙人拿点小钱就可以出力打人 I belong to a group of guys who take a dime to beat a fella down.
小梅根没出钱 但幸运的是 我心软 And little Megan, she's not made of money, but lucky for her, I got a soft spot.
- 我是... - 跟踪狂 - I'm..... - A stalker.
不是吓唬你 杰瑞米.我会锯了你 Threats hurt, Jer. Though not nearly as badly as serrated steel.
- 所以 离梅根远点 听见没? - 是 先生 - So keep away from Megan. Cool? - Yes, sir.
- 那就这样 - 等下 就这样了? - And we're done. - Wait, we are?
对 就这样.你真该看看你自己的表情! Totally done. You should've seen your face!
- 我不知道该做啥.我太怕... - 我心软 记得不? - I didn't know what to do, I was so scared... - Soft spot, remember?
就算你朝着她的方向看一眼 我都会让你见识下我的硬♂气 Even look in her general direction again and you will learn in the worst of ways that I have some hard spots, too.
不该这么说 That came out wrong.
见识一下? Or did it?
梅根 Megan.
听说杰瑞米的消息了么 他跟你道歉 You've heard the last of Jeremy. He's sorry.
不可能吧 No friggin' way.
我真该把我旱冰鞋带来.让这些孩子看看应该怎么滑 Should've brought my roller blades. Show these kids how it's done.
我们就是为了这个.但多数情况还是为了钱 And that's why we do it. But mostly the money.
嘿.你觉得能干翻我继父么? Hey. Think you can fuck up my step dad?
我要让谁狗吃屎只能是因为他罪有应得 If I can give the guy a pavement facial, it's 'cause he's earned it.
嘿 等下 Hey, wait.
- 你真是我的英雄 - 不不不不不.我可不是 - You're my hero. - No, no, no, no, no. That, I ain't.
不是.绝不会是 - 艹 韦德 Nope. Never will be. - Fuck you, Wade.
我只是个拿钱干翻混蛋的坏人 I'm just a bad guy who gets paid to fuck up worse guys.
欢迎来姐妹玛格丽特的酒吧 这就像个雇佣军的人才市场 Welcome to Sister Margaret's. It's like a job fair for mercenaries.
我们真就像那帮混账牙仙 只是我们打掉人家的牙还有钱拿 Think of us as really fucked up tooth fairies except we knock out the teeth and take the cash.
你最好祈祷别让自己金榜有名 (巴克!李飞德) You'd best hope we never see your name on a gold card. (Buck! Liefeld.)
- 嘿 韦德 - 韦德•威尔逊.可怜的圣徒 - Hey, Wade! - Wade Wilson. Patron Saint of the Pitiful.
- 来点什么? - 来点口活 - What can I do for you? - I'd love a blowjob.
- 哦天啊 我也想 - 我说的是吹管之乐鸡尾酒.但首先... - Oh, God, me too. - The drink. With snuggle. But first...
- 嘿 我可不拿保姆的钱.记得把钱还给... - 奥洛夫斯基? - Hey, I ain't taking any babysitting money, make sure that gets back to Miss... - Orlovsky?
- 你确定? - 嗯 - You sure? - Hmm.
你还真一点都不冷血.你肯定也没太为难那孩子 For a merc, you're pretty warm- blooded. Bet you let the kid off easy, too.
他不坏就是有点跟踪狂.我像他那么大比他疯狂多了 还去别的国家... He's not a bad kid. Just a little light stalking. I was way worse when I was his age, travelling to exotic places...
巴格达 摩加迪沙 杰克逊维尔 结识些有意思的人 然后... Baghdad, Mogadishu, Jacksonville, meeting new and exciting people. And then..
杀了他们 对 我看过你的ins.那特种部队在杰克逊维尔做了什么? Killing them. Yeah, I've seen your instagram. So what were special forces doing in Jacksonville?
那是机密.他们有个超级棒的星期五餐厅! That's classified. They have wonderful TGIFridays!
好啦 甘露奶油百利 Alright, kahlua, baileys and whipped cream.
给你 吹管之乐鸡尾酒 我... I give you, a blowjob. I'm- - -
- 为什么要点这个? - 凯丽 凯丽 凯丽 凯丽... - Why do you make me make that? - Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly...
把这拿给巴克 告诉他是布斯送的 一点前戏 Take that over there to Buck, please and tell him it's from Booth. Little foreplay.
- 你这什么意思? - 没啥 就玩玩他们 - Remind me what good will come of this? - I don't take the shits, I just disturb them.
你他妈想干啥? What you want?
- 干杯 为你的健康 - 去你妈的 - Cheers. To your health. - Fuck you.
那凳子是我新买的 That's a new stool.
你他妈给我老实呆这吧 Stay the fuck down.
行了 靠边 靠边 Alright, move, move, move, move.
巴克 一边去 Buck, go rest.
他还喘气呢 He's still breathing.
今天没人赢 干得好 韦德 Nobody wins today. Nice try, Wade.
好吧 我今天赌的布斯会死 你赌的谁? You got me. I picked Booth in the dead pool. Who did you pick?
- 呃 韦德 这个... - 不 你不是赌的我死吧 - You know, Wade, about that.... - No. You did not bet on me to die.
真是我 哇 你麻痹 你这朋友做的真次 You bet on me to die. Wow. Motherfucker, you're the world's worst friend.
你肯定输了 我要活到102岁.然后才死在底特律的街头 Well, joke's on you. I'm living to 102. And then die. At the city of Detroit.
对不起.我只是想赢点钱.我什么都没赢过 Sorry. I wanted to win money. I never win anything.
- 随便吧 - 雇佣兵们 这轮我请! - 耶! - Whatever. Soldiers of fortune, drink's on me! - Yeah!
只限国产酒!进口的不算 Domestic! Nothing imported.
哇哇哇.宝贝 Woah, woah, woah. Baby...
你要把钱都花了么? Are you sure you wanna shoot your whole wad?
你要都射♂出来么?
对 Tight.
硬♂了
- 温妮萨 - 韦德 - Vanessa. - Wade.
你这么个大美女在这干嘛? What's a nice place like you doing in a girl like this?
我撞的 I'd hit that.
巴克 你最好道歉否则我...呃 这个... Buck, you'd best apologize before... yeah. That.
- 念咒语吧 肥道夫 - 对不起 - Say the magic words, fat Gandalf. - I'm sorry.
- 深呼吸 - 我说话不经过大...\- Breathe through the nose. - I don't have a filter between my brain and my...
好了 嘿 老天保佑蛋蛋 他已经道歉了! Okay, hey. Hakuna his tatas, he's sorry!
- 滚吧 念咒去吧 - 嘿 把手从货上拿开 - Get outta here. Go cast a spell. - Hey, hands off the merchandise.
货 哈~ 所以你... Merchandise, huh. So you...
- 有钱才有乐子哈? - 对 - Fun fuzzies for money? - Yup.
- 悲惨的童年? - 比你的惨.我还没出生我爸就死了 - Rough childhood? - Rougher than yours. Daddy left before I was born.
我妈怀我之前我爸就跑了 Daddy left before I was conceived.
- 在身上烫过烟花? - 要不然还能在哪? - Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin? - Where else do you put one out?
- 我被性骚扰过 - 我也有过 被我叔叔 - I was molested. - Me, too. Uncle.
- 叔叔们 轮奸 - 我被锁在壁橱里透过锁眼看我自己的生日聚会 而且那壁橱正好是... - Uncles. They took turns. - I watched my own birthday party through the keyhole of a locked closet which also happens to be my...
你在卧室 挺好了 我生日那天睡的洗碗机 Your bedroom. Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher box.
你还有个洗碗机.我都没睡过觉.我全天候戴球嘴枷 被鸡奸 做小丑色情表演 You had a dishwasher. I didn't even know sleep. It was pretty much 24/7 ball kegs, brownie mix and clown porn.
谁会这么干? Who would do such a thing?
希望能是你.晚上见? Hopefully, you. Later tonight?
275刀和酸奶优惠卡能换什么? What can I get for 275 dollars and a yogurt rewards card?
宝贝 48分钟你想干♂什么就干♂什么 Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want.
再加上低脂甜点 And a low- fat dessert.
她不是把礼品卡塞你嘴巴里吧？ Did she just put a gift card in your mouth?
到了把蛋蛋放到洞洞的时候了 It's time to put balls in holes.
- 你之前说了我想要什么都可 - 我知道 - You said whatever I want. - I get it.
- 比起看卡戴珊的那两个球 你还是更喜欢看篮球是吧 - 这两个都挺不错的 - You love ski ball. Apparently more than you love vagina. - That's a tough call.
我只是想了解真实的你 而不是那种好莱坞式的一夜情 I just wanna get to know the real you. Not the short- shorted 2- dimensional sex object peddled by Hollywood.
把球扔到洞里去 Balls in holes.
- 输了别喊爹啊 - 我就呵呵了 - Prepare to lose tragically. - Bring it, big man.
一份限定版的战神金刚, 防御者指环.谢谢 A limited edition Voltron: Defender of the Universe ring, por favor.
稍等一下 Okay. Here you go.
我他妈早就想要这个东西了. I had this sucker for a while.
- 给我个橡皮擦就好了 - 没问题 - And I will take the pencil eraser. - Okay.
现在你就是阿鲁斯星球的保护者 而你可以擦掉任何铅笔写下的东西 You are now the proud protector of the planet Arus. And you, can erase stuff. Written in pencil.
- 米拉迪 - 我很不愿意告诉你这个消息 但是你已经装逼48分钟了 - Milady. - I hate to break it to you, but your 48 minutes are up.
我还能装逼多久? How many more minutes could I get for this?
