Caesar! Caesar! Caesar! Caesar!
Soldiers, the oracles have spoken.
With the new moon, we shall invade the island of Great Britain.
Caesar! Caesar!
Soldiers, the eyes of the world are fixed on you.
You are the glory of Rome!
Caesar! Caesar! Caesar!
This whole country,
even the smallest village, pays taxes to Caesar.
Caesar! Caesar! Caesar!
- You promised to tell him. - What?
About the small Gaulish village that's still resisting us.
What does he care? He has other worries.
Is that so? I'll tell him.
And I'll tell him you sell army rations
to build yourself a palace in Rome.
- It's not true! - But I have proof!
- Really? - Well?
You're even viler than me, Detritus!
You flatter me!
My speech makes you laugh, Detritus?
No, of course not Caesar.
It's Trolleybus. He told me a Belgian joke.
Which one?
Come here.
I'm here.
Look at me.
In the eyes.
You're hiding, something from me.
Me, hide something from you? Caesar...
I swear by Trolleybus...
And you know how I value his friendship.
Throw him to the lions if I'm lying!
Soldiers!
Why can't we beat those Gauls?
What's special about this village?
From what I hear, it's an ordinary little village.
like hundreds of others across Gaul.
Hey guard! Open the gate. It's my cousin and his oxen.
Hi cousin! how's are you?
Come closer! Take a good look!
Just look at my fish! Smell how fresh it is.
Just a minute!
I'm coming.
Look! Isn't it magnificent?
Bear in mind he's put on weight lately.
Don't worry, I've reinforced it.
Are you going to test it? Go on, then!
Yes!
Up!
- Well? - Long live Vercingétorix!
I would have liked to be an artist...
Shut up, Bard!
Your fish stinks! Keep it.
My fish stinks? Come and smell it!
- It stinks! - It stinks?
Come and smell it!
Isn't it fresh? Doesn't it smell of the sea?
- It's not fresh. - Yes, it is.
- It's not. - It is.
- It's not fresh. - It is.
- It's not fresh! - Yes, it is!
- It's not fresh! - Yes it is fresh!
- It's not fresh! - It is fresh!
It's not.
- Geriatrix! - A fight! I'm coming.
Geriatrix! You're no longer 80, my love.
Leave me alone.
Fresh or not... it's all gone!
Think I'm a butterfly, Unhygienix?
Sorry, Getafix. Wrong target.
- The eye! - It's not fresh?
I keep telling you!
A great danger threatens the village!
It's written in it's eye.
Look! It's a sign. Someone wishes us ill.
An evil spirit! It's close, I can feel it's presence.
May the gods help us!
Open the gates.
Tell me everything, Caius Bonus.
They have a secret weapon, a magic potion.
Magic potion? Are you kidding me?
I wouldn't dare, Governor.
Their druid prepares it. It makes them invincible.
Invincible?
He inherited the secret from his ancestors.
By Jupiter!
If someone got hold of this secret, he would become master of the world.
That's why I didn't tell anyone.
Imagine if the other villages...
You did right. Master of the the world!
How long does its effect last?
About 10 minutes.
Then they have to ask the druid for more.
We must cut them off from their supply.
Take all the men you need.
I would, but there's a hitch.
- A huge one! - A colossal Gaul.
He needs no resupplying.
He fell into the potion as a kid.
Set him a trap.
My engineer Hypothenús will build it.
It won't be easy. He has a very clever friend.
Don't worry. Hypothenús is a real genius.
It's going to rain. The sky's coming down.
Any lower and it'll touch the tip of your menhir.
You believe that?
Yes and then the sky may fall on our heads.
Don't say that! It's my only fear.
Still, it won't have far to fall.
- Stop it! - I was just kidding.
- Not funny. - Relax, I was just kidding.
You never know. I'd rather not take risks.
Go, we go.
R.I.P. Astérix and Obélix.
Do I add "ha, ha"? Lions love intellectuals.
They're more tender than centurions.
If the Romans could see you!
I haven't seen any for 15 days. Not an ambush, nothing.
You're too rough. You humiliate them.
- I do? - Think.
They conquered the world, everyone fears them.
And some fat guy beats them up!
What fat guy?
Who do you mean?
I meant a great athlete called Obélix.
I see.
They're coming.
Why must we rest? I'm not tired.
- It's a tombstone. - Are we dead?
We'd better run.
The sky's falling on our heads!
Finally! Squashed like cockroaches.
I've waited six months! Six months of humilations and beatings!
Not a bad idea, hey?
I'll triple your pay!
Lucky the fat guy was here.
Eat your entrails, indomitable Gauls!
No! This can't be.
Impossible! By Pluto, this is a nightmare!
Come on!
- Give me a hand. - Just a second.
Lucky I filled my flask with magic potion.
- Give me some. - No.
