1 00:00:03,949 --> 00:00:07,390 Come one, Come all to a beautiful show 2 00:00:07,503 --> 00:00:11,055 It's gonna be awesome and... Some other stuff 3 00:00:14,179 --> 00:00:16,755 Some other musical stuff. 4 00:00:17,443 --> 00:00:19,793 - What you doing, buddy? - I wrote a musical. 5 00:00:20,163 --> 00:00:22,657 - You wrote a musical? - Why, why did you do that? 6 00:00:22,770 --> 00:00:26,927 Just to write a musical. Does there have to be a reason? I don't think so. 7 00:00:27,116 --> 00:00:29,990 Yeah, there does. Nobody writes a musical for no reason. That doesn't make sense. 8 00:00:30,103 --> 00:00:32,488 All right, this guy did, so there you go. 9 00:00:32,601 --> 00:00:34,130 Who's the mark? 10 00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:36,217 - What? - Yeah. 11 00:00:36,330 --> 00:00:38,051 No, there's no... there's no mark, guys. 12 00:00:38,164 --> 00:00:40,356 I wrote a musical. It's pretty damn good, okay? 13 00:00:40,469 --> 00:00:42,129 - I want to put it on. - Right. What's your angle? 14 00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:44,255 - I don't have an angle. - Whose face are we shoving this musical in? 15 00:00:44,368 --> 00:00:45,685 You don't shove a musical in someone's face. 16 00:00:45,798 --> 00:00:47,456 - What are you talking about? - But who versus? 17 00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:49,032 Who are we doing it versus? 18 00:00:49,145 --> 00:00:50,621 Oh, my God, are you guys going to make this about this? 19 00:00:50,734 --> 00:00:54,011 Look, I just wrote a musical to write a musical, okay? 20 00:00:54,124 --> 00:00:56,006 I don't have a ulterior motive here. 21 00:00:56,119 --> 00:00:59,095 I'm not trying to screw anyone or gain anything out of it. 22 00:00:59,208 --> 00:01:00,652 You know what, if you guys don't want to be in it, 23 00:01:00,765 --> 00:01:02,652 I can find other people to play your parts. 24 00:01:03,098 --> 00:01:04,136 Hang on there, pal. 25 00:01:04,249 --> 00:01:06,253 Hang on. Hang on. We're just trying to wrap our heads around this. 26 00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:08,794 Yeah, there's no reason to give away our parts, okay? 27 00:01:08,907 --> 00:01:11,645 - All right. - No, we'll do it. What's it called? 28 00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:14,587 The Nightman Cometh. 29 00:01:15,233 --> 00:01:19,947 Synchro by Criztian and Sososeries The Bitches Team 30 00:01:47,290 --> 00:01:49,244 Okay, gather around. 31 00:01:49,357 --> 00:01:52,185 {\pos(192,125)}Please, everybody. Let's gather down front. 32 00:01:52,298 --> 00:01:55,544 {\pos(192,200)}I feel the magic Do you feel the magic? 33 00:01:55,694 --> 00:01:56,723 Here we go! 34 00:01:56,836 --> 00:01:58,935 Now, you guys, you all know Artemis. 35 00:01:59,048 --> 00:02:02,951 Artemis was kind enough to book for us this fine local theater. 36 00:02:03,064 --> 00:02:05,703 - So round of applause for Artemis. - Very nice. 37 00:02:05,816 --> 00:02:10,057 She also transcribed my work into a format you might consider a little bit more legible. 38 00:02:10,170 --> 00:02:11,667 Or literate. She added words to it. 39 00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:12,765 Yeah, right. 40 00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,361 No more interruptions now, Dee. Thank you, please. 41 00:02:15,474 --> 00:02:18,006 Okay, well, Charlie, I got a question for you. Who's playing this lead boy? 42 00:02:18,119 --> 00:02:19,200 - That's going to be Mac. - What? 43 00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:22,656 - Oh, yeah! Lead, of course. - Wait, who's playing the dayman? 44 00:02:22,769 --> 00:02:25,135 Well, the lead boy becomes the dayman when he defeats the nightman. 45 00:02:25,248 --> 00:02:28,306 - So it's also Mac. - Two parts? Oh, yeah! 46 00:02:28,419 --> 00:02:30,404 - Wait, that's bullshit, bro. - The nightman's a better role. 47 00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:31,803 He gets to play two roles? I mean, come on. 48 00:02:31,916 --> 00:02:34,467 - It's the same person... - Charlie, who's playing the troll guy? 49 00:02:34,580 --> 00:02:36,797 - You're going to play the troll guy. - I'm the troll guy? 50 00:02:36,910 --> 00:02:39,200 - Who else would be the troll? - Oh, I like that. 51 00:02:39,313 --> 00:02:41,137 - All right, good. - Can I do it naked? 