Scoot over.
Okay.
All right.
You ready?
All right, wait...
Okay.
Just keep breathing, okay?
-You breathing? -Yes, just go!
All right. One...
two...
-three. What? -Fuck!
-Oh, my God, Richard! -Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
-It really fucking hurts. -I'm sorry. Okay.
-Oh, God! -Almost done, almost done.
Almost done.
Done.
I think you hit a nerve.
I'm sorry, sweetheart. I did exactly what the nurse told me to do.
Wasn't it supposed be more like right here?
No, it's the upper-outer quadrant.
Then why did it hurt like that?
None of the message boards said it was gonna hurt like that.
I-I don't know, Rach.
It's a bigger needle. Maybe you have a lower pain threshold than most people.
I don't know.
I am not a doctor, remember?
Are you mad at me?
No.
I'm not mad, I'm just...
Whatever. I don't know.
Tired.
These are your consent forms.
Both partners' signatures are required on the second page.
This is our policy regarding embryo storage,
these schedules on the back.
You both need to initial each paragraph,
-then sign here. -Very good. Thank you.
-And this is for you. -Oh. This--
-Instructions are inside. -Good.
-Ah, there you are. -Hey! What's wrong?
Nothing, it's just fucking freezing in here.
Just... relax. Don't obsess, all right?
I'm not obsessing. I'm cold.
Okay. You need to sign these.
Oh, my God, what are we doing?
-Are we really doing this? Are we insane? -No, we're not insane. We're normal.
This is not normal. This is the opposite of normal.
I'm not sure it's even ethical.
-Remember what Marty said? -Ugh.
"Having a baby is an immoral act."
Marty's an idiot.
"Overpopulation, climate change...
rise of neo-fascism."
-Did you take your Valium? -Yes, why?
Ms. Biegler?
-One sec. Okay. -Okay.
Okay, I guess we're really doing this.
-Don't be scared, okay? -Okay.
You're gonna do great. All we need is one good egg.
Okay. You, too.
Don't be scared, you're gonna do great.
-Okay, I love you. -I love you, too.
Ah!
Fuck! Oh, my God, your dick feels so good inside of me!
Ah... Ah!
Ah, yeah, fuck me like a fucking whore!
Fuck me like a whore!
Yeah, I wanna feel the head of your cock deep inside of me!
Yeah, give it to me!
Oh...
Fuck! Oh, God!
Yes! Yes!
Oh...
Fuck! Yes! God!
Fuck, yeah! I like it when you squeeze my ass!
You like my fucking ass?
Yeah!
Tell me, how does that feel?
Wanna fuck me like a little whore?
Yes? Huh?
My eight-year-old came to work one day to see what I do.
You know, "Take Your Daughter To Work Day."
Well...
she said I had the most boring job in the world.
All I do all day...
is put people to sleep.
Excuse me, ma'am?
Nurse?
Where's my husband?
Your birth partner never joined you?
He's my husband.
-Excuse me-- -My birth partner, he's my husband.
Mr. Grim?
Grimes. Yes, Richard Grimes.
You're gonna need to speak to a doctor. Let me go find someone.
-Is something wrong? -Just a moment.
Why can't you just tell me?
Hello?
Fuck!
There wasn't any sperm.
Excuse me?
Your husband didn't have any sperm.
Wait, you mean he couldn't...
do it?
No, he produced, and there was semen, but no sperm.
Dr. Dordick will have to give you the details.
Think of it like a soda machine.
Either one of you ever work in a movie theater?
So, the seltzer comes from one place,
the syrup comes from someplace else,
and, together, they make Mountain Dew, or Diet Coke, or what have you.
But, if the pipe gets clogged,
you don't get Mountain Dew.
You just get seltzer.
Richard is probably blocked.
Like mentally? Like psychosomatic?
No, not mentally. Physically.
-Like the talk about the soda machine. -Right, sorry.
Yeah. So, I just got off the phone with a buddy of mine.
He's a urologist, he's an expert on this.
In fact, he's writing a book about it. Joel Fisher.
Oh, my God. That is so depressing.
It's not depressing, Rich.
Based on everything we've talked about,
he's convinced you've got sperm in there. The trick is we gotta get it out.
-Okay. -Now, there's a procedure for this,
and Joel's definitely the man for the job.
It's called TESE.
Testicular Sperm Extraction.
Oh, my God.
Not as bad as it sounds.
You know he only has one testicle, right?
What?
He needs to know.
Yeah, I realize that.
I only have one testicle.
-Yeah, I saw the note in your file. -Okay.
I filled Fisher in.
He doesn't anticipate it being a problem.
What he'll do is avoid the vas, and go right to the source,
doing a testicular biopsy.
-Like for cancer? -No, Rach, not cancer.
I don't have cancer. I have blocked sperm.
Sorry, he said biopsy.
The thing is, if we do TESE,
then we're gonna have to do ICSI.
It's Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection.
It's an additional expense, but that actually can't be helped.
The good news is Fisher is available.
Happens to be in the city today.
Bad news is he'll need a check for $10,000.
I know, it's... short notice.
-Not a problem. -Ah.
-It's not? -No.
Okay, well, take a minute.
Talk things over.
When you're ready, I will give Fisher a call.
Meanwhile, Moira can get you suited up,
and we're off to the races. Yeah, boom!
Okay.
Richard, we don't have $10,000.
I know. I'm gonna call Charlie.
I thought we weren't gonna tell anybody.
I know, but what are we supposed to do, Rach?
-My God. -Eleven of your eggs are sitting in here
and we don't have anything to inseminate them with.
So if I don't call him, we're screwed.
The cycle will have been a bust,
and we will have blown through a big chunk of our baby budget for nothing.
That's great, no, that's fine, it's no...
If you're gonna be here within the... Yeah, okay, good. All right.
I'll see you soon. Bye.
-He's on his way with a check. -He is?
-Yep! -Did Cynthia say anything?
What? No, of course not.
-She's so judgmental. -No, she's not.
Yes, she is. She was even weird when we were doing IUI.
-They're doing it again? -No, this is something totally different.
New doctor, very high-tech. It's got...
egg harvesting, hatching... something called "icksy."
You seen my pants?
I thought they were done with that and were trying to adopt.
They're still doing that. But after that thing with that girl,
they're trying a by-any-means-necessary approach,
-doing both at once. -Oh, my God.
They're like impulsive gamblers.
Anyway, it's very technical and it's hard to keep track of,
but there's a problem with Richard's sperm and he needs to borrow $10,000,
like, now.
You're not gonna give it to him?
-Oh, yeah. -What?
-Charlie! -They'll pay me back.
Giving them money is just enabling them!
-To do what? -To pursue this fantasy of fertility,
when it's pretty clear that it's consuming them.
They are strung out.
Their marriage is a wreck, they're always fighting.
They're like fertility junkies!
That's nuts.
Oh, come on. They've been doing this for years!
They need to stop. They need to move on.
Mom! Sadie's on the phone. She doesn't sound good.
-My goodness! Hi, honey. -I really need to get going.
Yeah-- I really want you to think about what you're doing!
Mom, what's going on?
Nothing. It's just, Charlie is going into the city--
I'm gonna pick up some stuff at Russ & Daughters. You want salmon?
Hey, Charlotte, do you want salmon?
What?
Do you-- Dad is going into Manhattan. You want Russ & Daughters?
Bialy and an everything bagel.
Bialy and an everything bagel,
and get me a half a pound of wild--
No! Get me a half... quarter pound of wild nova!
Hi, honey. So sorry about that. Is everything okay?
Not really.
What's wrong?
Are you smoking?
No, I quit. I told you.
I'm just-- I've got a cold and it's--
I'm standing outside and it's freezing.
You sound funny.
I'm not doing well.
Are you failing?
No, not-- God, Mom. Not--
Emotionally, not academically. God, you're so achievement-oriented.
Finishing college at 25 isn't exactly an achievement, Sadie.
It's damage control.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.
-It's what you think. -No, it's not what I think.
I just want you to find something that you love doing,
that will, you know, give your life meaning and purpose.
I found it.
Remember?
Writing?
Right. Yes.
And you're so good at it,
but if you want to be a writer writer, like professional,
you have to be driven and disciplined.
If you're having trouble with that now, imagine how hard it's gonna be
in real life when you have to pay rent at the same time.
I'm not failing, Mom! I did good work at the beginning of this semester
that I'm really proud of. I'm just...
I'm stuck right now,
and I'm not gonna be ready to hand in my portfolio in writing workshop,
which is like 80 per cent of my grade, but I've got this great professor
who really believes in me, and the good news is
she's gonna give me an "incomplete," which is really great, because...
Sadie?
I'm just waiting for you to tell me that in the real world,
there's no such thing as an "incomplete."
Honey, why don't you come home and we can talk about this in person?
-I can't come home, Mom. -Why not?
Because... I wanna be in the city.
Oh, my God, Sadie. How are you gonna do that?
I'll work, I'll waitress. It's not gonna cost you a penny, I promise.
Uncle Richard and Aunt Rachel said I could stay at their place anytime--
Richard and Rachel have a lot on their plate.
They're not in any position to take care of anyone but themselves right now.
Say goodnight to everyone.
Say goodnight!
-Goodnight! -Goodnight!
On Monday and Thursday, they clean the north side of the street.
On Tuesday and Friday, they clean the south side of the street.
On the weekends, they don't do anything. I don't see what the problem is
about alternate-side parking. I mean, people get so, like,
"What are you gonna do with the car?"
It's all just party people drinking themselves sick on the weekends.
-For real? -Yes.
I can barely walk the dogs at night.
Oh, man.
I just don't wanna find myself at 50 in some block association meeting
trying to prevent the opening of a new bar.
Richard...
we're not turning 50 on East 6th Street.
I'm 47.
When's your book coming out?
-April. -Oh, that's exciting!
I haven't written jack-shit since Talia was born.
Okay, you've got to try this, I'm obsessed.
-I drank it all summer. -Oh... No, thank you.
Really? It's Prosecco. Not a Prosecco person?
No, I am, I love it. I just...
I can't.
I'm cycling.
Oh, my God, SoulCycle?
My sister does that and her ass is like two little coconuts. Do you love it?
Yeah, no, not that kind of cycling. It's...
IVF.
Oh, my God.
-I'm so sorry. What an idiot! -No!
Why would-- That's okay.
No, it's not! I'm such a dope.
Wow!
I didn't know you two were back to that. I thought you were just trying to adopt.
No, yeah, we are. We just figured while we're waiting we might as well
give this a shot.
Ha!
Sorry, that's a good one.
Giving IVF "a shot."
It's our first time. We've done a lot of IUIs before, but we've never really...
brought out the big guns.
I'm sure it'll really increase your chances though, right?
Yeah, I don't know...
Our numbers aren't that great.
You should talk to my cousin, Erin.
-Yeah? -She did IVF to get her kids.
The doctors told her she shouldn't bother. Her chances were one percent or something.
And she got pregnant twice.
In her 40s. With only one ovary.
Wow.
I'm sure she'd be happy to talk to you about it. And her kids...
are amazing. Look at them.
-Oh... -How cute!
Right?
That's a double-A embryo right there.
See the tightly-packed cells?
That puppy's raring to go.
I'm gonna transfer both, but I'm putting my money on that guy.
You ready?
All righty...
Here we go, guys! Showtime!
Now your job is just to relax and breathe, okay?
This might be a little cold.
Just... relax.
That's it.
You like prog rock?
No.
All right. Let's get pregnant, shall we?
Oh, here. Let's grab that one.
Oh, my God! Wait! Richard! Get it!
-Oh! -Richard!
-Ho, ho, ho! -Jesus Christ!
Excuse me, excuse me. Hi!
-Could you open your-- -It's fine, sweetheart.
No, it's not. I'm trying to implant.
Sir, could you please open up your thing? Could you open that up?
Hi!
Hi, I just had a medical procedure--
It's gynecological.
If you could just slow down and go easy on the bumps, I'd really appreciate it.
-How we doing? -Good!
Okay.
As of now...
-there are no IVF materials in sight. -Great.
Ugh...
Hey, you think we should take down the Lisa Yuskavage?
What? No!
I'm just looking at it from Beth's perspective.
We're used to it, but...
if we sit next to each other on the couch
and Beth sits across from us, it's right in her face.
What is?
The vagina.
I think we should at least move it so it's not so...
central.
No. No.
If our social worker's so uptight that she would deny us a child because we have...
a vagina on our wall, well, then it's, like...
screw everything!
No!
I mean, you know, it's, like, fuck it! Just fuck the whole fucking thing!
-Okay. -So sick of people judging us,
telling us what to do all the time.
Between the doctors, the social workers, and the support groups,
it's like, you know what, shut the fuck up already!
Shove it up your fucking asses!
So, before Kyra went on maternity leave,
she walked me through everything, so I'm pretty up to date.
-Okay. -But...
there's really nothing that can replace the face-to-face.
-Yes. -Oops. Hope it's not too hot.
Thank you.
-You want any? -No, I'm good.
Yeah, she's a good friend of ours.
Not the woman in the picture, the artist who made it.
She's a friend.
-It was a wedding present. -Yeah, so...
So, it looks like you came to adoption after some fertility treatments.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, it wasn't for us. Just didn't feel right.
Plus, Richard only has one testicle, so...
And I see that you were matched with a birth mother last winter.
Would you mind telling me a little bit about that?
Yeah.
Okay...
Well, we had been officially waiting for a couple of months,
and we weren't getting any calls,
-which was totally depressing. -Yeah.
-Kyra told us about Parent Portraits... -Yeah.
...and so we decided to give it a try.
About a week after our page went up,
-we got a call. -Yeah.
Fuck!
Hello?
Yes, hi. Yeah, that's us.
No, we're so happy that you called. It's the perfect time.
Yes, that's right. New York City. NYC.
Well, it's got pros and cons, but we love it.
So where are you from?
Wow. Really?
Birthplace of Bill Clinton.
No, we've never been there, but that's somewhere we've always...
we've always wanted to go to.
No, we were just watching TV.
Yes, exactly, the city that never sleeps.
We talked almost every night for a month.
"He's so weird, so scrawny," and he was like--
Yeah, he like asked me out for ice cream or something.
I don't know, whatever you do in 6th Grade and I was like, "No..."
I guess it was, yeah, freshman year of high school.
He asked me out again. He was relentless.
We just fell in love with her.
What's the story with that thing?
