-=THE LAST FANTASY=- 荣誉出品 本字幕仅供学习交流，严禁用于商业途径
-=TLF字幕组=- 翻译：pizzamx 校对：pizzamx
我是道格，很抱歉接不了你的电话 You've reached Doug. Sorry I missed your call.
请留下您的联系方式，我会回电给您 Please leave a name and number and I'll get back to you.
这里是…圣洁牙科诊所 我是史都亚特·普莱斯医生 Hi, you've reached Dr. Stuart Price with Divine Dentistry.
请听到“嘟”一声后留言… Please leave a message after...
你好，我是菲尔 Hey, this is Phil.
想留言就留 不过别给我发短讯，太gay了 Leave me a message or don't. Do me a favor, don't text me. It's gay.
怎么样？ 都打过了 - Anything? TRACY: I tried them all.
全都转语音信箱了 It keeps going straight to voicemail.
总得有个说法吧 Well, there has to be an explanation.
亲爱的，那可是拉斯维加斯 在赌场里没人会记得时间 Sweetie, it's Vegas. You lose track of time in casinos.
那里没有窗户，也没有钟 况且他现在可能手气正好呢 There's no windows, there's no clocks. He's probably on a heater.
手气好的时候没人舍得走开 And you never walk away from the table when you're on a heater.
除非你马上要结婚了 You do if you're getting married.
喂？ 崔西，我是菲尔 - Hello? - Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil.
菲尔，你们到底在哪里？ Phil, where the hell are you guys?
I'm freaking out.
我都快抓狂了 Yeah, listen.
是这样的 Uh...
我们现在一团糟 We fucked up.
你这什么意思？ 昨晚的脱光派对… - What are you talking about? - The bachelor party, the whole night. It...
有点失控，然后… Things got out of control, uh...
…道格丢了 ...and we lost Doug.
什么？ 我们找不到道格了 - What? - We can't find Doug.
说什么呐，菲尔？ 我们五个小时后就要结婚了 What are you saying, Phil? We're getting married in five hours.
我知道 Yeah.
看来要来不及了 That's not gonna happen.
片名：醉后大丈夫
往我左边一点 MAN: To my left a little.
谢谢 Thank you.
好了 Okey-dokey.
（两天前）
嗨，小心点，变态！ 艾伦，量一量而已 - Whoa, watch it, pervert! - Alan, he's just doing your inseam.
他手离我小弟弟就一毫米了 好了，您可以更衣了 - He's getting very close to my shaft. - All done. You can change now.
好，谢谢你，佛洛伊德，非常感谢 Right. Thanks, Floyd. Thank you very much.
行了伙计，我们可以走了 All right, buddy, we should get a move on.
道格，其实… You know, Doug, I was thinking...
你可以不用带我去拉斯维加斯的 我绝对没意见，知道吗？ If you wanna go to Vegas without me, that is totally cool, you know?
你说什么呐？ What are you talking about?
菲尔和史都是你的好朋友 这是你们的脱光派对 You know, Phil and Stu, they're your buddies, and it's your bachelor party.
少来了，艾伦，他们都爱死你了 Come on, Alan. Those two love you.
我不想你因为有小舅子在场 ALAN: And also, I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back...
而放不开，我… ...because your wife's brother's there. I just...
不想那样 It's not like that.
没这回事啦，我早告诉过你了，艾伦 It's not like that. I already told you, Alan.
好吧？只不过在拉斯维加斯过一夜 没什么大不了的 Okay? We're just spending the night in Vegas. It's no big deal.
再说了，你不光是我小舅子 你现在是我兄弟了 Besides, you're not just my wife's brother, you're my brother now.
你要知道，道格，我记性很好 I want you to know, Doug, I'm a steel trap.
但不管今晚发生什么事 我永远都不会提起 Whatever happens tonight, I will never, ever, ever, speak a word of it.
我知道，谢谢，我不觉得… Okay. Yeah, I got it. Thank you. I don't think that...
说真的，我什么事都做得出来 Seriously. I don't care what happens.
就算杀人也无所谓 什么？ - I don't care if we kill someone. - What?
你没听说，那可是罪恶之城 You heard me. It's Sin City.
我会守口如瓶的 I won't tell a soul.
好，明白 Okay. I got it.
谢谢 该我谢你 - Thank you. No, thank you.
爱死你了 I love you so much.
哈，逮个正着 爸 - Ha. I knew it. - Dad.
别紧张，开玩笑而已 Oh, stop it, I'm just jerking around.
穿上裤子艾伦，你腿好难看 Alan, put some pants on. You have weird legs.
遵命，父亲 Yes, Daddy.
他腿还好啦，爸 少来了 - His legs look fine, Dad. - Oh, please.
他的腿跟他妈一样难看 He has his mother's legs. It's just freaky.
艾伦，我只不过拿你的美腿开涮 Alan, I'm just teasing. You have wonderful legs.
你的腿比你妈的好看多了 They're better than your mother's. They're beautiful.
真不敢相信，只剩两天了 Can you believe this? Just two more days.
我知道，你紧张吗？ DOUG: I know. You getting nervous?
你想临阵脱逃？ 闭嘴 - You wanna back out? - Shut up.
想就尽管说 Just tell me. Oh. Mm.
其实没必要去拉斯维加斯的，太傻了 You know, I don't need to go to Vegas. It's dumb.
有什么傻，一晚上而已 你该好好玩一下 It's not dumb. It's one night. Have fun, you deserve it.
我知道，但上周末就该去了 I know, but we should have gone last weekend.
现在事情太多了，我得取消计划 We have so much to do. L... I'm gonna cancel.
我弟弟两周前就开始收拾了，不许取消 My brother packed his bag two weeks ago. You're not canceling.
真的？ 嗯 - Really? - Yeah.
两周？ 没错，他好兴奋 - Two weeks? - Yeah, he's excited.
对了，再次谢谢你带他玩 Thanks again for bringing him, by the way.
小事，没必要谢我，他很有意思 You don't need to thank me, it's nothing. He's a cool guy.
不是什么小事，他没那么简单 It's not nothing and he's not a cool guy...
…所以谢谢你 ...so thank you.
谢谢 Thank you.
嗨，席德 Hey, Sid.
谢谢你们周到的安排 I just wanted to thank you guys again for everything you're doing this weekend.
大家都很开心 那就好 - We couldn't be more excited. - Ah, that's great.
你看，你爱我们，我们也爱你，真好 Yeah, okay. You love us and we love you. Terrific.
跟我说说拉斯维加斯的计划吧 So talk to me about Vegas.
没什么特别的 - Uh... It should be pretty mellow. - Mm-hm.
小赌一把，也许去看看夕阳 大家开心开心 Do some gambling, maybe catch some rays, have a few laughs.
嗯，开心开心，明白了 Yeah, some laughs. I got you.
准备怎么去？ How you getting out there?
开我的车去，一会儿我去接朋友 Uh, we're gonna take my car. Gonna pick up my friends after this.
普锐斯？你就开丰田普锐斯去？ 没错 - Prius? You're taking a Prius to Vegas? - Yeah.
知道吗，去拉斯维加斯… You know, when you go to Vegas...
就得有去拉斯维加斯的样 ...you gotta go to Vegas.
不是吧，席德 DOUG: No. Sid.
这是真的吗？ 别客气，我们都是一家人了 - Really? SID: Come on, we're family now.
你确定？你可是很喜欢这辆车的 这只不过是辆车，道格 - You sure? I mean, you love this car. - Doug, it's just a car.
记得给轮胎装防护免得进沙就好了 Just make sure to put some Armor All on the tires so the sand doesn't seep in.
没问题，简单 Absolutely. That's easy.
噢，对了，别让艾伦开车… Oh, and, uh, don't let Alan drive, because there's something wrong with him.
…因为这小子有点问题 DOUG: Understood.
了解 还有，也别让菲尔开，我不喜欢他 Oh, and Phil either. I don't like him.
我保证就我一人开 I will be the only one driving this car. I promise.
很好 Good.
记住，把回忆留在拉斯维加斯就好了 Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
哈！ Ah!
疱疹除外 那东西会跟你回来的 Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you.
等会儿 关于下周去葛瑞菲斯天文台的郊游 All right. Hold on. I still need some of your permission slips...
我要收家长批准条和90块钱 ...and $90 for the field trip to the Griffith Observatory next weekend.
现在不交以后别后悔，伙计们 Pay now, or forever regret missing out on the experience of a lifetime, guys.
你做得很好 You're good, you got it.
谢谢你，温纳克先生 谢谢你，罗素 STUDENT: Thanks, Mr. Wenneck. PHIL: Thank you. Hey.
谢谢，做得好，巴比特 You really came through, thank you.
噢，马克思，不打算去？ Whoa, Max. What gives? What, no planetarium?
我妈不给我钱，我被禁足了 My mom won't give me the money. I'm grounded.
那你身上有多少钱现在？ 不知道 - Well, how much you got on you? - I don't know.
差不多20吧 Like, 20 bucks.
那给我，剩下的我出 Well, give me the 20 and I'll cover the rest.
真的？ 可以商量 - Really? - Yeah. Well, we'll talk about it.
但20块先给我 这样我才知道你是认真的 But give me the 20 so I know you're serious.
太好了，谢谢你温纳克先生 没事 - Cool. Thanks, Mr. Wenneck. - Yeah.
（拉斯维加斯）
STUDENT: Hold on, I got it.
你非得停这么近吗？ Ahem, do you have to park so close?
怎么了？ 我不该来这里 - Yeah. What's wrong? - I shouldn't be here.
为什么，艾伦？ Why is that, Alan?
我不能靠近学校周围200英尺的地方 I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school.
什么？ 或者查克奶酪店 - What? - Or a Chuck E. Cheese.
温纳克先生，我… 周末了 BUDNICK: Mr. Wenneck, I was... - It's the weekend.
我不认识你，你也不认识我 I don't know you. You do not exist.
操 - Shit. DOUG: Heh, heh, heh.
车不错啊 嗯 - Nice car. DOUG: Yeah.
我来开 没你的份，伙计…别踩… - I'm driving. DOUG: Whoa, no chance, buddy...
天啊，小心皮套… Don't step... God. Watch the leath...
闭嘴，赶紧开车 要不那帮书呆子又要来问问题了 Shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question.
叫兽 这是谁？ - Animal. - Who's this?
艾伦，崔西的弟弟 我见过你起码四次了吧 - It's Alan. Tracy's brother. - I met you, like, four times.
噢，对，你好啊哥们 Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?
别忘了保根液 MELISSA: Don't forget your Rogaine.
保根液，带上了 STU: Rogaine, check.
还有，别忘了用它 And don't forget to use it.
你要是没用我绝对能发现 因为头发看起来会稀疏很多 I can totally tell when you forget, your hair just looks thinner.
要用保根液，记住了 Using of the Rogaine, check.
记得一到酒店就打给我… Make sure to call me right when you get to the hotel...
别像上次在凤凰城开会那样 ...not like that conference in Phoenix.
那次我等了两小时才等到你的电话 I had to wait two hours for you to call me.
那次我要做主题演讲 到领奖台的时候都晚了 Yeah, I was the keynote speaker. I was late to the podium.
还狡辩？ 你说得太对了，很抱歉 - Still? - Yeah, you're totally right. I'm sorry.
怎么了？ 不知道 - What is the matter? MELISSA: I don't know.
到那里可别去什么脱衣夜店 I hope you're not gonna go to some strip club when you're up there.
梅丽莎，我们是去纳帕谷 STU: Melissa, we're going to Napa Valley.
那里只有酒，哪会有什么脱衣夜店 I don't even think they have strip clubs in wine country.
哼，要有的话，菲尔一定能找到 Well, I'm sure if there is one, Phil will sniff it out.
[SIGHS]
不是你想的那么回事 It's not gonna be like that.
再说了，你知道我不是那种人 Besides, you know how I feel about that.
我知道，就是你们这些臭男人 搞的什么脱光派对，真恶心 I know, I know. It's just boys and their bachelor parties, it's gross.
没错，是恶心 You're right, it is gross. Mm-mm.
而且你想啊 And you know what else, honestly?
如果我为了看几分钟 19岁身材性感的制服妹妹 Why would I risk this for, you know, a couple of minutes...
就断送了我们的爱情，值得吗？ ...of some 19-year-old hard body in a schoolgirl outfit?
没错 我为什么要… - Yeah. - Why would I ever need, like...
没错，你要是敢… 怎样？ - You're right. And if you ever do... - What?
我他妈的就打断你的腿 ...I will fucking kick your ass.
多谢，非常感谢 Thank you. Thank you for that.
我就是需要有人给我敲敲警钟 That is exactly what I needed to hear.
更别说你们真是可悲 Not to mention it's pathetic.
那种地方真是肮脏 最不堪的是… Those places are filthy. And the worst part is...
那些个小女孩… ...that little girl...
那些在台上他妈蹭来蹭去的女孩子… ...grinding and dry humping the fucking stage up there...
…她们也是别人的宝贝女儿啊 我也正想说 ...that's somebody's daughter up there. - I was just gonna say that.
真希望你那些朋友能像你这么成熟 See? I just wish your friends were as mature as you.
他们成熟了，你只是不大了解他们 They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them better.
呼叫变态医生 PHIL: Paging Dr. Faggot.
变态医生！ Dr. Faggot!
我得走了 好啊，变态医生 - I should go. - That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.
周末愉快，我会想你的 Have a good weekend. I'm gonna miss you.
Whoo!
洲际旅行啊！ Road trip!
[SCREAMS]
拉斯维加斯！拉斯维加斯，宝贝！ Vegas! Vegas, baby!
拉斯维加斯！ Vegas!
你这傻子！ You're nuts!
快点，才到巴斯托 你看我们一直被超车 Come on, just till Barstow. Everybody's passing us.
绝对不行，我答应过席德了 只有我能开这辆车 Absolutely not. I promised Sid. I will be the only one driving this car.
再说，你都喝酒了 Besides, you're drinking.
怎么了，你现在是条子了？ 你知道我喝醉的时候开得最好了 Oh, what are you, a cop now? You know I drive great when I'm drunk.
没错，别忘了 菲尔可是我们御用的醉驾手 True. Don't forget, Phil was always our designated drunk driver.
要不要跟他们解释一下，艾伦？ Yeah. You wanna explain it to them, Alan?
伙计们，我爸爱这辆车胜过爱我 所以，嗯 Guys, my dad loves this car more than he loves me, so, yeah.
无所谓了 我都把老婆孩子扔家里来陪你们了 Aw, whatever. I left my wife and kid at home so I could go with you guys.
知道我有多不容易吗？ 你人真好 - You know how difficult that was? - That's really sweet.
是吧 别傻了，我说反话呢 - Yeah. - Dude, I was being sarcastic.
我过得真他妈不爽 I fucking hate my life.
我想我可能会待在拉斯维加斯不回去了 又来了 - I may never go back. I might stay in Vegas. - Here we go.
你得抓紧享受了道格 因为周日开始… Doug, enjoy yourself, because come Sunday...
你会一天天地深陷泥潭 ...you're gonna start dying just a little bit every day.
没错，所以我打算打一辈子光棍 Yeah. That's why I've managed to stay single this whole time, you know?
真的？是因为这个？ 没错 - Oh, really? That's why you're single? - Yeah.
多谢相告 Cool. Good to know.
我开的还算稳重吧，艾伦 嗯，还行 - Am I all right over there, Alan? - Yeah, you're good.
哈，上帝！ DOUG: Aw, Jesus Christ!
噢，天呐！ 太棒了！ - Oh, my God! - That was awesome!
棒什么棒，你怎么了这是？ That was not awesome. What's wrong with you?
太疯狂了，差点没命了 你不知你刚才什么表情 - That was insane. We almost just died. - You should have seen your face.
太经典了 真搞笑，哈哈 - Classic. - That's funny. Ha-ha.
没什么可笑的 It's not funny.
哥们，车不错啊 别碰 - Boy, you've got a sweet ride there. - Don't touch it.
也别看，走开 Don't even look at it. Go on, get out.
你没听说，也别盯着我 You heard me. Don't look at me, either.
