爸爸们会很想你俩的 玩得开心哦 Daddies will miss you both so much! Have the best time!
再见 亲爱的 Bye, honey.
* 家里只有我俩了 只有我俩了 * * We're alone! We're alone! We're alone! We're alone! *
外面有个盒子 上面写着每月水果 There's a box out here marked fruit of the month.
我想是因为你们赢了比赛才有 不是买的吧 I'm assuming that means one of you won a contest.
小帕在我们家楼上 So, Pam's moving back home
住了大概三年后 终于要搬回家了 after living in our upstairs unit for like three years.
行了 就一年零九天 Uh, okay, it's been a year and nine days,
她帮我们砍了那木头呢 and she chopped us all that wood.
而且她带莉莉回去见我父母 Plus, she's taking Lily back to see my parents.
现在是生育季 莉莉可以给她第一只小猪取名了 It's birthing season so she gets to name her first pig.
等她13岁生日时我们就杀了那猪 Oh, and then we slaughter it on her 13th birthday.
那时会有祈祷 也有跳舞 There's prayers and dancing.
跟标准的犹太成年礼大同小异啦 It's not unlike your standard bar mitzvah.
不过多了很多猪肉 少了很多犹太人 Except a lot more pork and a lot less Jews.
犹太人不吃猪肉
总之 我们很高兴又能在家单独相处了 Anyway, we're excited to have the house to ourselves again.
* 裸体早餐 裸体早餐 * * Naked breakfast, naked breakfast *
别管了 Just ignore it.
* 做着香肠和粗燕麦粉 衣不遮体 * * Making sausages and grits, barely coverin' our bits *
* 煎着意大利烘蛋饼 一丝不挂 * * Cookin' a frittata while wearin' nada *
我就知道你俩不会锁侧门 I knew you two would keep the side door unlocked.
如果我是变态神经病 你们会怎么做 What would you do if I were a deranged psychopath?
我也许会先说 "妈妈 你来这干什么" I'd probably start with, "Hi, Mom, what are you doing here?"
杰瑞和我大吵一架 Jerry and I had a terrible row!
穿条裤子吧 我们好拥抱 Well, put on some pants so we can hug.
-好吧 -背靠背 - Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Back to back.
我们为什么不倒退着出去 Why didn't we just back out?
我不知道 但都开始了就接着这么走完吧 I don't know, but we're already committed to this.
摩 登
家 庭
第九季 第二十集
好 最后一次试飞 然后我们就开始收拾 Okay, last run, and then we clean up
不然你妈妈会生气的 等等 成功了 or your mom will be mad. hang on, here we go.
去吧 And go!
做得好 Nice job.
保持稳定 Keep her steady.
-好 -你可以的 - Okay. - Got this.
不 No!
不好 Oh, no.
不好 Oh, no!
我最近坐着 I recently sat for
让人画了普里契特橱柜董事长肖像 my Pritchett's Closets presidential portrait.
这是我爸开始的愚蠢传统 It's a dumb tradition my dad started,
但我挺喜欢我的画像的 but I kind of love the way mine turned out.
至少这比他的画像更低调 At least it's more understated than his.
色彩柔和 The colors are muted
我也没穿饰带和佩枪 and I am not wearing a sash and service revolver.
我们死定了 We're dead.
我们不该玩... We never should have played with --
无人机呢 你把它关了吗 Where is the drone? Did you turn it off?
人家在睡觉好吗 I was asleep.
这地方看起来很棒啊 Wow, this place looks dynamite.
我想为曼迪准备一个很棒的电影首映式 I wanted to give Manny a nice premiere for his movie.
他最近创意进入了瓶颈期 He's been in such a dry spell creatively.
那次现代舞表演... That modern dance recital was like...
我都没眼看那件紧身衣[大便] Ugh, I couldn't even look at that leotard.
是啦 他是个糟糕的舞者 Okay, yeah, he's a terrible dancer,
但你没必要说那个词吧 but you don't have to use that word.
为了交电影课作业 我创作并导演了一部短片 For my film class, I wrote and directed a short.
我认为恐怖片类型最好地阐述了 I felt the horror genre was the best way to grapple with
我们这一时代的艰难挣扎 the struggles of our time.
曼尼一开始带着这项目来找我时 When Manny first came to me with the project...
你读了我放在家里的剧本 然后就强势参与了 You read a script I left out and you elbowed your way in.
意思差不多 我本打算当个静默投资人 Semantics. I was gonna be the silent money.
但原来我天生有叙事天赋 But it turns out I've got some natural storytelling talent,
所以我执掌了更偏创作方面的职位 so I took on a more creative role.
即使如此 我也拿到了我的第一个A In spite of that, I got my first "A."
我们的第一个A Our first "A."
我现在没法处理我妈妈的婚姻闹剧 I can't deal with my mother's marriage drama right now.
