So how was Joan? 琼安怎么样?
Broke up with her. 跟她分手了
Oh, why? 为什么?
Don't tell me. Because of the big nostril thing? 别告诉我 是因为鼻孔太大?
They were huge! 真的超大
When she sneezed, bats flew out of them. 她打喷嚏时 会有蝙蝠飞出来
Come on! They were not that huge. 少来 哪有那么夸张
I'm telling you, she leaned back, I could see her brain. 当她仰起头时 我可以看到她的脑子
How many perfectly fine women are you gonna reject 你到底要拒绝多少好女孩?
over the most superficial, insignificant things? 只是因为非常肤浅的事情
Hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one. 慢着 我必须帮钱德勒说句话
When I first moved in this city, I went out a couple of times with this girl. 我刚搬到这座城市时 与一个女孩交往
Really hot. Great kisser. 非常性感火辣 很会接吻
But she had the biggest Adam's apple. 但是她的喉结非常大
Drove me nuts. 真是让我受不了
- You or me? - I got it. - 你说还是我说? - 我来好了
Joey, women don't have Adam's apples. 乔伊 女人没有喉结
You guys are messing with me, right? 你们是在骗我 对不对?
Yeah. We are! 对 我们在骗你
That's a good one. For a second there, I was like, whoa! 真好笑 我差点上当了
S02E03 哈克先生之死 The One Where Heckles Dies
You name one woman that you broke up with for an actual real reason. 你与哪个女友分手 是因为正当的理由
Maureen Rasillo. 莫琳·罗西洛
Because she doesn't hate Yanni is not a real reason. 她不讨厌雅尼 这算不上正当的理由 (世界著名的新世纪音乐作曲家和演奏家)
Hello, Mr. Heckles. 你好 哈克先生
You're doing it again. 你们又来了
We're not doing anything. 我们什么都没做
You're stomping. It's disturbing my birds. 你们脚步声太响 吓到了我的鸟儿
You don't have birds. 你没有养鸟
I could have birds. 我可以养鸟
Okay, Mr. Heckles, we'll try to keep it down. 好吧 哈克先生 我们会小声一点
Thank you. 谢谢
I'm going to rejoin my dinner party. 我要回去继续我的晚宴了
All right, bye-bye. 好 再见
Okay, Janice. Janice. 对了 珍妮丝 珍妮丝
You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky. 你们必须算上珍妮丝 和她分手并不是因为我挑剔
We'll give you Janice. 珍妮丝 算一个
I miss Janice, though. 但我蛮想珍妮丝的
Hello, Chandler Bing! 哈喽 钱德勒·宾
Oh, my God! 噢 我的天
Oh, Chandler! 噢 钱德勒
Now! Now! 现在就要
That's it. 就是这样
There! Faster! 快 快点
Stop with the broom! We're not making noise! 别用扫把敲了 我们没有制造噪音
We won. 我们赢了
We did it! 我们胜利了
Mr. Heckles! 哈克先生
- How did this happen? - He must be sweepin'. - 怎么发生的? - 他大概在扫地
They found a broom in his hand. 他们发现他抓着一把扫把
- That's terrible. - I know. - 真糟糕 - 我知道
I was sweeping yesterday. 昨天我也在扫地
It could've been me. 搞不好也会一命呜呼
Sweeping. You never know. 扫地 真是没想到
Never know. 世事难料
It's very faint, but I can still sense him in the building. 很微弱 但我还可以感觉他在大楼里
Go into the light, Mr. Heckles! 现身吧 哈克先生
Okay, Phoebe. 好了 菲比
I'm sorry, but sometimes they need help. 对不起 有时候他们需要帮助
Here we go. 又来了
That's fine, go ahead and scoff. 很好 嘲笑我吧
There are a lot of things I don't believe in, 我不相信很多事情
but that doesn't mean they're not true. 但这不表示就不是真的
Such as? 比如呢?
Like crop circles or the Bermuda Triangle or evolution. 像是麦田怪圈 或百慕达三角 或进化论
What... you don't believe in evolution? 你不相信进化论?
