《缘来一家人》前情提要 Previously on "Life Unexpected"
你和某人生了个孩子 You and someone had a kid.
你们不要她了 You gave up that kid.
我就是那个孩子 现在我在申请自立 I am that kid, and now I'm applying for emancipation.
凯特·卡希蒂是你的母亲 Um, Cate Cassidy is your mom.
我是凯特·卡希蒂 I am Cate Cassidy.
瑞安和我早上5点起床 Ryan and I have been up since 5:00.
和往常一样 6点钟开始拌嘴 And as usual, arguing since 6:00.
-你这是干嘛 -你愿意嫁给我吗 - What are you doing? - Will you marry me?
今天在凯特和琼斯面前 I deserve better than how you treated me
你不应该那样对我 in front of Cate and Jones today.
既然这样 你去找对你更好的人 You want better, go find better.
没人拦你 No one's stopping you.
出什么事了 What happened?
布格走了 Bug left.
那家人要领养我了 That family wants me.
他们家离这儿有3小时的路程 They're three hours away.
再次和贝斯上床 Sleeping with Baze again,
是我一生中最大的错误 it was the biggest mistake of my life.
你什么时候又和贝斯上床了 When did you sleep with Baze again?
结束了 It's over.
我想要你接泰莎和我们一起生活 I need you to take Tasha, to live with us
莱克丝 我做不到 Lux, I can't.
这将是我求你的唯一一件事 This is the only thing I'll ever ask you.
-对不起 -我也是 - I'm sorry. - Me, too.
我打算在贝斯家住几天冷静一下 I'm gonna chill at Baze's for a while.
莱克丝 我不明白 Lux, I don't understand.
是因为泰莎吗 Is this because of Tasha?
我不是想说什么深奥的东西 Look, I'm not trying to say anything profound.
别担心 也没人指望 Well, don't worry because no one
你会说出什么深奥的话 was accusing you of that.
我是说 眼神交流有时会让人觉得不舒服 I'm just saying that some eye contact is inherently jarring.
什么意思 你是指生活中的 What do you mean? Like, in life
还是专指在床上的时候的 or just in, just in bed?
不知道 看情况吧 I don't know. It just depends.
但是有时候 But, yeah. You know, sometimes,
在床上 当你准备做爱 in bed, when you're having sex,
或者别的什么的时候 or, um, doing other stuff
你怎么突然间知道害羞了 What, are you suddenly shy now?
我不是害羞 I'm not shy.
只是有点难以启齿 It's just awkward, you know.
当你和男人在床上时 When a guy is down there.
你真的希望他用瞪圆的双眼 I mean, do you really want these two beady eyes
紧紧盯着你 等待你的回应吗 staring up at you, begging for approval?
-天呐 -我只是想说 - Oh, god. - I'm just saying.
仅仅是角度问题 It's all about the angle.
如果我们俩最后没能在一起 Hey, if we don't work out,
你应该出版一本 you should hand out a manual
《和凯特·卡希蒂约会指南》 on the dos and don'ts of dating Cate Cassidy.
嗯 如果我俩分开的话 Yeah, I will.
我会的 You know, if we don't work out.
我大概可以知道你会怎么死了 I can see the obituary now.
被车锁烦死 Death by bike lock.
你的锁会讨厌你吗 我的锁就很讨厌我 Can a lock hate you? Because this lock hates me.
密码是什么 What's the code?
1234 1-2-3-4.
这是贝斯的 It's Baze's.
你最近和泰莎有联系吗 So, uh, you talk to Tasha?
从上次见到她之后就很少了 Not much since we saw her.
你还待在贝斯家吗 You still chilling at Baze's?
是啊 我还不打算回凯特家 Well, I'm not back at Cate's, if that's what you mean.
今晚的冬至舞会你想来吗 You want to go to Winter Formal tonight?
我宁愿待在家里 I'd rather eat paste.
等一下 你刚刚是在约我吗 Wait. Were you, like, asking me?
不是 No.
我也不知道 I don't know. Yeah.
算是吧 Kind of.
只是作为朋友 You know, as friends.
你从什么时候开始起 You're dateless?
找不到约会对象了 The day of?
布琳发现我和你约会的事了 Brynn found out I went on a date with you.
她很生气 She wasn't happy.
所以 So
我觉得你欠我一个人情 I guess you could say you owe me one.
答应我吧 Say yes.
肯定会比在待在家好 It'll be bette than eating paste.
我保证 I swear.
你还好吗 You all right?
有点累 A little tired.
把每个你爱的人 都赶出你的生活 You know, driving everyone you love out of your life,
有点让人筋疲力尽 it's pretty exhausting.
你有和莱克丝聊过吗 Have you, uh, talked to Lux?
就最近 Lately?
我昨天想给她打电话时 I tried calling her yesterday.
都可以感觉到她看到我号码时不爽的眼神 I think I could hear her rolling her eyes over the phone.
我真的很想缓和跟她的关系 You know, I want to make things right with her,
唯一的办法就是找她好好谈谈 but the only way to do that is to talk to her
但是很显然 她不太想和我聊 and apparently, she's not interested.
你其实不需要看她的脸色 Well, you don't have to take no for an answer with her.
但我得看你的脸色 Only with you.
是啊 Yeah.
该我们了 We're back.
介子 陶子 种微子 Muon, tauon, neutrinos.
是中微子 Neutrinos.
天呐 我看我永远都念不好这些粒子名称 God, I'm never going to keep these particle names straight.
这种东西是谁想出来的 Who came up with this stuff?
从没和女生说过话的剩男 Really lonely guys that never talk to girls?
可以用些小技巧来帮助记忆 It helps to use a mnemonic device.
介子就像贝斯 Think of the muon particle as Baze,
是个极不安分的破坏分子 unstable and capable of pointless destruction.
孩子 我在想 Hey, kiddo, I was thinking.
咱俩今晚在家玩噗噗车吧 You, me, tonight-- indoor putt-putt.