没谁能比我们能更快劝好失恋的人 Nobody gets the love-lorn back on their feet
恢复心情 离开咱家 and out the door faster than we do.
我们只需拿出我们可靠的"心碎工具箱" We'll just trot out our -- our trusty "Heartbreak kit."
在柜子里的地震工具箱旁边的那个吗 Is that in the closet next to the earthquake kit?
还有艾萨·凯特[音似工具箱] And the Eartha Kitt.
美国知名老牌黑人女歌手
你把那些东西放在一起是为了哄我高兴吗 Did you put those all in the same place just to delight me?
是的 I did.
有红酒 一本自助书 So, you have wine, a self-help book,
形状是柏拉图式男性身体的抱枕 a-a pillow shaped like the platonic ideal
可供你拥抱或和撒气 of a male torso for cuddling and/or punching...
还有我们给你录的DVD And a DVD we made for you called
叫"唐娜·莎曼[夏季]奥运会" the "Donna Summer Olympics."
是最性感男运动员们 It's a compilation of all the sexiest male athletes
搭配迪斯科女王的合集 accompanied by the high queen of disco.
你们这些小伙子啊 Oh, you boys.
真懂得洞悉女人的需求 So sensitive to a woman's needs.
不像是杰瑞 Unlike Jerry.
我跟你们说了他妈妈跟我们住一起吗 Did I tell you that his mother is living with us?
没经过讨论 Yeah, no discussion.
她就带着鸟出现了 She just shows up with her birds.
妈妈 感情是需要牺牲的 Well, you know, Mom, relationships take sacrifice.
小卡的姐姐小帕搬来时 I mean, when Cam's sister Pam moved in,
我也很难接受 it w-- it was hard on me.
我一直都担心 I-I was constantly worried about
损失掉的楼上房间租金 the lost money on the upstairs rental and...
米奇尔 也许我们不该讨论钱 You know, Mitchell, maybe we shouldn't discuss money.
有些不得体 It can be a bit unseemly.
我没打算表现得不得体 I wasn't planning on being unseemly,
这个词我之前从未听你用过 a word I've never heard you use before.
我只是在说 I-I'm simply saying how stressful
有个长期的留宿客人压力有多大 having a long-term house guest can be and...
亲爱的 深呼吸 Oh. ?Oh, sweetie, yeah, take a breath.
天啊 天啊 不 不 Oh, my -- Oh, my -- Oh, my God. No. No.
我小时候你就这样做 You used to do this when I was young.
这动作你是从我妈妈那儿学的吗 Did you get this move from my mother?
米奇尔 没必要这样不... 脾气这么大 Mitchell, there is no reason for this uns-- um, high-temper --
不得体 你打算说"不得体" Unseemly! You were gonna say "Unseemly"!
不得体 你是从她那学到的这个词 Unseemly! You stole that word from her.
好吧 怎么回事 Okay, okay, okay. W-What's going on here?
你俩是 朋友吗 Are you two, um... friends?
是的 Yes.
我们聊电话 发邮件 交换食谱 We talk on the phone, e-mail, exchange recipes.
是因为她我们才经常吃藜麦吗 Oh. Oh, is she the reason we've been eating so much quinoa?
-那是超级食物 -那是超级食物 - It's a super-food. - It's a super-food.
够了 我能和你聊聊吗 Okay, okay. Can I talk to you for a second?
来 Come on.
好 没必要撒谎 因为我已经知道了 Okay, no reason to lie about it, 'cause I already know.
你跟这女人联系多久了 How long have you been involved with this woman?
我能问个问题吗 是不是有可能 Can I ask a question? Is there a chance you're just
你在把事情焦点全带到自己身上了 kind of making this all about Mitchell?
是她 That's her.
你的嘴在动 但这都是她的语言 Your mouth is moving, but that is her talking.
你没看出发生了什么吗 Okay, don't you see what's happening?
她在操控你来控制我 She's manipulating you to manipulate me.
难道你不觉得我够聪明 能看出来 Don't you think I'm smart enough to know
我是否被利用了吗 if I'm being used?
我也有个妈妈 I also have a mom.
你太高估自己了 土包子 You're out of your league here, bumpkin!
这可是城里的妈妈 Okay, this is a city mother!
跟我结婚的那个得体男人上哪儿去了 Wow. What happened to the seemly man I married?
这词不能这样用 You can't use it like that.
看起来怎么样 Okay, how's it looking?
还行 Not bad.
谁会想到妈妈和泰迪·罗斯福[前总统] Who would've thought Mom and Teddy Roosevelt
门牙都长得一样呢 were identical front-teeth twins?
好吧 给我点时间让我把胶水吹干 Okay, just give me a quick minute to dry the glue.
