Why don't you, like, ever realize the truth, Vince?
I ate nine pies and a meatball hero in one hour. That's a record.
It wasn't nine, it was eight. You left two slices of mushroom on the last tray.
- Violet? - You guys, it was six pies, no hero.
The paramedics pumped your stomach,
it was three and a half years ago. Talk about something else.
When someone comes through that door and breaks the record,
then we'll stop talkin' about the subject.
Enjoy your pie, guys.
- Last one I'll serve. - Aren't you forgetting something?
Quit it, Pete. I'm not doin' that.
It's a tradition. Sign the card.
I got it, folks. I got the first autograph.
- Hey, Violet. All right! - Violet's on her way to the wall.
That's 20 years of girls leaving town.
That wall is jinxed. I won't sit near that wall.
Let's hope you have better luck than they did.
Ladies and gentlemen.
As you all know, my best friend,
Violet Sanford, has decided...
...has decided to leave South Amboy tomorrow
and travel the 42 miles to New York City.
So... OK, come on. Bring her up here, girls.
- Come on, Violet. - Come on, Violet.
Come on, Vi.
Come on, everyone. Hey, Violet, come on. Come up here.
- Come on, honey. - You guys!
I think it's only fair that tonight, on her last night with us in Jersey,
she grace us with a little tune.
- No way! - Go, go, go!
Look at this! Four people killed last night in New York.
No reason at all. Police have no leads.
- Tragic. - Dad, what're you doin'?
I guess four out of seven million ain't so bad.
Headline should read, "Millions Survive Night in New York."
Dad, stop. I get the point. Here.
- Eat your eggs. - They're egg whites.
- I'd rather eat carton. - You've lost six pounds.
You're staying on this diet. No fast food. No sausage.
I bought you some of those Lean Cuisine meals
- and put 'em in the freezer. - My mouth is watering.
I lined your vitamins up on the counter.
- I don't take vitamins. - You do now. Just take them.
Oh, and I put fresh batteries in the TV remote and set the VCR timer so...
Excuse me. Am I missing something here? I'm the parent.
You're the child running away to live by herself.
- I should be tellin' you how to live. - Fine. How should I live?
Simple. Don't go.
I got that Irish Spring you like. And, Dad, whatever you do,
- don't do the laundry. - Don't do the laundry.
Leave it and I'll do it when I come home every Sunday.
This is interesting. They say the handrails on the subway system
could lead to an outbreak of plague.
Dad.
Look, you said I could be whatever I wanna be.
I never said songwriter in New York. That's the exception.
You said anything, and I believed you, so...
...I'm not leavin' this house without your support.
That's Gloria. What's it gonna be?
Violet, I saw how hard it was for your mother when she didn't make it.
But if she was here, she'd tell me to shut up,
wish you luck and give you a big hug.
I'm not gonna give you a big hug, and I'm not gonna wish you luck,
but I am gonna shut up, sit with my coffee and pretend to be mad.
Is that OK?
This is the last of it.
- Honey, are you OK with that? - Yeah, I got it. I got it.
- Wait. - All right.
- That's everything. - Let's hit it.
Good luck.
There, I said it.
- Love you. - Put some pepper spray in your purse.
Even if you're not sure, just start spraying.
You know, you're not alone, Mr. Sanford.
Hey, you know, me and you should have dinner sometime.
I'm lockin' the doors.
All right. This is it.
What do you think?
I had a feeling you were gonna need this.
- What are you doing? - What?
It's just some emergency cash I saved up.
Honey, from the looks of this place, I'd say this is our emergency.
Well, I'm not takin' it.
Fine, then.
I'm freezing your assets.
So thanks for everything. I'll call ya.
What is this?
It's just that all our lives,
we always had one thing in common, you and me.
What are you talking about?
It's like, you know, we said we wouldn't lose our virginity
until we got married, that didn't happen.
We said we'd go to college orjunior college or dental hygienist school,
and that didn't happen.
We've never followed through on a single thing, you know.
And I think that's what makes us so special.
And this is why you're crying?
Well, a long time ago you told me you were gonna move to New York.
Everyone thought you'd stay in Jersey and get married
like me and Danny are gonna. You know, and... And look at you.
No matter what,
you really did it, Vi, and I'm so proud of you.
Turn that down! You hear me?
You be quiet! Enough in there!
Hi. I'm Violet Sanford. I just recently moved to New York,
and was wondering if you would give my tape to your artists.
Violet, that is so cute. Now, let me tell you about me.
My name is Wendy. I first moved to New York when I was 21 to be a dancer,
but I broke my big toe. And then I got knocked up by this actor
who dumped me t o join t he Peace Corps. For t he last 16 years,
I been raisin' my daught er myself.
And t hen t wo weeks ago, she t ells me t hat she is a bisexual
and t hat she hat es me more t han any person on t his planet .
Now, t ell me how I can help you, please,
because I am dying t o make your dreams come t rue.
You don't t ake t he t ape unless it comes from an agent ,
but I can't get an agent unt il I get published?
If we were t o list en t o t hat t ape, t hat would be grounds
- for a copyright or plagiarism lawsuit . - It 's just a lit t le t ape.
All I want is someone t o sing my songs.
Welcome t o t he music business.
- Good evening. ID, please. - Hi. Sure.
- What can I get you? - Let me ask you somet hing.
I'm a songwrit er. Is t here someone I could t alk t o about my songs?
I've been a st ruggling sax player for 12 years.
- What can I get you from t he bar? - Pepsi and some crackers.
I recognized you by your smell. Hey, how are you doing?
Excuse me. Who's t hat guy?
That would be Mr. O'Donnell.
Mr. O'Donnell. He's t he manager or somet hing?
Yeah. He's t he music manager.