对，你最好走远点 Yeah, you better walk on.
他还真有点意思 嗯，他是好心 - He's actually kind of funny. - Yeah, he means well.
别以为我不敢公共场合打老人 ALAN: I'll hit an old man in public.
他这里没问题吧？我是说精神上？ Is he all there? Like, mentally?
应该还好，只是性格有点怪异而已 I think so. He's just an odd guy. You know, he's kind of weird.
用不着担心他吧？ 不用 - I mean, should we be worried? - No.
好吧 用不着 - All right. - No.
崔西倒说过别让他赌博 Tracy did mention that we shouldn't let him gamble.
或者喝太多酒 Or drink too much.
上帝，他看起来真是个精明的小鬼 Jesus, he's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit.
再来一瓶水 STU: And one water.
和梅丽莎还好吧？ 噢，还好 - All good with Melissa? - Oh, yeah.
我跟她说我们离酒乡还有两小时车程 她居然信了 Told her we're two hours outside of wine country, and she bought it.
你们拍拖三年了… You think it's strange you've been in a relationship for years...
还要为去拉斯维加斯撒谎 不觉得奇怪？ ...and you have to lie about Vegas?
是有点，不过没必要因此争吵 Yeah, I do. But trust me, it's not worth the fight.
这么说来，你不能去拉斯维加斯… Oh, so you can't go to Vegas but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?
但她却能和嘉年华 邮轮上的服务生做爱？ Hey.
首先呢，他是个酒保 Okay, first of all, he was a bartender.
而她喝多了 And she was wasted.
如果你们还想知道细节 他其实根本就没有进入她的身体 And, if you must know, he didn't even come inside her.
你还就信了？ And you believe that?
没错，我信，因为她反感精液 Uh, yeah, I do believe that, because she's grossed out by semen.
一共是32.5 That'll be 32.50.
32.5，你来付钱？ It's 32.50, you gonna pay for it?
书上说我们要组队，谁做我搭档？ It says here we should work in teams. Who wants to be my spotter?
我想你今晚还是少赌博，艾伦 I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Alan.
赌博？谁说要赌博了？ Gambling? Who said anything about gambling?
如果你确定能赢，这就不叫赌博 It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win.
算牌可是万全之策 Counting cards is a foolproof system.
但也是非法的 It's also illegal.
这不是非法的，只是不大好而已 就像在飞机上打飞机一样 It's not illegal, it's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.
我想那应该也是非法的 I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.
也许吧 911以后大家都变得神经兮兮的 Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive.
多谢了，宾拉登 Thanks a lot, Bin Laden.
再说，算牌是聪明人才干得了的 对吧？ Either way, you gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy, okay?
噢，是吗？ 没那么简单的 ALAN: Oh, really? - It's not easy.
也许你得跟雨人去说 Well maybe we should tell that to Rain Man...
…因为他这个弱智差点搞垮了一家赌场 ...because he practically bankrupted a casino, and he was a retard.
什么？ What?
他是个白痴 He was a retard.
白痴 Retard.
我们来了 PHIL: Here we go.
你好，欢迎来到凯撒 WOMAN: Hi, welcome to Caesars.
要办入住吗？ STU: Hello. WOMAN: Checking in?
是的，普莱斯医生名下有预约 Yeah. We have a reservation under Dr. Price.
好的，我看一下 LISA: Okay, let me look that up for you.
普莱斯医生？ Dr. Price?
史都，你只是个牙医吧？别搞笑了 Stu, you're a dentist, okay? Don't try and get fancy.
这是事实，没什么搞笑的 他只是个牙医，别太激动了 - It's not fancy if it's true. - He's a dentist. Don't get too excited.
要是有人突发心脏病，还是得找911 And if, uh, someone has a heart attack, you should still call 911.
这个我们知道 We'll be sure to do that.
能问个问题吗？ 你们这里能用Call机吗？ Can I ask you a question? Do you know if the hotel's pager-friendly?
您的意思是？ 我的Call机收不到信号 - What do you mean? - I'm not getting a sig on my beeper.
这我不大确定 那有没有付费电话银行？ - I'm not sure. ALAN: Is there a payphone bank?
就是有很多付费电话的商店 Bunch of payphones? Business.
噢，您房间里有电话的 Um, there's a phone in your room.
那也成 That'll work.
那我给几位安排到12层的双床套间 如何？ So I have you in a two-bedroom suite on the 12th floor, is that okay?
听起来很不错 It sounds perfect.
不过我想问一下，你们有总统套间吗？ Actually, I was wondering if you had any villas.
我们又不待在房间里 没有必要 - We're not even gonna be in the room. - It's unnecessary.
没什么大不了的 挤一挤嘛，就一个晚上 No big deal. We can share beds. It's one night.
如果一起睡的话，我要菲尔 If we're share beds, I'm bunking with Phil.
你愿意吗？ 不 - You good with that? - No, I'm not.
伙计们，我们又不是12岁 为什么要拼床？ Guys, we are not sharing beds. What are we, 12 years old?
对不起，丽莎，总统套间多少钱？ Lisa, I apologize. How much is the villa?
我们还有一个总统套间，4200一晚上 Well, we have one villa available, and it's 4200 for the night.
应该很不错吧？ 真的很不错 - Is it awesome? - It's pretty awesome.
那我们要了，给她信用卡 我才不给呢 - We'll take it. Give her your credit card. - I can't give her my credit card.
大家AA 你毛病吧？不行，我们请 - We'll split it. - Are you crazy? No, this is on us.
你不明白，梅丽莎会查我消费明细 You don't get it. Melissa checks my statements.
我们只是先做预授权 We just need a credit card on file.
退房前不会扣钱的 到时候你们可以再商量 We won't charge you until check out, so you can figure it out then.
那太好了，谢谢你，丽莎 这事我们明天再说，赶紧的 That's perfect. Thank you, Lisa. We'll deal with it tomorrow. Come on.
好吧 Fine.
能再问个问题吗？ 当然可以 - Can I ask you another question? LISA: Sure.
也许你被问过很多遍了 You probably get this a lot.
这不是真正的凯萨行宫，对吧？ This isn't the real Caesars Palace, is it?
您的意思是？ What do you mean?
嗯… Did, uh...
凯萨没在这里住过吧？ 噢，没有 - Did Caesar live here? - Um, no.
我想也是 I didn't think so.
我操 STU: Holy shit.
看，这就是拉斯维加斯 PHIL: Now, this is Vegas.
噢，天…这真是太豪华了 DOUG: Oh, my... This place is enormous.
这下可爽了 PHIL: Now we're talking.
这全部都是我们的？ Is this all one suite?
谢谢你们 Thank you, guys.
或者我是不是该说 “谢谢你，史都”？ Or should I say, "Thank you, Stu"?
不客气，只因为我爱你 You're welcome. It's only because I love you.
看，伙计们，免费杏仁 Hey, guys. Look, free almonds.
噢，别，别，赶紧放回去 不行，我饿了 - Oh, no, no, no. Please put those back. - Wait, I'm just hungry.
我知道，但… 搞什么飞机，史都？ - Well, I know, but... - Stu, what the fuck?
这下面有重力感应器 如果你三十秒之内不放回去… It's a pressure-sensitive plate. When you pick it up, you have 30 seconds to put it back...
就要收费了 真精巧 ...or they bill you. ALAN: That's pretty neat.
是很精巧，也很贵 STU: It may be neat, but it's also very expensive, so...
就这点杏仁，估计得14块钱 Those almonds are probably, like, $14.
别紧张，史都 Stu, relax.
菲尔，你不知道，梅丽莎跟个会计似的 Phil, Melissa is like a forensic accountant, okay?
我的每笔账单 她都要看，你要是想吃… She scours my statements. If you want nuts...
自己去刷卡 你看 ...put your own credit card down. - Watch this.
解决了，艾伦，好好吃吧 Problem solved. Alan, enjoy your almonds.
我不要，没心情了 I don't want them. He ruined it.
好吧，大家挑自己的房间 换好衣服，半小时后见 All right, let's pick a room, let's get dressed. Be ready in 30 minutes.
真希望你能来看看 不管是谁都会爱上这里的 I just wish you could see this place, because you, of all people, would love it.
是啊，不，这里太古典了 Yeah. No, it's so quaint.
是啊，没电视，也没电话 Yeah, no, there's no TVs, no phones.
房间里只有可爱的老式收音机 They just have these cute little antique radios in all the rooms.
Yeah.
还有什么？呃… What else? Um...
我们刚见过农场主 We met the, uh, proprietor.
噢，我赌你… 他叫什么？ - Oh, I bet you... STU: What's his name?
嗯，凯撒·帕拉提 Um, Caesar. Palacé.
没错，听起来像沙拉 Yeah, like the salad.
我得走了，要去品酒了 Okay. Well, listen, I gotta go, because we're gonna hit this wine tasting.
等等，我爱你，好，再见 Wait, wait. I love you. Okay. Bye.
我什么也不说，太尴尬了 I'm not even gonna say anything, it's so embarrassing.
艾伦人呢？ 噢，他下楼去了 - Where's Alan? - He, uh, he went downstairs.
说要去买点东西 He said he had to grab a few things.
很好，因为我要给你们看个东西 Good, because I have something to show you.
DOUG: Uh-Oh.
这他妈是什么？ 你说呢？ - What the hell is that? STU: What do you think?
要是我没看错的话，你这下可犯大错了 If it's what I think it is, I think it's a big fucking mistake.
我要在你的婚礼上向梅丽莎求婚 仪式之后 I'm gonna propose to Melissa at your wedding. After the ceremony.
恭喜你，史都！ 谢谢，道格 - Stuey, congratulations! - Thank you, Doug.
真漂亮的戒指 是啊，我奶奶的 - That's a beautiful ring. - Yeah. It's my grandmother's.
她戴着她从大屠杀中幸存 She made it all the way through the Holocaust with that thing.
等等，我的话你就一点听不进去？ Wait, have you not listened to anything I have ever said?
菲尔，我们都交往三年了，是时候了 Phil, we've been dating for three years. It's time. This is how it works.
首先，这些都是扯蛋 其次，她就是个贱人 A, that is bullshit. And B, she is a complete bitch.
嘿，你说的可是她未婚妻 Hey, that's his fiancée.
什么？你知道我说的是事实 她居然敢打他 What? It's true. It's true. You know it's true. She beats him.
两次而已，而且我的确太过分了 That was twice, and I was out of line.
她意志坚强，我一直很敬重她 She's strong-willed. And I respect that.
Wow. Wow.
又开始为她辩护 别忘了她还干过那个水手 He's in denial. Not to mention, she fucked a sailor.
他不是水手 DOUG: Hey, he wasn't a sailor.
他是邮轮上的酒保，你知道的 He was a bartender on a cruise ship. You know that.
哥们，别忘了我还在这里，都听着呢 Guys, I'm standing right here. So I can hear everything that you're saying.
哥儿们，准备放狗出山了吗？ Hey, guys. You ready to let the dogs out?
什么？ 放什么？ - What? - Do what?
放狗出山 ALAN: Let the dogs out. You know.
（唱：《放狗出山》）
谁带这哥们来的？ Who brought this guy?
没错艾伦，我们准备放狗出山了 DOUG: Yes, Alan, we are ready to let the dogs out.
恭喜你 谢谢 - Hey, congrats. - Thank you.
我爱死这地方了 I love this fucking town.
你不会真带着这个吧？ 带什么？ - You're not really wearing that, are you? - Wearing what?
男款钱包 The man-purse.
你也太搞笑了吧，带这个？ You're actually gonna wear that or are you guys fucking with me?
我东西都放里面，很多人赞的 It's where I keep all my things. I get a lot of compliments on this.
再说，这不是什么男款钱包 这叫肩背包 Plus, it's not a man-purse. It's called a satchel.
印第安纳·琼斯也带这个 Indiana Jones wears one.
还有乔伊·比哈尔 So does Joy Behar.
我们往上，伙计们 正好 - We're going up, guys. - Yeah, that's perfect.
真的？ STU: Really?
我们也往上？ We're going up?
这里写得很清楚 I'm just saying, it's clearly marked, okay?
我们不能上来这里的 We are definitely not supposed to be up here.
别管那个，住总统套间的就是爷 想干啥干啥 Come on, we're paying for a villa. We can do whatever the fuck we want.
倒是，不过… 把门撑住 - Yeah, but... - Just wedge the door open.
上来，伙计们 好吧 - Guys, come on up here. - Fine.
你他妈怎么找到这地方的？ DOUG: How the hell did you find this place?
这你别管 Don't worry about it.
Oh!
没事吧？ 嗯 - You all right? - Yeah.
看看这里的景色 高兴吧？ - Look at the view up here. - You happy?
太赞了！ 哇！ - This is great. - Whoa!
[PHIL CHUCKLES]
不是做梦吧？ Are you kidding?
怎么样，艾伦？ 很好 PHIL: Alan, how we doing, buddy? - Good.
你搞什么呢，艾伦？ DOUG: What do you got over there, Alan? STU: That's the Eiffel Tower.
那是埃菲尔铁塔 Uh-oh.
没错吧？ 来点野格利口酒 - Right? - A little Jägermeister.
不错 给你 - Good idea. - There it is. Good call.
在楼顶上 On the roof.
不错，我想说两句 Um, no, this is good. I'd like to make a toast.
送给道格和崔西 To Doug and Tracy.
愿今晚成为… May tonight be...
你俩幸福婚姻之前… ...but a minor speed bump...
一个美妙的缓冲 ...in an otherwise very long and healthy marriage.
干杯 干杯 - Cheers. - Cheers.
一小口烈酒 Short and sweet.
真像大学那时候 DOUG: Oh, it's like college.
好吧，我也说两句 好 - All right. I wanna talk about something. DOUG: All right.
我要… 我想… - I want to... ALAN: I'd like to...
在这样的夜晚… I'd like to say something...
我准备了一些话 ...that I prepared...
想说 好吧，艾伦 ...tonight. - All right, Alan.
你好 "Hello.
刚才的座驾如何？ How about that ride in?
我想这里被称为罪恶之城就是因为这个 I guess that's why they call it Sin City.
[ALAN CHUCKLES]
也许你们不知道 我这个人其实是个独行者 You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner.
我总把自己说成是一个人的狼群 I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.
但当我姐姐带道格回家之后 我就意识到我们是同类 But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own.
我的狼群，从此多了一人 And my wolf pack, it grew by one.
这样我的…狼群里就有了两只狼 So were there two... So there were two of us in the wolf pack.
一开始我就孤身一人，后来道格加入了 I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later.
六个月之后呢… And six months ago...
道格把我介绍给了你们，我想： ...when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought:
“等等，不会吧？” 但现在我很确定了 'Wait a second. Could it be? ' And now, I know for sure.
我的狼群又多了两个人 I just added two more guys to my wolf pack."
不错 很好 - All right. - All right.
我们四匹狼… ALAN: "Four of us wolves...
在拉斯维加斯的荒漠上奔跑 ...running around the desert together in Las Vegas...
寻找脱衣女郎和古柯碱 ...looking for strippers and cocaine."
所以今晚… So tonight...
我想敬酒 ...I make a toast. - Whoa.
什么？ 你带什么来了？ - What...? - What do you got there?
哥们，开什么玩笑？ 你他妈要干嘛？ PHIL: Dude, what the fuck? DOUG: What the hell are you doing?
[ALAN GROANS]
这是干嘛？ 歃血兄弟 - What is that? - Blood brothers.
别…你干嘛…？ 操 - Don't... Why did you...? - Damn it.
给你 艾伦… - Here. - Alan...
不 我可不干 - No. - No, I'm not doing that.
来吧，史都亚特 拦住他 ALAN: Go ahead, Stuart. - Make him stop.
艾伦，我们才不会自残，把刀给我 Alan, we're not gonna cut ourselves. Give me the knife.
慢慢来 谢谢，非常感谢 Slowly. Thank you. Okay. Thank you very much.
你没事吧？ PHIL: You all right? Are you okay? ALAN: Mm-hm.
要不要叫医生？ 他没事 - Do you need a doctor? - He's good.
你确定？ 我很好 PHIL: You sure? ALAN: I'm good.
