Summertime love It's gonna get me down
Summertime is right For touching in the night
Girl, won't you feel my summertime? Come on and touch my summertime
Stan, are you okay?
Yeah, Dad, we're just rehearsing our band.
I thought a group of Vietnamese people
were having their intestines pulled out through their mouths.
He's right, dude, we have to define our style
if we're ever going to make a platinum album.
I mean, I'm a fusion guy, but Kenny's background is more Latin-jazz.
Yeah, and I'm more hip-hop and R&B-oriented.
I think our band better buy a whole bunch of music CDs
to listen to for inspiration.
Inspiration... Wait a minute, that's it. Inspiration, you guys. Don't you see?
- See what? - Our band should play Christian rock.
- Christian rock? - Think about it.
It's the easiest, crappiest music in the world, right?
If we just play songs about how much we love Jesus,
all the Christians will buy our crap.
- That's a retarded idea, Cartman. - It worked for Creed.
I don't wanna be in a stupid Christian rock band.
You just start that way, Stan, then you cross over. It's genius!
Just get the hell out of here, Cartman.
You're not serious, and you're a detriment to the band.
Oh, yeah? I will bet you 10 bucks that if I start a Christian rock band
I can get a platinum album before you guys do.
- You're on, fat boy! - Okay, fine! Ready?
First one to have a platinum album wins. Go!
What a stupid asshole.
Platinum album. Platinum album.
Gotta make a Platinum album before Kyle.
Hi, Eric.
Butters, get your drum set and meet me at my house.
We have to make a platinum album. Hurry, Butters!
No time to waste. Platinum album! Must beat Kyle.
Token! Get the bass guitar out of your basement
and meet me over at my house.
What? We don't have a bass guitar.
Your family's black, Token.
There's bound to be a bass guitar in your basement somewhere.
Boy, you sure seem driven, Eric. You must really have some inspiration.
Yes, the tears of Kyle Broflovski when he loses his $10 to me.
Hey, there was a bass guitar in my basement.
- I told you, Token. - So what are we doing?
Gentlemen, we are about to embark on the most amazing, life-affirming,
financially wind-falling experiences of our young lives.
Wow!
We are going to start a Christian rock band.
- I'm out. - Wait!
Walk out that door, Token, and you'll regret it the rest of your life!
Christians have a built-in audience of over 180 million Americans.
If each one of them bought just one of our albums
at $12.95 that would be...
$2,331,000,000.
Still want to leave, Token?
Thank you.
Dad, can I borrow $300?
$300? What in the world for?
Our band can't find a stylistic direction to go in.
We need to go down to the mall to buy hundreds of CDs to listen to
so we can define our sound.
Sorry, Kyle, we gave you your allowance already.
Can't you see this is my dream? Music is my life!
It wasn't your life yesterday.
Look, Pops, I've got the music inside me. It's in my soul.
And I know my place is up on that stage. I'm gonna make it to the top.
- And I just want your blessing, Pops. - The answer is no, Kyle.
- Come on, Dad, don't be such a Jew! - Kyle! Don't belittle your own people!
- Hey, dude. - It didn't work.
My stupid Jew dad won't lend me money for CDs.
No, dude, it's cool. Kenny says you can download music for free on the Internet!
- Really? - You got a computer?
See, everyone on the Internet copies music from their CDs,
and then we can download them for free and play them on the computer.
All right, cool.
Let's download some Metallica and some Stevie Wonder.
Kenny's right, we should download some Judas Priest, too.
Judas Priest.
Wow, downloading music for free is awesome.
- What the hell is that? - I don't know, let me check...
Freeze! FBI!
Down on the ground! Down on the ground!
Hands! Let me see those hands!
Tango team is at point bravo! Suspects in custody!
Move, move, move, move!
Keep your hands up! Get your hands up!
- Kyle, what did you do? - I don't know!
All right, guys, this is going to be so easy.
All we have to do to make Christian songs is take regular old songs
and add Jesus stuff to them.
See? All we have to do is cross out words like "baby" and "darling"
and replace them with
"Jesus. "
All right, Butters, give me a beat.
Okay, nice, very nice. All right, Token, give me a smooth bass line.
I don't know how to play bass.
Token, how many times do we have to go through this?