Nah. Not really. 不太相信
You don't believe in evolution? 你不相信进化论?
I don't know. It's just, you know... 我不知道 只是
Monkeys, Darwin, y'know, it's a nice story. I just think it's a little too easy. 猴子 达尔文 故事不错 我只是觉得有点太简单
"Too easy"? Too... "太简单"? 太...
The process of every living thing on this planet evolving 这个星球上的一切生物 经过数千万年
over millions of years from single-celled organisms is "too easy"? 从单细胞微生物进化而成 而你说太简单?
Yeah, I just don't buy it. 对 我不买账
Excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. 对不起 进化论不是由你买不买账 菲比
Evolution is scientific fact, like the air we breathe, 进化论是科学事实 就像我们呼吸的空气
Iike gravity. 就像地心引力
Okay. Don't get me started on gravity. 行了 别再让我跟你争论地心引力
You don't believe in gravity? 你不相信地心引力?
It's not so much that, y'know, I don't believe in it. 倒不是相不相信的问题
Y'know, it's just... I don't know, lately I get the feeling that 我说不清... 最近我感觉到
I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed. 我不是被吸住 而是被压着
Pushed. 被压着
Uh oh! It's lsaac Newton and he's pissed. 糟了 那一定是伊萨克·牛顿 他生气了
Quick, Pheebs, hop on the ceiling. 快点 菲比 跳到天花板上去
There she is. And over there, that's the other one. 她在这而 另一个在那里
This is Mr. Buddy Doyle, Heckles' attorney. 这是伯弟·杜尔 哈克的律师
He'd like to talk to you. 他想跟你们谈谈
What can we do for you? 有何贵干?
All right, kids, here's the deal. 好了 孩子们 事情是这样的
According my client's will, 根据我客户的遗嘱
he wants to leave all his earthly possessions to 他要把他所有财产
"the noisy girls in the apartment above mine." 都留给"楼上吵闹的女孩们"
What about his family? 他的家人呢?
He didn't have one. 他没有家人
Okay, so let's talk money. 好吧 让我们看看有多少钱
All right, there was none. 好 没有半毛钱
Now, let's talk signing. 现在 我们来签字
You be noisy girl number one. You be noisy girl number two. 你是一号吵闹女孩 你是二号吵闹女孩
I can't believe that this whole time we thought he hated us. 我真不相信 我们一直以为他讨厌我们
I mean, isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life 真是不可思议 我们能如此感动其他人
without even knowing it? 而自己却不知道?
Would you look at this dump? 看看这个垃圾堆
He hated us! This was his final revenge! 他痛恨我们 这是他最终的报复
I've never seen so much crap! 我从来没看过这么多废物
Actually, I think this apartment sullies the good name of crap. 我觉得这间公寓 侮辱了废物的美名
Check this out. 看看这个
Can I have this? 这个能给我吗?
How can you not believe in evolution? 你怎么能不相信进化论?
I don't know, just don't. Look at this funky shirt! 我不知道 就是不相信 看看这件怪衬衫
Pheebs, I've studied evolution my entire adult life. 菲比 我长大后都在研究进化论
Okay. I can tell you, we've collected fossils from all over the world 我告诉你 我们从世界各地搜集化石
that actually show the evolution of different species. 能够证明不同物种的进化论
Okay, I mean, you can literally see them 可以确确实实看到它们
evolving through time. 随着时间进化
Really? You can actually see it? 真的? 可以看得到?
You bet! In the U.S., China, Africa, all over! 千真万确 在美国 中国 非洲 全世界
See, I didn't know that. 这我不知道
Well, there you go. 现在知道了吧
So now the real question is, who put those fossils there and why? 所以真正的问题是 谁把化石放在那里? 为什么?