好，大家听好了 All right, good, because I need everybody to focus.
借这个机会，我想说… 我想谈谈人的记忆 I wanna take a moment, I wanna talk about some... I wanna talk about memory.
不对，我想谈谈选择性记忆 No, better yet, I wanna talk about selective memory.
今晚发生的一切，也可以当作没发生过 You see, whatever happens here tonight may as well never have happened at all...
因为天知地知，你知我知 ...because this circle's about as far as it's ever gonna go.
换句话说，大家明天开始就忘掉今晚吧 In other words, forget everything.
[CHUCKLES]
我是认真说的，道格 我都是有老婆有孩子的人了 Doug, I'm serious. I got a wife and kid.
不管好事还是坏事 我们都不记得了，也就没什么好说的 Okay, good or bad, we don't remember so we got nothing to talk about.
什么都不会发生，哥儿们 Nothing, guys. Nothing.
说好了？ Deal?
君子一言 驷马难追 - Deal. STU: Deal.
很好，过来艾伦 过来，疯子 - Perfect. Alan, come here, buddy. STU: Get in here, crazy.
好吧，敬我们四个不会再记起… All right, to a night we'll never remember...
却永远难忘的这一夜 ...but the four of us will never forget.
来，干了 STU: There it is. PHIL: Hear, hear.
谢谢哥儿们 DOUG: Hey, thanks, guys.
[GRUNTS & GROANS]
[ALAN GRUNTS]
[GROWLING]
Hm.
傻老虎 Stupid tiger.
[GASPS]
[TIGER ROARS]
[ALAN AND PHIL GRUNT]
搞什么飞机？ PHIL: What the fuck?
冷静点，哥们，穿条裤子好不好？ Control yourself, man. Goddamn, will you put on some pants?
别去洗手间，菲尔 是我，紧张什么 - Phil, do not go in the bathroom. - AI, just calm down. It's me.
菲尔，洗手间里面有老虎 Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom.
什么？ 里面有只丛林大猫！ - What's going on? - There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!
得了，艾伦，我去看看吧 别进去 - Okay, okay, Al. Al, I'll check it out. ALAN: Don't go in.
别进去，小心，别进去 Don't go in, don't go in. Be careful. Don't, don't.
[TIGER GROWLS]
我操！他说真的 看见没？ - Oh! Holy fuck! He's not kidding. ALAN: See? See?
里面有只老虎 不可能 - There's a tiger in there. - No, there isn't.
Yeah!
好大一只 你没事吧，伙计？ - It's big. Gigantic. - You okay, buddy?
不，我现在很难受 No. I am in so much pain right now.
天啊，看看这地方 Goddamn. Look at this place.
Whew.
我知道，菲尔 我信用卡还在下面呢，这下完了 I know. Phil, they have my credit card downstairs. I am so screwed.
这老虎怎么进来的？差点没搞死我 How does a tiger get in the bathroom? It almost killed me.
哥们，穿条裤子可以吗？ Hey, bro? You mind putting on some pants?
连说两次我都觉得别扭 I find it a little weird I have to ask twice.
现在还说什么穿裤子？ ALAN: Pants at a time like this? I don't have any p...
昨晚到底他妈的怎么了？ What the fuck happened last night?
菲尔，我是不是少了一颗牙？ Hey, Phil, am I missing a tooth?
我没…操 I can't... Oh, shit.
天呐 Oh, my God.
我的侧切牙…没了！ My lateral incisor's... It's gone!
没事，冷静点，没啥大事 It's okay. Okay, okay. Just calm down. We're fine. Everything's fine.
艾伦，去叫醒道格 Alan, go wake up Doug.
咱喝点咖啡，然后在保洁发现之前 赶紧从内华达州滚蛋 Let's get some coffee and get the fuck out of Nevada before housekeeping shows.
我该怎么跟梅丽莎说？我丢了颗牙 我都不知道是怎么了 What am I gonna tell Melissa? I lost a tooth. I have no idea how it happened.
你有点情绪不稳定，哥们 You're freaking me out, man.
我头好痛，行了吧？大家都冷静冷静 I got a massive headache, okay? Let's just calm down.
我他妈的怎么冷静下来？你看看周围 How am I supposed to calm down? Look around you.
哥儿们，他不在 所有房间都看过了？ - Hey, guys, he's not in there. - Did you check all the rooms?
都找过了，还有，他的床垫也不见了 Yeah, I looked everywhere. Plus, his mattress is gone.
他也许吃东西去了 He probably went to the pool to get something to eat.
打他电话看看 I'll just call his cell.
我看起来真像个傻不拉叽的乡巴佬 I look like a nerdy hillbilly.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
喂？ 艾伦 - Hello? - Alan.
Hey.
我是菲尔 噢，你好，菲尔… - It's Phil. - Oh, hey, Phi...
这是道格的电话 这是道格的电话 This is Doug's phone. This is Doug's phone.
我操 PHIL: No shit. - Yeah.
[BABY CRYING]
这他妈又是什么？ What the fuck is that?
他妈谁家的小孩？ Whose fucking baby is that?
艾伦，你刚说这里都没人了？ Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?
嗯，所有房间都找过了 Yeah, I checked all the rooms. No one's here.
看看他身上有没有什么记号 Check its collar or something.
Shh. Shh.
没事了，宝贝 史都，没时间搞这个了 - It's okay, baby. - Stu, we don't have time for this.
我们先去和道格碰头 然后再处理这小孩 Let's go hook up with Doug, we'll deal with the baby later.
菲尔，我们不能把小孩留在屋里 Phil, we're not gonna leave a baby in the room.
厕所里面还他妈的有只老虎呢 又不是我们的娃 - There's a fucking tiger in the bathroom. - It's not our baby.
没错，这次我同意史都的话 Yeah, I gotta side with Stu on this one.
好吧，那我们带着他 All right, fine. Okay, we'll take it with us.
你就不能穿条裤子？ Could you at least just find some pants?
为什么昨晚的事我们一点都记不得了？ Why can't we remember a goddamn thing from last night?
因为显然昨晚我们high过头了 Because we obviously had a great fucking time.
你就不能少担心一会儿 Why don't you just stop worrying for one minute?
你应该觉得骄傲才对 Be proud of yourself.
我不知道，菲尔 也许因为我少了一颗牙吧 I don't know, Phil. Maybe it's because I'm missing a tooth.
也许是因为那间被 我们意外破坏的房间里… Or maybe it's because there's a tiger in our hotel room...
出现了一只老虎 ...which, incidentally, is completely destroyed.
不对，等等，我知道了 Oh, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, I know.
也许是因为我们发现了一个小孩，活的 Maybe it's because we found a baby, a human baby.
一定是了，没错 That's it. That's it.
因为我们发现了一个小屁孩 It's because we found a fucking baby.
别对小孩说脏话 真的？你还不该出现在小孩周围呢 - You shouldn't curse around the child. - Really? You shouldn't be around a child.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
真可爱，叫什么名字？ Oh, how cute. What's his name?
班 卡洛斯 - Ben. - Carlos.
卡洛斯？ Carlos?
谢谢 Thank you.
看呐，菲尔 Hey, Phil, look.
[ALAN LAUGHING]
他在玩小鸡鸡 He's jacking his little weenis.
打起精神来，伙计 别在桌边乱搞，卡洛斯 - Pull yourself together, man. - Not at the table, Carlos.
[ALAN & PHIL CHUCKLE]
我到处都找了 I looked everywhere.
健身房，赌场，还有前台 没人见过道格，他不在这里 Gym, casino, front desk. Nobody's seen Doug. He's not here.
他没事的，都这么大了 He's fine. He's a grown man.
说真的，你冷静点史都，来喝点果汁 Seriously, Stu, you gotta calm down. Here, have some juice.
我现在喝不了 I can't have juice right now.
好吧，我们来回忆一下 Okay. All right. Let's just track this thing.
[PHIL COUGHS]
你们最后记得的是什么事情？ What's the last thing we remember doing last night?
一开始呢，我们在楼顶 Well, the first thing was we were on the roof...
在喝野格酒 ...and were having those shots of Jäger.
[RETCHES & COUGHS]
然后我们去棕榈酒店吃了晚饭，对吧？ And then we ate dinner at The Palm. Right?
没错 That's right.
然后我们在硬摇滚玩骰子 道格那时候应该还在 And then we played craps at the Hard Rock, and I think Doug was there.
好像是这样 不，不是好像，他肯定还在 That sounds right. No, no. He definitely was.
我连晚饭在哪吃都不记得了 You know what, guys? I don't even remember going to dinner.
妈的，我都不记得来过这里 What the fuck? I don't think I've ever been this hung-over.
之后，我就没记忆了 After the Hard Rock, I blacked out. It was like emptiness.
[LAUGHS]
好，现在回忆到晚上十点… Okay. We have up until 10 p. M...
那他应该是在这之后的12个小时失踪的 ...so that gives us a 12-hour window where we could have lost him.
这是什么？ 靠，我的牙 ALAN: What is this? - Oh, my God. That is my tooth.
怎么会在你那里？你口袋里还有什么？ Why do you have that? What else is in your pockets?
发现东西是好事，快看看口袋 This is a good thing. No. Check your pockets. Check your pockets.
有找到什么吗？ Do you have anything?
有一张百乐吉赌场的ATM凭条 I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio.
十一点五分，八百块！这下好了 Eleven-oh-five for $800! I am so fucked.
我这里有一张凯撒的罚单 看样子我们是5点15进去的 I have a valet ticket from Caesars. Looks like we got in at 5:15 a.m.
操，昨晚谁开车了？ Oh, shit. We drove last night?
[ALAN LAUGHS]
醉驾，太经典了 Driving drunk. Classic.
[LAUGHS]
你手腕上是什么？ What's on your arm?
这他妈什么东西？ 天啊，菲尔 - What the fuck is that? - Jesus, Phil.
你昨晚进医院了 我猜也是 - You were in the hospital last night. - I guess so, yeah.
你没事吧？ 我没事，艾伦 - You okay? - Yeah, Alan. I'm fine.
到底他妈的发生什么了？ What the hell is going on?
这是好事，史都，起码有线索了 Well, Stu, Stu, this is a good thing. We have a lead now.
嗨，史都，看呐 Hey, Stu, watch this.
[LAUGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
见过小孩这样吗？ 你真无聊，艾伦 - You ever seen a baby do that? - Dude, Alan, not cool.
你确定能照顾好小孩？ So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?
看你说的，我以前也捡到过的 What? I've found a baby before.
你以前就捡到过小孩？ 没错 - You found a baby before? - Yeah.
在哪里？ 咖啡店 - Where? - Coffee Bean.
等等，什么？ STU: Wait, what?
我想道格不会让我们开那辆宾士的 Hey, Phil? I don't think Doug would want us to take the Mercedes.
别紧张，我们会小心的 Relax, we'll be careful.
我爸很心疼那车的，他让道格负责… My dad is crazy about that car. He left Doug in charge...
艾伦，眼前有更麻烦的事情 Alan. We got bigger problems here.
道格可能在医院，可能受伤了 Doug could be in the hospital, he could be hurt.
[CRANE BEEPING]
先别管车了 哥儿们，看呐 - Let's worry about the car later. - Uh, guys? Check it out.
从那边抓住 MAN: All right, grab it from the other side.
那不是道格房间的床垫吗？ Is that the mattress from Doug's room?
我操 PHIL: What the fuck?
哥们，这是怎么了？ Hey, man, what's going on here?
不知哪个混球昨晚把床从窗口扔出来了 Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night.
不是吧 - No shit. - Yeah.
看来拉斯维加斯不是人人都玩得转的 Some guys just can't handle Vegas.
Ha-ha.
天呐 Oh, God.
不会有事的，史都 It's gonna be okay, Stu.
我们是怎么搞的？ How the hell did we manage that?
您的车，警官先生们 噢，天 - Here's your car, officers. - Oh, God.
大家冷静点，别说话 All right, everybody act cool. All right, don't say a word.
我们进去吧，走 Come on, let's just get in and go. Come on.
有零钱吗，史都？ 没有 - Stu, you got a five? STU: No.
我们回头再给你小费 谢谢，先生 PHIL: I'll hit you on the way back. VALET: Thank you, sir.
噢，天，上帝呐 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
[BABY CRYING]
你划到小孩了 You just nailed the baby.
我墨镜没事吧？ ALAN: Are my glasses okay?
你墨镜没事，呆子 Your glasses are fine, dick.
[CAR HORN HONKING]
这下祸闯大了 STU: This is so illegal.
你没发现很有意思吗？ Can't you see the fun part in anything?
是啊，我们开着偷来的警车堵在路上 Yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car...
后座还有个没人要的小孩 ...with a missing child in the back seat.
哪里有意思了？ Which part of this is fun?
偷警车不是很酷吗？ 谢谢，艾伦，是很酷 - I think the cop-car part's pretty cool. - Thank you, Alan. It is cool.
道格一定会很喜欢 Doug would love it.
赶紧 Come on.
[SIREN WAILING]
看我的 别这样，菲尔，别 - Check this out. STU: Oh, no. No, Phil. No, Phil.
别这样！ Don't do this!
别紧张 吸引注意而已 PHIL: Take it easy. - Just try to call more attention to us.
大家注意 抱歉 PHIL [OVER PA]: Attention. - Sorry.
大家注意，请让路 PHIL: Attention, please. Move out of the way.
重覆，请避让 I repeat, please disperse.
菲尔，停车，我要下去 停车！我要下去 Phil, stop the car, I wanna get out. Stop the car, I wanna get out. Pull over.
穿豹点衫的女士，您的牙齿很靓 Ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack.
下人行道！下人行道！ STU: Get off the sidewalk! Get off the sidewalk!
我真该去做条子 I should have been a fucking cop.
[STU SCREAMS]
我告诉过你了 Look, I already told you.
你来的时候有点脑震荡 肋骨撞伤，没啥事 You came in with a mild concussion, some bruised ribs. No big deal.
但你们谁都说不清楚是怎么回事 Although none of you could articulate how it happened.
你记得昨晚我们有几个人吗？ Do you remember how many of us were here?
Ah...
不记得，应该就你们几个，肯定没小孩 I don't know. I think it was just you guys. Definitely no baby.
还有另一个人 我们找的就是他，他没事吧？ - And one other guy. - That's our guy. Was he okay?
没事，就是有点神志不清 你们几个都是 Yeah. He was fine. Just whacked out of his mind. You all were.
好，过来，转身 All right, come forward. And turn.
好的 All right.
很好，咳一下 There you go. And cough.
[MAN COUGHING]
咳，咳，再咳一下 Cough. Cough. Give me one more.
好了，做得很好 All right. Thattaboy.
行了，费利克斯，你可以穿衣服了 Okay, Felix, you can put your robe on.
护士一会儿就来 And the nurse will be in here in a minute.
下周我再来看你 I'll see you after the weekend.
非常感谢，医生 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, doctor.
我真的得走了，很抱歉 四楼还有手术等我 Guys, I really gotta go. I'm sorry. I have a surgery up on the fourth floor.
我知道，再耽误您几分钟 No, I know. But we just need a couple more minutes of your time.
塞到这里，免得我还得再消毒 Yeah. Tuck it right in there. I don't want to re-sterilize.
跟我来 Walk with me.
在这里，患者名叫菲尔·温纳克 早上2点45入院 Okay, here we go. Patient name, Phil Wenneck, 2:45 a.m. Arrival.
轻微脑震荡，寻常外伤 Minor concussion, like I said. Some bruising. Pretty standard.
我能看下吗？其实我是个医生 Do you mind if I look? I'm actually a doctor.
知道，你昨晚说了好多遍了 不过说到底，你只是个牙医而已 Yeah, you said that several times last night. But really, you're just a dentist.
这个有意思了 你的血样今早已经出结果了 Okay, this is interesting. Your blood work came in this morning.
Wow.
里面有过量拉菲林 They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system.
拉菲林，也叫屋顶丸 就是平常说的迷奸药 Ruphylin. Roofies. Commonly known as the date-rape drug.
这么说，我昨晚被强奸了？ What, so, what are you saying, I was raped last night?
说实话… Actually...
