previously on the Angry Video Game Nerd
it's a boy I'll call you back I gave you
the money now give me back my son you
fuck resistance is futile
and now the conclusion Sonico six was
the game everybody and their grandma
wanted me to review so I did but there's
more to it
I only half-assed it so why not go haul
ass which is the opposite of asshole
the torture continues but the torture is
all mine so first off I figured out how
to beat silver and kick the shit out of
him once you learn his pattern he's
pretty easy just wait for him to try to
launch the furniture at you and homing
fuck him in the face until he's dead
finally we get to the cutscene silver
shit hog throws sonic back as he makes a
stupid face and hits a wall oh and of
course the princess gets kidnapped again
only seconds after saving her if she's
just gonna get captured again I might as
well let Eggman keep her so I wouldn't
have to deal with all this bullshit now
sonic has to go fight Eggman at his base
the white a crap Alice so now I run
around aimlessly once again until I
finally hit that magic area that lets me
progress in the story there's no clear
designation of where to go I swear the
game just wants you to run around
aimlessly until it decides you can
progress I hate this goddamn town the
droning music and robotic people freaked
the shit out of me I mean look at this
why are there no guardrails if Sonic
falls he dies what happens if a normal
person falls in there that's unsafe
goddammit and right here if Sonic stands
on the curb a certain way he splits
reality into two alternate dimensions
existing in the same space and time the
visuals in this game give me a headache
every time Sonic runs up or down a curb
the screen jitters and it's not subtle
either the camera jerks down or up
so anyway once you find the portal
to the next level or act mission you're
treated to a totally rad snowboard level
with some of the worst controls
imaginable leave it to this game to make
a snowboarding level suck this should be
one of the high points in the game but
of course it's a warm frothy mug of
chocolate shit shake half the time I
can't go anywhere or I go in the
completely wrong direction beat the act
mission and dr. robot Eggman sends into
the future you get another cutscene and
Shadow the Hedgehog tells you that on
August 29th 1997 Eggman creates Skynet
and the world nukes itself giving way
for the machine war unless Tails gives
birth to John Connor
now that doesn't happen but basically
it's a machine war and time travel why
do you need that in a Sonic game
whatever happened to just saving animals
from becoming robots telekinesis time
travel treasure hunting bat tits human
princess and hedgehog romance this game
just feels like it was never meant to be
a sonic game I'm sorry to repeat myself
but sweet mercy these loading screens
are fucking shit and what's worse is
after it loads you're still playing
Sonic oh six between the levels taking
forever and the sheer amount of loading
screens you see this game is just
stealing your life away you're stuck
playing the game
but time is moving on people are getting
older our friends come and go new music
is starting to sound like shit to you I
see two squirrels fuckin outside my
basement window oh now there's a new
baby squirrel already I could have spent
all this time watching that documentary
about left-handed mattress makers and
you could have had a better hobby like
running around the woods
sniffing Wolf's assholes could you
imagine getting close enough to a wolf
to sniff its asshole let's play the
fucking game every level from here on
out gets more and more frustrating the
platform jumping in the lava level is
some of the worst I like how when sonic
dies he just casually lays down on the
lava Ola Sonic oh six has gotten beat
next to fight a blizzard a bliss the
prickly lava dick from hell he's easy
but you'll be fighting the camera just
as much hit him a few times
loading screen cutscene rinse and repeat
so once again we're back here running
around for another half an hour
radical train dude yeah and what exactly
makes this train so radical I don't
fucking know it looks like a regular
train next time I have to travel I'm
gonna take the radical train I should
hardly beat the rest of level and you
once again save the princess only to
have her immediately stolen back by
Eggman and then saved again by Sonic
within a matter of minutes next onto
another cutscene filled with awkward
sexual tension between a cartoon
hedgehog and a human princess and look
Sonic even gives her the bedroom eyes
[Music]
huh 20 loading screens and another
creepy cutscene later and guess what the
princess gets captured again this time
she just turns herself over to Eggman a
big fuck you to all your hard work so
now you play as tails for some reason
which is annoying he's slower than shit
coming out of sloth and the sound of his
tail spinning is maddening seriously
listen to this sound repeatedly for a
half hour
[Music]
now we're on to the real motherís two
fucks we're nearing the end of the game
but these last two levels are worse than
anything up to this point it starts with
three trials to make it to the ancient
castle the first is the trial of
knowledge this will test your minds more
like it'll test my fucking patience the
