人生七部曲 Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life
dbid@hujan
血腥永葆公司
英国 伦敦
最大的美国公司
在一九八三年的萧条岁月中 In the bleak days of 1983,
英国因为财政的破坏而造成经济委缩 as England languished in the doldrums of a ruinous monetarist policy,
曾经显赫一时的家族企业永保公司 the good, loyal men of the Permanent Assurance Company,
也无法幸免于难 忠心耿耿的老员工们 a once-proud family firm recently fallen on hard times,
被新管理阶层压的透不过气来 strained under the yoke of their oppressive new corporate management.
糟糕 真糟糕！ Terrible. Really terrible.
划！ Row!
好 阿文 你被开除了！ That's it, Evans. You're fired.
听到没有 滚出去！ You heard me. Out.
你听到吗？他被开除了！ Did you hear that? He's been sacked.
开除了！ Sacked?
开除！来呀！大伙上！ Sacked? Come on, boys. Let's get at 'em.
嘿！ Hey!
来呀！ Come on! Come on!
让我出去 Let me out of here!
我要见我的律师 I demand to see my lawyer!
图立！来呀！ Tooley! Come on.
安静！安静下来！ Quiet! Silence!
现在 兄弟们 咱们开始行动！ Now, lads, let's move.
你 你和你夺取武器 You, you and you, break open the weapons.
你 你和你准备出航 You, you and you, into the rigging.
你 去烧开水 And you, put the kettle on.
遵命 先生 Aye, sir.
查理 那里 那里 There, there, Charles.
抱歉！ Sorry!
来 图立 这边 Come on, Tooley. This way!
起锚！ Weigh the anchor!
起锚！ Weigh the anchor.
永保公司因此而进入 And so, The Crimson Permanent Assurance
国际公海融资行业之中 was launched upon the high seas of international finance.
唉呀！小子 搞清路线 Come on, boy. Watch it. Route. Route!
亲爱的 来杯茶好吗？ Cup of tea, dear?
嘿 船长！向右舵看 Hey, Captain! Look! To starboard!
在那儿：是他们所找寻的目标 There it lay, the prize they sought.
向右舵靠近！ Hard to starboard!
一个因跨国企业而过度膨胀的金融区 A financial district swollen with multinationals, conglomerates,
充满了又肥又自负的银行 and fat, bloated merchant banks.
好 大伙们 准备作战 All right, lads, battle stations!
-来呀！快！快！ -快！ - Come on! Move it! Move it! - Move it!
好了 够了！掩护自己！ All right, then. That's enough. Take cover.
蹲下 蹲下 低一点！ Down, down! Get down!
蹲低 蹲低 Down, down.
向右舵靠！ Hard to starboard!
发射！ Fire!
艾克 我的平衡表 Eric! My balance sheets!
罗斯 把资料报表拿着 Ross! Get the readouts!
阻止他！ Stop him!
艾克！ Eric!
谢谢！ Thanks!
攻击！ Charge!
快！抓住它！ Come on! Grab it!
-不 不！让我来！ -好 肯恩 - No, no! Let me! Let me! - Okay, Kane.
俘掳你！ Cudgelled!
逮到你了！ Gotcha!
混蛋！ You bastard!
拿着这个 Take this.
把这存档 Here. File this.
该死 Shit!
被他们初次的成功所鼓舞 And so, heartened by their initial success,
绝望而暴戾的永保公司员工 the desperate and reasonably violent men of the Permanent Assurance
继续作战 直到… battled on until,
夕阳西下… as the sun set slowly in the west,
由于在事业上的冒险投资 使他们巨额的报酬源源不绝 the outstanding returns on their bold business venture became apparent.
至于那些金融巨人们 Once-proud financial giants
跌入混沌 lay in ruins,
他们的精明寸寸剥落 their assets stripped,
他们的资产成为废墟 their policies in tatters.
柯汉先生 全速前进 Full speed ahead, Mr. Cohen!
加 加 加你的保险费 加 加 加你的保险费 Up, up, up your premium Up, up, up your premium
-乱涂乱画 -平衡帐本 - Scribble away - And balance the books
发给会计师执照实在可笑 It's fun to charter an accountant
在广阔的会计领域中 And sail the wide accountancy
四处找寻好发现基金 To find, explore the funds offshore
沿着破产陷阱的边缘通过 And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy
保险行业可能理直气壮的说 It can be manly in insurance
我们每年要加两次保险费 We'll up your premium semiannually
它可以抵税 而我们绝不会被收买 It's all tax-deductible We're fairly incorruptible
航行在广阔的会计领域中 扬帆而去 Sailing on the wide accountancy. Sail away...
由此他们进入分类帐的改革 And so, they sailed off into the ledgers of history,
世界的经融资本逐一的… one by one, the financial capitals of the world
被他们敏锐的才智所粉碎 crumbling under the might of their business acumen.
如果不是被… Or so it would have been,
地球形状的理论所左右的话 if certain modern theories concerning the shape of the world
他们仍在茁壮成长中 had not proved to be disastrously wrong.
早… - Morning. - Morning.
早… Morning.
早… - Morning. - Morning.
-有什么新鲜的事？ -没什么 -What's new? -Not much.
早上好！ - Morning! - Good morning! Morning!
早… - Morning! - Morning!
法兰在问有什么新鲜的事 -是吗？ - Frank was just asking what's new. - Was he?
是的 Yes.
嘿 看 哈瑞被吃掉了 Hey, look. Howard's being eaten.
真的？ Is he?
很吃惊 对不对？ - Makes you think, doesn't it? - Hmm.
这到底是怎么回事？ I mean, what's it all about?
问倒我了 Beats me.
我们为什么在这里？ Why are we here
生命是什么 What's life all about
上帝是真的 Is God really real
还是要对他心存怀疑 Or is there some doubt
今晚我们要来探讨 Well, tonight we're going to sort it all out
所以今晚的主题是生命的真谛 “生命的真谛” For tonight it's the Meaning of Life
欺骗的目的是什么 What's the point of all this hoax
难道又是鸡跟蛋的问题 Is it the chicken and the egg time
我们只是蛋黄 Are we just yolks
或者我们全是上帝的一个小玩笑 Or perhaps we're just one of God's little jokes
至于生命的真谛 Well, ca, c'est le meaning of life
难道生命只是一种游戏 Is life just a game
我们为它设置一些规则 Where we make up the rules
只不过是要增加话题而已 While we're searching for something to say
或者它是急遽不断… Or are we just simply spiraling coils
繁衍人类的方法 Of self-replicating DNA
Nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay Nay, nay, nay, nay
什么是人生 什么是命运 What is life What is our fate
有天堂和地狱吗？ Is there heaven and hell
我们能转世吗？ Do we reincarnate
人类正在发展还是已经没有希望 Is mankind evolving or is it too late
今晚我们要探讨它 Well, tonight here's the Meaning of Life
对多数人来说 For millions
生命是苦涩的 This life is a sad vale of tears
我们坐在那儿无法表达意见 Sitting round with really nothing to say
而那些科学家们却说 While scientists say
我们只是不断地 We're just simply spiraling coils
繁衍自身 Of self-replicating DNA
Nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay Nay, nay, nay, nay
到底我们为什么在这里 So just why Why are we here
还有我们到底在害怕什么 And just what What, what, what do we fear
今晚会有所改变 Well, ce soir for a change
一切都会澄清 It will all be made clear
因为这是生命的真谛 For this is The Meaning of Life
生命的真谛 C'est le sens de la vie
这是生命的真谛 This is The Meaning of Life
第一部上 降生
一千零八 One thousand and eight!
她的阵痛更密集 Mrs. Moore's contractions are more frequent, Doctor.
好 把她送到胎儿惊吓室去 Good. Take her into the fetus frightening room.
好 Right.
很好 Jolly good.
嗯 好像有点空旷 It's a bit bare in here today, isn't it?
-不错 -护士 把设备搬进来 - Yes. - Yes. More apparatus, please, Nurse.
-扫瞄器、监视器和探测器 -马上来 医生 - The EEG, the BP monitor and the AVV. - Yes, Sir.
还有那台会叫“宾”的机器 And get the machine that goes "ping."
把最贵的机器搬来 这样行政官才会高兴 And get the most expensive machines in case the administrator comes.
就是它 推进来 放在这儿 在我后面 That's it. Bring it in. Bring it right here. Behind me.
很好 很好 Lovely, lovely. Jolly good. That's better.
-太棒了 非常不错 -挺像样的 - That's much, much better. - Yes, that's more like it.
好像少了什么 Still something missing, though.
嗯… - Hmm? - Hmm.
病人 - Patient. - Patient, yes.
-病人呢？ -有谁看见病人了？ - Where's the patient? Patient! - Anyone seen the patient?
-她在这儿！ -把她带过来 - Here she is. - Bring it over here.
-小心机器 -抱歉 医生 - Mind the machines! - Sorry, Doctor.
过来 Come along!
上去 Jump on it.
你好 不要担心 Hello. Now don't you worry.
你马上就没事了 We'll soon have you cured.
一切由我们搞定 一点感觉也不会有 Leave it all to us. You'll never know what hit you.
再见 - Goodbye. - Goodbye.
准备点滴 注射 - Drips up. - Injections.
我能不能把管子放到胎儿的头里 Can I put the tube in the baby's head?
那就要由我作阴道切开 Only if I can do the episiotomy.
-好的 -谢谢 - Okay. - Thank you.
把腿放上去 Legs up.
喔 进来 你们都进来 留在这儿 很好 Oh, come in. Come on in, all of you. That's it. Jolly good.
来 分散开来 - Come on. - Come along. Spread round there.
-你是谁？ -我是她丈夫 - Who are you? - I'm the husband.
对不起 只有相关的人才能留下 I'm sorry. Only people involved are allowed in here.
-我该怎么做？ -什么？ - What do I do? - Yes?
我该做什么？ What do I do?
什么也别做 你没有资格 Nothing, dear. You're not qualified.
让我们来 Leave it to us.
那是什么？ What's that for?
那是会叫“宾”的机器 That's the machine that goes "ping."
你看 这表示胎儿仍活着 You see? That means your baby is still alive.
这是医院里最贵的机器 And that's the mostexpensive machine in the whole hospital.
它值七十五万英镑 Yes, it cost over three-quarters of a million pounds.
你运气真好 Aren't you lucky?
医生 行政官来了 The administrator is here, Doctor.
把所有机器都打开 Switch everything on.
各位早 Morning, gentlemen.
早 各位早 - Morning. Morning, gentlemen. - Morning.
佩可先生 早 - Morning, Mr. Pycroft. - Mr. Pycroft.
喔 太棒了 让人印象深刻 Oh, very impressive, very impressive.
-今早的手术是什么？ -生产 - And what are you doing this morning? - It's a birth.
生产是什么？ And what sort of thing is that?
就是把胎儿从女人的肚子里拿出来 Well, that's when we take a new baby out of a lady's tummy.
医学真是太进步了 Wonderful what we can do nowadays.
啊！你有部会叫“宾”的机器 这是我最喜欢的 I see you have the machine that goes "ping." This is my favorite.
我们把它卖掉 再向那家公司租回来 You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to,
这样 就变成费用而不是资本 and that way, it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.
