1 00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:33,993 [WOMAN MOANING AND SCREAMING] 2 00:00:38,623 --> 00:00:40,625 [BABY CRYING] 3 00:00:52,637 --> 00:00:54,639 [MAN SCREAMING] 4 00:01:09,362 --> 00:01:11,364 [BABY GRUNTING] 5 00:01:15,285 --> 00:01:17,287 [CAT SCREECHING] 6 00:01:18,204 --> 00:01:20,206 [BABY GROWLING] 7 00:01:42,562 --> 00:01:44,397 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. 8 00:02:27,565 --> 00:02:29,567 [BABY CRYING] 9 00:05:39,549 --> 00:05:40,717 Merry Christmas. 10 00:05:43,094 --> 00:05:45,596 PAPERBOY: Penguin sighting! Check it out! Man or myth? 11 00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:48,808 What is he? Today's edition. Another Penguin sighting. 12 00:05:48,975 --> 00:05:51,644 Another Penguin sighting! Check it out! 13 00:05:51,811 --> 00:05:56,566 Grotesque penguin-man living in Gotham sewers. Read all about the latest sighting. 14 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:04,115 ICE PRINCESS: Could I have your attention, Gotham City? 15 00:06:04,282 --> 00:06:07,410 It is time for tonight's lighting of the tree. 16 00:06:07,952 --> 00:06:09,954 [CROWD CHEERING] 17 00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:13,291 How about that? 18 00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:17,962 ["WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 19 00:06:29,766 --> 00:06:33,144 PAPERBOY: Part man, part penguin. All horrifying! 20 00:06:33,311 --> 00:06:36,314 Find out for only 50 cents. Come on! 21 00:06:36,481 --> 00:06:40,651 Read about the possible terror beneath our feet. Check it out, people! 22 00:06:40,818 --> 00:06:43,071 Read about it! Today's issue. 23 00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:45,397 Read about the latest sighting of the penguin creature. 24 00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:47,200 Missing link between man and bird. 25 00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:48,659 My dear boy... 26 00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:51,579 sometimes it's a diversion to read such rubbish. 27 00:06:51,746 --> 00:06:54,040 Most of the time, it's a waste of time. 28 00:06:54,207 --> 00:06:58,377 Whatever. Today's issue, the Penguin. Check him out. Man or myth? 29 00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:01,464 The Globe. Right here. Twenty-five cents. 30 00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:27,281 MAYOR: Well, here's hoping. 31 00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:31,369 Maybe with a little luck, Gotham will have its first merry Christmas in a good long while. 32 00:07:31,536 --> 00:07:35,873 I feel almost vulgar in this yuletide context mentioning the new power plant. 33 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,293 But if we're gonna break ground, when we gotta break ground... 34 00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:44,173 I'll need permits, variances, tax incentives. That sort of pesky nonsense. 35 00:07:45,883 --> 00:07:47,385 Power plant? 36 00:07:47,552 --> 00:07:49,971 Max, all our studies show us we've got enough power... 37 00:07:50,138 --> 00:07:52,098 to get us into the middle of the next century. 38 00:07:52,265 --> 00:07:54,517 Your analysts are talking growth at 1 percent per annum. 39 00:07:54,684 --> 00:07:56,811 That's not growth. That's a mild swelling. 40 00:07:58,563 --> 00:08:01,023 Imagine a Gotham City... 41 00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:05,903 of the future, lit up like a blanket of stars... 42 00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:08,239 but blinking on and off... 43 00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:10,867 embarrassingly low on juice. 44 00:08:11,242 --> 00:08:12,451 Frankly... 45 00:08:13,369 --> 00:08:15,163 I cringe, Mr. Mayor. 46 00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:19,250 Sorry, any plans you've got will have to go to the usual committees... 47 00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:21,294 through the usual channels. 48 00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:23,337 I have a suggestion. 49 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:32,263 Well... 50 00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:36,225 actually, really, just more like a question. 51 00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:41,939 I'm afraid we haven't properly housebroken Miss Kyle. 52 00:08:42,607 --> 00:08:44,609 In the plus column, though... 53 00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:46,360 she makes a hell of a cup of coffee. 54 00:08:54,744 --> 00:08:55,786 Dad. 55 00:08:57,163 --> 00:09:00,708 Mr. Mayor. It's time to go down and bring joy to the masses. 56 00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:13,179 "Actually, more of a question." 57 00:09:13,346 --> 00:09:15,306 You stupid corn dog. 58 00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:18,434 Oh, God. Corn dog. 59 00:09:28,486 --> 00:09:30,488 [CROWD CHEERING] 60 00:09:30,655 --> 00:09:32,490 All right. Give us some room. 61 00:09:42,917 --> 00:09:44,919 Wait, let him through, please. 62 00:09:45,086 --> 00:09:49,048 I have enough signatures from Shreck employees alone to warrant a recall. 63 00:09:49,215 --> 00:09:51,509 That's not a threat, just simple numbers. 64 00:09:51,676 --> 00:09:53,678 Maybe. But you don't have an issue, Max. 65 00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:55,721 And you sure as hell don't have a candidate. 66 00:09:55,888 --> 00:09:57,139 WOMAN: Hello, Mr. Shreck! 67 00:09:57,306 --> 00:09:59,433 Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. 68 00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:03,521 From those of us at City Hall to each and every one of you... 69 00:10:03,688 --> 00:10:04,855 happy holidays. 70 00:10:05,815 --> 00:10:08,734 We have with us tonight a man who really needs no introduction. 71 00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:10,486 He's given so much to our city. 72 00:10:11,279 --> 00:10:15,324 Will you welcome, please, Gotham's own Santa Claus: Max Shreck. 73 00:10:36,387 --> 00:10:39,223 Pick up those contracts from Personnel and... 74 00:10:39,390 --> 00:10:41,809 pick up the dry cleaning, paper towels... 75 00:10:44,729 --> 00:10:45,771 Oh, darn. 76 00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:53,112 Forgot my speech. 77 00:10:53,571 --> 00:10:56,490 Remind me to take it out on what's-her-name. 78 00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:03,164 Santa Claus? Afraid not. 79 00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:07,501 I'm just a poor schmo who got lucky. 80 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:12,256 And sue me if I want to give some back. 81 00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:20,431 I only wish I could hand out more than just expensive baubles. 82 00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:24,393 I wish I could hand out world peace... 83 00:11:25,353 --> 00:11:27,646 and unconditional love... 84 00:11:29,023 --> 00:11:30,941 wrapped in a big bow. 85 00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:36,989 PENGUIN: Oh, but you can. Oh, but you will. 86 00:11:43,621 --> 00:11:44,914 Merry Christmas. 87 00:11:58,636 --> 00:12:01,639 - Great idea. - Not mine. 88 00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:20,324 [WOMAN SCREAMS AND MACHINE-GUN FIRING] 89 00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:26,163 MAN: Let's go! 90 00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:51,814 [SIREN WAILING] 91 00:12:54,191 --> 00:12:55,734 What're you waiting for? The signal! 92 00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:31,395 We want the big guy! The guy who runs the show! 93 00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:36,484 - What do you want? - Not you! 94 00:13:37,610 --> 00:13:40,821 - Shreck! - You'll have to go through me. 95 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:41,988 CLOWNS: Ooh. 96 00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:44,408 - Chip. - Dad, go! Save yourself! 97 00:13:44,742 --> 00:13:45,826 Dad, go! 98 00:14:21,487 --> 00:14:23,489 [SCREAMING] 99 00:14:46,262 --> 00:14:48,347 [WOMAN SCREAMING] 100 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,856 [SELINA SCREAMS, THEN CLOWN CHUCKLES] 101 00:15:40,274 --> 00:15:41,650 Shut up! 102 00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:52,244 You take one step closer, Mr. Man-bat, and... 103 00:15:57,333 --> 00:15:59,043 Ha-ha-ha. You missed. 104 00:16:10,554 --> 00:16:11,764 Wow. 105 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:14,016 The Batman. 106 00:16:14,767 --> 00:16:17,353 Or is it just Batman? 107 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:22,483 Uh, your choice, of course. 108 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:28,113 Well, that was very brief. 109 00:16:28,781 --> 00:16:30,741 Just like all the men in my life. 110 00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:32,826 I know, what men? 111 00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:35,079 Well... 112 00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:39,083 Then again, there's you. But you need therapy. 113 00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,420 [SIREN WAILING] 114 00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:04,858 Thanks for saving the day, Batman. I'm afraid the Circus Gang is back. 115 00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,193 We'll see. 116 00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:09,738 They almost made off with our mover and shaker, Max Shreck, but... 117 00:17:10,489 --> 00:17:12,741 Where is that insufferable son of a bitch? 