顺便说一下 5个迷你战神金刚可以合成一个超大金刚. FYI, 5 mini lion bots come together to form 1 superbot
5个? 迷你金刚? 再给你三分钟.- 成交 那剩下的2分37秒我们做什么? - 5 mini lion bots? 3 minutes. - Deal. What do we do with the remaining 2:37?
抱抱? Cuddle?
- 我们这样可以多久? - 一整年? - How long can we keep this up? - All year?
情人节快乐. Happy Valentines' Day.
- Kung Hei Fat Choy. - 狗年大吉. - Happy Chinese New Year. - Year of the Dog.
缓一缓 然后三八妇女节快乐 Relax... and happy International Women's Day.
大斋节快乐 Happy Lenten.
- Wade! - Sorry. Happy Halloween! - 韦德！- 对不起，万圣节快乐!
Happy Thanksgiving. 感恩节快乐
我爱你 I love you.
如果你的左腿是感恩节 那么你的右腿就是圣诞节... If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas...
我想看一下你两腿之间是什么节日? Can I visit you between the holidays?
这件衣服真难看! That sweater is terrible!
但是红色适合你 But red looks good on you.
你穿的那件叫红色 我的就像你充血眼睛里的颜色 Red's your color. Mine's like the bloodshot in your eyes.
- 等一下. 我正在考虑 - 真的? - Listen. I've been thinking. - Really?
- 关于我们为什么那么的合拍 - 为什么呢? - 'Bout why we're so good together. - Why is that?
疯狂配疯狂 牛了个逼了 Your crazy matches my crazy. Bigtime.
我们就好像两块拼图 那种奇怪的凹凸边缘. And we're like 2 jigsaw pieces. Weird curvy edges?
- 然后你把这两块拼起来 你就能看到整幅画面. - 是滴. - You put them together and you can see the picture on top. - Right.
韦德...有件事情我一直计划着想问你 Wade... There's something I've been meaning to ask you.
不过只是因为你一直没打算问我 But only because you haven't gotten around to asking me.
你会....? Will you....
- 把那个东西插到... - ...和我结婚? - Stick it up my- - - - ...Marry me?
额 乌鸦嘴 Uh... Jinx?
- 你把这个藏在哪里了? - 哪儿都没有藏 - Where were you hiding that? - Nowhere.
- 他们说要一个月的工钱 所以...- 你是说? - They said 1- month salary, so ... - You mean...
- 我愿意 - 这是我的台词 - I do. - That's my line.
- 我爱你, 韦德 威尔森 - 其实你是说... 所以那个... - I love you, Wade Wilson. - You're supposed to... So that's a...
- 哈哈是的 是的万岁! - Yes! - Woo! Yes!
我感觉我就像一个小女生一样! I feel just like a little girl!
- 要是我就这样抱着 不放手 - 就像犹达骑在卢克的背上一样? - What if I just held on and never let go? - Just ride the bitch's back like Yoda on Luke.
1977年的《星球大战》和《帝国大反击》还不是同一部电影 这个是常见的误会
- 星球大战的玩笑! - 帝国大反击啦! - Star Wars jokes! - Empire!
我勒个去 你就好像是我在电脑里面造出来的一样 Jesus Christ, it's like I made you in a computer!
完美 Perfect
小解一下 把它摇一下 对就这样 Pee break. Shake it, yeah.
事情是这样的: Here's the thing
生活就好比是一部无尽的灾难片 幸福就好像是其中插播的商业广告般短暂. Life is an endless series of train wrecks with only brief commercial- like breaks of happiness.
然而现在已经到了最后的广告插播时间 This had been the ultimate commercial break.
这意味着 我们要开始说我们真正的故事了 Which meant it was time to return, to our regularly scheduled programme.
- 艹你大爷...- 我的天啊 韦德! - What the fu..... - Oh my God, Wade!-
你正在在卖萌 你到底是不是在卖萌 我感觉到了你在卖萌 You're clowning. You're not clowning. I sense clowns.
人们对于癌症晚期消息的反应一般都不太一样. People react to news of late- stage cancer differently.
当然我们还是有一些能做的事情 新药物的研发一直在进行当中. There are certainly options we can look into. New drugs are being developed every day.
我们现在该怎么做? 我们一定可以做一些什么 So what do we do? Surely, there is something we can do.
我的叔叔伊凡被诊断出甲状腺癌 然后有一大堆从德国进口的实验药物用来治疗他. My Uncle Ivan was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer and there were all these experimental drugs from Germany...
温妮萨已经开始着手计划A B 一直到Z Vanessa's already working on plan A, B, all the way through Z.
我? 我就在回忆她脸部的细节 就好像我们第一次见面一样 Me? I'm memorizing the details of her face. Like it's the first time I'm seeing it.
- 或许是最后一次... - 威尔森先生 威尔森先生? - Or the last... - Mr. Wilson, Mr. Wilson?
花点时间去消化一下 现在一定静下心来 确保不要做鲁莽行事 Take your time to process this. It's important not to do anything rash.
如果现在我是一个名叫弗兰西斯200磅重的混蛋, 我会藏在哪里? Now, if I were a 200 pound sack of assholes named Francis, where would I hide?
"当来自萨斯喀彻温里贾纳的新秀韦德•威尔逊的出现, 现场鸦雀无声, 准备他的最后一击. "A hush falls over the crowd as rookie sensation Wade W. Wilson out of Regina, Saskatchewan, lines up the shot."
"他看起来状态很不错." "His form looks good."
"这就是为什么里贾纳的梗那么搞笑(里贾纳和阴帝发音类似)" "And that's why Regina rhymes with fun."
"女士们先生们 你们现在看到是甜蜜踢蛋蛋复仇!" "Ladies and gentlemen, what you're witnessing is sweet, dick- kicking revenge!"
"看他做的怎么样!哇又来一下!" "Giving him the business! Incoming!"
"这把违反体育道德的行为提高到了一个新的境界.!""This is taking unsportsman- like conduct to a whole new level!"
看起来不错啊, 弗兰西斯. 休息的也挺好. 看起来一直在投钱而不是在接球啊.! Looking good, Francis. Well- rested. Like you've been pitching, not catching.
记起来什么了吗? 没? Ringing any bells? No?
现在呢? How 'bout now?
操你大爷的韦德威尔森. Wade fucking Wilson.
这是蜘蛛侠被辐射蜘蛛咬过的梗
- 你好 美人. - 是啊. 我看起来就像被带辐射的沙皮狗咬过一样 - Well, hello, gorgeous. - Yeah, like I got bit by a radioactive Shar Pei.
这是谁的过错. 那么弗兰西斯? 是时候消除你对这个白玉的脸颊所做过的事情了. And whose fault is that, huh, Francis? Time to undo what you did to this butter face.
你应该谢谢我才对. 我让你变成不死之身. 话说我还挺羡慕你的. You should thank me. Apparently, I've made you immortal. I'm actually quite jealous.
道理是对的. 但是这张脸值得活下去吗? 是不是? 现在... Yeah, but this ain't a life worth living, is it? Now...
我现在要对你做的就好像软饼干乐队对90世纪的音乐做的那样. I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90's.
老爹? Dad?
我认为我们都同意这个观点. - 吓人总得把别人吓尿才行. I think we can all agree that shit just went sideways in the most colossal way.
也许还有更让我尿炸的事情. Well, maybe not the most.
这个是我最有价值的宝贝. Now this, is my most prized possession.
- 威猛? - 不,不,不,不. 是威猛~~~~ - Wham? - No, no, no, no. WHAM!
Make it Big 是乔治和安迪的成名唱片. Make It Big is the album that George and Andy earned the exclamation point.
我是不是就是面带微笑然后在门外像你拜拜手? So, am I supposed to just smile and wave you out the door?
你就把它想象成迎新除旧. 就好像把死亡除个旧一样. Think of it like spring cleaning. Only if spring was death.
要是我每次我想着伯纳黛特彼得斯打飞机时都能得五美分我就发达了 God, if I had a nickel for everytime I spanked at the Bernadette Peters.
看起来你是有这么做过. 伯纳黛特哪里也不去. Sounds like you have. Bernadette is not going...
,,,因为你也不会去任何地方 ...anywhere, because you're not going anywhere.
- 干杯. - 你是对的. - Drink. - You're right.
癌细胞只是在我肝 肺 前列腺 大脑 只要能喝酒 没有这些我貌似也能活下来 Cancer's only in my liver, lungs, prostate and brain. All things I can live without.
你属于这个家 这个有战神金刚 你的伯纳黛特 和我的这个家 You belong here at home. Surrounded by your Voltron, and your Bernadette and your me.
听着 我们都知道癌症看上去很糟糕 Listen, we both know that cancer is a shit show.
就像雅科夫·斯米诺夫在爱荷华州博览会上 Like a Yakov Smirnoff opening for the Spindoctors
给音乐会做的开场演出那种 渣秀! at the Iowa State Fair. Shit show!
所以无论如何我都不会带你去 And under no circumstances will I take you...
看那场秀 to that show.
我想让你记住的是我 而不是圣诞夜的一念之情 I want you to remember me, not the Ghost of Christmas Me
- 我想要记住「我们」 - 我发誓 - Well, I wanna remember 'us'. - I swear to God,
下辈子我会在你的窗前播放 I'll find you in the next life and I'm gonna boombox
《无心快语》这首歌 哇奥! 'Careless Whisper' outside your window Wham!
好啦! 别说什么放音乐的鬼话了 No one is boomboxing shit! OK?
我们一定能共度难关的 We can fight this.
- 嗨 维斯 - 看起来你需要来个吹箫加沐浴放松一下 - Hello, Weas' - Looks like you need a blowjob and a shower
礼貌一点应该先沐浴 对吧 Courtesy calls for the latter, first.