恐怕不行 Uh, I-I can't.
我要去参加冬至舞会 I'm... I'm, I'm sort of going to the Winter Formal.
什么 What?
和谁啊 With who?
和 琼斯 With... Jones.
那个四分卫琼斯吗 Like, little dude quarterback Jones?
你打算穿什么 What are you wearing?
不是吧 Seriously?
我不知道 I don't know.
某条凯特买给我的裙子行吗 One of those dresses Cate gave me?
这些衣服够正式吗 Are these things dressy?
冬至舞会得穿晚礼服才行 It is called the "Formal."
关键是你要和四分卫一起去 And you're going with the quarterback!
这可是件大事 That's huge.
也不一定 Not really.
据我的经验 四分卫也可能 In my experience, quarterbacks can be...
怎么说来着 What's the word?
是个卑鄙无耻 目中无人的混蛋 Backstabbing, self-centered jerks.
我还是上楼 I'm going to go upstairs,
去我的破衣柜找找比较好 look through my fake closet and stress.
说真的 怎么了 老兄 Seriously, what is your problem, dude?
你不会还在因为我和凯特睡过而不爽吧 You're still upset that I slept with Cate?
-你知道我喜欢她 -那是高中 - You knew I liked her. - In high school.
我怎么知道这么多年以后 How was I supposed to know that after all this time,
你还深深地迷恋着她 you were serial-killer obsessed with her?
迷恋谁 Obsessed with who?
雪儿 Cher.
不是像同性恋那种 But not in a gay way. 在美国喜欢雪儿的男人很多是同性恋
还有哪种喜欢啊 Is there another way? 在美国喜欢雪儿的男人很多是同性恋
莱克丝在吗 Is Lux around?
我路过这 来打个招呼 Uh, I came by to say hi,
想和她聊聊 talk to her, and, you know,
缠着她让她原谅我 badger her into liking me again.
她怎么样 How is she?
很好 Great.
她真的很不错 I mean, she's really great.
成绩名列前茅 I've been, uh, been on top of the school work.
也终于交到了一些朋友 She's starting to make friends finally.
今晚她还要去参加冬至舞会 And she's even going to the Winter Formal tonight.
不是吧 真的吗 No way! She is?
当然 Yeah.
和那个叫琼斯的孩子一起 Yeah. With that kid Jones.
还是我牵的红线呢 Sort of set them up, actually.
-才不是 -就是 - No, you didn't. - I did.
管它呢 Oh, whatever.
等等 她是不是需要晚礼服 Wait, does she need a dress?
对对 她确实需要 Yes, yes. She does
你最好赶在马斯之前 Actually, and you should get on that
买件礼服给她 before Math does.
你对凯特真好 It was nice, what you did for Cate.
还告诉她礼服的事 Telling her about the dress.
对凯特好 For Cate?
你知道这年头漂亮的礼服有多贵吗 Do you have any idea how much fancy dresses cost these days?
虽然我们没说话 So, we may not be talking,
但能够一起出来 but standing in the same vicinity,
就是个良好的开端 that's a good start.
你保证过 只是看衣服 你付钱 You promised we'd look, you'd buy,
然后闪人 不聊天 we'd leave, no talking.
好吧 行 Okay. Fine.
不聊天 No talking.
你和琼斯 So, you and Jones?
真了不起 你竟然安静了三秒钟 Wow, a whole three seconds.
只是 你什么时候和琼斯在一起了 It's just, since when is there a you and Jones?
我们没在一起 我们只是朋友 Since never. We're friends.
我知道 但他都邀请你去参加冬至舞会了 I know. It's just that asking you to the Winter Formal...
这件怎么样 How about this one?
虽然你需要性感一点 Well, you definitely want something
来向大家展示你女性的魅力 that's sexy enough to remind people that you're a woman,
但也不用这么暴露 还是淑女一点好 but not so revealing that they forget you're a lady.
你可以直接说不 You could just say no.
这件怎样 How great is this one?
买这衣服是不是还得配豪华轿车啊 What, does it come with a limo?
你不用花这么多钱给我买衣服 No. You don't have to spend that much on me.
不 我愿意 这次舞会可是件大事 No. I want to. Come on, this dance? This is a big deal.
我希望你有个完美的夜晚 I want your night to be perfect.
我希望我能为此做点什么 And I just want to be a part of it.
你还要惩罚我多久 How long are you going to punish me
就因为我没收留泰莎 for not taking in Tasha?
莱克丝 你提出的要求 Lux, what you were asking me,
任何有责任心的父母都不会收留泰莎的 no responsible parent would have taken Tasha in.
可贝斯愿意 Baze was willing to.
他当然愿意 Yeah, exactly.
天呐 凯特 你就像张卡碟的唱片 God, Cate. You are like a broken record.
一而再再而三地指责贝斯 All roads lead back to slamming Baze.
你随便选吧 我去车里等你 Pick whatever dress you want. I'll be waiting in the car.
马斯 Hi, Math.
马斯 是我啊 Math, it's me.
你最爱的特大三明治 Your favorite hoagie
我可是熏牛肉和甜椒馅儿的哦 Pastrami with extra banana peppers.
别这样啊 马斯 Come on, Math.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
我不是故意再次和凯特上床的 I didn't mean to sleep with Cate again.
只是 那天一下子发生太多事 It's just... I went through a lot that day.
我当时有点兴奋 我没考虑到你 Emotions were heightened, you weren't exactly on my mind,
坦白说 如果考虑到你了的话 and, quite frankly, if you were,
那我们现在的麻烦 可就更大了 I think we would have a much more troubling situation on our hands.
听着马修 如果你觉得心烦 Look, Matthew, if you're that upset,
想一想 她现在可是单身了 she's single now.
如果你那么喜欢她 那就行动起来 If you like her so much, do something about it.
你不想和她约会吗 You're not going to try to date her?
天呐 当然不想 我宁可去和撒旦约会 Hell, no. I would rather date Satan.
他对我还更温柔些 He'd go easier on me.
