SUNDAY 11:00 AM
Juan Pablo, your mother said to call Pick up the clothes
-Two hundred pesos should be enough -And the Cokes?
Keep the change for me
Come here
There's your aunt's number
-Call me mid-afternoon -Yes
Check that l turned off the stove
-Yes -Check it
Yes
The coffee maker
Mario, did I turn off the coffee maker?
Yes
DUCK SEASON
What?
You didn't even say hello, arsehole
Finger
-Bin Laden -No way! You had him last time
-So? -I'll go with Bush again
Where are you?
Pass
-It's your house -So?
-Answer the door -I don't give a shit!
Well. I don't give a shit either
Time out
-Who is it? -Your neighbour
What is it?
I just came to see if I could use your oven
Mine is broken
No, my mum isn't home
-What? -Just for fifteen minutes
OK, come in
Lock the door
I mean, if it's a problem, l'd better not
Just fifteen minutes
Shit!
-I'll kill you, wanker -Go on then!
Where are you?
There you are
Fucking poof. Come out!
Did the electricity go off?
The problem is, without electricity...
...I'm going to have to beat it by hand
It will take a little longer
What?
Hey, do you know what sixty-three degrees is in Fahrenheit?
Can you hear that?
What is it?
The sink. The tap always drips
Are you hungry?
Why don't we order pizza?
-Large with mushrooms... -Hey, no! Salami
OK, half mushroom and half salami
And two large Cokes
Nonoalco Tlatelolco housing estate
Niños Heroes building, flat 803
Have them knock, because the electricity is off
Why do you time them? They always make it
-Who is it? -Telepizza, your friendly pizza
Hello, mate
Large, half salami and half mushroom, right?
-And two Cokes, please
-One... And here's the other -Thanks
No, no, no...
That'll be a hundred and ninety
No, you were eleven seconds late
No. I got here in exactly thirty minutes
Our stopwatch says you were late
-But mine says I wasn't -So, what shall we do?
Call your parents, kid. Go on
First of all, my mother is not home
And secondly, don't call me kid
OK, OK
What are you doing?
Sorry, I'm not leaving until I get paid
A bet?
"Halo"
-What's "Halo"? -It's a video game
The winner gets the pizzas and the money
The loser gets nothing
What about football?
-Manchester -But what about the line-up?
With a four, three, three formation?
No, we should play a five, three, two
-No way -Listen...
No, because the five, three, two...
We haven't played for ages
-It doesn't matter -If you say so
We'd have to pay for it
Go
Let's play
Level?
Amateur, pro or world class?
-World class? -What? Is there any other?
Can you set your watch for fifteen minutes?
Ready?
Go!
The first half is on!
Goal!
I was distracted. I was distracted, that's all
Goal!
One all
He sends it centre, some head action... He's going to hit it...
Goal!
Looks like we'll be having free pizzas
No, careful!
Goal!
I told you not to use that defence formation
You play, then
I'm not criticising, just advising
Golden goal!
Have a good stretch, man
-And you're up -Here goes
He passes the ball
-What the hell? -It was a goal
-No goal -Of course it was, it went in
He was right at the corner
-Yeah, but it didn't go in -It was a perfect shot
-It was clearly a goal -But it was a goal
It didn't go in
-It was about to hit the crossbar -It's not true, it was going down
-It was already in -Really, it was inside
Don't cheat now
-Don't cheat! -No way!
Martita?
Tell Jorge that I'm going to be a bit late
I had a problem with a delivery
I'll be there in ten minutes, don't worry
OK, bye
It was a goal
Don't you want to put it here?
So it won't get cold
Pay me
Isn't that a pretty picture?
It's horrible
Well, it's a matter of taste
It's a matter of who fucks over who
His parents are fighting over who gets to keep it
Who bought it?
They won it in a raffle at a Christmas party
His dad had kept both tickets, his and his mum's
One of them won, but they were never sure which one it was
Chivalry says it was his mother's
Let's see - if you had two raffle tickets...
...yours and your boyfriend's, for a car, say
And you won the car...
...but you weren't sure whose ticket was whose
Don't tell me you would give it to your boyfriend?
And whose party was it?
His mum's
Well then, if his mum hadn't gone...