Look at this! My Big Book of Grievances. 看看这个 《我的苦水宝典》
Hey, there's me! 嘿 这是我
"April 17th, excessive noise." "4月17日 噪音过度"
"Italian guy comes home with a date." "意大利佬带了女伴回家"
Hey, Chandler, look, you're in here too. 嘿 钱德勒 你也在里面
"April 18th, excessive noise" "4月18日 噪音过度"
"Italian guy's gay roommate brings home dry cleaning." "意大利佬的同性恋室友 带了干洗衣服回家"
Well, that's excellent. 真是太好了
Monica, Monica, look at this lamp. 莫妮卡 莫妮卡 看看这盏灯
Is this tacky or what? We have to have this. 真是够俗了 我们一定要带回去
Rach, I think we have enough regular lamps. 瑞秋 我们的好台灯够多了
What? Come on, it's not like... 什么? 别这样 我又不是
I'm asking for this girlie clock or anything. 要这个美女时钟或什么的
Which, by the way, I also think is really cool. 但我觉得这个也很酷
Look, it doesn't go with any of my stuff. 听着 它与我的东西都不搭
Well, what about my stuff? 那么我的东西呢?
You don't have any stuff. 你没有任何东西
It will be the start of my stuff. 这个将成为我的东西
No. 不
You still think of it as your apartment, don't you? 你还是认为那是你的公寓 是不是?
- No. - Yes, you do. - 不 - 你就是这么想的
You think of it as your apartment and I just someone who rent a room. 你觉得那是你的公寓 我只是租客而已
Okay. While you "mmm" on that for a while, and I'll go find a place for my new lamp. 你先支支吾吾一小会儿 我去找个地方放我的新台灯
Okay, Pheebs. See how I'm making these little toys move? 菲比 看我玩这些小玩具
Opposable thumbs! 对生拇指
Without evolution, how do you explain opposable thumbs? 没有进化论 你怎么解释对生拇指?
Maybe the Overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts. 也许外星主宰需要这样的拇指 才能够驾驶太空飞船
Please tell me you're joking. 请说你是在开玩笑
Look, can't we just say that you believe in something and I don't? 你相信某件事 而我不相信 这样可不可以?
No... Pheebs, we can't. Okay? Because it's like math. One plus one equals two. 菲比 不能这样 好吗 这就像数学 1加1等于2
I can't stand by and let you think that one plus one might equal three or four or yellow. 我不能坐视不理让你认为1加1等于3或者等于4或者等于黄颜色
Why not? No, what is that all about? 为什么不行? 这有什么关系?
What is this obsessive need you have to make everybody agree with you? 为什么非得每个人都同意你的观点?
You know what I think? 你知道我怎么想吗?
I think maybe it's time you put Ross under the microscope. 我在想你也许应该把罗斯这生物放到显微镜下面好好研究
Is there blood coming out of my ears? 我耳朵有没有流血?
Check it out. Heckles' high-school yearbook. 看看这个 哈克的高中年鉴
Wow! He looks so normal! 哇 他看起来好正常
He's even kind of cute. 甚至有点可爱
"Heckles, you crack me up in science class." "哈克 你上科学课总是让我捧腹大笑"
"You're the funniest kid in school." "你是全校最有趣的学生"
- Funniest? Heckles? - That's what it says. - 最有趣? 哈克? - 上面是这样写的
Wow! Heckles was voted class clown, and so was l. 哇 哈克被选为班上的活宝 我也是
He was right! Would you listen to that? 他说得对 听听那个噪音
I'd call that excessive. 的确是很吵闹
What? 什么?
Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played clarinet. 哈克在乐队演奏竖笛 我也是
And he was in the scale modeler's club and I was... 他参加模型俱乐部 我也...
well, there was no club, but I sure thought they were cool. 好吧 虽然我的学校没有俱乐部 但我觉得模型很酷
So? You were both dorks. 所以 你们两个都是书呆子
Big deal. 大惊小怪
I just think it's weird, you know? Heckles and me, 我觉得很怪 哈克和我
Heckles and me. Me... 哈克和我 我...
Me and Heckles. 我和哈克
Hey, would you knock it off! 喂 别吵好不好
Have you been here all night? 你整晚都在这里?