再说 那个女人完全不信任我 And besides, that woman has zero faith in me.
但是我认为 在某些事上我还是扭转了局面 I mean... But-but I think that the tables have finally turned.
比如在为人父母这件事 I mean, this parenting thing is way easier
我做得就比凯特好多了 than Cate made it out to be.
看看莱克丝 Look at Lux.
她都我聊起"傻瓜"了 I mean, she's talking about morons.
还准备和四分卫一起去参加冬至舞会 She's going to the Winter Formal with the quarterback.
是介子 你才是傻瓜呢 It's muons, you moron.
我想说的是 你同意 Um, I got to say, I'm surprised
让她去参加冬至舞会这让我很惊讶 you wanted her to go to the Winter Formal.
还记得当年我们的舞会吗 Remember when we went?
记得什么 那些快乐 还是精彩时刻 What? The fun? The awesomeness?
我记得我们偷偷把酒带进去 I was thinking of the flasks we snuck in.
那一打带着特洛伊木马标志的美孚桶 The 12-pack of Trojans from Mobil.
还有多数人都有了性爱经历 The sex... that most people had.
我认为现在的孩子和以前大不相同了 Well, I think that kids are probably different now.
没错 Yeah.
更糟了 现在的孩子都做些什么呢 Worse. The stuff kids are doing today?
3P 4P In threes, fours...
这就是为什么一半老师和我一样 That's why me and half the teachers
变成了监护人 are on chaperone detail.
莱克丝是个好孩子 她不会那样做的 Lux is a good kid. She's not like that.
凯特曾经也是个好孩子 她又发生了什么呢 Cate was a good kid and look what happened to her.
意外怀孕 Knocked up.
和四分卫 By the quarterback.
听着 每位父母都会经历这个问题 Listen, every parent goes through this.
像凯特说的那样 好好谈谈 Just have the talk, like Cate was saying.
谈什么 What?
关于性的话题 The sex talk?
不要 我不能和莱克丝谈论性 Whoa. No. I cannot talk to Lux about sex.
那种感觉太怪了 That'd be weird.
你知道什么更加怪异吗 You know what would be even weirder?
突然当上外公 Being a grandfather.
我以为你去萨克拉曼多了 I thought you were in Sacramento.
我是去了 但我收到你的信息就回来了 I was. But I got your message, so I'm here.
泰莎告诉我 你住到这里了 Tash told me you were staying here.
你和凯特怎么了 What happened to Cate's?
说来话长 It's a long story,
再说你也不配知道 which you don't really deserve to hear.
-莱克丝 -你不能就这样回来 - Lux... - You can't just walk back
然后装作什么都没发生过一样 in here and act like nothing happened.
是你自己离开的 连通电话都没有 You took off. You didn't call.
你就这样消失了 You were just gone.
我让你对我好一点 I asked you to treat me better.
难道离开我是对我好吗 Is-is leaving treating me better?
不是 No.
布格 事情没那么简单 Bug, it's not that easy.
是你离开了我 You left me.
因为我不想再做以前的我了 Because I didn't want to be the person I was being with you.
莱克丝 我爱你 Lux, I love you...
我想改变 and I want to change.
莱克丝都还好吗 Oh, wait, is everything okay with Lux?
很好 很顺利 Oh, yeah, yeah. It's fine.
我正好顺路 I just came by to,
我能进去吗 Can I come in?
当然可以 Yeah. Yeah, sure.
不好意思 家里有点乱 Sorry, it's, um, it's kind of a mess.
没有 很好啦 No, it's great.
家嘛 Homey.
不好意思 Sorry.
沙发真漂亮 Really nice couch.
谢谢 Thanks.
有什么事吗 So what's up?
我有个想法 Well, I had an idea.
我知道分手有多么的痛苦 I know how much breakups suck,
因此我想能不能做点什么 来缓解你的痛苦 so I thought of something that might get your mind off things.
如果是给我很多很多酒的话 Oh, okay, well, if it includes massive amounts of tequila,
我就来 I'm in.
我想也许你愿意作为舞伴出席 I thought you might like to be a chaperone
冬至舞会 当我的舞伴 at the Winter Formal-- with me.
我知道你和莱克丝在一起的时间并不多 I know you haven't spent much time with Lux.
这是一个 让你不错过她人生重要时刻的机会 This would be a chance not to miss a big milestone.
这是个很棒的主意 That would be amazing,
但你知道 我已经搞砸莱克丝的一个派对 but, um, you know, I've already crashed one party of Lux's.
所以我不觉得 在舞会上露面 So I don't really think that showing up at her Formal--
会对我们俩的关系有什么好处 it's not going to win me any Brownie points.
所以你才要以女伴的身份出现 That's why you come as a chaperone.
就说是学校来电邀请的 Say the school called and asked.
我会告诉莱克丝是我求你帮我的 I'll tell Lux I begged you to help me.
你只是给朋友帮个忙而已 You were just doing a favor for a friend.
我非常想看她穿那条裙子的样子 I really want to see her in that dress.
那么 说定了咯 So? It's a date?
是啊 好的 一言为定 Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. It's a date.
我很想你 I missed you.
我也很想你 I missed you, too.
天呐 有人回来了 Oh, my God. Someone's home!
你得马上离开这儿 You got to get out of here.
快点 从露台那儿走吧 Uh, hurry. Just get out on the deck.
快点 Hurry!
算了 快躲起来 Never mind. Just hide!
嘿 亲爱的 Hey, kiddo.
艾比 怎么 你怎么过来了 Abby? What-- what are you doing here?
我打给艾比让她来的 Uh, yeah, I called Abby,
因为我需要女士的意见 because I wanted a woman's perspective.
所以你打给凯特的妹妹了 So you called Cate's sister?
那凯特怎么办 Wh-What about Cate?
好了 让我们都坐下来谈谈吧 Okay, let's all sit and talk.
性 Sex.
我知道 I know.
如果你难以启齿 If you can barely say it,
你最好就不要去实践 you certainly shouldn't be having it.