你能把衣架上那件衬衫丢给我吗 Oh, can you throw that shirt on a hanger for me, actually?
今晚是曼尼的首映式 我得穿得帅一点 I need to look sharp for Manny's premiere tonight.
我扮演警长 这很讽刺 I play the Sheriff, which is ironic
因为我在的每一幕焦点全被我"抢"了 because I steal every scene I'm in.
爸爸 不好 胶水融化了 Dad, no! It's melting!
变大胡子了 ZZ Top!
我毁了你妈妈 I've ruined your mother.
等等 Wait a second.
今天是你妈妈的每月水疗日 Today's your mom's monthly spa day.
我没懂 I'm not following.
水疗后会有一小段时间 Afterwards, th-there's a brief window
她处于最放松最善解人意的状态 when she's at her most relaxed and understanding.
那时候最适合跟她说糟糕的消息了 It's the best time to give her bad news.
我本来打算告诉她 I was gonna tell her about the $500
我给打来电话求助的骗子英国人汇了五百块 I wired to that stranded British guy on the phone,
但这似乎更重大 but this seems more important.
妈妈在家吗 Hi. Is Mom home?
亲爱的 你打扮得真美 为什么 Honey, you look nice. Why?
是有人在说妈妈吗 Did I hear Mom?
等等 你打扮得像个女孩 Wait, you're dressed like a girl.
不 这次的机会之窗是我的 No! You are not using the window.
上次可是你用掉的 You got the last one!
大家都知道妈妈的这个机会之窗吗 Did everyone know about this window?
你们也需要吗 为什么 You guys need it too? For what?
要做出这么蠢的事可不容易 Oh, wow. It is not easy doing something that dumb.
所以男人肯定完蛋了 Yeah, this is why men are over.
希望你们享受最后一万年 I hope you enjoyed the last 10,000 years.
听着 我得推掉母亲节跟妈妈的旅行 Listen, I have to bail on our trip with Mom for Mother's Day.
不行 我也得推掉 你得去 No! I have to bail, you have to go!
我们邀请她时她都哭了 She cried when we asked her.
我老板说带我去大都会艺术博物馆慈善晚宴 But my boss invited me to the Met Ball.
她的治疗犬得了流感 所以我可以坐头等舱了 Her therapy dog got the flu, so I get to fly first class.
坐在她大腿上 Well, on her lap.
但是比尔想带我去玩 But Bill wants to take me away.
这是我第一回有男友 This is the first time I've had a boyfriend
不会要看着《为黛西小姐开车》度过母亲节 who's not spending Mother's Day watching "Driving Miss Daisy"
1989年的经典温馨电影
并从梳子上拔掉白头发 and pulling gray hairs out of a hairbrush.
一个机会之窗有三个请求 真是破天荒 Three asks in one window, it's unprecedented.
如果我们要成功 那我们要把家里 If we're gonna pull this off, we're gonna have to make this
布置成她去过的最轻松的环境 the most relaxing environment she's ever walked into.
惊喜哦 Surprise!
-外婆 -迪迪 - Nana! - Dede!
抱歉我不请自来 I'm sorry to barge in.
我之前去拜访了小卡和米奇 I was visiting Cam and Mitch,
他俩之间有些紧张 and there's some tension over there.
我女儿呢 Well, where's my daughter?
我没听到烹饪或者打扫的声音 I don't hear any cooking or cleaning sounds
所以我猜她在家 so I assume she's home.
爸爸 我们要做什么 Dad, what do we do?
肯定是米奇尔送她来的 也许他还在外面 Mitchell must've brought her. Maybe he's still out --
懦夫 Coward!
刚好赶上 Oh, just in time.
第五章 扔掉那小丑 "Chapter Five -- Toss that clown,
他在拖你后腿 he's been keeping you down."
小卡 我这辈子 Cam, I spent my whole life
都想从我妈的五指山下逃出来 trying to get out from underneath my mother's thumb,
我以为我终于摆脱了她 and I-I finally thought that that was over.
所以当我发现她一直 So to find out that she's been
秘密地通过你来控制我 secretly managing me through you --
在你气吐血之前 Okay, before you throw a clot,
本和杰瑞[冰激凌]是我唯一需要的男人
拜托你来看看我的笔电 please, come look at my laptop.
读一读你妈和我互发的电邮 Read the e-mails your mother and I have sent.
743封电邮 743 e-mails!
大部分都是同一封电邮的来回 It's mostly from one thread.
好吧 瞧她在这封里说了什么 Okay, look what she says in this one.
"一些你或许会喜欢的厨房用品" "Some kitchen items you might like."
-炉灶 瓷砖 -什么 - The stove, the tiles... - What?
墙上的乡村风挂牌 小卡 ...the-the-the folksy sign on the wall, Cam!
你说这些都是你的主意 You said that these were your ideas.
