大家好 Hello, everybody.
你好 Hel-lo!
-你好吗 -谢谢 -How you doing? -Thank you.
谢谢各位 Thank you.
-谢谢 -欢迎大家 -Thank you. -Welcome.
非常感谢 Thank you so much.
谢谢大家 在接下来的精彩节目中 Thank you and coming up in this incredibly exciting show:
一位年轻女士换轮胎 a young woman changes a wheel...
一位老年女士喝啤酒 ...an older woman drinks some lager...
理查德在看一本书 ...and Richard looks at a book.
看哪 Look at that.
然而… However...
然而 我们先来看詹姆斯·梅带来的影片 However, we begin with a film from James May,
他已经80多岁了 who's in his 80s.
什么 What?
等等 不好意思 No, wait, sorry.
我们先来看詹姆斯·梅关于80年代的影片 We begin with a film from James May about the '80s.
对 谢谢 Yes. Thank you.
80年代 华丽而又浮夸的时代 The '80s, a time of marvellous excess -
你懂的 戈登·盖柯和他的大垫肩 you know, Gordon Gekko and big shoulder pads
当然还有惊人的超级跑车 and of course incredible supercars -
其中最伟大的毫无疑问 the greatest of which, without question,
就是这一辆 was this one.
法拉利Testarossa The Ferrari Testarossa...
是一辆浮夸的车 ...was excess on wheels...
外观浮夸 ...be it looks...
个性浮夸 ...attitude...
连尺寸也浮夸 ...or even size.
这辆车问世时 人们都震惊于 When this car came out, people were absolutely aghast
这辆车的宽度 at how wide this car was.
我不是说像德尔男孩那样路子很宽 I don't mean wide like Del Boy,
我是说宽度 I mean wide as in width.
简直是巨大 特别是尾部 It was enormous! Especially at the back.
从它的每一片鳍片中 And it simply oozed charisma
都源源不断地散发出魅力 from every one of its slatted panels.
它毫无疑问 It was unquestionably...
只有这辆车才配得上迈阿密风云 ...the only car that could star in Miami Vice.
实际上 恩佐·法拉利太爱这部剧了 In fact, Enzo Ferrari loved that show so much,
以至于向主演唐·约翰逊 he actually gave its star, Don Johnson,
赠送了他自己的Testarossa his own Testarossa.
而约翰逊只是名人堂的冰山一角 And Don was just the tip of the celebrity iceberg.
洛·史都华有一辆 艾尔顿·约翰有一辆 Rod Stewart had one, Elton John had one,
拳王泰森有一辆 Mike Tyson had one,
O·J·辛普森有一辆 OJ Simpson had one.
他应该还有一副驾驶手套 And presumably wore driving gloves.
这辆车的售价 在1985年发售时 The price of this car, when it went on sale in 1985,
是6万2666英镑 was £62,666
你肯定知道 这是怪兽的数字 That is, as I'm sure you know, the number of the beast.
当你释放这台5升的V12发动机… And, when you unleashed its five-litre V12...
它能飚到290km/h ...it would do 180 miles an hour.
在当时这是非常惊人的数字 That was an astonishing figure for the time.
它有速度 还有明星用户基础 It had the speed and the celebrity fan base.
但Testarossa算不上一种政治正确 But the Testarossa was not what you'd call politically correct.
举个例子 车窗的开关 Consider, for example, that the window switches
是藏在中控台上的这个小东西 are tiny little things hidden here on the centre console.
而你期望的位置 Where you'd expect them to be,
那里…看来是个巨大的烟灰缸 that...well, obviously, it's a huge ashtray.
有多大呢 如果盖子能反光 In fact, if they'd given that a mirrored lid,
这就是化妆镜 it could have had two uses.
如果说80年代是浮夸的年代 If the 1980s were the era of excess, then,
那么这辆车就是完美的体现 well, this was the perfect car for the era.
恐怕梅先生刚刚一直在浪费你们的时间 I'm afraid Mr May has just been wasting your time rather
因为那不是80年代的究极跑车 because that is not the ultimate '80s supercar.
这辆才是 This is.
要说纯粹的巅峰之作 For sheer over-the-topness,
没有什么车能比得上兰博基尼Countach nothing comes close to the Lamborghini Countach.
停在它旁边 Alongside it,
Testarossa看起来像家用两厢车 the Testarossa looks like a family hatchback.
你觉得法拉利很宽的话 If you think the Ferrari is wide,
这辆更宽 this is even wider.
而且Testarossa的车门没有这种特技 And the Testarossa's doors don't open like this.
这辆Countach的版本 LP5000 This version of the Countach, the LP5000,
于1985年发布 was launched in 1985,
就是特地来打压Testarossa的 specifically to put the Testarossa back in its box.
48气门 5.2升的V12发动机 Its 48-valve, 5.2 litre-V12...
能让Countach飚到300km/h ...can take the Countach to 186 miles an hour,
或者更精确地说 比法拉利快 or to be precise, more than the Ferrari.
在它的年代 它是世界上最快的量产车 In fact, in its day, this was the fastest production car in the world.
它有凯夫拉材质的引擎盖 I've got a Kevlar bonnet,
后轮胎像压路机一样宽 I've got rear tyres the size of road rollers.
这才是我们说的究极跑车 We're talking ultimate supercar here.
而这辆惊人的机器… And this incredible machine...
它的生产商当时不及法拉利一半的规模 ...came from a company that didn't have half the resources of Ferrari.
我来举个例子 Let me give you an example.
这辆车看起来很符合空气动力学 像导弹 This car might look super aerodynamic, like a missile.
但实际上 它从没有进过风洞 But in fact, it never saw the inside of a wind tunnel.
他们用不起风洞 They couldn't afford to put it in one.
于是他们就用一辆原型车 在高速上反复开 So instead, they ran a prototype up and down the motorway,
车身上贴满毛线 观察气流 with bits of wool stuck all over it.
我喜欢 I love that!
哟 他来了 Oh, hello. Here he comes.
吊车尾 The also-ran.
万年老二 Mr Silver Medallist.
那辆兰博基尼的问题在于 The trouble with that Lamborghini is,
它有点光说不做假把式 it's a bit "all mouth and no trousers."
世界上最快的车 才怪呢 Fastest car in the world, my arse!
兰博基尼自己也承认 当年的测试 Even Lamborghini will admit they ran slightly hooky cars
用的车有些猫腻 when they did the performance testing.
他们把反光镜拆了 到处减重 They took the mirrors off and stripped weight out of them.
就是大忽悠 Absolute flim-flam.
超级跑车对我来说 The thing is, supercars, to me,
就是达到极限巅峰 are all about being the ultimate.
我不管具体怎么样 但它就得是巅峰 It doesn't matter what that is, but it has to be an ultimate.
而这辆就是童年梦想的巅峰之车 And this is the ultimate bedroom wall poster car.
我小时候第一次见到它的时候 When I first saw one of these as a kid,
它点燃了我心中的火苗 it lit a flame in my heart.
如今我作为一个中年人与它邂逅 And when I saw one today, as a middle-aged man,
那团火苗开始熊熊燃烧 that same flame roared into life.
听听这声浪 Listen to that noise!
就像枪走火了一样 It's like a gun going off!
问题是 兰博基尼Countach并不算是一辆车 The problem is, the Lamborghini Countach wasn't really a car.
它并不为驾驶而生…而这辆是 It wasn't really for driving...but this was.
它有行李仓 有大容量油箱 It's got a proper boot, a decent-sized fuel tank,
座椅很舒适 it's got comfortable seats.
这辆车能征服洲际旅途 It's actually a continent crushing touring car.
终于 我们停车 Eventually, we pulled over
这样能让他跳起来打我的膝盖 so we could continue arguing face to chest.
噢 刹车了 好吧 Oh, brakes on. Brilliant.
停到线上 On the line.
好的 Right.
噢 这没办法… Oh, that's not...
后视镜没用啊 That doesn't help much in there.
你看不到后面 是吧 You can't see behind you, can you?
我只是想停得很准 你可以帮帮忙 I just want to be really accurate and you can help.
这个挡住了 这个也挡住了 That's in the way and that's in the way.
所以它的早期版本装了潜望镜 That's why the early ones had a periscope.
我有更好的主意 有个很酷炫的操作 I've got a better idea. There's a cool thing I can do here.
如果你这样坐在这里… If you sit here like...this...
然后你这样挂倒挡… ...and then you can put it in reverse, there...
你会碾过自己的脚的 You're gonna run over your own foot.
-转速没起来呢 酷不酷 -是 动起来了 -On no RPM. How cool is this? -Yes, it is moving. Yes, yes.
-我看起来非常酷 -往后倒 -I look pretty cool. -You're all right.
往后倒 You're all right.
-我在车里 但也不在… -稍往左打一把 -I'm in my car but not-- -Bit of left hand down.
-什么 噢好吧 -往左打一把 -What? Oh, yeah. -Left hand down.
就像越战时从直升机探出身子一样 It's like being out of the side of a helicopter in Vietnam.
就这么酷 没错 It's that cool. Yeah.
停车前我正在给观众朋友们解释 I was just explaining to the viewers before we stopped
这是一辆大忽悠 what a sham this car is.
这尾翼没有实际效果 That rear wing has no effect
只会让车更慢 other than to slow the car down
还有在高速行驶时让车头变轻 and make the front go light when you're at high speed.
其实还要更糟 这尾翼不合法的 It's actually worse than that cos it's illegal.
他们没钱给它做正式的审批 They didn't have the money to homologate it properly.
所以他们在工厂里把车装好 So they'd build the cars in the factory
再推到停车场 then wheel them out into the car park
有人用电钻把尾翼安上 and a man screwed them on with a power drill.
真的 我也很喜欢这段故事 Genuinely. And I love that about it!
-在停车场里吗 -对 我爱死了 -In the car park? -In the car park, finished it off. I love that!
你怎么不告诉观众 这辆超跑上的转向灯拨杆 Why don't we tell the viewers how the indicator stalk on your supercar...
是取自Morris Marina的 ...comes from a Morris Marina?