我可没说 Well...I didn't say it.
是你说的 You did.
是这样的 Here is the thing.
不论是初恋男友笨手笨脚的调情 Whether it's the awkward fumblings of your first lover
还是交规课老师的上下其手 or the full body assault of a traffic school instructor...
我不知道你想说什么 I'm not sure what's happening.
你不会想让那些没有准备好的事情发生的 You don't want to end up in a situation that you're not prepared for.
我想说 留到大学再践行吧 I would just say put it off till college--
或者再迟点儿 or-or later.
等等 你们在和我聊性行为吗 Wait, is this a sex talk?
应该说是在聊 反对性行为 It's, it's more of an anti-sex talk.
除了真正的性行为之外 There are many other ways
还有很多其他的方法 可以让你们有同样的感觉 to get the same feeling without actually having sex.
比如 用有弹性的淋浴喷头 Um, flexible showerheads,
振动式的背部按摩器 vibrating back massagers,
滚筒洗衣机的甩干系统 the spin cycle of a front-load washing machine.
记住一点 The thing to remember
处女之身仅有一次 is that you're only a virgin once.
对吧 Right.
好 我明白了 现在可以结束了吗 Okay, I got it. Can this be over now?
糟糕的第一次经历 A bad first experience
可能会留下不好的后果 could have negative consequences.
比如患上让你失明的疾病 Like diseases that-that make you go blind.
我觉得贝斯想说的是 I think what Baze is trying to say
最有意义的性交行为 is that the most meaningful sex
应该发生在互相了解的两个人之间 happens between two people who have known each other
而且是相识已久的 for a long time.
可能高中就认识了 Since high school, maybe.
然后数年不见而又再次重逢 You know, people that have reconnected after years apart.
我想说的是 Wh-What I'm trying to say is that
你应该和你心爱的人做这件事 it's best to do it with someone that you love,
而你和琼斯还不熟 and you barely know Jones.
好的好的 我明白了 Oh, okay, okay, I got it.
如果我发誓 我不会和琼斯发生关系 And if I swear that I'm not having sex with Jones,
也不打算和他发生关系 and I don't plan on having sex with Jones,
我们的谈话可以结束了吗 can this just be over now?
当然 Yes.
好的 很棒的谈话 Okay, awesome talk.
聊得很好 孩子 Good chat, kiddo.
你当着我的面说谎 You lied to my face.
不是那样的 It's not like that.
那是怎样 Then what's it like?
早在我离开之前 Before I left,
你就和琼斯一起骑着我的机车 四处闲逛 you and Jones were riding around on my bike together.
现在竟然谈起 和他发生关系了 Now you're talking about having sex with him?
我不会和他发生关系的 I'm not having sex with him.
我们只是要一起去冬至舞会 We're just going to the Winter Formal.
没什么的 It's nothing.
怎么 你现在开始和四分卫约会了 So what, now you're dating a quarterback,
想装自己是什么 舞会皇后吗 pretending to be what, the prom queen?
我没在装 我只是想正常一点 I'm not pretending to be anything except normal, maybe.
我只是想尝试过一次正常的生活而已 I'm just trying to have a normal life for once.
这就是你想让我回来的原因吗 And that's why you wanted me to come home?
当着我的面 炫耀你正常的生活吗 So you could rub your normal life in my face?
不是 你别这样 No, you don't...
我没做错什么 布格 I didn't do anything wrong, Bug!
你当时不在 You weren't around.
你不告而别 You bailed.
我当时甚至都不知道你还会不会回来 I didn't even know if you were coming back.
你离开的时候 我感觉天都要塌了 It felt like hell when you left.
现在你出现了 And now you show up
却让我感觉更糟糕了 and somehow make me feel even worse.
你刚才说你想改变自己 I thought you said you wanted to change.
但我没感觉你有多大不同 It doesn't feel that much different to me.
你看起来 You look...
拿着 Here.
粉色的康乃馨 Oh, pink carnations.
那太滑稽了 That's hilarious.
你... 想让我帮你 You, um... want me to help you, you know,
戴上吗 put it on?
当然 Sure.
瞧瞧 Look at that.
我一会儿要是把它摘下来 If I take it off later,
一定是因为戴着它太痒了 it's only because it's itchy.
不过 马斯 But, Math--
很漂亮 谢谢 it's beautiful. Thank you.
喂 她的卧室 男士止步哦 Uh-uh. We don't allow dudes in her bedroom.
家规 House rules.
就算我挺喜欢你的 And even though I like you,
也不能例外 孩子 there's no exceptions, son.
坐会儿吧 Have a seat.
答应我件事 All right, here is the deal.
几年前 我在你这个年纪时 I was your age a few years ago.
好吧 也许不止几年吧 Okay, maybe a few more than a few years,
但我也参加过这舞会 还乱来过 but I have been there and I have done that
而且我不希望你重蹈我的覆辙 and I don't want you going there and doing that.
你明白我的意思吗 You read me?
我 是真的喜欢莱克丝 I... really like Lux.
我会好好对她 And I'm going to treat her right.
我不是那种就想趁着舞会 I'm not the kind of guy who would
跟女生乱来 just hook up with a girl at Winter Formal
然后把她扔在停车场不管的那种人 and ditch her in the parking lot,
你明白吗 you know?
另外那双鞋穿得我脚疼 The other shoes hurt my feet.
你看起来 太美了 You look... incredible.
我们该走了 We should, uh, go.
本和克里斯在那 和我们会合 Ben and Chris are meeting us there.
等一下 Wait, wait.
我想给你们拍张照片 I want to take a picture.
你什么时候变得这么让人为难了 When did you get so embarrassing?
准备 一 二 三 Ready? One, two, three.
你好 我的新桌面 Hello, wallpaper.
好吧 孩子们 玩得开心 All right, you crazy kids, have fun.
但是不要过头哦 But not too much fun.
琼斯 And Jones,
你可是个说话算话的人哦 you're a stand-up little dude, dude.