你没看出她潜移默化地 D-don't you see she incepted you
利用你设计了整个厨房吗 and-and designed our whole kitchen?!
简直不是人 而且越挖越深 It was all so diabolical, and it went deep.
她用计控制我们做了人生中的所有决定 She tricked us into making every decision in our lives.
例如 十二年前 For example, 12 years ago,
她给我发了可爱的亚洲宝宝的图片 she sent me pictures of adorable Asian babies.
同时再利用了我的逆反心理 While hitting me with a little reverse psychology.
"米奇尔 美国已经夺走了越南人那么多 "Mitchell, America has taken so much from the Vietnamese,
你真的想再抢走一个越南小孩吗" do you really want to snatch one of their children?"
你不想让我做我当然要做 I do if you don't want me to!
我的天 2004年 Oh, my God, 2004?!
那是咱俩交往一年后 Th-that's a year into our relationship.
"小卡 想到你崴伤了脚 独自一人 "Oh, Cam, I hate to think of you living all alone
住在那间小公寓里 我真揪心" in that tiny apartment with a broken ankle."
在同一天 她给你发电邮说 ?And on the same day, she's e-mailing you,
"现在和人同居太早了 "It's too soon to move in with someone.
我强烈反对" I strongly discourage it."
这就是为什么我和你同居了 Which is exactly why I did it.
还因为你很爱我 And because you love me so much.
还因为我们很相爱 是的 And because we were in love. Are in love. Yes.
-米奇尔 -我的天 - Mitchell. - Oh, my God.
-她无处不在 -真的 - She's everywhere. - She is.
家庭料理
小卡 Cam.
妈
我好怕 I'm scared.
杰 你这是虐待我的剪辑师 Jay, you're abusing my editor.
等等 停下 后退 Wait, stop. Back it up.
不 影片已经剪好了 No, no. The movie's done.
我们不能再争执下去 We can't keep arguing about this!
我们不是都想剪掉治安官的戏吗 Don't we both want to cut the sheriff?!
是的 他烂到没救了 Yes! He stinks on ice!
但如果我们剪短他在衣橱里满脸恐惧的镜头 But it hurts the story if we don't stay on him long enough
会对故事有影响 in the closet to see the terror on his face!
你只是想看他头顶上那块 You just want to see the Pritchett's Closets
写着普利切特衣柜的小标牌 emblem next to his head!
不不不 又来了 No, no, no, not again!
他们给我发的红毯是橙色的 The red carpet that they sent me is orange,
他们一直让我待机 and they keep putting me on hold.
我从没想过一遍又一遍地 I never thought that I could hate
听《怦然心动》会让我如此烦躁 hearing "She Bangs" over and over.
-没想过吗 -不是吧 - You didn't? - Really?
曼尼 把影片给我 Manny, give me the movie.
我需要确保放映机运转正常 I need to make sure that the projector is working
画面清晰 and that the picture is good.
给你 反正已经剪完了 Here, take it. It's done, anyway.
我不会用这个 I don't know what to do with this.
把你的宅男借我用 I'm gonna need to borrow your nerd.
你再给我拿杯番茄汁来 And why don't you go get me a tomato juice?
我知道我们在创作上意见有分歧 Look, I know we've had our creative differences,
但我真心认为这片会大火 but I really think we have a hit on our hands.
我也很为此自豪 I'm pretty proud of it, too.
还有点紧张 不敢给世人看 And a little nervous to put it out there.
因为你们让怪物听起来像老妈一样吗 'Cause you made the monster just like Mom?
-我们没有 -你在胡说什么 - No, we didn't. - What are you talking about?
怪物的叫声和她平时说话一模一样 That noise. It's what she says all the time.
她来了 She's coming!
斯黛拉 不 出去 我要宰了你 Stella, no! Out, out! I'll kill you!
怎么会发生这种事 How could this happen?!
我们用几周时间想完善怪物的标志性叫声 We spent weeks perfecting the monster's trademark scream
把各种让人不舒服的声音叠在一起 by combining a bunch of unsettling noises.
恐怖电影重点全在音效 Horror movies are all about the sound.
特别是当你的特效预算 Particularly when your special effects budget
被用来买了片场按摩椅时 has been repurposed for an on-set massage chair.
你用得和我一样频繁 Hey, you used it just as much as I did.
我们的怪物听起来像你妈的叫声 So, our monster sounds like your mother screaming?
但我们用之前没意识到这点 对吗 But we didn't know that before we put it in, right?
-当然没有 我们爱她 -爱出天际 - No, of course not, we love her. - To the moon.
-或许她不会发觉 -最好不会 - Maybe she won't notice. - We better hope not.
-是你的片子 -是你的片子 - It's your movie. - It's your movie.
-她睡着了 真走运 -算是吧 - She's asleep? How lucky. - Kind of lucky.