好吧 那我们来说说 Well, why don't we talk about the fact
你车上的电动后视镜调节钮 that the electric door mirror adjustors on yours
取自Austin Montego的 are out of an Austin Montego?
-我还以为你不知道呢 -我知道 -I was hoping you didn't know that. -I did.
咳咳 洛·史都华有一辆Testarossa Ahem. Rod Stewart had a Testarossa.
洛·史都华也有Countach Rod Stewart had a Countach.
对哦 Oh, yeah.
意见完全不一致 Unable to agree on anything,
我们决定采取更理智的方式… we decided to take a more intellectual approach...
来一场直线加速赛 ...by having a drag race.
纸面数据上 兰博无疑更快 Now, on paper, the Lamborghini is faster, definitely.
但我们已经看到 But as we've already observed,
兰博基尼在以往的测试数据中 Lamborghini were a bit fast and loose with their performance figures
存在猫腻 back in the day.
所以现在 我们终于可以一探虚实 So now, finally, we can find out for real.
然而 我们在起跑线上 However, as we sat on the start line,
出了一些岔子 something occurred to us.
车子都是私人藏品 对吧 These are privately owned cars, aren't they?
没错 Correct, yeah.
好吧 是这样的 Well, the thing is,
Testarossa不适合静止起步 Testarossas don't really like standing starts,
因为这样容易把差速器烧了 cos they tend to blow their own differentials up.
新的差速器多少钱 How much is a new differential?
2万6千英镑 It's £26,000.
其实 幸好你提到这件事 Actually, I'm quite glad you've mentioned that.
因为这辆车也不适合静止起步 Because this don't like standing starts either.
它的后轮轮胎超级宽 It's those huge rear tyres.
离合器会烧 变速箱壳体也会裂 You get a fried clutch and a split gearbox casing.
那要多少钱 How much does that cost?
-3万6千英镑 -噢 -£36,000. -Ooh!
所以加在一起 就是6万2千英镑的赌注 So, in all, that's £62,000 at risk.
我知道 我觉得我们应该换种方式 I know. I fancy something we don't normally do -
来一场滚动起跑的直线加速赛 a rolling start drag race.
我也这么觉得 我一直想试试 Yes, I do too! I've always wanted to try a rolling start drag race.
出于种种原因 今天用这俩车效果更好 And for some reason, today in these cars, I prefer that option.
所以 当绿灯亮起时 So, when the light went green,
我们一起缓缓起步 we gently pull away together.
然后在白线处 油门到底 And then, at the white line, floor it.
滚动起跑 Rolling start.
越过白线 然后一脚油门 Across the line and bin it!
开始了 And they're off.
他跑远了 He's getting away.
多么畅爽的感觉 What an astonishing feeling!
嗷 一辆愤怒的Countach Aww! An angry Countach!
140km/h 140...
行了 There you go.
蛮牛狠狠踢了跃马的屁股 The bull has kicked the horse's arse.
就算你的车窗小的可怜 Even through that ridiculously small window,
也能看到你的得意脸 you look smug.
那必须的兄弟 因为我赢了 Oh, I am, mate, because I won.
这个很关键 And it matters.
确实很关键 烦就烦在这儿 It does matter, that's the annoying thing.
真的很关键 It really matters.
传奇般座驾 它们是传奇 Legendary cars. They are legends.
-太赞了 -非常特别的体验 不是吗 -Fabulous. -It was a privilege, wasn't it?
-无可比拟 -没错 -Special. -Yeah.
有几件事你们在影片中忘记说了 A couple of things I think you forgot to mention in that film.
那辆Countach The Countach.
方向盘的手感就像砌在水泥里一样 The steering feels like it's set in concrete,
挡把也是 踏板也是 so does the gear lever, so do the pedals.
如果你开一下空调 And if you use the air conditioning,
感觉像是热狗在朝你吹气 it's like you're being breathed on by a hot dog.
他说的没错 He is right about that.
你也没发言权 因为你那辆又短又胖又扁的Testarossa And you can't talk either, cos your roly-poly barge Testarossa
就像你说的 是迈阿密风云里的人开的 was, as you said, driven by a man from Miami Vice
他会把西装袖子撸起来 who rolled his jacket sleeves up.
菲利普亲王肯定不会这么做吧 The Duke of Edinburgh doesn't do that, does he?
-海格伯爵也不会这样吧 -等一等 -Earl Haig doesn't do that. -Hang on a minute!
-什么 -你这样喷这两辆车 -What? -By attacking those cars,
你毁了我们一直以来 you are destroying the very foundations
喜爱而且珍重的东西 of everything we love and hold precious.
嗯哼 是时候毁得更彻底一些 Mm-hm. And now it's time to destroy them a little bit more
看看这两辆在埃博拉赛道上有多慢 by seeing how slowly those cars go round The Eboladrome.
出发了 起步猛到冒烟 And it's off in a clutch-slipping, smoky start.
噢 赛道很湿 Ooh, it's wet.
看这车身的俯仰和侧倾 And look at that lunging and pitching there.
她前往不直道 As she heads on to the Isn't.
看了一眼挡把 确保它没掉下来 Having a look at the gear lever, make sure it hasn't fallen off.
很明智地没有卷起袖子 Sleeves very sensibly rolled down.
看这车身侧倾 好的 Look at the body roll on it. Here we go.
她在努力把住方向 Oh, she's fighting the wheel there.
更大的侧倾 低姿态冲向留你名弯 More lean, as she lunges down to Your Name Here.
真的是蹲闪爬躲 It really is dodge, duck, dip, dive.
就像在看躲避球比赛 只不过更慢 It's like watching Dodgeball, only slower.
更无趣一些 And less amusing.
又朝下看了一眼挡把 Another glance down at the gear lever.
现在彻底释放这台水平12缸 And now ringing out that flat 12.
像快艇般冲往老奶房弯 Powerboating back towards Old Lady's House
激起一片水雾 in a wake of spray.
没法想象她如何享受这个过程 I can't imagine she's enjoying this.
好的 大力刹车 Right, hard on the brakes.
这里走线非常谨慎 Taking a wisely cautious line in there.
停了吗 没有 还在动 但差不多了 Has it stopped? No, still moving, just.
好的 挪往变电站弯 And now, yeah, lumbering towards Substation.
讲道理 它的声浪不错 In fairness, it does sound quite good.
可以说非常不错 Very good, actually.
像劳斯莱斯老爷车一样晃过这个弯 Wallowing through there like a Rolls-Royce Corniche.
只剩绵羊坡了 Just Field of Sheep to go.
是的 她在漂移 Yes, she's sliding it!
然后冲过终点 And across the line.
-她疯了 -绝对是疯子 -She's nuts. -That was absolutely nuts.
开Testarossa漂移 给我全中国的茶叶我都不干 Sliding a Testarossa - I wouldn't do that for all the tea in China.
一个技术问题 可能误导观众 Technical point that might confuse the viewers.
你刚刚说 "水平12缸的咆哮" You just said, "The roar from the flat 12,"
这句话是半对 但我说的是"V12" which is sort of right but I said, "V12,"
也是半对 因为它不是对置发动机 which is also sort of right, cos it's not a boxer.
它是180度夹角的水平V12 So it's a 180-degree flat V12.
-就像这样 -毫无兴趣 -Like that. -Literally not interested.
它是平的 It's a flat--
一个比较平的V12 It's a flattish V12.
不管怎样 现在来看看兰博情况如何 Anyway, it's now time to see how the Lambo got on.
Countach的起步更加利落 And it's a snappier start for the Countach,
粗壮的后胎碾入湿透的沥青中 mashing its fat rear tyres into that sodden Tarmac.
真的是湿透了 It really is sodden.
快速地瞟一眼 确保挂上挡了 A quick look down to make sure it's in gear there.
轻松地通过了直道上的第二个弯 Now easing off through the second curve on the straight.
再次给上油门 前往留你名弯 And back on the power towards Your Name here.
这周Abbie不用去健身房了 No need for Abbie to go to the gym this week.
开这辆兰博的运动量已经足够了 She's getting all the workout she needs in the Lambo.
她勇敢地劈进这个弯 Turning in hard as she dare.
尾翼跟平时一样没有丝毫效果 Rear wing doing absolutely nothing as usual.
噢 我还以为它要起飞了 Ooh, I thought it was gonna take off there!
现在挣扎着前往老奶房弯 And now the joyless wrestle back towards Old Lady's House.
穿过雨水 Through the rain.
我觉得中间点了一下刹车 A rush of the brakes, I felt, at the mid-point there.
现在大力刹车 降下挡位 Now, much harder braking and down through the gears.
听起来就像愤怒的低转速拖拉机 It sounded like an angry tractor at low revs.
现在向变电站弯冲刺 And now in the damp dash towards Substation.
它的声浪比法拉利 That makes an even better noise
还要更好听 真的 than the Ferrari, really.
很好 只剩两个弯了 Brilliant. Just two corners left.
她会在绵羊坡再漂移一次吗 Will she get this one sliding in Field of Sheep?
这里有点晃 过绵羊坡时怎么样 Bit of a wiggle there but through the Field of Sheep?
没有漂移 好的 冲过终点 No, and there we are, across the line!
-勇猛 -勇猛 -Brave. -Brave.
好的 Right.
我们来看看他们的排名如何 兰博先来 Let's see where they go on the board, Lamborghini first.
等等 这是榜单的底部 Hang on, that's the bottom of the board.
他们排不到前面 对吧 They're not going to the top, are they?
看哪 第30名 See, look at that. 30th place.
比嘉年华快 It's faster than a Ford Fiesta.
我想说拜托 这很不错了 I mean, come on. That's pretty good.
这慢得太惨了 That is tragically slow!
这辆车很老了 It was a long time ago!
看起来不太乐观啊 It doesn't look good, does it?
本田思域 福特福克斯 都比它快 Honda Civic, Ford Focus - they're all quicker.
好吧 好消息是 All right, one good thing is,
Testarossa不会比这慢多少的 我们来看看 the Testarossa can't be much slower than that. Let's find out.
我的天哪 My God!
天呐 Oh, God!
它比大众Up!快 It is faster than the Up!
