NETFLIX 剧集
什么？这是哪里？我怎么会在这里？ What? W-w-where am I? H-How did I get here?
糟了 贝卡 我们迷失方向了 而且完全看不见陆地！ Oh, no, Becca, we're lost! And there's no land in sight.
你会错过复工第一天的！ You'll miss your first day back at work!
也许这样最好 反正你也应付不来的 It's probably for the best. You won't be able to handle it anyway.
你说得对 我对当妈妈才刚有头绪 You're right. I-I'm just figuring out the mom part.
我要怎么同时兼顾工作啊？ How am I supposed to go to work too?
如果你累到把宝宝错当火鸡怎么办？ What if you're so exhausted you think the baby is a turkey?
你会把宝宝放进烤箱里 把火鸡放在婴儿床里！ Then you put the baby in the oven and the turkey in the crib!
然后你就得抚养火鸡 吃掉宝宝！ And now you have to raise the turkey and eat the baby!
史上最糟的感恩节！ Worst Thanksgiving ever!
-那是什么？ -大概是很可怕的东西 -What was that? -Probably something terrible.
我们在这里孤立无援 And we're all alone out here.
没人在乎你的死活！ And nobody cares if you live or die!
巴里呢？巴里他在乎 对吧？ What about Barry? Barry cares, right?
巴里？ Barry? Barry?
巴里！ Barry! Barry!
-巴里？ -噢 是呢 -Barry? -Oh, yes.
巴里看上去非常关心 Barry seems very concerned.
什么？你是谁？ What? Who-- Who are you?
我是凯蒂猫 你的新闺蜜 I'm Kitty. Your new best friend.
好吧 我已经好几个星期没睡了 有个人陪着也好 Oh. Okay. I haven't slept in weeks. I could use some company.
我有个主意 I have an idea.
来看看我们在不吵醒巴里的情况下 能哭得多厉害 Let's see how hard we can cry without waking up Barry.
好啊 听起来是个好主意 Okay, that sounds like a good plan.
我告诉你 桑娅简直是一团糟 I'm tellin' ya, Sonya's a damn wreck.
那只可怜的虫子 快要被消极情绪和酒精淹没了 That poor bug is spiraling down a drain full of shit and alcohol.
她需要一点改变 She needs a change.
我知道这是我的首选应对机制 但她需要被操 I know it's my go-to, but she needs to get fucked.
如果她能认识新的人是挺好的 Well, it'd be nice for her to meet somebody.
出去放松一下 找点乐子 Get out of the house, have a little fun.
你是说给她找个猛男 让她好好爽一下？ You mean, like, set her up with a stud to crack her open?
没错 我最喜欢帮别人牵红线了 Yes. I love matchmaking!
通过强迫人家交媾来解决他们的问题 Fixing people's problems by forcing them to fornicate.
好耶 这个幸运的家伙是谁？ Yeah. Who's the lucky stud?
加文怎么样？ Ooh! What about Gavin?
那家伙是个混蛋 而且他的奶子是假的 Ugh. He's an asshole. Plus his tits are fake.
那你有什么人选啊 挑剔先生？ Well, who do you got, Mr. Picky Pants?
我倒是认识一个刚恢复单身 奶子又货真价实的老二 Oh! I do know know a recently single dick with great tits.
我不确定我是否已经准备好再次约会 I-- I don't know if I'm ready to get out there again.
你似乎太专注于奶子了 能不能把范围扩大到奶子以外？ You seem too focused on tits. Can we expand beyond tits?
好吧 啊 等一下 我有个非常合适的家伙 Fine. Wait. Oh, oh! Hold on. I've got the perfect guy.
-或女家伙 -是 但这是个男的 -Or gal. -Yeah, right. But this one's a guy.
好吧 我只是想说 我们也得考虑女的 Okay. But I'm just saying, we gotta consider the females too.
我知道 但我这个暂时保密的人选 I got that, but my person, who will remain a surprise,
请不要质疑这一点 and please don't challenge me on this,
绝对是个男的 而且他的奶子堪称极品 is a dude, and his tits are spectacular.
干你现在正式成为 我在厕所里第二喜欢做的事了 You're now officially my second favorite thing to do in the bathroom.
很高兴你在我真的需要尿尿的时候 跟着我进来了 I'm so glad you followed me in here when I did actually need to go.
你俩真甜蜜 就像装满酷爱饮料的避孕套一样 Y'all are sweet as a condom full of Kool-Aid.
是你呀 凯蒂猫 Oh! Kitty… Uh…
我们只是在测试这东西的重量限制 We were just, uh, testing the weight limit.
哇 坚硬如同岩石 绝对可靠 Uh, okay. Yeah, she's rock solid. Good.
-就像我的棒棒一样 -天哪 -So's my donger. -Oh, my God.
我好喜欢听你说“棒棒” I love it when you say "donger."
-棒棒 像这样吗？ -哦买噶 -Donger. Like that? -Oh, fuck.
我撤了 宝贝 Peace, babe.
典型的但丁 对吧？ 其实说起来有点好笑 他… Dante, right? It's a funny story, actually. He--
不 我明白的 年轻人的爱情 Oh, no, I get it. Young love.
哦 你觉得但丁爱我？ Oh, you think Dante loves me?
难怪他会毫无顾忌地伸手向我要钱 That must be why he's so comfortable asking me for money.
你太搞笑了 You're hilarious.
亲爱的 我真等不及和你在贝卡的团队里 一起合作 Darling, I cannot wait to work with you on Becca's team.
是啊 我简直是搞笑大王 Oh, yeah, I'm a riot.