谢谢 谢谢 我们会尽量努力 你们继续 Thank you, thank you. We try to do our best. Well, do carry on.
-阴部已经扩张 -喔 这是胎儿的头 - Oh, the vulva's dilating, Doctor. - Oh, yes, there's the head.
好 四公分 五公分 六公分 Yes, four centimeters, five, six centimeters.
-灯光！ -扩大“宾”机器 - Lights! - Amplify the ping machine.
-带口罩 -吸！ - Masks up! - Suction!
向下看全景 Eyes down for a full house!
来了 Here it comes.
吓它！ And frighten it.
谢谢！粗毛巾 Thank you. And the rough towels!
给妈妈看 够了 Show it to the mother. That's enough.
好 给她镇定剂 Right. Sedate her.
给孩子编号 Number the child.
秤重 验血还有隔离 Measure it, blood-type it and isolate it.
好了 戏看完了 Okay, show's over.
是男孩还是女孩？ Is it a boy or a girl?
现在就想指派任务给他 恐怕太早了 你不认为吗？ I think it's a little early to start imposing roles on it, don't you?
给你一句忠告 你可能会感到沮丧 Now, a word of advice. You may find that you suffer for some time,
我们医生称之为怀孕忧郁症 a totally irrational feeling of depression, PND, as we doctors call it.
所以会给你很多快乐药丸 So, it's lots of happy pills for you,
等你回家后看录影带 and you can find out all about the birth when you get home.
就会知道生产是怎么回事了 It's available on BetaMax, VHS and Super 8.
第一部下 第三世界
约克郡
喔 倒霉 Oh, bloody hell.
-阿黛 把它捡起来 好吗？ -好的 妈妈 - Oh, get it, would you, Deidre? - All right, Mum.
-现在是谁的下午茶时间？ -我的！ - Now whose teatime is it? - Mine!
来 你们出去 Come on. Out you go.
阿文、阿泰、阿苇 阿珍… Now, Vincent, Tessa, Valerie, Janine,
阿玛、阿安、阿汤、阿华、阿佩、阿玲 Martha, Andrew, Thomas, Walter, Pat, Linda,
阿麦、阿依、阿艾、阿冬和阿莎 去睡觉了 Michael, Evadne, Alice, Dominique and Sasha, it's your bedtime.
不许吵 Now don't argue!
阿洛、阿里、阿尼、阿庵、阿赛和… Laura, Alfred, Nigel, Annie, Simon, Amanda...
等一等 我有事要和全家说 Wait. I've got something to tell the whole family.
阿高 把大家都叫进来 Oh, quick. Go and get the others in, Gordon.
工厂关闭 我失业了 The mill's closed. There's no more work.
我们没有钱了 We're destitute.
进来 我的孩子们 Come in, my little loves.
我只有把你们卖给实验室做科学研究 I've got no option but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
亲爱的 只有这个方法 No, no, that's the way it is, my loves.
只怪天主教 Blame the Catholic Church
他们不准我戴橡胶套那玩意 for not letting me wear one of those little rubber things.
他们在过去有很多贡献 Oh, they've done some wonderful things in their time.
例如保存了罗马教堂的智慧、尊严 甚至它的神秘 They've preserved the might and majesty, even mystery of the Church of Rome,
使圣迹的清净和不可分割的三位一体 and the sanctity of the sacrament, the indivisible oneness of the Trinity,
但是如果他准许我在小弟弟上 戴橡胶套那玩意 but if they'd let me wear one of those little rubber things on the end of my cock,
我们就不会落到今天这个地步 we wouldn't be in the mess we are now.
难道妈咪不能戴子宫套吗？ Couldn't Mummy have worn some sort of pessary?
如果我们仍要做天主教徒的话就不可以 Not if we're going to remain members of the fastest-growing religion in the world, my boy.
他说的不错 He's right.
我们相信… You see, we believe...
让我这么说吧！ Well, let me put it like this.
世界上有犹太人 There are Jews in the world
他们是佛教徒 There are Buddhists
还有印度教和摩门教 There are Hindus and Mormons and then
他们信奉穆罕默德 There are those that follow Mohammed
我不是他们的信徒 But I've never been one of them
我是天主教徒 I'm a Roman Catholic
出生以前就已注定 And have been since before I was born
只要你一落地 And the one thing they say about Catholics
天主教就会接纳你 Is they'll take you as soon as you're warm
你不需要有六尺高 You don't have to be a six-footer
你不需要很聪明 You don't have to have a great brain
你不需要穿衣服 You don't have to have any clothes on
只要父亲一来你就是教徒了 You're a Catholic the moment Dad came
因为 Because
每个精子都是神圣的 Every sperm is sacred
每个精子都是神圣的 Every sperm is great
浪费一个精子 If a sperm is wasted
上帝就会发怒 God gets quite irate
每个精子都是神圣的 Every sperm is sacred
每个精子都是神圣的 Every sperm is great
浪费一个精子 If a sperm is wasted
上帝就会发怒 God gets quite irate
让异教徒 Let the heathens spill theirs
随便浪费 On the dusty ground
上帝会要他们… God shall make them pay
为每一个浪费的精子付出代价 For each sperm that can't be found
每个精子都有人要 Every sperm is wanted
每个精子都是好的 Every sperm is good
每个精子都被需要 Every sperm is needed
你的邻居们 In your neighborhood
印度教、道教、摩门教 Hindu, Taoist, Mormon
不珍惜他们的精子 Spill theirs just anywhere
上帝喜欢那些… But God loves those who treat
珍惜精子的人 Their semen with more care
每个精子都是神圣的 Every sperm is sacred
每个精子都是神圣的 Every sperm is great
浪费一个精子 If a sperm is wasted
上帝就会发怒 God gets quite irate
每个精子都是神圣的 Every sperm is sacred
每个精子都是好的 Every sperm is good
每个精子都被需要 Every sperm is needed
你的邻居们 In your neighborhood
每个精子都有用 Every sperm is useful
每个精子都很美好 Every sperm is fine
上帝需要每个人的 God needs everybody's
我的 我的和我的 Mine, and mine And mine
让异教徒们 Let the pagans spill theirs
随意浪费 O'er mountain, hill and plain
上帝会为这种浪费 God shall strike them down
而教训他们 For each sperm that's spilt in vain
“教宗的折扣屋”
每一个精子都是神圣的 Every sperm is sacred
每个精子都是好的 Every sperm is good
每个精子都被需要 Every sperm is needed
来造福乡里 In your neighborhood
每个精子都是神圣的 Every sperm is sacred
每个精子都很伟大 Every sperm is great
如果浪费精子 If a sperm is wasted
上帝就会发怒 God gets Quite irate
所以孩子们 我的困难是… So you see my problem, little ones.
不能再继续抚养你们 I can't keep you all here any longer.
大声点！ Speak up!
不能再继续抚养你们 I can't keep you all here any longer!
上帝赐给我这么多 但是我没法喂饱你们 God has blessed us so much I can't afford to feed you anymore.
为什么不把你的小弟弟切掉 Couldn't you have your balls cut off?
阿尼 没那么简单 上帝全知道 It's not as simple as that, Nigel. God knows all.
他看破我们的诡计 He'd see through such a cheap trick.
如果能对自己做的 也会对他做 What we do to ourselves, we do to Him.
你可以安排让它意外被拉掉 You could have had them pulled off in an accident.
孩子们 我知道你们想帮忙 No. Children, I know you're trying to help,
但我主意已定 but believe me, me mind's made up.
我仔细的想了很久 I've given this long and careful thought,
你们大多要送去做医学实验品 and it has to be medical experiments for the lot of you.
每个精子都是神圣的 Every sperm is sacred
每个精子都很伟大 Every sperm is great
看看他们 该死的天主教徒 Look at them. Bloody Catholics. Filling the bloody world up
让该死的世界充满那些养不活的该死人类 with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed.
亲爱的 我们是什么？ What are we, dear?
新教徒 而且以此自豪 Protestant, and fiercely proud of it.
为什么他们有那么多小孩 Well, why do they have so many children?
因为每次性交 就有小孩 Because every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a baby.
哈瑞 我们不是也一样 But it's the same with us, Harry.
你是什么意思？ What do you mean?
我们有两个小孩 Well, I mean we've got two children,
而我们只性交了两次 and we've had sexual intercourse twice.
那不是重点 重点是任何时候我们都可以性交 That's not the point. We could have it any time we wanted.
真的？ Really?
是的 而且… Oh, yes. And what's more,
因为我们不相信天主教的噱头 because we don't believe in all that Papist claptrap,
因此可以有预防措施 we can take precautions.
你是说把门锁起来吗？ What, you mean lock the door?
不 不 我指我们新教徒 No, no. I mean because we are members of the Protestant Reformed Church,
在十六世纪中叶 which successfully challenged the autocratic power
成功的向宗教制度挑战 of the Papacy in the mid-sixteenth century,
使我们能有橡胶套的装置 we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue.
你是什么意思？ What do you mean?
当我们性交时 I could, if I wanted, have sexual intercourse with you.
喔 是的 哈瑞 Oh, yes, Harry.
由于替小弟弟戴上橡胶套 And by wearing a rubber sheath over my old fellow,
所以在完事后 保证你不会怀孕 I could ensure that when I came off, you would not be impregnated.
这就是新教徒的好处 Ooh! That's what being a Protestant's all about.
因此它是我们的教会 That's why it's the church for me.
也是那些尊重个人权益… That's why it's the church for anyone who respects the individual
认为人有决定权的教会 and the individual's right to decide for him or herself.
一五一七年马丁路德在教堂抗议 When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in 1517,
当时也许不知道意义有多重大 he may not have realized the full significance of what he was doing
但感谢他 四百年后的今天 but 400 years later, thanks to him, my dear,
我能在小弟弟上放上不同的装置 I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas.
不只是保险套 And Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom. Oh, no!
甚至可以戴法式搔痒套 I can wear French Ticklers if I want.
你戴什么？ You what?
法式搔痒套、黑曼波套、鳄鱼肋骨套 French Ticklers, Black Mambos, Crocodile Ribs...
这些护套不只保护 Sheaths that are designed not only to protect,
更能增加刺激而得到满足 but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress.
你有吗？ Have you got one?
我有吗？我 没… Have I got one? Well, no...
但是任何时间我都能到哈瑞店里 but I can go down the road anytime I want and walk into Harry's...
扬着头 高声而坚定的说 and hold my head up high and say, in a loud, steady voice,
“哈瑞 我要买保险套” “Harry, I want you to sell me a condom.
“因为我是新教徒 所以我要买法式搔痒套” "In fact, today I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant."
那你怎么不去买？ Well, why don't you?
但是他们…他们不能… But they, they cannot,
因为教会尚未超越中世纪的思想 because their church never made the great leap out of the Middle Ages
而且仍被外国的主教霸权所支配 and the domination of alien Episcopal supremacy.
因此新教会所倡导的性爱乐趣 But despite the attempts of Protestants to promote the idea of sex for pleasure,
才会使小孩不断繁殖 children continue to multiply everywhere.
第二部 成长与学习
在第三个钟头时 他们有两次看到骆驼 And spotteth twice they the camels before the third hour.
