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I'm having a lot of conflict about what
I should do what I should have believed
and I'm scared to death to go home I
don't want to be in this situation to
have to go home and say to my daughter
daddy's not gonna be living here anymore
and my wife had a big fight which we
still haven't resolved I spoke to my
daughters what my daughter's 5 and 1/2
years old she said I'll miss you daddy I
said I'll miss you too darling look
really love you and then said come speak
to mommy so don't miss you Jose Oh I
said you missed me I've been really busy
I want to be with my wife I love my wife
but we don't have that many things in
common we've got a lot of different
things that we value and that word that
we're interested in what's gonna happen
when you go there have to make a
decision
um what's changed I'm working even
harder than do you know really early
mornings to late nights I've got outside
interest as well which she doesn't like
what are your outside interests I play
in a band but you could be there because
you could give up the man yeah and she'd
like you to do that yeah what instrument
you play guitar tell me what it feels
like when you play the guitar look at
that what did you just ice they sasame
yeah astonishing that's a great
word it's like being a god it's like
being a god yeah and when you go home
with your wife how significant of you
what do you think the chances him giving
up the band are yeah no way no way he'll
give her up before he'll give up the
band we had a fight about that about a
year ago it was a case of you will do
something about this or else and we came
to a compromise and what was that
compromise that I would only play you
know three times a month sometimes she's
saying here's something that makes him
feel like a god and the maximum you
couldn't be god like us three times a
month and here's what I want from you by
the way I love you but she wouldn't see
it that way I'm sure because what she's
saying is you're not here with your
family you're not here with me and I'm
here with your kids and I know that
she has a different perspective fairly
but I want you to see his window on the
world first do you love your wife
yes why'd you pause I'm questioning it
the reason he's questioning it is
because he's not fulfilled their sob I'm
not fulfil how could I love her and if
she doesn't want me to be completely
fulfilled how can I love her and even if
I love her too I don't want to believe I
love her because then I'm trapped how
far off am I
I know well if I asked your wife what's
her name
Andrea if I asked Andrea score kneel for
me how significant does he make you feel
let's do that what a switch hat you're
in her body right now
and I'm asking you Andrea tell me about
Neil over there how significant is he
make you feel zero to ten you know when
he leaves never comes home it's the band
more important than you are he knows I
hate that rock music and he wants to go
play it anyway maybe it's three three
does he love you
yes he does how love do you feel though
these days zero to ten by him three
three and how certain are you that he's
gonna stay and love you thanks for nine
eight or nine how certain do you feel
though in moments about that same good
night you're thinking is yourself right
now how many ladies agree with me raise
your hand this is what you're deluded
how much variety does he bring home to
you
surprise desires playfulness you don't
expect to serve you to light you up zero
to ten five five how much you guys
growing together no zero
Sara how much do you feel like he's
trying to contribute to you from your
perspective Andrea probably zero so
here's a man who wants to contribute
nothing to you on a zero to ten thinks
you're a three and importance when a do
ten thinks you're a three of love yeah
give you a five a variety but he's
sticking around it at a what would you
want to do to him Neil if you were her
changing we'll get rid of him well
you're thinking like a man with a get
rid of him part no he was the father of
your daughter are you really gonna just
get rid of him
no idea yes you do
is he the source of your security
financially yes are you gonna get rid of
he's the father of your daughter and
he's a source of your survival how are
you gonna get rid of him yeah no what
are you gonna do when you feel
insignificant and unloved
and uncontrolled each Ange make him
change you're right
how are you gonna do that what tools do
you have in your arsenal make him stay
at home more often how you gonna make
him stay at home give it an ultimatum
gave an ultimatum what's the ultimate
even say it says it's you you spend more
time at home and you don't go off
playing with the bunt or or on leave and
take your daughter with you
oh no she probably say oh you leave and
I'll keep your daughter yeah what's her
nature not when you're frustrated with
her when she's feels herself not when
she's stressed what's her nature she's
very creative in her own way you know
she's she's into art she paints she
doesn't do it often enough because she
always says she's not good in our favor
no I said it you know the stuff you do
is fantastic let's put it up on the wall
you should sell this to a gallery you
could you should exhibit I'm not good
enough I'm not good enough but that's
the female form women do that with each
other oh yes you are no I'm not yes you
are oh no you're below you're better no
I'm not better that's one downs Manship
she's begging for your attention
yeah which I get I don't know but she
wants so much more so do you like that
nature their artistic nature does that
appeal is it I love it in fact isn't
that part of your nature if she follows
but she represses it on herself
no she's begging for you to be your man
and show her the artist inside she's
begging for that
goals in life her goals are - no idea
I've no idea what goes on so you can't
leave you have no clue you've been too
focused on yourself
even your good man until you've gone and
giving everything you have as a man to
fill up those six needs with her attends
you can't walk away because you haven't
done what's necessary and you know it
that's why you're on the fence because
you'd really done everything you would
have left because you're a smart man and
you're strong man what does it take for
her to feel loved what is she really
after in this life you fill her up so
much that she wants to give to you now
and she says honey go to the band go go
do it twice a week but you won't know
until you give completely and totally
no-holds-barred that woman needs to be
lit up and even if she wasn't the right
woman for you
the next 90 days should be the greatest
90 days of her life warden never has a
man given her more attention and focused
and caring and love and you tell her
after those 90 days this is what I need
honey can we make this work and you'll
know the truth at that point what do you
think son so state plan but first fill
her up like she's never been filled up
then decide give a hand
like I was very low on the list of
priorities even though I would never
admit but now it's completely switched
around so I just think it's amazing we
have a winner
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you
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