Shoo, shoo.
Pirates!
What? No! No! I'll get you for this.
Not in the water! No!
Happy birthday!
Pour, oh pour, the pirate sherry
Fill, oh fill, the pirate glass
And to make us more than merry, let the pirate bumper pass!
For today our pirate friend, he rises from indentures freed
Strong his arm and keen his scent is
He's a pirate now, indeed
Here's good luck to Frederic's ventures
Frederic's out of his indentures
Happy 21st birthday!
One and 20 now he's rising
And alone he's fit to fly
Which we're bent on signalizing with unusual revelry
Here's good luck to Frederic's ventures
Frederic's out of his indentures
Pour, oh pour, the pirate sherry
Fill, oh fill, the pirate glass
And to make us more than merry
Let the pirate bumper pass
Yes, Frederic.
From today, you'll rank as a full-blown member of our band.
My friends, I thank you all from my heart for your kind wishes.
Would that I could repay them as they deserve.
What do you mean?
Today, I am out of my indentures.
Today...
I leave you forever.
Hey. What?
This is quite unaccountable.
A keener hand at scuttling a Cunarder
or cutting a P&O never shipped a handspike!
Yes, I did my best for you.
And why?
Because it was my duty under my indentures.
And I am the slave of duty.
Oh.
As a child, I was regularly apprenticed to your band.
It was through an error.
An error? No matter.
The mistake was ours, not yours, and I was in honor bound by it.
What error?
Well, I dare not say,
for it would reflect upon my well-loved Ruth.
Ruth?
Nay, dear master,
my mind has long been gnawed by the cankering tooth of mystery.
Better have it out at once.
When Frederic was a little lad
He proved so brave and daring
His father thought he'd 'prentice him to some career seafaring
I was, alas, his nursery maid
And so it fell to my lot
To take and bind the promising boy
Apprentice to a pilot
A ship's pilot?
A life not bad for a hardy lad
Though surely not a high lot
Though I'm a nurse
You might do worse than make your boy a pilot
I was a stupid nursery maid
On breakers always steering
And I did not catch the word aright
Through being hard of hearing
Mistaking my instructions which within my brain did gyrate
I took and bound this promising boy
Apprentice to a pirate
A sad mistake it was to make
And doom him to this vile lot
I bound him to a pirate, you
Instead of to a pilot
This afternoon my obligation ceases.
Aye.
Individually, I love you all with affection unspeakable.
But collectively,
I look upon you with a disgust
that amounts to absolute detestation.
Oh, pity me, beloved friends.
For such is my sense of duty,
that once out of my indentures,
I shall feel myself bound
to devote myself heart and soul
to your extermination.
No, no, no, no, Frederic.
If you conscientiously feel
that it is your duty to destroy us,
we cannot blame you for acting on that conviction.
Always act in accordance with the dictates
of your conscience, my boy,
and chance the consequences!
And besides, we can offer you
but little temptation to remain with us.
We don't seem able to make piracy pay.
I don't know why I'm sure, but I don't.
Well, I do know why.
Alas, I cannot tell you!
It would not be right.
Why not?
It's only...
11:56.
And you are one of us until the clock strikes 12.
Aye!
And until then, you are bound to protect our interests.
Hear, hear.
Well, then, it's my duty as a pirate to tell you
that you are too tender-hearted.
For instance, you make it a point of never attacking
a weaker party than yourselves.
And when you attack a stronger one,
you invariably get thrashed!
There's some truth in that.
And then again, you make it a point of never molesting an orphan.
Well, of course not! We're orphans ourselves! And know what it is like!
Yes, but it has got about. And what is the consequence?
Everyone we capture says he's an orphan!
The last three ships we took proved to be manned entirely by orphans.
One would think that Great Britain's mercantile fleet
was recruited solely from her orphan asylums.
And we know this is not the case.
Frederic, you wouldn't have us absolutely merciless?
Ah, well, there's my problem.
Till 12:00, I would, after 12:00, I wouldn't.
Oh, was ever a man placed in so delicate a situation.
Frederic.
And, Ruth, your own Ruth whom you love so well,
who has won her middle-aged way into your boyish heart.
What is to become of her?
Oh, he will take you with him.
Well, Ruth.
I feel some little difficulty about you.
It's true I admire you very much.
But I've been constantly at sea since I was eight years old.
Yours is the only woman's face I've seen in that time.
I think it is a sweet face.
Ah, it is. Oh, it is.
I say, I think it is.
But as I've never had the opportunity
of comparing you with other women,
I just may be mistaken.
True.
Excuse me.
What a terrible thing it would be
if I were to marry this innocent person,
to find out that she is, on the whole...
...plain.
Plain? Oh, Ruth? Ruth is very...
Well...
Well?
Yes. Very well.
There are the remains of a fine woman about Ruth.
Do you really think so?
I do.
Well then, I will not be so selfish
as to take her from you.
In justice to her, and in consideration for you, sir,
I will leave her behind.
Oh.
Ah.
Oh.
Oh, no. No.
No!
No, Fredric. No, no. No, this must not be.
No, no! We are rough men! Rough!
Who lead a rough life.
Rough! Rough!
But we are not so utterly heartless
as to deprive thee of thy love!
I think I'm right in saying that there is not one here
who would rob thee of this inestimable treasure for all the world holds dear.