所以米迪安人向索斯王朝旁 And so the Midianites went forth to Ram Gilead,
比盖美兹的瑞吉来雷高地出发 in Kadesh Bilgemath, by Shor Ethra Regalion,
来到佳叙比拜索巴达的家里 to the house of Gash-Bil-Bethuel-Bazda,
当初是他把牛油带到巴叙摩的 he who brought the butter dish to Balshazar,
将帐蓬架在罗柜门屋的旁边 and the tent peg to the house of Rashomon,
在此 他们开始畜养山羊 and there, slew they the goats,
然后把它们切小块放到锅中煮 yea, and placed they the bits in little pots.
学习结束 Here endeth the lesson.
让我们赞美主 Let us praise God.
喔 主呀 - O Lord. - O Lord.
喔 你是那么的大 Ooh! You are so big.
如此巨大 So absolutely huge.
唉 我可以告诉你 在下面的我们都印象深刻 Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell you.
主呀！原谅我们的谄媚 Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying.
以及无耻的阿谀 And barefaced flattery.
但是你是这样的强状 But you're so strong,
是那么超级 and, well, just so super.
那么了不起 Fantastic.
阿门 - Amen, Reverend. - Amen.
有两个学生被发现 Now two boys have been found rubbing linseed oil
在学校的水老鸦身上抹亚麻子油 into the school cormorant.
也许你们认为 Now some of you may feel that
水老鸦对学校并不重要 the cormorant does not play an important part in the life of the school
让我提醒你们 but I would remind you
那是赛得城的企业家们送给我们的礼物 that it was presented to us by the corporation of the town of Sudbury,
为了纪念帝国时代的盛况 to commemorate Empire Day, when we try to remember
让我们记得赛得区的英雄们 the names of all those from the Sudbury area,
为了使中国英国化所做的牺牲 who so gallantly gave their lives to keep China British.
从现在开始 不准碰水老鸦 So from now on, the cormorant is strictly out of bounds!
还有 杰金 Oh, and, Jenkins,
显然的你母亲今早过逝了 apparently, your mother died this morning.
牧师 Chaplain.
喔 主呀 请不要烧我 O Lord, please don't burn us
请不要烤你的子民 Don't grill or toast Your flock
不要把我们放在烤肉架上 Don't put us on the barbecue
或慢炖我们 Or simmer us in stock
不要炸、烤或煮我们 Don't braise or bake or boil us
或在锅里炒我们 Or stir-fry us in a wok
喔 不要用沸水煮我们 Oh, please don't lightly poach us
或在我们身上涂抹脂肪 Or baste us with hot fat
不要炖或红烧我们 Don't fricassee or roast us
或在大桶里煮我们 Or boil us in a vat
还有 主呀！不要把你的仆人插在小树枝上 And please don't stick thy servants, Lord In a Rotissomat
他来了 He's coming!
好 安静下来 安静下来 All right, settle down, settle down.
在我开始上课以前 Now, before I begin the lesson,
那些下午要参加比赛的人 will those of you who are playing in the match this afternoon
在午餐后 把衣服移到下面的晾衣竿上 move your clothes down onto the lower peg immediately after lunch,
在写信回家前 before you write your letter home,
如果你还没剪头发 if you're not getting your hair cut,
除非你的弟弟在周末要被另一个男孩所邀请 unless you've got a younger brother, who's going out this weekend as the guest of another boy,
如此则在午餐前收集他的字条 in which case, collect his note before lunch,
并在剪发后把它附在你的信里 put it in your letter after you have had your haircut,
还有让他把你的衣服移到下面的晾衣竿上 and make sure he moves your clothes down onto the lower peg for you.
-现在… -先生？ - Now... - Sir?
威默？ Yes, Wymer?
我弟弟这个周末要和帝柏出去 My younger brother's going out with Dibble this weekend, sir.
但是我今天没有理头发 要不要把衣服移到… But I'm not having my hair cut today, so do I move my clothes...
威默 我希望你能认真听 实在很简单 I do wish you'd listen, Wymer. It's perfectly simple.
如果没有理发 If you're not getting your hair cut,
就别动你弟弟的衣服 you don't have to move your brother's clothes down to the lower peg.
在午餐前收集他的字条 You simply collect his note before lunch,
等你准备好圣经 after you've done your scripture prep,
并在写信回家之前 when you've written your letter home before rest,
把你自己的衣服移到晾衣竿上 move your own clothes onto the lower peg,
向游客致敬 greet the visitors
然后向温尼先生报告并请他签字 and report to Mr. Viney that you've had your chit signed.
好 现在谈性 Now, sex.
性 性 性 我们谈到哪里？ Sex, sex, sex. Where were we?
我有没有谈到 Well, had I got as far as
阳具进入阴部那一段 the penis entering the vagina?
没有 先生 - No, sir. - No, sir. No, sir.
那我有没有讲过爱抚 Well, had I done foreplay?
先生 有 Yes, sir.
既然我们都知道爱抚 Ah. Well, as we all know all about foreplay,
你们一定能告诉我爱抚的目的 no doubt you can tell me what the purpose of foreplay is.
阿毕 Biggs.
对不起 先生 我不知道 Don't know. Sorry, sir.
卡特？ Carter?
是不是把衣服脱掉？ Oh, was it taking your clothes off, sir?
然后呢？ Well, and after that?
把它们放在下面晾衣竿上 Oh, putting them on a lower peg, sir.
爱抚的目的是使阴道湿润 The purpose of foreplay is to cause the vagina to lubricate,
阳具才容易进入 so that the penis can penetrate more easily.
先生 能不能打开窗户 Could we have a window open, please, sir?
好的 哈瑞 你去开 Yes. Harris, will you?
同样也能使阳具竖起 And, of course, to cause the man's penis to erect
并且变硬 and harden.
上星期我有没有讲到阴道液体？ Now, did I do vaginal juices last week?
阿华 注意！ Oh, do pay attention, Wadsworth!
你在看足球吗？ I know it's Friday. Watching the football, are you? Boy, move over there.
我警告你们 I'm warning you.
这学期我可能会考这章 I may decide to set an exam this term.
先生！ Oh, sir! Sir!
那就好好听我说 So just listen.
我到底有没有… Now did I or did I not
讲到阴道液体？ do vaginal juices?
有 先生 Yes, sir.
华生 举两个例子 Name two ways of getting them flowing, Watson.
揉搓阴核 Rubbing the clitoris, sir?
亲吻呢？嗯？ What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm?
为什么不能以亲吻做为开始？ Why not start her off with a nice kiss?
你不需要像公牛等在闸门一样马上就揉阴核 You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate.
先吻她 孩子 Give her a kiss, boy.
吸吮她的奶头 Suck the nipple, sir?
威默 很好 答的好 Good, good. Well done, Wymer.
抚摸大腿？ Stroking the thighs, sir?
是的 是的 不错 Yes, yes. I suppose so.
咬脖子 Biting the neck.
很好 轻咬耳垂 Yes, good. Nibbling the earlobe,
揉屁股等等 kneading the buttocks and so on and so forth.
所以在揉阴核之前 So we have all these possibilities,
我们有这么多事可做 华生 before we stampede towards the clitoris, Watson.
是的 先生 抱歉 先生 Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
这些刺激都会使液体发生 Now, all these forms of stimulation can now take place.
当然用舌头的话 And, of course, tonguing will give you the best idea
你们可以更清楚的知道液体如何而来 of how the juices are coming along.
海伦？ Helen?
现在 交媾也称之为性交 Now, penetration and coitus,
最高境界是高潮 that is to say intercourse up to and including orgasm.
亲爱的 你好 Ah, hello, dear.
当我太太进入时请起立 卡特 Do stand up when my wife enters the room, Carter.
喔 对不起 先生 对不起 Oh, sorry, sir. Sorry.
阿恒 希望你不介意 Humphrey, I hope you don't mind.
我和嘉非说好今晚一同吃饭 I told the Garfields we would dine with them tonight.
好吧 我想我们必须得去了 Yes, yes, well, I suppose we must.
我答应他们八点会到 I said we'd be there by ?00.
这又给我参加职员会议的托辞了 At least it'll give me a reason to wind up the staff meeting.
我知道你不喜欢他们 但是我实在找不出任何藉口 I know you don't like them, but I couldn't make another excuse.
只是我觉得… It's just that I felt...
威默 这对你有益 Wymer, this is for your benefit.
别打瞌睡 Would you kindly wake up?
我不想再做一次 I've no intention of going through this all again.
我们先爱抚像书上所写的 亲爱的 你不介意吧！ We'll take the foreplay as read, if you don't mind, dear.
当然不会 No, of course not, Humphrey.
然后男人以正常的方式 So, the man starts by entering or mounting his good lady wife,
进入女人体内 in the standard way.
你们看 阳具多少已经竖起 The penis is now, as you will observe, more or less fully erect.
对了 这样好多了 There we are, that's better.
现在 卡特 Now, Carter.
什么事 先生 Yes, sir?
那是什么？ What is it?
是笛子 It's an ocarina, sir.
把它拿过来 Bring it up here.
男人用骨盘做推入的动作 The man now starts making thrusting movements with his pelvic area,
在阴道内上下移动阳具 moving the penis up and down inside the vagina.
孩子 放在那里 放在桌上 Put it there, boy. Put it there on the table.
而太太可以向前推动 使阳具刺激阴核而得到快感 While the wife maximizes her clitoral stimulation by the shaft of the penis, by pushing forward.
亲爱的 谢谢你 Thank you, dear.
等性兴奋上涨 Now, as the sexual excitement mounts...
阿毕 有什么好笑？ What's funny, Biggs?
没有 先生 Oh, nothing, sir.
和我们分享你的笑话吧 Do, please, share your little joke with the rest of us.
一定有好笑的事情发生 I mean, obviously, something frightfully funny's going on.
真的没有 No, honestly, sir.
既然这么好玩 Well, as it's so funny,
今天下午的橄榄球赛 I think you'd better be selected to play for the boys' team,
你去参加少年组和专家组对抗 in the rugby match against the masters this afternoon.
喔 不 先生 Oh, no, sir!
来呀 小家伙 Come on, Buster!
打得好 打得好 Well played, well played.
第三部 争斗
布来、斯度和华特 你们到左侧去拿下敌人 Okay, Blackitt, Sturridge and Walters, you take the buggers on the left flank.
哈登、斯派和我去拿下枪岗 Hordern, Spadger and I will go for the gun post.
等等 你们不会成功的 让我们一起去 Hang on, 66. You'll never make it, let us come with you.
听我命令行事 Do as you're told, man.
是的！喔 长官 长官 Righto, Skipper. Oh, sir, sir?
如果不再见面的话 If we don't meet again, sir.
我想说 能和你并肩作战是我的荣幸 I'd just like to say it's been a real privilege fighting alongside you, sir.
这不是说再见的时间和地点 Yes, well, this is hardly the time or place for a goodbye speech, eh?
我们知道 但我们可能不再见面 Me and the lads realize that, sir, but, well, we may never meet again, so...
好 布来 谢谢你 Yes, all right, Blackitt. Thanks a lot.
不 先生 等等 No, just a moment, sir.
我们想向你致敬 Me and the lads, we've had a little whip-around, sir.