来3杯鸡尾酒怎么样 或者... How about 3 shots of Patron. - Or...
来份冰草属小麦营养植物如何 对免疫系统有好处 how 'bout 'triticum aestivum', wheat grass. Excellent for the immune system.
妈蛋 你怎么和温妮莎一样烦 Jesus Christ, you sound like Vanessa!
看吧 她找了一大把五颜六色的诊所宣传册 Check it out, she sent away for all these colorful clinic brochures.
我确定这些都是美国药监局批准的 I'm sure they're all FDA approved.
有车臣共和国的 去那不是没病找病吗 In Chechniya, isn't that where you go to 'get' cancer?
还有中国的 墨西哥中部的 You got China and central Mexico.
- 你知道「癌症」用西班牙语怎么说吗? - 不知道 You know how they say 'cancer' in Spanish? - No.
- El癌症 - 噢 我居然猜不到 - 'El cancer'. - Oh, I could'a guessed that.
看看你当初多幸福啊 我保留这个你不介意吧 Look at how happy you look here. You mind if I keep this,
我要把它装订起来才能记得 你活力四射的时候 put it up, so I can remember? When you looked alive.
至少我就快要打通了 死侍这款游戏 At least now I'm gonna win the deadpool.
而你却要悲剧地死于癌症 Now that you're gonna die tragically of cancer.
别说了维斯 谢谢 I got it Weas', thanks.
噢... Oh...
还有 坐在那的家伙来这找你 and that guy, over there, came in looking for you.
像个镰刀死神的家伙 Real Grim Reaper type.
我不知道 也许能推动剧情吧 I dunno, might further the plot.
- 布斯 - 韦德 - Boothe. - Wade.
- 威尔森先生 - 你找我干啥? - Mr. Wilson. - How can I help you?
只要不是拐卖儿童就行 Besides luring children into a panel van.
我知道你最近被诊断为癌症晚期 I understand you've recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
- 追踪警告 - 这是我的工作 我也是给别人打工的 - Stalker alert. - It's my job. Recruitment.
我很抱歉你有如此艰难的经历 I'm sorry you've had such a tough go.
但你是个战士 But, you're a fighter.
特种部队: 41次完成目标 Special forces: 41 confirmed kills.
每7周1次 像我这样平头的家伙都差不多啊 One every seven weeks. Same rate most folks get a haircut.
嗯 这杯不错 Mm, this'll wash the taste down.
如此深刻难以忘记 It's tough to forget being so impressive.
而现在你和这些普通人瞎混 And now you spend your days sticking up for the little people.
是的 人们变了 你想要什么? Yeah, people change. What do you want?
我代表一个可能对你有帮助的组织 I represent an organization that may be able to help.
如果我说我们能治好你的癌症呢? What if I told you we can cure your cancer?
另外 赋予你多数人梦寐以求的能力 And, what's more, give you abilities most men only dream of.
我觉得听起来像是电视广告 然而 I'd say that you sound like an infomercial, but,
听起来挺一般 感觉就是那种握力器 最多就是负重举哑铃 Not a good one, like Slapchop, more Shakeweighty.
这个世界需要一个不同寻常的战士 我们不只是会把你变得更好那么简单 The world needs extraordinary soldiers. We won't just make you better.
我们会让你变得远比好来得更好 We will make you better than better.
变成一个超级英雄 A superhero.
听着 史密斯探员 我过去尝试过做个英雄 但是被揍得很惨. Look, Agent Smith, I tried the hero business and it left a mark.
但是如果我真到的豁出命的时候 我会来找你 But if I ever hit fuck - it, I'll look you up.
糟了 Oh. Shit.
我们在500码内有学校的地方 所以你懂得... We're within 500 yards of the school. So you may wanna, you know...
他的酒钱他自己搞定 His drink's on him.
他说什么? What'd he say?
嗨 怎么了? Hey, what's going on?
不好意思 我做了个噩梦 连姆尼森坏爸爸的那种 Hey, sorry. I had a Liam Neeson nightmare.
我梦到我绑架了他女儿 他从来没有给过父爱的女儿 I dreamt I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn't having it.
那个系列他们拍了三集 They made 3 of those movies.
有时候你会想 他到底是不是一个坏爸爸 At some point, you'd have to wonder if he's just a bad parent.
癌症最坏的部分不是它会对你身体多有害 The worst part about cancer isn't what it does to you.
但是会对你所爱的人伤害 But what it does to the people you love.
谁知道那家伙会不会拯救我的命? 但是我知道这是唯一能够拯救她的办法 Who knew if this guy could save my life? But I knew there's only one way that I could save hers.
难道这不是超级英雄该做的事情吗? Isn't that what superheroes do?
好吧 来说说做超级英雄的好坏吧 Okay. Let's pro con this superhero thing.
好处: 打炮不要钱, 干洗店打折, 永远看不完的电影折扣券 Pro: they pull down a gaggle of ass, local dry cleaning discounts, lucrative film deals,
包括那些小制作和好莱坞大片 both origin stories and larger, ensemble team movies.
坏处: 他们永远是受掌控的小猫咪! Con: they're all lame- ass teacher's pets!
- 你知道我能够听见你 - 不是和你说话. 我是和他们在说话 - You know I can hear you. - Wasn't talking to you. I was talking to them.
呆在那儿别动 你之前被警告过 死侍 Stay right here. You've been warned before, Deadpool.
这是及羞耻又鲁莽的行为来运用你的能力 你们两个都跟着我走 This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. You will both be coming with us.
听着钢力士 我现在没有时间和自命清高的人说话 你是？Look Colossus, I don't have time for the goody two- shoes bullshit right now. And you are?
黑后布里安娜·希尔德布兰 Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
布里安娜·希尔德布兰- - - 这什么鬼?! Negasonic Teenage- - - What the shit?!
这名字碉堡了! That's the coolest name ever!
- 所以你是他的那种伙伴吗? 不 见习生而已 - So what, you're like his sidekick? - No. Trainee.
- 让我猜猜 X 战警留下了些什么 屎一样的信息? - 那把你变成什么了? - Let me guess, X- Men left you behind on what, shit detail? - What does that make you?
假设你不在这里布里安娜·希尔德布兰 我们可以交换一下名字吗? Pretending you're not here, Negasonic Teenage Warhead. Can we trade names?
- 我们可以走了吗? - "听着我还是一个姑娘!"- Can we go? - "Look! I'm a teenage girl!"
"我才不想待在这个地方 我只是想要一个长长的带有阴郁的宁静，然后一些尖酸的评点，再是一个更长的宁静 "I'd rather be anywhere than here. I'm all about long, sullen silences, followed by mean comments, followed by more silences."
所以怎么样? 长长的 带有犹豫的宁静? 还是尖酸的评论? 请开始吧 So what's it gonna be? Long, sullen silence? Or mean comment? Go on.
- 你就当把我当成一个不会说话的箱子吧 - 我们不允许这样做, 死侍, 悄悄地走吧 - You got me in a box here. - We can't allow this, Deadpool. Please, come quietly.
- 你这个大鸡巴黑铁人! - 你好不友好啊! - You big, chrome cockgobbler! - That's not nice.
你真的想搞砸这一切吗? 相信我... You really got to fuck this up for me? Trust me...
这都是那个喘气的胸屌男搞来的! 他贼你妈邪恶!That wheezing bag of dick- tits has it coming! He's pure evil!
再说了 又没人受伤 Besides, nobody's getting hurt.
这家伙在我来之前已经在那儿了 That guy was already up there when I got here.
韦德 你可以做的比这个更好 加入我们 好好用你的能力 Wade, you are better than this. Join us, use your powers for good.
当心 Heads up!
- 做一个真正的超级英雄 - 听着! 到了那天我决定变成邪恶打击粉碎者并且- Be a superhero. - Listen! The day I decide to be a crime- fighting shit- swizzler,
房间里充满着那些诉求者 而我住的荷兰大厦有着一个变态老秃顶的人时候 who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners, at the Neverland Mansion of some creepy, old, bald, heaven's gate looking motherfucker,
我会送一份闪闪发光的好友申请.!但是在那之前我会做我来之前就想做的事情 on that day, I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request. But until then, I'mma do what I came here to do.
- 要不 扇那婊子一耳光! - 韦德...- Either that, or slap the bitch out of you! - Wade...
- 喂喂喂 傻帽侍! - 闭嘴 罪恶头!- Hey. Hey, Douchepool! - Zip it, Sinead!
我希望你正在... And I hope you're watching...
非常不走运 Quite unfortunate.
都你们害的! That does it!
为了祖国!加拿大! Canada!
- 这可不妙 射你一脸! - 韦德 拜托 - That's not good. Cock shot! - Wade, please.
擦 你那倒霉的妻子! Oh, your poor wife!
你真该停下来 You really should stop.
所有的恐龙都惧怕霸王龙 All the dinosaurs fear the T- Rex.
- 这一击绝不会再错过了 大家伙! - 丢人啊 - I promise this gets worse for you, big boy! - This is embarassing.
请太平点 Please. Stay down.
你有听说过只要功夫深 铁杵磨成针? Did you ever hear of the one- legged man in the ass- kicking contest?
- 你他妈有关闭模式吗? - 有的 就在鸡巴旁边 或者那是勃起模式? - Do you have 'off' switch? - Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the 'on' switch?
够了! Enough!
让我们和教授谈谈 Let us go talk to the Professor.
老的X教授演员名字叫迈卡威 而年轻版的演员叫斯图尔特
迈卡威还是斯图尔特? 我时间线已经乱了... McAvoy or Stewart? These timelines are so confusing...