Not one!
I thought there wasn't.
Well, it's the top of the tide and we must be off ourselves.
There's the day's pillage to be done.
Man the foresail. Jib the top fold. Hoist the topsail.
Hoist the mainsail. Hoist the jibsail. Drop the anchor.
Weigh the anchor.
Hoist the topsail.
Frederic! Don't swim.
Take the dinghy.
And when your process of extermination begins,
let our deaths be as swift and painless
as you can conveniently make them.
I will.
By the love I have for you, I swear it!
Oh, would that you could render this extermination unnecessary,
by accompanying me back to civilization.
No, Frederic, it cannot be.
I don't think much of our profession.
But contrasted with respectability,
it is comparatively honest.
No, Frederic.
I shall live
and die
a Pirate King!
Oh, better far to live and die
Under the brave black flag I fly
Than play a sanctimonious part
With a pirate head and a pirate heart
Away to the cheating world go you
Where pirates all are well-to-do
But I'll be true to the song I sing
And live and die
A Pirate King
For I am a Pirate King
And it is, it is a glorious thing to be a Pirate King
But I am a Pirate King
You are! Hurrah for the Pirate King
And it is, it is a glorious thing to be a Pirate King
It is! Hurrah for the Pirate King
Hurrah for the Pirate
King
He is a Pirate King, he is
Hurrah for the Pirate King
And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Pirate King, it is
Hurrah for the Pirate King, hurrah for the Pirate King
When I sally forth to seek my prey
I help myself in a royal way
I sink a few more ships, it's true
Than a well-bred monarch ought to do
But many a king on a first-class throne
If he wants to call his crown his own
Must manage somehow to get through
More dirty work
Than ever I do
For
I am a Pirate King
And it is, it is a glorious thing to be a Pirate King
I am a Pirate King
You are, you are a Pirate King
And it is, it is a glorious thing to be a Pirate King, it is
Hurrah for the Pirate King
Hurrah for the Pira...
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha
Ho
...rate King
Now watch it. Watch it carefully. That's it. That's it.
Now take my hand.
Be careful, don't rock the boat now.
Oh!
Ruth. Oh!
Tell me candidly, and without reserve.
Compared with other women,
how are you?
I will tell you truthfully.
I have a slight cold, but otherwise I'm quite well.
Well, I am sorry for your cold,
but I was referring rather to your personal appearance.
Compared with other women, are you...
You know...
Beautiful?
I have been told so, dear master.
Oh, but lately?
No. Years and years ago.
Well, what do you think of yourself?
It is a delicate question.
But I think I am a fine woman.
Thank you, Ruth, I believe you.
For I know you would not practice upon my inexperience.
I wish to do the right thing.
And if you are truly a fine woman,
well, then, your age shall be no obstacle to our union!
Hark! Surely, I hear voices!
Who has ventured to approach our all but inaccessible lair?
Can it be the Coast Guard?
Oh, yes, it's the Coast Guard.
No, it does not sound like the Coast Guard.
By all that's marvelous, a bevy of beautiful young maidens!
Oh, it's lost, lost, lost.
How lovely! How surpassingly lovely is the plainest of them.
What grace, what delicacy.
What refinement!
Oh, false one, you have deceived me
I have deceived you?
Yes! Deceived me
You told me you were fair as gold
And, master, am I not so
And now I see you're plain and old
I'm sure I'm not a jot so
Upon my innocence you play
I'm not the one to plot so
Your face is lined, your hair is gray
It's gradually got so
Faithless woman to deceive me
I who trusted so
Master, master, do not leave me
Hear me 'ere you go
Faithless woman
Master, master
Faithless woman
Master, master
Faithless woman Do not leave me
To deceive me Do not leave me
I who trusted so Hear me 'ere you go
Faithless woman to deceive me Master, master, do not leave me
I who trusted so Hear me 'ere you go
Ow!
My love without reflecting
Oh, do not be rejecting
Take a maiden tender
Her affection raw and green
At very highest rating
Has been accumulating
Summer's 17
Don't, beloved master
Crush me with disaster
What is such a dower
To the dower I have here
Yes, your former master Don't, beloved master
Save you from disaster Crush me with disaster
Your love would be What is such a dower
Uncomfortably fervid, it is clear To the dower I have here?
My love unabating
If, as you are stating
Has been accumulating
Forty-seven years
Forty-seven years!
Forty-seven years
Faithless woman to deceive me
I who trusted so
Faithless woman to deceive me
Master, master, do not leave me
I who trusted Hear me 'ere you
So! Go!
Climbing over rocky mountain
Skipping rivulet and fountain
Passing where the willows quiver
By the ever rolling river
Swollen with the summer rain, the summer rain
Threading long and leafy mazes
Dotted with unnumbered daisies
Dotted, dotted with unnumbered daisies
Scaling rough and rugged passes
Climb the hardy little lassies
Till the bright seashore they gain
Scaling rough and rugged passes
Climb the hardy little lassies
Till the bright seashore they gain
Let us gaily tread the measure
Make the most of fleeting leisure
Hail it as a true ally
Though it perish by-and-by
Hail it as a true ally
Though it perish by-and-by
Every moment brings a treasure
Of its own especial pleasure
Though the moments quickly die
Greet them gaily as they fly
Greet them gaily
As they fly
Though the moments quickly die
Greet them gaily as they fly
Let us gaily tread the measure
Make the most of fleeting leisure
Hail it as a true ally
Though it perish by-and-by
Hail it as a true ally
Though it perish by-and-by
Let us gaily tread the measure
Make the most of fleeting leisure
Hail it as a true ally
A true ally!