He's in charge of finding bands and booking new t alent .
Where were you, O'Donnell?
I got 15 orders and nobody to run the grill.
Fifteen orders, Walt. Is that all? Gimme ten minutes, I'll catch us up.
Go on. Lie down. Relax.
You look tired. We can talk about my raise later.
You think this is Australia? There's no raise. I'm about to fire you.
I paid for the last beer.
Excuse me. Mr. O'Donnell?
- Yes. - My name is Violet Sanford.
I'm a songwriter. I wanted to give this to you.
It's not the most professional way to submit a tape,
- but this is all pretty new to me. - It's pretty new to me too.
I just figured as the manager of a club like this,
you know every band in the east.
The manager... of this club.
- You guys go ahead. I'll catch up. - Sure thing...
...Mr. O'Donnell.
I don't usually do this, Violet, but I...
I have a feeling about you. So I'm gonna take your tape,
- and I'm gonna see what I can do. - Thank you.
- I can't believe how easy this was. - Neither can I.
You wanna go for some coffee or something?
O'Donnell, who do I look like? Your goddamn maid?
That's Mr. O'Donnell, but I'll let it slide this time.
I told you to take your stuff home and wash it.
- You got cow grease caked on the front. - I've warned you about your attitude.
- You're fired. - Oh, you better not push me, kid.
I can find a hundred other little punks like you, can burn a turkey burger.
Minimum wage punk.
Maybe we should start over.
I'm Kevin O'Donnell, and I work the grill here at the Fiji Mermaid Club.
I just made a complete fool of myself.
I was gonna tell you.
I'm almost sure I would have told you.
I just want you to know I'm not following you home.
I'm just walking myself 26 blocks in the wrong direction.
- I asked you to leave me alone. - Did I mention how sorry I am?
Not that it's all my fault. You did throw yourself at me.
I didn't. I was pretending to be sweet and innocent
- so you'd give me a break. - Can I ask you a question?
- What? - Is there a reason we walked
- in a circle? Are you lost? - I'm not lost.
Somebody just moved my street.
You... You wanna play a game?
- I bet I can guess where you're from. - I'm about to get out my pepper spray.
I reckon you're from a big city.
And there's no sign from here of a belly button ring
or a tongue piercing...
- I gotta go with Chicago. - OK.
I've never had anyone stare at my ass for half an hour,
so I'm gonna say good night, and I'm hoping you're gonna say it back.
OK. I can take a hint.
I do know a lot of people in the music business.
You just don't give up, do ya?
Well, it was the sweet and innocent thing. It did me in.
Good night, Kevin.
Just for the record, I was only staring at your ass for the first 15 minutes.
- William Morris. - I don't mean to interrupt.
- I just want to leave this... - I'll transfer.
- William Morris. Please hold. - A demo. I'm a songwriter.
William Morris. I'll be right with you.
I just want to leave this forWhitney and Mariah.
I'm sure they're friends of yours.
I'm sure it sounds great in your shower,
but karaoke ended a half-hour ago.
If you'd like to get songs heard, take them
to an open mic night just like everyone else.
William Morris. I'll transfer.
You're not getting validated.
Can I help you?
Yeah, hi. I'm sure all your spaces are filled for tonight.
I wanted to come down and check out what this open mic thing was about.
I can squeeze you in in ten minutes.
A couple of my regulars called in sick.
I've got some spaces to fill. Sign your name and get ready.
Bathroom's around the corner if you want to throw up.
Next up we have a young lady named Violet Sanford.
So let's put our hands together for New Jersey's own Violet Sanford!
- Come on up, Violet. - Good! There we go. Yeah!
Yeah, Violet!
- I'm a little nervous. - So are we, honey.
- Don't tease me, honey! Sing! - Come on, give her a break.
I'm sorry.
Hello?
Cheer up. You look like somebody ran over your dog.
Hey, how much is a slice of pie?
We happen to have the best French apple in town.
And it's on the house.
- Shut up. - You just have to pay attention, OK?
- Twenty. - Twenty says it's Pretty Woman.
I will raise you ten, because it is HomeAlone.
You guys have to read the signs. I call with Saving Private Ryan.
- What? - Let's flip this over.
And Miss Jennifer from Austin says her favorite movie is...
There's no way! You already saw this one.
- Oh, you are such a cheater. - Hello. A naked girl in Army boots?
Easy play to call. Thank you.
Those boots are kind of cute. I have to get me some of those.
Wait, wait. Oh, Romero. You gotta turn that up, baby.
That is the jam. Turn it up! There you go, there you go.
Oh, no. Girl, what are you doing?
Remember this? Remember this?
That's my belly dancing.
- Do you know those girls? - Oh, yeah.
They're here every morning around this time, winding down.
- Wait, wait. - They have to, in their line of work.
- Are they hookers? - No.
Coyotes.
All right.
You guys? You guys wanna see what Al gave me for my birthday?
- This. Isn't it cute? - You let him brand you?
- She let the man brand her. - Check it out, ladies.
We each made 300 bucks tonight.
You sure you wanna be goin' off to law school?
- Let's make a toast. - Yeah.
To Zoe's last week as a Coyote.
She's gonna be impossible to replace.
I just wanna tell you both that I will never, ever forget you.
Who's up there?
- I'm lookin' for the owner. - Come on down. Bring a case with you.
- What are you doin'? - I'm gonna drop this.
- Where do you want it? - Depends. What do ya want?
Well, I heard you might need a new...
That there might be a job opening.
Put it right there. Let me take a look at ya.
Let me guess.
Piedmont, North Dakota.
- South Amboy, New Jersey. - Same thing. You do any drugs?
Just coffee. That's all I can afford right now.