...his father wouldn't have been there
Yes, but if his mum had gone alone...
...there would only be one ticket
And maybe that wasn't the winning ticket
What?
The alarm didn't go off
What's your name?
Juan Pablo
Pablito, you'll help me. It's your fault my cake burned
You should exercise your memory
You have to care about something to remember it, don't you?
You'll be hours
No I won't. It says here preparation time is forty minutes
Help me chop the strawberries, OK?
Yes, sir
I know
I'm on my way
So that's it
Now you're fucked!
You have to sieve it well or it will end up lumpy
Juan Pablo is John Paul, like the Pope
They call me Moko, with a 'K'
My name is Rita
I saw the Pope once
I mean, I was really little, when we went with my mum
He went down the Insurgentes and we saw him
It was like a miracle, you know?
He was going by and all of a sudden they stopped the Popemobile
And he started walking, you know, all holy
And he walked and walked and went right by me and my mum...
...and he stared right at me
-And then what? -Nothing
If we don't clean it up, it will get infected
How do you separate the yolks?
It doesn't matter, just toss them in
-How old are you? -Fourteen
I'm sixteen
-When is your birthday? -6th June
6th June?
January, February, March, April, May, June
Sixth of the sixth of... What year?
-'90 -1990? Let me see
Nine and nine is eighteen... Ah, no, you're safe
From what?
From what? From being the Antichrist. Six, six, six
I'm sorry, it squirted out. Pardon me
-If you want, I can... -No, leave it
Sure you don't want any water?
Set your watch for twenty minutes, OK?
-Enough, I give up -Relax
You have to be patient to get the egg whites stiff
Yeah, but my arm hurts
But you're doing really well, carry on
It's almost ready
What do you do...
...in life?
-I go to school -Is that all?
I listen to music and play video games
I sing in a band
A rock band
What's it called?
A Piece Of Cake
Hey, you fell for it!
They wouldn't charge me, but there is a limit
You have to be more careful
What are those?
False nails. I found them in the bathroom
-They're cool, aren't they? -They're horrible
Well, the idea is not for them to look pretty
Give me your arm
Relax!
I am relaxed
Ethologists study animal behaviour
I was going to be a veterinarian but...
Lucía said I should study ethology
Maybe I should have
Lucía was my girlfriend, but we broke up because...
...she said my great aunt drove her mad
I live with my great aunt, Lucha Elena
When I graduated...
...I wanted to go back to San Juan
But my great aunt was really sick and...
...I had to stay and take care of her
I couldn't find work here...
...until one day an uncle recommended me for a job...
...at a dog shelter
We used to decide which ones lived...
...and which would be put down
At first, I wanted to...
...save a lot of dogs, but which ones?
They killed them in the end anyway
There weren't any homes for them
It was like that for six months
And they started laying people off
The manager said it was a budgetary luxury...
...to decide which dogs lived and which didn't
They offered me the job of...
...killing the dogs
Until one day...
...I noticed...
...a patch one of the dogs had between its eyes
And so I held him
And then I quit
They needed delivery men at the pizza parlour
"Enthusiastic young men looking to get ahead
"Monday to Sunday from twelve to eight with Wednesdays off"
I don't like delivering pizzas
But as my Aunt Lucha Elena says...
..."Opportunities in life are like bullets in a shotgun"
And I have already fired mine
-What's this? -My lucky coin
Keep it
Don't heat it in the microwave or it will get soft
Here, try it
Is it too hot?
It's disgusting!
Stop exaggerating!
No, it really is awful!
One day I bought pair of yellow parrots
The kind that talk
And then, about two months later, they mated
About six or seven little parrots
And I thought of selling them
But the room they were in was really cold
And they died
The worst part is that the pair died too
But right away, l realised that was a great business
-So? -So I'm going to try again
Look, with what I get for my Christmas bonus...
...I can buy another pair
But as that will be in December...
...I will have to have saved enough for a heater
Then, with the heater and the pair...
...I'll have to wait another two months for them to go into heat
I hope the female is willing, they usually are
Then, all of a sudden, you have six or seven baby parrots
Then, you have to wait another month for them to grow up
And when they're fully grown, you could sell each one...