我们买了一礼物 我们买了这个送你 We've bought you something, sir. We bought you this, sir.
喔 我真不知该说什么好 Oh! Well, it... I don't know what to say.
你们想得真周到 It's a lovely thought. Thank you. Thank you all.
但我们应该掩护一下 But I think we'd better get to cover...
我们还有别的要送你 We've got something else for you as well, sir.
对不起 我们搞错了 又是一座钟 Sorry it's another clock, sir, only there was a bit of a mix-up.
华特以为由他买礼物 Walters thought he was buying a present
而斯派和我却已经买好了 and Spadger and I had already got the other one.
真美 两个都美 Well, it's beautiful, they're both beautiful.
我们最好掩护一下 I think we'd better get to cover now.
等以后再谢你们 I'll thank you properly later on.
这是斯度下士送你的 Corporal Sturridge got this for you as well, sir.
他不知道钟的事 是瑞士制 He didn't know about the others. It's Swiss.
斯度你真体帖 一个好人 Now, that is thoughtful, Sturridge. Good man.
长官 这是卡片 我们全体送你的 抱歉沾上血迹 And there's a card, sir. From all of us, sorry about the blood, sir.
谢谢你们 Thank you all.
队员 为毕格队长欢呼三声 Squad! Three cheers for Captain Biggs.
欢呼 万岁 - Hip, hip. - Hooray!
欢呼… Hip, hip...
布来！布来！ Blackitt! Blackitt!
我没关系 长官 还有一件事 I'll be all right, sir. There's just one other thing, sir.
斯派 给他支票 好的 - Spadger, give him the check. - Oh, yeah.
这太过份了 Oh, no, this is really going too far.
我找不到 可能在四号战壕里 I don't seem to be able to find it, sir, be in number four trench.
看在老天爷份上 别管了 For Christ's sake, forget it, man.
长官 你不该这么说 You shouldn't have said that, sir.
你伤了他的心 You've hurt his feelings, now.
别管我 斯派 Don't mind me, Spadge.
大人物都一样 前一分钟又高兴又感谢 Toffs is all the same. One minute, it's all please and thank you.
下一分钟 就可能踢掉你的牙 - The next, they'll kick you in the teeth. - Yeah.
-别给他蛋糕 -我不要蛋糕 - Let's not give him the cake. - I don't want any cake.
你这个混蛋 布来特地替你烤的 Look, Blackitt cooked it especially for you, you bastard.
他省下六个星期的配粮 Yeah, he saved his rations for six weeks, sir.
我并不是忘恩负义 I don't mean to be ungrateful.
我不会有事… I'll be all right...
布来！ Blackie! Blackie!
没有一个人像他那样认真做蛋糕 Look at him! He worked on that cake like no one else I've ever known.
许多夜晚都快冻僵了 Some nights it was so cold we could hardly move
但是他却在那里 but Blackitt would be out there,
切柠檬、混合糖和杏仁 slicing the lemons, mixing the sugar and almonds.
你试试看 怎么在零下十五度去融化奶油 I mean, you try getting butter to melt at 15 degrees below zero.
蛋糕里有爱 这个人的爱和关心 There's love in that cake, this man's love and this man's care and...
喔 我的天 你这个混蛋 - Oh, my Christ! - You bastard.
好 他们是对的 我们来吃蛋糕 All right, we will eat the cake. They're right.
这么好的蛋糕怎能不吃 It's too good a cake not to eat.
华特 把盘子和刀拿来 Get the plates and knives, Walters.
是的 长官 几个盘子 Yes, sir. How many plates?
六个 Six.
-喔 五个吧！ -长官 要桌巾吗？ - Oh, better make it five. - Tablecloth, sir?
好 去拿桌巾 Yes, get the tablecloth.
不 不 我去拿桌巾 No, no, I'll get the tablecloth.
哈登 你去拿桌子 You better get the gate leg table, Hordern.
长官 要不要灯？ And the little lamp, sir?
要 趁你在那里 把小装饰巾也拿来 Yes. Oh, and while you're at it, you'd better get a doily.
我拿了两条 万一一条弄皱了 I'll bring two, sir, in case one gets crumpled.
好！ Okay!
当然 战争不是都那么有趣 好 停止 But, of course, warfare isn't all fun. Right. Stop that.
你们尽管去嘲笑军队 It's all very well to laugh at the military,
当在思考生命真谛的时候 but when one considers the meaning of life,
它代表着两种不同见地的斗争 it is a struggle between alternative viewpoints of life itself.
如果我们无法保卫自己 Without the ability to defend one's own viewpoint,
去对抗那些更积极的理念 against other perhaps more aggressive ideologies,
那么理性与中庸都可能消失 then reasonableness and moderation could quite simply disappear.
这就是需要军队的原因 That is why we'll always need an army.
否则请上帝袭击我 May God strike me down were it to be otherwise.
你们别呆呆站在那儿 Don't stand there gawping,
好像从没见过上帝的手一样 like you've never seen the hand of God before!
今天我们要在广场行军 Now, today we're going to do marching up and down the square.
除非你们有别的事要做 That is, unless any of you got anything better to do.
怎么样？ Well?
有人宁可做别的事 Anyone got anything they'd rather be doing,
而不想行军吗？ than marching up and down the square?
是的！艾肯 Yes! Atkinson.
你想做什么？ What would you rather be doing, Atkinson?
说实话 中士 我宁愿回家和太太小孩一起 Well, to be quite honest, Sarge, I'd rather be home with the wife and kids.
想现在就去吗？ Would you now?
是的 中士 Yes, Sarge.
好 你去吧！ Right. Off you go.
现在… Now,
每个人对我的计划… everybody else happy with my little plan,
广场行军都很喜欢吗？ of marching up and down the square a bit?
-中士 -什么事？ - Sarge? - Yes?
我想看书 I've got a book. I'd quite like to read.
那就去看书 Go read your book then.
现在 Now!
其他的人 Everybody else
对于在广场行军的计划… quite content to join in with my little scheme of marching
都赞成吗？ up and down the square?
中士 Sarge?
是的 华克 有什么事？ Yes, Wyclif, what is it?
我…我要去学钢琴 Well, I'm learning the piano.
学钢琴？ Learning the piano?
是的 中士 Yes, Sarge.
我猜你想去练习 对不对？ And I suppose you want to go practice, eh?
广场行军对你还不够好 是吗？ Marching up and down the square not good enough for you, eh?
好！你走吧！ - Well... - Right! Off you go!
现在 你们怎么样？ Now, what about the rest of you?
我想你们宁愿去拍电影吧？ Rather be at the pictures, I suppose.
好！你们走吧！ All right! Off you go!
该死的军队 真不知道它会变成什么德性 Bloody army. I don't know what it's coming to.
好 中士在广场行军 Right. Sergeant Major marching up and down the square.
左 右 左 Left, right, left.
民主制度和人道主义 Democracy and humanitarianism
一直是英国军队的标志… have always been trademarks of the British Army.
-废话！ -嘘！ - Rubbish! - Shh!
…并已经贯彻到了帝国里的每个角落 And have stamped its triumph in the furthest-flung corners of the Empire.
1879年 第一次祖鲁战争
格拉斯哥
纳塔尔
不管在何时何处 只要打战 But no matter where or when there was fighting to be done,
就要有冷静的指挥官 it has always been the calm leadership of the officer class
也因此而形成今日的英国军队 that has made the British Army what it is.
借光 Excuse me.
早安 安斯 Morning, Ainsworth.
早安 派肯 Morning, Pakenham.
睡的好吗？ Sleep well?
还好 不过被咬得乱七八糟 Not bad. Bitten to shreds, though.
一定是蚊帐上的洞 Must be that hole in the bloody mosquito net.
对 真是讨厌野蛮的家伙？ Yes, savage little blighters, aren't they?
抱歉 长官 Excuse me, sir.
什么事？洽得 Yes, Chadwick?
昨晚伯金被咬的很厉害 I'm afraid Perkins got rather badly bitten during the night.
哈！我们也一样 Well, so did we.
我想医生得去看看他 Yes, but I do think Doctor ought to see him.
好！那我去看看他吧！ Well, go and fetch him then.
好的 长官 Right you are, sir.
我该去了 派肯 一起来吗？ Suppose I'd better go along. Coming, Pakenham?
好吧！ Yes, I suppose so.
孩子 来呀 - Here, now. - Come on, boy.
早安 伯金 Morning, Perkins.
长官 早 Morning, sir.
有什么问题？ What's all the trouble, then?
长官 我昨晚被咬 Bitten, sir. During the night.
整条腿都不见了？ Oh? The whole leg gone, eh?
是的 Yes.
你觉得怎样？ How's it feel?
有点刺痛 Stings a bit.
那是正常的 不是吗？ Well, it would, wouldn't it?
咬得真厉害 That's quite a bite you've got there.
杰作 是不是？ Yes. A real beauty, isn't it?
你知道怎么发生的？ Any idea how it happened?
不 一点线索也没有 None whatsoever. Complete mystery to me.
一觉醒来袜子就多出一只了 Woke up just now, one sock too many.
你的蚊帐一定有很大的洞 You must have a hell of a hole in your net.
我们已经叫医生了 We've sent for the doctor.
没有这个必要吧？ Hardly worth it, is it?
为了安全起见以免将来后悔 Yes. Better safe than sorry.
是的 我的天 看看这个 Yes. Good Lord, look at this.
我的上帝 这么大 By Jove! That's enormous.
你想它会回来吗？ You don't think it'll come back, do you?
你指再回来吃人？ For more, you mean?
对！最好把洞缝好 You're right. We'd better get this stitched.
好 哈罗 医生 Right. Hello, Doc!
早 我尽快赶来 什么事？ Morning. I came as fast as I could. Is something up?
昨晚伯金的腿被咬掉 Yes. During the night, old Perkins got his leg bitten sort of off.
唉！这就是战争 Oh, yeah. Been in the wars, have we?
不错 Yes.
会头痛吗？大便正常吗？ Any headache? Bowels all right?
让我们检查剩下来的这条腿 Well, let's have a look at this one leg of yours, then, eh?
好… Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
不用耽心 well, this is nothing to worry about.
喔 好的 Oh, good.
有很多可能性 可能是滤过性病毒 There's a lot of it about. Probably a virus.
保暖 多休息 如果踢足球的话 Keep warm, plenty of rest and if you're playing football or anything,
尽量用另一条腿踢 try and favor the other leg.
没问题了 Oh, righto.
我的保证就像再过几天就要下雨一样准确 As right as rain in a couple of days.
医生 谢谢你的保证 Oh. Thanks for the reassurance, Doc.
这是我的职责 Not at all. That's what I'm here for.
还有其他地方要我检查吗？ Any other problems I can reassure you about?
没有 我很好 No, I'm fine.
太好了 我走了 Jolly good. Well, must be off.
它 还会再长回来吧？ So it'll just grow back again, then, will it?
呃 Uh...
我必须跟你澄清一件事 I think I'd better come clean with you about this.
这恐怕不是滤过性病毒 It's not a virus, I'm afraid.
医学上认为病毒是很小 很小 You see, a virus is what we doctors call very, very small,
小到没法吃光整条腿 so small it could not possibly have made off with a whole leg.