We're quite alone. Suppose we take off our shoes.
And our stockings and paddle.
Paddle?
In all probability we are the first human beings
who ever set foot on this enchanting spot.
Except for the mermaids, it's the very place for mermaids.
Who are only human beings down to the waist.
And who can't be said strictly to set foot anywhere.
I'm going to take off my stocking.
Stop, ladies, pray
A man!
I had intended not to intrude myself upon your notice
In this effective but alarming costume
But under these peculiar circumstances
I feel it is my bounden duty to inform you
That your proceedings here will not be unwitnessed
But who are you, sir? Speak!
I am a pirate
A pirate! Horror!
Ladies, do not shun me
This evening I renounce my vile profession
And, to that end, o pure and peerless maidens
Oh, blushing buds of ever-blooming beauty
I, sore at heart, I, sore at heart
Implore your kind assistance
How pitiful his tale
How rare his beauty
How pitiful his tale
How rare
His beauty
Oh, is there not one maiden breast
Which does not feel the moral beauty
Of making worldly interest
Subordinate to sense of duty?
Who would not give up willingly
All matrimonial ambition
To rescue such a one as I
From his unfortunate
Position?
From his
Position
Oh, is there not one maiden here
Whose homely face and bad complexion
Have caused all hope to disappear
Of ever winning man's affection?
To such a one, if such there be
I swear by heaven's arch above you
If you will cast your eyes on me
However plain you be
I'll love you
However plain you be
If you will cast your eyes on me
However plain you be
I'll love
You!
I'll love you
I'll love
You
Alas!
There's not one maiden here
Whose homely face and bad complexion
Have caused all hope to disappear
Of ever winning man's
Affection!
Not one?
No, no, not one
Not one?
No, no!
Yes, one!
Oh, Mabel!
'Tis Mabel
Yes, 'tis
Mabel
Oh, Sisters, deaf to pity's name for shame!
It's true that he has gone astray but pray
Is that a reason good and true why you
Should all be deaf to pity's name?
The question is had he not been a thing of beauty
Would she be swayed by quite as keen a sense of duty?
For shame
Poor wandering one
Though thou hast surely strayed
Take heart of grace, thy steps retrace
Poor wandering one
If such poor love as mine
Can help thee find true peace of mind
Why, take it
It is thine
Take heart, no danger low'rs
Take any heart but ours
Take heart, fair days will shine
Take any heart, take mine
Thank you.
Take heart, no danger low'rs
Take any heart but ours
Take heart, fair days will shine
Take any heart, take mine
Poor wandering one
Though thou hast surely strayed
Take heart of grace, thy steps retrace
Poor wandering one
Take heart
Take any heart but ours
Take heart
Take mine
Take heart, no danger low'rs
Take any heart but ours
Take heart
Take any heart but ours
Take
Heart!
In. Out. Stop dinghy.
Maidens!
Quietly, men, down.
Men!
What?
Quiet!
Come on. Stay down.
First-rate opportunity. Now, to the port.
You to the starboard. No. I mean, the starboard. You to the port.
Stay, we must not lose our senses
Men who stick at no offences
Will anon be here
Piracy their dreadful trade is
Pray you get you, hence, young ladies
While the coast is clear
No, we must not lose our senses
If they stick at no offences
We should not be here
Piracy their dreadful trade is
Nice companions for young ladies
Let us...
Each man to a woman.
Man your women.
Too late
Hello. Mmm.
Here's a first-rate opportunity
To get married with impunity
And indulge in the felicity of unbounded domesticity
You shall quickly be parsonified
Conjugally matrimonified
By a doctor of divinity who is located in this vicinity
We have missed our opportunity
Of escaping with impunity
So farewell to the felicity of our maiden domesticity
We shall quickly be parsonified
Conjugally matrimonified
By a doctor of divinity who is located in this vicinity
By a doctor of divinity, who resides in this vicinity
By a doctor, a doctor, a doctor of divinity
Of divinity
Away!
Hold it, you.
Hold, monsters
Ere your pirate caravanserai
Proceed against our will to wed us all
Just bear in mind that we are wards in Chancery
And father is a Major-General
We'd better pause, or danger may befall
Their father is a Major-General
Yes, yes, he is a Major-General
Yes, yes, I am a Major-General
For he is a Major-General
He is! Hurrah for the Major-General
And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Major-General
It is! Hurrah for the Major-General
It's the same as the Pirate King tune!
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news
Lot o' news.
Got it!
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General
In fact, when I know what is meant
By "mamelon" and "ravelin"
When I can tell at sight
A Mauser rifle from a javelin
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy
Strategy?
Oh, my word. That's a hard one, isn't it?
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Cup of tea. Allergy.
Got it!
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General
Encore! Encore!
Can you do it one more time? Certainly.
And can you do it really fast?
Watch this!
In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin"
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy
You'll say a better Major-General has never round a horse
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General!
