okay so you said that when you're at
work you really worry that you're going
to say something stupid yeah that's
something that's always on my mind what
would be so bad about that if you did
say something stupid at work because
people would think I was weird
then what would be so bad if people at
work thought you are weird they wouldn't
want to be friends of me and what would
be so bad about that if people that
worked and want to be friends with you
well I just have no one to talk to your
work then what would be so bad about
having our to talk to at work that's I
mean the shoots can go on the whole day
so just be by myself the whole time and
what would be so bad about being by
yourself you know for a whole day a
genero I guess I should be used to it
now I spend a lot of my time by myself
that must be tough what does that mean
to you that you spend a lot of time on
your own you know I guess it's just like
I spend so much time by myself that's
kind of like I'm not even worth being
friends with so it sounds like deep down
that you think that you're not worth
being friends with that's quite quite a
negative belief I mean how much would
you say that you believe that out of a
hundred if a hundred is where you
believe it totally in zeros where you
don't believe it at all yes like ninety
five hundred when did you start
believing that uhm I think it was
probably at school yeah and get school
and what was it about school that that
made you start to believe that you
weren't worth being friends with just
like quite a lot of things like a
wouldn't have anyone said at lunch or
people's birthdays and stuff I wasn't
invited and you know like I was the last
one picked for teams and stuff like that
and what is it now that makes you think
that that's still true
I mean it's kind of similar at work
obviously differences that it's it's
worked law school but you know but
people go for drinks and stuff after
work or after a shoe and I just kind of
excluded a lot of time mm-hmm that
sounds tough and is there anything that
makes you think that it's not true that
that you are worth being friends with I
guess my friends and family would say I
am like I try to make a lot of time for
my friends and stuff okay so it sounds
like deep down you have this thought
that you're not worth being friends with
and that started at school when you had
trouble making friends at school and
that you can't always pick for teams and
that now at work it feels like the same
thing is happening and that you're not
always invited out for drinks with
people after work and that sometimes you
feel that you're excluded from their
social groups but then that's not the
whole story that on the other hand you
are close to family and you do have
friends who would say that it's not true
that you are with being friends with and
in CBT we do a thing called thought
challenging where when we have these
negative thoughts sometimes we we
actually put them up to two scrutiny we
weigh up the evidence for and against
them and I like to think of it as
putting the thought on trial could we do
that now where we just actually try and
that thought a bit more okay okay so if
I just put two columns here so for and
against and it sounds like the evidence
for this thought that makes you think
that it is true is there difficulty at
school yeah making friends being picked
for teams and difficulty at work feeling
excluded sometimes from groups yeah
but actually in this other column we
have that you are close with your family
and that you have some close friends
okay now moving back to this first
column is there anything else that makes
you think it's true that that you're not
worth being friends with oh just like I
kind of don't go to a lot of stuff and
people have like gatherings and things
and a lot the time I just I don't go and
okay I'll just stay at home don't go to
parties what kind of parties are we
talking like big parties small parties
and mainly big ones and if there's a lot
of people there and just find it really
it kind of makes me really anxious so a
lot of the time I just prefer not even
to be in that situation in the first
place okay so you don't go to larger
parties and events okay is there
anything else that maybe thinks that it
makes you think that it's not true that
actually you are worth being friends
with and I mean I guess my friends would
say that I was and I do I do have close
friends and you know and it's like their
stuff that's important to them I always
make sure that I think about that and
even if I find it stressful I'll always
make sure that I can kind of put them
first okay so your friends would say
that you are worth being friends with
yeah and it sounds like you put your
friends first yeah I do make sure I try
I try and do that and what kind of ways
do you put your friends first and I
guess when it's birthdays or in it
something important to them um I'll
always make sure that I'm there and that
I put a lot of thought into presents and
stuff like that can you give me an
example of a time that you've done that
and it was my friend's birthday a few
weeks ago and we did like a big surprise
at hers and I made a cake and stuff like
that so so you actually helped to
organize events for your friends yeah
is there anything that you do that you
wouldn't do if you weren't a good friend
and I guess so I kind of always put
myself in situations even if I find it
kind of it makes me anxious if it's for
my close friends and I know that is
something that's important to them then
I'll always put them first and make sure
I'm there
so you'll tolerate your anxiety if it
means something to a friend of yours
yeah okay so at the moment in the four
category we've got that you had
difficulty making friends at school that
you're having difficulty now at work
making friends and then you don't go to
larger parties or events but actually
there's a lot of evidence in the against
column evidence that would suggest that
actually you are worth being friends
with and you're a good friend that
you're close with your family you're
close with your friends your friends
would say that you're a good friend
you put your friends first and even when
you're anxious you tolerate that anxiety
if you know it'll mean something to them
that when things are important to your
friends like birthdays and you'll make a
real effort you'll even actually go to
the effort of organizing events and
baking cakes and doing things like that
for other people and is there anything
else that you do that makes you think
that maybe you are a good friend you are
worth being friends with I mean I still
have my friends so I guess if I wasn't
worth being friends with though I
wouldn't have these friends I've had
quite quite a long time okay so it
sounds like you've got long-term
friendships as well so you might have
trouble making friends but when you make
them you stick with them yeah okay I was
going to give you this list now to have
a look at okay
how do you feel now that you're looking
at that list and it's weird there's
actually kind of more stuff in the
against and there is in the for I guess
also love the stuff that is in the four
columns kind of things that I make
happen like I don't go to things hmmm
yeah it seems like some of its kind of
in my in my hands so it's not that
you're not worth being friends with but
actually that you're choosing not to
engage with people always yeah yeah I
think so yeah okay and if I was asking
now you know this idea that you're not
worth being friends with how much do you
believe that now that we've done this
exercise where 100 is where you really
believe that you're not worth being
friends with in zeros that you don't
believe it um I guess I'd say maybe 40 I
think I do still think that it might be
true but I think I believe it less than
I did before