你在西蒙特中学的第一支舞喔 So your first Westmonte dance.
是有生以来的第一支舞 Try first dance ever.
我没在这样的正式场合跳过舞 I'm not exactly the typical high school school dance type,
你可能也知道 as you may have noticed.
嗯 相信我 我知道 Yeah, believe me, I noticed.
-你们刚才在哪 -错过好戏了 - Dudes, where you been? - You totally missed it.
我们把杜甘校长办公室里所有的家具 We moved all the furniture from Principlal Dugan's office
都搬到餐厅里去了 to the cafeteria.
为什么 Why?
因为她自不量力 Because she blows.
她今年请的家长比往年多 She got more chaperones than ever this year.
不会吧 No way.
罗杰斯 Mr. Rogers
连他都能带来个女伴 怪事年年有啊 even brought a date? Freak.
那不是你妈妈吗 Isn't that your mom?
琼斯 Jones.
说话算数就见鬼了 Stand-up little dude, my ass.
我猜现在滥交已经变成新时尚了 I guess skank is the new black.
我们当年去跳舞的时候 所有女生 When we went to our dance, all the girls,
都希望自己 像电影"希德姐妹"里的女主角一样酷 they wanted to look like the Heathers.
现在 她们都想像金·卡戴珊的屁股一样性感 Now they want to look like Kim Kardashian's butt.
那是什么意思 What does that mean?
需要更多监护人看着 More chaperones.
快看她 Look at her!
我很会挑衣服 对吧 Do I know how to pick out a dress, or what?
那双鞋是怎么回事 What's with the shoes?
你在这干嘛 What are you doing here?
有一位家长不能来了 所以 One of the chaperones fell through, so...
作为家长 我们得站出来 Parents. You know, we have to step up,
填补空缺 fill in the gaps.
我保证 你甚至都不会注意到我 I promise, you won't even notice me.
我们离你们远远的 We'll stay out of your hair.
你今天看起来真不错 Which looks really great, by the way.
进展不错 That went well.
你觉得怎么样 What do you think?
头一回 没有男生们臭脚丫的味道 For once, it doesn't smell like boy feet.
现在干嘛 Now what?
选择实在很有限 Well, not that many options, really.
我可以给你倒杯潘趣酒 I could get you some punch.
或者来块不新鲜的小点心 Or a stale cookie.
要不我们也可以跳舞 Or we could dance.
就这样跳 Just like that?
就这样跳 Just like that.
上帝 重回这个体育馆真让我胸痛 God, being back in this gym, it makes my boobs hurt.
我好像都能感觉得出 有躲避球 It's like I can actually feel the dodgeballs
直击我的胸口 nailing me in the chest.
还有那个更衣室 Oh, and that locker room.
如果能把羞辱装瓶 闻起来就是那个味道 If you could bottle humiliation, it would be that smell.
这没留下什么愉快的回忆啊 Not a lot of happy memories here, huh?
在冬至舞会上 At the Winter Formal?
没有 No.
这也许不是个好主意 This was probably a bad idea.
现在不是16年前了 凯特 It's not 16 years ago, Cate.
你不是那个女孩了 You're not that girl.
我也不是那个男孩了 And I'm not that guy.
我知道 I know.
没事 会过去的 It's fine. It'll pass.
又不是贝斯在这儿 把我肚子搞大 It's not like Baze is here to impregnate me
然后还死不认账 and reject me all over again.
所以 So...
开什么玩笑 You've got to be kidding me!
什么 What?
你来这有何贵干 What are you doing here?
你又有何贵干 What are you doing?
学生陪护 我是有授权的 Chaperoning, and I call dibs.
我先到的 I was here first.
说得有模有样 Yeah, that's mature.
你还穿着一件写着"感性趣"的上衣 Oh, you're wearing a shirt that says, "Tap that."
你手腕上还戴着个小花园呢 Oh, you're wearing a small garden on your wrist.
你为什么来这 Why are you here?
莱克丝 她忘带这个了 Uh, Lux. She forgot this.
我会给她的 I'll give it to her.
你可以走了 You can go.
不要 也许我想要四处看看 Yeah, no. Maybe I want to take a look around, you know?
重温一下我辉煌的岁月 Relive my glory days.
辉煌的岁月 是吗 Glory days? Really?
让别人伤心难过 Making someone feel like nothing.
那可真值得重温的时刻啊 That's really a moment to relive.
你有什么不满的 What is your problem?
你啊 你就不能直接回家吗 You are. Can't you just go home?
莱克丝每时每刻都归你管 You get Lux all the time.
她搬来跟你住 还不满意吗 She moved in with you, okay?
我输了 你赢了 贝斯得一分 我零分 I suck. You win. Baze one, me zero.
就不能让我 Can't I just have
今晚陪着她 你非要来打扰吗 one night with her without you swooping in?
好吧 好吧 我这就走 行了吧 Fine, fine. I'll go. All right?
让我拿一块奶酪路上吃吧 Let me just grab a cheese cube for the road.
你想离开这儿吗 Do you want to get out of here?
好啊 Yeah.
我还记得你那晚穿的裙子 I still remember the dress you wore that night.
它上面全是亮片 Yeah, it had all those scratchy glittery parts.
我妈说我像迪厅里的灯球 就多了俩耳朵 Yeah, my mom told me I looked like a disco ball with ears.
我当时想邀请你跳舞 I wanted to ask you to dance,
等我鼓足勇气 你就已经 but by the time I worked up the nerve, you'd...
消失了 ...disappeared.
好点了吗 Better?
好多了 Much.
我以前一直以为 要是我爸妈年轻点 I always thought if my parents were younger,
他们就不会这么让人难堪了 they'd be less embarrassing.
看来也不尽然 Hmm. Guess not.
我早就得到教训 I'm learning anything
只要凯特和贝斯一起出现在公开场合 involving Cate, Baze and a public forum
丢人现眼那就是一定的 is usually a recipe for total embarrassment.