- Let me see your arms. - Are you kidding?
Do I look like I'm kidding?
- Where'd you get that scar? - Pizza oven.
From pulling slices for four years.
That could be the saddest thing I've ever heard.
What's next? You want a urine sample?
I prefer blood.
Are you really the owner? 'Cause I've had a rough couple of days,
and the last thing I need is a waitress on a power trip wastin' my time.
You start Friday night.
Be there at 11 :00. That's when we get busy.
- You're givin' me a job? - I'm givin' you an audition.
Don't be late, Jersey girl.
I don't mean to press my luck,
but would you mind telling me why you're hiring me?
Because the average male
is walking around with a toddler inside of his pants.
A two-year-old inside his Dockers.
Men have two-year-old children in their pants?
- That's why you're hiring me? - You look like a kindergarten teacher.
- The kids'll love it. - Sorry I asked.
ID, please.
I'm supposed to start work here tonight.
Go ahead. A good night to start.
It's slow, but it should pick up.
OK.
Is this a church meeting or a bar? Make some noise!
Yeah!
Want it?
- I'm sorry. Sorry! - I don't think so.
Just in time. Where you goin'?
- I was... I was looking for you. - Good. Let's go.
All right!
- Really love your top. - Thanks.
I got it on sale...
OK. Hair.
Let's see your moves.
That's Rachel. Learn a lot from her.
- She just cut some guy's ponytail off. - Yeah.
The court ordered her to take anger classes after she pummeled
a customer for grabbin' her ass.
He pressed charges. I gave her a raise. Cheers.
There is only two rules, OK? What do you want?
Two beers.
- Don't date the customers. - OK.
Second, don't ever bring your boyfriends into my bar.
As of this moment you are to appear available, but never be available.
Break my rules, I fire you on the spot.
- I understand. - Jesus.
Hey! Hey, everybody!Shut up!
I'd like you to meet my new girl,
whose name is...
Violet.
Jersey.
Jersey is an ex-kindergarten teacher
and a former nun who just escaped from the convent
and is tired of being the only virgin in New York City.
Would anyone like to buy her a drink?
- Come on, move! I'm workin' here. - Sorry.
- Four margaritas with salt. - All right.
Got tequila. No mix, no salt, no blender.
- OK, how about a black Russian? - Got vodka, no Kahlúa.
- White wine. - Never carry the stuff.
- Basically you have... - Jim, Jack, Johnny Red,
Johnny Black and Jose. All my favorite men.
You can have it anyway you like, as long as it's in a shot glass.
- OK, I'll take a beer. - Four dollars.
I'm Cammie, the Russian tease.
Violet, the Jersey nun.
That one's Rachel, the New York bitch.
We all play our little parts, only Rachel really is a bitch.
And I really am a tease.
You're a tease if you stop sleepin' around.
Yeah. I keep forgetting that part.
I'll have a shot of tequila, and don't forget one for yourself.
Thanks, but ever since I got really drunk on tequila,
- I never drink the stuff. - Hey, Lil!
Your new girl's refusing your good booze.
No! I was... I was suggesting this gentleman buy me a double.
That's more like it.
I need eight shots. Four Canadian, four South of the Border,
six-pack MGD and a double-blended back.
- You want eight shots of what? - I got it.
Forty-six even, honey.
Hey, Lil! Yo! Your Jersey girl can't quite keep up.
- Hey, gimme a Scotch and water. - OK, you got it.
Lil, do we serve water with our whiskey?
Only water I serve's got barley and hops in it!
Hey, everybody! Do we serve water in this bar?
Hell, no H2O! Hell, no H20!
Sink or swim time, Jersey. Get up there!
I can't do that dance.
OK.
Here's some cash. You did OK for a nun.
- You're firing me? - I told you this was an audition.
Thanks for comin' in. Now, get outta here.
- Not again! Please stop! - Back off!
Hey! Guys, guys, back off, back off!
The way I see it, you got two choices. You can start a fight here,
throw punches, get a bloody nose, make fools of yourselves,
or you can take this ten bucks I got right here
and buy these two ladies a round at the bar.
Come on, what do you say?
- Let's go to the bar! - Party!
Hold it, Jersey. I'm just dyin' to know where that came from.
Try serving beer and pizza on Monday nights
when the Giants play the Cowboys.
I'm giving you a second audition.
There's a store at the corner of Sixth and Hill.
Be there at noon tomorrow.
I'm sending my fashion coordinator to take you shopping.
Now go home before I change my mind.
Hey, and Jersey. I'd be shocked if you survive another night.
Here we go!
And left, and right, clog, clog, clog.
Work it, girls!
Oh, yeah!
So... tell me more about this bar. What kind of place is it?
I don't know. It's just a bar, Dad.
It's no big deal. What are you eating?
One of those Lean Cuisine meals. Rice and vegetables.
- Delicious. - See, they're good, right?
Yum.
So, well, what's going on with your songwriting?
Songwriting.
He still has my tape.
I want my tape.
I had a feeling you'd be back to see me.
- No dates in the kitchen, O'Donnell. - I'm not staying.
I... I just want my tape. Please.
- Thanks. Bye. - Did you really write all those songs?
You listened to my tape?
No, of course not. I mean, that would be invasion of privacy.
Go ahead, laugh it up.
Nothing you can say will bother me.
I'm just trying to tell you I like your music.
Do you always take compliments so well?
- I gotta go. - Wait!
I wanna see you again. Where are you workin'?
- I'm a Coyote. - Good.
- What the hell is that? - If you want to see me,
you'll figure it out.
Is that good?
Sorry I'm late. Al and I had a big fight.
And then we made up. Twice.
You're the fashion coordinator?
Lil told me to get you something that would make the kiddies drool.
