♪♪
[alarm buzzing]
[buzzing stops]
-[woman] We're late. -[grunts]
I'll meet you at The Closet after work.
The cruise ship lost and found comes in today.
Oh, well, save me the ball gowns.
Always. Uh, you want me to pick you up
after work for protection?
-No, I'm cool. -Okay.
♪♪
[narrator] When you live way out here, the odds of meeting anyone
who knows the lyrics to Diana Ross'
"Sweet Love Hangover"--
hell, any Diana Ross song--
are pretty slim.
[ship horn blows]
♪♪
My dad moved me up here 10 years ago to toughen me up.
Didn't quite work out as he planned.
[singing indistinctly]
♪ You must believe that I am what I am ♪
It's not a good thing to stand out in a crowd up here.
But I like to think of their stares as practice
for when I'm an international superstar.
♪♪
[ship horn blows]
Here ya go. Put these on.
OSHA regulations. Kyle.
He'll show you what to do.
It's not rocket science, eh?
Thanks.
Hey, come on, man. Pay attention.
This is a good job.
You'll pick it up real fast, and at the end of the day,
we all go get drunk.
-Welcome to Alaska. -[man] Ho!
Let's go. Break's over.
You heard the man.
Pick up one of those.
[beat pounding rhythmically]
♪♪
Wakey-wakey.
-Real classy. -Yeah, you'd know.
Come on, help me finish this.
I know just how you feel, buddy.
[bell clanging]
-You drinkin', yet? -No, I'm cool, man.
I'm still going to meetings.
Alright, well, maybe next week you'll be back on this side.
Careful where you're walkin', superstar.
Oh, shit.
Déjà vu all over again.
Keep hoping one day you're gonna evolve.
Yeah, you ever heard of Creationism?
You used to be so cute.
Fuck.
Don't you get tired of all this?
-You giving up? -Never.
Then shut up.
Alright, you wanna try something new?
Fight me like they do on TV, one-on-one.
Okay. One-on-one.
♪♪
Thank you. Oh, shit.
♪♪
Hey, this ain't no 24-hour fitness club.
Get outta here!
Fuck it. Let's go get a drink.
Yo, you comin'?
Nah, I'm good. I'll catch up to you later.
Do something positive with your lives.
-You okay? -Never better.
-Why'd they jump you? -Let's see.
I'm a fag, and I live in Alaska.
That's my best guess. You wanna fight, too?
No.
I was just gonna ask if you wanna grab a drink.
I'm Declan.
Leo.
So you wanna get a drink?
Actually, I can't. I gotta meet my sister.
Otherwise, she's gonna freak out.
Alright.
Another day, then?
Definitely.
♪♪
[Leo] Like the great Muhammad Ali used to say,
"I wish people would love everybody else
the way they love me.
It would be a better world."
♪♪
It stopped raining.
Teen pregnancy is so in right now,
but you, you have a teen cancer.
-That's so hardcore. -You're late.
In Los Angeles, home to Hollywood superstars,
it's called "fashionably late."
Gotta get used to it.
♪♪
Shall we?
Wonder Twin powers…
-activate! -Activate!
Wah! Now go.
♪ If you stop and look at things ♪
Just a stroll in the park.
Adoring fans.
Not right now. No pictures.
-Sorry. -Hello.
Later. Later.
And, right, left, walk.
And right, left, look.
Right, left, halt.
Right…
-What the hell? -Where are the tires?
[sighs]
[pounding]
Dad! Dad!
Come on, he's not gonna be there.
If he stole the tires, he's already at the casino.
Let's go track him down. Maybe he hasn't sold them yet.
They're gone.
It's fine. I'll take more shifts.
-I'm feeling better. -Tristen, no.
[sighs]
Last postcard from Mom said that she's--
We're going with or without her, right?
Yeah. Yes.
It's just…
We're leaving. Don't worry.
I'm sorry that I missed chemo. I took the extra shift
just so that we could get out of here faster.
You know that, right?
I know.
I just hate being there without you.
That old man asked about you.
All my fans, they just take and take.
[breathes deeply]
Here.
Take that one with you next time for luck.
"Dear kids, miss you.
Love you.
Bye.
Love, Mom."
-There's Ma, right there. -No, no, no, that's not her.
-She's hard to find. -Yeah.
-Oh, there she goes! -Oh, yeah.
I see her.
Hey, you two, go to sleep.
Did any more come, Dad?
Not today.
-I'll check tomorrow. -Aw.
-Okay. -Now, nap.
[chuckles]
I'm starving!
What do you think I can whip up with this? [laughs]
You wanna go steal money from Dad at church?
That is not a church. He stands on a box
yelling at people about God through a megaphone.
He has a vivid imagination. It runs in the family.
In his mind, he's preaching at a mega-church in Colorado.
-So embarrassing. -I'll get dressed.
What do you think about this one?
-You look like a drag queen. -Thank you.
-I forgot. -What?
This came in the mail yesterday.
-Don't freak out. -Why would I freak out?
"You have been invited to compete."
What?
Oh, my God, I am going to faint.
I said, "Don't freak out."
Tristen, how would they know about me?
I've never performed for anyone but you.
[posh accent] You're world-famous, darling.
[normal voice] Inside. [laughs]
Tristen, what did you do? I love you.
[laughs]
Get your wig on.
Let's celebrate.
♪ And in the day, I would hate you, my darling ♪
♪ We never knew that time would bring ♪
-♪ What you call high passion ♪ -This is The Fish Hook.
[Leo] It's the one gay bar in a hundred miles.
The owner says it's not a gay bar
because she doesn't want to lose any patrons,
but everyone knows it's a gay bar.
That's why it's always empty.
-Hi, Jan! -Hi!
You know I can't serve you.
Why-why? You don't like people with cancer?
