HI. I'M ROSEANNE BARR,
AND, UH, HERE I AM...
I DON'T KNOW, TALKING ENDLESSLY ABOUT THE TELEVISION SHOW ROSEANNE.
THIS IS, UH, I GUESS THE 4th SEASON HALLOWEEN SHOW.
AND THE HALLOWEEN SHOW WAS ALWAYS, LIKE, MY VERY FAVORITE THING TO DO
BECAUSE, UH, WHEN I WANTED TO BE ON TELEVISION,
I JUST WANTED TO BE ON TELEVISION SO I COULD
BREAK ALL THE RULES OF TELEVISION.
AND THE FIRST RULE THAT WAS VERY EXCITING TO BREAK
WAS THE ONE WHERE THEY WOULDN'T LET YOU HAVE A HALLOWEEN SHOW.
AND, UH, PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THAT 'CAUSE IT'S JUST
ALL OVER THE PLACE NOW. EVERYBODY'S GOT A HALLOWEEN SHOW.
BUT THEY ACTUALLY FOUGHT WITH US AND DIDN'T WANT A HALLOWEEN SHOW
BECAUSE THEY SAID PEOPLE IN THE BIBLE BELT
THOUGHT HOW HALLOWEEN WAS A SATANIC HOLIDAY.
AND, UH, I GO, "NO, THEY DON'T. IT'S ABOUT CANDY."
SO WE JUST KEPT KNOCKIN' AND KNOCKIN'
'TILL THEY FINALLY SAID OK.
AND, UH, SO THAT WAS JUST REALLY FUN.
AND WE ALWAYS, LIKE, WENT WAY OUT ON HALLOWEEN.
IS EVERYTHING OK?
HELLO.
SHE'S GOOD. SHE WAS REALLY FUN TO WORK WITH.
HER NAME'S MEAGAN, I THINK.
I DON'T...WHAT IS HER NAME? DOES ANYONE KNOW?
Man: MEAGAN FAY.
HUH? MEAGAN FAYE.
IS ANYBODY HO--
AAAHH!
WE REALLY WERE GOIN' ALL OUT WITH THE PROPS AND BUDGET.
WHAT IS IT, CATHY? I'VE HAD A REALLY BAD DAY,
AND NOW I'VE GOT ALL THIS CLEANING UP TO DO.
AND IT FULFILLED MY FANTASY OF WANTING TO PLAY
A CRAZY SERIAL KILLER, TOO.
I REMEMBER THIS ONE.
I THINK I'M KIND OF SCARY THERE.
HOW MANY TIMES I'VE SAID IT TO MYSELF--
"IT'S JUST LIKE GUTTING A FISH."
I SWEAR I WAS WAY BETTER THE LAST TIME.
THE LAST TIME?
WE ALWAYS SAID THE REASON THE CONNERS WERE BROKE
IS BECAUSE THEY SPENT ALL THEIR MONEY FOR HALLOWEEN.
AND WE'D JOKE AROUND AND SAY,
"WE'D LOVE TO SEND YOU GUYS TO COLLEGE,
BUT THAT'S 8 HALLOWEENS AWAY."
OH, NO, YOU CAN'T GO.
YOU'LL TELL.
NO, I WON'T. I PROMISE.
I WON'T TELL. PLEASE.
LET ME GO. UH...OH...
LIVER?
AAAHHH!
THIS LADY WAS GREAT IN THE 4th SEASON.
AND THE 4th SEASON, I REALLY WANTED TO TALK ABOUT, LIKE,
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET AROUND RICH PEOPLE
AFTER YOU'VE BEEN POOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE,
WHICH HAPPENED TO ME BECAUSE OF THIS SHOW.
AND SHE KINDA WAS, UH,
I WANTED A NEIGHBOR WHO WAS LIKE ALL THE PEOPLE
I WAS STARTING TO MEET IN BEVERLY HILLS.