Trust me, Violet.
I have a serious shopping problem.
- It has a zipper in the crotch. - Yeah.
- Who'd wear that in public? - Actually, I have it in blue.
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
Here I am!
Yeah, baby!
Come on! Knock it... Hey! Knock it off!
Lil! The ice!
How do you like that?
I don't know how you guys do it. I can't have another drink.
Next time that guy buys you a shot... That's on me, honey.
Chase it with a beer.
- I don't get it. - I don't swallow it.
I spit the shot back into the bottle. They'll never know. You try it.
Hey, just keep an eye on your spittoon bottle.
Once Rachel served hers to Lou by accident. Huge drama.
Cammie, I think I just fell in love with you.
Oh, Violet! I'm not a lesbian.
I've played in the minors, but never went pro.
- That's not what I meant. - What are you doing?
Lil's starin' at you. Grab this guy. Look busy.
Hi. You look like you could use a shot.
- No, I'm waiting on Lil. - Sorry. It's a no parking zone.
If you wanna sit here, you gotta order a drink.
- OK. Gimme a glass of water. - OK.
- He just ordered water. - Yeah.
You know what to do.
Testing.
Hey, everybody, this guy just ordered water.
Do we serve water in our bar?
Hell, no H20!
- Jersey! No! - It's OK, Lil!
- Nobody orders water in your bar! - He can order whatever he wants.
He's the fire marshal.
- Hey, Mike, I'm so sorry. She's new. - I'm OK. Let's step outside.
Nice knowing you, Jersey.
Come on, you guys! Let me hear you!
You OK?
Who am I kidding? I can't do this.
Of course you can. Now cheer up,
because there's a really cute guy at the bar asking for you.
- Somebody's asking for me? - He says his name is Mr. O'Donnell.
He's hot.
Jersey. The fire marshal threatened to shut me down.
- He let me go with a $250 fine. - Lil, I'm really sorry...
I'll make you a deal. Figure out a way to make me 250 tonight,
I'll let you come back.
Great.
- So much for sweet and innocent. - So you found me.
Some guys at work told me where I could look for Coyotes.
Take a good look, because tonight's my last night.
- I think I'm gonna get fired. - Why?
I have to make $250 in two hours. It's completely impossible.
Here's nine dollars, just to get you started, OK?
I always like to help a friend in need.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Kevin, I don't want your money.
All right, listen up.
Ladies, the bidding will start at $25 for one night only.
You get this purebred, housebroken,
fully trained, yowling stud.
- No way. - That's pretty cheap.
- What are you doing? - You said you wanted to help, so...
Turn around, sir, let 'em take a look at ya.
- Why are you doing this to me? - It's payback time, Mr. O'Donnell.
Now, turn around.
No, God, no. Don't do this.
- Go on, show 'em what you've got. - Are you in?
- Wanna do this? - What'll you give me?
I've got twenty bucks.
- I've got $25 right here. - Make it 35!
- Thirty-five dollars! - Forty dollars!
- What are you doing? - Come on, girls, 50?
- Fifty! - Sixty-one dollars.
- I've got 70. - Come on, girls, 75?
- Seventy-five dollars! - Eighty dollars! Come on, girls.
Do I hear 85?
Ninety! Ninety-five dollars!
- One hundred dollars! - A hundred dollars!
- That's it. - You wanna come home with Mama?
- Nice! - Oh, yeah!
That's my boy.
- Oh, yeah! Shake it, shake it! - $125 back here!
$140, right here.
Come on, come on!
My goodness, girls, come on.
150 and you'll see the butt. Come on, girls. You can do better than this.
One seventy-five.
- There we go. - Two hundred dollars!
- 215 right here! - Two hundred and fifty dollars!
Sold, for $250!
- No! - Come on up, honey. He's yours.
Damn you!
The blonde would have gone 275.
Come with me.
You're gonna owe me big-time for this one. That's 250 even.
We're closin' up, girls.
- Can I ask you something? - What?
What...? What does "Coyote Ugly" mean?
Did you ever wake up sober after a one night stand
and the person you're next to is so ugly
you'd rather chew off your arm than wake them? That's coyote ugly.
Let's go, ladies.
Why would you name your bar after something that?
- Because "Cheers" was taken. - Come on.
Cabs are out front.
- You're rich, Jersey. - See ya.
Good night.
The woman who purchased me is named Sandy Rosenfeld,
a divorcee with three grown kids, a passion for long walks
and hunting dogs and Italian opera.
Her ex-husband is a CPA, her favorite artist is Van Gogh
and her New Year's resolution is to lose 15 pounds
- and to see Barbra in concert. - OK. I owe you.
- What do you want? - Well, it's 3:30 in the morning.
I want what every man wants.
Breakfast.
That's it? I go to breakfast, and we're even?
No. We're not even close to even, because I danced on a bar,
I took off my shirt and I unzipped my pants.
OK. Let's make a deal. Breakfast and lunch.
Breakfast, lunch and two dinners.
- That's four dates! - Yep.
Which would make it my second longest relationship. Get in the car.
I hate to spoil your evening, but it looks like we're not gonna go anywhere.
Oh, my God.
Hard to find parking in New York.
You ever eaten Turkish? This is the place.
- Hey, how you doin'? - Hi, Kevin.
- How are you? - Four of the regular?
- Sure, man. - Hey.
- Hey, Kevin. - How are you, man?
- Good. - Here it is, man.
Flown in from Miami. Check out the merchandise.
- Hey, man, no. I trust you. - All right.
Look, I don't know what you're into, but...
The Amazing Spider-Man, number 129, mint condition.
- Worth a thousand bucks. - A comic book.
Not just a comic book. The first appearance of The Punisher.
- This is the holy grail of comic books. - You collect comic books.