That's an outrage. We'll sue.
-Mm-hmm. -Come back when you're 21.
She might not make it to 21.
-That is not funny. -[gasps]
By this time next month, we'll be in Los Angeles.
Living in the lap of luxury.
See, we have much too much taste
to be this poor and living in Alaska.
Look, the cops have been here twice this week.
I don't need any more hassles.
-We both have fake I.D.s. -Mm-hmm.
Let me see.
Okay. These people are white.
-What do you want? -Yes, thank you.
I will have a vodka martini,
chilled, up with three olives,
and shake it like a Polaroid picture.
-Two Jack 'n' Cokes coming up. -Okay, darling, fabulous.
Cuba libres.
Jan, we need a place to record the audition
for Miss Drag America.
Can we do it here?
-Will it bring in people? -Absolutely.
And a lot of drinkers with real I.D.s.
-Okay. -Yes!
Thank you.
When you're an international superstar,
don't forget the little people.
Never. Me and you forever.
No. Me and you.
I sayeth, repenteth and leaveth this place--
Dad, "repenteth" isn't even a word.
-Sin can be fixed. -Neither is "sayeth."
But how about "stealeth,"
as in "Thou shalt not stealeth your kids' tires"?
Bible talk is really hard to say when you're drunk.
Jan, can you please buy that man a drink?
-That'll shut him up. -Where are our tires?
You shouldn't even be here.
Why are you always in this den of inequity?
-Underage drinking. -Where are our tires?!
I'm gonna pay you back!
I had a good day at the casino.
[laughs] Don't believe nothing he says, kids.
Don't listen to him.
It was one time, many, many years ago.
I know you can hear me! I don't care who knows anymore!
-Who you yelling at? -Tell her, George.
-You tell her the truth. -Honey.
-Really? Really, honey? -Honey, honey.
-Ready. -Wait. Uh…
Whore. I am done.
I'm moving to Los Angeles,
and I am becoming a hairdresser to the stars.
That's what I'm doing. I am. I am.
Lucy. We can get through this with God's help.
Don't bring God into this.
He has no time for your shenanigans.
I wanna make sure they don't get stuck here like me.
Go home.
You're not the first.
Nobody cares that you're gay, George.
They only care that you're being an asshole.
♪ Have a little time with you ♪
I'm gonna pay you back.
Have another drink, Daddy Dearest.
Boy, one month, and then we're out of here.
[glasses clink]
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
[alarm buzzing]
-[buzzing stops] -Oh, we're late!
[grunts]
I'll meet you at the clinic?
Okay.
♪♪
[Leo] Only thing my mom really liked to do in Alaska
was to go watch the fish spawning.
She would get all dressed up.
Just watch them try and jump up, over the water.
♪♪
Then she would get real, real sad.
'Cause the fishermen, they used to set up their traps
up the river, knowing that that's where they were headed.
♪♪
[ship horn blows]
[coughs]
[coughing]
Damn, you're fierce.
-[laughs] -You know it.
Oh, girl, you know I don't high-five.
That's a lotta shade for the girl that just saved your ass.
-Again. -If you didn't have cancer,
-I'd kick your ass. -Oh! I'd like to see you try!
Okay, slow down, Rocky Horror.
You're lucky he's holding me back.
Oh, yeah? Let's go.
I don't pay ya to fight.
-[coughing] -Honey, you okay?
-Let's go. -Yeah.
Well, I'm off to the clinic to get pumped full of poison.
-Have fun. -Oh, I will.
Me and you forever.
-Me and you. -You coming, superstar?
These fish aren't gonna gut themselves.
Wherever you are, I will find you.
Ooh!
Diego, I am so sorry.
[breathes deeply] Nice hit.
Don't you get sick of all this?
-Always. -Then do something.
Come with me.
You got the footwork.
I wanna get you on a bag to see
if you have the hand-eye coordination.
Wow. This is the part where the cheerleader gets stabbed, right?
[laughs]
I'll let you go as soon as you show me your hands
are as good as your feet.
Come on.
[bell dings]
Put 'em on.
My mother always said I had modeling hands.
Well, let's see what you got.
Okay. Here we go.
Alright.
Don't pay any attention to them.
Who? Oh, them?
I didn't even see them.
Oh! Yeah, that's good.
Channel it into the mitts.
Here we go.
That's it, that's it. Yeah, stay focused.
Just relax. Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, that's what I'm talkin'-- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah! Oh, oh, that's good!
Oh, oh, okay, okay. Good, good, okay.
[laughs] Ho-ho.
Your survival instincts are off-the-charts.
You're wild, but we'll have to tame you.
But I can teach you.
You used to box professionally?
I used to box in Tijuana for money
and had a few amateur matches,
but, uh, never made it to the pros.
How much do boxers make?
Well, in the mainland, uh, you can make more.
We have a league coming up next week here.
Would you be interested?
I used to box in high school.
I mean, my father was the coach, so…
-sort of had to fight. -Yeah.
We all started fighting because we had to.
I could be his sparring partner.
-What's a sparring partner? -[laughs]
Uh, why don't we take it slow?
You two guys meet me here an hour before the shift?
-Cool? -Cool.
-Okay. -Okay.
[bell clanging]
-[Leo] You don't think I can do it. -It's not that.
I know we're fighters.
My sparring partner's really cute.
-Oh, my God. -[gasps] I did not see that.
I don't ever see you wearing that.
-This? -Tristen, how could you not
-put that aside for me? -I didn't see that.
It's not my color.
Oh.
People leave cool stuff on the ship.
Yes, a lot of ball gowns, surprisingly.
-Look at this. -[young Tristen] Mom, look at me.
Mom! Mom, look at me.
You like this dress?
That's not gonna read at the back of the house, baby.
You gotta pop.