- 不管死活 你都和我走! - 你会恢复的 你总是会的! - Dead or alive, you're coming with me! - You will recover, Wade. You always do.
你看过"惊恐127小时"吗?严重剧透! Did you ever see "127 Hours"? Spoiler alert!
惊恐127小时中 主角登山时卡住了手 最后不得不自断腕
艹 真恶心 Oh my God. Nasty.
颜射亲爱的 上帝 你在吗? 是我 玛格丽特 Oh, there's the money shot, baby. Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret.
人生 跌落谷底 Rock, meet bottom.
当你的生命接近于窒息般烂的时候 一般你都能追溯回一个巨大的糟糕的决定 When life ends up breathtakingly fucked, you can generally trace it back to one big, bad decision.
这个把你送回屎堡尽头路的决定 The one that sent you down the road to Shitsburg.
这个? 这个就是我的那个决定 This, well, this was mine.
威尔森先生 没有一个能够比换一个别人的心脏更能够抚慰我心情的事情了 Mr. Wilson. Nothing warms my heart more than a change of someone else's.
你终于下定觉醒了 You've finally hit fuck- it.
- 答应我请善待我 这样以后我也可以善待别人. - 当然. - Just promise you'll do right by me. So I can do right by someone else. - Of course.
调侃绿光侠
别把我的战服做成绿色的 也不要做成动漫的 And please don't make the super- suit green. Or animated!
这地方看上去消过毒了.我的一个要求是不要用冰冷的手碰我. This place seems sanitary. My first request is warmer hands.
我擦这床是暖的 And Jesus! A warmer table.
你真应该说一些让我说舒心的话 朋友 比如猪肉和豆子什么的 You should really come up with a safe word, fellas. I'm thinking 'pork and beans'.
轻一点! Easy!
你作为女性是不是有点过于强壮了? Aren't you a little strong for a lady?
我正在呼唤我的鸡巴 I'm calling Wang.
口欲滞留还是史泰龙粉? What's up with the matches? Oral fixation? Or just a big Stallone fan?
因为“天使”咬着火柴，而龙哥经常在大银幕上咬着一根鸡尾酒棍
- 耐心点 天使 一切都很好 - 你是来这里做夜间陪聊服务的还是什么? - Patience, Angel. All in good time. - Are you here for the turn down service or what?
- 我们这又来了一个爱说话的 - 我就是有点对于超级英雄营地的第一天有点兴奋 - We have another talker. - I'm just excited about my first day at superhero camp.
把他妈嘴闭上 Shut the fuck up.
威尔森先生 我的名字是阿贾克斯 我来负责这间工作室 Mr. Wilson, my name's Ajax. I manage this workshop.
所有我的欢迎词过去一般都是用来委婉的表达. All of my welcome speeches used to be filled with euphemisms like,
“可能会有点痛” 可能会让你不是很舒服“. "this may hurt a little," or "this might cause you some discomfort."
但是我今天就直接说了 这件工作室不是政府项目 But I'm going blunt. This workshop is not a government- led program.
这是一个私人研究所来再利用一些像你这样的人转变成. It's a private institution that turns reclamation projects like yourself into men of....
特殊能力 Extraordinary abilities.
但是如果你认为超人能力是无痛得到的...错! But if you think superhuman powers are acquired painlessly... Wrong.
我将注射一管血浆用来激活任何潜伏在DNA下面的变异基音 I'm injecting you with a serum that activates any mutant genes lurking in your DNA.
为了是这个起作用 我们必须强制让你进入极度焦虑状态.For it to work, we need to subject you to extreme stress.
你一定听说这句名言”不把蛋打碎 哪得煎蛋饼“, 所以我希望你 You've heard the whole, "make an omelet, break some eggs" bit, I hope.
我马上要弄疼你了 韦德 我之前在这里也是一个病人 你知道 I'm about to hurt you, Wade. I was a patient here once myself, you know.
这个疗效对每个人都不一样 这让天使变得非人般强壮 The treatment affects everyone differently. It made Angel inhumanly strong.
而我 它增强了我的反射神经 同时也烧了我的感触神经我感觉不到疼痛了 In my case, it enhanced my reflexes, also scorched my nerve endings so I no longer feel pain.
其实我什么都感觉不到 And in fact, I no longer feel anything.
谢谢解释! 你有一些东西塞在你牙缝里了. Thank- - thank you! You have something in your teeth.
就在中间 一块罗马尼亚生菜什么的 Right in the middle there, just... Nugget of romaine lettuce or something.
这让我不是很舒服很久了 It's been bothering me for a long time.
你还是看了 话说 阿贾克斯是你的真名吗? 因为听上去像是编出来的. Made you look. Hey, is Ajax your actual name, because it sounds suspiciously made up.
你的真名叫什么? 凯文? 布鲁斯? 斯考特? 米契? 还是巴斯尔菲力? What is it really? Kevin? Bruce? Scott? Mitch? Rickster? Is it Basil Faulty?
你就继续吧 没有人能带着幽默活着走出去的 Joke away. One thing that never survives this place is your sense of humor.
- 那我们走着瞧 - 没问题 - We'll see about that. - I suppose we will.
他就交给你了 He's all yours.
憋这样 你就忍心让我和这个没什么性格的罗茜·奥唐纳共处一室? C'mon. You're gonna leave me all alone here with less angry Rosie O'Donnell?
罗茜·奥唐纳 美国著名同性女主持人 常在节目里黑人不眨眼 这里讽刺隔壁的那个妹子
接下来是这样的 This is how it's going to work.
因为在变异的过程中需要肾上腺素作为血清的催化剂 Adrenaline acts as a catalyst for the serum
所以我们需要让你吃点苦头 so we're gonna have to make you suffer.
幸运的话 你的突变基因将会顺利激活并且以惊人的方式展现 If you're lucky, your mutant genes will activate and manifest in a spectacular fashion.
反则 我们需要继续折磨你 If not, well, we'll have to keep on hurting you.
每次的折磨都会不一样 都比上次更痛苦 In new and different ways, each more painful than the last.
直到你最终变异... Until you finally mutate...
...或者死亡 ... or die.
- 你是说就像愿望单一样? - 没错 我他妈的想当个奥运火炬手 - You mean like a bucket list? - Like a fuck it list, I'd like to light a spiff off the Olympic torch.
那记得把火炬传给我 Acid to me, right after.
WNBA 是 美国国家女子职业篮球队
别忘了这个：和WNBA的萨克拉门托君主队的员们手拉手裸体跳伞 Let's not forget: naked tandem base- jumping with the WNBA's Sacramento Monarchs.
我的愿望清单的事都是要求裸体完成的 Anything on my bucket list would involve public nudity.
最后 希望送梅勒迪斯·巴克斯特一个荷兰烤箱 Finally, giving Meredith Baxter Birney a dutch oven.
dutch oven 指两个人在一张床上 你放屁后用被子捂住另一个人 逼他闻屁
不 是梅勒迪斯·巴克斯特送我一个荷兰烤箱 No, receiving a dutch oven from Meredith Baxter Birney.
这样就可以为我的孩子们... 做香蕉煎饼... Making banana pancakes... For my kids...
温妮萨... Vanessa...
我想见见温妮萨 I wanna see Vanessa.
哦 亲爱的 虽然我不认识她 但是我还是很感动 Oh, lovely. I don't know about anyone else but, I'm touched.
- 我们开个玩笑而已 - 别紧张 我鼓励娱乐精神 - We're just joking. - No, no. It's okay. I encourage distractions.
我不希望你们对我们失去信心嘛 是吧? Wouldn't want you giving up on us now, would we?
嘿 坎宁安 别信他放屁 谁会叫这个名字... Hey, don't take any shit from him, Cunningham. How tough can he be...
- ... 好像叫弗兰西斯? - 弗兰西斯? - ... with a name like Francis? - Francis?
这是他的真名 阿贾克斯是他在洗洁精上抄过来的 It's his legal name. He got Ajax from a dish soap.
弗- 兰- 西- 斯 - - - 我去! F- R- A- N- C- I- - - oops!
从你实验室服上扯下来的干洗标签 Snagged the dry cleaning tag off your lab coat.
顺带说一下 也许我能帮你弄个超级英雄折扣哟 FYI, I can probably get you a superhero discount.
- 你还真他妈的爹爹不休啊 - 谢谢 你是第一个这样"夸"我的 - You are so relentlessly annoying. - Thanks. Never heard that before.
你能不能给我闭上你的狗嘴 是要我帮你缝上是吧 Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up? Or I'll sew your pretty mouth shut.
哦 如果我是你的话我就不会这样做了 Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
看吧 这就是被你没日没夜折磨的后果 See, here's the problem with round- the- clock torture
那就是你没有更狠的招了 it's that you can't really step it up from there.
你是这样想的? Is that what you think?
如果这样都没办法激活你的变异基因 那真没有办法了 If this doesn't unlock your mutation, then, well, nothing will.
现在我们要做的是把你的舱内氧气浓度降低 What we're gonna do is lower the oxygen concentration in the air
给你带来窒息感 to the exact point you feel like you're suffocating.
如果你的脑电波活动减缓或者你快要昏迷了 我们才给你通氧 If your brain wave's slowing and you're about to pass out, then we'll turn up the O2.
如果你的心率放缓 你急切的想呼吸的话 我们才给你供氧 If your heart rate slows meaning you're able to catch your breath, we'll turn it back down.
而我们就会在这里静静的看着你 And that's where we'll leave you. Right there.
- 我之前还以为你们就是群屌人呢... - 你知道最有趣的是什么? - I thought you guys were dicks before... - You know the funniest part of this?
