angry nintendo nerd atari nerve sega
nerd playstation nerve tiger electronic
wristwatch game their form angry video
game nerd
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glowing
go
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very
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you
what do you get when you take godzilla
Ultraman Kamen Rider Voltron say by the
bell and put them all together you get
power rangers it was like an extended
toy commercial with action figures being
staged an epic shot it was martial art
it was comedy it was giant Japanese
rubber suit monsters it was mechanical
dinosaurs it was robots coming together
to make bigger robots a turtle with the
traffic light on its head monsters that
would make wisecracks and rat and ridden
around all these Japanese action scenes
was an American teenage sitcom Power
Rangers uses stock footage from a
long-running Japanese show super sentai
a tradition which still continues to
this very day with two separate
franchises both going on at the same
time adapting a show that's crazy to
begin with and then making an American
Japanese hodgepodge taking the insanity
of both cultures and putting them
together may seem like overkill but no
it went over big in fact in its prime
mighty morphin power rangers was so
popular it was like the successor to
Ninja Turtles and of course that meant
video games video games up the ass it's
so far up the ass it would be impossible
for me to play every one of them so
here's just a sampling of some of the
Power Rangers games and I'm counting on
at least one of them to get my blood
boiling let's start at the beginning I
have a couple Super Sentai games on the
Famicom keeping in mind this is the show
that spawns Power Rangers the first game
released in 1991 is super sentai jet man
this is based on the fifteenth season of
Super Sentai basically before Power
Rangers came into existence you pick
your character and then have to beat
five stages in any order you like it's a
simple mediocre side scroller the
controls are smooth enough and there's
nothing to dumb here except the pause
button and select instead of start which
I'm used to start is the special move
every time I try to pause the game I end
up wasting the special move to the
characters use a sword to them use a gun
and the other does something different
it's like they tried giving all the
characters
unique attacks but got only half way
before they ran out of time and why
would you pick the character with a
long-range attack anyway when one of
them dies you lose that character sort
of like Ninja Turtles on NES but the
levels are so short and easy you're more
likely to die on the boss and in that
case you start to stage over anyway the
boss battles are the most awkward
frustrating parts of the game it's like
two toasters boxing you just mash
buttons then block then mash more
buttons hoping to land some head it does
look cool i'll give it that but what's
up with the jump punch i am not a fan of
jump punching how do you expect to hit
something like that and why does one of
the legs shrink like matching a frog's
leg with an elephant's leg huh every now
and then you can charge up for a special
move and that's where sad yeah the next
game released in 92 was based on jewel
Ranger which was super sentai 16th
season and the one which became the
basis for the first season of power
rangers and listen here it has the Jew
Ranger theme song doodah doo-dah dance
nothing see not do so and die this game
is more linear you go through the stages
in a set border each stage you're
different Ranger once again it's pretty
self-explanatory you just run to the
right and fight off enemies with a gun
halfway through you get a new weapon but
what kind of attack is that you're just
blindly swinging a knife around like
Michael Myers at the end of Halloween to
the 1981 version of Halloween to what
the hell I have to say I barely got
through the first stage with this
platform jumping spikes and lousy
short-range weapon I almost gave up but
now i'm at the bar and i almost got it
alright yeah sometimes it takes a while
to succeed but if you keep trying
what just happened no no that wasn't
real so I beat the first stage again and
sure enough it drastically switches as
if you're suddenly playing a different
game a game called Megazord and dragon
Zord play ping pong it's megazor and
dragon Zord play ping pong oh my gosh
imagine when the new Godzilla versus
King Kong movie comes out if it's just
them playing ping pong yeah King Kong
please ping pong and then fucking forest
gump shows up will you be disappointed
or would it be the most historically
amazing thing you've ever witnessed as
you progress through the game you take
control the different Ranger characters
and surprisingly it gets much easier
probably because the other weapons are
so much better I can't think of any
other game where all the difficulty is
in the first stage and then it goes down
hills is that the blue ranger or Megaman
in between each stage there's these
weird minigames like ping pong as I
mentioned also there's a bomb toss game
which is basically hot potato except
this hot bomb blows up in your face then
there's a trivia game unfortunately I
can't read Japanese so I'll just pretend
I got it right but anyway the password
system is perhaps one of the strangest
I've ever seen it's three images of a
ranger each with three selectable poses
so it's not really a password it's more
like a past pose and if you try
different combinations you have a good
chance of guessing unlike the show there
was no American adaptation of this game
for the NES there is an unofficial
cartridge that changed the title to
power rangers but the only difference is
the label and the title screen which