You fell into it as a kid.
It's good.
Do something. Soldiers, on the rock!
Caius Bonus! It's my pal Caius Bonus.
What, you don't want to play with your pals?
Silly-billy! What would you do without us?
- What a lovely voice. - True, he sings very well.
Ozzie, Ozzie, Ozzie...
It's not my fault. I had orders.
Haven't we had fun together?
All those greast biffs!
Yes, but he hits too hard. My men can't take it any more.
He'll go easy.
I'll try my best.
Listen, tell your men to prepare for a good stoush next week.
Yes, yes, yes!
So what did Caius Bonus, a cowardly but inventive man,
come up with?
He threw a mountain at us! They rolled a huge rock
and this time we really thought the sky had fallen on our heads.
Hey, Obélix.
Stop pigging yourself.
It's only my third boar.
It's only his third! Will you eat another three?
No, only two more. Tonight I'm eating light.
- Aren't you fat enough? - Not fat, just well padded.
- Who's she? - Don't you know?
It's Falbalá.
Little Falbalá? The daughter of...
But she was that tall.
She studied eight years in Lutetia
- She's changed. - She's added a few centimetres.
And a few kilos... It suits her.
Obélix!
- She recognized you! - Hold him. Oh, Falbalá!
My dear Obélix, I'm so happy to see you.
You've changed so much. I didn't recognize you.
You haven't changed at all, except for a few extra kilos.
He's just well padded.
That's right, well padded.
- Falbalá! - Well padded!
Smells delicious. I'm going to eat your boar.
I'm not deaf! I don't care. Go ahead, eat it.
You've never refused boar. Are you sick?
No, I'm fine. Why? What a beautiful night!
Can you smell how fragrant the air is?
The moon is full. I hadn't noticed.
Did that little flirt do this to you?
- What little flirt? - Falbalá, of course.
Don't you dare speak ill of Falbalá!
All right, let go of me. You're strangling me.
I'm sorry.
Falbalá is not a flirt. Falbalá is... Falbalá.
Is it for Falbalá?
To wear around her neck on a big chain?
It's an engagement menhir.
- You want her to marry you? - Yes.
You're nuts. She's not for you.
Why not?
You're not a good match. Physically, I mean.
You don't understand women.
They don't care about physique.
They care about the soul. Look who's coming.
- Is he her brother? - Her brother?
Yes. Look, he's kissing her.
That's not how brothers and sisters kiss.
Her cousin, then.
Can't you see he's her boyfriend?
Let's go. You'll have to ask her to marry you some other time.
- Her boyfriend? - Yes.
- He's so skinny. - Yes... so skinny.
Let's eat.
Open the gates for tax collector Malosinus!
He'll be staying the night at camp.
Open up.
That's it for today.
I want you all here tomorrow at dawn.
Hey you! We don't pay for overtime.
I like to finish what I've started. Makes me sleep better.
Close the gates.
There's plenty more in the chest you saw earlier.
So?
It's not our chest.
Tomorrow it will be.
By Toutatis, the gods are angry tonight.
So am I.
So don't make a mess or I'll deal with you.
No. I said no.
- Are you losing your appetite? - I'm dieting.
- Dieting? You? - Yes.
Yes. You were right. I'm a touch overweight.
Who's there? Who are you?
The soothsayer Prólix with my assistants Alámbix and Anorésix.
Come in.
A soothsayer and his assistants are seeking shelter.
A soothsayer? Good timing. Show him in.
Some parasitic charlatan.
Don't be so suspicious.
I have a couple of questions for him.
Welcome to our village.
I knew we would be welcomed.
What do you read the future in?
Hot soup and warm beer.
How original!
You've come to the right place.
Well? Do you see anything?
I see a treasure.
A huge treasure in your village.
Refill our friend's plate.
I see lots of Romans around the treasure.
The Romans are mine!
- You'll take the treasure. - Brilliant!
Carry on.
We can have a ball in Lutetia.
I know a great restaurant!
I don't see anything.
Someone's giving out bad vibes.
My decoder can't. The image has gone.
- Astérix, get out. - Why?
Out! That's an order.
- It's coming back! - So?
With this treasure you'll raise an army
and kick the Romans out of Gaul!
Did you hear, Impedimenta?
I'm the new Vercingétorix!
Sure, since you're on your feet, go fetch some firewood.
My friend is in love with a girl...
You want to know if she'll marry him?
How did you guess?
- I'm a soothsayer, aren't I? - True.
Astérix!
The seer said...
- That you will marry Falbalá. - You're a seer too?
No, but I know a fraud.
He's not a fraud. He saw that Falbalá loves me!
Falbalá will marry Tragicómix.
Falbalá loves me. She just doesn't know it yet.
- Why not tell her? - Love is a delicate thing.
It's like a flower.
