WHAA!
AAH!
BOYS AND GIRLS, THIS WEEK'S ESSAY ASSIGNMENT
WILL TAKE YOU ON A FASCINATING JOURNEY,
A VOYAGE TO THE SHORES OF YOUR INNER SELF.
YES, PHIL?
DOES SPELLING COUNT?
YES. ANYWAY, THIS WEEK'S ESSAY ASSIGNMENT IS...
MY BEST FRIEND.
UH-OH.
Boy: COOL!
Boy #2: ALL RIGHT!
CINCH ASSIGNMENT, EH, BUDDY?
T.J., THAT'S SPINELLI WITH TWO L's.
HA HA HA. OH, BOY.
HEY, T.J., I GOT A QUESTION FOR YOU.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
I GOT TO PICK A BEST FRIEND.
YOU'RE IT, EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER.
LEAVE ME ALONE, WILL YOU, RANDALL?
I'LL PAY YOU 5 BUCKS.
OH, BOY, T.J., THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT, HUH?
WRITING ABOUT OUR BEST FRIEND AND ALL.
I'VE ALREADY STARTED A POEM ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND. LISTEN.
AHEM. "A BACKWARDS CAP, A SLAP ON THE BACK."
HE'S MY BEST FRIEND AND LEADER OF OUR PACK."
I, TOO, PROCEEDED TO JOT DOWN A FEW THOUGHTS.
I JUST HOPE IT'S NOT TOO MUSHY.
"RESOLVED... MY BEST FRIEND IS THE GLUE
"THAT HOLDS OUR GROUP TOGETHER.
POSTULATE 'A'... THOUGH SHORT AND STOCKY..."
HEY, YOU GUYS ARE WRITING ABOUT T.J.
WELL, OBVIOUSLY I AM.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHO MIKEY WAS DESCRIBING.
YOU CAN'T WRITE ABOUT T.J. I'M WRITING ABOUT T.J.
I'M HIS BEST FRIEND.
HOLD IT, HOLD IT.
THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM.
T.J., WHO'S YOUR BEST FRIEND?
GO AHEAD, TEEJ, TELL THEM.
WELL, UH, YOU SEE, THE THING IS...
REMEMBER THE TIME I BOOSTED YOU
INTO THAT TREE TO GET YOUR KITE DOWN?
WHO CARES ABOUT SOME STUPID KITE?
CONSIDER THE HOURS I SPENT TUTORING YOU IN GRAMMAR.
ME OR THE GEEK?
HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A GEEK?
WELL, IF THE RETAINER FITS...
KEEP OUT OF THIS, SHORTY.
HEY, FATSO, DON'T CALL MY BEST FRIEND SHORTY.
COME ON, GUYS. WHO CARES WHOSE BEST FRIEND I AM?
I DO CARE WHO MY BEST FRIEND IS.
IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, T.J.,
THEN I DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS
WITH YOU OR ANY OF YOU.
SAME HERE.
ME, TOO.
GOODBYE.
UH, WHAT THEY SAID.
BUT... BUT, GUYS, WAIT. COME BACK!
OH, BOY, THAT WAS NEAT!
SO, YOU READY TO TELL ME YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
Randall: YOO-HOO, T.J.,
ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MORE.
HA HA HA HA!
WELL, IF IT ISN'T MR. POPULARITY.
GET OUT OF HERE, RANDALL.
OOH, SOMEONE WOKE UP
ON THE LONELY SIDE OF THE BED.
SCRAM, WILL YOU? I'M LOOKING FOR MY FRIENDS.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT FRIENDS, PALLY.
FRIENDS SAY THEY'RE GOING TO MEET YOU AT THE MOVIES
AND NEVER SHOW UP.
FRIENDS TELL YOU THE PUDDLE'S AN INCH DEEP,
THEN YOU'RE UP TO YOUR KNEES IN MUD.