YOU KNOW, HON, EVERY TIME WE DO THIS, PEOPLE GET SO TICKED OFF.
YEAH. WHEN WILL WE LEARN?
HEH HEH HEH.
WELL, THAT WAS IN MY ROSEANNE ARNOLD INCARNATION, I SUPPOSE.
I THINK IT WAS LIKE PRE-NOSE JOB, PRE-FACE LIFT.
LOOK AT D.J. THERE. HE WAS JUST A LITTLE BABY.
HE WAS ABOUT 8 YEARS OLD.
NOW HE'S THE FATHER OF 2 CHILDREN.
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
SARA'S A MOTHER, TOO.
ALICIA, SHE'S MANAGED TO STAY SINGLE.
THERE'S LAURIE.
SHE'S GOT A TON OF KIDS.
A LOT OF BABIES WERE BORN DURING THE MAKING OF THIS SHOW FOR SURE.
BOY, WE GOT CATHY GOOD.
SHE ALMOST LOST IT.
YEAH, DAMN GOOD BLADDER CONTROL, THOUGH.
WELL, THANK YOU. I DID LAUGH PRETTY HARD.
LISTEN, I'M GOIN' OUT TONIGHT.
OH, YOU GONNA BE HOME FOR DINNER?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW. WHAT ARE WE HAVING?
LIVER. LIVER.
HA, HA, HA, HA.
GOD, I WISH I HAD AN ADULT ROLE MODEL.
THERE'S THE FRIDGE WHERE WE KEPT ALL THE FAN LETTERS
IN THE FREEZER.
ESPECIALLY THE OBSCENE ONES,
WHICH WE READ OUT LOUD TO ALL NEWCOMERS.
WE HAD A COUPLE OF REALLY OBSCENE CRAZY PEOPLE WHO
HAD, LIKE, REALLY WEIRD LETTERS THAT WE WOULD READ ALL THE TIME.
AND THEY ALWAYS TRIED TO MAKE ME LAUGH ON THAT ROUNDTABLE THING.
NOTHIN' WAS EVER TOO FUNNY.
WAS THAT INTERESTING?
Man: YES.
EH...WHATEVER.
YEAH, I ALSO USED TO WANT TO MARRY SCOTT BAIO.
OH, YOU LOOK GREAT!
WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO BE?
I TOLD YOU, HONEY. YOU'RE ALFALFA OF THE LITTLE RASCALS.
I WANT TO BE THE TERMINATOR.
NO! NO D.J., EVERYBODY'S THE TERMINATOR. YOU LOOK CUTE.
I DON'T WANT TO LOOK CUTE.
HONEY, LET ME.
WE THOUGHT THAT D.J. HAD A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT.
OR MICHAEL FISHMAN.
UNTIL WE FOUND OUT IN I THINK IT WAS THE 3rd SEASON
THAT HE HAS A RUSSIAN ACCENT.
THAT WAS VERY SHOCKING.
WE WERE, LIKE, OH, 'CAUSE HIS GRANDFATHER WAS, YOU KNOW,
FROM CHINA AND RUSSIA, AND HE SPOKE WITH A HEAVY ACCENT,
AND MICHAEL HUNG OUT WITH HIM A LOT.
AND WE'D GO, OH, IT'S A RUSSIAN ACCENT.
IT'S NOT A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT.
THEN YOU JUST DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT AND LEAVE ME OUT OF IT.
HE'S SO CUTE.
I JUST DON'T GET IT ANYMORE, DAN.
YEAH. I REMEMBER WHEN HALLOWEEN USED TO MEAN SOMETHIN' AROUND HERE.
REMEMBER WHEN WE USED TO THROW FLAMING BAGS OF DOG DOO
OVER ON THE HENDERSONS' LAWN AS A FAMILY?
HALLOWEEN WAS THE FAMILY'S RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY.
AS JOHN GOODMAN SAID ON LARRY KING, "THEY WERE SATANISTS."