glitches like crazy well could you
imagine if there was a power rangers nes
game that took stages from the japanese
game and added american stages just like
they did with the show to simulate this
experience just play something else like
family feud and then switch it to super
sentai zyuranger yeah it's pretty
amazing how much mileage you can get
from using stock footage you know what
to get through this video
I might as well just use stock clips
from past nerd episodes the santacon
games are mediocre but not terrible so
let's step into 16-bit territory next up
Power Rangers on Super Nintendo well hot
damn it has the theme song and it sounds
pretty good it even has vocals you can
select anybody from the initial Ranger
lineup each one of them has their own
fighting style their own special moves
which actually makes it fun to try out
all the different characters it's just
an average beat-'em-up game all you do
is run around and punch people and it
can get monotonous but for the time
period it's good like Robin Hood you
start out in your regular clothes then
you power up in the Ranger suit the only
thing they slacked on was the Rangers
all have the same exact body type which
is surreal to see Trini for example turn
from thin to muscular each Ranger has
their unique weapon at a grand thinking
Power Move that wipes out everybody on
screen yeah but the game place you back
on it eventually with a giant laser that
comes out of nowhere ah just like a
giant middle finger saying fuck you hate
this thing oh wait it kills enemies too
now I like it and you power up your
health with chicken legs save some for
Simon Belmont it ends with a Megazord
battle which is clunky and only a slight
improvement over the battles in the
Famicom game but it looks great for the
time this was very satisfactory it was
just like playing an episode of the show
nothing much to get angry about here
there's another one on Super Nintendo
Power Rangers the movie the game
featuring IVA news
remember that because otherwise it has
nothing to do with the movement it's
another beat-'em-up but there's this
weird jumping thing you do to alternate
between the background and foreground
claim but you have to separate two
dimensional planes that you walk on
could they just take a hint from all the
other beat em up games it's a big
problem with this it's way too hard I
had no problem finishing the other game
so why here can I get through the first
stage let's check out power rangers on
sega genesis ok so it's a street fighter
style game a shitty one that uses only
through the button you'll go fire the
problem here once again is the
difficulty the game just punishes you
over and over again it forces you into
using cheap moves yeah i'll just keep
spinning around how do you like that
there's not much to say here back in the
day if you had nothing better to do this
wouldn't be so bad but now it's just
like finding an old dried turd on a
playground just forget about it no
longer smells it's not hurting anybody
it doesn't need to be tended to just
walk away then there's the Sega CD game
well if you felt like watching the show
and shit quality with a bunch of button
commands on screen then this is the game
for you it's trying to be like the
dragon's lair arcade or one of those
type of games but in Dragon's Lair if
you fail to press the button at the
right time you see a different outcome a
different video is loaded to show the
character dying or whatever here no
matter what you do the episode continues
to play normally you'd think if you
missed a button the Power Rangers would
get hit or something they actually do
get hit sometimes but that happens
either way whether or not it syncs up
with what you're doing is pure
coincidence all they did was take the
show and put a little button game on top
of it this is the cheapest way possible
to turn a show into a game that would be
like watching an episode of greenacres
with button command what sense does that
make want to play power rangers on sega
CD just watch the show while playing
Simon Says at least it's not simon's
quest alright let's crank up that
diarrhea dial here's Power Rangers
lights
rescue on Nintendo 64 three two one go
okay first of all I'm not trying to be
vulgar but what does that look like you
shoot laser projectiles out your vagina
yeah I had to double check that it was
the Yellow Ranger because it looks more
like the mustard shit-stained Ranger the
objective is to clean up green slime
it's nice that's appealing I thought
Superman had it bad having to go around
flying through rings all day the Power
Rangers have to clean up nasty mucus at
least there's enemies to fight but even
that is boring all you do is run and
shoot most the buttons do nothing
there's no jump no crouch no sidestep
nothing like that this is a game that
was designed to be played on an Atari
controller you can even run through
enemies yeah mom down oh look they're
coming out of the walls it's like The
Twilight Zone and when you run behind
the buildings they vanish from reality
but not completely they become a shadow
of their former existence yeah ever have
that happen happens to my house all the
time it's a very spacious game there's
no hallways or boundaries that guide you
around if you run in any direction it'll
be minutes before something eventually
blocks your path how far do these
boundaries go I just keep running and
running and running and running
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and for whatever reason they didn't know
how to loop the music so instead it
abruptly stops and starts up again this
is very jarring shift in tone not to
mention it's the same music the entire
game oh except the title screen which is
repeated for the cutscenes and all that