She was so young, it was almost like we were her parents.
No?
-The doctor's appointment went so well! -Okay!
The only thing I did before I got on, was...
Oh!
-Oh, that is so sweet! -Very nice!
They said that the heartbeat is great.
The blood work...
um, they did the whole sonogram thing, and I guess it's growing at the right...
speed, so--
-And so you arranged to meet with her? -Yeah.
-Okay. -Yup.
Two days before Christmas.
It's amazing we could get tickets.
Yep. There she blows.
-Okay! We got barbecue ribs and iced tea. -Wow! That looks great, thank you.
Are you sure there's nothing else I can get for you?
No. Thank you.
-All right. Enjoy. -Thank you.
Rach, relax.
She's just late.
Come on. Have some mashed potatoes.
After that it was just like...
poof.
She never...
showed up and we never heard from her again.
We'd been warned about this stuff.
But, it's not like she asked us for money or anything.
And when we got home,
we realized that there was no name or date on any of the sonograms.
Kyra said that sometimes the girls just want the attention.
And there isn't a baby at all.
We still don't know if she was...
real or not.
You know, it's much easier when it involves money.
At least that makes some kind of sense.
But the emotional scams are just really...
really tough.
I mean, most people that've been through what you've been through,
they would've given up.
Or they would have thrown themselves right back on the fertility treadmill.
It really is a testament to your strength as a couple
that you stuck with it
and renewed your commitment to adoption.
Thank you.
Hey, Eno! Lazlo!
Rich?
A text from Rachel.
What does it say?
It's kind of personal.
Thanks.
We're rooting for you.
Rach?
Yeah, hello?
Yes. Sure, just hold on just a second.
Rach!
Hey. It's Dordick.
You could give it another go.
This was your first IVF, Rachel responded well.
All it takes is one good egg.
On the other hand...
the two of you have been at it for quite some time,
and if money is a factor...
that, combined with Rachel's age, makes me think...
sure, you could try again, but your best chance for success is with a donor egg.
Yeah. It's a big leap, I know.
It takes some getting used to.
And I don't want to diminish the loss of a genetic link for Rachel.
But there are a lot of positives to consider.
Rachel would carry the child, she'd control the prenatal environment,
give birth.
Breastfeed.
And, of course, there'd be Richard's genetic contribution.
It's a lot to wrap your head around.
Give it some time.
Meanwhile, take a look at our program,
see what you think, and we can talk next week.
Well, he's out of his fucking mind.
No way in hell I'm doing that.
We should at least just think about it.
I'm not saying that we would do it.
We can just explore the idea, see how we feel.
Make a list of all the pros and cons.
We talked about this. We swore we would never do it.
No, you swore that you would never do it. I...
I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to pressure you into something
that you were gonna have to live with for the rest of your life.
Wait, so all this time I'm assuming that we feel the same way about this,
you've been having secret fantasies about egg donation?
It's not a secret fantasy.
It is to me. I didn't know about it. I thought that we had decided,
together as a couple,
that we would definitely draw the line at...
science fiction!
It's not science fiction, Rach.
It's pretty primitive, actually. They do it with farm animals all the time.
Well, I'm not a goat!
-Okay? -Bad example. I'm sorry.
Oh, my God!
You're, like, so gung-ho right now, it's freaking me out.
I am not gung-ho, I am just pragmatic.
If we do another IVF with your eggs, we've got a four per cent chance of pregnancy?
With a donor egg, we'd be going from four to, like, 65 per cent!
The gambler in me just wants to put my money on the better odds.
Oh, my God!
You're Guy Woodhouse.
What?
The husband in Rosemary's Baby, John Cassavetes, that's you.
Yeah, Rach. That's me,
standing by while you're raped by a satanic demon.
I am just suggesting that we listen to our doctor and look into all the options.
We're already signed up for adoption. What is the big deal?
Well, for one, I'm not putting someone else's body parts
into my uterus.
-Excuse me. -Excuse me. Sorry.
I know it's more complicated for you.
-Isn't it more complicated for you, too? -Yes, of course it is. Yes, yes.
But you heard him.
There's a lot of positives.
-You would get to carry the baby. -Whoop-de-doo!
What does that make me, the bellhop?
No.
Why don't you just go screw a younger woman, then?
-What are you talking about? -Look!
There's one now. Go fuck her!
I don't want to fuck her!
My God, look, we are doing everything we can,
short of kidnapping, to start a family. I do not know why
this is so off-limits.
That's easy for you to say. You'll have your...
genetic contribution, and me, I'm just...
I'll just be...
What?
Left out.
Don't even--
Just don't.
Oh...
Who is it?
It's the kids from the third floor.
What do they want?
Candy.
It's Halloween.
Shit.
Just don't answer it.
Someone's there. I heard them.
But they're not answering.
-But it's a holiday. -It's not that kind of holiday.
Not everybody celebrates Halloween.
They did it last year.
-Trick or Treat! -Trick or Treat!
Jesus, it's like eBay for ova.
There's one that got a full athletic scholarship in golf.
I mean, have you ever even heard of that? College golf?
I thought you were working on your edit.
So what do you think?
-What? -For her to have your baby.
She's not having my baby. You are.
Okay, fine. Well, just, what do you think?
I think she's fine.
-That's all you're gonna say? -I'm not making a big thing out of this.
It's just an egg.
It's one cell.
One cell that would contain half the chromosomes of our child-to-be.
-I don't see it that way. -You are so in denial. It's crazy.
You know what? Don't knock denial.
It comes in very handy, you should try it sometime.
'Cause without it, you end up like this guy.
Listen to this.
Double major, Philosophy and Political Science,
at an East Coast Ivy League university. Entered at age 16.
Too intimidating.
Yeah. Your sperm might be a little shy around her eggs.
Favorite book, The Fountainhead?
See, she's got an asterisk. That means she's reserved.
She probably has a waiting list. It's that Ivy League thing.
Hm. Hm. Whoa, whoa.
Click on her.
She's cute.
She's got a BA in Journalism and Cinema Studies.
No wonder she's selling her eggs. She can't get a job.
I like her nose.
I like your nose.
This is actually kinda kinky, isn't it?
I find it kind of...
kind of kinky.
Hm?
Oh, my God.
Richard.
Wait. Is that...
Er... Fiona from Mogador?
Whoa.
This is weird.
Just think of it as an exercise. There's no right or wrong answers.
-All right. -Okay?
Yeah. All right.
Fine.
Well, you know, she's beautiful. That's obvious.
She's always nice, which is good, whenever we come in.
No matter how crowded.
She's got a great laugh.
Amazing body.
In summer, when she wears those...
thin cotton dresses, with her hair all piled up--
Oh, my God.
What?
You said there were no wrong answers.
It's very confusing. I've never done this before.
Neither have I, but just... stop thinking about fucking her.
Okay?
Think about her like she's your daughter, not your...
girlfriend.
You wanted to do this, you know.
You think I enjoy this?
Looking for another woman's egg to mix with my husband's sperm
so we can shove it up my pussy so we can make a baby?
God!
At least Fiona's an actual, real,
flesh-and-blood person, and not some random thumbnail photo.
-I think maybe we should just ask her-- -What are you, crazy?
-Jesus Christ! -Jesus... Rach, are you crazy?
We can't just ask her.
-She put her picture up on the website. -That doesn't mean that--
Hey, guys.
What can I get you?
My God!
It's like The Handmaid's Tale.
It would be different if I had, like,
a younger sister or something, or like a cousin.
Even like a family friend.
Someone we had a real connection with, so I wasn't just...
preying on the bodies of random young women.
What?
Really sucks, what you're going through.
Yeah, it does, thanks.
Thanks?
For confirming that my life sucks right now.
-Okay. -It really means a lot to me.
Well, you're welcome.
I know technically you're just my step-uncle and aunt,
but I feel closer to you guys than everyone else in the family.
You guys get it.
Everyone else is on me all the time to get my shit together
like I'm some sort of dropout or something.
You did just drop out of Bard, didn't you?
No, I was given permission by the dean's office
to finish my degree requirements in absentia.
Ah!
-That's a thing. -Yeah. I mean, that's Latin, right?
For "dropped out."
-Shut up! -Ho! Ho! Careful, I'm driving here.
Oh, my God! Even you, Uncle Cool.
You know what? You came up with that nickname, not me.
And the fact that anyone would refer to me as cool
is just evidence of how utterly uncool our family actually is.
-That's true. -Yeah.
Thought everything was supposed to be all gentrified now.
Well, I guess they forgot about our corner.
It's so Serpico.
There you go.
Hey!
Oh, my God! Hi, puppies!
Hi, Sade!
Hi!
Oh, my God!
Whoa, whoa!
God, you guys all right?
So, how do you plan on finishing?
Online.
Really?
Why online?
Because that way, I don't have to talk to deluded college students
who think the world gives a shit about their stupid short fiction,
which isn't even fiction in the first place,
just thinly-veiled autobiographical crap about their entitled upbringing.
Wow. Thank you.
And I won't have to listen to what a big deal it is
that they're being published in some literary magazine no one has heard of,
like Tin House or whatever.
Wait, Tin House?
Tin House is a really well-regarded literary magazine.
Yeah.
-They published something of yours, right? -Yeah, once.
So everybody at your school's getting published in Tin House?
Not everybody.
I just mean in general, like, everyone is so self-promoting,
and convinced of their artistic promise, and I'm like,
"Hey, my uncle is an award-winning theater genius,
and my aunt is a real-life playwright and author who gets...
invited to Yaddo, and gets her stories published in well-known periodicals
that normal people have actually heard of, like The New Yorker, for instance.
And they're over 40
and still have to live in a rent-stabilized apartment on Avenue A
with drunks and graffiti in the front, so don't talk to me
about 'the sacrifices' you're making to be an artist, okay?"
So good.
Don't you ever miss it?
You guys were so great.
Tell that to the NEA.
Oh, I meant to tell you,
I went by our old space on Walker Street. You know what it is now?
-No. -Citibank.
-Ugh. -My God.
Try doing Grotowski in front of an ATM.
"This was the year that a small downtown theater collective
reminded us of the singular power of theater to astonish.
In Tray, a story set among cafeteria workers in a suburban high school,
La Rata and its director, Richard Grimes, created a political comedy
that deftly examines the racial and socioeconomic divide
that plagues our nation."
Who wrote that?
-Jonathan Saks, The Village Voice. -Oh.
See, that's how sad we are.
We're from a time when The Village Voice was considered relevant.
Honey.
Honey, are you awake?
-Richard? -Yeah. What?
Do you think we should do it?
Do what?
Ask Sadie.
She's so young.
Yeah, that's the point, isn't it?
Okay.
-Hey. -Wow!
How Instagrammable, thank you!
Do you need a...?
Yum.
Thank you.
Oh, my God, look at us. We're like an ad for assholes.
You mean we're assholes, or we're part of an ad that's targeted to assholes?
No, it's just that whole...
people with cappuccinos in their lofts, with their laptops, dogs, with messy hair.
You know, that whole fantasy.
It's not your fault. You guys are authentic and real, you've just been
co-opted by cultural mechanisms that create desirability.
I took a media and consumer society course. It was pretty life-altering.
Sadie...
there's something that we want to...
Look at-- Just--
You know I only have one testicle, right?
Yeah, I do, actually.
-You do? -Charlie mentioned it once.
-He did? -Not to me personally, but to my mom.
I overheard it a couple of Thanksgivings ago.
I don't remember.
It was when you guys were going through all that fertility stuff.
We're still going through all that fertility stuff.
-My mom said you were trying to adopt. -Yeah, we are.
But recently we decided it might be a good idea to just try everything
all at once.
'Cause, you know, we're not getting any younger.
-That's for sure. -Yeah. And we just had a failed IVF.
Wait, what?
-Oh, my God, you guys, I'm so sorry. -Thanks.
That must suck.
It's not over, though. You guys are gonna keep trying, right?
Well...
now the doctor is suggesting a... a different approach altogether.
My mom told me you guys had a lot going on but I had no idea.
Is... This is a really bad time for me to be crashing here, isn't it?
-No, not at all. -I have friends in Bushwick...
No, we're so glad that you're here!
-You're sure? -Yes.
Me, too.
I love you guys.
Okay.
-I'll pop in some more toast. -Good idea.
Oh, does anybody mind if I get started on the crossword?
Actually, we wanted to ask you about your eggs.
Scrambled is good, but however you guys do them is fine with me.
Oh.
-Hey! -Hey!
Did you mean hay...
-with an "A"? -No, just "hey" as in "hello."
-Sam, this is my niece Sadie. Sadie, Sam. -Hi.
-Sadie's gonna help out here for a while.
I thought you could show her the ropes.
Yeah, okay. Cool.
Okay. Come on.
-Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.
I like to be as prepared as possible the night before the farmers' market,
because, well,
we set up at like, 5:00 a.m.,
and at that hour I am...
utterly impaired, and not in a position to make any kind of business decisions.
Oh, my God, I'm totally whale-tailing, aren't I?
Sorry.
It's cool.
-I would get a gourmet... -How often do you guys get this?
-You have no idea! -You haven't been here!
No crema.
I got extra guac.
-Stop. -You're getting pico de gallo?
This is not his first rodeo.
My burrito's without cheese, right?
-Yeah. -Okay. It smells so good.
We got it all.
Oh, my God. What does that even mean?
It's like an open invitation for assholes.
Yes, it is.
Oh, my God, my esophagus is on fucking fire. I love this.
Sadie.
Rachel and I have been looking for an egg donor.
You know what that is, right?
Yeah, I do.
They advertise for it at school. I know somebody who did it, a film major.
They paid her like $10,000. That's how she financed her senior thesis.
It was the entire budget of her short film.
She named the company "Ovum Productions."
It was really funny at the time.
Not so much now.
No, that's funny.
-You know... -No, no, no. It is. It is.
Well, we wanted to ask you about your eggs, actually.
In your ovaries.
Oh, okay.
What about them?
Well...
we were wondering if you would consider...
donating some.
To us.
-Just like your friend. -Yeah, except not.
No, no. Yes. Yes.
Because...
you know us, so it would be different.
Wow.
Yeah.
What would this entail, exactly?
Well, technically, you would just go through pretty much
what I just went through with IVF, minus the...
-transfer. -What's the transfer?
That's when they put the fertilized eggs back into your uterus.
-My uterus, in this case. -Right, yeah. Yes.
It wouldn't be yours, because it would be Rachel's.