It needs time to grow, to blossom...
Sure.
You don't understand. You never understand a thing!
He's getting on my nerves!
You're getting on my nerves, Obélix!
Romans... Romans, Normans...
Romans! The Romans are coming!
Romans!
Druid, prepare the magic potion.
The Romans are coming!
- Leave them to me! - You're so selfish!
I've still got some.
I beg you, don't enter this village!
It's pure madness.
Watch it, Centurion.
Do you know who I am? I'm provincial treasurer.
I collect Caesar's taxes.
These Gauls have a magic potion which makes them invincible.
They'll massacre you.
Stop raving. Out of my way!
Welcome, Romans! Thank you, Gaul.
I've come to collect Caesar's tax.
Rest assured, the money will be
well spent on building roads
and maintaining an army to defend you.
- Plus social benefits. - Of course.
It's the least we can do.
He greatly honours us by accepting our modest contribution.
Astérix, Obélix, please bring Caesar's tax.
What's this?
These are the things Roman soldiers leave behind
every time we meet them!
They run faster without them.
They should fetch a fair price as scrap metal!
Or a curios.
Look at this helmet. It would make a nice oil lamp.
And this armor would make a nice waffle iron!
Raze this village!
My treasure! My treasure!
He never called me that. Even when we were engaged.
By Toutatis, you're the most
extraordinary of soothsayers.
What will happen now? Tell me!
I'm no oracle, but I can tell you.
If we don't return it to Caesar,
he'll be here with his legions.
Let him come.
With this money, I'll raise an army.
I'll face him and I'll defeat him!
And I say this gold will bring misfortune to the village!
Then let's vote.
Those who want to keep it, move to my right.
Those who want to return it, move to the left.
I want to keep the money and my friend, so I abstain.
The result of the vote says... We keep the treasure!
Yes! Well! Well!
You called for me, Caesar?
The tax money was stolen.
What? You dared to... You slimy...
No! It wasn't Malosinus.
He was ambushed by the Gauls.
And you're still alive!
You didn't defend Caesar's money to the death!
Unfortunate!
They were from the village that has been resisting us for months.
Did you know?
Did you? I'm talking to you!
It's to me, Detritus, that Caesar is speaking.
This village, or rather hamlet...
Why didn't you tell me?
I didn't want to bother Caesar
with a trifling matter.
A trifling matter? A trifling matter!
They revolt against Caesar,
They resist Roman legions!
Not only do they not pay their dues,
but they steal my taxes,
and this a trifling matter?
You're right. It's a serious matter!
Let's throw Malosinus to the lions.
Summon my escort. I'm going to Petitbónum.
What do we do with Malosinus?
If this matter isn't settled before the new moon,
you'll be thrown to the lions.
Caesar is coming! Caesar is coming!
Out of the way! Tidy up! Everyone in uniform, quick!
- What are their numbers? - About 50.
- And ours? - Only 500, noble Caesar.
- Ony 500? - Yes.
Tell me, Centurion, are you pulling my leg?
And mine too?
Me? Let me explain, if I may...
No explanations! Attack the village! Now!
Obélix, you will be the commander of my personal guard.
At your command, Vitalstatistix.
I name Cacofonix
Minister for Culture.
Quiet! Quiet!
What about me?
You get Veterans' Affairs.
Why Veterans' Affairs?
I want the War Ministry!
This is for the Gauls. So they can recognize me.
Tortoise formation!
The ministry for Supplies goes to Unhygienix.
What supplies? His fish stinks!
What about Astérix?
I forgot him.
He gets National Negativity,
Systematic Denigration and Ambient Pessimism.
That should do him. Very good.
Astérix, what are you doing?
Rendering this unto Caesar.
He must have drunk some potion.
Obélix, bring back the treasure.
What's this?
Are you nuts, Astérix?
Mock me?
Astérix, you're... Chief!
Help him!
Attack!
Tortoise, forward march!
Help, Gauls! The Romans are attacking.
Everybody drink some potion!
By Toutatis!
Attack! Attack!
Tortoise! Charge!
Out!
Get down!
Go and fight! Close the gates.
- There. - No, there. Caius Bonus...
Attack! Or I'll throw you to the lions.
- Anybody home? - Answer when asked!
- These Gauls are savages. - Savages!
But they have a sense of rhythm.
Leave one for me!
It's bad for your heart, darling.
Please listen to me.
Lay off!
Have fun, gramps!
- You'll get hurt. - He's mine!
He's still agile.
They've damaged him!
My poor baby!
- He's too old for the potion. - I forgot to take any.
He's definitely too old.
- Hey Romans! - Look! Bonus!
Surrender, Gaul, and I'll spare your life.
Sure.
Look, Astérix! Up there.
A whole bunch of fresh ones.
Let's get them.
Come on, Romans!
