[Music]
good evening and welcome to the Alfred
Hitchcock hour this object plays an
important part in a new television
series we are in the process of creating
since the public or at least the
producers relish stories about the
military we will soon launch our own
series about world war two World War two
BC that is as Wars go I can't say this
is a favorite of mine I had hoped to get
one with a catchy title like the Wars of
the Roses or the whiskey rebellion but
of course they were snapped up long ago
this trend is not difficult to
understand if you know it is an
established fact that situations are
more dramatic and jokes are funnier if
the characters involved are dressed in
uniforms this explains a large number of
shows about nurses maids Butler's etc
naturally these remarks have nothing at
all to do with tonight's story they are
only meant to divert your attention so
that our sponsor can sneak up on you and
Harry is ready to pounce
[Music]
what happened mr. black John
this is the worst one yet Sandy's going
to raise I guess today morning at
breakfast
hurry up ahead you're late already three
times this week
I feel so lousy little sympathy huh
your own fault you don't have to go
through it every morning I don't who
will
and I couldn't find my lucky necktie the
one with the the stripe start your
breakfast I'll find it
[Music]
no head love wine
not first thing in the morning it's
cooking sherry I'm cooking with it the
whole purpose family recipe hadley
purposes instant morning joy I don't
think you're very amusing whiny did an
eye-opener there's nothing else around
the house I suppose no did you manage to
drink everything up the night before
here's your toy thank you my little help
me what would I do without you I don't
know but you may have the chance to find
out sandy don't be so serious
I am serious and you should be too
you're ruining your life and you're
ruining your career with your drinking
now just a minute it's my idea my
campaign the agency's presenting to the
client today it's just about your last
chance and you know it head I can't take
any more but you're drinking and
carrying on you make me sound like an
alcoholic you are don't say that don't
ever say that not you won't face it but
I have to the next time the very next
time you go on a binge I'm leaving you
for good sandy aw come on don't be so
mad sandy you can't you can't
[Music]
sandy morning honey
[Music]
you're not sandy well I should hope not
I'm Marian what you come from nice
present huh Santa didn't bring me you
did you want me to fix you some eggs
honey hmm
you could get out of here fast before my
wife finds you as she already your old
lady why worry you weren't wearing last
night
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
discussion are easy on the rocks we're
closing up it's close to tree
I don't Li wen if you know I want a
drink get out of here we don't want any
trouble you're a Fink
I think oh thanks oh thanks I'll buy all
big streaks big strings no semi you're a
Fink I don't think yeah I'll take care
of the drunk oh my all Fink strings
hey hey say mo Li all fix things honey
hey you want a drink I'll get you one
like the bottle maybe you must have pull
around this joint
it's just my good lucks where we going
let's sit down we have to be careful
about the drinks it's dark in here
let's be careful don't worry I'll take
care of you is that like Sandra know
what I sound like know and accept myself
what's your name honey pad head that's a
real mad lame what is it that one hairdo
had how many had enough I didn't mean to
make you sore honey you haven't even
told me that you like me yet I'm not
it's my error
my oversight my lungs I think you're
lovely you're gorgeous you're adorable
you're desirable you're the woman
all women rolled up into one yet I don't
even know your name
Marian oh that's a beautiful name Marian
shades Maid Marian herself let's run
away someplace
we'll start life anew in a forest el or
a desert island you know it's really no
fun at all being alone is it no but
we'll go away have plenty money no
worries
what do you think of that Sandra I think
you're starved
[Applause]
[Music]
you guys tell me the truth tell me what
happened you don't remember when we got
back here did you have a fight with
Sandra no I - sure didn't
she wasn't even here you know what I
don't miss her a bit
[Music]
I have to get to the office I'm late now
nothing on it no it's not okay when I
get back I want to find you gone no
there's no way to talk my name marry his
sweet child be reasonable Sandra finds
you here sh-she could sue me for broke
no dough no fun you wouldn't like that
would you
no but I like you you better go home
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
I'm afraid mr. Purvis you can't go in
there what do you mean
Albert I can't go into my own office I'm
sorry mr. Purvis those are mr.