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General
Enough! He might sing another encore.
Well, now that I've introduced myself.
I should like to have some idea of what's going on?
Permit me, I can explain in two words.
We propose to marry your daughters.
Against our wills, Papa. Against our wills.
Oh, you mustn't do that!
Ooh! May I ask. This is a picturesque uniform. I'm not familiar with it.
What are you?
We are all single gentlemen.
I gather that.
Anything else?
No, nothing else.
Don't believe him, Papa. They're all pirates.
The famous Pirates of Penzance.
Yes, infamous.
The Pirates of Penzance! Yes, I've often heard of them.
All except for this gentleman,
who was a pirate once, but is out of his indentures today
and means to lead a blameless life evermore.
Now wait a bit. I said you wait a bit!
I object to pirates as sons-in-law.
We object to major-generals as fathers-in-law.
But we waive that point.
Oh!
We do not press it.
We look over it.
I have an idea.
And do you mean to say...
Do you mean to say you would rob me of these,
the sole remaining props of my old age?
And leave me to go through the remainder of my life
unfriended, unprotected and alone?
Well, yes, that's the idea.
To them, lads.
One moment. One moment.
Have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?
Oh, dash it!
Here we are again!
I ask you have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?
Often!
Yes, orphan. Have you ever known what it is to be one?
I say, often.
Often, often, often.
To the ship. Hang on a minute.
I tell you, hang on a minute.
Now, listen, I don't think we quite understand one another.
I ask you have you ever known what it is to be an orphan,
and you say "orphan. "
Now as I understand you, you are merely repeating the word "orphan"
to show that you understand me. Hmm.
I didn't repeat the word "orphan. "
Pardon me, you did indeed.
I only repeated it once.
True, but you repeated it!
But not often!
Ooh! Ooh!
I think I can see where we are getting confused.
Now, when you say "orphan,"
did you mean "orphan," a person that has lost his parents
or "often," "frequently"?
Oh!
I beg your pardon. I see what you mean.
Of course, you do, yes.
Frequently.
You said "often" frequently?
No, only once.
Exactly. You said "often," frequently, only once.
Seize that man!
Oh, men of dark and dismal fate
Forgo your cruel employ
Have pity on my lonely state
I am an orphan boy
An orphan boy?
An orphan boy
How sad
An orphan boy
These children whom you see
Are all that I can call me own
Poor fellow
Take them away from me
And I shall be indeed alone
Poor fellow
See, at our feet they kneel
Our hearts we cannot steel
Against the sad, sad tale
Of the lonely
Orphan boy
I'm telling a terrible story but it doesn't diminish my glory
For they would have taken my daughters over the billowy waters
If I hadn't, in elegant diction
Indulged in an innocent fiction
Which is not in the same category as telling a regular terrible story
He's telling a terrible story
Which will tend to diminish his glory
Though they would have taken his daughters
Over the billowy waters
It is easy, in elegant diction
To call it an innocent fiction
But it comes in the same category
As telling a regular terrible story
It's easy, in elegant diction
To call it an innocent fiction
But it comes in the same category
As telling a regular story
Although our dark career
Sometimes involves the crime of stealing
We rather think that we're
Not altogether void of feeling
Although we live by strife
We're always sorry to begin it
For what, we ask
Is life
Without a touch
Of poetry in it
Hail, poetry
Thou heaven-born maid
Thou gildest even
The pirate's trade
Hail, flowing
Fount of sentiment
All hail
Divine
Emollient!
You may go, for you're at liberty
Our pirate rules protect you
And honorary members of our band
We do elect you
Thank you. Hurray!
For he is an orphan boy
He is! Hurrah for the orphan boy
And it sometimes is a useful thing to be an orphan boy
It is! Hurrah for the orphan boy
Oh, happy day, with joyous glee
They will away and married be
Oh, happy day, with joyous glee
They will away and married be
Should it befall auspiciously
Our Sisters all will bridesmaids be
Should it befall auspiciously
Our Sisters all will bridesmaids be
Oh, happy day, with joyous glee
They will away and married be
Should it befall auspiciously
Our Sisters all will bridesmaids be
Should it befall auspiciously
Our Sisters all will bridesmaids be
Papa?
Oh, dry the glistening tear
That dews that martial cheek
Thy loving children hear
In them thy comfort seek
With sympathetic care
Their arms around thee creep
For oh, they cannot bear
To see
Their father weep
Oh, Frederic,
cannot you, in the calm excellence of your wisdom,
reconcile it with your conscience
to say something that will ease my father's sorrow?
What?
Can't you cheer him up?
Oh, I would try, dear Mabel.
But why does he sit here night after night in this drafty old ruin?
Why do I sit here?
Oh, Frederic, Frederic!
In order to escape the pirates' clutches,
I described myself as an orphan,
and heaven help me, I am no orphan.
Well, be comforted, sir.
For had you not acted as you did,
these reckless men would most assuredly
have called in the nearest clergyman
and married your large family on the spot.
I thank you for your proffered solace, but it is unavailing.
I tell you, Frederic, such is the anguish and remorse I feel
at the abominable falsehood
by which I escaped these easily deluded pirates,
that I would go to their simple-minded chief this very night
and confess all.
Ah!
But did I not feel that the consequences
would be oh, oh, oh, no, oh, no, no, most disastrous,
most disastrous to myself.