118 00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:24,897 Hi. 119 00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:33,906 I believe the word you're looking for is... 120 00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:35,783 [SCREAMS] 121 00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,371 [CLOWN CHUCKLING] 122 00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:47,586 Actually, this is all just a bad dream. 123 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:49,671 You're at home in bed... 124 00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:52,883 heavily sedated, resting comfortably... 125 00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:58,055 dying from the carcinogens you've personally spewed... 126 00:18:58,222 --> 00:19:00,808 in a lifetime of profiteering. 127 00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:04,228 Tragic irony or poetic justice? 128 00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:06,146 You tell me. 129 00:19:07,356 --> 00:19:08,857 My God, it's true. 130 00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:11,527 Penguin Man of the sewer. 131 00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:18,450 Odd as it may seem, Max... 132 00:19:18,909 --> 00:19:21,745 you and I have something in common. 133 00:19:23,914 --> 00:19:26,375 We're both perceived as monsters. 134 00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:32,297 But somehow... 135 00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:36,051 you're a well-respected monster... 136 00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:40,264 and I am, to date, not! 137 00:19:41,098 --> 00:19:44,768 Frankly, I feel that's a bum rap. I'm a businessman. 138 00:19:44,935 --> 00:19:46,311 Tough, yes. 139 00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:50,065 Shrewd, okay. But that does not make me a monster. 140 00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:54,945 Don't embarrass yourself, Max! I know all about you. 141 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:58,448 What you hide, I discover. 142 00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:00,742 What you put in your toilet... 143 00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:03,829 I place on my mantle. Get the picture? 144 00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:06,748 What, is that supposed to hypnotize me? 145 00:20:06,915 --> 00:20:09,751 No, just give you a splitting headache. 146 00:20:10,419 --> 00:20:11,795 It's not working. 147 00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:16,592 You big baby! Just blanks. 148 00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:20,012 Would I go through all this trouble tonight just to kill you? 149 00:20:20,178 --> 00:20:21,638 No, Max. 150 00:20:21,805 --> 00:20:24,016 I have an entirely other purpose. 151 00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:27,102 I'm ready, Max. 152 00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:29,980 I've been down here too long. 153 00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:33,108 It's time for me to ascend... 154 00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:35,235 to re-emerge... 155 00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:38,113 with your help... 156 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,990 your know-how... 157 00:20:40,157 --> 00:20:41,700 your savvy. 158 00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:45,037 I wasn't born in the sewer, you know. 159 00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:47,956 I come from... 160 00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:49,583 Like you. 161 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:53,045 And, like you, I want some respect! 162 00:20:53,462 --> 00:20:56,256 A recognition of my basic humanity. 163 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,050 But most of all... 164 00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:03,639 I want to find out who I am by finding my parents... 165 00:21:04,014 --> 00:21:06,141 learning my human name. 166 00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:10,854 Simple stuff that the good people of Gotham take for granted! 167 00:21:12,481 --> 00:21:13,649 And... 168 00:21:13,815 --> 00:21:17,152 exactly why am I gonna help you? 169 00:21:18,362 --> 00:21:19,571 Well... 170 00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:25,661 Let's start. 171 00:21:33,835 --> 00:21:36,505 Ooh. What have we here? Let's see. 172 00:21:40,384 --> 00:21:43,553 A batch of toxic waste... 173 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,598 from your clean textile plant. 174 00:21:47,724 --> 00:21:50,352 There's a whole lagoon of this crud in the back. 175 00:21:50,519 --> 00:21:52,312 That could have come from anywhere. 176 00:21:53,063 --> 00:21:57,609 What about the documents that prove you own half the firetraps in Gotham City? 177 00:21:57,776 --> 00:21:59,611 If there were such documents... 178 00:22:00,237 --> 00:22:01,613 that's not an admission. 179 00:22:01,989 --> 00:22:03,824 I would have seen to it they were shredded. 180 00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:06,410 Good idea. 181 00:22:07,911 --> 00:22:12,541 A lot of tape and a little patience make all the difference. 182 00:22:14,543 --> 00:22:15,877 By the way... 183 00:22:16,545 --> 00:22:18,672 how's Fred Atkins, your old partner? 184 00:22:19,214 --> 00:22:20,340 Fred? 185 00:22:21,425 --> 00:22:23,010 Fred's actually... 186 00:22:23,719 --> 00:22:26,680 I believe he's on extended vacation. He's good. 187 00:22:27,723 --> 00:22:29,266 [CHUCKLING] 188 00:22:30,392 --> 00:22:31,560 Good. 189 00:22:33,562 --> 00:22:37,566 Hiya, Max. Remember me? I'm Fred's hand! 190 00:22:37,733 --> 00:22:40,444 You want to greet any other body parts? 191 00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:42,279 Remember, Max... 192 00:22:42,446 --> 00:22:45,073 you flush it, I flaunt it. 193 00:22:46,450 --> 00:22:50,078 You know what, Mr. Penguin, sir? 194 00:22:54,249 --> 00:22:55,792 I think perhaps... 195 00:22:55,959 --> 00:22:59,296 I could help orchestrate a little welcome-home scenario for you. 196 00:22:59,463 --> 00:23:03,592 Once we're both back home, perhaps we can help each other out. 197 00:23:04,134 --> 00:23:06,595 You won't regret this, Mr. Shreck. 198 00:23:14,603 --> 00:23:16,396 Honey, I'm home! 199 00:23:18,523 --> 00:23:20,692 I forgot. I'm not married. 200 00:23:29,826 --> 00:23:31,161 [CAT MEWING] 201 00:23:31,328 --> 00:23:32,496 Miss Kitty. 202 00:23:34,289 --> 00:23:37,793 Back from more sexual escapades you refuse to share? 203 00:23:40,128 --> 00:23:41,713 Not that I'd ever pry. 204 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,050 Drink your dinner. 205 00:23:51,848 --> 00:23:52,933 What? 206 00:23:54,518 --> 00:23:56,728 How can anyone be so pathetic? 207 00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,525 Yes, to you I seem pathetic. But I'm a working girl. 208 00:24:01,691 --> 00:24:05,570 Gotta pay the rent. Maybe if you were chipping in instead of stepping out. 209 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,700 WOMAN 1 [ON RECORDING]: Selina, dear, it's your mother. Just calling to say hello. 210 00:24:10,867 --> 00:24:11,993 Yeah, right, but... 211 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,747 But I'm disappointed you're not coming home for Christmas. 212 00:24:15,914 --> 00:24:19,417 I want to discuss just why you insist on languishing in Gotham City... 213 00:24:19,584 --> 00:24:21,503 as some lowly secretary. 214 00:24:21,670 --> 00:24:23,088 Lowly assistant. 215 00:24:23,255 --> 00:24:24,381 [MACHINE BEEPS] 216 00:24:25,215 --> 00:24:28,135 MAN [ON RECORDING]: Selina, about that Christmas getaway we planned... 217 00:24:29,594 --> 00:24:34,432 I'll be going alone. Dr. Shaw says I need to be my own person, not an appendage. 218 00:24:36,518 --> 00:24:37,644 [MACHINE BEEPS] 219 00:24:38,728 --> 00:24:40,230 Some appendage! 220 00:24:45,861 --> 00:24:49,406 The party never stops on Selina Kyle's answering machine. 221 00:24:51,700 --> 00:24:54,578 Guess I should've let him win that last racquetball game. 222 00:24:55,245 --> 00:24:57,414 WOMAN 2: Hello, Selina Kyle. 223 00:24:57,914 --> 00:25:01,293 We're calling to tell you about exciting new Gotham Lady perfume. 224 00:25:01,459 --> 00:25:05,755 It makes women feel like women and the men have no complaints, either. 225 00:25:06,631 --> 00:25:07,757 [MACHINE BEEPS] 226 00:25:08,258 --> 00:25:09,301 SELINA: Hey, Selina. 227 00:25:09,467 --> 00:25:11,553 This is yourself calling to remind you, honey... 228 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,614 that you have to come all the way back to the office... 229 00:25:13,638 --> 00:25:14,931 You stupid corn dog! 230 00:25:15,098 --> 00:25:17,201 ...unless you remembered to bring home the Bruce Wayne file. 231 00:25:17,225 --> 00:25:18,625 Because the meeting's on Wednesday. 232 00:25:37,787 --> 00:25:38,955 Working late? 233 00:25:39,122 --> 00:25:40,248 Um... 234 00:25:41,583 --> 00:25:45,795 I'm just boning up for your Bruce Wayne meeting in the morning. 235 00:25:46,254 --> 00:25:50,050 I pulled all of the files on the proposed power plant... 236 00:25:52,302 --> 00:25:54,638 and Mr. Wayne's hope-for investment. 237 00:25:54,804 --> 00:25:57,641 And I even opened the protected files and... 238 00:25:57,807 --> 00:25:59,184 How industrious. 239 00:26:00,936 --> 00:26:02,812 How did you open protected files... 240 00:26:04,272 --> 00:26:05,315 may I ask? 241 00:26:07,275 --> 00:26:09,277 Um, well... 242 00:26:10,946 --> 00:26:15,325 I figured your password was "Heraldo," your chihuahua, and it was. 243 00:26:22,832 --> 00:26:28,463 Um, this is all very interesting, though a bit on the technical side. 244 00:26:29,506 --> 00:26:33,343 I mean, about how the power plant is a power plant in name only... 245 00:26:33,510 --> 00:26:36,805 since, in fact, it's gonna be a big, giant... 