FRIENDS RUN YOUR UNDERWEAR UP THE FLAGPOLE WITH YOU IN IT.
FRIENDS ARE JERKS.
THAT MAY BE THE KIND OF FRIENDS YOU'VE GOT,
BUT MY FRIENDS ARE DIFFERENT.
OH, REALLY? FOLLOW ME.
WHAT? I DON'T SEE THEM AROUND HERE.
NO, NOT THEM. HIM.
AND JUST WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?
TO SEE VINCE.
RELATION?
I'M HIS FRIEND.
BUT NOT MY BEST FRIEND.
THINK OF HOW THE OTHER GUYS WOULD HAVE FELT.
THEY'RE NOT HERE. SAY IT NOW.
I CAN'T.
THEN WE HAVE NOTHING MORE TO DISCUSS.
WAIT. I GOT TO GO. BIG GUY NEEDS A FOOT MASSAGE.
BUT... BUT... I DON'T GET IT.
VINCE HANGING OUT WITH KING BOB? IT'S CRAZY.
IF YOU THINK THAT'S CRAZY,
YOU SHOULD SEE WHO GRETCHEN'S HANGING OUT WITH.
WHO IS GRETCHEN HANGING OUT WITH?
WHOA, WHAT A RUSH.
GRETCHEN?
OH, HELLO, THEODORE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WRITING MY ESSAY ABOUT MY NEW BEST FRIEND,
USING MY SPACE PEN FROM NASA.
BUT YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE HANGING UPSIDE DOWN.
THAT SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU KNOW ABOUT ME.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.
IT'S EASY TO THROW UP IN THIS POSITION.
THIS IS WEIRD...
GRETCHEN HANGING WITH UPSIDE-DOWN GIRL,
VINCE GUARDING KING BOB.
GUS DIGGING WITH THE DIGGERS.
WHOOPS. DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, I DON'T CARE IF I EVER PLAY
WITH ANY OF YOU GUYS AGAIN.
YOU MEAN YOU'D RATHER PLAY WITH THE DIGGERS?
ARE YOU KIDDING? SAM AND DAVE ARE GREAT.
THEY LET ME DIG AS MUCH AS I WANT,
AND I GET TO KEEP THE SHINY ROCKS I FIND.
BREAK'S OVER! GIVE ME A NUMBER FOUR SHOVEL NOW!
I BETTER GO. MY NEW FRIENDS NEED ME.
CAN'T YOU TELL THEM TO WAIT?
THEY'LL TAKE AWAY MY HELMET.
THIS IS TERRIBLE.
I-I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE
A LITTLE SPIRITUAL ADVICE.
CEASE BECOMING, MY FRIEND. BEGIN TO BE.
HUH? HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO GET ME OUT OF DETENTION?
NEXT.
VERY GOOD, MY SON. YOU HAVE LEARNED WELL.
THANKS, GURU KID. YOU'RE A REAL FRIEND,
UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE.
MIKEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
COMMUNING WITH PEOPLE WHO APPRECIATE
MY INNATE SPIRITUAL GIFTS.
I APPRECIATE YOUR INSANE SPIRITUAL GIFTS, MIKEY.
NOW PUT YOUR SHIRT ON.
LET'S ALL JUST BE FRIENDS AGAIN.
I'M WAY TOO HURT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU GUYS ANYMORE.
IF YOU'LL STEP ASIDE, THERE ARE KIDS HERE
WHO NEED MY HELP WITH VERY IMPORTANT ISSUES.
O GREAT MIKEY, I HAVE COME ACROSS
A VAST PLAYGROUND SEEKING YOUR INNATE SPIRITUAL GIFTS.
WHAT IS IT, MY CHILD?
HOW CAN I GET MY PARENTS TO LET ME WATCH MORE TV?
CEASE BECOMING, MY FRIEND. BEGIN TO BE.
OKAY, RANDALL, WHERE'S SPINELLI?