52 00:02:41,250 --> 00:02:43,075 Absolutely not. Why would you want to be naked? 53 00:02:43,188 --> 00:02:46,335 Because in the '70s, everybody did theater naked. 54 00:02:46,448 --> 00:02:47,906 Everybody got laid all the time. 55 00:02:48,019 --> 00:02:50,901 All right, well, this is not the '70s. You're going to do theater with your clothes on, please. 56 00:02:51,014 --> 00:02:52,425 Charlie, what the hell is this play about? 57 00:02:52,538 --> 00:02:55,566 - I'm a princess who lives in a coffee shop? - You work in a coffee shop. 58 00:02:55,679 --> 00:02:57,723 You don't live in a coffee shop. Read closer. 59 00:02:57,836 --> 00:02:59,893 Well, why am I in love with a little boy? 60 00:03:01,368 --> 00:03:03,785 - You're in love with a young man. - You wrote "boy". 61 00:03:03,898 --> 00:03:05,522 Well, all right, man, boy, it's a metaphor. 62 00:03:05,635 --> 00:03:07,414 Well, the audience is going to think I'm a child molester. 63 00:03:07,527 --> 00:03:09,811 I've changed my mind. I'm playing the nightman. 64 00:03:10,161 --> 00:03:11,809 - Oh, yeah. - Why would you want to play the nightman? 65 00:03:11,922 --> 00:03:14,434 The nightman's bad-ass, dude. He has the eyes of a cat 66 00:03:14,547 --> 00:03:16,850 - and does karate across the stage. - Where are you getting that from?! 67 00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:18,574 - Karate?! - No, I made that up, man. 68 00:03:18,687 --> 00:03:20,966 This is great. That frees up the lead boy role and the dayman role. 69 00:03:21,079 --> 00:03:22,905 - I can play both those. - No, I don't want you guys switching roles. 70 00:03:23,018 --> 00:03:25,212 - That's not how it works. - Hey, Frank you got a guy that does cat eyes? 71 00:03:25,325 --> 00:03:27,807 - I'm already on it. - All right, God, for the love of God. 72 00:03:28,517 --> 00:03:30,589 You know what? Let's just get started. 73 00:03:32,749 --> 00:03:34,389 - Okay, you guys ready? - Yeah. 74 00:03:35,322 --> 00:03:38,855 Tiny boy, little boy, Baby boy, I need you 75 00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:43,439 Tiny boy, little boy, Want to make love to you, boy 76 00:03:43,552 --> 00:03:45,112 Okay, hold on a second. 77 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,773 - Charlie? - Yes. 78 00:03:46,886 --> 00:03:48,630 - Are you goddamn kidding me? - What? 79 00:03:48,743 --> 00:03:50,704 "Tiny boy, little boy, baby boy"? 80 00:03:50,817 --> 00:03:52,415 Yes. 81 00:03:52,611 --> 00:03:55,327 You're wanting me to say that I want to make love to a little, baby, tiny boy. 82 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:56,872 But I have explained this to you, Dee. 83 00:03:56,985 --> 00:03:59,710 I'm talking about the spirit of this man-- is like a little boy. 84 00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,329 - It's a metaphor. - You keep using that word, 85 00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:02,756 but I'm not convinced you know what it means. 86 00:04:02,869 --> 00:04:04,833 And also, I'm not making out with Dennis later. 87 00:04:04,946 --> 00:04:06,596 'Cause it says we're supposed to do that at the end of the song, 88 00:04:06,709 --> 00:04:08,924 - and that's not going to happen. - I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that either, bro. 89 00:04:09,037 --> 00:04:11,008 Well, this is why I didn't think you should be playing the boy, okay? 90 00:04:11,121 --> 00:04:12,383 I don't want you guys kissing either. 91 00:04:12,496 --> 00:04:15,177 What if it's just a sexually charged embrace? 92 00:04:15,290 --> 00:04:17,719 Okay, Artemis, please don't talk to the talent. 93 00:04:17,862 --> 00:04:19,429 You know what? Um... 94 00:04:19,542 --> 00:04:21,619 All right, screw this shit. If no one likes the song, I'm going to cut the song. 95 00:04:21,732 --> 00:04:23,946 - Thank you. - Whoa, no, no, no, no, don't cut the song, man. 96 00:04:24,059 --> 00:04:25,991 I like the song. Dee, apologize to Charlie. 