so only two music tracks total after
that you get this awkward driving stage
where your rescue people oh love hearing
those voices over and over again Oh over
here all right over here all right over
here all right over here next there's an
awkward Megazord fight where you battle
against the semi invisible monster it's
all in the first person view except when
you manage to get close it switches the
third person but it's hard to stay close
so it always switches back and forth oh
it's morphine time I need some morphine
then you get these flying stages again
the gold to rescue people not much to
say overall there's only four types of
stages at least from what I've seen and
the problem with this game is that it's
too simple n64 was capable of a lot more
it's bad but in a boring way I've seen
worse see my standards are much lower
it's not making obnoxious screeching
sounds you don't die in one hit nap to
start the whole thing over it doesn't
glitch so bad you can't play it you
don't have to drive a bus for eight
hours it's not bright red you have to
hold it up to your eyes it's actually
like a game just a real boring one so I
don't know I'm not really feeling the
anger too much with this one I wasn't
going to stoop this low but let's try
out the game boy versions so here's
power rangers on gameboy well it's
basically the same thing as a
supercenter version so I'm not really
going to pick it apart and what's the
point of course it's going to be worse
on Gameboy and don't get me wrong
there's lots of great exclusive games on
Gameboy like links awakening for example
the key word here is exclusive I need to
find something that isn't trying to be
like the superinten
version something different but okay
that's weird that's the most confusing
continue screen I've ever seen so I
punched the word no away so that mean I
picked yes because no got punched away
or does that mean that the word I
punched is the word I'd a yeah yeah fuck
okay so let's try out power rangers the
movie the game boy game alright this one
is different an exclusive game but is it
exclusively bad well let me ask if this
follows the movie the Yellow Ranger
would be Aisha not Trini which means
they got the skin color wrong but it is
Game Boy and the only reason I even know
it's the yellow Rangers because these
games were optimized for the super
Gameboy with their own color design and
board or graphics otherwise take a look
at the rangers which one's your favorite
the dark green dark green dark green
dark green dark green or dark green
ranger mines the dark green ranger the
gameplay is pretty much the same as most
a side scrolling ranger games to choose
a ranger choose a stage take out enemies
move to the right get in the ranger suit
fight a boss and so on but the shit
factor skyrockets when you get an ass
full of bad hit detection unresponsive
jumping awkward jump punching cheap boss
battles and randomly changing rules let
me explain here there's a stage where
you get in a mine cart or stand on top
of it classic imagine this range are
doing is grocery shopping does he stand
on the shopping cart let me know if you
ever see anybody doing that anyway when
you're standing on the cart the d-pad
controls the carts movement from left to
right but as soon as another cart shows
up it changes now the d-pad makes you
walk off the cart which results
instantly in debts I fell two feet from
the ground how do you die couldn't just
take a little bit of health away why
does it have to kill you you're supposed
to jump to the second cart which
requires precision timing and distance
natural you're going to push right while
you're jumping but pushing right will
make you walk off the card and die your
sudden instincts make you want to
control the car to get to the correct
distance you're so used to controlling
the cart it comes unexpected when all of
a sudden you walk off and die if you're
still touching the d-pad when that
second card shows up
you die if you let the carts touch you
die jump too soon you die jump too late
you die you fucking die and now you know
the type of anger I'm talking about Hey
name one game where the punch and kick
alternates back and forth automatically
mighty morphin power rangers the movie
on Gameboy when you hit the button it's
a punch it again it's a kick then it's a
punch a kick a punch a kick you try to
attack but you end up doing the wrong
move you'll never know if it's going to
be a punch or a kick unless you keep
track the whole time this problem
escalates when you get to the sand oh
god the sand let me tell you about this
you have to punch and kick all the sand
out of the way and it's a race against
time because there's a machine following
close behind you if it touches you it's
a one-hit debt you have to get rid of
that stand as fast as humanly possible
you can't afford any wasted hits which
means you have to master the science
behind this punch kick phenomenon the
top square can only be taken out with a
punch the middle with a kick or a
ducking punch the bottom only with a
duck and kick so not only do you have to
know when it's going to be a punch or a
kick but you also have to know when to
be standing or ducking the only
successful pattern i found is duck stand
stand duck duck stand I can't even do it
without saying it out loud ducks pants
and stuff sucks stand duck stance
stanced duck stock stand fuck shit shit
fuck fuck shit fuck shit shit fuck shit
fuck shit shit fuck shit
oh now I'm angry now that's what I'm
talking about you fucking game is that
the way you like it that's the way
you're gonna get it Powerglove power
powerpath power link the school power
you force power
Oh rocker power
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yeah you fucking game