246 00:26:38,265 --> 00:26:39,516 capacitor. 247 00:26:41,142 --> 00:26:45,522 And that, instead of generating power, it'll sort of be sucking power from... 248 00:26:46,356 --> 00:26:50,485 um, Gotham City and storing it... 249 00:26:51,987 --> 00:26:53,113 stockpiling it. 250 00:26:53,905 --> 00:26:57,284 Which is a very novel approach, I'd say. 251 00:26:59,828 --> 00:27:01,121 And who would you say this to? 252 00:27:02,706 --> 00:27:03,957 Um... 253 00:27:04,958 --> 00:27:06,001 Nobody. 254 00:27:12,340 --> 00:27:15,343 What did curiosity do to the cat? 255 00:27:17,053 --> 00:27:18,930 I'm no cat. 256 00:27:19,389 --> 00:27:21,016 I'm just an assistant. 257 00:27:21,683 --> 00:27:22,809 A secretary. 258 00:27:23,393 --> 00:27:25,020 And a very good one. 259 00:27:26,104 --> 00:27:27,355 Too good? 260 00:27:28,565 --> 00:27:31,568 Listen, it's our secret. Honest. 261 00:27:32,068 --> 00:27:35,030 How can you be so mean to someone so meaningless? 262 00:27:35,196 --> 00:27:36,531 This power plant... 263 00:27:37,198 --> 00:27:39,909 is my legacy. It's what I leave behind... 264 00:27:40,076 --> 00:27:41,244 for Chip. 265 00:27:41,703 --> 00:27:43,830 Nothing must prevent that. 266 00:27:45,832 --> 00:27:46,875 Okay. 267 00:27:47,375 --> 00:27:51,588 Go ahead. Intimidate me, bully me, if it makes you feel big. 268 00:27:51,755 --> 00:27:53,631 I mean, it's not like you can just kill me! 269 00:27:54,257 --> 00:27:56,593 Actually, it's a lot like that. 270 00:28:06,478 --> 00:28:07,520 Huh? 271 00:28:08,104 --> 00:28:09,689 [CHUCKLING] 272 00:28:09,856 --> 00:28:10,982 Huh? 273 00:28:11,149 --> 00:28:12,776 [BOTH LAUGHING] 274 00:28:14,402 --> 00:28:17,364 You know, for a second there, you really frightened me. 275 00:28:18,198 --> 00:28:20,200 [SCREAMING] 276 00:28:27,916 --> 00:28:29,084 Really? 277 00:28:35,465 --> 00:28:37,467 [CATS MEOWING] 278 00:29:44,701 --> 00:29:46,161 Honey, I'm home. 279 00:29:49,372 --> 00:29:51,499 I forgot. I'm not married. 280 00:30:10,101 --> 00:30:11,352 [CAT MEOWING] 281 00:30:27,410 --> 00:30:30,288 WOMAN 1: Selina, this is your mother. Call me. 282 00:30:30,455 --> 00:30:31,581 [MACHINE BEEPS] 283 00:30:31,748 --> 00:30:34,834 Selina, this is your mother. Why haven't you called me back? 284 00:30:35,001 --> 00:30:36,044 [MACHINE BEEPS] 285 00:30:36,211 --> 00:30:38,046 WOMAN 2: Hello, Selina Kyle. 286 00:30:38,588 --> 00:30:41,966 We're just calling to make sure you've tried Gotham Lady perfume. 287 00:30:42,133 --> 00:30:46,429 One whiff of this at the office and your boss will ask you to stay after work... 288 00:30:46,596 --> 00:30:49,265 for a candlelight staff meeting for two. 289 00:30:49,432 --> 00:30:52,769 Gotham Lady perfume. Exclusively at Shreck's department store. 290 00:30:52,936 --> 00:30:54,604 [SCREAMS] 291 00:33:37,934 --> 00:33:41,562 I don't know about you, Miss Kitty, but I feel... 292 00:33:41,938 --> 00:33:43,940 so much yummier. 293 00:34:02,333 --> 00:34:04,043 Well, ladies and gentlemen... 294 00:34:05,795 --> 00:34:07,630 I stand before you once again... 295 00:34:07,797 --> 00:34:11,801 to denounce the urban chaos we seem to have to live with in our great city. 296 00:34:11,968 --> 00:34:13,386 It's got to stop. 297 00:34:13,553 --> 00:34:17,140 And it's going to stop. Our community is coming apart... 298 00:34:17,306 --> 00:34:20,101 in a season when it should be coming together. 299 00:34:20,268 --> 00:34:23,646 I don't care what the cynics may say. This is the Christmas season. 300 00:34:23,813 --> 00:34:25,565 It should be a time of healing. 301 00:34:25,732 --> 00:34:28,276 And I tell you that, not only as an official... 302 00:34:29,026 --> 00:34:30,778 but as a husband and a father. 303 00:34:31,779 --> 00:34:34,240 Last night's violence will not happen again. 304 00:34:37,493 --> 00:34:40,496 I'm not really one for speeches, so I'll just say, "Thanks." 305 00:34:41,038 --> 00:34:43,332 [BABY CRYING AND CROWD GASPING] 306 00:34:49,547 --> 00:34:51,549 CLOWN: No! It's the hideous Penguin Man. 307 00:34:51,716 --> 00:34:54,552 Here, take the baby. Just don't hurt me, please. 308 00:34:58,681 --> 00:35:00,683 [PENGUIN COOING] 309 00:35:41,390 --> 00:35:43,392 [PENGUIN GRUNTING] 310 00:35:47,814 --> 00:35:51,818 ANCHORMAN: This was the remarkable scene only minutes ago in Gotham Plaza. 311 00:35:51,984 --> 00:35:55,071 The mysterious Penguin saving the life of the mayor's baby and... 312 00:35:55,238 --> 00:35:59,575 announcing his presence to the world. PENGUIN: All I want in return... 313 00:36:00,409 --> 00:36:04,413 is a chance to find my mom and dad. 314 00:36:06,207 --> 00:36:09,210 A chance to find out who they are... 315 00:36:09,961 --> 00:36:12,755 and thusly, who I am. 316 00:36:13,965 --> 00:36:16,968 And then, with my parents... 317 00:36:17,885 --> 00:36:20,555 try to understand why. 318 00:36:21,597 --> 00:36:25,560 Why they did what I guess they felt they had to do... 319 00:36:27,270 --> 00:36:30,982 to a child who was born... 320 00:36:34,151 --> 00:36:35,653 a little different. 321 00:36:37,989 --> 00:36:41,868 A child who spent his first Christmas... 322 00:36:43,119 --> 00:36:44,954 and many since... 323 00:36:46,497 --> 00:36:47,832 in a sewer. 324 00:36:47,999 --> 00:36:50,501 Mr. Wayne? Is something wrong? 325 00:36:50,793 --> 00:36:51,878 No. 326 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:55,172 His parents. 327 00:36:55,339 --> 00:36:57,579 ANCHORMAN: Again, this scene, direct from Gotham Plaza... 328 00:36:57,675 --> 00:36:58,955 where we have just witnessed... 329 00:36:59,093 --> 00:37:00,887 I hope he finds them. 330 00:37:01,679 --> 00:37:05,725 Here he is, standing alongside Gotham's leading citizen, Max Shreck. 331 00:37:05,892 --> 00:37:08,561 REPORTER: How about a statement? People want to know. 332 00:37:19,488 --> 00:37:22,450 POLICEMAN: Penguin's not to be disturbed. REPORTER: This is a public place. 333 00:37:22,617 --> 00:37:24,511 - Take a walk. Move! - You're violating the First Amendment. 334 00:37:24,535 --> 00:37:26,655 - Breaching the freedom of the press! - Wait a minute. 335 00:37:28,205 --> 00:37:31,667 What about the freedom to rediscover your roots... 336 00:37:32,335 --> 00:37:33,836 with dignity and privacy? 337 00:37:34,003 --> 00:37:36,672 What's the deal, Mr. Shreck? Is the Penguin a personal friend? 338 00:37:36,839 --> 00:37:40,509 Yes, he's a personal friend of this whole city, so have a heart. 339 00:37:40,676 --> 00:37:43,471 Give the Constitution a rest, okay? It's Christmas. 340 00:38:10,289 --> 00:38:12,291 [BATS SQUEAKING] 341 00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:26,806 BRUCE: "Red Triangle Circus put on a swell show with fierce lions. 342 00:38:31,102 --> 00:38:33,396 "Circus return for two-week... 343 00:38:33,562 --> 00:38:34,939 "Kids will love..." 344 00:38:35,523 --> 00:38:36,607 Thanks. 345 00:38:41,237 --> 00:38:43,364 - It's cold! - It's vichyssoise, sir. 346 00:38:44,865 --> 00:38:46,409 It's supposed to be cold. 347 00:38:49,203 --> 00:38:52,331 "Circus is back with a freak show. May not be suitable for kids. 348 00:38:52,498 --> 00:38:54,166 "Featuring a poodle lady... 349 00:38:54,750 --> 00:38:56,210 "the world's fattest man... 350 00:38:57,003 --> 00:38:59,213 "and aquatic bird-boy." 351 00:39:00,256 --> 00:39:02,842 Why are you now determined to prove... 352 00:39:03,009 --> 00:39:05,553 that this Penguin is not what he seems? 353 00:39:06,387 --> 00:39:09,473 Must you be the only lonely man-beast in town? 354 00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:11,809 "The circus folded its tents yesterday... 355 00:39:11,976 --> 00:39:15,271 "perhaps forever, after numerous reports of missing children in several towns. 356 00:39:15,438 --> 00:39:18,024 "Police have closed down the Red Triangle's fairgrounds. 357 00:39:18,190 --> 00:39:21,777 "However, at least one freak-show performer vanished before... 358 00:39:22,611 --> 00:39:24,280 "he could be questioned." 359 00:39:26,574 --> 00:39:28,159 I suppose you feel better now, sir. 360 00:39:31,162 --> 00:39:32,329 No. 361 00:39:33,622 --> 00:39:35,416 Actually, I feel worse. 362 00:39:54,226 --> 00:39:55,686 ALFRED: Why are you still out? 363 00:39:55,853 --> 00:40:00,149 Are you concerned about that strange, heroic Penguin person? 364 00:40:01,317 --> 00:40:03,235 I think he knows who his parents are. 365 00:40:05,654 --> 00:40:06,906 There's something else. 366 00:41:59,810 --> 00:42:01,270 WOMAN: Penguin! 367 00:42:01,437 --> 00:42:03,439 REPORTER: Can we get a statement from you? 368 00:42:03,606 --> 00:42:04,815 So, Mr. Penguin... 369 00:42:04,982 --> 00:42:07,276 A penguin is a bird that cannot fly. 370 00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:10,654 I am a man. 371 00:42:11,947 --> 00:42:13,240 I have a name. 372 00:42:17,328 --> 00:42:19,705 Oswald Cobblepot! 373 00:42:21,123 --> 00:42:24,168 Mr. Cobblepot, you'll never get a chance to settle up with them? 374 00:42:27,296 --> 00:42:28,339 True. 375 00:42:29,590 --> 00:42:31,592 I was their number one son... 376 00:42:32,259 --> 00:42:34,470 and they treated me like number two. 377 00:42:35,638 --> 00:42:38,641 But it's human nature to fear... 378 00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:40,976 the unusual. 379 00:42:41,977 --> 00:42:45,105 Perhaps when I held... 380 00:42:45,481 --> 00:42:47,191 my Tiffany baby rattle... 381 00:42:48,484 --> 00:42:50,236 with a shiny flipper... 382 00:42:50,986 --> 00:42:54,114 instead of five chubby digits... 383 00:42:55,115 --> 00:42:56,325 they freaked. 384 00:43:00,496 --> 00:43:02,206 But I forgive them. 385 00:43:04,208 --> 00:43:06,961 [PAPERBOY READING HEADLINE] 386 00:43:07,127 --> 00:43:09,630 "You don't need hands as long as you've got heart." 387 00:43:09,797 --> 00:43:12,841 "My heart is filled with love. I feel 5 feet tall." 388 00:43:13,008 --> 00:43:16,637 - He's like a frog that became a prince. - No, he's more like a penguin. 