不过 卧槽 如果你在贝卡的团队里 那是不是意味着她有忧郁症？ But, oh shit. If you're on Becca's team, does that mean she's depressed?
只是小小的产后忧郁 不过很好玩的 Oh, just a little postpartum, but it can be fun.
昨晚我和贝卡 用杯子吃了冷冰冰的千层面 Last night, Becca and I ate cold lasagna from a mug
然后连续看了35集《房屋猎人》 and watched 35 episodes of House Hunters back-to-back.
我的天哪 你愿意收养我吗？ Oh, my God, will you adopt me?
不如我明天带你去吃午饭怎么样？ How about I take you to lunch tomorrow instead?
顺便向你请教一下贝卡的事 I could pick your brain about Becca?
你说“带我去” 那是指… So, when you say "take me," does that, uh--
别担心 亲爱的 我来请客 Don't worry, honey. It's my treat.
太好了 因为我把钱都给但丁了 Great. Yeah, 'cause I gave all my money to Dante.
他要给他的前任买份生日礼物 所以一直在狂购物 He needed to buy a birthday gift for one of his exes, so, you know, he be shoppin'.
天哪 累死我了 God, I am exhausted.
而且你看起来像 穿着唐纳卡兰套装的地窟守卫 And you look like the Crypt Keeper in a Donna Karan suit.
麻麻回来啦！ Mommy's home.
复工第一天过得怎么样？ 表现肯定超棒吧？ How was your first day back? I bet you killed it.
是啊 如果她的职责是躲在厕所里哭 那最佳律师奖非她莫属 Yep. If her job is crying in the bathroom, she fucking kicked ass.
杰克 我的小家伙！ Jake! Oh, there's my little guy.
噢 糟糕 我做了什么吗？ Oh! Oh, no. Did I do something?
不要怕 是麻麻呀 Don't be scared. It's just Mommy.
天哪 孩子已经忘记你了吗？ Oh, dear, has the baby forgotten you already?
因为一份法律摘要而被自己亲娘抛弃 Abandoned by his mommy for a legal brief.
太早复工就是这个下场 This is exactly what happens when you go back to work too soon.
-你猜怎么着？他今天翻身了 -真的吗？ -Oh! Guess what? He rolled over today. -Really?
你看 我拍了视频 Here. Here! I have a video.
我的天啊 你看到了吗 贝卡？ Oh, my God! Did you see that, Becs?
哎呀 我不小心把相机拿反了 Oh, I messed up and the camera's facing the wrong way.
你没错过这一刻真是太棒啦！ I'm so glad you didn't miss this!
好样的 巴里 Well done, Barry.
宝贝 你看起来很疲惫 You-- You look so exhausted.
你会不会可能是太早复工了？ Is it possible that you maybe went back to work too soon?
-巴里明白 -我看起来很疲惫 而且是个坏妈妈？ -Barry gets it. -I look exhausted and I'm a bad mom?
谢谢你 巴里 好极了 我们做爱吧 Thank you, Barry. Very cool. Let's fuck, please.
-真的吗？ -你想得美！ -Really? -No!
听起来巴里好像 一开始就不希望你回去工作 Sounds like Barry never wanted you to go back to work in the first place.
去他的 贝卡 我他妈发誓 Fuck that. Becca, I swear to fuck,
如果你让那个笨蛋 把你像阿尔夫一样困在家里 if you let that bozo trap you in the house like Alf,
我会一脚把你踢回梅尔马克星球 I'll kick your ass back to Melmac.
我最近在追《阿尔夫》 闭嘴 那超好笑的 I'm binging Alf. Fuck you. It's funny.
（圣诞老人烧烤酒吧）
凯蒂猫 我好喜欢 这家以圣诞为主题的餐厅 Oh, Kitty, I am loving this Christmas-themed restaurant.
一年四季都能享受 一年中最忧郁的时光？ The most depressing time of the year all year round?
算我一个 Yes, please.
呵呵呵 告诉圣诞老人你想吃什么 Ho ho ho. Tell Santa what you want for lunch.
圣诞老人 我想先来点拐杖糖可乐达 Santa, I'll start with a candy cane colada
要双份 谢谢你 and make it a double. Thank you.
我要一整只火腿 谢谢 And I'll have a whole ham, please.
听起来不错耶 那也要双份 Oh, that sounds good. Make that a double too.
那么 当贝卡的爱虫感觉如何啊？ So, how has it been as Becca's Lovebug?
刚开始很艰难 但我们现在是好朋友了 Well, it was rough at first, but now we're buds
她的宝宝很可爱 很懒 还经常吐 and the baby's cute and lazy and barfs a lot,
所以我们真的很懂彼此 so we really get each other, you know?
但她那个老公真是个扫兴鬼 对吧？ But that husband. He's a real wet blanket, isn't he?
你说巴里？是啊 他是个怂包 Who, Barry? Oh, yeah, he's a dud.
“我是巴里 我觉得酸奶葡萄干是糖果 "I'm Barry. I think yogurt raisins are candy.
我是巴里” I'm Barry."
模仿得像极了 That is Barry spot on.
你不会觉得这样反犹太 对吧？纯粹好玩而已 对吧？ Now, you don't think it's anti-Semitic, right? It's kinda more just fun?
我觉得很准确 巴里是个十足的笑话 I think it's accurate. Barry's a total joke.
你觉得… 天哪 我真不愿意这么问 Do you think… Oh, I hate to even suggest it.
但你觉得她还爱他吗？ But do you think she even loves him anymore?