At what hour does your expedition march against these scoundrels?
At 11:00.
And before midnight I hope to have atoned
for my involuntary association with the pestilent scourges
by sweeping them from the face of the Earth!
Oh.
And then, dear Mabel, you will be mine.
Are your devoted followers at hand?
They are. They only await my order.
Then, Frederic
Let your escort lion-hearted
Be summoned to receive a General's blessing
Ere they depart upon their dread adventure
Dear, sir, they come!
When the foeman bares his steel
Tarantara, tarantara
Oh, we uncomfortable feel
Tarantara
And we find the wisest thing
Tarantara, tarantara
Is to slap our chests and sing
Tarantara
For when threatened with emutes
Tarantara, tarantara
And your heart is in your boots
Tarantara
There is nothing brings it round
Like the trumpet's martial sound
Tarantara, tarantara
Ra-ra-tarantara
Go, ye heroes, go to glory
Though ye die in combat gory
Ye shall live in song and story
Go to immortality
Go to death and go to slaughter
Die, and every Cornish daughter
With her tears your grave shall water
Go, ye heroes, go and die
Tho' to us it's evident
Tarantara, tarantara
These attentions are well meant
Tarantara
Such expressions don't appear
Tarantara, tarantara
Calculated men to cheer
Tarantara
Who are going to meet their fate
In a highly nervous state
Tarantara, tarantara, tarantara
Still to us it's evident
These attentions are well meant
Tarantara, tarantara, tarantara
Go and do your best endeavor
And before all links, we sever
We will say farewell forever
Go to glory and the grave!
Go to glory and the grave
For your foes are fierce and ruthless
False, unmerciful and truthless
Young and tender, old and toothless
All in vain their mercy crave
We observe too great a stress
On the risks that on us press
And of reference a lack
To our chance of coming back
Still perhaps it would be wise
Not to carp or criticize
For it's very evident
These attentions are well meant
Yes, perhaps it would be wise
Not to carp or criticize
For it's very evident
These attentions are well meant
Yes, it's very evident
Wait! Get back in line.
These attentions are well meant Get back! Back!
Evident, yes, well meant evident!
Ah, yes, well meant!
When the foeman bares his steel Go, ye heroes
Tarantara, tarantara Go to glory
Oh, we uncomfortable feel Though ye die
Tarantara In combat gory
And we find the wisest thing Ye shall
Tarantara, tarantara Live in song and story
Is to slap our chests and sing Go to
Tarantara Immortality
Go to death For when threatened with emutes
Tarantara, tarantara And go to slaughter
And your heart is in your boots Die, and every
Tarantara Cornish daughter
There is nothing brings it round With her tears
Like the trumpet's martial sound Your grave shall water
Like the trumpet's martial sound Go, ye heroes
Tarantara, tarantara Go and die
Tarantara, tarantara Go, ye heroes
Tarantara, tarantara Go to immortality
Tarantara, tarantara Go, ye heroes
Tarantara, tarantara Go to immortality
Ra-ra-ra-ra Go, ye heroes
Ra-ra-ra-ra-tarantara Go to
Ra-ra-tarantara Immortality
Away, away Yes, yes, we go
These pirates slay Tarantara
Then do not stay Tarantara
Then why this delay? All right, we go!
Yes, forward on the foe! Yes, forward!
Yes, forward on the foe! On the foe
They're still here!
We go! We go! They go! They go!
Yes, forward on the foe Yes, forward
Yes, forward on the foe On the foe
Mabel, they're still here!
We go! We go! At last they go!
At last they go!
We go! We go! We go! We go! At last they really, really go!
Yes, but you don't go.
We go! We go! They go! They go!
Yes, forward on the foe Yes, forward
Damn it, they don't go.
We go! We go! At last they go!
At last they go!
We go! We go! We go! At last they really, really
We go! We go! We go! Really, really, really
We go! We go! Really go!
Now for the pirates' lair!
Oh, joy unbounded!
Oh, sweet relief!
Oh, rapture unexampled!
At last I may atone in some slight measure
For the repeated acts of theft and pillage
Of which, at a sense of duty's stern dictation
I, circumstance's victim
Have been guilty
Young Frederic!
Who calls? Your late commander
And I, your little Ruth
Oh, mad intruders
How dare ye face me?
Know ye not, oh, rash ones
That I have doomed you to extermination?
Have mercy on us Have mercy on us
Get back! Back!
Hear us, ere you slaughter
I do not think I ought to listen to you
Yet, mercy should alloy our stern resentment
And so I will be merciful
Say on!
Quiet.
When you had left our pirate fold
We tried to raise our spirits faint
According to our custom old
With quips and quibbles quaint
But all in vain the quips we heard
We lay and sobbed upon the rocks
Oh.
Until to somebody occurred
A startling paradox
A paradox? A paradox!
A most ingenious paradox
We've quips and quibbles heard in flocks
But none to beat this paradox!
A paradox, a paradox
A most ingenious paradox
This paradox
Ooh, I love a good paradox.
The paradox
For some ridiculous reason
To which, however, I've no desire to be disloyal
No.
Some person in authority
Who?