- I've seen that face before. - Me too.
Hey, you up there with the leaves on his head!
- Me? - Yes, turn around.
Impudent barbarians.
- Savages. - Julius?
You're right, it's Caesar.
Good old Julius!
Where's your army? Let's have some fun.
Enough! He'll end up sending his army.
Good.
Oh, he's leaving. Wait Julius! Let's have some fun.
You have offended him.
Untie me. I've composed a new song.
Prólix, when I've freed Gaul,
I'll make you prefect of all the provinces.
- I know. - Of course! Silly me.
Let's drink to the greatest of soothsayers.
To our friend Prólix...
Stop sulking.
I refuse to toast that viper.
Now, Soothsayer, let's discuss my future.
I see you surrounded by Romans. I see you triumphant. I see you in Rome!
Rome? What am I doing in Rome? Speak, quick.
What do you think?
The pictures fading. Negative vibes.
All right, I get it. The bad vibes will take a stroll.
No! You two, come here. I order you to make up.
- I don't mind. - Did you hear what I said?
I'm not deaf.
- Not good enough. Kiss. - No way!
Do it!
We do it four times.
- It tickles! - That's much better. Much better.
In our custom, we must also
share the omelette of friendship.
Splendid custom. Impedimenta! Eggs.
Do you like mushrooms?
If they're not poisonous.
Fear not, I'll have some too.
When we've eaten the omelette,
I'll tell you your future.
Go ahead.
They're good.
I love them.
Obélix! Do Caesar on his horse again.
I've done it 20 times!
Please!
Caesar, Caesar, Caesar, Caesar!
- I'm full. - No, we must finish it.
It's the custom.
There. Now, we're real friends.
- Are you alright? - I'm hot.
The warmth of friendship.
Look me in the eyes, Astérix, and listen to me.
I'm listening.
Julius Caesar is my worst enemy. Repeat.
Julius Caesar is my worst enemy.
I will destroy him.
Obélix! Do it for me, please.
Come on.
Julius looked splendid on his white horse,
surrounded by his escort. We looked at each other.
I said "By Toutatis, I've seen that face before."
I take a coin and look at it.
He was upside down. On the coin, I mean.
See? Caesar came here to mock you.
Among your own people. It's intolerable!
You must destroy him.
I must destroy him.
I bet he wasn't told I was actually going easy on them.
- Get off your horse, Caesar. - Look a Gaul.
You'll pay for all the harm you've done to Gaul!
Impudent barbarian!
Wait, I'll bring you down.
- What's with him? - Don't know.
He's acting weird.
Cop this, Caesar!
Stop this.
I'm not Caesar. Can't you see? I'm Obélix, your friend.
Die, Caesar!
Go easy on him.
We need some magic potion. He's gone mad.
We can't use the magic potion against each other!
Only the druid can help. I'll fetch him.
You're fleeing, Caesar. You're a coward!
Do something Druid. Astérix has gone mad.
Indeed.
Meet your end, Caesar!
Careful!
Vercingétorix!
- Wake up. - You're avenged!
- It's me, Obélix. - Caesar is begging for mercy!
Fulliautomátix, get Cacofonix.
This calls for special treatment.
You're needed.
Yes.
Come on, play something.
- What do you want? - To sing you a song.
Poor Astérix!
It's brutal, but it might work.
Stop it Cacofonix. Shut him up, Vitalstatistix.
What's this Obélix? Why am I tied up?
He's cured! He recognized me.
You scared us. You took me for Caesar.
- Caesar? - Don't you remember?
No... Wait,
I remember Prólix and his mushroom omelette.
He gave him hallucinogenic mushrooms.
Where is he?
That viper must have stolen the treasure!
The treasure!
I warned you!
Good riddance. Now we'll have some peace.
Bye-bye, treasure! Bye-bye, Caesar!
I'll find a way to subdue this Gaulish village.
- I'm listening. - I'm thinking.
You're taking too long.
It's almost there.
I will help you.
Mama mia! A lion!
Hurry or you'll be his next meal.
Got it! We must neutralize the Druid.
Then he won't be able to prepare the magic potion.
And how do we do that?
In 2 days, all the region's druids
will gather in their sacred forest. It's the perfect time to act.
But I promised the druids no Roman would
enter their sacred forest.
What Caesar promises he can unpromise.
I've prepared a whole pot. If anything happens
that should be enough.
I don't like you leaving the village.
With Astérix and Obélix as escort, there's no risk.
Let's go, Obélix.
Come on, Dogmatix.
The sacred forest starts here.
Only druids can enter it. Wait for me here.
Follow him. Any problems, race back to us. Go.
I declare the 2000th Golden Sickle Ceremony open.
As always, the Golden Sickle will go to the best among us.
I summon Druid Plaintcontrix!
My potion gives superhuman strength to those who drink it.