而且都是湿滑路况 这个对比很公平 And they're both in the wet so that's a fair comparison.
你输了吧 Loser, I believe.
听着 我觉得我们得面对现实 Look, I think we have to face facts here.
这两辆车非常慢 They're two very slow cars.
但至少它们非常昂贵 But at least they are expensive
而且驾驶体验极差 and horrible to drive.
总之 是时候在唠嗑街 Anyway, now it's time to bite into a cake of debate,
角落的咖啡店里 from the café of chat...
品尝一块辩论蛋糕了 ...on the corner of Conversation Street.
我估计我们拍了36段之后就江郎才尽了 I think after 36 of those we are running out of ideas.
形式逐渐严峻啊 It was getting desperate.
如今 有些年轻人 Now, any young people here,
对未来的驾驶充满希望 looking forward to driving maybe one day?
梦想在未来开上法拉利 兰博基尼 Thinking the future holds a Ferrari for you, Lamborghini.
别做梦了 一家亚伯丁的公司 Afraid not. There's a company in Aberdeen
认为未来汽车应该长这样 who've decided that the future actually will look like this.
天哪 Oh, God.
我的天 当真吗 Bloody hell. Really?
电动的吧 Electric?
不用说啊 肯定纯电动 Of course they're electric, obviously.
续航里程56公里 堆叠式车辆 Range of 35 miles. They're stackable cars.
等一下 就像人体蜈蚣那样吗 Wait, so they work like the human centipede, then?
当然不是 Not exactly like that, no.
不是 No. No...
没有 No.
我是说 它们可以拼到一起 What I mean is, they're all connected together.
没错 它们是相连的 可串联 Yeah, they're connected, exactly. They're connected.
等等 假设你是中间的那辆 Hang on, what if you're in the one in the middle, right?
和前车的目的地不同 And you want to go a different way to the one in the front.
该咋办 What are you gonna do?
还有更糟的 如果开中间那辆 It's worse than that. If you're in the middle
往哪开都没轮子啊 and go a different way, you won't have any wheels.
它的前后都被链住 They'll be left attached to the ones in the front and back.
轮子不够 There's not enough wheels.
确实 前后分离之后很奇怪 It does look like that, it looks ridiculous that the front and back separate.
"无轮可用呀" "We've got no bloody wheels!"
然而这是视错觉 后轮还在 Actually, it's an optical illusion, the back wheels are inboard.
有轮子 So you do have wheels.
但如果你坐在最后一辆 But what if you were in the back one
头车由哈蒙德驾驶 and it was being driven by Richard Hammond from the front?
-你肯定吓坏了 -没错 -You'd be bloody terrified. -Oh, all right!
有道理 Yes, that is a point.
但我觉得你们没搞清它的工作原理 But I don't think you quite understand how this works.
需要我来讲讲 I'll need to check it out.
有点复杂 你们尽量理解 It's quite complicated so bear with me.
预想状态是 这种供人使用的小车随处可见 You see, the idea is these cars are sort of everywhere for people to use.
夜间派人开着绿色的第一辆 And then at night, a man goes round in the green one, the one in front,
带着其他小车连成一串 and he collects all the others up behind him.
有点像机场里拉行李的小车 He's a bit like those men you see at airports, with all the trolleys,
拖着几公里的长龙 撞伤你的脚踝 and he ends up with that two-mile snake that bashes into your ankles.
-类似那种 -所以它会收集其他的车 -It's like that. -So it gathers them all up?
等等 比如你晚上开车到家 So, hang on a minute. You drive home in the evening, say.
-对 -开着自己的 -Mm-hm. -In your car.
早上起来发现车没了 因为有人收走了 You get up next morning but it's gone because a bloke's collected it?
对 Yeah.
不合适 毕竟大多数旅程是双向的 That doesn't work because most journeys by car are two-way.
开去了 还要开回来 You get there, then you need to get back.
除非你赶去安乐死 Unless you're driving to Dignitas.
不 他们会向那方面努力的 No, they'd work for that.
说不定会成为那里的收费项目 Maybe it's a Dignitas collection service.
问题是 我想搞清整个逻辑 The thing is, I'm going to try and work out how it...
太复杂了 他们确实 It's quite complicated. They have actually...
这有张具体的流程图 我们看看 There is a flow chart that explains how it works. Put that up.
-大家看 -我懂了 -Here we are. -Oh, I see!
你拿着公文包被一把大叉子捅进后背 You're stabbed in the back with a giant fork, and briefcase,
撞上1又2/3辆车 then you bump into one-and-two-thirds cars,
变成了1/2辆车 最后撞上一张火车图片 that turn into half a car, that crash into a picture of a train...
狗屁不通 This makes no sense at all!
等等 你看错啦 No, hang on a minute. You've got that wrong, haven't you?
撞到了两辆车 但只能开走一辆的3/4 You get into two cars but only drive off in three-quarters of one.
前往车站 可能你要出远门 And you go to the station, because presumably you're going somewhere,
但你人在外地 有人把车开回去了 but whilst you're going somewhere, somebody takes it and puts it back.
于是 回到车站的你没车开了 You get back to the station you haven't got a bloody car!
屁用不顶 That doesn't work!
不 他们其实要告诉我们 No, what they're saying is,
未来会非常不方便 the future is going to be very inconvenient.
没错 有道理 Yeah, it sounds that way.
这就是他们的本意 That's basically what they're actually saying.
我有个特别好的主意 你们提提意见 I've got a blindingly good idea, I'd like to run this by you...
-好呀 -当做讨论议题 -Sure. -...in a committee fashion.
如果 大家都有自己的车 What if... we had a car of our own.
可租可买 但它属于你 You could buy it or lease it, but it was, like, your car.
然后 我知道有点疯狂 And then... No, it's crazy, I know.
有很大可能 Then there'd be a pretty good chance
它会待在你停车的地方 it would be wherever it was when you last left it...
-直到你回来 -在座的所有人 -when you came back to it. -So all these people -
把车都放在停车场了 对吧 you've left cars in the car park here, have you?
-它们就待在那 -就这么办 -So they'd still be there... -That's exactly it!
它们可不会被陌生人开走 They won't have been collected up by a random stranger.
试想一下 出门发现车还在 真棒 Imagine this - you go out and your car's still there. Brilliant.
让我放飞思路 Let me run with that, if I may.
如果这些车靠一种魔法汁水运作 What if you could run these cars on a kind of magic juice?
只需2到3分钟补充 Takes two or three minutes to replenish them,
就能续航几百公里 you go hundreds of miles.
-这是什么魔汁呢 -从地下可以搞到 -What magic juice? -Well, you could get it from underground.
-原料是什么 -压碎的大虾 -What's it made of? -Squashed prawns?
感觉不太可能吧 老兄 It's all sounding a bit improbable, mate.
那我们让这家亚伯丁的公司看看 Well, let's take on the company from Aberdeen
究竟谁做的对 and see who gets it more right.
我想提一句罗伯特·库比卡 Can I talk about Robert Kubica?
波兰F1车手 这有照片 Polish Formula One driver, there's a picture of him now.
几年前 8年前 A few years ago, eight years ago actually,
他在拉力赛玩票的时候出了重大事故 he had a terrible accident while doing a spot of rallying for fun.
就是这辆 可以看到护栏插进了车内 That was the car. You see the crash barrier went into the car.
撞断了他身体右侧的每一块骨头 Broke every single bone on the right side of his body,
上到肩膀 下到脚踝 everything from his heel to his shoulder.
胳膊复位的手术做了7个小时 Had a seven-hour operation to put his arm back on again,
之后又做了17次手术 and then 17 more operations after that.
如今他的胳膊还不太正常 And his arm still doesn't work properly,
但在本周 他将回到F1赛场 but this weekend he is back in a Formula One car.
我觉得 他太了不起了 And I'd just like say, that's bloody brilliant.
神人 What a man!
太坚定了 Determination.
好比... Like um...
澳洲F1车手 马克·韦伯 Mark Webber, OK, the Aussie F1 guy,
前F1车手 former F1 guy,
欢迎前者回到F1赛场 发推庆祝 he welcomed him back to Formula One by tweeting:
"波兰人回来了 "Poland's man is coming back,
他是位勇士 这混蛋也太顽强了吧" what a warrior and tenacious prick he is."
说实话 对澳洲佬来说 Now, to be fair, to be fair for an Australian,
这已经算多愁善感了 that is getting quite soppy and sentimental.
"没错 他够混蛋的" "Ah, yeah, he's a prick."
对了 你们都知道 Oh, now. As I'm sure you know,
当下车坛风起云涌 there's a lot of work going on at the moment
纯电动 无人驾驶汽车 with sort of electric cars, driverless cars
-未来出行方式也在革新 -我们懂 -and the future of transportation and so on. -Yes, we have noticed.
没错 但我只要一项发明 Exactly. All I want is something that stops things
防止物品在驾车时掉进座椅下方 falling down the side of the seat when you're driving along.
汽车不变 I want the car I've got now,
我只想增加这个配置 but just something that stops that happening.
-就这一个吗 -这就是你全部的期待吗 -That's it? -That is the sum total of your ambition?
没错 Yes, it is--
在这个汽车拥有率 用法和功能的概念 At this period of fundamental change in the whole concept
都在发生根本改变的时代 就这一个吗 of car ownership, car usage, car functionality...
仅此而已 Mm-hm, that's all I want, something that...
因为大家都说开车发推不安全 Cos they say it's dangerous to tweet when you're driving.
-对吧 -对 -Yeah? -Yeah.
那样开着车 Driving along like that,
"哎呀 我的手机掉了" and "Oh, no, I've dropped my phone down there."
座椅升高 脑袋被挤 You've got the seat lifted, your head's squashed,
拼命把手伸到最下方 you're desperately shoving your hand down there,
挤进去 刮掉了手上好几层皮 shoving it in, all the skin's been peeled back at the side.
"找到了 找到了" "I'll get it, I'll get it."
-像一位下定决心的兽医 -没错 -"Like a... Like a determined vet. -Exactly!
确实如此 Exactly!
也不太对 Not exactly.
