大家好！ Hey what's up Cantomando Squad!
今天我們要玩你笑你就輸 Today we have the You Laugh You Lose
我們會選出好笑的英文搭訕句子 We're gonna be taking corny pick-up lines,
讀出來 reading them to each other
如果你笑...你就輸了 and trying to make each other laugh
但是! The twist is...
我們要把這些英文搭訕句子即席翻譯成中文 We have to read these lines in Chinese
然後我們的中文水平特別低 but our Chinese sucks
哇，因為你的屁股很令人醒腦提神（refresh 亦解作重新整理） Because your ass is refreshing.
所以看看如果我們能夠讓別人笑 So let's see if we can make each other laugh
事不宜遲，開始吧 So without further ado, let's go.
我第一句搭訕詞 For my first pick-up line,
要用道具 I'm gonna use a prop.
道具？ Prop?
搞什麼鬼？你要殺人嗎？ What the hell? Are you trying to kill people?
把笑意先放出來 Get all your giggles out.
Sheldon.
我有這麼多... I've got all these...
叉子... forks...
和刀 and knives,
但是我得要個小勺子（spoon 亦解作親密的擁抱） all I need is a little spoon.
就這樣？ That was it?
對 Yeah.
他需要擁抱，他想從背後抱著你 He needs a spoon bro, he needs a little spoon.
我知道！ I know!
Sheldon，你聽不明白普通話... Sheldon, you don't understand Mandarin...
我聽懂！ I know!
你聽不明白我的笑話！ You can't understand my joke!
我知道你需要小勺子 I know you need a little spoon.
Sheldon，我拿著這兩把東西 Sheldon, you laughed more at the fact that
有讓你笑 I was holding these 2 things,
我說我要小勺子 and you didn't laugh at the fact that
你卻不笑 I told you I need a little spoon.
等等 Okay wait.
Mike，你看到我的手機在褲子後面的口袋裡嗎？ Mike, do you see my phone is in my back pocket?
沒...是在你後面的口袋裡 It is in your back pocket.
是在哪裡？ Where is it?
是在哪裡？我手機在哪裡？ Where is it? Where is my phone?
在你的屁股旁邊 Next to your ass.
對 Yeah.
因為現在我的屁股在呼喚你 Because my ass is calling you.
這好笑 That was good.
好 Okay.
女孩 Girl.
我把 STD（性病）放在... I put the STD in...
風流浪子 STUD
我真的...就要...U（你） All I need is U.
Sheldon 沒笑因為他已經染上性病了 Sheldon doesn't laugh because he already has STD.
Sheldon，你...我就只能講超蠢的笑話了 Sheldon man, how...I have to tell a stupid joke then.
我會跟你講那種超級超級蠢的笑話 I'll give you one of those like super super stupid joke.
我手上有 I have one.
Mike.
你是一個海盜嗎？ Are you a pirate?
海盜 Pirate.
因為我有很多海人（seamen 音同 semen，精子）給你 Cause I've got a lot of seamen waiting for you.
海人 Seamen.
水手 Seamen.
海男人 Seamen.
他完全沒有笑 Absolutely no laugh from him.
一點也不好笑 Not even remotely close.
Sheldon 你準備好了嗎？ Sheldon, you ready?
準備好 Yeah.
好 Okay.
Sheldon.
你想跟我做愛嗎？ Do you want to have sex with me?
不想 No.
好 Okay.
就這樣了 That was the joke.
他笑了 Got him.
他傻的太可愛了 He's so stupid in a good way.
我只要說一句最尷尬的台詞 I just had to do the most awkward line,
我知道他以為我會說一些別的 like I know he's expecting a different answer,
然後 Sheldon 就在等我說 and then Sheldon's just waiting there like this.
「喔，好吧，哈哈哈」 "Oh, okay. Hahaha."
Mike.
他笑了 You got him.
我不玩了，我不行 I give up bro, I can't.
我不... I can never...
你逗到我笑了 You got me.
這一句搭訕開場白很優秀 That was a good pick-up line.
Mike.
等一下，你可不可以再演一次？ Wait, can you do the act again?
你是一個恐怖屋子嗎？ Are you a haunted house?
恐怖屋子？ Haunted house?
對 Yeah.
恐怖屋子？ Scary house?