Look at this. 看看这个
Pictures of all the women Heckles went out with. 哈克交往过的女人照片
Look what he wrote on them. "Vivian, too tall." 看看他在上面写的 "薇薇安 太高"
"Madge, big gums." "玛姬 牙龈太大
"Too loud." "太大声"
"Too smart." "Makes noise when she eats." "太聪明" "吃东西发出响音"
This is me. 这就是我
This is what I do. 我也是这样
And I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did. 我会像他一样孤独终老
Chandler, Heckles was a nut case. 钱德勒 哈克是个神经病
Our trains are on the same track. Okay? 我们的人生道路方向一样的 好嘛?
Yeah, sure, I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same. 没错 我比他晚了30年 但终点都是一样
Bitter Town, 愁苦城
Alone-ville, Hermit Junction! 孤独镇 隐士村
You know what we gotta do? Get you out of here. 我们应该离开这里
我请你吃早餐 走吧 Come on, I'll buy you breakfast, let's go.
What if I never find somebody? Or worse, what if I found her, 要是我一直找不到伴侣怎么办? 或更糟的是 我已经找到了
but I dumped her because she pronounces it, "supposably"? 但我却因为她把"或许"说成"厚许"就甩了她
Chandler, come on, you're gonna find somebody. 钱德勒 别胡思乱想了 你会找到对象的
How do you know that? How? 你怎么知道
I don't know. I'm just trying to help you out. 我不知道 我只是想安慰你
You'll see, you guys are all gonna go off and get married, 你们将来都会结婚
and I'm gonna end up alone. 我会孤独一人
Will you promise me something? 你能不能答应我一件事?
When you're married, will you invite me over for holidays? 你结婚后 过节时能不能请我去玩?
I don't know what we'll be doing. 我不知道我们会怎么样
I mean, what if we're over at her folks' place? 要是我们到她的父母那里过节呢?
Yeah, I understand. 好吧 我能理解
You can come over and watch the Super Bowl. 你可以过来看超级碗
Every year, all right? 每年都来 怎么样?
You know what? I'm not gonna end up like this. 我不要像他这样的下场
I'll see you, man. 待会见 兄弟
"Supposably." "厚许"
Did they go to the zoo? 他们去动物园了吗?
"Supposably." "厚许"吧
Hi. It's me. 嗨 是我
Oh, my God! 我的天
Janice? You called Janice? 珍妮丝? 你打给珍妮丝?
Yes. Janice. 是的 珍妮丝
Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend? 有什么难懂的?
You remember Janice, right? 你还记得珍妮丝吧?
Yes. She was smart, she was pretty and she honestly cared about me. 是啊 她很聪明 很漂亮 而且很关心我
Janice is my last chance to have somebody. 珍妮丝是我的最后一个希望
Hello! 你们好
Oh, my God! 噢 天啊
Jeez, look how fat she got. 她真是胖了不少
- Hey, it's everybody! - Hi, Janice. - 嘿 大家都在这里 - 嗨 珍妮丝
Janice, you're... 珍妮丝 你
Yes, I am. 是的 我有了
- ls it? - ls it yours? - 是不是? - 是不是你的?
Hah! You wish, Chandler Bing! 没那么好的事 钱德勒·宾
You are looking at a married lady now. 我已经是已婚女士了
Congratulations. 恭喜
Sweetie, I'm sorry. I couldn't wait for you forever. 亲爱的 真抱歉 我不可能等你一辈子
You couldn't have told me about this on the phone? 你不能在电话上告诉我吗?
And what? Miss the expression on your face? Oh, no! 要我错过看到你的表情? 才不要
Janice likes to have her fun! 珍妮丝喜欢找乐子
- Hey, Rach. You know what we haven't played in a while? - What? - 瑞秋 你知道我们很久没玩什么吗? - 什么?
Hide the lamp. 藏台灯
Monica, let it go. 莫妮卡 算了吧
Did you know I'm allergic to shellfish? 你知道我对贝类过敏吗?