You gotta pop if you want people to notice you.
You know what's depressing?
You look better in that dress than I ever did.
I want to meet the person
who brings a gown like this on vacation
and somehow leaves it on the dance floor of the boat.
Me too.
What's a sparring partner?
Don't really know. But I think it has
something to do with taking a naked sauna after.
Don't go there. One word. Kyle.
I don't kiss and tell.
♪♪
-Hey. -Hey.
-This is my sister, Tristen. -Hey.
-It's Declan from the cannery.
I'll wait for you inside.
[whispering] Scream if you need me.
-What? -Nothing.
I'm just reminding him he has to work early tomorrow.
Oh, yeah. Me too.
Well, you have to pick me up at the clinic after, so…
I know. I'll be quick.
You take that for me?
Thank you.
[train whistle blows in distance]
-[door closes] -Want a drink?
Okay.
-What is this? -Tequila.
Kyle gave me your address.
But I think he thought that I was coming over
-to beat you up, so… -[laughs]
You know, when I first moved up here,
he was actually my first friend.
[laughs]
But I guess his dad didn't like my style, so…
So he told him that we couldn't hang out anymore.
That sucks.
I guess.
Man, only one day in this place,
and I already wanna get outta here.
Yeah, story of my life.
You said your sister's sick, but she looks alright to me.
Yeah, she's got Hodgkin's Disease.
-Is that bad? -It can be.
But she's a badass, so…
She'll be alright.
Definitely.
What happened to your tires?
It's a long story.
I gotta go.
I just didn't feel like going home yet.
Okay.
-I'll see ya tomorrow? -Sure.
Peace.
♪♪
[men grunting]
Let's go!
♪♪
[beat pounding rhythmically]
♪♪
[crowd cheering]
♪♪
[thud]
[bell clanging]
-You want some? -Uh, no, thanks.
I don't smoke.
It's bad for my voice.
-You're a singer? -Inside, I am.
I don't know what that means.
Just means I got a lot going on in here.
[laughs] That's cool.
[woman on radio] I don't say that homosexuality is an abomination.
The Bible says that.
So when I call you a faggot--
[radio clicks off]
Jesus had two dads, and his mom was a surrogate.
[laughs]
Man, what's your problem?
Oh, I'm sorry. Is this some kind of first date?
Dude, I just-- What the fuck is your problem, man?
Jesus Christ. Now you?
Knock it off!
You're lucky he's here.
Or what?
[bell clanging]
Come on, let's get back inside.
Come on.
Yeah. Yeah.
[grunting]
Break it up.
You're flat-footed. Get off your feet.
Come on. Move those feet.
[bell dings]
Good work.
-[grunts] -Come on.
87.
88.
Come on.
Push it. Harder.
Hey, now, easy, cowboy.
Knock it off.
-Come on, keep it tight. -[laughs]
You're not helping.
[laughs] One more, after this. One more.
[straining]
[sighs]
[breathing heavily]
I'm dying.
You know, you're definitely not like anybody in Alaska.
Thank you.
Who wants to be like everybody else?
Does it bother you?
The way they look at you?
Uh…
Gotta get used to the stares and the lack of privacy
when you're an international superstar.
[chuckles]
-Can I ask you a question? -Uh-oh.
I don't like the sound of that.
No, it's--
I don't know. I never talked to anybody like you.
-Are you interested? -No.
Okay. Don't have to sound so sickened by the idea.
No. No, I [sighs]
I didn't mean it like that. That came out wrong.
I just--
So when did you know?
Oh.
I think the first time I actually considered it was…
Can I ask you a question?
Uh-oh. I don't like the sound of that.
Jodie said you played Spin the Bottle with her
and her friends last week.
[laughs] Yeah.
She said you gave the bottle head.
[laughs]
Yeah, she also says I'm going to hell.
Yeah, she didn't know what head was, though,
so I was just trying to freak her out.
I dare you to give this bottle head.
What?
-I'm kidding. -You're so creepy.
-[laughs] -Whatever.
♪♪
Mm.
Hey, you know I was just kidding.
Give that back.
-[chuckles] -I didn't do it, but, yeah.
-So you're good at giving head. -To a bottle.
[grunts]
I win.
Alright, I gotta go.
I'll see you Friday.
Are you coming?
Of course.
I didn't think you'd be interested.
What are you talking about?
Friday, our first match. You have to be there to qualify.
Oh, fuck. That's the same day as the drag taping.
Shit.
Well, you can't just blow it off.
You put in too many hours.
I've been in training to be a superstar my whole life.
This boxing thing is a day job.
Alright, later.
[vehicle approaching]
I have arrived!
[breathing heavily]
[clicks tongue]
I know you want some of this, nurse. Come on.
[laughs] You're so stupid.
[breathes deeply]
[laughs]
You're so silly.
[door opens]
Oh, God, here we go again.
What? Oh, God.
Do you smoke, little girl?
You talking to me?
-Yes. -No.
-I don't smoke. -Don't ever start.
-[groans] -Aw, come on, Hal.
-This is your future. -Okay.
Please give a girl a little notice
if you're gonna show her your big hole.
-I smoked for 50 years. -I know.
And that is very effective and helpful, Hal.
Thank you. Here, let me get this for you.
Go ahead. You got it.
-Thank you. -Oh, you're very welcome.
You have a good day.
Bye, Hal.
Oh, my God, he's like a nightmare Groundhog's Day.
I have to get you out of here before you get pregnant,
you little whore.
[scoffs lightly]
[dance music plays]
-You should fight in drag. -[breathes sharply]
That would make Kyle wanna kill you.
Right?
You wanna work on your routine later?
[both laugh]
And…
♪♪
Oh! Cha-cha-cha! Cha-cha-cha!
♪ Come on ♪
♪ Everybody ♪
♪♪
Do it!