So...
Yeah, your uterus would not be involved in this instance.
You would be done right after the retrieval, so...
You'd have to get screened
by the clinic first.
Bunch of blood tests, a psychiatric evaluation.
-Uh-oh! -No, no, it's nothing like that.
They just wanna make sure you would be able to handle the whole thing,
psychologically.
Right, so I don't go all Mary Beth Whitehead on you?
Who?
Er, no, nothing, forget it. It's...
-Who was that again? -Yeah.
The-- Just something we read about in a medical ethics class.
The surrogate in the Baby M case.
In the '80s.
Yeah, yeah. She refused to give up the baby or something, right?
Yeah. Sorry.
-Creepy reference. Totally inappropriate. -No.
That's okay. Okay.
So...
what else?
-The drugs? -Yes, right. The stimulating hormones.
How could I forget?
You give yourself injections to increase your egg count for the cycle.
Yeah. It's a lot of...
shots. Let me show you here. You see them?
-God. Oh, my God. -Yeah.
I mean, this looks a lot worse than it is.
But the drugs can make you feel...
pretty crazy, mood-wise.
My shrink had a really funny name for it. What did she call it again?
-"Emotionally incontinent." -Oh, my God, gross!
But because it's not you trying to have the baby directly,
it would be way less fraught, emotionally.
-Don't you think? -Definitely.
Yeah.
And, of course, we would pay you.
No way, I'm not taking money from you guys.
No. We insist.
We'd pay you exactly what you would get in any of the university clinics.
Ten thousand dollars, just like your friend.
It's not a lot of money, considering. But it's the standard rate, and it's...
it's all we can afford.
You don't have to say anything now.
This...
It's... It's just an overview.
It's a lot to absorb, so just...
take your time and think about it.
Okay.
-Good. -Okay.
All right.
-Who needs more beer? -I do!
No. I mean, okay, like, I'll do it.
The egg thing. I'll do it.
You really need to think. This is a big decision.
-You don't have to answer right now. -I'm totally cool with it.
It's not like I'm doing anything else with my life. I don't even have a job.
And...
what could be more rewarding than helping two people I love start a family?
You guys have always been such role models for me.
You're so supportive, and...
non-judgmental.
You're gonna be amazing parents.
Way better than mine.
Hey. Don't say that. You have great parents.
We're gonna have to tell them about this, too, you know.
It has to all be out in the open. Totally transparent.
I don't see a problem with that.
Yeah?
-You don't? -My mom's always on me about...
finding purpose and doing something real with my life.
Well, it doesn't get more real than this, right?
Be careful!
All right? Did you hear me?
Lunatic, are you filming me like that?
It's just gonna be my bald spot! That's all it's gonna be.
They're here!
Hey, guys!
Come on!
How's everything? You made good time.
You brought your laundry?
Yeah, I did.
-Good. -Hey!
Hi.
It's, like, quarters only, and the laundromat had no--
-Hi, Sadie! -Hi!
-How are you? -Oh, my God!
Hi! It's so good to see you!
Charlotte! Are you okay?
You brought pie?
I'll get you the rest before the end of the year!
Come here!
That's okay. I'm so embarrassed. This is like...
Don't be sorry, I didn't realize you were so sensitive. Is it okay if I go back?
-Go ahead, please. Sorry. -Mom? How many?
How many what?
-Hi, Nellie! Hi, Jennifer. -Hi!
You'll play later, right?
Thank you.
They're super comfy. Do you want it?
I would love it.
So, I'm not gonna use my...
You know how, like, all college grads are like...
That's so creepy.
Like, looking down the shirts of girls, like when we walk around,
we don't have to do anything.
I'm in, like, all AP classes.
Well, you did that to yourself.
No, but I have to do that.
I wanna get in.
You're gonna get in.
Okay, but if I wasn't doing that whole-- Yeah, I can't change it.
Charlie? Charlie...
-I cannot manage that. -Because they don't teach us as kids.
Okay.
Charlie and I decided that we wanted to do Thanksgiving right for a change,
so before we all dig in,
we'd like to invite everyone to go around the table
and talk about what it is you're grateful for this year.
-Come on. -It'll be a "Thanksgiving" Thanksgiving.
Thank you, Charlie, my supportive husband.
Okay, I think I'm going to begin.
I would like to say that I am very thankful to Richard and Rachel.
-Hell, yeah. -Wow.
Woo!
For giving our daughter, Sadie,
all the great love and support she needs for starting her new life in Manhattan,
and giving her a great home base.
And, I just want to say on a personal note, I know that
you guys have been going through a really tough time,
and the fact that you're taking care of someone else's child
when you're struggling to have a child of your own
is just more evidence of your incredible generosity.
And... I really hope someday that
we can repay you for all that you guys have done for us, so cheers.
-Hear! Hear! -Cheers!
Cheers.
-Okay. -Can I be next?
Yes, go ahead. Go ahead, Sadie, go.
Okay.
That was beautiful.
And it's the perfect prologue for what I wanted to say.
I'm also thankful for Richard and Rachel
-for everything they've done for me. -Never been so popular.
From letting me intern at their theater company...
Free labor is more like it.
...to employing me at the Pickle Guy offices and...
most recently, letting me crash at their place until I get my act together.
I'm especially thankful to you, Rachel.
For reading all of my lame attempts at playwriting and short fiction.
And for taking me seriously as an artist when I have a hard time doing that myself.
And, finally,
this seems like the perfect opportunity to share some exciting news.
I'm going rogue here.
I haven't asked Richard and Rachel, but I can't let this moment go to waste.
-It's okay. -No, I don't think--
What I'm most thankful for this year is the opportunity
to help Richard and Rachel make their dreams come true.
-Sadie, it's not-- Seriously. -By offering them a tiny bit of myself,
I get to give these guys the greatest gift they could have asked for.
The gift of life.
An oocyte.
I don't understand. What is an oocyte?
Isn't it...
like an egg?
I've decided to be Richard and Rachel's egg donor.
And, if all goes well,
by this time next year,
we'll all be giving thanks for the newest member of our family:
Richard and Rachel's baby.
Cheers.
-We haven't even-- -It's...
Yes!
Yeah! Yes, it's good news! It's good news. Cheers!
We haven't even...
-I was gonna-- We haven't coordinated-- -It's my turn now, right?
-Can I talk to you for a second? -What?
On this fabulous Thanksgiving,
spending it with family and friends,
I am most grateful for
being 31 days sober today.
Clean and sober 31 days.
Over my dead body! Do you hear me?
This has nothing to do with your body. It's my body...
It's not blood or checking the organ donation box on your driver's license.
You'll be living with this all your life. Our whole family will be affected.
-I've given it a lot of thought. -Have you?
-I wanna help them. It means a lot to me. -Well, now it's fun.
You're the center of attention, but and after the baby's born? What then?
I'll be Aunt Sadie, or Cousin Sadie, whatever they want me to be. Look, Mom...
What if you had kidney disease, and I'm your friend and I have two kidneys?
Person only needs one kidney, right? Of course I'd give it to you!
Honey, kidney disease kills people. Rachel wants a baby, she's not dying.
-How do you know? -Sorry. We were planning to talk to you.
That's nice.
How were you planning on paying for it? Kickstarter?
Jesus, Mom!
-Why don't we go upstairs and get you-- -Whose side are you on?
Nobody's side, nobody's side.
We're not doing this without your support.
Well, you don't have it.
So, guys, why don't you just...
Fuck this!
...get some food, go home and then we'll talk about it some other time, okay?
-Where are you going? -I'm getting my laundry!
God, Mom. You are so anti-Aunt Rachel.
-I'm not anti-anybody. -Come on!
On some level, you're threatened by her.
'Cause she'll have a book and a baby and you'll have nothing once Charlotte's gone?
That's what you think I'm worried about?
I am worried about you, Sadie.
You could be squandering your future fertility for all you know.
My God, you should be freezing your eggs, not selling them.
That's absurd. Tons of girls do it and they're fine.
Anyway, I'm not having kids.
You do not know that now.
Yes, I do. I don't want kids, I want a career.
You could have both.
What?
Do you know how many times you've told me
that women have to sacrifice things when they have kids?
That you had to drop out of school when you had me?
I get my period every month, and I flush an egg down the toilet.
Why not give some to Richard and Rachel?
What could be more meaningful than me
giving two people I love who are desperate to start a family the gift of life?
Oh, my God.
-They've brainwashed you. -Oh...
Why do you feel so cheated by life, Mom?
And if I can just make it through today...
just today...
I will be one third of the way through the Bermuda Triangle.
I am not happy about this!
Maybe we should've gone with an anonymous donor.
-Goddammit. -This is not a good idea!
Honey!
I know you want a child,
-but this is my child we're talking about. -I am not a child!
-Understood, Cynthia. -If she was your daughter,
would you want her to do this?
-Goodnight. Come on, okay? -Cynthia, we haven't even--
-Okay. Thanks! -Sadie!
-This is madness. -We're gonna call you in--
Third-party reproduction is usually an arrangement
between anonymous or unrelated individuals.
But some couples prefer to involve a family member,
or a trusted friend, which is fine.
As long as all the people involved are consenting adults,
it should not be a problem.
Now, that's not to say that this kind of collaboration
doesn't bring up some intense feelings for everyone,
including the extended family.
Of course it does.
This is uncharted territory for most people.
But we're getting ahead of ourselves.
We don't even know if Sadie's an appropriate candidate for egg donation.
My advice is to get the process started,
and then use the time to wrap your heads around
what this arrangement might mean for you and your family.
Then, after the reports come back
and Sadie's completed her psychological evaluation...
...you can sit down and make a fully-informed decision.
I call him Uncle Richard, but he's actually
my stepfather Charlie's brother.
So we're not really related.
Which is probably better for something like this.
Right.
Because... otherwise, it would be incest.
For the record, I don't have a problem with the whole donor thing.
Not to say I don't think it's weird. It's weird, but...
I'm a periodontist.
I graft freeze-dried cadaver bones into the mouths of living people every day.
I can handle weird.
Ugh!
But Cynthia?
She's different, she's much more sensitive, especially these days.
She's been having a really tough time...
hormonally.
Honey...
they're screening her.
Who's screening her?
The clinic for the egg donation.
-You might wanna talk to her about it. -She doesn't need my permission.
Well, that's true, she doesn't.
Honey, what if Richard and Rachel were gay?
-Please! -No, I'm serious. What would you say?
If they were a gay male couple and they wanted to start a family
and Sadie wanted to help them.
I would say, "Mazel tov.
Now go get some girl off the internet and leave us out of it."
Sadie doesn't understand what it is she's doing. She's just...
throwing around her genetic material like it's popcorn.
Auctioning off family property like it's no big deal.
Well, they're family.
-What? -Richard and Rachel are family.
-What are you doing? Oh, my God-- -There's something on your chin.
-Can you not, please? Do you mind? -It's bleeding.
It's nothing. It's a pimple. My God, Charlie, please.
Don't touch me. I'm trying to concentrate.
I got into Berkeley!
-What! -My early decision letter came. I got in!
-Oh, my God, let me see! -I'm going to Berkeley!
You did it! I'm so proud of you!
-We are so proud of her, right, Cyn? -It's great, honey, I'm so happy for you.
What happened to your face, Mom?
It's nothing. It's just a little...
It's-- It's just this...
pimple.
Stupid. Just...
We'll meet you downstairs, okay?
Oh, okay.
It's okay, it's okay.
"Ms. Sadie Barrett has applied to become a donor in the Conceptions Oocyte
Donor Program.
The purpose of this evaluation is to gain insight
into her psychological and emotional well-being.
Psychological testing indicates no significant evidence of psychopathology."
-Woo! Yeah! -Awesome!
Wait, this is the good part.
"Ms. Barrett presented as a bright, sophisticated, and charismatic young woman
who appears comfortable with her decision to donate.
She is mature and intelligent and it is likely that she will
comply with the medical demands of the donation.
In conclusion, Ms. Barrett is approved as a candidate for oocyte donation."
-Yeah! Yes! -Yes!
-I was a little worried. -I was very worried about you.
Psychiatric!
You passed?
Why are you so surprised?
I'm not, I'm just...
You know, I thought maybe...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You know that I love you, right?
Even though I don't agree with you, at all...
I respect you,
and if this project is something you feel you need to do, then you should do it.
So you're cool with it?
No, I'm not "cool" with it. I'm not cool with anything, ever.
But I see how much this means to you,
and I don't want to stand in your way. I want to support you. No matter what.
You do?
Doesn't mean I'm happy about it.
Wow! Christmas!
What does this stuff do?
It shuts down our reproductive systems so they can sync up our cycles.
Yikes.
Any risk of, like, triggering menopause?
Technically, it is menopause. It's chemically-induced, it's temporary.
Okay, I'm gonna start with Rachel.
-All right. -Yup.
-There you go. -All right.
All right.
Ready?
One, two, three.
See?
-Subcutaneous. No biggie. -All righty, your turn.
Oh, my God, this is so glamorous. We're like Drugstore Cowboy.
All done.
He wants me to start stimming.
Warning: this stuff can make you feel really crazy and all over the place.
"Emotionally incontinent." I remember. Don't worry. I can handle it.
One, two, three.
-Oh! Shit! -One, two...
Oh, I love it!
Are you sure you don't want it? It's in perfect condition.
No, it's... better for you. I can't wear that anymore.
Oh, no. You're not gonna start... draping, are you?
God, my mom went on this jag where she got rid of, like,
everything in her closet that was even remotely form-fitting,
and now it's just like cowl necks,
and tunics, and draw strings, and shawls, that whole Eileen Fisher thing.
It's like she doesn't even have a body anymore,
she's just drowning inside all this fabric and erased all sexuality from her being.
It's like she's been spayed.
Can I use some of your lotion? My skin is so dry. I'm molting.
Yeah, sure, whatever's there.
-Oh, my God. -Oh, my God.
My boobs are so big from those drugs, I look like a porn star.
You're gonna be such a great mom.
I am?
Uh-huh. Totally.
I wish you were my mom.
-What? That's crazy. -No, it's not.
I think of you like that sometimes.
Like, you're my art mom, and Richard is my art dad,
and I'm your art daughter.
And now it's gonna be, like, so intense, because a little part of me,
mixed with a little part of him, is gonna be growing inside of you.
Do you think Sam is attractive?
-What? -Sam, who works at Pickle Guy?
I don't know. I never thought about it before.