我不觉得有，不过的确有人给你下药了 I don't think so. But someone did slip you the drug.
所以你什么也不记得很正常 I'm not surprised you don't remember anything.
[CHUCKLES]
医生，我们全体失忆了，记得吗？ Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night. Remember?
是啊，谁能给我们集体下药呢？ Yeah. How could someone have drugged all of us?
这就不关我事了 VALSH: I wouldn't worry about it.
成份已经排出，你现在没事了 The stuff's out of your system. You're gonna be fine.
等等，拜托了 医生，昨晚还有什么事？ Wait, wait, wait. Please, doctor. Is there anything else?
比如我们有在说什么… …或者打算去哪里？ Like, something we may have been talking about, or some place we were going?
还真有 Actually, there was something.
你们一直在说什么婚礼 You guys kept talking about some wedding last night.
没错，那哥们道格明天结婚 Yeah. No shit. Our buddy Doug's getting married tomorrow.
你还是把100块钱还我吧 别激动 - You know what? I want the 100 back. - No, no. Easy.
你一直在说什么刚刚参加过的婚礼 You kept talking about some wedding you just came from.
在佳人小礼堂 At the, uh, Best Little Chapel.
你一直在说婚礼有多烂，激动不已 You kept saying how sick the wedding was and getting all crazy about it.
希望能帮到你们，我真的要走了 Okay, I hope this helps. I really have to leave.
佳人小礼堂，在哪里？ Best Little Chapel, do you know where that is?
我知道 那条路叫自己看地图然后给我滚 I do. It's at the corner of Get A Map and Fuck Off.
我是医生，不是导游 I'm a doctor, not a tour guide.
自己找好吧？都这么大了 Figure it out yourself, okay? You're big boys.
小孩怎么办？ ALAN: What about the baby?
放车里吧，五分钟就出来 PHIL: Leave him in the car. We're gonna be five minutes.
喂，不能放车里 STU: Whoa, we're not leaving a baby in the car.
没事的，玻璃都锁上了 He'll be fine. I cracked the window.
要是他们不记得我们怎么办？ 一会儿就知道了 - What if they don't remember us? - Well, let's just find out.
打扰…先生？你好 I'm sor... Excuse me, sir? Hi.
看看你们 [EDDIE LAUGHS]
怎么，想我了？ Look at these guys.
这么快想艾迪了？还想要什么？ What happened? You miss me? You miss Eddie? You want more from me?
你好吗，朋友？ 看看这小子，你真他妈疯狂 How are you, my friend? Look at this guy. You're fucking crazy.
怎么了，兄弟？ What's going on, man?
跟你说，我认识一些很恶心的人 Listen, I'm gonna tell you something. I know some sick people in my life.
但都比不上这兄弟这么疯狂放荡 This guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I ever met in my life, man.
他？ 这哥们是真疯了 - This guy? - This guy is out of his mind.
怎么了，你这个大混蛋？ What's going on, you fucking crazy motherfucker?
我还以为他要咬掉我的鸡鸡 I thought he was gonna eat my dick.
怎么了？不爱艾迪了？怎么不抱我？ What happened? No love for Eddie? You don't hug me?
不，不是这样的，艾迪 No, no. It's not that, Eddie.
我们只不过有点… 记不起来昨晚的事了 Uh, it's just that we're having a hard time remembering what happened here last night.
没错，昨晚有个婚礼？ 你们主持婚礼吗？ Yeah, was there a wedding here? Do you do weddings here?
[LAUGHS]
我蛋都笑疼了，哥们 You are cracking my balls, man.
我爱死这几个哥们了 你在干嘛，裘莱？ I love these guys. Zolea, what are you doing?
给我的朋友倒茶 再拿点果仁酥饼，赶紧的 Bring my friends some tea, some baklava, huh? Come on.
看看这妞 真难以置信，典型的胸大无脑 Unbelievable, man. Look at this chick. Beautiful ass, no fucking brain.
但这是拉斯维加斯，只有性，没有爱 But this is Vegas. You want intimacy, forget it. You're gonna get sex.
这就是事实，我可以接受的 That's it here, man. No problem for me, though.
想要妞吗？我可以给你找 You want chicks? I can get you beautiful chicks...
东区的，没问题 ...from the Eastern Bloc. No questions.
干净，小b还紧 奶子像这样，奶头像这样 Clean, tight. The tits like that, the nipple like that.
显然我们来过 我们在找叫道格的朋友 Obviously we were here. We're looking for our friend Doug.
你记得他吗？ 记得，那个矮的，长得像猴子 - Do you remember? - Yeah, the small guy. Like a monkey.
没错 你见到他了？ - Yeah. - You saw him?
当然 Of course.
昨晚发生了什么能告诉我吗？ Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night?
你们都不记得了？ You don't remember nothing?
[STU GROANS]
恭喜你，史都，你结婚了 这…不可能啊 - Congratulations, Stu, you got married. - This... This can't be happening.
噢，天 看看 - Oh, God. ALAN: Look at that.
[STU GROANING]
说实在的，你看起来真幸福 I'll tell you one thing, you look seriously happy here, man.
我算是彻底完蛋了 STU: That's it. My life is over.
没事啦史都，人生总有不如意 Stu, it's okay. Look, shit happens.
别紧张，梅丽莎不可能知道的 Come on. Melissa's not gonna know anything about this.
这事没发生过，我帮你办妥 来，放这里 - This never happened. I'll take care of it. - Come on. Put it here.
嘿，这又是什么？ Hey, what's all that?
豪华礼包，你自己订的，这是马克杯 The High Roller package. It's what you ordered. I have coffee mugs.
什么？ 还有棒球帽 - What? EDDIE: You have baseball caps, huh?
精美日历，还有史都和洁德 And fancy calendars, all with pictures of Stu and Jade.
她叫洁德？ PHIL: Her name's Jade?
没错，大美人啊，干净，很紧 胸部是这样的 Yeah, and she's beautiful, man. Clean, very tight. Tits like that.
但那是因为她生过孩子 原来小孩是她的 - But that's because she had a baby. PHIL: That explains the baby.
噢，卡洛斯 很好 - Oh, Carlos. Carlos. - Great. All right.
这样吧，我们昨晚做错事了 Uh, here's the deal. We made a mistake last night.
我们得废除这桩婚事 你可以宣布无效吗？ We need this marriage annulled. You do annulments?
当然可以 虽然这让我很伤心，很难过… Of course I do. It breaks my heart and gonna make me sad...
但我可以办，价钱好商量 ...but it's no problem. Good price for you.
不过单他一人不行，得两人都在 I can't do it with just him, though. I need the chick. I need both parties.
没问题，很好，是吧史都？ Oh, not a problem. That's great. Isn't that great, Stu?
别这样，哥们 也许她知道道格在哪里呢 Come on, buddy. She probably knows where Doug is.
很好 好吧，嗯 - Awesome. - All right, all right. Okay. Uh...
给我们她的地址，当时有填表吧？ We need her address. She filled out some paperwork, right?
当然有 Of course.
打扰一下，你他妈的又怎么了？ 去把文件拿来 Hey. Excuse me. What is the matter with you? Go and get the paperwork, man.
我这辈子都在等你了 好吧，我去还不行 - I spend my life waiting for you. Come on. - Okay. I'm going.
再拿点果仁酥饼 EDDIE: And get the baklava, please.
对了菲尔，我爸的车呢？ 一定在道格那里，我们这就去拿 - Hey, Phil, what about my dad's car? - I'm sure Doug has it. We'll get it back.
那我想砸一下这辆警车先 Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it.
砸它？你怎么了？ 不知道，菲尔 - Torch it? Who are you? - I don't know, Phil.
显然我跟一个陌生人结婚了 Apparently I'm a guy who marries complete strangers.
太他妈操蛋了 This whole situation is completely fucked.
什么马克杯，帽子，车 喂！ - These mugs. This hat. This car. - Hey!
这都是那个不存在夜晚存在的证明 It's all evidence of a night that never happened.
所以我们要捣毁他们 That is why we're torching all of it.
等等等等，我是个老师 我有家庭，好吧？ Whoa, I'm a schoolteacher, I got a family, okay?
我会替你保密，但我不会砸警车 I'm all for secrecy, but I'm not gonna torch a cop car.
好吧，我自己来 要帮手吗？ - Fine. I'll do it. - Can I help?
行，多谢 你们到底打算怎么搞？ - Yeah, thanks. - And how exactly are you gonna do that?
简单，你把雪貂身上浇上煤油 然后头尾都点上，再扔进去 Easy. You just pour kerosene over a ferret, light it on both ends, put it in.
它们喜欢汽油管线 They're attracted to the gas lines.
什么？雪貂？ 没错 - What? A ferret? - Yeah. Yeah.
或者驯服的浣熊也可以，但麻烦得多 Or a tamed raccoon, but it's a lot of trouble.
如果你想… 驯没驯服有区别吗？ ALAN: If you wanna... - Does it matter if it's tamed?
有，如果没驯服，它不会让你浇煤油的 Yeah, because if it's untamed, it won't take the kerosene as well.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
是道格吗？ 我没带手机 PHIL: Is it Doug? - I don't have it.
是道格，肯定是 PHIL: It's Doug, it's Doug.
干，梅丽莎 Uh, it's Melissa.
别接 没办法，她已经打了两次了！ - Don't answer. - I have to. She's called twice already!
我能试下散弹枪吗？ 别碰我 - Can I ride shotgun? PHIL: Don't touch me.
亲爱的，你好吗？ Hey, sweetheart, how are you?
你总算是接了呀，我打第三次了 There you are. This is the third time I'm trying you.
我知道，这里信号差得离谱 I know. The reception up here's crazy.
肯定是被红杉树挡住了 I think it's all the sequoia trees, block the signal.
真烦，昨晚如何？ Ugh, I hate that. So how was it last night?
说实在的，很不错 虽然很安静，但真是很美妙 Ah, it was really fun, actually. It was quiet, but it was a good time.
听起来不错啊 MELISSA: That sounds nice.
我认识了好多种葡萄酒 - I'm learning all kinds of vino factoids. - Hi.
[BABBLES]
要是我能喂他喝奶就好了 It'd be so cool if I could breast-feed, you know?
听着… STU: Well, listen...
我们准备坐拖拉机出发了 什么鸟？ ...we're about to go for a tractor ride. PHIL: What the fuck?
我得挂了，真美啊 坐拖拉机？ STU: I should get going. So pretty. MELISSA: A tractor ride?
[BASEBALL BAT THUDS]
给我出来！ 这是怎么回事？ - Go, out of the car! - What was that?
拖拉机发动了，不过可能逆火了 They started up the tractor. I think it backfired.
这他妈是谁？ 冷静，冷静 - Where the hell is he? PHIL: Hey, easy, easy.
我们应该是在找同一个人吧？ I think we're looking for the same guy, okay?
喂！搞什么搞？ Hey! What the hell, man?
什么飞机，史都？是小孩声音吗？ [CRYING]
怎么会有小孩？ 我们在酿酒厂，那是山羊的声音 MELISSA: What the fuck, Stu? Is that a baby?
他在哪里？ Why would there be a baby? We're at a winery. That's a goat.
我不知道！你在说什么啊！ - Where is he? - I don't know! What are you talking about?
先生，能不能启动拖拉机上路了？ Sir, can you please start the tractor so we can get out of here?
我正试着呢，不过路被拦住了 I'm trying to, but we're fucking blocked.
天呐！这到底是怎么了，史都？ Oh, my God! What the hell is happening, Stu?
喂！车上有小孩！ 有人刚说“小孩” - Hey! There's a baby on board! - Someone just said "baby."
给我滚出来！ 是小羊羔 - Get out of the car! - It's a baby goat.
你们干吗在我这门口闹事？ Why you making trouble for my business, man?
给我滚开 给我滚出来 - Go away from here. - Get out of the car!
菲尔，他有枪！ 我他妈知道他有枪！ - Phil, he's got a gun! - No shit he's got a gun!
我回头打给你，再见 赶紧 - I gotta call you back. Bye. - Come on.
我操 他朝我开枪了 PHIL: Fuck! Shit. EDDIE: He shot me!
他射中艾迪了！ 操他妈的！ - He shot Eddie! - Fuck this shit!
[SQUEALING]
[SCREAMS]
干！干！ PHIL: Fuck! Fuck!
快走，快走！ Go, go, go!
操 MAN: Fuck.
好吧，刚才是怎么回事？ Okay. Oh, that was some sick shit!
[BABY CRYING]
那些人是谁？ ALAN: Who were those guys?
没事的，都会过去的 STU: We're gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be okay.
到底他妈的怎么了？！ What the fuck is going on?!
我不知道 I have no idea.
[SIGHS]
[PANTING]
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
你干嘛不让它自己转语音信箱？ Why don't you just let that go to voicemail?
Ha-ha-ha.
对了，刚才是假笑 That's a fake laugh, by the way.
里面有泰德·丹森、私家侦探麦格隆 还有那个犹太演员 It's got, uh, Ted Danson and Magnum P.I. And that Jewish actor.
闭嘴，艾伦 Shut up, Alan.
哪个房间来着？ 825 - What room was it again? - It's 825.
我知道，已经跟她说过了 WOMAN: I know, I did. I already checked with her.
找到了，回头打给你 谢天谢地，和爸爸在一起呢 I found him, I'll call you back. Thank God, he's with his father.
我都抓狂了，想死你了宝贝儿 I was freaking out. I missed you, sweetie.
我也想你 And I miss you.
[JADE MOANING]
不 No.
你们几个怎么了？ 说实在的，我们还想问你呢 - What the hell happened to you guys? - Actually, we were hoping you could tell us.
什么意思？我早上起来去冲咖啡 What do you mean? I got up this morning, I went to get coffee...
回来你们就不见了 ...and I came back and you were gone.
你怎么这么沉默？ 我不是沉默 - Why are you being so quiet? - I'm not being quiet.
哈哈，你真可爱 Ha, ha. You're so cute.
我得喂泰勒了，进来吧伙计们 Yeah, I gotta feed Tyler. Come inside, you guys.
听到没？小孩叫泰勒 Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler.
不过我也觉得叫卡洛斯更好 Yeah. I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud.
好吧，怎么了？你们个个怪怪的 Okay, what's up? You guys are acting weird.
你叫洁德对吧？ 你真搞笑，菲尔 - Look, it's Jade, right? - Very funny, Phil.
好吧，洁德，你记得我们的朋友道格吧 Right, Jade, uh, ahem, you remember our friend, Doug.
开玩笑吧？他可是伴郎 Are you kidding? He was the best man.
没错，我们现在找不到他，很担心 Exactly. Well, we can't find him, and we're getting worried.
哦天，不愧是道格 JADE: Oh, my God, that is so Doug.
Ha, ha. Oh.
[CRYING]
噢，亲爱的…我去清理一下 Oh, sweetie, I'm... I'm gonna go clean him off.
没事啦，爸爸不是故意的 It's all right, Daddy didn't mean it.
哦天 Oh, my God.
我操，大哥，你要冷静啊 What the fuck, man, you gotta hold it together.
妈的 她可真火辣 - Holy shit. - She is super hot.
你应该自豪才对 她戴着我奶奶的戒指 - You should be proud of yourself. - She's wearing my grandmother's ring!
什么？ 我打算给梅丽莎的戒指 - What? - The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa.
记得吗？我奶奶的大屠杀戒指 You remember, my grandmother's Holocaust ring?
好吧 她正戴着呢 - Fuck. Okay. - She's wearing it.
大屠杀还送戒指啊 I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.
他没事了 哦，好 - He's okay. PHIL: Oh, good.
他就是有点饿了 哦，那就好 JADE: He was just hungry, he's fine. - Oh, good.
你记得昨晚上最后一次 看见道格是什么时候吗？ About last night, uh, ahem, do you remember the last time you saw Doug?
这个，婚礼之后我就没见到了 婚礼，噢，太好了 - Uh, I haven't seen him since the wedding. - The wedding. Okay. Great.
那么…那大概是什么时候？ And, uh, we can't re... What time was that at?
好像是… Well, it was, um...