她说她累了 海莉给她倒了杯茶 She said she was tired and Haley gave her some...tea.
茶里放了什么 What was in the tea?
你想让她接着睡还是想问问题 You want her asleep, or you want to ask questions?
老妈回来了 Mom just pulled up!
快 抽到最长吸管的人先去和她说 Quick, longest straw goes first with her,
然后是中间的 然后是最短的 then medium, then shortest.
-万岁 -万岁 - Yes! - Yes!
那是最短的吸管 你最后 That's the short straw. You're last.
该死 我太习惯于 Oh, damn it! I'm so used to a world
尺码最小的人占便宜的世界了 where the smallest size wins.
烦死了 你们会把老妈的好心情都用光的 This sucks, you guys are gonna use up all of Mom's happy buzz.
-她来了 她进来了 -快 - Oh, there she is! She's here! - Hurry!
把她盖起来别让老妈看到 Cover her up so mom can't see.
-她回来了 -我美好的家人 - There she is! - There's my beautiful family!
-妈 -妈 - Hi, Mom. - Hi, Mom.
等等 那些衣服怎么放在那 Wait, why are those shirts over there?
抱歉 我们没洗完衣服 Oh, sorry. We didn't finish the laundry.
别担心 帅哥 Oh, well, don't sweat it, handsome.
读份报纸 今日天下太平 Read a paper, we ain't got problems.
妈 我们给你做了午餐 So, Mom, we made you lunch,
但外面天气这么好 我们去野餐吧 but it's so pretty outside. Let's have a little picnic.
我喜欢这个主意 阳光下的欢乐时光 Yeah, I love that idea. Fun in the sun.
-户外欢乐时光 -人生就是一次野餐 - Have some fun outdoors. - Life is a picnic.
-我在这就很开心 -那好 - I'm happy right here. - Okay.
怎么了 What?
我们只是担心沙拉酱放多了 Oh, we're just so nervous that we overdressed the salad.
我甚至不敢看你品尝 I can't even watch you taste it.
拜托 Oh, please.
亲爱的 真好吃 里面都有... Honey, this is so good. What --
妈 我真不忍心开口问你 Mom, I-I hate to have to ask you this,
但如果母亲节旅行我不去你会介意吗 but would you mind if I missed out on our Mother's Day trip?
不 为什么 Oh, no, why?
比尔每月只休一个周末 Well, Bill only gets one weekend off a month,
他想带我去看大峡谷 and he wants to take me to the Grand Canyon.
-骑摩托去 -什么 - On a motorcycle. - What?!
菲尔 放松点 Phil, chill.
宝贝 我知道作为你妈我该说不行 Sweetie, as your mom, I know I should say no,
但我们面对现实吧 but let's face it,
那些书本又不能在晚上给你暖床 those books aren't keeping you warm at night.
去迎风驰骋 让虫子飞到嘴上吧 Let's get some bugs in those teeth, huh?
妈 你最棒了 太谢谢你了 Mom, you are the best. Thank you so much.
你人真好 That is so sweet.
你刚才穿的不是牛仔裤吗 Weren't you just wearing jeans?
不是 No, I was not,
另外 邓菲女士 别盯着人家下面看 and, Miss Dunphy, my eyes are up here.
什么声音 What is that sound?
-房子的响声 -我肚子叫 - The house is settling. - My stomach.
话说回来 我工作一切顺利 妈 Anyways, things are really good at work, Mom.
海莉想插队 Haley's trying to cut.
我终于意识到想拥有事业 I finally realized how much sacrifice
需要作出多少牺牲 it takes to have a career.
我老板想让我和她 You know, my boss, like, she wants me
一起出差 to go with her on this business trip.
但时间实在太不巧了 But it couldn't come at a worse weekend.
欢迎体验事业女性的纠结 姐妹 Welcome to the struggle, sister.
-窗口要关闭了 -窗口 什么窗口 - The window's gonna close. - Window? What-what window?
好消息 我们把车库的箱子挪走了 Great news. We moved the box in the garage.
-发生了特别疯狂的事 -说到疯狂的事 - The craziest thing happened -- - Talk about crazy things.
你知道大都会博物馆慈善舞会在纽约 You know how the Met Ball is in New York
而我和一头中型犬体重一样吗 and how I weigh the same as a medium-sized dog?
海莉 大人正在谈事情 Haley, the grownups are talking!
大伙 大伙 我脖子上的结节又出现了 Guys, guys, guys, the knots are coming back.
妈 我不和你一起旅行了 Mom, I'm bailing on our trip!
我让老爸陪我玩无人机 撞破了你的脸 I made Dad play and we flew our drone into your face!
一个叫奈杰尔·皮克尔斯的人 A man named Nigel Pickles
可能掌握了咱家银行账户 may have our bank account numbers!