他无论说什么都会惹恼她 Hm. Well, everything he says annoys her,
而且我一次都没有为他发过光 and I've never even glowed for him once.
还有 他从侧面看简直就像她爸爸 Also, when he turns to the side, he looks like her dad.
对 我这样告诉她 她却哭了起来 Yeah. I said that to her and she started crying.
亲爱的 如果我嫁给了巴里 我也会哭的 Oh, honey, I'd cry too if I was married to… …Barry.
-你看 完全不会反犹太嘛 -他就是个怂包 -See? That's not anti-Semitic. -He's just a loser.
-又正好是个犹太人 -犹太到不行 -Who happens to be Jewish. -Incredibly Jewish.
（错误工厂）
毛瑞 你的神秘人到底在哪里？ Maury, where the hell is your damn mystery man?
相信我 他会出现的 他只是想性感登场而已 Trust me, he's gonna show. He just likes to make a sexy entrance.
这个主意蠢透了 This was a stupid idea.
就让我回家安安静静地喝 我的伏特加直通粉吧 Just let me go home to drink my penne a la vodka in peace.
-你用喝的？ -是的 毛瑞！ -You drink it? -Yes, Maury!
我把酒混在食物里 I blend my booze into my food
这样就不会在我醉到爽之前断片 so I don't pass out before I get as drunk as I want to be.
-你有意见吗？ -太天才了 这招太厉害了 -Is that okay with you? -That is brilliant. That's really smart.
没错 好好反省吧你 Yeah. Get your shit together, girl.
你们好啊 体育迷们！ What's up, sports fans?
你他妈在逗我呢？ Are you fucking kidding me?
毛瑞 他就是你的性感猛男？ Maury! This is your sexy fuck stud?
很荣幸认识你 肖娜 The pleasure to make your meeting, Shauna.
我们已经共事多年了 你个白痴 You've worked with me for years, you fucking moron.
瑞克？有没有搞错？ Rick? Really?
我不知道他会戴假发 I didn't know he was gonna wear the piece.
随意打个哈欠 Casual yawn.
别他妈碰我 你个E.T. Don't fucking touch me, E.T.
哇 你真的很喜欢酒呢 你最喜欢哪部分？ Wow, you really like alcohol. What's your favorite part?
喝进去是红色 还是尿出来是黄色的部分？ When it goes in red or when it comes out yellow?
我的老天 Jesus Christ.
嘿 肖娜 你看起来好像是想自杀呢 Hey, Shauna. You look like you want to kill yourself.
好了 我不玩了 Okay. I'm out.
哎呀我的妈呀 我的假发掉了 我的自信跌到谷底了！ Oh no! My hair system! My confidence is plummeting.
嘿 欢迎回来 Hey, welcome home.
宝宝睡着了 晚餐准备好了 Baby's sleeping, dinner's ready,
而且巴里还喝了一杯成人果汁 and Barry's had a glass of daddy juice.
等等 杰克已经睡了？ Hold on. Jake's already sleeping?
你赶不及回来 所以我替你哄他入睡了 You were running late, so I put him to bed for you.
天哪 看来巴里不认为 贝卡能照顾好她自己的孩子呢 Oh, dear. Seems like Barry doesn't think Becca can take care of her own child.
你能怪他吗？上次她抱那孩子的时候 他叫得那么大声 Well, can you blame him? The last time she held the boy, he screamed so loud,
我还以为查理咬他手指了 I thought Charlie bit his finger.
我说 我以为查理咬他手指了！ I said, I thought Charlie bit his finger!
没人记得吗？只有我吗？ Nobody remember that? Just me.
你觉得怎么样？ 我给我们准备了一顿浪漫的晚餐 So, what do you think? I made us a romantic dinner.
抱歉我迟到了 我午饭吃了一整只火腿 Hey, sorry I'm late. I had a whole ham for lunch.
-我错过了什么？ -巴里给我们准备了一顿浪漫的晚餐 -What'd I miss? -Uh, Barry made us a romantic dinner.
-他为什么要这么做啊？ -我不知道 -Eww. Why'd he do that? -I don't know.
但不知什么原因 他所做的一切都让我恶心 But for some reason, e--everything he does disgusts me.
我倒是能想到一个原因 Well, I can think of one reason.
对吼 是因为她不爱他了 Right. Oh, yeah. Because she doesn't love him anymore.
-答对了 -你说什么？ -Bingo. -What-- What'd you just say?
从你的言行举止来看 我还以为你知道了 I thought you knew from, like, your behavior.
-天哪 也许那只虫子是对的 -巴里常常让你抓狂！ -Oh, God, maybe the bug's right. -Barry drives you crazy!
-他根本就不了解你 -你是不是嫁错人了？ -He doesn't know you at all. -Did you marry the wrong man?
-就像你妈妈一样！ -亲爱的 要不要吃点鲑鱼？ -Just like your mother? -Honey, do you want some salmon?
不要 巴里 我不要吃鲑鱼！ No, Barry. I don't want any salmon.
嘿 我只是想为你做点什么 Whoa, hey, I-- I'm just trying to do something nice for you.
我唯一想要的是哄孩子入睡 All I wanted was to put the baby to sleep.
我整天都在工作 我没机会见他 我没机会抱他 I'm working all day. I don't get to see him, I don't get to hold him.
好 我明白 你压力很大 Okay, okay, I get it. You're super stressed-out.
-我不是压力大 我只是… -只是什么？ -I'm not stressed-out. I'm just… -Well, just what?
我只是不确定我是否还爱你 行吗？ I'm just not sure I love you anymore! Okay?
她说了 She said it.