I don't know who
Very likely the Astronomer Royal
Has decided that
Although for such a beastly month as February
Twenty-eight days as a rule are plenty
One year in every four
His days shall be reckoned as nine and twenty
Through some singular coincidence
I shouldn't be surprised
If it were owing to the agency of an ill-natured fairy
You are the victim of this clumsy arrangement
Having been born in leap year
On the 29th of February
And so?
And so, by a simple arithmetical process
You'll easily discover
That though you've lived 21 years
Yet, if we go by birthdays
You're only five and a little bit over
Dear me! Let's see!
Yes, yes, with yours my figures do agree
Five and a quarter, oh, that's rich!
How quaint the ways of paradox
At common sense she gaily mocks
Though counting in the usual way
Years 21 I've been alive
Yet, reckoning by my natal day
One, two, three, four...
I am a little boy of five
He is a little boy of five
A paradox, a paradox
A most ingenious paradox
The paradox
A curious paradox
A most ingenious paradox!
Upon my word, this is most curious indeed.
Most absurdly whimsical.
Five-and-a-quarter, eh?
You wouldn't think it to look at me.
You'll be glad I'll be bound, that you spared us.
You never would have forgiven yourself
when you discovered you killed your two comrades.
My comrades?
I'm afraid you don't appreciate the delicacy of your position.
You were apprenticed to us.
Yes, until I reached my 21st year.
Ah! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.
Until you reached your 21st...
Oh. Birthday.
And going by birthdays, you are as yet only five-and-a-quarter.
You don't mean to say you are going to hold me to this?
No, no. No, no. No, no, no, no.
We merely remind you of the fact,
and leave the rest to your sense of duty.
Your sense of duty.
Oh, I abhor your infamous calling.
I shudder at the thought that I've ever been mixed up with it!
But duty is before all!
And at any price
I will do my duty.
Oh, bravely spoken!
Come!
You're one of us once more.
Lead on, I follow.
Come. That's the ship.
My eyes are fully opened to my awful situation
I shall go at once to Mabel and make her an oration
I will tell her I am bound by duty and my moral senses
And I don't know what to do about the penny consequences
Now I do not want to perish by the sword or by the dagger
But a pirate must indulge a little pardonable swagger
And a word or two of compliment my vanity would flatter
But I've got to go tonight so it really doesn't matter!
So it really doesn't matter! So it really doesn't matter!
So it really doesn't matter, matter, matter, matter, matter!
Matter, matter, matter, matter, matter, matter, matter, matter
If this were not a little mad and generally silly
I should give you my advice upon the subject, willy-nilly
I should show you in a moment how to grapple with the question
And you'd really be astonished at the force of my suggestion
On the subject I shall write you a most valuable letter
Full of excellent suggestions when I feel a little better
But at present I'm afraid I am as mad as any hatter
So I'll sing this song for ruddy good it really doesn't matter
What we sing doesn't matter What we sing doesn't matter
What we sing doesn't matter
No, it really doesn't matter
What we sing doesn't matter, matter, matter, matter, matter
Matter, matter, matter, matter, matter, matter, matter, matter
If I had been so lucky as to have a steady mother
Who could talk to me as we are talking now to one another
Who could give me good advice when she discovered I was erring
Which is just the very favor which on you I am conferring
My existence would have made a rather interesting idyll
And I might have lived and died a very decent indiwiddle
This particularly rapid, unintelligible patter
Isn't generally heard, and if it is, it doesn't matter!
If it is, it doesn't matter If it is, it doesn't matter
This particularly rapid, unintelligible patter
Isn't generally heard, and if it is, it doesn't matter!
This particularly rapid, unintelligible patter
Isn't generally heard, and if it is, it doesn't matter!
Matter, matter, matter, matter, matter, matter
Matter, matter, matter!
Oh, horror!
What's the matter? What's the matter?
Ought I to tell you?
What?
Oh, no, I cannot.
Yet, as one of your band...
Speak out, I charge you by that sense of conscientiousness
to which we've never yet appealed in vain.
General Stanley... Yes.
The father of my Mabel. Yes, yes!
General Stanley escaped from you
on the plea that he was an orphan.
He did?
Oh. Oh, yes, he did.
I was there.
Well? Oh!
It breaks my heart to betray the honored father of the girl I adore.
Break it.
And yet, as your apprentice, I have no alternative.
None.
It is my duty then to tell you...
Yes, your duty.
...that General Stanley... Yes?
Well, General Stanley...
General Stanley is what?
Well, he is no...
He's no...
Well... What, what, what?
General Stanley is no
orphan!
When you say "orphan,"
you mean, "orphan," a person that has lost his parents
or "often," "frequently"?
A person that has lost his parents.
What? What?
And more than that...
No.
Oh. Oh.
He never was one!
Am I to understand
that in order to save
his contemptible life,
he dared to practice
on our credulous simplicity?
Our revenge
will be swift!
We will go and collect our band
and attack Tremorden Castle this very night.
But stay! Not a word!
He is doomed!
Away, away! My heart's on fire
I burn, this base deception to repay
This very night my vengeance dire
Shall glut itself in gore! Away, away!
Ere I expire
I find my duty hard to do today
My heart is filled with anguish dire
It strikes me to the core! Away, away!
With falsehood foul he tricked us of our brides
Let vengeance howl the pirate so decides
Our nature stern he softened with his lies
And, in return, tonight the traitor dies
Yes, yes! Tonight the traitor dies!