For about 10 minutes they're nearly invincible.
You'll see. I'll choose someone...
At random... You! Yes, you. Come on.
Come here.
Drink. Slowly.
If what you say is true, with your magic potion
we could kick the Romans out of Gaul!
No! My master Mathusálix
gave me the secret of the potion on the condition
we only use it for defense, and never to attack.
You'll see why. See that rock?
You are going to lift it and hold it over your head.
I trust we agree
this Getafix should be awarded this year's Golden Sickle Award.
Now imagine for a second that this man was a vile,
ambitious and unscrupulous type, or still worse, a Roman!
But I am a Roman!
Guard!
Want some?
You were more fun when you weren't dieting.
Falbalá won't marry you anyway.
She loves Tragicómix, not you.
- You're jealous. - You're nuts.
You'll meet someone one day
understand what it means to love and be loved.
Eat.
You can't starve to death because of a girl.
Just a bite, then.
What is it, Dogmatix? Is Getafix in trouble?
Forbidden or not, we must go. No time for eating.
Hurry!
Where is he?
Getafix! Which one is him?
Sacrilege!
This forest is sacred, you've no right to be here.
Where's Getafix?
You've broken the taboo. Shame on you!
Tell us where Getafix is or we'll let you hang here.
The Romans took him. We were betrayed.
Look Dogmatix brought something.
Give it to me.
A piece of Getafix's robe. Seek boy!
Dogmatix will pick up his scent.
By Toutatis! Get me down,
or I'll curse you for ten generations!
- They're not our druids. - Don't be silly.
All right, I'll do it.
No thank you?
The Roma...
The Romans! Romans everywhere.
We still have a pot of magic potion.
- Then what? - We'll see...
You wanted Caesar's army, well, there it is.
- Where are you going? - To free Getafix.
Wait, let me think.
Hey, you!
Come here!
Come back.
Drop the bread.
As a man of great intellience
you must know why you're here.
You want the magic potion formula.
Why?
I read ambition and deceit on your face.
You want to overthrow Caesar and rule over Rome.
I'm like an open book to you.
Now you must understand why you must give me the formula.
I'd rather die.
You? Die here? And take your secret to the grave. Never!
No, Druid, you won't die.
But, if you don't give me
your magic potion formula, you'll regret ever being born.
This machine was devised
to cause unbearable pain.
It was my idea.
I'll let you get acquainted. I'll be back shortly.
Think well before giving me your answer.
Here, put it on.
All right, one more time. Who are you?
Obelus, legionary second cohort, third maníple.
- And me? - Astérix, my best friend.
Are you doing it on purpose?
You're Astérix, a Gaulish spy.
- That's it? - No.
You were trying to enter
the camp to free your druid.
and to who do you want to surrender?
- And who will you deliver me to? - I don't know! I deliver menhirs, not friends.
- To Caesar, idiot. - All right, to Caesar Idiot.
Are they related?
Is Caesar Idiot related to Caesar?
You deliver me to Julius Caesar.
- The idiot is you. - I thought I was Obelus.
He's driving me nuts. To reiterate.
You're Obelus, all right?
You deliver me to Julius Caesar.
When I say "Obelus, by Toutatis, you're Obélix"
you're Obélix again.
When you say "Obelus, by Toutatis, you're Obélix"
I become Obélix again and not before. See?
Got it.
Then we capture Caesar and swap him for Getafix.
Wait.
I have to bash you a bit so you look like a prisoner.
- So Falbalá doesn't love me? - What's she got to do with it?
Nothing.
A gaulish spy! He's mine.
- So does she love me? - She does.
She adores you. You're the man of her dreams.
The man of her dreams? That's better.
- What do you want? - To deliver this to Caesar.
To Caesar? Are you kidding? Go sober up.
Guards, to the rescue!
Take me to Caesar. Special delivery.
What's this?
A Gaulish spy trying to sneak in.
Claims he's the assistant to a druid called Getafix.
You're the assistant to Getafix the druid?
Yes.
He claims he has important secrets to tell Caesar.
Yes, yes.
Old druid, you'll talk eventually.
You can start when you want.
Is that so?
Over there.
So you're Getafix's assistant?
Yes.
- Bravo! What's your name? - Legionary Obelus.
Well, Obelus, I'm tripling your pay.
I'm a bit hungry.
Take him to the kitchen and give him anything he wants.
Obelus! By Toutatis...
Obelus! By Toutatis!
Druid! Do you know this man?
Not at all.
No point lying, Getafix. He knows I'm your assistant
and that I help you prepare the potion.
To the machine!
Well?
Obelus, by Toutatis, be Obélix again!
Obelus, by Toutatis...
A bit small, your boar cutlets.
It's mutton. Boar is for savages. Want some chicken?