真是好笑 It's funny.
无论这件事看起来 多像是我的事 No matter how much something seems to be about me,
最后都变成他们的事 it always ends up about them.
我就是在他们冬至舞会之夜 On the night of their Winter Formal,
被怀上的 I was conceived.
就在这个停车场 实际上 In this parking lot, actually.
所以这就是为什么你爸如此抓狂 So that's why your dad was so freaked out.
因为他觉得我会对你做相同的事 'Cause he thought I'd do the same thing to you.
下车 神枪手 马上 Out of the car, hotshot, right now.
你以为你在干嘛 What do you think you're doing?
发生什么事了 What's going on?
我们只是在听音乐 Oh, we're just listening to music.
没错 没错 Right, right.
我知道后续情节 来点"公关顾问"的摇滚乐 I know where that leads. A little Spin Doctors,
喝点齐玛酒 紧接着下来 some Zima. The next thing you know,
就是有个抓狂的少女 you've got a crazy chick tracking you down
在足球场逮住你 on a football field
手里握着个 她测过的验孕棒 holding a stick that she peed on.
贝斯 住口 Baze, stop.
我不是凯特 而且琼斯也不是你 I am not Cate and Jones isn't you.
我们这是在说什么 What are we talking about?
这个 This.
我在家找到的 就在这位情圣刚才站的地方 I found this on the floor, right where Romeo was standing.
贝斯 那不是我的 Baze, that's not mine.
不不不不 现在得尊称我 贝斯勒先生 No, no, no, no, no. It's Mr. Bazile now.
我们不能直接扔了它吗 Okay, can we just drop this?
扔了 这是他落下的东西 Drop this? No, he's the one that dropped this.
幸好有这个 And it's a good thing.
不然我还不知道 他企图用甜言蜜语糊弄我 Otherwise, I wouldn't know that you were trying
然后背着我 玷污我的孩子 to sweet-talk me and devirginize my kid.
不是你想的那样好不好 There was no devirginizing, okay?
你和艾比教育我的那些 That speech that you and Abby gave me?
晚了一点 A little too late.
等等 什么教育 Wait. What speech?
怎么会 会跟我妹妹扯上关系 Why-why-why are we talking about my sister?
你不是处女了 You're not a virgin?
我有过男朋友 I had a boyfriend...
叫布格 我本来要和他住在一起的 named Bug that I was going to live with.
好了 怎么一下谈到了处女 Okay, why are we talking about virgins
艾比 还有性 and Abby and sex?
就是他 This guy, right here.
这不是他的避孕套 It's not his condom.
布格回来了 Bug's back, okay?
这是布格的 That's Bug's?
我 我先 I'm, uh, gonna...
什么时候发生的 今天 When-when was this? Today?
就在你和艾比无聊的性教育之前 Right before that stupid sex talk with Abby
她坏了我们的好事 where she ruined everything.
请问 有没有人 Will somebody please
告诉我到底在说些什么 tell me what the hell we are talking about?
贝斯要艾比帮助他 Baze asked Abby for help
免得让你认为 他当不好爸爸 because he didn't want you to think that he was in over his head.
上周 "为何不帮你的孩子相个亲呢" Last week, "How not to set your kid up on a blind date."
这周 "如何对无知的孩子实施性教育" This week, "How to pawn a sex talk off" on someone
针对我这个根本不需要性教育的人 who knows even less to someone who doesn't even need it."
所以凯特你不用担心 So don't worry, Cate.
在年度最佳父母榜上 In the Parent of the Year category,
贝斯一定也抱个大零蛋 Baze is batting a big, fat zero, too.
好了 现在我来做个总结 All right. Well, so then, just to recap,
自从莱克丝住你那儿后 since you've had Lux,
你安排她和琼斯的约会 you've manipulated her into going out with Jones,
让我的无厘头妹妹 对她进行性教育 you got my nutball sister to give her a sex talk,
现在呢 现在他们终于按你的意愿 and, oh, now? Now, when she finally goes out
出来约会了 with the guy you hook her up with,
你又亲自毁了它 you ruin it.
太好了 突然间 Great. Well, suddenly, I'm feeling
我做母亲的 不觉得很失败了 like less of a parenting failure.
凯特 弄清楚 这不是比赛 Oh, look, it's not a competition, Cate,
如果是 你赢了 行了吧 and if it were, you win. Okay?
你有个体面的工作 有一座大房子 You've got the good job. You've got the nice house.
还有不少积蓄 你什么都有了 You've got the bank account. You got everything.
什么都有了 Everything?
我的莱克丝呢 我的瑞安呢 Where's Lux? Where's Ryan?
别说得像我的错 It's not like it's my fault.
你总是在添乱 You haven't exactly helped.
是不是什么都怪罪我 What else do you want to blame for?
凯特 Cate?
外面下雨了 It's raining outside.
是贝斯的错 车子熄火了 It's Baze's fault. Your car doesn't start?
都怪贝斯 Blame Baze.
听着 我不是你所有问题的根源 Listen. I am not the root of all your problems.
是吗 Really?
当初你毁了我的人生 Because it feels like you ruined my life back then,
最近又莫名其妙出现在我面前 and somehow, lately, you show up everywhere I am,
再次毁了我的人生 and you ruin it again.
16年前的事了 过去就过去了 It's been 16 years. Let it go.
你想惩罚我多久 I mean, isn't there some sort of "Statue" Of limitations
有没有失效性 on how long you can punish me for it?
是时效性 你个白痴 It's statute, you idiot!
管他的 Whatever.
不仅仅是这些 And it's not just that, okay?
我们上床之后 I heard you. What you said
你跟你那群呆瓜朋友说的话 我都听见了 to your stupid friends after we slept together.
你在说什么 What are you talking about?
那是事后的星期一 It was the Monday after.
你站在教室外边 You were standing outside of homeroom.
有人问你 我们是不是上床了 And somebody asked you if we hooked up.
