CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CAPITAL CITIESABC, INC.
THIS MILK IS NO GOOD.
SO WHAT? NEITHER IS THE COFFEE.
WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR DAIRY PRODUCTS OUT?
I DON'T KNOW, CRYSTAL.
IT'S A SICK WORLD.
I'LL JUST DRINK IT BLACK.
HEY, GIRLS.
PETE, PLEASE.
WE'RE TRYING TO EAT.
JACKIE SHOULD BE IN A BETTER MOOD.
IT'S FRIDAY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?
WE WERE GOING TO TRY TO FIND SOME DIM-WITTED BALD GUYS.
WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN ME?
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
GOING TO GO OUT
AND REDEFINE THE WORD "MANHOOD" FOR SOME WOMAN.
WELL, YOU KNOW,
YOU'VE ALREADY REDEFINED IT FOR ME.
YOU WISH.
I COULD USE SOME MANHOOD MYSELF.
SYLVIA.
WHAT AM I, DEAD?
THERE'S STILL SOME TREAD IN THESE OLD TIRES.
IT'D BE FUN TO GO OUT.
FUN, HELL. IT'S A NECESSITY.
WE SHOULD GO DANCING.
LET'S GO TO THE NIGHT MONKEY.
IS IT NICE?
IT'S A REAL CLASS JOINT.
YOU CAN MEET MEN THERE FROM THE FINEST PRISONS.
YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA?
DON'T I ALWAYS?
IT'S KIND OF WILD.
YOU'D NEVER THINK OF IT IN A MILLION YEARS.
BOWLING.
NO WAY.
IT'D BE A BLAST.
FOR WHO?
FOR ME.
WHENEVER WE GO BOWLING,
YOU SCREW AROUND,
YOU MESS UP EVERYBODY'S GAME.
SHE'S RIGHT. YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THE SPORT.
I LOVE BOWLING.
IT'S THE PERFECT WORKOUT.
SIX SECONDS OF EXERCISE,
DRINK BEER A HALF AN HOUR.
ALL YOU EVER DO IS POOP ALL OVER THE SPORT.
I NEED AN EXCUSE
TO GET DAN OUT OF THE HOUSE.
OTHERWISE HE'LL MAKE ME WATCH BIG-TIME WRESTLING.
I FORGOT THAT WAS ON.
SONNY BOY CRUSHER AGAINST MIKE THE MANGLER.
I WON'T MISS THAT.
WHAT ABOUT YOU, BOOKER, WANT TO GO BOWLING?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
NO. FOR REAL.
WHO ELSE IS GOING?
I AM.
JACKIE'S BEEN BEGGING ME ALL DAY TO GO WITH HER.
YOU GOING TO BEG ME?
IT'S FRIDAY. I THOUGHT YOU'D HAVE PLANS.
ACTUALLY, I'M GOING BOWLING WITH YOU.
CRYSTAL, WE'RE ALL GOING.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO,
SIT HOME AND CHECK THE EXPIRATION DATES
ON ALL YOUR DAIRY PRODUCTS?
ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO.
BUT, ROSEANNE, YOU GOT TO PROMISE TO BEHAVE YOURSELF.
I PROMISE TO BE ON MY BEST FRIDAY NIGHT BEHAVIOR.
BOWLER'S HONOR.
COME ON, EVERYBODY. SHAKE A LEG!
GET IT?
YEAH.
WE'LL GET HOME IN TIME TO SEE SNAKEMAN
TAKE ON THE HUMAN CLAMP.
THAT REMINDS ME OF OUR HONEYMOON.
SSS.
DAD, WE NEED MONEY.
GIVE US OUR MONEY.
YOUR MONEY?
I DON'T CARE WHOSE MONEY.
LET'S HEAR THE MAGIC WORD.
NOW?
OOH.
NO, THE MAGIC WORD.
PLEASE! PLEASE!
WHAT BEAUTIFUL, OBEDIENT CHILDREN.
PAY THEM OFF.
HOW MUCH?
5 BUCKS A HIT.
SSS!
HERE YOU GO.
5 SMACKAROONIES APIECE.
THAT'S IT, AND DON'T COME CRYING FOR MORE.