389 00:43:21,350 --> 00:43:22,768 [WOMAN SCREAMS] 390 00:43:23,185 --> 00:43:25,229 Now, pretty little thing. 391 00:43:25,396 --> 00:43:26,897 Nice and easy. 392 00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:34,196 I just love a big, strong man who's not afraid to show it... 393 00:43:34,363 --> 00:43:36,031 with someone half his size. 394 00:43:38,158 --> 00:43:40,286 Be gentle, it's my first time. 395 00:43:42,162 --> 00:43:43,914 [MAN GRUNTING] 396 00:43:48,085 --> 00:43:49,962 Tic-tac-toe. 397 00:43:53,299 --> 00:43:54,675 Thanks. I... 398 00:43:54,842 --> 00:43:57,678 You make it so easy, don't you? 399 00:43:57,845 --> 00:44:01,265 Always waiting for some Batman to save you. 400 00:44:03,559 --> 00:44:05,394 I am Catwoman. 401 00:44:06,228 --> 00:44:08,063 Hear me roar. 402 00:44:22,244 --> 00:44:26,248 I'd offer you coffee, but my assistant is using her vacation time. 403 00:44:26,415 --> 00:44:27,624 Good time, too. 404 00:44:27,791 --> 00:44:31,545 Everyone but the bandits will be slacking off till after New Year, anyway. 405 00:44:31,879 --> 00:44:35,632 - I'm not sure I like the inference, Bruce. - Sorry, Max. Didn't realize I made one. 406 00:44:40,763 --> 00:44:44,725 I'm pushing this power plant now because it'll cost more later. 407 00:44:45,309 --> 00:44:47,144 A million saved is a million earned. 408 00:44:48,103 --> 00:44:51,190 I commissioned this report. I thought you might want to take a look at it. 409 00:44:53,650 --> 00:44:57,821 The point is, Max, Gotham City has a power surplus. I'm sure you know that. 410 00:44:57,988 --> 00:44:59,198 My question is... 411 00:45:00,407 --> 00:45:01,450 what's your angle? 412 00:45:01,617 --> 00:45:04,953 Power surplus? Bruce, shame on you. 413 00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:08,499 No such thing. One can never have too much power. 414 00:45:08,791 --> 00:45:12,002 If my life has a meaning, that's the meaning. 415 00:45:12,378 --> 00:45:16,507 Yeah, well, I'm gonna fight you on this. I've already spoken to the mayor... 416 00:45:16,673 --> 00:45:19,468 - and we see eye to eye. - Mayors come and go. 417 00:45:19,635 --> 00:45:21,637 Blue bloods tire easy. 418 00:45:21,804 --> 00:45:24,306 You think you could go 15 rounds with Muhammad Shreck? 419 00:45:24,473 --> 00:45:26,642 Well, I guess we're gonna find out. 420 00:45:26,809 --> 00:45:29,812 Of course, I don't have a crime boss like Cobblepot in my corner, so... 421 00:45:29,978 --> 00:45:32,398 Crime boss? Shows what you know... 422 00:45:32,564 --> 00:45:35,234 Mr. To-the-manor-born-with-a-silver-spoon. 423 00:45:35,401 --> 00:45:37,694 Oswald is Gotham's new golden boy. 424 00:45:37,861 --> 00:45:39,530 If his parents hadn't 86'd him... 425 00:45:39,696 --> 00:45:41,536 you two might have been bunkies at prep school. 426 00:45:41,573 --> 00:45:43,117 Oswald controls the Red Triangle Gang. 427 00:45:43,283 --> 00:45:44,326 [DOOR OPENS] 428 00:45:44,493 --> 00:45:45,933 I can't prove it yet, but we both... 429 00:45:46,036 --> 00:45:48,372 Wayne, I'll not stand for mudslinging in this office. 430 00:45:48,539 --> 00:45:52,042 If my assistant was here, she already would have escorted you out... 431 00:45:52,209 --> 00:45:53,794 Anywhere he wants. 432 00:45:53,961 --> 00:45:57,840 Preferably some nightspot, grotto... 433 00:45:58,006 --> 00:46:00,801 or secluded hideaway. 434 00:46:03,178 --> 00:46:05,264 - Nice suit. - Thanks. 435 00:46:05,431 --> 00:46:06,515 Selina. 436 00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:10,727 Selina. Selina. 437 00:46:10,894 --> 00:46:12,354 That's my name, Maximillions. 438 00:46:12,521 --> 00:46:15,107 Don't wear it out, or I'll make you buy me a new one. 439 00:46:17,025 --> 00:46:18,193 Selina... 440 00:46:19,361 --> 00:46:22,197 This is Bruce Wayne. 441 00:46:23,490 --> 00:46:25,951 - Yeah, we've met. - Have we? 442 00:46:26,118 --> 00:46:30,747 Oh, I'm sorry. You know what? I mistook me for somebody else. Sorry. 443 00:46:30,914 --> 00:46:32,082 You mean, mistook me. 444 00:46:33,208 --> 00:46:35,711 I mistook... Yeah. Isn't that what I said? 445 00:46:35,878 --> 00:46:37,546 No, I don't think so. 446 00:46:38,881 --> 00:46:39,965 What happened? 447 00:46:41,383 --> 00:46:44,845 Did you injure yourself on that ski slope? 448 00:46:45,888 --> 00:46:48,974 Is that why you cut short your vacation? Came back? 449 00:46:50,684 --> 00:46:53,687 It's a blur. 450 00:46:54,730 --> 00:47:00,402 I mean, not complete amnesia. I remember Sister Mary Margaret puking in church... 451 00:47:00,861 --> 00:47:03,280 and Betsy Riley saying it was morning sickness. 452 00:47:03,447 --> 00:47:06,450 And I remember the time I forgot to wear my underpants to school... 453 00:47:06,617 --> 00:47:10,412 and the name of the boy who noticed was Ricky Friedburg. 454 00:47:11,622 --> 00:47:12,956 He's dead now. 455 00:47:13,624 --> 00:47:16,752 But last night, complete blur. 456 00:47:18,795 --> 00:47:20,631 Couldn't you just die? 457 00:47:23,509 --> 00:47:25,802 Selina, please... 458 00:47:27,387 --> 00:47:29,264 show out Mr. Wayne. 459 00:47:29,431 --> 00:47:30,557 With pleasure. 460 00:47:32,559 --> 00:47:35,103 Um, your coat, Mr. Wayne. 461 00:47:35,604 --> 00:47:36,939 Oh. Right. 462 00:47:48,951 --> 00:47:52,162 You don't seem like the type who does business with Mr. Shreck. 463 00:47:52,329 --> 00:47:54,790 No, you don't seem like the type that takes orders from him. 464 00:47:54,957 --> 00:47:57,960 Well, that's a long story. 465 00:47:59,086 --> 00:48:01,213 I could free up some time. 466 00:48:03,048 --> 00:48:05,092 - I'm listed. - I'm tempted. 467 00:48:05,259 --> 00:48:06,343 I'm working. 468 00:48:07,761 --> 00:48:08,845 I'm leaving. 469 00:48:09,429 --> 00:48:12,558 - Dad, you buy that blurry business? - Women. 470 00:48:13,183 --> 00:48:15,060 Nothing surprises me, Chip. 471 00:48:15,727 --> 00:48:17,354 Except your late mother. 472 00:48:18,063 --> 00:48:20,566 Who'd have thought Selina had a brain to damage? 473 00:48:21,066 --> 00:48:22,442 Bottom line? 474 00:48:22,859 --> 00:48:26,905 She tries to blackmail me, I'll drop her out a higher window. 475 00:48:27,072 --> 00:48:30,284 Meantime, I've got badder fish to fry. 476 00:48:42,212 --> 00:48:45,173 Oswald, it's Max. 477 00:48:58,979 --> 00:49:00,147 You're home? 478 00:49:07,696 --> 00:49:08,864 How've you been? 479 00:49:10,699 --> 00:49:12,200 Your extended family? 480 00:49:13,201 --> 00:49:14,494 Good to have a family. 481 00:49:16,622 --> 00:49:18,665 I'd much rather not be disturbed now. 482 00:49:18,832 --> 00:49:21,918 Come on downstairs, Oswald. I have a surprise. 483 00:49:22,085 --> 00:49:23,587 I don't like surprises. 484 00:49:24,713 --> 00:49:26,465 [PENGUIN GRUNTING] 485 00:49:41,021 --> 00:49:42,064 Come on down. 486 00:49:55,077 --> 00:49:56,286 SHRECK: Don't peek. 487 00:49:58,455 --> 00:49:59,706 You'll spoil it. 488 00:50:05,504 --> 00:50:06,672 Ta-da! 489 00:50:23,397 --> 00:50:27,317 Yes. Adulation is a cross to bear. God knows I know. 490 00:50:27,484 --> 00:50:30,946 But someone's got to supplant our standing-in-the-way-of-progress mayor. 491 00:50:31,113 --> 00:50:34,616 And don't deny it, Mr. Cobblepot, you've got the magic. 492 00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:38,286 Your charisma's bigger than both of us. Come on down. 493 00:50:40,789 --> 00:50:41,915 Mayor? 494 00:50:43,125 --> 00:50:44,292 Mayor. 495 00:50:44,918 --> 00:50:49,589 Max, elections happen in November. Is this not late December? 496 00:50:49,756 --> 00:50:51,091 Don't worry about it. 497 00:50:51,258 --> 00:50:55,595 I want you to meet Jen and Josh, my image consultants. 498 00:50:56,346 --> 00:50:57,514 Here. 499 00:50:57,848 --> 00:50:59,433 Reclaim your birthright. 500 00:51:02,519 --> 00:51:04,604 I'm Jen. Hi. 501 00:51:05,981 --> 00:51:07,649 Okay, let's see. 502 00:51:07,816 --> 00:51:12,320 What I'd like to do first is to put these little glove thingies on you. 503 00:51:12,487 --> 00:51:15,157 Our research tells us that voters like fingers. 504 00:51:15,449 --> 00:51:17,743 So if we wanna just lose this... 505 00:51:19,494 --> 00:51:21,747 We'll do it another time then, okay? 506 00:51:23,039 --> 00:51:26,042 Not a lot of reflective surfaces down in the sewer, huh? 507 00:51:26,209 --> 00:51:27,419 [CHUCKLING] 508 00:51:29,629 --> 00:51:31,631 [ALL LAUGHING] 509 00:51:38,180 --> 00:51:42,851 Still, could be worse. My nose could be gushing blood. 510 00:51:46,521 --> 00:51:49,232 Your nose could be... What do you mean by that? 511 00:51:49,399 --> 00:51:50,776 [JOSH SCREAMING] 512 00:51:52,194 --> 00:51:53,653 Oh, God! 513 00:51:53,820 --> 00:51:56,031 Everybody, back to work! 514 00:51:56,823 --> 00:51:59,826 Let's make a mayor! 515 00:52:05,916 --> 00:52:08,794 You're right, we missed the regularly scheduled election... 516 00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:11,671 but elected officials can be recalled, impeached... 517 00:52:11,838 --> 00:52:14,466 given the boot. Look at Nixon. Agnew. 518 00:52:14,633 --> 00:52:16,468 Then think of you... 519 00:52:16,635 --> 00:52:19,638 Oswald Cobblepot, filling the void. 520 00:52:19,805 --> 00:52:21,348 I'd like to fill her void. 521 00:52:24,726 --> 00:52:28,814 We're gonna need signatures to overturn the ballot. I can supply those. 522 00:52:28,980 --> 00:52:32,818 - Teach her my French flipper trick. - Oswald, we need one more thing. 523 00:52:35,237 --> 00:52:36,488 A platform? 524 00:52:38,365 --> 00:52:42,869 Stop global warming. Start global cooling. Make the world a giant icebox. 525 00:52:43,036 --> 00:52:47,707 I like it. But to get the mayor recalled, we have to have a catalyst, a trigger. 526 00:52:47,874 --> 00:52:50,210 You're doing great, Mayor Cobblepot. 527 00:52:50,877 --> 00:52:54,047 Your table is ready, Mayor Cobblepot. 