97 00:04:26,104 --> 00:04:27,912 I'm not going to do that. He wants me to bang this baby, 98 00:04:28,025 --> 00:04:30,957 - and I don't feel comfortable. - I think it's a bad idea to cut the song. 99 00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:33,046 Thank you, Artemis. Thank you very much. 100 00:04:33,159 --> 00:04:36,306 All right, could you give me a second with... with the talent here? 101 00:04:36,419 --> 00:04:39,478 Thank you. Uh, Dennis, could you take a five? 102 00:04:40,250 --> 00:04:41,827 Uh, well, I just want the song, man. 103 00:04:41,940 --> 00:04:43,811 - I would like for you to take a five. - Five... five minutes? 104 00:04:43,924 --> 00:04:48,033 Can we have five now please? Can you have a five over there? 105 00:04:49,051 --> 00:04:51,765 Will you take a five, Dennis?! Take a five, please! 106 00:04:53,849 --> 00:04:55,891 Okay, Dee, the song is history. 107 00:04:56,091 --> 00:04:58,586 Thank you, Charlie. I appreciate that. 'Cause I was uncomfortable. 108 00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,572 - Yeah, I'll bet. - What are we going to sing instead? 109 00:05:00,685 --> 00:05:02,967 - What should I sing? - Uh, what's on the back there? 110 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:05,679 - It's the same song. - And what's on the very back page? 111 00:05:05,792 --> 00:05:08,427 - Nothing. - Then that's what you'll be singing. 112 00:05:10,014 --> 00:05:12,348 - Charlie, this is my big song. - Yeah, yeah. 113 00:05:12,461 --> 00:05:14,771 Everybody else has a big song. I deserve to have one. 114 00:05:14,884 --> 00:05:18,767 - Do you? Don't screw you?! - Don't screw me like this, Charlie. Come on! 115 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:20,491 Oh, I'm sorry, Dee. 116 00:05:20,766 --> 00:05:22,052 Um, let me try and rember something. 117 00:05:22,165 --> 00:05:25,665 Uh, let's see... was it... did Dee write a musical and come to Charlie with it? 118 00:05:25,778 --> 00:05:29,307 No, Charlie wrote a musical and came to Dee with it. 119 00:05:29,420 --> 00:05:32,922 And the gang. And the gang likes to screw it up and make it about themselves 120 00:05:33,035 --> 00:05:36,100 and take it away from Charlie and ruin his hopes and dreams. 121 00:05:36,213 --> 00:05:39,043 So let me tell you something, Dee; let me break down a scenario for you. 122 00:05:39,156 --> 00:05:42,224 I could cut the song, okay, because I wrote it. 123 00:05:42,337 --> 00:05:45,890 I could have Artemis do the song, okay, because you did not write it. 124 00:05:46,003 --> 00:05:49,088 Or I could strap on a wig and I could do the song myself. 125 00:05:49,201 --> 00:05:53,539 So you tell me, little Miss All That, what do you want to do-- 126 00:05:53,652 --> 00:05:56,065 song or no song? 127 00:06:01,219 --> 00:06:02,591 Song. 128 00:06:02,891 --> 00:06:04,598 Song? 129 00:06:04,811 --> 00:06:07,077 - Yeah, song. - You want to sing a song. 130 00:06:07,190 --> 00:06:10,242 - I never wasn't going to sing the song. - You were excited about singing a song, 131 00:06:10,355 --> 00:06:12,136 - and you want to sing a song? - Yeah, I would like to do it. 132 00:06:12,249 --> 00:06:14,027 Good! 133 00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:16,552 So back up on your podium you go. 134 00:06:16,852 --> 00:06:19,586 Thank you. Dennis, what are you doing? 135 00:06:20,073 --> 00:06:21,998 I'm eating because I'm very uncomfortable. 136 00:06:22,111 --> 00:06:25,203 Well, you guys are making... Can you just get on the stage please, 137 00:06:25,316 --> 00:06:26,611 and can we finish this rehearsal? 138 00:06:26,724 --> 00:06:28,508 - It was really loud and... - Don't start! 139 00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:29,922 That wasn't five minutes. 