BUT I LOVED HALLOWEEN WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.
I JUST LOVED IT.
IT WAS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY, AND IT STILL IS.
I THINK IT'S ABOUT THE CANDY MORE THAN IT IS ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE.
HOW AWESOME IT IS TO GO DOOR TO DOOR AND, LIKE,
DEMAND THAT PEOPLE GIVE YOU CANDY.
IT'S JUST THE GREATEST HOLIDAY.
WHOEVER CAME UP WITH THAT WAS A GENIUS.
I WILL TURN YOU INTO A SCIENCE EXPERIMENT GONE BERSERK.
NO, THANKS. SORRY. WHAT'S WITH THE BLOOD?
OH, I KILLED DAN.
OF COURSE.
LAURIE. IT WAS SO FUN TO WORK WITH LAURIE EVERY DAY.
YOU NEVER KNEW WHAT SHE WAS GONNA DO.
YOU NEVER KNEW HOW SHE WAS GONNA REACT.
SHE REALLY WAS STARTING TO BE REALLY FUNNY AROUND...
SHE WAS ALWAYS FUNNY, BUT 4th SEASON,
WE WERE REALLY PUSHIN' IT FOR LAURIE
BECAUSE WE JUST LOVED TO WATCH WHAT SHE CAME UP WITH.
AND WE DECIDED IN 4th SEASON
THAT WE WANTED HER TO BE MORE LIKE BARNEY FIFE
WHO, YOU KNOW, SHE LOVED--
THE KIND OF LIKE HAVING THE BIG SELF-ESTEEM
AND NOT A LOT OF STUFF TO BACK IT UP WITH.
SO WE MADE HER A TRUCKER AND ALL KINDS OF THINGS LIKE THAT
TO WATCH HER DO THE BARNEY FIFE TAKES.
AND WE ACTUALLY TOOK, UM... GOD, I'M IGNORANT.
WHAT'S HIS NAME THAT PLAYED BARNEY FIFE? WHAT'S HIS NAME?
Man: DON KNOTTS.
DON KNOTTS. I'M SO OLD, I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING.
BUT SHE ACTUALLY, LIKE, WOULD TAKE HIM TO LUNCH
AND TALK TO HIM AND INTERVIEW HIM ABOUT, LIKE,
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF BARNEY FIFE.
SHE REALLY, REALLY GOT IT IN THE 4th SEASON.
IT WAS SO HILARIOUS.
A GIRL BARNEY FIFE. WE THOUGHT THAT WAS AWESOME.
MOM.
WHERE ARE MY HAND GRENADES?
IN YOUR BOTTOM DRAWER. WHERE ELSE WOULD THEY BE?
OH, YEAH, RIGHT.
THAT WAS A FUNNY LINE.
WE HAD A HAND GRENADE IN THE SINK BEHIND ME...
WE PUT THERE IN RIGHT NEXT TO THE ASPIRIN.
LOOKS LIKE I CAN'T SEE IT RIGHT NOW.
BUT, UH, THAT WAS IN CASE ROSEANNE EVER REALLY
HAD HAD ENOUGH. SHE WAS GONNA FALL ON THE GRENADE
AND TAKE THE WHOLE FAMILY AND THE NEIGHBORHOOD WITH HER.
WE HAD THE GREATEST, UH, WARDROBE PERSON--ERIN QUIGLEY,
AND, UH, ERIN CAME UP WITH ALL THE COSTUMES.
SHE, UH, WORKED WITH STEPPENWOLF THEATER AND WAS, UH, BROUGHT
TO OUR SHOW BY LAURIE METCALF,
WHO WAS A FOUNDER OF STEPPENWOLF THEATER,
A HUGE PRESTIGIOUS AND INCREDIBLE THEATER COMPANY IN CHICAGO.
SO IT'S ERIN THAT CAME UP WITH ALL THESE
AND DID THE DRAWINGS.