...for 2,000 or 2,500, depending on who buys them
I have to save for two months for the heater
I have to wait until December for the Christmas bonus
Then... July, August until December
Two months for them to mate, one month for them to grow up
Then I just need to sell them
Then I can bring over my Aunt Eugenia to take care of Aunt Lucha Elena
And I can go back to San Juan. What do you think?
I'll be gone within a year
We should make brownies, they're easier
-You'll be making them by yourself -What?
I already helped you make a cake
-Why don't you close your eyes? -Why don't you?
OK, close them
-What? -It feels funny
-What does? -Your tongue
Well, that's the point!
Let's try again. Close your eyes
We were in the kitchen, you know?
We were making a cake
She was in the next chair...
...beating eggs, I think
An I saw her there all alone, kind of bored
And I went up behind her and started rubbing her back, like this
Then her hair... her scalp, like this
Then she turned around
As she turned, we looked at each other...
...for three or four seconds
And I kissed her for about ten or fifteen seconds
And then, just before the kiss ended...
...we kind of pulled apart and I saw her eyes were open
I asked her why she hadn't closed her eyes
And she said, "Why didn't you?"
But I did have them closed. So she said, "OK, let's try again"
You know how it is
And I said, "Here I come again, but close your eyes"
So I went in again and the kiss was about ten or fifteen seconds
And it was really cool, but suddenly, she pushed me away
I said, "What? Now what?"
And she said she felt funny. And I said, "What?"
An she said, "Your tongue". But that's the point, isn't it?
I mean that's the thing about French kissing
Then she said "Again, but I'll do it to you"
So I wanted to play hard to get and I waited a while
And then I got ready and closed my eyes
She has going to kiss me and just before that...
...I could feel her coming close, about an inch away from my face
I didn't know what was happening. She moved back and sucked my ear
She stuck her tongue in like this... Licking all around
Then what?
Nothing
You really fancy her
How do you know?
So you do fancy her?
How can I tell if I do or not?
Did it get like this?
No
Well, this is a comic, but more or less?
-I didn't look at it -But you felt it?
Yes
Then you do bloody fancy her
What's that?
This knocks them dead
Don't suck my ears any more
It is easier to make brownies
-Can you smell that? -No
Who are you thinking of?
What?
Are you sure?
Is it good?
Well, just a little
Blonde or brunette?
Blonde, right?
Why do you all like blondes so much?
Like Lourdes Azcona from 302...
...not very pretty, but she's blonde
So everyone is in love with her
And I'm not biased, really I'm not
but the girl is a retard
And I don't think she's very clever
I don't think she really cares
Or even realises that she isn't clever
Because you need to be clever to know if you are clever or not
I feel sorry for you
You're going to be bored to death when you realise she's not clever
Maybe not
Maybe you don't care about being with a clever woman
Or maybe you aren't clever either
But sooner or later...
...you're going to want to be with someone clever
A palindrome
1991 is a palindrome
I was born in a palindrome
Where's the sieve?
I'm not going to dye my hair, you know
Besides, the dyes cause cancer. Did you know that?
Besides, it isn't just a matter of being blonde
-It's the easiest thing in the world to dye your hair, but no
You have to be a blonde and exuberant
Because if you're just a blonde, guys get disappointed
That's why I say it's not so much the hair colour...
...it's the attitude
Aren't you going to tell me who you were thinking about?
Mum wants to take the picture with her to Morelia
My dad wants it to stay here
That's why they are fighting
Because that picture has a lot of sentimental value
It reminds them of the year you were born
It was in the cupboard for thirteen years
Set it for twenty minutes, OK?
We were at the Techno Motion
We were losing
It was my turn and I jumped
l spun around and landed on both legs
And he hugged me
Who?
Flama
Sometimes the ducks feel a great need to emigrate
That doesn't mean that a duck that emigrates is a bad duck
But rather that its nature...
...makes it emigrate
Seeking new waters...
...or warmer climates
I don't know. They are ducks
And... are these fantasies recurring?
More or less
For example, in another we were in the supermarket
It was strange because...
...there was no one but him and me
And we ate a plum
What?
Nothing
No, what are you thinking?