[CLEARING THROAT]
应该是一点左右，因为我得回去倒班 I guess it was around 1, because I had to go back to work and finish my shift.
下班后我就带着泰勒去宾馆了 And then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Tyler.
那时候道格在吗？ And was Doug there then?
我没看见道格，因为你们都晕了 一片狼藉 I didn't see Doug because you guys were passed out. The room was a wreck.
所以我就挨着史都睡了 - So I just curled up next to Stu. PHIL: Uh-huh.
- Rowr. - Oh.
我有个问题，你说你去倒班了 I got a question. Um, you said when your shift ended.
那你是护士？还是21点的荷官？ Does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?
你心里清楚，我是脱衣舞娘 - You know this. I'm a stripper. - Mm-hm.
准确的说我只是伴舞的 但脱衣是认识客户的好办法 Well, technically I'm an escort, but stripping's a great way to meet the clients.
聪明 有悟性 - Smart. - Savvy.
但那都是过去了，现在我嫁给医生了 But that's all in the past, now that I married a doctor.
我只是个牙医 I'm just a dentist.
拉斯维加斯警方！别动！ 这下好了 - Las Vegas Police! Freeze! - Okay.
[TYLER CRYING]
让小孩闭嘴！让小孩闭嘴！ Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up!
噢，上帝！ STU: Oh, God! PHIL: Okay, okay, okay.
拍完嫌犯照片之后，他们就被带到这里 After we take the mug shots, we bring them down here...
等后被拘捕他们的警官审讯 ...where they wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers.
孩子们，你们长大了可别坐在这里 Trust me, kids, you do not wanna be sitting on these benches.
我们叫这地方窝囊镇 We call this place Loserville.
[KIDS LAUGHING]
跟我走，别掉队噢 FOLTZ: Follow me. All right, let's do it. Come on.
[SHUTTER CLICKS]
你好 Hello.
嗨，崔西！我是菲尔 你好，菲尔 - Hey, Tracy! It's Phil. TRACY [OVER PHONE]: Hey, Phil.
你们在哪儿呢？ 我们在酒店做水疗 - Where are you guys? - We are at the spa at the hotel.
不错，我们正在晒太阳，道格在吗？ Cool. We're just getting some sun. Is Doug around?
当然，他能去哪里？ Of course. Why wouldn't he be?
我只是奇怪为什么是你打来 I'm just wondering why you're calling me.
这个… Um...
我们说好了 不能打给自己的老婆或者女朋友 We made a deal, no talking to girlfriends or wives.
所以就互相打了 So we're all calling each other's.
好吧，有事吗？ TRACY: Okay. What's up?
说出来你一定不信 酒店多送了我们一晚上 Uh, you are not gonna believe this. We got comped an extra night at the hotel.
是吗？ You did?
是啊，真奇怪…不知道他们怎么想的 Yeah. The suite is... It's ridiculous. It's out of control.
不过这里客房服务和服务生都很不错 There's, like, room service and a butler. I mean, just the works.
我们打算再待一晚上… We're thinking of spending the night...
然后明早回去 ...and we're gonna come back in the morning.
你们还要待一晚上？可明天就是婚礼了 You wanna stay an extra night? But the wedding's tomorrow.
所以我们会一早起来，有充裕的时间 That's why we're gonna get up early, and we'll be back in plenty of time.
好吧，没什么事吧？ Okay. Are you sure that's a good idea?
温纳克，普莱斯，加纳，三号房 Wenneck, Price, Garner. Room 3.
好了崔西，我先挂了，回头说 Okay, Trace, I gotta go. We'll talk to you later.
Uh...
赶紧的 好了，转一下 - Come on, chop-chop. - Okay, spin around.
没错 操 - That's it. - Goddamn it.
等等 我从下面过去 - Wait a second. - I'll go over. I'll go over.
别急 你就不能…？等等 PHIL: Stop pulling. ALAN: Can you just...? Hold on.
行了艾伦，别紧张 再这样…这不就好了 We got it. Alan, just relax. And then just... There we go.
好 Good.
[DOOR OPENS]
先生们 Gentlemen.
有一个好消息和一个坏消息 We've got some good news, and we've got some bad news.
好消息是你们的宾士找到了 The good news is we found your Mercedes.
[PHIL CHUCKLES]
好消息啊 不错吧？ - That's great news. - That's great. See?
现在正被收押，是今早五点发现的 Yeah, it's over at impound right now. We picked it up at 5 a.m. This morning...
停在拉斯维加斯大道正中 ...parked in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard.
正中，真奇怪 是很奇怪 PHIL: In the middle. That's weird. - Yeah, that is weird.
还有一张便条 There was also a note.
写着，“找不到咪表，四块钱放这里” It says, uh, "Couldn't find a meter, but here's 4 bucks."
坏消息是… The bad news is...
周一早上才能安排法官审理 ...we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning.
哦不，长官，这样不行 Oh, no, uh, officer, that's just impossible.
我们明天要去洛杉矶参加婚礼 No, we need to be in L.A. Tomorrow for a wedding.
你们偷了警车 我们什么也没偷，是捡到的 - You stole a police car. - We didn't steal anything. Um, we found it.
是啊，是不是该给我们个奖品什么的 Yeah, if anything, we deserve a reward or something, like a trophy.
你们这种烂货我每天见多了 每天都他妈的有 - I see assholes like you every day. - Every fucking day.
“我们去拉斯维加斯吧，喝酒泡妹妹！” "Let's go to Vegas, we'll all get drunk and laid!
- Yeah. Whoo! Woo-hoo. - Woo-hoo.
“我们偷辆警车吧，这真他妈的刺激” Let's steal a cop car, because it'd be really fucking funny."
以为这样就能走了？想也别想 Think you gonna get away with it? Not up in here.
在这绝对不可能！ - Not up in here! - Oh.
Uh...
长官… Sir...
请允许我… ...if I may, um...
我想这车应该是二位之一的 ...l'm assuming that that squad car belongs to one of you.
是啊 嗯 - Yeah. PHIL: Yeah.
我不是一个警察 Look, I'm not a cop.
我也不是一个英雄，我是个老师 I'm no hero. I'm a schoolteacher.
如果我的学生郊游时走丢了 But if one of my kids went missing on a field trip...
我脸上也挂不住 ...that would look really bad on me.
你想说什么？ 是啊，你想说什么，菲尔？ - What are you getting at? - Yeah, Phil, what are you getting at?
这种结果没人愿意看到 我们赶着参加婚礼 No one wants to look bad. We gotta get to a wedding...
而你们肯定也不愿意别人整天谈论 ...and you guys don't need people talking about...
那几个讨厌的游客怎么借用了你们的车 ...how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night.
我的意思是，我们可以做个交易 But look, the point is, I think we can work out a deal.
当然，是很严肃的，女士 Discreetly of course, ma'am.
你们说呢？ What do you say?
[LAUGHS]
我想问一下： FRANKLIN: Let me ask you a question:
各位有没有心脏病之类的问题？ Do, uh, any of you gentlemen have a heart condition or anything like that?
呃，没有 Uh, no.
好了孩子们，今天你们非常走运 Okay, kids, you're in for a real treat today.
这几位先生自愿为你们演示 These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate...
电击枪是如何制服嫌犯的 ...how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect.
KIDS: Ooh!
没错 等等，啥意思？ - That's right. - Wait a sec. What?
电击枪有两种用法，近身或是远距离 Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun. Up close and personal.
[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHING]
我操？ 或者你也可以远距离射击 - What the fuck? - Or you can shoot it from a distance.
有没有人愿意试试？ 想上来开两枪吗？ Do I have any volunteers? You wanna come up here and do some shooting? Huh?
好了，就你吧，小姑娘，来 All right, how about you, young lady? Come on up here. All right.
过来吧，帅哥，来 Let's go, handsome, come on.
不是说你，死胖子，靠边站 说你呢，靓仔 Not you, fat Jesus, slide it on back. You, pretty boy.
死胖子 GIRL: Fat Jesus. FRANKLIN: All right, now, it's real simple.
好，非常简单 All you gotta do is point, aim and shoot.
你只要瞄准，再开枪就好了 All right?
知道吧？ Okay, look. You don't really wanna do this.
真的没必要这样 You can do this. Just focus.
你能行的，对准 Don't listen to this maniac. Let's think this through.
别被他煽动情绪了，好好想一想 Finish him!
干掉他！ PHIL: Oh, fuck. FRANKLIN: Yeah!
我操 好！ [GRUNTING & FRANKLIN LAUGHING]
正中靶心！漂亮 Right in the nuts! That was beautiful.
[KIDS LAUGH]
做得很好，大家掌声鼓励 很好，很不错 - Well done. Give her a hand, everybody. - Good job. Good job.
很不错，干得很好 Good job. Well done. Good job. That was great.
好了，还剩下一发 还有谁愿意试试看？ Good. Hey, we got one more charge left. Anybody wanna do some shooting up here?
就你吧，大个子？上来 How about you, big man? Come on up here.
一样的程序，瞄准，然后射击 Okay, same instructions. Just point, aim and shoot.
没错，很好 There you go. That's the stuff.
气氛好紧张，我喜欢 I like the intensity.
虎眼圆瞪，很好 Eye of the tiger. Good.
你手上可是五万伏高压电，小伙子 要敢于驾驭闪电 You're holding 50,000 volts, little man. Don't be afraid to ride the lightning.
[GRUNTING]
射到脸上了！射到脸上了！ In the face! In the face!
[LAUGHING]
噢，他还站着，还没倒下 Oh, he's still up. He's still up.
不 - Aah! - No.
大家别紧张 All right, everybody relax, take it easy.
这种情况我们见过，他还需要一点刺激 We've seen it before. He just needs a little extra charge.
很好 There we go.
[FRANKLIN & GARDEN LAUGHING]
这种大块头，一般要来两下 Some of these big boys, you gotta give them two shots.
现在大家要不要去看指纹？ 走吧 All right, kids, who wants to get their fingerprints done, huh? Come on, let's go.
操死这些家伙 STU: Fuck those guys, you hear me?
真他妈贱 我要把偷警车这事告诉所有人 That was bullshit. I'm telling everybody we stole a cop car.
他们都让我们走了，算了吧 算个屁！ - They let us go, who cares? - I care!
怎么能这样 怎么能因为好玩就电击别人 You can't just do that. You can't just tase people because you think it's funny.
这是滥用警察权力 That's police brutality.
我要买瓶汽水，你们要吗？ I'm getting a soda. Do you guys want anything?
不要 No.
这家伙就是不能闭嘴，上帝 My man doesn't shut up. Jesus Christ.
你没事吧，艾伦？ Alan, you okay?
我就是有点担心 I'm just worried.
如果道格遭遇不测怎么办？ What if something happened to Doug? Something bad.
你别这么想啦 Come on, you can't think like that.
如果他死了呢？ I mean, what if he's dead?
我不能再失去这么亲密的人了 我承受不了 I can't afford to lose anybody close to me again. It hurts too much.
爷爷去世的时候我好难过 我真…他怎么死的？ - I was so upset when my grandpa died. - Oh, I'm s... How'd he die?
二战 战死沙场？ - World War II. - Died in battle?
不是，二战期间，在佛蒙特滑雪的时候 No, he was skiing in Vermont. It was just during World War II.
艾伦… Alan...
道格没事的 那他怎么不打电话来？ ...Doug is fine. - Well, why hasn't he called?
不知道，但我们会搞清楚的 I don't know, but we're gonna figure it out.
我打赌我们的车被砸烂了，6赔1 I'll tell you another thing, 6-1 odds our car is beat to shit.
闭嘴，史都 Stu, not now.
不，肯定被砸得认不出来了 你赌多少？ No, how much do you wanna bet it's fucked beyond recognition?
够了，艾伦真的很难过 别再刺激他了好吗？ That's enough. Alan's seriously worried, okay? Let's not freak him out any more.
对不起，艾伦 Sorry, Alan.
别担心 You know what?
我们在车里好好找找线索，不会有事的 We'll search the car for clues and everything's gonna be okay.
[CAR APPROACHING]
噢，我真不忍心看 告诉我它成了什么样子 PHIL: Oh, shit. I can't watch. Just tell me what it looks like.
不能看，不忍心看 STU: Not looking. Not looking.
哇，不错 谢天谢地 - Wow. All right. PHIL: Oh, thank God.
看见没？ You see?
没事的 It's gonna be all right.
有发现什么吗？ 这里有雪茄 - Anything? STU: Hmm, I got a cigar.
我找到…黑色鞋子 Oh, I found, uh... These are some black shoes.
女鞋吗？ 不好说 - They women's shoes? - I don't know.
这是谁的？ 不知道，男码，6号 - Whose are those? - I don't know. It's a men's size 6.
真奇怪 这是什么，蛇皮？ - That's weird. - What is this, a snakeskin?
我靠，拿开！ Oh, come on! Ew!
那是用过的套套，艾伦 噢，天！ - That's a used condom, Alan. - Oh, God. Blech!
扔出车去 真恶心，还是湿的 - Get it out of the car. STU: Gross, it's wet.
我不要 我靠 - I don't want the thing. - Hey! Come on.
弄到身上了，哥们！ I got jizz on me. Jesus Christ, guys!
扔出去 操！ STU: Get it out. PHIL: Fuck!
上帝呐 Oh, my God.
搞什么飞机？大伙儿一定得搞清楚！ All right, what the fuck, man? We gotta get this shit together, guys!
[THUMPING ON METAL]
什么声音？ What was that?
后备箱 It's in the trunk.
道格在后备箱 我操啊！ - Doug's in the trunk. PHIL: Oh, fuck! Holy shit!
操！ Holy shit!
打开！快打开！ 行，行 - Open it! Open it! Open it! PHIL: Okay, okay, okay.
行行行 Okay, okay, okay.
[MAN & PHIL GRUNTING]
天呐！ ALAN: Oh God!
别打了，住手！ Please! Please! Please stop!
[STU GRUNTING]
我跟你一样的想法，一样的 Whoa. I'm with you, I'm with you!
想干我吗？ 没人想干你 - You gonna fuck on me? - Nobody's gonna fuck on you!
我们是一伙的，我也讨厌哥斯拉！ 我也讨厌他！ We're on your side. I hate Godzilla! I hate him too. I hate him!
他老是摧毁城市！拜托！ He destroys cities! Please!
这不是你的错，我给你拿裤子 This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.
[GRUNTING]
这他妈又是哪一出？ PHIL: What the fuck was that?
我内出血了，叫911 STU: I have internal bleeding. Somebody call 911.
都是什么屁事 That was some fucked up shit.
那是谁？真贱 Who was that guy? He was so mean.
哥儿们，有些话我想告诉你们 Guys, there's something I need to tell you.
昨晚在屋顶上，离开之前… Last night on the roof, before we went out...
我给你们的酒里面放了点东西 ...I slipped something in our Jägermeister.
什么？ 对不起，我搞砸了 - What? - I'm sorry, I fudged up, guys.
你给我们下药了？ 不，我没下药 - You drugged us? - No, I didn't drug you.
他说是摇头丸 I was told it was ecstasy.
谁跟你说是摇头丸？ Well, who told you it was ecstasy?
洋酒店卖给我的那个人 The guy I bought it from at the liquor store.
你为什么要给我们摇头丸？ Why would you give us ecstasy?
我想大家玩得开心一点 我知道你们不会吃的 I wanted everybody to have a good time and I knew you guys wouldn't take it.
一人一粒而已，我以前一晚都三粒的 It was just one hit each. I used to do three hits a night.
但那不是摇头丸，是迷奸药，艾伦！ But it wasn't ecstasy, Alan, it was roofies!
你以为我知道吗，艾伦？ ALAN: You think I knew that, Stu?
卖货那人看起来像个黑帮 The guy I bought it from seemed like a real straight shooter.
你说洋酒店的老板不是好人？ You mean the drug dealer at the liquor store wasn't a good guy?
大家都冷静点 Let's just calm down.
你他妈的给我冷静！他给我们下药了 我少了个牙，娶了个婊子 You fucking calm down! He drugged us. I lost a tooth. I married a whore.