I think he's attractive
in a kind of "fucked-up character in a Sam Shepard play" way.
Broken, but hot.
Do you think our baby will grow up to be a writer?
Yours and Sam's?
No, yours and mine.
Shit, it's my editor.
-Hi, Liz. -Have you seen it?
No. Seen what?
-Sorry. -The book jacket.
Okay. Okay.
Holding, holding, holding...
Okay.
Are you there?
It totally misrepresents the book.
Then it's like, oh, I don't understand the business side, which I don't.
But I do know if a guy wrote it, it wouldn't be packaged like a cupcake.
So sick of this shit.
Same thing with this whole fertility nightmare. I just feel so betrayed.
By what?
You know, the bullshit I was fed in college.
Feminist ideology.
The lie that I could have a career and then kids.
Well, obviously that hasn't panned out.
Should send them the bills for our IUI's and IVF's.
You can't blame second-wave feminism for our ambivalence about having a kid.
I'm not ambivalent.
No, now you're not.
Because you realize that the boat is leaving the dock. But...
before, you kept changing the deadline. Remember?
You know, "We'll start as soon as I finish the play,"
"right after I get this story published,"
"once I finish the book."
Are you blaming me?
No, I'm not blaming you.
I'm just saying that we need to take some responsibility for the situation.
A lot of women have babies at 41. I thought I could, too.
Okay.
I just don't think it's Gloria Steinem's fault
that we can't get pregnant.
Whose fault is it, then?
I guess it is mine, because I was too busy writing my stupid book.
I didn't say that.
All the doctors ever talk about is my advanced maternal age, my old eggs.
Then we're in the middle of an IVF and, what a surprise,
your sperm is, like, on a sabbatical.
-Whoa. What's that supposed to mean? -Nothing.
Let's just drop it.
All I'm saying is that we can't blame Dr. Dordick,
or Bella Abzug,
or anybody else for our fuck-up.
You mean my fuck-up!
Why do I feel like I'm in a Wendy Wasserstein play?
I don't know, but it's our anniversary and I've got to go get a...
dildo cam shoved up my twat by Dr. Dordick,
so can we just not talk about this right now, and just repress it?
Or suppress it, or whichever one is more appropriate for this instant,
so we can just keep this train on track?
It's "suppress."
When you consciously forget something, that's suppression.
Repression is unconscious.
-Hey. -Sadie? You--
Surprise!
Happy anniversary.
-It smells so good. -Yeah!
Oh, my God!
"Donny, calm down and have a tonic!"
Oh, my God!
Did you ever read Innocence by Harold Brodkey?
No, I don't think so.
Me, neither.
It's pretty life-altering.
-Wait, that the Harvard cunnilingus one? -Yeah, that one.
It's all about a guy going down on a girl, right?
Yeah. I read it in a contemporary short fiction class.
And then, as an assignment, I wrote,
a kind of tongue-in-cheek response to it, that I called Experience.
No pun intended.
A "tongue-in-cheek response" to a story about cunnilingus. Somebody had to say it!
Come on!
It's still a work in progress, but...
I was wondering, if you guys were interested,
I'd love to get your thoughts about it.
-Oh, my God, yes. I can't wait. -Absolutely. Sure.
Oh, God. That would be so great.
But it has to be top secret,
because my mom has been asking to see my writing all semester
and the thought of her reading about me...
choking on cock,
even in a fictional piece, is horrifying.
It's intense.
Oh, my God. You don't have to look at that tonight.
No, hey.
It's our anniversary.
At least I can read about fellatio.
Oh, my God.
-Yeah, yeah! -Just kidding.
Bye, guys.
Where you going?
To meet Sam.
Oh. Cool.
Yeah, cool.
Well... have a good time.
-Yeah, have fun. -All right.
Just don't have sex.
You know if it-- Just, not right now.
I'm not planning on having sex with Sam.
No, I know, just, you know, if it comes up.
You're extremely fertile, at the moment.
-We're just going to the movies. -What are you guys seeing?
Something at Anthology Film Archives.
Documentary about some music guy.
I'm concerned with the fact that I have not been made a doctorate
at any college, and Bill Cosby has.
Even Dylan has.
George Martin is made a Sir.
Paul McCartney is made a Sir. Elton John is made a Sir.
Buddy Holly's given a stamp.
You know--
-Definitely not a good date movie. -No.
They should have a warning. "Should not bring a date to this movie."
-Total vibe kill. Emphasis on "kill." -Well, I guess I blew it, then.
What?
Our date.
Oh. Wait, no. This isn't a--
I thought so.
-Oh. -It's up to you.
Are we...
on a date?
Good question.
Do not freak out.
We didn't do anything, I swear.
Just, like, cuddled and kissed.
Nothing vaginal.
Okay. I think I'm gonna wait in the car.
You take my seat, and...
I'm gonna see you guys after, okay? So...
Oh, my God. The trains were so messed up.
You missed the appointment.
Didn't you get my text?
Texting isn't being here on time.
Okay. I'm sorry.
But, like I told you, the trains were messed up.
Where are you going?
To see if they can get you in.
So, she just showed up.
Is there any way you can possibly get her in?
-Can you guys wait? -That's fine.
-Okay. You're welcome. -Yes. Thank you so much.
What did they say?
They said they can squeeze you in in half an hour.
Oh, okay. Cool.
So there's no problem, then.
I'm gonna wait in the car, too.
Oh, honey.
Hey!
Over here!
It's pouring!
-I can sit in the back. -No, no. Sit in the front.
Hey!
Man!
I got you a Green Goddess with a shot of wheat grass.
Are you okay?
-Oh, no. -God.
Honey, I'm sorry I got so mad. I think I overreacted.
That's not it?
The doctor just yelled at me and said my eggs aren't developing on schedule.
-What? -Dordick yelled at you?
Dr. Russell.
-Who's Dr. Russell? -I think that was his name.
He said that I didn't have enough follicles,
that I'm a "low responder,"
that someone my age should have way more,
and my eggs aren't growing at the right rate or something.
He said that he has 41-year-old patients who produce more eggs than me.
Oh, my God.
Honey, what are you doing? What--
I need to talk to Dr. Russell.
I'm sorry, Mr. Grimes, he's with patients all morning.
But I can get him a message if you'd like.
Yeah, okay. Tell him that my niece is not a chicken.
Write it down. Please.
Yes, tell him that our donor,
who is giving us the gift of life,
-is being treated like a piece of shit. -Please keep your voice down, Mr. Grimes.
Is there a problem?
Dr. Russell, this is Richard Grimes.
Oh, hey. Dr. Frank Perdue. How are you?
I'm sorry, what--
Are you? Really? Sorry? Really?
Because my niece is sitting out there crying in my car,
feeling like some kind of a failed factory farm animal,
because you told her she's not producing enough goddamn eggs!
Okay. Should I call security?
I don't know. You tell me.
Sorry about-- Sorry.
Sorry. I got it.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
I'll just collect that with the jacket.
Shit.
Hi. Hi!
Those guys driving you crazy up there?
I've been living in a dorm for three months.
That's right.
You know...
You can call it quits any time you want.
Okay?
Don't worry about the stupid numbers thing.
All it takes is one good egg.
That's what they keep telling us, anyway.
Okay.
-Night. -Good night.
-Hi. -Hey.
-How's it going? -Good. How are you?
-Good. -Good.
-I need to... -Oh, yeah, sure. I'm sorry.
Hey, Sadie?
Are you freaking out?
-No. Not really. Should I be? -No, I...
You just seem kind of distant.
-I'm in the bathroom. -No, about the other morning, you...
you left before I woke up.
Oh.
I'm sorry. I was...
running late for something. I'm not trying to be coy or anything.
It's just...
there's a lot of personal shit I'm dealing with right now.
"Human Chorionic Gonadotropin."
Jesus. Could it sound more sci-fi?
They call it the trigger shot.
Makes you ovulate, and then 36 hours later, the retrieval,
and then, finito!
Okay. You ready?
-Okay. -All righty.
Okay.
All right. One, two, three.
I guess it's stating the obvious, but...
we couldn't have done this without you.
Oh, my God. You know what we never even talked about?
What?
That whole birthing thing.
Are you guys gonna do it at home with, like,
a doula and a bath tub, and placenta?
Natural childbirth?
Nothing about this has been natural so far.
I don't see why we would start now.
She said I had the most boring job in the world.
All I do all day is put people to sleep.
Okay. Wow.
Really? Okay.
They did ICSI on 15 eggs. Six fertilized and they're waiting on two more.
Is that good?
I'm so happy.
Did you gain a lot of weight after?
I swear I've put on, like, 12 pounds in three days.
Sometimes it takes a while for your body to re-adjust after all the hormones.
I wouldn't worry about it.
Coffee's on the table. And scrambled eggs and strawberries.
Thanks.
-All right. Feel better. -I will.
-See you later. -Bye.
How is she gaining weight? She hasn't eaten anything in two days.
It's water retention. It's totally normal.
Oh, yeah, sure.
No one wants that.
-Me, three. -Okey-dokey. Here we go.
You guys...
Hey.
You okay?
I don't know. I don't know.
-What the heck's going on? -Something feels wrong. I--
It started a few days ago, after the retrieval.
Yeah. We're in the middle of an IVF.
-You're trying to get pregnant? -No.
-I am. -Right.
I thought you two were her parents.
-Prospective parents. -Right.
She's my aunt, he's my uncle. I'm just the donor.
-It's complicated. -I can see that.
Were there any difficulties with the retrieval?
No.
Actually...
I mean, yeah. Sort of.
What happened?
Well, I wasn't...
-I didn't have enough follicles... -Okay.
...so I increased the dose of Follitropin.
By how much?
Like...
Oh, my God.
God, that doctor is a fucking idiot.
No, it wasn't him.
He didn't make me do it.
I did it myself.
What?
I increased the dosage on my own.
Sadie...
I just really wanted this to work out for you guys.
You've spent so much money. And I know how much it means to you.
And I didn't want to disappoint you.
It's okay. It's all right.
Knock-knock.
It's okay, Mom. I'm fine.
They're just observing.
Sweetheart.
My baby.
It's not their fault.
It was me. I was the idiot.
Discontinue the progesterone,
the estrogen patches, the Estrace, as well as the supplements.
Barbara will call next week to schedule a meeting to talk about next steps.
I'm sorry, guys.
Yeah, okay. Thank you.
-Where are you going? -Walk the dogs.
I'm so sad.
Richard?
God. Don't those people ever fucking stop partying?
Fuck!
Goddamn...
Did you hear me?
Yeah, I did.
And I know, intellectually, that I am supposed to do something for you now.
Comfort you, or whatever. But I'm sorry that I can't.
I just don't have it in me.
Okay.
You're gonna hate me for saying this.
You're gonna think it's hideous sacrilege, but...
I'm actually kinda glad that the cycle didn't work.
Because at least now it's over.
I know it's harsh, but that's honestly how I feel.
Relieved.
I don't think I even want to have a kid anymore.
I just want my life back.
I mean, look at us. We're a mess.
It's like we're not even in a relationship, let alone a marriage.
I'm not your husband,
I'm just some guy that injects hormones into your ass every night.
We don't even have sex.
-Wait, is that what this is about? Sex? -No.
Yeah. I...
Well, maybe. I don't know.
What do you think? Think we're ever gonna have sex again?
Are you actually asking me that right now, or are you being theoretical?
No, I'm not. I'm actually asking you.
Do you think that we will ever have sex again?
I don't know, Richard.
-You don't know? -I... Yeah, I mean, yes.
I... Yes. Yes, at some point.
-At what point will that be, exactly? -I don't know!
Why are you so fixated on this?
I'm not. I am simply pointing out that since we have been so obsessed...
with this project, we've had sex maybe one time in 11 months.
And you had to get trashed on a bottle of rosé before you would even consider it!
I mean, Jesus-- Dr. Dordick is more intimate with your vagina than I am!
Oh, my God. Do you want sex right now? Is that it?
'Cause we just had a failed IVF.
And I don't know about you, but that makes me feel pretty shitty.
And dead. And despondent. And doesn't put me in a...
particularly erotic frame of mind.
But if you're dead set on it, you know...
I'm sure we can manage something.
Just can't guarantee it's gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.
Look, battery still works. It's our lucky day.
Okay, slow down. It's easy to miss.
Right there! That's it.
-Hello. -Hey.
-Hi! -Hi, Sadie?
-Yeah. -Hey, I'm Jonathan.
Nice to meet you. This is for you.
-Cool. -All right.
-Hello! Hi, I'm Richard. Nice to meet you. -Jonathan, nice to meet you.
-Hi! I'm Rachel. -My wife, Rachel.
That's them.
Spencer and Katrina Trask.
Our patron saints.
-Terrible luck with children. -They couldn't have them?
No, they had four, but all of them died young.
Some of them are actually buried here.
And after the children were gone,
they decided they'd turn their estate into a place where artists could come and work.
That's why you're here, that's why I'm here, that's why everyone's here.
It's all in your packet, too.
Holy smokes!
-Wait. What is... -Well, well, well!
-Are you serious? -Wow!
-Look at this. -This was Katrina's room.
Wow.
Look. You even have your own fainting couch.
-Wait, this is my room? -Mm-hm.
Oh, my God!
Wow. I've been here three times. I never got this room.
This is...
So...
we'll get you in, like, a month. Right?
Actually, you don't need to.
Sam said he could do it.
He's just always wanted to see Saratoga Springs and...
thought it would save you guys the trip.
Thank you for whatever strings you had to pull to get me in here.
I didn't pull any strings.
You didn't put in a good word for me? I thought that's why I got accepted.
Okay.
Go get it! Go get it!
Trick or treat!
Wow. You guys look great!
What are you?
Climate change.
-Ah! -Who are you?
Richard Nixon.
He was the President from when I was a kid.
I wanted to wear my Bill Clinton, but I couldn't find it.
I guess he's before your time, too.
Oh, sorry.
There we go. How's that?
Thank you.
-Thank you. -All right.
Sorry about the environment!
Hey.
Where'd you find it?
Linen closet.
-Come here. Come here! -Where?
Ah...
It's the 800 number!
Here. Answer it.
-Why me? -I... Come on!
Okay.
Hello?
Yeah, that's us.
No, no. We're so happy you called. This is the perfect time.
We're just out for...
Halloween.
Yeah. New York City.
Well, it's got its pros and cons. Where are you...
Where are you from?