The pizza was for both of us, dickhead
-I'm sorry -No
I'll make you a sandwich
-Have you got Cheez Whiz? -Yes
What's up?
Fuck, just look at this mess
-It's not my fault -You were with her, wanker
And you let her in, wanker
Move it
-No, my cake isn't done yet -I don't give a shit
The trouble is that your oven is in Fahrenheit
It's harder, because none of the recipes are in Fahrenheit
It's almost done, right? How long to go?
-Five minutes -Five minutes
Wait a minute...
Your cake is done
Get out!
-It's my birthday today -Happy birthday
At home they forgot
Happy birthday, dear Rita
Happy birthday to me!
Truth is...
...it is delicious
Weed?
What was in the jar?
Did you put marijuana in it?
That sounds bloody brilliant
Dry mouth?
Taste it! Taste it!
Thirty-eight
Thirty-nine
Forty!
Where did you get it?
It was my mum's
Your mum gets stoned?
Only on weekends
There are four of us, like the Beatles
The Beatles were all men
John Lennon was a woman
-Make a wish -How?
You think of a wish, then think of a colour
Bite into it and if it's your colour...
...your wish comes true
Look, red
Blue
Try again
Green
Yellow
Out of sixty-five sweets...
...I didn't get any colours right
Here we are in Acapulco
Here we are in Veracruz
You were so sweet
That's my cousin Julián
Here we are in Cuernavaca
What?
Neither of your parents is ginger
Who in your family is ginger?
A grandfather, an uncle?
Don't be a twat, you're not adopted
Neither of my parents is ginger
Relax
Look. Who's this?
My mum, when she was young
Do you have one of your father?
They look alike, but the hair...
The colour changes with age
No. Once a ginger, always a ginger
Shit!
Who's that holding you?
I think he's a waiter in Acapulco
He has ginger hair
Maybe your parents went to Acapulco and met this poor man...
...who couldn't support you and gave you up for adoption
Come on
Can you see it?
Shit!
Are they moving?
Do you know why ducks fly in a 'V'?
The first duck that takes off clears the way for the second one
The second one clears the air for the third one
The third one's energy impels the fourth and then...
...the fifth and then the sixth
And so all the ducks go together...
...all sharing the force of the flight
Together they rise...
...and soar through the skies
And when a duck tires...
...the lead duck goes to the back of the flock
And another duck takes its place
And they take turns like that
One by one, to the front and then to the back
And when a duck becomes exhausted...
...two ducks leave the group and fly with him
Until he recovers
Or falls
I have to find my real parents
I can't live without meeting them
Why don't we go to Acapulco?
Are you coming?
I can't move
OK, smile
Angry
Smile
You're the same
No fucking way!
Why are you so pissed off? I told you you're not adopted
That's the point
So, who are you going with?
You see that bowl?
The other day, they spent two hours arguing over who got to keep the bowl
But the next day, it's not the bloody bowl
It's the dining room or the fucking dishes
They use any fucking thing as an excuse to fight
Let's help them decide who gets the bloody Chinese vase
Ten points
That's a souvenir from their honeymoon
Go!
Good shot!
What?
Nothing
You haven't asked me what happened with the cake girl
What happened with the cake girl?
-l gave her a big kiss -With tongues?
Did you like it?
-l liked the ear thing better -Why?
l don't know
Close your eyes
-And I’ll suck your ear -No
So you can see how it feels
-Who is it? -Telepizza, your friendly pizza
Does this look extra thin?
You are never satisfied
All I want is for the Cokes to be...
...the way they should be - cold!
Hello?
Who's calling?
Just a moment
-It's the manager for you -Right
Hello?
Yes, I had a little problem with a delivery
Fuck off!
Fire me
I don't give a shit
-Thank you, Flama -You're welcome
I’m going with my mum
What are you going to do in Morelia?
When are you leaving?
If the removal men come this week, on Saturday...
No more Sundays
SUNDAY 8:00 PM
Out of 385 sweets...
...I didn't guess a single colour
-Well, it's a game -A bit cruel, isn't it?
Congratulations
What for?
For your birthday
Thanks
No, thank you
Your shirt, knobhead
subs by flaute taken from the original UK subbed version with the help of AviSubDetector