♪♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
[knock on door]
-[laughs] -Hey.
What's with the glasses?
We weren't expecting anybody.
Are you alright?
Yeah.
[chuckles]
You're a pretty funny dude.
Uh…want a drink?
Declan's a real boxer.
With Diego, it's different, though, man.
You know, it's like an art to him.
My dad just liked to hit stuff.
Yeah.
Our dad's an asshole, too.
-What about your mom? -She's in Los Angeles.
She's a hairdresser to the stars.
She's gonna introduce us to all her famous clients.
What about you? Where's your mom?
Uh, she died.
I'm sorry.
-You work at the cannery, too? -No.
I work at The Closet.
Come by later. I'll mop you a top.
Maybe I'll get one like those.
I don't know if you can handle the leopard just yet.
What? You don't know me.
[laughs] Alright.
[grunts]
Farewell, ladies.
See ya.
♪♪
[spits]
♪♪
Why is it every time I'm around you,
I end up hung-over the next day?
♪♪
[punches landing]
♪♪
Come on!
What the fuck is wrong with you?!
Get outta here!
If you can't control yourself, I don't want you around.
♪♪
-You wanna get a drink? -Always.
I came to pick you up.
-I'm in the mood to fight. -Yeah, me too.
Declan. You okay?
-What happened? -Yeah.
Uh, nothing. It's nothing. We're gonna go and get a drink.
I was kind of hoping we'd go alone.
Yeah, sure.
I'd love to come.
Dude, I don't need you to get involved, okay?
You're just gonna make things worse.
Walk, walk, walk.
We have entered the building.
[laughs] Welcome.
-[laughs] -[grunts]
Wow. Alright.
So what time does this place pick up?
-[chuckles] -Never.
We usually come here to be alone.
-Oh. -How'd you end up in Alaska?
My dad saw one of those ads-- "Make $50,000 in a summer."
That's how they lure you in.
You think you're here for the summer,
but it's like the Hotel California up here.
And those money jobs, they don't exist anymore.
Yeah. Our dad, he moved us up here
for one summer 10 years ago, and like Eartha Kitt…
[as Eartha Kitt] we're still here.
[laughs] What? Who's Eartha Kitt?
-Oh, God. -[normal voice] Hold this.
[purrs]
[as Eartha Kitt] It is a known fact
that a woman do carry an evening bag at dinnertime.
[chuckles]
Now kisses. [laughing] Yes.
[normal voice] She was drunk.
We woke up in the morning, and she was gone.
That was the first time she ran away.
Our mom, though, she was the most
beautiful beauty queen in Alaska.
Well, in the world, actually.
That's a slight exaggeration.
She's half Tina Turner, half Dolly Parton,
without the boobs or the legs.
-What's the point? -Ain't got no curves.
Yes, she does. She's just jealous.
-So… -♪ Come on ♪
[dance music plays]
Mm…
Ow.
-I don't know this. -Listen.
-I'd just like it better-- -You wanted to come to the bar.
-It's all about the hips. -[laughs]
The hips, man. Come on.
Rock, you guys.
Go down. And down.
And just…
Here's where we learned it all.
Give him a little walk. Yes.
-Display. -♪ Come on ♪
Walk, walk.
♪ Come on ♪
And walk.
-And turn. -Walk.
And walk. And hand on the hip.
-And… -And…turn.
Hi, Declan.
[bottles clink]
♪ Come on ♪
Are you enjoying it, darling?
-On your shoulder, catwalk. -Oh, you got something?
-Let's see. Let's see. -[laughs]
Walk it. Walk the space.
Exactly. Exactly.
♪ Come on ♪
-♪ Come on ♪ -[laughing] Wait a minute.
-♪ Come on ♪ -Declan, where do you live?
-[mumbling] -Oh, man.
You're almost as pretty as Leo. [laughs]
Almost?
-Let's just take him home. -[laughs]
You don't know where you live, Declan?
Yeah. I do.
-You hold him. -You get the door. Okay.
Alright, dude.
Here, just do one foot.
-Just push him in there. -Help me.
No. Don't throw up!
Lightweight.
He's kinda cute in that fucked-up kind of way.
I know, right?
-He kinda reminds me of Kyle. -I know, right?
♪♪
-Hey, gals. -Thank you, Diego.
That was such a great class.
You should join us some time. We'll spar.
Whoa! Any time, ladies. Any time.
Thank you.
♪♪
He's gone. Did he say anything?
Mm-mm.
[gulls crying]
I'll give you one more chance.
Don't fuck up.
What was that all about?
Thanks for letting me crash at your house last night.
I'm so hung-over.
-Sometimes that's better. -Right?
-You guys wanna smoke? -Sure, why not?
-What have I got to lose? -Exactly.
Excuse me. Do not forget what that charming senile man
from the cancer ward says.
[as Hal] "Do you smoke, little girl?"
You just like that he thinks you're a girl.
-[laughs] -You're still drunk.
-[laughs] -Don't encourage him.
I'll meet you at the clinic later.
Wherever you are, I'll find you!
Hey.
Wanna get a drink?
Yeah. Sure.
[laughs]
That's what I'm talking about, man.
That's what I'm talking about.
Come on, now.
-Let me buy you a drink. -Yeah, okay.
-Just take it easy next time. -Cool, man.
Yeah, yeah, you-- you look like you did alright.
You took it alright.
Pow!
[breathing heavily]
Sneak attack.
Aah.
-Oh. -Oh.
And work.
And work it some more.
There we go. Cancer… face.
Yes, face.
Honey, only you can rock a cancer face so fierce.
[laughing] You're so silly.
Do you smoke, little girl?
[inhales deeply]
[dance music plays]
♪♪
[clapping]
-Can I buy you a drink? -Thanks, Jan.