- That's so cute. - Yeah. It's not cute.
It's very rugged and manly. It's just a bit geeky.
I think it's sweet.
So do you always eat breakfast on the hood of your car?
What can I say? I'm a romantic.
You think this is romantic?
Well, you may not be feeling it now, but I think one day
you'll be on stage singing a song about this very night.
When We Were Downwind From a Trash Barge.
Catchy title. Hum a few bars.
Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm a songwriter, not a singer.
When I get on stage, I freeze.
What if the fate of the free world rested on your voice?
OK. If the fate of the free world depended on me singing, maybe.
All I ever really wanted is to sit in the dark
and hear someone great singing my songs. I wanna be the one who writes the music.
I remember the first time my mother played me Bridge Over Troubled Water
by Simon and Garfunkel.
I remember exactly what she was wearing.
I remember exactly how her hair smelled.
I remember exactly how I felt.
And every time I hear that song,
I remember exactly what she was wearing
and exactly how her hair smelled
and exactly how I felt.
'Cause the great songs last forever.
So, what's the problem?
Well, now they're telling me the only way to get my songs heard
is to go out there and sing 'em myself.
We're gonna have to try and fix this little problem straight away.
How do we do that?
Well, is there any place you feel comfortable singing?
- The shower. - We'll start there.
I don't care how long, how many hours we have to spend in that shower.
- Let's get to it. - OK. Before we hit the showers,
you could tell me a little something about yourself.
Really? What do you wanna know?
- What part ofAustralia are you from? - I'm from all over.
- My family moved around. - Family doesn't live in New York?
- Do you always ask this many questions? - You always dodge this many questions?
Tell me where you got the moves you pulled on the bar.
If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
That's original.
The sun's coming up. We're gonna be late.
Late? Late for what?
This is incredible.
- Look at that fish! - All right. Put this on.
- You're gonna need it. - Why? What are you talking about?
You're gonna help me unload the next bin.
- You're joking, right? - No. It's not that bad, Vi.
- I do it all the time. - Exactly how many jobs do you have?
Tuesday through Saturday, I'm at the club.
Sunday and Monday, I park cars at the plaza.
I've been a telemarketer. Like to switch to AT&T?
And for six terrifying hours, I delivered phonebooks in Queens.
Don't forget your extensive work in fish.
This is an expensive city, this pays cash.
I don't care if they pay lobster. I'm not sticking my hands in that.
I was gonna split the money with you. A hundred bucks apiece.
A hundred bucks? Wait, wait. Why didn't you say so?
Thanks, Dan. You're not ready. Fifty bucks.
- Twenty-five. Ten. Ready? - OK. Yeah, OK.
- That's disgusting. - Hey, you'll hurt their feelings.
OK. Just on top of the other fish. Yeah.
So... I know I just met you a few days ago.
There's something I have to tell you.
You smell really bad.
Well, so do you. I was gonna kiss you goodbye,
- but I thought I might gag. - You're a real charmer.
OK. Good night.
Good morning.
Don't look at me like that.
Spend it.
- What are you doing here? - I changed my mind about this kiss.
I think we should give it a shot.
Well, have a nice day.
- Have a nice day? - Yeah. I panicked.
I didn't know what else to say.
Have a nice day.
Back of the line over here. Back of the line.
Yeah!
Come on!
- Yeah, I like it! - Yeah!
- Hey, baby! - Make a hole. Make a hole!
- Shit, the cops are here. - Nobody else gets in. Look at this.
I'm sorry. There's nothing we can do here. You're 50 people over max.
They're trying to shut us down.
Let's go talk. I'll take care of it.
Hey! Hey!
This is not a gas pump, son!
Wait your turn!
- Hey, no pictures, man! - I'm a reporter from The Voice.
What are you doing? Hey!
- Put me down! - Hey!
- Cammie! Let her go! - Help!
- Rachel, help! - Come on! Break it up!
- Where's Rachel and Cammie? - I don't know!
No!
Let's go! It's over!
Jersey, they're tearing this place apart!
Rachel! Rachel!
Let me go!
- All right! - Yeah!
- Great. Yeah. - Last call, Lil.
- Start clearin' 'em out. - You got it.
Let's go.
Did you see their faces? I mean, wow.
They all wanted you, honey. Even the girls.
Not a dry seat in the house.
You guys, that was, like, a one-time performance...
...that I have to repeat, like, every night.
She sang along with a jukebox. Let's not start polishing a Grammy.
Oh, come on, Rach. She saved your butt. Admit it.
No.
She saved me from kicking the shit out of a couple of drunks. That's it.
That was good.
- Where you goin'? - I don't know.
I gotta walk or celebrate or... pass out or something.
Hey, ladies and gents,
how about a big round of applause for the singing Coyote from Jersey!
- So I'm a Coyote? - Five nights a week.
Hey, what is it? What's wrong?
Why would anything be wrong?
You called me in the middle of the night and said there was an emergency.
- What was that for? - I had a good night.
- I wanted a good-night kiss. - Well, wait a second.
- Where are you going? - Have a nice day, Mr. O'Donnell.
Have a nice day?
What's going on? Why do we need my guitar?
You'll find out soon enough. No. This way.
OK, now there's a seat.
Just there.
OK? Take a look.
Your fans wanna hear you sing.
I told you. I... I can't sing my own songs. I never could.
Well, that's too bad, because they've requested to hear your songs.
Be gentle on the keyboard. I borrowed it from the club.
You did all this just to help me sing?
I thought maybe we could cure that stage fright I've heard so much about.
Kevin, I wish you could.
Come on, let me try. Tell me what it feels like.
- You really wanna know? - Yeah.
You asked for it.
What are you doing?