Oh, wow.
No, we've never been to Virginia.
Land, ho.
Thank you.
-You good? -Yeah.
All righty.
-Thank you. -Great, thanks.
Oh, actually, we're expecting someone.
-I'll grab another menu. -Okay.
There.
That's better.
NETFLIX 出品
挪过去一点
好的
很好
准备好了吗？
好了 慢…
好了
别忘了呼吸 知道吗？
-你在呼吸吗？ -是 动手吧
准备好 一…
二…
-三 怎么了？ -操！
-天啊 理查 -好了 对不起
-痛死我了 -对不起
-天啊 -差不多了
差不多了
搞定
你好像碰到神经了
宝贝 对不起 我只是照着护士的话去做
不是扎在这边吗？
不是 是在外上四分之一处
那为什么这么痛？
广告板上可没写说会这么痛
蕾切尔 我也不知道
这根针比较粗 也可能是你的耐痛力比一般人弱
我也说不上来
我不是医生 你忘了吗？
你在生我的气吗？
没有
我没生气 我只是…
随你怎么想吧 我也不知道
我累了
（36个小时后）
（取卵）
-这是同意书 -好的
两位必须在第二页签名
这是胚胎冷冻计划的条款
后面有个时间表
两位必须在每个段落下签名
-然后在这签名 -很好 谢谢
-这是给你的 -这…
-操作说明在里面 -好的
-原来你在这里 -嗨 怎么了？
没什么 我快冷死了
放轻松 别紧张 知道吗？
我没紧张 只是觉得冷
你要在上面签名
天啊 我们在干什么？
-真的要这么做？我们疯了吗？ -不是 我们没疯 我们是正常人
这不叫正常 这叫反常
我连这么做到底道不道德也不清楚
记得马蒂说过的话吗？
"怀孕是不道德的行为"
马蒂是个白痴
"人口过多、气候变化
新法西斯主义崛起…"
-你服过镇静剂了吗？ -服了 怎么了？
贝格勒女士
-等一下 -好的
好吧 我们来真的了
-别害怕 知道吗？ -知道了
你一定行的 只要一颗健康的卵子就够了
好吧 你也是
别害怕 你一定行的
-我爱你 -我也爱你
操！肉棒插进来的感觉爽爆了！
把我当成妓女那样操
我想体验你把龟头插入深处的感觉
太棒了 操翻我！
操我！天啊！
太爽了！
操我！对了！天啊！
爽翻了！我喜欢你捏我的屁股！
你喜欢我的屁股吧？
没错！
告诉我舒不舒服？
想把我当成妓女那样操吗？
好啊！
有一天 我八岁女儿来看我工作
那天正好是"带女儿上班日"
那…
她说这是全世界最无聊的工作
整天下来 我的工作只是…
让人睡着
这位女士 不好意思
护士
我的老公呢？
你的陪产人没来吗？
他是我的老公
-不好意思… -我的陪产人就是我的老公
他是格林先生？
是格林姆斯 全名叫理查格林姆斯
你得跟医生谈谈 我去找人
-有什么不妥吗？ -请稍等
你直接告诉我不就行了？
有人吗？
操！
我们无法取得任何精子
你说什么？
你的丈夫无法分泌出任何精子
慢着 你说他无…
无能？
不是 他能 我们取得了精液 只是没有精子
稍后多迪克医生会告知详情
试着想像成一台汽水机
你们曾经在电影院上班吗？
碳酸水和糖浆分别来自不同的容器
混在一起 才能调成激浪、健怡可乐 或是其他汽水
但如果管子阻塞了
也就调不出激浪汽水
只有碳酸水
理查的管子可能阻塞了
是心理障碍还是精神压力造成的？
不是心理障碍 是生理障碍
-他说过了 就像一台汽水机 -对 不好意思
我刚刚跟一个老朋友通过电话
他是个泌尿科专家 也是不孕症的专家
而且他刚写了一本有关不孕症的书 他叫乔尔费雪
（男性更年期）
天啊
这太可悲了
理查 这并不可悲
我和他聊过了
他相信你体内仍存有精子 只是我们得想办法将它释放出来
-好吧 -但你必须做一个手术
乔尔是做这个手术最适合不过的人选
这手术的英文缩写是"TESE"
全名叫"睾丸精子提取术"
天啊
实际情况没那么可怕
你知道他只有一个睾丸吧？
什么？
他有必要知道
没错 我知道
我只有一个睾丸
-是 我看过你的档案的注明 -好的
我跟费雪说过了
他不认为有问题
他会避开输精管 直捣问题根源
检查睾丸活组织
-这是癌症病人做的检查吗？ -不是 蕾切尔 无关癌症
我没有癌症 只是精子出不来
抱歉 他刚提到活组织检查
问题是 如果你要做睾丸精子提取术
就必须做个英文缩写为"ICSE"的手术
也就是"卵胞浆内单精子注射"
需要额外费用 但也不一定成功
好消息是费雪现在有空
他今天刚好在城里
坏消息是他要价一万美元
我懂的 事出突然
没问题
-没问题？ -没错
好吧 你们慢慢来
好好商量
等你们准备好后 我就打给费雪
与此同时 莫拉会帮你穿好衣服
然后我们就出发了 冲啊！
好的
理查 我们没有一万美元
我知道 我会打给查理
不是说好不让别人知道的吗？
我知道 蕾切尔 但我们还有其他办法吗？
-天啊 -这里存有11颗你的卵子
我们却无法让它们受精
如果我不找他 那就功亏一篑了
转了一圈什么都没有
我们也白白花了一大笔钱试孕
很好 没关系 不是…
如果你无法及时赶来…很好 太好了
待会儿见 再见
-他带着支票赶来了 -真的吗？
-没错 -辛西娅有意见吗？
什么？当然没有
-她很多意见的 -她不是那种人
她是 她知道我们做人工授精时 一副大惊小怪的样子
（构思助孕诊所）
-他们又要再做一遍？ -这次跟以前完全不同
他们雇用另一个医生 使用高科技来…
取卵和孵卵 说什么精子注射
你看见我的裤子吗？
我以为他们已经放弃 打算领养小孩
他们还有这个打算 不过自从那个小女孩的事后
他们决定采取所有必要行动
-两件事都做 -天啊
这跟赌博上瘾没两样
这牵涉到很复杂的技术层面 很难解释清楚
只是理查的精子出问题 他向我借一万美元
马上就要
-你不会想借给他吧？ -我答应了
-查理 -他们会还给我的
借钱给他们等于赋予他们能力
-赋予能力来干什么？ -实现怀孕的幻想
这个幻想显然已经吞噬他们了
他们在浪费时间
他们的婚姻一团糟 整天都在吵架
他们对求孕上瘾了！
胡说八道
拜托 他们已经努力很多年了
适可而止 也是时候放下了
妈 萨蒂打来 语气好像不对劲
-天啊 喂 宝贝 -我得赶过去了
是…我真心希望你能再三考虑
妈 怎么了？
没什么 查理要进城…
我想到鲁斯和女儿家餐厅买点吃的 你们想吃三文鱼吗？
夏洛特 你想不想吃三文鱼？
什么？
爸打算走一趟曼哈顿 你吃不吃鲁斯和女儿家的东西？
面包圈和全料百吉饼
给我一份半磅的野…
不 还是要一份野生三文鱼 半磅的四分之一
宝贝 实在不好意思 你还好吗？
不太好
怎么了？
你在抽烟吗？
没有 我说过了 我已经戒掉了
我只是感冒了 而且…
我站在外头 很冷
你好像不太对劲
我过得不太顺利
你考试不及格了？
不是 天啊 妈…
我只是情绪上不稳定 跟学业无关 天啊 你真的很看重成就
萨蒂 25岁大学毕业不算什么成就
是补救
对不起 妈不应该这么说
-你就是这么想的 -不是 我没有这么想
我只是希望你能找到自己爱做的事
活出有意义和目标的生命
我已经找到了
你忘了吗？
写作
对 没错
你很有写作天分
只是如果你想成为真正的专业作家
你必须自发自律
你现在连这方面都有问题 试想一下 面对现实考验
你需要边写作边付房租 那有多辛苦
妈 我没考不及格 这学期初我表现得不错
我为自己的表现感到非常骄傲 只是…
我现在很迷惘
我肯定来不及提交写作工坊的作品集
它占整个升级考试的80分 幸好我有个非常好心的教授
她相信我的能力 好消息是…
她只会写上"延误"两个字 这也太好了 毕竟…
萨蒂？
我可能只是在等你告诉我
现实世界是没有"延误"这回事的
宝贝 不如你回家一趟 我们面对面谈谈如何？
-妈 我不能回家 -为什么？
因为我想待在城市里
天啊 萨蒂 你要怎么待在城市里？
我打算当餐厅服务员 绝对不会花你半分钱的 我答应你
理查叔叔和蕾切尔婶婶说过 我可以随时搬进他们家…
理查和蕾切尔要顾的事可多着呢
他们只能顾好自己 没能力照顾其他人
跟大伙儿说晚安吧
说晚安！
-晚安！ -晚安！
周一和周四 他们清理北街
周二和周五 他们清理南街
到了周末 他们什么都不做 我不认为…
换边停车是个问题 人们对这件事的想法是…
"我该怎么停车？"
这些车主都是 周末喝得烂醉的派对动物
-真的吗？ -是啊
我晚上连带狗出去散步都成问题
天啊
我可不想到了50岁 还在参加居协会议
阻止人们在社区内开设新的酒吧
理查
我们不会在东区第6街过50岁生日的
我已经47岁了
你的新书什么时候推出？
-四月 -太棒了
自从塔莉亚出生后 我没写过半个字
这酒你非尝不可 我很喜欢
-我整个夏天都在喝 -不必了 谢谢
不会吧？这是普罗塞克酒 你不喜欢吗？
不是 我很喜欢 只是…
我不能喝
碰上循环周期
天啊 你是指单车健身周期？
我妹妹也参加了 她的屁股就像两颗椰子 你很喜欢？
不是那种周期 是…
胚胎移植的周期
天啊
-对不起 我太不识相了！ -没关系
我怎么…没关系
怎么没关系？我是个白痴
天啊！
我不知道你们俩又开始试孕了 我以为你们准备领养小孩
我们确实有意领养小孩 只是在等待消息的同时
不如试孕看看
不好意思 说得好听
试试体外受精胚胎移植术
这是第一次 试过好几次人工授精了 可是不曾真正…
使出浑身解术
那这么做肯定能增加受孕几率吧？
我也说不上…
毕竟我们年纪不小了
你可以找我的表妹艾琳聊聊
-是吗？ -她通过胚胎移植术怀上孩子
医生叫她别妄想了
她只有百分之一的几率怀孕
如今她已经怀孕两次了
当时她40岁 只有一个子宫
我相信她很乐意见你 她的孩子都很棒 你看看
好可爱
对吧？
（胚胎移植）
这是两个胚胎
看见这些密密麻麻的细胞吗？
这些小家伙蓄势待发
我会移植这两个胚胎 但我会抵押在这个胚胎上
准备好了吗？
很好
预备 开始
你只需要放松和呼吸 知道吗？
可能有点冷
放松就对了
对了
你喜欢听前卫摇滚音乐吗？
不喜欢
很好 赶紧给你怀上孩子 准备好了吗？
车来了 叫住它
-天啊 等一下 理查 抓住它 -该死的
理查！天啊！
不好意思 你好
-可以打开… -算了 亲爱的
不行 我在做胚胎移植术
先生 可以拉开这个玩意吗？
你好
嗨 我刚动过手术
妇产科手术
希望你待会驶过减速垄时能放慢车速
（家访）
-情况如何？ -很好
好了
现在…
-我清理好所有胚胎移植术的东西 -很好
对了 要不要取下 丽莎约斯卡瓦吉的画？
什么？不行
我只是尝试用贝丝的眼光来看这幅画
我们对这幅画习以为常了 可是…
如果我们一起坐在沙发上
贝丝坐在我们对面 那她就会正脸对着这幅画
对着什么？
阴道
我认为我们应该稍微移动一下 至少别让它太…
中间
不行
如果这位社工拒绝我们的领养要求 只因为她看见我们家墙上
挂着一幅阴道画 那…
那我们什么都别理了！
不行！
假如真的如此 那就去死吧！ 通通死掉算了！
-好吧 -我讨厌被别人批判
老是吩咐我们该怎么做
那些医生、社工和互助小组
叫他们通通闭嘴！
关你们屁事
凯拉请产假前
她跟我说了一切 所以我非常了解你们的现况
-很好 -只是…
没什么比面对面聊来得好
-对 -当然 希望不会太烫
谢谢
-你要喝点吗？ -不用了 谢谢
她是我们的好朋友
我不是指画中的人 我是指这位画家
她是我们的朋友
-这是她送给我们的结婚礼物 -没错 那…
你们似乎是经历过好几次助孕治疗后 才决定领养小孩
对 没错
那些疗法不适合我们 我们觉得不舒服
再说 理查少了一颗睾丸 所以…
据我所知 你们去年联络上了一个孩子的生母
介意聊聊这件事吗？
不介意
好吧…
我们等对方的电话等了好几个月
对方到现在还没打来
-我们因此感到非常沮丧 -没错
-凯拉提到有个叫"父母肖像"的网站 -没错
我们决定试试看
我们放上照片一周后
-接到一通电话 -对
该死的
喂？
没错 你好 正是
很高兴你联络上我们 这通电话来得正是时候
没错 我们住在纽约市
有好有坏 但我们不介意
（蒂芬妮 19岁）
你来自什么地方？
天啊 真的吗？
比尔克林顿的家乡
（小岩城 阿肯色州）
（13周）
我们不曾去过那个地方 但我们一直都…
我们一直很想去一趟
没有 我们刚才在看电视
对啊 这是个不夜城
整整一个月 我们每晚都在通话
我觉得他很奇怪、非常瘦小 好像…
他喜欢约我出去吃冰淇淋和做其他事
我不知道你们六年级那年都在做什么 我心想：“算了”