Well, then you'll just have to eat the other lamps. 那么你必须吃掉其他的台灯
It's scary scientist man. 可怕的科学家来了
Okay, Phoebe, this is it. 菲比 这些就是了
In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts. 在这个手提箱中 我带来了真正的科学证据
A briefcase of facts, if you will. 一整个提箱的证据
Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old. 其中有些化石超过2亿年
Okay, look, before you even start, I'm not denying evolution. 我要先告诉你 我并不否定进化论
Okay, I'm just saying that it's one of the possibilities. 进化论只是可能性之一
It's the only possibility. Phoebe. 进化论是唯一的可能 菲比
Okay, Ross, could you just open your mind, like, this much? 罗斯 你能不能稍稍敞开心胸 到这么宽?
Wasn't there a time when the brightest minds in the world believed the Earth was flat? 以前最聪明的人 不也相信地球是平的?
And, up untill like what, 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing, 五十年前 科学家认为 原子是最微小的事物
until you split it open, and this like, whole mess of crap came out. 后来科学家击碎了原子 于是产生了各种玩意
And now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant 如今 难道你是如此自大
that you can't admit that there's a teeny, tiny possibility 无法承认有一丁点的可能
that you could be wrong about this? 你们科学家也许会犯错?
There might be... 是有那么
...a teeny... 一丁点
...tiny... 小小一丁点
...possibility. 的可能性
I can't believe you caved. 我真不相信你屈服了
- What? - You just abandoned your whole belief system! - 什么? - 你放弃了你的整个信仰
Before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. 以前我虽然和你意见不一 但我至少尊敬你
But... 但是
How are you gonna go into work tomorrow? 明天你要怎么继续工作研究?
How are you going to face the other science guys? 你要如何面对其他科学家?
How are you going to face yourself? 你要如何面对你自己?
That was fun. So who's hungry? 真好玩 有谁饿了?
I am. 我饿了
Me too. Let me just get my coat. 我也是 我去拿外套
What happened? 怎么了?
Okay, all right. 没事
这是意外，我发誓 It was an accident, I swear.
I was putting on my jacket and the thing and the lamp and it broke. 我正在穿外套 台灯就破了
Oh, please, Monica! You've always hated my lamp! 拜托 莫妮卡 你一直都讨厌我的台灯
And now all of a sudden, it's just magically, it's just broken? 突然间 它就奇迹似地破了?
Phoebe, tell her? 菲比 告诉她
Okay. I didn't see it, because I was putting on my jacket. 我没看到 因为我正在穿外套
But I want to believe you. 但我想要相信你
Hey, Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell lamp. 嘿 钱德勒 莫妮卡打破了我的贝壳台灯
Neat. 真好
I'm gonna die alone! 我会孤苦伶仃地死去
Okay, you win. 好 算你赢
Chandler, you are not gonna die alone. 钱德勒 你不会孤苦伶仃地死去
Janice was my safety net, okay? 本来珍妮丝是我的安全保障
And now I have to get a snake. 现在我必须去养一条蛇了
Why is that? 为什么?
If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing. 如果我会成为孤独老人 我需要养个东西
You know, a hook. 有个依靠
Like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. 就像地铁上那个吃自己脸的人
So I figure I'll be "Crazy Man With A Snake." 我会成为"养蛇的疯子"
Y'know, "Crazy Snake Man." "养蛇疯子"
Then I'll get more snakes, call them my babies. 然后我会养更多蛇 当成我的子女
Kids will run past my place! They will run 小孩都不敢经过我的门口 他们会一边跑
"Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout! 一边叫 "养蛇疯子要来抓人了"
You've got to get over this. Okay? 你必须想开一点 好吗?
You're not gonna end up alone. 你不会孤独终老的
Of course I am. 我当然会
I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me, 我甩掉了所有笨得愿意跟我交往的女孩
and then I bitch that there aren't any great women out there. 然后我抱怨找不到好女孩
Chandler, you have just described virtually 钱德勒 你刚描述的 实际上就是
every man that we've ever gone out with. 每一个我们所交往的男人
You are not a freak. You're a guy. 你没什么问题 你只是个普通男人
She's right. I mean, you all do it. 她说得对 你们做的都一样
This one guy stopped seeing me because his cat didn't like me. 有个人不再约我 是因为他的猫不喜欢我
Or this guy dump me because I fell asleep during Spinal Tap. 还有人甩了我 因为我在看《摇滚万岁》的时候睡着
You fell asleep during Spinal Tap? 你在脊背穿刺的时候睡着?