据推测 我们所寻找的… What we're looking for, and this is no more than an educated guess,
让我说清楚 是一种多细胞的生命型式 I'd like to make that clear, is some multi-cellular life-form
有斑纹、巨大、利牙 大约十一英尺长 with stripes, huge, razor-sharp teeth, about 11-foot long
属于很恐怖的种类 and of the genus Felis Horribilis.
我们医生称之为 老虎 What we doctors, in fact, call a tiger.
老虎？ A tiger?
非洲老虎？ A tiger in Africa?
非洲老虎！ A tiger in Africa!
可能从动物园逃出来的 Ah, well, it's probably escaped from a zoo.
听起来不大对劲 Doesn't sound very likely to me.
长官！长官！ Sir! Sir!
祖鲁人在撤退 The attack's over, sir. The Zulus are retreating.
喔 太好了 Oh, jolly good.
长官 伤亡惨重 Quite a lot of casualties, sir.
C区全军覆没 没有信号 C-division wiped out. Signals gone.
F区三十人死亡 - Thirty men killed in F-section. - Yes, I see.
长官 一共一百五十人 I should think about 150 men altogether, sir.
非常好 Jolly good.
我还没有最后的数字 I haven't got the final figures,
战场上有许多重伤患者 but there's a lot of seriously wounded in the compound...
是的 不过中士我有一点小问题 Yes, well, the thing is, Sergeant, I've got a bit of a problem here.
一个军官丧失一条腿 One of the officers has lost a leg.
喔 长官 不会吧 Oh, no, sir!
没有错 I'm afraid so.
可能被老虎咬掉 Probably a tiger.
在非洲？ In Africa?
医官说 或许还能缝上去 The MO says we can stitch it back on
如果马上找回来 if we can find it immediately.
好 长官 我去组织一个派对 Right, sir. I'll organize a party.
时候不对 现在是紧急状况 It's hardly the time for that, Sergeant.
一个搜索队 A search party.
嗯！好主意 Much better idea.
抱歉 长官 Sorry about the mess, sir.
在你们回来前我们会把这里收拾好 We'll try and get it cleared up by the time you get back.
我们给他们颜色看了 是不是 长官？ We showed 'em, didn't we, sir?
不错 Yes.
你来参加搜索队 别管他 Here. We got a search party. Leave that alone.
这种杀人、流血很好玩 是不是？ All this killing, bloodshed. Bloody good fun, sir, isn't it?
是的 很好 Yes, very good.
长官 早 Morning, sir.
你伤的不轻 Nasty wound you've got there, fella.
谢谢你的关心 Thank you very much, sir.
来 士兵 来参加搜索队 Come on, Private. Making up a search party.
比留在家乡里好多了 对不对？ Better than staying home, isn't it?
我是说 在家乡杀了人会被捕 I mean, at home if you kill someone, they arrest you.
而这里 他们给我们枪 还教我们怎么用 Here, they give you a gun and show you what to do, sir.
我杀了十五个人 I mean, I killed 15 of those buggers, sir.
在家乡早就被吊死了 At home, they'd hang me.
而在这里 他们居然给我勋章 Here, they'll give me a fucking medal, sir.
长官 抱歉 Sorry, sir.
谢谢你 军士长 Thank you, Sergeant Major.
看！ Look!
我的天 好大 My God! It's huge!
别开枪 我们不是老虎 Don't shoot. Don't shoot. We're not a tiger.
我们只是 嗯… We were just...
你们为什么要扮老虎？ Why are you dressed as a tiger?
喔 为什么？ Oh, why, why, why?
天气真好 不是吗 Isn't it a lovely day today?
回答问题 Answer the question.
我们只是… Oh, we were just...
事实上 我们穿成这样是因为… Well, actually, we're dressed like this because...
喔 不 不是 Oh, no, that's not it.
我们想让大家高兴 欢乐的精神嘛 Oh, we did it for a laugh. Part of a spree. High spirits.
没别的 - Simple as that. - Nothing more to it.
实际上 我们替英国情报局工作 Well, actually, we're on a mission for British lntelligence.
阿相地酋长拥护独裁政治 There's a pro-czarist Asante chief...
不… No, no, no, no.
我们这样是为了打广告 We're doing it for an advertisement.
不错 跟独裁无关 Ah, that's it. Forget about the Russians.
我们在做老虎牌咖啡的广告 We're doing an advert for Tiger Brand Coffee.
老虎牌咖啡是真正的咖啡 "Tiger Brand Coffee is a real treat.
连老虎都选它而不选肉 "Even tigers prefer a cup of it to real meat."
你们听着 Now, look...
好啦 好啦 All right, all right.
我们穿的像老虎一样 We are dressed as a tiger
是因为他的姑妈在一八三九年过逝 because he had an auntie who did it in 1839.
今天是五十周年纪念 This is the 50th anniversary.
不 我们是为了打赌 No. We're doing it for a bet.
上帝叫我们这样做的 God told us to do it.
实际上我们是疯子 To tell the truth, we are completely mad.
我们是梦加拉精神病院的病人 We're inmates of a Bengali psychiatric institution,
用麦片粥的盒子做成虎皮逃出来 and we escaped by making this skin out of old used cereal packets.
-没有关系 -什么？ - It doesn't matter! - What?
穿不穿虎皮根本没有关系 It doesn't matter why they're dressed as a tiger.
他们到底有没有我的腿 Have they got my leg?
不错 你们有吗？ Good thinking. Well, have you?
-实际上 -怎么样？ - Actually... - Yes?
我们想参加剥皮术的训练 We were thinking of training as taxidermists.
所以想感觉一下动物的感受 We wanted to get the feel of it from the animal's point of view.
闭嘴！ Be quiet!
我们只问你 Now look, we're just asking you
有没有拿他的腿 if you've got this man's leg.
木腿？ A wooden leg?
不 正常的腿 No, no, a proper leg.
当他熟睡之中 He was fast asleep,
不知道什么东西 把他的腿拿走 and someone or something came in and removed it.
没有弄醒他？ Without waking him up?
不错 Yes.
我不信 I don't believe you.
我们在开罗的店里找到这张虎皮 We found the tiger skin in a bicycle shop in Cairo.
老板要把它送到达艾撒拉 The owner wanted it taken to Dar Es Salaam.
闭嘴！ Shut up!
你们到底有没有他的腿？ Now look, have you or have you not got his leg?
有 没有 没有 Yes. No. No, no, no, no. No. No, no, no.
你为什么说有？ Why did you say yes?
我没有 I didn't.
我不是说你 I'm not talking to you.
好 搜索丛林 Right. Search the thicket.
别这样！ Oh, come on.
我们不像会半夜爬进营地 I mean, do we look like the sort of chaps
偷进帐蓬 who'd creep into a camp at night,
把他麻醉 分析细胞 steal into someone's tent, anaesthetize them, tissue-type them,
切断腿然后带着它逃走的家伙？ amputate a leg and run away with it?
搜索丛林 Search the thicket.
喔 腿 你们在找腿 Oh, leg! You're looking for a leg!
那里好像有一条 Actually, I think there is one there somewhere.
一定是知道你们来 Somebody must have abandoned it here,
就把它丢在那里 knowing you were coming after it.
我们被它绊倒过 We stumbled across it, actually, and wondered what it was.
小偷可能已在几哩之外 They'll be miles away by now.
而我们却被误会 We'll have to take all the blame.
哈罗 下午好 欢迎来到影片中段 Hello, good evening and welcome to The Middle of the Film.
影片中段
哈罗 欢迎来到影片中段 Hello and welcome to The Middle of the Film,
在此我们休息一下 邀请你们观众 the moment where we take a break and invite you, the audience,
和我们制片者一起“寻鱼” to join us, the filmmakers, in Find the Fish.
我们给你们看另一部影片的片段 We're going to show you a scene from another film
由你们猜鱼在那里 and ask you to guess where the fish is.
如果你知道答案 别藏在心里 But if you think you know, don't keep it to yourselves.
大声的喊 让所有电影院都知道 Yell out so that all the cinema can hear you.
好 我们开始“寻鱼” So here we are with Find the Fish.
奇怪那条鱼到哪去了？ I wonder where that fish has gone.
你很喜欢它 You did love it so.
你像照顾儿子一样照顾它 You looked after it like a son.
你到哪它跟到那 And it went wherever I did go.
它是不是在小厨里？ Is it in the cupboard? Yes! No!
你想不想知道？ Wouldn't you like to know?
它是一条可爱的小鱼 It was a lovely little fish.
我走到哪它跟到哪 And it went wherever I did go.
它在沙发后面 It's behind the sofa!
鱼到哪去了？ Where can that fish be?
会不会在抽屉里？ Have you thought of the drawers in the bureau?
它是条难以了解的鱼 It is a most elusive fish.
我到哪它跟到哪 And it went wherever I did go.
啊！鱼儿们 鱼儿们 鱼儿 Oh! Fishy, fishy, fishy, fish.
鱼儿 鱼儿 鱼儿们 Fish, fish, fishy, oh!
啊！鱼儿们 鱼儿们 鱼儿 Oh! Fishy, fishy, fishy, fish!
我到哪你们就跟到哪 That went wherever I did go.
查一查他的行李箱 不错 在他裤子里！ - Look up his trunk! - Yeah! It's in his trousers!
太好了！很好！对不对！ - That was terrific! -Great! Yeah!
到此为止这是最好的部分 Best bit so far.
太神妙了！真的很好！ Fantastic! Really great!
也很冒险 Really risky, yeah.
他们并没有怎么提生命的真谛 对不对？ They haven't said much about the meaning of life so far, have they?
不过快了 是吗？ - Well, it's been building up to it. - Has it?
不错 我认为他们现在就会进入主题 Yeah, I expect they'll get onto it now.
我个人认为 Personally, I doubt
他们根本不会谈 they're going to say anything about the meaning of life at all.
他们总得说些什么 Oh, come on. They've gotta say something.
他们一定要的 They're bound to.
对 Yeah.
你认为下一个主题会是什么？ What do you think the next bit will be?
领导 我猜 Caption, I expect.
生命的下个阶段？ What, about the next stage of life, you mean?
哦耶 开始了 Oh, yeah. Here we go.
第四部 婚姻
可能已经猜到了 Could've guessed it.
好多了 甜心 谢谢你 That's much better. Thank you, honey.
不客气 You're welcome.
以前很模糊 It was all sort of misty before.
现在好了 That's fine.
嗨！你们好！ Hey! How are you?
喔 我们很好 Oh, we're just fine.
晚上想吃点什么？ What kind of food you like to eat this evening?
我们很喜欢凤梨 Well, we sort of like pineapple.
不错,我们喜欢凤梨 Yeah, we love pineapple.
只要有凤梨在里面,我们都喜欢 Yeah, anything with pineapple in is great for us.
那么地牢房好吗？ Well, how 'bout the dungeon room?
喔,听起来不错 Oh, that sounds fine.
当然,是真正的夏威夷食物 Sure is. It's real Hawaiian food,
在真正的英国地牢里享用 served in an authentic medieval English dungeon atmosphere.
挺不错 你好吗？ Isn't this nice? How are ya?