-Thank you. -Did anyone else sign up
-for the drag show? -You have a 50-50 chance
of winning Miss Naknek.
One other guy signed up.
Who's the other guy?
Some drunk frat boy walked in and saw the flyer
and thought it was a talent show for drag racers.
I just didn't have the heart
to tell him it was a bunch of drag queens.
-Wow. -There are drag queens
-in Alaska? -Oh, who knows?
There might be drag kings in Alaska.
-[laughs] -Descendants of royalty.
To Alaskan drag queens and kings, wherever you are.
Mm-hmm.
Mm.
So, uh, how's Kyle?
What?
I saw you guys today after work leave together.
Yeah, so he wouldn't be there to fight you.
You're welcome.
What's that supposed to mean?
I wanted to apologize, so I asked him to get a drink.
That's all. No fight.
-See how that works? -For you.
But thanks, I guess.
So, Declan, we have a little bet to settle.
Sure. What?
So, no one ever really hangs out with us.
I mean, except that crazy homeless man from The Closet.
That's just Drunk Dan.
Besides, he doesn't really hang out with us.
What's your story?
I told you, I just moved up here.
Is this your first time in a gay bar?
-This is a gay bar? -You know what I mean.
-Are you gay? -Are you?
-No. -Yes.
You never answered the question.
Leave him alone.
[grunts] God.
Alright, I got a question for you.
What's really stopping you from getting out of here?
Let's leave, tonight.
And how's our mom supposed to find us?
Who cares? She left you.
Look, man, it's a lot more complicated than you think.
First of all, our dad stole our tires.
I can get you tires.
I can fix that. What's stopping you?
-What are you afraid of? -I'm not afraid.
Then fight with Diego.
He won't let me box for a while, but if you talk to him,
I can still spar with you.
What do you think?
Whatever gets us out of here faster.
[laughs]
Those are cute.
What was Rocky's nickname?
-Italian Stallion. -Right.
We gotta come up with a good name for you.
Miss Rocky Bal-Bowie.
-Oh, my God, it's perfect. -Drag queens and boxers.
It's all about suiting up for the battle.
♪♪
♪ A pity she does not exist ♪
♪ A shame he's not a fag ♪
♪ The only girl I ever loved was Andrew in drag ♪
♪ There is no hope of love for me ♪
♪ From here on, I go stag ♪
♪ The only girl I'll ever love is Andrew in drag ♪
♪ Andrew in drag ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I don't know why I even went ♪
♪ It's really not my bag ♪
♪ Just thought it might be funny to see Andrew in drag ♪
♪ The moment he walked on the stage ♪
♪ My tail began to wag ♪
♪ Wag like a little wiener dog for Andrew in drag ♪
♪ Andrew in drag ♪
-Good combination. -♪ Andrew in drag ♪
♪ Andrew in drag ♪
Oh, my God, I have Madonna arms.
♪ Yeah ♪
♪♪
♪ I'll pine away forevermore for Andrew in drag ♪
Thank you.
Ready to celebrate?
Last day of chemo.
Last day you'll ever have to see Hal's hole.
Then I just have to wait for my results.
It's gonna be good.
You'll be fine.
-See ya at the fight? -Yeah, see ya later, bro.
Alright, I'll see ya later, bro.
See ya.
Oh, you're so butch, bro.
You're just jealous.
♪♪
The nurses bought me a cake.
Tristen, I timed this day down to the second.
-[sighs] -If I don't leave right now,
we're gonna miss the boxing match.
Please? Pretty please?
[sighs] Okay, but God knows I do not need the calories.
I'm in training. Just one piece,
and then we have to razzle-dazzle.
[sighs] I'm gonna miss this place.
I got a lot of bedazzling done in here.
-You're welcome. -[chuckles]
Hey, do you smoke, little girl?
Oh, my God, not today, Hal, please.
We do not have time for cautionary Groundhog tales.
Hey, you. Big mouth. I wanna show you something.
[sighs]
-Oh, my God, is that you? -Yeah.
-Hey, I still got it. -Let me see. Let me.
-Look at him. -[gasps] Hal.
-So fierce! -[laughs]
You have to give me some tips for the next competition, girl.
If you're lucky.
Listen, we have to go.
Oh, he'll be here. He had to pick up his sister
from the hospital. Can you just give him a few more minutes?
She has cancer.
Come on, he'll be here.
Alright, you got two minutes.
He's not here in two minutes, I'm calling this fight off.
Got it? Forfeit. Two minutes.
-Two minutes? -Oh, come on.
-Geez. -Sorry.
I'm here, I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.
I'm ready to rumba. Is that what they say?
-Sorry. -Here, here, here.
Here, take this for me.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
-Get these gloves on. -It's fine.
-Uh, excuse me, ma'am. -Focus.
There must be some sort of mis--
Oh. [laughing] Hell, no.
Wha-- What the fuck is this?
-What? -Are you even a man?
He is a man. I can vouch for him.
No, no, I don't mean like that.
-He's a man. -Hi, sir.
I am under a lot of pressure today, okay?
I have considerable time constraints.
I checked the rules online.
Everything I'm wearing is legal and admissible
according to the rules and regulations of boxing
in my weight class.
-You can't fight like that. -I checked.
It was fine. Are you kidding me?
-It's gonna be alright. -Hi.
Hi. I'm sorry.
I do not mean to be difficult, but…
I have timed this day down to the second.
Can we please get going? Can we box now?
Hey, some of the best boxers
are, shall we say, flamboyant, yeah?
Oh, do you think it's too much, my outfit?
[laughs]
Enough, alright?
Are you even telling the truth that your sister has cancer,
or are you just putting on another ruse?
No, that's true. I mean, today was her last chemo.