The only way I can show you...
...is to make you really... nervous.
The first thing that happens
is my heart starts to race.
Good. Racing heart. Yep.
- Got it. - And then,
my entire body starts shaking.
Shaking body. I'm... I'm getting that. Yeah.
And...
...then everything gets...
...a bit...
...cloudy.
Clouds are definitely rolling in.
Then I start...
...losing control.
Well, how long does this usually last?
Oh, it's been known to last all night.
- That must be horrible. - It's excruciating.
I think that audience got more than they paid for, really.
What's LMS stand for?
Lynn Marie Sanford. It was my mom's guitar.
She died five years ago.
She moved to New York to be a singer when she was my age.
- She came pretty close to the big time. - Well, what happened?
She hated the stage.
She said it was the scariest place in the world.
Sounds familiar.
You really want me to sing?
Just tell me what I have to do.
Disappear.
All right. No problem.
If you wanna write a song like a serious songwriter,
you simply gotta go with the Mac laptop.
- Lay tracks down on a CD, you're done. - Do you have a payment plan?
Bring it home! Let's go!
Come on, Cammie!
Hey! What are you doing?
What are you, brain damaged?
You know what maniacs drive through here?
They don't stop for nothin'. Whose boat?
- I borrowed it from a friend. - Yeah? Looks like a guy's car to me.
How can you tell?
I've been staring at cars every day for the last 16 years.
- Who is he? - He's a friend.
I brought you a sandwich, no mayo, extra sprouts.
Thank you. Great. I'm starvin'.
Now tell me about this bar.
A bunch of bankers havin' martinis after work?
- I gotta go. Look... I love you. - I love you too. Be careful.
Hey, do I come to your office and honk? Come on!
I got you a gig. There's this club where a lot of music people hang out
called the Elbow Room. My friend's the manager.
He owes me a favor, and you're it, next Thursday night.
You forgetting about the stage fright?
- What about the bar? - Come on, Kevin.
All I do is sing along with the jukebox.
See? Progress. A few more nights at my place, you'll be cured.
I hate to burst your bubble, but I'll never be cured. It's genetic.
Stage fright DNA. Yes, I saw that on ER last week.
OK. Laugh all you want, but my mom couldn't do it, and neither can I.
So was your mother afraid to try?
Look, I just wanna be a songwriter. Why won't you give up on this?
I've been giving up on people my entire life. It's a nasty habit.
So you're gonna sing at the club, or I'll...
- Or you'll what? - I'll never kiss you again.
That sounds like a threat, Mr. O'Donnell.
Well, let's just say it's gonna be quite a long, cold winter.
- That's supposed to convince me? - It's working.
Your knees are getting weak.
- I'll think about it. - Try again.
- I'll see if I can get off work. - You're gettin' warmer.
All right, you win.
- I'll do it. - I love winning.
Hey, we have a special treat for you tonight, boys and girls.
Look who dropped by for a visit.
No! I'm a paying customer tonight. I have class in the morning.
- What are you doing? No! - Come on, Zoe!
Zoe! Zoe! Zoe! Zoe!
Time to get wet, girls.
Who wants some of this?
Excuse me, does Violet Sanford work here?
- She's on the bar. - She's on what?
- She's on the bar. - What do you guys say?
Yeah!
Dad! Wait!
Dad, it's not as bad as it looks.
Daddy, it's not as bad as it looks.
I just sing here every night. People come here to see me.
Say something!
The guys are putting your picture up in their booths!
- I gotta go, get up early. - Dad, it's just a bar.
- You have to trust me. - But you're my daughter.
Hi, you've reached Bill Sanford.
Please leave a message when you hear the beep.
Dad, you can't avoid me for the rest of your life.
I have to come over and do your laundry. You're running out of clean shirts.
I bet the one you're wearing stinks pretty bad.
I'm not gonna apologize because
that would mean I'm doing something wrong. And I'm not sure I am, so...
I'm playing at a club tonight.
A real club. Someone important could hear my song,
next month somebody might sing it on the radio.
- So wish me good luck. - Good luck.
Anyway, I'll call you and tell you how it goes.
Take care of yourself, old man.
Old man.
All right. You should be dancing on the floor! I wanna see your bras!
All right.
Is this the greatest party we've ever been to or what, man?
Lil, I can only stay two hours.
- What are you talking about? - I gotta leave early, remember?
Bourbon.
You haven't noticed the bodies you had to crawl over to get in.
Lil, I told you I gotta leave by 10:30 no matter what. Here.
Got it. I got it.
Seven.
Here you go.
- What are you doing? - I gotta go.
- Have Lou call me a cab. - Listen, you're not going anywhere.
This place is out of control.
- I'm only working two hours... - You wanna sing? Sing for them.
These people dragged their asses out here to see us.
This is New York, and there's a line halfway around the block.
That's something, Jersey, whether you believe it or not.
And if I go?
If you were going, you would have left by now.
- Where are you? - Lil won't let me go.
Violet, just walk out. She doesn't own you. You can still make it here.
I'm... I'm sorry.
- I'll call you tomorrow. - Tomorrow? Violet.
- What's the story? - She's not coming.
What am I supposed to do? I got a spot to fill.
I'm sorry, Richie. I made a mistake.
This doesn't change anything with us, Kevin. A deal's a deal. Am I right?
I'm the guy! Me!
Zach, who said you could be up here?
You're not supposed to be up here.
All right. Take it easy, Zach. Zach, take it easy.
Hey! Hey!
- Hey, hey, knock it off! - Kevin!
- Lil! - Hey!
- Break it up! - Kevin, that's enough!
- Help! Stop! - Lou!
- Kevin, that's enough! - Get off me!
- Stop it! - Kevin, Zach's a regular,
- and was having fun. - With my girlfriend!