140 00:06:30,035 --> 00:06:32,175 Okay, you know what, you guys have me up to here. 141 00:06:32,395 --> 00:06:35,559 Okay, I'm here. I don't want to be here, okay? 142 00:06:35,672 --> 00:06:38,094 Now I have to play the piano and I'm all up here. 143 00:06:38,207 --> 00:06:40,690 So let's... you know what, let's try and get this down. 144 00:06:41,030 --> 00:06:43,153 Let's try and work this down a bit, okay? 145 00:06:43,266 --> 00:06:46,110 And you know what's going to do that, learning the song, the way it's written. 146 00:06:46,180 --> 00:06:47,180 Let's do it. 147 00:06:47,245 --> 00:06:50,288 Back to the top. Five, six, seven, eight... 148 00:06:52,595 --> 00:06:56,393 Got to play the troll toll To get into this boy's hole 149 00:06:56,506 --> 00:06:59,314 You've got to pay the troll toll To get in 150 00:06:59,427 --> 00:07:03,337 You want this baby boy's hole, You've got to pay the troll toll 151 00:07:03,450 --> 00:07:05,626 Stop, stop, stop. All right, not bad. 152 00:07:05,739 --> 00:07:07,330 Good rhythm, love the enthusiasm. 153 00:07:07,443 --> 00:07:11,747 I feel like you're saying "boy's hole", and it's clearly "soul". 154 00:07:11,860 --> 00:07:13,677 And I know, Artemis, you did write "soul", right? 155 00:07:13,790 --> 00:07:15,696 - I did write "soul". - So it's "boy's soul". 156 00:07:15,809 --> 00:07:19,288 You got to pay the troll toll to get in this boy's hole... 157 00:07:19,401 --> 00:07:21,552 No, see, right there. It sounds like "hole". 158 00:07:21,665 --> 00:07:23,841 Like if you drag that out... Are you chewing gum? 159 00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:26,480 - Yeah. - Give me the gum, okay? 160 00:07:26,933 --> 00:07:28,830 - Give me the gum, Frank, please? - He said, "No gum". 161 00:07:28,943 --> 00:07:30,879 - I said, "No gum," everyone. - It's unprofessional. 162 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,716 - Okay. Thank you. - Charlie, can I bring something up? 163 00:07:32,829 --> 00:07:35,041 - Yes. - I think we have to be very careful 164 00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:37,088 - about how we do the rape scene. - Yeah. 165 00:07:37,201 --> 00:07:39,922 What in God's name are you talking? There's no rape scene. 166 00:07:40,264 --> 00:07:43,732 Well, sure, I pay the troll toll, and then I rape Dennis. 167 00:07:43,845 --> 00:07:45,801 No, you don't rape him. You become him. 168 00:07:45,914 --> 00:07:47,746 - You do not rape him. - He doesn't? 169 00:07:47,859 --> 00:07:51,524 No! Look, let me just walk you guys through this, okay? 170 00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,870 Here's what happens. Once you pay the toll, 171 00:07:53,983 --> 00:07:56,485 I want you to come over to Dennis over by his bed here, okay? 172 00:07:56,598 --> 00:07:58,524 - I'll be lying back. - You want me to cross the stage? 173 00:07:58,637 --> 00:08:00,142 - Yes. - All right, this is a great opportunity 174 00:08:00,255 --> 00:08:02,651 to showcase some skills, and, like, just put on a clinic. 175 00:08:02,764 --> 00:08:06,099 - I would rather you didn't. - Well, I think the people are gonna want to see that. 176 00:08:06,212 --> 00:08:08,730 And then I'll hop up sort of like a cat, like so. 177 00:08:08,843 --> 00:08:10,488 Jesus Christ, just leave it at that. 178 00:08:10,601 --> 00:08:13,634 Okay, once he gets near you, you have to sense him, okay? 179 00:08:13,730 --> 00:08:14,730 Suddenly, you sense him. 180 00:08:14,812 --> 00:08:17,322 What if I were to position him in a way where I get behind him, 181 00:08:17,435 --> 00:08:19,691 and then Frank could throw that blanket that he's got right there 182 00:08:19,804 --> 00:08:22,303 over us, and then that way you can't see the penetration. 183 00:08:22,416 --> 00:08:23,534 That's a good idea. You know what, Charlie? 184 00:08:23,647 --> 00:08:26,168 Because the blanket will make the rapings... I'm sorry, 185 00:08:26,281 --> 00:08:29,571 - the sexing from behind feel more classy. - That's good. 186 00:08:29,684 --> 00:08:32,318 And what I can do is thrust this way, and you can struggle. 