D.J., DON'T DRAW ON IT.
I GET THE FRONT SEAT.
NO, YOU DON'T.
5 BUCKS APIECE FOR THEM LITTLE BEGGARS.
THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.
FOR 5 BUCKS, THEY'RE OUT OF OUR HAIR ALL NIGHT.
LET'S GIVE THEM EACH 100.
MAYBE THEY'LL MOVE TO CLEVELAND.
BECKY, COME ON!
YEAH, BEFORE MY HAND COOLS DOWN.
YOUR WHAT?
FEEL THIS, BABY.
THERE'S A 200-POINT GAME
PULSATING THROUGH THESE FINGERS.
LET'S NOT WASTE IT ON BOWLING.
D.J. TOOK THE FRONT SEAT. IT'S NOT HIS TURN.
IN THE TRUNK WITH BOTH OF YOU.
WHAT'S TAKING BECKY SO LONG?
PUBERTY.
SHE'S DRESSING UP FOR HER BOYFRIEND.
WHAT BOYFRIEND?
CHIP.
CHIP WHO?
YOU KNOW, $5.00 REALLY DOESN'T GO THAT FAR.
NEITHER DOES A GIRL WITH TWO BROKEN LEGS.
PUMPKIN, I'D HATE TO SEE YOU HOBBLING AROUND
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
WHO'S THIS CHIP GUY? GIVE.
HE WORKS AT THE BOWLING ALLEY.
THAT TATTOOED GUY THAT SWEEPS UP THE PARKING LOT?
HE GOES TO SCHOOL WITH BECKY
AND WORKS THERE ON WEEKENDS.
SHE'S GOT THE MAJOR HOTS FOR HIM.
OH, SHE DOES, DOES SHE?
WHOA, WHOA, LOOK AT YOU.
ARE WE GOING TO BE WORKING THE LOUNGE TONIGHT?
WHAT ARE YOU ALL DRESSED UP FOR?
ANY PARTICULAR REASON?
NO.
WHAT ABOUT CHIP?
CHIP, CHIP, CHIP.
SHUT UP.
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU
AND BURN EVERYTHING YOU OWN.
COME HERE. COME HERE.
TELL US ABOUT THIS STUD WE'LL BE MEETING TONIGHT.
MOTHER, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MEET HIM.
WE'RE GOING TO BE AT THE BOWLING ALLEY,
AND CHIP'S GOING TO BE AT THE BOWLING ALLEY.
WE'RE BOUND TO RUN INTO ONE ANOTHER.
PLEASE DON'T EMBARRASS ME.
PLEASE.
OH, HONEY, THERE'S NO WAY WE'D EMBARRASS YOU.
IF YOU REALLY LOVE ME,
YOU'LL PRETEND YOU'RE NOT MY PARENTS.
ALL RIGHT. GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE, LITTLE GIRL.
THANK YOU.
SO...
LITTLE BECKY'S GOT HER FIRST BOYFRIEND, HUH?
I WONDER WHAT HE'S LIKE.
GIRLS ALWAYS GO FOR GUYS
WHO REMIND THEM OF THEIR FATHERS.
NOT IF THEY LISTEN TO THEIR MOTHERS.
COME HERE, BABY.
GIVE SNAKEMAN A LITTLE KISS.
THIS IS A GOOD LANE, DON'T YOU THINK?
IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN THIS ONE RIGHT HERE,
WHICH IS EXACTLY THE SAME.
PERFECT, CRYSTAL.
I'M GOING TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES.
OK.
DARLENE, KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR BROTHER.
YEAH, OK.
ALL RIGHT, BECKY. WHERE IS THIS ROMEO?
NOW, YOU PROMISED. YOU'RE NOT MY PARENTS.
YOU DON'T KNOW ME. YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME.
THAT'S RIGHT, ROSIE. WE SWORE A OATH.
JUST GIVE ME MY MONEY, AND I'LL GO.
WE DON'T GIVE MONEY TO STRANGERS.
MOTHER!
OH, ALL RIGHT.
NOW, HERE. DON'T ELOPE WITH THIS.