WHO'S YOUR HERO?
All: SPINUDDI! SPINUDDI! SPINUDDI!
WHO'S YOUR LEADER?
SPINUDDI! SPINUDDI! SPINUDDI!
THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.
THEY LOVE HER. THEY SAY SHE'S THEIR QUEEN.
YO, SHORTY, GET ME MORE JUICE
AND FETCH ME LUNCH FROM THE SLOP-ETERIA.
HA HA HA HA HA!
OUTSIDERS, EH? BRING THEM TO ME AT ONCE!
HEY! OW! MY ARM! QUIT IT!
DON'T STRUGGLE, RANDALL. IT ONLY MAKES THEM MAD.
WELL, WELL, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?
A WEASEL AND A SNAKE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SPINELLI?
THAT'S SPINUDDI TO YOU.
THEY'RE ONLY 5. THEY CAN'T PRONOUNCE "SPINELLI."
HERE'S YOUR LUNCH, SPINUDDI. IT'S PASGHETTI.
WELL, LISTEN, SPINELL...
UDDI, EVERYTHING'S GOTTEN WAY OUT OF CONTROL.
THIS WHOLE THING'S A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING...
OUR FRIENDSHIP.
THESE ARE MY FRIENDS NOW... THE LITTLE PEOPLE.
BUT, SPINUDDI...
TUBBY, SHOW THESE LOSERS THE GATE.
TUBBY HUNGRY.
UH-OH.
RUN!
HA HA HA HA!
SPINUDDI! SPINUDDI! SPINUDDI!
SING, BABIES, SING!
MAN, IT'S GOOD TO BE THE QUEEN.
PHEW. THAT WAS CLOSE.
NONE OF THEM WANTS TO BE PALS ANYMORE.
NOW ARE YOU CONVINCED, T.J.?
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PICK A BEST FRIEND,
OR YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE ANY FRIENDS.
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, RANDALL. MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
VERY WELL RESEARCHED, GRETCHEN.
IT'S NICE YOU'VE BONDED WITH UPSIDE-DOWN GIRL,
BUT BEST FRIENDS OFTEN DO HAVE FIRST NAMES.
SPINELLI, YOUR PAPER WAS INSPIRING,
THOUGH SOMEWHAT, UH, PRIMITIVE.
NICE JOB, GUS,
ALTHOUGH IT WAS HARD TO READ THROUGH THE DIRT.
T.J., I SEEM TO BE MISSING YOUR PAPER,
UNLESS I'VE MISPLACED IT...
NO, MISS GROTKE, YOU DIDN'T MISPLACE IT.
I DIDN'T HAND ONE IN,
I DID WRITE ONE. I JUST DIDN'T HAND IT IN.
I WANT TO READ IT OUT LOUD.
IT IS A LITTLE UNORTHODOX,
BUT, HEY, RIGHT ON TO SELF-EXPRESSION.
COME ON UP, T.J.
AHEM. "'MY BEST FRIEND, ' BY T.J. DETWEILER."
"PEOPLE SAY A BEST FRIEND
"IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FRIEND A KID COULD HAVE,
"THAT A BEST FRIEND IS SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOU LAUGH,
"SOMEONE YOU GO TO FOR ADVICE,
"SOMEONE WHO CAN COME TO YOU FOR ADVICE.
"THAT'S GREAT FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE A BEST FRIEND,
BUT I DON'T. I HAVE NO BEST FRIEND."
"THERE ARE SOME FRIENDS I DO HAVE.
"ONE'S A GREAT ATHLETE, THE MOST POPULAR KID IN SCHOOL.
"HE COULD HANG OUT WITH ANYBODY. INSTEAD, HE HANGS OUT WITH ME.
"ANOTHER FRIEND IS THE SMARTEST KID I EVER MET.
"SHE COULD BUILD AN ATOM BOMB
"BUT INSTEAD USES HER BRAINS TO HELP ME WHEN I'M DOWN.