好像是高中一年级那年
他又想约我出去 没有放弃的意思
我们非常喜欢她
那个玩意有什么来头？
她非常年轻 就像是我们的孩子
不会吧？
-复诊非常顺利 -太好了
只是我先前做了这件事
-好温馨啊 -漂亮
医生说宝宝的心跳正常
血流方面
医生给我做了超声波图检查 血流方面…
以正常的速度增加
（蒂芬妮 小岩城 阿肯色州）
-后来你们安排了一次面谈 -没错
-知道了 -对
那是圣诞节前两天
我们居然买得到机票
（欢迎光临阿肯色州小岩城）
看见了
（名厨戴夫餐厅）
-这是香烤肋骨和冰茶 -天啊 看起来很好吃 谢谢你
你确定不再点其他东西了？
不用了 谢谢你
-好吧 请慢用 -谢谢
蕾切尔 别紧张
她只是迟到了
别这样 吃点马铃薯泥
那天以后 她就人间蒸发了
她再也没有出现 我们也再也没有听到她的消息
之前一直有人警告过我们
可是她并没有向我们要钱或其他东西
回到家后
我们发现那些超声波图上面 没有名字和日期
凯拉说有些女生只是渴望别人关注
那个宝宝根本不存在
我们到现在还不知道她到底孰真孰假
如果她有向我们要钱 那我们也没那么难受
至少这么做有点道理
但如果是欺骗感情 那就真的…
太难受了
多数与你们有相同经历的人
可能已经放弃了
或是重新踏上助孕的道路
你们夫妇俩坚持领养 重新踏上领养的道路
证明你们有毅力
谢谢
（叶酸 女性助孕丸 阿司匹林咀嚼片）
喂！伊诺、拉兹洛！
理查
蕾切尔来信
她说什么？
算是比较私密的事
（有没有看起来比较大？）
谢谢
（劳伦斯多迪克医生 丹尼尔斯卡尔夫医生）
（检查）
我们会为你加油的
蕾切尔
喂 你好
有啊 请等一下
蕾切尔！
多迪克打来了
你们大可再试试看
你们第一次的体外受精胚胎移植术 蕾切尔反应不错
只要一颗健康的卵子嘛
再说了
你们已经助孕好一阵子了
如果钱是个问题
蕾切尔也年纪不小了 我认为…
没问题 你们不妨再试试看 只是有个捐卵志愿者 成功几率较高
我知道这是个很大的心理突破
需要时间适应
我不是要故意切断蕾切尔的基因链
不过这个方法确实有很多好处
蕾切尔能怀上孩子 掌控孕期环境
然后生宝宝
给宝宝喂母奶
宝宝身上肯定也带有理查的基因
这种情绪需要很多时间消化
别着急
与此同时 不妨看看我们提供的疗程
了解自己有什么想法 我们下周再谈
（三人行 共创美好家庭）
他简直疯了
我是不可能这么做的
至少先考虑看看
我没说非做不可
但我们可以进一步了解 看看有什么感想
然后一一列出利弊
我们谈过了 我们发誓绝对不会这么做的
不是 是你发誓绝对不会这么做 我…
我当时不说话 是不想给你压力
让你带着这种压力继续生活
慢着 你是说这些年来 只有我自己认为我们俩想法一致
而你却整天都在悄悄幻想 有人给我们捐卵？
这不是在悄悄幻想
我认为是
我可不知道 我以为我们已经决定
结为夫妇后
我们绝对不会去碰…
科幻小说
蕾切尔 这不是科幻小说
其实它没那么复杂 这种技术也用在农畜身上
我不是一头山羊
-知道吗？ -这不是个好例子 对不起
天啊
你突然变得这么积极 可把我吓坏了
我不是变得积极 我只是就事论事
即使再做一次体外受精胚胎移植 你怀孕的几率也只有百分之四
如果使用捐卵志愿者的卵子 几率从百分之四提升至百分之65
我只想把赌注押在 赢钱几率较高的地方
天啊
你简直就是凯伍德豪斯
你说什么？
你就像《失婴记》里的男主角 约翰卡索维茨饰演的角色
没错 蕾切尔 我就是他
眼睁睁看着你被恶魔强暴
我只是建议你听听医生怎么说 仔细了解所有选项
我们已经报名参加了领养计划 考虑也无妨 对吧？
最重要的一点是 我不想把陌生人的身体部位
塞进我的子宫里
-借过 -对不起 不好意思
我知道对你来说比较复杂
-难道你不认为比较复杂吗？ -没错 这么做确实比较复杂
但你也听见医生说了
有很多好处
-你也能怀上孩子 -是吗？
把我弄得像个酒店行李员似的
不是的
不如你去跟小妞上床吧
-你在胡说什么？ -你看那边
那边有个小妞 你去跟她上床吧
我不想跟她上床
天啊 你听我说 为了组织家庭 我们能做的都做了
除了绑架以外 我不明白你为什么会觉得…
这么做很过分
你说得倒容易 你可以…
贡献基因 我呢？我只能…
我只能…
只能什么？
被晾在一边
别…
不要
是谁？
住在三楼的小孩
他们来干什么？
要糖果
今天是万圣节
该死的
别去应门就对了
有人在家 我听见了
可是他们没出来应门
-今天是假日吗？ -不是你想象的那种假日
不是每个人都有庆祝万圣节
他们去年有庆祝啊
-不给糖 就捣蛋 -不给糖 就捣蛋
天啊 这好比如卵子网购市集
天啊 这个女生得过 高尔夫球体育全资奖学金
你听说过高尔夫球学院吗？
你不是在润稿吗？
你怎么看？
-什么？ -用她的卵子怀上你的宝宝
她不可能怀上我的宝宝 只有你能
知道了 你觉得如何？
我觉得她不错
-你没有其他意见吗？ -我不认为对象有多重要
她只是个捐卵志愿者
只是一颗卵细胞
这颗卵细胞含有 我们未来孩子半数的染色体
-我可不是这么想的 -你不肯接受现实 真是不敢相信
别唤醒我 知道吗？
想象力是很有用的 你以后不妨试试
没有想象力 结果就跟他一样
听好
哲学和政治学双主修
毕业于东海岸常春藤联盟大学 入学年龄16岁
杀伤力太强了
你的精子遇上她的卵子 可能会害羞起来
最喜爱的书是《源泉》？
有人在上面标了个星号 说明有人已经预订她了
她搞不好有个等候名单 毕竟她是常春藤联盟大学的毕业生
点击她看看
她长得很漂亮
持有新闻学和电影学双学位
难怪她得卖卵子 她找不到工作
我喜欢她的鼻子
我喜欢你的鼻子
它看起来有点撩人 不是吗？
我认为它有点…
有点撩人
天啊
理查
慢着 这不是…
摩加多尔咖啡馆的菲奥娜吗？
这么做很唐突
你就当作是预习 没有对错
-好吧 -行吗？
好吧
显而易见 她长得漂亮
为人和善 这是好事 也对我们很好
不受吵杂的环境影响
她的笑容很好看
身材苗条
夏天来的时候 她会穿上…
轻薄的棉质连身裙 秀发束成…
天啊
怎么了？
你说过了 没有对错
我感到非常困惑 我这辈子不曾做过这种事
我也是 只是…别再想怎么操她了
知道吗？
把她想象成自己女儿 不是想像成你的…
女朋友
是你要我这么做的
你以为我好受吗？
眼睁睁看着其他女人的卵子 跟我丈夫的精子结合
然后把它们塞进我的阴道里 好让我们可以怀上孩子
天啊
至少菲奥娜是个有血有肉的真人 不是信手拈来的网络人像照
-不如我们直接问她… -你在干什么？你疯了吗？
-天啊 -蕾切尔 你疯了吗？
我们不能贸然问她呀
-她把自己的照片放在网站上 -但并不表示她…
嗨 两位
想点些什么？
天啊
这就像《使女的故事》
假如我有个妹妹或表妹
情况就不同了
随便一个亲戚也行
只要是跟我们有血缘关系的人 那我就不会再觊觎…
那些年轻陌生女子的身体
怎么了？
（萨蒂）
你的日子过得非常糟糕
对啊 谢谢
谢谢？
感谢你让我确认 自己的人生过得一塌糊涂
-原来如此 -这对我来说意义深重
不用客气
认真说来 我们是没有血缘关系的叔侄
可是比起其他家人 我跟你们的关系最亲近
你们懂我
大家时常针对我 要我振作起来
好像是我自愿弃学似的
你在巴德学院时的确弃学了 不是吗？
不是 是院长同意 让我远距离完成学位
-这才是原因 -"远距离"是源自拉丁文吧？
就是"弃学"的意思
-闭嘴！ -小心 我在开车
天啊 酷叔 连你也挖苦我
是你开始叫我"酷叔"的 我倒没有这么说自己
假如有人用"酷"这个词形容我
只能说明我们这个家有多么古板
-没错 -对
（乔治华盛顿大桥）
（威思大街 肯特大道）
（请使用右车道）
我以为这里已经全面改善了
可能他们忘了改善我们这一区
好像《冲突》中的场景
请进
我们回来了！
天啊 嗨 狗狗
嗨 萨蒂！
嗨
天啊
天啊 你们还好吧？
你打算怎么完成学业？
网上课程
真的吗？
为什么？
因为这样的话 我就不用见到那些自我催眠的同学
他们自以为这个世界 会在乎他们写的无聊短篇小说
那些小说根本都不是小说
只是一本讲述他们成长经历的伪自传
天啊 谢谢你
如果有人的文章刊登在 某个不知名的文学期刊上
我也不想知道他们有多开心
管它是《铁皮屋》或其他刊物
慢着 你刚才提到《铁皮屋》？
《铁皮屋》是个极富盛名的文学刊物
对啊
-他们刊登过你写的文章？ -有 就一次
你学校里每个同学写的文章 都曾经刊登在《铁皮屋》？
不是每个人
大致上 他们都是一群 喜欢自吹自擂的人
相信他们会实现自己的艺术梦 我看了心想…
"我叔叔是个得奖的舞台剧奇才
我婶婶是个活生生的剧作家和作家
曾经获邀到亚多艺术社区 她的作品曾经刊登在著名文学期刊上
那种一般人都知道的文学期刊
例如《纽约客》
如今他们年过四十了
依然住在A大道上一间租金稳定屋里
经常有醉汉经过 前面有个涂鸦墙 所以别跟我说…
你们怎么'牺牲'自己 来成为艺术家了 行吗？"
很好吃
你们不怀念吗？
你们以前太厉害了
你跟教育部说去
对了 我一直想告诉你
我那天经过我们以前在获嘉街的住所 你知道现在变成什么了吗？
-不知道 -花旗银行
天啊
你试试在提款机前 表演托夫斯基的作品看看
"这一年 一间小镇剧院提醒了民众
单凭舞台剧就能带出的惊人影响力
舞台剧《托盘》讲述 一群乡镇高中食堂员工的故事
拉瑞达和导演理查格林姆斯 成功打造了一部政治喜剧
恰如其分地检视纷扰国家的 种族分裂和社经隔阂问题"
谁写的？
《乡村之声》的乔纳森萨克斯
知道我们有多可悲了吧
在我们那个年代 《乡村之声》可是大名鼎鼎的刊物
亲爱的
亲爱的 你睡了吗？
-理查 -怎么了？
你认为我们该试试吗？
试试什么？
问问萨蒂
她好年轻
这就是重点 对吧？
好吧
-嗨 -哇！
很适合放在网上 谢谢你们
你要不要…
好吃
谢谢
天啊 看看我们 像是在打广告给傻逼看似的
你是指我们是傻逼 还是我们在拍广告给傻逼看？
不是 这整个感觉…
边吃面包边喝卡布奇诺 旁边放着笔电和狗 顶着一头乱发
人们就是有这种幻想
不是你们的错 你们只是活得真实
被文化渴求心理占据了
我上过大众媒体和消费型社会课程 它彻底改变了我的人生
萨蒂
有件事我们想…
跟你…
你知道我只有一颗睾丸 对吧？
其实我早就知道了
-是吗？ -查理曾经说过一次
-是吗？ -他不是对着我说的 他跟妈说的
我在感恩节那天不小心听见的
我倒不记得了
当时你们在接受助孕治疗
我们还在接受助孕治疗
-我妈说你们想领养小孩？ -对 没错
只是最近我们认为多管齐下 会是个理想的方法
你懂的 我们年纪越来越大了
-没错 -我们做体外受精胚胎移植失败了
慢着 你说什么？
-天啊 我为你们感到非常难过 -谢谢
感觉肯定很糟糕
这不是最后的结果 你们不会放弃的 对吧？
这…
医生建议我们 采取一个截然不同的方法
我妈说你们有很多想法 只是我不知道
是不是我来的时间不对？
-不是 完全不是 -我有个朋友住在布希维克
不是的 我们很高兴你来了
-你确定吗？ -没错
我也是
我爱你们
好了
-我去烤些面包 -很好
介意我玩填字游戏吗？
其实我们想问你有关卵子的事
你是指蛋吗？炒蛋就行了 你们想怎么做都行
-嗨！ -嗨！
-你想说的是"干草"吗？ -不是 是"嗨"、"你好"的意思
-山姆 他是我的侄女萨蒂 他叫山姆 -你好
-萨蒂会在这里忙帮一阵子
你要不要带她去看看那些绳子？
好啊 没问题
很好 走吧
-很高兴认识你 -我也是
（腌黄瓜先生）
我比较喜欢 在农产市集开放前一夜做准备
毕竟…
我必须在清晨5点起床摆摊
那个时候我…
完全没有精神 不适合做任何重大决定
天啊 我走光了吧？
不好意思
没问题
（乔卢拉卷饼 正宗墨西哥餐）
-我要一份美味… -你们经常吃这些吗？
-你想不到的 -你不曾来过这里吗？
别加酸奶油
我要更多鳄梨酱
-够了 -你想加番茄莎莎酱？
这已经不是他第一次这么做了
我的卷饼没加奶酪 对吧？
-对 -好香
都到手了
天啊 那是什么意思？
（活得优雅 玩得疯狂）
这像在公开招揽傻逼住客
对 没错
天啊 我的食道着火了 太好吃了
萨蒂
我和蕾切尔正在寻找 适合的捐卵志愿者
你知道捐卵是什么意思吧？
我知道
他们到学校打广告 我知道有个主修电影系的学生应聘了
她收了一万美元 她就是用这笔钱完成毕业论文
刚好是那部短片的预算
她把制作公司取名为"卵子制作公司"
当时听了觉得很好笑
现在不觉得好笑了
不是 挺好笑的
-你知道… -不是 我们觉得好笑
其实我们想了解关于你卵子的事