528 00:52:54,214 --> 00:52:57,759 I need you, Oswald. I need you now. 529 00:52:58,927 --> 00:53:03,390 That's the biggest parasol I've ever seen. 530 00:53:03,557 --> 00:53:07,435 Soon. One incident like the Gulf of Tonkin or the Reichstag fire. 531 00:53:15,735 --> 00:53:17,737 You want my old friends up there... 532 00:53:17,904 --> 00:53:20,574 to drive the mayor into a foaming frenzy? 533 00:53:20,740 --> 00:53:22,826 - Exactly. - Sounds fun. 534 00:53:23,410 --> 00:53:25,287 But... 535 00:53:26,454 --> 00:53:28,248 I mustn't get sidetracked, Maxie. 536 00:53:28,415 --> 00:53:30,000 I've got my own things to tend to. 537 00:53:30,166 --> 00:53:34,379 Sidetracked? Oswald, this is your chance to fulfill a destiny... 538 00:53:34,546 --> 00:53:36,798 your parents carelessly discarded. 539 00:53:41,177 --> 00:53:42,846 Reclaim my birthright, you mean? 540 00:53:43,013 --> 00:53:46,141 Imagine, as mayor, you'd have the ear of the media... 541 00:53:46,975 --> 00:53:49,644 access to captains of industry... 542 00:53:49,811 --> 00:53:51,980 unlimited poontang. 543 00:53:55,692 --> 00:53:57,819 You drive a hard bargain, Maxie. 544 00:53:59,404 --> 00:54:00,780 All right, I'll be mayor. 545 00:54:05,035 --> 00:54:07,621 Burn, baby, burn! 546 00:55:21,653 --> 00:55:22,696 [GROWLING] 547 00:56:01,401 --> 00:56:03,069 [NAILS SCREECHING] 548 00:56:49,199 --> 00:56:51,451 - Who is she? - What is she? 549 00:56:51,618 --> 00:56:54,329 I don't know whether to open fire or fall in love. 550 00:56:55,371 --> 00:56:56,498 You poor guys. 551 00:56:56,664 --> 00:56:59,834 Always confusing your pistols with your privates. 552 00:57:02,754 --> 00:57:05,298 Don't hurt us, lady. Our take-home's less than 300. 553 00:57:05,465 --> 00:57:07,300 You're overpaid. Hit the road. 554 00:57:21,022 --> 00:57:22,273 [SCREAMS] 555 00:57:25,110 --> 00:57:27,195 Yeah. Go ahead and hit me. 556 00:57:28,988 --> 00:57:30,031 [CHUCKLES] 557 00:58:05,984 --> 00:58:07,527 Admiring your handiwork? 558 00:58:10,071 --> 00:58:11,865 Touring the riot scene. 559 00:58:13,533 --> 00:58:16,119 Gravely assessing the devastation. 560 00:58:18,288 --> 00:58:20,373 Upstanding mayor stuff. 561 00:58:24,460 --> 00:58:25,712 You're not the mayor. 562 00:58:27,881 --> 00:58:30,300 Things change. 563 00:58:31,551 --> 00:58:32,677 What do you want? 564 00:58:32,844 --> 00:58:38,099 Ah. The direct approach. I admire that in a man with a mask. 565 00:58:43,646 --> 00:58:46,316 You don't really think you'll win, do you? 566 00:58:49,110 --> 00:58:50,612 Things change. 567 00:58:50,778 --> 00:58:52,155 [WHOOSHING] 568 00:59:03,416 --> 00:59:04,542 Meow. 569 00:59:15,845 --> 00:59:18,306 I saw her first. Gotta fly. 570 01:00:07,563 --> 01:00:10,275 How could you? I'm a woman. 571 01:00:10,858 --> 01:00:11,901 I'm sorry. I... 572 01:00:25,873 --> 01:00:30,586 As I was saying, I'm a woman and can't be taken for granted. 573 01:00:31,421 --> 01:00:34,048 Life's a bitch, now so am I. 574 01:00:35,258 --> 01:00:36,301 [YELPS] 575 01:00:50,857 --> 01:00:54,235 Who are you? Who's the man behind the bat? 576 01:00:56,571 --> 01:00:58,656 Maybe you can help me find... 577 01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:02,535 the woman behind the cat. 578 01:01:03,703 --> 01:01:06,831 No, that's not you. 579 01:01:08,166 --> 01:01:09,917 Ahh. 580 01:01:11,127 --> 01:01:12,754 There you are. 581 01:01:28,436 --> 01:01:30,480 Saved by Kitty Litter. 582 01:01:31,230 --> 01:01:32,482 [SNICKERING] 583 01:01:34,442 --> 01:01:35,943 Bastard! 584 01:01:52,877 --> 01:01:54,003 Alfred... 585 01:01:54,754 --> 01:01:57,298 bring me some antiseptic ointment, would you? 586 01:01:57,465 --> 01:01:59,300 ALFRED: Coming. Are you in pain, sir? 587 01:02:00,468 --> 01:02:03,471 No. Not really. 588 01:02:14,148 --> 01:02:15,316 Meow. 589 01:02:18,736 --> 01:02:19,987 PENGUIN: Thank you. 590 01:02:20,154 --> 01:02:22,156 [CROWD APPLAUDING] 591 01:02:26,202 --> 01:02:29,205 I may have saved the mayor's baby... 592 01:02:30,456 --> 01:02:32,834 but I refuse to save a mayor... 593 01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:35,795 who stood by, helpless as a baby... 594 01:02:36,212 --> 01:02:40,174 while Gotham was ravaged by a disease... 595 01:02:40,341 --> 01:02:44,929 that turned Eagle Scouts into crazed clowns... 596 01:02:45,096 --> 01:02:48,808 and happy homemakers into catwomen. 597 01:02:48,975 --> 01:02:50,059 Thank you. 598 01:02:52,937 --> 01:02:56,023 Oswald Cobblepot, the mystery man-beast who's been romancing Gotham... 599 01:02:56,190 --> 01:02:57,900 today made his bid to run Gotham. 600 01:02:58,067 --> 01:02:59,360 Thank you. 601 01:03:00,820 --> 01:03:05,241 Mr. Cobblepot, you are the coolest role model a young person could have. 602 01:03:05,867 --> 01:03:11,247 And you're the hottest young person a role model could have. 603 01:03:13,166 --> 01:03:14,250 Here. 604 01:03:15,293 --> 01:03:16,919 Wear a button. 605 01:03:18,212 --> 01:03:21,048 Let me just get it on there. 606 01:03:25,011 --> 01:03:26,220 Thank you. 607 01:03:27,346 --> 01:03:28,556 Thank you. 608 01:03:31,309 --> 01:03:32,949 I could really get into this mayor stuff. 609 01:03:33,102 --> 01:03:35,605 It's not about power, it's about reaching out to people... 610 01:03:35,771 --> 01:03:37,607 touching people, groping people. 611 01:03:37,773 --> 01:03:39,775 - Penguin... - My name's not Penguin! 612 01:03:39,942 --> 01:03:42,403 It's Oswald Cobblepot. 613 01:03:42,570 --> 01:03:46,199 Oswald, there's somebody here to see you. 614 01:03:48,201 --> 01:03:49,285 PENGUIN: Ooh. 615 01:03:49,452 --> 01:03:51,204 [PENGUIN GRUNTING] 616 01:03:53,789 --> 01:03:56,459 Just the pussy I've been looking for. 617 01:04:01,255 --> 01:04:02,798 It's chilly in here. 618 01:04:04,300 --> 01:04:07,094 - I'll warm you. - Down, Oswald. 619 01:04:07,261 --> 01:04:08,888 [SNIFFING] 620 01:04:09,764 --> 01:04:11,265 We need to talk. 621 01:04:11,432 --> 01:04:15,228 You see, you and I have something in common. 622 01:04:15,937 --> 01:04:17,355 Sounds familiar. 623 01:04:18,064 --> 01:04:20,107 Appetite for destruction? 624 01:04:20,274 --> 01:04:22,818 Contempt for the czars of fashion? 625 01:04:22,985 --> 01:04:24,820 Wait, don't tell me. 626 01:04:24,987 --> 01:04:28,449 Naked sexual charisma? 627 01:04:28,616 --> 01:04:29,825 Batman. 628 01:04:30,868 --> 01:04:33,746 The thorn in both our sides. 629 01:04:33,913 --> 01:04:36,165 The fly in our ointment. 630 01:04:36,332 --> 01:04:37,500 Ointment? 631 01:04:38,501 --> 01:04:40,836 I've got scented or unscented. 632 01:04:41,003 --> 01:04:42,547 I'll come back later. 633 01:04:43,089 --> 01:04:47,385 Perchance, are you a registered voter? I am a mayoral prospect. 634 01:04:47,552 --> 01:04:50,596 CATWOMAN: I have but one pet cause today. 635 01:04:51,055 --> 01:04:52,515 Ban the bat. 636 01:04:52,682 --> 01:04:57,395 Oh, him again. No bother. He's already history. Check it out. 637 01:04:57,853 --> 01:05:02,441 We're gonna disassemble his Batmobile and turn it into an H-bomb on wheels. 638 01:05:03,818 --> 01:05:05,027 CATWOMAN: No. No. 639 01:05:05,611 --> 01:05:08,114 He'd have even more power as a martyr. 640 01:05:08,489 --> 01:05:13,077 To destroy Batman, we must first turn him into what he hates the most. 641 01:05:13,244 --> 01:05:14,954 Namely, us. 642 01:05:16,831 --> 01:05:18,207 You mean, frame him? 643 01:05:18,374 --> 01:05:21,544 CATWOMAN: Not even in office yet and already an enemies list, hm? 644 01:05:23,337 --> 01:05:25,715 Those names are not for prying eyes. 645 01:05:26,507 --> 01:05:27,758 [BIRD CHIRPING] 646 01:05:27,925 --> 01:05:31,137 Why should I trust some cat-broad, anyway? 647 01:05:31,762 --> 01:05:36,058 Maybe you're just a screwed-up sorority chick who's getting back at her daddy... 648 01:05:36,225 --> 01:05:40,229 for not buying her that pony when she turned sweet 16. 649 01:05:50,781 --> 01:05:52,325 [WHISTLING] 650 01:05:57,079 --> 01:05:58,456 Nice birdie. 651 01:06:08,341 --> 01:06:11,385 Mmm. Mmm. 652 01:06:13,888 --> 01:06:15,348 Nice kitty. 653 01:06:15,514 --> 01:06:17,058 - Mm-mmm. - Nice kitty. 654 01:06:17,224 --> 01:06:18,851 Nice kitty. 655 01:06:24,106 --> 01:06:26,525 Look, Batman napalmed my arm. 656 01:06:26,692 --> 01:06:30,613 He knocked me off a building just when I was starting to feel good about myself. 657 01:06:30,780 --> 01:06:33,658 I want to play an integral part in his degradation. 658 01:06:37,662 --> 01:06:40,623 A plan is forming. 659 01:06:44,335 --> 01:06:46,170 [SQUEAKING] 660 01:06:47,922 --> 01:06:49,298 I want in. 661 01:06:51,676 --> 01:06:54,637 The thought of busting Batman makes me feel all... 662 01:06:56,722 --> 01:06:57,807 dirty. 663 01:07:02,186 --> 01:07:05,189 Maybe I'll just give myself a bath right here. 664 01:07:16,033 --> 01:07:17,952 I challenge the mayor... 665 01:07:18,119 --> 01:07:21,956 to relight the Christmas tree in Gotham Plaza tomorrow night. 666 01:07:22,957 --> 01:07:27,628 Sir, shall we change the channel to a program with some dignity and class? 667 01:07:28,462 --> 01:07:30,423 The Love Connection perhaps? 668 01:07:32,216 --> 01:07:34,677 Not that I have any faith in the mayor. 669 01:07:35,302 --> 01:07:38,681 But I hope and pray that Batman... 670 01:07:38,848 --> 01:07:43,018 will be present to preserve the peace. Thank you very much. 671 01:07:43,185 --> 01:07:44,353 Subtle. 672 01:07:48,149 --> 01:07:49,859 SELINA: Why are you doing this? 673 01:07:52,111 --> 01:07:53,863 BRUCE: Selina? - Huh? 674 01:07:54,029 --> 01:07:56,991 Hi. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. 675 01:07:57,158 --> 01:08:00,828 Scare me? No. I was just scaring myself, actually. 676 01:08:01,662 --> 01:08:03,748 I don't see how, but... 677 01:08:03,914 --> 01:08:06,834 It's nice to see you out in the real world, away from Shreck. 678 01:08:07,668 --> 01:08:10,004 Well, it's nice to be here. 679 01:08:14,008 --> 01:08:16,177 - You all right? - Hm? Mm-hm. 680 01:08:17,303 --> 01:08:20,389 You look like maybe you have the holiday blues or something. 