WHAT SIZE SHOE DO YOU WEAR?
11.
A VERY COMMON SIZE.
I BET FIVE MEN WEAR THOSE EVERY DAY.
FIVE MEN WHO SWEAT
AND HAVE WHO KNOWS WHAT KIND OF HYGIENE HABITS.
WOULD YOU STOP FLIRTING WITH MY OLD MAN?
SHE'S RIGHT. THESE ARE GRUNGY.
CHECK THEM OUT.
THERE'S SOME KIND OF FUNGUS IN THERE.
GET AWAY.
YOU CAN'T SEE FUNGUS.
THAT'S THAT GOOD LUCK MOLD.
THIS LOOKS LIKE THE PARTY LANE.
I'M HERE. YOU CAN START HAVING FUN.
THEY DIDN'T TELL ME IT WAS SCAG NIGHT.
YOU GOT YOUR OWN SHOES?
I DON'T USE THOSE RENTED THINGS.
THEY'RE LOADED WITH GERMS.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PUT YOUR SHOES UNDER THE BENCH.
SAYS WHO?
IT'S JUST PART OF GOOD BOWLING.
ALL THE LEAGUE BOWLERS
PLACE THEIR SHOES UNDER THE BENCH.
YOU COULD NEVER BE IN A LEAGUE.
LET'S GO PICK OUT A COUPLE OF BALLS.
PICK ME ONE OUT.
YOU GOT TO PICK OUT YOUR OWN BALL.
THIS IS WORK.
YOU ANY GOOD AT THIS?
YEAH.
I HAVEN'T PLAYED IN A WHILE.
I USED TO BE A HIGH SCORER.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT BOWLING, BOOKER.
THAT, TOO.
SO YOU CARE TO MAKE A FRIENDLY WAGER?
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
IF I WIN,
YOU HAVE TO SPEND THE NIGHT AT MY PLACE.
THAT'S PRETTY FRIENDLY.
ARE THE STAKES TOO HIGH?
IT SOUNDS LIKE A ONE-SIDED BET.
NO, BECAUSE IF YOU LOSE, WE BOTH WIN.
I'VE GOT A 160 AVERAGE.
THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE GOING TO BEAT ME.
WHAT IF YOU WIN?
THEN YOU SPEND THE NIGHT AT MY PLACE.
SOUNDS GOOD.
SCRUBBING MY BATHROOM.
WHATEVER GETS YOU IN THE MOOD.
IS THAT A BET?
YEAH.
I LOVE YOUR SHIRTS.
DIDN'T YOU HAVE A HIT RECORD OUT
THE YEAR I WAS BORN?
COME ON, YOU GUYS. WARMUP FRAME.
COME ON, DANNY.
DAN, DAN, HE'S OUR MAN.
IF HE CAN'T DO IT, NO ONE CAN.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
QUIET, EVERYBODY.
CAN'T YOU SEE SOMEBODY TRYING TO BOWL HERE?
WHOA!
OH, DURN.
I KEEP HOOKING IT.
THAT'S 'CAUSE YOUR SHOES AIN'T UNDER THE BENCH.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, CRYSTAL.
IT'S ONLY THE FOURTH FRAME.
YOU'RE JUST WARMING UP.
DAN, YOU'RE UP.
DANNY, SHOW US THAT SPECIAL GUTTER BALL.
HISTORY IN THE MAKING.
DAN CONNER... IS ON HIS WAY TO A 200 GAME.
CHECK THE SCORE LATELY?
I KNOW THE SCORE.
WHAT AM I UP, 10, 20 PINS?
IT'S EARLY.
I'M BOWLING BETTER THAN I EVER HAVE IN MY LIFE.
YES!
YAY!
DANNY! DANNY!
YOU ARE SIZZLING.
BOOK, YOU'RE UP.
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU AND BOOKER?
NOTHING.
OH, THAT'S WHY HE'S DROOLING ALL OVER HIMSELF.
WE MADE A BET.
WHAT KIND OF BET?
A FRIENDLY BET.
HOW FRIENDLY?
EXTREMELY FRIENDLY.
WHERE WAS I WHEN MOM AND DAD
DROPPED YOU ON YOUR HEAD?