ERIN IS A GREAT ARTIST RIGHT NOW.
SHE'S DOING THESE PORTRAITS THAT ARE SOME OF THE GREATEST,
UH, ART YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
TRY TO COVER YOUR HAIR COLOR DU JOUR.
BUT IT WAS FUN WAITING TO SEE WHAT SHE WAS GONNA COME UP WITH.
I'M SORRY... BUT I PUT A LOT OF...
IN FACT, SOMETIMES WE SAY THAT THE ENTIRE SHOW
REALLY HAPPENED IN THE WARDROBE ROOM,
WHERE ME, LAURIE, AND ERIN AND MARY QUIGLEY,
WHO WERE THE WARDROBE PEOPLE,
WE'D SIT AND GO, "HERE'S SOMETHIN' WE SHOULD DO.
HERE'S SOMETHIN' WE SHOULD DO."
AND, UH, THEN WE'D TAKE IT TO THE WRITERS.
SO, EVERYONE HUNG OUT IN THE WARDROBE ROOM.
IT WAS RIGHT NEXT TO THE CRAFT SERVICE,
AND YOU'D GO GET YOUR COFFEE AND YOUR DONUT AND GO IN THERE.
ARNIE, DID HE SEE ME?
I DON'T THINK SO.
BUT I WOULDN'T HANG NEAR THE FREE FOOD TOO LONG.
OK. RIGHT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BOTH CAME AS CHER.
Arnie: JACKIE. JACKIE.
SO CLOSE.
I GOT A SITUATION HERE.
OH, THERE'S TOM ARNOLD AS ELVIS. I REMEMBER THAT.
I THINK THAT'S WHERE HE DYED HIS HAIR BLACK IN REAL LIFE
AND, UH, WAS REALLY WANTIN' TO LOOK LIKE ELVIS THERE.
IN REAL LIFE, HE DYED HIS HAIR BLACK
AND WANTED TO LOOK LIKE ELVIS.
OK, EVERYBODY, QUIET, PLEASE.
PLEASE, EVERYBODY, QUIET.
COME ON. WOULD EVERYBODY GET A SEAT, PLEASE?
THIS GUY WAS GREAT.
NOW HE'S MOVED ON. HE'S A BIG DIRECTOR.
OF COURSE, I CAN'T REMEMBER HIS NAME, EITHER.
BUT HE WAS GOOD. HE WAS A FUNNY, GOOD ACTOR.
HE WAS IN EVERYTHING.
HE ALWAYS PLAYS, LIKE, SOME KIND OF A FBI INVESTIGATOR
IN ALL THE MOVIES. I DON'T REMEMBER HIS NAME.
HE WAS SO AWESOME AND NICE...FUNNY.
HE WAS A FUNNY GUY. NOW HE'S A SERIOUS ACTOR.
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
THANK YOU.
WHATEVER.
BUT THE SHOW MUST GO ON,
SO HERE THEY ARE, FRESH FROM THE CEMETERY--
PLEASE WELCOME...
HE'S A DIRECTOR, TOO.
EDGAR BERGAN AND...
HE IS A HANDSOME MAN, ISN'T HE?
NOW WE'RE ALL OLD.
OH, THIS WAS FUN.
THIS WAS REALLY FUN. I REMEMBER THIS.
HEY, EVERYBODY. WELL, IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE.
I GOT TO ACT LIKE A PUPPET.
SO THIS IS HELL. IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.
NOW, MORTY, I TOLD YOU...
THESE WERE SOME GOOD JOKES, TOO, AS I RECALL.
SAY, ISN'T THAT ARNIE?
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GO TO HELL.
GOOD JOKE. THESE ARE SOME GOOD JOKES.
WHY, LOOK. ISN'T THAT JACKIE OVER THERE?
SAY, I HEAR SHE...
I THINK I WAS IN MY...