whole point is to take the correct
portals to get to the end nothing but
trial and error just keep picking
different portals until you get out it
sucks the trial of courage is next and
it's a real heap of hog waste this is
definitely the worst of the three trials
because you have to beat a bunch of
enemies without any rings make one
mistake and you're dead last is the
trial of love pick either Amy or the
princess it makes no difference either
way after the final trial you get to
ride an eagle up to the next level as it
shits mid-flight get ready for this
you'd better buckle up your shit belt
because this game is about to get turned
up to 11 on the dictor's scale this
level takes forever and if you get a
game over you have to do all these
trials again this level took me over an
hour to be for real you get to play as
silver in this level who for some reason
doesn't want to kill you anymore he's
okay because he has telekinesis but he
still controls like anal leakage but you
should already expect that she dies so
sonic fails to save her and then she
dies so so even when you do save her she
either gets captured again or turns
herself in or fucking gets obliterated
so after you watch the princess get
fucking destroyed Sonic and silver used
their Chaos Emeralds to go back in time
really so they could just go back in
time but why not go back in time and
kill Eggman when he was a baby how about
go back in time and stop this game from
being made anyway so you run around town
you ring three bells you open the final
level which is the aquatic base alright
here it is the final act mission by now
you've adjusted yourself to the crap
factor and it's not that the game is any
easier it's just that you know how to
approach it's shittiness after wasting
hours of your life that is until I reach
by far the
son of a bitch eNOS obstacle in the
entire game the giant steel ball this
thing flies all over the damn place with
just a slight touch of the joystick if
the ball touches the laser you fall to
your death I'm losing all my fucking
lives here fuck fuck
all right almost done we're almost done
just just focus just focus we're almost
we're almost done yeah I'm almost there
I can feel it I reached this room that
looks like a goddamn Virtual Boy game
except you'd actually rather play the
Virtual Boy than this garbage run
through the windows kill the remaining
robots and you reach the end of the
stage so after three more cutscenes and
three more loading screens it's time the
final showdown between you and Eggman
the fight is frustrating as all hell
every time he attacks the camera moves
which changes the control directions if
you're not ready for it you can fly off
the platform the only way to attack is
to wait for him to fly at you then grab
onto the horn and crash him into the
falling bombs after you get three hits
his canopy opens and you can attack him
by homing into his face all right here
we go I got him
final shot here we go damn if that isn't
the sweetest loading screen ever that's
right give me that motherfucking s-rank
so all into the final cutscene sonic
carries the princess out of the flaming
wreckage of Eggman ship the two share
another sappy moment and then like a
vision of true beauty the ending credits
thank God
Sonic oh six is over oh I can move on
with my life
except there's a bunch of extra side
episodes that are essential to the plot
seriously the last thing I want to do
after beating Sonico 6 is play more
fucking Sonico 6 I'd rather rip every
individual pube out of my scrotum with
salad tongs and play this anymore
this beat these episodes and you get the
final one which is the most frustrating
first off
sonic dies yep sonic dies so everyone
has to scramble to get the seven
dragonballs I mean Chaos Emeralds to
save his life if you have the patience
you can collect them all and put this
shit to rest the princess uses the
emeralds to wake up Sonic and then and
[Music]
Wow can't say I've ever seen that before
well Sonic o6 it's all done just to
think all the hours spent all that time
all that torture and now it's all over
[Music]
just a heads up for fans of physical
media who want to collect angry video
game nerd episodes on blu-ray we now
have four volumes on blu-ray containing
147 episodes up to Gameboy accessories
volume 1 and known as AVGN X Crimson the
first 100 episodes plus bonus features
on 2 discs X 2 continues where it left
off with episodes 101 to 114 plus bonus
features on 2 discs the episodes are
fewer because that's when they start
shooting in HD so they're presented in
their full quality x3 contains episodes
115 to 140 plus bonus features on 2
discs falling for ready for revenge is
brand new with episodes 141 to 147 plus
new bonus features on one disc also
there's a BGM the movie blu-ray and
surround sound with over 10 hours of
bonus features all on one disc which I
had no idea was even possible
there's also James and Mike Monday's
blu-ray with 20 select episodes on one
disc and bore James the complete series
on blu-ray plus bonus features on one
disc also if you're looking for the DVD
format we still have the first 9 DVD
volumes of AVGN which goes up to episode
130
these are all region-free and shipped
worldwide go to store screen wave
Mediacom
[Music]
you
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