- Yes. - How many? - 20. I'm on a diet.
- Did somebody scream? - It's normal here.
Dogmatix come here! What about your cutlet?
Not the feet!
It pulls! It pulls!
This is the limit. If we continue, he may die.
Gauls would rather die than surrender.
- Do you agree? - In principle, yes.
But in practice, we can be a bit more flexible.
You asked for it.
Yes, Dogmatix...
Go fetch the fat guy.
Swap the Gaul for the dog.
- You can't do that! - You can't do that!
Just watch me.
Stop! You win. I'll make you the magic potion.
They'll raze the village!
Don't worry, this bastard needs the potion
to eliminate and supplant Caesar.
You've got it right, Druid.
I don't care about your village. It's Rome I want!
I, Detritus, want to rule over Rome!
Dogma...
Have you seen a little white dog with black spots?
- No. - No!
Dogmatix!
No way!
Olibrius!
Arrest that traitor Detritus!
- Give me 5 minutes. - I don't want to see him.
Feed him to the lions.
I can't stand traitors in the family.
Brutus can confirm this. Eh? True, Brutus?
Yes, it's true. You're right, Dad.
Detritus, on Caesar's orders, you're under arrest.
Help me, guards!
Dogmatix!
Ah, here you are. Where's my prisoner?
This isn't the time. Move.
I wasn't talking to you. Where's my prisoner?
But I'm a prisoner too.
Arrest him. He must be an accomplice.
Soldier! You're just the man I need.
I want you in my personal guard.
First tell me where my prisoner is.
Don't worry, he's fine where he is.
If you help me capture Caesar, I'll make you my chief centurion.
Capture Caesar?
I have an idea.
Guards!
Caesar!
In the name of the people of Rome, you're under arrest.
To the dungeon! Guard him day and night.
Ticketdebús, rally the troops. I'm going to make a speech.
Soldiers! Our beloved leader, Julius Caesar,
has fallen seriously ill.
He has asked me, while he recovers,
to take command of the army.
Given the circumstances, I've doubled your pay.
Well!
I also want to announce the promotion
of legionary Obelus to the rank of centurion
in charge of my personal security.
Finally, in order to please the gods
so they speed up Caesar's recovery,
games will be organized tonight and you're all invited!
Can I see my prisoner?
Tonight at the games, Okay?
Great!
From here, no one's allowed in.
You stay here.
No trespassing.
Got everything you need?
No.
- What else do you want? - My assistant.
I knew it. Here he is.
I had to take a few precautions, you understand.
I don't want your assistant to drink the potion before me.
- Well? - Almost ready.
I just have to say the magic formula.
Then say it.
My assistant must repeat it after me.
Remove his gag.
He's a bit too far away.
What's he saying?
By Toutatis, get ready to drink the potion.
If we fail, we're stuffed.
Yes, you should take it now!
It's hot!
You gambled and you lost.
My revenge will be terrible.
All right, let's try this potion.
If by chance it's a vulgar vegetable soup,
it's you who'll cop it. I'm warning you.
It's a very moving moment.
It works!
To the dungeon! You won't stay long, don't worry.
What's Obélix doing?
When I'm emperor, I'll name you general of the guard.
What about Caesar?
Caesar? Who's he?
Falbalá!
- You like animals, Gaul? - Yes. Why?
Then you'll have fun.
Centurions! Legionaries!
Lay your bets...
What bets?
A prisoner will enter through that door.
He must cross the full length of the arena.
If he makes it to here, his life will be spared.
- Get it? - Yes.
We bet on which animal will eat him. It's my idea.
- What if he makes it? - That never happens.
But if you want to bet your pay at 1000-1 I'm in.
Agreed.
Your pay? Thousand against one?
You've got guts. I like that. Let's shake hands.
The bet is on.
You said I'd see my prisoner at the games?
There he is.
Legionaries... The first prisoner is the Gaul Astérix!
Obelus! Obelus!
Be Obélix again!
Obelus! By Toutatis!
What's this?
I don't like this. I must get out.
Brave! Well done!
What's this? What are they doing here?
They usually prefer to get out.
Getting worried about your bet?
Down.
- He's smart, this Gaul. - You bet.
Obélix! Do something. Don't you get it?
Obélix!
Down! In your kennel.
Now it's giant lizards!
It tickles.
Obelus, by Toutatis, become...
No one's ever survived the spiders.
You've lost, Obelus. 1000 times your pay, remember?
What this Gaul did is amazing!
Obelus! Obelus! Shut up!
Eat this, fatso.
Obelus! Obelus! By Touta...
You said if he made it, he'd live.
Under Caesar. Me I'm entitled to a joker.
- Is the joker an animal? - Worse! He's a man!
Obelus... by Toutatis!
Listen, I think he's talking about you.
- What's he saying? I can't hear. - I'll read his lips.