"I'VE GOT A FRIEND WHO'S SO TOUGH,
"SHE COULD TAKE ON A GUY TWICE HER SIZE.
"INSTEAD, SHE STANDS UP FOR KIDS WHO CAN'T DEFEND THEMSELVES.
"ANOTHER ONE OF MY PALS IS A BIG GUY... REAL BIG.
"TO A LOT OF KIDS, HE LOOKS SCARY,
"BUT HE WOULDN'T HURT A FLY.
"IN FACT, HE'S GOT A HEART OF GOLD.
"THEN THERE'S MY NEWEST FRIEND.
"SOME GUYS SAY HE'S A SCAREDY-CAT,
"BUT I KNOW DEEP DOWN HE'S A HERO.
"WHEN I SEE HIM SWALLOW HIS FEAR
"AND DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE,
"IT REMINDS ME WHY THINGS ARE WORTH STANDING UP FOR.
"YEAH, SOME PEOPLE SAY A BEST FRIEND
"IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FRIEND A KID COULD HAVE,
"BUT I SAY, 'WHY PICK ONE?
"ALL MY FRIENDS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT FRIENDS I HAVE.'
"I'M THE LUCKIEST KID IN THE WORLD.
I DON'T HAVE A BEST FRIEND. I HAVE FIVE."
HE THINKS I'M A GREAT ATHLETE.
WELL, GUYS, IT'S GREAT
TO HAVE THE GANG BACK TOGETHER.
Mikey: LET'S NEVER FIGHT AGAIN, OKAY?
SORRY ABOUT THE GEEK COMMENT, GRETCHEN.
NO PROBLEM, OLD FRIEND.
I APOLOGIZE ABOUT CALLING YOU FATSO, MIKEY.
THAT'S OKAY, LITTLE FELLA.
WHAT'S A COUPLE WORDS BETWEEN BEST FRIENDS?
'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE ALL ARE... BEST FRIENDS.
FRIENDS... WHO NEEDS THEM?
MY SERVE!
OH, GOOD SHOT, RANDALL.
NICE RETURN. TAKE THAT.
BACK TO YOU.
OW! MY NOSE!
HYPNOTISM? WHAT A BUNCH OF HOOEY.
THAT STUFF IS TOTALLY FAKE.
THERE MAY BE SOMETHING TO IT.
ACCORDING TO THIS BOOK, HYPNOTISM IS A POWERFUL TOOL
FOR TAPPING INTO THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND.
ALL RIGHT, CALM DOWN, CHILDREN.
NOW, FOR TODAY'S ASSEMBLY, YOU ARE TO BE "ENTERTAINED"
BY THE AMAZING JEFFERY,
THANKS TO A BUNCH OF DO-GOODER PARENTS
WHO THINK SCHOOL SHOULD BE FUN.
ANYWAY, PLEASE GIVE A THIRD STREET WELCOME
TO THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE AMAZING JEFFERY.
GREETINGS! I AM THE AMAZING JEFFERY,
MASTER OF THE SUBCONSCIOUS.
THIS GUY LOOKS GOOFIER THAN HIS POSTER.
FOR MY FIRST DEMONSTRATION,
I NEED A VOLUNTEER FROM THE AUDIENCE.
OKAY. WELL, PERHAPS SOMEONE FROM THE FACULTY
WOULD BE SO KIND.
MISS FINSTER, HOW ABOUT YOU?
GO ON. THE SOONER YOU GET OUT THERE,
THE SOONER WE GET THIS OVER WITH.
HOW ABOUT A NICE ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR A GREAT SPORT?
TELL ME, MISS FINSTER, HOW OLD ARE YOU?
NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX!
COME ON. BALLPARK FIGURE?
NO!
LET'S JUST SAY 60. 30? OKAY, LET'S SAY 25.