187 00:08:34,003 --> 00:08:37,406 Now I'm here, okay? I am, I'm past where I thought I could go. 188 00:08:37,519 --> 00:08:39,539 I'm, like, all the way up here with it. 189 00:08:44,711 --> 00:08:46,913 - Oh, my-- Hey, you! - Oh, my God! You scared me! 190 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,518 I'm sorry. I dropped, like, a hundred-dollar bill under there. 191 00:08:49,631 --> 00:08:52,233 I can't find it anywhere, and then... What are you doing walking here? 192 00:08:52,346 --> 00:08:54,188 - Is this one of your walking places? - Charlie, I have Mace. 193 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,418 Oh, my God, check this out. 194 00:08:57,196 --> 00:09:00,234 I have a free ticket for you to see a musical that I wrote. 195 00:09:00,347 --> 00:09:03,243 Oh, wow, a free ticket to a play that I don't want to see. 196 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,310 - You don't want to see it? - I don't want to. 197 00:09:04,387 --> 00:09:06,716 - It's a front row seat. - I don't care. I don't want to see your play. 198 00:09:06,829 --> 00:09:08,814 I'm gonna cut you a bargain, okay? I'm gonna cut you a little deal. 199 00:09:08,927 --> 00:09:10,789 You come and see this play-- I didn't want to have to do this-- 200 00:09:10,902 --> 00:09:12,405 - but if you come and see this play... - Yeah? 201 00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:14,995 ...I'm gonna leave you alone for the rest of your life. 202 00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:16,070 - Really? - Yeah. 203 00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:18,208 Okay, so you're not gonna follow me home anymore 204 00:09:18,321 --> 00:09:22,145 and you're not gonna call me at 3:00 in the morning and tell me that 205 00:09:22,258 --> 00:09:25,564 you are in the emergency room in the hospital because you had a terrible car accident? 206 00:09:25,677 --> 00:09:29,219 - Yeah, well, it's great that you came. - Well, you listed me as your emergency contact. 207 00:09:29,332 --> 00:09:32,000 - Well, yeah, because I consider you that. - I have to go! 208 00:09:34,037 --> 00:09:35,701 All right, I swear to God I'm gonna leave you alone. 209 00:09:35,814 --> 00:09:38,461 I'm gonna stop listing you as my emergency contact. I'm gonna stop calling you. 210 00:09:38,574 --> 00:09:42,386 All that stuff if you see the musical. That's how much this means to me. 211 00:09:46,047 --> 00:09:47,114 Nice. 212 00:09:47,227 --> 00:09:48,629 - Leave me alone. - You're not gonna regret it. 213 00:09:48,742 --> 00:09:51,071 I regret it already. 214 00:09:51,350 --> 00:09:52,753 All right. 215 00:10:02,805 --> 00:10:04,238 Charlie, what is going on, dude? 216 00:10:04,321 --> 00:10:06,179 - When are we gonna start? - We're gonna start we're ready to start. 217 00:10:06,262 --> 00:10:06,913 Stop hounding me. 218 00:10:06,996 --> 00:10:08,163 We were supposed to start 20 minutes ago. 219 00:10:08,246 --> 00:10:09,446 We're not gonna start... 220 00:10:09,529 --> 00:10:11,200 She's here! She's here! She's here! She's here! 221 00:10:11,518 --> 00:10:12,704 Circle in, everybody. 222 00:10:12,787 --> 00:10:14,406 Can we get down in the middle? Can we get down front? 223 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:15,839 A couple last-minute things. 224 00:10:15,922 --> 00:10:17,072 I just want to brief everyone on this. 225 00:10:17,155 --> 00:10:18,514 Artemus, can you bring in Gladys? 226 00:10:18,597 --> 00:10:19,254 This is Gladys. 227 00:10:19,337 --> 00:10:21,008 She's going to be playing the piano instead of me tonight. 228 00:10:21,091 --> 00:10:22,905 - What? Why? - It's cool. She knows all the songs. 229 00:10:22,988 --> 00:10:24,561 Gladys, can you head out there and get us started? 230 00:10:24,644 --> 00:10:28,057 I forgot to tell you, Calvin Coolidge was a good friend of mine. 231 00:10:28,225 --> 00:10:29,769 You've been telling me that Calvin Coolidge was a friend of yours, 232 00:10:29,852 --> 00:10:30,720 like, all morning. 233 00:10:30,803 --> 00:10:32,154 - And at a certain point... - How many times? 234 00:10:32,237 --> 00:10:33,207 Like, a hundred times now. 235 00:10:33,290 --> 00:10:36,130 At a certain point, I need you to stop telling the Calvin Coolidge story 236 00:10:36,213 --> 00:10:37,209 and start playing the piano. 