-我先走了 -不许动 - I'm gonna go. - Stop!
坐下 Sit down!
很显然 你们都有坏消息要告诉我 Clearly, you all have bad news to tell me.
但你们非得在我心情好的时候一起说吗 But do you have to dump it on me when I'm in a good mood?
我的天 就是这样 Oh, my God, you did!
这就是你们说的窗口 That's what the window is!
我每个月就这一小时对你们有人情味 The one hour a month when I am a human to you people.
有时能多维持一会 Sometimes it's longer.
让我告诉你们 Let me tell you something.
你们这些娇生惯养的过得太轻松了 You debutantes have it easy.
要是在我长大时住的那个家 You wouldn't have survived one day
你们一天都活不下去 in the house where I grew up,
我家里有个真正的疯婆子作威作福 where an actual crazy person was running the show.
-克莱尔 -内疚绑架 羞辱 - Um, Claire -- - The guilting, the shaming,
我数不清听过多少次 the number of times I heard
"我是哪里没教好你" "Where did I go wrong with you?"
妈 Mom.
-妈 外婆来了 -是啊 对不起 - Mom, Nana's here. - Yeah. I'm sorry.
省省吧 我能感到你不欢迎我 Save it. I know where I'm not wanted.
不 我这不是用内疚绑架你 And no, I'm not trying to guilt you.
我浪费不起那个精力 I can't waste the energy on that,
因为我婚姻破裂 as I am basically homeless
现在基本上无家可归了 now that my marriage has unraveled.
-克莱尔 -不 - Claire -- - No!
不 我们就一言不发坐在这 No! We are going to sit here in silence
直到轮到我摔门而出 until it is my turn to storm out.
不准喝酒 No drinking!
你不准喝 For you.
如果老妈开始觉得怪物的叫声耳熟 If Mom starts to think the monster sounds familiar,
不如我们告诉她那是斯黛拉的叫声 I say we tell her it's Stella barking.
然后伤害斯黛拉的感情吗 用用脑子 And hurt Stella's feelings? Think! ?
迪迪 你怎么来了 Dede? What are you doing here?
我们的孩子们好可恶 Our children are horrible.
我很抱歉来得这么突然 I'm sorry to barge in.
歌洛莉亚在举办晚会 Oh. Gloria's holding a soiree.
我该走了 I should go.
不准你这么做 You will do no such thing.
你跟我来 小姑娘 You come with me, young lady.
她就是完美的秘密武器 She was the perfect secret weapon.
我们送她上楼去整理仪容 We send her upstairs to freshen up,
然后在电影开始前 我们放出迪迪 just before the movie starts, we drop the Dede bomb.
歌洛莉亚就会手足无措 心慌意乱 Gloria's flustered, off her game,
根本没有精力注意影片的内容 she doesn't even pay attention to the film.
你果然宝刀未老 You still got it.
现在想想 昨晚我还在瞎担心 And to think I was worried last night
你想打开手机的闪光灯手电筒功能 when you kept trying to turn on your phone flashlight
结果拍了30张自己的暴怒脸呢 and ended up taking 30 pictures of your angry face.
他们来啦 我帅气的导演们 There they are, my handsome movie makers.
你穿的什么呢 What are you wearing?
你穿的什么鬼呢 What are you wearing?
我想穿什么穿什么 Whatever I want.
我刚刚发现我的母亲 Okay, I just found out that my mother
在背后偷偷控制了我做的所有决定 has been secretly controlling every decision we've ever made,
所以我们决定夺回自己的人生 so we are taking our lives back.
她觉得这颜色使我脸无光 你们猜怎么着 She thinks this color washes me out. Well, guess what?
-她说得对吗 -你跟地毯颜色很搭 - She was right? - You match the carpet.
你说话的时候多露出牙齿 Use more teeth when you talk,
因为好难聚焦在你的脸上 because I'm losing your whole face.
别理他们 Okay, pay them no never mind.
她在15年前也暗示了 Uh, she also implied 15 years ago
小卡的口音很土 所以这也要改回去 that Cam's accent was trashy, so that's also happening.
是滴 口音立马回来 Yep, and it came right back to me
比偷情的男人交房费速度还快 like a cheatin' husband on his rent day.
两位去拿杯酒水吧 Grab yourselves a drink.
抱歉我迟到了 Sorry I'm late.
什么鬼 What the hell?
难道没人懂什么是 Does no one know what
"高档鸡尾酒好莱坞闪亮动人"吗 "Upscale cocktail Hollywood glamour fabulous" means?
-我啊 -我不是吗 - Hello. - Gloria.
我不懂 抱歉 我不得不发泄一下怒气 No, I don't. I'm sorry. I had to run off some rage.