你怎么这么说？她是个好女人！ 你这个大傻蛋 - How dare you! She's a nice lady. - You are such a fucking moron.
你说话太粗鲁了 干死你！ - Your language is offensive. STU: Fuck you!
好吧，大家都深呼吸，好吗？ All right, let's just take a deep breath, okay?
说真的，这是好事 Seriously, this is a good thing.
至少我们不是被谁莫名其妙下药的 At least it's not some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason.
你说得没错，菲尔，绝对是件好事 Yeah, you're right, Phil, it's totally a good thing.
我们该走了 We're so much better off now.
有件事我想提醒你们两个： Here's something I would like to remind you two of:
我们最好的朋友道格现在也许横尸阴沟 Our best friend Doug is probably facedown in a ditch right now...
被个瘾君子在鸡奸呢！ ...with a meth-head butt-fucking his corpse.
我觉得很不可能 是真的 - That's highly unlikely. - It's true.
说这些没用，大家振作起来 Does not help. All right, let's get our shit together, guys.
我们回酒店去，我打几个电话 Let's go back to the hotel, and I'm gonna make a couple calls.
也许道格回去了，正睡觉呢 Maybe Doug's back there. Maybe he's asleep.
我们走吧 Come on. Let's go.
帮我下，史都？ 闭嘴 - Stu? Little help? STU: Shut up.
啊 没事吧，啊？ ALAN: Ow. - Oh, God. Oh, God, are you okay?
没事 不好意思，艾伦 ALAN: Yeah, I'm fine. - Alan, I'm sorry.
等等，伙计们 Wait, guys. Guys.
老虎呢？要是出来了怎么办？ What about the tiger? What if he got out?
我操，你不说我都忘了 Oh, fuck. I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger.
它是怎么进酒店的？ How the fuck did he get in there?
我不知道，因为我不记得了 小声点，史都 - I don't know, because I don't remember. - Shh. Stu. Stu, keep it down.
迷奸药的一个副作用就是，失忆 Because one of the, uh, side effects of, uh, roofies is memory loss.
我都不好意思说你啥了 You are literally too stupid to insult.
谢谢 - Thank you. - Hey.
[PHIL COLLINS' "IN THE AIR TONIGHT" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
进来吧 Hey, come on.
我们走时开着音乐？ Did we leave the music on?
Hey. Shh.
动作小点 Don't make any sudden movements.
- Unh. Whoa! - Aah!
你他妈是谁？ 你是谁？ - Who the hell are you? - No, who are you?
安静，安静 MAN: Quiet, quiet.
麦克·泰森？ Mike Tyson?
嘘，我最喜欢的那段就要到了 Shh. This is my favorite part coming up right now.
[MIKE SINGING "IN THE AIR TONIGHT"]
来点和声，伙计们 Need a chorus line, guys.
[SINGING CHORUS]
[CONTINUES SINGING]
再来一次 One more time, guys.
[SINGING CHORUS]
噢，上帝！ PHIL: Oh, Jesus!
我操！ Oh, fuck!
你干嘛？ Why did you do that?
泰森先生想知道为什么 他的老虎在你的浴室里 Mr. Tyson would like to know why is his tiger in your bathroom.
等等，你没必要这样 Hold on, that was completely unnecessary.
我是您的粉丝 您击倒福尔摩斯的时候… I'm a huge fan. When you knocked out Holmes, that was...
解释给我听 Explain.
是这样的，我们昨晚被人下药了 我们不记得发生什么事了 All right, look, we were drugged last night. We have no memory of what happened.
是真的 STU: It's true.
我们昨晚麻烦连连 现在连朋友都找不到了 We got in all kinds of trouble last night and now we can't find our friend.
如果你要杀了我们，来吧，无所谓了 If you wanna kill us, go ahead because I don't care anymore.
你扯什么蛋？ 我无所谓 - What are you talking about? - I don't care.
你他妈的为什么要偷他的老虎？ Why the fuck would you wanna steal his tiger?
人犯浑的时候什么事都能干得出来 We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up.
他们的话我不信 等等，你们怎么找到我们的？ - I don't believe these guys, man. - Wait, how did you guys find us?
你们有人丢了外套 今早在老虎笼子里发现的 One of you dropped your jacket. Found it in the tigers' cage this morning.
那是道格的 That's Doug's.
嗯，道格，他口袋里有钱包和钥匙 Yeah, Doug. His wallet and his room key is in there.
我们就是找不到他了 我才不鸟 - No, that's our missing friend. LEONARD: I don't give a fuck.
你们见到他了吗？ 我很容易睡着 - Did you guys see him? MIKE: I was fast asleep.
要是他没睡着，这事也成不了 Because if he was up, this wouldn't have gone down so smoothly.
也许他想奥马一样被一只老虎给吃了 Maybe one of the tigers ate his ass like Omar.
默哀 Respect.
什…奥马怎么了？ Wha... What happened to Omar?
别管奥马了，他已经离开我们了 Oh, don't worry about Omar, he's not with us no more.
冒昧问一下… Okay, I know this is asking a lot...
能不能去您家里看看… ...but do you think we could go to your house and look around...
有没有什么线索之类的？ ...see if there's any clues?
当然 要不然你觉得我们怎么把老虎搞回去？ Absolutely. How else you think we're gonna get the tiger back anyway?
走吧，冠军 您说什么？ - Come on, champ. - I'm sorry?
我们才不会用宾利拉他回去 你们拉来的，你们搞回去 We're not gonna put it in the Bentley. You brought it here, you bring it back.
四十分钟够吗？ What you think, about 40 minutes?
别让我再回来找他 Don't make me come back for him.
真是麦克·泰森 没错，绝对是 - That was Mike Tyson. - Yeah, no shit that was Mike Tyson.
他威风不减当年啊 I'm just saying, he's still got it.
艾伦 PHIL: Alan.
你没事吧，伙计？ Bud, are you okay?
上帝啊 操 STU: Oh, my God. - Shit!
操，打在哪里了？ Fuck, where'd he get him?
Hey.
这不公平 STU: This does not seem fair.
没有比剪刀石头布更公平的了 PHIL: It's Rock, Paper, Scissors. There's nothing more fair.
该艾伦上 艾伦被泰森揍了一拳 - Alan should do it. - Alan took a punch from Mike Tyson.
上吧，为了道格 Come on. For Doug.
你为什么撒胡椒？ 你怎么知道老虎喜不喜欢 Why are you peppering the steak? You don't know if tigers like pepper.
老虎喜欢胡椒，它讨厌肉桂 Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.
去吧，菲尔，你上 Phil, just do it. You should do it.
我没问题啊，但你输了，这样不公平 I would, but you lost. It wouldn't be right.
好了，我放了五粒迷奸药进去 Okay, I jammed five roofies in there.
进去丢给他就可以了 Just go in there and throw it in to him.
好吧 Fine.
一定要让他全吃掉 Make sure he eats the whole thing.
操 Fuck.
我操 Oh, fuck.
过来，小猫咪 Hey, kitty.
没事的宝贝，我给你拿了点点心 Hey, sweetie, it's okay. I got a little snack for you.
一定要吃掉噢 Real important that you eat this, okay?
对，就一点… Yeah, just have a little...
[TIGER ROARING]
[SCREAMS]
操！ Shit!
[PANTING]
现在怎么办？ What do we do now?
等着 We wait.
# 老虎打盹的时候 [SINGING] What do tigers dream of
# 想的是什么？ When they take a little tiger snooze?
# 是撕咬斑马呢 Do they dream of mauling zebras
# 还是穿猫女装的荷莉·贝瑞？ Or Halle Berry in her catwoman suit?
# 别担心你的小脑袋 Don't you worry your pretty striped head
# 我们会把你还给泰森 让你回到温暖的虎床 We're gonna get you back to Tyson And your cozy tiger bed
# 然后我们就去找好朋友道格 And then we're gonna find Our best friend Doug
# 然后给他一个好朋友的拥抱 And then we're gonna give him A best-friend hug
# 道格 Doug
# 道格，小道格 Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug
# 但你要是被瘾君子错杀了 But if he's been murdered By crystal-meth tweakers
[TIGER GROANS AND THUDS]
# 那就太倒霉了 Well, then we're shit out of luck
豁出去了 By the way, we're all gonna die.
等等 ALAN: Wait.
噢，天 看呐！ PHIL: Oh, God. ALAN: Watch it!
他的鼻子，那是他的鼻子 STU: His nose. That's his nose.
别停下，别停下 Please don't stop. Please don't stop.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
别停…操 Please don't... Goddamn it.
我要打败你，哈哈哈 DAD: I'm gonna beat you! Ha-ha-ha.
噢，…他又赢了 Oh... He won again.
[TIGER GROWLING]
伙计们，晚上不开心？ 嗯 - Hey, fellas. Rough night? STU: Mm-hm.
亲爱的，靠紧妈妈 Sweetie, stay close to Mama.
这是什么？ - What's this? - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
小心点，小伙子，碰了你会后悔的 Take it easy, little man. You don't wanna be touching that.
不是你的东西别乱碰 No, partner, that's not your property.
这下面是什么东西啊？ So, what do you guys got under there?
就是一些“关你屁事” Just a whole bunch of "mind your own business."
别乱说 没错，是我不对 STU: Easy, Phil. - He's correct. My fault.
你没事吧？ 我们不是在坐电梯吗？ - You okay? - Aren't we riding an elevator?
这也有危险？这他妈是什么狗屎？ Why, is this Jeopardy? What the fuck is this bullshit?
请注意谈吐 好 - Please, with the language. - Yes.
完全赞同 - I fully agree. - Oh.
伙计们 下次哈雷彗星什么时候能看到？ Hey, guys, when's the next Halley's comet?
管他呢 你知道吗，史都？ - Who cares, man? - Do you know, Stu?
估计六十年之内不会有了吧 I don't think it's for, like, another 60 years or something.
但今晚不会有吧？ 应该不会 - But it's not tonight, right? - No, I don't think so.
你也不能确定吧？ But you don't know for sure?
不能 No.
我有个侄子看到过，惊呆了 I got this cousin who saw one. He said it blew his mind.
我绝对不能错过哈雷彗星 I wanna make sure I never, ever miss out on a Halley's Comet.
所以你们要是知道什么时候… So if you guys know if there's gonna be one...
我操！ Oh, fuck!
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY & TIGER ROARING]
[SCREAMING]
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
上帝啊！ 我操！ - Oh, my God! PHIL: Fuck it!
史都！史都，他咬我了！ Stu! Stu, it got me! Stu!
你被抓了！流血了！ You got clawed! You're bleeding!
太可怕了 - Oh. ALAN: I'm panicking.
上帝啊 - Aah! PHIL: Oh, my God.
没事，没事，撑住 Okay. Okay, okay. Wait, hold on.
[GROWLING]
[GROWLS]
我不行了 你赶紧把手放回去 - I can't do it. PHIL: Get your fucking hand back in there...
握好方向盘 我太紧张了 ...and steer the car. - I'm too nervous.
我们需要你，艾伦 是你发挥作用的时候了 STU: Alan. We need you, buddy. This is your time to shine, okay?
没问题 Okay, yeah. Whew.
老爸会要了我的命 Daddy's gonna kill me.
没错 很好 - That's it. PHIL: That's good.
直走 Keep it straight.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
你们来晚了 好歹是来了 - You're late. - Whatever, man.
最后一英里我们是推过来的 We had to push it the last mile.
进来吧，麦克有东西要给你们看 Come on in. Mike's got something he wants to show you.
[TIGER GROANING]
那家伙失控了，你们得让他安静点 That thing's out of control, man. Seriously, you gotta put it down.
我们回来以后看了一下摄影镜头 When we got back, we took a look at the security cameras.
太好了 Great.
看看你的衰样，看看 PHIL [ON VIDEO]: This is how you walk. This is how you walk.
噢，是道格 谢天谢地他还活着 - Oh, it's Doug. - Oh, thank God he's alive.
我们在找的就是他 That's our buddy. That's who we've been missing.
我们几个是好朋友 We're all best friends.
你们认真点看行吗？ 我没那么多时间陪你们 Why don't you just pay attention? I don't have all night.
一定，没问题 Yeah, of course. Of course.
你这是在干吗？ 哥儿们，看呐，快看 STU: What are you doing? ALAN: Hey, guys. Check it out. Watch this.
我上电视了，我以前从没上过 That's me, I'm on TV. I've never been on TV before.
你那是在干吗？ DOUG: What are you doing, man?
不是吧，艾伦？ Really? Really, Alan?
有没有消防水龙带？ DOUG: You got a fire hose, man?
那个，我… Yeah, I was, uh...
[DOUG LAUGHING ON VIDEO]
泳池的水都要溢出来了，哥 STU: You're gonna overflow the pool, man.
我是不是…该去外面等着？ 我觉得这样很好，艾伦 - Maybe... Should I wait outside? - I think that's a good idea, Alan.
好吧 ALAN: Yeah.
在外面也别到处乱摸 Don't touch anything out there, either.
其实他不是我们的朋友…我们不是很熟 You know what? He's not our good fr... We don't know him that well.
快点，快点 PHIL: Come on. Come on, come on.
对了，你们哪里搞的警车？ By the way, where you get that cop car from?
这个，从那些白痴警察那里偷的 We, uh, stole it from these dumb-ass cops.
很不错 Nice.
[LAUGHING]
来一下 High five that one.
真有胆 Yeah, that's nice.
不得不说 PHIL: You know, I just have to say...
我从没见过如此优雅美丽华贵的动物 ...I have never seen a more beautiful, elegant, just regal creature.
看看，我在操老虎 PHIL: Check it out. Stu. Stu. Fuck this tiger.
上帝，太可怕了 天呐 STU: Oh, my God. That's awful. MIKE: Oh, man.
[STU LAUGHING ON VIDEO]
我操 这种事谁干得出来？ PHIL [OVER TV]: Oh, shit. - Who does shit like that, man?
有毛病的人，显然我很不正常 Someone who has a lot of issues, obviously. I'm a sick man.
上帝啊 DOUG: Oh, my God.
就这些了 That's all we got.
真是帮大忙了 This was hugely helpful.
真的，现在我们知道道格这哥们… Really. Because now we know that our buddy Doug...
三点半的时候还和我们在一起 活蹦乱跳的 ...was with us at 3:30, totally alive.
多谢了，冠军 还有，很抱歉偷了你的老虎 Thanks again, champ. And, uh, again, we are so sorry we stole your tiger.
没关系，哥们 Don't worry about it, man.
你也说过 人犯浑的时候什么事都能干得出来 Like you said, we all do dumb shit when we're fucked up.
[LAUGHING]
我跟你说过他会理解的 没错 - I told you he'd get it. - I did say that.
大家都说麦克·泰森是个混蛋… You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass...
但我觉得他人蛮好的 ...but I think he's kind of a sweetheart.
我觉得他太刻薄了 I think he's mean.
好吧，现在该给崔西打电话了 All right. I think it's officially time we call Tracy.
哈利路亚，菲尔终于说了一句人话 Hallelujah. Finally, Phil says something that makes sense.
现在没什么办法了 也许她有道格的消息呢 We don't have much of a choice. And maybe she's heard from Doug.
我一直都这么说 That's what I been saying this whole time.
我们必须百分百诚实地告诉她一切 We just need to be completely honest. We need to tell her everything.
没必要全说，比如… We don't have to tell her everything. We can leave out the stuff...
我跟妓女结婚那部分 ...about me marrying a hooker.
她只关心道格的部分 Just stay focused on Doug.
我该怎么跟我爸说？ 没事啦，艾伦，都是内饰的小问题 - What am I gonna tell my dad? - Alan, relax. It's just the inside.
我在洛杉矶有朋友，搞这个很在行的 Come on. I got a guy in L.A. Who's great with interiors.
[SCREAMING]
[PHIL, ALAN & STU GRUNTING]
[PHIL COUGHING]
上帝啊！ 天呐 - Oh, Jesus! STU: Oh, my God.
你们没事吧？ 这又是哪一出？ - Are you guys okay? PHIL: What the fuck?
我认识那家伙，是后备箱里那个 I know that guy. That's the guy from the trunk.
请出来 Get out of the car. Please.