HE'S BEEN LUCKY SO FAR,
BUT HIS GAME'S ABOUT TO FALL APART.
OOH, SO BAD!
YEAH, HE'S CRUMBLING.
HE ONLY KNOCKED DOWN, UH...
HE ONLY KNOCKED DOWN 10 PINS ON THAT ONE?
ROSEANNE.
YOUR TURN.
I JUST BOWLED 20 MINUTES AGO.
GET UP THERE.
HONEY...
IF YOU MANAGE TO KNOCK DOWN ONE PIN,
I'LL BE YOUR LOVE SLAVE FOR LIFE.
YEAH, BUT WHAT DO I WIN?
HONEY, THAT WAS SENSATIONAL.
YOU KEPT IT IN OUR LANE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I'M LOOKING FOR CHIP.
I GOT TO GO TO THE LADIES ROOM.
OK, DARLENE, WHERE IS HE?
I PROMISED I WOULDN'T TELL.
WELL, YOU'D BETTER TELL ME, DARLENE,
OR I'M GOING TO HAVE TO START DANCING.
MOM, NO.
RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS.
HEAR THAT MUSIC.
MOM, PLEASE!
OHH, I CAN'T STOP MYSELF.
I MUST DANCE!
OK, OK, YOU WIN.
CHIP'S THE GUY BEHIND THE COUNTER.
THE BLOND?
YES.
HE'S CUTE.
DON'T TELL BECKY I TOLD YOU.
I'M SMARTER THAN THAT.
I'LL HOLD IT OVER YOUR HEAD
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
YOU GOING TO BOWL, DAN?
200-GAME, HERE I COME.
SO HOW'S THIS BET BETWEEN YOU AND BOOKER GOING?
BOOKER IS BEATING THE PANTS OFF OF ME.
LITERALLY.
HURRY UP, HURRY UP.
OOH, S-S-S-SO CLOSE.
GO ON, DANNY. EASY SPARE.
YOU GOT IT.
OH, BOOKER'S REALLY ON A ROLL.
ALL WE GOT TO DO
IS BREAK HIS CONCENTRATION. THAT'S ALL.
BREAK HIS CONCENTRATION, RIGHT.
YOU CAN HANDLE THAT.
ONCE AGAIN, I'LL SAVE YOU
FROM YOUR PITIFUL SELF.
OOH, YES!
AROOGA!
ICEMAN DAN CONNER HAS PICKED UP THAT DIFFICULT SPARE.
LET'S SEE IT AGAIN IN SLOW MOTION.
AROOGA!
CAN I BE YOUR GROUPIE?
TAKE A NUMBER.
JACKIE, WATCH CAREFULLY
AS I PUT THE GAME OUT OF REACH.
BOOKER, DID YOU GET THAT INFECTION CLEARED UP?
I'VE GOT TO TALK TO HIM.
THEN GO.
DARLENE, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
YOU DON'T JUST START TALKING TO A GUY.
NO, YOU HIDE BEHIND A VIDEO GAME, DROOLING.
I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT EXACTLY WHAT TO SAY.
THEN GO BUY SOME POPCORN.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS IT.
HERE I GO.
HI.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
OH, FINE.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
FINE.
SO, YOU'RE WORKING TONIGHT?
YEAH, I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO
TO THE STEEL VIPERS CONCERT
UNTIL MY MOM SAID SHE HAD TO GO WITH ME.
PARENTS ARE SO UNCOOL.
THEY WON'T LET YOU GO ANYWHERE ALONE.
YOUR PARENTS HERE TONIGHT?
NO WAY, THEY JUST DROPPED ME OFF.
I'M HERE BY MYSELF.
DO YOU SELL PRETZELS HERE?
YES, MA'AM. PRETZELS, POPCORN,
PEANUTS, WHATEVER YOU WANT.
I GOT TO GO.
WAIT! I'LL JUST BE A SECOND.
SIT DOWN.
OK.
WHY DON'T YOU FINISH
WAITING ON THIS BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN?
NO, THAT'S OK.
YOU CAN WAIT ON HER.
OH, YOU'RE SO KIND.