米奇尔你是律师 我想问我能跟全家离婚吗 Mitchell, you're a lawyer. Can I divorce my whole family?
你现在是面对着我吗 Are you even facing me right now?
靠咧 你家那堆人来了 溜 快溜 Tarnation, here comes your kin! Git! Git! Oh!
抱歉 我还在调整口音的度 Sorry, I'm still working on the balance.
妈在那边 卢克 快打开卖萌模式 Oh, there's Mom. Luke, turn your cute on.
我的警长大人来了 There's my Sheriff.
我想拍你跟海报 Go. I want to take a picture with the poster.
抱歉 我现在没心情... I'm sorry, I'm not really in a place --
摆姿势 Pose.
米奇尔 Mitchell?
抱歉 没注意到你就在地毯上 Sorry, I didn't see you against the carpet.
妈咪 Mommy?
少来 不萌了 你都要40岁了 Nope. Not cute anymore. You're 40.
你知道原谅人能产生一种生物化学反应... You know, forgiveness creates a biochemical reaction that --
关我屁事 Don't care.
到你了 You're up.
你走了对吧 You're gone, aren't you?
好了各位 坐下 到观影的时候了 Okay, everybody, sit down. It's time to watch the movie!
妈还在你家吗 Is Mom still at your house?
她不爽我 气呼呼地跑了 Oh, no, she ran off all mad at me.
看来我今年无福收到再生纸做的圣诞卡了 I guess I'm not getting a recycled hemp Christmas card this year.
我跟小卡跟她也有点仇 Well, Cam and I have a tiny bone to pick with her, too,
因为她想控制我们的生活一切 for controlling our entire lives.
但这又有何所谓 我们都知道她会说 Not that it'll matter. We all know what she's gonna say.
"我在乎你们是我的错吗" "Well, forgive me for caring."
-不是吧 -看看谁来了 - Are you kidding?! - Look who dropped in.
真是个惊喜啊 What a surprise.
我去帮你拿张椅子 Let me get you a chair.
不用了 坐下仿佛是新时代的抽烟 Oh, don't bother. Sitting's the new smoking.
妈 我们得谈谈 Mom, we need to talk.
别别别 Oh, no, no.
排队好吗 小姐妹 Just get in line, sweetie.
妈呀 家庭优先 首映改期吧 Oh, shoot. Well, family first. Let's reschedule the premiere.
不行 你们之后再谈 No. You will talk later.
宅男 关灯 Nerd, the lights!
首个难关 Here comes the first test.
我真不敢相信迪迪居然站着 I can't believe that Dede is standing up.
百试百灵 Worked like a charm.
我不知道哪个更天才 是放迪迪来 I don't know what was more genius, bringing Dede in,
还是影片初期就用青年性事吸引观众 or hooking the audience early with some teenage sex.
你争取这一段是对的 You were right to fight for that.
到我的重要时刻了 This is my big scene.
重要个屁 Big whoop.
大家都停下 Everybody, stop!
我们不是这样的人 We're better than this.
我们就... So let's just
自己好好想想吧 think about that!
我不知道是不是因为 I don't know if I was being oversensitive
跟卡莱尔吵架而内心敏感 但这剪辑伤我太深 because of my situation with Claire, but that editing stung.
我的重要演说与跟村民的大战 全都没了 My huge speech, a fight with the townspeople, all gone.
我永远不会忘了你 I'll never forget you.
剧终
太棒了 太棒了 Bravo bravo!
好吧 All right, then.
-棒 -好赞 - Yeah. - Very nice.
很杰出的电影拍摄 曼纽尔 Fine filmmaking, Manuel.
真的拍到人心坎里了 You really got to something visceral.
我感觉我仿佛见过那怪兽了 I feel like I've met that monster.
不不不 都是虚构的 我们去吃饭吧 No, no, no. It's all fiction. Now let's go eat.
不 那个吼声 No, you know what, that scream
其实听起来真有点耳熟 actually sounded somehow familiar.
-对啊 真的是这样对吧 -对啊 - Yeah, it did, didn't it? - Yeah.
斯黛拉 不行 出去 出去 我宰了你 Stella, no! No! Out, out, out! I'll kill you!
什么 What?
你们把我做成你们的怪兽 You made me into your monster!
不是有心的 Not on purpose.
我们只是把 It's just a bunch of awful sounds
各种让人不舒服的声音叠在一起 laid on top of each other.
这话能安慰到人吗 How is that better?
-起码你在电影里出现啦 -菲尔 - Well, at least you were in the film. - ?Phil!
现在我们到了观影后提问阶段 Well, now that we've reached the Q&A portion of the evening,
我有几个问题想问妈 如果她愿意答的话 I do have a question for Mom, if that's okay with her.
还是你想要唆使小卡来教我怎么做 Or do you want to tell Cam to tell me what to do
并且再利用逆反心理来控制我呢 and then use reverse psychology on me?