- Get him out! - You're gonna chill outside,
or I'm calling the cops. Out of my way! Move!
Let me go!
Get the hell out of here!
Everybody, free drinks on the house. I'm paying. Get up here.
Kevin. Kevin, what is your problem?
I'm sorry about tonight, but look at this.
- No way Lil was gonna let me. - This is about you and this place.
- There is my job. - It's a goddamn sandbox
- for your head. - What's that mean?
The place is a joke. They don't come to watch you sing.
They come to watch girls shake on a bar!
You'd have me sing for quarters in the park?
- You'd sing your own songs. - I can't, so stop pushing!
I'm just asking you to try, but I guess that's asking a bit too much.
Right. It's so easy to be you, isn't it?
You have no dreams, no hopes, no chance of getting hurt.
When was the last time you took a chance?
- Some of us don't have that luxury. - Why is that?
Oh, right. We don't talk about you, right?
It's a big secret. Come on, Kevin. Let's play a game.
- I'll guess why you left Australia. - Doesn't matter.
You were in jail. No, that's not it.
You have a wife and kids in Sydney. Am I getting warm?
Come on, Kevin. I don't have a lot of time. Why'd you run away from home?
I didn't have a home.
Is that what you wanted to hear? I don't have a family.
I mean, that's the big secret. Are you happy?
You gonna feel sorry for me now?
You gonna hold me close while I tell you I had to change homes every two years?
I had a bad childhood. Big deal.
I don't need your sympathy,
'cause I'm here living on my two feet like I wanted to.
That was my dream.
I did it with a little bit of dignity.
And I didn't. That's it?
Just unbutton the blouse a little and unzip the pants,
show a little bit of flesh, I think you can figure it out.
Go on in. Your fans are waitin' for ya to crawl on a bar.
- I told you not to break the rules. - What are you talking about?
I'm talking about you and your boyfriend making a scene in my bar.
A friend of mine inside with a broken nose.
The rules were simple, Jersey. I've fired girls for a lot less.
I can't have a boyfriend? What kind of stupid shit is that?
Hey! This place is my home.
I'm not willing to risk everything on your personal life.
- Business, plain and simple. - This is not business.
I worked my ass off for you. You're supposed to be my friend.
I never said I was your friend. I'm your boss, and you knew the rules.
Will you stop with "the rules?" It's a bar, for Christ's sake!
Then what are you so upset about?
Oh, my God. Give me a bite. I'm starving.
- Thank you. - How does it feel to be Mrs. Molinaro?
I think he was a perfect choice for my first marriage.
Hey, Gloria.
Thanks for inviting me. I gotta go to work.
- I'm on graveyard tonight. - Thank you, Mr. Sanford.
Yeah, well, it's not worth a hug, dear. It's only 50 bucks.
- Your old man's a ten, Vi. - Eleven, some days a 12.
- It's a beautiful wedding. - No, you can't go.
I just want one picture of you and Violet dancing together. Come on.
OK. Come on. Smile.
Are you working or leaving because of me?
You know I don't like to wear a tie.
So this is how it's gonna be? You're not gonna return my phone calls?
If you needed money, you should have come to me.
I would have found a way to take care of you.
Dad, you can't even take care of yourself.
Hey, I am doing just fine on my own, thank you very much.
Really? So how come you're not wearing any socks?
I had a minor disagreement with a clothes dryer.
Look, just face it, Dad. You need me.
And I moved out, and that's what bothers you.
No.
No. What bothers me
is, for the first time in my life,
I was ashamed of you.
I would have never thought that would ever have been possible.
Hey, it's me. Leave a message after the beep.
Violet? I'vejust finished work, and in a few hours,
I'm going to unload three disgusting fish trucks.
I thought you'd like to come and give me a hand.
- You're not in. - OK. I'm coming.
Or you're not picking up, so I'll call back...
...because I'm hoping one day you will wanna talk.
Kevin? Hello?
It's me. I'm here.
- Is this Violet Sanford? - Yes.
I'm calling from Riverview Medical Center.
We have a patient here by the name of William James Sanf ord.
Is that your father?
Dr. Lee to Pediatrics, please. Dr. Lee to Pediatrics, please.
- Violet Sanford? - Yeah?
Your dad's in recovery right now.
The car struck him when he was walking to the booth.
His leg is broken, and there was arterial damage we had to repair.
Other than that, it's just bumps and bruises.
I'd say he's a pretty lucky guy.
Violet?
I told you, don't come down here. It's your wedding night.
Are you kidding?
Danny's been in my family for five minutes.
You've been in my family my whole life.
I'm sorry.
I love you so much.
I never did thank you for the dance.
That's OK. That's all right.
My tapes.
Come on. Just call him. Just pick up the phone and call him.
Don't call him.
Told you. This place is a palace.
It's pretty late. Are you sure you wanna do this now?
Well, here's my door. No turning back now. Come on in.
Oh, you're so right. This place is a palace.
- Would I lie to you? - This is a great idea. I'm glad...
Nice strong pulse.
Don't look at me like that. I'm a sick man.
You can eat whatever now, but when we go home,
- it's egg whites and Lean Cuisines. - I'll see you later, Bill.
Wait a minute. What do you mean, "until we go home?"
I'm moving back.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't sing my songs.
I was afraid.
Do you know why Mommy quit?
Yeah, she told me, 'cause she couldn't do it.
No, that's not it.
She wasn't afraid, Vi.
Your mother on stage... Oh, she was amazing.
Then why did she quit?
Because of me.
Right after you were born, she told me she wanted to quit, and I let her.
See, I knew how good she was, but I never told her.
I loved her... more than anything.
And I just went on and pretended that there was no other choice.