Tonight he dies
Yes, or early tomorrow
His girls likewise?
They will welter in sorrow
The one soft spot
In their natures they cherish
And all who plot
To abuse it shall perish
Tonight he dies Yes, or early tomorrow
His girls likewise, they'll welter in sorrow
The one soft spot In their natures they cherish
And all who plot to abuse it shall perish
Away, away! Away!
Tonight the traitor dies!
Away, away! Tonight! Tonight! Tonight!
The traitor dies tonight!
Away!
Oh.
Stay, Frederic, stay!
Nay, Mabel, nay!
They have no claim
But duty's name
The thought my soul appalls No shadow of a shame
But when stern duty calls Will fall upon thy name
Stay, Frederic, stay!
I must obey
Ah, leave me not to pine
Alone and desolate
No fate seemed fair as mine
No happiness
So great
And nature, day by day
Has sung
In accents clear
This joyous roundelay
"He loves thee
"He is here
"Fa-la, la-la
"He loves
"Thee
"He is here
"Fa-la, la-la
"Fa-la"
Ah, must I leave thee here
In endless night to dream
Where joy is dark and drear
And sorrow
All supreme
Where nature, day by day
Will sing
In altered tone
This weary roundelay
"He loves thee
"He is gone
"Fa-la, la-la
"He loves thee
"He is gone
"Fa-la, la-la
"Fa-la"
In 1940 I of age shall be
I'll then return and claim you
I declare it!
It seems so long
Swear that till then you will be true to me
Yes, I'll be strong
By all the Stanleys dead and gone
I swear it!
Oh, here is love and here is truth
And here is food for joyous laughter
She will be faithful He will be faithful
To her sooth To his sooth
Till we are wed, and even after
Oh, here is love and here is truth
She will be faithful to her sooth
He will be faithful to his sooth
Till we are wed, and even after
Till we are wed
And even after
Yes, even after
Oh, here is love and here is truth
And here is food for joyous laughter
She will be faithful He will be faithful
To her sooth To his sooth
Till we are wed, and even after
She will be faithful to her sooth
Till we are wed, and even after And after
Even after
Oh, here is love and here is truth
Oh, here is love
Here's love
Farewell.
No, I am brave
Oh, family descent
How great thy charm, thy sway, how excellent
Come one and all, undaunted men in blue
A crisis, now, affairs are coming to
When the danger's near
Tarantara, tarantara
We manage to appear
Tarantara
As insensible to fear
As anybody here
Tarantara, tarantara
Ra-ra-tarantara
Sergeant, approach!
Young Frederic was to have led you to death and glory
That is not a pleasant way of putting it
He will not so lead you
For he has allied himself once more
With his old associates
He has acted shamefully!
You speak falsely
You know nothing about it
He has acted nobly
Dearly as I loved him before
His heroic sacrifice to his sense of duty
Has endeared him to me tenfold
He has done his duty, I will do mine
Go ye and do yours
Right oh!
This is perplexing.
But no matter, our cause is clear.
We must do our best to capture these pirates alone.
It is most distressing to us to be the agents
Whereby our erring fellow-creatures
Are deprived of that liberty
Which is so dear to us all
But we should have thought of that
Before we joined the force
We should
Well, too late now!
When a felon's not engaged in his employment
His employment
Or maturing his felonious little plans
Little plans
His capacity for innocent enjoyment
'Cent enjoyment
Is just as great as any honest man's
Honest man's
Our feelings we with difficulty smother
'Culty smother
When Constabulary duty's to be done
To be done
Ah, take one consideration with another
With another
A policeman's lot is not a happy one
Oh
When Constabulary duty's to be done
To be done
A policeman's lot is not a happy one
Hoo!
Quiet down there.
Good night.
A rollicking band of pirates we
Who, tired of tossing on the sea
Are trying their hand at a burglary
With weapons grim and gory
Hush, hush!
I hear them on the manor poaching
With stealthy steps the pirates are approaching
We are not coming for plate or gold
A story General Stanley told
We seek a penalty fifty-fold
For General Stanley's story
They seek a penalty Fifty-fold!
We seek a penalty Fifty-fold!
They seek a penalty fifty-fold
For General Stanley's story
Quiet!
They come in force
With stealthy stride
Silence! Down.
Our obvious course is now to hide
Tarantara, tarantara
Go on.
Quiet!
With cat-like tread
Upon our prey we steal
In silence dread
Our cautious way we feel
No sound at all
We never speak a word
A fly's foot-fall would be distinctly heard
Tarantara, tarantara
So stealthily the pirate creeps
While all the household soundly sleeps
Come, friends, who plough the sea
Truce to navigation
Take another station
Let's vary piracy
With a little burglary
Come, friends, who plough the sea
Truce to navigation
Take another station
Let's vary piracy
With a little burglary
Quiet!
Here's your crowbar
And your center bit
Your life preserver
You may want to hit
Your silent matches
Your dark lantern seize
Take your file
And your skeletonic keys
Tarantara
With catlike tread Tarantara
In silence dread
With cat-like tread
Upon our prey we steal
In silence dread
Our cautious way we feel
No sound at all
We never speak a word
A fly's foot-fall would be distinctly heard
Come, friends, who plough the sea
Truce to navigation
Take another station
Let's vary piracy
With a little burglary
With cat-like tread
Upon our prey we steal
In silence dread
Our cautious way
We feel!