237 00:10:37,292 --> 00:10:39,161 Don't shush me, okay? Now please don't shush me. 238 00:10:39,244 --> 00:10:40,297 We have to start. 239 00:10:40,380 --> 00:10:42,446 Just get her out there and get the play started! 240 00:10:42,529 --> 00:10:43,468 What the hell you doing? 241 00:10:43,551 --> 00:10:44,898 You can't be throwing us curveballs like this. 242 00:10:44,981 --> 00:10:46,390 Don't argue with me right now, okay? 243 00:10:46,473 --> 00:10:48,069 We just gotta do this. Let's stick together. 244 00:10:48,152 --> 00:10:50,194 Real quickly, okay? Just a couple of things. 245 00:10:50,277 --> 00:10:53,047 I can't really move my arms in this thing, so I think I need to rip the pits. 246 00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,509 Do not rip that costume, okay? 247 00:10:54,592 --> 00:10:55,319 It's very expensive. 248 00:10:55,402 --> 00:10:56,646 All right, fine, but one other thing. 249 00:10:56,729 --> 00:10:58,013 I wrote a song. I'm gonna throw it in. 250 00:10:58,096 --> 00:10:59,561 I swear to God, you cannot add a song. 251 00:10:59,644 --> 00:11:00,606 It's gonna happen. 252 00:11:00,689 --> 00:11:03,612 I will smack your face off of your face. 253 00:11:03,695 --> 00:11:04,915 Do not add a song. 254 00:11:05,162 --> 00:11:06,365 It started. It started. 255 00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:08,525 You gotta get out there. 256 00:11:09,159 --> 00:11:10,885 Just get out there. 257 00:11:21,278 --> 00:11:23,062 What is this strange feeling? 258 00:11:24,281 --> 00:11:26,073 I feel so strange inside. 259 00:11:27,201 --> 00:11:29,279 It's so strange, but appealing. 260 00:11:30,492 --> 00:11:32,100 I feel good, oh! 261 00:11:32,617 --> 00:11:35,329 Tiny boy, little boy, baby boy, I need you. 262 00:11:35,709 --> 00:11:38,614 Tiny boy, little boy, I want to touch you. 263 00:11:38,919 --> 00:11:40,387 If you only knew 264 00:11:40,470 --> 00:11:42,453 - What I'd do to you. - Boy, I need you, boy. 265 00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:44,825 If I was that boy, that's inside of you. 266 00:11:45,344 --> 00:11:47,843 Tiny boy, little boy, Baby boy, I need you 267 00:11:48,062 --> 00:11:51,126 Tiny boy, little boy, I want to make love to you. 268 00:11:51,209 --> 00:11:54,179 If you only knew, what I'd do to you. 269 00:11:54,262 --> 00:11:57,147 If I was that boy, that's inside of you. 270 00:11:57,230 --> 00:12:00,566 Inside, inside, inside of you.. 271 00:12:00,734 --> 00:12:02,622 My boy... 272 00:12:06,013 --> 00:12:07,668 Oh, boy. 273 00:12:17,233 --> 00:12:20,579 Just to be clear, I did not write that song, 274 00:12:20,662 --> 00:12:23,503 And have never had sex with a child... 275 00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:24,969 Just to be clear. 276 00:12:25,638 --> 00:12:27,940 What? What is happening? 277 00:12:28,151 --> 00:12:31,591 Most men find me to be an eight or nine out of ten. 278 00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:36,276 And I am available to any interested men. 279 00:12:36,499 --> 00:12:39,482 Who'd like to get my number after the show. 280 00:12:40,232 --> 00:12:41,560 Keep singing, bitch! 281 00:12:41,643 --> 00:12:43,943 You're not gonna have a face by the time I'm done with you! 282 00:12:44,332 --> 00:12:45,674 What the hell is she doing? 283 00:12:45,757 --> 00:12:47,170 She's bombing like crazy. 284 00:12:47,253 --> 00:12:48,073 What an idiot. 285 00:12:48,156 --> 00:12:49,354 I was awesome, though, right? 286 00:12:49,437 --> 00:12:51,479 You? No, dude, you totally froze up out there. 287 00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:52,224 You sucked. 288 00:12:52,307 --> 00:12:54,074 I was hearing a lot of laughs out there, bro. 289 00:12:54,333 --> 00:12:55,495 Laughs are cheap. 290 00:12:55,578 --> 00:12:56,869 I'm going for gasps. 