我不是鬼屋 No, I'm not a haunted house.
因為我很可怕進入你（come 諧音射精） Because I'm scared to come inside you.
你「嗚」完以後就該停了 You should have just stopped at "wooo."
最好笑就是「嗚」 The funniest part was the "wooo."
對，你「嗚」完以後就該停了 Yeah, you should have just stopped at "wooo."
Sheldon.
他的嘴角這樣上揚 His corners of his mouth just go up like this.
這麼長的，這是什麼來著？ What is this long thing?
我的雞雞 My pen**.
不對 No.
熱狗 Hot dog.
你是賣熱狗的嗎？ Do you sell hot dogs?
有時候有 Sometimes I do.
有時 Sometimes.
因為你知道怎麼弄我的熱狗站（起來） Because you sure know how to make my wiener stand.
你是賣熱狗的嗎？ Do you sell hot dogs?
因為你知道怎麼讓我的香腸起立 Because you know how to make my wiener stand.
這好笑 That was really good.
太糟糕了！ It was awful, man!
那你幹嘛笑？ What was the laugh then, huh?
太糟糕了！ It was so bad!
Edward.
你是不是一個保齡... Are you a bowling...
你是不是一個保齡球場？ Are you a bowling alley?
不是 No.
因為我想把... Because I want to roll...
...我的球滾進你裡面 ...my balls into you.
你笑了 You laughed.
沒事，他忍住了 It's fine, he held it in.
給他過吧 I'll give it to him.
等等你算他贏嗎？ Wait, you'll give it to him?
你這動作是什麼鬼？ Not this movement dude, what the heck is this?
Sheldon，你的保齡球為什麼有五個洞？ Sheldon, why does your bowling ball has 5 holes in it?
你把五根手指都塞進去了 When you stick all 5 in like this.
是三個啊！ It's 3, bro!
我這樣 I did this.
算了，隨便你 Fine, whatever man.
你這一句也太白痴了 It's so dumb of a line, man.
喔，我要一個硬幣 Oh, I need a coin first.
Sheldon.
這個硬幣... This coin...
代表你的心 is your heart.
如果我擲這個硬幣 If I flip this coin,
你覺得擲到正面的機率有多少？（getting head 亦指接受口交） what are the chances of me getting head?
你在問我嗎？還是... Are you asking me? Or are you...
你在反問嗎？ Is it a rhetorical question?
我在問你 I'm asking you.
你幫我吹的機會有多少？ What are the chances you're giving me heads?
這就是笑話嗎？ Oh that's a joke?
不，這不是笑話，你要回答我！ No, it's not a joke. You have to answer it!
50%?
50%...
這不是數學題啊，Sheldon It's not a mathematical question, Sheldon.
他笑了！ Got him!
Sheldon Sheldon，你應該要說零 Sheldon Sheldon, you're supposed to say 0,
那我就會這樣 and then I'll be like this.
然後我就擲到反面，對不對？ And then I get your tail, right?
數學題那裡惹我笑了 I laughed at the mathematical part.
你在問擲到正面的機率對嗎？ You're asking what were the chances I get heads right?
你輸了 You lost that round.
我知道 I know.
你的笑點太蠢了 You laugh at the stupidest things.
Edward.
這個世界上有什麼擁有142顆牙齒... What in this world has 142 teeth...
還可以停止浩克？ and holds back the Hulk?
停止浩克？抵擋住浩克？ "Ting" the Hulk? Stop the Hulk?
對 Yeah.
142顆牙齒 142 teeth.
有什麼東西有142顆牙齒，還可以抵擋住浩克？ What has 142 teeth and can stop the Hulk?
我的拉鍊 My zipper.
Sheldon.
尷尬死了 That just got really awkward.
我感覺到你們快笑了 I could feel the almost laughter,
然後笑意又全消了 and then everything died down,
然後你們就在四目相投 and then you guys were just looking at each other.
Sheldon.
今天見你之前我花了一千塊 I spent $1000 today before meeting you.
你知不知道我花一千塊買了什麼？ Do you know what I spent it on?
買什麼？ What?
威而鋼 Viagra.
但原來我現在一點也不需要 But I don't need it at all right now.
你們說了什麼？ What'd you say?