-有点像... -"加油啊 鼹鼠 快生出来" -Sort of, like... -"Come on, mole, give birth!"
"它炸了" "It's burst!"
为什么我们不能来点... Why can't we just have a little bit of a f...
我这么比划是因为英国是右舵 两边都一样 I mean, I'm doing it on this side because we're all British, but whatever side.
一小片东西就能挡住 这有何难 A little flap of material that stops things going down. I mean, how hard can that be?
我懂 这是个问题 I know what you mean, it is an issue.
我上次在911驾驶座下面 你记得吧 I once looked under the driver seat of my 911, and you'll remember this,
找到了之前的8副太阳镜 I found eight pairs of sunglasses I'd lost and replaced.
-确实 -就在车座下 -He did. -Just all under there.
那里有钥匙 金属块 亲戚朋友 There's house keys, ingots, relatives.
还有一种...当你落下东西的时候 There's also... And eventually you do drop something.
有东西真掉进去了 You know what it's like when you drop something and you think,
"我非捡不可"这时只能停车 "I really do need to get that back," so you have to stop.
从侧面和前面摸不到 And then you can't get it from here or from here.
只好从后面尝试 So then you have to go round the back,
要不永远也捡不回来 and you can never quite get in properly,
只能这样低下头 so you've got your hand under it like this.
那里总有 总是有 And there's always... There's always what feels like
一些毛茸茸的粘液 a bit of furry mucus.
对啊 确实有 大家都见过 No, there is! There is, there is! You've seen it!
-确实 -像毛绒绒的肿瘤 -That is always there. -Like a hairy tumour.
又软又湿 你只好 And it's squidgy, and you go...
那里总有 有那种 There always, always is one of those,
一定一定会出现在你想捡的东西上 and it's always, always on top of whatever it was you lost.
你知道吗 某人的车座下面很可能 Do you know, the Holy Grail will probably turn up
-会发现圣杯 -肯定的 -under somebody's driving seat. -It will.
我敢说 如果每个人翻翻座椅下方 I tell you what, if you went underneath everybody's seat,
如果今晚大家上车时找找 if you all tonight when you go back to the car,
看看座椅下面 have a look under your car seats,
把零钱凑起来 足够我们脱欧了 you will find enough loose change to pay for Brexit.
确实如此 肯定够 It could do it, it could tip it.
很可能凑出一大笔钱 大家同意吗 We could pretty much pay the whole lot. Who's with me?
好啊 Yes.
对啊 大家都鼓掌了 There you go, you see, people applauded...
好吧 也就3个人赞成 Well, three people applauded my idea.
-詹姆斯 -怎么了 -James? -What?
-趣味新闻 -我的天 -Interesting news. -Oh, God!
"我的天"是什么意思 What do you mean, "Oh, God"?
每当你俩说道 "趣味新闻" Well, whenever one of you two says, "Interesting news"
结果都关于战争 it turns out to be about the war.
不 这条不是 No, this... isn't about the war.
这条新闻是关于鸟类不同的飞行速度 This is interesting news about the speed of different birds.
-哦 更糟了 -我喜欢 -Oh, that's even worse! -Oh, I love this.
我们之前聊过 We've talked about this before?
自从上次他声称测出鸽子时速有40公里 They've been going on about this ever since he claimed
你俩就一直在聊这个话题 to have clocked a pigeon doing 25 miles an hour.
没错 上次我时速40公里 和一只鸽子并驾齐驱 I did. I was driving alongside, there was a pigeon that was doing 25.
总之 瑞士的测速相机捕捉到了一只鸭子 Anyway, a Swiss speed camera has clocked a duck...
记下了鸭子的速度 它触发了相机 It's clocked a duck, it's actually triggered the camera.
看吧 有图作证 Got a picture here, look, proving it.
-瞧啊 -一张鸭图 -Look at that! -And it took a picture of a duck.
-它飞得多块 -每小时51公里 How fast was it going? 32 miles an hour.
你瞧 真不可思议 There you go. That's quite incredible.
如果有人问 我觉得鸭子的时速也就32 33公里 Cos if I was asked, I'd say a duck would do 20 or 21--
没那么惊人 远没有那么有趣 It's not quite incredible, neither is it remotely interesting!
很有意思啊 这是一小块知识啊 哈蒙德 It is interesting! It's a piece of knowledge, Hammond!
这世界多一点知识 怎么会变坏呢 How can the world be a poorer place for having a bit more knowledge in it?
-说得对 -因为这种知识 -Exactly. -Because that knowledge
古怪又稀奇 对谁都没卵用 is peculiar and strange, and doesn't matter a bugger to anybody.
当你落魄到斯文顿扮演哑剧中的纽扣哥 You're not gonna be mocking when you're Buttons in the panto in Swindon
那时我和杰里米正驾着游艇挥手示意 and Jeremy and I are waving at each other from our super yachts
只因我们的电视剧集大获成功 because of the global success of our television series
"詹姆斯与杰里米 鸟类极速" James And Jeremy's The Speed Of Birds.
-肯定会火的 -谁会看啊 -It's gonna be absolutely massive. -Who'd watch that?
谁会看这种节目 Come on, who'd watch The Speed Of Birds?
谁想看他扮演斯文顿哑剧团里的纽扣哥 Who wants to see him as Buttons at the Swindon Wyvern?
我呀 Me.
不要啊 No! Never!
-我觉得唠嗑街到此为止吧 -我同意 -I think that marks the end of Conversation Street. Yes.
确实 我们继续吧 I think it does. I think I'll move it on,
因为我们都同意自己很喜欢小钢炮 because all of us agree that we do love a hot hatchback.
是的 因为它们很实用 成本低 维修也便宜 Yeah, we love that they're practical, cheap to run, cheap to repair,
跑起来像头失心疯的狒狒 but they still go like demented baboons.
现在出现了新款小钢炮 Yeah, and now there's a new breed of small hot hatchback.
为了评出哪台最棒 我们中老年三人组 And to find which one is best, we took The Grand Tour
去了旁边那块地 to that field just over there.
测试从这里开始 Yes, the start point for our test
我们在牛津郡的赛道 was our own track in Oxfordshire.
这就是我们的选车 And this is what we'd assembled.
我选了新款大众Polo GTI I've brought the new Volkswagen Polo GTI,
有197匹马力 which has 197 horsepower.
哈蒙德选了新款福特嘉年华ST Richard Hammond has brought the new Ford Fiesta ST,
也是197匹马力 which also has 197 horsepower.
詹姆斯·梅则是新款丰田雅力士 James May has brought the new Toyota Yaris,
名字就很搞笑 which has a ridiculous name,
Grmn the "Grmn".
Grmm-nn Grmm-nn...
Grmn 这怎么读 Grmm-nn Grmn. How do you say that? Grmm-nn...
格鲁米娜 Grumuna.
才不是 结尾没有a It isn't Grumuna, there's no "a" at the end.
上面写的是Grmn It says "Grmn".
-名字很有趣 -Grmn什么意思 -It is a funny name. -What does it mean, Grmn?
纽博格林的Gazoo赛车分部 Gazoo Racing Meisters of the Nurburgring.
-你最喜欢的地方 -这车就是在那儿研发的 -Oh! Your favourite place! -That's where it was developed.
Gazoo赛车又是个啥 And what is Gazoo Racing?
Gazoo赛车是丰田的赛车部门 Gazoo Racing is Toyota's racing division.
这台车是由一个小团队 This has been done by a small group of people
花了两年多时间 dedicating themselves over two years
打造的一台完美小钢炮 to making this the perfect hot hatch.
强化的车身 短小的弹簧 SACHS减震器 Stiffened body shell, shorter springs, SACHS dampers.
机械增压 还有锻造轮毂 It's got a supercharger, it's got special forged wheels,
特制轮胎 强化防倾杆 it's got special tyres, it's got stiffened anti-roll bars.
就连转向机都跟普通款雅力士不同 It's even got a different steering rack from the standard Yaris.
这才是真正小钢炮的制造技术 That's proper hot-hatch technology.
我的车才2万1千英镑 你呢 My car is just over £21,000, yours is what?
-不到2万镑 -不到2万镑 -Just shy of £20,000. -Just under £20,000.
2万6千还不止 Over £26,000.
超值 And worth every penny,
因为它就是作为小钢炮研发的 because it's properly developed as a hot hatchback.
这车可不好看啊 It's not a pretty car.
-我觉得好看 -就像一只眼睛化了妆 -I think it is. -It's put make-up on one eye.
一只眼睛上了略显疯狂的妆容 就像Kiss乐队 Slightly mad make-up on one eye, it's like Kiss.
就像每天早上看我女儿们化妆 It's like watching my daughters get ready in the morning.
我弄好了吗 弄好了 "Am I done?" "Yeah, you're done."
你的车是棕色的 Yours is a brown car.
-才不是棕色 -就是棕色 -It's not brown! -That is brown.
-是的 -不是 这是蘑菇色 -Oh, yeah, it is. -It isn't, it's mushroom.
摄像师肯定更懂颜色 是棕色吗 The cameramen know about colour. Is it brown?
-是棕色的 -绝对是棕色 -It's brown. -It's definitely brown.
这是蘑菇色 It's mushroom!
事已至此 我们停止了喋喋不休 At this point, we decided that instead of arguing
决定用一些实际测试辨别哪台车最棒 about which car was best, we should do some actual tests,
首先是追逐赛 starting with a pursuit race.
我们在赛道上的距离相同 Each of us was spaced at equal distances around the track
规则也很简单 and the rules were simple.
如果后面的车超了你 When you're overtaken by the car behind...
詹姆斯就淘汰了 ...James is out.
问一下 为什么我在碎石路上发车 Can I just ask, why am I starting on the gravel,
还是个弯道 而你们在柏油路面上 on a bend, when you two are on Tarmac?
-你有弹射启动么 -没有 -Have you got launch control? -No.
好吧 那你小心了 我有 Well, that's your look-out, then, isn't it? I have.
好吧 无所谓 开始吧 All right, what-evs. Let's go.
激活弹射起步 我准备好了 Launch control active! I'm ready.