伙计们？我现在到底该怎么做啊？ Guys? What the hell am I supposed to do now?
-去追她！ -把裤子褪到脚踝 然后追！ -Go after her. -With your pants around your ankles.
要不要再来点成人果汁？ 要不也来点成人糖果？ You want some more daddy juice? And maybe some daddy Xanax?
你的小脑瓜不用担心 巴里 你的团队在处理了 Don't you worry your little head, Barry. Your team's on it.
一切都会没事的 It's all going to be alright.
我们完他妈蛋了！ We're fucked! Fucked! Fucked! Fucked! Fucked! Fucked! Fuck!
我们这下要他妈怎么办啊？ What the fuckin' fuck are we going to fuckin' do?
我他妈不知道！ I don't fuckin' know!
哈喽 猫咪？史蒂文斯先生？ Hello? Cat? Mr. Stevens?
你打算就坐在那里 在你的涂色本上瞎涂鸦吗？ Are you going to just sit there and doodle in your coloring book?
是 不好意思 涂鸦有助于我思考 Hey, yeah. Sorry. Sorry, man. Yeah, doodling helps me think.
那你到底是怎么想的 忧郁男孩？ And what exactly do you think, Depression Boy?
我觉得我们不应该做太疯狂的事 I think we shouldn't be doing anything too crazy.
但她已经不爱我们了！ But she doesn't love us anymore!
我觉得她还是爱我们的 蒂朵 See, I think she does, Tito.
我们得做点什么 做点轰轰烈烈的大事！ Well, we got to do something. Something big.
我知道了 我们应该召集当地所有的变态 I know! We should round up all the local perverts
然后做一场快闪！ and do a flash mob.
-让她感觉自己备受重视 -真是个好主意！ -Make her feel special. -Now, that's a plan!
绝对不是个好主意 No, it's definitely not.
不是 我是指让贝卡感觉备受重视 No, no, no, no. Make Becca feel special.
让她知道我们在倾听 我们理解她的感受 Show her we listen and we see her.
各位 好消息！ 当地的变态们都愿意合作！ Guys, good news! The local perverts are in!
而且还有几个外地的变态哦 And a few out-of-towners.
（梅尔文&约翰逊律师事务所）
-伙计们 我们确定要这么做吗？ -不确定 -Guys, are we sure about this? -See, I'm not.
我说我们应该吃颗大麻软糖 然后等事情平息下来 I'm on record as saying we should just eat a gummy and wait for all this to blow over.
别听他的！我是爱虫 我懂爱情 Don't listen to him! I am the Lovebug and I know love.
“吻我 我是爱尔兰人”这句话 可是我发明的 I invented the saying, "Kiss Me, I'm Irish," for fuck's sake.
而我则发明了 一个让变态们保持联系的软件 And I invented an app for perverts to keep in touch with each other.
就叫Creep'R 因为Goop已经被抢注了 It's called Creep'R, because Goop was taken.
特别快递！ Special delivery.
-巴里？ -他带了杰克呢 -Barry? -Aww, he brought Jake.
杰克是哪根葱？ Who the fuck is Jake?
看看他穿着小西装的样子 其实挺温馨的 Aww, look at him in his little suit. It's kind of sweet.
不对 是挺有心机的 No, it's kind of manipulative.
他是想毁掉她的事业吗？ Is he trying to ruin her career?
是啊 贝卡想假装她没生过这个孩子 Yeah! Becca's trying to pretend she never had this baby
这样她的同事就不会把她当成是人类 so her co-workers don't think of her as a human being.
-天哪 好可爱的小宝贝 -你好啊 -Oh, my God. What a little munchkin. -Hello there. Yes, hello.
贝卡 我都不知道你是人类呢 Becca, didn't know you were human.
该死的 去你马勒戈壁！ God damn it! Motherfuckin' shit!
你在这里干什么？ What are you doing here?
请问这是哪位傻逼的馊主意？ Excuse me, whose dumb fucking idea was this?
泰勒本来还想召集一群变态诶 Tyler wanted to gather a horde of perverts.
凑足一打后 就叫“一撸”变态了 Once you reach a dozen, it's called a "splooge" of perverts.
巴里 马上给我回家去 Barry, go home. Now.
-可是 贝卡… -我说回家去！ -But, Becc-- -I said go home!
你到底怎么了？你平时不是这样的 What's going on? This is so unlike you.
我是什么样的不用你来告诉我 Don't tell me what I'm like.
-没错 我们最讨厌这一套了 -大家都在看着我们！ -Yeah, don't do that. We hate that. -Everyone is looking at us!
你的同事都觉得你是个烂律师 而且是个更烂的妈妈！ Your co-workers think you're a bad lawyer and an even worse mom!
而且还对老公很刻薄！ And you're mean to your husband!
从侧脸看跟你爸爸一模一样的老公！ Who looks like your dad when he turns to the side.
贝卡 我们能好好谈谈吗？ Becca, can we just talk?
够了！我不能再这样下去了 Stop! I can't do this anymore.
你这么说是什么意思？ What do you mean you can't do this?
偶滴神啊 拜托别让她说那个“离”开头的词！ Oh, Father Baby Jesus, don't let her say the D-word!
巴里 我现在不希望你在这里 Barry, I don't want you here right now, okay?
拜托在我说出无法收回的话之前离开 Please go before I say something I can't take back.
泰勒 我从没想过我会这么说 Tyler, I never thought I'd say this,
但我觉得是时候呼叫你的变态们了 but I think the time has come to call your perverts.
他们已经来了 They're already here.