照张相 哦 谢谢 非常谢谢 Take a little Kodak. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
晚安 想谈些什么？ Good evening. Would you care for something to talk about?
喔 好主意 Oh, that would be wonderful.
今晚的特价是少数民族 Our special tonight is minorities.
好像很有趣 Oh, that sounds real interesting.
这个是什么主题？ What's this conversation here?
那是 足球 That's football.
你们可以谈论星期六熊队的比赛 You can talk about the Steelers-Bears game Saturday,
或者你们可以追忆世界冠军系列 or you could reminisce about really great World Series.
不 不 不要 No, no, no.
这是什么？ What is this one here?
哲学 That's philosophy.
是运动的一种吗？ Is that a sport?
不 那是一种 No, it's more of an attempt
用合理的理论去解释生命的真谛 to construct a viable hypothesis to explain the meaning of life.
他说的是什么意思？ - What was that? - What's he saying?
听起来很有趣 Oh, that sounds wonderful.
亲爱的 你想谈生命的真谛吗？ Would you like to talk about the meaning of life, darling?
当然 Sure. Why not?
-两份哲学？ -好 - Philosophy for two? - Right.
-房间号 -259 - Room? - 259.
我们怎么… How do we...
你们想要我先开始吗？ Oh, you folks want me to start you off?
这样比较好 We'd appreciate that.
好 现在 这样吧！ Okay! Well, look.
有没有想过你们为什么在这里？ Have you ever wondered just why you're here?
我们去年到迈阿密 前年到加洲 Well, we went to Miami last year and California the year before...
不 不 不是 我是说 为什么来到这个星球 No, no, no. I mean, why we're here, on this planet.
嗯 没有 No.
好 你们想不想知道呢？ Right. You ever wanted to know what it's all about?
不想 Nope.
好！这个… Righty-ho! Well,
那么…因为有史以来 see, throughout history, there've been certain men and women,
就有一些人想要找出 生存的真谛 who've tried to find the solution to the mysteries of existence.
太棒了！ Great!
我们称他们为哲学家 And we call these guys philosophers.
也就是你的主题 - Oh! - And that's what we're talking about.
对的！ - Right! - Oh, that's neat.
好像还不错 看来你们已经有点概念了 Well, you look like you're getting the idea,
那我就把会话卡给你们 so why don't I give you these conversation cards.
这里会告诉你一些哲学的规律 They'll tell you a little about philosophical method,
和有名哲学家的名字 names of famous philosophers.
给你 好好谈 There you are. Have a nice conversation.
非常谢谢你 Oh, thank you very much.
他很可爱 而且善解人意 - He's cute. - Yeah, real understanding.
喔！叔本华居然是哲学家 Oh! I never knew Schopenhauer was a philosopher.
不错 因为他的名字是S起头 Oh, yeah. He's the one that begins with an "S."
哦！ Oh.
嗯 像尼采 Like Nietzsche.
尼采是S起头吗？ Does Nietzsche begin with an "S"?
哟 有S在里面 There's an "S" in Nietzsche.
喔 在这里 Oh, well, yes, there is.
所有的哲学家都有S在里面吗？ Do all philosophers have an "S" in them?
多半都有 Yeah. I think most of them do.
这么说思玲娜琼斯也是哲学家 Oh. Does that mean Selena Jones is a philosopher?
对 可能是 Yeah! Right! She could be.
她唱生命的真谛那首歌 She sings about the meaning of life.
呀！不错！ 可是歌不是她写的 Yeah. That's right, but I don't think she writes her own material.
不是 也许是叔本华写的 No. Oh, maybe Schopenhauer writes her material.
不是 是伯特巴查写的 No. Burt Bacharach writes it.
没有S在他… There's no "S" in Burt Bacharach.
或是哈瑞戴维斯的名字里 Or in Hal David.
谁是哈瑞戴维斯 Who's Hal David?
他作词 伯特写曲 He writes the lyrics. Burt just writes the tunes.
现在他娶了卡萝拜尔撒吉 Only now, he's married to Carole Bayer Sager.
服务生 这个会话不好 Waiter? This conversation isn't very good.
喔 先生 对不起 Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
今天有一个不在单子上面 We do have one today that's not on the menu.
是本店的特色菜 It's sort of a specialty of the house, you know?
活体器官移植 Live organ transplants.
活体器官移植？那是什么？ Live organ transplants? What's that?
第五部 活体器官移植
亲爱的 你别管 我去开门 Don't worry, dear. I'll get it.
有什么事吗？ Yes?
哈罗 我们需要你的肝 Hello. Can we have your liver?
什么？ 你的肝 - What? - Your liver.
那是一个有腺的器官在你的下腹 It's a large glandular organ in your abdomen.
暗红色 有点… You know, it's reddish-brown, it's sort of...
好啦 好啦 我知道那是什么 不过我现在正在使用它 Yeah, yeah, I know what it is, but I'm using it.
先生 别骗我们 Come on, sir. Don't muck us about.
你看看！ Hello!
这是什么？ 捐肝卡 - What's this, then? - A liver donor's card.
还要我多说吗？ 不用 - Need we say more? - No.
我现在不能给你 你看上面写着“死亡之后” Listen, I can't give it to you now. It says, "In the event of death."
我的天！ My God!
在我们取肝后没人能活得了 No one has ever had their liver taken out by us and survived.
先生 躺下来 很快就好 Just lie there, sir. It won't take a minute.
怎么回事？ Here. What's going on?
太太 他正在捐肝 He's donating his liver, madam.
是不是因为他填了一张可笑的卡 Is this because he took out one of those silly cards?
太太 不错 That's right, madam.
真是他 Typical of him.
每次到图书馆 He goes down to the public library, sees a few signs up,
基于好意 他见卡就填 comes home all full of good intentions.
例如 捐血 给人当实验品等等 He gives blood, does cold research, all that sort of thing.
你们拿它做什么用？ What do you do with them all, anyway?
太太 全用在救命上 They all go to saving lives, madam.
他也这么说 That's what he used to say.
他曾经说过 “这是为了国家的利益” "It's all for the good of the country," he used to say.
你真认为是为了国家的利益吗？ Do you think it's all for the good of the country?
嗯？ Hmm?
你真认为是为了国家的利益吗？ Do you think it's all for the good of the country?
太太 我们不知道 I wouldn't know about that, madam.
这只是我们的工作罢了 We're just doing ourjobs, you know?
那你不是医生吗？ You're not doctors, then?
唉呀！才不是 Oh, blimey, no.
妈妈 爸爸 我出去了 Mum, Dad, I'm off out now.
七点回来 好 - I'll see you about 7:00? - Righto, son.
自己小心 Look after yourself.
你要喝茶吗？ You fancy a cup of tea?
谢谢 如果不麻烦的话 Oh, well, that'd be very nice. Thank you.
太太 非常谢谢你 Thank you very much, madam. Thank you.
我以为她不会问呢！ I thought she'd never ask.
你知道… You do realize he has to be,
根据卡上的条件 well, dead, by the terms of the card,
必须在死后才能捐肝 before he donates his liver.
我告诉过他 Well, I told him that,
这个傻瓜就是不听 but he never listens to me, silly man.
我在想 嗯… I mean, I was wonderin'...
将来你想做什么？ Well, you know, what you was thinkin' of doin' after that.
你会自己一个人吗？ I mean, will you stay on your own?
还是有一个你心怡的人 Or is there, well, someone else, sort of,
在你身边？ on the horizon?
不行了 我已不再年轻 I'm too old for that sort of thing. I'm past my prime.
不会 你很吸引人 Not at all. Very attractive woman.
我绝不想再被牵绊住 Well, I'm certainly not thinking of getting hitched up again.
-真的？ -真的 - Sure? - Sure.
那能不能给我你的肝？ Can we have your liver then?
不 我会害怕 I would be scared.
好吧 All right.
那让我来告诉你为什么 I'll tell you what.
你听着 Listen to this.
布朗太太 当不如意时 Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown
所有的事都又难又棘手 And things seem hard or tough
而人们又笨又无聊 And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft
而你觉得… and you feel that you've had
已经受够了 quite enough.
但别忘了 你身处在 Just remember that you're standing
一个正在进化的星球之上 On a planet that's evolving
每小时运转九百英哩 And revolving at 900 miles an hour
因此每秒以十九英哩的速度在进行 It's orbiting at 19 miles a second so it's reckoned
太阳是所有动力的来源 A sun that is the source of all our power
而太阳和所有你我看得见的行星 The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
每天都要移动一百万英哩 Are moving at a million miles a day
在银河系外旋臂上 In an outer spiral arm at 40,000 miles an hour
则是每小时四万英哩 Of the galaxy we call the Milky Way
我们的银河系包含了百兆亿的星球 Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars
它们之间的距离是十万光年 It's a hundred thousand light years side to side
在中间的膨胀处还要再加上一万六千光年 It bulges in the middle 16,000 light years thick
但是距离我们只要加上三千光年 But out by us, it's just 3,000 light years wide
所以我们离银河系的中央点是三万光年 We're 30,000 light years from galactic central point
每一年我们移动两亿英哩 We go round every 200 million years
而我们的银河系只不过是其中的两百亿之一 And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
在这个奇妙且浩瀚的宇宙 In this amazing and expanding universe
而宇宙本身仍继续不断 The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
向不同方向扩张开来 In all of the directions it can whizz
而且是以光速在进行 As fast as it can go The speed of light, you know
每分钟一千两百万英哩即最快的速度 Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is
所以当你感到渺小和无助时 So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure
记住你的诞生实在没有价值 How amazingly unlikely is your birth
并且祷告在太空的某处有高智慧的生物存在 And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space
因为地球上只有笨蛋 'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth
让你觉得很卑微 是不是？ Makes you feel so, sort of insignificant, doesn't it?
是的 是的 Yeah. Yeah.
那能不能把你的肝给我？ Can we have your liver, then?
好吧！你说服我了 Yeah, all right. You talked me into it.
艾克！ Eric!
肝脏捐献公司
最大的美国公司
再次让我们思考 Which brings us, once again, to the urgent realization
还有什么是我们没有拥有的 of just how much there is still left to own.
议程第六项 生命的真谛 ltem six on the agenda, the Meaning of Life.
海瑞 你有什么看法？ Now, Harry, you've had some thoughts on this.
过去几个礼拜我有一组人专门研究这个问题 I've had a team working on this over the past few weeks,
结果可以缩小为两个基本概念 and what we've come up with can be reduced to two fundamental concepts.
第一：人们帽子戴的不够 One. People are not wearing enough hats.
第二：能源问题 Two. Matter is energy.
在宇宙中有许多我们察觉不到的能源 In the universe, there are many energy fields which we cannot normally perceive.
有些能源来自心灵 根据人类的灵魂所产生 Some energies have a spiritual source, which act upon a person's soul.
但是 这种灵魂 However, this soul does not exist ab initio,
根据正统基督教义并不存在 as orthodox Christianity teaches.
要经过自我观察的程序 It has to be brought into existence,
才会渐渐成形 by a process of guided self-observation.
总之 人类为每天的琐事而分心 However, this is rarely achieved, owing to man's unique ability
几乎无法达到这个境界 to be distracted from spiritual matters by everyday trivia.