三 二 一 走你 Three, two, one, go!
我们开始啦 Ooh, and we are away!
这个小东西很活泼啊 It's a lively little thing, this.
大家可别忘了 Let's not forget, shall we, that Volkswagen
大众发明了小钢炮 至今依然是佼佼者 invented the hot hatchback and they're still the best at it.
一台普通的掀背车 加强悬挂 Take an ordinary hatchback, stiffen the suspension,
强化车身 换个大排量发动机 stiffen the body, give it a big engine.
到此为止 The end.
小心了 Kazoo!
很不错 感觉很紧凑 这里会怎样 It's nice, it feels taut. What happens here?
结果会如何 Where does it go?
这种爆破音 我实在太喜欢了 This is cracking. I love these.
排气管的爆破音 Those little crackles and bangs from the exhaust,
由专门的阀门控制 it's got valves in it...
为了让声浪更好听 ...to make it sound good.
加油啊 进入碎石路 Come on, come on, come on, come on. And into the gravel cell.
车尾侧滑的感觉很有趣 It's actually quite funny the way the tail will slide round
你能感觉到刹车间歇发力 and then you can feel the brakes grabbing
防止你打转 to stop it actually spinning.
如此 在享受乐趣的同时 That way, you can have lots of fun
还不会发生意外 without there being blood or an ambulance.
不要啊 犯了点错 猩猩就跟在我后面 No, got it wrong, and I've got Jezza behind me.
那个不知道叫啥在我前面了 The "Grunumunum" is right in my sights now.
加油啊 刺激的时刻到了 Come on, come on, come on. This is exciting times now.
啊 不对啊 Duh! Incorrect.
方向盘打过了 Ah, that was, I overdid it.
不知道我在往哪走 Hard to see where I'm going now due to the dust cloud
正在Grunumunummmnnmm的尾尘里 from the "Grunumunummmnnmm".
不好 哈蒙德也在紧追大猩猩 Oh, no, Hammond's catching Clarkson as well.
这下有意思了 This is getting very interesting.
是时候给杰里米施压了 Right, time to reel Jeremy in.
加油啊 这就是... Come on, come on, come on, this is...
太宽了 Too wide.
你出局了 哈哈 You're out! Ha ha!
前面挡路的淘汰后 With the roadblock out of the way,
现在变成了两台车的消耗战 it became a two-horse war of attrition.
加油啊 大猩猩你完了 Come on, Clarkson, you're mine.
抓地力 抓住地啊 Grip. Grip, grip, grip.
小钢炮真带劲儿 Hot hatchbacks are such a riot!
真的 They really are.
如果现在有人问我 你想下车 If someone were to say to me now, "Do you want to get out
换台911Turbo或者488么 and swap into a 911 Turbo or a 488?"
我会拒绝 我真的不想 I'd say, "No, I honestly do not want to do that."
有点转向过度了 Oh, bit of lift-off oversteer.
小钢炮就是这样 That's what you want in a hot hatch.
几圈过后 Several laps later,
我俩的距离依旧没变 both of us were still the same distance apart.
我才意识到 我俩对赛道同样熟悉 It's just occurred to me we both have the same knowledge of this track,
而且都是197匹马力 we both have 197 horsepower.
这场比赛可能要点时间 This race may take a while.
-然而 -刹车要罢工了 我能感觉到刹车衰减了 However... -Brakes are fading, I can feel them fading a bit.
刹车过热了 They do get hot.
而我的车直接冒烟了 Mine meanwhile had got smoky hot.
因此 让我们同事感到极为不爽的是 So, much to the annoyance of our colleague...
我们决定这是场平局 ...we decided to call it a draw.
我想说 如果这是场普通比赛 不是追逐赛 Can I just say, if this was a proper race rather than a catchy-up race,
我就赢了 因为我开车更稳妥 不会让刹车过热 I'd be in the lead because I treated my car properly and didn't overheat the brakes.
-你听到了么 -我听到了 -Have you heard this? -I did hear that.
比赛里不能暂停 You don't pause in a race!
-你开车慢还能赢 -是的 -So if you drive slowly, you win? -Yes.
因为我的刹车不会过热 可以一直... Because my brakes aren't overheating, I could still be--
-你从没超过45km/h -胡扯 -You never went more than 28mph! -Rubbish!
你什么时候在电视或者现场见过这种比赛 When did you watch a motor race on the television, on Grandstand or--
与其继续听船长啰嗦他那奇怪的赛车理论 Rather than listen to any more of May's bizarre theories on motor sport...
我们决定进行下一项挑战 ...we decide to move on to the next challenge.
直线加速赛 A drag race.
这台车匹配2升的涡轮增压发动机 Let me talk you through the engine. It's a two-litre turbo.
夫复何求 What more do you want?
好吧 弹射起步 我准备好了 Right, launch control. I'm ready.
我也是 I'm also ready.
然而 James, on the other hand,
詹姆斯还在介绍他的Grunumm has some explaining to do about his "Grunumm..."
这台引擎真的很有趣 This engine's actually pretty interesting.
首先 这台发动机经过路特斯打磨 First and foremost, it's been breathed upon by Lotus.
它和爱丽丝的发动机规格差不多 They actually use a similar spec engine in the Elise.
但更有趣的是 它还用了机械增压 But perhaps more interestingly, it's supercharged,
这点与其他小钢炮不同 which is unusual in a hot hatchback.
为什么要用机械增压呢 它比涡轮增压更重... Why bother with a supercharger? It's heavier than a turbocharger...
数据是这样的 So the headline figures are:
我的马力最大 209匹 I have the most power, 209 horsepower.
我的车最轻 1135公斤 I have the lowest weight, 1,135 kilograms.
比克拉克森的大众轻了200多公斤 And that's over 200 kilograms lighter than Clarkson's VW.
他说完后 我们终于可以开始了 Eventually James finished talking and we were ready to go.
我可能赢不了 I probably won't win this.
我的车子最重 My problem is I've got the heaviest car
我还是最胖的 and I'm the heaviest driver.
比赛开始了 And we are away.
那该死的Polo要上哪去 Where's that bloody Polo going?
太棒了 Yes!
什么玩意 Oh, what?
胖子的胜利 A victory for the fat boy!
这只能说明大众把配置弄错了 That can only mean that VW have got their figures wrong.
再一次 Again.
出乎意料的结果有必要做个简报 This surprising result called for a bit of a debrief.
这台蘑菇色的Polo The mushroom-coloured Polo--
-棕色 -棕色大众赢了 -Brown! -The brown VW has won.
真的 我必须说实话 Actually, I've got to be honest.
我都没想到 I am quite surprised by its astonishing victory.
真烦人 而且你还无能为力 It is really annoying. And there's nothing you can do.
-因为这车很重 -还和这个的马力一样 -Cos it's heavy. -And it's only as powerful as this.
DSG变速箱是关键 The DSG gearbox makes a huge difference.
对啊 双离合器 Yeah, the double clutch. I mean
你俩每次换挡都会落后18米 Every time you two have to change gear, you lose 20 yards.
用古董手动挡肯定追不上 There's no way you can keep up with an old-fashioned box.
不是 它一个档位 然后再换 No, it's one gear, then another--
等等 Oh, hang on.
威尔曼先生来信息了 Text from Mr Wilman.
你们真蠢 "You idiots."
-好极了 -真不友好 -Nice. -Not very kind.
别再纠结双离合和转向过度了 "Stop banging on about double-clutch gearboxes and lift-off oversteer.
这些车的目标客户是年轻人 These cars are supposed to appeal to young people
他们可不知道这些 and they have no idea what those things are.
测试的胜出者将会是千禧一代最喜欢的车 The winner of this test will be the car that appeals most to millennials,
而不是你们这些老头 not old men like you."
我们要做什么年轻人感兴趣的测试 So what test do we do that young people would be interested?
等等 我有个主意 No, wait, I've had an idea.
到底什么是千禧一代 What exactly is a millennial?
在向詹姆斯解释清楚后 我们离开了测试赛道 Once we'd explained this to James, we left the test track,
开始了我们全新的年轻人友好型路测 and began our new youth-friendly road test.
我在门上贴了些年轻人常用的政治口号 What I've done is I've fitted some youth-friendly political stickers on the doors.
然后在挡风玻璃上贴了个跨性别的灵活万能的遮阳贴 And then on the windscreen, a transgender, fluid, neutral sunscreen.
当然了 这个杰里米说得是伟大的杰里米·科尔宾 The other Jeremy, of course, is the great Jeremy Corbyn,
工党领袖 leader of the Labour Party,
一个和婴儿耶稣姓名首字母相同的男人 a man with the same initials as the Baby Jesus,
伊斯兰教的先知之一 one of the prophets of Islam.
与此同时 理查德 出于某些原因 Richard, meanwhile, had for some reason
将海上天气预报贴在了车门上 put the shipping forecast on the doors of the Fiesta.
你为什么在车身上贴个暴雨 Why have you got "Stormy" on the side of your car?
这是年轻人喜欢的说唱歌手 Cos that's the name of the rapper that young people adore.
不 那是Stormzy No, that's Stormzy.
Stormy是美国的一个爱情动作影星 Stormy's that sexual intercourse enthusiast in America.
年轻人喜欢吗 Popular with young people?
这时 我来到了一个有机农场商店 Meanwhile, I'd headed for an organic farm shop
以测试我的改装 to test out my young-people modification.
我加装的设备 充电用的USB接口 What I've fitted to my car - it's powered by the same USB port
和你的电子烟一样 that you'd normally use to recharge your vape bong -
它是千禧一代的生活必需品 is the most important thing in a millennial's life.
当然 那就是榨汁机 And that is, of course, a juicer. Ta-da!
有了这个 我可以用很多十分道德的原料 Now, using this, I can make a whole range of tasty and nutritious juices
做出各种口味的营养果汁 using a variety of ethically-sound ingredients.
这样 我就没有支持那些 And that means I won't be beholden
宰牛杀鸡的 to evil American corporations that murder baby veals
邪恶美国公司 and snap the beaks off chickens.