我的天哪 你们看 外面得有八撸变态吧 Oh my God, you guys, there are, like, eight splooges of perverts out there.
哇靠 那个家伙是我高中同学诶 Yay! Oh, dang! I went to high school with that guy.
别吵 去你的 我说别吵 Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Fuck you. Shut up.
见鬼了 What the fuck?
嘿 肖娜 Hey, Shauna!
你好像把你的餐具落在餐厅里了哦 I think you forgot your silverwear and your napkin at the restaurant.
什么？那不是… What? That's not…
你他妈到底想干嘛？ No. What the fuck do you want?
只有我这么觉得 还是你也觉得我俩昨晚超来电的？ Is it just me or did we have, like, a super-sexy vibe last night?
你在开玩笑吗？我对你绝对不来电 Are you kidding? No, there was definitely no vibe.
噢 那我可能只是屎意来袭了 Oh. Maybe it was just a hard, sharp doodie.
天哪 Oh, God.
逗你的 我很确定那是来电的感觉 Nah. I'm pretty sure it was vibe.
是披萨盒耶 A pizza box.
你的房子还真够乱的 肖娜 You got such a messy house, Shauna.
拜托你滚犊子去吧 你个行走的口疮 Please go fuck yourself, you walking canker sore.
又有来电的感觉了 北鼻 There's that vibe again, baby.
你自便吧 You make yourself comfortable.
我要打扫一下房子 顺便吃些披萨盒 I'm gonna clean up around the house here, maybe eat some of these boxes.
算了 你爱怎样就怎样 我得回去睡觉了 Ugh! Fine. Do whatever you want. I gotta go back to sleep.
哇 你真的很喜欢边喝酒边伤心呢 Boy, you sure do love to drink wine and be sad.
去你的 瑞克 伤心让我快乐 Screw you, Rick. Being sad makes me happy.
好吧 实话实说 我还在等着听 Alright, I'm not gonna lie. I have yet to hear
贝卡有什么好理由继续和巴里在一起 one good argument for why Becca and Barry should stay together.
听说过一个叫“结婚誓词”的东西吗？ Ever hear of a little thing called "wedding vows"? Hello?
“在家人和上帝面前 宣誓对彼此的爱与忠诚” 没有吗？ "Manifestation of love and devotion before family and God"? Nothing?
亲爱的 那都是过去式了 Darling, that is all in the past.
没错 现在镇上来了个新爱虫 Yeah, and now there's a new Lovebug in town
她说我们受够巴里了 and she says time's up on Barry.
她就是我 She… She is me.
如果她能多了解费兰尼和巴里 Well, if she got to know Flanny and Barry,
她也会像贝卡一样爱他们的 she'd dig them as much as Becca does.
拜托 贝卡根本就不爱巴里 Oh, please. Becca doesn't love Barry.
而且我干嘛要多了解他啊？ And why would I want to get to know him?
无意冒犯 但他就是个窝囊废 No offense, but he's a lemon.
好吧 先听我说完 我们各退一步 Okay, okay. Ju-- Hear me out. Let's compromise.
来个开放式婚姻怎么样？ How's about an open marriage?
有人愿意吗？ Any takers on that?
好一个《桃色交易》 Ooh! An Indecent Proposal?
请叫我黛米摩尔 因为我和布鲁斯威利斯还是朋友 Call me Demi Moore 'cause I am still friends with Bruce Willis.
那家伙其实挺不错的 He's actually a pretty great guy.
别跟这些屌丝谈判 巴里队简直就是个笑话 Don't negotiate with these losers. Team Barry is a joke.
因为我们很幽默吗？ Mm… Because we're funny?
不是 因为你们太他妈可悲了 Uh, no, 'cause you're fuckin' pathetic.
-你们连个野心精灵都没有 -羞耻巫师也没有 -You don't even have an Ambition Gremlin. -Or a Shame Wizard.
伙计们 我就提个想法 Hey, guys. Gonna throw something out there.
如果我们之间的这些差异 其实是件好事呢？ What if all these differences between us are actually a good thing?
她不爱他！ She doesn't love him!
我听到你说的了 凯蒂猫 但也许你没考虑到的是… I hear you, Kitty. But maybe what you're not considering is…
好了 伙计们！ Alright, guys! Guys, guys!
在你们开始撕逼扯屌之前 今天就先收工吧 Before you start expressing your glands, maybe we should call it a night.
明早再继续 Pick it up in the morning.
是啊 因为有这些傻叉拖后腿 我们显然没有丝毫进展 Yeah, 'cause we're clearly not making any progress with these fuckin' dildos.
-哟 -我的天哪 -'Sup? -Oh, my God.
嘿 狂按是没用的 Hey. Hey, that doesn't even work.
你那份淡定从容、悠然自得的自信 到底从哪来的？ Dude, where does all your chill, laid-back confidence come from?
-你打的什么算盘？ -我没有 -What is your deal? -No deal.
我只是觉得贝卡还爱着巴里 I just think Becca still loves Barry.
好吧 你为什么这么觉得？ Okay. What makes you think that?
是因为她说她不爱他 The fact that she says that she doesn't love him,
还是因为他一走进房间 我的屁股就瞬间冰凉？ or the fact that my butt goes ice-cold when he walks in the room?
撇开你冰凉的屁股不谈 贝卡和巴里有一段你不知道的历史 That ice-cold booty aside, Becca and Barry have a history you don't know about.
我带你去看看 Let me show you.
我们到底要去哪里啊？ Where the fuck are we going?
回忆库 The Memory Bank.
什么库？ The what?
回忆库 The Memory Bank.