WELL, THAT'S A SWITCH--
JACKIE IN THE FRONT SEAT WITH HER FEET ON THE FLOOR.
[CHUCKLES]
I LIKED BEING A PUPPET.
I LIKE HAVING GOODMAN BEIN' MY, UH, WHATEVER-- WHATEVER YOU CALL IT--
VENTRILOQUIST.
HIT IT, DEADGAR.
♪ DUN-DUN DUN-DUN DUN DUN ♪
"DEADGAR." I REMEMBER THAT.
♪ WELL, I COME FROM 6 FEET UNDER ♪
♪ WITH A DEAD GUY ON MY KNEE ♪
♪ I'M HEADIN' DOWN TO HADES... ♪
I THINK JOHN WROTE THIS SONG.
♪ HEY THERE, DEADGAR, I THINK IT'S PLAIN TO SEE ♪
♪ WE BOUGHT A CARDBOARD CASKET AND THE WORMS ARE EATIN' ME ♪
I REMEMBER JOHN, LIKE, ONE TIME, IN A TAG,
HE JUST SAT DOWN AND, LIKE,
AD-LIBBED THIS WHOLE RAP ABOUT KELLOGG'S CORN FLAKES,
AND IT WAS SO BRILLIANT.
WELL, YOU WON THE GRAND PRIZE AGAIN.
WAS THERE EVER ANY DOUBT?
50 BUCKS. WOW!
WHAT'D THE COSTUME COST YOU, A HUNDRED?
WELL, WE DON'T DO IT FOR THE MONEY, OK?
WE DO IT FOR THE ENVY.
WELL, YOU WERE A CONVINCING DUMMY.
HA HA HA HA!
♪ JEALOUS, JEALOUS, JEALOUS ♪
HONEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
OH, MY GOD, IT'S THE BOWMANS.
HERE SHE IS, THE RICH LADY AGAIN.
IT WAS WEIRD FOR ME BECAUSE
I REALLY WAS HANGING OUT WITH
MORE AND MORE RICH PEOPLE EVERY PLACE I WENT.
ACTUALLY, I THINK THAT, UH...
THIS CHARACTER WAS PATTERNED AFTER MY BOSS ON THIS SHOW--
MARCY CARSEY,
WHO'S VERY EAST COAST AND, UH, CLASSY.
AND I WAS TRYING TO LEARN A THING OR TWO FROM HER AT THAT TIME.
I WAS TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO GO OUT TO LUNCH
AND NOT EAT WITH MY FINGERS.
STAY ALERT, DAN.
CATHY'S OVER THERE PLOTTING REVENGE.
BUT AT LEAST WE KNOW ABOUT IT,
SO WE'VE GOT THE EDGE.
IS THIS THE ONE WHERE GEORGE CLOONEY'S...
RELAX AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.
HUH? HE'S THE MOOSE.
WE WANTED GEORGE BACK.
THEY F--THEY GOT RID OF GEORGE,
AND WE WANTED HIM BACK,
AND I WAS LIKE, "GET THAT GUY BACK."
AND THEY GO, "WE DON'T HAVE ANY THIS AND THAT.
WE CAN'T WRITE, BLAH BLAH."
THEY HAD A MILLION EXCUSES.
I GO, "THAT GUY IS GORGEOUS. GET HIM BACK."
AND I KEPT FIGHTING AND PUSHING, AND THEY WERE ALL
RESISTING IT, THE WRITERS.
AND FINALLY THEY RELENTED AND SAID THEY'D HAVE GEORGE BACK,
'CAUSE THEY REALLY DIDN'T THINK HE WAS ANYTHING ALL THAT SPECIAL,
WHICH I LOVE!
AND SO THEY FINALLY BROUGHT GEORGE BACK,
AND THEY MADE HIM WEAR A MOOSE SUIT THE WHOLE TIME,
AND BY THEN IT WAS TOO LATE FOR ME TO DO ANY MORE FIGHTING.