你说 只有一种情况下 会和我上床 You said the only way that you would ever hook up with me
就是当我的头被蒙住 嘴被封住 was if I had a bag over my head and tape over my mouth,
这样你就不用看我的脸 听我的叫声 so you wouldn't have to look at my face or listen to me.
怪不得我在电台找到工作 I mean, it's no wonder I have a job in radio.
凯特 对不起 Cate. I'm sorry.
你知道那不是真的 对吧 You know that's not true, right?
好好看看你自己 I mean, look at you.
我不应该那么说 我不是有心的 I shouldn't have said it. I didn't mean it.
但是你说了 Yes, you did.
知道吗 跟你上了床之后 Did you know that after we slept together,
我还真以为我们会约会 I actually thought we were gonna date?
我给我朋友米西打电话 跟她说 Then I called my friend Missy, and I told her that...
我就要有一个男朋友了 you know, I thought I might actually have a boyfriend.
之后就听见你说的那些话 And then I heard what you said.
你甚至都不知道我就站在那里 You didn't even see me standing there.
就像我根本不存在 It was like I didn't even exist.
我只是觉得我像这世界上最大的傻瓜 I just felt totally, completely alone,
孤立无援 like the biggest idiot.
现在我又好似回到了高中 Kind of like now I am back in this high school,
傻傻的等着一个能让我觉得 waiting for this one person to make me feel
自己并非是个无足轻重的人 like I'm actually worth something.
好像我对他们来说很重要 Like I mean something to them.
凯特 Cate.
凯特 你确实对我很重要 Cate, you are worth something to me.
什么 What?
等下 你说什么 Wait. What? What?
不 我说的是莱克丝 No. I'm talking about Lux.
不是你 好不好 Not you. Okay?
她才是我想要的 She's who I want.
她才能让我觉得好过一点 She's what will make me feel better.
天哪 我都32岁了 All right? God, I am 32 years old.
我已经不再是那个无所事事 I'm not sitting around,
只想得到你赞许的可怜虫了 looking for your approval.
好吧 我懂了 Okay, I get it.
我明白了 天哪 这个 I got it. Jeez. That.
这就是为什么我想封住你的嘴的原因了 That is why I wanted the tape.
你可不可以不要再对我吼了 You've got to stop screaming at me.
凯特 我只不过想安慰你 I was trying to make you feel better, Cate.
我只是想告诉你 我已经变了 I was trying to show you that I'm not the same guy anymore.
你又表现得 好像你是上帝派来的救星 Once again, you act like you're God's gift to the universe!
而我一无是处 And I am nothing!
你觉得自己和以往不同了 You think you're not the same guy anymore?
在我看来 你一点都没变 I mean, you haven't changed a bit.
-可笑至极 -你还可以找别的舞伴 - It's such a joke. - You can find another date.
琼斯 Jones, hey.
琼斯 我很抱歉 Jones, I'm-I'm sorry.
不必解释 我要走了 You know what? I'm taking off.
等一下 Wait!
我知道刚才 简直是尴尬透顶 Look, I know that transcended any reasonable amount of awkwardness.
但是 你还在生气吗 But... are you mad?
你是指你和你前男友上床 That you slept with your ex-boyfriend
然后却又和我一起来参加舞会的事 and then came here with me?
没有 我觉得我是全世界最幸运的人 No, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.
我根本不知道布格会出现 I didn't know Bug was going to show up.
你和我 我们只是临时凑成对 And-and you and I? We were a last-minute thing.
以朋友的身份来参加冬至舞会 你说的 Going to the dance as friends. I mean, you said that.
朋友 Friends.
我和本和克里斯也是朋友 I'm friends with Ben and Chris
而我却不会和他们跳慢舞 I don't slow-dance with them.
琼斯 对不起 Jones, I'm sorry.
你想走就走 可你是我在这里唯一的朋友 I mean, go if you want, but you're my one friend here.
对吗 Right?
我自己都不知道 我对你算什么 I don't know what I am.
莱克丝 Lux!
我以为这走廊上没人呢 I didn't realize this hallway was taken.
无论你几岁 高中舞会都太烂了 High school dances suck, no matter how old you are.
你看起来比我还伤心 You seem more upset than I do.
看来这个夜晚并不适合 I'm guessing this isn't the time and the night
母女之间说贴心话 for a mother-daughter heart-to-heart.
你又要发表一些 Where you give me some
和你我生活有关的 深刻见解吗 profound insight that's somehow relevant to both our lives?
还是不要了吧 Probably not.
我能不能就说一件事 很快的 Can I just say one thing real quick?
我保证 既不见解独到 也不深刻 And I promise it won't be that insightful or profound.
我们都有留恋的 We all have things that we hold on to,
无法放开的人 that we can't let go of.
在贝斯这件事上你是对的 You know, you were right about Baze.
我一直在惩罚他 I keep punishing him
因为我不想让他对过去的事释怀 because I can't let him feel better about the past
因为我自己无法释怀 because I don't feel better about it.
直到我释怀之前 You know, until I do,
我都不想让他 跟此事摆脱干系 I don't want to let him off the hook.
也许你能让他负起一点责任 You know, maybe you can relate a little?
又或许你也不想让我好过 Maybe you don't want to let me feel better either?
莱克丝 我知道当我不肯接受泰莎时 I know that I hurt you, Lux,
我伤透了你的心 when I said no to Tasha.
我也知道你到现在还是耿耿于怀 I know you don't feel better yet.
我不能缓解你的痛苦 I can't fix it for you...
就像贝斯无法抚平我的伤口一样 just like Baze can't fix it for me.
也许这些事 只能由我们自己来慢慢地释怀 Maybe it's something that we have to do for ourselves.
但是如果你可以 But if you can,
请尽快 这样我就不用特地出现在学校舞会 hurry so I don't have to show up at a school dance
只为了想要融入你的生活 just to be a part of your life.
我想你 I miss you.
我也想你 I miss you, too.
不好意思打扰二位 但是莱克丝 Sorry to bug you guys, but Lux,
外面有人找 someone's looking for you.