瞧瞧 很酷吧？ Check it. It's pretty cool, huh?
你个蠢蛋 这是个食堂 Dumbass, this is a cafeteria.
没错 宾大的食堂 大一的秋季学期 Yeah, the cafeteria at Penn. Fall semester, freshman year.
那时候我和巴里正处在低谷期 Barry and I were in a pretty dark place.
他身上那套睡衣已经穿了整整一周了 He hadn't changed out of those pajamas in a week.
天哪 Oh, God.
嘿 这里的食物真难吃 对吧？ Hey, um, this food sucks, huh?
是啊 但有好多东西吃 Yeah, but there's so much of it.
我是贝卡 I'm Becca.
我们一起上统计课 对吧？ You're, uh, in my statistics class, aren't you?
-我们应该找个时间一起温习 -哦 好啊 -We should totally study together. -Oh. Okay.
贝卡拨开了我们心头的乌云 Becca got us out of our head, you know?
我的天哪 那是桑娅吗？ Oh, my God. Is that Sonya?
嘿 我是桑娅波塞蒂亚 很荣幸和你一起工作 Hey, I'm Sonya Poinsettia. Pleasure to be working with you.
幸会 我是费兰尼奥林匹克 Enchanté. I'm Flanny O'Lympic.
我希望你的女孩喜欢被爱得透不过气 I hope your girl likes to be smothered emotionally.
她爸爸对爱很吝啬 所以我想她肯定会很享受的 Well, her dad is very withholding. So, yeah, I think she'll be into that.
贝卡从不提她爸爸 But Becca never talks about her dad.
来看看这段回忆 略有点挤哈 Well, check out this memory. Bit of a tight squeeze.
我真不敢相信他居然不来了 I-- I can't believe he-- he's not coming.
知道吗？去你爸爸的 这是他的损失 You know what? Fuck your dad. It's his loss.
但谁来牵着我走红毯啊？ But who's going to walk me down the aisle?
这个嘛 Well,
还记得你总是说 我从侧面看很像他吗？ you know how you always say I look like him from the side?
你疯了 You're crazy.
好吧 哇 那也太甜蜜了 Alright. Wow, that's very cute.
是吧？ Right?
靠 我好像有点喜欢巴里了 Oh, shit. I… I think I kind of like Barry.
看起来你是有点爱巴里了 Looks like you kind of love Barry.
放松 我只是为墙上那个性感死耶稣 闪烁了一下而已 Relax. It's just a flicker for that hot dead Jesus on the wall.
-是喔 -真的 -Okay. -It is.
看看他那上帝之子的腹肌 He's got those "Son of God" abs.
那是什么鬼东西啊？ What in the cocksucking fuck is that?
是个堡垒 是我自己做的哦 北鼻 Oh, it's a fort, mama. I made it all by my own self, baby.
哇塞 Wow. Holy shit.
要不要进来啊？ You wanna come in?
才不要 不过多谢邀请 Fuck no, but thank you for asking.
来嘛 北鼻 我有手电筒、漫画书 还有如烟口香糖 Come on, baby. I got a flashlight, comic books, bubblegum cigarettes.
好啦 只要你闭嘴就行 Fine. Just please shut up.
别毁了我的堡垒！ Don't break the fort!
哇 这其实挺不错的 而且很安静 Wow. This is kind of nice. And quiet.
有时候垃圾太多了 就应该拿来做些酷酷的东西 Sometimes, when you got a lot of trash, you gotta make something cool out of it.
天哪 我确实有很多垃圾 Oh, man. I do have a lot of trash.
你看起来又想自杀了 You look like you want to kill yourself again.
怎么了？没那个勇气吗？ What's wrong? You don't have the guts?
我只是迷失了自我 I just lost my way.
我丢了工作 现在看看这地方 I lost my job and look around.
我把自己的生活变成垃圾了 I've turned my life into garbage.
对 但垃圾不过是 还没建好的堡垒 北鼻 Yeah, but garbage is just a fort you haven't built yet, baby.
你很睿智呢 瑞克 You're very wise, Rick.
我知道 肖娜 这既是祝福也是诅咒 I know, Shauna. It's a blessing and a curse.
我想… 嗯 我也许喝过头了 I think… Yeah, maybe I've been drinking too much.
我想我也许吃太多如烟口香糖了 And I think maybe I've been eating too many bubblegum cigarettes.
糟糕！我的房子毁掉啦！ Oh no! My awesome fort! I broke it!
我爱你！我们好来电哦！ I love you! We had such a vibe!
你们好 这是你的“去巴里的”手提包 Oh, hello! Here's your "Fuck Barry" tote.
好呀 我去农贸市场的时候用得着 Ooh, I'm gonna use mine at the farmer's market.
这是给你的 艾米 And here's one for you, Emmy.
“巴里是个怂包” "Barry totes sucks."
关于那件事 凯蒂猫 我一直在想… About that, Kitty, I-- I've been thinking, maybe…
我们是不是应该再给巴里一次机会？ Is it possible we should give Barry another chance?
艾米 我们吃午饭时可不是这么说的 我请客的午饭 Emmy, this is not what we talked about at lunch, which I paid for.
但贝卡和巴里有一段历史 而且他俩之间真的有真爱 But Becca and Barry have a history, and-- and they actually have real love.
我觉得这段婚姻也许值得挽救 I-- I think this marriage might be worth saving?
言之有理 Good point.
如果他们离婚的话 If they got divorced,
她就得给那个傻啦吧唧的二货 she would be the one paying alimony
付赡养费了 to that lumpy dumpy doofus.