Driscoll's orders he told me himself my
dad would get me mr. Driscoll on the
phone and he said he didn't want to talk
to you see that bad had when I'd save
yourself further embarrassment he
wouldn't believe me mr. hunter
oh well my old colleague what are you
doing in my office bill if you don't
remember you better come in
so no bill I always knew you wanted my
job I didn't think you'd get it
overnight I didn't get your job had you
kicked yourself out of it I'm fired
that's it and you can't blame Dave
Driscoll yeah and the Colton Bunch
didn't like the campaign well
don't interrupt me bill whole kit and
caboodle newspapers magazines radio
television it's all my idea
I'll work on it for a full eight months
do you mean to tell me that you don't
remember that you were staggering drunk
at that presentation what are you
putting on an act no bill I don't
remember I don't remember if you say so
that doesn't make any difference not
anymore
you really ripped it you ripped it but
good it started in the bar in the
convention room at the hotel
[Music]
have a very dry martini please
sorry sir but the bar was closed and
meeting started that's odd
I'm the meeting and I just got here well
maybe they don't know that gates the
best available estimate in the various
media as you can see for yourselves now
in magazines we have fourteen million
two hundred and seventy thousand six
hundred and sixteen newspapers 174
million nine hundred and twenty two
thousand seven hundred and seven four
radio spots sixty-eight thousand yes sir
sixty-eight million nine hundred and
nineteen thousand four hundred and forty
five you ever seen me make a ten dollar
bill appear nope turn around
[Music]
alright well thank you sir I need a
glass do you have one on your head I may
not be Houdini but I'm working at it
outdoor billboards and so on a seven
million two hundred and forty three
thousand five hundred and fifty five
television three hundred and thirty
seven million seven hundred and eighty
thousand three hundred and twenty two
making a grand total of six hundred and
three million one hundred and thirty six
thousand six hundred and forty-one and
with this combined impact in all the
media confined to the post announcement
six weeks than the cost per viewer or
listener is reduced to to a very
respectable minimum are there any
questions
oh good I thought there wouldn't be I
think the little handful of we passed
out is a very explicit we've tried to
indicate exactly what we have in mind
for the entire campaign and of course we
intend to give everyone certain amount
of leeway his own area well let's let's
all turn to page 19 shall we have a
little booklet did you have in your
hands there now on page 19 which is in
reference to billboards outdoor spots we
are carrying on they I think of other
subtle campaign there we had with a
double view big good evening William
Driscoll's been looking all over for you
he's beginning get pretty sore that
means been going on in there for about
two hours yes I heard Cushman putting
everybody to sleep you know next year
we've got to get an alarm clock account
to keep our other clients awake there
may not be a next year don't be so grim
what you need is a drink old man fix
this fellow up Matt now all right hand
you can't pretend not to know how
important this is
I know then act like it all right had
you're here the whole ball of wax is
yours
we've been stalling till you got here on
with the dance now everything's riding
on this if you have any doubts bill old
buddy take me to your leader okay I'll
kill Driscoll you ready
are you alright I'm fine and lay off the
Inquisition
we've tried to make it so that everyone
concerned a certain amount of initiative
and the campaign in his own area however
there are certain guidelines that we
tried to put down so that there'll be
more or less a unanimity of approach
throughout the entire country at our
latest campaign drove picture oh yes
yeah
ordinary water glass kill miss recommend
you to all the youth hostels thank you
well gentlemen we've heard from
marketing and Merchandising and now we
come to the high point of our campaign
the sales messages themselves which will
blast out additional sales from a highly
competitive market for coltan cars and
I'll the man who is responsible for this
campaign our creative director mr.
Hadley Purvis
[Applause]
anything happened on the way the office
drained enough to stop the drought
though supposed to have a flip-flop here
where's the flip-flop it's backstage had
are you sure yes I saw it well if you
saw it that's good enough for me Oh see
you're in a grand piano try taking that
home the subway sometime rush-hour
now this agency client presentation is
important because it will determine
later be shown in the dealer meetings
throughout the country the dealers
[Music]
Oh mm-hmm
as I was saying
and I was saying we considered discarded
31 different themes for this new
campaign before finally determining upon
the Colton cosmic opening the Space Age
to the highways Colton cosmic out of
this world with a cosmic question and
mr. Blake would like to ask you a
question
certainly I'm I'm a little confused mr.