在路上的杰里米和我正忙着争论 Back on the road, Jeremy and I were busy competing
谁能赢得千禧一代的心 to win the hearts and minds of the snowflakes.
因为你还年轻 所以会很关心环境 Because you're young, you'll care very much about the environment.
因此你会欣喜地发现 和Polo 丰田不一样 So you'll be very glad to know that unlike the Polo and the Toyota,
这车是三缸而不是四缸 this doesn't have four cylinders - the Fiesta only has three.
事实上 在巡航时 In fact, when it's cruising,
有一缸会停止工作 只剩俩缸 it can deactivate one of them and go down to two.
这是三缸车的创新之举 That's a world first on a three-cylinder car.
这也意味着 对北极熊更友好 And what it means is, it's nicer to polar bears.
车里都是布艺座椅 The seats in here are made from cloth,
所以内饰的制造过程并没有伤害任何牛 so no cow was harmed in the making of the interior.
除了做方向盘的那头小牛 Apart from a small veal who was used to make the steering wheel.
仅此而已 But that's it.
好的 这里面有甘蓝 苹果 Right, this one is kale, apple,
钓来的牛油果和道德满分的水 line-caught avocado and ethical water...
以及我刚掉进去的老花镜 plus my reading glasses which fell in there earlier on.
但没事 那是塑料镜片 所以很安全 But it doesn't matter, they've got plastic lenses so they're perfectly safe.
反正有人喜欢 Someone's gonna want that.
为了证明我们改装很到位 In order to see if we were on the right track,
我和理查德来到了 Richard and I had headed into the wonderful,
抵触汽车的美妙城市 牛津 anti-car city of Oxford.
很多很多人骑自行车 Many, many cyclists here.
看这些年轻人是如何称赞我的车 Look at the way young people are approving of my car
和贴纸 and my stickers.
老铁点个赞 Dab on it, wagwam!
我精通千禧一代的流行语 I speak the language of the millennial.
哈蒙德和梅就不行了 因为他们开着福特和丰田 Hammond and May won't be able to do that, cos they're in a Ford and a Toyota.
俩破车 They're bad whips.
你可以看到这条公交专用道 You'll see there's a bus lane here.
而嘉年华毫不介意 And the Fiesta is showing no sign at all
一半空马路根本没车用 of complaining that half the road is completely empty and unused.
这车无所谓 This car has no problem with that.
哈蒙德 我左边有几位登山客 There's a couple of hikers, Hammond, on my left.
我没有评价他们 因为那是不对的 I'm not judging them, cos judging people is wrong.
自行车手 Oh, cyclist.
有病啊 Maniac!
喝了他的果汁 詹姆斯也上路了 Having drunk his spectacles, James was now on the move.
我最新的果汁带点亚洲风味 My latest juice has a bit of an Asian flavour.
因为里面放了秋葵 磨制干姜 Because it's made with okra, some ground-up dry ginger,
一点大蒜和少许咖喱酱 a touch of garlic, a pinch of garam masala...
以及一块猪肉馅饼 and a pork pie.
当然 这车是在纽博格林上设计出来的 This car was, of course, developed at the Nurburgring,
可能听起来不太潮 which might sound not very millennial.
但另一方面 这也是世界上最环保的车 But on the other hand, it is the world's greenest circuit.
它完全 It is completely...
我去 Oh, Jesus!
天呐 God! Agh!
切回帐篷 Back to the tent.
说实话 I've gotta be honest...
除了你喝塑料那段非常邪恶之外 Apart from you drinking plastic, which is evil,
我觉得进展不错 这个吸引千禧一代的测试 I thought that was all going rather well, the test appealing to young people.
对 我们谈论了二氧化碳和北极熊 Yeah, we talked about carbon dioxide and polar bears
表达了对工党的支持 and expressed our support for the Labour Party.
没错 除了果汁喷了我一脸 很显然 Yeah, apart from the bit where the juicer blew up in my face, obviously,
我们觉得这测试进展良好 it was all going rather excellently, we thought.
确实 It was, yeah.
但不幸的是 威尔曼先生说我们完全没沾边 Unfortunately, Mr Wilman said we hadn't got the idea at all.
-对 -为了真正吸引千禧一代 -No. -And that to really appeal to millennials,
我们要想方设法让自己的车登上每日邮报线上版 we had to somehow get our cars in The Mail Online.
这对詹姆斯有不小难度 Now this was a bit of a problem for James,
-因为他声称从未看过每日邮报的线上版 -真没 -who claims he's never read The Mail Online. -I haven't.
詹姆斯 你也不是每日邮报的目标读者 You're not really The Mail's target audience, James.
你什么意思 What do you mean by that?
你不是一个油嘴滑舌的愤青 You're not a mealy-mouthed bitter person...
并不认为每个人比你幸运 好看 ...who believes that everyone who is luckier, better-looking,
有钱和有才的人都应该绞碎处死 richer and more talented than you are should be torn to shreds and executed.
行吧 不重要 规则很简单 Right, well, whatever, the rules were simple.
我们开车进入伦敦 用自己的车子 We had to drive into London and then do something with our cars
弄出一点会让狗仔队拍照的动静 that would get the paparazzi to take a picture of them.
谁被拍的照片发布数量最多 And then the winner would be the person who got the most amount of those pictures
就是赢家 actually published.
我决定自己带夫人 I decided that what I'd do was take my wife
去著名的英皇大道上 out for dinner at the glittering Bluebird restaurant
火爆的蓝鸟餐厅吃饭 on the famous King's Road.
这附近常有狗仔队出没 It's a popular haunt for the paps, this.
我敢确定 下车时 一定会被偷拍 And I felt sure we'd be snapped getting out of the little Ford.
好的 记得微笑 OK, right, so remember to smile.
要看上去真的很爱我 And look like you really like me.
-好的 -非常爱那种 -OK. -Like, a lot.
好的 Right.
来 牵着我的手 Hold my hand, there.
然后咱们在这站会儿 And then we'll just stand around for a bit.
-要和我老婆明迪一块吃饭 很期待 -还挺不错 -Looking forward to dinner with my wife Mindy. -That'll be nice.
另一边的杰里米决定要如此博得众人眼球 Jeremy, meanwhile, had decided that to get himself noticed,
他要来一次爆胎 然后让一位名人 he'd have a puncture, and then get a celebrity
帮他补胎 例如宾奇·费尔斯特德 like Binky Felstead to help him mend it.
-你拿备胎 -真的吗 -You grab the spare wheel. -Really?
你要扭动把手 车才会升上去 You have to twiddle it so the car goes up.
-升特别高才行 -老天爷 -Really high in the sky. -For God's sake!
快啊 用点力 Come on, put your back into it.
我好累 I'm exhausted.
同时 詹姆斯 James, meanwhile, was driving a car
开着没人要的车 that's never been papped
来到了伦敦没人去的一个区 through a part of London that's never been papped,
带着他的晚餐约会对象 历史学家玛丽·比尔德 with his dinner date, historian Mary Beard...
同样的无人问津 who hasn't been papped either.
我很高兴 I'm absolutely delighted.
这是我本月最开心的事了 This has made my month, this.
谢谢 你太客气了 Well... Well, thank you, that's very generous.
詹姆斯想了一些有趣的闲聊话题 James then tried to think of some interesting small talk.
这个方向盘的红线很有用 This has this handy piece of red in the steering wheel,
这样就能知道自己在走直线了 so you know when you're going in a straight line, you see.
他们想得真周全 They've thought of everything.
回到切尔西区 这时 Meanwhile, back in Chelsea...-
这里没有狗仔队 什么人都没有 There's no paps. There's nobody here.
-是的 -没人拍照 -No. -There's no photographers.
太荒谬了 It's ridiculous.
我经常在这被拍 I'm always being photographed here.
看吧 这张 Look, here I am.
这张 And here I am.
还有这... 她就是 And here... Oh, she's just...
她就是一个工作上的朋友 She's just a friend from work.
我们试试吵架吧 We should try having an argument.
-我不想吵架 -我想 你不想 -I don't want to have an argument. -Well, I do, and you don't.
已经开始吵了 很好 So we're already having an argument. This is good.
-我不想吵架 -看上去很生气就行 -I don't want an argument. -Just look a bit animated.
詹姆斯停好车后 Having parked his car,
来到了他最喜欢的印度餐馆 James was now in his favourite Indian restaurant,
学习古典历史 having a lesson in classical history.
这家伙就这么插入了 The idea of the bloke is that he is penetrating.
男人就是要做插入者 To be a man is to be the penetrator.
随时随地随洞 Every orifice he likes, sex wherever.
我必须得说 这和我想得不同 I've got to say, this is not what I was expecting.
我以为你会和我讲拱门的形状 I was thinking you'd give me some information about the shape of arches.
这样 我们可以聊那个 Oh, well, we can go on to that.
把那个弄好之后 So you've got to get that lined up.
再把新的放进去 And then put the new ones in.
你在干什么 这不... What are you doing? You're not--
-不好意思 这太油了 -我知道 -I'm sorry, it's really greasy. -I know!
也许只是爆胎 但却是个大新闻 This may have been just a puncture but it was proving to be big news.
就是这样换胎的 And that is how you change a wheel.
如果你在路上爆胎了 If you ever have a puncture on a motorway,
肯定会感激现在 you're going to be so grateful for this moment.
杰里米 我学到了 Lesson learned, Jeremy.
晚饭过后 With dinner over,
历史上最乏人问津的俩人 the two most unpappable people in history
等待狗仔队偷拍 were waiting to be papped.
我们站在这得看上去... 那啥 If we just stand here looking a bit sort of...yo know
-尴尬吗 -这个... -Embarrassed? -Well...
满怀期待 Expectant?
有人会给我们拍照的 Somebody will come and take a picture of us.
我有个想法 希望你不要误会 I've just had a thought. I don't want you to take this the wrong way,
但这个的意义是为了让车上报 but actually the idea of this was to get the car in the paper.
我应该把车停外面的 I should have parked it outside.
不好意思 Excuse me.
等等 那边有一个 Wait a minute, there is... There's one.
别指 那边有一个 在那呢 Don't point, don't look, but there's one over there. There he is.
那有狗仔队 Pap, there.