这个男人正在阻碍她的事业 The man is holding back her career.
巴里甚至连个野心精灵都没有呢 Barry doesn't even have an Ambition Gremlin, for Christ's sake.
也许巴里根本不需要个野心精灵 Well… Well, maybe Barry doesn't need an ambition gremlin
-因为你的威力够吓死至少两个人了 -你个婊子！ -because you're terrifying enough for at least two people. -Bitch!
多谢称赞 我俩的步调开始一致了 Thank you. I'm starting to feel our dynamic.
哦 对呢 Oh, oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
也许巴里根本不需要个羞耻巫师 因为我实在太棒了 And maybe Barry doesn't need a Shame Wizard because I'm so awesome.
-是哈 一定是这样 -那就是贝卡和巴里 -Sure. That. -That's Becca and Barry, man.
他们就像大麻和动画片一样 相辅相成 十分完美 They're like weed and cartoons, they totally complement each other.
得了吧 这简直荒唐透顶！ Oh, come on! This is ridiculous!
我们都同意了 贝卡的问题是巴里 We all agreed, Becca's problem is-- is Barry.
抱歉 凯蒂猫 但我觉得她的问题是你 I'm sorry, Kitty, but I think her problem is you.
你说什么？ Excuse me?
你就是贝卡以为他不再爱巴里的原因 You are the reason Becca thinks she doesn't love Barry anymore.
闭上你的臭嘴 你个多毛摇滚男 Oh, shut your trap, Hairy Garcia!
贝卡注定是个悲剧 她应该直接放弃 Becca's doomed to be miserable, and she should just give up
别再反抗 早死早超生！ and stop fighting and drown already!
我的天哪 你根本就不在乎贝卡 你个产后忧郁喵！ Oh my God. You don't even care about Becca, you postpartum puss.
你懂个屁？ What do you know?
你不过是个毫无价值的小爱虫 You're a worthless little Lovebug
只懂得让一个根本不喜欢你的变态 在公共场所用手指操你 who gets finger-fucked in public by a creep who doesn't even like you.
就算爱情甩在你那奇怪的左奶上 你也认不出来！ You wouldn't know love if it smacked you in your weird left tit!
它不奇怪 它只是比较大而已！ It's not weird, it's just bigger!
好了 谁同意再给巴里一次机会？ Now, who says we give Barry another shot?
-好！ -我同意！ -Yes! -I do!
抱歉啦 凯蒂猫 Sorry, Kitty.
得了吧 巴里帮不了她的 Oh, please. Barry can't help her.
那家伙比你想象的要强得多 Our fella's got more to him than you think.
是啊 他从浴室出来的时候 会跳很好笑的鸡鸡舞 Yeah. He does this funny wiener dance when he gets out of the shower.
哎哟 我不应该跳给你们看的 我还在缓刑期呢 Oh, I shouldn't be showing you. I'm on probation.
嘿 贝卡？ Hey, Becca?
-你想干嘛 巴里？ -我们能谈谈吗？ -What do you want, Barry? -Can we talk?
别理他 我们已经听够了 Ignore him, we've heard it all before.
你的手机现在就是你老公 Your phone is your husband now.
对 如果他有话要说 我宁可他给我发邮件 Yeah. If he has something to say, I'd rather read it in an email.
等等 你就听他说嘛 Hold on. Just hold on. Hear him out.
你们有一段历史 我是说 他还牵着你走红毯了 You guys have history, and, I mean, he walked you down the aisle.
好吧 巴里 你进来吧 Okay, Barry, fine. Come in.
听着 我知道你最近感觉很… Listen, I… I know you've been feeling--
你不知道我的感受 You don't know what I'm feeling.
你说得对 我不知道 我真的不知道 You're right. I-- I don't. I really, really don't.
你看 他真的很努力 See? He's trying so hard.
嘿 还记得我一直狂听 凯莉克拉克森的歌 Hey. You remember when I wouldn't stop listening to Kelly Clarkson
整日卧床不起的时候吗？ and I couldn't get out of bed?
嗯 发生过不止一次 Yeah. That happened more than once.
而你总是陪在我身边 And you always showed up for me.
现在 如果你愿意的话 我真的很想陪在你身边 Well, now, I'd really love to show up for you. If you'll let me.
这家伙就是不懂得放弃 This guy will not give up.
没错 他是巴里嘛！ Exactly. He's Barry!
我想说的是 我哪儿也不会去 What I'm saying is, I'm not going anywhere.
除非你希望我离开 那我就离开 Unless you want me to leave, I mean,
但那只是因为我非常尊重你 and then I'll leave, but it's-- it's because I respect you so much.
你为什么对我这么好？ Why are you being so nice to me?
我对你的态度这么糟 I-- I've been fucking awful to you.
我受得了 I can handle it.
“杀不死我的必使我强大” 对吧？ Hey, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," right?
巴里 别再引用 凯莉克拉克森的歌词了 Barry, never quote Kelly Clarkson again.
贝卡 “有些人等候一生 仅为这一刻” Becca, "Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this."
我的天哪 别闹了 那是什么？ Oh my God. Please stop. What's that?
我给你带了塔可钟 Oh! I brought Taco Bell.
怎么回事？ What's happening?
我知道导乐说吃了母乳会变辣 但你应该犒赏一下自己 I know the doula said it can make your breast milk spicy, but you deserve a treat.
我发光了 哇靠 我发光了！ I'm glowing. Holy fuck, I'm glowing.
等等 你是为巴里 还是为炸玉米饼发的光？ Wait a minute, are you glowing for Barry or the chalupas?