等等…那些是向艾迪开枪的 STU: W... W... Wait. Those are the guys that shot Eddie.
[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
听着… 我们走！ - Listen... MAN 1: Let's go!
好吧 不是吧 - Okay. - Oh, no.
别冲动 快点 STU: Easy, easy. MAN 2: Come on.
好，好 PHIL: Okay. All right.
好的，好的 走 - All right, all right. MAN 2: Let's go.
轻点，啊！ Hey, relax. Ow. Ow. Ow!
小心点 还有那个胖子 - I have whiplash. - Get this other fat boy.
把他拉出来 Get the fat boy.
ALAN: Hey, hey, hey.
听你的，听你的 冷静点，冷静点 PHIL: All right, all right. STU: Hey, take it easy, take it easy!
还我钱包，混蛋 I want my purse back, assholes.
什么？你的钱包？ 那不是钱包，是肩背包 - What? Your purse? - That's not a purse, it's a satchel.
就是钱包，好吧？你偷错人了 It's a purse. Okay? And you steal from wrong guy.
等等，你说我们偷你的？ Wait a second, wait a second. We stole from you?
知道吗？ Okay, you know what?
昨晚的事情我们一点都不记得了 We don't remember anything that happened last night...
所以你不妨提示我们一下 ...so help us out a little here.
我们昨晚坐同一桌 Well, apparently you guys met at a craps table late last night.
你手气不错，他就跟你的牌 You were on a heater, and he played your hot streak.
赢了差不多八万块 不是吧？很不错啊 - He ended up winning just under 80 grand. - No shit? Eighty grand is nice.
很好啊 Okay, that's good.
他把筹码放在钱包里 然后你们几个就拿走了 He put the chips in his purse, and then you guys took off with it.
听着不像我们的作风 That doesn't sound like us.
我的里面有八万块，这里面呢？ 啥也没有 Mine had $80,000 inside. And this one? Nothing.
喂，里面有小玩具呢 Hey, there are Skittles in there.
噢，！别再打了 Ow! Oh, not again.
[LAUGHING]
别看他满脸胡子，其实岁数很小 Don't let the beard fool you. He's a child.
我笑是因为他好胖 It's funny because he's fat.
显然，这只是个误会 Now, look, this was obviously a very simple misunderstanding.
艾伦拿错了钱包，没什么大不了的 Alan picked up the wrong purse, it's no big deal.
好，要是“没什么大不了” 那为什么我找到你们的时候 Okay, if it's, "No big deal," why, when I come after you guys...
他就开始大声怪叫 然后把我扔进后备箱？ ...he starts screaming like crazy and throw me in trunk?
什么，我干的？ What, I did that?
对，你说他是你的幸运符… 所以你想带他回家 Yeah, you said he was your lucky charm, and you want to take him home with you.
[PHIL AND STU LAUGH]
幸运符 真搞笑 - Lucky charm. - Oh, it's just funny.
[LAUGHING]
干你的 Fuck you.
如果还想见到你们的朋友 就还我八万块 If you want to see your friend again, you get me my 80 grand.
什么？ 我们的朋友？ - What? - Our friend?
道格在你那里？ 你认识我们的朋友？ - You have Doug? PHIL: You know about our friend?
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
道格！ 道格！ - Doug! - Doug!
道格在车里！道格在车里！ 道格，没事的！ - Doug's in the car! Doug's in the car! - Doug, it's okay!
冷静点，山羊胡子！ You chill out, goatee!
好好，没问题 你要什么？ - Okay, okay. All right, fine, fine. - What do you want?
互惠互利，呆子 Not so good now. Quid pro quo, douche bag.
什么？ What?
这事我们很抱歉，不过很容易解决 Look, we're very sorry. But this is an easy fix.
艾伦，他钱包在哪里？ 我不知道 - Alan, where's his purse? - I don't know.
在酒店房间里对吧？ 嗯，我们能找到 - It's in the hotel room, right? - Yeah, we can get it.
钱没问题，现在写支票都可以 We can get you the... We can even write you a check right now.
不行，只收现金 No chance. Cash only.
车里有个大活人呢！ 无聊 - There's a person in there. CHOW: Boring.
[YAWNS]
回去睡觉 Take nap. Come on.
不好意思让你久等了 Wait. I'm sorry we're boring you!
没事的，道格 你绑架了我们的朋友！绑匪！ PHIL: Doug, it's okay. - You kidnapped our friend! Kidnapper!
别走 不行，你哪里也不能去 PHIL: Wait. STU: Oh, no. You're not going anywhere.
停下 Stop.
停下，有本事开过来 Stop. Run me over.
史都，史都 - Okay. Whoa. Whoa. PHIL: Stu, Stu, Stu.
黄昏时分带钱去 莫哈韦沙漠的大石头等着 Bring money to Big Rock in Mojave Desert at dawn.
什么？ 回头见，狗娘养的 - What? - Toodle-oo, motherfucker.
好歹把头罩取下来啊！干！ Well, at least take the bag off his head! Fuck!
Oh!
赶紧滚一边去 Come on, get out of here.
跟你们说了，我早上走之前找过了 不在这里 Guys, I'm telling you, I looked for it this morning before we left. It's not anywhere.
操 Fuck.
史都，你有多少存款？ Stu, how much you got in the bank?
至少一万，准备结婚用的 About 10 grand. I was gonna use it for the wedding.
你都结婚了，现在可以用了 You're already married, so we're good there.
再说，别再忍梅丽莎了，不值得 Besides, enough with Melissa, she's the worst.
是啊，道格跟我说过 她跟个飞行员还是什么的上过床 Yeah, Doug told me she had sex with a pilot or something.
那是邮轮上的酒保 你们怎么个个都这样？ It was a bartender on a cruise. What is wrong with you people?
靠，艾伦，你又在捡吃剩的东西吃？ 嗯 - Ew. Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza? - Yes.
怎么办？这下惨了 What are we gonna do? We are so fucked.
哥儿们？ ALAN: Hey, guys?
你找到了？ 不是 - Did you find it? - Nope.
看看这个 But check this out.
换筹码，一万 Change only, 10,000.
嗨，这里有人吗？ 随便坐 - Hey, uh, these seats taken? - No, feel free.
好啊，我们来玩21点！ All right, let's play some blackjack!
[YELLING AND WHOOPING]
爽！真他妈爽！ That's it. Shut up, bitches.
Hmm.
我跟 我操啊！ - I'll stick. - Oh, fuck you! Fuck you!
分牌 Splitting fives.
爆了 好！ - Too many. - Yes!
[JADE MOANING]
虽然我俩素不相识，但你这次肯定完蛋 I don't even know you, but I'm gonna tell you that's dumb.
好！ - Yes! JADE: Oh!
上啊，他输不起，他输不起 Okay, come on. He can't lose. He can't lose.
他好像被盯上了 I think the pit boss is watching him.
[WHOOPING]
[JADE LAUGHING]
[SHRIEKING]
[JADE GROANING]
上帝啊 你没事吧？ - Oh, my God. - Are you okay?
我真弱，一赌博就紧张，太可悲了 I'm such a klutz. I get so nervous when I gamble. I'm so silly.
这事常有 喂，慢一点点好不好？ - It happens. - Whoa. Hold on a beat, okay?
慢慢来，这是我老婆 好痛 - Let's just take it easy. This is my wife. - It's hurting.
一定要…这里痛吗？这里呢？ STU: Make sure... Does it hurt? Does this hurt?
你没事吧？ - Oh, ow. - You all right?
我不知道 我也不知道，我… JADE: I don't know. - I don't know either. I don't...
看来你没事了，走吧 I think you're fine. Let's go.
真的？好吧 - Really? Okay. STU: Upsy-daisy, there.
不好意思，她喝多了 I'm sorry, she's had a little too much to drink.
多谢了，伙计 该谢你才是 Thanks, buddy. That's for you.
一百，两百，三百，四百 STU: And 100, 200, 300, 400.
算上这些，一共八万两千四 With all this, that's $82,400.
操，真不敢相信 耶！ - Oh, goddamn it. I don't fucking believe it. - Whoo!
艾伦，你真行 你也是，菲尔 - Alan, you're the man. - You are too, Phil.
我们应该下周再来，横扫拉斯维加斯 We should come back next week, take the whole city down.
我下周正好有空 Oh, I'm free next week.
不如先说说怎么找回道格吧 Or we could just focus on getting Doug back, right now.
不对，下周不行，乔纳斯兄弟要来 Uh, you know what? Next week's no good, the Jonas Brothers are in town.
但之后任何一个周末都可以 But any week after that is totally fine.
我觉得现在可以说我们转运了 I think it's safe to say that our luck has officially turned around, guys.
我们他妈的回来了 我们回来了，经典 - We are back, baby. We are fucking back. - We're back. Classic.
我们回来了，回来了 [SINGING] We are back, we are back
没错 PHIL: That's right.
我们要把道格找回来 We are getting Doug back
# 我们是三个最好的朋友 And we're the three best friends That anybody could have
# 我们是三个最好的朋友 We're the three best friends That anyone could have
# 我们是三个最好的朋友 We're the three best friends That anyone can have
# 我们永远，永远不分开 And we'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever Leave each other
# 我们是三个最好的朋友 We're the best three friends That anybody could have
# 我们是三个最好的朋友 I mean, the three best friends That anybody could have
# 我们是三个最好的朋友 That's right, the three best friends That anybody can have
现在怎么办？ 给他发信号 PHIL: Now what? - Give him the signal.
什么信号？ 闪大灯，让他们知道可以开始了 - What signal? - Flash your lights. Let him know it's on.
开始什么？ 交易 - What's on? - The deal.
当然可以了，我们开车30英里来这里 他当然知道交易开始了 Of course it's on. We just drove 30 miles into the desert. He knows it's on.
菲尔，赶紧的 Phil, just do something.
好吧 Fine.
操 看见没？ - Oh, shit. ALAN: See?
好吧，我们上 All right, let's go.
[ALAN GRUNTING]
[LAUGHING]
死胖子真搞笑 Funny fat guy fall on face.
没事吧？ You okay?
钱我们拿到了，八万，现金 All right, we got the money. Eighty grand, cash.
扔过来，然后我把道格给你 Throw it over. Then I give you Doug.
很抱歉，首先，早上好 昨晚还没打听怎么称呼 Um, I'm sorry. First of all, good morning. And we didn't catch your name last night.
周先生，莱斯利·周 Mr. Chow. Leslie Chow.
周先生，幸会，我叫史都 Mr. Chow, it is a pleasure. My name is Stu.
如果能在给钱之前见到道格 我们会不胜感激 And we would very much appreciate an opportunity to see Doug...
就是想看看他还好吗 ...before we give you the money, just to verify that he's okay.
如果可以的话 当然可以，史都 - Lf that's cool. - Of course, Stu. That is cool.
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
谢天谢地 好 - Oh, thank God. - Okay.
看，没事吧，给钱 See, he fine. Now give me money...
要不我就杀了他，还有你们这些混账 ...or I shoot him, and I shoot all you motherfuckers.
然后钱还是我的，看你们怎么选了 And then we take it. Your choice, bitches.
给他钱，史都 好吧 - Give him the money, Stu. - Okay.
都在 放了他 MAN: It's all there. - Let him go.
慢慢来，慢慢来 All right, take it easy. Take it easy.
CHOW: Ta-da.
[STU SHOUTS]
开玩笑吗？这他妈是谁？ Is this some kind ofjoke? Who the hell is this?
这不是道格 That is not Doug.
扯什么蛋呢，不就是他？ What you talking about, Willis? That him.
抱歉，周先生，这不是我们的朋友 No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow. That's not our friend.
他… 我们找的是白人 - He... That's... - The Doug we're looking for is a white.
我告诉你抓错人了，小子 Ah! I told you you had the wrong guy, little boy.
我操，艾伦，你他妈的干了什么好事？ Damn, Alan, what the fuck you got me into?
你认识他？ 他就是那个…卖我黑药的人 - You know him? - This is the guy that sold me the bad drugs.
你好啊 我哪有卖你什么黑药 - How you doing? - I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs.
等等，他卖的你路福林？ 路福林？我卖你路什么鸟？ - Wait. He sold you the Ruphylin? - Ruphylin? I sold you that Ru...? Wha...?
谁他妈管这个，道格人呢？ 我就是道格 - Who gives a shit? Where is Doug? - I am Doug.
你叫道格？ 是啊，我就是道格 - Your name's Doug? - Yes, I'm Doug.
他也叫道格，哈，经典的误会 His name's Doug too. Ha. Classic mix-up.
走吧 Come on.
喂，周，这不是我们要的道格 - Hey, Chow. You gave us the wrong Doug.
不关我事 - Not my problem.
我操，八万块钱还我，带他回去！ No, fuck that shit. Now, you give us our 80 grand back and take him with you!
带我走吧 好，我带他回去 - No. Come on. I'll be your Doug. - Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, I take him back.
不过你先来尝尝我的中国蛋蛋 Right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts.
啊，真恶心 怎么样啊？ - Ah. That's nasty. - Mmm. How that sound?
Unh, pshh.
回头见，你们这帮gay 等等 - So long, gay boys. - Wait a second.
他就是个贱货 DOUG: He's a nasty little motherfucker.
你还有没有摇头丸？ Did you ever get any ecstasy?
我他妈的才没有什么摇头丸 DOUG: No, I ain't got no fucking ecstasy.
我操你妈！ 我草泥马！ - Goddamn it! ALAN: Gosh darn it!
操！ 草！ - Shit! ALAN: Shoot!
[PHONE LINE RINGING]
[COUGHS]
喂？ 崔西，我是菲尔 TRACY [OVER PHONE]: Hello? - Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil.
菲尔，你们几个在哪里？我都快抓狂了 Phil, where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out.
是这样的 PHIL: Yeah, listen.
我们现在一团糟 We fucked up.
谢谢带我回来 Thanks for the lift back to town.
我有个问题 什么？ - I got a question for you. - What's up?
你怎么会在周的车里？ How did you wind up in Chow's car?
那疯子昨天绑架了我 That crazy asshole kidnapped me yesterday.
好，但为什么？为什么是你？ Okay, but why? I mean, why you?
他看到我们一起在百乐吉 就以为我们是一伙的 He thought I was with you guys because we were hanging over at the Bellagio.
什么？ 我们在百乐吉见过？ - What? - We were at the Bellagio?
我们在一起吹牛，不记得了？ We were shooting craps. You don't remember?
不，不记得了 No. No, we don't remember.
因为一个无耻的毒贩子 把路福林当作摇头丸卖给了他 Because some dick drug dealer sold him Ruphylin and told him it was ecstasy.
路福林，又来了，路福林是什么鸟？ Ruphylin. There you go with that word. Ruphylin. What the hell is a Ruphylin?
没见过比你更屎的毒贩子了 Wow, you are the world's shittiest drug dealer.
科普一下，路福林就是迷奸药 你卖给艾伦的 Ruphylin, for your information, is the date-rape drug. You sold Alan roofies.
操，一定是搞错袋子了 对不起，艾伦 Oh, shit. I must have mixed up the bags. My fault, Alan.
干，马歇尔一定要弄死我了 Damn, Marshall gonna be pissed off at me on that one.
管你呢 真有意思，因为就在前天 - Whatever. - It's funny, because just the other day...
我和朋友还在奇怪 为什么它被叫做屋顶丸 ...me and my boy, we was wondering why they even call them roofies.
你知道我的意思吧 不，不懂 - You know what I'm talking about? - No. Don't know.
为什么不叫地板丸，是吧？ 因为吃了以后… Why not floories, right? Because when you take them...
你应该倒在地板上，而不是屋顶上 ...you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof.
或者马路丸？这名字不错 What about groundies? That's a good new name for them.
或者强奸丸 Or, how about rapies?
等等，你刚才说什么？ 强奸丸 - Wait, what did you just say? - Rapies.
不是说你，道格，你刚才说什么？ - Not you. Doug, what did you say before? - I said groundies.
我说马路丸 No, before that.
之前那个 You said, "You're more likely to wind up on the floor than..."
你说，“应该倒在地板上而不是…” - Phil. - Listen, Trace, I'm really sorry. L...