THEY'D ALWAYS FIGHT WITH ME TILL, LIKE, IT WAS TOO LATE,
AND I WOULD END UP SITTING IN MY TRAILER WRITING THE JOKES MYSELF,
'CAUSE THEY'D GO, "OH, WE THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS" OR WHATEVER.
THEY WANTED TO JUST DO WHAT THEY WANTED TO DO,
AND...THEY ALL THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY SOMETIMES.
THEY THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY THAT I THOUGHT GEORGE CLOONEY WAS GORGEOUS
AND WAS GONNA BE HUGE.
AH, HA HA!
SO THEY PUT HIM IN A MOOSE SUIT.
IT STILL MAKES ME MAD WHEN I THINK OF IT.
AND GEORGE WAS REALLY MAD, TOO, AND HE GOES, YOU KNOW,
"THANKS, ROSEANNE, BUT I THINK I'LL MOVE ON."
THERE'S CLOONEY IN THE DAMN MOOSE SUIT.
IT'S MY LIFE. IF I WANT...
TOO BAD PEOPLE DON'T LISTEN TO ME.
THIS GETS ME ALL GOIN'.
IF PEOPLE WOULD LISTEN TO ME...I SWEAR...
HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S PERFECT FOR ME?
I JUST GOT THIS...
I'M JUST SO PROUD OF GEORGE.
I WANT TO SAY THAT. I'M REALLY PROUD OF HIM.
HE'S A--NOT ONLY IS HE A HANDSOME
AND GORGEOUS AND TALENTED ACTOR, DIRECTOR,
AND WHATEVER THE HELL ELSE HE'S GOT GOIN',
HE'S FUNNIER THAN HELL. WE USED TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN ON THE SHOW.
GEORGE, UH...HE'S QUITE A PRACTICAL JOKER,
AND HE REALLY WAS FUN TO WORK WITH.
THAT'S WHY WE ALL MISSED HIM SO MUCH.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY WOULD DO THIS TO THE MOST GORGEOUS GUY IN THE WORLD?
THEY'D MAKE HIM WEAR A MOOSE HEAD?
I GOT YOUR CALL.
I SHOULD'VE FIRED THOSE WRITERS.
I'D FIRE 'EM RIGHT NOW IF I COULD... FOR THIS.
THAT'S GEORGE CLOONEY IN THERE, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
WHERE'S ROSIE?
WHERE'S CATHY?
SHE WENT OUT TO THE CAR TO GET A SWEATER.
THEN ROSIE'D BE OUT IN THE BUSHES WATCHIN' HER.
SHE THINKS CATHY'S GONNA GET EVEN WITH US
FOR THAT TRIP WE PULLED ON HER.
OH, BOY. I GOTTA TELL YOU, DAN...
HEY, THAT'S DANTON STONE.
HE'S FUNNIER 'N HELL, THAT GUY.
I PUT HIM IN JACKIE THOMAS,
WHICH I DID AFTER THE ROSEANNE SHOW...
SHOW I PRODUCED. HE WAS GOOD IN THAT.
WHY DID YOU CALL ME IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO SEE ME?
WHO WOULD LOOK AT GEORGE CLOONEY
AND NOT THINK THAT THAT GUY WAS A HUGE MOVIE STAR?
...NOT MY SISTER.
CAN ANYONE ANSWER ME THAT QUESTION?
HERE I AM. LET'S TALK.
LOOK AT THAT FACE.
NO, BUT I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT SHOWED UP.
LOOK AT THAT GUY.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN THERE RIGHT NOW DRESSED AS MADONNA
WHO COULD VERY WELL BE TIM BREWER.
I MADE A MISTAKE. ALL RIGHT? LET'S JUST FORGET IT.
COME HERE. COME HERE. SIT DOWN.
THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I'VE BEEN WANTING TO ASK YOU
SINCE WE BROKE UP. [SIGHS]
WHY'D WE BREAK UP?
YOU WERE SEEIN' SOMEBODY ELSE.
SO IT WAS MY FAULT. I WAS AFRAID OF THAT.
HI, CATHY.
YOUR SISTER... IS INSANE.
ROSEANNE'S NEW NEIGHBOR. AH.
THOSE ARE THE KIND OF LINES THEY GAVE US.
HEY! HEY!
THEY SHOULD'VE HAD ME HAVIN' AN AFFAIR
WITH GEORGE CLOONEY OR SOMETHIN' GOOD LIKE THAT.
THEY SHOULD'VE LISTENED. I SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF IT.
HEY, YOU LOOK GREAT! WHAT'VE YOU BEEN UP TO? WELL--
OH, I CAN'T TALK TO YOU NOW.
NOBODY EVER BOUGHT THAT.
JERRY, LET'S GO HOME.
BYE, DAN. BYE, JER.
OH, LEAVING SO SOON, CATHY?
OR IS THAT JUST WHAT YOU WANT ME TO THINK?
ROSEANNE, WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?
YOU KNOW, HALLOWEEN SHOW...
THAT WAS, LIKE I SAY, SACROSANCT,
SO THEY WOULD START THINKIN' ABOUT HALLOWEEN
AT THE VERY BEGINNING OF THE SEASON
'CAUSE IT WAS ABOUT 6 WEEKS INTO THE SEASON,
SO WE WERE ALWAYS GIVING THE HALLOWEEN SHOW
THE MOST OUT OF ANY OTHER EPISODE OF THE SEASON.
...SO I DID.
MARRIED PEOPLE DO THINGS LIKE THAT FOR ONE ANOTHER.
OH, DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH!
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, ROSEANNE,
THAT I'M NOT GOING TO WASTE ONE IOTA OF ENERGY IN GETTING YOU BACK?
I THINK I'M BETTER THAN THAT.
JERRY...COME.
BYE, DAN. BYE, JER.
OH, SURE, YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME NOW,
BUT WHEN YOU REMEMBER THE TERRIBLE THING THAT I DID TO YOU TODAY,
YOU WILL SINK TO MY LEVEL LIKE A ROCK!
I THINK I WAS GETTING, UH...
MORE CONFIDENT IN, UH, ACTING.
WHY WOULDN'T SHE GET ME BACK AFTER I GOT HER?
WHAT, IS SOMETHIN' WRONG WITH ME?
AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO GET?
THE FIRST COUPLE SEASONS, UH...YOU KNOW...
I JUST GOT THE LINES, SO I'D STAND THERE AND DELIVER 'EM.
BUT THEN THEY GOT MORE CONFIDENT
AND STARTED GIVING ME THINGS TO...
LIKE, ACTUALLY... DO SOMETHING WITH.
...GET ME BACK, AND IT'LL BE REALLY LAME.
WHICH WAS NICE BECAUSE... YOU KNOW, I WORKED WITH SUCH GREAT ACTORS.
IT'S, UH, PRETTY COOL THAT THEY...
THEY WOULD GIVE ME THE TIME OF DAY THEN...
AGAINST JOHN AND LAURIE AND...THE REST OF 'EM.
IT WAS SO FUN TO WORK WITH GOODMAN.
YEOW! YEOW! YEOW! YEOW!
HE'S SO FUNNY.
WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
SNAKES. SNAKES IN THE BED.
AND WE JUST BOUGHT THAT BED, TOO.
NOW IT'S COVERED ALL WITH SNAKES, SWEAT, AND STUFF.
YOU GO GET 'EM OUT OF THERE.
NO, YOU GET 'EM OUT. NO! YOU'RE THE MAN!
ICK!
SHE'S GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME!
SNAKES BITE AND SQUEEZE!
CATHY'S TRYIN' TO KILL US!