是为巴里发的光！ For Barry!
恶心 我简直不敢相信 真是太他妈棒了！ Eww. I can't believe it. This is fuckin' awesome!
爱意爆表啊！ Oh, the love!
他非常在乎你 而且真的很了解你 He cares about you so much, and he really knows you.
天哪 这满满的爱都让我湿透了 God, I'm so horny for love right now.
连前面的部分也发光了 Also, you feel the glow in the front part too.
敬贝卡和巴里 To Becca and Barry,
好一对又棒又可悲的天作之合 two beautiful, sad fucks who deserve one another.
还有挽救大局的两位 桑娅会很自豪的 And you two, saving the fucking day. Sonya would be proud.
伙计们 下一轮我请客 Guys, next round is on me.
SpaceX刚刚买下了我的变态软件 SpaceX just bought my pervert app.
说真的 艾米 你刚才可真了不起 Yo, real talk, Emmy? You were pretty incredible back there.
-我知道 -你是在发光吗？ -Um… I know. -Oh, are you glowing right now?
我停不下来 I can't stop.
你知道吗？我真该用我的屁股 来找卡座底下的硬币 Oh! You know what? I should use my butt to find coins under the booths.
-我很喜欢和你一起工作 -我也是 -Hey, I liked working together. -Me too.
你确实你是只忧郁凯蒂猫吗？ 因为你给人的感觉就是个爱虫 You sure you're a depression kitty? Because you got real Lovebug vibes.
别告诉任何人 但有传言说 Hey, hey, don't tell nobody, but there's a rumor
我的曾祖母和一只爱虫搞上了 that my great-grandmother hooked up with a Lovebug.
我很高兴她这么做了 Well, I'm glad that she did
因为我很高兴你在这里 很高兴我俩今晚在一起 because I'm glad that you're here and, you know, that we're here together,
很高兴这里有酒… and also there's booze…
-等等 抱歉 我… -我才该道歉 我以为你想… -Wait. I-- I'm sorry. -Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. I-- I thought you wanted to--
我想 我想的 我只是… No, I do. I-- I did. I just, um…
我最近在和别人接吻 I'm kissing someone else lately.
-嘿 艾米 你个性感的东西 -嘿！ -Hey, Emmy, you sexy thing. -Hey!
-我没想到你会在这里 -是我邀请你的 -I didn't know you'd be here. -I, um, invited you.
哦 对哈 酷毙了 这是哪位？ Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right. Cool, cool. Uh, and who's this?
猫咪史蒂文斯 我是艾米的新朋友 Cat Stevens. I'm-- I'm Emmy's new friend.
酷毙了 幸会 史蒂夫 你们要不要喝点东西？ Yeah. Cool. Nice to meet you, Steve. So… Hey! Hey, you guys want some drinks?
就这么办 来拼酒吧！ Let's do it! Let's do some shots! Oowa oowa!
他都没问我们要喝什么呢 He didn't even ask what we want.
他会点龙舌兰酒 因为那最容易醉 所以我们就喝那个了 Yeah, he's gonna get tequila 'cause it fucks you up the fastest, so that's what we all will have.
明白 他看起来人不错 Gotcha. He seems nice.
瞧瞧我们 你们挽救了一段婚姻 Well, look at that. You guys saved a marriage,
而我成功让我的阿米什客户 在土地上画了一只性感的鸡 and I got one of my Amish clients to draw a sexy chicken in the dirt.
看来我俩今天都大有突破啊 Sounds like we both had a pretty big day.
嗯 我只是希望我们也能帮到桑娅 Yeah, I just wish we could've helped Sonya too.
我知道 瑞克的事我很抱歉 I know. I'm sorry about Rick.
我真心以为他对她会有帮助 I honestly thought he would be good for her--
奇怪的是 毛瑞是对的 Weirdly, Maury was totally right.
桑娅！你在吧台后面干什么？ 赶紧出来！ Sonya! What the hell are you doing behind the bar? Get out from there!
瑞克帮我意识到 我把所有时间都花在这里 Well, Rick helped me realize that I'd been spending so much time here
是因为我想念工作 而且没其他地方可去 because I missed work and had no place else to go.
所以现在这就是我的工作 So, now, this is work.
-你怎么在这儿找到工作的？ -我伙计瑞克帮我托了关系 -How'd you get a job here? -My guy Rick pulled some strings.
他们欠我一个人情 因为我抓到了 They owed me one 'cause I was the one who caught the guy
在他们的水槽里拉粑粑的人 who was making hard, sharp doodies in their sink.
-是他拉的-我被自己逮个正着 -It was him. -Caught myself brown-handed.
亲爱的 你有酗酒问题 你确定这是个好主意吗？ Honey, are you sure this is a good idea with all your drinkin'?
瑞克也在帮我戒酒呢 Oh. Rick's helping me give up booze too.
-真心给瑞克跪了 真是条好汉 -他真的挺棒的 -Pastor Rick, man. This guy's a brother. -He's really quite amazing.
敬我的好朋友瑞克 To my dear friend Rick.
-敬瑞克！ -敬瑞克！ -To Rick! -To Rick!
瑞克！ Toothpicks!
拉的粑粑超硬的哦 Are what's in my sharp doodies.
巴里 我想我可能 要在海上呆上一阵子 Barry, I think I might be at sea for a while.
没关系 That's okay.
但我很高兴有你陪着我 But I'm glad you're here with me.
你知道的 “没有你 我的人生会糟透的” And, you know, "My life would suck without you."
宝贝 我爱死你了 Oh, babe. I love you.