681 01:08:21,056 --> 01:08:22,141 No. 682 01:08:23,058 --> 01:08:27,188 Boy, the news these days. Weird. 683 01:08:28,522 --> 01:08:30,441 I heard on TV that... 684 01:08:30,608 --> 01:08:33,110 Catwoman is thought to weigh 140 pounds. 685 01:08:34,195 --> 01:08:36,113 I don't know how these hacks sleep at night. 686 01:08:36,739 --> 01:08:39,158 It's not even accurate. "Batman blows it"? 687 01:08:39,825 --> 01:08:42,578 He probably saved millions of dollars in property damage alone. 688 01:08:43,996 --> 01:08:47,875 You're not going to that, are you? The relighting of the tree thing? 689 01:08:48,042 --> 01:08:50,377 No. I wouldn't be caught dead there. 690 01:08:51,504 --> 01:08:54,799 It's gonna be a hot time on the cold town tonight. 691 01:08:56,884 --> 01:08:59,845 You got kind of a dark side, don't you? 692 01:09:00,012 --> 01:09:01,889 No darker than yours, Bruce. 693 01:09:02,973 --> 01:09:04,433 [CAR HORN HONKING] 694 01:09:05,810 --> 01:09:08,604 Listen, why don't you come over and we can watch it together on TV? 695 01:09:08,771 --> 01:09:11,982 - What? - The tree-lighting ceremony. 696 01:09:12,149 --> 01:09:15,110 I can't. I have to be somewhere tonight. 697 01:09:15,277 --> 01:09:18,322 How about if you come over for an early dinner. Let's say 5? 698 01:09:18,489 --> 01:09:19,907 Let's say 6? 699 01:09:20,074 --> 01:09:21,700 Okay, 5. 700 01:09:21,867 --> 01:09:24,161 Five. You and me. Okay? 701 01:09:30,835 --> 01:09:34,088 The tree lights up, and then I push the button. 702 01:09:34,255 --> 01:09:35,506 No, wait. 703 01:09:35,673 --> 01:09:38,467 I press the button, and then the tree lights up. 704 01:09:41,262 --> 01:09:44,390 - Who are you? - Talent scout. 705 01:09:45,182 --> 01:09:46,433 Come in. 706 01:09:46,600 --> 01:09:50,229 You know, I don't just light trees. I'm an actress, as well. 707 01:09:50,396 --> 01:09:51,605 Ooh. 708 01:09:52,565 --> 01:09:55,776 ICE PRINCESS: What is that thing? A camera or something? 709 01:09:56,443 --> 01:09:57,486 Say cheese. 710 01:09:59,113 --> 01:10:00,155 Cheese. 711 01:10:00,614 --> 01:10:01,657 [THUD] 712 01:10:11,792 --> 01:10:13,002 Thanks, Alfred. 713 01:10:15,129 --> 01:10:17,464 I'm sure he's wonderful company... 714 01:10:17,631 --> 01:10:21,260 but doesn't the gold-plated bachelor bit get a little stale? 715 01:10:22,595 --> 01:10:26,015 A lot like the lonely secretary syndrome, I guess. 716 01:10:26,181 --> 01:10:29,101 - Executive assistant. - Sorry. 717 01:10:32,938 --> 01:10:34,023 Secretary. 718 01:10:38,819 --> 01:10:40,362 Any girlfriend? 719 01:10:42,907 --> 01:10:44,158 Sure. 720 01:10:45,451 --> 01:10:47,661 You mean, as in serious? 721 01:10:47,828 --> 01:10:50,915 Uh, no. Had one, didn't work. 722 01:10:51,081 --> 01:10:54,460 What went wrong? Hang on, I think I know. 723 01:10:55,502 --> 01:10:58,464 - You kept things from her. - No, I told her everything. 724 01:10:59,840 --> 01:11:01,342 And the truth frightened her? 725 01:11:01,508 --> 01:11:06,013 There are two truths, you know? 726 01:11:07,264 --> 01:11:10,392 She had trouble reconciling them, because I had trouble... 727 01:11:11,977 --> 01:11:13,354 reconciling them. 728 01:11:14,563 --> 01:11:15,689 Yeah. 729 01:11:17,650 --> 01:11:19,652 - See, Vicki thought... - Vicki? 730 01:11:21,236 --> 01:11:22,905 Ice skater or stewardess? 731 01:11:24,865 --> 01:11:27,993 No, she was a photojournalist. 732 01:11:28,160 --> 01:11:32,623 Well, was Vicki right about your difficulty with duality? 733 01:11:36,794 --> 01:11:37,962 See... 734 01:11:38,879 --> 01:11:41,298 If I say yes, then... 735 01:11:42,800 --> 01:11:44,760 you're gonna think of me as... 736 01:11:44,927 --> 01:11:48,013 a Norman Bates, Ted Bundy type and... 737 01:11:53,978 --> 01:11:57,356 Well, you might not let me kiss you. 738 01:12:00,901 --> 01:12:03,946 It's the so-called normal guys who always let you down. 739 01:12:04,530 --> 01:12:07,783 Sickos never scare me. At least they're committed. 740 01:12:11,370 --> 01:12:14,081 Well, yeah. 741 01:12:32,141 --> 01:12:33,225 [GROANS] 742 01:12:47,656 --> 01:12:50,242 - You can't do that. - Neither can I. 743 01:12:51,785 --> 01:12:55,122 REPORTER: The Ice Princess has been kidnapped. Commissioner Gordon... 744 01:12:55,330 --> 01:12:57,499 can you confirm for us the reports we're hearing... 745 01:12:57,666 --> 01:13:00,544 of Batman's suspected involvement in the abduction? 746 01:13:00,711 --> 01:13:03,130 This evidence is purely circumstantial. 747 01:13:03,964 --> 01:13:07,760 This was found, stained with blood, in the missing girl's dressing room. 748 01:13:10,095 --> 01:13:12,556 - I gotta get out of here. - No, it's your house. 749 01:13:12,723 --> 01:13:17,227 Hold on. Just sit for a second and relax. I'll be right back. 750 01:13:25,778 --> 01:13:28,989 - Alfred, I've got to get down to the plaza. - I saw it. 751 01:13:29,156 --> 01:13:31,158 I know. He's practically begging me to show. 752 01:13:31,325 --> 01:13:32,765 Which is why I hoped you'd snub him. 753 01:13:32,868 --> 01:13:35,871 No, I can't. There's been a kidnapping. Here's what I want you to do. 754 01:13:36,538 --> 01:13:37,664 [SOFTLY] Shit! 755 01:13:41,376 --> 01:13:45,339 Tell Selina, you know, Miss Kyle in there, tell her I had to go out of town. 756 01:13:45,506 --> 01:13:49,510 Tell her there's a big business deal that came up. No, you know what? 757 01:13:49,676 --> 01:13:53,263 Let her know, not in some kind of dumb, be-my-girlfriend kind of way... 758 01:13:53,430 --> 01:13:55,474 - I will relay the message. - Great. 759 01:13:59,144 --> 01:14:00,270 - Miss Kyle... - Alfred. 760 01:14:00,437 --> 01:14:03,315 - Mr. Wayne told me to tell you that... - Mr. Wayne? 761 01:14:03,482 --> 01:14:04,775 Bruce, yes. 762 01:14:04,942 --> 01:14:07,861 Um, would you tell him for me that... 763 01:14:08,028 --> 01:14:11,448 I've been going through a lot of changes and... 764 01:14:12,741 --> 01:14:14,743 No. Just that... 765 01:14:15,244 --> 01:14:18,997 this is not a rejection, my abruptly leaving. 766 01:14:19,581 --> 01:14:21,583 In fact, he makes me feel the way... 767 01:14:22,709 --> 01:14:24,044 I hope I really am. 768 01:14:24,628 --> 01:14:25,879 No. 769 01:14:26,046 --> 01:14:30,300 Could you just make up a sonnet or something, a dirty limerick? 770 01:14:30,467 --> 01:14:33,887 - One has just sprung to mind. - Thanks. 771 01:14:34,054 --> 01:14:37,224 - This way, ma'am. - Sorry. 772 01:15:05,669 --> 01:15:06,879 Where is that? 773 01:15:36,617 --> 01:15:38,202 MAYOR: Ladies and gentlemen. 774 01:15:38,368 --> 01:15:41,205 Please, if I could have your attention for just a minute. 775 01:15:43,540 --> 01:15:45,959 Folks, I know that to many of you... 776 01:15:46,126 --> 01:15:48,795 Gotham seems a bit beleaguered these days. 777 01:15:49,713 --> 01:15:52,382 But I want you to know that your elected officials... 778 01:15:52,549 --> 01:15:56,887 and your police department have the situation well in hand. 779 01:16:04,978 --> 01:16:06,563 [DEVICE BEEPING] 780 01:16:57,864 --> 01:16:59,741 - Gotta hurry. - Thank you. 781 01:16:59,908 --> 01:17:03,054 - It was set up to look like I did this. - No sweat. I'll just tell the police... 782 01:17:03,078 --> 01:17:05,122 I was kidnapped by an ugly birdman with fish breath. 783 01:17:05,289 --> 01:17:06,957 Did somebody say "fish"? 784 01:17:07,124 --> 01:17:09,459 I haven't been fed all day. 785 01:17:09,918 --> 01:17:10,919 Eat floor. 786 01:17:13,380 --> 01:17:14,715 High fiber. 787 01:17:15,382 --> 01:17:16,800 Hey, stud... 788 01:17:16,967 --> 01:17:20,554 - I thought we had something together. - We do. 789 01:17:36,611 --> 01:17:38,822 Gotta go. Girl talk. 790 01:17:55,839 --> 01:17:57,090 [BEEPING] 791 01:18:06,350 --> 01:18:10,479 She let me go. I think because I reasoned with her, girl to girl. 792 01:18:12,105 --> 01:18:14,107 Be careful. Don't move. 793 01:18:16,443 --> 01:18:17,819 Lawn dart! 794 01:18:19,446 --> 01:18:21,114 [BATS SQUEAKING] 795 01:18:21,948 --> 01:18:24,034 Rats with wings, do your thing. 796 01:18:24,201 --> 01:18:25,619 [ICE PRINCESS SCREAMING] 797 01:18:30,624 --> 01:18:32,793 Batman pushed the Princess! 798 01:18:37,297 --> 01:18:39,299 [BATS SQUEAKING] 799 01:18:47,766 --> 01:18:48,850 Hold your fire! 800 01:18:50,644 --> 01:18:51,978 Hold your fire! 801 01:19:04,449 --> 01:19:06,785 You're catnip to a girl like me. 802 01:19:07,828 --> 01:19:10,414 Handsome, dazed... 803 01:19:11,206 --> 01:19:13,166 and to die for. 804 01:19:20,966 --> 01:19:23,176 Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it. 805 01:19:24,177 --> 01:19:28,473 But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it. 806 01:19:37,566 --> 01:19:40,986 You're the second man who killed me this week. 807 01:19:41,153 --> 01:19:43,029 But I've got seven lives left. 808 01:19:43,196 --> 01:19:44,322 I tried to save you... 809 01:19:44,489 --> 01:19:47,868 Seems like every woman you try to save ends up dead. 810 01:19:48,743 --> 01:19:50,454 Or deeply resentful. 811 01:19:51,037 --> 01:19:52,914 Maybe you should retire. 812 01:20:16,062 --> 01:20:17,147 Damn. 813 01:20:52,432 --> 01:20:53,892 Outstanding. 814 01:20:54,601 --> 01:20:57,145 You're Beauty and the Beast... 815 01:20:57,312 --> 01:21:01,233 in one luscious Christmas gift pack. 816 01:21:01,399 --> 01:21:03,652 You said you were going to scare the Ice Princess. 817 01:21:03,818 --> 01:21:05,779 She looked pretty scared to me. 818 01:21:05,946 --> 01:21:07,364 [LAUGHING] 819 01:21:08,448 --> 01:21:09,824 Touch of the bubbly? 820 01:21:14,204 --> 01:21:15,956 So, what are we waiting for? 821 01:21:16,498 --> 01:21:19,793 Let's consummate our fiendish union. 822 01:21:19,960 --> 01:21:21,503 What are you talking about? 823 01:21:22,128 --> 01:21:25,090 Oh, come on. Can't you picture? 824 01:21:25,465 --> 01:21:27,717 It's dark in the mayor's mansion. 