291 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,246 Wait till you see, dude. 292 00:12:58,329 --> 00:12:59,658 Gasps are where it's at. 293 00:12:59,989 --> 00:13:01,816 Gotta go pop my cat eyes in. 294 00:13:15,512 --> 00:13:16,381 That's good. 295 00:13:16,464 --> 00:13:17,919 That is not good. This is not a comedy, okay? 296 00:13:18,002 --> 00:13:19,469 No one's supposed to be laughing. 297 00:13:21,096 --> 00:13:22,939 You came at the right time. 298 00:13:23,022 --> 00:13:24,583 Is he sleeping? 299 00:13:24,666 --> 00:13:29,137 Yes, he's sleeping right over there, just the way you like 'em. 300 00:13:30,574 --> 00:13:32,599 Did you bring the toll? 301 00:13:33,076 --> 00:13:35,852 Confound your lousy toll, troll. 302 00:13:39,374 --> 00:13:40,484 God damn it. 303 00:13:40,567 --> 00:13:41,834 Stop laughing at me. 304 00:13:42,632 --> 00:13:46,172 You gotta pay the troll toll, if you want to get into that boy's hole. 305 00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:48,564 You gotta pay the troll toll to get in... 306 00:13:49,221 --> 00:13:51,628 You want the baby boy's hole, 307 00:13:51,711 --> 00:13:55,897 You gotta pay the troll toll, You gotta pay the troll toll to get in. 308 00:13:56,965 --> 00:13:58,398 Troll toll 309 00:13:58,852 --> 00:14:00,241 What you say? 310 00:14:00,605 --> 00:14:02,049 Troll toll! 311 00:14:04,273 --> 00:14:05,612 Troll toll! 312 00:14:09,256 --> 00:14:11,146 Here's your toll, troll. 313 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:14,826 Your boy awaits. 314 00:14:15,674 --> 00:14:19,525 At last, the boy's soul is mine. 315 00:14:34,367 --> 00:14:35,797 Give me that leg, boy. 316 00:14:37,145 --> 00:14:38,796 Dude, do you have a boner right now? 317 00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,601 Shut up, dude, don't ruin this for me. 318 00:14:40,684 --> 00:14:42,415 What? Oh, Jesus. 319 00:14:42,498 --> 00:14:43,798 That's enough. 320 00:14:54,433 --> 00:14:58,850 I could smack everyone into tiny, little pieces. 321 00:15:02,008 --> 00:15:04,092 Hello, boy. 322 00:15:04,375 --> 00:15:08,638 Come over here and scratch my itchy-witchy toesy-woesies. 323 00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,068 What? 324 00:15:11,151 --> 00:15:12,068 Get over here. 325 00:15:12,151 --> 00:15:14,335 - No, Antonio. - I control you. 326 00:15:14,418 --> 00:15:15,902 You control nothing. 327 00:15:15,985 --> 00:15:19,395 I am not your slave anymore, and I'm not a boy. 328 00:15:19,702 --> 00:15:21,602 I am a man, see? 329 00:15:22,703 --> 00:15:24,536 I was transformed... 330 00:15:24,759 --> 00:15:29,742 by the strong... musky power of true love. 331 00:15:30,899 --> 00:15:31,932 I am now... 332 00:15:34,265 --> 00:15:35,582 The Dayman. 333 00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:40,522 What the hell is that? 334 00:15:40,605 --> 00:15:41,971 You know what it is, bitch. 335 00:15:56,611 --> 00:15:58,312 Where's the boy? 336 00:15:58,395 --> 00:15:59,897 The boy is gone. 337 00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:02,227 You can't tell me what to do. 338 00:16:03,846 --> 00:16:05,825 I didn't tell you what to do. You're skipping a line, dude. 339 00:16:07,946 --> 00:16:10,646 - You can't tell me what to do... - You're still skipping the same line. 340 00:16:10,729 --> 00:16:11,130 Just move past it. 341 00:16:11,213 --> 00:16:13,496 God, it's crazy how much better I am at acting than you are. 342 00:16:13,579 --> 00:16:14,957 I'm going to kick your ass, bro. 343 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,023 I'll tell you what... 344 00:16:16,106 --> 00:16:18,043 I am the ruler of darkness. 345 00:16:18,126 --> 00:16:20,811 I am the master of light. 346 00:16:21,661 --> 00:16:24,567 I am... the Dayman. 347 00:16:26,202 --> 00:16:27,135 Whatever, bro. 348 00:16:27,218 --> 00:16:28,869 - Here's whatever, bitch. - What? No, don't improv. 349 00:16:28,952 --> 00:16:29,802 Don't tell me what to do. 350 00:16:38,161 --> 00:16:39,145 Body bag. 351 00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:13,262 You have defeated the evil that was here. 352 00:17:15,742 --> 00:17:16,852 Naturally. 353 00:17:16,935 --> 00:17:18,509 For I am the Dayman. 