- Dad, it's OK. - No, it's not OK.
I'm not gonna make the same mistake. You're not goin' to work for Pete.
I don't care what it takes. I don't care how many bars you have to stand on.
You are not comin' home. I'm not letting you back in the house.
Forget it.
Are you wearing cologne?
No! Oh, well, it's just a...
- ...splash of Old Spice. - Where did you get Old Spice?
That nice redheaded nurse gave it to me as a gift.
Then she asked me out for coffee.
I'm scared.
- Are you gonna go on a date? - God, a date.
I better buy a pair of socks.
OK. Come on in here. Watch out for the... OK. OK.
OK if I eat here at the bar?
- Do you have a reservation? - Yeah.
It's under "cast-iron heartless bitch."
Could it be under "stubborn and pigheaded?"
Yes. That's the one.
I'll have a double water on the rocks, please.
- How'd you find me? - Cammie.
She told me about your pop. I'm sorry to hear about that.
- He's OK. - Good.
- So am I. - Yeah. Yeah, I can see that.
What's good to eat here?
Lil, you didn't come here to eat. What do you want?
OK.
I wanted to let you know you can come back to the bar whenever you want.
I appreciate the offer, but I'm OK here.
I figured that. You were never a lifer.
I'm married to that bar. Hell, I'd...
I'd sleep there if I had the guts to walk around barefoot.
But that's me, you know? I'm the original Coyote.
Just a small-town gal trying to make it in the big bad city.
"Small-town gal?"
Piedmont, North Dakota.
You ever tell anyone that, I'll kill ya.
Take care, Jersey.
You have one new message.
I have one message in eight hours. How pathetic am I?
This is Lyndsay Morgan from the Bowery Ballroom.
Listen, we loved your CD,
and we want you to play in our showcase next Sunday night.
You're on at 10:00 sharp. So drop your music by t he club,
and t he house band can learn your song.
If you have any quest ions, don't be afraid t o give a shout .
- See ya Sunday. - Here are the keys to the apartment.
It's all yours.
I can't thank you enough for subleasing.
- You don't know how long I looked. - When is your boyfriend moving?
He's coming in tomorrow from Boston.
It's historic, guys. This is the first night I've closed early in three years.
Hang that outside for me. Got that number I asked you about?
- Yep. - So why are you moving to Chicago?
I'll figure that out when I get there.
Hello.
Hey, do yourself a favor and look at page 137 ofTheVoice.
I can't believe your name is in the paper.
- I'm gettin' this framed. - If you're not ready in five minutes,
- I'm leaving without you. - Keep your pants on.
I'm physically challenged.
I got three rolls of film. Hope that's enough.
- Dad, I'm only singing one song. - Right. Better go get another one.
- Hey, Bill. - My kid's singing tonight
at a club in the city. She's a little nervous.
- Give us a one, two, three for luck. - You got it.
Give it up for Bill's daughter. Light 'em up. One, two, three.
Oh, look, Vi.
I can't do this.
Jesus!
Did I mention to you that I was recently in a horrific car accident?
- I can't do this. I gotta go back. - Violet, listen to me.
- Are you listening? - Yes.
You have nothing to be afraid of. You're a star.
What are you talking about? I'm a nobody.
If you're such anybody, then why did I buy this off Pete for 20 bucks?
Why do you have that?
I saw it on the wall, decided I wanted the first autograph.
Figured it'd be a good investment. What are you waiting for?
I didn't spend months in therapy to take a ride
- to the state line, you got me? - Yeah, I got ya.
So, what do you say, Vi? How about another U-ey?
You guys call that a one, two, three? Now, let's do it again.
This time I wanna feel chills!
There goes Bill again. He's back for seconds. Let's give him all we got!
Let's go!
The only reason I came down here is to see her fall on her face.
Take it easy. It's supposed to be fun.
- Excuse me. - I'm cool. Don't worry.
Good evening. Can I help you?
- No. - It's packed, Lyndsay.
The band's been on for 15 minutes. She's not here, she's bumped.
Jesus!
Now that we're here, I'm feeling a little nervous.
Thank you, Mr. Sanford.
Probably just carsick. Forget I mentioned it. I'm fine.
Have a great show.
Vi.
Get your butt in there. Come on. We're right behind you.
Break a leg, sweetie.
Ladies and gentlemen, making her Bowery Ballroom debut,
Miss Violet Sanford!
I'm sorry.
Violet!
Come on, baby. Shake it!
- Pinhead! - That's what I'm talking about!
- Now shake it! Come on. - Don't do it, Rach.
He's a big guy, and you're still on probation.
Don't worry. Those classes are really paying off.
OK. Let's give a big Coyote welcome to LeAnn Rimes.
Tell me, what do you do when you realize all your dreams have come true?
You pay off old debts.
Volume 129. The original appearance of The Punisher,
- the one I cost you. - Thank you.
Lil, don't think your new girl's gonna hack it.
Jersey! Jersey! Jersey!
OK. In true Coyote tradition,
I'm gonna make every woman's night and auction off
the most handsome little hottie in the place.
Come on. You can't do this to me again.
Here he is, girls.
Come on, Dad!
OK, ladies. The bidding will start at $25.
Nobody wants this. What are getting me into?
Twenty-five dollars!
You said you wanted a more active social life. Come on, girls!
There's a lot of miles left on these tires.
- Fifty dollars! - Come on, Dad. Strut your stuff.
Seventy-five!
Yeah!
Take some of it off!
OK, put some of it on.
Yeah, baby!
- Ninety! - Ninety-five!
- Take it off! - All right, Jersey!
$98.50!
A hundred!
- $150! - Sold!
Hey, I'm a Coyote!
Your father has no problem with stage fright.