再谈一下帽子的事？ What was that about hats again?
喔 人们仍然戴的不够 Oh, people aren't wearing enough.
真的吗？ Is this true?
当然 帽子销售是有增加 Certainly. Hat sales have increased,
但仍然不够 根据研究… but not pari passu, as our research...
当你说“足够” 它的目的是什么？ When you say "enough," enough for what purpose?
我能不能问你有关第二点… Can I just ask, with reference to your second point,
当你说到因为人类会分心 所以无法达到心灵的发展 when you say souls don't develop because people become distracted...
有没有人注意到 那栋楼本来就在那里吗？ Has anyone noticed that building there before?
什么？ 我的天！ - What? - Good Lord!
我的天！ Good Lord!
永保公司血泪史 The Crimson Permanent Assurance!
插播！ We interrupt this film
我们对配角的不当攻击致歉 to apologize for this unwarranted attack by the supporting feature.
好在我们有所准备 Luckily, we have been prepared for this eventuality
现在马上矫正 and are now taking steps to remedy it.
谢谢 Thank you.
第六部 暮年
先生 女士们 晚安 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
这是我在加勒比海所写的 Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean.
有阳具真好 Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis
有小弟弟真不错 Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong
兴奋时它会挺起 能有它是神的旨意 It's swell to have a stiffy It's divine to own a dick
不管是小是大 From the tiniest little tadger to the world's biggest prick
让我们为它欢呼三声 So three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas
小弟弟万岁 Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake
它是你的宝贝 也是你太太最好的朋友 Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, your percy or your cock
你可以把它包装起来 也可以放在袜套里 You can wrap it up in ribbons You can slip it in your sock
但是千万不要在公共场所拿出来 否则法庭见面 But don't take it out in public or they will stick you in the dock
而且永远不会回来 And you won't come back
非常谢谢你们 Thank you very much.
这是一首富于机智的歌 Oh, what a frightfully witty song.
充满智慧 Terribly clever.
非常好 太棒了 - Jolly good. - Marvelous.
啊！糟糕 是克索先生 Oh, shit! It's Mr. Creosote!
下午好 今天如何？ Good afternoon, sir, and how are we today?
最好 最好？ - Better. - Better?
最好拿个桶子来 我快吐了 Better get a bucket. I'm gonna throw up.
阿盖？拿个桶子给先生用 Gaston? A bucket for monsieur.
在这里 先生 There we are, monsieur.
阿盖 谢谢你 Merci, Gaston.
我还没吐完 I haven't finished.
对不起！阿盖？ Oh, pardon! Gaston?
真对不起您！ A thousand pardons, monsieur.
今天下午我们有您最喜欢的煮野兔 Now, this afternoon, we have monsieur's favorite, the jugged hare.
野兔很大 调味料也很浓 The hare is very high and the sauce is very rich,
其中有松露、醍鱼、熏肉和奶油 with truffles, anchovies, Grand Marnier, bacon and cream.
阿盖 谢谢你 Thank you, Gaston.
还没完 There's still more.
让我来 Allow me.
再拿一个新桶子来 A new bucket for monsieur.
还有叫清洁工 And the cleaning woman.
趁她在整理 要不要来点开胃菜 Et maintenant, would monsieur care for an aperitif,
还是直接点主菜 or would he prefer to order straightaway?
今天的开胃菜有…抱歉… Today, we have for appetizers, excuse me,
鱼冻、鹅肝酱、鲟鱼卵 moules marinieres, pate de foie gras, beluga caviar,
圣班尼迪克的蛋、韭菜饼 eggs Benedictine, tarte de poireaux, that's leek tart,
和青蛙腿等等 frogs' legs amandine or oeufs de caille Richard Shepherd.
更棒的是 以洋菇做底上面放鹌鹑蛋这道菜 C'est a dire, little quails' eggs on a bed of pureed mushrooms.
非常精美且多汁 It's very delicate, very succulent.
我全部都要 I'll have the lot.
真是聪明的选择 A wise choice, monsieur.
你要我们怎么上菜呢？ And now, how would you like it served?
全部混起来 放在桶子里好吗？ All mixed up together in a bucket?
把蛋放在最上面 Yeah. With the eggs on top.
当然 But of course. Avec des oeufs frites.
多给点鹅肝酱 Don't skimp on the pate?
我向你保证 Oh, monsieur, I assure you,
虽然全部混在一起 just because it is mixed up with all the other things,
份量上只多不少 we would not dream of giving you less than the full amount.
这样吧！我亲自保证 给您双份 In fact, I will personally make sure you have a double helping.
您要不要喝点酒？ Something to drink, monsieur?
要 给我六瓶四五年的白兰地 Yeah, I'll have six bottles of Chateau Latour '45,
四五年 '45.
和双份香槟 and a double Jeroboam of champagne.
好 还要麦酒吗？ Bon, and the usual brown ales?
好 等等 还是不要了 我最多只能装下六瓶 Yeah. No, wait a minute. I think I could only manage six crates today.
啧 啧 啧 Tsk, tsk, tsk.
希望昨天您没喝太多 I hope monsieur was not overdoing it last night.
闭嘴！ Shut up! D'accord.
啊！拿新桶子和叫清洁工来了 The new bucket and the cleaning woman.
菜有问题吗？ Is there something wrong with the food?
不 味道非常好 No, the food was excellent.
您对我们的服务不满意吗？ Perhaps you're not happy with the service?
不 服务很好 No, no complaints.
可是我们得走了 我的月经很不舒服 It's just that we have to go. I'm having rather a heavy period.
我们还得赶火车 And we have a train to catch.
喔 对 我们还要赶火车 Oh! Yes, of course. We have a train to catch
我不愿让经血流的到处都是 and I don't want to start bleeding all over the seats.
女士？ 我们该走了吧？ - Madam? - Perhaps we should be going?
啊 很好 非常谢谢您！ Very well, monsieur. Thank you so much.
很高兴见到您们 So nice to see you,
希望您们能再次光临 and I hope very much we will see you again very soon.
先生 再见
喔 该死 我踩到那个桶子了 Oh, dear. I have trodden in monsieur's bucket.
再拿个桶来 Another bucket for monsieur,
如果可能把水管也拿来 and perhaps a hose.
喔 麦克斯 你怎么这样！ Oh, Max. Really!
最后 来一颗薄荷糖好吗？ Finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.
不要！
只有薄薄一片 Oh, sir, it's only a tiny, little thin one.
不 滚开 我饱了 您看！嗯！ - No, fuck off. I'm full. - Oh, sir.
这么薄 It's only wafer-thin.
我胀死了 塞不下任何东西 Look, I couldn't eat another thing. I'm absolutely stuffed.
走开 Bugger off.
哦！来 只有一个 Oh, sir, just...just one.
好吧！只能再吃一个 All right, just one.
就这么一个 Just the one, monsieur.
太好了 Voila.
好胃口！ Bon appetit.
谢谢您！这是帐单 Thank you, monsieur, and now, here's your check.
第六部下 生命的真谛
玛丽亚 我常在想 You know, Maria, I sometimes wonder
在这种地方做事 if we'll ever discover the meaning of it all,
根本无法发现生命的真谛 working in a place like this.
我曾在更糟的地方做过事 Well, I've worked in worse places, philosophically speaking.
真的吗？ 真的 - Really, Maria? - Yes.
我曾在研究院做过事 I used to work in the Academie Francaise,
一点帮助也没有 but it didn't do me any good at all.
我曾经在穆德里拜都图书馆做过事 I once worked in the library in the Prado in Madrid,
记忆中也没教过我任何东西 but it didn't teach me nothin', I recall,
还有众议院的图书馆 总该有点帮助吧！ and the Library of Congress you'd have thought would hold some key,
没有！巴多图书馆也一样 but it didn't, and neither did the Bodleian Library.
我希望能在英国博物馆找到线索 In the British Museum, I hoped to find some clue.
从九点做到六点 读遍所有书籍 I worked there from 0:00 till 6:00, read every volume through,
也没有告诉我生命的奇迹 but it didn't teach me nothing about life's mystery.
我越来越老 越来越看不清楚 I just kept getting older, and it got more difficult to see.
直到有一天 视觉消失而关节炎更厉害 Till eventually, me eyes went and me arthritis got bad.
只好在这里做清洁工 So now, I'm cleaning up in here.
我并不觉得悲哀 But I can't be really sad,
因为我发觉生命就是一场游戏 'cause you see, I feel that life's a game.
有时赢 有时输 You sometimes win or lose,
也许现在我在走下坡 and though I may be down right now,
至少我没替犹太人做事 at least I don't work for Jews.
我很抱歉 I'm so sorry.
我不知道我们有种族歧视的工人 I had no idea we had a racist working here.
我诚心诚意地道歉 I apologize most sincerely.
我指… I mean...
你到哪去？不 我可以解释 Where are you going? No, I can explain...
哼！关于我… As for me...
如果想知道我在想什么 If you want to know what I think
让我带你去看点东西 I'll show you something.
跟我来 Come with me.
我是说那个… I was saying that...
哈罗？ 来呀 - Hello? - Come on.
喂 哈罗？ Hello?
哈罗！ Hello!
这边走 This way.
来呀！别害羞 Come on. Don't be shy.
小心楼梯哟 Mind the stairs, all right?
这样会帮助我解释 I think this will help explain.
跟我来 跟我来 Come along. Come along.
在这里 Over here.
来 来呀！ Come on. Come on.
这边走 This way.
来 Come on.
这边 This way.
跟着我呀 Stay by me.
快到了 Nearly there now.
你看那边 You see that?
那是我出生的地方 That's where I was born.
你知道 有一天 You know, one day
我妈妈把我放在腿上 对我说 my mother, she put me on her knee and she said to me,
阿盖 我的孩子 "Gaston, my son,
世界是个美丽的地方 "the world is a beautiful place.
你必须要融入 去爱每个人 "You must go into it and love everyone."
试着让大家都高兴 "Try to make everyone happy
使你所到之处充满安宁和满足 and bring peace and contentment, everywhere you go."
这就是我成为服务生的原因 So I became a waiter.
我知道 这跟哲学没什么关系 Well, it's not much of a philosophy, I know.
那滚你的蛋 Well, fuck you.
我可以用自己喜欢的方式生活 I can live my own life in my own way if I want to.
滚蛋 Fuck off.
别再跟我 Don't come following me.
第七部 死亡
这个人就快死了 This man is about to die.
他马上就要被处死 In a few moments now, he will be killed,
因为亚瑟杰瑞犯了罪 for Arthur Jarrett is a convicted criminal,
不过他可以选择死亡的方法 who has been allowed to choose the manner of his own execution.
他在这儿！ There he is.
亚瑟 查理 郝伯 旺西 麦克亚当 杰瑞 Arthur Charles Herbert Runcie MacAdam Jarrett,
你被十二个人定罪 you have been convicted by 12 good persons, and true,
因为在电影内开善意的黄色笑话 of the crime of first degree making of gratuitous sexist jokes,
被定一级犯罪 in a moving picture.
尘归尘 土归土 Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
没有用 It's no good.
我不想活了 我对任何人都没有好处 I just can't go on. I'm no good anymore.