- You can read lips? - Sure. I was trained as a spy.
He said
"Obelus, by Toutatis, be Obélix again. Quick!"
- Are you sure? - Of course! Very well, then...
Hands off my pal.
What were you doing? I've been calling out for an hour.
- I couldn't hear. - Let's free Getafix.
- Where is he? - Over there.
By Toutatis! You handle it.
Bravo, Obélix!
It's okay, it just tickles.
I hate spiders.
Wait!
Let me whack a couple.
Let me show you.
The cats!
Bastards!
See you, Romans!
Over there. We're here, Getafix.
Dogmatix! Come on, my little puppy!
Obélix.
Our enemies' enemies are our friends.
It's your lucky day, pal.
Yes, go on.
Alert! The Romans are attacking.
We must show them, because that's it.
We're home!
It's Obélix!
Of course! Who else?
Dressed like a Roman?
I'll explain.
Who's he?
A prisoner of the Romans. We freed him.
Fulliautomátix, get rid of the mask.
Not like that.
What are you doing?
Remove the mask, by Toutatis! That's an order!
You asked for it.
Julius! It's Julius Caesar.
Julius Caesar is my prisoner!
Julius Caesar is our prisoner!
The situation is more serious than you think.
Obélix, Astérix, Vitalstatistix, and you, Caesar... we must talk.
I must change clothes. I'm sick of being a Roman.
Detritus's army will soon attack us.
They outnumber us 1000-1.
- Is that all? - We have the potion.
Only enough for one pot.
- They too have it now. - What?
Detritus forced me to make it.
Only one pot.
They outnumber us.
The potion will tip the scales in their favour.
Then our village will be
wiped off the map for ever
and Caesar will be killed by Detritus. - What do you think, Caesar?
What you say is right, Druid.
But I want to make you an offer.
If you help me back into power,
you will be exempt from taxes.
And you can continue to live outside Roman law.
- Well, Chief? - Interesting.
But it would be even better
if Petitbónum became a tax-free zone.
You go too far.
Stop haggling.
Do we stand a chance?
- Yes, but a very slim chance. - Tell us about it.
I can increase the potion's power
by adding two-headed unicorn's milk.
They've been extinct for ages!
Mathusálix still has a flask of their milk.
No one's seen the old nutter for ages.
Show some respect for my great-grandfather and teacher.
The Romans are attacking, Chief!
Where?
The rear gate.
It's a diversion. In fact, they'll attack from the front.
- How do you know? - I invented this strategy.
Attack!
- We must find Mathusálix. - Follow me.
- Come on! - I'm coming.
Mathusálix! Where are you? We need you.
Maybe he's deaf. How old is he?
Almost 200. He's probably hiding,
he loves pranks.
Mathusálix!
What's this?
- The end of his beard. - He must be at the other end.
- Figure that out by yourself? - Yes.
Let me do it.
Go easy.
He's stuck.
Is that him?
Sorry to disturb you, Mathusálix, but it's an emergency.
We need two-headed unicorn's
milk to save our village.
I've been waiting for this for a long while.
You must earn the milk of the two-headed unicorn.
What?
You can have it if you answer two questions.
The Romans are attacking!
Don't rush him. He's stubborn as a mule.
I warning you, you can't make any mistakes.
First question.
A beggar had a brother. The brother died.
But while he was alive, he had no brother.
Why?
Seven... Six... Careful only 5 drops left.
Five... Four... Three...
If you can't guess, ask the Romans for help.
The beggar is a woman!
Correct.
Everybody to the barricade!
Drink the potion. I'll get some more.
Boss!
Who is it?
We need some potion to match the Gauls.
lmposible. It's solely for my personal use.
The troops are tired.
So are the Gauls. Soon they'll run out of potion.
Now beat it.
And now the second riddle.
I have neither sister nor brother.
But this man's son is my father's son. Who is he?
20 drops...
Easy, I must keep some for Astérix.
What are they doing? What's keeping them?
I'll show them!
Five...
- I think I know. - Say it.
Four...
But I'm not sure.
- Three... - Go ahead.
- What if I'm wrong? - Two... - Never mind, say it.
It's my father.
- What was the question again? - Is he kidding?
Not at all. At my age, it's normal to have memory lapses.
I'll strangle the old gremlin.
"I have neither brother nor sister,
but this man's son is my father's son. Who is he?"
My father.
Correct.
- Sure? - No.
If he says so...
It was a fluke.
As long as it's correct...
- I just blurted it out... - Shut up!
The flask, O Great Druid!
The flask!
Bravo, Dogmatix! Good dog.
My dog is so clever.
Stop! What are you doing? By Toutatis!
There's some left.
- Here. Drink, quick. - Obélix too?
Yes, the unicorn milk changes the nature of the potion.
The effect is very different. You'll see.