这些是我买的 They are paid for.
无论你想做什么 我都会在这儿 Whatever you want to do, I'm here:
舞会皇后 Prom queen...
主席 President,
无论什么 whatever.
我都想陪你一起共度 I want to be here.
即使这意味着 要让我和这些会让我自卑的人 Even if it means being at a dance with people
一起参加舞会 I don't feel good enough to be around.
布格 你已经够好了 You're good enough, Bug.
事实上 In fact...
你比他们还好 you're better.
马斯 对不起 Math, I am sorry.
我是史上最烂的监督人 I mean, I'm the worst chaperone date ever.
即使在16年后 Even 16 years later,
我仍然很擅长把夜晚弄砸 I have a way of ruining the night
而且还是由于我和贝斯 and still making it about me and Baze.
如果贝斯搞大我肚子的话 If Baze had gotten me pregnant,
我应该也不会放过他 I'd probably make it about him, too.
因为那绝对会是个医学奇迹 That and a medical miracle.
马斯 今晚谢谢你了 Math, thank you... for tonight.
重温过去 让我明白 Reliving the past taught me
我再也不想重温它了 that I don't want to relive it anymore.
也许应该刷新它 Maybe redo it.
刷新 听上去不错 Redo sounds good.
想跳支舞吗 Want to dance?
非常愿意 I'd like that.
艾比 Abby.
你怎么会在这儿 What are you doing here?
就当做是跟踪好了 Think of it as a follow-up.
莱克丝怎么样了 How's Lux?
我一手毁了她的冬至舞会 Yeah, I single-handedly ruined her Winter Formal.
我不相信这是真的 I'm sure that's not true.
凯特见证了这一切 Cate was an eyewitness.
她去那里干嘛 What was she doing there?
提醒我 Reminding me of how
我是如何一手毁了她的冬至舞会 I single-handedly ruined her Winter Formal.
至少我始终如一 对吧 At least I'm consistent, right?
显然 我是她所有问题的根源 Apparently, I am the root of all her issues.
相信我 在遇到你之前 她就有许多问题 Trust me, she had issues long before you:
一个嗜酒的母亲 a drunk for a mom,
一个在她六岁时遗弃她的父亲 a dad who abandoned her when she was six.
你只是冰山一角 You're just the tip of the iceberg.
我都不知道这些 I didn't know all of that.
我都不知道 原来凯特是喜欢我的 You know, and I-I didn't know that Cate actually liked me.
她当然会喜欢你 所有人都喜欢你 Why wouldn't she? Everyone liked you.
不 No.
我喜欢过你 I liked you.
你喜欢过我? You did?
这可能听起来很不可思议 Uh, I think that's the three cosmos talking
不过我确实喜欢过你 But yes, I did.
也许你十六岁的时候 并不是最理想的对象 Look, maybe you weren't the most thoughtful guy when you were 16
但是看看现在的你 but look at you now.
你 你有着自己的生意 You-you-you have your own business,
你快速适应了爸爸的角色 you stepped up to be a dad
尽管之前你不知道那孩子 却二话不说地抚养她 to a kid you didn't know about without thinking twice,
你不断地忍让着凯特 and you put up with Cate
无论她对你如何地嚷嚷和尖叫 no matter how much she yells and screams
或是把单词末尾不发音的G发出奇怪的音 and weirdly pronounces silent Gs at the end of words.
我知道 就像这样 "水烟呛" [水烟枪] I know. It's, like, "Bon-glamp."
我有点喜欢她这一点 I kind of love that about her.
我也是 Me, too.
但是如果凯特看不到 你的改变 But look, if-if Cate can't see how much you've changed,
那就随她去吧 then just screw her.
对 Right.
她错过了 了解一个好男人的机会 She's missing out on getting to know a really great guy.
你来这里干嘛 Wh-What are you doing here?
放开过去 Letting go of the past.
至少试着放开 Or at least trying.
贝斯在吗 我去酒吧找过 但是 Is Baze here? I checked the bar, but...
我看一下能否找到他 Um, I'll see if I can find him.
他应该在 我看到他的车在前门外面 He's somewhere. I saw his truck out front.
你在里面吗 Hey, you in here?
-来真的吗 -莱克丝 - Seriously? - Lux...
莱克丝 当两人发生了某种关系 Lux, when two people have a connection...
我听够了 这些跟驾驶须知一样的废话 I've heard the whole traffic school front-loading speech.
莱克丝 我可以解释 Lux, I can explain.
但你没时间了 凯特在等你 You actually don't have time; Cate's waiting for you.
什么 What?
就在外面 Outside.
糟糕 我正想营造一个无话不谈的气氛 Crap! I-I was going for a "Say Anything" Moment,
这磁带居然不给面子 and-and the stupid thing ate my tape.
"公关顾问"的歌 Spin Doctors.
"装满氪石的口袋" A "Pocket Full of Kryptonite"?
我没找到小货车 I couldn't find a minivan,
但是我找到了两瓶齐玛酒 but I-I did manage to find a couple bottles of Zima.
我 我打算重头再来一次 I, uh, I figured it was time for a redo-
以一种当初我们本应有的方式 the way we should have done it the first time,
去掉在车后座上的那段 you know, minus the awkward backseat sex.
我不想再恨你了 Look, I don't want to hate you anymore...
我不想再惩罚你了 and I don't want to punish you.
我只是 我想放开过去 继续前行 I just... I want to let go of the past and move forward.
如果我做到了 希望莱克丝知道 And if I can, hopefully, Lux can see that
她也能够做到 she can, too.
凯特 Cate...
对不起 I'm sorry...
对于当时我所做的一切 ...for who I was back then.
我感到非常抱歉 I'm really sorry.
我知道 I know.
我知道你不再是当时的那个家伙了 I know that you're not that guy anymore.
我敬你 A toast.
为了什么 宿敌吗 to what, old enemies?
为了新朋友 怎样 How about new friends?