Hopefully she doesn't have cancer anymore,
but that's why I was late.
I like to think that it was a sign that it all fell
on the same day.
Can you please show him you have cancer?
-He thinks I made it up. -Alright, enough.
Let's fight.
Gentlemen, to the center.
♪♪
I'm gonna kill you, faggot.
Good clean fight. To your corners.
-Come on, Leo. -Let it go, let it go.
Forget about him. You got it. Come on.
Stay on your toes. [bell dings]
You got it.
Watch his-- Watch his right hand.
Move, Leo, move! That's it.
Come on, Leo.
Get out of the corner, Leo. Get out of--
Get out of the corner!
-Leo! -Break.
Break. Come on!
-Come on, Leo. -Come on, Leo.
Take it to him! Take it to him!
-Oh! -Yes!
[Diego laughs]
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Nine.
10. Winner.
[bell dings, cheers and applause]
Alright, enough, enough.
Hey!
Yes, my God. Okay.
Oh, my God, you were so amazing.
You should always box in drag.
Brings out the best in you.
-Can you-- I can't believe it. -That uppercut was hard.
I think he prefers the word "fierce."
That uppercut was fierce.
I guess all those hours in the gym paid off, huh?
I'll say.
Whoa.
[crowd murmuring]
My mascara's gonna run. We gotta go now.
-Stay away from us! -Leo!
Leo!
[dance music plays]
♪♪
♪ Oh, ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Oh, ooh-ooh, oh-oh ♪
♪ Oh, ooh-ooh ♪
Tristen, do you see all those people?
Yes.
Jan, all these people are auditioning?
Yes. Word got out.
Every closeted queen in the tundra is here.
-That's a lot of closets. -Ready when you are, Mystique.
♪ Oh, ooh-ooh, oh-oh ♪
-Surprise! -Wow.
Work that hole.
You don't have to do this.
No, this is the only thing I really wanted to do today.
Excuse me. Is this for the drag race?
Yes.
-Don't have to worry about him. -[laughs]
You remember what Mom used to say?
"Get me another drink."
-Exactly. -I'm on it.
-Thank you. -What are you doing here?
Hey. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to. I don't know what happened.
I gotta get ready.
-Good luck. -Don't say "good luck."
It's bad luck in the drag world.
You have to say something really bitchy at me
if you wanna wish me luck.
You look like shit.
Thanks.
-Here. -Hey, Leo.
-Hmm? -Kyle wants a rematch.
-What? No way. -He's jealous.
You're more of a man than he'll ever be.
You're absolutely drab.
Thank you.
Alright, bitches, settle down!
-[sighs] -And let's start
-this square dance do-si-do! -Yes. You look great.
You already have one knockout today.
[breathes deeply] Okay.
[both breathe deeply]
Wonder Twin powers, activate.
Allow me to introduce someone you all know,
but not quite like this.
[cheers and applause]
["Anna Nicole" plays]
♪♪
♪ One night I kissed Anna Nicole Smith ♪
♪ She tasted like pickles and American Myth ♪
♪ She was soft and sweet like a little girl ♪
♪ She was the most beautiful woman in the world ♪
♪ I think of her face, the sadness just kills ♪
♪ I only went to her house to steal all her pills ♪
♪ What I found wasn't drugs, but a scared little child ♪
♪ With a taste of danger and a streak that was wild ♪
♪ Anna, Anna Nicole ♪
♪ Hope that where you are it never gets cold ♪
♪ Hope that you are happy, hope you feel thin ♪
♪ Hope they let you have your Vicodin ♪
♪♪
[music ends, cheers and applause]
Oh, my God, who is that?
She's perfectly fishy.
-Allow me to introduce… -Doesn't matter.
-Focus. -…all the way from Nome,
Alaska, my protégé.
And don't let it influence your decision,
but I taught her everything I know.
Then the bitch, she throws it all away and does her own thing.
Put your hands up in the air for Miss Orientated.
[cheers and applause]
["Devil Inside" play]
[woman vocalizing]
♪ You got the devil inside ♪
Okay, clearly, I should've paid a whole lot more attention
to Hal's hole. I can't fly with that.
♪ I don't know what's come over me ♪
What the hell is going on in Nome? I need to go there.
I'm gonna get you a drink, okay?
-Thank you. -♪ I'm sorry ♪
♪ Didn't mean to make you angry ♪
♪ No ♪
♪ You got it, boy, you got it ♪
♪ It wasn't for your eyes to see ♪
♪ It was an aperitif inside of me ♪
[music ends, cheers and applause]
Oh, dynamite.
Get ready to put your hands together
for our last contestant.
She looks like she had a rough night.
Let's give it up for Miss Rocky Bal-Bowie!
-Yeah. -[cheers and applause]
[breathes deeply]
["Love Is a Battlefield" plays]
♪♪
♪ You're begging me to go ♪
♪ You're making me stay ♪
♪ Why do you hurt me so bad? ♪
♪ It would help me to know ♪
♪ Do I stand in your way? ♪
♪ Or am I the best thing you've had? ♪
♪ Believe me, believe me, I can't tell you why ♪
♪ But I'm trapped by your love ♪
♪ And I'm chained to your side ♪
♪ We are young ♪
♪ Heartache to heartache ♪
♪ We stand ♪
♪ No promises, no demands ♪
♪ Love is a battlefield ♪
♪♪
♪ We are strong ♪
♪ No one can tell us we're wrong ♪
♪ Searching our hearts for so long ♪
♪ Both of us knowing ♪
♪ Love is a battlefield ♪
♪♪
[music ends, cheers and applause]
And now, as our state motto says,
"north to the future,"
always second to last,
our runner-up is…
Miss Rocky Bal-Bowie!
[cheers and applause]
And now, the winner.
Miss Orientated!