825 01:21:27,884 --> 01:21:32,097 I'm bushed, so here you come into the bedroom... 826 01:21:32,472 --> 01:21:34,349 twitching your little tail... 827 01:21:34,516 --> 01:21:37,686 my slippers in one hand, a dry martini in the other. 828 01:21:37,852 --> 01:21:39,187 CATWOMAN: Oh, please. 829 01:21:39,813 --> 01:21:41,898 I wouldn't touch you to scratch you. 830 01:21:42,065 --> 01:21:44,818 You lousy minx! I ought to have you spayed! 831 01:21:44,985 --> 01:21:46,695 You sent out all the signals! 832 01:21:46,861 --> 01:21:49,114 And I don't think I like you anymore! 833 01:21:57,497 --> 01:22:01,209 Goodbye, my unintended. Go to heaven. 834 01:22:25,609 --> 01:22:27,611 [SCREAMING] 835 01:22:38,121 --> 01:22:39,289 Thank you. 836 01:23:00,935 --> 01:23:01,978 There he is! 837 01:23:04,773 --> 01:23:06,524 Don't adjust your sets. 838 01:23:07,317 --> 01:23:12,072 Welcome to the Oswald Cobblepot School of Driving. 839 01:23:12,906 --> 01:23:15,992 Gentlemen, start your screaming. 840 01:23:26,753 --> 01:23:28,380 [LAUGHING] 841 01:23:49,359 --> 01:23:53,780 Maybe this is a bad time to mention this, but my license has expired! 842 01:23:54,114 --> 01:23:56,199 [SIRENS WAILING] 843 01:24:10,755 --> 01:24:11,798 Just relax. 844 01:24:11,965 --> 01:24:16,678 I'll take care of the squealing, wretched, pinhead puppets of Gotham! 845 01:25:03,475 --> 01:25:06,144 You gotta admit, I played this stinking city... 846 01:25:06,311 --> 01:25:08,188 like a harp from hell! 847 01:25:27,916 --> 01:25:30,126 Helpless old lady at 12:00 high. 848 01:25:43,264 --> 01:25:44,557 [PENGUIN GRUNTING] 849 01:25:52,440 --> 01:25:54,776 [YELLING] 850 01:26:07,747 --> 01:26:08,790 That's funny. 851 01:26:17,549 --> 01:26:18,925 Now I'm a little worried. 852 01:26:46,452 --> 01:26:48,454 So he survived. What's the worry? 853 01:26:48,621 --> 01:26:52,792 He didn't even lose a limb, an eyeball, bladder control. 854 01:26:52,959 --> 01:26:56,880 The point is, listen to them. They've lost faith in old symbols. 855 01:26:57,046 --> 01:27:00,174 They're ready to bond with you, the icon of the future. 856 01:27:00,341 --> 01:27:02,176 If it works, don't fix it. 857 01:27:02,343 --> 01:27:04,679 We'll celebrate tonight at my annual Max-querade Ball. 858 01:27:04,846 --> 01:27:06,931 Shreck and Cobblepot... 859 01:27:07,473 --> 01:27:10,643 the visionary alliance. Come on. 860 01:27:11,185 --> 01:27:13,187 [CROWD CHEERING] 861 01:27:29,495 --> 01:27:31,414 When it came time... 862 01:27:31,581 --> 01:27:35,251 to ensure the safety of our fair city... 863 01:27:36,336 --> 01:27:38,129 did the mayor have a plan? 864 01:27:38,296 --> 01:27:39,380 CROWD: No! 865 01:27:39,547 --> 01:27:40,673 PENGUIN: No! 866 01:27:41,841 --> 01:27:45,094 He relied on a man. 867 01:27:45,678 --> 01:27:47,555 A Batman. 868 01:27:48,014 --> 01:27:51,935 A ticking time-bomb of a costumed freak... 869 01:27:52,101 --> 01:27:55,688 Our prime concern is this ghastly grotesque. 870 01:27:56,022 --> 01:27:59,108 But let's not forget about repairing the Batmobile. 871 01:27:59,275 --> 01:28:01,527 There's security to consider. 872 01:28:01,694 --> 01:28:05,490 It's not as though we can take it to any old Joe's body shop, is it, sir? 873 01:28:05,657 --> 01:28:06,908 Security? 874 01:28:07,075 --> 01:28:09,118 Who let Vicki Vale into the Batcave? 875 01:28:09,285 --> 01:28:13,623 I'm sitting there, working, and I turn around and there she is. "Hi, Vick. Come on in." 876 01:28:23,091 --> 01:28:25,551 - Ready? - I think I'll take the stairs. 877 01:28:46,739 --> 01:28:51,619 PENGUIN: You ask me, am I up here for personal glory? 878 01:28:52,620 --> 01:28:53,788 No. 879 01:28:55,039 --> 01:28:58,334 I toiled for many years... 880 01:28:58,501 --> 01:29:01,170 in utter obscurity... 881 01:29:01,337 --> 01:29:05,299 beneath your boulevards. 882 01:29:06,509 --> 01:29:09,929 The glory that I yearn to recapture... 883 01:29:10,596 --> 01:29:13,725 is the glory of Gotham! 884 01:29:30,950 --> 01:29:34,245 How can this be accomplished? 885 01:29:35,663 --> 01:29:39,584 I know you're all concerned. 886 01:29:41,753 --> 01:29:43,463 PENGUIN [ON RECORDING]: Hey, just relax. 887 01:29:43,629 --> 01:29:48,885 I'll take care of the squealing, wretched, pinhead puppets of Gotham! 888 01:29:55,391 --> 01:29:56,851 I didn't say that. 889 01:29:59,270 --> 01:30:03,357 PENGUIN [ON RECORDING]: You gotta admit, I played this stinking city... 890 01:30:03,524 --> 01:30:05,485 like a harp from hell! 891 01:30:07,487 --> 01:30:09,614 [RECORDING REPEATING] 892 01:30:14,160 --> 01:30:15,286 Boo! 893 01:30:20,208 --> 01:30:21,834 [SCRATCHING] 894 01:30:30,927 --> 01:30:32,929 [CROWD BOOING] 895 01:30:37,350 --> 01:30:38,976 WOMAN: Get out of here! 896 01:30:47,443 --> 01:30:48,486 [YELLING] 897 01:31:05,878 --> 01:31:09,590 Why is there always someone who brings eggs and tomatoes to a speech? 898 01:31:34,198 --> 01:31:35,324 There he is! 899 01:32:06,731 --> 01:32:08,065 My babies. 900 01:32:09,567 --> 01:32:10,943 Did you miss me? 901 01:32:25,291 --> 01:32:26,834 Did you miss me? 902 01:32:28,586 --> 01:32:30,171 Great speech, Oswald. 903 01:32:31,589 --> 01:32:35,509 My name is not Oswald! It's Penguin! 904 01:32:35,801 --> 01:32:37,970 I am not a human being! 905 01:32:38,304 --> 01:32:41,515 I am an animal! Cold-blooded! 906 01:32:41,974 --> 01:32:43,643 Crank the a.c.! 907 01:32:43,809 --> 01:32:46,729 Where are my lists? Bring me the names! 908 01:32:47,813 --> 01:32:49,315 It's time. 909 01:32:49,482 --> 01:32:53,694 These are the names of the first-born sons of Gotham City. 910 01:32:53,861 --> 01:32:55,655 Just like I was. 911 01:32:55,988 --> 01:32:59,825 And like me, a terrible fate waits for them. 912 01:33:00,826 --> 01:33:03,871 Tonight, while their parents party... 913 01:33:04,163 --> 01:33:06,707 they'll be dreaming away... 914 01:33:06,874 --> 01:33:09,085 in their safe cribs... 915 01:33:09,252 --> 01:33:11,254 their soft beds... 916 01:33:11,504 --> 01:33:13,673 and we will snatch them... 917 01:33:13,839 --> 01:33:15,758 carry them into the sewer... 918 01:33:15,925 --> 01:33:20,179 and toss them into a deep, dark, watery grave. 919 01:33:20,680 --> 01:33:22,265 CLOWN: Um, Penguin? 920 01:33:23,182 --> 01:33:27,520 I mean, killing sleeping children, isn't that a little, uh...? 921 01:33:37,196 --> 01:33:39,865 No, it's a lot "uh." 922 01:33:49,375 --> 01:33:50,751 ALFRED: Mr. Wayne, a reminder. 923 01:33:50,918 --> 01:33:54,964 Tonight is that loathsome party hosted by the odious Mr. Shreck. 924 01:33:55,381 --> 01:33:58,092 May we RSVP in the resoundingly negative? 925 01:33:58,759 --> 01:33:59,802 Not interested. 926 01:34:02,346 --> 01:34:03,514 Although... 927 01:34:05,933 --> 01:34:07,810 Selina Kyle might be there. 928 01:34:11,439 --> 01:34:13,441 [BAND PLAYING "SUPER FREAK"] 929 01:34:31,250 --> 01:34:32,793 Ingenious costume. 930 01:34:33,419 --> 01:34:34,754 Let me guess. 931 01:34:35,087 --> 01:34:37,173 Trust fund goodie-goodie. 932 01:34:38,424 --> 01:34:39,759 Feeling good, huh? 933 01:34:40,760 --> 01:34:44,472 Well, you almost made a monster the mayor of Gotham City. 934 01:34:44,638 --> 01:34:46,682 I am the light of this city... 935 01:34:47,266 --> 01:34:49,477 and I am its mean, twisted soul. 936 01:34:50,269 --> 01:34:51,645 Does it matter who's mayor? 937 01:34:52,271 --> 01:34:54,607 - It does to me. - Yawn. 938 01:35:00,071 --> 01:35:02,073 [SONG ENDS AND CROWD APPLAUDS] 939 01:35:03,449 --> 01:35:06,452 [SIOUXSIE & THE BANSHEES' "FACE TO FACE" PLAYING ON SPEAKERS] 940 01:35:31,936 --> 01:35:33,104 - Hi. - Hi. 941 01:35:33,270 --> 01:35:35,773 I'm sorry about yesterday, but I had... 942 01:35:35,940 --> 01:35:39,193 a pretty big deal come through. Fall through, actually. 943 01:35:39,360 --> 01:35:42,196 It's okay. I had to go home and feed my cat. 944 01:35:51,038 --> 01:35:52,456 So no hard feelings, then? 945 01:35:55,334 --> 01:35:56,627 Actually... 946 01:35:58,963 --> 01:36:00,631 semi-hard, I'd say. 947 01:36:07,179 --> 01:36:10,933 There's a big, comfy California King over in Bedding. 948 01:36:12,226 --> 01:36:13,686 What do you say? 949 01:36:14,854 --> 01:36:16,605 You mean, take off our costumes? 950 01:36:20,359 --> 01:36:22,570 I guess I'm tired of wearing masks. 951 01:36:23,320 --> 01:36:24,447 Me too. 952 01:36:25,990 --> 01:36:27,491 Let me ask you something. 953 01:36:28,993 --> 01:36:30,369 Why'd you come tonight? 954 01:36:31,370 --> 01:36:33,122 - You first. - To see you. 955 01:36:35,666 --> 01:36:36,709 That's lovely. 956 01:36:38,461 --> 01:36:42,089 I really wish I could say the same, but I came for Max. 957 01:36:44,717 --> 01:36:46,427 What do you mean? You and... 958 01:36:46,594 --> 01:36:47,720 Not you and Max. 959 01:36:47,887 --> 01:36:49,430 [LAUGHING] 960 01:36:49,597 --> 01:36:50,890 Me and Max. 961 01:36:57,354 --> 01:36:59,732 No. This and Max. 962 01:37:02,485 --> 01:37:06,280 Don't give me a killing-Max-won't-solve-anything speech. 963 01:37:06,447 --> 01:37:07,573 Because it will. 964 01:37:07,740 --> 01:37:10,951 Aren't you tired of this sanctimonious robber-baron... 965 01:37:11,118 --> 01:37:13,621 always coming out on top when he should be six feet under? 966 01:37:13,787 --> 01:37:16,081 I'm sure you have a lot of problems with your boss... 967 01:37:16,248 --> 01:37:18,167 but who the hell do you think you are? 968 01:37:21,504 --> 01:37:23,672 I don't know anymore, Bruce. 969 01:37:25,424 --> 01:37:26,884 [LAUGHING] 970 01:37:38,145 --> 01:37:40,272 A kiss under the mistletoe. 971 01:37:41,857 --> 01:37:45,736 You know, mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it. 972 01:37:45,903 --> 01:37:47,696 But a kiss can be even deadlier... 973 01:37:50,616 --> 01:37:51,784 if you mean it. 974 01:38:02,461 --> 01:38:03,712 Oh, my God. 975 01:38:04,588 --> 01:38:06,674 Does this mean we have to start fighting? 976 01:38:08,342 --> 01:38:09,552 Let's go outside. 