但在拍照之前 However, before any pictures were taken,
我和梅秘密进行了一项谋划多年的计划 May and I hatched a plan we'd been working on for years.
开始 Go.
这两个混蛋 Oh, you bastards!
那是我的... That was my...
上车 Get in.
詹姆斯 James, did...
你是不是在玛丽·比尔德面前打嗝了 Did you burp in front of Mary Beard?
抱歉 我没控制住 我为此道歉 I did. I'm sorry, it just fell out. I apologise.
我知道很多人觉得都是我们安排好的 I know a lot of people will be thinking we engineered that.
但真不是 We really genuinely didn't.
我们这一行 想被狗仔队拍照 All you have to do to get papped when you're in our line of work
只要去到伦敦 做一点小出格的事 is go into London, do something mildly out of the ordinary
他们就会蜂拥而至 你除外 and then they swarm... not round you.
或者喝个烂醉不穿裤子从夜店出来 Or get clattered and fall out of a club with no trousers on.
-这也行 -或者感染肺炎 -That's a good way of doing it. -Or catch pneumonia.
是的 Yes.
我出过几次这样的事 言归正传 I've had that a few times. Anyway, while we were waiting
在我们等着看哪位老古董上了每日邮报时 to see which of our antics got into The Mail Online,
威尔曼先生想出了另一个受年轻人欢迎的主意 Mr Wilman came up with another youth-friendly idea.
是的 我们每人给车拍一张照 Yep, he said each of us had to take a picture of our car
比比谁在Instagram上的赞最多 and then see which of us got the most likes of their snap on Instagram.
分头行头后 Having split up,
我们开始了各自的计划 we set to work on our respective plans.
50镑这价钱很公道 £50 is very reasonable, yeah.
5万镑啊 £50,000?
行吧 Oh, right.
我等会再回给你 Um... I'll ring you back in a bit.
好的 再见 Yeah, cheers.
我想把车放进伦敦眼的某个车厢里 My idea was to put me and the car in one of the pods of the famous London Eye
这样就能在景色最好看的顶端拍张照了 so we could have a picture right at the top with a fantastic view.
他们开价是5万镑 我听成了50镑 They want £50,000! I thought he meant 50 quid.
想想别的方法 Let's think of something else.
我的想法是这样 I had done just that.
我的Instagram照片 不开玩笑 For my Instagram picture, I'm not messing about.
我找了一位顶级照相师 我很激动 因为他很棒 I've recruited a top photographer and I'm very excited, cos he's brilliant.
看看 Look at that.
他叫戴维·雅罗 His name is David Yarrow.
他是世界上最顶尖的野生动物摄影师之一 He's one of the world's greatest wildlife photographers.
他的计划是再拍这张照片 And his plan was to recreate this shot,
这次拍我的车 而不是老虎 using my car instead of the tiger.
所以我从那进来 So I'm coming in...
最重要的事是活力 The most important thing is to have energy.
必须要展现出流畅性和动态 It's got to be fluid, it's got to be dynamic.
就是说要把水花尽量溅到我面前 And that means we need water flying up between me and the car.
我想在保证安全的前提下尽量近一点 I want to be as close safety-wise as you'll allow me to be.
我明白 我有你的电话 Yeah, yeah. I've got your number.
好吧 OK.
回到伦敦这边 Back in London,
我想出了一个绝妙的主意 I'd come up with a brilliant idea.
早上好 Morning.
早 Morning.
早啊 把衣服穿上 Hiya. Put some clothes on.
我的照片最终拍好了 Eventually, my shot was in the can.
啊 Ach!
梅也一样 As was May's.
完全没有付出努力之后 And so, after no work at all,
杰里米也完成了 was Jeremy's.
你在这个挑战上花费得精力还能再少一点吗 Could... Could you have made any less effort with that challenge?
并不能 你说得对 No, you're right.
我应该加入一只小狗 狗狗在Ins上很受欢迎 I should have put a puppy in it, cos Instagram loves a dog.
上面基本都是狗狗 Anyone on Instagram, it's all just dogs, basically.
总之 在我们把照片发上去之后 Anyway, with our pictures posted on Instagram,
我们又接到了另一项挑战 we were all given another challenge,
比比谁的车在YouTube上的点击量最高 to see who could get the most views of their car on YouTube.
这项挑战有点意思 Yeah, now, this is a tricky one.
要知道 每分钟都有300个小时的影片被上传到YouTube Because over 300 hours of footage are uploaded to YouTube every minute.
你无法想象那个数量的猫 You wouldn't think that many cats
掉入废品处理机的景象 fell into waste disposal units.
确实无法想象 No, I know, you wouldn't.
所以我们必须要想一些特别的点子 Seems they do. So we had to think of something special.
怎么才能让我们的车脱颖而出呢 How could we make our cars shine in this crowded firmament?
把车推进废品处理机吗 Push them into a waste disposal unit?
我觉得可以 I think that's got to be it.
或者用我宣传那辆福特的方法 Or what I did to get my Ford noticed,
我决定上演一场特技表演 I decided to stage a big stunt.
为了拍摄我的第一条特技视频 In order to make my first stunt video,
我找了一条很长的跑道 I went to a very long runway.
等我的大明星热身完毕之后 And once my star performer had warmed up...
演出即将开始 ...we were ready to roll.
这场表演足以载入史册 Today history is being made.
祝你好运 Good luck.
噢 Oh.
我看不下去了 I can't watch.
太棒了 Yes!
这段视频会轰动全网的 We are gonna break the internet with that!
与此同时 詹姆斯选择了不一样的方向 Meanwhile, James had gone for a rather different approach.
如果你浏览过我很熟悉的YouTube If you go on YouTube, which I do quite a lot,
你会发现有一种视频在所谓的千禧一代中很流行 you will notice that something that's very popular with so-called millennials
那就是开箱视频 is the unboxing video.
上传者经常是那种无所事事的学生 It's usually something like an idle student with nothing better to do
内容是把他们买的东西从箱子里拿出来 simply taking something they've bought out of the box
然后再配上讲解 and talking about it.
嘿 各位好 送货员刚走 Hey, what's going on? The delivery guy's just left.
我还没有把它从箱子里拿出来 Got it here and I haven't even taken it out of the box yet. I got--
这位老兄正要把他新买的电视从箱子里拿出来 This bloke is unboxing a new television set he's bought.
准备好了吗 You guys ready?
哇喔 Whoa!
看他的点击量多高 Look how many hits it's got.
底座还没有安装 The stand is not mounted on it,
一会儿需要自己装 you have to put that on later.
大家好 我是梅 Hi, guys, it's May!
兄弟姐妹们 欢迎观看我最新的开箱视频 Welcome, brothers and sisters to my latest unboxing video.
这次是个大家伙 一辆车 And this is a big one. It's a car.
喔吼吼 Ohh!
好棒 Oh, yes.
瞧它有多干净 Look how clean that is.
与此同时 杰里米决定 Meanwhile, Jeremy had decided
创造一个Fast Show风格的角色 to create a Fast Show -style character
名叫大卫·舒芙蕾 called David Soufflé.
回到机场 Back at the airfield,
我的下一个特技已经准备好了 my next stunt was ready.
听着 我的正前方有个人 Right, now, down there is a man.
我不知道他叫什么 不过无所谓 I don't know his name but it doesn't matter,
因为我马上就会把他撞飞了 because in a moment I'm gonna run him over.
走起 And here we go.
太棒了 我没杀人 Yes! Didn't kill a man!
喔 好喜欢这个屁股 Ooh, I like that a lot.
在丰田 我们希望能够尽我们所能 "At Toyota, we want to do all we can
让您在驾驶车辆的时候 保证一切都进展顺利 to ensure that things go smoothly when you are driving your vehicle.
无论您在本国出行还是出国旅游 Whether you are in your own country or travelling abroad,
您都可以随时联系我们... you are welcome to contact us if you think..."
与此同时 我已经准备好最后一个特技了 Meanwhile, I was ready for my final stunt -
用我的车把一艘船上的人送到湖对岸 using my car to get a man in a boat across a lake.
我不清楚可能会发生多么可怕的意外 I've no idea what's gonna happen here in terms of limb breakages.
所以我找了一位职场新人 So I'm using an office junior to do it.
他既便宜又听话 还可以作为消耗品 He's cheap, obedient and expendable -
这些正是用来做这件事的关键 the key ingredients for stuff like this.
我们来把他打造成YouTube明星吧 So let's make him a YouTube star.
经过科学严谨的计算 OK, now using science and maths,
我得出了每小时48公里 I have calculated that 30 miles an hour
是最合适的速度 is the correct speed to do this.
走起 发射 Here we go. Launching!
加油小家伙 Come on, little fella.
喔噢 Whoo!
干得漂亮 真棒 Glorious! Well done!
圣诞节可以请一天假了 You can have Christmas Day off!
确实是个惊人的特技 That was an impressive stunt.
确实很酷 我十分满意 Pretty cool, yeah. I was pleased with that.
那个小伙现在恢复得还好吧 How's his therapy working out?
他会好起来的 He's getting over it.
好了 这是我们的计分板 OK, what we've got here is the scoreboard
它告诉我们哪辆车才是最棒的小钢炮 that will help us determine which is the best of the small hot hatches.
我们已经写上了价格 以及之前两场的得分 We've already filled in the scores for price, the pursuit race and the drag race.
接下来是狗仔队环节 Now we've got the paparazzi thing.
哈蒙德 你得了多少 Hammond, how did you get on?
你们两个套上了“内有狗仔”的车衣对吧 You two put the "pap in a bag", didn't you?
没错 我们其实应该把这些车衣卖给名人 We did, but actually we should sell those bags to celebrities.
确实 因为设计得很巧妙 We should, cos they're rather clever.
你把拉带收紧以后 不仅拍不了照片 You pull a drawstring, and not only can't you take any pictures,
也没办法从车里出来 you can't get out of the car.
-严格意义上这算非法拘禁 -没错 -It's also technically false imprisonment. -Yes.
-这是非法的 -就像把一只黄蜂关在果酱罐里 -And therefore illegal. -So's trapping a wasp in a jam jar.