- You're black. You can play bass. - I'm getting sick of your stereotypes.
Be as sick as you want, just give me a goddamn bass line!
God damn it.
All right. Nice, fellas, nice.
I need you in my life, Jesus
I can't live without you, Jesus
And I just want to feel you deep inside me, Jesus
Awesome!
- Sir? - Shut up!
You downloaded a lot of songs.
Says here you even downloaded Judas Priest.
That's hard time you boys are looking at.
You got anything to say for yourselves?
We didn't think it was that big a deal.
Not a big deal?
You think downloading music for free is not a big deal?
Put your coats on. I'm gonna show you something,
and I don't think you're gonna like it.
This is the home of Lars Ulrich, the drummer for Metallica.
Look, there's Lars now, sitting by his pool.
What's the matter with him?
This month he was hoping to have a gold-plated shark tank bar installed
right next to the pool. But thanks to people downloading his music for free,
he must now wait a few months before he can afford it.
Come, there's more.
Here is Britney Spears' private jet. Notice anything?
Britney used to have a Gulfstream IV,
now she's had to sell it and get a Gulfstream III,
because people like you chose to download her music for free.
The Gulfstream llI doesn't even have a remote control
for its surround-sound DVD system.
Still think downloading music for free is no big deal?
We didn't realise what we were doing.
That is the folly of man.
Now look in this window.
Here you see the loving family of Master P.
Next week is his son's birthday,
and all he's ever wanted is an island in French Polynesia.
So, he's gonna get it, right?
I see an island without an owner. If things keep going the way they are,
the child will not get his tropical paradise.
We're sorry. We'll never download music for free again.
Man must learn to think of these horrible outcomes
before he acts selfishly, or else I fear
recording artists will be forever doomed to a life of only semi-luxury.
Almost there, guys.
Why the hell did you tell us to dress nice to take us out here?
Because, Token, we have to take pictures for our album cover.
The key to a hot selling Christian rock album
is a flashy, inspirational album cover.
Wow, neato! An album cover!
This Christian album better make as much money
as you said it would, tubby.
- I'm going to kill you one day, Token. - What did you say?
Nothing. All right, guys, stand over there and look wholesome and cool.
I have a timer on this thing so I can get in the shot, too.
Cheese!
No, no, no! Haven't you guys ever seen an album cover?
You're supposed to be standing in random places,
looking away, like you don't care.
Cheese!
No, Butters, you can't look happy on a album cover. That's not cool!
Token, look away to the right.
More. More.
Why the hell would I be looking way over there?
So it looks like you're too cool to care you're on an album cover,
you black asshole!
Now just hold it!
Our first album cover.
Don't ever leave me, Jesus I couldn't stand to see you go
My heart would simply snap, my Lord If you walked on out that door
I promise I'll be good to you
And keep you warm at night
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus why don't we just shut off the light?
Thanks for releasing them to us, Detective.
Sorry for all the trouble they caused.
It's all right. I think these boys learned their lesson.
- Boy, I'll say. - If you parents will just step over here,
you can pay their $400 release and penalty fees.
$400?
Just for downloading some songs off the Internet?
- It's not that big a deal. - Not a big deal, huh? Come with me.
I'm gonna show you something, and I don't think you're gonna like it.
Dude, I can't wait to just go back home and get back to band practise.
No! Didn't you guys learn anything?
Look, if we make an album, all that's gonna happen is that
people are gonna steal our songs for free off the Internet!
- We won't make a dime! - Oh, yeah.
Until we get people to stop downloading music for free, I say we refuse to play.
Tom, I'm standing in South Park, Colorado where the rock band Moop
has refused to play!
The strike started yesterday and could go well into next week.
Hey, guys, how's it going?
We're not letting you back in the band. Fuck off.
I don't want to be in your crappy band, guys.
I just wanted to let you know the album for my Christian rock band,
Faith +1, is about to go platinum.
- It is? - That's right.
We've already sold 13 copies.
You wanna pay me that $10 bet now, Kyle?
You get a platinum album for selling one million copies, you fat turd!
It's just a matter of time, my friends. This weekend is Christ-Fest,
the single largest gathering of Christians in the Midwest.
Each one of them a walking, praying wallet full of cash.
And I'll be there selling my album.
You'll never get a platinum album doing Christian rock, Cartman.