Not bad. Unicorn milk adds a nice flavour.
- I can? - Since I say so. Drink.
- What will it do to me? - Wait and you'll see.
Come to Papa!
Attack! Go!
Back into battle!
Cowards! Louses! Losers!
I'll show you morons. Can't count on anyone.
Ave Caesar.
Legionaries,
the Gauls of this village are now our friends
and allies.
They saved me from the clutches of Detritus.
Without them, I'd be dead.
- Your time has come, Detritus. - Have mercy, noble Caesar.
I don't know what got into me. I wasn't myself.
- I lost my head. - You said it.
Just a moment.
Please don't do it, Caesar. All right, I gambled...
I gambled and lost. Punish me and let's put it behind us.
- You're vile. - Precisely.
Think...
You always need someone vile
when you're in power.
Quiet!
No need to get your hands dirty.
I can do everything.
Spy, denounce, betray my friends. My favourite!
Perjury too...
You disgust me.
You know me well. Did you hear? I disgust him.
That means I can't disappoint you.
The danger, Caesar...
The danger is all those traitors around you,
who you think are loyal.
- Who do you mean? - I mean...
I can't tell you in public.
I feel uncomfortable.
If you are interested,
I'll prepare you a list and we'll discuss it.
Take him.
I'll prepare the list. You'll be surprised.
There are people waiting to stab
you in the back. Close friends, even relatives.
Understand? Relatives! Ciao, Caesar.
Falbalá...
You're the tenth Obélix I've kissed tonight!
But I'm the real Obélix.
The others are just imitations.
Falbalá, we need to talk. I want to ask you something.
Go ahead, I'm listening.
- Will you marry me? - You can't be serious.
I am. Why?
Look, Obélix, I do love you, but like an elder brother,
a friend, my big teddy bear.
But I'm in love with Tragicómix. We're getting married soon.
Is that so? And yet Prólix told me...
You know Prólix is a crook.
Don't be sad. It upsets me when you're sad.
I have to go. You're not mad, are you? Will you still be my friend?
My big, teddy-bear-Obélix. Promise?
Do you promise?
- Tell me you promise. - Yes.
Getafix, give me some more magic potion, please.
Aren't there enough Obélixes as it is?
It's not for me.
Falbalá... Can I have another word?
- What do you want with her? - Don't worry, we won't be long.
Come on.
- Falbalá... Drink this. - What is it?
Don't worry, I've had some too.
Go ahead, please. Do it for me.
Is it nice?
Not bad.
You can go back to your Tragicómix.
And you? Do you mind staying with me?
I think I'm in the way. I'll leave you two alone.
Falbalá.
- To your health, Romans! - To yours, Astérix!
See that?
About time! There were too many of me.
Me too.
Yes. Imagine how many boars you'd need to feed them all!
Obélix, Obélix, Obélix!
Obélix has disappeared.
You mean his doubles?
No, all of them! All gone.
- You've killed my friend! - Calm down!
The real Obélix must be around. You're here, aren't you?
I may disappear too.
How do you know? Have you used that milk before?
No, but Mathusálix has often used it.
He would have warned me of any side effects.
That old goat has a sick mind.
Don't insult my great-grandfather.
He taught me everything. What's wrong?
I feel weird. As if I'm empty inside.
I'm going to turn into soap bubbles.
That's it, it's happening. My legs tickle. My ankles too.
What do you want, boy? Why are you tugging at me?
Some would abuse this situation.
- But not you? - No, not me.
- Not that I don't want to. - Come on, kiss me, you big oaf.
On the mouth?
Falbalá!
Is it you? The one and only?
Of course I'm me. Why?
All the other Obélixes and Astérixes have vanished.
- Like Falbalá? - Yes - Tough luck, hey?
- Yes especially for... - Falbalá.
Come on. Broken hearts soon mend.
You'll keep the nice memories. And you'll always have me.
I'm so lucky.
Ah, finally!
Hey! Wait for me.
- Ah! Caius Bonus! - No! Enough!
One more. For the last time.
- Say hi to the Egyptians. - Caius is gone.
Everyone's gone. Not even one is left.
Don't pull that face, Obélix. It's a victory, we've won!
Maybe. But I've lost everything.
Friends,
tonight we're celebrating two major events.
Our victory over the Romans...
and Obélix's birthday!
As a kid, you fell into the magic potion...
Obélix!
Feasting with friends, whacking Romans...
Obélix!
Always carrying a menhir...
Obélix!
Love makes you blush, but you never age...
And now... The cake!
They're yours. Courtesy of Caesar.
Happy Birthday, Obélix.
You.
Yes, you.
- Here. - No!
- Hit me there. - No!
Yes.
He hits too hard. And he'll just swallow the cake.
I keep telling him he's a greedy-guts!
I want to sing!