你子宫里的卵子
原来如此
我的卵子怎么了？
这…
我们在想 你会不会愿意…
捐卵…
给我们
-就像你朋友做的事 -对 但情况不同
-没错 情况不同 -因为…
因为…
我们认识彼此 所以情况不同
天啊
对
真实过程是怎样的？
基本上 你必须经历类似…
我们之前经历过的体外受精步骤 只是少了…
-移植的步骤 -移植什么？
就是将受精的卵子放回你的子宫里
-在这种情况下 是我的子宫 -对 没错
不是你的子宫 是放进蕾切尔的子宫里
那…
这个过程不会牵涉到你的子宫
他们取出卵子后 你的工作就完成了
只是你首先必须经过诊所检测
诊所会给你做 很多血液检查和心理评估
不是你想的那回事
他们只是要确保你在心理上 可以承受整个过程
确保我不会变成 另一个玛丽贝丝怀特海 对吧？
谁？
不是 算了 她…
-再说一遍 她是谁？ -对啊
我们在医护道德课上读到一个案子
就是"梅丽莎宝宝"的代孕母亲事件
那是发生在80年代的事
我想起了 她拒绝交出孩子 对吧？
对 不好意思
-这个比喻很奇怪 非常不妥 -不会
没关系
那…
还有什么？
-关于药物的事 对吧？ -没错 那个激素
我怎么可以忘了？
为了增加排卵期的产卵量 你必须注射激素
没错 要注射好几次 我让你看看 看见了吗？
-天啊 -对
现实情况其实没有这么糟
不过那些药物确实会令你感到…
心情郁躁
我注射的那剂针有个好笑的名称 叫什么来着？
"情绪失禁"
天啊 好恶心
但由于怀孕的人不是你
所以你的情绪不会那么郁躁
-对吧？ -当然了
我们当然也会付钱给你
不用 我不要你们的钱
不行 我们坚持付钱
我们付给你任何大学诊所支付的费用
一万美元 跟你的朋友一样
钱不多 但这是公价 而且…
我们就只能给这么多
你不必马上答复
这…
这是整个疗程的概要
需要时间消化 所以…
你不妨慢慢考虑
好啊
-很好 -好
好了
-谁还要啤酒？ -我要
我的意思是 好啊 我答应你们
我愿意捐卵
你必须仔细想清楚 毕竟这是个重大决定
-你不必马上答复 -没问题
我目前也没做什么 连工作也没有
再说了
有什么比帮助我爱的两个人组织家庭 来得更有价值呢？
你们一直都是我的榜样
你们非常支持我 而且…
不批判我
你们会是很棒的父母
比我的父母更棒
别这么说 你的父母很棒
他们有必要知道这件事
我们必须开诚布公 没有任何隐瞒
我不认为这么做有问题
是吗？
-真的？ -我妈经常叫我
去寻找人生意义 做些实在的事
没什么比这件事来得更实在了吧？
小心
你听见我说什么吗？
你疯了 你打算这样拍我？
你这么做只能拍到我的光头
他们到了
嗨
快点
还好吗？你们很开心啊
你把脏衣服也带回来了？
对 没错
-很好 -嗨
嗨
只带来了四分之一 那家自助洗衣店没有…
-嗨 萨蒂 -嗨
-最近好吗？ -天啊
嗨 很高兴看见你们
夏洛特 最近好吗？
你买了派饼？
我会在年尾前把余款还给你
过来
没关系 太丢人了 这简直…
别难过 我不知道你变得这么敏感 我们聊回刚才的话题吧
-没关系 继续吧 不好意思 -妈 多少？
多少什么？
-嗨 尼利 珍妮弗 -嗨
你待会儿会弹琴吧？
谢谢
-非常舒服 -要不要来点？
求之不得
我不想用我的…
你们懂的 那些大学毕业生…
好奇怪
每天鄙视其他女生的装扮 我们只是走来走去
什么都不做
我有报名进修课程
那是你自己的选择
不是 我是被逼的
我想考进那间学校
你行的
可是我没有…我改变不了
查理
-我应付不来 -因为校方不把我们当孩子看待
配合今年感恩节 我和查理想做些应景却有别以往的事
在我们开始尽情享用美食前
我想邀请在座的各位轮流
说说今年发生过那些感恩的事
-别闹了 -这才是真正的感恩节
谢谢你 查理 他是个非常支持我的丈夫
我先开始吧
我非常感谢理查和蕾切尔
-说得好 -天啊
感谢你们给了我女儿萨蒂
她在曼哈顿展开新生活期间 所需要的爱和支持
也感谢你们给她一个幸福美满的家
我想以个人身份对你们说 我知道你们这些日子过得不容易
你们必须面对重重困难
同时又要照顾别人家的孩子
这只能说明你们非常宽容大量
我真希望有朝一日
我可以为这一切做出补偿 干杯
-说得好 -干杯
-很好 -可以让我先说吗？
没问题 说吧 萨蒂
好吧
妈说得真好
好一个完美的开场白 这些都是我想说的话
我也很感激理查和蕾切尔
-感谢他们为我所做的一切 -我们的人气从来不曾这么高过
感谢他们让我在他们的剧院里实习
比较像是免费劳工
然后让我在腌黄瓜先生的办公室工作
在我失落时 让我住在他们家里 直到我振作起来为止
蕾切尔 我特别要感谢你
感谢你花时间阅读 我写的舞台剧和短篇小说
我无法相信自己是个艺术家 而你却把我看成是个艺术家
最后
我认为现在非常适合分享一些好消息
我这么做有点唐突
我还没问过理查和蕾切尔的同意 但我不想白白浪费这个机会
-没事的 -不行 我觉得现在不…
今年我最感恩的事是 我有机会帮助理查和蕾切尔
实现他们的梦想
-萨蒂 现在真的不… -我想送给他们自己的一小部分
我想送给他们一份 他们梦寐以求的大礼
一份生命之礼
一个卵母细胞
我不明白 什么是卵母细胞？
是不是…
一颗卵子？
我决定把卵子捐给理查和蕾切尔
如果一切顺利
明年今天
这个家就会多个新成员
那就是理查和蕾切尔的宝宝
干杯
-说得好 -这…
说得好
很好 这是好消息 干杯
我们完全不曾…
-我要…我们还没商量过 -轮到我了吧？
-可以私下聊聊吗？ -怎么了？
在这个温馨美好的感恩节里
跟家人朋友一起度过
我最感恩的事是
我清醒整整31天了
这是我第31天不碰烟酒
除非从我尸体上踩过 听见了吗？
这不是你的身体 是我的身体
这个跟你驾照上的 血液和器官捐献协议不同
你会带着这个记忆过一辈子 整个家庭都会受到影响
-我已经仔细想清楚了 -是吗？
-我想帮助他们 这件事意义深重 -真好笑
如今你成了焦点 但孩子出生后怎么办？事后会怎样？
到时我就是萨蒂姑姑或是堂姐 想怎么称呼我都行 妈 你听我说
假如你患上了肾病 我是你的朋友 正好有两个肾脏
一个人只要一个肾脏就能活 对吧？ 我当然会捐给你
肾病是会死人的 蕾切尔想要个宝宝 她不会死的
-你怎么知道？ -不好意思 我们本来打算告诉你了
干得好
你打算怎么筹钱？ 通过群众募资网站吗？
天啊 妈
-不如我们上楼去… -你到底护着谁？
没有护着谁
假如你不支持 我们不会这么做
我绝对不支持
各位 不如你们…
去死吧
…打包些吃的回去 我们找一天再谈 行吗？
-你去哪？ -去拿我的脏衣服
天啊 妈 看来你很针对蕾切尔
-我没针对任何人 -少来了
在某个程度上 你受到她的威胁
毕竟她即将出书和生宝宝 你呢？ 夏洛特走了以后 你什么都没了
你以为我担心的是这些吗？
萨蒂 我担心的是你
你会把整个未来都典当在助孕治疗上
天啊 你应该储存你的卵子 不是卖出去
你说得太夸张了 很多女生也这么做 她们都没事
顺便告诉你 我不打算生小孩
现在说太早了
我是认真的 我不要小孩 我想拥有自己的事业
你可以同时拥有它们
怎么了？
你知道你跟我说过多少遍
女人有了小孩以后 就必须做出牺牲吗？
你怀了我以后被迫弃学 对吧？
我每个月都来月经 每次都把卵子冲进马桶里
为什么不把它们 送给理查和蕾切尔呢？
有什么比送给我爱的人一份生命之礼
帮助他们组织家庭来得更有意义呢？
天啊
你被他们洗脑了
妈 你为什么老觉得 老天在欺骗你呢？
如果我能撑过今天…
就今天…
那我就离百慕大三角远些了
我不喜欢这个安排
也许我们应该找个匿名捐赠者
-天啊 -这是个馊主意
亲爱的
我知道你们想要小孩
-但她是我的小孩 -我已经不是小孩了
-辛西娅 他们懂了 -如果她是你们的女儿
你们会同意她这么做吗？
-晚安 别闹了 好吗？ -辛西娅 我们根本还没…
-谢谢你们 -萨蒂
-疯了 -我们待会儿再打…
第三方辅助生殖通常涉及
一名匿名捐赠者 或是没有血缘关系的人
只是有些夫妇希望 第三方是自己的家人
或是值得信赖的朋友 这都无所谓
只要各方都是满法定年龄的成年人
都不是问题
我不能担保这种合作方式
不会给各方的情绪带来极大的影响
包括非直系亲属
绝对会带来影响
毕竟对多数人而言 这是个陌生的领域
但现在说来也未免太早了
我们还不确定萨蒂 是否符合捐卵志愿者的资格
我劝你们赶紧开始
接着利用这段时间好好消化情绪
想想这个安排对自己乃至整个家 意味着什么？
等报告出来以后
（标准多元成家心理评估）
等萨蒂也完成了心理评估测试
（是非题： 1. 我相信自己面临不公平的待遇）
你们再坐下商量 作出一致决定
（不是）
（2. 我很少有便秘的问题）
（是）
（3. 我经常被邪灵附身）
（4. 我想成为一名歌手）
（5. 没有人了解我）
（6. 我偶尔有摔东西的冲动）
我叫他理查叔叔 但他其实是…
我继父查理的弟弟
我们没有血缘关系
这种条件或许比较理想
没错
不然这跟乱伦没两样
说实话 我对捐卵这件事没意见
不是说我觉得不奇怪 这种安排确实奇怪 只是…
我是个牙周病医生
我常把死人的冻干骨 移植到活人的口腔里
我可以应付非常规的事
辛西娅怎么想？
她就不同了 她是个敏感的人 尤其是最近这几天
她最近非常难过
情绪波动
亲爱的
他们在给她做检查
谁给她做检查？
那家捐卵诊所
-你要不要跟她谈谈？ -她不需要我的同意
没错 她不需要
亲爱的 如果理查和蕾切尔 是同志的话呢？
-别闹了 -我是认真的 你会怎么看？
如果他们是一对男同志情侣 想要组织家庭
萨蒂想帮助他们
我会说："祝你们好运
上网去找其他女生 别把我们拖下水"
萨蒂不知道自己在干什么 她只是…
把自己的基因材料 当成是爆米花到处乱丢
随便拍卖自家人的财产
他们是自家人
-你说什么？ -理查和蕾切尔是自家人
-干什么？天啊 -你下巴有东西
-不要碰我 行吗？ -流血了
没事的 是粉刺 天啊 查理 求你别闹了
别碰我 我在集中精神
我被伯克利大学录取了
-什么？ -这是提前申请书 我被录取了
-天啊 让我看看 -我要到伯克利大学了
你成功了 爸为你感到骄傲
-辛西娅 我们为她感到骄傲 -对啊 宝贝 我们为你感到高兴
妈 你的脸怎么了？
没事 只是一颗小…
只是一颗…
粉刺
我真笨 我…
我们待会下楼找你 好吗？
好的
没事的
"萨蒂巴雷特小姐申请加入 构思助孕诊所的卵母细胞捐赠计划
这项评估的主要目的是
深入了解捐赠者的心理和情绪状态
心理测试结果显示 她未有精神不正常的明显症状"
-太好了！ -好极了！
等一下 这是最精彩的部分
"巴雷特小姐体现出活泼乐观 成熟稳重、青春靓丽的女性特质
自在应付捐卵的决定
她思想成熟、聪明机智 相信她愿意遵从所有捐卵医疗需求
因此 巴雷特小姐 获准成为卵母细胞捐赠者"
-太好了！ -好极了！
-我原本有点担心 -我也非常担心
精神测试 对吧？
你及格了？
你为什么这么惊讶？
不是 我只是…
我认为或许…
对不起
你知道我是爱你的 对吧？
即便我完全不同意你的决定
我依然选择尊重你
如果你认为有必要加入这个项目 那你就去吧
那你是同意了？
不是 我"不同意" 我自始至终完全不同意
但我知道这件事对你意义重大
我不想阻挠你 我想支持你
不论你做什么
真的吗？
但这并不表示我满意你的决定
圣诞节来了
这玩意是干什么的？
关闭我们的生殖系统 让我们两人的月经周期一致化
恶心
会不会导致绝经？
基本上 这就是一种短暂绝经机制 只是利用化学物质催化
先从蕾切尔开始
-好吧 -好
-来吧 -好
好了
准备好了吗？
一、二、三
看见了吧？
-只是皮下注射 不痛的 -好了 轮到你了
天啊 好厉害 好像《迷幻牛郎》里的情节
搞定
他要我开始手淫了
警告 这个玩意 足以让人躁郁不安、情绪紊乱
"情绪失禁" 我记得你们说过 放心吧 我应付得来
一、二、三
-该死的 -一、二…
我很喜欢
你确定你不要了吗？ 这件衣裳还好好的
不要了 它比较适合你 我已经穿不上了
你该不是想开始 穿些松垮垮的衣裳吧？
天啊 我妈也经历过这个阶段
她把所有衣柜里的紧身衣都丢掉
如今只穿大樽领衬衫
长版上衣、绳带衣和披巾 尽是艾琳费雪风格的衣裳
好像身形完全不见了
只是把布料披在身上 抹掉所有性感元素
好像卵巢被切除似的
可以借用你的润肤乳吗？ 我的皮肤很干 我在蜕皮
没问题 想用就用
（艾琳费雪）
天啊
我服了那些药后 胸部变得很大 我现在看起来像个艳星
你会是个好妈妈
是吗？
真的
我真希望你是我妈