354 00:17:19,269 --> 00:17:21,555 You once were a boy and now you're man. 355 00:17:21,638 --> 00:17:23,200 And I am in love with you. 356 00:17:23,283 --> 00:17:24,216 That's right. 357 00:17:24,299 --> 00:17:26,984 And now I am in love with you. 358 00:17:28,111 --> 00:17:29,067 Dayman, 359 00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:32,834 Fighter of the Nightman 360 00:17:34,485 --> 00:17:36,319 Champion of the sun, 361 00:17:37,919 --> 00:17:40,087 You're a master of karate and 362 00:17:40,170 --> 00:17:42,442 friendship for everyone. 363 00:17:42,525 --> 00:17:44,036 Dayman 364 00:17:45,602 --> 00:17:47,836 Fighter of the Nightman 365 00:17:48,923 --> 00:17:50,923 Champion of the sun 366 00:17:52,223 --> 00:17:54,621 You're a master of karate and 367 00:17:54,704 --> 00:17:56,489 friendship for everyone 368 00:17:56,572 --> 00:17:58,338 Dayman 369 00:17:59,509 --> 00:18:01,938 Fighter of the nightman 370 00:18:02,979 --> 00:18:04,905 Champion of the sun 371 00:18:06,076 --> 00:18:08,543 You're a master of karate and 372 00:18:08,626 --> 00:18:10,926 friendship for everyone 373 00:18:11,009 --> 00:18:11,926 Dayman! 374 00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:16,075 Stage freeze. 375 00:18:16,158 --> 00:18:18,012 Don't say "stage freeze." Just do it. 376 00:18:31,508 --> 00:18:35,955 I was that little boy. That little baby boy was me. 377 00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:38,847 I once was a boy 378 00:18:38,930 --> 00:18:41,006 But now I am a man 379 00:18:41,956 --> 00:18:44,657 I fought the Nightman, lived as Dayman. 380 00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:47,533 Now I'm here to ask for your hand, 381 00:18:47,616 --> 00:18:50,249 So if you want to marry, man, 382 00:18:50,332 --> 00:18:52,166 Will you marry me? 383 00:18:52,961 --> 00:18:55,150 Will you come on stage and join me. 384 00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:57,917 In this thing called matrimony? 385 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,739 Please say yes and do not bone me, please. 386 00:19:01,822 --> 00:19:04,980 Just marry me. 387 00:19:13,949 --> 00:19:15,050 Is that it? 388 00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:18,237 Is the play over? 389 00:19:19,084 --> 00:19:21,651 Okay, great. Well, then I'm out of here. 390 00:19:21,734 --> 00:19:24,185 Hang on, hang on, hang on a second, hang on. 391 00:19:25,751 --> 00:19:27,592 - Is it a yes, or...? - Is it a yes? 392 00:19:28,158 --> 00:19:29,642 Really, Charlie, will I marry you? 393 00:19:29,725 --> 00:19:31,092 No, no, I will not. 394 00:19:31,175 --> 00:19:32,458 I will never marry you. 395 00:19:32,541 --> 00:19:35,520 And I also held up my end of the bargain, so I never have to see you again. 396 00:19:35,851 --> 00:19:36,984 Okay, so wait. 397 00:19:37,984 --> 00:19:39,401 I'm sorry, I want to get this clear. 398 00:19:39,484 --> 00:19:40,859 You are saying no? 399 00:19:41,201 --> 00:19:44,121 Oh, I am definitely, definitely saying no. 400 00:19:44,289 --> 00:19:47,417 Well, I didn't ever sign anything, so... 401 00:19:48,257 --> 00:19:49,842 I'll see you tomorrow? 402 00:19:55,155 --> 00:19:56,360 That's it. You can go home. 403 00:19:57,343 --> 00:19:58,077 It's over. 404 00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,502 - We've got to bow. - Hold on. 405 00:20:01,856 --> 00:20:02,867 If you want. 406 00:20:03,284 --> 00:20:06,029 This was a great musical. You did a great job. 407 00:20:13,864 --> 00:20:16,347 Told you nobody just writes a musical for no reason. 408 00:20:16,430 --> 00:20:17,313 I am here. 409 00:20:17,696 --> 00:20:18,979 I am passed here. 410 00:20:20,263 --> 00:20:21,432 And by the way, 411 00:20:22,079 --> 00:20:24,046 I thought the rape scene went really well. 412 00:20:24,129 --> 00:20:25,046 I am here. 413 00:20:25,129 --> 00:20:26,096 I am here with it. 414 00:20:26,179 --> 00:20:27,496 And that was awful for me. 415 00:20:27,763 --> 00:20:30,179 And if you bring this up back at the apartment tonight, 416 00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:32,169 I'm going to smack you, I swear to God.