就是你仍然单纯的想我们会把你变成超级英雄 You still think we're making you a superhero.
就凭你? 我看你就是一坨屎吧 You? A dishonorable discharge? Hip deep in hookers?
你毛都不是 再告诉你个小秘密 韦德... You're nothing. A little secret, Wade...
这里不制造超级英雄 这里制造超级奴隶 This workshop doesn't make superheroes, we make superslaves.
我们将会给你带上监控项圈 然后把你卖给出价最高的人 We're gonna fit you with a control collar and auction you off to the highest bidder.
他们会让你做什么呢? 做恐怖分子? 让你当傀儡战士? And that's what they'll have you doing. Terrorizing citizens, putting down freedom fighters.
也许只是想让你去帮他们剪草坪而已 Maybe just mow the occasional lawn.
你他妈脑子有洞啊? What the fuck is wrong with you?
你永远回不了家了 现在你所剩的就是一张勇敢的脸 You're never going home after this. Now there's a brave face.
等等 等等 等等... Wait, wait, wait...
说真的 你牙上真的粘了东西 Seriously, you actually have something in your teeth now.
- 周末愉快 - 周末? 你确定要等到周末吗? - Enjoy your weekend. - Weekend? Back up, weekend?
我有说过这是爱情片吗? 这其实是恐怖片 Did I say this was a love story? No. It's a horror movie.
我去! 看起来真是惨不忍睹啊 Fucking hell! Looks like someone lost a shot at homecoming king.
你对我做了什么? What have you done to me?
我让你体验了频临死亡的感觉并且刺激了你的细胞 I've mainly raised your stress levels high enough to trigger a mutation.
- 你这个该死的虐待狂 - 我治好了你 韦德 - You sadistic fuck! - I've cured you, Wade.
现在你有一种可以自愈的细胞 可以把你的癌细胞迅速清除 Now your mutated cells can heal anything. Striking your cancer as fast as it can form.
我以前见过这种副作用... 我能治好你的脸 Yeah, I've seen some other side effects before... I could cure them.
但是你知道有趣的是什么吗? But where's the fun in that?
现在我可以再折磨你 韦德 Now I'm gonna shut you in again, Wade.
不是因为我必须折磨你 Not because I need to.
单纯是我愿意折磨你 Because I want to.
再见 开始吧 Farewell. Go ahead.
你闻起来跟屎一样 You already smell like shit.
- 我操你妈... - 别这样 冷静... - Motherfucker... - That's alright, it's alright...
我想我们已经赚到了不少钱了 出去吧 去走走 I think we have earned that one. You take off. Go on, off you go.
小问题: Quick question:
我叫什么名字? What's my name?
就知道你会不说话 Didn't think so.
抱歉了 弗兰西斯 我现在说不了话 Sorry, Francis. My lips are sealed.
你不会杀我的 我是你脸的唯一救星 You don't wanna kill me. I'm the only one who can fix your ugly mug!
我叫什么名字? What's my name?
韦德... Wade...
我在这里不但止治好了我的癌症... 我还得到了无限自愈的功能 I didn't just get the cure to el cancer... I got the cure to el everything.
但是只有一件事情我很在意 But there was only one thing that really mattered.
不行 我这么丑 我不能和她在一起了 No way. I'm not making her life as ugly as mine.
- 别这样 韦德 不会那么糟的 - 放屁 我现在就他妈是个怪物 - Come on, Wade, it can't be that bad. - Bullshit! I'm a monster inside now.
- 我就该生活在那个该死的马戏团里 - 韦德 温妮萨爱着你 - I belong in a fucking circus. - Wade, Vanessa loves you.
- 她不会在乎你那 天啊 - 你喜欢这脸? - She doesn't care what you- - - Oh! - Do you like what you see?
不 你看起来就像在一个牛油果在操一个更老更恶心的牛油果 No. You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.
一点也不温柔 强操灰飞湮灭 Not gently. He was hate- fucking.
这性宣泄虽然怎么看怎么不和谐 There was something wrong with the relationship
但是这貌似是唯一不用暴力宣泄的结果 and that was their only catharsis without violence.
然而那个能复原我帅帅的脸 帮我变异的那个英国佬 And the only guy who can fix this fugly mug is the British shitstick who ran the mutant factory.
噗的一声就不见了人! And he's gone- - - Poof!
你得想想别的办法吧 就现在来说 这个英国佬是你的唯一出路 You gotta do something to remedy this. 'Cause as of now, you only have one course of action:
- 真他妈的对 要找到弗兰西斯 - 去拍个恐怖片 - Damn straight. Find Francis. - Star in horror fims.
- 什么鬼? - 自己主演个恐怖片啊 - What? - Star in your own horror films.
弗莱迪是能在人们睡梦中杀人的恶魔 是美国恐怖电影《猛鬼街》的大反派
因为你看起来就像弗莱迪在和犹他州地图颜交过的样子 'Cause you look like Freddy Krueger face- fucked a topographical map of Utah.
我准备这么做: Here's what I'm actually gonna do:
我要通过他的马仔找到弗兰西斯 I'm gonna work thru his crew until somebody gives up Francis
逼他治好我的脸 然后在他头上开个洞 让我鸡巴进去看看 force him to fix this, put a bullet in his skull, and fuck the brainhole.
我可不想看到或者自己脑补了那样的画面 I don't wanna see that, or think of it again. But,
- 但是那个混蛋以为你死了不是吗? - 没错 - the douchebag does think you're dead, right? - Yeah.
- 那太好了 你应该隐于人海当中 - 怎么做 比如 带个面具? - That's good. You should keep it that way. - What, like, wear a mask?
没错 要非常厚的那种 一直带着 抱歉 只是你太吓人了 Yes, a very thick mask. All the time. I'm sorry, you're haunting.
- 你的脸会让人家做噩梦的 - 就像是张了牙的蛋蛋 - Your face is the stuff of nightmares. - Like a testicle with teeth.
你会孤独的死去 我是说 如果你能死的话 这样你好我好大家好 You will die alone. I mean if you could die. Ideally. For others' sake.
- 我会的 - 你还需要一套衣服和一个昵称 譬如俏皮者韦德... - That'll do. - What you need now is a suit and a nickname, like Wade the Wisecracker...
漫威讽刺漫画刊 Not Brand Echh 里夜魔侠Daredevil 变成了"夜魔瞎"Scaredevil
- ... 或者夜魔瞎 不死先生 哦 该死 - 怎么了? - ... or Scaredevil, Mr. Neverdie. Oh, shit. - What?
韦德的好友玩的是 Dead pool 这种打赌是赌谁先死 才对就可以赢得赌资
- 我发现我把所有的钱都压在你身上 却永远不会赢了 - 死侍... - I put all my money on you, and now I just realized I'm never gonna win the.... - Deadpool...
死侍队长 Captain Deadpool.
这里是模仿美国队长起名
不了 就叫死侍就好了 No. Just- just Deadpool. Yeah.
敬你 死侍先生 这名字听起来真他妈的卖座 To you, Mr. Pool. Deadpool. That sounds like a fuckin' franchise.
这个家伙估计要疯了! This shit's gonna have nuts in it!
弗兰西斯在哪里? Where's Francis?
苏打水和柠檬汁能去血渍 要不直接穿一身红 蠢货 Seltzer water and lemon for blood. Or wear red. Dumbass!
我不想问第二次 Don't make me ask twice.
弗兰西斯在哪里? Where is Francis?
他非得让我问第二次 是不是我的面具挡住了我的声音? He made me ask twice. Is the mask muffling my voice?
再不说我就要用磨冰机磨死你咯! You're about to be killed by a Zamboni!
弗兰西斯在哪里? Where is Francis?
- 求你了 不... - 哦 老天 我很抱歉 - No, please... - Oh, God. I'm so sorry.
你他妈的是蜘"猴"侠! Little spider- monkey!
我混乱了! 我打算性别歧视你吗 我没有打算歧视你吧 我被搞糊涂了! This is confusing! Is it sexist to hit you, is it more sexist to not hit you, the line gets real blurry!
弗兰西斯在哪里? Donde esta Francesca?
快告诉我你那该死的老板在哪里! 你还有5分钟时间 不然我干死你! Tell me where your fucking boss is! Or you're gonna die! In 5 minutes!
很高兴见到你 杰拉德 我大枪等你等的"饥渴难耐" Nice to see you, Jared. I'll take a foot long. Fully loaded.
- 我之前杀了41个 现在89个了 马上就90咯 - 你是威尔逊先生? - 41 confirmed kills. Now it's 89, about to be 90. - Mr. Wilson?
- 你看起来可真是生龙活虎啊 - 哈 外表看起来是的 - You're looking very alive. - Hah! Only on the outside.
- 这事还没完 - 没错 我这事跟你还没完 - This is not going to end- - - - This is not gonna end well for you, no.
- 你老板在哪里? - 我能给你他准确的位置 - Where's your boss? - I can tell you exactly where- - -
你迟早会告诉我 但首先观众请转移你们的目光 这头小猪猪要... You'll tell me. But first, you might wanna look away for this. Now this little piggy went to...
谢谢你 史密斯探员 Thank you, Agent Smith.
的士! Taxi!
上来吧! 今天特别适合兜风 Hop in! Great day for a ride.
我们都知道接下来发生了什么事情 And we all know how this turned out.
自己安慰自己中... 请稍后
哎呀 不应该让你们看这个的 Whoops! You weren't meant to see that.
好了 这就对了 There. All caught up.
抱歉 我不小心把血滴在你的垃圾上了 Sorry! About bleeding at all your garbage.
苏打水和柠檬能去血渍 Seltzer water and lemon for blood.