米奇尔 如果你想要跟我当面对质事情 Mitchell, if you want to confront me about something,
现在就问吧 do it now.
不 我... 等我想问的时候我再问 No, I'm -- I'm gonna do it when I want to do it.
顺带一句 你穿这浅橙色西装挺好看 Well, anyway, you look lovely in the salmon suit.
是吗 那这样吧 Oh, you know what? You know what?
怎么样 现在怎么样啊 Okay, well, how about this? Huh?
-你意识到她刚... -我意识到了 - You realize what she just -- - I do realize now.
你们俩太神经了 Okay, you two are being ridiculous.
我不得不来站一下妈这边 And if I may come to Mom's defense for just a moment --
-是的 -什么 - Oh, yeah. - What?!
没错 我就来站她队 Yes! Yeah, uh-huh,
不只是因为我欠她个抱歉 虽然我有欠 and not just because I owe her an apology, which I do.
但是你们喜欢自己的生活吗 But, I mean, do you like your lives?
你们对生活的发展还满意吗 Are you happy with the way things turned out?
与其要责怪老妈 Instead of blaming Mom
帮助你们做出正确的选择 for helping you make the right choices,
为何不改为谢谢她呢 how about thanking her?
你们知道要永远当最聪明理智的人有多辛苦吗 You know, it's not so easy to be the one who always knows best.
其实这有时候会让你挺紧绷的 In fact, it can make you a little tense sometimes.
这位优秀的女士经营着一家公司 This amazing woman runs a company,
照顾着一个家庭 she runs a family,
而你们却没有一点感激之情 and you don't show her any appreciation.
就像你们两个一样 Just like you two.
我安排你们两个一起拍一部电影 I put you two together to do this movie
你们把我变成你们的可怕怪兽 and you turn me into your devil creature.
什么叫你安排我们两个一起 What do you mean you put us together?
我故意把曼尼的剧本放在那里让你看到 I left Manny's script out so that you would see it
好让你自愿下场帮忙 and you would get involved.
我知道这部电影不会好 I knew that this movie was not going to be good
除非我能让他曲高和寡的怪 unless I would take his artsy weirdness
来跟你的粗俗沙发番茄风互补 and balance it with your low-brow, couch-tomato sensibility.
应为沙发土豆 指长时间待在电视前跟着节目转的人
难怪作品这么棒 And that's why it was so great.
歌洛莉亚 我懂你受了多少委屈 Gloria, I know what you put up with.
我也曾嫁给过杰 I-I was married to Jay.
你对他不离不弃简直像个圣人 You are a saint to stick around.
尤其你有那对胸器 Especially with that bosom,
想要哪个男人不是手到擒来 you could get any guy in town.
很遗憾的是 家人们就是这样 So, unfortunately, this is what families do --
他们能把母亲变成怪兽 they turn mothers into monsters.
-你这话有失公允吧 -我们才没有这样 - Mom, that's not fair. - That's not what we're doing.
大家快停下 Everybody stop!
我们不是这样的人 We're better than this.
什么是怪兽 它们就是由我们内心恐惧 What are monsters, but pure, beautiful creatures
所反射出来的纯粹美丽生物 we project our fears onto?
它们真的可怕吗 And are they even scary,
还是只是我们太怯懦 不敢自我审视 or are we just too terrified to look inside
检讨自己内心的丑陋与不足呢 and see the ugliness and inadequacies in ourselves?
所以... So...
我们就自己好好想想吧 let's just think about that.
谢谢你 菲尔 Thank you, Phil.
-这是个好的开始 -他说得对 - That's a nice start. - He's right.
-你不是怪兽 -妈 我们错了 - You're not a monster. - Mom, we're sorry.
我们爱你 亲爱的 We love you, sweetheart.
我们拍摄的时候菲尔有刚才一半的表现 If Phil had been half that good when we were rollin',
我们就不用剪掉那段演说了 we never would've cut that speech.
他终于领会并相信那些对白了 He finally just trusted the words.
大家快停下 我卡住了 Everybody stop. Oh. I'm stuck.
是道具还是戏服 Is -- Is this props or wardrobe?
停 Cut!
停 大家快停下 Stop! Everybody stop.
大家 我停不下啦 Everybody, I can't stop!
大家 Everybody,
台词是什么 line?
大家快停下 Everybody stop!
我们不是这样的人啦 We're better than this!
可以停了 That's a cut.
抱歉各位 I'm sorry, guys,
我觉得感情不对 I'm not hearing it.
其实我现在正在工作 你说能不能 Oh actually I'm at work, do you think
我把我起的疹子拍照片发给你呢 I could send you a picture of the rash?
靠 菲尔 你闯入拍摄了 Damn it Phil, you're in the shot!