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
CATHY ISN'T TRYING TO KILL YOU.
YEAH, WE ARE.
THE HALLOWEEN EPISODE WAS ALWAYS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR.
I LOVED IT SO MUCH. THAT'S WHEN WE HAD
A LOT OF, UH, I GUESS YOU'D CALL IT
FREEDOM OR POETIC LICENSE OR WHATEVER.
AND WE ALWAYS DID A LOT OF, UH,
YOU KNOW, MORE IRONY AND, UH...
AND, UH, KINDA SARCASTIC ATTITUDE AND STUFF.
WE HAD SOME REALLY GOOD JOKES,
AND, UH, WE ALWAYS PUSHED IT.
AND I THINK THAT IT WAS, UH...
UM...
OUR BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN
REMEMBERED US ON THE HOLIDAY.
THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR FOR ALL OF US.
IT'S VERY FUN.
TO THINK YOU HAD TO WORRY ABOUT CATHY.
[LAUGHING] YEAH.
'COURSE, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, DAN.
SHE'S STILL OUT THERE.
[WOLF HOWLS]
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
WE WERE ALWAYS KNOWN FOR OUR TAGS.
WE STARTED, LIKE, REALLY MAKING THE TAG,
LIKE, REALLY FUNNY, ALMOST BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL
EVERY TIME AT THE END OF EVERY SHOW.
WE WERE REALLY HOT ON THE TAGS
THAT HAPPEN AT THE END OF THE SHOW
WHEN YOU COME BACK FOR JUST A MINUTE BEFORE THE SHOW'S OVER.
AND WE REALLY STARTED TO USE THE TAG
AS, UM, KIND OF LIKE A BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL THING
WEEK AFTER WEEK AFTER WEEK,
AND WE SO LOOKED FORWARD TO THE TAG.
WHEN WE CAME IN TO READ THE SCRIPT,
WE'D, YOU KNOW, ALWAYS GO DIRECTLY TO THE TAG
AND START THINKING ABOUT THAT.
AND I HAD THIS FANTASY THAT WE WOULD DO
A WHOLE SHOW THAT WAS ALL TAG
WITH JUST 2 MINUTES OF ACTUAL SHOW.
IT JUST WAS SO FUN.
IT'S WHERE WE REALLY DID OUR FUN, CRAZY STUFF.
[CAT MEOWS] Dan: OK, THERE SHE IS,
EVER VIGILANT, EVER PARANOID. [MEOW]
SHE SPOTS THE BAIT. [MEOW]
AND REALIZING HOW LAME THE TRICK IS
AND HOW EASY IT WAS TO DETECT...
WAVES OF SUPERIORITY WASH OVER HER.
[MEOW]
WHAT NOW?
ONE OF TWO THINGS.
EITHER SHE JUST WON'T OPEN THE DOOR, OR...
BECKY, IT'S FOR YOU!
PERFECT! [MEOW]
SHE GETS EVEN FOR THE SNAKES.
WHAT DO YOU GUYS DO FOR THANKSGIVING AROUND HERE?
OH, LOOK! A LITTLE KITTY! [MEOW]
OH, THEY INVENTED THIS PUMPKIN THING FOR ME, TOO,
PEOPLE FROM MY HOMETOWN OF SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH,
WHO, LIKE--PEOPLE REALLY GET INTO HALLOWEEN THERE
AND CRAFTS AND STUFF.
AND IT WAS THE FIRST TIME YOU SAW A PUMPKIN LIKE THAT
THAT WAS CARVED OUT, LIKE, THAT INTRICATELY.
NOW THEY'RE EVERYWHERE NOW.
THEY SELL LITTLE TINY RAZORS.
I WISH I HAD A DOLLAR FOR EVERYTHING
THAT STARTED ON THE ROSEANNE SHOW
THAT I DON'T HAVE A DOLLAR FOR.
WHATEVER.
AM I DONE?