[cheers and applause]
-So that's it? -Yeah.
You were good for your first time.
Hmm.
I just thought there'd be more to it.
Don't we all.
♪♪
You're runner-up.
That's a big deal.
I didn't win. Nobody remembers second.
-I told you, I wasn't ready. -You did good, though.
I'll pick you up later for your results.
♪♪
Come on. Stick it. Stick it.
Hey, watch those low hits.
Bob and weave, bob and weave.
Stay on your feet. Keep your hands up.
Come on, focus.
Jab-cross-hook. Jab-cross-hook!
Come on. Break it up.
Box.
Come on, move in.
Move your head, move your head.
That's it. That's it.
Fuck, man.
Ease up.
Okay. Come on, let's break it up.
Alright, let's call it for today.
Good work.
-You alright? -Yeah, I'm fine.
I meant to tell you, you look good as a girl.
[sighs]
How many women in Alaska look this good?
I'm not a girl. It's drag.
What's the difference?
If you don't know, I can't teach you.
When'd you start doing that?
Dressing up?
My mom was a beauty queen.
Tristen and I used to start dressing up in her old clothes.
It helped us feel better.
You really think you'll find her?
Definitely.
Well, you look good.
Teach me.
I don't have my accoutrements.
Come on.
Hmm?
You want in on this?
I need a backup singer.
And Sylvester's backup singers
went on to become The Pointer Sisters,
so you never know what can happen.
No. I just wanna watch.
-[laughs] -Okay.
What kind of music do you like?
I don't know. I guess I mostly listen to rock.
Alright.
Hmm. [clicks tongue]
You take a seat right here.
[breathes deeply] Hmm.
Let me think, let me think.
Rock 'n' roll.
[clicks tongue]
[imitates guitar playing]
-[laughs] -[imitates guitar playing]
-Eh! -[both laugh]
-Ah! -[laughs]
Come on.
-Oh, you wanna box? -Oh-oh!
Oh-oh-oh!
[imitate guitar playing]
I don't really know much rock music.
[laughs]
[laughs] Ouch.
Oh, shit.
Oh, fuck.
♪♪
-We gotta get outta here now. -Just ignore him.
No, we gotta get outta here now.
From my experience, they run in a pack.
I don't wanna go.
I wanna hang out with you.
Then let's do that at one of the many fine
eating establishments in town.
-Come on. -Fine.
I know just the place.
♪♪
Hey, Declan. It's good to see you again.
-Hey. -Pitcher of beer, okay?
-I guessed. -Sure.
Do you actually have anything that's other than beer?
It's not good for a girl's figure.
Can I have a martini, shaken like a Polaroid picture?
-Not here. -Okay.
This is cool. Thanks, bro.
You can't be so swishy here.
-Swishy? -Yeah, just, like,
tone it down a little bit.
I've never been very good at incognito.
Do you wanna go somewhere else?
No, this place is lovely.
Quaint, really, in a, um…
racist redneck sort of way.
-We can go. -No, it's fine.
It's an adventure, like going on safari.
[Country music plays]
-That was wild. -What?
At the gym.
I bet you didn't see that coming.
♪♪
Only in my dreams.
You dream about me?
Sometimes.
-What happens in these dreams? -I can't tell you.
I don't think it would be very appropriate
in this family-values kind of place.
Whatever she has, I need that next.
[both laugh]
So, um, there aren't a lot of women in here.
You come here often?
Sort of like The Fish Hook.
Think if I was a real girl, I might have a chance with you?
Oh, I like the way you look at the gym.
I like it both ways.
Oh, hey, don't be so swishy.
-[laughs] -Well, aren't you two cozy?
Kind of in the middle of a conversation, man.
Great. What are we talking about?
-Quantum physics. -Whatever.
I saw you two in the gym.
-Boxing? -After that.
-When we were doing the bag? -Oh, yeah.
-Mm. -You were doing a bag.
-[laughs] -Alright.
-It was nice to see you, bud. -I'm gonna get the check, okay?
What the fuck are you two doing?!
-We're having a beer. -Oh, yeah, right.
Hey, bartender thinks there may be a problem over here.
No trouble here.
-Uh, any trouble with you? -No, I think we can handle it.
But if there was trouble, what would one do in that situation?
You know how to whistle?
Just put your lips together and blow.
The fuck?! Fuckin' homo!
Alright, man, think it's time you and your friends
leave our bar for tonight. Come on.
When you get your head out of your asses,
you can come back any time.
Who needs a beer? Beer for Tom.
Somebody get him a beer.
♪♪
♪ Yes, Jesus loves me ♪
♪ Ye-- ♪
I can't find Leo.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
-Mm. -Mm.
Ahh! That was rad.
How did you do that?
Uh, I have a black belt in Krav Maga.
-Krav Ma-what? -It's Israeli martial arts.
That's where we met.
-Wait, who-- Who's we? -Me and Tim.
Oh, I see.
-We, uh, met in boxing lessons. -Sweet.
How long you been going out?
-We're not, really, going out. -Yeah, he's, uh, straight.
That could be a problem.
-Uh, so was Tim. -Hm.
Well, he punched me in the face after our first kiss,
-so that can't be good. -I said I was sorry.
You met our daughter Zoe?
-What's your name? -Hey, I'm Leo.
-Enchanté. -Zoe, I believe these boys
need a shot of the good tequila.
-This is my new favorite bar. -[laughs]
-Cheers. -Cheers to that.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
Mm.
-[thunder crashes] -This place is too dangerous.
-He wouldn't have gone in there. -We gotta check.
We'll just run in real quick and look around.
-What? -We gotta find him!
♪♪
-You bastard. -Oh, finally!
Somebody who understands how this works.
-Help me. Help me. -Oh, my God,
I've been looking for you all night!