That Teddy in high school, stopped seeing you because he thought you were too fat. 高中的那个泰迪不再约你 是因为他觉得你太胖了
He told me because he didn't have time for me because of the play. 他告诉我因为他要看球赛所以没有空
That's what I said. 这就是我说的
Anyway, my point being, you are no different than the rest of them. 我的意思是 你与其他人没什么不同
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yes, he is. 等一下 等一下 他是不一样
You are totally different. 你很与众不同
In a bad way? 比其他人糟糕吗?
No, honey, in a wonderful way. 不 亲爱的 是胜过其他人
You know what you want now. 现在你知道你要什么了
But most guys don't even have a clue. 但大多数男人根本不知道
You're ready to take risks, ready to be vulnerable and intimate with someone. 你准备好去冒险 准备好接受打击 以及与人亲近
Yeah. You're not gonna end up alone. 是啊 你不会孤独终老的
Chandler, you called Janice. That's how much you wanted to be with someone! 钱德勒 你打电话给珍妮丝 这说明你希望安定了
- You've made it! - You're there! - 你已经做出改变了 - 你不一样了
You are ready to make a commitment! 你准备好做出承诺了
Whoa... Don't know about that! 我哪有
What you got there? 你拿了什么?
Something else that's not yours that you can break? 你想要打破的 别人家的东西吗?
No! Um... 不
I know you like this and I want you to have it. 我知道你喜欢这个 我想要你收下它
I think it'll look good in our apartment. 我觉得放在我们公寓会很好看
Thank you. 谢谢
That's fine. 没关系
Well, you'll all be pleased to know that I have a date tomorrow night. 你们会很高兴知道 明天晚上我有约会
This woman Allison from work. She is great. 我的同事爱莉森 人很不错
She's pretty, she's smart. 她又漂亮又聪明
And I've been holding off asking her out in the past, because she has a... 我一直没有约她出来 是因为她有一个
unusually large head. 不寻常的大头
But I'm not going to let that stuff hang me up anymore. 但我不要让这种事情牵绊我
Look at me. I'm growing. 看看我 我成熟了
Hey. You can't recycle yearbooks, can you? 年鉴能不能回收利用?
I'll take that. 给我吧
You want his yearbook? 你要他的年鉴?
Yeah, yeah. Some people said some nice things about him. Somebody should have it. 是的 有人说了他的好话 应该留下来
Gosh, this is so weird. 这真的很奇怪
His whole life was in this apartment and now it's gone. 他一生都在这公寓度过 现在人去楼空
Y'know, I think it would be nice if we just took a few moments for Mr. Heckles. 我想我们应该为 哈克先生默哀一会儿
I mean, he was kind of a pain. He was, but he was a person. 他是个麻烦人物 但他也是个人
What? 怎么了?
You're all going to hell. 你们全都会下地狱
It's really not that big! 其实没有那么大
- Taking that with you, huh? - Oh, yeah. - 你要拿那个走? - 没错
Hey. You coming? 嘿 走了吗?
Yeah. In a second. 走 等一下
Goodbye, Mr. Heckles. 再见 哈克先生
We'll try to keep it down. 我们会安静点
Oh. My major was totally useless. 我完全学非所用
I mean, how often do you look in the classifieds and see "Philosopher Wanted"? 你在报纸上什么时候看到有"招聘哲学家"的广告?
Sure. 对啊
My God, that's a big head! 天啊 头可真大
It didn't look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting. 在办公室看起来没这么大 也许是灯光原因
My head must look like a golf ball at work. 我的头在公司 一定像个高尔夫球那么小
Alright, don't get hung up on it. Quick, quick! List five things you like about her. 好吧 不要想了 快列出你喜欢她的五件事
Nice smile, good dresser. 笑容甜美 衣着得体
Big head, big head, big head! 大头 大头 还是大头