-什么？你疯了 -不是 真的
我有时会把你想像成自己的妈妈
你是我的艺术妈妈 理查是我的艺术爸爸
而我是你们的艺术女儿
如今我们的关系越来越亲密了 因为我体内有一小部分
将结合他体内一小部分 然后在你体内渐渐长大
你觉得山姆帅不帅？
-什么？ -那个在腌黄瓜先生工作的山姆
我不知道 我没想过
我觉得他挺帅的
有点像山姆谢普笔下的落魄男
落魄 但充满魅力
我们的宝宝长大后 会不会成为一个作家？
你和山姆的宝宝？
不是 是我和你们的宝宝
该死的 是编辑打来了
-嗨 莉丝 -你看了吗？
没有 看了什么？
-不好意思 -书的封面
好 我在看了
慢着…
（让我想起你）
（封面模版）
好
你还在吗？
（小说：女性研究）
（蕾切尔贝格勒）
完全曲解了作者的意思
我不明白所谓的商业考量
假如作者是个男人 他们肯定把书包装得像个纸杯蛋糕
可恶极了
就像这场助孕过程 简直是个噩梦 我总觉得自己受骗了
被什么骗了？
被大学所教的垃圾骗了
说什么女权主义至上
骗我可以同时拥有事业和孩子
现实生活中显然行不通
我们应该把人工授精 和胚胎移植的账单寄给他们
你不能把我们想要孩子的矛盾 怪罪在第二波女权主义风潮上
我没有矛盾
没错 你没有
你发现船快要离港了 可是…
在那之前 你不断更改最后期限 难道你忘了？
你说："等我们完成那部舞台剧后 才开始生宝宝"
"等我这本小说出版后才来"
"等我写完这本书后"
你这是在责怪我吗？
不是 我没有责怪你
我只是说 在这个节骨眼上 我们有必要承担一部分责任
很多女人在41岁那年怀孕 我以为我也可以
没错
但我们怀不上孩子 不是葛罗莉亚斯坦能的错
那是谁的错？
我想是我的错吧 是我忙着写那些该死的小说
我没这么说
所有医生都说
我是高龄产妇 卵子老化了
如今接受了体外受精胚胎移植术 真是令人惊讶
你的精子则处在休假状态
-你这话什么意思？ -没什么意思
别再谈这个话题了
我们不能怪罪多迪克医生
或是贝拉阿勃扎格
或是其他人 这是我们的错
你是指我的错吧！
我怎么觉得自己 在演温迪瓦瑟斯坦写的戏？
我不知道 今天是我们结婚周年纪念 而我必须去见多迪克医生
让他把一支人造阴茎摄影机 插入我的阴道里
所以可以别再谈这件事了吗？ 把这个议题放下就行了
或是压下这个议题 在这个节骨眼上 用哪个词都行
只要不偏离目标 行吗？
"压下"比较合适
如果是指有意识地忘记某件事 那叫"压下"
换成无意识的话 那叫"放下"
-嗨 -萨蒂？你…
吓着了吧？
结婚周年快乐
-好香啊 -是啊
天啊
"唐尼 冷静下来 喝杯汤力水"
天啊！
你们读过 哈罗布劳德基写的《纯真》吗？
好像没读过
我也是
它彻底改变我们对人生的想法
-是不是讲述哈弗生舔阴的那本书？ -对 没错
整本书都在讲述 一个男生痴恋一个女生 对吧？
我在一堂现代短篇小说课中读过
为了完成作业
我以开玩笑似的口吻写下读后感 把那篇文章取名为《体验》
没有双关含义吧
厉害 以开玩笑似的口吻 为一篇描述舔阴的小说写读后感
给个赞
我还没写完 不过…
我在想 你们有没有兴趣读
我希望你们可以给我一些意见
-天啊 当然可以 我等不及了 -当然可以 没问题
天啊 太好了
但这是最高机密
我妈一直想看我每个学期写的作业
想象一下 如果她看见我写出吞肉棒的桥段
即便只是小说 也会把她吓着
（《体验》）
好刺激
天啊 你们不一定要今晚看
没关系
今天是我们的结婚周年
能读到吞肉棒的小说也不错
天啊
-是啊 -我开玩笑的
再见
你去哪？
去见山姆
很好
是啊 很好
玩得开心点
-是啊 玩得开心点 -对
别做爱就行了
你懂的 现在不合适
我不打算跟山姆做爱
我知道 我担心你们情不自禁
你现在很容易怀孕
-我们只是去看电影 -看什么电影？
我们打算去电影文集资料馆
看一部讲述某个音乐人的纪录片
我知道我不曾在任何大学毕业
当不了医生 比尔科斯比却办到了
艾文迪伦也办到了
乔治马丁获封爵士
保罗麦卡特尼和艾尔顿约翰 也获封爵士
巴迪霍利获颁一个勋衔
你们知道…
这片子不适合约会观赏
（菲尔斯派特的苦乐）
片商应该写上 "不适合约会观赏"这句警语
简直破坏气氛 要强调"破坏"这个词
看来我搞砸了
搞砸什么？
我们的约会
慢着 我们不是在…
我以为是
就看你怎么想吧
这是不是个…
约会？
问得好
不要大惊小怪
我发誓 我们什么都没做
我们只是抱抱和亲亲
没有碰到阴道
我知道了 我到车上等你们
你坐下吧 我…
待会儿见 我走了
天啊 火车太拥挤了
你错过了预约时间
你没收到我的短信吗？
你的短信迟到了
对不起
我说过了 火车非常拥挤
你去哪？
看看他们肯不肯让你进去
她刚到
你能不能让她进去？
-介意等一下吗？ -没问题
-不用客气 -非常感谢你
他们怎么说？
半个小时后让你进去
太好了
那就没事了
我也到车上等你
亲爱的
喂
在这边
外面下大雨
-我可以坐在后座 -不用 你坐前座
嗨
天啊
我帮你买了绿女神酱 加了一剂小麦草
你还好吧？
-不好了 -天啊
宝贝 对不起 我刚才很生气 是我太激动了
不关我的事？
医生对我大喊说 我的卵子发展得不如预期
-什么？ -多迪克对你大喊大叫？
不是 是罗素医生
-谁是罗素医生？ -这好像是他的称呼
他说我的卵泡不足
说我的"反应过慢"
他说以我的年龄 应该能产出许多卵泡
所以我的卵子数量不足
他还说他有几个41岁的个案 能产出的卵量比我更多
天啊
亲爱的 你干什么？
我得跟罗素医生谈谈
格林姆斯先生 不好意思 他整个早上都有个案
我可以帮你转告他
好啊 麻烦你告诉他 我的侄女不是一只鸡
请写下
没错 告诉他 我们的捐卵志愿者
那个送上生命之礼的人
-被他像废物那样看待 -格林姆斯先生 请放低声量
怎么了？
罗素医生 他是理查格林姆斯
嗨 鸡农董事长 最近好吗？
对不起 这是…
对不起？你说这话是真心的吗？
我的侄女现在坐在车上大哭
她觉得自己是个失败的农畜
只因为你说她生产的卵子不够
要我叫保安吗？
不知道 你认为呢？
对不起 不好意思
抱歉 我明白了
对不起
让我捡起来
该死的
嗨
他们差点把你搞疯了吧？
我住在宿舍三个月了
没错
你知道…
你可以随时喊停的
知道吗？
别在意卵子不足的事了
我们只需要一颗完美的卵子
医生都是这么说的
好吧
-晚安 -晚安
-嗨 -嗨
-怎么样了？ -我没事 你呢？
-很好 -很好
-我要上… -没问题 对不起
萨蒂
你是不是被吓着了？
-不是 为什么？ -我只是…
我们有点距离感
-我在厕所 -不是 我是指那天早上…
你在我醒来以前就离开了
对不起 我…
我当时快迟到了
我不是害羞或是什么
只是…
我有些私事需要面对
"人绒毛膜促性腺激素"
天啊 好科幻的词
另一个说法叫"触发器"
主要功能是排卵 36个小时后取卵
之后就大功告成了
你准备好了吗？
-好了 -很好
好
预备 一、二、三
似乎很明显了 只是…
没有你 我们根本办不到
天啊 你知道我们没谈过什么吗？
什么？
宝宝出生的方式
你们打算在家里生产吗？
比如请个陪产妇 或是在浴缸里取出胎盘？
我是指自然分娩
这整个过程都已经不自然了
现在聊这件事有差吗？
她说这是全世界最无聊的工作
整天下来 我的工作只是让人入睡
好的 天啊
真的吗？好的
医生针对15颗卵子做了胞漿精子注射 六颗成功受精 另外两颗结果未明
是好事吗？
我太开心了
你之前的体重会增加很多吗？
我在三天内重了5公斤
有时服用激素后 你的身体需要时间重新调适
我劝你不用担心
咖啡、炒蛋和草莓都摆在桌上了
谢谢
-快点好起来 -我会的
-待会儿见 -再见
她的体重怎么会增加了？ 她已经两天不吃不喝了
是水肿 这是正常的现象
你没事吧？
我不知道…
-到底怎么了？ -我觉得不对劲 我…
取卵后 这状况持续几天了
我们正在接受体外受精胚胎移植术
-你想怀孕？ -不是
-是我 -对
我以为你们是她的父母
-是准父母 -没错
他们是我的叔叔和婶婶 我只是捐卵志愿者
-关系复杂 -看得出来
取卵时有面对什么难处吗？
没有
其实…
有点难
怎么了？
我…
-我的卵泡不够 -好
所以我增加了促卵泡激素的剂量
增加了多少？
大概…
天啊
天啊 那个医生是个白痴
不是他的错
他没逼我这么做
是我自己的主意
什么？
我自行增加剂量
萨蒂
我希望你们能成功怀上孩子
你们花了很多钱 我知道这件事对你们意义重大
我不想令你们失望
没关系 没事的
有人来了
妈 我没事
他们只是在观察我的状况
亲爱的
我的宝贝
不是他们的错
是我的错 我是那个笨蛋
停止服用孕酮
停止使用雌激素透皮贴 也停止服用雌二醇和其他辅助剂
芭芭拉下周会打给你们知会面谈时间 到时再谈下一步怎么走
两位 对不起
好的 谢谢
-你去哪？ -牵狗散步
我好难过
理查
那些人什么时侯才能安静下来？
该死的
天啊
你听见我说话吗？
我听见了
我知道在情在理 我应该为你做点事
比如安慰你或什么的 可是我办不到 对不起
我无能为力
知道了
说这句话 你听了会恨我
你肯定觉得这是莫大的羞辱
其实得知周期不顺后 我有点开心
至少现在一切都结束了
我知道这话听起来刺耳 但这是我的肺腑之言
终于松了一口气
我甚至觉得不想要孩子了
我只想过回正常的生活
你看看我们 生活一团糟
我们根本不像情侣 更不用说是夫妻
我不是你的丈夫
只是个把激素注射进你屁股的男人
我们也不做爱了
-所以重点是做爱？ -不是
对
可能是 我也说不上来
你怎么看？ 你认为我们还有可能做爱吗？
你要我现在回答这个问题 还是这只是个比喻？
不是 我要你回答
你认为我们还有可能做爱吗？
理查 我也说不上来
-你说不上来？ -对
还有可能 以后还会的
-确切一点 以后是什么时侯？ -我不知道
你为什么这么执着想知道？
不是 我想说的重点是 我们把所有精神…
都倾注在助孕计划中 每11个月内可能只做爱一次
你宁可灌一瓶粉红酒 根本没想过要做爱
天啊 相较于我 多迪克医生和你阴道的关系更亲密
天啊 你现在就想做爱吗？ 这是你的意思吗？
体外受精胚胎移植术失败了
我不知道你怎么想 只是我的心情糟透了
死气沉沉、沮丧难过 让我完全…
失去性致
不过如果你很想做爱的话 那我们…
我们绝对可以做点什么
只是不能保证有多享受
你看 还有电 今天是好日子
慢慢来 很容易错过的
在那边 对了
（亚多）
-嗨 -嗨
-嗨 你是萨蒂？
-你好 -你好 我是乔纳森
-很高兴认识你 这是送给你的 -我也很高兴认识你
-太好了 -好
-你好 我是理查 很高兴认识你 -我是乔纳森 很高兴认识你
-我是蕾切尔 -她是我太太
这就是他们两人
斯宾塞特拉斯克和凯特琳娜夫妇
也是我们的守护神
-他们跟小孩特别无缘 -他们生不出小孩？
不是 他们曾经有四个孩子 全都夭折了
有几个孩子葬在院子里
孩子都死了以后
他们决定把这个庄园 改造成艺术家的创作空间
所以你、我和所有人才会来到这里
这都包含在租金里了
天啊
-慢着 这… -这…
-不会吧？ -天啊
-你们看 -这里以前是凯特琳娜的房间
-天啊 -漂亮
你看 你还有自己的躺椅
等一下 这是我的房间？
天啊
我来过这里三次 从来不曾入住这个房间
这…
那…
我们一个月后回来接你 对吧？
其实不必了
山姆说他可以来接我
他一直想走一趟萨拉托加温泉市
这样就不必劳烦你走一趟了
感谢你们帮我牵线 让我有机会住在这里
我没帮你牵线
我以为他们接受我的申请 是因为你帮我说好话？
我明白了
去捡起来…
（九个月后）
不给糖 就捣蛋
天啊 你们打扮得真好
这是什么打扮？
气候变化
你呢？
理查德尼克松
我小时候 他是美国总统
我本来想戴上比尔克林顿的面具 可惜我找不到
他当总统时 你们也应该还没出生
不好意思
来了 拿去吧
谢谢
-谢谢 -不客气
抱歉现在气候那么糟糕
喂
你在哪找到的？
放床单的橱柜里
-过来 -去哪？
是800打来的
拿着 接电话
-为什么非要我接？ -我…你就接吧
好吧
喂？
没错 正是
不会 很高兴接到你的来电 你现在打来刚刚好
我们在外面庆祝…
万圣节
对 纽约市
有好有坏 你从哪…
你从哪来的？
天啊
我们不曾去过弗吉尼亚州
（欢迎光临弗吉尼亚州）
（情人之州）
看见陆地了
（苹果蜂餐厅）
（地道烤肉餐厅兼酒吧）
谢谢
-还好吗？ -没事
好了
-谢谢 -太好了 谢谢
其实我们在等人
-我去多拿一个菜单 -好的
摆好了
这样好多了
（谨以此片献给米娅）
字幕翻译：张庆龄