977 01:38:17,851 --> 01:38:19,895 [ALL SCREAMING] 978 01:38:45,504 --> 01:38:47,423 - Are you okay? - I'm all right. 979 01:38:56,181 --> 01:38:59,893 You didn't invite me, so I crashed! 980 01:39:01,103 --> 01:39:02,813 [CHUCKLING] 981 01:39:03,480 --> 01:39:06,483 - What do you want? - Right now, my troops... 982 01:39:06,650 --> 01:39:09,028 are fanning out across town... 983 01:39:09,194 --> 01:39:12,197 for your children! Yes! 984 01:39:12,364 --> 01:39:15,034 For your first-born sons! 985 01:39:15,200 --> 01:39:18,203 The ones you left defenseless at home... 986 01:39:18,537 --> 01:39:20,789 so you could dress up like jerks... 987 01:39:20,956 --> 01:39:23,667 get juiced and dance... 988 01:39:23,834 --> 01:39:25,169 badly! 989 01:39:29,882 --> 01:39:31,717 I've personally come... 990 01:39:32,384 --> 01:39:34,762 for Gotham's favorite son: 991 01:39:34,928 --> 01:39:36,555 Mr. Chip Shreck. 992 01:39:37,931 --> 01:39:41,352 You're coming with me, you great white dope... 993 01:39:41,644 --> 01:39:44,271 to die way down in the sewer. 994 01:39:44,438 --> 01:39:48,442 Not Chip. If you have an iota of human feeling, take me instead. 995 01:39:50,736 --> 01:39:52,655 I don't. So, no. 996 01:39:52,821 --> 01:39:54,823 I'm the one you want. Ask yourself. 997 01:39:54,990 --> 01:39:58,160 Isn't it Max Shreck who manipulated and betrayed you? 998 01:39:58,327 --> 01:40:00,496 Isn't it Max, not Chip... 999 01:40:00,954 --> 01:40:04,500 who you want to see immersed to his eyeballs in raw sewage? 1000 01:40:09,421 --> 01:40:11,340 Okay, you got a point. 1001 01:40:11,507 --> 01:40:14,426 I'll let the little prince live for now. 1002 01:40:14,593 --> 01:40:16,178 In the duck! 1003 01:40:43,330 --> 01:40:45,124 This is gonna be good... 1004 01:40:46,291 --> 01:40:50,796 to cut down a whole crop of Gotham's most promising... 1005 01:40:50,963 --> 01:40:52,631 before their prime. 1006 01:40:54,967 --> 01:40:57,720 You ask me, how do I lure them in? 1007 01:41:01,807 --> 01:41:04,435 A little Pied Penguin action. 1008 01:41:06,603 --> 01:41:09,857 And you get to watch them sink... 1009 01:41:10,023 --> 01:41:11,859 into a deep puddle... 1010 01:41:12,025 --> 01:41:15,070 of your industrial byproducts. 1011 01:41:15,487 --> 01:41:18,073 Then you join them. 1012 01:41:42,848 --> 01:41:44,850 [BABY CRYING] 1013 01:41:52,316 --> 01:41:55,194 Would you hurry up and get those kids loaded already? 1014 01:42:04,495 --> 01:42:06,955 Right this way, kiddies. Come on. 1015 01:42:07,122 --> 01:42:08,332 Come with me. 1016 01:42:09,082 --> 01:42:10,751 [MONKEY SHRIEKING] 1017 01:42:25,057 --> 01:42:26,892 So where are all the children? 1018 01:42:31,230 --> 01:42:33,232 [PENGUIN READING NOTE] 1019 01:42:36,610 --> 01:42:37,861 "Batman." 1020 01:42:39,530 --> 01:42:41,532 [YELLING] 1021 01:42:51,458 --> 01:42:53,585 My dear penguins... 1022 01:42:54,628 --> 01:42:57,256 we stand on a great threshold. 1023 01:42:58,465 --> 01:43:00,425 It's okay to be scared. 1024 01:43:01,218 --> 01:43:03,428 Many of you won't be coming back. 1025 01:43:04,054 --> 01:43:08,100 Thanks to Batman, the time has come... 1026 01:43:08,559 --> 01:43:10,811 to punish all of God's children. 1027 01:43:12,479 --> 01:43:16,108 First-, second-, third-, and fourth-born! 1028 01:43:16,275 --> 01:43:17,943 Why be biased? 1029 01:43:18,110 --> 01:43:20,153 Male and female! 1030 01:43:20,320 --> 01:43:23,323 Hell, the sexes are equal... 1031 01:43:23,490 --> 01:43:28,120 with their erogenous zones blown sky-high! 1032 01:43:28,287 --> 01:43:30,289 [PENGUINS SQUAWKING] 1033 01:43:30,789 --> 01:43:34,042 Forward march! 1034 01:43:34,793 --> 01:43:37,921 The liberation of Gotham... 1035 01:43:38,088 --> 01:43:40,674 has begun! 1036 01:44:24,676 --> 01:44:26,720 ALFRED: The penguins are moving above ground. 1037 01:44:52,537 --> 01:44:56,333 POODLE LADY: Penguin army approaching launch destination... 1038 01:44:56,500 --> 01:44:57,751 at Gotham Plaza. 1039 01:44:58,877 --> 01:45:01,213 One minute until ignition. 1040 01:45:01,380 --> 01:45:03,715 They wouldn't put me on a pedestal... 1041 01:45:03,882 --> 01:45:06,551 so I'm laying them on a slab! 1042 01:45:07,552 --> 01:45:10,055 ALFRED: The penguins seem to be converging on Gotham Plaza. 1043 01:45:33,328 --> 01:45:36,790 POODLE LADY: Thirty seconds until ignition. 1044 01:45:37,582 --> 01:45:40,585 Estimated casualties after launch: 1045 01:45:41,378 --> 01:45:43,755 100,000 people. 1046 01:45:45,924 --> 01:45:49,636 The penguins have reached Gotham Square. 1047 01:46:08,530 --> 01:46:11,033 Fifteen seconds to ignition. 1048 01:46:13,118 --> 01:46:14,661 Ready when you are, sir. 1049 01:46:17,664 --> 01:46:19,082 I've got the coordinates. 1050 01:46:19,249 --> 01:46:23,754 POODLE LADY: Ten, nine, eight, seven... 1051 01:46:27,257 --> 01:46:29,718 - All right. Let's turn them around. - Yes, sir. 1052 01:46:30,469 --> 01:46:32,471 [FREQUENCY WHINING] 1053 01:46:37,517 --> 01:46:38,643 Something is wrong. 1054 01:46:41,063 --> 01:46:43,398 Something has jammed the signal. 1055 01:46:53,075 --> 01:46:55,410 POODLE LADY: They seem to be turning around. 1056 01:47:24,231 --> 01:47:25,482 Hey. 1057 01:47:26,483 --> 01:47:29,569 POODLE LADY: There is also something coming this way. 1058 01:47:30,362 --> 01:47:32,864 Very large. Very fast. 1059 01:47:48,713 --> 01:47:49,840 Who's there? 1060 01:47:57,222 --> 01:47:59,141 I'm homing in on the signal's origin. 1061 01:48:14,447 --> 01:48:16,449 [YELLING] 1062 01:48:48,064 --> 01:48:49,608 [PENGUIN YELLING] 1063 01:49:16,009 --> 01:49:19,012 You're just jealous because I'm a genuine freak... 1064 01:49:19,179 --> 01:49:21,223 and you have to wear a mask! 1065 01:49:21,806 --> 01:49:23,433 You might be right. 1066 01:49:26,144 --> 01:49:30,106 But what it all comes down to is, who's holding the umbrella? 1067 01:49:35,612 --> 01:49:37,280 [REMOTE BUZZING] 1068 01:49:56,549 --> 01:49:58,051 My babies! 1069 01:49:58,343 --> 01:49:59,970 [YELLING] 1070 01:50:20,949 --> 01:50:22,951 [BATS SQUEAKING] 1071 01:50:24,828 --> 01:50:26,955 [SCREAMING] 1072 01:50:45,515 --> 01:50:47,142 [MONKEY SHRIEKING] 1073 01:51:34,647 --> 01:51:39,736 I don't know what you want, but I know I can get it for you with a minimum of fuss. 1074 01:51:41,112 --> 01:51:43,573 Money, jewels... 1075 01:51:43,990 --> 01:51:45,867 a very big ball of string. 1076 01:51:50,288 --> 01:51:52,082 - Your blood, Max. - My blood? 1077 01:51:52,248 --> 01:51:54,167 I gave at the office. 1078 01:51:54,334 --> 01:51:56,252 CATWOMAN: A half-pint. I'm talking gallons. 1079 01:51:56,419 --> 01:51:58,296 SHRECK: Let's make a deal. 1080 01:51:58,463 --> 01:52:00,298 Other than my blood, what can I do for you? 1081 01:52:00,465 --> 01:52:03,176 Sorry, Max. A die for a die. 1082 01:52:14,270 --> 01:52:16,564 You're not just saving a life, you're saving... 1083 01:52:16,731 --> 01:52:18,274 Shut up. You're going to jail. 1084 01:52:19,401 --> 01:52:23,947 Don't be naive. The law doesn't apply to people like him or us. 1085 01:52:24,114 --> 01:52:25,824 Wrong on both counts. 1086 01:52:35,875 --> 01:52:37,043 Why are you doing this? 1087 01:52:41,047 --> 01:52:42,966 Let's just take him to the police. 1088 01:52:44,843 --> 01:52:46,177 Then we can go home... 1089 01:52:47,720 --> 01:52:48,888 together. 1090 01:52:49,305 --> 01:52:50,515 [WHIP CRACKS] 1091 01:52:54,894 --> 01:52:55,937 Selina... 1092 01:52:59,232 --> 01:53:00,692 don't you see? 1093 01:53:02,026 --> 01:53:03,069 We're the same. 1094 01:53:05,864 --> 01:53:07,157 We're the same. 1095 01:53:08,741 --> 01:53:11,494 Split, right down the center. 1096 01:53:32,056 --> 01:53:34,350 Selina, please. 1097 01:53:36,060 --> 01:53:37,228 Bruce... 1098 01:53:38,062 --> 01:53:41,733 I would love to live with you in your castle... 1099 01:53:43,693 --> 01:53:45,904 forever, just like in a fairy tale. 1100 01:53:52,160 --> 01:53:55,830 I just couldn't live with myself. So don't pretend this is a happy ending. 1101 01:53:55,997 --> 01:53:57,123 Selina. 1102 01:53:58,625 --> 01:53:59,876 Selina Kyle. 1103 01:54:01,419 --> 01:54:02,712 You're fired. 1104 01:54:03,254 --> 01:54:05,173 And Bruce Wayne... 1105 01:54:05,340 --> 01:54:07,133 why are you dressed up like Batman? 1106 01:54:07,300 --> 01:54:10,470 Because he is Batman, you moron. 1107 01:54:11,054 --> 01:54:12,096 Was. 1108 01:54:14,849 --> 01:54:16,017 Don't. 1109 01:54:16,184 --> 01:54:19,604 You killed me, the Penguin killed me, Batman killed me. 1110 01:54:19,771 --> 01:54:22,982 That's three lives down. You got enough in there to finish me off? 1111 01:54:23,149 --> 01:54:24,651 One way to find out. 1112 01:54:28,279 --> 01:54:30,532 Four, five. 1113 01:54:34,285 --> 01:54:35,828 Still alive! 1114 01:54:38,873 --> 01:54:40,542 [SELINA GROANING] 1115 01:54:45,129 --> 01:54:47,173 Six, seven. 1116 01:54:47,590 --> 01:54:50,218 All good girls go to heaven. 1117 01:54:50,635 --> 01:54:51,970 [GUN CLICKS] 1118 01:54:53,304 --> 01:54:54,973 [LAUGHING] 1119 01:54:56,307 --> 01:54:57,976 Two lives left. 1120 01:55:00,144 --> 01:55:02,605 I think I'll save one for next Christmas. 1121 01:55:05,149 --> 01:55:07,068 But in the meantime... 1122 01:55:08,945 --> 01:55:11,072 how about a kiss, Santie Claus? 1123 01:55:57,785 --> 01:55:59,787 [WHEEZING] 1124 01:56:42,205 --> 01:56:45,667 Shit! I picked a cute one. 1125 01:56:48,961 --> 01:56:51,089 The heat's getting to me. 1126 01:56:52,048 --> 01:56:54,717 I'll murder you momentarily. 1127 01:56:56,886 --> 01:56:58,262 But first... 1128 01:56:58,763 --> 01:57:01,182 I need a cool drink... 1129 01:57:01,599 --> 01:57:03,893 of ice water. 1130 01:58:45,244 --> 01:58:46,496 Alfred, stop the car. 1131 01:59:13,564 --> 01:59:14,732 [CAT MEOWING] 1132 02:00:07,702 --> 02:00:11,455 Well, come what may, merry Christmas, Mr. Wayne. 1133 02:00:12,665 --> 02:00:14,000 Merry Christmas, Alfred. 1134 02:00:16,168 --> 02:00:17,503 "Goodwill toward men." 1135 02:00:20,506 --> 02:00:21,549 And women.