Come, friends, who plough the sea
Truce to navigation
Take another station
Let's vary piracy
With a little burglary
With cat-like tread
Upon our prey we steal
In silence dread
Our cautious way
We
Feel!
Who's there?
Hush, hush! Hello?
Not a word
I see a light inside
The Major-General comes
So, quickly hide
Yes, yes!
The Major-General comes
Yes, yes!
The Major-General comes
Yes, yes!
The Major-General comes
Tormented with the anguish dread of falsehood unatoned
I lay upon my sleepless bed
And tossed and turned and groaned
The man who finds his conscience ache
No peace at all enjoys
And as I lay in bed awake
I thought I heard a noise
He thought he heard a noise
Ha, ha!
No, all is still
In dale, on hill
My mind is set at ease
So still the scene
It must have been
The sighing of the breeze
Sighing softly to the river
Comes the loving breeze
Setting nature all a-quiver
Rustling through the trees
Through the trees
And the brook in rippling measure
Laughs for very love
While the poplars in their pleasure
Wave their arms above
Yes, the trees for very love
Wave their leafy arms above
River, river little river
May thy loving prosper ever
Heaven speed thee, poplar tree
May thy wooing happy be
Heaven speed thee, poplar tree
May thy wooing
Happy be
Yet, the breeze is but a rover
When he wings away
Brook and poplar mourn a lover
Sighing, "Well-a-day!"
Well-a-day
Ah, the doing and undoing
That the rogue could tell
When the breeze is out a-wooing
Who can woo so well?
Shocking tales the rogue could tell
Nobody can woo so well
Pretty brook, thy dream is over
For thy love is but a rover
Sad the lot of poplar trees
Courted by a fickle breeze
Sad the lot of poplar trees
Courted by a
Fickle
Breeze
Papa! Papa! Where are you?
Now what is this and what is that?
And why does Father leave his rest
At such a time of night as this, so very incompletely dressed?
Dear Father is, and always was, the most methodical of men
It's his invariable rule to go to bed at half-past ten
What strange occurrence can it be that calls dear Father from his rest
At such a time of night as this, so very incompletely dressed?
So very incompletely dressed
At such a time of night!
Forward, my men,
and seize that General there!
His life is over!
The pirates! The pirates! Oh, despair!
Yes, we're the pirates, so despair!
Frederic here! Oh, joy! Oh, rapture!
Summon your men and effect their capture!
Frederic, save us!
Beautiful Mabel, I would if I could, but I am not able
He's telling the truth, he is not able
With base deceit
You worked upon our feelings
Revenge is sweet
And flavors all our dealings
With courage rare
And resolution manly
For death prepare
Unhappy General Stanley
Is he to die
No! Unshriven, unannealed?
Oh, spare him!
Will no one in his cause a weapon wield
Oh, spare him!
Yes, we are here, though hitherto concealed
Oh, rapture!
What do we do?
So to Constabulary, pirates yield
Oh, rapture!
To them, lads!
Charge! Ow!
Kill! Kill! Come on, boy, sic 'em, sic 'em!
Come on, boy, bite them! Bite those pirates!
Sit!
Away!
Sailors always welcome ladies
Most politely
Now give three cheers
I'll lead the way
Hurrah! Hurrah!
Hurray!
Kill them!
To gain a brief advantage you've contrived
But your proud triumph will not be long-lived
Don't say you are orphans, for we know that game
On your allegiance we've a stronger claim
We charge, you yield
In Queen
Victoria's name
You do?
We do!
We charge, you yield
In Queen
Victoria's name
We yield at once
With humbled mien
Because with all our faults
We love
Our Queen
Yes, yes
With all their faults
They love their Queen
Yes, yes
With all their faults With all our faults
They love their Queen We love our Queen
Away with them
And place them at the bar
One moment!
Let me tell you who they are
They are no members of the common throng
They are all noblemen
Who have gone wrong
They are all noblemen
Who have gone wrong
No Englishman unmoved that statement hears
Because, with all our faults
We love
Our House of Peers
I pray you, pardon me, ex-Pirate King
Peers will be peers, and youth will have its fling
Resume your ranks and legislative duties
And take my daughters
All of whom are beauties
At length we are provided with unusual facility
To change piratic crime for dignified respectability
Combined I needn't say with the unparalleled felicity
Of what we have been longing for
Unbounded domesticity
Tomorrow morning early we will quickly be parsonified
Hymeneally coupled, conjugally matrimonified
And this shall be accomplished by the doctor of divinity
Who happily resides in the immediate vicinity
My military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century
But still in getting off my daughters
Eight or nine or ten in all
I've shown myself the model of
A modern Major-General
But still in getting off his daughters
Eight or nine or ten in all
He's shown himself the model of a modern Major-General
Poor wandering ones
Though ye have surely strayed
Take heart of grace, your steps retrace
Poor wandering ones
If such poor love as ours
Can help you find
True peace of mind
Why, take it
It is yours
Poor wandering ones
Take heart
Take, take heart
Take heart
Take heart, fair days will shine
Take any heart
Take heart
Take heart!
Take
Heart!