I SHALL NOW REGRESS THE 25-YEAR-OLD MISS FINSTER
INTO A MERE CHILD OF 6.
JUST WATCH THE PEN, MISS FINSTER.
WHAT A GOOFBALL. NICE PEN, THOUGH.
THERE IS NOTHING BUT THE PEN, MISS FINSTER,
NOTHING BUT THE PEN.
YEAH, NOTHING BUT THE PEN.
TIME IS MOVING BACKWARDS.
YOU ARE GROWING YOUNGER EVERY SECOND.
YOUNGER AND YOUNGER AND YOUNGER STILL.
WHEN I CLAP MY HANDS, YOU WILL BE A CHILD OF 6.
NOW TELL ME, HOW OLD ARE YOU?
I SAID IT WAS NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX!
I'M 6.
Spinelli: MAN, WAS THAT GUY LAME OR WHAT?
I TOLD YOU THIS HYPNOTISM STUFF IS BOGUS.
IT SEEMED LIKE HE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT.
LADY, A DEAL'S A DEAL.
YOU OWE ME MONEY WHETHER I HYPNOTIZED SOMEBODY OR NOT.
THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK, BUB.
LOOK AT ME! I'M A SPEEDBOAT.
UH-OH. HERE COMES PRINCIPAL PRICKLY.
YEE-HA!
HEY! HEY!
HA HA HA HA!
YA-HOO!
DID HE JUST SAY "YA-HOO"?
YEE-HA HA HA HA! HOO HOO! HA HA HA!
LOOK AT ME! I'M A BAT! WHEE-HEE! HA HA!
OKAY, THIS RIGHT HERE... THIS IS MESSED UP.
DID HE JUST DO WHAT I THINK HE DID?
YUP.
AAH! LET ME AT HIM!
THAT GUY CONTROLS YOUR PERMANENT RECORD.
BESIDES, I'M NOT CERTAIN HE CAN HELP HIMSELF.
LET'S LOOK AT THE FACTS, SHALL WE?
10:04 A.M... THE AMAZING JEFFERY
FAILS TO GET MISS FINSTER TO BELIEVE SHE'S A FIRST GRADER.
10:28 A.M... PRINCIPAL PRICKLY HANGS FROM MONKEY BARS.
COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT.
PRINCIPAL PRICKLY THINKS HE'S...
6 YEARS OLD.
ARE YOU SURE?
YEE-HA!
ALMOST CERTAIN.
THIS IS AWFUL. WE BETTER TELL SOMEBODY.
LET'S NOT BE TOO HASTY HERE.
THE PRINCIPAL THINKS HE'S ONE OF US.
STUFF LIKE THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN EVERY DAY.
TEEJ, I THINK I'M STARTING TO GET YOUR DRIFT.
YEAH. A KID PRINCIPAL.
THE OPPORTUNITIES ARE LIMITLESS.
AND, GUYS, NO ONE ELSE HAS TO KNOW.
YOU CAN'T TREAT THE AMAZING JEFFERY LIKE THIS!
I'M A PROFESSIONAL ENTERTAINER!
I'VE SEEN BETTER ACTS
IN A SECOND-GRADE TALENT SHOW.
MISS FINSTER! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE IT.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WELL...
WHAT?
YEE-HA! HA HA HA!
VINCE, GO UP AND TELL HIM YOU WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND.
WHY? IT WAS YOUR IDEA.
HERE COMES FINSTER.
PRINCIPAL PRICKLY, SIR,
COME DOWN FROM THERE BEFORE SOMEBODY SEES YOU!
WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP CALLING ME "SIR"?
MY NAME'S PETEY PRICKLY.
OKAY, PETEY, BUT YOU REALLY DO HAVE TO COME DOWN.
I'M NOT COMING DOWN, AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.
♪ YOU CAN'T MAKE ME, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME ♪
LEMON, GET THAT HYPNOTIST ON THE PHONE!