Purvis you said the new theme was going
to be the Colton cosmic opening the
Space Age to the highways but now you
indicate out of this world with the
cosmic I don't understand
yes I did say that mr. Blake and there's
a good reason very good reason just one
minute now
you asked me why we have two different
themes oh we don't have to dip it you
don't have two different themes but the
same theme put differently is that clear
no I'm sorry but it isn't well let me
see if I can put it a different way then
we have own cosmic opening the Space Age
to the highways then we have the other
one out of this world with a cosmic now
[Applause]
here we have again as you can see
opening the Space Age tetra tetra Tech
Oh mr. Blake I had a saying that the
theme opening the space age to the
highways is for magazines and newspapers
the other is for radio and TV it's one
way of putting it as a matter of fact
it's correct if that answers your
question mr. Blake oh not quite mr.
Purvis why use another slogan for radio
and TV right now you asked me a very
good question like the theme out of this
world with a cosmic is better adapted to
music exactly
I'll thank you mr. hunter let me handle
the explanations
miss Blake who would ever try to sing
but music oh this work
um no uh Colton cosmic opening the Space
Age do the highways voice isn't very
good now we try out of this world with a
Cosme
good mean well gentlemen we may as well
continue this meeting after dinner it's
late and I'm sure we're all hungry
anything you say David I could also use
some fresh air and that drink see you
later Bob
go home Purvis you're through and don't
bother to clean out your desk we'll send
your things in your check no I didn't
think you had enough nerve to fire me
Patsy I'm not worried
but a lot of other people whose job you
put in jeopardy are you're a clever man
Purvis a real personality kid but this
town is full of clever men who can hold
their liquor goodbye
[Music]
completing the first half of our play
has so exhausted our actors that they
need a rest
however in television it is a cardinal
sin to allow the viewer a single moment
when his ears and eyes are not assaulted
by sound and fury therefore we shall now
ask your local stations to take up the
battle and now ladies and gentlemen a
commercial after which we shall show a
few scenes from this week's show I
remember there is nothing more to saying
is there wrong I need a drink
[Music]
mr. purpose Albert to what do I owe the
intrusion well I I didn't get a chance
to talk to you before you left the
office and I wanted to tell you how
sorry I was about how all this worked
out
thank you very much Alvin very very kind
well well mr. Driscoll came in so angry
this morning I see I didn't want to tell
you couldn't go I understand her but
that's very nice of you to tell me thank
you very much you know we're gonna miss
you around there you've helped me an
awful lot you've been very nice to me
and yeah you know I've learned something
from you I've taught you abstemious
beware of demon rom Albert you know mr.