菲尔 是这样，崔西，很抱歉… [GRUNTING]
菲尔？还在吗？ 崔西，我是史都 TRACY [OVER PHONE]: Phil? Hello? - Tracy, it's Stu.
史都，赶紧说，怎么了？ Stu. Talk to me. What's going on?
噢，没事，别听菲尔的 Uh, nothing. Don't listen to Phil.
他脑子出问题了 可能昨晚喝得现在还没醒 He's completely out of his mind. He's probably still drunk from last night.
道格呢？ Where's Doug?
他正在买单 我们刚吃了一顿丰盛的早午饭 STU: He is paying the bill. We just had a delicious brunch.
我们正赶回去呢，所以先挂了 We're in a hurry to get back, so we gotta get going.
好吧，一会儿见，拜拜 史都 - Okay, we'll see you soon. Bye. - Stu.
史都！干 Stu. Fuck.
搞什么飞机，哥？ 我知道道格在哪里了 - What the fuck, man? - I know where Doug is.
不知道怎么的，灵感就来了 STU: I don't know, man. It just hit me.
记不记得道格的床垫挂在雕像上？ You remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on that statue?
是啊，我们扔出来的 不可能 - Yeah, we threw it out the window. - No, impossible.
拉斯维加斯的酒店都不能开窗户 那它是怎么…？ - You can't open windows in Vegas hotels. - Well, then how did it get...?
哦，上帝！ 哈哈 - Oh, my God! - Ha, ha, ha.
等等，怎么了？ 那是道格想发信号呢 - Whoa, wait. What's going on? - Doug was trying to signal someone.
我操 没错 - Holy shit. STU: Yes.
等等，你怎么想出来的？ 道格提醒了我 - Wait. How did you figure that out? - Doug made me realize it.
道格？ 不是我们的道格，黑道格 - Doug? - Uh, not our Doug. Black Doug.
喂，嘴巴放干净点 抱歉 - Hey, hey, easy with that shit. Come on. - Sorry.
谁能告诉我白道格在哪里？ Can someone tell me where white Doug is?
他在楼顶上，艾伦 没错 - He's on the roof, Alan. - Yes.
他在楼顶上，我们一定是想整他 所以把他和床垫扛了上去 He's on the roof. We must have taken him up there as a prank...
让他醒来下不来 像那次在夏令营一样 ...so he'd wake up on the roof. - Like that time in summer camp.
他睡在睡袋里 我们把他拖到了湖边的码头？ We moved his sleeping bag out in the jetty at the lake?
哈哈，那次太好玩了 Ha, ha, ha. Which was hilarious.
不过这次没什么好玩了 因为我们忘了把他扔那里了 It's not so funny now, though, because we forgot where we put him.
你们真是白痴 You guys are retarded, you know that?
我操，他现在还在上面？ 只有一个办法能知道 - Holy shit. You think he's still up there? - There's only one way to find out.
道格！ PHIL: Doug!
道格！ Doug!
道格！ 你在哪儿，伙计？ - Doug! PHIL: Doug, you up here, buddy?
你在哪里，道格？ Where you at, Doug?
道格？ Doug!
哥儿们！ Hey, guys!
他在那里！ He's over here!
找到他了！在那里！ 我操 ALAN: Hey, I found him! He's over here! - Oh, shit.
他没事 He's okay.
你没事，哈哈！ You're okay. Ha, ha, ha!
我们走吧，哥们，走 Oh, God. We gotta go, buddy. Come on.
我们到处找你 Oh, we have been looking everywhere for you.
他还活着 这他妈的是怎么回事？ - He's alive. - What the fuck is going on?
一切都清楚了，不过现在赶紧走 We can explain everything, but right now we gotta go.
你没事吧伙计？ 不，有事 - Hey, bud. You okay? - No. Not okay.
你看起来不错啊，都变色了，嫉妒死了 You look good, you got some color. I'm jealous.
我今天要结婚了 没错 - I'm getting married today. - Yes, you are.
所以大家听我的，赶紧走 That's why you need to focus and do everything we say.
说实话，现在我们是在浪费时间了 Because, frankly, you're wasting a little bit of time right now.
你个贱人！ You fucking asshole!
[GRUNTING]
[WHIMPERING]
我身上好痛！皮肤好痛！ Oh, my skin burns. My skin burns.
啊，上帝！ Oh, ow! God.
没事了，这不是你的错，道格 别摸我，闭嘴 - It's okay. It's not your fault, Doug. - Don't touch me. Shut up.
你们全给我闭嘴 All of you, shut up.
带我回去 Just get me home.
嗯-嗯 Mm-hm.
带我回去 Just get me home.
之后那班呢？ STU: What about the one after that?
不是吧 You cannot be serious.
妈的 Oh, goddamn it.
怎么？ 去洛杉矶的航班都满了 - What? - Every flight to L.A. Is booked.
去伯班克的呢？ 也卖完了 - What about Burbank? - Sold out.
我操！开车去来不及啊 婚礼三个半小时后就开始了 Oh, fuck! We can't drive there, the wedding starts in three and a half hours.
艾伦，车在哪里？ 马上就来 - Alan, where's the car? ALAN: It's on its way.
没事的 You know what?
能开过去，没问题的 We can drive there. We can make it. Okay?
Hi.
等我一下 我们要先走了 - Just give me one second. PHIL: We will leave without you.
他少了一颗牙？ 对 - Is he missing a tooth? - Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
STU: Hey. - Hey.
昨晚多谢了，配合得真好 Hey, thanks for helping out last night. That was so awesome.
不客气 Sure.
听着，洁德… Listen, Jade, l...
你不用说，我也知道 Look, you don't have to say it. I totally understand.
这事搞得太傻了 是啊 - This whole thing was stupid. - Huh.
真是太傻了，对吧？ It was stupid, wasn't it?
这是你的 噢，谢谢 - This is yours. - Oh, thank you.
真不敢相信，我把我奶奶的大屠杀戒指 给了一个刚认识的人 I can't believe I gave my grandmother's Holocaust ring to someone I just met.
我到底是怎么想的？ 闹得太过了 - What was I thinking? - You were really fucked up.
没错 Clearly.
你的确是自己把牙拔下来的 我什么？ - You did pull out your own tooth. - L...?
我自己拔的牙？ I pulled out my tooth?
我为什么拔自己的牙齿？ Why did I pull out my own tooth?
艾伦打赌说你这个赤脚牙医 Alan bet you that you weren't a good enough dentist...
不敢拔自己的牙齿 ...to pull out your own tooth.
这样 Okay. Heh.
真有他的 你赢了 - Of course he did. - You won.
没错，显然 Yeah. Clearly. Yeah.
这就是我胜利的标志 That's victory, right there.
得压下去 ALAN: It needs to go down.
行了，进来吧 不行，安全第一 - It's good. Get in. - No. Safety first.
艾伦，没事啦，压下去了 不行，还不够 - Alan, it's fine. It's down. - No, I gotta get it down first.
上帝，看着点 别把车搞坏了 PHIL: Jesus Christ. Look out. - Don't mess the car up.
你这样不行的 You're gonna mess the car up.
那个，你下周末干嘛？ 不知道，干活吧，怎么？ - Hey, what are you doing next weekend? - I don't know. Working. Why?
我想也许我会回来带你去吃饭 I was thinking maybe I'd come back and take you out to dinner.
真的？像约会那样？ Really? Like a date?
没错，约会那样 只不过希望这次我能记住 Yeah. Like a date. Only, one that hopefully I'll remember.
听起来不错 Sounds good.
走啦，史都 走啦 - Stu. Come on. - Stu. Come on.
我得走了，好，再见 I gotta go. Okay. Bye.
[LAUGHING]
再见 再见 - Bye. - Bye.
好了，走吧 All right, here we go.
走啰 耶 - All right, let's go. - Yeah.
小心 Careful.
至少这次旅行没有特别倒霉 At least the trip wasn't a total disaster.
你这么说什么意思？ 我在楼顶上醒来之后… - What makes you say that? - When I woke up on the roof...
意外发现口袋里有 价值八万的百乐吉筹码 ...I happened to find $80,000 worth of Bellagio chips in my pocket.
上帝啊！ - Oh! STU: Oh, my God!
看来我们还能带点钱回去，伙计们 Looks like we're going home with some money, boys.
[ALL WHOOPING]
[HORN HONKING]
他来了，是他 ALAN: Here he comes. That's him.
喂，尼克 还好吧，艾伦？ - Hey, Neeco! NEECO: Hey. What's up, Alan?
STU: Whoo!
喔，小心 操 - Whoa, look out. - Oh, shit.
ALAN: Whoa! Whoa!
多谢，尼克 小意思，哥们 - Thanks, Neeco. NEECO: You got it, man.
有空呼我！ 一路顺风！ ALAN: Page me! NEECO: Adiós.
那他妈的又是谁？ 我的哥们 STU: Who the hell was that guy? ALAN: That's my buddy.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
不好意思，MapQuest带我们绕路了 Hey. Sorry, MapQuest took us on a really crazy route.
[MUSICIANS PLAYING "SPRING"]
[MUSICIANS PLAYING "WEDDING MARCH"]
我发型如何？ 不错 - How's my hair? - It looks good.
有菲尔那么酷吗？ 经典的菲尔头 - Is it cool like Phil's? - It's classic Phil.
她真漂亮，兄弟 She looks beautiful, man.
抱歉来晚了 Sorry I'm late.
拉斯维加斯嘛 Vegas.
你们去哪里了？怎么满脸通红？ Where were you? And why are you so red?
亲爱的，说来话长了 Honey, it's a long story.
今天，爱情和承诺的力量… MINISTER: We are gathered here today...
让我们相聚在这里 ...because of the strength of love and of promises kept.
我只能说很抱歉 All I know is I am so sorry.
我保证结婚以后… And I promise for as long as we're married...
永远都不会再有今天这种事发生 ...to never, ever put you through anything like this again.
能原谅我吗？ Can you forgive me?
[SINGING "CANDY SHOP"]
[CHATTERING]
爸爸 小伙子 - Daddy. - Hey, my man.
不好意思，我丈夫随时会过来 Excuse me, but I'm expecting my husband any minute.
笑话不错，过来 Oh, that's very funny. Come here.
[GROANS]
球赛如何？ How was your soccer game?
[CONTINUES SINGING]
[GRUNTS]
史都？你在躲我？ 嗨，梅丽莎 - Stu? You avoiding me? - Hey. Melissa.
哦天，你牙齿怎么了？ Oh, my God. What happened to your tooth?
见过艾伦吗？崔西的弟弟… Have you met Alan? Tracy's brother. Brother of the...
好吧 Okay. Ow.
真恶心，你为什么不回我电话？ That is disgusting. Why haven't you returned my calls?
我们停车的时候出了点问题… Well, there was a snafu when we stopped...
我打给过纳帕谷的旅舍和早餐厅 I called that bed and breakfast in Napa.
他们说根本没你这个客人 They said they had no record of you even checking in.
因为我们就没去纳帕 That's because we didn't go to Napa.
史都，到底他妈的发生什么事了？ 我们去了拉斯维加斯 - Stu. What the fuck is going on? - We went to Las Vegas.
真的？拉斯维加斯？为什么去那里？ Oh, really? Las Vegas? Why would you go to Las Vegas?
我朋友要结婚了，兄弟们自然要这么做 My friend was getting married. That's what guys do.
好，不过这不是你的风格 真的？ - Okay, that's not what you do. - Really?
那我为什么又去了呢？因为我去了 猜猜看为什么？ Well, then why did I do it, huh? Because I did it. Riddle me that.
我为什么要去？ Why'd I do it?
你一心就想控制我 All you want me to do is what you want me to do.
我已经不能忍了 I'm sick of doing what you want.
在健康的男女关系里 男人想做什么就能做什么 In a healthy relationship, a guy should be able to do what he wants.
扯他妈的屁蛋！ 好啊 - That is not how this works! STU: Oh, good.
反正我是受不了这样了！ Because whatever this is ain't working for me!
噢，真的？ 没错 MELISSA: Oh, really? STU: Yeah.
你什么时候开始这么放肆了？ Since when?
从你去年六月在邮轮上 干了那个服务生开始，哇！ Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June. Boom!
你说那是个酒保 噢，没错，我纠正一下 - You told me it was a bartender. - Oh, you're right. I stand corrected.
是个酒保，你干了那个酒保 It was a bartender. You fucked a bartender.
你是个白痴 You're an idiot.
你是…你 You're... You...
[GROANS]
你是个烂人 You're such a bad person.
从外烂到内 Like, all the way through to your core.
艾伦，我们跳支舞？ Alan, shall we dance?
我们开始吧 Let's do this.
[BAND PLAYING "FAME"]
[SINGING "FAME"]
很高兴认识你 滚 - It was a real pleasure meeting you. - Fuck off.
我正准备考酒保证 舔我老二 - I'm getting my bartender's license. - Suck my dick.
不了，谢谢 No, thank you.
[CONTINUES SINGING]
[CHEERING]
你们棒极了 You guys are awe...
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
席德？ 来了啊 DOUG: Sid? - There he is.
你想见我？ 是的 - You wanted to see me? - Yeah.
恭喜你，伙计 恭喜你 - Congratulations, buddy. - Congratulations to you.
你还真让我们担心了一阵子 不好意思 - You had us worried there for a second. - Sorry.
拉斯维加斯如何？ How was Vegas?
那里…嗯，太疯狂了 It was... Ahem. It was crazy.
没错 Attaboy.
[CHUCKLES]
车子喜欢吗？ 嗯 - Enjoy the car? - Mm-hm.
有记得保护轮胎吗？ 嗯嗯 - Remember to put Armor All on the tires? - Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
那，我问你 Let me ask you a question.
一个蛋糕怎么要1400？ How can a cake cost $1400?
高速公路开黑店 这不是明抢吗 - Highway robbery. - It's criminal.
席德，那车… Sid, ahem, about the car...
崔西都跟你说了，我让她别说的 我本想跟你说的 Tracy told you. I told her not to tell you. I wanted to tell you.
说什么？ 小心点，道格，这些女人… - Tell me what? - Careful, Doug. These women...
不可靠啊 ...can't be trusted.
告诉我什么，席德？ 那辆宾士 - Tell me what, Sid? - The Mercedes.
是琳达和我给你们的结婚礼物 It is a wedding gift from Linda and I.
当真？ 你以为呢？ - Are you serious? - What do you think?
[LAUGHING]
太棒了 That is awesome.
谢谢你们 Thank you. Oh.
谢谢老爸，谢谢席德 Thanks, Daddy. Thanks, Sid.
关上门 太帅了 [WHISPERING] Close the door. - You're awesome.
真是太帅了 You are awesome.
嗯 Yeah.
道格… Dougie...
不得不说，婚礼棒极了 ...I gotta tell you, man, this was a gorgeous wedding.
我准备了六个月 小子 - I give it six months. - You're a dick.
不知道说什么，谢谢这个单身派对？ I don't know what to say. Thanks for the bachelor party, I guess?
是啊，真希望能记起点什么 Yeah. I just wish we could actually remember some of it.
哥儿们，看我找到什么了？ 噢，我的相机 - Hey, guys? Look what I found. - Whoa, that's my camera.
在车后座呢 那…里面有照片吗？ - It was in the back seat of the car. - Oh, Go... Are there photos on it?
有，有比我们想像中还糟的 Yeah. Some of it's even worse than we thought.
不是吧，给我看 等等 - No fucking way. Give me that. - Wa... Wa... Wait.
等一下 Wait, wait, wait.
我们一起看，好吗？就这一次 We look at these pictures together, okay? One time.
然后把证据删了 不如现在就删 - And then we delete the evidence. - I say we delete it right now.
你傻啊？我要知道为什么去了医院 Are you nuts? I wanna find out how I wound up in the hospital.
没错，里面有呢 伙计们，就一次 - Yeah, it's in there. - Guys, one time.
一言为定？ 一言为定 - Deal? - Deal.
一言为定 好 - Deal. - Okay.
噢，上帝啊！ Oh, dear Lord!
太经典了！ ALAN: That's classic!
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