GROTKE, CALL A TEACHERS' MEETING.
OUR PRINCIPAL THINKS HE'S 6 YEARS OLD.
HEY, PETEY, HOW'S IT GOING?
I JUST FOUND SOME REAL GOOD MUD.
YOU WANT TO HEAR A FUNNY JOKE?
SURE.
YOU KNOW THE TEACHERS?
THEY THINK YOU'RE THE PRINCIPAL.
THE PRINCIPAL? THAT'S CRAZY. I JUST STARTED FIRST GRADE.
BUT, ANYWAY, THAT'S WHAT THEY THINK.
YOU KNOW WHAT WE THOUGHT MIGHT BE FUN?
IF YOU WENT AND PRETENDED YOU WERE THE PRINCIPAL.
OH, YEAH, THAT WOULD BE REAL FUNNY.
REAL, REAL, REAL FUNNY.
THE PRINCIPAL THINKS HE'S A CHILD?
SOMEONE OUGHT TO CALL THE AMAZING JEFFERY.
THE AMAZING JEFFERY IS ON HIS WAY TO A BAR MITZVAH.
LET'S GET HIM BACK.
IN PERU.
ALL RIGHT, THERE'S NO NEED TO PANIC.
I'M IN CHARGE NOW.
I DON'T THINK SO.
I'M STILL THE BIG PRINCIPAL BOSS GUY AROUND HERE.
PRINCIPAL PRICKLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE. I JUST FORGOT I WAS THE PRINCIPAL, THAT'S ALL.
HERE'S A LIST OF STUFF I WANT YOU GUYS TO DO.
NUMBER ONE... FROM NOW ON,
THE CAFETERIA WILL ONLY SERVE PIZZA AND ICE CREAM SU...
S... SU...
SOUND IT OUT.
SU... SUNDAES.
NUMBER "B"... TEACHERS MUST SHOW HALL PASSES
TO ANY KID WHO ASKS TO SEE IT,
BUT KIDS CAN GO WHEREVER THEY WANT.
THEY BUYING IT?
HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER.
THOSE WERE VERY GOOD SUGGESTIONS,
PRINCIPAL PRICKLY.
WHY DON'T WE GO TYPE THEM UP
WHILE YOU PLAY GAMES ON YOUR COMPUTER, OKAY?
COMPUTER GAMES? SWEET.
SORRY, SIR, BUT IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD,
AT LEAST UNTIL I CAN FIND ANOTHER HYPNOTIST.
HEY, SHE LOCKED ME IN.
WHAT A JERK.
HA HA HA HA.
HO HO HO HO.
COOL.
I HOPE NOTHING'S WRONG.
HE'S BEEN IN THERE A LONG TIME.
THEY HAVE TO DO WHAT HE SAYS.
HE IS THE PRINCIPAL,
A RESPECTED FIGURE OF AUTHORITY.
TESTING, 1, 2, 3!
HA HA HA HA!
MAYBE NO ONE WILL NOTICE.
THEY DID SERVE FRANKS AND BEANS TODAY.
PAGING A MR. I.M. GASSY.
MR. I.M. GASSY. HA HA HA HA HA!
THERE.
THAT IS, LIKE, SO GROSS.
HE'S BLOCKED THE DOOR!
WHERE'D HE GO?
LOOK.
YA-HOO!
WAY TO GO, PETEY. YOU DONE US PROUD.
THAT PERFORMANCE WILL GO DOWN IN PLAYGROUND HISTORY.
GEE, THANKS, GUYS. I'VE NEVER HAD THIS MANY PALS BEFORE.
HEY, AS LONG AS YOU'VE GOT US AROUND,
YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE FRIENDS.
REALLY? WOW, THAT'S NEAT.
COME ON. LAST ONE ON THE SWINGS HAS TO EAT A BUG!
YOU CAN'T TELL PETEY HE'LL ALWAYS BE OUR FRIEND.