臨門一腳 It's a switcheroo.
剛剛那是臨門一腳 It's a switcheroo at the end.
我覺得逗別人笑的關鍵 I feel like the key to making someone laugh,
是你要讓他們參與 is you have to get them involved.
對 Yeah.
你要讓他們也說點什麼或給點回應 You have to get them to say something or respond.
不能只有一句 It can't be a one-liner.
Edward.
你最喜歡那一種花？ What is your favourite flower?
向日葵 Sunflower.
玫瑰 Rose.
什麼花？ What flower?
我喜歡向日葵 I like sunflowers.
喔，向日葵 Oh, sunflowers.
那我知道當我幹爆你之後... Now I know after I murder that pu***...
要放什麼花在你的棺材上 which kind to put on your casket.
他也太出乎意料了 He went from 0 to 100.
他前一秒在很平和地說花 He was talking about flowers so nicely,
下一秒他來一句「當我幹爆你之後...」 and then he went like, "when I murder that pu***..."
當我... When I...
突然殺出這一句，對嗎？ It came out of nowhere, right?
太好笑了 Oh, that was good.
第一個問題，我得問你一個問題先，好不好？ I have to ask you a question first, okay?
你知道寸是什麼嗎？ Do you know what "cun" is?
寸 Inches.
一寸 An inch.
好... Okay, so...
我給你一點故事的背景，好不好？ Let me give you some background context, okay?
這是在幹嘛？ What the hell is this?
寶貝 Baby.
你可以吃得消十二寸嗎？ Can you handle 12 inches?
長時間嗎？ For long?
應該沒問題 Yeah, I probably can.
哇靠！ Daaamn!
喔不行不行 Oh I can't, I can't.
好 Good.
我只有五寸 I only got 5 inches.
沒了？ Is that it?
對，沒了 Yeah, that's it.
我感覺你在為我淌淚了 I feel like you're crying for me, man.
尷尬死了 It's so awkward.
就像是我在自嘲... It was also me self-deprecating like...
喔好 Okay.
我不知道聽完之後要回你什麼 I don't know what I was supposed to say knowing that.
當你要跟他解釋你就知道這笑話不好笑 You know it's a bad joke when you had to explain it to him.
你知道... Do you know...
一個魔方...你知道魔方是什麼嗎？ A Rubik's cube...do you know what a Rubik's cube is?
我知道 I do.
你知道一個魔方和我的雞雞有什麼分別？ What's the difference between a Rubik's cube and my pen**?
魔方是... Rubik's cube is...
...方的，你的雞雞是長的 ...a cube, your pen** is cylindrical.
不是 No.
沒有分別 There's no difference.
因為兩個都是我叔叔的玩具 Because both are my uncle's toys.
什麼意思啊？ What does that even mean, man?
那個刻板印象就是你叔叔在你小時候 The stereotype is your uncle always touches your pen--
會玩你的下體，對不對？ when you're small, right?
啥？ WHAT?
等一下，什麼叔叔... Wait, what kind of uncle...
我們要把這裡剪掉 We're gonna cut this, man.
哇操 Damn.
哇操！ Damn!
你是不是坐在F5按鍵上？ Are you sitting on the F5 key?
F5的 key 上？ F5 key?
F5 按鍵 F5 key.
為什麼？ Why?
哇，因為你的屁股很令人醒腦提神（refresh 亦解作重新整理） Because your ass is refreshing.
這好笑 That's a good one.
我覺得最好笑的是 I think the funniest ones is
胡亂地把英文單字混進去 when you mix a random English word in there, right?
混了英文單字讓事情變得莫名其妙 When you add an English word, it makes everything so random.
謝謝大家收看今天的影片 Thank you guys for watching today's video,
感謝 Patreon 上的朋友 and also big thanks to our peng yous on Patreon
支持我們 for supporting us.
如果大家有興趣，可以點擊下面的連結 If you guys are interested, the link is down below.
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留言告訴我們 and comment down below
你覺得我們的搭訕開場白怎麼樣 what you thought of our pick-up lines today.
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按下通知鈴鐺 and notification bell.
否則我的屁股以後不會打給 Mike 了 Otherwise my ass will never call Mike again.
不不不不不 Noooooo.
先這樣，再見！ Until next time, goodbye!