但并没有人抱怨啊 Nobody complains about that, do they?
好了 总之 这招不管用 Well, anyway, it didn't work.
很明显还有一个我们没发现的狗仔 Obviously there must have been another pap we didn't spot,
因为这张照片登出来了 because this picture appeared.
哈哈 啊哈哈哈 Ha-ha! A-ha-ha-ha!
等一下 等一下 No, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute.
规则说了照片中必须要有车 The rule said it had to have the car in it.
可我没有看到车 And I don't see the car in that picture.
而且说了是每日邮报 It also said Mail Online.
我认为有证据表明这是太阳报 I'm guessing - there's some evidence to suggest that is The Sun.
-我还以为你们看不到呢 -我们看到了 -I hoped you wouldn't spot that. -We did.
我做得并不好 I didn't do very well.
我觉得只能给你个零蛋了 哈蒙德 I think that gives you a zero, Hammond.
所以你得零分 So you get a zero.
好了 詹姆斯·梅 你带着一位老妇人 Now, James May, how did you get on,
去哈默史密斯吃咖喱 并把车停在 taking the older woman out for a curry in Hammersmith
地下停车场之旅如何 and then parking your car in an underground car park?
-其实并不顺利 -多不顺利 -Not that well, actually. -How not that well?
-得个零蛋 -一张都没有吗 -Nought, not that well. -Not a single thing?
-我的计划却蛮成功的 -真的吗 -My plan was rather successful. -Was it?
每日邮报上刊登了49张我的车 宾基 还有我在一起的照片 49 pictures appeared, of my car and me and Binky in The Mail Online.
-49张吗 -49张 -49? -49 pictures.
等一下 49张都是胖老头带着一个 Hang on a minute. 49 pictures of a fat old bloke
我没听说过的年轻姑娘换轮胎的照片吗 and a young girl I've never heard of changing a wheel?
我知道 最绝的地方是 I know. And the extraordinary thing is,
我想给你们看这49张照片 I'd like to show you the 49 pictures
但我昨天联系过每日邮报 but I got in touch with The Mail Online yesterday, OK,
问他们 我能用这些照片吗 to say, "Can we have the pictures?"
你猜他们报价多少 Do you want to know how much they were gonna charge?
12万2千英镑 £122,000.
-什么 -真的吗 -What? -Really?
我没骗人 他们拍我的照片 毁了我的人生 I kid you not. They take a picture of me, ruin my life,
竟然要价12万2千英镑 and then for me to buy the picture back
买照片 is £122,000!
确实有49张你的照片 There are 49 pictures on here of you.
不要展示给摄像机 否则他们会追着要钱的 Don't show the cameras, otherwise there'll be a bill for 120 grand.
-但好消息是 -没错 你因此得到了49分 -But the good thing is... -Exactly. Because of that, you score 49.
这个环节他确实赢了 真是没辙 Yes, I'm afraid he does. There's no getting around that.
没错 接下来是Instagram环节 Yes, I do. Which moves us on to Instagram.
詹姆斯·梅 你在公交车上的照片有人点赞吗 James May, how did you do with your picture on the bus?
一个也没有 I scored nought.
-零分吗 -对 -Nought? -Yeah.
-怎么可能是零 -说起来很有趣 -How did you get nought? -Well, it's quite interesting.
我之前并没有Instagram账号 所以新注册了一个 I didn't have an Instagram account so I set one up.
-太意外了 -听着 我新注册了一个 -There's a surprise. -No, but I set one up.
当我进行账号设置的时候 我意识到 And then as I was setting it up, I realised
在Instagram上有人冒充我 there was someone else on Instagram pretending to be me.
所以我点了举报 提交审核 So I filled in that reporting thing that pulls down and I sent it off.
Instagram的回复十分迅速 在当天下午 All credit to Instagram, they reacted very quickly - by that afternoon, in fact.
把我的账号注销了 And they shut me down.
什么 You?
是的 他们没有注销假的詹姆斯·梅 Yeah, they didn't shut down the fake James May.
而是把真的注销了 They shut the real one down.
-他们错杀了詹姆斯·梅 -是啊 -They killed the wrong James May? -Yeah.
确实有意思 但我觉得最逗的是 That's quite interesting. What's interesting me, though,
在世界某个角落有个男人或者女人 is that there's a man somewhere out in the world, or woman,
会这样想 我可以冒充任何人 who's thought, "I could pretend to be anyone I like.
但我决定冒充詹姆斯·梅 I shall pretend to be James May."
是啊 毫无野心 I know. Not very ambitious!
为什么不去冒充乔治·克鲁尼 Why wouldn't you be George Clooney?
无所谓了 所以Instagram这项上 Anyway, the net result of that, as they say in the army,
我的得分是 零蛋 is that I have...nought.
-你的表现真不错 -是啊 我一共得了1分 -You're doing very well! -I've got one, yeah.
哈蒙德 你呢 So, Hammond, how did you get on?
我的那张棒极了 你们看 Well, my picture was brilliant. Look at it.
看呐 Look at that!
确实 除了车身上不可描述的标语 No, apart from the slogan with the sexual intercourse enthusiast,
这绝对是一张惊艳的照片 that is an amazing photograph, granted.
所以一共有多少人在Instagram上给你点赞了 So how many people have viewed it and liked it on Instagram?
9个 Nine.
-他们也把你屏蔽了吗 -9个 不是 -They blocked you as well? -Nine. No.
我平时并不怎么用Instagram 所以粉丝并不多 I don't really do Instagram, so I don't have many followers.
只有9个人点赞 So only nine people have seen it.
好遗憾 我得到了54000个赞 Oh, dear, cos I got 54,000.
噢拜托 Oh, for God's sake!
因为只有你玩Instagram Yes, but you do do Instagram!
-没错 -所以你有很多粉丝 -Yes, I do. -So you got lots of followers.
写下54000 Put in 54,000.
我们要往好的方面看 哈蒙德 Let's look at this in a more positive light, Hammond.
-他在Instagram上有160万粉丝 -对 -He has got 1.6 million Instagram followers. -Yes.
所以有146万人不喜欢他的这张照片 So 1.46 million people actively didn't like his picture.
-要换个角度看 -失败者 -That's another way of looking at it. -Loser!
我承认我没有好好拍 有些匆忙 It wasn't my best work, I admit. It was a hurried shot.
-多少来着 - 54000 -What was it? -54,000.
分数一下子高了 That does change the score line a bit.
确实 我现在有54053分了 It changes the score line a lot, cos I'm now on 54,053.
-好的 没错 -你只有1分 -Right, OK. -And you're on one.
接下来 恐怕对你们更加不利了 Anyway, I also... It gets worse, I'm afraid, for you two.
YouTube这个环节 我没有都加在一起 Because YouTube. I didn't add them all up,
但我的第一部David Soufflé影片获得了 but my first David Soufflé video on YouTube...
-26万6千的点击量 -噢天啊 -266,000 views. -Oh, God.
超过了25万人 More than a quarter of a million people.
你现在分数领先了 You are ahead now.
是啊 我觉得我现在领先优势很明显 Yes, I'm...comfortably in the lead, I would say.
好了 接下来该哈蒙德了 So, come on, Hammond?
16800 16,800.
什么 你忙活了那么多 What, for all that effort?
我知道 我也想不明白 I know! I don't get it either.
因为我用了一个很能吸引人的标题 Because I gave it a really cool, tempting caption.
标题是 It said...
瑞恩·高斯林和查宁·塔图姆 在街头打作一团 与此同时 菲利普亲王在两辆车中间走钢丝
谁不想点开看看呢 Who doesn't want to look at that?
你的标题真的是这么写的吗 You actually put that as the caption?
没错 就是引诱你点击 That's what it said, it's clickbait.
这样YouTube上的千禧一代会想 Then the YouTube millennials thought,
“我宁愿看一只猫...” "No, I'd rather watch a cat going..."?
-一定是的 -难以置信 -They must have done. -That's ridiculous.
请原谅 太可悲了 I'm sorry, that is pathetic.
年轻人 我为你们感到悲哀 Young people, you're pathetic.
好了 现在我们来看一下分数情况 Right, so, there we are, those are the scores.
-你出局了 -我知道 -You're out. -Yes.
詹姆斯 让我来看一看 And, James, I'm looking and I'm thinking,
经过我快速的计算之后 just doing quick adding up...
除非会有 Unless you manage to find
32万5千人 325,000 people
愿意花16分钟 who are prepared to spend 16 minutes...
看你的那个开箱视频 Cos that's how long that unboxing video was.
花16分钟看你把丰田的小掀背车 ...16 minutes watching you taking a small Toyota hatchback
从纸箱里拆出来 否则我就赢了 out of a cardboard box, I've won.
-没错 -所以呢 -Yes. -So?
33 330...
万 ...thousand!
就是一辆车的开箱视频吗 For taking a car out of a box?
他又跳起胜利之舞了 Oh, he's doing the dance.
他为什么总能赢 How does he always manage to win?
这次我认为一部分是因为 I think on this occasion it was partly because
你试图通过Fast Show风格的影片去讨好千禧一代 you tried to appeal to millennials by creating a Fast Show type character
实际上40岁以下根本没人听说过这部剧 when nobody under 40 has ever heard of The Fast Show.
没错 你还不如表演一段内维尔·张伯伦在1939年出演的喜剧 Right. You might as well have done the comedy adventures of Neville Chamberlain in 1939.
那样效果会更好 That would have been better.
正因为有更多人愿意看一个老男人 So because there are more people who'd rather watch
把一辆小车从纸盒里拆出来 an old man take a small car out of a box,
而不是他欺负办公室新同事以及我戴小胡子 than watch him endangering an office junior or me wearing a moustache,
我们可以得出结论 最棒的小钢炮 we have to deduce that the best of the small hot hatchbacks
正是最差的那辆 is comfortably the worst.
没错 这就是结论 Yeah, that is our conclusion.
伴随着这个巨大的失望 节目也该结束了 And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end.
十分感谢各位的收看 我们下次再见 Thank you so much for watching, see you next time. Goodbye!