我要把一切结束掉 I want to end it all!
再见！再见！ Goodbye! Goodbye!
喔！我的天！ Oh, my God!
喔 不！我… Oh, no! I...
我怎么办？没有他我不能活！ What'll I do? I can't live without him! I...
妈咪！ 妈妈 你在哪儿？ - Mummy! - Mum, where are you?
爹地？妈咪？ Daddy? Mummy?
有什么事吗？ Yes?
是因为篱笆的事吗？ Is it about the hedge?
非常抱歉 但是… Well, I'm awfully sorry, but...
我是恐怖收割者 I am the Grim Reaper.
哦！我明白 Yes, I see.
我是死神 I am Death.
是这样子的 Yes, well, the thing is,
我们有些美国朋友一起晚餐 we've got some people from America for dinner tonight...
亲爱的 是谁？ Who is it, darling?
是死神先生之类的人 It's a Mr. Death or something.
为了收割的事而来 He's come about the reaping?
我们现在不需要 I don't think we need any at the moment.
哈罗！亲爱的 别让他在外面 请他进来 Hello. Don't leave him hanging around outside, darling. Ask him in.
我认为不合适 I don't think it's quite the moment.
请进 来 Do come in. Come along.
来喝杯酒 请进来 Come and have a drink. Do. Come on.
是当地的村民 It's one of the little men from the village.
来 请进来 Do come in. Please.
这是从费城来的凯哈维 This is Howard Katzenberg from Philadelphia.
和他的太太 黛比 And his wife, Debbie.
你好 Hello, there.
还有这是来自波特兰敏西的杰米和芬娜 And these are the Portland Smythes, Jeremy and Fiona.
晚安 Good evening.
这是死神先生 This is Mr. Death.
亲爱的 给死神先生一杯酒 Do get Mr. Death a drink, darling.
死神先生是个收割者 Mr. Death is a reaper.
恐怖收割者 The Grim Reaper.
这种天气居然还能收割 Hardly surprising in this weather.
死神先生 你仍在附近收割吗？ So you still reap around here, do you, Mr. Death?
我是恐怖收割者 I am the Grim Reaper.
他只会说这些 That's about all he says.
死神先生 你的酒 请坐 There's your drink, Mr. Death. Do sit down.
我们正在讨论那些可怕的问题 发生在第三… We were just talking about some of the awful problems facing the Third...
你比较喜欢白酒吗？ Would you prefer white?
我们没有啤酒 I'm afraid we don't have any beer.
斯提耳顿干酪非常好 The Stilton's awfully good.
我不是… I am not
这个世界上的人 of this world.
啊！上帝 Good Lord.
我是死神 I am Death.
真奇妙 Well, isn't that extraordinary?
五分钟前 我们还在讨论死亡 We were just talking about death only five minutes ago.
对 我们在探讨死亡是不是最后的终点站 Yes, we were. You know, whether death is really the end...
对于一般人最不愿提及的“灵魂”或“神灵” As my husband Howard here feels, or whether there is,
我先生哈维认为它们是存在的 and one so hates to use words like soul or spirit...
还有更好的表达方法吗？ 不错 - What other words can one use? - Exactly.
你不了解 You do not understand.
我是不懂嘛 No. Obviously not.
死神先生 让我告诉你 I'll tell you something, Mr. Death...
你不能… You don't...
我代表在坐每个人 Just one moment. I'd like to express on behalf of everybody here,
向这不可思议的经验致敬 what a really unique experience this is.
听着 听着 Hear, hear.
很高兴你来拜访我们 Yes, we're so delighted that you dropped in, Mr. Death.
让我说完好吗？ Can I just finish, please?
死神先生 Mr. Death.
有来世吗？ Is there an afterlife?
亲爱的 你能不能等一下 请… Dear, if you could just wait, please...
你真不要雪利酒？ Are you sure you wouldn't like some sherry or...
安吉拉 拜托让我说 Angela, I'd like to say this, please.
住嘴！ Be quiet!
拜托让我说 好吗？ Can I just say this at this time, please?
安静！我要你们 Silence! I have come for you.
你的意思是… You mean to...
把你们带走 Take you away.
这是我的目的 That is my purpose.
我是死神 I am Death.
你使我们的夜晚变得很不愉快 对不对？ Well, that's cast rather a gloom over the evening, hasn't it?
乔夫 我不同意 I don't see it that way, Geoff.
我认为 Let me tell you what I think we're dealing with here,
这是一个非常正面的学习经验 a potentially positive learning experience that can...
闭嘴！闭嘴！你这个美国人 Shut up! Shut up, you American.
你们这些美国人永远说个不停 You always talk, you Americans.
你讲呀！讲呀！然后就说… You talk and you talk and you say,
“让我告诉你”还有“我只想说这个” "Let me tell you something" and "l just wanna say this."
现在你死了 所以闭嘴 Well, you're dead now, so shut up!
死了？ 死了 - Dead? - Dead.
我们大家？ All of us?
你们大家 All of you.
你听着 Now look here.
你不请自来 摔破酒杯 You barge in here quite uninvited, break glasses,
然后漫不经心的宣布我们的死亡 and then announce quite casually that we're all dead.
让我提醒你 你是我们的客人 Well, I would remind you that you're a guest in this house...
住嘴！ 英国佬！你们是那么该死的自大 Be quiet! Englishmen! You're all so fucking pompous!
你们根本没有种 None of you have got any balls.
我能问你一个问题吗？ 什么？ - Can I ask you a question? - What?
为什么我们死在同一个时间？ How can we all have died at the same time?
鲑鱼冻 The salmon mousse.
亲爱的 你不是用罐头鲑鱼吧？ Darling, you didn't use canned salmon, did you?
这真是最大的侮辱 I'm most dreadfully embarrassed.
现在时间到了 Now the time has come.
来 跟着我 Follow. Follow me.
只是试验 抱歉 Just testing. Sorry.
现在 跟着我 Follow me. Now.
来 Come.
鱼贩答应给我弄点新鲜鲑鱼 The fishmonger promised me he'd have some fresh salmon.
他很可靠 He's normally so reliable.
我们能不能带酒？ 好主意 - Can we take our glasses? - Good idea.
嗨！我还来不及吃鱼冻 Hey, I didn't even eat the mousse.
亲爱的 说实话 我很没面子 太丢脸了 Honestly, darling, I'm so embarrassed. It really is embarrassing.
在晚宴上使用罐头鲑鱼是社交界的致命伤 I mean, to serve salmon with botulism at a dinner party is social death.
能开车吗？ Shall we take our cars?
为什么不能？ Why not?
好主意 为什么不能？ - Good idea. - Why not?
这就是天堂 Behold Paradise.
亲爱的 我喜欢这里 I love it here, darling.
马文 我也一样 Me, too, Marvin.
哈罗 欢迎来到天堂 Hello. Welcome to heaven.
麻烦你先生 请在这里签字 Excuse me. Could you just sign here, please, sir?
谢谢你 Thank you.
从这边过去是餐厅 有桌子留给你们 There's a table for you through there, in the restaurant.
好的 Thank you.
给女士的 For the ladies.
来世薄荷糖 Afterlife mints.
谢谢 Thank you.
圣诞快乐 Happy Christmas.
哦 今天是圣诞节？ Oh, is it Christmas today?
当然 女士 Of course, madam.
在天堂每天都是圣诞节 It's Christmas every day in heaven.
哇！真棒！ 真可爱 - Oh! How 'bout that? - Lovely.
先生 女士们 晚安 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
今晚能在这里是我的荣耀 It's truly a real honorable experience to be here this evening,
对我们大家来说 是一个奇妙而温暖的经验 a very wonderful and warm and emotional moment for all of us.
我想为大家唱一首歌 And I'd like to sing a song, for all of you.
这是天堂的圣诞节 It's Christmas in heaven
所有的小孩都在唱歌 All the children sing
这是天堂的圣诞节 It's Christmas in heaven
倾听 倾听 教堂的钟声 Hark, hark, those church bells ring
这是天堂的圣诞节 It's Christmas in heaven
雪从天而降 The snow falls from the sky
但它精致而温暖 But it's nice and warm and everyone
还有每个人看起来都很聪明 并且都戴着领带 Looks smart and wears a tie
这是天堂的圣诞节 It's Christmas in heaven
电视上有好电影 There's great films on TV
像每小时两次的真善美 The Sound of Music twice an hour
有大白鲨一、二、三集 And Jaws I, II and III
有送给全家的礼物 There's gifts for all the family
有化妆品和训练 There's toiletries and trains
有随身听耳机 There's Sony Walkman headphone sets
还有最新的电玩 And the latest video games
这是圣诞节 这是天堂的圣诞节 It's Christmas It's Christmas in heaven
欢呼 欢呼 万岁 Hip, hip, hip, hip hip hooray
每一天 Every single day
都是圣诞节 Is Christmas Day
这是圣诞节 这是天堂的圣诞节 It's Christmas It's Christmas in heaven
欢呼 欢呼 万岁 Hip, hip, hip, hip hip hooray
每一天都是… Every single day is...
好了 电影结束了 Well, that's the end of the film.
现在是生命的真谛 Now here's the meaning of life.
布吉 谢谢你 Thank you, Brigitte.
没什么特别的 Well, it's nothing very special.
尽量对别人好 别吃太多脂肪 "Try and be nice to people. Avoid eating fat.
时常看书和散步 "Read a good book every now and then. Get some walking in,
和不同教义与国籍的人 "and try and live together in peace and harmony
和平相处 "with people of all creeds and nations."
最后是一些免费的阳具照片 And finally, here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises,
主要用意是困扰监察机构 希望能引起争论 to annoy the censors and to hopefully spark some sort of controversy,
如此一来 就可以把录影带事业挤掉 which is the only way these days to get the jaded video-sated public
而重回电影事业 off their fucking arses and back in the sodding cinema.
家庭娱乐！胡说八道 他们只想看… Family entertainment? Bollocks. What they want is filth.
在销售塑胶餐具的派对中 People doing things to each other
大家用电锯互相厮杀 with chainsaws during Tupperware parties,
保姆被同性恋的总统后选人用毛线针刺死 baby-sitters being stabbed with knitting needles by gay presidential candidates,
义警把鸡勒死 vigilante groups strangling chickens,
武装的戏剧评论家消灭了变种山羊 armed bands of theater critics exterminating mutant goats.
哪里有好玩的影片？喔 好吧！ Where's the fun in pictures? Oh, well, there we are.
以下是本片主题曲 晚安 Here's the theme music. Good night.
Just remember that you're standing on a planet
That's evolving and revolving at 900 miles an hour
It's orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's reckoned
A sun that is the source of all our power
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm at 40,000 miles an hour
Of the galaxy we call the Milky Way
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side
It bulges in the middle 16,000 light years thick
But out by us, it's just 3,000 light years wide
We're 30,000 light years from galactic central point
We go round every 200 million years
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go at the speed of light, you know
Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is
So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely is your birth
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth
“制片人对所有参加演出的鱼儿致谢”
“希望其他鱼类能向他们学习”
“从此以后所有鱼类和平共存”
“把差异放在一边 不再互相攻击和残食”
“希望鱼类以及喜欢它们的生物 前途更加光明”