When you didn't come to the clinic after practice,
I thought that Declan beat you up and left you
on the side of the road!
What? I would never do that.
I thought you were dead!
I should've called you. Sorry.
You promised you would never miss another appointment.
I had to go into the clinic by myself, alone!
Calm down. It is okay.
-I'm right here. -No, it's not!
-It's still here. -What?
The chemo didn't work.
The tumor's still growing.
Oh, my God.
It's okay, okay? It's gonna be okay.
I got ya, alright?
It's me and you forever.
Please get me out of here.
-I got you. -I don't wanna die here.
-You are not gonna die. -I still even haven't had sex.
Tristen, listen to me. You are not going to die, okay?
I'm gonna take that fight that Diego has,
and we are leaving here, okay?
No matter what-- Look at me.
No matter what, we are leaving.
I got you.
We're leaving.
♪♪
[Leo] Last night I dreamed about dead fish.
I never dream about fish.
♪♪
Wanna go get a drink?
Nope.
I'm gonna go hit up a meetin'.
[punches landing]
Come on, box.
Okay, that's it.
Call it a day.
Let's go, guys.
Hey.
You're doing good, man.
Take a break. Okay?
You okay?
Not really.
She's my other half.
She dies…
[sighs] I can't.
Hey.
♪♪
Hey, buddy.
♪♪
Get off me!
-Aah! -Declan!
Oh, isn't that sweet?
You don't want us to hurt your boyfriend.
What do you want?
You got us kicked out of the bar the other night.
You got yourself kicked out of the bar.
Wrong answer.
Knock it off!
-I want a rematch. -Fine.
Let's do it. Let's get in the ring.
Nah.
Let's do it Alaskan-style.
Aah!
You gotta get new material.
You got a smart mouth!
Okay, fine. One-on-one.
-No.
-You're gonna fight Declan. -What?
-Yeah, you're gonna fight him. -No.
No? Then I'll make you watch.
Okay.
-Kyle! -Just let us go.
-We'll fight. -What?
Okay. Alright.
Looks like you might have some balls after all.
Let's get 'em in the ring.
No.
♪♪
Alright, let's fight!
-You don't have to do this. -Just hit me.
Come on, fight him!
♪♪
Put those fists up.
♪♪
Hit him!
That? Like this!
Aah!
Hit him!
♪♪
Just hit me.
Hit me!
-Come on! -Hit me.
Do it!
There you go.
Now you hit him.
♪♪
Yeah, that's it!
Hurt him! You hurt him!
You really should've paid attention
to those backup steps.
[imitates guitar playing]
[alarm ringing]
Hey, what's going on?!
Break it up! Break it up!
No, wait. Kyle, you and me, outside now!
This ends now!
Yeah, okay.
[ringing stops]
Alright, show's over. Let's go.
Get outta here! Get!
♪♪
[both panting]
♪♪
Did you ever find your mom?
[voice breaking] No.
She's probably dead.
[sobs]
I hope not.
You gotta let me go.
You left a long time ago.
When's the baby due?
Three weeks.
Where you headed?
Los Angeles.
-Big city. -Yeah.
You gotta be careful in a big city.
You gotta be careful everywhere.
[train whistle blowing in distance]
♪♪
If it wasn't for Declan pulling that alarm,
it was gonna be so much worse.
So "Mahogany." No more testosterone talk.
I lifted this dress from the cruise ship box.
-What do you think? -Doesn't really sparkle.
It won't pop on-stage.
That's a good sign.
At least part of your brain is still working.
[sighs]
Do I want a mirror?
No.
You definitely don't.
[clatter]
What the…
What's that?
♪♪
I promised you I'd get 'em back.
Before you go, you should know I sent the postcards.
-What? -When she left, you got so sad,
I wanted to make you feel better.
But then you started to rely on 'em.
So it was all a lie?
When you didn't get a postcard,
you used to cry yourself to sleep.
So, uh, I started to give 'em to people on the cruise ship
to mail back from the mainland.
But I didn't know how to stop.
Dad!
I wanted to believe, too.
♪♪
Alright, again.
[engine starts]
[laughs] Yes.
I don't high-five.
But thank you.
[clapping]
Brilliant.
-What's up? -Hey.
Glad you're still here.
Just wanted to come and say goodbye
and introduce you to my son.
This is Angel.
Hi. I'm Leo. Enchanté.
-Please, take me with you. -[laughs]
I know how you feel, buddy.
But I think you're in good hands here.
-Be safe. -Thank you.
Got a lot of stuff for a one-week trip.
Yeah.
Girl has to have her things, Dad.
-You're not coming back, huh? -No.
But you can come with us.
Can't leave. Got my church.
People need me.
Whatever you say, Dad.
Hey, if you, uh-- you find her,
you send me a postcard?
We gotta go.
You look really happy in this photo.
[voice breaking] Think I was.
♪♪
♪ If I held on for too long ♪
♪ Well, then I held on ♪
[engine starts]
♪♪
♪ If I held on for too long ♪
♪ Well, then I held on ♪
♪♪
Wow. I do not remember it being this beautiful when we drove in.
It's really something.
Happy birthday.
Yeah, happy birthday.
♪♪
Why are we stopping?
Let's just stretch our legs.
No, we gotta keep going.
Should we at least say goodbye?
-Nostalgia does not suit you. -[laughs]
Come on.
This is something we should remember.
-Mm… -Gotta be from somewhere.
This is where we're from.
[stone thuds]
♪♪
[Perfume Genius' "Fool" plays]
♪♪
♪ I made your dress ♪
♪ I laid it out ♪
♪ On the couch you bought ♪
♪ That I picked out ♪
♪ I titter and coo ♪
♪ Like a cartoon ♪
♪ I congratulate you ♪
♪ Then I leave the room ♪
♪♪