LISTEN, GIVE ME TWO PRETZELS
AND TWO BEEF JERKYS.
OK. COMING UP.
NICE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING, HUH?
YOU WANT ANY SODAS TO GO WITH THAT?
NO, THE SNACKS ARE JUST FINE-A-ROONIE.
SO, YOU LIKE WORKING HERE, CHIP?
YEAH, IT'S OK, I GUESS.
WHAT DO THEY PAY YOU?
ENOUGH.
WILL YOU WORK HERE FOREVER?
NO, I GET OFF AT 9:00. THAT'S $3.50.
$4.00. KEEP THE CHANGE, HONEY.
THANKS.
SHE GAVE ME A TIP.
THAT WAS REAL COOL.
YEAH, REAL COOL.
HEY, LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND.
WHERE?
STUCK TO A VIDEO MACHINE.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT IN YOUR POCKET?
ICE CREAM SANDWICH.
SMART MOVE.
I WAS SAVING IT FOR LATER.
BOOKER, YOU'RE UP.
GAME'S FINISHED.
THIS IS JUST A FORMALITY.
SHUT UP AND BOWL.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, HONEY?
SHE BOWLED A 97.
THEY OUGHT TO TAKE YOU OUTSIDE AND SHOOT YOU.
I'M NEVER GOING TO PLAY THIS GAME AGAIN.
YOU'LL DO IT NEXT WEEK
AND BE JUST AS ANNOYING AS YOU WERE TONIGHT.
OH, YEAH! GOOD ONE, BOOKER.
ROSEANNE, YOU'RE UP.
THAT'S IT.
READ THEM AND WEEP.
DID YOU REALLY THINK I'D PAY UP?
YES.
YOU WANT ME THERE?
ABSOLUTELY.
ALL RIGHT, A BET'S A BET.
WOULD IT BE SO BAD?
WHAT?
SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH ME.
WOULD THAT BE SO HORRIBLE?
IT MIGHT BE NICE.
JUST NICE.
IT WOULD BE INCREDIBLE.
YEAH, IT WOULD BE INCREDIBLE.
NOT TONIGHT.
WHAT?
NOT ON A BET.
NOT TONIGHT AND NOT ON A BET.
YOU WELCHER!
COME ON, ROSEANNE, WOULD YOU GET UP THERE?
IT'S THE LAST FRAME.
GET IT OVER WITH.
COME ON.
RAH!
ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S MY SCORE?
UH...LET'S SEE.
7.
WHAT INNING IS IT?
GET UP THERE AND BOWL.
GO ON!
COME ON, ROSIE!
WELL, YOU CAN RAZZ ME ALL YOU LIKE,
BUT I AM UNSHAKABLE.
OH, YEAH?
YEAH.
I CAN GET A STRIKE ANY TIME I WANT.
HOW'S THAT?
I PRETEND LIKE THE PINS ARE THE KIDS
AND THIS IS YOUR HEAD.
HAVE AT IT.
IT'S A BODY BLAST TO THE HUMAN CLAMP.
IT'S ALL OVER NOW.
SNAKEMAN'S GOT IT WRAPPED UP.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS LIKE ALL-MALE PORNO,
EXCEPT THEY'RE WEARING BATHING SUITS.
OOH!
I WAS A PRETTY GOOD WRESTLER IN JUNIOR HIGH.
COACH CALLED ME DAMAGING DAN CONNER.
DON'T MAKE ME LISTEN TO THAT BORING STORY AGAIN.
OOH!
LOOK OUT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT'S A FRONT SHOE-FLEX.
NO! HE'S GOT HER OVER!
HE'S GOING FOR THE FIGURE FOUR.
HE'S BOUNCING OFF THE ROPES.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LOOK OUT!
HE'S SETTING HER UP FOR A HARD PUNCH.
OH! IT'S ILLEGAL IN 30 STATES.
HOLY COW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
ICEMAN DAN CONNOR HAS GONE BERZERK.
HE'S SETTING HER UP! HE'S GOT HER!
1...2...3.
DO YOU QUIT?
ONE MORE.
4.
SSS!
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1988 CARSEY-WERNER PRODUCTIONS