Driscoll doesn't believe in in paying us
very much I don't know how to say this I
don't want to trouble you with this at
this time but well do you remember the
errand you sent me on hmm yes you know
that that day that you had a cold oh you
remember you came to mean you you told
me you had a cold and you sent me out to
the to the liquor store yes well well I
had to pay for that out of my own pocket
how much do I owe ya Bert oh well I have
a receipt right here
I don't want the receipt just tell me
how much I owe you seven dollars and 70
cents
by your mother at present say thank you
mr. Ferguson
you're not I'm sorry I bothered you at a
time like this Thank You Albert
well mr. Purvis I don't want the receipt
out of it oh this isn't mine at fallow
your wallet
the sweater rama buttered i buy for $10
make it hard as to bought it some time
last night
[Music]
thank you very much helping well thank
you mr. Purvis and and good luck
[Music]
hello good evening
this is sweater Amma isn't it I must
have gotten this here what do you want
to do exchange it I'm not surprised I
thought you would
hey you two look ha have I seen you
before you certainly have
last night that's right you waited on me
[Music]
good evening sir may I help you
[Music]
may I ask you a question certainly sir
you think I'm drunk why no sir
not necessarily oh I drink it too before
dinner perhaps
mmm is is that all your mom can't go
shopping right don't can't buy anything
I'm sober I'm perfectly sober my by
something prove I'm not drunk right well
I suppose it is I can't say I was drunk
rooted Briscoe and Blake are not drunk
I'm sure I don't know what you're
talking about a nice present here we
have a string of genuine cultured pearls
exquisite mm-hmm solid gold clasp only
$50 no it's too much
everybody say I was drunk I said over
there
that's a silk scarf it's only $10 mm-hmm
oh that's very pretty
I'll take it would you like me to get
grab it
no thanks I don't have time hey listen
thank you very much
[Applause]
would you like to exchange the scarf or
something else would you like to
exchange the scarf for something else no
I'll keep it
I did I say where I was going last night
no I didn't use your telephone you
didn't know thank you very much sandy
[Music]
sandy sandy
[Music]
oh I thought I heard you honey
[Music]
didn't I tell you to get out I guess so
[Music]
and may I speak to mr. hundred please Oh
bill had purpose I'm awfully sorry to
bother you at home like no I just want
to ask you one question
did either you or a Driscoll call Sandra
last night give her give her the bad
news no I didn't think yeah well I
haven't seen her since yesterday morning
[Music]
pajamas sander left behind thank you
very much bill I'm officer Jesse yes sir
and went to some hotel she'll come home
you won't be here will you honey you'll
be with Mary won't you I told you this
morning to get out now pack and get
going on your cab not so fast mr.
Perales
what do you think you are ordering me
around don't get lost after all the
lousy time I've wasted on you
you make me sick
let me tell you you creep you drunk
no did you leave Boston 2014 32 700
right - sent to stall shut up your old
bag of a wiper
[Music]
our cab is here I figure there are taxis
out front
I heard you very and I'm awfully sorry I
lost my temper I should say you did
there did anything like that before
nerves I guess and losing my job all I
can say is it
you sure have an awful mean way of
taking things out on people well I'm
trying to make it up to you no I want
you to keep it but gee one is for me not
to go to the cops cause any trouble raid
your wife will find out about it all
right I know when to keep my mouth shut
[Music]
you
[Music]
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[Music]
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[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
birthday party an extra bottle leftover
from Sandra
put it away
emergency where
[Music]
[Applause]
the scarf I brought it home Chandra
[Music]
sandi on your head hey how'd things go
with it I don't need to ask that do i I
can't why it's only one o'clock I told
you had what I was going to do if you
got drunk again I'll pack my things and
leave in the morning
you can't sandy you can't I can't I give
me one good reason why I haven't you're
my good luck really ten years you gotta
stick with me what you mean I wasn't
drunk sandy can you understand that I
can prove it
I'll show you did you lose your job is
that it Driscoll is an oath
Blake's worse afraid of facts can't face
the truth I asked did you lose your job
I'll find a better one you stick with me
sandy you won't be sorry the beginning
of the end and you don't know it from
now on there'll be a lot of jobs each
one less and less until one day there
won't be any job at all no don't say
that it's not true listen wait sandy it
wasn't my fault I wasn't drunk I just
had two drinks I can prove it matter
we're through sandy look I went shopping
I bought it just for you I could have
gone shopping if I was drunk could I
it's real genuine silk try and put it on
don't want it it's yours
it proves that crystal was wrong and
Blake was wrong and all of them were
wrong and it proves that you are wrong
about my drinking and it proves that
I've been proved that I love you can't
you understand that
can't you realize you've got to put it
on take it off I detest it the chest
you're beautiful sandy in this car is
beautiful
it's just for you
[Music]
this concludes tonight's story of course
there was a legalistic footnote but the
jury was charitable I customarily closed
on the light Newt but I feel that
tonight's subject is an unsuitable one
for humor alcoholism is being recognized
as one of the most serious diseases of
our society and I hope this program has
helped dramatize some of the frightening
aspects of the problem good night
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]