It was a stupid idea then, and it's a stupid idea now.
Yeah, you don't even know anything about Christianity.
I know enough to exploit it.
Just get that 10 bucks ready, Kyle. Ta-ta.
Go ahead. People will just download your songs for free
on the Internet, anyways!
What a dumbass. Our band is way cooler than his!
Psalm T-shirts! Get a T-shirt with your favourite psalm!
Leather bound bibles! Show your faith!
Yes, it's really the best Christian album that's ever been produced, actually.
This would be great for my grandchildren.
They need hip, cool music but with inspirational lyrics.
I think that's what the whole world needs. Praise Christ.
We're not really Christian. We're just pretending we are.
Butters, remind me later to cut your balls off.
All right, everyone! Welcome to Christ-Fest 2003!
Are you ready for some live music?
- Yeah, Jesus! - Feel the glory!
Then let's give it up now for one of Christian rock's biggest bands,
Trinity!
He's the shepherd and the light
And his word lifted me up
And I praise his holy name wherever I go
Damn it! If we're gonna sell our hot Christian album,
we have got to get on that stage!
Hey, is this the way to the backstage?
- Who are you? - We're the band Sanctified.
We play metal and punk but with lyrics that inspire faith in Christ.
Yeah, we prove that Christian music can be tough and hardcore.
Yeah, you guys are real hardcore.
You bet your gosh darn rear end we are.
All right, Sanctified? You guys are up next.
Yeah! Let's do it!
Sent down from heaven The spirit and the glory
Hey, guys, wait. We want to pray with you before you go onstage.
That's cool.
Always good to be praying before you're playing.
Let's just go over here so we can hear ourselves better.
Lord, father in heaven, we thank you for all your blessings...
Hey, Eric. I don't think they can get out.
All right, Christians, how are we feeling tonight?
Praise Jesus, praise him!
Well, let's keep this salvation train going with the hot band Sanctified.
Faith +1.
Apparently there's been a change. Give it up for Faith +1!
You know, Jesus, I've been thinking a lot about you lately.
Well, that's why I wrote this song.
I love you, Jesus I want you to walk with me
I'll take good care of you, baby Call you my baby, baby
You died for my sins, and you know that I would die for you, right?
What's the matter, baby? You're trembling, Jesus, baby
Your love is my light
You know when I'm without you There's a black hole in my life
I wanna believe it's all right But I get lonely in the night
And it's up to you to save me Jesus, baby
Dude, I didn't know being in a band was gonna be this tough.
Yeah, it's tough,
but it's times like these that you see what your band is made of.
We've gotta fight through the rough times, like Journey.
Tom, we're now entering the second day of the rock band Moop's
refusal to play and the second day of absolutely no other news to report on.
In a recent poll, we asked people if Moop's refusal to play
would stop them from downloading music off the Internet.
1% said yes, 2% said no, and 97% said, "Who the hell is Moop?"
Back to you, Tom.
Hey, are you the guys protesting free Internet music downloading?
Hey, it's that Lars Ulrich guy!
That's right, Metallica is behind you dudes 1,000%.
We're gonna sit here and protest with you until free downloading stops!
Tom, it appears now the musicians' strike is growing.
As I'm speaking, more musicians are arriving.
It looks like Alanis Morissette, Blink-182, Britney Spears
and dozens of others are going to join Moop in not playing music.
This is a veritable strikeaplooza!
Guys, we here at Faith Records were very moved
by your performance at Christ-Fest.
You're one of the most talented Christian rock bands we've ever heard.
Thank you so much. Christ has really blessed us with talent.
Yeah!
We just had one question, though. We were looking over some of your lyrics.
"I want to walk hand in hand with Jesus on a private beach for two. "
"I want him to nibble on my ear and say, "I'm here for you. "
- It seems you really love Christ. - Yes, we sure do.
No, but it appears you are actually in love with Christ.
Well, what are you saying, that you don't really love Christ?
Well, of course I do. I mean, I just...
Well, what's the difference? You love Christ.
You're in love with Christ. I mean, what the heck is this?
We just like to make sure the bands we sign
are in it for God and not for the money.
I resent that, sir. I have never in my life done anything just for the money.
If I'm lying, may the Lord strike me down right now.
That's all we needed to know.