有些情绪是很难控制的 Some kinds of anger can't be managed.
譬如你计划了很久事 结果遇上了不该出现的人 最后还被截肢了! Like the kind where your year- long plan ends with the wrong guy getting dismembered!
听说 当你需要疗伤时 没有比家更好的地方了 That said, when it comes time to licking wounds, there's no place like home.
早上好 懒虫 Morning, sleepyhead.
- 闻着像是老女人的裤子 - 没错 我很老 我穿了裤子 - It smells like old lady pants in here. - Yes I'm old, I wear pants.
但是你不是女人 哦 舒服 But you're no lady. Oh, so comfy.
作为盲人 我未见你穿过鳄鱼洞洞鞋 Upside of being blind, I've never seen you in crocs.
洞洞鞋有洞 自己想吧
你是说我那双又大 又软 的自慰鞋么? You mean my big, rubber, masturbating shoes?
没错 我听到了 盲人的缺点就是能听到这间小房子的任何声音 Yes I know. Downside of being blind, I hear everything in this duplex.
- 我被人干了 - 云南白药? - Sit on a stick. - Bactine?
应该管用 Bactine should do it.
那个库伦系列的橱柜怎么进来的? 毕竟宜家的货都不是装好的 How's that KULLEN coming along? Ikea doesn't assemble itself, you know.
你说呢 我不介意库伦系列的 它是郝德系列的改良版 You're telling me. I don't mind the KULLEN. It's an improvement on the HURDAL.
什么都比郝德系列强好吗 Anything's an improvement over the HURDAL.
我宁愿买个汉尼斯系列的 或者特吕西尔系列的 也不买郝德... I'd taken an HEMNES or a TRYSIL over the HURDAL.
不 当初我看到库伦系列的也就没兴奋过 No, I didn't get excited 'till I saw KULLEN.
- 递一下螺丝刀 谢谢 - 现在? 你开玩笑吧 你都几十年看不到东西了 - Screw, please. - Here? Now? Just kidding. I know it's been decades.
- 你会惊讶的 - 你就算了吧 - You'd be surprised. - Pretty grossed out.
蹬蹬蹬蹬 Ta- - - - - - da...
看来我需要58同城了 I wish I never heard, of Craigslist.
你是想去登个广告: "求瞎子室友一枚 要求熟悉"手活" " And I quote, "Looking for roommate, blind, and likes imperfections. Must be good with hands."
还是我来负责安装家具你来付房租? Or would you rather I build the Ikea and you pay rent?
- 你今天怎么这么混蛋 - 我们来回顾一下: - Why such a douche this morning? - Let's recap:
今天早上 那个把我变成这样的那个鸡巴从我手里溜走了 The cock- fizzle that turned me into this freak slipped through my arms today.
溜走了 Arm.
只有抓住了他 我才能回到我那性感女友身旁 Catching him was my only chance to be hot again
而且防止这样的事情发生在别人身上 get my super - sexy ex back and prevent this from happening to someone else.
所以说 没错 今天我像拿了砂纸撸管一样爽 So yeah, today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo.
#放屁经过 #drive- by.
我知道我们这位红衣大侠是谁了 Found out who our friend in the red suit is.
他妈的韦德•威尔森 如果我也长那样 我也要戴个面具 Fucking Wade Wilson. Suppose I'd wear a mask, too, if I had a face like that.
我只希望我能治好他 I only wish I'd heal the same.
但是 我们还得用老方法 让他尝尝苦头 Still, we'll put him out of our misery. On our terms.
- 好吧 什么时候治疗他 - 没办法了 如果当初他没跑就好了 - Right. And when he heals? - He can't. Not if there's nothing left of him to heal.
你知道吗 我都他妈的快忘了这个傻逼了 You know, it's funny. I almost missed the fucker.
虽然我喜欢挑战 但是这对生意不好 赶快找到他 I like a challenge. But he's bad for business. Now let's go find him.
- 来点扑热息痛? - 你给我喷的云那白药还在上面呢 - Tylenol PM? - It sticks back where you stuck the Bactine.
我的脑袋现在还在围着那他妈的土星转呢 I raided my stash of wisdom just to take a sec and I am orbiting fucking Saturn right now.
但是感谢你的关心 But I appreciate the gesture.
是我疯了 还是你的手真的这么小? Am I crazy? Or is your hand really small?
跟肯德基的勺子一个尺寸 About the size of a KFC spork.
我知道你为什那么生气 I get why you're so pissy
但是你不和她说明白发生了什么事 你的心情就不会好起来 but your mood's never gonna brighten 'till you find this woman and tell her how you feel.
我不告诉她的原因就是因为她不可能接受我的 What do I keep telling you, Mrs. McGoo? She wouldn't have me.
如果你能看见我的样子 你会懂我的意思的 If you could see me, you'd understand.
- 外表不代表一切啊 ! - 外表就是一切! 你没听过贝克汉姆说话吗? - Looks aren't everything. - Looks are everything! Ever heard David Beckham speak?
他说话就像跟和氦气口交一样 It's like he mouth- sexed a can of helium.
你以为他能和瑞恩•雷诺兹走在一起是靠演技的吗? You think Ryan Reynolds got this far on a superior acting method?
瑞恩•雷诺兹 饰演 死侍
- 爱会使人盲目 韦德 - 不... - Love is blind, Wade. - No...
你是盲目的 You're blind.
也可以是"你是瞎的"的意思
所以说你就准备赖在这里继续唧唧歪歪的咯? So you're just gonna lie there and whimper?
不 我准备等我这只小手度过了它的青春期 No, I'm gonna wait 'till this arm plows through puberty
然后再制定一个全新的圣诞节行动计划 and then I'll come up with a whole, new Christmas day plan.
与此同时 你也许会想要离开这间房子 In the meantime, you might wanna leave the room.
我猜用我的小手摸你的胸一定感觉很大 I bet it feels huge in this hand.
走 走 快走吧 .. Go, go, go, go, go...
那个医生说:"坏消息是你活不久了" So the doctor says, the bad news is you don't have that long to live.
所以那个病人就问他还能活多久? So the patient says, how long do I have?
医生说 五 那人问 五什么? The doctor says, five. The guys says, five what?
医生接着说 四 三 二... The doctor says, 4, 3, 2...
女士们 有什么能帮到你? Can I help you ladies?
哦 当然了 Oh, I do hope so.
听说你能告诉我我的一个朋友在哪里 Now, I heard you might be able to point me in the direction of a, a friend of mine.
他叫韦德•威尔森 Name of Wade Wilson.
抱歉 没听过这个人 Sorry, I don't know the name.
嘿 你不能进吧台里面的 Hey, you're not supposed to be behind the bar.
- 我见过这个女的 - 想必这就是温妮萨 我听说过很多有关她的事 - I've seen this girl. - This must be Vanessa. I've heard so much about you.
亲爱的 你最好看看周围 这里不太适合做这样的事吧 Sweetheart, you might wanna look around. This isn't really the place to do something like that.
放松 安琪 放那个小个子下来吧 Easy, Angel. Put the little man down.
- 我们已经找到所有需要的东西了 - 你确定? - We have everything we need now. - You sure?
你不想来件好看点的衣服? You don't want any clothes that are not monochromatic?
希望你享受《刀锋战士II》的午夜秀 There's a midnight showing of Blade II.
讽刺他穿的大衣
谢谢你们刚才帮我 伙计们 Thanks for having my back, guys.
韦德 我们他妈的有麻烦了 我们指的是你 你有麻烦了 Wade, we have a fucking problem, and by we, I mean you.
我不敢相信要这样去见她 I can't believe we're doing this.
有没有什么词能形容一半害怕 一半生气? Is there a word for half- afraid, half- angry?
也许"害气"可以吧 你准备好见面要和她说什么了吗? "Afrangry", I guess. Have you decided what you're gonna say to her?
- 我操! - 这样说不太好吧 - Fuck me! - Maybe not start with that.
嘿 都到舞池边来 别害羞 都放开了玩吧! Hey, coming on to our stage right now, give it up for Chastity!
要不像我以前一样打电话找她吧 开个玩笑 Or as I like to call her, Irony.
得快点找到她 以免那个傻逼先下手了 I gotta find her fast, before numb nuts does.
- 你怎么知道她在这里? - 这里有一些她去哪就跟到哪的客人 - How do you know she's in here? - Some customer stalking that fox.
每一次见她 都宛如"初次" Every time I see her, it's like the first time.
特别是从这个角度 Especially from this angle.
虽然钱不能买到爱情 但是可以租个三分钟 You can't buy love, but you can rent it for three minutes.
你这个弱鸡! You weak motherfucker!
振作起来 不为你自己 为了温妮莎 C'mon. Get it together, this isn't about you, this is about Vanessa.
要上了 Here we go.
最大努力 Maximum effort.
温妮莎! Vanessa!
有人在后门外找你 关于...一个旧男友的事 Someone out back asking for you. Something about... an old boyfriend?
我就知道是你 因为我们就像契合的拼板 I knew it was you. 'Cause we're weird curvy edges.
能组成一幅拼图 Like a jigsaw puzzle.
韦德·威尔森 听到你这话一定会很感激 You have Wade Wilson to thank for this.
- 嘿 她去哪了? - 我看见她往后面走了 去找她吧 猛男 - Hey, where did she go? - I saw her head to the back. Go get her, tiger.
我去年买了个! Motherfucker!
- 韦德 韦德... - 登山包 - Wade, Wade, Wade, Wade... - Cunt! Chocolate- - -
- 超耐磨! - 我们商量商量... 算了你直接打吧... - Jiminy- - - - Fuck! Fuck! - We can talk... or you can hit that...