HE'S NOT A KID.
ALTHOUGH WE MAY BE FEELING A CERTAIN AFFINITY
TO THE 6-YEAR-OLD PETEY,
WE MUSTN'T FORGET THAT HE IS
THE COLD-HEARTED AUTHORITARIAN
WE'VE COME TO FEAR.
AND I WAS REALLY STARTING TO LIKE THE LITTLE GUY.
SURE, PETEY WAS PRINCIPAL PRICKLY,
BUT NOW HE'S NOT.
HE'S JUST A KID, A REALLY COOL KID.
YOU HEARD THAT ALPHABET.
HE CAN'T STAY A KID FOREVER.
HE'S A GROWN MAN. IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT.
WHAT IF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO HIM?
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
Miss Finster: I'M AFRAID THE SITUATION.
HAS LEFT ME NO CHOICE.
WITH PRINCIPAL PRICKLY IN HIS CURRENT FRAME OF MIND,
I'M TAKING OVER THE SCHOOL INDEFINITELY.
WHAT I'M SAYING MUST NEVER LEAVE THIS ROOM.
UH-OH.
Spinelli: HEY, PETEY, WE GOT TO TALK TO YOU.
♪ SLOWPOKES, SLOWPOKES, NOTHING BUT SOME BAD JOKES ♪
THERE'S SOMETHING WE GOT TO TELL YOU.
YOU'RE NOT A KID.
SURE I AM.
YOU JUST THINK YOU'RE A KID.
YOU'RE ACTUALLY A 50-YEAR-OLD MAN.
BUT THAT'S CRAZY. I'M NO GROWN-UP. I'M 3'6".
PETEY, IF YOU'RE 3'6",
HOW COME YOU'RE ALWAYS LOOKING DOWN AT US?
I'M JUST BIG FOR MY AGE.
I'M NOT A GROWN-UP.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. BEING A KID'S GREAT,
BUT BEING A GROWN-UP'S EVEN BETTER.
YOU GET TO DRIVE A CAR.
AND GO TO ANY MOVIE YOU WANT.
NO, I'M NOT A GROWN-UP. I'M A KID.
PETEY, WAIT!
COME ON DOWN, MAN, BEFORE YOU GET HURT.
NO! NEVER! NEVER!
I'M GOING TO STAY A KID! DO YOU HEAR ME?
I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK! I DON'T WANT TO COME DOWN!
LOOK AT THE PENCIL, PETEY. THERE IS ONLY THE PENCIL.
WHEN I COUNT BACKWARDS TO ONE,
YOU WILL BE A GROWN-UP AGAIN.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
WHAT ARE YOU RUNTS LOOKING AT?
WHAT AM I DOING IN MY UNDERWEAR?
MISS FINSTER, GET ME DOWN FROM HERE. GET ME DOWN!
COME IN.
THESE ARE THE MISERABLE LITTLE MONKEYS
WHO TRIED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU
WHEN YOU WERE INCAPACITATED, SIR.
YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE A FOOL OUT OF THE PRINCIPAL, EH?
MISS FINSTER HAS FILLED ME IN ON YOUR LITTLE SHENANIGANS.
I'VE DECIDED THAT THE MOST FITTING PUNISHMENT
FOR YOU MISCREANTS IS...
HEY, WHO DID THIS?
UH, PRINCIPAL PRICKLY, SIR,
DIDN'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU WANTED TO SAY
TO THESE TROUBLEMAKERS?
HMM? OH, YES.
JUST DON'T DO IT AGAIN, OKAY?
THAT'S IT?
HEY, KIDS WILL BE KIDS, MISS FINSTER.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE WORK TO DO.
OH. UH, YES, SIR.
COME ON, YOU HOOLIGANS.
THANKS, PETEY.
HUH? WHAT?
YOU KNOW, MAYBE I SHOULD GROW A BEARD LIKE THAT.