Just sign here, and we'll get your album sold.
K- tal Records presents
the most inspirational Christian rock band in the world,
Faith +1.
Featuring the very best in good, wholesome Christian music.
Oh, Lord, you are my saviour
You know I miss you so much When you are gone
With great inspirational songs like I Wasn't Born Again Yesterday.
Yes, I may be born again But I wasn't born again yesterday
I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus
I want to feel his salvation all over my face
The CD is filled with instant classics. Who doesn't remember...
The body of Christ
Sleek swimmer's body All muscled up and toned
The body of Christ
Oh, what a body I wish I could call it my own
You're one time, two times Three times my saviour
Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross
I can't help but think that he looks kind of hot
This album is not available in stores
and limited quantities are available!
So order now!
I can't take this much longer. Maybe we're just not cut out to be in a band.
You guys, we can't give up on our dreams now!
As soon as this strike ends, we're gonna be the biggest band ever!
Yeah, if we all give in now,
people might never stop downloading our music for free!
I'm sure we're gonna get word any minute
that people have agreed to stop.
- Certified letter for the rock band Moop? - That's us!
"Dear Moop, this letter is to inform you
that Faith +1's debut album has just sold one million copies. "
What?
"We cordially invite you to attend the platinum album award ceremony,
which will be held tomorrow morning at 10:00."
"Details and proof of sales enclosed. "
"P.S. Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah,"
"ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. "
He did it. Cartman got a platinum album.
Is this for real? This is for real.
He beat us. Because all this time we've been so caught up
with how to protect our music that we forgot to just play.
But why play if we're not gonna make millions of dollars?
Because that's what real artists do.
People are always going to find a way to copy our music and swap it for free.
If we're real musicians,
then we should just play and be stoked that so many people are listening.
Besides, maybe our songs would have gotten downloaded for free,
but if they were good songs, then people still would've bought tickets
to see our band in concert.
From now on, Moop isn't about money, Moop is about music!
We're not striking any more. Who's with us?
We're just about the money.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
So, dude, what are you gonna do about your bet with Cartman?
- Are you gonna pay him? - I don't have a choice, dude.
I'm going to swallow my pride, face Cartman and say,
"Congratulations. You were right, " and I'm gonna give him the $10.
And hopefully, he won't make a big deal out of it.
Welcome! Welcome, everyone!
Please, enjoy! The presentation should begin shortly.
Cartman, what the hell is all this?
Our platinum album ceremony. I've spared no expense.
But you spent all the money we made!
We're Faith +1, Token. There'll be plenty more money.
Relax and enjoy, black asshole.
There's hors d'?uvre and drinks by the Ferris wheel, everyone!
Kyle, guys, so nice to see you!
Let's just get this over with, Cartman. You won the bet. Here's $10.
Oh, no, no, no. Not yet, Kyle. Hold on.
Everyone! Everyone, can I have your attention, please?
- Faith +1! - We love you! Praise Christ!
Yes, yes. Thank you, praise him. I think we're ready to start now.
Welcome to the presentation ceremony for Faith +1.
And now to present the award, here is Michael Collins.
- This is the worst day of my life. - This is the best day of my life.
Boys, in recognition of over one million records sold,
the Christian recording industry is pleased to present you with this
myrrh album.
Thank you. Wait, myrrh album?
I thought albums went either gold or platinum.
No, no, in Christian rock our albums go gold, then frankincense, then myrrh.
Congratulations!
Our bet was that you would get a platinum album, not a myrrh album!
I don't owe you anything, fat boy!
Do you mean to tell me I can't get a platinum album
with a Christian rock band?
No, but you can go double myrrh!
God damn it!
Oh, please don't take the Lord's name in vain!
Who cares? I can never win my bet, because you stupid assholes
don't give out platinum albums!
But you've spread the word of the Lord. You've brought faith in Jesus.
Fuck Jesus!
Eric, I'm pretty sure you shouldn't say the "F" word about Jesus.
Yeah, you're gonna hurt the band!
Who fuck cares, Token? I can never beat Kyle now!
I'll say it again! Fuck Jesus!
My ears are bleeding!
Good job, dickhead! You lost the entire audience!
Fuck you, Token. You black asshole!
Guess he got what he deserved.
Fuck you, Eric!