- 喔! 喔! - 放松 放松一点 好吧... - Whoa! Whoa! - Relax, relax. Okay...
干他娘的 找到它 不然我发起火来连自己都害怕 I'm gonna rip his motherfucking- - find that, find it, or I'm gonna get angry.
看 是温妮莎 不 等等 是 弗兰西斯 Here, this is Vanessa. No, wait, it's Francis.
- 他想让你去见他 - 那是什么? - He wants you to come to him. - What is that?
那是屎的表情 一坨有笑脸的便便 That's the shit emoji. It's the turd with the smiling face and the eyes.
我一直以来都以为是巧克力酸奶来着 I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long.
- 我需要枪 - 好 哪一把? - I need guns. - Okay, which ones?
- 我要所有的枪! - 好吧 - I need all the guns! - All right, okay.
- 差不多有三千发弹药 - 你我都知道12发就够了 - That's about 3000 rounds. - And we all know what I can do with 12.
注：Ronnie Milsap 罗尼·米萨普 美国乡村音乐的传奇, 自幼双目失明
嘿 小心点 音乐大师 我们这试射呢 Hey, hey, careful with that, Ronnie Milsap, we're downrange.
我原本打算花整晚去装那个茶几的 但是貌似你这里更有趣 I was gonna spend the night assembling the Bioshe but this is holding my interest.
- 我告诉过你的 我们要电视柜 - I told you, we're going with the urdvarsch,
不要茶几 听懂没有 没懂就给我滚出去! - 该死 not the byorshe, get it thru your head or get outta Fucktown! - Shit.
- 屋里所有家伙都在这了 - 等等 别开玩笑 都交出来吧 - That's all the pieces in the house. - No, no, no, come on. Let's go. Cough it up.
- 交出来 - 去你的 - Down, down, down, down. - Fuck you.
是0.25口径 不错我喜欢 25 cal. I like it.
韦德... Wade...
我愿意和你一起去 但是... 我并不想去 I'd go with you, but... I don't wanna.
哦 听我说... Oh, listen, Al...
如果我再也看不到你 我想让你知道我很爱你 If I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much.
还有 这公寓里埋了116公斤可卡因 And also, there's about 116 kilos of cocaine buried somewhere in the apartment
专治失明 right next to the cure for blindness.
祝你好运 Good luck.
要不要找找看? You wanna get fucked up?
放她坐下 Put her down over here.
继续 Go on, then.
- 谢谢你 木有JJ的人~我说的是你 - 你也是个话唠 和韦德一样 - Thanks, dickless. And I mean you. - You're a talker, too. You and Wade.
我说过你们这帮混蛋找错人了 我前男友已经死了 I've been trying to tell you assholes you got the wrong girl. My old boyfriend, he's dead.
我也以为是这样 但他总是找回来 就像个蟑螂 只是更丑了 See, I thought that, too. But he keeps on coming back. Like a cockroach, but uglier.
现在我可能感觉不到 但他能 让我们拭目以待 你命悬一线看他还怎么打 Now, I may not feel, but he does. Let's see how he fights with your head on the block.
- 你是《异形3》里的雷普利! - 丢雷楼某 你真老土 - Ripley! From Alien 3! - Fuck, you're old.
注：Silver balls 银球是电影五十度灰里一种 形如O- - O- - 的十分正(bian)常(tai)的女士玩具
- 开玩笑! 别亏待自己了! 多搞几个银球吧! - 你这是要去吃饭?早餐特惠? - Fake laugh! Hiding real pain! Go get Silver balls. - You guys going for a bite? Early bird special?
说的好像下午吃饭或者吃饭打折 有什么问题一样 非也 Like there's something wrong with eating before sundown or saving money. No.
你知道吗? 你们放走的那个坏蛋 他抢走了我女票 You know that bad guy that you let go? He's got my girl.
- 你们必须帮我把她救回来 - 韦德? 是你吗? - You're gonna help me get her back. - Wade? Is that you?
是我 死侍 我有个不情之请 Yeah, it's me Deadpool, and I got an offer that you can't refuse!
我就在这等了 这大房子! I'm gonna wait out here, okay? It's a big house!
搞笑的是我只看见你们俩 就好像制片方没钱再请一个X战警一样 It's funny that I only ever see 2 of you. It s almost like, the studio couldn't afford another X- Man.
我一直觉得电影《魔茧》是纯粹的爱情动作文艺片 And that, is why in my opinion, the movie Cocoon, is pure pornography.
- 这个闪闪发亮的人是谁啊? - 闪亮且致命 - Who brought this twinkly man? - Twinkly, but deadly.
坐在后面是我的铁JJ朋友 他同意帮我变硬 作为交换 我会考虑加入他的男子乐团 My chrome- penised friend back there, has agreed to do me this solid. In exchange, I said I would consider joining his boy band.
- 这不是什么男子乐团 - 当然不是 - It's not boy band. - Sure, it's not.
- 那么 有信心赢回吉塔的芳心吗? - 我试过了 但班度比我狡猾比我帅气 - So, any luck winning Gita back? - I tried to hold on tight, Mr. Pool, but Bandu is more craftier and handsomer than me.
我觉得你比较聪明 Well, I think you're pretty darn cute.
- 杜皮特? - 嗯? - Dopinder? - Hmm?
- 什么情况? - 那是...班度 在后备箱里 - What was that? - That was........ Bandu, in the trunk?
- 班~谁? - 我的魔幻竞争对手 班度 - Ban- who? - My romantic rival, Bandu.
他被我绑在后备箱里 如你所言 死侍先生 我计划像碳烤鱼一样剖开他 把他扔在吉塔的门前 He's tied up in the trunk. I'm doing as you said, DP, I plan to gut him like a tandoori fish then dump his carcass on Gita's doorstep.
我没有那样说过! 绝对没有! 我们交流有点障碍 I did not tell him to do that! Absolutely not! We got lost in translation!
杜皮特 这样可赢不了吉塔的芳心! (我真为你骄傲) Dopinder, this is no way to win Gita's heart back! (I'm so proud of you.)
温柔地把班度安全放下 (杀了他) Drop Bandu off safe and gentle- like. (Kill him.)
然后 以最古老的方式 用你的男孩真情打动她! (绑架她) And then, win Gita back the old- fashioned way, with your boyish charm! (Kidnap her.)
他死定了 He's super dead.
- 是不是要来个5连击? - 为了你? 10连击! - I presume a crisp high- five? - For you? Ten!
好吧 伙计们 我们下车大干一场吧! (你知道该怎么做了吧) Okay, guys, let's get out there and make a difference! (You know what to do.)
干掉他们 帅小伙! Knock 'em dead, pool boy!
好想来个恰米強克捲 Time to make the chimi- fucking- changas.
一般人做不到这样: 帮你毁容 灭你心智 抢走你的孩子他妈 你有10次倒霉他有8次沾光 Not often a dude ruins your face, skullstomps your sanity, grabs your baby mama and personally sees thru 4 of your 5 shittiest moments.
有点开始像圣诞节了 Let's just say it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
你的背包呢? Hey, where's your duffel bag?
班度!!! 你还好吗 Bandu!
日了狗了! 好吧 以最古老的方式 用两把剑... Goddammit! We'll do this the old- fashioned way. With two swords..
以及最大努力 ... and maximum effort.
音乐继续 Cue the music.
韦德·威尔森 Wade Wilson!
- 我的名字是? - 唔 要我教他怎么拼吗 - What's my name? - Ooh, I'mma fucking spell it out for 'ya.
- 看你发挥了 - 超级英雄登陆 她要登陆了 快看! - Go get some. - Superhero landing. She's gonna do a superhero landing, wait for it!
超级英雄登陆! 请献出你的膝盖 真夸张 他们城会玩 Superhero landing! You know, that's really hard on your knees. Totally impractical, they all do it.
你是个可爱的女人 但我要跟 弗兰西斯打 所以他是你的了 You're a lovely lady but I'm saving myself for Francis. That's why I brought him.
我不喜欢打女人 所以请你—— I'd prefer not to hit a woman, so please- - - -
我是说 她是你的了? I mean, that's why I brought her?
不会吧 赶紧写完推特 对面等我们一下 去吧 分享你的标签 Oh no. Finish your tweet. Just give us a second. Here you go. Hash tag it.
搞定她 猛女 Go get her, tiger.
不知道毕业舞会上哪个倒霉鬼上了她 I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex.
好吧 开火! Alright then. Fire!
干死她! Finish fucking her the fuck off!
- 注意措辞! - 吹喇叭! - Language, please. - Suck a cock!
少儿不宜 孩子 看旁边! Look away, child. Look away!
- 等一下! - 停火! - Wait! Wait! - Cease fire! Cease fire!
小伙子们 嘿 你们替那个蠢蛋干活 Fellas, hey, you only work for that shit- spackled Muppet fart.
我给你们一个机会 放下你们的武器 作为交换 我会给你们优先的 温柔的 So, I'mma give you a chance for y'all to lay down your firearms in exchange for preferential, bordering on gentle, possibly...
近乎爱一般的治疗 ... even lover- like treatment.
好吧 突破! Fine! Commando!
Teabag!
- 鲍伯? - 韦德? - Bob? - Wade?
- 天哪 上次见到你还是在星期五餐厅 - 杰克逊维尔市 星期五餐厅 - Oh my God, I haven't seen you since, TGIFridays! - Jacksonville. Fridays.
天哪! 你竟然来这了 What the hell! God! Come here, you.
那些孩子们还好吗? 盖尔呢? 她还在整那金枪鱼砂锅吗? 不错 但是... How are the kids? Good? And Gail, is she still fixing that tuna casserole? It's so good, but bad for...
- 你的...左边的...你很漂亮... - 你真体贴! 谢谢! - Your... on the left... You are beautiful... - That is so sweet! Thanks!
- 弗兰西斯 - FRANCIS
他有没有给你写过小纸条? 如此浪漫 Does he write you notes, too? He's such a romantic.
别担心宝贝 我来了 Don't worry, baby. I'm coming.
开火! Fire!
嘿! 从这上去 Hey! Climb on.
这该死的家伙应该穿棕色烂裤子 Motherfucker shoulda worn his brown pants.
- 你说的对 美女 红色是我的颜色 - 韦德? - You were right, beautiful. Red really is my color. - Wade?
别担心宝贝 我马上救你出来 Don't worry, baby. I'mma get you outta that shitbox.
不如你爬回来 这是专为你设置的 - 噢 这你都没丢下 - What better way to crawl back inside that head of yours. - Oh, you never left.
- 但你丢下我了 混蛋 - 深呼吸 亲爱的 - But you did, asshole! - Deep breath, darling.
不等了... 听你们说话真让人不爽 No wait.... Wrong choice of words.
我希望你的每条末梢神经都感觉不到疼痛 我马上就来检查! Well I hope they've blocked pain to your every last nerve. 'Cause I'mma go looking!
我听说你能长出身体零部件了 韦德 当我完事后 我看剩个什么能长出你? I hear you grow back body parts now, Wade. When I'm finished, what's left to grow back you?
说的真好... 不错 说的好听 Good one.... Yup. That was a good one.
我们来跳个舞吧 跳舞的意思是杀不死你信不信 Let's dance. And by "dance", I mean let's try to kill each other.
- 好拳法 - 你上周六晚上也是这么说的吗 - Fine. Fists. - Sounds like your last Saturday night.
混蛋! Asshole!
- 坚持住宝贝 抓到你了 - 韦德! - Hang in there, baby. I got you. - Wade!
我有个计划 你可能不会喜欢 I got a plan. You're not gonna like it.
完了完了 Shit, shit, shit!
别担心 我很擅于应对这种情况 Don't worry! I'm totally on top of this.
该死! 最大努力! Dammit! Maximum effort!
谢谢 Thanks.
慢点别急 Just take it slow.
天啊! 真是神奇—— Oh, my God! That was so awe- - -
- 我和你 要对这黄油脸做个了断! - 什么? - Me and you, are headed to fix this butter face! - What?
你真是个傻逼 You sure are a fucking idiot.
你以为你还有的救吗? Did you really think there was a cure, for that?
- 什么? - 你听到我说的了 - What? - You heard me.
不! No, no!
所以 你是说 搞了半天 你还原不了我的脸啦? So, you mean to say... After all this, you can't fix me?
你说这话的口吻更傻逼 It sounds even stupider when you say it.
傻逼到这种程度: 我留他小命的唯一理由他还主动放弃? Like the kind of stupid who admits he can't do the one thing I'm keeping him alive for?
你的遗言? Any last words?
- 我的名字是? - 谁他妈关心! - What's my name? - Who fucking cares!
韦德! Wade!
- 四到五刻 - 说什么? - Four or five moments. - I'm sorry?
- 总共只有四到五刻 - 来...? - Four or five moments, that's all it takes. - To...?
成为一个英雄 Be a hero.
许多人以为这是个全职工作 一觉醒来就是英雄 Everyone thinks it's a full- time job. Wake up a hero.
刷牙的时候还是英雄 去上班还是英雄 并非如此 Brush your teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not true.
人的一生当中 只有四到五个真正重要的时刻 Over a lifetime, there are only 4 or 5 moments that really matter.
就是当你面临抉择的时刻 Moments when you're offered a choice.
牺牲小我 克服缺点 拯救朋友... To make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend...
...宽恕敌人 ... spare an enemy.
此时此刻 世间万物为之黯然褪色 In these moments, everything else falls away.
世界见证着我们 我们... The way the world sees us. The way we- - -
为什么? Why?
你说话根本停不下来! You were droning on!
好吧 我确实长的像个意大利烤肠面包 Sure, I may be stuck with a (face) like pepperoni flatbread
但丑八怪不会因为你说的好听就治愈了 but at least fuckface won't heal from that.
我会穿上超级英雄紧身装 像个深井冰一样 I could wear Superhero tights and spare a psychopath,
但你以为我想穿啊 but maybe I wasn't meant to wear them
不是每个人都像你一样 型男 Not everyone (modern has a hall?) like you.
- 答应我 - 好吧好吧 - Just promise. - Yeah yeah,
我会注意另外四个重要时刻 操蛋的人生! I'll be on the lookout for the next 4 moments. Shit!
现在 给我一点私人时间 Now, if you'll excuse me,
作为一个男孩 I'm just a boy,
将要站在女孩面前告诉她... about to stand in front of a girl and tell her...
- 我怎么跟她解释? - 你最好快点想 - What the fuck am I gonna tell her? - Well, you better figure it out.
你知道吗... 打得好... 这也是... 不不不 下面不行 I can't even tell you... I deserve that... that too.. No, no, no, maybe not the nethers.
说啊! Start talking!
对不起 对不起 这一切 我的离开对不起你 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For everything. I'm sorry for leaving,
- 对不起我没有早一点挑战生死线... 这几年我过的很艰难 - 艰难? - I'm sorry for not cowboying up sooner... It's been a rough couple of years. - Rough?
我住在一个毒品交易所 在12人的家庭... I live in a crackhouse. With a family of 12...
每晚我们抱团取暖 每个人为诺艾尔卖命 她就是最胖的那个 Every night we spoon for warmth, everybody fights for Noelle. She's the fattest.
没有什么不是共用的 地板空间 牙线 甚至避孕套 There is nothing that we don't share. Floor space, dental floss, even condoms.
所以你住在房子里? So you live in a house?
我该造点来找你的 I should've come and found you sooner.
但是这个面具下的一切 和你记忆中的相去甚远 But everything under this mask, he ain't the same one you remember.
你做了这个面具? You made this mask?
还有一个 防止另一个掉了 And this one. In case the other fell off.
哇奥 像个创可贴一样 轻... 奥- 迪5000 等等 Like a band- aid. Just... Audi 5000. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
你确定? Are you sure?
我确定 I'm sure.
- 哇奥 - 是的 - Wow. - Yeah.
经过简单调养 再来一扎饮料 After a brief adjustment period, and a bunch of drinks..
这张脸... It's a face...
我会很乐意坐上去 I'd be happy to sit on.
这套衣服下面也不一样了 超级大JJ But I'm not the same underneath this suit either. Super- penis.
咳咳 韦德 注意措辞 还有未成年人在场 Come on, Wade, language. Young one is present.
你们还在这里干什么 去吧 去干活去 What are you still doing - - - - Get outta here, go make yourself useful.
你 去当真正的大哥大去 告诉野兽们不要在我草坪上拉屎 You, go be a really big brother to someone. Tell Beast to stop shitting on my lawn.
还有你 鸡肉面 《你无可替代》希妮德·奥康娜 1990年发行 抱歉 And you, chicken noodle. Nothing Compares 2 U. Sinead O'Connor, 1990. Sorry.
- 这还差不多 你很酷 - 什么鬼? - That's all right. You're cool. - What in the ass?
- 刚才不是认真的! 我为你骄傲! - 你正式加入我们X战警了 韦德 - That was not mean! I'm proud of you! - We will make an X- Man of you yet, Wade.
有那么一秒钟 我以为我们3个小狮机器人要合并成一个超级机器人 You know, for a second there, it felt like we were 3 mini lion robots coming together to form one super robot.
- 这种想法蠢透了 - 是的 - This was stupid. - Yeah.
终于等到这一刻了 And now, for the moment I've all been waiting for.
来吧 Come here.
威猛乐队! 我承诺过 WHAM! As promised.
看到没? 找女朋友不需要变成一个超级英雄 See? You don't need to be a superhero to get the girl.
遇到对的人会唤起你内心的英雄 The right girl will bring out the hero in you.
现在 看完这段史诗般的广角 拔腿起身 慢走... 看起来不错 这不是今晚唯一要拔出的东西 Now, let's finish this epic wide shot, pull out, here we go... Looks nice, not gonna be the only thing that's pulling out tonight.
谁不喜欢圆满结局 哈? 下次见 你的好邻居死侍在唱 Who doesn't love a happy ending, huh? Until next time, this is your friendly neighborhood Pool guy singing...
你还在 You're still here.
放完了! 回家去吧! It's over! Go home!
哦 你还在期待死侍2的预告片 好吧 预算不够啊 Oh, you're expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2. Well, we don't have that kind of money.
你在期待谁 山姆杰克森亮相? 眼罩? 荤段子? 去吧去吧 What were you expecting, Sam Jackson'll show up? Eye patch? Saucy leather? Go, go.
哦 但是我能告诉你一点小秘密 Oh! But I can tell you one thing and it's a bit of a secret.
续集里 电索(死侍的好搭档)将会登场 能力出众 生化手臂 时光旅行 还没决定谁来演 In the sequel, we're gonna have Cable. Amazing character. Bionic arm, time- travel. We have no idea who to cast yet,
只要是个平头壮汉就行 but it could be anybody. Just take a big guy with a flat top.
可以是梅尔·吉布森 道夫·龙格尔 凯拉·奈特利 她好像有档期了 谁知道呢 反正 是个迷 Could be Mel Gibson, Dolph Lundgren, Keira Knightley. She's got range, who knows? Anyway, big secret.
记得不要乱丢垃圾哦 鄙视这种行为 回去吧 And don't leave your garbage rotting around. It's a total dick move. Go.